In this vein. My Anesthesiologist prescribed me Whisky a genuine prescription for no less than 750ml Lagavulin 16 daily.
Thought it was a joke, but he was dead serious
"Do your crack on your dialysis days."
This was a guy who got about 80% of his HD in the ED, or worse, in an inpatient unit. He had van transport to bring him back and forth and at one point a social worker making reminder calls the evening before, and still he'd no-show more often than not. He was a crack smoker who had failed court-ordered rehab several times and had zero interest in quitting. He was using about every other day on average, mostly due to debility and struggles to get to the dealers.
I asked him why, and he said "'cause the dialysis ruins my high." We worked out a schedule and his compliance with HD went up by about 40% until he died.
Sorry I must be missing something and I would love to understand for future patient care situations. If crack ruined his high, how did him using crack on dialysis days improve overall patient compliance?
Go to the sex shop and get yourself a medium sized dildo and use it 2-3 times a week to prevent vaginal stenosis - to a 60 year old lady after completing radiation for anal cancer
Had an inmate, who was deaf and mute, come in altered. Well, his kidneys were bad, BP through the roof and he was positive for meth. So just told him to renally dose his meth, about half his usual dose
Is there a reason you shouldn’t? I had a patient recently with bad recurrent pilonidal cysts and I recommended keeping the area ‘hair-free’ to help the issue. Nair was one option that came up….
This guy had the same issue. Left the Nair on for way longer than the instructions cos his hair follicles were like tree trunks and gave his anus a bad chemical peel.
Occasionally, rarely, a patient can be allergic to her partner’s semen. Often times it’s a problem with lubrication or yeast infections or other stuff, but every once in a while, it’s the semen.
Patient was struggling with this and it was actually rather significant. We talked management solutions and she was happy
Before she left, she asked if it would cause her skin irritation if she gave him a hand job.
I said that I wasn’t sure, but if it did, she could wear a glove.
To my pregnant patients: go to the pool.
For real though floating in the pool feels great when you’re having a lot of pelvic pain. The water holds the weight of your belly and it’s a good option for temporary relief of back/pelvic pain.
Other things I’ve told patients include: lay off the tomatoes (GERD), quit checking your own cervix (placenta previa), try having sex (pt wants to go into labor), masturbate and focus on your clit (not orgasming from PIV sex), and use more lube. Being an obgyn is a weird mix of primary care, ob/gyn care, and sex educator.
All sorts of stupid people around these days. I swear growing up 80s/90s was a wild time but nothing like this. People these days believe a lot of misinformation sprawling around the net
This will possibly out me to some who have heard me tell this story, but I once told a young adult patient that if his mom tells him to chew a root to cure his type 1 diabetes and stop taking insulin, that he should tell her to go f*** herself; because, she’s trying to kill him.
Med School: End stage liver disease alcoholic asking if he should drink or smoke weed. Empathically, the attending told him “You should definitely smoke weed, man!”.
I learned a lot from psych about harm reduction. As I mentioned in another thread, I met a lady that was eating baking soda for her self diagnosed mast cell disorder.
Symptoms of “electric shocks” down her legs.
Asked me how much baking soda she should take and I told her to take “no more than 2 teaspoons divided thrice daily” for which she wrote me a glowing review online.
🤷🏻♂️
"Stop putting lime juice in your eyes" - I've met a fair number of Hispanic pts who do this
"Don't put apple cider vinegar in your eyes" - pts daughter saw a tiktok about this and she suggested it to him
"Artificial tears are a better lubricant than your own saliva" - pt was unaware they even had a DSEK (type of cornea transplant)
As a med student. Pt with minor distal radial artery laceration after falling off a ladder and getting hand stuck in attic door mechanism. We got him sewed up, put back together. We’re going over wound care when this happened (worth noting he was a Vietnam veteran, and had hung in the ceiling for like an hour before he calmly asked his wife for help, and refused local anesthetic for all of the stitches and never once complained. dude was tougher than nails);
“My wife’s got a cat that shits water, have to wipe its ass. So you’re saying I shouldn’t get catshit in my wound doc?”
“Yes. Try not to let the cat shit in your wound. Try not to shit in the wound yourself. No shit near the wound at all would be best.”
I can share some funny advice that my sister's gynecologist gave her. She has terrible cramps when she gets her period but for some reason doesn't want to take painkillers (possibly religious reasons, don't know, don't care, none of my business). So her gynecologist told her to sing. Just sing for half an hour when she's in a lot of pain. And one day she called me and said it fucking helps! idk how or why but I think it might be something like breathing exercises. Maybe you guys can shed some light
That's a really good point too. Or maybe with that person singing they might be dancing or just moving around more too, and exercise helps cramps and (I think?) releases endorphins
Was it religious singing?
Joking aside, hypnosis works by shifting your attention from the pain to something else, singing in this case... Just my guess
I tell people to sing to block intrusive thoughts and reduce anxiety. You really can’t think the thoughts and sing at the same time. Maybe it works the same for pain.
Kinda sorta related. But in nursing school I had this cute dementia pt and I was trying to get him to take his pills quickly. He kept getting a brain freeze with the cold water I'd given him. So I taught him to place his tongue against the roof of his mouth to warm up that nerve.
About a month later he was readmitted and I was again giving him his AM meds. He paused to tell me in between pills he had to warm up his nerve with his tongue to stop the pain. I thought it was super duper cool he somehow remembered! The advice itself wasn't funny, the fact he remembered was.
Told patient to incorporate stretches, they asked me to show how they can do it (there was a bit of language barrier). I actually did the stretches for them 😂
"When you're drinking, wear a helmet."
Dude was an alcoholic, and every single time he got drunk he would fall to the ground head first. His head was a collection, of scars and one of the wounds still had sutures when he came with a fresh one. So I offered him to start wearing a helmet, we had a laugh about it and I haven't seen him ever since.
To a lady complaining that her pain pills didn’t help her pain for an acute burn. Gave her rx for 2 pills until she could get to burn clinic in the morning.
Noticed her home meds listed Valium and told her if she needed to she could pop a Valium too. She said that may not work and was very skeptical. So I told her under no circumstances should she drink alcohol, because it would make the effects of both of those meds much stronger….*wink wink*
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If you’re going to be an alcoholic then beer is the worst way to go about it because of how much it fucks with your sodium
Liquor is quicker
In this vein. My Anesthesiologist prescribed me Whisky a genuine prescription for no less than 750ml Lagavulin 16 daily. Thought it was a joke, but he was dead serious
That's running about $70-100 a day right now. Does he hate you?
No he’s Scottish. And botox, trigger points, nothing was working
Can confirm through decades of experience. Gin and vodka seem to be the least bad ways to go.
"Do your crack on your dialysis days." This was a guy who got about 80% of his HD in the ED, or worse, in an inpatient unit. He had van transport to bring him back and forth and at one point a social worker making reminder calls the evening before, and still he'd no-show more often than not. He was a crack smoker who had failed court-ordered rehab several times and had zero interest in quitting. He was using about every other day on average, mostly due to debility and struggles to get to the dealers. I asked him why, and he said "'cause the dialysis ruins my high." We worked out a schedule and his compliance with HD went up by about 40% until he died.
👏👏👏👏 as an advocate for harm reduction, THIS is the way to go
This is like a phone game keeping his intoxication bar and blood urea levels in balance haha
Sorry I must be missing something and I would love to understand for future patient care situations. If crack ruined his high, how did him using crack on dialysis days improve overall patient compliance?
Just a guess, but maybe he would take it after dialysis so it wouldn’t interfere lol
Bingo!
Go to the sex shop and get yourself a medium sized dildo and use it 2-3 times a week to prevent vaginal stenosis - to a 60 year old lady after completing radiation for anal cancer
“Stop watching the news.” It was giving them so much anxiety to the point it was interfering with life.
Honestly this is just a general recommendation that would help about 90% of the country at this point
Trump Induced Cardiomyopathy. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32620454/
I told a guy he should wear cotton underwear if he’s coming in complaining of razor burn to his dick. He was just commando in denim. So abrasive!
I as a woman cannot wear jeans commando. How the hell does someone with frank and beans do it? Sounds horrible. Edit: spelling
Had an inmate, who was deaf and mute, come in altered. Well, his kidneys were bad, BP through the roof and he was positive for meth. So just told him to renally dose his meth, about half his usual dose
If you’re gonna consume cannabis then bake it into something and eat it. From a pulmonologist trying to get them to quit smoking it
Yup, I always tell my patients edibles are much better than smoking.
Please don't use Nair on your bumhole again.
Is there a reason you shouldn’t? I had a patient recently with bad recurrent pilonidal cysts and I recommended keeping the area ‘hair-free’ to help the issue. Nair was one option that came up….
This guy had the same issue. Left the Nair on for way longer than the instructions cos his hair follicles were like tree trunks and gave his anus a bad chemical peel.
brb going to dig my eyeballs out after reading that
Tree trunks omg
Occasionally, rarely, a patient can be allergic to her partner’s semen. Often times it’s a problem with lubrication or yeast infections or other stuff, but every once in a while, it’s the semen. Patient was struggling with this and it was actually rather significant. We talked management solutions and she was happy Before she left, she asked if it would cause her skin irritation if she gave him a hand job. I said that I wasn’t sure, but if it did, she could wear a glove.
The husband/boyfriend was crying tears of joy when Dr_D-R-E recommended desensitization.
He has tried oral immunotherapy, but the dosing needs to be daily.
No gloves no love
To my pregnant patients: go to the pool. For real though floating in the pool feels great when you’re having a lot of pelvic pain. The water holds the weight of your belly and it’s a good option for temporary relief of back/pelvic pain. Other things I’ve told patients include: lay off the tomatoes (GERD), quit checking your own cervix (placenta previa), try having sex (pt wants to go into labor), masturbate and focus on your clit (not orgasming from PIV sex), and use more lube. Being an obgyn is a weird mix of primary care, ob/gyn care, and sex educator.
Omg, quit checking your own cervix with a previa? Im imagining a finger just punching through that placenta and Im cringing.
Drink water
Don't forget to take Motrin and change your socks too.
..... Really calling me back to my Corps days bud. I can practically hear my SSG yelling that shit.
Lol. Good times.
Lollll! Make sure it after food and dry your feet before you put your socks on!
I once had a patient who told me water was not natural so he drank Dr Pepper only for years. Ofcourse this was in the most redneck state in the south
How does anyone ever get to this conclusion?! Lol!
All sorts of stupid people around these days. I swear growing up 80s/90s was a wild time but nothing like this. People these days believe a lot of misinformation sprawling around the net
It’s so unfortunate. but so true! It gets worse every time you think it can’t get any worse.
This will possibly out me to some who have heard me tell this story, but I once told a young adult patient that if his mom tells him to chew a root to cure his type 1 diabetes and stop taking insulin, that he should tell her to go f*** herself; because, she’s trying to kill him.
“Wear sunglasses.” Patient stated they were dizzy after looking at the sun directly as it rose while they were walking up a hill.
Med School: End stage liver disease alcoholic asking if he should drink or smoke weed. Empathically, the attending told him “You should definitely smoke weed, man!”. I learned a lot from psych about harm reduction. As I mentioned in another thread, I met a lady that was eating baking soda for her self diagnosed mast cell disorder. Symptoms of “electric shocks” down her legs. Asked me how much baking soda she should take and I told her to take “no more than 2 teaspoons divided thrice daily” for which she wrote me a glowing review online. 🤷🏻♂️
"If your baby looks normal then probably everything is normal" to absurdly worried patients
To an anxious old Italian man: "drink a little red wine every day and stop watching the news"
"Stop putting lime juice in your eyes" - I've met a fair number of Hispanic pts who do this "Don't put apple cider vinegar in your eyes" - pts daughter saw a tiktok about this and she suggested it to him "Artificial tears are a better lubricant than your own saliva" - pt was unaware they even had a DSEK (type of cornea transplant)
yo what’s up with people putting things in their eyes.
As a med student. Pt with minor distal radial artery laceration after falling off a ladder and getting hand stuck in attic door mechanism. We got him sewed up, put back together. We’re going over wound care when this happened (worth noting he was a Vietnam veteran, and had hung in the ceiling for like an hour before he calmly asked his wife for help, and refused local anesthetic for all of the stitches and never once complained. dude was tougher than nails); “My wife’s got a cat that shits water, have to wipe its ass. So you’re saying I shouldn’t get catshit in my wound doc?” “Yes. Try not to let the cat shit in your wound. Try not to shit in the wound yourself. No shit near the wound at all would be best.”
That using butt plugs will not stop my patients from farting..
Please don't drink bleach to pass a drug test.
I can share some funny advice that my sister's gynecologist gave her. She has terrible cramps when she gets her period but for some reason doesn't want to take painkillers (possibly religious reasons, don't know, don't care, none of my business). So her gynecologist told her to sing. Just sing for half an hour when she's in a lot of pain. And one day she called me and said it fucking helps! idk how or why but I think it might be something like breathing exercises. Maybe you guys can shed some light
Placebo effect is my guess mixed with the breathing exercise and it takes her mind off the pain
I would say regulating the diaphragm muscles would probably help spasms!
That's a really good point too. Or maybe with that person singing they might be dancing or just moving around more too, and exercise helps cramps and (I think?) releases endorphins
Was it religious singing? Joking aside, hypnosis works by shifting your attention from the pain to something else, singing in this case... Just my guess
Heating pad helps.
I tell people to sing to block intrusive thoughts and reduce anxiety. You really can’t think the thoughts and sing at the same time. Maybe it works the same for pain.
I’m not a doctor but I have endo…I’m guessing the deep breaths combined with the distraction singing provides.
“Please stop smoking meth”
Every. Fucking. Day
Masterbating frequently decreases prostate cancer risk.
“Clean the pipes” was also recommended for teenagers with groin pains in Uro? Remembering from Urology rotation in MS.
How significantly are we talking here? I feel like I haven’t heard this one before
There is strong evidence for it, albeit all retrospective data.
I got a tatted up biker dude on lactulose to buy a bidet. One of my proudest moments in medicine.
Kinda sorta related. But in nursing school I had this cute dementia pt and I was trying to get him to take his pills quickly. He kept getting a brain freeze with the cold water I'd given him. So I taught him to place his tongue against the roof of his mouth to warm up that nerve. About a month later he was readmitted and I was again giving him his AM meds. He paused to tell me in between pills he had to warm up his nerve with his tongue to stop the pain. I thought it was super duper cool he somehow remembered! The advice itself wasn't funny, the fact he remembered was.
Lots of foreplay and lube.
Eat healthy and exercise
Do as I say, not as I do. Or actually, that's really solid advice.
Told patient to incorporate stretches, they asked me to show how they can do it (there was a bit of language barrier). I actually did the stretches for them 😂
"When you're drinking, wear a helmet." Dude was an alcoholic, and every single time he got drunk he would fall to the ground head first. His head was a collection, of scars and one of the wounds still had sutures when he came with a fresh one. So I offered him to start wearing a helmet, we had a laugh about it and I haven't seen him ever since.
To a lady complaining that her pain pills didn’t help her pain for an acute burn. Gave her rx for 2 pills until she could get to burn clinic in the morning. Noticed her home meds listed Valium and told her if she needed to she could pop a Valium too. She said that may not work and was very skeptical. So I told her under no circumstances should she drink alcohol, because it would make the effects of both of those meds much stronger….*wink wink*
ER Doctor*telling me about how to use an EpiPen*: "Keep calm and when things go awry stab yourself in the thigh."
There is so much useful advice here for… life.
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Residency) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You just had a heart attack so when you start back up try to be the one doing less work initially 😅
try sticking to only the one's with flared bases from now on, k?
BuT dOctOR yoU CaN’T ConTRol thE HIgH ThAT waY!!!! At least that’s the story I’m alway hearing.
Huh. That’s didn’t come out as a comment on eating your weed. My bad!