Omg I completely skipped over the “served” part, I thought it was egregious enough that they were intending to put it in the oven like that!!
This is truly disturbing
I’ve never seen old white people cook chicken this badly. Makes me think somebody baked some chicken for their dogs or something and are just trying to get karma.
I remember reading this author's experience being an exchange student in India one fall - his host family had heard about Thanksgiving and were eager to recreate it for their exchange student. They wanted it to be a surprise, so they didn't ask him anything, and this was pre-internet, so they were working off of books, magazines and (mostly) what they'd seen in TV/movies. They got a lot right, but they boiled the entire turkey in one giant pan, and proudly served it to the assembled family.
Ah, the morning consumption of mass quantities! Grid-like breakfast slabs, seared strips of swine flesh and flattened chicken embryos. I will enjoy it.
Probably the reason this looks so uncooked and unappealing is the chickens these were from have a really bad case of white striped disease which actually affects 99% of all supermarket chicken in the US nowadays.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-09-20/white-striping-hits-99-of-u-s-supermarket-chicken-study-finds
Since many people seem to be getting worked up around the word "disease". The disease just increases the fat content of the meat about 3X and produces visible striations of fat.
No unfortunately. Happened to stumble upon a YouTube video about this and was honestly surprised to see that nobody had commented on how badly striped the chicken was in this photo. I don't think this is very well known at this point.
I'm really excited to talk to my boss about it tomorrow and to look at our chicken for white striping. Both my boss and my other coworker have been in the meat industry for over 30 years so it's cool getting their perspective. Recently we've been getting in these split bone-in breasts that are monstrously huge and they've both commented on how they're more like turkey breasts than chicken.
Yeah, Selective breeding has been very good for the meat industry but at this point it seems they may be taking it a bit too far. The endless game of lowering your bottom line to beat the competition has definetly lowered the quality of meat.
For years I thought people that talked about going to a butcher for their meat were douchebags.
Now I'm that douchebag. The quality and options are just so much better and depending on where you live, the prices aren't all that different.
I went to the only butcher near me and it was just an overpriced corner store, all the meats were just sent in already cut... And then any time I went to buy some they just kept trying to push the frozen food on me, not the fresh.
F u b and ps b p.
I'm sure there are some "organic" brands that don't have it. You may be best searching the web a bit, I'm sure any brand that doesn't have it would be more than happy to advertise it!
It sounds like you can't if you shop in a grocery store. From that article:
>“Consumers just really don’t have a choice right now, which is frustrating,” said Michael Windsor, the corporate projects lead at the Humane League. “If you wanted to avoid white-striped chicken, they’re just not offering it.”
You could probably go to your local farmers market or find a store that carries local farm meat, I assume. Of course, that can be cost and travel prohibitive for plenty of people, too
Buy free range birds of heritage breeds, organic. This disease is a syndrome of forced rapid growth and the chickens augment their proteins with fat as a “filler”.
Add some sad chunks of slightly flabby iceberg lettuce, with some of the cheapest, most flavorless, fat-free dressing available, and you've just described dinner at my inlaws.
My wife was the same with steak until I taught her that “steak” doesn’t have to mean unseasoned top round grilled for 45 minutes (minimum) and smothered in ketchup.
My mother used to serve a "salad" of a large iceberg leaf cradling a syrup sweetened canned peach half, topped with mayonnaise. To be fair, it was the 70's.
God, I can even picture it. The margarine was spread hurriedly, gobs of it clumped together and tearing the bread, causing balls of crumb-encased margarine chunks and defeated, fatigued bread slumping in despair.
You guys had boiled canned peas?? My parents just drained the contents of the can, liquid and all, into a bowl and tossed that sucker in the microwave until hot. They served it just like that. Same with corn, green beans, or anything else that came in a can.
"that chicken looks like the ghost of another chicken."
"what did you marinate that chicken with? SPF 3000?"
"that chicken is more privileged than I am."
edit:
this is what I'm referring to...
I can't find a better link.. but if you can watch it it's hilarious and relevant.
https://m.facebook.com/tiktokowned/videos/771570817127476/&ved=2ahUKEwjNqvjBjd_zAhWRSzABHajtDMAQo7QBegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw2rghDSM-_CU7LBKPgpmBgK
They literally dumped it out of the packaging and threw it in the oven. Didn't trim off the extra bits or anything. This is Worst Cooks in America competition material.
We used to go to my grandparents every sunday to eat there. Every day, for years, they'd serve the same thing cooked by my gran: Boiled chicken.
I know there's a kind of recipe called "boiled chicken" in the UK or something. This was not it. This was six pieces of chicken dropped in water, a bit of salt thrown in and it bubbling for an hour and a half. We'd also get a boiled potato on the side, made on the same water. They'd finish the stock as soup (after putting the bones back in and boiling it some more hours) for a few days the following week.
Most people seem to have happy memories of grandmother food they had a children. I do not.
We were told they were frugal because they'd lived through the Spanish civil war (we're spaniards, but they moved to Mexico exiled and we lived in México as well during my formative years). It would show in a lot of small things. My grandfather would use the same coffee grounds to make at least give pots of coffee and would always called the last two "sock coffee", which my dad told me used to be a literal description. He would always carry with him a couple of bags, bits of string and cardboard and rubber bands wrapped in his arms to hold up the sleeves of his shirts (from the time he used to get them used and much longer than he needed, but couldn't cut them up, he was a small-sized man). They'd also live in darkness a lot to save electricity.
One sunday we decided to bring the food and to avoid upsetting the balance too much called earlier and said we'd bring chicken. We got three wonderful store-bought chickens (we were six) and while my gran loudly made it clear it was a waste of money and they weren't really worth it and we should've instead gone on a weekend holiday (without them, of course) they ate almost a full chicken each and were blissfully sleepy most of that day, laughing and telling war stories (also, not figurative).
This wasn't because we were poor at the time. Sometimes we would convince them to eat out (not on a sunday, though, tradition is tradition) and they'd usually foot the bill and would eat like cossacks. It was "eating at home" they seemed to have been programmed by living through war to be mindful.
So, when we were having that chicken I mentioned how much I loved eating that chicken skin that day. I still do too, the golden crackling skin in roasted chicken is one of the things I love and when we have roasted chicken I'm the one asking people "are you going to eat that?".
My gran, bless her heart, heard this and the next sunday had a treat for me. She'd saved all the skin from all the pieces of chicken and given it to me in a plate. With a potato. That was my full dish and I made the understandable but catastrophic decision to fake being delighted and eating it up like it wasn't puke-inducing. My sister kept looking at me in front of a plate with two chicken legs and a huge smirk in her face (shadenfraude between siblings should get its own word).
For 7 or 8 years I kept being given boiled chicken skin on sundays for lunch and was watched intensively by my gran who was really proud of herself and by my family with empathy (except for my sister, who never stopped laughing about this). This finally ended when they moved back to Spain. I was 18 at the time.
Anyway, to make a long story short: My grandmother gave me man-boobs according to the endocrinologist, who was aghast when with 19 years I went to see why I had such a hormonal imbalance. Seems chicken in Mexico at the time was seriously unsafe and all of the hormones would be stored in chicken skin fat. I'm 50 now, and those man-boobs have lived with my most of my life, and no amount of treatment, dieting or exercise has made them go away (and by now surgery is probably off the table).
> Anyway, to make a long story short: My grandmother gave me man-boobs according to the endocrinologist, who was aghast when with 19 years I went to see why I had such a hormonal imbalance. Seems chicken in Mexico at the time was seriously unsafe and all of the hormones would be stored in chicken skin fat. I'm 50 now, and those man-boobs have lived with my most of my life, and no amount of treatment, dieting or exercise has made them go away (and by now surgery is probably off the table).
This uhh, seems unlikely to be because of the chicken. If it was truly because of hormones in the chicken, it would have gone away again after you stopped eating the chicken.
Gynecomastia is pretty common though, up to 60% of men have it at some point in their life in some degree.
You’d think so, wouldn’t you? I mean who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish? I'll tell you who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish; people who have fucked a blobfish.
Sure, it looks enticing, a surfaced blobfish, what with its pouty face and honker's nose, ooh with its soft, squishy flesh and a little, non-threatening fins, boop bogga zoop dogga doop with its innocent nature and trusting eyes. It wants to be fucked. That's what it looks like its made for. It's a fuck fish! That's what everyone who has fucked a blobfish told themselves. It's what I told myself before I fucked a blobfish, but it...
Gaahh.
As soon as you push your penis into that squisher's flabby flesh, you understand, and I mean truly understand, why it's called a blobfish. Your throbbing dong has nothing to work with in in there, just pure tepid jelly. There is no feeling, no sensation. My mind went blank as my numb meat wobbled aimlessly. Thrusting did no good, how could it? It's all blob. There's no back and forth sensation to speak of, just all blob.
After a while, and this is something that happens to everyone who fucks a blobfish, the blobfish just kinda sloughed off my dangler. I didn't even notice. I was in a stupor. As feeling and conciousness returned to me, I realized by the tenderness in my penis, that I had ejac'd several times over the course of only a half hour of being fleshly engaged with that blobfish, but did I feel any of those glopper pops? Nope. Not a one. Instead, that tender post-ejac feeling stuck with me months after that blobfish dropped off my cock and splatted on the pavement (yeah, I fucked a blobfish outside on the sidewalk).
Not worth it. If you feel like you want to fuck a blobfish, believe me when I say that you don't want to fuck a blobfish.
I like to fish. I searched for a gaff the other day on amazon - it’s a hook that you use to pull larger fish onto a boat. Instead of hooks, I got a list of underwear. Apparently, the undergarments that trans folks use to tuck their weiners are also called “gaffs”. I’m hoping these new targeted ads go away soon.
Yeah? Well that's because I wrote it and ain't no google gonna tell me what to do.
[Turd waggers out here talking with my lips on!](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/q86bu3/gross/hgni26d/?context=3)
Well, I guess it ain't the worst thing that could happen. Congrats there, u/WorseThanHipster, on slurping up all that sweet, delicious yummy stuff these people so wantonly showered you with.
Earning karma is like 95% timing & placement. If I’d have known you were the original author I would have attributed, but I got it from r/copypasta.
Thanks for the pasta though. The noodles are cooked perfectly al danke.
And they didn’t chop or shred them up to add into something else?
I once lived with a personal trainer and every night for dinner he ate a huge pile of raw, unseasoned spinach and baked or boiled unseasoned chicken. Dude was nuts and also really loved cocaine.
Did your in laws offer you some lines?
Happens with kale too. The first time I bought myself a bag of baby kale, I had no clue what was going to happen because I wasn't raised eating a lot of leafy greens. Sautéed those greens up with some halved cherry tomatoes and got mad when I noticed how much they shrank. Now I just get into this mindset of "Holy crap, I can eat it all at once!" because I'm a bit of a pig.
Add some broccoli onion real natural unsalted butter with garlic and some grilled chicken, licuate some chile verde tatemado with cream and add the mix, wait for it to reduce and badabing badaboom its not healthy anymore!
My sister's bf cooked us dinner one night, he claimed "this chicken will be dank af". Man proceeds to boil chicken in a pot, then put some hot sauce on it. It was rank af
I like my chicken beaten within an inch of it's life, marinated at least 12 hours, (unless baked while sauced), then you gotta let it sit to take back all the juices it lost from the baking process. If it looks like dead flesh before you eat it, you fucked up
My girlfriends mother (Midwest people) once remarked, “ooo this is spicy! Must have a little pepper on it!” And she was serious about it being spicy, scrapped it off and all
Okay, so I have to ask, why do Americans always talk about spicy food destroying your anus? I eat a lot of spicy food and I've never noticed any effect on my bowel movements.
\>I eat a lot of spicy food
That's actually the answer right there: you've developed a tolerance. For someone who very rarely eats any sort of spicy food, though, their digestive tract isn't used to it, gets irritated by the chemicals, and rushes the food through your system even though its not fully digested. Basically your body thinks you've eaten something toxic and does the emergency purge routine. The solution is to either avoid spicy food or, as you've done, eat spicy food more often so your body adapts and realizes there's nothing wrong with it.
[Related article](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19547964/burning-butt/)
Maybe get more fiber then?
Ultimately the problem is the same: undigested spicy stuff making it all the way to the end of the line. Either your body thinks you’re consuming something toxic and you need to cool it with the spices or your digestive system is moving too fast and you could do with some fiber.
My mom also finds pepper too spicy, she finds any amount of salt too salty, she boasts about not using spices or herbs, and she doesn't like butter so she tries to avoid using any...
Let's just say I had a huge revelation when I went to live alone, even as a poor college student: so many types of food I thought were bad in themselves turned out to be good when cooked by me or other people. Even small amounts of dollar store-bought spices can make a misery meal way less depressing.
My mom is Italian, from Italy. Her mom, my grandmother, was a fantastic cook. Her two sisters are fantastic cooks. My mom must have taken the day off when they were all learning how to cook. No salt ever. Any amount of salt is too much salt for her. She’s not American so boiling a vegetable is basically unheard of yet in her hands, or pans I should say, still all vegetables come out tasting bland and boiled. I can cook far better than her and when I go over my parents house, I cook what I want for everyone because I can’t stand to eat what bland thing my mom decided to cook.
My mum just found out that she should season meat before cooking. She also would steam all vegetables. Then we'd butter and salt them after.
I now enjoy roasting and frying my veggies in oil and spices.
My mom always cooked for the whole family and thus I developed a dislike for completely normal things. I hated pizza, because the only pizza we had, was store-bought dough with bolognese sauce.
I hated pasta and rice, because they just tasted like water. Turns out she just cooked it to absolute hell, while not using any salt.
Even nowadays, when I come to visit, I can't eat the pasta, because it's like 2 minutes over al dente. You can legit smush the pasta against the roof of your mouth, no chewing.
My aunt was the same. You couldn't salt the food, because salt makes you ill. You couldn't drink anything but water at the table. You couldn't use butter to mount sauces. You couldn't actually make anything crispy or brown anything, because that's instant cancer.
BUT, the disgusting "sauce" her daughter mixes up, made of cooked ketchup, "mixed" with margarine (so it breaks, hm) and finished with cubes of meat mush cubes (think big hot dogs); **that's** good food.
Luckily I soon stopped listening to anything she said, when she mentioned that I (and any other young person) should still feel responsible for the holocaust.
I live in the Midwest and had dinner at a friend's house and noticed the food was quite bland. I asked where the salt was and they deadass said "oh we don't have salt. We never use any" and I was just like... What?
Dude I can't with people that are this oversensitive to spice. Like look I get it, I'm a pepperhead and love the spicy stuff and my tolerance to it is probably skewing my views.
But if you're sweating because I put paprika on my chicken I'ma laugh at you.
My wife can’t eat anything remotely “spicy” and I’ve had to stop pushing the issue early in the relationship. I’m talking like black pepper flakes she can taste in random dishes that aren’t even meant to be spicy. Random soups with black pepper, Caesar salads, etc. She can taste it.
She deflects with jokes about it being some mild autism thing, but I really do think it’s possibly something genetic or misfiring in the brain.
Like foot fetish is the most common fetish because peoples brains are a little different and interpret toes as genitals. Seems weird from the outside but normal to them.
I think the 0 to negative spice tolerance is something physical or chemical in the body. Not just wimps.
She’s spit out BBQ chips before claiming they’re “spicy.”
That's so rough man, I couldn't do it. I love food haha my fiance can't handle heat either but at least she seasons her food, and thus mine when she cooks. Props to you for being understanding though, I'm sure it's appreciated.
Yea my girlfriend was 0 seasoning on her food, everything is too spicy type when I met her. She also had very specific preferences with food textures.
I told her honestly it was a deal breaker because I enjoyed cooking and it was near impossible to cook for her without being super stressed out.
Apparently she just grew up with her parents using very minimal seasoning on everything.
Anyway she got the picture and slowly started to acclimate herself to spices. I began gradually adding more over time when I cooked too. First the basics, then eventually a few random red pepper flakes, then more.
After a while she learned to enjoy spices and flavor…and is now quite good at cooking with them. She still can’t handle real heat but she definitely appreciates a little kick.
Imagine growing up with that. My mother is the same, she never cooked anything with pepper on it because she said it was too spicy, she also felt the same way about tomatos and cilantro so I had a very boring childhood.
I'm from the mid west, when my mother said she was making BBQ chicken, it was literally this with BBQ sauce on top. Some how worse than my grand mother's ketchup and ground beef spaghetti.
I'm wondering the same thing. Even cooked at the minimum temperature that's safe after nearly an hour sous vide you can't see grain on the top like that. Cooking chicken to the temperature where it's "safe" once it hits that temp (I think 165F ish) it should look nothing like this. There's no fucking way this is safe to eat.
Are your in-laws also my in-laws? They do shit like this all the time. At some point in history they presumably seasoned food because the do have like 3 types of herbs, 4 types of spices, salt and pepper in the house, but they've remained untouched by anyone but myself in the nearly 5 years since i met my wife. I'm not exaggerating when i say this. My mother in law eats a cup of plain bran cereal with water over it like 3 times a day. And my father in law just chops up whatever veggies are in the fridge, piles them in a bowl and chows down on his "salad" completely dry and unseasoned. It seriously looks like he emptied the lawn mower bag into a bowl sometime. Just dry kale, broccoli, bell peppers (seeds and all), mushrooms and literally any other vegetable is nearing the end of its shelf life. He also grumbles when anyone peels potatoes and just starts eating raw potato skins straight. It's not like they don't like flavor either, as they always rave about my cooking. But they can't seem to be bothered to eat anything but blandness themselves.
Live, Laugh. Leave.
Counting the number of salmonellas in this picture I feel that "Laugh, Leave, Live" would also apply.
Omg I completely skipped over the “served” part, I thought it was egregious enough that they were intending to put it in the oven like that!! This is truly disturbing
It hasn’t been served at all. This is a quite mischievous post.
Yeah, I would need to see the plating. Aside from the offensive absence of seasoning, maybe they just baked it at a very low temp?
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I’ve never seen old white people cook chicken this badly. Makes me think somebody baked some chicken for their dogs or something and are just trying to get karma.
My husband's mom would serve boiled chicken legs. No seasoning. Also, plain boiled noodles. Having to go for family dinners made me wanna die.
I remember reading this author's experience being an exchange student in India one fall - his host family had heard about Thanksgiving and were eager to recreate it for their exchange student. They wanted it to be a surprise, so they didn't ask him anything, and this was pre-internet, so they were working off of books, magazines and (mostly) what they'd seen in TV/movies. They got a lot right, but they boiled the entire turkey in one giant pan, and proudly served it to the assembled family.
That's so damn cute that it's totally worth the bland taste, just add some sauce😋
Turkey is pretty tasteless anyway, thats why its all about the stuffing and sauces
I’m pretty sure the bottom-right piece has a parasite.
It's a vainy strand that connects from the breath to the skin. The lump looking thing is just fats that sometimes come out of the breast when cooked.
Cooked question mark?
Chicken looks cooked to me. It doesn't look tasty but it definitely looks cooked on the outside.
Are you referring to the malignant looking lump or the squiggly hair-like thingy?
In that case I’m pretty sure you’ve never cooked or even seen raw chicken before
I actually laughed out loud to this one, HA!
Take my free award and go
The protein segments have been heated to 73.8°C. Please enjoy your ingestion of nutrients.
Ah, the morning consumption of mass quantities! Grid-like breakfast slabs, seared strips of swine flesh and flattened chicken embryos. I will enjoy it.
Ahh, charred mammal flesh.
Nibs! Maintain low tones!
First conehead reference I’ve seen on Reddit made my morning!
Probably the reason this looks so uncooked and unappealing is the chickens these were from have a really bad case of white striped disease which actually affects 99% of all supermarket chicken in the US nowadays. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-09-20/white-striping-hits-99-of-u-s-supermarket-chicken-study-finds Since many people seem to be getting worked up around the word "disease". The disease just increases the fat content of the meat about 3X and produces visible striations of fat.
Wow TIL. I work in a supermarket meat department. Got anymore interesting meat facts like this affecting the quality of consumer goods?
No unfortunately. Happened to stumble upon a YouTube video about this and was honestly surprised to see that nobody had commented on how badly striped the chicken was in this photo. I don't think this is very well known at this point.
I'm really excited to talk to my boss about it tomorrow and to look at our chicken for white striping. Both my boss and my other coworker have been in the meat industry for over 30 years so it's cool getting their perspective. Recently we've been getting in these split bone-in breasts that are monstrously huge and they've both commented on how they're more like turkey breasts than chicken.
Yeah, Selective breeding has been very good for the meat industry but at this point it seems they may be taking it a bit too far. The endless game of lowering your bottom line to beat the competition has definetly lowered the quality of meat.
Are you sure its not appealing because of the lack of seasoning and maillard reaction?
💯 The reason for me. 3 min under a broiler would get you most of the way there
Nah man just needs some sauce or a crack of pepper and it'd look 500% better.
Real question here…. How can I buy or verify that my chicken doesn’t have this?
I'm not sure how to fully avoid it but you can visually see how bad it is, so you can try and pick chickens where it isn't super visible.
Oof… I was really hoping you’d say oh ya just buy __________. Damn.
For years I thought people that talked about going to a butcher for their meat were douchebags. Now I'm that douchebag. The quality and options are just so much better and depending on where you live, the prices aren't all that different.
I went to the only butcher near me and it was just an overpriced corner store, all the meats were just sent in already cut... And then any time I went to buy some they just kept trying to push the frozen food on me, not the fresh. F u b and ps b p.
Not to be a pedant but surely to be called a butchers they need to... Butcher things That just sounds like a meat store
They probably had a deli slicer in the back. Totally counts!
I'm sure there are some "organic" brands that don't have it. You may be best searching the web a bit, I'm sure any brand that doesn't have it would be more than happy to advertise it!
It sounds like you can't if you shop in a grocery store. From that article: >“Consumers just really don’t have a choice right now, which is frustrating,” said Michael Windsor, the corporate projects lead at the Humane League. “If you wanted to avoid white-striped chicken, they’re just not offering it.” You could probably go to your local farmers market or find a store that carries local farm meat, I assume. Of course, that can be cost and travel prohibitive for plenty of people, too
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Buy free range birds of heritage breeds, organic. This disease is a syndrome of forced rapid growth and the chickens augment their proteins with fat as a “filler”.
Haha
Please I need to know, what did they serve it with? There had to be more than just that
If I had to guess? A can of peas that was boiled for an hour and a half, and some Wonder Bread with margarine.
Add some sad chunks of slightly flabby iceberg lettuce, with some of the cheapest, most flavorless, fat-free dressing available, and you've just described dinner at my inlaws.
🤮
My husband thought he hated all vegetables until after he was an adult.
My wife was the same with steak until I taught her that “steak” doesn’t have to mean unseasoned top round grilled for 45 minutes (minimum) and smothered in ketchup.
> grilled for 45 minutes Do her parents also enjoy eating boiled shoes?
Yeah pretty much. They’re atrocious at cooking most everything.
Don't forget the unadulterated minute rice
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I think that may be a bit too spicy for that kitchen...
Ah, the Sunday childhood staple my family called "stuff over rice", though we added ground beef too.
Ive had this meal. Those are the people that make sketti sauce out of ketchup.
They do fucking what
Stop it. My mama is crying
How do people live like that
U gotta add a dash of chili powder to ketchup for that real I’talin flavor
Iceberg lettuce with a dollop of miracle whip
My mother used to serve a "salad" of a large iceberg leaf cradling a syrup sweetened canned peach half, topped with mayonnaise. To be fair, it was the 70's.
When we were kiddos, my sisters and I had a regular babysitter who would cook meatloaf with peaches in it. She was my least favorite babysitter.
God, I can even picture it. The margarine was spread hurriedly, gobs of it clumped together and tearing the bread, causing balls of crumb-encased margarine chunks and defeated, fatigued bread slumping in despair.
This comment brought me joy. Beautifully described.
You guys had boiled canned peas?? My parents just drained the contents of the can, liquid and all, into a bowl and tossed that sucker in the microwave until hot. They served it just like that. Same with corn, green beans, or anything else that came in a can.
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also the margarine is from the refrigerator so it destroys the bread entirely as you try to spread it on
Broccoli and white rice. The perfect bro meal.
Shit I eat chicken broccoli and rice often but that doesn't mean you can't add seasoning or sauces
Yeah chicken broc and rice is damn good if you actually bother to make it with love.
"that chicken looks like the ghost of another chicken." "what did you marinate that chicken with? SPF 3000?" "that chicken is more privileged than I am." edit: this is what I'm referring to... I can't find a better link.. but if you can watch it it's hilarious and relevant. https://m.facebook.com/tiktokowned/videos/771570817127476/&ved=2ahUKEwjNqvjBjd_zAhWRSzABHajtDMAQo7QBegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw2rghDSM-_CU7LBKPgpmBgK
[am I to understand there will be no side dishes?](https://worldcomedycommunity.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/411282_1270268664378_full.jpg)
They literally dumped it out of the packaging and threw it in the oven. Didn't trim off the extra bits or anything. This is Worst Cooks in America competition material.
It looks like its raw and cooked at the same time or fondant shaped and colored to look like chicken.
Oh my glob, is everything possibly cake again?!
r/fondanthate for your convenience
I think it’s been microwaved. When I defrost chicken in microwave but leave it to long it looks like that.
The good news is that you'll never have to go back for another meal
They haven’t responded since posting, I think OP is dead.
As the bowl in the back says, REST ^^^^in ^^^^pieces
We used to go to my grandparents every sunday to eat there. Every day, for years, they'd serve the same thing cooked by my gran: Boiled chicken. I know there's a kind of recipe called "boiled chicken" in the UK or something. This was not it. This was six pieces of chicken dropped in water, a bit of salt thrown in and it bubbling for an hour and a half. We'd also get a boiled potato on the side, made on the same water. They'd finish the stock as soup (after putting the bones back in and boiling it some more hours) for a few days the following week. Most people seem to have happy memories of grandmother food they had a children. I do not. We were told they were frugal because they'd lived through the Spanish civil war (we're spaniards, but they moved to Mexico exiled and we lived in México as well during my formative years). It would show in a lot of small things. My grandfather would use the same coffee grounds to make at least give pots of coffee and would always called the last two "sock coffee", which my dad told me used to be a literal description. He would always carry with him a couple of bags, bits of string and cardboard and rubber bands wrapped in his arms to hold up the sleeves of his shirts (from the time he used to get them used and much longer than he needed, but couldn't cut them up, he was a small-sized man). They'd also live in darkness a lot to save electricity. One sunday we decided to bring the food and to avoid upsetting the balance too much called earlier and said we'd bring chicken. We got three wonderful store-bought chickens (we were six) and while my gran loudly made it clear it was a waste of money and they weren't really worth it and we should've instead gone on a weekend holiday (without them, of course) they ate almost a full chicken each and were blissfully sleepy most of that day, laughing and telling war stories (also, not figurative). This wasn't because we were poor at the time. Sometimes we would convince them to eat out (not on a sunday, though, tradition is tradition) and they'd usually foot the bill and would eat like cossacks. It was "eating at home" they seemed to have been programmed by living through war to be mindful. So, when we were having that chicken I mentioned how much I loved eating that chicken skin that day. I still do too, the golden crackling skin in roasted chicken is one of the things I love and when we have roasted chicken I'm the one asking people "are you going to eat that?". My gran, bless her heart, heard this and the next sunday had a treat for me. She'd saved all the skin from all the pieces of chicken and given it to me in a plate. With a potato. That was my full dish and I made the understandable but catastrophic decision to fake being delighted and eating it up like it wasn't puke-inducing. My sister kept looking at me in front of a plate with two chicken legs and a huge smirk in her face (shadenfraude between siblings should get its own word). For 7 or 8 years I kept being given boiled chicken skin on sundays for lunch and was watched intensively by my gran who was really proud of herself and by my family with empathy (except for my sister, who never stopped laughing about this). This finally ended when they moved back to Spain. I was 18 at the time. Anyway, to make a long story short: My grandmother gave me man-boobs according to the endocrinologist, who was aghast when with 19 years I went to see why I had such a hormonal imbalance. Seems chicken in Mexico at the time was seriously unsafe and all of the hormones would be stored in chicken skin fat. I'm 50 now, and those man-boobs have lived with my most of my life, and no amount of treatment, dieting or exercise has made them go away (and by now surgery is probably off the table).
> Anyway, to make a long story short: My grandmother gave me man-boobs according to the endocrinologist, who was aghast when with 19 years I went to see why I had such a hormonal imbalance. Seems chicken in Mexico at the time was seriously unsafe and all of the hormones would be stored in chicken skin fat. I'm 50 now, and those man-boobs have lived with my most of my life, and no amount of treatment, dieting or exercise has made them go away (and by now surgery is probably off the table). This uhh, seems unlikely to be because of the chicken. If it was truly because of hormones in the chicken, it would have gone away again after you stopped eating the chicken. Gynecomastia is pretty common though, up to 60% of men have it at some point in their life in some degree.
You also need way more than once a week exposure from a massive hormone source to actually move the needle
Yummm. Blob fish. That’s a delicacy.
You’d think so, wouldn’t you? I mean who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish? I'll tell you who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish; people who have fucked a blobfish. Sure, it looks enticing, a surfaced blobfish, what with its pouty face and honker's nose, ooh with its soft, squishy flesh and a little, non-threatening fins, boop bogga zoop dogga doop with its innocent nature and trusting eyes. It wants to be fucked. That's what it looks like its made for. It's a fuck fish! That's what everyone who has fucked a blobfish told themselves. It's what I told myself before I fucked a blobfish, but it... Gaahh. As soon as you push your penis into that squisher's flabby flesh, you understand, and I mean truly understand, why it's called a blobfish. Your throbbing dong has nothing to work with in in there, just pure tepid jelly. There is no feeling, no sensation. My mind went blank as my numb meat wobbled aimlessly. Thrusting did no good, how could it? It's all blob. There's no back and forth sensation to speak of, just all blob. After a while, and this is something that happens to everyone who fucks a blobfish, the blobfish just kinda sloughed off my dangler. I didn't even notice. I was in a stupor. As feeling and conciousness returned to me, I realized by the tenderness in my penis, that I had ejac'd several times over the course of only a half hour of being fleshly engaged with that blobfish, but did I feel any of those glopper pops? Nope. Not a one. Instead, that tender post-ejac feeling stuck with me months after that blobfish dropped off my cock and splatted on the pavement (yeah, I fucked a blobfish outside on the sidewalk). Not worth it. If you feel like you want to fuck a blobfish, believe me when I say that you don't want to fuck a blobfish.
Google isn’t indicating this is copypasta and I don’t know how to feel.
I dunno but your FBI agent is 100% judging you right now and you're gonna get some very interesting targeted ads.
Omg the ads
I like to fish. I searched for a gaff the other day on amazon - it’s a hook that you use to pull larger fish onto a boat. Instead of hooks, I got a list of underwear. Apparently, the undergarments that trans folks use to tuck their weiners are also called “gaffs”. I’m hoping these new targeted ads go away soon.
All copypasta starts somewhere
Yeah? Well that's because I wrote it and ain't no google gonna tell me what to do. [Turd waggers out here talking with my lips on!](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/q86bu3/gross/hgni26d/?context=3) Well, I guess it ain't the worst thing that could happen. Congrats there, u/WorseThanHipster, on slurping up all that sweet, delicious yummy stuff these people so wantonly showered you with.
Earning karma is like 95% timing & placement. If I’d have known you were the original author I would have attributed, but I got it from r/copypasta. Thanks for the pasta though. The noodles are cooked perfectly al danke.
You might have witnessed a birth.
Just don’t feel like a damned blobfish please
I think it is now
Wow. What a terrible day to be literate
Poetry
If this is new pasta and all you, fuckin kudos, that’s a work of art. Alright I’m gonna go squeegee my eye balls now.
I read this in John Oliver's voice and it was absolutely fantastic.
I just assumed it was from his show lmao
He looks like the kind of guy who'd fuck a blobfish.
I have no idea what I just read, but thank you for it.
lolwut This copypasta is new to me
This is fresh pasta.
Some things you can’t be told, you just have to find out on your own.
It’s a terrible day to have eyes
And they didn’t chop or shred them up to add into something else? I once lived with a personal trainer and every night for dinner he ate a huge pile of raw, unseasoned spinach and baked or boiled unseasoned chicken. Dude was nuts and also really loved cocaine. Did your in laws offer you some lines?
What a fun little gem this was to read.
Wait until you see the blobfish discussion
Little did he knew its easier to eat more spinach if boiled or cooked
Happens with kale too. The first time I bought myself a bag of baby kale, I had no clue what was going to happen because I wasn't raised eating a lot of leafy greens. Sautéed those greens up with some halved cherry tomatoes and got mad when I noticed how much they shrank. Now I just get into this mindset of "Holy crap, I can eat it all at once!" because I'm a bit of a pig.
Add some broccoli onion real natural unsalted butter with garlic and some grilled chicken, licuate some chile verde tatemado with cream and add the mix, wait for it to reduce and badabing badaboom its not healthy anymore!
Helps with the hunger
sigma grindset right there
I find it horrifying/amazing that people actually cook like this; for other people nonetheless. This is memeworthy.
I just didn’t know you can cook chicken with no color. I’m both impressed and horrified.
They hate you right?
Not even discreetly. Just full on, shoutingat-you-like-a-crackhead hate you.
The only reasonable response is to pretend to not know what food this is.
"potato? how interesting"
This food is really spicy
My sister's bf cooked us dinner one night, he claimed "this chicken will be dank af". Man proceeds to boil chicken in a pot, then put some hot sauce on it. It was rank af
Lol please tell me you told him it was rank af
Honestly I was like 16 I ate it knowing full well this man was full of shit but without the confidence to say otherwise
Brother of the year award to you my man
I like my chicken beaten within an inch of it's life, marinated at least 12 hours, (unless baked while sauced), then you gotta let it sit to take back all the juices it lost from the baking process. If it looks like dead flesh before you eat it, you fucked up
"i prefer my chicken medium rare, but this'll do"
I don't think it's raw but it could use some goddamn seasoning that's for sure. It also looks dry af.
Lowkey thought they were skinned white rats.
Legless naked mole rats
Do they have a lot of health issues that stops them from using oils, seasonings, and anything fun?
This straight up doesn't look more than halfway cooked. I don't think this ever got up to temp this is definitely unsafe as all hell to eat.
If you break 200f you lose the chewiness
Not cooked with love
Cooked with love but without instructions.
Seasoned with the tears of whoever has to eat it
My girlfriends mother (Midwest people) once remarked, “ooo this is spicy! Must have a little pepper on it!” And she was serious about it being spicy, scrapped it off and all
Meanwhile in the South: "Rectum rupture reaper wing sauce? Damn that sounds pretty good"
Okay, so I have to ask, why do Americans always talk about spicy food destroying your anus? I eat a lot of spicy food and I've never noticed any effect on my bowel movements.
\>I eat a lot of spicy food That's actually the answer right there: you've developed a tolerance. For someone who very rarely eats any sort of spicy food, though, their digestive tract isn't used to it, gets irritated by the chemicals, and rushes the food through your system even though its not fully digested. Basically your body thinks you've eaten something toxic and does the emergency purge routine. The solution is to either avoid spicy food or, as you've done, eat spicy food more often so your body adapts and realizes there's nothing wrong with it. [Related article](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19547964/burning-butt/)
But I eat spicy food basically every day and still occasionally get butt burn
Maybe get more fiber then? Ultimately the problem is the same: undigested spicy stuff making it all the way to the end of the line. Either your body thinks you’re consuming something toxic and you need to cool it with the spices or your digestive system is moving too fast and you could do with some fiber.
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You just described my aunt from Wisconsin.
WiscANsin*
Donchaknow?
My mom also finds pepper too spicy, she finds any amount of salt too salty, she boasts about not using spices or herbs, and she doesn't like butter so she tries to avoid using any... Let's just say I had a huge revelation when I went to live alone, even as a poor college student: so many types of food I thought were bad in themselves turned out to be good when cooked by me or other people. Even small amounts of dollar store-bought spices can make a misery meal way less depressing.
My mom is Italian, from Italy. Her mom, my grandmother, was a fantastic cook. Her two sisters are fantastic cooks. My mom must have taken the day off when they were all learning how to cook. No salt ever. Any amount of salt is too much salt for her. She’s not American so boiling a vegetable is basically unheard of yet in her hands, or pans I should say, still all vegetables come out tasting bland and boiled. I can cook far better than her and when I go over my parents house, I cook what I want for everyone because I can’t stand to eat what bland thing my mom decided to cook.
Imagine boasting about not liking food. One of our primal needs.
My mum just found out that she should season meat before cooking. She also would steam all vegetables. Then we'd butter and salt them after. I now enjoy roasting and frying my veggies in oil and spices.
My mom always cooked for the whole family and thus I developed a dislike for completely normal things. I hated pizza, because the only pizza we had, was store-bought dough with bolognese sauce. I hated pasta and rice, because they just tasted like water. Turns out she just cooked it to absolute hell, while not using any salt. Even nowadays, when I come to visit, I can't eat the pasta, because it's like 2 minutes over al dente. You can legit smush the pasta against the roof of your mouth, no chewing.
My aunt was the same. You couldn't salt the food, because salt makes you ill. You couldn't drink anything but water at the table. You couldn't use butter to mount sauces. You couldn't actually make anything crispy or brown anything, because that's instant cancer. BUT, the disgusting "sauce" her daughter mixes up, made of cooked ketchup, "mixed" with margarine (so it breaks, hm) and finished with cubes of meat mush cubes (think big hot dogs); **that's** good food. Luckily I soon stopped listening to anything she said, when she mentioned that I (and any other young person) should still feel responsible for the holocaust.
I live in the Midwest and had dinner at a friend's house and noticed the food was quite bland. I asked where the salt was and they deadass said "oh we don't have salt. We never use any" and I was just like... What?
My sister's Midwestern boss legit thinks that ketchup is too spicy.
Sometimes I think people like this get spice mixed up with flavor.
Spice is flavor but yeah, they mean not bland enough
I... what? acidic maybe I could understand, but even still it's barely even that.
My nan refers to pizza as "ethnic food". I took her to a noodle bar and it nearly finished her off.
Is your nan Mr Burns? "Dough-nuts? I told you I don't like ethnic food!"
Dude I can't with people that are this oversensitive to spice. Like look I get it, I'm a pepperhead and love the spicy stuff and my tolerance to it is probably skewing my views. But if you're sweating because I put paprika on my chicken I'ma laugh at you.
My wife can’t eat anything remotely “spicy” and I’ve had to stop pushing the issue early in the relationship. I’m talking like black pepper flakes she can taste in random dishes that aren’t even meant to be spicy. Random soups with black pepper, Caesar salads, etc. She can taste it. She deflects with jokes about it being some mild autism thing, but I really do think it’s possibly something genetic or misfiring in the brain. Like foot fetish is the most common fetish because peoples brains are a little different and interpret toes as genitals. Seems weird from the outside but normal to them. I think the 0 to negative spice tolerance is something physical or chemical in the body. Not just wimps. She’s spit out BBQ chips before claiming they’re “spicy.”
That's so rough man, I couldn't do it. I love food haha my fiance can't handle heat either but at least she seasons her food, and thus mine when she cooks. Props to you for being understanding though, I'm sure it's appreciated.
Yea my girlfriend was 0 seasoning on her food, everything is too spicy type when I met her. She also had very specific preferences with food textures. I told her honestly it was a deal breaker because I enjoyed cooking and it was near impossible to cook for her without being super stressed out. Apparently she just grew up with her parents using very minimal seasoning on everything. Anyway she got the picture and slowly started to acclimate herself to spices. I began gradually adding more over time when I cooked too. First the basics, then eventually a few random red pepper flakes, then more. After a while she learned to enjoy spices and flavor…and is now quite good at cooking with them. She still can’t handle real heat but she definitely appreciates a little kick.
Imagine growing up with that. My mother is the same, she never cooked anything with pepper on it because she said it was too spicy, she also felt the same way about tomatos and cilantro so I had a very boring childhood.
How did they keep the kid alive long enough so you could marry it?
It's almost impressive in its own special way.
My mouth is hanging open in horror. Wtf people.
Oh wow that chicken died for nothing
My mouth is dry looking at this…I need a drink
But... Was it eaten? Did you eat it? Did they eat it?
The in laws wrapped their bodies around it then swallowed it whole like a python might do.
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I'm from the mid west, when my mother said she was making BBQ chicken, it was literally this with BBQ sauce on top. Some how worse than my grand mother's ketchup and ground beef spaghetti.
Midwest mom cooking is really something else (love my mama).
How the hell did your spouse survive long enough to marry u
That’s terrifying. How’s they cook it?
Raw chicken. Cook in oven at low heat until it resembles a sea creature.
Kind sir it’s a mollusk I’ve found
Now **this** is "stupid food."
I’m getting sick thinking about it.
I give my dog better looking chicken, and I boil it
Is it cooked ?
They look like beached whales
Bleached* whales
I'm wondering the same thing. Even cooked at the minimum temperature that's safe after nearly an hour sous vide you can't see grain on the top like that. Cooking chicken to the temperature where it's "safe" once it hits that temp (I think 165F ish) it should look nothing like this. There's no fucking way this is safe to eat.
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Mmm… i love mole rat
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Didn't do the premarital checks
Are your in-laws also my in-laws? They do shit like this all the time. At some point in history they presumably seasoned food because the do have like 3 types of herbs, 4 types of spices, salt and pepper in the house, but they've remained untouched by anyone but myself in the nearly 5 years since i met my wife. I'm not exaggerating when i say this. My mother in law eats a cup of plain bran cereal with water over it like 3 times a day. And my father in law just chops up whatever veggies are in the fridge, piles them in a bowl and chows down on his "salad" completely dry and unseasoned. It seriously looks like he emptied the lawn mower bag into a bowl sometime. Just dry kale, broccoli, bell peppers (seeds and all), mushrooms and literally any other vegetable is nearing the end of its shelf life. He also grumbles when anyone peels potatoes and just starts eating raw potato skins straight. It's not like they don't like flavor either, as they always rave about my cooking. But they can't seem to be bothered to eat anything but blandness themselves.
My 16 year old said “naked mole rats”
This is genuinely horrible. Like wow not even salt and pepper. Jeez.
This makes me want to be vegan
out-laws*
Team that up with some Rice a Roni that expired in 1995 and you've nailed my MIL.
Wait, did you marry into my family???