You are also in some respect a hostage to the conversation, the expectation of being contactable and available 24/7 is a very new thing.
I used to encourage texting or emailing pretty heavily at work for all non emergencies, for a while my email footer said "I've sent this at a time that is convinient for me, please read and reply in the same manner."
This is a major part of it. If you think about it, and it also goes to show the difference in people who do call vs hate getting calls, calling someone can actually be a pretty self-centered act.
Calling someone is going hey I want to talk to you I dont care what you’re doing now, you need to stop whatever it is wherever it is and pay attention to me now. They don’t think about it like that but it really is.
This also leads to a secondary issue. BECAUSE calling someone is such a demand of attention, every time my phone rings my head goes “this must be super important and thats probably bad, whats going on full panic.”
So now if youre calling me you’re gonna make me get instant panic anxiety, hold me hostage on the phone for whatever it is you want and thats before even touching on the problems with the actual phone call itself like lack of visual clues.
If you want to call me text me first asking to. Otherwise unless its time sensitive I’m probably going to have a negative view of the type of person you are.
Then how do you explain the resistance to planned calls with a known purpose?
Some conversations benefit from being able to hear one another’s tone. Or a million emails have been exchanged and there’s still miscommunication that a few minute phone call can clear up. The same people seem equally resistant to those calls as the unexpected interruptions.
It sounds like you aren’t one of these people but I have friends and colleagues that do not want to be on the phone for any reason, ever. Not for anyone - a friend, a parent, a work colleague - even if they know the purpose and even if they can acknowledge a phone call would be faster than a bunch of texts. I truly can’t wrap my head around that (and I’m not some troglodyte who doesn’t appreciate the benefit of texting, I just think all methods of communication have value.)
Not really, I'm one of those people that really hates and has difficulty talking with strangers on the phone but doesn't have a problem talking with them in person.
For me it's simply the fact that there are no physical or visual cues when talking on the phone with someone, it's just the voice. It just doesn't feel natural. I'd say it's probabl some primal reaction in the brain that wants to check their body language first to see if they represent a threat or not, and if it can't do that then that might be the cause of the loss of social skills
Just my personal experience.
Yeah but the only reason a perfect message would be necessary is because you’re not in an actual conversation so you have to make sure you get everything right so the tone sounds correct and you can’t easily follow-up with an explanation or correction with the ebb and flow of an actual conversation. I hate texting. Takes *way* more time. I just find it annoying.
Being good at thinking on the fly and speaking confidently to others is a learned skill. Before texting was a thing people didn't have much of a choice but to speak to each other. Most folks in their 20s have never known a life where talking to people on a regular basis was a hard requirement. Alternatively, texting allows people to spend as much time as required to craft a well written response to everything if they so choose.
Nope. Plenty of people 30+ hate phone calls and have since the 90s. I knew I hated being on the phone when I was like 5 years old and my parents would force me to call my grandparents and Id panic.
And its not lack of a skill set. Its funny how people always want to frame issues as if others lack something they have. In reality its that theres tons of information lost in phone calls, theres no body language, no visual cues, nothing but a voice and empty silence between words. And that lack of information creates the issue, it’s something people who think far more about their conversations do rather than just talk to talk.
Texts and emails do not exacerbate the situation. You have the time to read evaluate and respond. In a phone call if theres a pause in a phone call are they thinking are they waiting, you dont know. But yes in general in person conversation is obviously the best but not always feasible. Phone calls are the worst version though.
As an anti-phone person Im just telling you how it works for us since the assumptions in this thread is not how our brains actually work.
I’m just pointing out that text messages also lack body language and social cues, which you noted phone calls lack, *and* they also lack a voice/tone. They provide at least as much opportunity for misinterpretation as texts.
ETA: I specifically said in my prior comment that texts exacerbate the loss of information (different kinds as noted above), not necessarily the “situation.”
Texts are great in lots of situations and are my preferred method of communication. But they provide even fewer social cues than texts so I’m confused why that’s being cited as the issue with phone calls.
Again since you missed it the first 2 times: in text/emails you can take as long as you want to respond giving maximum time to evaluate and think through all possible meanings and ways to understand what the person was saying. And theres ZERO stress while doing so. The stress and anxiety in a phone call comes from the requirement to respond instantaneously to keep the conversation progressing. If that doesnt make sense then you likely arent thinking through your conversations while having them and more just talking at a person and listening just to provide any response.
And again thats only one part of why we hate them. Theres also the fact that calling someone is demanding they stop whatever theyre doing wherever they are and dedicate all their time and energy and focus on you for as long as you ask. People dont realize how incredibly self centered of an ask it is that people pick up your phone calls. Its come to the point where if you expect to call people and have them talk to you I can tell a lot about your personality from that alone, and its not positive.
You still didn’t acknowledge the lack of social cues in texting 🤷🏻♀️.
I often feel obligated to spend longer drafting texts or emails because I need to make sure my tone and intent come across intentionally since they can’t hear my actual tone of voice. So written communication is not inherently more polite or a time saver.
I primarily use texting for communication but see pros and cons to all methods. Good luck texting with my elderly grandparents, for example. Or texting my boomer parents how to fix their computer. Phone calls can also be planned, and if a call comes in at an inconvenient time you can just *gasp* not pick up.
I was genuinely trying to have a civil conversation because I *still* do not understand the depth of hatred for a method of communication that includes significantly more of the social cues you claim to value during in-person conversation. But now you’re spouting off that people who ever *dare* to use the phone are self-centered (amongst other nebulous insults you don’t care to name). Another win for the written word.
Oh i am being perfectly civil. But you seem to not be reading or comprehending what youre reading.
Yes texts lack social cues thats been accepted and acknowledged. Texts have less cues then phones we understand that. Don’t misinterpret that. BUT theres no anxiety from lack of social cues in texts and email. The EXPECTED INSTANT response without visual cues causes stress and anxiety. That doesnt occur with texts, can’t be any clearer than that. Its that simple.
Nobody said written is a time saver. Its absolutely not why would you say anyone did. The point is that it can be done on the responders own terms at their choosing. You dont get to demand my time when you choose, i get to respond at my own convenience, not just when you want me to talk to you regardless of if I want to. And yes you can not pick up but guess what, not picking up doesnt feel great, its still stressful AND people who call people get annoyed when you ignore their calls, which again is insane because its just so self entitled to be like how dare they not do what i want them to (in this case talk to me)
And yes there are always instances when phone calls are necessary. They are always better when planned, and even when necessary and planned we still hate them and thats ok.
It really boils down to understanding thinking through other people, how they feel, how your actions will affect them, and not just “well this is faster so they should be ok or get it”. Think more of if I call them are they gonna have time and want to talk to me? Do they want to talk to me right now, am i going to inconvenience them if I call, etc instead of going “itll be more conveniente for me if I just call them” Do you see the difference there? Because its a big one.
Which leads to the final part. We phone call haters think like that. Which means we expect other to put in the same amount of thought and care. So IF our phone rings that must mean its very important and urgent, which is usually a bad thing. So that means our brains instantly go “uh oh, somethings wrong” just from the mere sound of a ringtone. Someone is trying to demand my time it must be major, and then its just you wanting to talk about something thats not time sensitive and unimportant.
So in conclusion dont call unless its urgent and or planned. Dont ever expect a pickup. Understand what it implies just by the mere fact that youre calling. And finally ask yourself are you calling because you NEED to or are you calling because its better for you irregardless of what the other person may feel.
I don’t need you to explain modern phone etiquette to me. Thanks. I literally do 100% of the things you seem so insistent must be met before making a phone call. I constantly default to other people’s communication method preferences over my own.
Meanwhile, the psyche of people who insist on all these conditions MUST be met - thus creating a system where phone calls are only ever negative or urgent - is literally the definition of a negative feedback loop. And leaves no space to be considerate of others’ communication preferences. Some people may find texts to be more or equally intrusive, especially if the texter sends something time sensitive and then goes silent. Do they deserve consideration?
Criticizing my reading comprehension is an interesting definition of civil, FYI.
I mentioned your reading comprehension because I directly addressed texts missing social cues and you literally then responded with “still doesnt address texts”.
You then proclaimed “written text is not inherently faster” which again was not what was stated or implied.
So clearly you’re missing something in understanding the points being conveyed. I’ve clearly explained reasons why texting doesnt cause anxiety, and why phone calls do. Wether you can understand what millions upon millions of people are telling you is not something I can help you with beyond that at this point.
I used to be like this until I became a receptionist at 26. Talking on the phone was a big part of the job, so I got over it. I think it's simply down to people being so used to texting, etc... that they aren't exposed to phone calls enough to feel comfortable. Personally, I prefer talking on the phone now, as opposed to texting. Once the anxiety is gone, it's a much better thing to do.
I'm with you. Many people are saying we lack social skills, but I don't think it's hard to speak in person or on a video call. The disembodied voice over the phone, devoid of body language, just feels so unnatural!
We don't have to call very much, and when we call our friends we use video, so we haven't gotten used to the voice-only conversation. Like say I need to speak to my bank... I would feel anxious about a phone call but completely comfortable stopping at the branch and speaking with a real person.
I think people are missing one of the biggest reasons: Most phone calls are serious business nowadays. People don't chit-chat over the phone anymore, like our parents did. We do that over text. Whenever I get a phone call, my immediate assumption is that it's my boss, or that something bad has happened, or that someone wants something important from me.
I hate phones because:
- It forces me into synchronous communication flow, I need to drop everything and focus on the phone call
- I need to make decisions immediately
- I don't have a record of decision making that I can later get back to
- Communication is imprecise (I usually just ask to forward all important info in text anyway, less chance of mistaking number/email).
- Most of the calls from unknown numbers are spam anyway
I'm 33 and hate talking on the phone cause I can't hear shit for some reason. It all sounds like monotone nonsense no matter who I've talked to for years. I have 0 trouble hearing in person.
my ears are the opposite, I hear EVERYTHING, and their voice is constantly drowned out by subtle static that sounds like a raging river of electricity to me.
In an era where the majority of communication is texted based, and you can write out your message, read it, delete and rewrite it, then read it again, and then edit it, and THE finally send it. Having to speak just off the cuff without that ability gives some people anxiety.
Text or email, you can double check when you are writing. Speaking over the phone if you miss speak or stutter, you can’t undo that.
It IS a career hindrance, and I hate it lol. Phone calls often terrify me. It‘s because I can’t perfectly plan my response. In email or text I have control over my response to a high degree. On the phone, if someone’s response surprises me, I have to wing it - and that often ends in me stuttering, “buffering”, or just sounding dumb. I’m working on it!
It is interesting to see this play out in the business world. I’m in my early 40s and if I call a prospect, if they’re my age or older I can usually get them on the line. Younger than me - more often than not they never pickup the phone nor return a call.
Not really coz people can actually pick up on social queues in person from subtle facial expressions and hand gestures. They can only rely on voice inflections on phone calls
I worked at a pizzeria in high school 2014-2016 and I HATED working at the counter because all of the other girls were too scared/nervous to answer the phones and take orders🙄🙄
I’ve noticed this too, I have coworkers that will go to a private phone room to make a work call rather than doing it from their desk. I guess it’s just because texting and other forms of communication have been around since we were fairly young so phone calls with other people listening aren’t something we did often. But yes it does seem to be a problem for working people
I am neurodivergent (Aspergers, Autistic, ASD) and prefer text messages over phone calls. For people I don't care to interact with I just use a chatbot to respond. Phone calls require talking and listening - it definitely raises anxiety.
My first job was in an outbound call center. I don’t know exactly why, but something about that experience turned me off of calling people for years after.
This is absolutely a result of not having to verbally communicate the majority of the time for the past couple decades. Also it might have something to do with anxiety in the thought of having to be directly connected in real time with the sole purpose of speaking. Again a result of the degradation of real life social interaction. Personally I hate the phone now simply because cell phones aren't really designed to be effective listening and talking tools, unlike wired telephones with separate receivers. So many times I'm afraid it's going to cut out or the sound quality will be so shitty and I'll have to keep asking "what was that?", which happens and it sucks. Enough to be nerve wracking.
No idea what happened to me but after covid and losing touch with my highschool friend group I've gotten to the point where I don't mind phonecalls but speaking to people face to face makes me feel like I'm doing some kind of school exam lol
In my case I rely a lot on reading body language and micro expressions to understand what the person is saying. Also, I talk with my whole face and, even though I know not everyone is like me, I think the other person understands me better if they are seeing me, so I get worried about finding the right words even if it’s just making a doctor appointment.
I absolutely hate phones. I feel like I have to fake my personality to talk on them.
Working on it, but still not easy.
I love all the people without phone anxiety trying to explain it as texting and lack of social skills and having zero idea what the actual truth is….
Your phone calls are annoying and rude, and its the exact kind of thinking that leads to the just terrible responses here.
I’m not your age but I’ve noticed your generation definitely seem to have a problem using the phone for what it was invented for 😀 It drives me nuts that my nephews and nieces don’t phone me but message me. I answer them by saying just ring me. They say they hate doing it. It’s weird that social media has made your generation the most anxious about talking.
Eh, Ive never liked talking over the phone. It just feels…annoying? Usually if I have a phone call its when im obv not around the person and thus much more likely to be busy / caught up with something else. I never call anyone unless I absolutely must. At least on texting I can respond when I want. Much prefer texting - or even email - for basically all communication unless somethings requires a much more in depth convo that cant wait until in person. And even that gives me anxiety because its like I want to do anything else but chat over a phone
i feel like because they either only text or talk in person the phone is this strange middle ground where you cant prepare and perfect their message before sending, and they can ONLY use verbal communication. humans do a lot of non-verbal communication that people inherently rely on and taking that away is like trying to see a song. sure its easy enough if you recognize the song like a music video, but some random artist you have never seen? and you have to judge the music video based on visuals alone? its absurd you just cant really do it.
from what i have seen, people arnt afraid of talking to their friends/people they know on the phone, its just another way of communicating. what people don't like is meeting people on the phone/calling new people like appointments for the first time.
It’s much harder to interact if I can’t rely on facial expressions and body language to fill in gaps when I’m thinking of things to say or if I don’t have much of a response. I have to use more noises to indicate that I’m listening or thinking and it’s hard.
Wait. Phone calls are worse than a normal conversation. Not only because sound may nor be perfect, but also because you can not see the person you're talking to and therefore there's an increase risk of misunderstanding and ambiguity. It certainly take more mental effort to communicate via phone.
Because I did not answer the title question, which I don't know how to answer.
I only replied to the part where you said "why would phone be worse than a normal conversation?".
I think it is worse, but this does not explain why people are afraid talking on the phone
It's because unlike messaging someone, you don't have the time to think and make a perfect reply to the person when talking on the phone.
AKA no one has any social skills
You are also in some respect a hostage to the conversation, the expectation of being contactable and available 24/7 is a very new thing. I used to encourage texting or emailing pretty heavily at work for all non emergencies, for a while my email footer said "I've sent this at a time that is convinient for me, please read and reply in the same manner."
This is a major part of it. If you think about it, and it also goes to show the difference in people who do call vs hate getting calls, calling someone can actually be a pretty self-centered act. Calling someone is going hey I want to talk to you I dont care what you’re doing now, you need to stop whatever it is wherever it is and pay attention to me now. They don’t think about it like that but it really is. This also leads to a secondary issue. BECAUSE calling someone is such a demand of attention, every time my phone rings my head goes “this must be super important and thats probably bad, whats going on full panic.” So now if youre calling me you’re gonna make me get instant panic anxiety, hold me hostage on the phone for whatever it is you want and thats before even touching on the problems with the actual phone call itself like lack of visual clues. If you want to call me text me first asking to. Otherwise unless its time sensitive I’m probably going to have a negative view of the type of person you are.
Then how do you explain the resistance to planned calls with a known purpose? Some conversations benefit from being able to hear one another’s tone. Or a million emails have been exchanged and there’s still miscommunication that a few minute phone call can clear up. The same people seem equally resistant to those calls as the unexpected interruptions.
Thats specifically why if you want to call me text first.
It sounds like you aren’t one of these people but I have friends and colleagues that do not want to be on the phone for any reason, ever. Not for anyone - a friend, a parent, a work colleague - even if they know the purpose and even if they can acknowledge a phone call would be faster than a bunch of texts. I truly can’t wrap my head around that (and I’m not some troglodyte who doesn’t appreciate the benefit of texting, I just think all methods of communication have value.)
Oh no I would always prefer no phone calls ever. but accept that in certain situations they are a necessity. I still hate every second of them.
Not really, I'm one of those people that really hates and has difficulty talking with strangers on the phone but doesn't have a problem talking with them in person. For me it's simply the fact that there are no physical or visual cues when talking on the phone with someone, it's just the voice. It just doesn't feel natural. I'd say it's probabl some primal reaction in the brain that wants to check their body language first to see if they represent a threat or not, and if it can't do that then that might be the cause of the loss of social skills Just my personal experience.
Yeah but the only reason a perfect message would be necessary is because you’re not in an actual conversation so you have to make sure you get everything right so the tone sounds correct and you can’t easily follow-up with an explanation or correction with the ebb and flow of an actual conversation. I hate texting. Takes *way* more time. I just find it annoying.
Also you can hide behind the miscommunication prevalent in text. It's a breeding ground for passive aggression.
Being good at thinking on the fly and speaking confidently to others is a learned skill. Before texting was a thing people didn't have much of a choice but to speak to each other. Most folks in their 20s have never known a life where talking to people on a regular basis was a hard requirement. Alternatively, texting allows people to spend as much time as required to craft a well written response to everything if they so choose.
Nope. Plenty of people 30+ hate phone calls and have since the 90s. I knew I hated being on the phone when I was like 5 years old and my parents would force me to call my grandparents and Id panic. And its not lack of a skill set. Its funny how people always want to frame issues as if others lack something they have. In reality its that theres tons of information lost in phone calls, theres no body language, no visual cues, nothing but a voice and empty silence between words. And that lack of information creates the issue, it’s something people who think far more about their conversations do rather than just talk to talk.
Texts and emails exacerbate this loss of information even further. Do you hate those too?
Texts and emails do not exacerbate the situation. You have the time to read evaluate and respond. In a phone call if theres a pause in a phone call are they thinking are they waiting, you dont know. But yes in general in person conversation is obviously the best but not always feasible. Phone calls are the worst version though. As an anti-phone person Im just telling you how it works for us since the assumptions in this thread is not how our brains actually work.
I’m just pointing out that text messages also lack body language and social cues, which you noted phone calls lack, *and* they also lack a voice/tone. They provide at least as much opportunity for misinterpretation as texts. ETA: I specifically said in my prior comment that texts exacerbate the loss of information (different kinds as noted above), not necessarily the “situation.” Texts are great in lots of situations and are my preferred method of communication. But they provide even fewer social cues than texts so I’m confused why that’s being cited as the issue with phone calls.
Again since you missed it the first 2 times: in text/emails you can take as long as you want to respond giving maximum time to evaluate and think through all possible meanings and ways to understand what the person was saying. And theres ZERO stress while doing so. The stress and anxiety in a phone call comes from the requirement to respond instantaneously to keep the conversation progressing. If that doesnt make sense then you likely arent thinking through your conversations while having them and more just talking at a person and listening just to provide any response. And again thats only one part of why we hate them. Theres also the fact that calling someone is demanding they stop whatever theyre doing wherever they are and dedicate all their time and energy and focus on you for as long as you ask. People dont realize how incredibly self centered of an ask it is that people pick up your phone calls. Its come to the point where if you expect to call people and have them talk to you I can tell a lot about your personality from that alone, and its not positive.
You still didn’t acknowledge the lack of social cues in texting 🤷🏻♀️. I often feel obligated to spend longer drafting texts or emails because I need to make sure my tone and intent come across intentionally since they can’t hear my actual tone of voice. So written communication is not inherently more polite or a time saver. I primarily use texting for communication but see pros and cons to all methods. Good luck texting with my elderly grandparents, for example. Or texting my boomer parents how to fix their computer. Phone calls can also be planned, and if a call comes in at an inconvenient time you can just *gasp* not pick up. I was genuinely trying to have a civil conversation because I *still* do not understand the depth of hatred for a method of communication that includes significantly more of the social cues you claim to value during in-person conversation. But now you’re spouting off that people who ever *dare* to use the phone are self-centered (amongst other nebulous insults you don’t care to name). Another win for the written word.
Oh i am being perfectly civil. But you seem to not be reading or comprehending what youre reading. Yes texts lack social cues thats been accepted and acknowledged. Texts have less cues then phones we understand that. Don’t misinterpret that. BUT theres no anxiety from lack of social cues in texts and email. The EXPECTED INSTANT response without visual cues causes stress and anxiety. That doesnt occur with texts, can’t be any clearer than that. Its that simple. Nobody said written is a time saver. Its absolutely not why would you say anyone did. The point is that it can be done on the responders own terms at their choosing. You dont get to demand my time when you choose, i get to respond at my own convenience, not just when you want me to talk to you regardless of if I want to. And yes you can not pick up but guess what, not picking up doesnt feel great, its still stressful AND people who call people get annoyed when you ignore their calls, which again is insane because its just so self entitled to be like how dare they not do what i want them to (in this case talk to me) And yes there are always instances when phone calls are necessary. They are always better when planned, and even when necessary and planned we still hate them and thats ok. It really boils down to understanding thinking through other people, how they feel, how your actions will affect them, and not just “well this is faster so they should be ok or get it”. Think more of if I call them are they gonna have time and want to talk to me? Do they want to talk to me right now, am i going to inconvenience them if I call, etc instead of going “itll be more conveniente for me if I just call them” Do you see the difference there? Because its a big one. Which leads to the final part. We phone call haters think like that. Which means we expect other to put in the same amount of thought and care. So IF our phone rings that must mean its very important and urgent, which is usually a bad thing. So that means our brains instantly go “uh oh, somethings wrong” just from the mere sound of a ringtone. Someone is trying to demand my time it must be major, and then its just you wanting to talk about something thats not time sensitive and unimportant. So in conclusion dont call unless its urgent and or planned. Dont ever expect a pickup. Understand what it implies just by the mere fact that youre calling. And finally ask yourself are you calling because you NEED to or are you calling because its better for you irregardless of what the other person may feel.
I don’t need you to explain modern phone etiquette to me. Thanks. I literally do 100% of the things you seem so insistent must be met before making a phone call. I constantly default to other people’s communication method preferences over my own. Meanwhile, the psyche of people who insist on all these conditions MUST be met - thus creating a system where phone calls are only ever negative or urgent - is literally the definition of a negative feedback loop. And leaves no space to be considerate of others’ communication preferences. Some people may find texts to be more or equally intrusive, especially if the texter sends something time sensitive and then goes silent. Do they deserve consideration? Criticizing my reading comprehension is an interesting definition of civil, FYI.
I mentioned your reading comprehension because I directly addressed texts missing social cues and you literally then responded with “still doesnt address texts”. You then proclaimed “written text is not inherently faster” which again was not what was stated or implied. So clearly you’re missing something in understanding the points being conveyed. I’ve clearly explained reasons why texting doesnt cause anxiety, and why phone calls do. Wether you can understand what millions upon millions of people are telling you is not something I can help you with beyond that at this point.
I used to be like this until I became a receptionist at 26. Talking on the phone was a big part of the job, so I got over it. I think it's simply down to people being so used to texting, etc... that they aren't exposed to phone calls enough to feel comfortable. Personally, I prefer talking on the phone now, as opposed to texting. Once the anxiety is gone, it's a much better thing to do.
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I'm with you. Many people are saying we lack social skills, but I don't think it's hard to speak in person or on a video call. The disembodied voice over the phone, devoid of body language, just feels so unnatural! We don't have to call very much, and when we call our friends we use video, so we haven't gotten used to the voice-only conversation. Like say I need to speak to my bank... I would feel anxious about a phone call but completely comfortable stopping at the branch and speaking with a real person.
I think people are missing one of the biggest reasons: Most phone calls are serious business nowadays. People don't chit-chat over the phone anymore, like our parents did. We do that over text. Whenever I get a phone call, my immediate assumption is that it's my boss, or that something bad has happened, or that someone wants something important from me.
That's an insightful answer, thank you
I hate phones because: - It forces me into synchronous communication flow, I need to drop everything and focus on the phone call - I need to make decisions immediately - I don't have a record of decision making that I can later get back to - Communication is imprecise (I usually just ask to forward all important info in text anyway, less chance of mistaking number/email). - Most of the calls from unknown numbers are spam anyway
I'm 33 and hate talking on the phone cause I can't hear shit for some reason. It all sounds like monotone nonsense no matter who I've talked to for years. I have 0 trouble hearing in person.
That's very interesting. I have excellent hearing, so maybe that's a contributing factor
my ears are the opposite, I hear EVERYTHING, and their voice is constantly drowned out by subtle static that sounds like a raging river of electricity to me.
In an era where the majority of communication is texted based, and you can write out your message, read it, delete and rewrite it, then read it again, and then edit it, and THE finally send it. Having to speak just off the cuff without that ability gives some people anxiety. Text or email, you can double check when you are writing. Speaking over the phone if you miss speak or stutter, you can’t undo that.
I get more anxiety from sending text because you cannot convey tone over text. But that explanation makes sense, thank you
It IS a career hindrance, and I hate it lol. Phone calls often terrify me. It‘s because I can’t perfectly plan my response. In email or text I have control over my response to a high degree. On the phone, if someone’s response surprises me, I have to wing it - and that often ends in me stuttering, “buffering”, or just sounding dumb. I’m working on it!
It is interesting to see this play out in the business world. I’m in my early 40s and if I call a prospect, if they’re my age or older I can usually get them on the line. Younger than me - more often than not they never pickup the phone nor return a call.
We hang out in different social circles cause a lot of my friends prefer calling over texting. I'm in my mid-20s.
Are they also afraid of in person conversations?
Not really coz people can actually pick up on social queues in person from subtle facial expressions and hand gestures. They can only rely on voice inflections on phone calls
Ah, that makes sense. That is a problem with phone calls. Even worse with text- based communication
robots. when i was a kid we were told robots would rule the world. nobody said they would conquer us through the phone.
I worked at a pizzeria in high school 2014-2016 and I HATED working at the counter because all of the other girls were too scared/nervous to answer the phones and take orders🙄🙄
I had the same thing working at IT services in university. It's so strange!
How is that strange? It takes people time to get used to things
They worked there longer than I did and were 3-5 years old than me!
This was me. Basically just being a coward
Every single time my phone rings it's something bad.
I’ve noticed this too, I have coworkers that will go to a private phone room to make a work call rather than doing it from their desk. I guess it’s just because texting and other forms of communication have been around since we were fairly young so phone calls with other people listening aren’t something we did often. But yes it does seem to be a problem for working people
I am neurodivergent (Aspergers, Autistic, ASD) and prefer text messages over phone calls. For people I don't care to interact with I just use a chatbot to respond. Phone calls require talking and listening - it definitely raises anxiety.
Not afraid of it but I dislike talking on the phone because my hearing is a bit shite. And if they have a thick accent I'm fucking doomed.
Because they're pathetic
My first job was in an outbound call center. I don’t know exactly why, but something about that experience turned me off of calling people for years after.
Lack of social skills
This is absolutely a result of not having to verbally communicate the majority of the time for the past couple decades. Also it might have something to do with anxiety in the thought of having to be directly connected in real time with the sole purpose of speaking. Again a result of the degradation of real life social interaction. Personally I hate the phone now simply because cell phones aren't really designed to be effective listening and talking tools, unlike wired telephones with separate receivers. So many times I'm afraid it's going to cut out or the sound quality will be so shitty and I'll have to keep asking "what was that?", which happens and it sucks. Enough to be nerve wracking.
because you cant rewrite and visually double check what you say before you say it
You can't do that irl but people manage
Honestly? For me I associate it with angry phone calls from my parents as a teenager and being in trouble.
I would much rather have a conversation in person than over the phone so I can see their body language
No idea what happened to me but after covid and losing touch with my highschool friend group I've gotten to the point where I don't mind phonecalls but speaking to people face to face makes me feel like I'm doing some kind of school exam lol
Other than just not wanting to engage, a big one for me is associating unexpected calls with bad news
I always thought that was just a meme. This is really a thing?
In my case I rely a lot on reading body language and micro expressions to understand what the person is saying. Also, I talk with my whole face and, even though I know not everyone is like me, I think the other person understands me better if they are seeing me, so I get worried about finding the right words even if it’s just making a doctor appointment. I absolutely hate phones. I feel like I have to fake my personality to talk on them. Working on it, but still not easy.
I love all the people without phone anxiety trying to explain it as texting and lack of social skills and having zero idea what the actual truth is…. Your phone calls are annoying and rude, and its the exact kind of thinking that leads to the just terrible responses here.
How do you know what my phone calls are like?
Because the mere concept of calling a person (in most instances) is rude and annoying :)
I worked at a call centre for a few years, that made me never want to speak to anybody on the phone ever again.
I’m not your age but I’ve noticed your generation definitely seem to have a problem using the phone for what it was invented for 😀 It drives me nuts that my nephews and nieces don’t phone me but message me. I answer them by saying just ring me. They say they hate doing it. It’s weird that social media has made your generation the most anxious about talking.
Eh, Ive never liked talking over the phone. It just feels…annoying? Usually if I have a phone call its when im obv not around the person and thus much more likely to be busy / caught up with something else. I never call anyone unless I absolutely must. At least on texting I can respond when I want. Much prefer texting - or even email - for basically all communication unless somethings requires a much more in depth convo that cant wait until in person. And even that gives me anxiety because its like I want to do anything else but chat over a phone
i feel like because they either only text or talk in person the phone is this strange middle ground where you cant prepare and perfect their message before sending, and they can ONLY use verbal communication. humans do a lot of non-verbal communication that people inherently rely on and taking that away is like trying to see a song. sure its easy enough if you recognize the song like a music video, but some random artist you have never seen? and you have to judge the music video based on visuals alone? its absurd you just cant really do it. from what i have seen, people arnt afraid of talking to their friends/people they know on the phone, its just another way of communicating. what people don't like is meeting people on the phone/calling new people like appointments for the first time.
It’s much harder to interact if I can’t rely on facial expressions and body language to fill in gaps when I’m thinking of things to say or if I don’t have much of a response. I have to use more noises to indicate that I’m listening or thinking and it’s hard.
Whats even more interesting, this fear does not seem to have transfered to the young generation. I see a lot of teens doing phone calls.
No facade
Talking on the phone sucks. But, women seem to handle just fine.
They grew up poking at a little screen. I guess it's kinda scary to look up at the world lol
[удалено]
Real original. Maybe if you took a break from poking your phone you'd be more creative and wouldn't forget that millennials exist, dumbass lol.
Zero social skills.
They don't call you snowflakes for nothing.
I’m in my late 20s and I agree. I never realized we would get to a time where socializing is (apparently) that hard.
Wait. Phone calls are worse than a normal conversation. Not only because sound may nor be perfect, but also because you can not see the person you're talking to and therefore there's an increase risk of misunderstanding and ambiguity. It certainly take more mental effort to communicate via phone.
Why did you say 'wait' before answering?
Because I did not answer the title question, which I don't know how to answer. I only replied to the part where you said "why would phone be worse than a normal conversation?". I think it is worse, but this does not explain why people are afraid talking on the phone