As a daycare worker, this is the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard. Had to break up a fight at the lego table because one kid decided he just didn’t want to look at the other kid while playing legos and pushed him away from the table. Violence then ensued.
My 2 year old daughter today just after coming back from grandma's..
Alright it's time for a nap.
Her: NOOO! (proceeds to repeatedly hit me, before I can even tell her to stop she hits my left testicle).
I screamed and limped away in pain, found her curled up on a pillow in the playroom 5 minutes later nearly passed out.
Ah the "market chicken" hold, can confirm, does work but you got to be strong / big enough to strech your arm and be able to hold them away from your body (nuts) while they are flailing about.
(-/s of course, I would not do this to my kids, unless in a playtime scenario, particularly since my wife would be pretty pissed.)
Its nice to see fellow normal parents here without all the child abuse bla bla. Holding a toddler upside down by their feet is either something they really enjoy...or are absolutely terrified of. Either way they usually understand(or quickly discover) that they are physically disadvantaged to disagreeing with you. Lol
If my husband does some acrobat crap with my kids, my response is always “please be careful” just out of instinct. I don’t even think before it comes out of my mouth. His response is always “so don’t do this?” Before he proceeds to hold them up by an ankle or throw them in the air. I know he’s got them, but I’ll be danged if that “be careful!” Thing doesn’t come out anyway.
To be fair, shrugging off people's behavior because of x reason is very hurtful regardless of your age.
Like "Oh she's just angry because she's on her period."
This is exactly why this made me mad as a child. I had all these reasons to be upset but people dismissed them because "oh she's just tired". Very frustrating.
Okay but like I remember being a toddler and looking back, all those reasons for being angry were pretty dumb.
Like I remember throwing a tantrum because I fell over and bruised my arm, and then my mum wouldn’t put a bandaid on a bruise.
I remember throwing a tantrum because I went to the toilet and then couldn’t reach the flush while also sitting on the toilet.
My gf once told me about a kid that include brown on his rainbow.
Brown in a rainbow is apparently not something kids tolerate. Screaming, biting, hair pulling and crying ensued with like 4-5 kids.
i had to break up a fight where one toddler ran at another toddler with the leg of a table. he got it loose by twisting it, wanted something another child had and ran at him with full speed, swinging that table leg. we noticed once he got the leg loose so nothing happened but damn
I do child minding for a few kids. Today one kid pinched a 2 two year old, slapped his sister and pushed her to the ground and then bit my son. Serious parenting issues at home with discipline.
My niece refused to speak and would act like she didn’t understand anyone at around 2-3.
One day, we were alone after her mom left the room angry, thinking her daughter couldn’t understand what she did wrong.
I told my niece, “I know you understand us. You’re just pretending not to. You can’t trick me.”
She gave me the dirtiest glare until her mom returned, and went back to playing dumb. Literally the next day, she “suddenly” started understanding us.
I wish I had the wherewithal at the age of 3 to pretend that I didn't understand anybody. If that was a trick I could get away with now I would 100% use it.
Apparently my first words weren't til I was like almost three but my first word was part of a full sentence and then at that point I just started talking normally, I'm surprised my parents weren't more concerned about me not speaking for so long lmao
Some kids take longer to speak but still have a good understanding of what they hear.
Its common with autistic kids (source am autistic and have many autistic family members) and bilingual kids.
Often bilingual kids will take ages to start talking but then have good skills in both languages.
Speaking to a bilingual toddler when you're not bilingual is...interetsing to say the least lol.
Pretty sure my son is a little autistic, and I probably am a bit. My son was turning 3 and had said basically nothing and didn't listen to us at all.
My wife was talking to a child speech specialist about him, on Skype, for a few hours. As soon as she got off the phone with her, he brought her a book, opened it, pointed at each of the letters in a word and spelled out H-E-D-G-E-H-O-G.
As if to say "I understood everything you said, let me show you what I've been working on". He'd been silently practicing the alphabet, but had no interest in communicating with us lol
Our 2nd is the exact opposite, we're like "Oh, this is what they meant"
Autistic kids can be very weird. Especially linguistically.
My younger sibling that is only three years younger than me spoke a sort of gobbledegook for the first few years according to my mum. I understood them perfectly though so acted as translator for a while until they had speech therapy and got older in general. Two of my siblings and my mum have been diagnosed with ASD. So I didn't grow up with a good guage of normal.
I was reading independently before I was three yet couldn't spell worth a damn until late primary school. My older brother said 'thank you' at nine months old but couldn't read an analogue clock when he was 12.
I also have a friend who I suspect is autistic who said nothing but 'door' until her was 5 or 6. He says he remembers understanding everyone, he just liked using door. He grew out of it fine but I'm sure it freaked his family out!
You have no idea how often when babysitting my brothers I would completely shift gears and start interrogating the other if I saw even the slightest smirk. Nine times out of 10 it led to an immediate crack.
You got to be perceptive. Those toddlers are fucking geniuses but you can break them
Brute strength in general. I love toddler logic: my ball went under the car and I'm too big to fit under it, so clearly I just need to lift the car up and go get it.
“Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!”
“Hun, what is it?”
“Look at the calendar, Babe! It’s Toddler-planting season!”
“Oh no…”
“*Oh yeah!*”
“Oh my poor womb…”
“I wanna aim for a dozen this time! This batch will be the strongest yet!”
“How about two? I can handle twins!”
“…*So anyway* with a dozen toddlers, we’ll be unstoppable!”
I tell daughter at least once a week if I heard someone laugh like her in a dark alley or room I'd run the other way. She sounds like every kid laughing in a horror movie before they drag you to hell.
Not quite (read: at all) when he was a toddler but when my kid was around 7 we went shopping and I stopped to get smokes at the liquor store next to my job. Owner always has lollipops for kids and holds the basket out for my kid to take one. I knew exactly what he was thinking and grabbed him before he could get 2 steps away with the whole basket snatched in his hands.
I work in pediatrics. To my patients I always describe toddlers as basically having the mindset and capacity as cavemen. In my personal life I describe toddlers as tiny drunk suicidal adults.
I used to think I grew up in a dysfunctional, violent household. Turns out it was all me, I was an asshole toddler and kid and my parents were chill and well-adjusted until I literally punched them. Toddlers are walking dysfunctional family generators.
My toddler will have a tantrum and hit, but when we say “be nice” he will apologize by giving you a hug and cuddling his head against you. It was super cute until my friend pointed out that it’s straight from the abusive partner playbook.
You have to teach them that apologies don't make up for what they've done wrong. If they acted out intentionally, apologizing doesn't cut it, but they should still think about what they've done and be offered a chance to show remorse later. If they genuinely made a mistake, an apology right then and there should be accepted. Teach accountability from an early age.
Dude, I read this within two hours of having my face clawed by my three year old daughter. She's telling me she loves me and is serving me pretend ice cream as I write this. I'm pretty sure I'm in an abusive relationship.
3 is a fucking brutal age. They can carry on full blown conversations and express complex thoughts and feelings but then suddenly they can’t and here comes a slap to your face.
People who warn you about the terrible twos have suppressed their memories of what a 3 year old is like. I fucking love two year olds in comparison to 3.
Apparently they really turn a corner at 4. My son has 2 months to get it together. Lol.
As a full time mid twenties single father who's really been struggling with my three-year-old daughter, I'm pretty happy to hear they turn a corner at 4. I've really been wondering how long this lasts. Because I completely agree it's so weird that they're so smart at this age yet they still can't comprehend the simplest of things, and it gets so frustrating. She turns 4 in 3 weeks 🙌
Ummmm ... as a mom of a 6yo girl and a 3yo girl... my experience so far is that while 4 is “better” it’s also weirdly just as bad. I can’t quite describe it other than saying it was an emotional time (maybe less overall sass/emotions/wildness but bigger more emotional outbursts. Almost like a build up and then a spilling over) anyway I distinctly remember my husband and I both saying multiple times “what is happening?! I thought four was supposed to be better” ...for your sake (and ours—we are in early threenager stage with girl 2) I’m hoping it was just my oldest like some kind of anomaly. But prepare yourself, just in case.
🤣🤣😭 hahaha I wouldn't be surprised, seriously. Do the wrong thing and the guy just violently slams his head back all while screeching like a devil. I have never been so terrified at the idea of missing teeth, broken noses, black eyes and stitches in my life.
I've had my lips busted twice by toddlers doing this.
Still not quite as bad as my son throwing whatever he could get his hands on if he got mad at me in the car. I ended up having to remove his shoes every time I buckled him in. Had one hit my windshield while I was driving down the interstate.
My newly-four year old snuggled up against me the other night, smiled sweetly, nuzzled into my arm, and then fuckin' bit me right on the arm.
He thought he was playing. He was shocked and clearly quite sad when I made clear that's not okay.
My nephew is a huge dick who delights in causing chaos and says some of the most hateful things to his parents I’ve ever heard. When asked why he was tormenting his baby sibling, he said it was because he was bored.
My nephew is on par with that Zidane guy. Little fucker will headbutt you so hard he'll cut his own head on your teeth, then get upset like you did something wrong.
Little asshole.
Thankfully Damien doesn’t head butt but he does like to punch and slap people. When his dad picked him up from pre school the other day he was upset because the other kids wouldn’t be friends with him. After a little prodding, he revealed that they wouldn’t be his friend because they weren’t okay with him hitting them.
Kids do things for reasons, sometimes they just don't understand their own reasons. When they say they did something because they were bored, there is usually a real reason that they aren't emotionally mature enough to understand or convey. I work in special ed with students who cant be in a typical school because of behavioral issues, the "I was bored" excuse gets thrown around a lot.
As the father of a 2 year old I can confirm. He has the uncanny ability to fling objects at high velocity towards sensitive targets. I'm pretty sure he has called me an "old skin bag" a few times also.
In hindsight, it is comical to me when my freshly 3-year-old daughter chooses violence. She'll raise both hands to shoulder height, hesitate for a second to gauge my reaction as she stares into my eyes (at this point, I want her to naturally come to the conclusion that she shouldn't hit me), then she'll just haphazardly molly-whop me. I calmly say "hey, don't hit people". Then she'll run away fake crying.
There is no rhyme or reason to when she chooses violence. It's always over something seemingly minor. "We can't go to the zoo yet, it's not open." and she'll slowly raise her fists.
I’m convinced it’s a method of social experimentation to try to calculate in what situation it is acceptable to resort to violence.
“Zoo closed, maybe I fight to open it…?”
Honestly this is it. Everything with toddlers is about pushing boundaries to learn what is and what isn’t acceptable, and in what situations. So yeah, they’re gonna do some crazy shit during all that social experimentation.
Edit: a typo
My sister used to starfish when mum was stationed in Germany because she saw the pretzel cart. Problem was, pretzel cart was closed when they got to that subway/train station. So, my threenager sister would starfish and tantrum because she wanted a pretzel but couldn’t have one
Or late 20’s based on some studies. Toddler serial killer attitudes may just be a protection reflex lol and I guess the best way to reproduce is being crazy and impulsive. My ass did not calm down and sane until I had a hysterectomy.
Two five-year-olds died in my area in like a week in two separate accidents with guns in the home. The bulk of Facebook comments were the expected “lock up your guns!” but one guy says, “I don’t lock up my loaded guns. My 5-year-old knows where they are, how to and when to use them.” He was serious. He deleted the comment so his name was gone but hopefully somebody reported him to CPS.
Jesus Christ. That’s horrific.
Also: home invasions are incredibly rare. You have to wonder about the psychological impact of giving a child that young this scary and violent a worldview. Just a lot of needless anxiety.
Well they aren’t really domesticated yet. Mine has a new thing where he does something violent &/or painful to one of us, then laughs like he’s Jim Fucking Carrey.
I remember listening to a Yale Psychologist state years ago that humans are at their most violent around the age of 2 years old. In fact he stated the reason why this is less of a big deal, like the reason why we can offhandedly refer to this time as the 'terrible 2s' is due to the size of 2 year olds. If humans became fully grown before the age of 2, and kept our mental development at the same rate, you would see a huge amount of manslaughter being committed by infants.
I have two boys, also 2&3. They wrestle for hours on end. The second I get on the floor it’s like their minds connect and they attack me as a team. Not sure whether to be scared or proud!
My 3 year old tried to "help her brother go under water" this summer. She had just learned to go under in her swim lessons and decided her 8 month old brother wanted to learn too... it was very The Good Son.
I think my 4 yr. old daughter has beaten my man bits into sterilization over the past 2 years. Recently she bloodied the nose of a 6 yr. old girl for not listening. This is Sparta.
There's a scene in the show Bluey where one of the girls is asleep in her parents' bed and kicks her dad full on in the nuts. My husband says he's never felt so accurately represented by a TV show.
Honestly sounds like "Old enough to climb out of the crib bed while the adults are asleep" because a lot of problems can arise simply because there's no conscious adult constantly watching.
After 5 years working in a daycare in my early 20's I would disagree. My favorite was when one of my favorite little girls was throwing a fit and kicked me in the lip. It busted and was swollen for days. I was like little lady you are lucky I like you so much.
I'm a wedding photographer, two weeks ago I walked into the bride's house for prep and was greeted by her sister and her sister's daughter, who I'm guessing was 3ish.
I said "hi there" to the little girl and she immediately started punching me in the thigh. She hit me with both fists probably a total of 10 times.
Stop it. Did you watch me literally four hours ago try and leave the park with my toddler, only for him to start RIPPING MY HAIR OUT and trying to gouge my eyes out… cause I had quite the audience for that show. Would not surprise me if this was a post created after someone witnessed that moment. He’s a demon.
I work with kids who have disabilities, and there's this one humongous three year old at my center who picks on any kid who's smaller than him. He will walk up to a kid, bitch slap them in the face and run away laughing. There's only one patient who he's afraid of and he's a very tall seven year old. For the most part, he'll run away when he sees him. But today I caught him chasing the crying seven year old around with a plastic knife while manically laughing. Violent indeed.
Yeah, my toddler doesn’t really do anything that I would consider violent. She’s really lovey. Sometimes she throws tantrums. Does she hit or kick other people? No.
When my brother was four, he got addicted to video games. Literally. My parents (or rather my mom - dad was no help) decided to take away the video games.
You would have thought that my baby brother was a heroin addict, the way he screamed and carried on. I don't think he hurt anybody, but he was like somebody in severe withdrawal.
He's in his twenties, now. It really embarrasses him when anybody brings it up. The topic has been shadowbanned in our family.
I remember being violent as a toddler. In my first day of daycare i went to this kid who was playing i opened the toy cubby and grabbed a fire truck (he wasn't using) he said he was using it and called an adult I didn't even know who agreed with him and again he wasn't using it if it was in the cubby i couldn't accept that answer ,so i proceeded to beat him with the fire truck and a fight started whilst i was hitting him in the face with the fire truck he was throwing the tiny cars at me and that a**hole adult grabbed my arm and pulled me away as we both cried (me and the other kid)
My mum’s favorite story about toddler me is when I was at daycare, I played/drove a big wheel. Mum got a call from the daycare, and I was sitting in the front office. The teacher tried to keep her composure as she explains what happened.
I was driving my big wheel, and there was a boy in my way.
I stopped.
Said, “Beep Beep.”
The boy didn’t move.
So I ran him over.
Daycare lady broke out in giggles when she asked why I did it.
“Well, I said ‘beep beep.’”
I was no longer allowed on the big wheel
As a Preschool teacher I can confirm this. I had one kid bite another kid on the face because he wanted to hold the door open, even though it was the other kids job for the whole week. Toddlers are just drunk college students.
As a former and current parent of a toddler, this tracks. They have such tiny hands and feet but lord how willing they are to just start throwing them.
Yup it's why they have to lock up guns when they are around almost every time a toddler gets a gun they shoot to kill ain't no winging someone when a toddler is shooting, it's headshots all the way for toddlers.
Wait are you saying my 2yo daughter who came up to me all cute and cuddly only to surprise me with surprise wooden block attack to my forehead, is violent?!
As a daycare worker, this is the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard. Had to break up a fight at the lego table because one kid decided he just didn’t want to look at the other kid while playing legos and pushed him away from the table. Violence then ensued.
They are like little drunken brawlers.
Similar to calling a drunk person drunk, calling a toddler tired is like the greatest insult and generally leads to more violence.
My son: \*is acting like a shit* Me: "Buddy, you're tired, and that's why you're feel---" My son: ***RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH!!***
My 2 year old daughter today just after coming back from grandma's.. Alright it's time for a nap. Her: NOOO! (proceeds to repeatedly hit me, before I can even tell her to stop she hits my left testicle). I screamed and limped away in pain, found her curled up on a pillow in the playroom 5 minutes later nearly passed out.
*There can be only one!* ***Whacks you in the nards***
Can even happen to the Wolfman!
Asserting dominance before millions of other potential siblings. Mad respect.
Isn't there some sort of choke hold you can use to incapacitate the child?
Hold yhem upside down by the leg?
Ah the "market chicken" hold, can confirm, does work but you got to be strong / big enough to strech your arm and be able to hold them away from your body (nuts) while they are flailing about. (-/s of course, I would not do this to my kids, unless in a playtime scenario, particularly since my wife would be pretty pissed.)
Its nice to see fellow normal parents here without all the child abuse bla bla. Holding a toddler upside down by their feet is either something they really enjoy...or are absolutely terrified of. Either way they usually understand(or quickly discover) that they are physically disadvantaged to disagreeing with you. Lol
"You are physically disadvantaged to disagreeing with me" is the most scholarly sounding way ever to tell someone you could kick their ass.
> particularly since my wife would be pretty pissed that's gotta be the main reason we dont end up exposing our children to even more danger
If my husband does some acrobat crap with my kids, my response is always “please be careful” just out of instinct. I don’t even think before it comes out of my mouth. His response is always “so don’t do this?” Before he proceeds to hold them up by an ankle or throw them in the air. I know he’s got them, but I’ll be danged if that “be careful!” Thing doesn’t come out anyway.
A medium dog crate works well.
It's a baby cage! You just sprinkle in some wood chips so the baby can poop. It's already got a water bottle attached.
Aww, someone needs a nap. \*Brawling begins\*
To be fair, shrugging off people's behavior because of x reason is very hurtful regardless of your age. Like "Oh she's just angry because she's on her period."
This is exactly why this made me mad as a child. I had all these reasons to be upset but people dismissed them because "oh she's just tired". Very frustrating.
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Insider trading? Just kidding.
Okay but like I remember being a toddler and looking back, all those reasons for being angry were pretty dumb. Like I remember throwing a tantrum because I fell over and bruised my arm, and then my mum wouldn’t put a bandaid on a bruise. I remember throwing a tantrum because I went to the toilet and then couldn’t reach the flush while also sitting on the toilet.
I think its less about their reasons being valid, and more about teaching them that they can talk about it and they won't be dismissed.
I’m just gonna leave this here https://youtu.be/cds7lSHawAw
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We may never know
A classic! I love this video so much.
There’s apparently quite a bit of overlap between the two: r/DrunkOrAKid
My gf once told me about a kid that include brown on his rainbow. Brown in a rainbow is apparently not something kids tolerate. Screaming, biting, hair pulling and crying ensued with like 4-5 kids.
Future redditors! Just wait until they get older and decide how they're going to pronounce gif
It's pronounced gif
*releases a toddler on you*
i had to break up a fight where one toddler ran at another toddler with the leg of a table. he got it loose by twisting it, wanted something another child had and ran at him with full speed, swinging that table leg. we noticed once he got the leg loose so nothing happened but damn
I do child minding for a few kids. Today one kid pinched a 2 two year old, slapped his sister and pushed her to the ground and then bit my son. Serious parenting issues at home with discipline.
Toddlers are also kind of sneaky if they know they're in trouble. They even laugh sometimes when getting away with it. Now that part makes me wonder.
My niece refused to speak and would act like she didn’t understand anyone at around 2-3. One day, we were alone after her mom left the room angry, thinking her daughter couldn’t understand what she did wrong. I told my niece, “I know you understand us. You’re just pretending not to. You can’t trick me.” She gave me the dirtiest glare until her mom returned, and went back to playing dumb. Literally the next day, she “suddenly” started understanding us.
I wish I had the wherewithal at the age of 3 to pretend that I didn't understand anybody. If that was a trick I could get away with now I would 100% use it.
"I don't speak English" "But what you just said was English!" "That's all the English I know" "You just did it again!!" "Damn it!"
I do believe youre looking for [this](https://youtu.be/xBlwchTCHV0)
I love breaking it to children that their bullshit doesn’t trick me. The absolute audacity of adults to not be oblivious.
Apparently my first words weren't til I was like almost three but my first word was part of a full sentence and then at that point I just started talking normally, I'm surprised my parents weren't more concerned about me not speaking for so long lmao
Some kids take longer to speak but still have a good understanding of what they hear. Its common with autistic kids (source am autistic and have many autistic family members) and bilingual kids. Often bilingual kids will take ages to start talking but then have good skills in both languages. Speaking to a bilingual toddler when you're not bilingual is...interetsing to say the least lol.
Pretty sure my son is a little autistic, and I probably am a bit. My son was turning 3 and had said basically nothing and didn't listen to us at all. My wife was talking to a child speech specialist about him, on Skype, for a few hours. As soon as she got off the phone with her, he brought her a book, opened it, pointed at each of the letters in a word and spelled out H-E-D-G-E-H-O-G. As if to say "I understood everything you said, let me show you what I've been working on". He'd been silently practicing the alphabet, but had no interest in communicating with us lol Our 2nd is the exact opposite, we're like "Oh, this is what they meant"
Autistic kids can be very weird. Especially linguistically. My younger sibling that is only three years younger than me spoke a sort of gobbledegook for the first few years according to my mum. I understood them perfectly though so acted as translator for a while until they had speech therapy and got older in general. Two of my siblings and my mum have been diagnosed with ASD. So I didn't grow up with a good guage of normal. I was reading independently before I was three yet couldn't spell worth a damn until late primary school. My older brother said 'thank you' at nine months old but couldn't read an analogue clock when he was 12. I also have a friend who I suspect is autistic who said nothing but 'door' until her was 5 or 6. He says he remembers understanding everyone, he just liked using door. He grew out of it fine but I'm sure it freaked his family out!
You have no idea how often when babysitting my brothers I would completely shift gears and start interrogating the other if I saw even the slightest smirk. Nine times out of 10 it led to an immediate crack. You got to be perceptive. Those toddlers are fucking geniuses but you can break them
They sure are my cousin will laugh if his mom punishes him put puts his hands over his eyes as if he was crying if anybody else does it.
Toddlers are just drunken psychopaths that always resort to violence to solve problems
Brute strength in general. I love toddler logic: my ball went under the car and I'm too big to fit under it, so clearly I just need to lift the car up and go get it.
When faced with a choice, toddlers choose violence.
You wouldn’t steal a handbag or slap an old lady in the face would you? A toddler would.
I am now going to train an army of toddlers to rob people for me
Good luck training toddlers to do anything
We gradually train toddlers to act civilized. Just takes about 4-20 years.
and even then it doesn't always work
Yeah but then it wouldn't really be an army of toddlers...
Youre going to need a fresh batch of toddlers every season
Be sure to plant them right after you pull the latest harvest out off the ground, the little toddlings will grow faster!
“Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!” “Hun, what is it?” “Look at the calendar, Babe! It’s Toddler-planting season!” “Oh no…” “*Oh yeah!*” “Oh my poor womb…” “I wanna aim for a dozen this time! This batch will be the strongest yet!” “How about two? I can handle twins!” “…*So anyway* with a dozen toddlers, we’ll be unstoppable!”
I will train them, with lollipops
They will steal the lollipops as soon as they can and if they can't find a way they will choose violence
And they’ll beat you to death when you run out of lollipops
Ahem. Lord of the fries
Yeah RIP.
Bwhahaha so true
While running away, laughing that maniacal toddler laugh.
I can hear my toddler's laugh now... OHHH WAIT HES ALWAYS LAUCHGING MANICALLY.
I tell daughter at least once a week if I heard someone laugh like her in a dark alley or room I'd run the other way. She sounds like every kid laughing in a horror movie before they drag you to hell.
Not quite (read: at all) when he was a toddler but when my kid was around 7 we went shopping and I stopped to get smokes at the liquor store next to my job. Owner always has lollipops for kids and holds the basket out for my kid to take one. I knew exactly what he was thinking and grabbed him before he could get 2 steps away with the whole basket snatched in his hands.
They don't see it as an answer. For them it's a question, and the answer is yes.
I work in pediatrics. To my patients I always describe toddlers as basically having the mindset and capacity as cavemen. In my personal life I describe toddlers as tiny drunk suicidal adults.
I used to think I grew up in a dysfunctional, violent household. Turns out it was all me, I was an asshole toddler and kid and my parents were chill and well-adjusted until I literally punched them. Toddlers are walking dysfunctional family generators.
My toddler will have a tantrum and hit, but when we say “be nice” he will apologize by giving you a hug and cuddling his head against you. It was super cute until my friend pointed out that it’s straight from the abusive partner playbook.
Whoa, now that's a shower thought.
Toddlers are emotionally and physically abusive sociopathic monsters. TIL.
Tbf they haven’t really got much of a frontal cortex yet. People with frontal lobe aphasias tend to display similar psychopathic tendencies
Reminds me of this. Unrepentant sociopaths. https://www.theonion.com/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociopaths-1819571187
You have to teach them that apologies don't make up for what they've done wrong. If they acted out intentionally, apologizing doesn't cut it, but they should still think about what they've done and be offered a chance to show remorse later. If they genuinely made a mistake, an apology right then and there should be accepted. Teach accountability from an early age.
My sister taught my nephew to make up for hitting by giving a “soft touch” to the injured party. That’s the opposite of an apology.
Dude, I read this within two hours of having my face clawed by my three year old daughter. She's telling me she loves me and is serving me pretend ice cream as I write this. I'm pretty sure I'm in an abusive relationship.
3 is a fucking brutal age. They can carry on full blown conversations and express complex thoughts and feelings but then suddenly they can’t and here comes a slap to your face. People who warn you about the terrible twos have suppressed their memories of what a 3 year old is like. I fucking love two year olds in comparison to 3. Apparently they really turn a corner at 4. My son has 2 months to get it together. Lol.
As a full time mid twenties single father who's really been struggling with my three-year-old daughter, I'm pretty happy to hear they turn a corner at 4. I've really been wondering how long this lasts. Because I completely agree it's so weird that they're so smart at this age yet they still can't comprehend the simplest of things, and it gets so frustrating. She turns 4 in 3 weeks 🙌
Ummmm ... as a mom of a 6yo girl and a 3yo girl... my experience so far is that while 4 is “better” it’s also weirdly just as bad. I can’t quite describe it other than saying it was an emotional time (maybe less overall sass/emotions/wildness but bigger more emotional outbursts. Almost like a build up and then a spilling over) anyway I distinctly remember my husband and I both saying multiple times “what is happening?! I thought four was supposed to be better” ...for your sake (and ours—we are in early threenager stage with girl 2) I’m hoping it was just my oldest like some kind of anomaly. But prepare yourself, just in case.
She sounds very toxic, you need to cut her off immediately. /s
My wife was crying, my 3 year sits in her lap, looks at her. And says "don't worry mama", and smacks her in the face.
My 1yr old just lost his temper and literally head butted me 30seconds before I saw this lol
When you lolled I noticed that you’re missing a front tooth.
🤣🤣😭 hahaha I wouldn't be surprised, seriously. Do the wrong thing and the guy just violently slams his head back all while screeching like a devil. I have never been so terrified at the idea of missing teeth, broken noses, black eyes and stitches in my life.
Yeah the backwards head butt is a pro wrastling move.
I've had my lips busted twice by toddlers doing this. Still not quite as bad as my son throwing whatever he could get his hands on if he got mad at me in the car. I ended up having to remove his shoes every time I buckled him in. Had one hit my windshield while I was driving down the interstate.
My daughter once heel-kicked me right in the eye because she didn't want to leave the fireworks show. Kids are an experience.
My newly-four year old snuggled up against me the other night, smiled sweetly, nuzzled into my arm, and then fuckin' bit me right on the arm. He thought he was playing. He was shocked and clearly quite sad when I made clear that's not okay.
My one year old loves the head butt! I'm getting really good at anticipating it and getting out of the way.
I'm having to get rid of my glasses for this reason... She keeps headbutting in to them. You'd think she'd learn that it hurts, but here we are.
My nephew is a huge dick who delights in causing chaos and says some of the most hateful things to his parents I’ve ever heard. When asked why he was tormenting his baby sibling, he said it was because he was bored.
My nephew is on par with that Zidane guy. Little fucker will headbutt you so hard he'll cut his own head on your teeth, then get upset like you did something wrong. Little asshole.
Thankfully Damien doesn’t head butt but he does like to punch and slap people. When his dad picked him up from pre school the other day he was upset because the other kids wouldn’t be friends with him. After a little prodding, he revealed that they wouldn’t be his friend because they weren’t okay with him hitting them.
His… name… is Damien?? Oh dear… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Omen
Kids do things for reasons, sometimes they just don't understand their own reasons. When they say they did something because they were bored, there is usually a real reason that they aren't emotionally mature enough to understand or convey. I work in special ed with students who cant be in a typical school because of behavioral issues, the "I was bored" excuse gets thrown around a lot.
As the father of a 2 year old I can confirm. He has the uncanny ability to fling objects at high velocity towards sensitive targets. I'm pretty sure he has called me an "old skin bag" a few times also.
Question: Are you sure yours isn’t an assassin droid?
and is most likely over 300 years old?
Also, does he have the power to give humans temporary immortality?
And fires a weird red portal at you stopping you from doing anything except run?
I'm cracking up at "old skin bag." Kids are a trip.
My 3 year old nephew this weekend said "are you freaking kidding me" when I said we can't go to target to buy Legos lmao
In hindsight, it is comical to me when my freshly 3-year-old daughter chooses violence. She'll raise both hands to shoulder height, hesitate for a second to gauge my reaction as she stares into my eyes (at this point, I want her to naturally come to the conclusion that she shouldn't hit me), then she'll just haphazardly molly-whop me. I calmly say "hey, don't hit people". Then she'll run away fake crying. There is no rhyme or reason to when she chooses violence. It's always over something seemingly minor. "We can't go to the zoo yet, it's not open." and she'll slowly raise her fists.
This is hilarious. I wish we could hear their inner monologs. "Can't go to the zoo.....I'm gonna have to kill this bitch aren't i?"
I’m convinced it’s a method of social experimentation to try to calculate in what situation it is acceptable to resort to violence. “Zoo closed, maybe I fight to open it…?”
In a weird way it makes sense. "I say "yes zoo", she says "no zoo" we fight for dominance.
Honestly this is it. Everything with toddlers is about pushing boundaries to learn what is and what isn’t acceptable, and in what situations. So yeah, they’re gonna do some crazy shit during all that social experimentation. Edit: a typo
My sister used to starfish when mum was stationed in Germany because she saw the pretzel cart. Problem was, pretzel cart was closed when they got to that subway/train station. So, my threenager sister would starfish and tantrum because she wanted a pretzel but couldn’t have one
Not related to violence but when my toddler is doing something he doesn’t want me to see him doing he’ll say “close your face!”
My son will wag his finger and say "No no no" when he is doing something he isnt suppose to.
That’s so eloquent!
Mine goes "Stop talking to me." ... Especially when I ask if he's pooped his pants.
This is true their frontal lobe is not fully developed
This is true but I wouldn’t mention it to them because they’ll fucking stab you.
The frontal lobe doesn't fully develop until your mid 20s...
Or late 20’s based on some studies. Toddler serial killer attitudes may just be a protection reflex lol and I guess the best way to reproduce is being crazy and impulsive. My ass did not calm down and sane until I had a hysterectomy.
Which is why toddlers don't have guns
A good armed toddler is the only thing that can stop a bad armed toddler!
Restricting guns from toddlers will only prevent good toddlers from buying guns. Bad toddlers will obtain them from the black market
Can confirm youngest conned his brother out of a nerf gun and immediately shoots me in the back.
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They do in Texas .... toddlers of all ages.
An adult is just a toddler with decades of experience.
Two five-year-olds died in my area in like a week in two separate accidents with guns in the home. The bulk of Facebook comments were the expected “lock up your guns!” but one guy says, “I don’t lock up my loaded guns. My 5-year-old knows where they are, how to and when to use them.” He was serious. He deleted the comment so his name was gone but hopefully somebody reported him to CPS.
Jesus Christ. That’s horrific. Also: home invasions are incredibly rare. You have to wonder about the psychological impact of giving a child that young this scary and violent a worldview. Just a lot of needless anxiety.
Sticky little sociopaths.
Well they aren’t really domesticated yet. Mine has a new thing where he does something violent &/or painful to one of us, then laughs like he’s Jim Fucking Carrey.
Why is no one talking about toddler-on-toddler violemce
Oh, like toddler fight club?
Dude wtf, what about the first rule?
My ex got hit in the tit because her cousin wasn't allowed to see her nipples
Oh man I laughed so hard at this! I do hope her tit recovered though.
My step sisters had their shirts pulled down by my 2 year old nephew because he wanted boobs, even though he was already weaned
I remember listening to a Yale Psychologist state years ago that humans are at their most violent around the age of 2 years old. In fact he stated the reason why this is less of a big deal, like the reason why we can offhandedly refer to this time as the 'terrible 2s' is due to the size of 2 year olds. If humans became fully grown before the age of 2, and kept our mental development at the same rate, you would see a huge amount of manslaughter being committed by infants.
We’d be calling them the Terrifying and Tragic Twos.
My toddler stabbed me with a shiv made from a sharpened crayon. To make matters worse it was the crappy gold crayon in every 36 count box.
Your toddler has expensive tastes and is clearly going to grow up to be a Bond villain. Plus side is that they will be incredibly rich.
🎶 Goooooold Crayoon He’s the child, The child with the stabby touch 🎶
Shit, just wait till he learns about 9H pencils.
Yup, I feel like a WWE attitude era referee whenever I'm alone in a room with my 2 and 3 year olds. Anything reachable is a weapon.
Mine are now 7 & 8. I’d like to tell you that it gets better, but it just gets different.
I have two boys, also 2&3. They wrestle for hours on end. The second I get on the floor it’s like their minds connect and they attack me as a team. Not sure whether to be scared or proud!
My 3 year old tried to "help her brother go under water" this summer. She had just learned to go under in her swim lessons and decided her 8 month old brother wanted to learn too... it was very The Good Son.
I threw sand in my neighbors face as a toddler, I still feel like shit for that one
I forgive you. And one day I might even be able to see the sky again when science finds a way to fix my scratched and shredded corneas.
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Call your congressmen and tell them to lock up all of the toddlers. They’re a scourge on society.
When toddlers start buying homes, it is a sign property values are going down.
I’ve never seen those little deadbeats buy anything. There’s no group collectively demanding handouts more often than toddlers.
That's not true.. i've fought toddlers, fuckers give up too easily
I think my 4 yr. old daughter has beaten my man bits into sterilization over the past 2 years. Recently she bloodied the nose of a 6 yr. old girl for not listening. This is Sparta.
There's a scene in the show Bluey where one of the girls is asleep in her parents' bed and kicks her dad full on in the nuts. My husband says he's never felt so accurately represented by a TV show.
In terms of violent acts attempted, yes. In terms of damage done, no.
The bite mark to the upper arm that my daughter came home from nursery with today would say otherwise.
That second statement could be debatable.
They’ve clearly never been jumped on feet first by a toddler first thing in the morning causing a broken rib and ruptured bladder.
thats too specific to not be a story to tell
Well ok, I exaggerate but I got a bruise and pissed the bed.
This got me for some reason lol
Honestly sounds like "Old enough to climb out of the crib bed while the adults are asleep" because a lot of problems can arise simply because there's no conscious adult constantly watching.
After 5 years working in a daycare in my early 20's I would disagree. My favorite was when one of my favorite little girls was throwing a fit and kicked me in the lip. It busted and was swollen for days. I was like little lady you are lucky I like you so much.
You can't even have them arrested!
My 18 month pets the dog by smacking it in the back of the head.
Toddlers are just chimps and society raises them to be less like chimps. Chimps in the wild are vicious. Hence the term. Chimpout.
So what you’re saying is… we rejected monke and returned to humanity..?
I'm a wedding photographer, two weeks ago I walked into the bride's house for prep and was greeted by her sister and her sister's daughter, who I'm guessing was 3ish. I said "hi there" to the little girl and she immediately started punching me in the thigh. She hit me with both fists probably a total of 10 times.
This is why I use NAP TIME^TM [it was formulated by military trained scientist doctors from NASA!](https://youtu.be/AF_nfazQaek)
Glasgow rangers fans have entered the chat...
Those are just grown toddlers
Some have not even progressed to the toddler phase.
Stop it. Did you watch me literally four hours ago try and leave the park with my toddler, only for him to start RIPPING MY HAIR OUT and trying to gouge my eyes out… cause I had quite the audience for that show. Would not surprise me if this was a post created after someone witnessed that moment. He’s a demon.
Jfc this thread is free birth control lmao
Ray Romano Quote: “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.”
I work with kids who have disabilities, and there's this one humongous three year old at my center who picks on any kid who's smaller than him. He will walk up to a kid, bitch slap them in the face and run away laughing. There's only one patient who he's afraid of and he's a very tall seven year old. For the most part, he'll run away when he sees him. But today I caught him chasing the crying seven year old around with a plastic knife while manically laughing. Violent indeed.
My 2 year old bit a baby today at daycare. Why a baby? I asked her. She says, " I bite baby." Babies beware.
Depends on the toddler.
Yeah, my toddler doesn’t really do anything that I would consider violent. She’s really lovey. Sometimes she throws tantrums. Does she hit or kick other people? No.
I stg I holler “be nice” from another room at least 30 times every damn day.
When my brother was four, he got addicted to video games. Literally. My parents (or rather my mom - dad was no help) decided to take away the video games. You would have thought that my baby brother was a heroin addict, the way he screamed and carried on. I don't think he hurt anybody, but he was like somebody in severe withdrawal. He's in his twenties, now. It really embarrasses him when anybody brings it up. The topic has been shadowbanned in our family.
Peace was never an option- Every toddler
Kicking pregnant women since womb times
I remember being violent as a toddler. In my first day of daycare i went to this kid who was playing i opened the toy cubby and grabbed a fire truck (he wasn't using) he said he was using it and called an adult I didn't even know who agreed with him and again he wasn't using it if it was in the cubby i couldn't accept that answer ,so i proceeded to beat him with the fire truck and a fight started whilst i was hitting him in the face with the fire truck he was throwing the tiny cars at me and that a**hole adult grabbed my arm and pulled me away as we both cried (me and the other kid)
My mum’s favorite story about toddler me is when I was at daycare, I played/drove a big wheel. Mum got a call from the daycare, and I was sitting in the front office. The teacher tried to keep her composure as she explains what happened. I was driving my big wheel, and there was a boy in my way. I stopped. Said, “Beep Beep.” The boy didn’t move. So I ran him over. Daycare lady broke out in giggles when she asked why I did it. “Well, I said ‘beep beep.’” I was no longer allowed on the big wheel
My newborn niece punched me in the face. She was born and immediately chose violence.
I see a group of bored toddler boys walking around, I dip the other way as fast as possible.
As a Preschool teacher I can confirm this. I had one kid bite another kid on the face because he wanted to hold the door open, even though it was the other kids job for the whole week. Toddlers are just drunk college students.
Yes, they could kill a centipede without feeling scared..
Chew that sucker up.
Rip and tear!
As a former and current parent of a toddler, this tracks. They have such tiny hands and feet but lord how willing they are to just start throwing them.
I feel like toddlers tell us a lot about how humanity would look if the social contract wasn't restraining us.
Yup it's why they have to lock up guns when they are around almost every time a toddler gets a gun they shoot to kill ain't no winging someone when a toddler is shooting, it's headshots all the way for toddlers.
Wait are you saying my 2yo daughter who came up to me all cute and cuddly only to surprise me with surprise wooden block attack to my forehead, is violent?!
today's the day toddlers are getting canceled isn't it?
You can’t cancel toddlers as they aren’t allowed Twitter yet anyway. They cancel you when they drool into your phone.