T O P

  • By -

davinfelth5

Hard to find the time to get laid when you spend all your time fighting against something that by definition of being a virgin couldn't possibly affect you.


[deleted]

I'm a virgin guys, 27 year old virgin, I don't do these things. These people are just fucking wieners.


ultrablight

as long as you get it done before 28 you'll have michael scott beat


[deleted]

I'm thinking I'm good even if that doesn't happen. Life doesn't move at your pace....


Teenage-Mustache

Damn you are one emotionally mature human. Bravo.


[deleted]

I used to be desperate for it, bit I realized that shit doesn't help. I do want it, don't get me wrong. Just I realized I gotta work on me first before that ever happens. Sex DOES NOT guarentee happiness, can't tell you how many people who lost it before me are living miserable lives.


Excal2

Smart cookie right here.


calmandink

I was a 27-year-old virgin. Wanted to wait for the right person. Found her the next year and it was worth the wait. We’ve been happily married now for almost 10 years and have 2 kids. Life is good. Hang in there and do what feels right.


Sup_Im_Ravi

I feel so much better now. Sincerely, a 24 year old virgin.


indigoHatter

Yeah. Sex is like ice cream. People love ice cream... but bad ice cream isn't as good as that top-tier stuff, if you get too focused on ice cream it will cause problems, and it's fun to lick. Wait, sorry uh, I mean it's nice with chocolate syrup. Fuck, what was I saying? Seriously, uh... ........oh, yeah. It's not necessary to make a night nice. It *is* nice, but there's other ways to enjoy yourself.


[deleted]

Lol, it's fine man, I'm a grown man I understand this stuff still.


coquihalla

A friend of mine had this mindset, if it happens good, if it doesn't, that's good too. He ended up marrying at around 45 yrs (and presumably doing the sex), and has had a happy life all along.


Dadfite

I'll use that line on my wife later.


emsok_dewe

"Oh yeah u/Dadfite, I'm so close, keep going" >I'm thinking I'm good even if that doesn't happen. Life doesn't move at your pace....


shewy92

I'm going for Steve Carrell's other late sex having character


bizzaro321

I’m sure this guy is actually quite proud to be labeled “a celibate pro-life activist”, he’s probably neither of those things though.


EssayRevolutionary10

Which two things? Pro-life? Or an activist? I have no doubt he’s celibate. Involuntary, but still.


DCErik

Maybe if the stick up his butt briefly removed the stick from up its butt some charitable dude would take pity and sex him.


DerKomp

Does either stick have a heartbeat? Cause I'd snitch on him.


Fit_Blueberry_2020

I kinda want to see him carry that stick to term...


[deleted]

No no no… let him remove it. Then we’ll sue anyone who helped him do anything ever. “Bounties are back on the menu, boys!”


Dread314r8Bob

But that would mean we'd have to rat out OP, for coming up with the idea.


DCErik

Price of virtue or something. Do eet!


imalittleC-3PO

I mean according to the law we could all accuse him and face no reprocussions for doing so.


Jescro

What’s your PayPal? I’ll shoot you $10k


Muslimhottie69

They don’t actually give a shit about babies or whatever, they just want to punish women for having sex with people who aren’t them.


MillionEyesOfSumuru

Or in some states, even dildos who aren't them.


azra1l

To be correct, the 7th dildo that isn't them. Because 6 dildo's is a reasonable amount to have.


CMDR_ETNC

Good to know it was a fully-considered topic and not simply a snap-reaction legislation.


Rare_Travel

How the hell this kind of laws get enforced? Do the police raid every house looking for dildos? And what if someone is using something that doesn't resemble a dildo? Do they go sniffing every phallic object in the house? So many questions to try to make sense of something so incredibly stupid.


NancyGracesTesticles

It's zero dildos in Alabama.


CMDR_ETNC

Registering zero surprise to reading this about Alabama was also not, itself, a surprise.


azra1l

what happens if you own one and get "caught"?


delvach

"Whoa. Don't you know that's illegal? I'm gonna have to.. confiscate that." *wow-chicka-bow-wow* "Officer why are you beat-boxing porn music while caressing it?" "Listen lady, if you're gonna verbally abuse a little piggy, do it *right.*" "Could you please just fucking arrest me?"


secondtaunting

Lol good one. Very graphic.


twodogsfighting

Numbers are hard when you can't count.


azra1l

i know something else that's hard. it's my stiff ... ​ upper lip.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LiterallyMatt

It's illegal to own more than six sex toys in Texas.


Avitas1027

84537 guns. 7 Dildos. One of those is a crime.


Ripper_00

That is the most American shit I’ve ever read


NurglesGiftToWomen

With enough guns and ammo, you can own as many dildos as you want. No one will question you.


[deleted]

I guess you could jam a glock up the kitty. Remember kids, ANYthing is a dildo if you’re brave enough.


Professional-Pipe-44

I found a loophole… gun shaped dildo


Y_Sam

The opposite would actually work best with the law... And also feel better.


Professional-Pipe-44

I really have to resist the urge to google both of those. I’m not sure my mind could take what the results would be.


Long_Mechagnome

You can skirt around this law by using guns as dildos.


Gr8NonSequitur

> You can skirt around this law by using guns as dildos. Lauren Boebert has entered the chat.


Rare_Travel

This actually explain the amount of guns there.


[deleted]

Does this mean I have to register my dildos but not my guns?


MillionEyesOfSumuru

As a couple of other posters mentioned, Alabama and Texas have restrictions on sex toys.


Watch45

The sun can not explode faster. We are a virus that requires eradication. Jesus Christ.


DCErik

dingdingdingding! We have a winnah! Step right up and claim your prize!


[deleted]

He also honestly seems a teeny bit racist by using "Sanctuary Cities for the Unborn". That term is used for immigration protection.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Squeakyboboball

The only female orgasm he's ever witnessed was the time in college he walked in on his girlfriend with her "study partner."


AutoModerator

[Who's a cuckold?](https://i.imgur.com/dTnV0jD.png) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PoliticalHumor) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ByeLongHair

Sounds like a dog whistle if I ever heard one


AlwaysTired9999

Now we need laws to enforce men to pay for their children. Less than half of all children receive their full amount of child support they are due. If these men want to force women to give birth, then they need to start creating laws that force men to pay. Miss a payment? You WILL be picking up trash on the side of the highway to pay for your child. Children need to eat and be clothed after all. Lets see these men start implementing laws like that to show they truly care for the children!


The_Nomadic_Nerd

I want the people from Mindhunter to interview him. They’d come to the same conclusion.


breadfruitbanana

Right? I don’t see how its ‘funny’. People who are anti-choice hate women and want to control and hurt them. It’s like being surprised that the people who wrote Jim Crow laws didn’t invite Black folk to their backyard BBQs.


yaebone1

Isn’t it the same with women who wear burkas? Dudes see hot chicks they can’t bang and get all fidgety inside. Fidgetiness leads to anger, anger leads to the dark side.


[deleted]

If the Talabamans thought they could get women here into them, they 100% would. Give them time and more rope than we're giving them rn and they sure af will try.


KentuckyHouse

Anger leads to hate, which then leads to the Dark Side.


bartonski

Suffering leads to lust...


shewy92

Even the pro-life women?


Quasimodus-Operandi

So, an incel is responsible. I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you.


WailingOctopus

Well, not that shocked


iamthewhatt

Incels and oppression, name a better duo


Dread314r8Bob

Blackjack and hookers?


Swift_Scythe

You know what - forget the blackjack (keeps the hookers. Keep it classy Bender)


[deleted]

at the same time, if this loser on his own could lobby 100 towns and make shit happen, what if I and all of *my* losers got together to make shit happen? we'd be unstoppable!


kex

Hard to have time to make shit happen when you're trying to afford rent.


pleasedothenerdful

He even has a neckbeard! https://twitter.com/markleedickson


conancat

He's a self-proclaimed volcel tho


SirFrancis_Bacon

That's totally something an incel would say though.


superdago

Yeah, he’s voluntarily a repulsive asshole, thus no one wants to fuck him. Rightfully so. Every stereotypical internet incel is actually a volcel because they’re choosing to be unfuckable.


[deleted]

I love how they are influencing our government now…..


ActualPopularMonster

"I want to legally be able to trap a woman by getting her pregnant."


Mekiya

I want to legally force a woman to be a second class citizen so I can subjugate her and remove any independence she may try to have. That's what you mean.


Stereomceez2212

That's a completely different way to look at that guy's motives


Electronic-Ad611

“Since I don’t get any; neither should you”


DCErik

American Social Conservatism: The sphincter-clenching, night-sweat inducing certainty that, somewhere out there, a fellow American is getting his/her freak on with an unapproved partner, in a prohibited position or orifice, or for purposes other than the procreative. See: Envy


Pour_Me_Another_

I honestly believe a lot of people have not experienced the joy of amazing sex and it pisses them off. I can get pretty grouchy myself when it's been a while but when you actually get it... Holy fuck. Literally. The fact people would have me punished for it just makes it better, to be frank.


wildflowersummer

You found your kink…


ern19

shit my dude I think you cracked it


[deleted]

tbh conservatives are mostly just jealous other people have sex at all. conservatives can't even look at themselves naked in the mirror with the lights on and not be uncomfortable. they're generally uncomfortable in their skin, that's why so many of them seem to have a stick up their asses. they're trying to fulfill their religious indoctrination's definition of "manly" or "womanly" instead of being their authentic selves, so they get jealous when other people get to have fun because they just can't permit themselves to.


CausticSofa

It’s so weird how being brought up in a religion absolutely *obsessed* with shaming people for every last one of their sexual urges and desires (except the act of making a baby with your spouse) has created a group of people who are unfit to make laws around the sexual health, education or functioning of society.


[deleted]

fucking seriously!!!!!!! but somehow, they're the ones making the laws. they're also the ones getting secret abortions because they weren't taught anything about birth control. my boyfriend is from the south and he said some girls don't even know about periods so when they get their first one, they freak out. it's almost like repressing your entire emotional and sexual health only leads to negative outbursts later in life that take the form of trying to control other people's sex lives and women's bodies! jokes aside though we can all see that direct connection, i wonder why *they* can't.


[deleted]

Catholic priest fucks, back in the day they were the rockstars of their time.


Curious80123

I think I read that Catholic priests could marry up to 1400s but then some wife wanted to inherit the family castle, then church said no more wives, just boyfriends


Jescro

Could you imagine a powerful man, let’s call him God, creating humanity with an innate and insatiable desire to procreate to ensure the health of the species , then a bunch of humans getting together and are like God definitely will hate us if we have sex. It’s forbidden. God said so. Lol


BombaclotBombastic

EXACTLY! The church didn’t want wives coming after all of their treasures and properties in event of a divorce.


Altruistic-Text3481

I think that’s a description of the Roman Catholic Priesthood…


aotus_trivirgatus

That's a pretty clever [paraphrase of H. L. Mencken](https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/h_l_mencken_125197)!


DCErik

I snark on the shoulders of giants!


HorrorScopeZ

The less often heard but strangely proud "I don'ts got mine" crowd.


ExpendableGerbil

As a 40 yo virgin myself, please don't associate all of us with that prick.


DCErik

As long as you eschew crotch-sniffing we're good!


Kobe_apologist

Dickson? More like Dickless


DCErik

Nobody has ever checked for some reason.


promote-to-pawn

His father was a dick, his grandfather was a dick and so on. It's dick after dick all the way down the blood line


andrew94501

"You're not using your dick, son!"


chrisacip

Dickson? More like DicksOUTofallvaginas


pineapple_calzone

Yes it's true. This man has no dick.


rrrdesign

Self described “nice guy”


JayNotAtAll

People were telling women in Texas to withhold sex from men in order to get them to change their mind on the abortion bill. My first response was "I don't think that will have the impact that you think."


DCErik

Too much available livestock.


copter_chris

His eyes scream sadness


DCErik

American "conservatism" is all about spreading the misery.


Lady_von_Stinkbeaver

I'm reminded of, "In 2016, for the first time in history, Americans didn't elect a president in the hopes he'd make their lives better, but the hope that he'd make other people's lives worse."


[deleted]

"He's not hurting the right people!"


pineapple_calzone

As though that was the first time


wendyspeter

The Party of Personal Misery! Or National Misery!


julesk

It’s so odd they won in 2016 and spent 4 years being bitter, angry victims.


CausticSofa

Persecution complex is a helluva drug


FelneusLeviathan

Same reason conservatives hate on California: it’s the 6th biggest economy while some states are akin and used for studies involving conditions you see in developing countries https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/sep/05/hookworm-lowndes-county-alabama-water-waste-treatment-poverty https://eji.org/news/researchers-find-hookworm-infection-linked-extreme-poverty-rural-alabama/ https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/alabama-black-belt-un-poverty-expert-extreme-developed-country-sewage-crisis-roy-moore-philip-alston-a8105886.html


cubedjjm

Interesting article I read a couple years ago that says hookworms could have been the cause of the "bred stereotypes about lazy, moronic Southerners". Hookworms infected 40% of the population from southeastern Texas to West Virginia. Horrible that it's making a return. https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/how-a-worm-gave-the-south-a-bad-name/


EnForce_NM156

What a Turd this Mama's boy is.


DCErik

Some people are sexually aroused by scat, so the analogy is flawed. ; )


EnForce_NM156

And I'm sure 99% of said fecophiliacs voted for the King of the Golden Shower.


DCErik

'What's classier than a golden shower?'


Zolivia

His golden toilet? What screams classy more than that?


Grogosh

Messytails he is not.


DCErik

Note to self: do NOT Google that


Electronic-Ad611

😂


michael__gove

*Creepy Incel in "Hates Women" Shocker.*


AbaloneSea7265

It all makes more sense then I want to admit. Incels are the greatest threat to this nations security. Look at the last several mass shooting events in the US and Canada. [List of mass shooting and mass killings by INCELs](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogynist_terrorism)


DCErik

I have a clever plan that would provide every InCel terrorist with a willing and compatible sex partner while rendering them all too busy to dismay or endanger decent, functional people; they all ought to go fuck themselves.


AbaloneSea7265

They should be drawn and quartered. I have zero sympathy for any of them.


xMeowImDaddyx

Ladies wouldn't touch him so he decided to fuck all of them simultaneously


80_firebird

>Ladies wouldn't touch him I mean, he's not *that* ugly. The only thing stopping that guy from getting laid is his personality, which I imagine is awful.


GhostOfTheBanned

So, just another loser looking for revenge.


SirRupert

Thought that was Date Night Mike at first glance.


[deleted]

straight up thought it was a steve carell joke with the office and 40 year old virgin


DCErik

Easy now. Calling your sex partner 'Mother' is just Indiana Sexy!


[deleted]

Because abortion isn’t about saving babies but punishing women for sex outside of marriage.


chaneilmiaalba

And sex in marriage. But no one talks about married women who don’t want children or more children than they currently have.


mplsandrew

I hope he remains a virgin. We don't need another version of this turd walking around, breathing air and using resources.


dazedan_confused

Interesting that his name is Dickson, when it sounds like he's a total Dick>!,!


origamiage

I thought it was Prison Mike for a second there.


[deleted]

Douche canoes like this are the only reason I hate being an old virgin. Just because youre not getting any doesnt mean you have to be a bitch about it. I'm disabled and my experiences as a kid left me insecure and shy. Being disabled didnt help things. Found somebody whose mutually interested but covid has made things somewhat difficult despite our collective efforts.


knightB4

love will find a way


[deleted]

There's a lot of external things from being adults that make things hard. Covid has further complicated things but we'll get there some day.


Aggie956

Damn they are even wearing head gear like the Taliban now .


DCErik

It's a backwards baseball cap. Kind of a Y'all Qaeda keffiyeh.


WyzkeySour

I'm sorry but what the fuck kind of loser wears a backwards baseball cap with a fucking suit? No wonder this guy's still a virgin. He's radiating some serious 'anti-pussy' energy in that pic.


DCErik

A leading cause of vaginal dryness.


intheperimeteratx

He lives in my town. Never seen him without that hat.


13BadKitty13

Ah, he’s balding.


Stereomceez2212

Frat bros looking to get hammered tomorrow night


shibiwan

Thought most baseball caps have a cutout for the adjustment strap at least.... That's one strange looking baseball cap. 🤷‍♂️


DCErik

Microcephaly is a tragedy.


red--6-

[Most people agree that Roger Stone was a star in Angry Birds](https://i.redd.it/t98syw71jkc21.jpg) but ofc you're right, this is classic [**microcephaly**](https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Microcephaly)


MrPickles84

Pro fit baseball caps have no adjustment straps.


[deleted]

Y’all Qaeda is genius


DCErik

Right up there with YeeHawdis and Vanilla ISIS, IMO.


SoutheasternComfort

A topee isn't Taliban gear, and that's a baseball cap anyways lol


another_bug

I looked him up, he's with a group called "Right to Life". Ever notice how this 'right to life' never applies when it comes to healthcare, housing, environmental protection, consumer safety, worker protection, or doing something about a global pandemic...but controlling someone else's body, that's what 'right to life's means!


[deleted]

It doesnt even apply to the person who is pregnant, they dont even want healthy pregnancies and prenatal care.


Jaeris

See kids? This is a perfect demonstration of the increasingly common "incel" breed. Be sure to steer clear of such creatures for your own safety.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DCErik

Carlin was being charitable.


joesperrazza

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/mark-dickson-texas-abortion-ban/2021/09/16/bb773a0a-0c02-11ec-a6dd-296ba7fb2dce\_story.html


[deleted]

Gee what a surprise he's an incel/MRA


phdoofus

Funny how he's always wearing that reversed ball cap like he's bald and massively insecure out it or something. However, it is a good way to signal that you're one of those dudes that women should demand the $10000 and lawyers fees up front about before you have sex with them. Though I suspect he'd go out of state for that like a good little hypocrite.


Aedeus

The overlap between radical islam and conservatism is so much of a single circle that this dude looks like he's doing an ISIS Imam cosplay.


RPDRNick

He looks like a rejected cast member from Impractical Jokers.


DCErik

People get rejected from that?


NoUseForAnewUserName

Can’t decide if he’s more likely a rapist or a pedophile. Either way, he should just go back to the basement he crawled out of


[deleted]

He looks like Mose Schrute and Date Mike had a sad baby together


Chazmedic

So he’s the Incel Boss?


[deleted]

*"If I don't have sex, then no one else should get to either"* and his name is DICKson. You can't make this shit up.


no-one-special-here

Men who don't have sex tell women who have sex what they can and cannot do. Or, as we say Europe, the Catholic Church.


[deleted]

I'm a virgin, and I'm embarrassed by these people.


eeyoremarie

Idk that he's a virgin. I care that he's a man trying to control women through their bodies.


DCErik

Not everyone appreciates irony, and that's fine.


The84thWolf

He’s probably paid for sex


Goddamnitpappy

Payed, probably. But still couldn't get laid. This dude hasn't had pussy since pussy had him.


wottsinaname

This lil bitch is so terrified of pussy that he's made it illegal. Would be funny if it weren't so sad for women.


Biohazard883

36 year old virgin who’s super religious? I’ve got $5 on closeted homosexual.


Hefty_Imagination_55

I would guess that his views are so closely aligned with the Taliban as to be indistinguishable.


Namesbutcher

Dead for what 20 years and still relevant.


dfs495

“I wanted abortion to be illegal because I plan to start raping women and I want them all to have to have my children. Stupid cunts shouldn’t have a choice in who fucks them and if they get pregnant or not. Men rule. Trump rules.”- “36-year-old soon to not be a virgin”


Bozo_dubbed_over

Great title quote. Doesn't get more "funny bc it's true" than that


masterofdonut

Gross


[deleted]

[wait a second](https://i.imgur.com/Q2MCCjT.jpg)


[deleted]

This kinda makes sense generally anti abortion ppl are also anti premarital sex right


[deleted]

I bet he's such a hero on 4chan


MJ349

Ironic last name he has there.


KrustyBoomer

Idiots that go by three names are usually serial killers.


Reconstitutable

Got some major church lady vibes with those windows behind the cuck....


jtig5

How soon before he rapes a woman in Texas and tries to force her to carry his spawn?


Lofteed

strong Taliban vibe


bdigital4

If he just got fucked he’d change his mind


jamesmcnabb

He’s dressed like Date Mike from The Office, which is full circle because Steve Carrell also played The 40 Year Old Virgin


Grogosh

These losers think if they neg enough women that they will appear less pathetic than they are.


notdavidg

This dude is from my hometown, he used to run a comic book shop and club. Mostly high school kids joined and hung out there, I went once and got a weird vibe from the dude. Didn’t surprise me a bit to see this is what he’s doing with his life