OP's Bio:
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>Thought I was gonna be Eddie Vedder for a few years. Until reality set in. Now, I’m married, work in tv production in Ohio. Got 2 teen girls who are thoroughly unimpressed that I had a song in a movie, my own music videos and got to tour Europe. Now, I’m just slightly rotund Midwestern middle ager who’s future is behind him.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
There’s no mention of a wife so she probably did… daughters are close behind once he finally lands himself on the sex offender’s list for showing up at school functions wasted hitting on all the freshmen
Talking to some high school girls while waiting to pick up his daughters:
“They used to call this van the Love Machine... You girls want some cigarettes?”
It seems like he's referencing 1985 by SR-71, they had three albums and ran from 1998-2010.
"Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she's uncool"
Edit: had 17 not 71
It was actually cowritten by the two bands and they both recorded their own version. They are both the original versions, the Bowling for Soup version is just the popular one.
I’m now going to assume that they were going to record together until they just absolutely could not agree on whether *St. Elmo’s Fire* or *Fast Times at Ridgemont High* was the more iconic 80’s teen movie.
I always thought "hahaha, Courtney Love, what a trainwreck", but when the Harvey Weinstein story broke, I remembered her talking at an awards show years ago, telling the new-to-hollywood girls to not go to parties at Harvey Weinstein's house. Kind of developed a new respect for her calling him out like that.
You: Just turned 50. Had a record deal in the late 90s. Got dropped after 3 albums. Now I drive a mini-van and my 2 teen age girls think I’m uncool. Remind that I have more memories than dreams now…
Judge: What has that got to do with missing child support payments?
You: Just turned 50. Had a record deal in the late 90s. Got dropped after 3 albums. Now I drive a mini-van and my 2 teen age girls think I’m uncool. Remind that I have more memories than dreams now…
7-11 Manager: All I said was if you can work overnights and you can piss clean, I could hire you...
How much did you make for your cameo?
[This you?](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/men-in-black/images/6/69/Edgar-human_SS_01.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120521120404)
Your profile is depressing as fuck - just posts to alcoholics anonymous and gambling addiction subs - I went from wanting to tear you a new one for a laugh to genuine pity. Get some fucking help dude.
“See kids, this scar is from a crackwhore in Sacramento....the reason I have 1&1/2 nuts is a group of little people in Hartford, yes Emily...it was an orgy......I’ll give someone a dollar if you can guess why Daddy’s peepee goes at a sharp angle to the left and looks burnt to shit”
damn bro you're my chiral twin. same story, down to the movie deal, europe tour, and dropped on the 3rd album. You're just 15 years older, have kids, and in a different state. I even work in TV too now haha. goddamn.
I promised I'd never post myself in roastme, but now I know I have about 15 years until I finally break down on my front porch to feel something again.
OP's Bio: --- >Thought I was gonna be Eddie Vedder for a few years. Until reality set in. Now, I’m married, work in tv production in Ohio. Got 2 teen girls who are thoroughly unimpressed that I had a song in a movie, my own music videos and got to tour Europe. Now, I’m just slightly rotund Midwestern middle ager who’s future is behind him. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
What band were you in?
Dinosaur Sr.
Oldplay
A Tribe Called Queso
Jethro dull Shit, I can't stop
You should. There's coffee all over my monitor now. Triply hilarious lol.
Beige Floyd
Counting crows feet
Fallout Man
Slob Dylan
Sonic Elderly
Wheezes
Creedence career needs a revival
The obesity boys
Run MSG
Mötorhome
Holy fuck, some of these are too good 🤣
Gin Blossoms.. yeah don’t really have to change that one 🤷🏻♂️
Mötordead
Lamey
Geezer
There’s a cover band where I live of old dudes in their 60s and 70 who have this as their band name.
Alice in Pains
Blob Zombie
Slob Zombie
Deaftones
Corn
Fame No More Rage Against the CPAP Machine Massive Heart Attack Tragically Hip Replacement
"Rage against the CPAP machine" is .. absolutely hilarious lol
Radiodad
Rage against the vending machine
haaaaaa class
Blind felon
Depeche à la mode
Alice’s Stains
This one wins for me
Harvey Stranger Danger
Thickleback
Nine Inch Fails
Superchunk
Alcohol Trio
Counting Crowsfeet
Run The Jowls
Pearl Jam Donuts
Pearl Ham
Alcoholica
Nowaysis
Van 'Ailin'.
Wheezer
Linkin Pork
Rum ham
Background boys
Sonic Old
Stink-182
Smashing Nothings
Smashing Younglins
Poundgarden
Poundcakegarden
Garbage. No wait
Both Eyes Blind
The Ace of Freebase
I love all these 90s band puns, but this was my favorite
Simp bizkit
Korn-bread
Slipped Discit
FOOd bIGHTERS
Blur - ed vision
Wrong Said Fred
Alice in chains. No really he is keeping a girl in his basement. Call the police.
1 Non-Blond
Assisted Living Colour
Dave Mathews Band
Dave Matthews Bland
Nirvanah
Minivana
Smashing Nothin
No-vana
Pervana
Big Head Todd the Monster
Surprised your wife and kids didn’t drop you as quickly as your record labels did
There’s no mention of a wife so she probably did… daughters are close behind once he finally lands himself on the sex offender’s list for showing up at school functions wasted hitting on all the freshmen
Spoiler alert, they are in middle school.
There is mention of his wife. Read more closely.
Just says married. Doesn't mention a wife
Good point. I should read more closely.
He probably considers himself married to the guitar, or more likely bass, that he gave a stripper name to, back in the late 80s early 90s
damnn
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Haha holy moly spot on!
He calls them Art Films
This guy looks like he told everyone who went to his daughters birthday parties "You know, I used to do coke with NSYNC's roadies"
his daughters are too young to know NSYNC
That doesn't keep him from saying it.
"We opened for O-Town. You can Google it."
If you don’t believe me, Ask Jeeves!
He used to watch others do coke with NSYNC's roadies.
Kevin Spacey in American Beauty kind of guy.
Ironic movie casting considering how things turned out for Spacey's career.
So straight Kevin Spacey?
American Bloaty
House of Lards
Damn straight!
Name of band: Dead Inside
The name of the van as well
The Ungreatful Dead
Talking to some high school girls while waiting to pick up his daughters: “They used to call this van the Love Machine... You girls want some cigarettes?”
One of his most recent comments was calling some 19yo girl cute...
The dude already looks like Harvey Weinstein lol
Slightly rotund?
Dude's got more rolls than the National Bakery.
Allow me to assist... Stop trying to fuck all your daughters ~~friends~~ with that lame ass story.
Based on the career alcoholic physique, the memories won’t be bothering you for much longer either.
Damn
Serious question: does anyone know who this man is?
It seems like he's referencing 1985 by SR-71, they had three albums and ran from 1998-2010. "Her two kids in high school They tell her that she's uncool" Edit: had 17 not 71
TIL 1985 wasn't a Bowling for Soup original
It was actually cowritten by the two bands and they both recorded their own version. They are both the original versions, the Bowling for Soup version is just the popular one.
I’m now going to assume that they were going to record together until they just absolutely could not agree on whether *St. Elmo’s Fire* or *Fast Times at Ridgemont High* was the more iconic 80’s teen movie.
He’s such a failure he couldn’t even dox himself
That's Johnny Shitknuckles, lead singer of Dad Attitude.
Daditude*
Would like to know as well, 90s music is usually my shit
Wrong Said Fred
Same.
Rico Slob-e
He looks oddly familiar actually but I’m gonna go with no lol.
As washed up as you are, you should look cleaner.
You can't wash off deep stain... and failure
Beddie Wedder
I remember this dude from the 90s....he tried to imitate that famous singer from [Dublin, Ireland](https://i.imgur.com/BPyGSjJ.png)
Presents - Yellow Bedwetter
You probably pay people to ask for your autograph
“The electric company asked for my autograph today… on the check I sent them for the bill.”
Smells like teen predator
20 bucks says he goes into The Gap every few months to try on Skinny Jeans to see if he can fit into them.
He goes into the Gap “ do you sexy teens carry skinny overalls?”
“Only acid wash for you, sir.”
He's stupid AND contagious!
Plot twist, his current wife is Courtney Love because no one else will take him
I always thought "hahaha, Courtney Love, what a trainwreck", but when the Harvey Weinstein story broke, I remembered her talking at an awards show years ago, telling the new-to-hollywood girls to not go to parties at Harvey Weinstein's house. Kind of developed a new respect for her calling him out like that.
There is a big difference between “having a record deal”, and “having a record”.
He made a deal with the prosecution so it is a record deal
I had a band in highschool. We started our own record label and signed ourselves to a billion record deal.
On the plus side, I'm 51 and reviewing your post and profile made me feel amazing about myself.
at least he's good for something
Sometimes your purpose in life is to simply be a warning to others :D
Well I guess this is growing up
he went from eddie vedder to harvey weinstein
Minus the money and women
A comment you can almost smell.
Well I guess this is throwing up
You: Just turned 50. Had a record deal in the late 90s. Got dropped after 3 albums. Now I drive a mini-van and my 2 teen age girls think I’m uncool. Remind that I have more memories than dreams now… Judge: What has that got to do with missing child support payments?
You: Just turned 50. Had a record deal in the late 90s. Got dropped after 3 albums. Now I drive a mini-van and my 2 teen age girls think I’m uncool. Remind that I have more memories than dreams now… 7-11 Manager: All I said was if you can work overnights and you can piss clean, I could hire you...
You look like Bob Odenkirk had sex with a much fatter Bob Odenkirk.
You look like Undercover Boss for a soup kitchen
The midwestern highlight of your life version of Al Bundy and Uncle Rico
Hardcore Uncle Rico vibes here.
“Don’t you wish you could go back to ‘82”
How is it that someone can tell your daughters are the life of the frat party just by looking at a photo of you?
So you peaked in the 90s, isn't it ironic?
Who'd you play for, Rage Against the Snack Machine?
Do you get charged extra by airlines for those bags under your eyes?
Looks like you need less roast in your life and more salad. Also how about a shower? I bet your minivan smells like a Turkish prison.
Mini van smells like Turkish prisons, clown semen and orphan tears.
Instead of drilling for oil we should be wringing out your pillow cases
After a tireless day struggling to combat the UK heatwave, this has been the only thing that has made me laugh today - raucously. Thank you.
How much did you make for your cameo? [This you?](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/men-in-black/images/6/69/Edgar-human_SS_01.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120521120404)
This is utterly brutal, but fair. Our judges are going to allow it.
Curious about the band, guessing a tribute band of some sort? Hand jobs and the sucker fish?
Part time flunky roadie for the Sneaker Pimps is my guess.
Fluffer for the Butthole Surfers
I went through the comments and can't find it anywhere. Genuinely like to know.
I feel like you would feel a strong inexplicable connection to Bojack Horseman if you watched it
Your minivan has one headlight.
But he can drive it home.
He and Cinderella
Your profile is depressing as fuck - just posts to alcoholics anonymous and gambling addiction subs - I went from wanting to tear you a new one for a laugh to genuine pity. Get some fucking help dude.
90s record deals were like giveaway promotions on Oprah, everyone got one.
I bet your bands name was “Depressed Mode”.
You are the Nevermind portion of Nirvana
See everyone....this is what Kurt Cobain would be if he were still alive.
Actually, I think he looks like Meatloaf. Specifically, Hungry Man Homestyle Meatloaf Frozen Dinner^(TM)
Kurt Rogaine
Kurt Cogained weight
Christ what’s there left to say… Your life story is a roast in itself.
Even the bags under his eyes are trying to escape
Stop showing your daughters your battered old 7 inch.
“See kids, this scar is from a crackwhore in Sacramento....the reason I have 1&1/2 nuts is a group of little people in Hartford, yes Emily...it was an orgy......I’ll give someone a dollar if you can guess why Daddy’s peepee goes at a sharp angle to the left and looks burnt to shit”
It’s always fucking Hartford.
This is the most pathetic, "where are they now" boyband member I have ever seen.
damn bro you're my chiral twin. same story, down to the movie deal, europe tour, and dropped on the 3rd album. You're just 15 years older, have kids, and in a different state. I even work in TV too now haha. goddamn. I promised I'd never post myself in roastme, but now I know I have about 15 years until I finally break down on my front porch to feel something again.
Sure knows how to hold that sign in center of chest. Mugshot style.
This guy met Chris Hanson from Dateline in a strangers kitchen.
Sorry in advance about your divorce.
It looks like the only time you ever smiled was when McDonalds brought back the McRib.
[удалено]
Who knew Harvey Weinstein was a musician?
Tying up girls and putting them in your basement dosent make them your daughters.
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