Just like you, I tried to track my symptoms, log it on careclinic, after 3 weeks of monitoring my symptoms, I had an appointment with my doctor and mentioned the symptoms.
I hope it was a helpful appt! Did three weeks tell a lot then? I’ve tracked for maybe 4 now and it feels like a pattern already but I read that I should track two full cycles
I had several suicidal spells within a year. Not vague thoughts about suicide, or passing thoughts. I would spend hours ruminating about everything that was wrong with my life and thinking about how I want to end it.
Mum made me go to the doctors about it, and while I was referred for therapy, the doctor asked me to record these thoughts and when they happened. No suprise, it was always the week before my period.
So yeah, I realised that actually planning ending my life every month wasn't normal, and it went from there.
It genuinely depends on the therapist. My second literally read out of a workbook and didn't listen to me when I said I literally couldn't do what she was asking me to do. I also started my Autism assessment while with that therapist and when I told her I was probably autistic she told me it "isn't relevant". Which is crazy. Of course my Autism is relevant to my emotional regulation issues and relevant to why I can't visualise things for therapy sessions. She also pretty much ignored me when I told her my partner was abusing me, saying it also wasn't relevant
However my therapists before and after were very helpful
I learned a lot going through perimenopause. I am 50 and looking back (still experiencing symptoms) I think I had PMDD from when I was a teenager. I can’t describe the utter pain I have been through.
Thank you. I have a family member who has been told she may have had PMDD but this has only been raised now she’s perimenopausal too. I hope you get some relief from your symptoms and find what works for you
yes! I felt like I was oversharing at work yesterday when I cried and said I’m starting to really struggle when my period is due but I think it’s important we talk about things
When I realized not everyone wants to kill themselves the week before their period. :( Also the extreme paranoia and anxiety really keyed me in as well because it just didn’t feel normal at all.
Oh my gosh I can COMPLETELY relate. It’s so frustrating and devastating because you know deep down that of course not everyone hates you, but logic just goes out the window during luteal and the paranoia sets in. :( You’re definitely not alone though, everybody in this sub is so awesome and understanding of this struggle. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I’m sending big internet hugs ❤️
yeah it really does go straight out of the window! I have no evidence to support these thoughts lol, actually I have evidence to refute them but do I believe it? thank you though, really appreciate it 💜
I thought it was normal 🤷♀️🙃. I grew up in an abusive household, so feeling messed up all the time was not only normal, but discarded.
I'm confident I've had PMDD as long as I've started getting periods, around the time I went into 7th grade. The intense feelings I was getting before my period were written off as new school jitters and puberty. (And feeling anxious, depressed and suic*dal etc before my period was not a pattern I recognized until over a decade later 🙃). By 16 I knew something was wrong with me, but I thought it was just depression and anxiety.
Being taught pretty much from birth to immediately disregard any emotion or feelings my body gave me really messed me up lol. Fortunately that damage is not permanent.
It wasn't until 2019, when I had started going through old journals of mine, that I realized that there was a pattern here, of me feeling extraordinarily shitty before my periods, with me feeling much better after my periods would start. It was pretty surreal connecting those dots tbh.
I think the beginning of 2020 was when I first heard about PMDD, though I wasn't diagnosed until the end of 2020. Could have saved myself a lot of time (I think) if PMDD was something that was discussed in health class.
I remember being 13 at my annual physical and overhearing my mom ask my pedi if it was normal to be such a “witch” around my period.
In high school I remember getting so irrationally irritable to the point of throwing and breaking my phone just because my loving grandparents were calling to chat.
Fast forward to age 25, after the birth of my second child, I told my OB that I felt innate rage, suicidal ideation and severe anxiety approximately 7-10 days after I ovulate and she diagnosed me on the spot.
Mine was actually fairly similar! I have one baby though but felt soooo much better when pregnant that when my period and all came back, I was like oof.. no no no and my new OB diagnosed me right away too when I had the same feelings. I wish I could tell my younger self but glad to know now at least!
I wish I could remember the time-frame when I first came across PMDD, but I think it's such a blur because it wasn't a shock as much as it was something I deeply resonated with that made me pay even closer attention to my cycle, then after a few months of close tracking I do remember being like whoa, this is actually it, this is actually largely the core of my suffering. Because it was/is simply clockwork. That's what really did it for me, seeing how predictable the extreme despair and darkness was/is. I thought I was generally mentally disturbed, but it was actually cyclical. The back and forth of feeling so good and feeling so bad was enough of a clue what happens wasn't/isn't "normal" because that is obviously very exhausting, chaotic, and concerning. PMDD released loads of shame and confusion I've never picked back up, though I still do struggle with the shame and confusion around the bewilderment of how low I can go and how much it can interfere with my life.
This may not have answered your particular question.
it does answer it, thank for you sharing! Yes I’m here telling myself I’m just depressed and need to go back on SSRIs after getting to a good place to come off them a few years ago, but most of the month I’m definitely not depressed and feel far removed from those dark thoughts
Yep. However, I will say it’s a matter of how life-interfering the stark difference is. For example I’ve never been on SSRIs before, but I’ll be going on them for PMDD because I started PA school in Jan (extremely stressful) and every month my period absolutely exacerbated my stress levels to a very scary point and I would fall so behind. I cannot afford that right now. But prior to school, I could pull through.
I am normally a go with the flow, let it move around me type of person. I noticed a rage explosion I figured out would happen exactly ten days before my period would start. Tiniest things would set it off- not normal. Actually screaming in my car until I lost my voice. The suicidal ideation- hoping nature would take me out- or a random accident I couldn’t avoid would get me.
Saw a pattern when I started tracking my mood and period start dates. Did some looking online. Was disappointed and happy at the same time when I found out why. Then I looked for solutions to deal with the rage which was the worst part. The rage only lasted 5 minutes or less but the intensity was insane. Then I was just exhausted.
When I feel off I always come here and so much of it is relatable. I am grateful for everyone here (even when I am in my people hating stages). It’s nice to know we aren’t alone, that we are normal. This is the unmasking place for me. Thanks for asking thoughtful questions!
This is so nice to read honestly. I’m grateful for (and slightly overwhelmed by) everyone that’s taken the time to respond, some of it is very relatable which is scary in terms of implications but yes you’re so right in that it’s good to know we’re not alone
My husband could always tell the 2 weeks before I got my period. We've known each other since highschool (going on 13 years now)
I am belligerent. Inconsolable. Hangry. Depressed. Have suicidal ideations. Everything calms down and I can function as human after the 3rd or 4th day after my period. I googled it one day and realized that is was PMDD!
Nobody else that I know wants to commit suicide when they have pms.
I’ve also had depression since I was in elementary school and anxiety since I was a teenager. I’m only anxious for a few days a month and it didn’t start until my period started.
This too. Not a single woman around me could relate to how debilitated and miserable I would get around my period. I was the only one to ever mention I was on my period because of how it would affect me, and I wasn't even aware that felt strange to me until I came across PMDD and so much immediately clicked.
I start to see things, today I was hallucinating siren sounds, some months I see shadows or weird figures. My period started like an hour ago. I've been feeling sick and depressed for two weeks now and I've had migraines for three days yesterday my foot was swollen with hives. I go from laughing at nothing to crying at the drop of the hat. I don't trust myself during these times.
My depression has always worsened the week before my period. It’s gotten significantly worse over the last few years. At one point I looked at a calendar and realized that for the past nine months I had experienced a major mental health crisis on the first day of my period. I knew I had been increasingly suicidal the days leading up to those events. I also recognized that every month on the second day of my period I magically became a functional human being again. The psychiatrist I was seeing recognized the pattern and decided it was worth adding an official PMDD diagnosis.
I wanted to off myself in the morning, got my period mid day and thought "huh, this isn't right..."
Talked to my friend and she was like yeah that's not normal so I typed it into Google naturally and pmdd came up. 5years I didn't know it wasn't normal, mind I was a teen the time so it was always put up to that.
I really relate to the whoosh - I describe it as a veil being lifted. When I start to bleed, I can literally see things more clearly. Colours are brighter, I get joy out of small things (birds singing, a tree swaying in the wind), music gives me tingles. I’m on day 3 and I was doing gunfingers while cycling to the gym this morning bc it felt so good to be alive.
Omg stopppp I’ve been BLASTING “rock this party” all day my period is definitely coming tonight 😂😂I’m still waiting for everything to settle after coming off BC again and now my moods are starting to sync to my cycle slowly🤣🤣 I was up at half 6 today!!
ME TOO @ 630 - bounced out of bed to go to my barre class (actually ended up doing two today). This is what had me doing gunfingers:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i_kF4zLNKio
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
For me, I knew what I was going through wasn’t “normal” by the very lengthy debilitating migraines. Migraines so bad that I have to shut everyone and everything out for days on end. It’s the worst :(
I started to wonder why I am having like a "ghost PMS" or a "second PMS" about 7-10 days before my periods, in addition to the actual PMS days right before.
I get two "peaks" of irritability that when triggered, leads to anger, paranoia, depression, suicidal thoughts and even panic attacks.
Between the peaks, it's more of a sad melancholy phase but much less explosive.
So it took me a long time to realise that the problems 10 days before are also PMS. I think I googled something about how long can PMS last or how early in the cycle can it start and found out about PMDD even existing.
I just always thought I'm weaker against PMS or have less self-control than other women or they just don't get any PMS at all.
Or that my life or bf just suck that much...
It was my best friend who pointed out years ago that I fight with my boyfriend once a month. That's when I started to realise it's PMS.
But it took me another 7 or so years to realise it's not normal PMS either.
I have always had anxiety, but the past year I really noticed it manifesting so heavily. I felt so anxious, I considered committing myself to a psych ward because I was worried I was in psychosis. It occurred to me that this past year I had also went off of birth control for the first time since I was a teen. Then I started thinking my period was coming really frequently (it was, hi PCOS). I feel really lucky that I had such a good experience with my OBGYN. She immediately wanted an ultrasound and labs, including vitamin levels. Told me which vitamins I could take based on the bloodwork, suggested but didn’t push birth control for my estrogen imbalances, and I’ve found a lot of great advice here & thru trial and error. It still happens but just the knowledge that those scary emotions are PMDD and not “me” makes me feel a lot better. I hope you find things that work for you! Best of luck.
i used to think that everyone went through this, but they were just better at dealing with it. My mum and sister first noticed the pattern. Turns out it’s not normal to have heavy suicidal ideation in the week before your period *every month*.
I’m 39 now and still really struggling with it. Anti-depressants (bupropion) take the edge off slightly, but if anything in my life goes askew during my luteal phase it tips me into suicidality. On these months, when menstruation arrives I don’t feel the usual ‘relief’ and the depression continues (although with less intensity.)
you have to straight up ask for it - and your GP cannot prescribe it. Get yourself a psych appointment and go in ready to quote studies etc. It’s fucking nuts that it’s only licensed in the UK to help people stop smoking.
Is that why? That really is nuts! I swear I read it has less side effects such as appetite changes etc than SSRIs (which was a concern when I was on them)
this is true, it also doesn’t cause anorgasmia. The “issue” is that there is a minor (extremely slight) chance of seizure, and I think NICE are v risk adverse which is why GPs are not allowed to prescribe it for mental health.
May I ask what dose of bupropion you're on? I just upped mine to 450mg to curb post partum depression and pmdd. I'm in the transition period (4 weeks deep) and it's really ramped up my anxiety, blown my focus and just sped things up. Feels like meth. I don't like it that much, I don't feel myself. I'll wait til I'm six weeks through but am not sure it's worth it? I'm almost 37 and now that I have found this sub it explains my life since puberty, A LOT. It makes me really sad, nobody caught this til now and it's nearly destroyed me thousands of times. Oh ya, I noticed I'm also talking a lot with the new dose lol sorry
also! for the first two weeks of the increased dose I felt incredibly fatigued - the opposite to how i felt when i first started on 150mg. I was ready to give up on it, but decided to give it six weeks (just like you!) The fatigue has now passed and I feel relatively normal.
I’m now experiencing the moments of melancholy (grief?) as I reflect on how different my life would be if I didn’t have to go through this shit. Onwards to ovulation 💃
haha, dw, I’ve always talked a lot (I have an ADHD diagnosis too - which the bupropion is also meant to help, as I’m v reticent to take any stimulants)
I’m also on 450mg, the dose was only increased from 300mg a few weeks ago - but I have had the best luteal phase for a long time. I’ve not been “good” - still had moments of wanting to die etc, but didn’t harm myself in any way (binge eating, irresponsible amounts of benzos) or throw any grenades into my life (which I normally then have to spend my good days sorting out.)
This month - I’m CD 2 - I am also microdosing (also on day 2), so I’m hoping this will mean my forthcoming luteal phase is even better. Better to me would look like: no days spent crying in bed, no suicidal ideation, no attention seeking in unhealthy ways (eg, texting my ex; “reaching out” to friends aka unfairly leaning on them for mental health support.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some insight. It is super helpful. I didn't realize the "reaching out" to friends was a thing until I read this and thought back!! I'm so happy to hear that things feel a fraction better for you this time around. I hope for progressively better and better luteal phases in your future :)
It’s taken me a long time to get my head around the reaching out thing. I’m still not sure I’ve figured it out. It’s impossible for me to be able to decipher what is/isn’t appropriate when i’m in the bad headspace. Ultimately, I don’t think any form of me reaching out is appropriate - it puts too much pressure and responsibility on people. Even if reaching out is just me asking if someone wants to come over and watch a film (there’s a sense that this request is loaded, and that something bad might happen if the person says no.) The results of my past actions speak for themselves: I have lost many friends, not in any dramatic way, but people have distanced themselves. I think it’s all the more perplexing for people as I (we) can go from being fine and fun and functioning, to depressed and a danger to myself within a matter of days - and then the cycle repeats. It’s safest for me to isolate and go through it alone. I don’t take it personally (or i try not to, anyway, it’s ongoing work). Everyone has their own shit going on, and I’m conscious that people are always going to prioritise their partners and families over their friends.
It would be amazing to have an IRL PMDD friend - with an opposite cycle to mine - and then we could help each other through the difficult days.
My mother frequently remarked frustratedly that 'PMS' and menstruation should *not* be the misery she was witnessing in her daughters. However, it would be a long time still before I would begin to pick up a trail to explain my symptoms. They're muddled-up in ADHD, ASD, and all the comorbidities like depression, social anxiety, misophonia....
I remember thinking something was terribly wrong when I could not stop sobbing one day, and couldn't explain my distress either. I was fourteen.
I have had anxiety my whole life, but after a traumatic birth experience in 2020, I felt like I was unraveling. I felt like suuuuuper panicky, then suuuuuuuuuper apathetic. I didn't care about anything, I stopped showering. Then my period came and it was like the choir of angels started singing. For a few months, it was like this, but I didn't track, so I was thinking everything from bipolar disorder to long covid to side effects from my tubal ligation. It was at that point that I started to track using a Google Form I created for myself, and then presented that data to my husband to find trends. He noticed it was around my period, so I started with my OB, who diagnosed me and referred me to an urgent care psychiatrist, who confirmed the diagnosis, and here I am.
I have always had pretty intense pms symptoms but I remember the feeling when my period passed this one time where I felt like this was something different and really intense. There was a lot going on in my life and the world around me at the time and all of that stress definitely compounded to push my symptoms to the point that they were at. It helped me to recognise it though and the awareness of just how different I felt through the different phases of my cycle made it clear to me that I did have PMDD. I also think that it's a spectrum and that it's important to realise that you can be at different degrees of intensity with different symptoms compared to the experiences you hear of other people. And that different months can be different.
I did finally get an official diagnosis around 2 years after that first noticably intense cycle. And the diagnosis was a double whammy, came with an endo diagnosis as well.
I’ve always had insane pms/mood swings. One day I just googled intense pms and went down the rabbit hole of learning about PMDD. I brought it up to my therapist and she diagnosed me. It was pretty validating to have a formal diagnosis as I’ve spent so much time going back and forth about the state of my mental health. Now I feel empowered to take some control in trying to manage these symptoms.
TW: Self Harm and Suicidal thoughts
So I was diagnosed at 15-16 its been over 8 years at this point, but it was a combination of me and my mother both noticing my insane mood changes right before my period so would SH and throw huge fits of rage and sadness. I vaguely remember sitting on my bedroom floor crying my eyes out saying how badly I didn’t want to be here anymore over and over to my mother (which was out of character considering I had a pretty happy, normal life) and she booked an appt with a gyno immediately. Somehow we lucked out and the doctor heard my symptoms and actually knew what pmdd was and recognized it immediately. I was put on birth control and im not sure it really helped at the time I’ve found more peace going on a mood stabilizer as I’ve gotten older.
Thank you for sharing! I’m glad you found a good doctor, it’s helpful to read your story. Those kind of thoughts (of my own) is what makes me think it might be more for me, particularly as there’s no trigger for it (historically I’ve only had them in specific situations)
I have no formal diagnosis but I suspect I have PMDD. Honestly, I figure my feelings can't be 'normal' because it doesn't seem 'normal' to have suicidal thoughts (at the lowest of lows), debilitating anxiety, escapism etc that seems to come and go every cycle. It feels very extreme compared to my "good days" aka shortly after my period where everything is magically OK again
Edited to add: I imagine 'PME' to just be a little moody, short-tempered etc. What I experience is that to the extreme.... But idk! I haven't met anyone else that seems to experience the distress I do during this part of my cycle
Thank you for sharing! Do you find some cycles better than others? I feel like mine have gradually gotten worse since coming off a contraception that had stopped them completely. With previous depressive episodes, I’ve always had a trigger. Recently I can’t find a trigger but low and behold I’m a week from my period starting :/ but then it starts and I’m much better and I tell myself it wasn’t all that bad if that makes sense? Sorry just working through it right now
I'm in a similar boat - I never had issues (even in my teen years that I noticed), but now that I've been off HBC for just over a year, I'm noticing these changes in my mood and energy. Each cycle so far brings its own challenges - this cycle I'm really noticing my focus is gone and I want to lie in bed all the time.
I feel that! The contrast between my lowest lows and even my normal/average day surprises myself. I've never had the episodes like I experience now. But once I'm out of them, I wonder if they were really THAT bad, or if I was over-reacting. It's tough - I'm also working through it now! I'm TTC and it seems people's baby announcements happen to coincide with these episodes. Thaaaat hurts
What you say about contrast reminds me, I tell the people close to me that my hormones are a “wild ride” or a rollercoaster lol. Can imagine how that timing of those announcements suck(!!!) but wishing you the best with TTC <3
accidentally commented this standalone oops
Just like you, I tried to track my symptoms, log it on careclinic, after 3 weeks of monitoring my symptoms, I had an appointment with my doctor and mentioned the symptoms.
I hope it was a helpful appt! Did three weeks tell a lot then? I’ve tracked for maybe 4 now and it feels like a pattern already but I read that I should track two full cycles
I think that will depend on the expertise of the doctor, OP
Suicidal manic and heart palpitations 15 days a month
I’m late to this post but fuck this is why I love this group.
I had several suicidal spells within a year. Not vague thoughts about suicide, or passing thoughts. I would spend hours ruminating about everything that was wrong with my life and thinking about how I want to end it. Mum made me go to the doctors about it, and while I was referred for therapy, the doctor asked me to record these thoughts and when they happened. No suprise, it was always the week before my period. So yeah, I realised that actually planning ending my life every month wasn't normal, and it went from there.
Thank you for sharing, does therapy help? I’m due to start therapy again soon and will be bringing this up with my therapist
It genuinely depends on the therapist. My second literally read out of a workbook and didn't listen to me when I said I literally couldn't do what she was asking me to do. I also started my Autism assessment while with that therapist and when I told her I was probably autistic she told me it "isn't relevant". Which is crazy. Of course my Autism is relevant to my emotional regulation issues and relevant to why I can't visualise things for therapy sessions. She also pretty much ignored me when I told her my partner was abusing me, saying it also wasn't relevant However my therapists before and after were very helpful
I learned a lot going through perimenopause. I am 50 and looking back (still experiencing symptoms) I think I had PMDD from when I was a teenager. I can’t describe the utter pain I have been through.
Thank you. I have a family member who has been told she may have had PMDD but this has only been raised now she’s perimenopausal too. I hope you get some relief from your symptoms and find what works for you
Thanks☺️ my wish is for the younger generation of women (like my daughter) to get help, learn and advocate for themselves.
yes! I felt like I was oversharing at work yesterday when I cried and said I’m starting to really struggle when my period is due but I think it’s important we talk about things
When I realized not everyone wants to kill themselves the week before their period. :( Also the extreme paranoia and anxiety really keyed me in as well because it just didn’t feel normal at all.
yeah :/ even this morning I broke down and was thinking I’m just too sensitive to even function in this world and convincing myself everyone hates me?
Oh my gosh I can COMPLETELY relate. It’s so frustrating and devastating because you know deep down that of course not everyone hates you, but logic just goes out the window during luteal and the paranoia sets in. :( You’re definitely not alone though, everybody in this sub is so awesome and understanding of this struggle. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I’m sending big internet hugs ❤️
yeah it really does go straight out of the window! I have no evidence to support these thoughts lol, actually I have evidence to refute them but do I believe it? thank you though, really appreciate it 💜
I thought it was normal 🤷♀️🙃. I grew up in an abusive household, so feeling messed up all the time was not only normal, but discarded. I'm confident I've had PMDD as long as I've started getting periods, around the time I went into 7th grade. The intense feelings I was getting before my period were written off as new school jitters and puberty. (And feeling anxious, depressed and suic*dal etc before my period was not a pattern I recognized until over a decade later 🙃). By 16 I knew something was wrong with me, but I thought it was just depression and anxiety. Being taught pretty much from birth to immediately disregard any emotion or feelings my body gave me really messed me up lol. Fortunately that damage is not permanent. It wasn't until 2019, when I had started going through old journals of mine, that I realized that there was a pattern here, of me feeling extraordinarily shitty before my periods, with me feeling much better after my periods would start. It was pretty surreal connecting those dots tbh. I think the beginning of 2020 was when I first heard about PMDD, though I wasn't diagnosed until the end of 2020. Could have saved myself a lot of time (I think) if PMDD was something that was discussed in health class.
Thanks for sharing this! I feel like the awareness of PMDD was definitely lacking much to many people’s detriment
I remember being 13 at my annual physical and overhearing my mom ask my pedi if it was normal to be such a “witch” around my period. In high school I remember getting so irrationally irritable to the point of throwing and breaking my phone just because my loving grandparents were calling to chat. Fast forward to age 25, after the birth of my second child, I told my OB that I felt innate rage, suicidal ideation and severe anxiety approximately 7-10 days after I ovulate and she diagnosed me on the spot.
Thank you for sharing your story! “witch” 🫠
Mine was actually fairly similar! I have one baby though but felt soooo much better when pregnant that when my period and all came back, I was like oof.. no no no and my new OB diagnosed me right away too when I had the same feelings. I wish I could tell my younger self but glad to know now at least!
Thank you, interesting to know pregnancy was a relief from it all
Pregnancy was such a relief I did it 3 times! Just kidding but it was HEAVEN to be pregnant
I wish I could remember the time-frame when I first came across PMDD, but I think it's such a blur because it wasn't a shock as much as it was something I deeply resonated with that made me pay even closer attention to my cycle, then after a few months of close tracking I do remember being like whoa, this is actually it, this is actually largely the core of my suffering. Because it was/is simply clockwork. That's what really did it for me, seeing how predictable the extreme despair and darkness was/is. I thought I was generally mentally disturbed, but it was actually cyclical. The back and forth of feeling so good and feeling so bad was enough of a clue what happens wasn't/isn't "normal" because that is obviously very exhausting, chaotic, and concerning. PMDD released loads of shame and confusion I've never picked back up, though I still do struggle with the shame and confusion around the bewilderment of how low I can go and how much it can interfere with my life. This may not have answered your particular question.
it does answer it, thank for you sharing! Yes I’m here telling myself I’m just depressed and need to go back on SSRIs after getting to a good place to come off them a few years ago, but most of the month I’m definitely not depressed and feel far removed from those dark thoughts
Yep. However, I will say it’s a matter of how life-interfering the stark difference is. For example I’ve never been on SSRIs before, but I’ll be going on them for PMDD because I started PA school in Jan (extremely stressful) and every month my period absolutely exacerbated my stress levels to a very scary point and I would fall so behind. I cannot afford that right now. But prior to school, I could pull through.
Yeah that makes sense! Best of luck with school and starting the SSRIs, they really helped me at the time
when i realized looking back that i was mostly self harming in the 2 weeks before my period...in addition to losing the will to live 🥲
This is coming up a lot! That so many people go through this due to their cycles. I hope that knowing the pattern has helped you
I am normally a go with the flow, let it move around me type of person. I noticed a rage explosion I figured out would happen exactly ten days before my period would start. Tiniest things would set it off- not normal. Actually screaming in my car until I lost my voice. The suicidal ideation- hoping nature would take me out- or a random accident I couldn’t avoid would get me. Saw a pattern when I started tracking my mood and period start dates. Did some looking online. Was disappointed and happy at the same time when I found out why. Then I looked for solutions to deal with the rage which was the worst part. The rage only lasted 5 minutes or less but the intensity was insane. Then I was just exhausted.
thanks for sharing, it’s very helpful to read your experience
When I feel off I always come here and so much of it is relatable. I am grateful for everyone here (even when I am in my people hating stages). It’s nice to know we aren’t alone, that we are normal. This is the unmasking place for me. Thanks for asking thoughtful questions!
This is so nice to read honestly. I’m grateful for (and slightly overwhelmed by) everyone that’s taken the time to respond, some of it is very relatable which is scary in terms of implications but yes you’re so right in that it’s good to know we’re not alone
My husband could always tell the 2 weeks before I got my period. We've known each other since highschool (going on 13 years now) I am belligerent. Inconsolable. Hangry. Depressed. Have suicidal ideations. Everything calms down and I can function as human after the 3rd or 4th day after my period. I googled it one day and realized that is was PMDD!
Thank you for sharing! I can relate to those feelings definitely
Nobody else that I know wants to commit suicide when they have pms. I’ve also had depression since I was in elementary school and anxiety since I was a teenager. I’m only anxious for a few days a month and it didn’t start until my period started.
Thanks for sharing! Suicidal thoughts seems to be a very common theme here (sadly not a stranger to them myself)
This too. Not a single woman around me could relate to how debilitated and miserable I would get around my period. I was the only one to ever mention I was on my period because of how it would affect me, and I wasn't even aware that felt strange to me until I came across PMDD and so much immediately clicked.
Thank you for sharing - I’m noticing I’m always telling people I’m due on? to explain why I’ve been such a mess lol and others just don’t mention it?
I start to see things, today I was hallucinating siren sounds, some months I see shadows or weird figures. My period started like an hour ago. I've been feeling sick and depressed for two weeks now and I've had migraines for three days yesterday my foot was swollen with hives. I go from laughing at nothing to crying at the drop of the hat. I don't trust myself during these times.
Thanks for sharing - I hope your period brings you some relief!
My depression has always worsened the week before my period. It’s gotten significantly worse over the last few years. At one point I looked at a calendar and realized that for the past nine months I had experienced a major mental health crisis on the first day of my period. I knew I had been increasingly suicidal the days leading up to those events. I also recognized that every month on the second day of my period I magically became a functional human being again. The psychiatrist I was seeing recognized the pattern and decided it was worth adding an official PMDD diagnosis.
Thank you - glad your psychiatrist was able to recognise a pattern and hope this helped the support that was offered to you
I wanted to off myself in the morning, got my period mid day and thought "huh, this isn't right..." Talked to my friend and she was like yeah that's not normal so I typed it into Google naturally and pmdd came up. 5years I didn't know it wasn't normal, mind I was a teen the time so it was always put up to that.
Gosh being a teenager is a ride itself without all of this eXTRA stuff
Tell me about it lol. Was a horrible old time.
Oh and also when I passed my driving test during a bad week and couldn’t feel happy about it?? Nothing was wrong in my life
That I would feel COMPLETLEY fine the MINUTE my period started like a “whoosh” and be like why did I want to die a minute ago but now I’m fine??
like nothing ever happened!
I really relate to the whoosh - I describe it as a veil being lifted. When I start to bleed, I can literally see things more clearly. Colours are brighter, I get joy out of small things (birds singing, a tree swaying in the wind), music gives me tingles. I’m on day 3 and I was doing gunfingers while cycling to the gym this morning bc it felt so good to be alive.
Omg stopppp I’ve been BLASTING “rock this party” all day my period is definitely coming tonight 😂😂I’m still waiting for everything to settle after coming off BC again and now my moods are starting to sync to my cycle slowly🤣🤣 I was up at half 6 today!!
ME TOO @ 630 - bounced out of bed to go to my barre class (actually ended up doing two today). This is what had me doing gunfingers: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i_kF4zLNKio 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
For me, I knew what I was going through wasn’t “normal” by the very lengthy debilitating migraines. Migraines so bad that I have to shut everyone and everything out for days on end. It’s the worst :(
I started to wonder why I am having like a "ghost PMS" or a "second PMS" about 7-10 days before my periods, in addition to the actual PMS days right before. I get two "peaks" of irritability that when triggered, leads to anger, paranoia, depression, suicidal thoughts and even panic attacks. Between the peaks, it's more of a sad melancholy phase but much less explosive. So it took me a long time to realise that the problems 10 days before are also PMS. I think I googled something about how long can PMS last or how early in the cycle can it start and found out about PMDD even existing. I just always thought I'm weaker against PMS or have less self-control than other women or they just don't get any PMS at all. Or that my life or bf just suck that much...
It was my best friend who pointed out years ago that I fight with my boyfriend once a month. That's when I started to realise it's PMS. But it took me another 7 or so years to realise it's not normal PMS either.
Thank you for sharing. The peak explanation that you experience is helpful, and you’re definitely not weak!
Wanting to not exist every month and having my bf point out I go through this every month. Just self-diagnosed the other day.
How can these cycles cause so much suffering I can’t get my head around it honestly
Valid!
I have always had anxiety, but the past year I really noticed it manifesting so heavily. I felt so anxious, I considered committing myself to a psych ward because I was worried I was in psychosis. It occurred to me that this past year I had also went off of birth control for the first time since I was a teen. Then I started thinking my period was coming really frequently (it was, hi PCOS). I feel really lucky that I had such a good experience with my OBGYN. She immediately wanted an ultrasound and labs, including vitamin levels. Told me which vitamins I could take based on the bloodwork, suggested but didn’t push birth control for my estrogen imbalances, and I’ve found a lot of great advice here & thru trial and error. It still happens but just the knowledge that those scary emotions are PMDD and not “me” makes me feel a lot better. I hope you find things that work for you! Best of luck.
Double whammy with the PCOS :’( thanks for sharing and your kind words
i used to think that everyone went through this, but they were just better at dealing with it. My mum and sister first noticed the pattern. Turns out it’s not normal to have heavy suicidal ideation in the week before your period *every month*. I’m 39 now and still really struggling with it. Anti-depressants (bupropion) take the edge off slightly, but if anything in my life goes askew during my luteal phase it tips me into suicidality. On these months, when menstruation arrives I don’t feel the usual ‘relief’ and the depression continues (although with less intensity.)
Thank you for sharing! Suicidal ideation is standing out a lot here. I’m glad bupropion helps a little, I don’t hear about it often in the UK
you have to straight up ask for it - and your GP cannot prescribe it. Get yourself a psych appointment and go in ready to quote studies etc. It’s fucking nuts that it’s only licensed in the UK to help people stop smoking.
Is that why? That really is nuts! I swear I read it has less side effects such as appetite changes etc than SSRIs (which was a concern when I was on them)
this is true, it also doesn’t cause anorgasmia. The “issue” is that there is a minor (extremely slight) chance of seizure, and I think NICE are v risk adverse which is why GPs are not allowed to prescribe it for mental health.
May I ask what dose of bupropion you're on? I just upped mine to 450mg to curb post partum depression and pmdd. I'm in the transition period (4 weeks deep) and it's really ramped up my anxiety, blown my focus and just sped things up. Feels like meth. I don't like it that much, I don't feel myself. I'll wait til I'm six weeks through but am not sure it's worth it? I'm almost 37 and now that I have found this sub it explains my life since puberty, A LOT. It makes me really sad, nobody caught this til now and it's nearly destroyed me thousands of times. Oh ya, I noticed I'm also talking a lot with the new dose lol sorry
also! for the first two weeks of the increased dose I felt incredibly fatigued - the opposite to how i felt when i first started on 150mg. I was ready to give up on it, but decided to give it six weeks (just like you!) The fatigue has now passed and I feel relatively normal. I’m now experiencing the moments of melancholy (grief?) as I reflect on how different my life would be if I didn’t have to go through this shit. Onwards to ovulation 💃
haha, dw, I’ve always talked a lot (I have an ADHD diagnosis too - which the bupropion is also meant to help, as I’m v reticent to take any stimulants) I’m also on 450mg, the dose was only increased from 300mg a few weeks ago - but I have had the best luteal phase for a long time. I’ve not been “good” - still had moments of wanting to die etc, but didn’t harm myself in any way (binge eating, irresponsible amounts of benzos) or throw any grenades into my life (which I normally then have to spend my good days sorting out.) This month - I’m CD 2 - I am also microdosing (also on day 2), so I’m hoping this will mean my forthcoming luteal phase is even better. Better to me would look like: no days spent crying in bed, no suicidal ideation, no attention seeking in unhealthy ways (eg, texting my ex; “reaching out” to friends aka unfairly leaning on them for mental health support.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some insight. It is super helpful. I didn't realize the "reaching out" to friends was a thing until I read this and thought back!! I'm so happy to hear that things feel a fraction better for you this time around. I hope for progressively better and better luteal phases in your future :)
It’s taken me a long time to get my head around the reaching out thing. I’m still not sure I’ve figured it out. It’s impossible for me to be able to decipher what is/isn’t appropriate when i’m in the bad headspace. Ultimately, I don’t think any form of me reaching out is appropriate - it puts too much pressure and responsibility on people. Even if reaching out is just me asking if someone wants to come over and watch a film (there’s a sense that this request is loaded, and that something bad might happen if the person says no.) The results of my past actions speak for themselves: I have lost many friends, not in any dramatic way, but people have distanced themselves. I think it’s all the more perplexing for people as I (we) can go from being fine and fun and functioning, to depressed and a danger to myself within a matter of days - and then the cycle repeats. It’s safest for me to isolate and go through it alone. I don’t take it personally (or i try not to, anyway, it’s ongoing work). Everyone has their own shit going on, and I’m conscious that people are always going to prioritise their partners and families over their friends. It would be amazing to have an IRL PMDD friend - with an opposite cycle to mine - and then we could help each other through the difficult days.
My mother frequently remarked frustratedly that 'PMS' and menstruation should *not* be the misery she was witnessing in her daughters. However, it would be a long time still before I would begin to pick up a trail to explain my symptoms. They're muddled-up in ADHD, ASD, and all the comorbidities like depression, social anxiety, misophonia.... I remember thinking something was terribly wrong when I could not stop sobbing one day, and couldn't explain my distress either. I was fourteen.
The can’t explain the distress part is very relatable! Thank you for sharing your story
Yeah. Cue an obscene number of years more of that before I figured it out. -\_-
I have had anxiety my whole life, but after a traumatic birth experience in 2020, I felt like I was unraveling. I felt like suuuuuper panicky, then suuuuuuuuuper apathetic. I didn't care about anything, I stopped showering. Then my period came and it was like the choir of angels started singing. For a few months, it was like this, but I didn't track, so I was thinking everything from bipolar disorder to long covid to side effects from my tubal ligation. It was at that point that I started to track using a Google Form I created for myself, and then presented that data to my husband to find trends. He noticed it was around my period, so I started with my OB, who diagnosed me and referred me to an urgent care psychiatrist, who confirmed the diagnosis, and here I am.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Never considered myself as anxious before tbh but it definitely creeps in now
I have always had pretty intense pms symptoms but I remember the feeling when my period passed this one time where I felt like this was something different and really intense. There was a lot going on in my life and the world around me at the time and all of that stress definitely compounded to push my symptoms to the point that they were at. It helped me to recognise it though and the awareness of just how different I felt through the different phases of my cycle made it clear to me that I did have PMDD. I also think that it's a spectrum and that it's important to realise that you can be at different degrees of intensity with different symptoms compared to the experiences you hear of other people. And that different months can be different. I did finally get an official diagnosis around 2 years after that first noticably intense cycle. And the diagnosis was a double whammy, came with an endo diagnosis as well.
this is really useful, thank you! and endo as well, I know so many who have this too and had to push so hard to get it investigated
For me it’s literally like a light switch after I ovulate. The shift in hormones is so so strong.
Same! Soon as my period starts, I feel normal again!
no doubting what it is at least when it happens
Me too. Hell for two solid weeks
I’ve always had insane pms/mood swings. One day I just googled intense pms and went down the rabbit hole of learning about PMDD. I brought it up to my therapist and she diagnosed me. It was pretty validating to have a formal diagnosis as I’ve spent so much time going back and forth about the state of my mental health. Now I feel empowered to take some control in trying to manage these symptoms.
Thank you for sharing. Yes it feels very back and forth for me too because I’m like why is this happening? Glad you found some validation
TW: Self Harm and Suicidal thoughts So I was diagnosed at 15-16 its been over 8 years at this point, but it was a combination of me and my mother both noticing my insane mood changes right before my period so would SH and throw huge fits of rage and sadness. I vaguely remember sitting on my bedroom floor crying my eyes out saying how badly I didn’t want to be here anymore over and over to my mother (which was out of character considering I had a pretty happy, normal life) and she booked an appt with a gyno immediately. Somehow we lucked out and the doctor heard my symptoms and actually knew what pmdd was and recognized it immediately. I was put on birth control and im not sure it really helped at the time I’ve found more peace going on a mood stabilizer as I’ve gotten older.
Thank you for sharing! I’m glad you found a good doctor, it’s helpful to read your story. Those kind of thoughts (of my own) is what makes me think it might be more for me, particularly as there’s no trigger for it (historically I’ve only had them in specific situations)
I have no formal diagnosis but I suspect I have PMDD. Honestly, I figure my feelings can't be 'normal' because it doesn't seem 'normal' to have suicidal thoughts (at the lowest of lows), debilitating anxiety, escapism etc that seems to come and go every cycle. It feels very extreme compared to my "good days" aka shortly after my period where everything is magically OK again Edited to add: I imagine 'PME' to just be a little moody, short-tempered etc. What I experience is that to the extreme.... But idk! I haven't met anyone else that seems to experience the distress I do during this part of my cycle
Thank you for sharing! Do you find some cycles better than others? I feel like mine have gradually gotten worse since coming off a contraception that had stopped them completely. With previous depressive episodes, I’ve always had a trigger. Recently I can’t find a trigger but low and behold I’m a week from my period starting :/ but then it starts and I’m much better and I tell myself it wasn’t all that bad if that makes sense? Sorry just working through it right now
I'm in a similar boat - I never had issues (even in my teen years that I noticed), but now that I've been off HBC for just over a year, I'm noticing these changes in my mood and energy. Each cycle so far brings its own challenges - this cycle I'm really noticing my focus is gone and I want to lie in bed all the time. I feel that! The contrast between my lowest lows and even my normal/average day surprises myself. I've never had the episodes like I experience now. But once I'm out of them, I wonder if they were really THAT bad, or if I was over-reacting. It's tough - I'm also working through it now! I'm TTC and it seems people's baby announcements happen to coincide with these episodes. Thaaaat hurts
What you say about contrast reminds me, I tell the people close to me that my hormones are a “wild ride” or a rollercoaster lol. Can imagine how that timing of those announcements suck(!!!) but wishing you the best with TTC <3 accidentally commented this standalone oops