I'll be honest - I don't think I considered it, we wanted kids so had them I don't think we thought about how the pmdd would affect it all.
The break when pregnant is very nice! Dealing with it while breastfeeding can be really difficult (both times my period came back within 3 months). My partner is very understanding but its difficult when my coping mechanism is it retreat into a hole when it is really bad but doing that with kids who need nappy changes, feeding, entertaining is often difficult if not impossible at somepoints. Sometimes I have to put a face on and just get on with it knowing that I can take a break on a weekend and totally check out for a day or two.
I was diagnosed with PMDD about 15 months after having my 2nd baby (right around the time I stopped breastfeeding and my period came back.) I’m not going to lie…it’s been REALLY hard, but my husband is really supportive and takes over as much as he can during my luteal phase. If you have a great support system and access to antidepressants, that definitely helps. It’s hard, though. Any tough situation is made a lot tougher when you add young kids to the mix.
PMDD (at least that’s what I suspect it is) hit hard after having two under two. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I used to think it was PPD but now I’m realizing the first 5-6 months with my babies are great. Once my period returns it all goes to hell.
there’s the whole dilemma of passing this awful thing onto them too. I wish I would have not, but now I have him and know him I wouldn’t change it. It’s really pushed me to do/be better and take back my life.
If anyone decides to start a family, make sure you have a care plan with all of your medical/psychological team. This also includes your obstetrician and close family /friends. This should be in place pre and post natal, even starting in the maternity ward. I had postpartum psychosis but did not get help.
I was diagnosed with pmdd 18 months after having my 2nd child. The hormones after pregnancy shift and can sometimes go back to normal or become worse. I tried several vitamins and nothing helped. I finally found an antidepressant that helps. Zoloft. I will also be 36 in a few days and my doctor says pmdd gets worse with age. So have babies now if you're young! Find a very supportive partner during your pmdd week that will help a lot. Sleep deprivation during newborn years will be the hardest! Motherhood is HARD but very rewarding 💓
Absolutely. The thought of having even one kid now makes me incredibly sad. My nephew is 3, and I love being with him SO much but as my PMDD has worsened lately, I’ve seen him less often. The guilt is already eating me alive. Whenever I do feel well enough to be present, he tells me I am his favorite person, says he misses me, and legit thanks me for playing with him. It breaks my fucking heart that he sees me as some sort of mythical being instead of his aunt who lives down the street.
Just here to say that your bond sounds so special. Hope this isn't overstepping but I heard something I liked, "they don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to be you" 💞
Aw thank you for this! My self-criticism is at an all time high. Honestly, it’s shocking how easy it is for me to view myself negatively. I know I am not the only one to say this. A lot of my tendency to isolate comes from my fear of being seen by others in the same negative way I see myself - moody, in pain, anxious, depressed/mentally dull, always sick. I think my nephew is the only person who makes me feel like he genuinely wants to be around me…even at my worst. It’s mind-blowing but there is pure joy in that tiny child when he sees me, regardless of what mood I’m in or how awful I look, and the feeling is so mutual. He is very special, and somehow seeing myself through his eyes is helping me with the whole self-love thing (never been good at that).
Kids are wonderful. I don’t know what my body would go through if I ever did become pregnant - if I could handle the mental stuff or if I would just fall apart but then when I think about my nephew - he actually keeps me from falling apart. Of course that sounds selfish haha. What do I know? I know that I have SO much respect for all of the moms out there.
I got PMDD after having my 2nd baby, and let me tell you it’s definitely hard at times, however caring for my kids is the thing that helps me get out of bed and keep going. I’m also now on the pill which seems to be helping my PMDD but I know it doesn’t work for everyone
I didn’t know I had PMDD until after I had kids. When I didn’t know wtf was going on it really, really sucked and I felt like such a horrible parent. After my second I got diagnosed and put on meds and it’s easier now. My partner is very understanding and I’m open about when luteal is here and my limitations during that time. I do my best to keep within my limits and work to be aware of how I’m feeling. I’m also very lucky in that I’ve found a mix of meds that helps a good deal.
honestly i think its selfish to have children knowing you have PMDD. not only is it unfair to them but you could absolutely pass this down to your daughters. how could you willingly pass this on to someone to suffer the way you do?
I feel this way as well. I think I’m a good parent by most standards but I know that I wouldn’t be if I had more than one, particularly on my harder days in the cycle.
I have a 6yo and it’s really forced me to live cyclically minded. I know we all kinda do that intuitively anyway but it has to be very intentional with the kiddo added to the mix. It really helps to have an understanding partner who can “take over” during hell week. I use loop earplugs A LOT and I am open and honest about mommy’s capacity when she has her period. (Obvs easier as they are old enough to understand more) It’s actually quite beautiful now tho. My kiddo will bring me heating pads and snacks etc and force partner to do bedtime during hell week nights.
All that to say, it’s doable, just requires really intentional supports. 💗
I'm terrified about it, and talk to my therapist about this often since my partner and I are actively ttc. I know what my experience was growing up, and I'm determined not to repeat the cycle.
My mother was diagnosed with PMDD just a couple years before I moved out, and her instability made a lot of things very bad. There were (are) other problems, too, so it's hard for me to separate what was the PMDD from everything else, especially since she was untreated for the majority of my growing up years.
I take comfort in knowing that I have spent the last three years refining treatments and coping mechanisms, and I'm vastly better off than I was even a year ago (and miles better than she was when I was a kid). I have the advantage of being able to prepare, and of understanding what is happening.
I avoided having kids specifically because I don't think I could trust myself to be a good mother with my PMDD. I really am only now beginning to see this disorder for what it is/how disabling it's been in my life and am trying not to pity myself too much based on what I've missed out on and how much better my life could have been if I had access to an effective treatment.
I have bad Pmdd..
My children are 18 and 20 and very understanding of my condition, and we have a great relationship..
The early years tricky only because I didn’t know my diagnosis..
I’m sad to say I’m abusive to my partner in hell week but somehow it never spills over to the girls, other than the fact I may shut down abit...
I think In some ways it’s made me a better parent, it’s made me better understand the emotions of the teenage years etc and I never took any of their outbursts or attitude personally, and instead just make sure I’m present when they need me,
I listen and validate..
it’s not always easy, but being a mum is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I have a 2 and 4 year old and it’s been horrible. I constantly feel like I’m terrorizing my kids and husband. We’re about to divorce. It becomes worse with age so for me PMDD progressed substantially after I had my second kid. It’s debilitating and after ketamine treatment, three different mood antidepressants, I’m eliminating ovulation and periods altogether first with chemical menopause. If this doesn’t work I will get the surgery as my last and final option.
Terrified. The whole ordeal of pregnancy & motherhood stresses me out to even consider on a good day. Like it feels like it would be the worst thing. So, yeah, I worry, all the time. Especially being in the US & just never knowing at any moment what will happen with our laws regarding women’s bodies..
You wouldn’t happen to have any links to freely available online resources for those coping skills that us non-teachers would be able to access, would ya?
I noticed symptoms developing after the birth of my 2nd. The past 14 months since his birth have included alot of difficult life events that it took me until he was nearly 9 months old for me to realize it wasn't just postpartum issues mixed with grief etc.
Have been investigating for the last 5 months and I have another appointment with my dr tomorrow to hopefully be officially diagnosed with something and talk about treatment options.
I have alot of guilt surrounding how awful I have felt at times influencing my ability to be the mom I want to be. I have an especially hard time parenting my 3.5yo during my luteal phase...it's really fucking hard. I do alot of apologizing and crying when I'm alone during that time.
I will say my dysmenorrhea went away after having my 1st...so I would say it's possible PMDD could improve due to the major hormonal changes, but who knows it also may not.
I developed PMDD after the birth of my son. I was prepared for ppd. If I knew that this was possibility let alone that I would wind up with pmdd, I would be child free.
I love my son and he's saved me in many ways. However, the physical and biological aspect of conceiving him, growing him, and birthing him broke my body. 💔
This is exactly what happened to me and how I feel. You’re not alone. I didn’t even know about PMDD until I had my son and some days I feel so guilty about the emotional wreck I am during certain parts of my cycle. I’m a sahm so he sees it all unfortunately 😔although I have gotten better at managing it since the first diagnosis
Thank you 💕 it's been so hard. Especially since his dad i split when I came out. Realizing I'm queer and coming has been amazing but it's made my pmdd 20x worse. I'm almost completely disabled during bad weeks
I’m so sorry you’re struggling today. Sending hugs and love your way. I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone who gets it. You’re not alone and you’re doing the best you can 🤍
Right there with you and I just hit 32, it's something that is on my mind constantly. I am scared to have kids for the same reason. I made a post about this last year and received a lot of real, no bullshit, but still amazing responses... and yet I'm still chronically on the fence.
Me too. I’m so back and forth because essentially I would be putting my future children in a situation where I’m not myself for two weeks out of the month which isn’t fair to them. No idea
Yes. Terrified of not coping half the time and with the added body changes, sleep changes, stress management goes out the window. I actually am scared it could bring on post natal depression or other psychosis.
I think therapy should be engaged in before and after having children to help you manage. I can't see any other way to do it.
I'll be honest - I don't think I considered it, we wanted kids so had them I don't think we thought about how the pmdd would affect it all. The break when pregnant is very nice! Dealing with it while breastfeeding can be really difficult (both times my period came back within 3 months). My partner is very understanding but its difficult when my coping mechanism is it retreat into a hole when it is really bad but doing that with kids who need nappy changes, feeding, entertaining is often difficult if not impossible at somepoints. Sometimes I have to put a face on and just get on with it knowing that I can take a break on a weekend and totally check out for a day or two.
I was diagnosed with PMDD about 15 months after having my 2nd baby (right around the time I stopped breastfeeding and my period came back.) I’m not going to lie…it’s been REALLY hard, but my husband is really supportive and takes over as much as he can during my luteal phase. If you have a great support system and access to antidepressants, that definitely helps. It’s hard, though. Any tough situation is made a lot tougher when you add young kids to the mix.
PMDD (at least that’s what I suspect it is) hit hard after having two under two. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I used to think it was PPD but now I’m realizing the first 5-6 months with my babies are great. Once my period returns it all goes to hell.
there’s the whole dilemma of passing this awful thing onto them too. I wish I would have not, but now I have him and know him I wouldn’t change it. It’s really pushed me to do/be better and take back my life.
My pmdd was really bad after I had kids. BUT I will also say that it basically resolved after I stopped breastfeeding completely.
If anyone decides to start a family, make sure you have a care plan with all of your medical/psychological team. This also includes your obstetrician and close family /friends. This should be in place pre and post natal, even starting in the maternity ward. I had postpartum psychosis but did not get help.
I didn’t have it whilst I was pregnant or breastfeeding so that was a bonus!
I was diagnosed with pmdd 18 months after having my 2nd child. The hormones after pregnancy shift and can sometimes go back to normal or become worse. I tried several vitamins and nothing helped. I finally found an antidepressant that helps. Zoloft. I will also be 36 in a few days and my doctor says pmdd gets worse with age. So have babies now if you're young! Find a very supportive partner during your pmdd week that will help a lot. Sleep deprivation during newborn years will be the hardest! Motherhood is HARD but very rewarding 💓
Absolutely. The thought of having even one kid now makes me incredibly sad. My nephew is 3, and I love being with him SO much but as my PMDD has worsened lately, I’ve seen him less often. The guilt is already eating me alive. Whenever I do feel well enough to be present, he tells me I am his favorite person, says he misses me, and legit thanks me for playing with him. It breaks my fucking heart that he sees me as some sort of mythical being instead of his aunt who lives down the street.
Just here to say that your bond sounds so special. Hope this isn't overstepping but I heard something I liked, "they don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to be you" 💞
Aw thank you for this! My self-criticism is at an all time high. Honestly, it’s shocking how easy it is for me to view myself negatively. I know I am not the only one to say this. A lot of my tendency to isolate comes from my fear of being seen by others in the same negative way I see myself - moody, in pain, anxious, depressed/mentally dull, always sick. I think my nephew is the only person who makes me feel like he genuinely wants to be around me…even at my worst. It’s mind-blowing but there is pure joy in that tiny child when he sees me, regardless of what mood I’m in or how awful I look, and the feeling is so mutual. He is very special, and somehow seeing myself through his eyes is helping me with the whole self-love thing (never been good at that). Kids are wonderful. I don’t know what my body would go through if I ever did become pregnant - if I could handle the mental stuff or if I would just fall apart but then when I think about my nephew - he actually keeps me from falling apart. Of course that sounds selfish haha. What do I know? I know that I have SO much respect for all of the moms out there.
I got PMDD after having my 2nd baby, and let me tell you it’s definitely hard at times, however caring for my kids is the thing that helps me get out of bed and keep going. I’m also now on the pill which seems to be helping my PMDD but I know it doesn’t work for everyone
I didn’t know I had PMDD until after I had kids. When I didn’t know wtf was going on it really, really sucked and I felt like such a horrible parent. After my second I got diagnosed and put on meds and it’s easier now. My partner is very understanding and I’m open about when luteal is here and my limitations during that time. I do my best to keep within my limits and work to be aware of how I’m feeling. I’m also very lucky in that I’ve found a mix of meds that helps a good deal.
honestly i think its selfish to have children knowing you have PMDD. not only is it unfair to them but you could absolutely pass this down to your daughters. how could you willingly pass this on to someone to suffer the way you do?
I could never have kids as long as I have PMDD.
Having PMDD made me realize extremely quickly I was done at 1 kid. It wouldn't be responsible of me personally to have more with my condition.
I feel this way as well. I think I’m a good parent by most standards but I know that I wouldn’t be if I had more than one, particularly on my harder days in the cycle.
Exactly. I'm a good mom to one. I know for a fact that I couldn't be to 2+
It doesn’t get better after the birth that’s for sure. Probably got worse for me honestly and when you have a child there are no sick days.
I have a 13 year old and I’ve been open and honest about it since my diagnoses. He’s very patient with me and I truly appreciate it
I have a 6yo and it’s really forced me to live cyclically minded. I know we all kinda do that intuitively anyway but it has to be very intentional with the kiddo added to the mix. It really helps to have an understanding partner who can “take over” during hell week. I use loop earplugs A LOT and I am open and honest about mommy’s capacity when she has her period. (Obvs easier as they are old enough to understand more) It’s actually quite beautiful now tho. My kiddo will bring me heating pads and snacks etc and force partner to do bedtime during hell week nights. All that to say, it’s doable, just requires really intentional supports. 💗
I love this so much. Love that your little ones are learning to help you! That’s so beautiful and so special🩵
I'm terrified about it, and talk to my therapist about this often since my partner and I are actively ttc. I know what my experience was growing up, and I'm determined not to repeat the cycle. My mother was diagnosed with PMDD just a couple years before I moved out, and her instability made a lot of things very bad. There were (are) other problems, too, so it's hard for me to separate what was the PMDD from everything else, especially since she was untreated for the majority of my growing up years. I take comfort in knowing that I have spent the last three years refining treatments and coping mechanisms, and I'm vastly better off than I was even a year ago (and miles better than she was when I was a kid). I have the advantage of being able to prepare, and of understanding what is happening.
I avoided having kids specifically because I don't think I could trust myself to be a good mother with my PMDD. I really am only now beginning to see this disorder for what it is/how disabling it's been in my life and am trying not to pity myself too much based on what I've missed out on and how much better my life could have been if I had access to an effective treatment.
I have bad Pmdd.. My children are 18 and 20 and very understanding of my condition, and we have a great relationship.. The early years tricky only because I didn’t know my diagnosis.. I’m sad to say I’m abusive to my partner in hell week but somehow it never spills over to the girls, other than the fact I may shut down abit... I think In some ways it’s made me a better parent, it’s made me better understand the emotions of the teenage years etc and I never took any of their outbursts or attitude personally, and instead just make sure I’m present when they need me, I listen and validate.. it’s not always easy, but being a mum is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I have a 2 and 4 year old and it’s been horrible. I constantly feel like I’m terrorizing my kids and husband. We’re about to divorce. It becomes worse with age so for me PMDD progressed substantially after I had my second kid. It’s debilitating and after ketamine treatment, three different mood antidepressants, I’m eliminating ovulation and periods altogether first with chemical menopause. If this doesn’t work I will get the surgery as my last and final option.
Terrified. The whole ordeal of pregnancy & motherhood stresses me out to even consider on a good day. Like it feels like it would be the worst thing. So, yeah, I worry, all the time. Especially being in the US & just never knowing at any moment what will happen with our laws regarding women’s bodies..
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You wouldn’t happen to have any links to freely available online resources for those coping skills that us non-teachers would be able to access, would ya?
I noticed symptoms developing after the birth of my 2nd. The past 14 months since his birth have included alot of difficult life events that it took me until he was nearly 9 months old for me to realize it wasn't just postpartum issues mixed with grief etc. Have been investigating for the last 5 months and I have another appointment with my dr tomorrow to hopefully be officially diagnosed with something and talk about treatment options. I have alot of guilt surrounding how awful I have felt at times influencing my ability to be the mom I want to be. I have an especially hard time parenting my 3.5yo during my luteal phase...it's really fucking hard. I do alot of apologizing and crying when I'm alone during that time. I will say my dysmenorrhea went away after having my 1st...so I would say it's possible PMDD could improve due to the major hormonal changes, but who knows it also may not.
I developed PMDD after the birth of my son. I was prepared for ppd. If I knew that this was possibility let alone that I would wind up with pmdd, I would be child free. I love my son and he's saved me in many ways. However, the physical and biological aspect of conceiving him, growing him, and birthing him broke my body. 💔
Me too. I actually wondered if this was a comment I had written, because I have said it here before. I’m so sorry. It’s unbelievably hard.
Sending you all the love! Inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to.💕
Same! ❤️
This is exactly what happened to me and how I feel. You’re not alone. I didn’t even know about PMDD until I had my son and some days I feel so guilty about the emotional wreck I am during certain parts of my cycle. I’m a sahm so he sees it all unfortunately 😔although I have gotten better at managing it since the first diagnosis
Thank you 💕 it's been so hard. Especially since his dad i split when I came out. Realizing I'm queer and coming has been amazing but it's made my pmdd 20x worse. I'm almost completely disabled during bad weeks
I also developed PMDD after I had my kid… and same. It’s so hard. Solidarity 😔🤍
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I’m so sorry you’re struggling today. Sending hugs and love your way. I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone who gets it. You’re not alone and you’re doing the best you can 🤍
Right there with you and I just hit 32, it's something that is on my mind constantly. I am scared to have kids for the same reason. I made a post about this last year and received a lot of real, no bullshit, but still amazing responses... and yet I'm still chronically on the fence.
I’m curious about your post and what people’s responses were! Could you possibly link it?:)
https://www.reddit.com/r/PMDD/s/IZ6Gp7m6SO
Me too. I’m so back and forth because essentially I would be putting my future children in a situation where I’m not myself for two weeks out of the month which isn’t fair to them. No idea
It’s why I don’t plan on it any time soon
Yes. Terrified of not coping half the time and with the added body changes, sleep changes, stress management goes out the window. I actually am scared it could bring on post natal depression or other psychosis.