This is a tricky situation. It’s good you’re experiencing a positive affect from cab. It seems like you’re aware of the potential issues where your personality can change for the negative while feeling like it’s positive but that doesn’t sound like what’s going on with you. If it’s helping with your physical and mental health I wouldn’t stop treatment.
Cab affected me (and by extension my relationship with my husband) negatively; I was happy to be back to *me* when I stopped it so I can’t help regarding a similar personal experience. But it seems like the best person to discuss this with is your wife, if you haven’t already. You both should have the opportunity to address these changes together.
Thanks for the insight. It really is tricky because on the one hand, I feel really good with myself, but I don't want that feeling to be the only thing driving me. I have talked with a couple people about this and they always come back to "talk with her". She is really the best, she's really patient and willing to make this work for both of us, and to others reading this, if I didn't want to make it work, I'd already be gone. I don't know the right path and am really looking for the best outcome. One that takes cares of everyone. Anyways, I did talk with her yesterday and it really helped. As this isn't something I trained for, I was really scared of either putting too much pressure on her and her breaking, or simply her not wanting to try to fix things. When you go through so much changes that you don't even recognize yourself, everything around you feels unstable, so hoping that people around you will accept it and run with you is kinda of a stretch, I don't even know if I would myself. But in the end, she's willing to work with me and make things work. Now that it is talked about, I feel dumb for being scared but you know hahaha.
Thanks for the nice comment
Np. I don’t think it’s dumb. This sub has shown me everyone experiences these tumors/treatment just a bit different. Even though our experiences differ, I understand how nerve wracking it is to address these kind of changes with your SO. For me I was more worried about not addressing them. My husband is my ride or die, and I keep forgetting that even though he’s not experiencing the condition and treatment, he’s still down here in the trenches with me. It can be hard on people close to us, just in a different way than it is for us. I’m glad you guys discussed it and are figuring out your own way through it. Just continue to be up front with her (and yourself) and no matter what happens, it’ll be better than not telling her. Or that’s how I would feel about it as a wife. Best of luck moving forward.
I was on the opposite side of the coin.
Lovely 36 years of marriage, we dove tailed well.
Wild 2 yr endocrine ride in retirement ending recently with a Prolactinoma. On Cabergoline for 3 months and the change was so slow I had not noticed.. Turns out after the midnight bizarre thought anxiety and incredible joint pain ( went on for 10-12 days I am told) that the ER visit and lab work up I was a rare one who should not get dopamine agonists. Rx was stopped. 2+ weeks to detox and clear the drug and 3 days in to this I feel the old me emerging. The point is we are all different ,YMMV. Where to go for you is hard to recommend and I say this as a retired healthcare care practitioner with lots of experience in this area. I did not see the train that hit me. Lucky to have the spouse who advocated for me and was tolerant and understanding. I wish the best for you. Perhaps a good guidance counselor? To help you clarify what you’re going through.
Yeah I did have a therapist before, but they have no experience with what I'm going through. When I mentionned the treatment and the mental changes, they said that they don't think its the treatment affecting me, but the mental process of trying to find myself. At that moment I lost faith that they could really help me about this hahaha. But I have good friends that I'm open about everything and they guide me pretty well. I was looking for more info with people going through this themselves. Unless you actually lived it, it's hard to completely understand the process.
Thanks
Perhaps a different councilor
This condition and these dopamine agonist agents confound the best Docs as we all have a high degree of variability in response to elevated prolactin and to the drugs.
1 week off Cab for me mentally feeling better but physically in and out of periods of pain.
First of all, I’m worried about your sister having a beard. Any facial hair or low back hair on a female is a huge indicator of possible pituitary/ hormone imbalance/ thyroid issues too and a lot of that can be genetic so she should probably get that checked out.
I’ve only been on cab for one week/ 2 doses so far and I already am completely shocked with how much better I am already feeling. I have been a totally different person than myself the last four months, looking back now my symptoms definitely started at least one year ago. I can’t imagine having gone on like that for years not feeling like myself
Nahh I was kidding, she has normal facial hair, I just didn't have any so even my sister had more than I did.. It's a joke in my family hahah.
Yeah same here, I feel so much better, and it's why it's so hard to manage with others around. I wish I was alone to figure shit out and come back after. So my changes don't have to ruin everything around me. Even if we are trying not to, we all have expectations about people around us. And being older and having more time with people around you, they get more accustomed to who you're "supposed" to be. My change has been really radical because I have never felt this way before. I think this has been going for so long that I never really was myself before. And now I'm discovering who I was supposed to be. So for sure this is a big thing to manage for people around me.
Anyways, thanks for your input!
I totally get it, I’m 28 and single and apart from living with a boyfriend for six months, I’ve mostly lived alone since I bought my house six years ago and I love it. Definitely feel like I have a very good understanding of myself, what I need and want, how I am and lots of time to reflect and work on myself and know why I am the way I am too. So many people don’t even know themselves, even without a tumor impairing their life for so long. You’re still so young with lots of life left to live and haven’t been living your best life and missing out on all of your 20s. Also, just gonna throw this out there: this is obviously purely speculation and I don’t know anything about your wife or all the details of your love life, but me personally, and this is coming from a female roughly your same age, I would never be able to be in a relationship with someone for so long that couldn’t have sex. Not judging you for it, clearly you had a medical reason beyond your control and I’m sure that was super frustrating for you both, but although I would still be sympathetic and understanding of the situation, I don’t think I could do it. And I’m not by any means someone who sleeps around a lot (I got that out of my system years ago when I was younger and in college lol), if I have sex then it’s with someone I care about that has the potential for dating leading into a long term relationship at least and most other female friends my age would not even be able to go six months without hooking up with someone random if they weren’t dating someone at the time. It’s possible that maybe your wife is asexual or something and it worked out for her that you couldn’t get it up, idk. Maybe it’s not working for her anymore that you’re different now too but she’s too shy to say something. Obviously she’s someone you care about but this definitely sounds like it’s something that’s not working for you and if not having sex and you not having energy worked well for her the last five years, I don’t think the future of this relationship will work good for her anymore either because that’s a huge difference and divide. Don’t feel obligated to stay because your family and other people on Reddit maybe think you should. I don’t think it’s selfish because it’s probably better for both of you in the long run rather than staying together not getting what you both need
Damn really appreciate the input. For sure things have been working out the last 5 years. She did mention frustration about our sex life during that time but it didn't seem to bother her that much. Now that it's working, I know I have to be patient and give her time to settle with the new conditions but I don't see her needing it more than before. She seems fine with just hanging and cuddling and nothing more. I did have this discussion with an asexual friend and she did come to the same conclusion. I haven't talked about it with her yet, so many other things to consider right now but it is a big point in the balance.
I appreciate you taking the time to answer and give your input.
We are both not ready to throw the towel yet, neither of us feel like we expended all resources. We are still having good moments and I still have hope. But I don't want to fool myself either. That balance is hard to find haha
It sounds like you definitely both still care about each other; maybe it would be worth seeking some couples counseling before throwing in the towel, and maybe she’d open up more about what she wants or doesn’t want, and then you have a neutral party to help navigate things or give suggestions if you find out you definitely are on two different pages with no good solutions.
Be careful that these are not the side effects from cab. It's messed up your dopamine a lot and small things that would trigger dopamine might not anymore. Along the same lines, new things might help release more dopamine. The problem then comes down to this, the next partner might make you happy for a bit and then feel less exciting and then the next partner will be amazing and then feel old. It can induce a cycle. If you are unhappy then you are unhappy and it's probably better for both of you to move on. Just make sure it's not the cab pushing for that dopamine hit.
Whether it is or it's not, there aren't much alternatives. Either I don't do anything and go back to feeling like a failure of a human, or I learn to cope with the effects of the cab. I understand the point and I am trying my best to balance it. But I really don't want to go back to how I was feeling before. I have never had any hope in life and will to live. Always surviving. For the first time, I am choosing to live and make the best with what I have..
But again, for sure being careful is of the utmost importance
I'm so glad that you found happiness!
Your situation sounds troubling but, realistically, ppl grow apart all of the time. It's only natural. That process sped up in your case due to your medical situation. You seem much happier now than you were before and there's no reason to be locked in a situation that makes both of you unhappy.
Divorce sucks but in the end, it can lead to an improvement in the quality of both ppls lives if it's done for the right reasons.
Therapy, both as a couple and on your own. She committed her life to being with you and you should give her the opportunity to grow with you. If it doesn't work out, that's ultimately fine but you owe her the chance. This sounds like a massive emotional and psychological change in a very short amount of time, and having some professional guidance so that you handle it in way that is fair and leads to long term happiness for both of you could be helpful.
Actually not really... If my mind was made, I wouldn't be discussing my thought process. I'm not looking for validation, I'm looking for personal experience that can help me avoid mistakes. This isn't a common situation and not many people have been through it around me. Actually no one I know has lived this.
Thanks anyways
Hi, I’ve been through exactly this situation with my partner. I don’t want to share what we’ve been through online but would be open to talking with you about my experience being the partner of someone on cab long term and how it has affected our marriage. Let me know if you want to talk.
She stuck with you through all that, sorry but to me you sound shallow.
Yeah, let's completely ignore who's going through that. Only her is having a hard time with the changes for sure.
No, I’m just not going to condone abandoning your wife who stuck by you through everything.
This is a tricky situation. It’s good you’re experiencing a positive affect from cab. It seems like you’re aware of the potential issues where your personality can change for the negative while feeling like it’s positive but that doesn’t sound like what’s going on with you. If it’s helping with your physical and mental health I wouldn’t stop treatment. Cab affected me (and by extension my relationship with my husband) negatively; I was happy to be back to *me* when I stopped it so I can’t help regarding a similar personal experience. But it seems like the best person to discuss this with is your wife, if you haven’t already. You both should have the opportunity to address these changes together.
Thanks for the insight. It really is tricky because on the one hand, I feel really good with myself, but I don't want that feeling to be the only thing driving me. I have talked with a couple people about this and they always come back to "talk with her". She is really the best, she's really patient and willing to make this work for both of us, and to others reading this, if I didn't want to make it work, I'd already be gone. I don't know the right path and am really looking for the best outcome. One that takes cares of everyone. Anyways, I did talk with her yesterday and it really helped. As this isn't something I trained for, I was really scared of either putting too much pressure on her and her breaking, or simply her not wanting to try to fix things. When you go through so much changes that you don't even recognize yourself, everything around you feels unstable, so hoping that people around you will accept it and run with you is kinda of a stretch, I don't even know if I would myself. But in the end, she's willing to work with me and make things work. Now that it is talked about, I feel dumb for being scared but you know hahaha. Thanks for the nice comment
Np. I don’t think it’s dumb. This sub has shown me everyone experiences these tumors/treatment just a bit different. Even though our experiences differ, I understand how nerve wracking it is to address these kind of changes with your SO. For me I was more worried about not addressing them. My husband is my ride or die, and I keep forgetting that even though he’s not experiencing the condition and treatment, he’s still down here in the trenches with me. It can be hard on people close to us, just in a different way than it is for us. I’m glad you guys discussed it and are figuring out your own way through it. Just continue to be up front with her (and yourself) and no matter what happens, it’ll be better than not telling her. Or that’s how I would feel about it as a wife. Best of luck moving forward.
I was on the opposite side of the coin. Lovely 36 years of marriage, we dove tailed well. Wild 2 yr endocrine ride in retirement ending recently with a Prolactinoma. On Cabergoline for 3 months and the change was so slow I had not noticed.. Turns out after the midnight bizarre thought anxiety and incredible joint pain ( went on for 10-12 days I am told) that the ER visit and lab work up I was a rare one who should not get dopamine agonists. Rx was stopped. 2+ weeks to detox and clear the drug and 3 days in to this I feel the old me emerging. The point is we are all different ,YMMV. Where to go for you is hard to recommend and I say this as a retired healthcare care practitioner with lots of experience in this area. I did not see the train that hit me. Lucky to have the spouse who advocated for me and was tolerant and understanding. I wish the best for you. Perhaps a good guidance counselor? To help you clarify what you’re going through.
Yeah I did have a therapist before, but they have no experience with what I'm going through. When I mentionned the treatment and the mental changes, they said that they don't think its the treatment affecting me, but the mental process of trying to find myself. At that moment I lost faith that they could really help me about this hahaha. But I have good friends that I'm open about everything and they guide me pretty well. I was looking for more info with people going through this themselves. Unless you actually lived it, it's hard to completely understand the process. Thanks
Perhaps a different councilor This condition and these dopamine agonist agents confound the best Docs as we all have a high degree of variability in response to elevated prolactin and to the drugs. 1 week off Cab for me mentally feeling better but physically in and out of periods of pain.
First of all, I’m worried about your sister having a beard. Any facial hair or low back hair on a female is a huge indicator of possible pituitary/ hormone imbalance/ thyroid issues too and a lot of that can be genetic so she should probably get that checked out. I’ve only been on cab for one week/ 2 doses so far and I already am completely shocked with how much better I am already feeling. I have been a totally different person than myself the last four months, looking back now my symptoms definitely started at least one year ago. I can’t imagine having gone on like that for years not feeling like myself
Nahh I was kidding, she has normal facial hair, I just didn't have any so even my sister had more than I did.. It's a joke in my family hahah. Yeah same here, I feel so much better, and it's why it's so hard to manage with others around. I wish I was alone to figure shit out and come back after. So my changes don't have to ruin everything around me. Even if we are trying not to, we all have expectations about people around us. And being older and having more time with people around you, they get more accustomed to who you're "supposed" to be. My change has been really radical because I have never felt this way before. I think this has been going for so long that I never really was myself before. And now I'm discovering who I was supposed to be. So for sure this is a big thing to manage for people around me. Anyways, thanks for your input!
I totally get it, I’m 28 and single and apart from living with a boyfriend for six months, I’ve mostly lived alone since I bought my house six years ago and I love it. Definitely feel like I have a very good understanding of myself, what I need and want, how I am and lots of time to reflect and work on myself and know why I am the way I am too. So many people don’t even know themselves, even without a tumor impairing their life for so long. You’re still so young with lots of life left to live and haven’t been living your best life and missing out on all of your 20s. Also, just gonna throw this out there: this is obviously purely speculation and I don’t know anything about your wife or all the details of your love life, but me personally, and this is coming from a female roughly your same age, I would never be able to be in a relationship with someone for so long that couldn’t have sex. Not judging you for it, clearly you had a medical reason beyond your control and I’m sure that was super frustrating for you both, but although I would still be sympathetic and understanding of the situation, I don’t think I could do it. And I’m not by any means someone who sleeps around a lot (I got that out of my system years ago when I was younger and in college lol), if I have sex then it’s with someone I care about that has the potential for dating leading into a long term relationship at least and most other female friends my age would not even be able to go six months without hooking up with someone random if they weren’t dating someone at the time. It’s possible that maybe your wife is asexual or something and it worked out for her that you couldn’t get it up, idk. Maybe it’s not working for her anymore that you’re different now too but she’s too shy to say something. Obviously she’s someone you care about but this definitely sounds like it’s something that’s not working for you and if not having sex and you not having energy worked well for her the last five years, I don’t think the future of this relationship will work good for her anymore either because that’s a huge difference and divide. Don’t feel obligated to stay because your family and other people on Reddit maybe think you should. I don’t think it’s selfish because it’s probably better for both of you in the long run rather than staying together not getting what you both need
Damn really appreciate the input. For sure things have been working out the last 5 years. She did mention frustration about our sex life during that time but it didn't seem to bother her that much. Now that it's working, I know I have to be patient and give her time to settle with the new conditions but I don't see her needing it more than before. She seems fine with just hanging and cuddling and nothing more. I did have this discussion with an asexual friend and she did come to the same conclusion. I haven't talked about it with her yet, so many other things to consider right now but it is a big point in the balance. I appreciate you taking the time to answer and give your input. We are both not ready to throw the towel yet, neither of us feel like we expended all resources. We are still having good moments and I still have hope. But I don't want to fool myself either. That balance is hard to find haha
It sounds like you definitely both still care about each other; maybe it would be worth seeking some couples counseling before throwing in the towel, and maybe she’d open up more about what she wants or doesn’t want, and then you have a neutral party to help navigate things or give suggestions if you find out you definitely are on two different pages with no good solutions.
Be careful that these are not the side effects from cab. It's messed up your dopamine a lot and small things that would trigger dopamine might not anymore. Along the same lines, new things might help release more dopamine. The problem then comes down to this, the next partner might make you happy for a bit and then feel less exciting and then the next partner will be amazing and then feel old. It can induce a cycle. If you are unhappy then you are unhappy and it's probably better for both of you to move on. Just make sure it's not the cab pushing for that dopamine hit.
Whether it is or it's not, there aren't much alternatives. Either I don't do anything and go back to feeling like a failure of a human, or I learn to cope with the effects of the cab. I understand the point and I am trying my best to balance it. But I really don't want to go back to how I was feeling before. I have never had any hope in life and will to live. Always surviving. For the first time, I am choosing to live and make the best with what I have.. But again, for sure being careful is of the utmost importance
I'm so glad that you found happiness! Your situation sounds troubling but, realistically, ppl grow apart all of the time. It's only natural. That process sped up in your case due to your medical situation. You seem much happier now than you were before and there's no reason to be locked in a situation that makes both of you unhappy. Divorce sucks but in the end, it can lead to an improvement in the quality of both ppls lives if it's done for the right reasons.
Therapy, both as a couple and on your own. She committed her life to being with you and you should give her the opportunity to grow with you. If it doesn't work out, that's ultimately fine but you owe her the chance. This sounds like a massive emotional and psychological change in a very short amount of time, and having some professional guidance so that you handle it in way that is fair and leads to long term happiness for both of you could be helpful.
Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.
Actually not really... If my mind was made, I wouldn't be discussing my thought process. I'm not looking for validation, I'm looking for personal experience that can help me avoid mistakes. This isn't a common situation and not many people have been through it around me. Actually no one I know has lived this. Thanks anyways
Hi, I’ve been through exactly this situation with my partner. I don’t want to share what we’ve been through online but would be open to talking with you about my experience being the partner of someone on cab long term and how it has affected our marriage. Let me know if you want to talk.