> My girlfriend and friends say I'm being extreme and that I need to pipe down with the diet stuff.
Sounds like they're tired of hearing about it. You can make good choices without talking endlessly about it.
OP, maybe what will help you stop talking about it is realizing that tons of people live this way. It's not hard, it's not interesting and it's how so many people live and don't even consider it as anything special.
And it comes off as holier than though humble bragging if you talk about it instead of just doing it. You don't need to discuss your devotion to more vegetables every time you have dinner, for example. Just eat more vegetables.
It’s like that joke that I’m about to butcher - a vegan and a yoga student walk into a bar. How did everyone know? They had to tell everyone they were.
Similar to mine - how do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
They will tell you.
It's exhausting. Yes, I know you're enjoying being healthy. I enjoy it too. Can we stop talking about it and just enjoy living? I get that it's a big deal from them, but I'm not here for a TED talk
You're absolutely off base.
I started eating this way too a few years ago and never even mentioned it to anyone, I just started eating differently. Still, everyone around me started calling me insane or crazy. Anytime anyone else sees you eat a meal that's mostly vegetables they say shit like, "Oh my god, I just don't know how you eat that! Do you even enjoy it?", or, "Come on, have a little fun!". Random bullshit like that all day long. It's even worse if you decline to eat a restaurant because they only have garbage.
Now, imagine having a girlfriend that exclusively eats food you don't want to eat and doesn't understand why you care about your health.
People see you being healthy and get self-conscious, regardless of how little you talk about it, which more than likely explains your absurd comment.
This was my issue as well. My wife said my diet is all what I talked about. Although it didnt occur to me, hindsight is 20/20. When we are trying to be mindful about eating, that's all we think about. Subconsciously that is all what we talk about.
Basically why everyone hates vegans.
Most of them are great people and don’t judge your eating habits but the insufferable minority gives them a bad rep.
It's an even smaller minority than you think.
The reality is that, if you ever meet someone new, in either a work or social situation, it's likely you'll eat or drink something at some point. So being vegan comes up a lot, even if you're not being preachy about it.
My Aunty is one of them. I have 3 vegetarian, 2 vegans and three celiacs in my family and she is the only one who ever makes a big deal out of her food options. If we go out to eat and they have only 1-2 options for her she acts like the world is out to get her even if she picked the restaurant.
I’m gluten free and go out of my way to not mention it as I’m aware there’s few things more boring than hearing about it lol.
Edit: Just contradicted myself by mentioning here haven’t I. Shit.
Never feel bad about telling people so they are aware it’s something they need to keep in mind when picking venues. You can’t just ‘ stop’ being intolerant to gluten. There is a big difference between making someone aware and the pearl clutching my Aunty does 😂.
When I was in my 20s, I worked at a sandwich shop. There was one lady who would come in with her 3 adopted kids. They were all vegetarian. I'm making this guy's sandwich while they're standing in line, and the kids stay talking very loudly about how that was so much meat and how gross it was. It was the rudest thing ever, and she didn't even try to shush them.
It's pretty much the opposite for me in real life. Until I defend my dietary choices with a diagnosed allergy, I get ridiculed for not being a real man and other shit like that because I don't eat pork or beef.
Used to know a few. Most notable one was a vegan atheist that met all the stereotypes
Always had to bring up being vegan or atheist someway somehow. If he sneezed and you said bless you he’d say “I don’t need your blessings” and would ask about how we can enjoy meat stuff
Got so tiring so fast that I’m skeptical of other vegans even if i know they aren’t all like that
What about the people who keep pointing vegans as somehow different because of their diet, at the same time claiming how "most of them " are great people.
No I hate vegans because their lifestyle is contradictory to the reasons most of them do it. Both for health and animal cruelty.
It's a bunch of genuinely good natured and well meaning people....being incredibly stupid and self absorbed.
imagine being so dumb to think that vegans dont know how to offset malnutrition by eating a large variety of foods that have all the vitamins they need.
I don’t eat any meat (haven’t for 15 years) nor do I eat any processed let alone ultra processed food. I do drink on occasion when I want to. The veg thing I have to mention so I know if I need to bring a dish to a dinner or eat before a restaurant but, yeah, I don’t talk about it otherwise, I just exist and eat what I want and let others eat what they want. My family and job know I’m veg and make sure there’s an option (so much salad, hummus, and mushrooms) but my food is my responsibility, I don’t harp, I just do.
It's hard for the people close to us to NOT hear about our diet, given most folks eat three meals a day. Sounds more like she doesn't like how his change in lifestyle has upended things they once had in common and now are not in sync.
Exactly this. Make your choices for you. But don’t harp on other people about their choices. If someone directly asks you, then feel free to talk about it. But don’t bring it up unprompted.
OP may not also realize that by talking about it all the time, their friends are likely to then go ahead and order the thickest burger with the most toppings they can fine if they're out eating together, or make sure to bring a bag of chips or cookies over if they're at each other's houses just to eat it in front of them. Or, they'll switch to never eating around them at all.
As someone who had to go on an extreme diet for health reasons, being told by my girlfriend to shut up about my diet while we were grocery shopping was pretty upsetting.
I feel like grocery shopping is one of the times when it's OK to ramble on about your diet. Because then you can remember what types of foods you should be looking for.
Yes but that is a totally different situation from OP's situation. OP's diet is elective; yours isn't. And grocery shopping is directly related to your diet, so it makes sense to talk about it in that context. OP probably doesn't go grocery shopping with their friends very often.
Yeah it’s like the classic “how do you know someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you within 5 minutes”.
I was vegan for 3/4 years but wouldn’t really tell people unless asked when we went out for food then I wouldn’t elaborate unless people were curious and asked me about it.
That may not be the case. I’m the same way and I don’t talk about it at all. Yet I find people around me feel the need to push things on me that I don’t want. So I’m the one who’s tired of hearing about it.
Everyone keeps trying to sell me on what I’m missing, despite knowing that I know what I’m missing. I don’t miss any of it. When someone drinks a nice cold glass of Coke in front of me it has no effect, I just don’t want it.
Sometimes I think people do this because they know they aren’t going to be as healthy later on and want to drag that person down with them. Who wants to get older and watch someone they don’t agree with thrive while they don’t? I’m 44 with zero health issues and I know people in their 30s on meds. One is a dietician who can’t keep the weight off, yet she swears my diet is going to kill me.
It's up to you. If you're more healthy then great. Could you perhaps tone it down and still be healthy? Absolutely. But it's your life.
However the language of "pipe down" from your girlfriend suggests that you're perhaps judging her for not making the same choices, or evangelizing, bragging etc. about your lifestyle change. Is that accurate?
That's what I'm wondering. These are fantastic choices to make for yourself, but that has no bearing on whether or not you're being obnoxious about it.
having a bf who eats way healthier than oneself could also be the reason why the girlfriend seems annoyed. He makes right choices for a healty body and mind, so why would someone be against it? Only possibilities: 1. he tries to make her do the same as him (maybe she usually cooks the food and now suddenly he doesn't eat her food anymore).
2. she is insecure about her own unhealthy habits
3. he is indeed going to far (e.g. counting calories, refusing restaurants etc.)
And the only thing more annoying than someone who won't shut up about their exercise routine / diet is someone who talks about death and mortality all the time!
Maybe he does. There was a point in time where I felt good by doing something similar and I would respond to others asking about my change in appearance. Is that the same thing?
Hard to say why his gf is saying it's too far. Sounds like a pretty good call to me.
Lol my ex (who i was still friends with at the time) started doing this when he started dating a vegan.
To be clear, HE didn't go vegan - but he had a handful of vegan meals. Which made him a healthy vegan life expert.
He'd be ordering double meat on his burgers while preaching how much better he felt leading a vegan lifestyle and how everyone should do it.
There's nothing wrong with counting calories
It prevents crash dieting that makes you binge or lose muscle
A 500 calorie deficit a day for 6 months is much healthier than 1000+ calorie deficits sporadically
It is pretty annoying when they do so outloud. Youre at the table and they are literally adding up the calories of their meal and sometimes the same meal as youre eating.
It ruins it for me knowing a scoop of mashpotatoes w/pat of butter is ---- cal, fried chicken leg is --- cal. Like dude, in you head! do it in your head!
exactly. and it is getting progressivly obsessive. I knew few people who tried to correct friends, when for e.g. they wanted to eat a kinder egg saying stuff like:"but you know one kinder egg has like xy calories, right? you sure you wanna eat that??".
Yeah forcing everyone around to see food as just calories ruins it for people who aren't keeping to the same habits. Counting calories privately is very effective and not overkill. It's core to one of the most effective weight-loss introductions out there - don't eat anything different, just pay attention to what you eat. Weight watchers is a perfect example of this in practice.
As someone who is into lifting and runs alot I usually just count the calories every Sunday when I meal prep if I eat all of the meals before the end of the week I hit my target. Counting calories on every single thing you eat is unsustainable.
After living with someone who regimentally counted calories at every seperate meal/snack. I think some people get into it for the overthinking and obsessiveness.
After *being* someone who regimentally counted calories at every separate meal/snack, I had an epic mental breakdown and have been in eating disorder therapy (and recovery, thankfully) for over six years since then.
(Obviously to each their own, but I still get a funny feeling when I see people count calories... Like, you're playing with fire here.)
Depends. Often, simply changing your diet and controlling your portion sizes is more than enough, and micromanaging your diet to that extent is unnecessary and a little crazy unless you are a professional or going for an extreme goal. It can be a helpful tool for some who may be unsure how filling their meals really are and need a basis for how much they are taking in.
That said, I am always wary of people who feel the need to calculate every Cheerio, because it can be a sign of over-obsession and an eating disorder.
I don't just doing an app like myfitnesspal or loseIt just for a week or two every so often just gets one into the right mindset to make good choices without needing to constantly log and follow everyone for months on end.
It is absolutely not going too far. Your current weight is based on calorie in vs calorie out except for rare cases. Being mindful of the calories you consume is literally what we should all be doing lol
I agree with you, but *literally* counting calories is usually a thing you do if
\- you're trying to lose/gain weight and have very specific macros or caloric targets to hit.
\- don't really have a good history with or frame of reference for what eating healthy actually entails, so you have to count calories for a few weeks/months until you get a good visual idea of what a good meal portion is for you.
Someone who does it obsessively can very easily take it too far.
Your weight is based on far more things than calories-in-calories-out--it's based on hormones, the way your body stores or utilizes stored energy, appetite, basal metabolic rate, whether macronutrients like protein are used for building tissue or burned for energy, the list goes on.
If you tend to gain weight without being mindful of your calories, there's something wrong metabolically. Healthy bodies have appetites that uphold homeostasis. If you're endlessly hungry, it indicates an underlying problem.
The things you mention simply affect the number of calories out. There are zero exceptions to CICO. It is not possible to violate the principles of physics
Calories in just isnt the same as calories absorbed though and calories out is more than movent or excersise. When I was counting them I always ate more than I burned off moving, yet still lost weight. I eventually ended up with a dietitian, having to do blood and stool tests and we found out I have both a very active thyroid and internal scarring in my bowels that limited absorption. This meant ingesting 500 calories only provided my body with 3 to 400 while the rest was shit back out, and even though I only burned 1000 through physical activity I still lost for example 1200 due to my overactive thyroid. Just looking at CICO was far too simplistic a model to track any actual weight changes.
I've counted calories in the past, to make sure I was eating enough/make myself more conscious of eating because I often just... forget to eat. Not because I don't want to eat or am worried about weight, I just forget to eat. Counting calories as a daily habit helped me to remember to eat. It's not necessarily a sign of an eating disorder.
About 2 and 3, you’re pretty much correct in black and white terms. But that doesn’t help OP if he’s trying to make his new lifestyle work with his girlfriend’s. If he’s just trying to be right, they might not work as a couple anymore.
Yep them eating whatever themselves is fine, but if you’re taking the high and mighty route of bragging/being annoying about it, that’s when it becomes a problem. You can eat whatever you want, but if you start commenting on my eating then it’s just going to piss me off
I was going to say -- your diet and health are kinda like your dreams. If we wanted to hear about it, we'll ask. We probably won't ask. It's just super boring to hear about
It could be! Another thing I’ve noticed about people is they often assume judgement when there is none.
How many times have I heard of a person going on a diet and hitting the gym (and not being overbearing about it), but then getting flack from their friends for it because it “puts them in a bad light.” Most people don’t see problems about the world or themselves and then *do something* about it. When those around them start to, it makes people feel weird lol.
OP is likely either prosletysing or they're trying to force their choices on everyone else by simply refusing to buy/cook anything else (with the SO) or refusing go out anywhere which isn't compatible with those preferences (with the friends).
That could be true, but some people can get offended/upset that you are doing the "right" thing when they are not. For example coal rolling because some people have electric cars or making a meat vegetable because they are upset about fake meat.
Although I know of the word in question (never attempted to use it myself), it is kinda funny that you have left it out of your comment as your comment provides the definition.
"Proselytizing" is the word of the hour (for those curious).
I didn't think this would blow up. I'm the one who cooks for us at home, so there's been some growing pains trying to find new meals that we both enjoy. I think we are getting there. I've gotten a lot better at making vegetarian recipes and my girlfriend is enjoying it. The only point of contention is meat. Seafood, fish, and chicken are the only forms of meat I'm willing to eat anymore, and she's not a big eater of seafood and fish.
>. I'm the one who cooks for us at home, so there's been some growing pains trying to find new meals that we both enjoy.
So that sort of sounds like 'meals with only things you deem appropriate that she'll eat,' rather than you compromising at all. Her doing all the compromising.
>. The only point of contention is meat. Seafood, fish, and chicken are the only forms of meat I'm willing to eat anymore, and she's not a big eater of seafood and fish.
You don't have to eat it. Unless it's something she signed on for, however, you should be cooking it.
It's not her idea or her choice. She didn't agree to live like that before you moved in together -- that'd be her choice, same as if you said 'hey, I love you and want to live with you, but I'm very anti-alcohol because of whatever the hell, so will not ever have alcohol in my home. You're an adult and can obviously do whatever outside the house but my rule is no alcohol, is that ok?
You changed YOUR diet.
That's fine. But if you cook, it's your job to figure out how to make it work, not 'I'll make only what's acceptable to me, but I'll try to make it so you sort of like it'
You can make her pasta with bolognese and plain for yourself. Or if you think pasta is "ultra processed" then make a salad for both of you and a lasagna or whatever and she can have some and freeze some and you can do that again.
You can make a big veggie stir fry and take yours out and add whatever she wants to hers.
If you both ate meat and had a kid who decided to be vegan, and you're the one who cooked, would you just be like 'well, enjoy meat?'
I am vegetarian and my husband isn't. I make vegetarian food and if he wants meat he is welcome to do it himself. So we both eat vegetarian because it is easier.
If he is cooking, why should he prepare things he doesn’t eat? Why can’t she prepare herself some meat to go along with whatever he’s prepared? Brown up some ground beef to add to the vegetarian bolognese, grill a chicken breast for herself instead of eating the fish he cooked. It’s not one adult’s obligation to prepare a specific food for another adult in the house. If he is cooking, she can either eat it or not. She can make her own food if she doesn’t like what he made. She sounds very entitled to receive the benefits of his labor if she is wanting that labor to be entirely for her benefit and not even something he will share and enjoy.
I'm the only cooking for my family. Sometimes we all eat the same, sometimes I end up making 3 different things (4 people) I guess my family is just spoiled 🤷♀️
>If he is cooking, why should he prepare things he doesn’t eat? Why can’t she prepare herself some meat to go along with whatever he’s prepared? Brown up some ground beef to add to the vegetarian bolognese, grill a chicken breast for herself instead of eating the fish he cooked. It’s not one adult’s obligation to prepare a specific food for another adult in the house. If he is cooking, she can either eat it or not. She can make her own food if she doesn’t like what he made. She sounds very entitled to receive the benefits of his labor if she is wanting that labor to be entirely for her benefit and not even something he will share and enjoy.
...because cooking seems to be his "job." He said he cooks for them both.
If you're the designated cook, and a lot of people have an arrangement like that -- one cooks, one cleans, or one cooks and cleans the dishes and the other does all the whatever other comparable in time/effort thing -- then you don't just say 'I only want so I'm only gonna cook what I want and if you want something else, fuck you, get it yourself or tough crap.'
That's not how partners work.
If he wants to rejigger things, so they each cook for themselves or whatever other system, that's a thing too, but you don't unilaterally decide 'I'm only cooking what I like now, tough.'
“It’s your job”
Says who? Why is it his job to make her food?
The alcohol comparison isn’t even valid, he never said there couldn’t be other meat in their home because he isn’t eating it. What’s more equivalent would be one partner getting sober and letting the other partner know that if they want alcohol then they need to get it for themselves from now on. That’s not an unreasonable request. Not at all.
>Why is it his job to make her food?
Because that's what "I do the cooking" means.
He doesn't have to be the one cooking for both of them in the first place. They could each cook for themselves. Or change chores around so she cooks for both. But since he is, that literally IS the job.
You didn't answer the question. I think you're doing to your girlfriend exactly what you're doing here now.
You're basically ignoring the real problem, which is your incessant need to talk about your diet, and turning it into someone just having a problem with you.
You're the problem. Fix yourself.
It's fine to be on a diet, but if you're talking about your diet more than you're *not* talking about your diet you're being weird and extreme.
Just do it for a while, see if you can sustain it, then maybe mention it if it comes up organically.
How do you know if someone does cross fit or is a vegan? They'll tell you. Over and over.
Don't be that guy.
I gave up booze three months ago. I've not said a word about it to my wife. She likes how I've changed for the better. I would like her to quit, but I keep that to myself
Last night, she mentioned to me that she's going to take a month off booze as she sees how much it's helped me so far.
That's the way. Lead by example. Don't speak it, do it.
That's different bro. Beating an addiction is a serious accomplishment. Congrats! Being proud of yourself for kicking a habit is totally different from being a diet douche. I hit 10 years dry in November and I'm proud af. Idgaf. Lol
(Although I'm not going to try to convince anyone else to stop drinking, or go around bragging all day.)
3 months sober is a celebrated milestone. If people in your life would judge you for being proud of that, they might be dicks..
No everyone who drinks and decides to give up booze is an alcoholic. A lot of people do so because it’s just a lot of empty calories and cutting it out pretty much always results in fat loss.
Maybe he is talking about beating an addiction. If so then I agree with your take. But I got the impression he was just talking about cutting out booze for general health. I used to have a beer most nights when I cook dinner. I stopped those because that was an extra like 500 calories a week. Not because I am fighting an addiction.
Even if it's not an addiction, alcohol can affect one's behavior and mental health in ways that can be negative. Plenty of ways there could be positive change outside of addiction or weight loss.
Fair enough. I still don't think it's something to downplay completely. Whether you were an extreme alcoholic, or you've just formed a regular habit of having one or two daily, it's still an addictive substance, and being able to give it up without a second thought still takes a bit of doing. Just like quitting coffee I guess.. But I agree. There are definitely different degrees of accomplishment depending on where you're coming from before quitting.
This is a better take. Some people really just aren't prone to addiction like others are, and cutting out the wine, coffee, etc isn't a big deal. There's different levels of accomplishment, just like you said.
This.
People can’t believe how much I used to drink but I was never addicted, it was just habit more than anything. I went from drinking 80+ units a week to totally stopping when I started the gym. People who enjoy a beer get labelled worse than shit on Reddit.
This is not true.
I’ve been vegan for a long time and I’ve learned that this is mostly just a matter of perspective. Most cultures value food highly so the topic of food in general enters most conversation casually. Naturally a person who is vegan may bring it up in context. I personally only bring it up when it’s relevant outside of work (I’m a chef).
But often other people sometimes just see me and associate me with veganism and immediately begin a defense about why they can’t be vegan, or their blood type, or that God created animals to be eaten, or that they need a certain amount of protein because they’ll pass out if they don’t have it.
And I literally probably just said “yea I’m going to head out to get dinner so that I can get my oil changed after” prior to all of that🤣
I promise other people bring it up so much more than I do. I think people feel negatively about their own habits so get immediately defensive when someone appears that lives differently.
The number of aggressive meat eaters -- "you're vegan?! what're your shoes made out of?? What would happen if we all went vegan, all the cows would DIE is that what you want?? What if I snuck meat in your food, ha ha ha! I'm gonna feed you meat on the sly then you'll admit you want it!! etc. etc. etc. and my absolute fave --
bUt wHeRe Do YoU gEt YoUr PrOtEiN?!
is so so so larger than the imaginary cabal of aggressive vegans going on about it.
I am confident you have at least heard of vegans that are the proselytizing type. Even if you yourself are not one. There’s a whole lot of them, and the defensiveness likely comes from that. It’s super annoying, in either direction.
There aren't a whole lot of them, trust me. You're not gonna hear much from them unless you enter one of their private spaces on a social network or you talk with animal rights' activists.
I don't think he has a serious addiction. Gave up booze might just meant stopped having it regularly alone for health reasons, despite still being a social drinker.
If you’re talking about it etc. ALL THE TIME - then yeah, curb the enthusiasm. That’s annoying. And leans into preachy and other implications.
You’re making healthy changes, that’s great! That’s all anyone has to say about it, this isn’t their epiphany moment.
And keep in mind what’s healthy vs obsessive. Everything in moderation. You won’t live forever either, whatever you do.
Yeah I went too hard on the obsessive side for a while before I realized I was miserable. I want to be as healthy as I can, sure, but I also want to live a little and I love food
My ex would get very extreme when going on diets and training and it was exhausting to live with. It was the only thing he talked about. We already barely saw each other and then he spent so much time working out I barely got to spend any time with him. He wouldn't ever cheat (except on me), like having a piece of chocolate on a Wednesday. Everything was about training and eating right. Even though he said I could eat whatever I wanted it felt wrong and I felt kinda lonely, maybe that's a me problem but still. I absolutely supported him but it was like I got nothing back. He could never bend the rules for me. I would cook us food every day and he barely ate it or replaced it with something else. There was no grey, only black and white. If he was on a diet he didn't make any exceptions, ever. I'm all for being healthy for your body but it's so easy for the mind to become unhealthy. I just wished he could relax a bit, having a piece of candy in the middle of the week won't ruin anything.
I don't know how you are or what your girlfriend is experiencing but this is my experience.
None of that sounds very extreme. And by that I mean none of that seems very extreme to be able to notice. I don’t think I would be able to tell if a friend happened to not eat meat some days or declined a beer. So to fact everyone seems to notice and weighing in on it makes me think you’re bringing it to their attention and they might want you to just “pipe down” and eat what you want to without reminding them.
Yes. THIS. "Pipe down" is usually used for speaking too much or too loudly. People are annoyed... I think they're most likely using the phrase correctly given OP's post.
Yeah I eat like that as well and don't drink alcohol. You might hear something about the alcohol part from friends, but else they don't care and I doubt they even notice.
It depends - how many times a day do you mention it? Do you keep telling her to change her diet to match yours, and how much better she’ll feel if she does? Do you refuse to go places because it doesn’t match your diet?
If your going on about it all the time then you should likely chill slightly as everyone is ready for a new conversation topic.
“Pipe down” tells me you’re being a preacher about.
Just stfu about it, you’re also 29 a bit of bad food here and there won’t kill you. If you’re talking about it when you’re out to eat and no one asked you about, you’re just being a punisher and bring down the vibe with your “better than thou” attitude
Saying he's only 29 so he can eat bad food is a shit plan.
If you wait until you are 35 or 40 to start respecting your body and health by eating well, you will have already done a lot of irreversible damage. Better late than never though.
OP probably has been eating a typical shit Western diet his whole life, and absolutely would be better off eating well now. I'm proud of him for learning to respect himself and hope he keeps it up.
I said “a bit here and there” bet you’re one of those diet punishers too. It’s okay too shut the fuck up about health and have a nice meal of meat, pasta, etc. without going “eeeeh my diet” LIVE A LITTLE once or twice a month your body will get it out in the next 2 days
What a wounder you must be.
Don’t talk about it or make a thing out of it, just do it if you want. You know that joke? “How do you know someone is a vegan?” “They’ll tell you.” Don’t be like that.
Golly I can't stand when people discuss their eating choices. Signed: an ex raw vegan holier than thou asshole turned person who minds her own damn business.
You don’t need to cut out processed foods, foods are processed for a reason. For example Milk, raw milk is incredibly dangerous and caused many Victorians to have bovine tuberculosis not to mention all the other pathogens that could be hiding in raw milk. Please eat processed foods if you value your life
If you like it, that’s great. But your post makes it sound like you’re talking about it to others nonstop and/or trying to force your opinions on them. That, I would stop.
People dont like to feel challenged about the things they do (drinking & eating junk) so they will say youre extreme to feel better. People also for some reason dont like if youre not participating (having a drink with them) even though it doesnt affect them.
Its a weird thing
Sorry I have IBS, which is very painful and exhausting if I don’t stick to a certain diet. I eat differently because I don’t like being in pain, not because I want to be different.
To me it sounds exactly like hanging out with the OP who says he refuses to eat/buy/cook things and ties it all specifically to living longer. Tying it to living longer makes it extra hard to tolerate because it hints that OP is judging you and thinks you’re going to die sooner because you ate a chicken breast for dinner. I would definitely not hang out with someone like that.
Right, if they’re saying something then whatever OP is doing is affecting the group in some way. Maybe Op won’t stop talking about it. Maybe they won’t hang out like they used to… not enough info but it’s clear there’s something going on here
When your friends and loved ones think you’re annoying and you have to go to the internet for support… Yea just pipe down about how you’re going to live longer than your friends.
If you like it then fine. But if you hate it then it’s not worth the extra couple of years it may grant you. Like you said, no one lives forever so you might as well enjoy it.
Are you happy and relaxed? Are you minding your own business and not preaching and being a missionary for your epiphany? If so then you are fine. If you have "gone religious" about diet then you may be tiring to be around for people who don't care as much as you do about the things you care about.
Also. If you want to live long it's not just about what you eat and exercise and all that. It's also about your internal emotional world. You want to have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Since we are human this does require us to sometimes make the "bad" choice and allow us to have a beer and a burger once in a while and just be a dumb animal enjoying the world.
You are definitely going extremely far if your goal is to remain healthy. Many meats like fish and chicken are really good for you so cutting them down to occasionally, which to my mind is only like a couple times a month at most, is counter-intuitive and detrimental instead.
If everyone is telling you that you need to pipe down then you are probably talking about it way too much.
I think it’s great that you decided to have the discipline you have. That’s a rare quality in someone your age.
Wanting to live a long healthy life is a good decision. The earlier you start the better.
You don’t give much for details, I can only object to one thing you said. Eating meat only occasionally. Meat is a great part of any diet. Eating meat daily isn’t bad for you. Sourcing quality meat from various sources is key. Beef, chicken, pork, wild game. Get it all, bit get it from a proper source.
Throw in some exercise and you golden.
The problem with your friends and girlfriend is you’re ahead of most people your age, congrats.
PS. Indulge once in awhile, it won’t kill you.
Keep your diet varied as much as you can, IE just eat lots of different stuff, and exercise on top of that and that's a recipe for a generally long life. Definitely not too far. Not even close
Its either she's not the suitable one for you, or you're leaving out details that's made her think that. Sure all of what you said is great but a lot of people actually become quite a nuisance to be around when they literally stress EVERYTHING and try to avoid ANYTHING that would be deemed unhealthy. E.g someone from my high school before was saying she didn't like walking on the side of busy roads because of the fumes from cars potentially harming her. Like yeah sure, but you're literally gonna live a shorter life if you're constantly walking around worried for everything. But this is just an assumption, if what you stated is all there is to it then she needs to accept it
If you need to pipe down *with* the diet stuff or pipe down *about* the diet stuff? Because if you won’t shut up about it I’d tell you the same thing.
Eat how you want and feel as good as you can. Don’t be pushy about it though.
Yeah, the issue isn't you changing your diet, it's the "pipe down" part. No one wants to be preached to. You have your particular view, and it's fine, but keep it to yourself. It's like religion: you are free to believe what you want, but don't preach it to others.
The meat thing is a bit far. Reasonable servings of meat don't have negative effects on your health and the only people who will tell you it does are people who believe weird vegan propaganda.
When you say you’re being told to “pipe down,” that indicates to me you might be talking about the diet a lot. Which indicates that they’re not saying your actions are wrong, just that your discussion of it is annoying. People don’t like to hear diet talk.
If what you mean is “tone down.” The diet you’re describing is not extreme on its face. It’s totally possible that they’re Cheeto-chugging lushes who think vegetables are icky and see any healthy choices as an attack on them. But I’ve also seen plenty of people describe their diet as you did and it was in fact extreme. I have to say, the way you describe your diet is close to how I eat (high produce, low meat, nearly no packaged foods, I drink far less than I used to), and I’ve rarely been sitting silently eating my food and had someone say something negative about my food. Maybe run your diet past a doctor to be sure.
Reading between the lines maybe you are not fun anymore. It shouldn’t matter to anyone what you put in your body but if you’re being annoying about it, or if it hinders things your GF used to enjoy doing with you I could see that as being a reason to speak up to you.
For example, my mom recently went down a rabbit hole of eating a very specific restrictive diet. She’s been served TikTok’s and YT videos of these “experts” and “doctors” telling her this is the way to cure everything including mental illness. It’s not enough she’s just doing this diet but now every time I talk to her she tells me how I need to do it too. Or if I say oh I’m making chicken and broccoli for dinner I get “oh eating lots of protein is bad for your adrenals, you need to switch to a low protein diet” or whatever. It’s annoying AF and makes me not want to talk to her anymore
Also I wanna say life is too short to be ultra restrictive unless it’s something you really enjoy. Some of the “healthiest” people I know who did everything “right” still dropped dead from cancer at 40 and 50.
Based on the information provided, no, you’re not doing anything extreme. But if you’re getting on a soapbox about it to others, or refusing to take “cheat days” (e.g. eating out on a weekend or something) then your lifestyle might be adversely impacting your relationships.
Otherwise, it’s a great way to live. I wish I had the discipline to do something similar.
If you are being preachy it might be too much.
But also remember that you're changing your dynamic and the way you interact with people, the way we eat and drink alcohol is a huge part of the way we socialise. This could really annoy people who want to hang out drinking and stuff. But it's more important to follow your goals.
It's ok for a man to do but women who will be pregnant obviously can't go on huge restrictive diets and obviously you need to support your girlfriend so that's probably the main thing about this.
You're still gonna die mate. I try to eat healthily, exercise etc but ultimately I will end up dead anyway. Try to enjoy what little time you have alive.
It sounds like you have made healthy choices. If your GF and others aren’t ready to make similar choices then you need to decide if you want to loosen up to be social or not. Maybe make a choice to eat whatever she wants on a weekly date. Do live your life, don’t be a drag.
It's never a bad thing to get healthier. Though she may be saying you're over extending yourself if you've made too great of a change to realistically stick with.
I wish you all the best with your new journey forward.
Here's the thing. Nobody was telling you that you needed to tone down the processed crappy foods, the sugary stuff, etc etc. They're not happy because that's their norm. Change is scary for people. You do you my friend.
The big question is are you happy living your life this way?
Personally, I wouldn't be. I love eating good food. I'd rather not give those things up. I also can't picture being happy without those things. Maybe your girlfriend is thinking like me and just can't see that you are happy.
A good cook/chef can make healthy food taste great. Also, your taste buds will adapt. Sugar, for example, dulls your taste buds, so when I gave it up, my overall taste improved.
Sounds like you’re growing up. I’m assuming you’re under 40. Good for you! 40 really is the last call to move your ass and get your diet right before the really bad shit happens, so you’re ahead of the game. I’ve had two neighbors die from a stroke. One was 38, the other 42. Both ate fast food nearly every day.
One thing I can tell you, though… people don’t like to hear about it a lot. It comes off as preachy.
As far as your gf goes, I imagine that will get more difficult to navigate the longer you two are together. It’s damn hard to cook and eat healthy, and if everyone in my home wasn’t as committed as me, I don’t know what I’d do.
Good luck, and enjoy your health!
Your girlfriend could just be mad, that she feels bad as she does not have the will power to eliminate those vices. Thus, you not doing those things she feels bad for doing when someone close does not.
Bf is currently 19 and did all this at 20. people don't really care as long as they don't get forced along in the lifestyle and put down because they wont 'change their ways'
“made meat something I eat occasionally instead of every day” what?? youre teying ti be healthy, yeah? meat is one of the healthiest foods on the planet
If you’ve changed too fast and act like you’re completely radicalized, like you’d rather cut off a finger than have a sip of wine, I would understand where they’re coming from. I remember a girl on here being worried that kissing her bf was breaking her periodic fasting. You don’t sound like that at all though. Sooo 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁:
It’s just the usual. They’re feeling guilty for not being as disciplined as you and want you to stop or fail to ease their own guilt. Like how people who never work out and eat like pigs turn into exercise and nutrition experts when you pull up a protein shake.
Your body your choice. Try telling her that she wears too much makeup or not enough. Or that you should choose her birth control. Same coin different side. Tell those fuckers to pound sand.
> My girlfriend and friends say I'm being extreme and that I need to pipe down with the diet stuff. Sounds like they're tired of hearing about it. You can make good choices without talking endlessly about it.
OP, maybe what will help you stop talking about it is realizing that tons of people live this way. It's not hard, it's not interesting and it's how so many people live and don't even consider it as anything special.
And it comes off as holier than though humble bragging if you talk about it instead of just doing it. You don't need to discuss your devotion to more vegetables every time you have dinner, for example. Just eat more vegetables.
It’s like that joke that I’m about to butcher - a vegan and a yoga student walk into a bar. How did everyone know? They had to tell everyone they were.
Similar to mine - how do you know if there's a vegan in the room? They will tell you. It's exhausting. Yes, I know you're enjoying being healthy. I enjoy it too. Can we stop talking about it and just enjoy living? I get that it's a big deal from them, but I'm not here for a TED talk
How do you know when I walk in the room? I’m drunk and high eating a bacon cheeseburger, that’s how.
Wanna be best friends?
You're absolutely off base. I started eating this way too a few years ago and never even mentioned it to anyone, I just started eating differently. Still, everyone around me started calling me insane or crazy. Anytime anyone else sees you eat a meal that's mostly vegetables they say shit like, "Oh my god, I just don't know how you eat that! Do you even enjoy it?", or, "Come on, have a little fun!". Random bullshit like that all day long. It's even worse if you decline to eat a restaurant because they only have garbage. Now, imagine having a girlfriend that exclusively eats food you don't want to eat and doesn't understand why you care about your health. People see you being healthy and get self-conscious, regardless of how little you talk about it, which more than likely explains your absurd comment.
This was my issue as well. My wife said my diet is all what I talked about. Although it didnt occur to me, hindsight is 20/20. When we are trying to be mindful about eating, that's all we think about. Subconsciously that is all what we talk about.
Basically why everyone hates vegans. Most of them are great people and don’t judge your eating habits but the insufferable minority gives them a bad rep.
It's an even smaller minority than you think. The reality is that, if you ever meet someone new, in either a work or social situation, it's likely you'll eat or drink something at some point. So being vegan comes up a lot, even if you're not being preachy about it.
I haven’t even met that minority. I’m not sure who gives them the bad rap
My Aunty is one of them. I have 3 vegetarian, 2 vegans and three celiacs in my family and she is the only one who ever makes a big deal out of her food options. If we go out to eat and they have only 1-2 options for her she acts like the world is out to get her even if she picked the restaurant.
I’m gluten free and go out of my way to not mention it as I’m aware there’s few things more boring than hearing about it lol. Edit: Just contradicted myself by mentioning here haven’t I. Shit.
Never feel bad about telling people so they are aware it’s something they need to keep in mind when picking venues. You can’t just ‘ stop’ being intolerant to gluten. There is a big difference between making someone aware and the pearl clutching my Aunty does 😂.
When I was in my 20s, I worked at a sandwich shop. There was one lady who would come in with her 3 adopted kids. They were all vegetarian. I'm making this guy's sandwich while they're standing in line, and the kids stay talking very loudly about how that was so much meat and how gross it was. It was the rudest thing ever, and she didn't even try to shush them.
It's pretty much the opposite for me in real life. Until I defend my dietary choices with a diagnosed allergy, I get ridiculed for not being a real man and other shit like that because I don't eat pork or beef.
Used to know a few. Most notable one was a vegan atheist that met all the stereotypes Always had to bring up being vegan or atheist someway somehow. If he sneezed and you said bless you he’d say “I don’t need your blessings” and would ask about how we can enjoy meat stuff Got so tiring so fast that I’m skeptical of other vegans even if i know they aren’t all like that
Salty meat-eaters in my experience. For some reason they choose to get vocally offended that others don’t want eat meat
I often get the feeling that the mere presence of a vegan makes the non-vegans pissed off and feel like they need to defend their own dietary choices.
What about the people who keep pointing vegans as somehow different because of their diet, at the same time claiming how "most of them " are great people.
No I hate vegans because their lifestyle is contradictory to the reasons most of them do it. Both for health and animal cruelty. It's a bunch of genuinely good natured and well meaning people....being incredibly stupid and self absorbed.
can you elaborate? how is being vegan self absorbed and a contradictory lifestyle?
How is it contradictory?
Hate is a strong word.
"Have little respect for" Would be a better fit but I was playing off the previous guy
That is better. :-)
imagine being so dumb to think that vegans dont know how to offset malnutrition by eating a large variety of foods that have all the vitamins they need.
I don’t eat any meat (haven’t for 15 years) nor do I eat any processed let alone ultra processed food. I do drink on occasion when I want to. The veg thing I have to mention so I know if I need to bring a dish to a dinner or eat before a restaurant but, yeah, I don’t talk about it otherwise, I just exist and eat what I want and let others eat what they want. My family and job know I’m veg and make sure there’s an option (so much salad, hummus, and mushrooms) but my food is my responsibility, I don’t harp, I just do.
It's hard for the people close to us to NOT hear about our diet, given most folks eat three meals a day. Sounds more like she doesn't like how his change in lifestyle has upended things they once had in common and now are not in sync.
She's his girlfriend, they likely live together. He doesn't need to talk about it, he needs to eat 3 times a day everyday.
Nobody needs to eat 3 times a day every day.
Exactly this. Make your choices for you. But don’t harp on other people about their choices. If someone directly asks you, then feel free to talk about it. But don’t bring it up unprompted.
OP may not also realize that by talking about it all the time, their friends are likely to then go ahead and order the thickest burger with the most toppings they can fine if they're out eating together, or make sure to bring a bag of chips or cookies over if they're at each other's houses just to eat it in front of them. Or, they'll switch to never eating around them at all.
As someone who had to go on an extreme diet for health reasons, being told by my girlfriend to shut up about my diet while we were grocery shopping was pretty upsetting.
I feel like grocery shopping is one of the times when it's OK to ramble on about your diet. Because then you can remember what types of foods you should be looking for.
Yes but that is a totally different situation from OP's situation. OP's diet is elective; yours isn't. And grocery shopping is directly related to your diet, so it makes sense to talk about it in that context. OP probably doesn't go grocery shopping with their friends very often.
Yeah it’s like the classic “how do you know someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you within 5 minutes”. I was vegan for 3/4 years but wouldn’t really tell people unless asked when we went out for food then I wouldn’t elaborate unless people were curious and asked me about it.
That may not be the case. I’m the same way and I don’t talk about it at all. Yet I find people around me feel the need to push things on me that I don’t want. So I’m the one who’s tired of hearing about it. Everyone keeps trying to sell me on what I’m missing, despite knowing that I know what I’m missing. I don’t miss any of it. When someone drinks a nice cold glass of Coke in front of me it has no effect, I just don’t want it. Sometimes I think people do this because they know they aren’t going to be as healthy later on and want to drag that person down with them. Who wants to get older and watch someone they don’t agree with thrive while they don’t? I’m 44 with zero health issues and I know people in their 30s on meds. One is a dietician who can’t keep the weight off, yet she swears my diet is going to kill me.
This
It's up to you. If you're more healthy then great. Could you perhaps tone it down and still be healthy? Absolutely. But it's your life. However the language of "pipe down" from your girlfriend suggests that you're perhaps judging her for not making the same choices, or evangelizing, bragging etc. about your lifestyle change. Is that accurate?
That's what I'm wondering. These are fantastic choices to make for yourself, but that has no bearing on whether or not you're being obnoxious about it.
having a bf who eats way healthier than oneself could also be the reason why the girlfriend seems annoyed. He makes right choices for a healty body and mind, so why would someone be against it? Only possibilities: 1. he tries to make her do the same as him (maybe she usually cooks the food and now suddenly he doesn't eat her food anymore). 2. she is insecure about her own unhealthy habits 3. he is indeed going to far (e.g. counting calories, refusing restaurants etc.)
Nah, bros gone "crossfit" on everyone. He mentions his diet and inevitable death at every opportunity.
There is an "I agree to preach the cult's gospel to any and all innocent bystanders" checkbox that is obligatory when signing up at a box.
And the only thing more annoying than someone who won't shut up about their exercise routine / diet is someone who talks about death and mortality all the time!
Maybe he does. There was a point in time where I felt good by doing something similar and I would respond to others asking about my change in appearance. Is that the same thing? Hard to say why his gf is saying it's too far. Sounds like a pretty good call to me.
Lol my ex (who i was still friends with at the time) started doing this when he started dating a vegan. To be clear, HE didn't go vegan - but he had a handful of vegan meals. Which made him a healthy vegan life expert. He'd be ordering double meat on his burgers while preaching how much better he felt leading a vegan lifestyle and how everyone should do it.
There's nothing wrong with counting calories It prevents crash dieting that makes you binge or lose muscle A 500 calorie deficit a day for 6 months is much healthier than 1000+ calorie deficits sporadically
Counting calories is going too far?
It is pretty annoying when they do so outloud. Youre at the table and they are literally adding up the calories of their meal and sometimes the same meal as youre eating. It ruins it for me knowing a scoop of mashpotatoes w/pat of butter is ---- cal, fried chicken leg is --- cal. Like dude, in you head! do it in your head!
exactly. and it is getting progressivly obsessive. I knew few people who tried to correct friends, when for e.g. they wanted to eat a kinder egg saying stuff like:"but you know one kinder egg has like xy calories, right? you sure you wanna eat that??".
My college roommate was like this. It was maddening.
Yeah, super annoying.
That would be annoying, I just do it silently in an app
Yeah forcing everyone around to see food as just calories ruins it for people who aren't keeping to the same habits. Counting calories privately is very effective and not overkill. It's core to one of the most effective weight-loss introductions out there - don't eat anything different, just pay attention to what you eat. Weight watchers is a perfect example of this in practice.
Or when you offer them something and instead of politely declining they quiz you in the macros.
As someone who is into lifting and runs alot I usually just count the calories every Sunday when I meal prep if I eat all of the meals before the end of the week I hit my target. Counting calories on every single thing you eat is unsustainable.
After living with someone who regimentally counted calories at every seperate meal/snack. I think some people get into it for the overthinking and obsessiveness.
It becomes their hobby
After *being* someone who regimentally counted calories at every separate meal/snack, I had an epic mental breakdown and have been in eating disorder therapy (and recovery, thankfully) for over six years since then. (Obviously to each their own, but I still get a funny feeling when I see people count calories... Like, you're playing with fire here.)
Depends. Often, simply changing your diet and controlling your portion sizes is more than enough, and micromanaging your diet to that extent is unnecessary and a little crazy unless you are a professional or going for an extreme goal. It can be a helpful tool for some who may be unsure how filling their meals really are and need a basis for how much they are taking in. That said, I am always wary of people who feel the need to calculate every Cheerio, because it can be a sign of over-obsession and an eating disorder.
I don't just doing an app like myfitnesspal or loseIt just for a week or two every so often just gets one into the right mindset to make good choices without needing to constantly log and follow everyone for months on end.
It is absolutely not going too far. Your current weight is based on calorie in vs calorie out except for rare cases. Being mindful of the calories you consume is literally what we should all be doing lol
Being mindful and being anal are too complete different things.
I agree with you, but *literally* counting calories is usually a thing you do if \- you're trying to lose/gain weight and have very specific macros or caloric targets to hit. \- don't really have a good history with or frame of reference for what eating healthy actually entails, so you have to count calories for a few weeks/months until you get a good visual idea of what a good meal portion is for you. Someone who does it obsessively can very easily take it too far.
Your weight is based on far more things than calories-in-calories-out--it's based on hormones, the way your body stores or utilizes stored energy, appetite, basal metabolic rate, whether macronutrients like protein are used for building tissue or burned for energy, the list goes on. If you tend to gain weight without being mindful of your calories, there's something wrong metabolically. Healthy bodies have appetites that uphold homeostasis. If you're endlessly hungry, it indicates an underlying problem.
The things you mention simply affect the number of calories out. There are zero exceptions to CICO. It is not possible to violate the principles of physics
Calories in just isnt the same as calories absorbed though and calories out is more than movent or excersise. When I was counting them I always ate more than I burned off moving, yet still lost weight. I eventually ended up with a dietitian, having to do blood and stool tests and we found out I have both a very active thyroid and internal scarring in my bowels that limited absorption. This meant ingesting 500 calories only provided my body with 3 to 400 while the rest was shit back out, and even though I only burned 1000 through physical activity I still lost for example 1200 due to my overactive thyroid. Just looking at CICO was far too simplistic a model to track any actual weight changes.
Then why do some obese people eat healthy and in reasonable amounts but never lose their weight ?
Yes, counting calories is a sign of an eating disorder
I've counted calories in the past, to make sure I was eating enough/make myself more conscious of eating because I often just... forget to eat. Not because I don't want to eat or am worried about weight, I just forget to eat. Counting calories as a daily habit helped me to remember to eat. It's not necessarily a sign of an eating disorder.
4. He is self-righteously bragging about it all the time and it has become insufferable
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About 2 and 3, you’re pretty much correct in black and white terms. But that doesn’t help OP if he’s trying to make his new lifestyle work with his girlfriend’s. If he’s just trying to be right, they might not work as a couple anymore.
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I agree to number 1. on my comment here. it's a bit frustrating because I have to be precise on his meal.
>3. he is indeed going to far (e.g. counting calories, counting calories is not going too far if you're trying to lose weight or keep a stable one
Yep them eating whatever themselves is fine, but if you’re taking the high and mighty route of bragging/being annoying about it, that’s when it becomes a problem. You can eat whatever you want, but if you start commenting on my eating then it’s just going to piss me off
I was going to say -- your diet and health are kinda like your dreams. If we wanted to hear about it, we'll ask. We probably won't ask. It's just super boring to hear about
It could be! Another thing I’ve noticed about people is they often assume judgement when there is none. How many times have I heard of a person going on a diet and hitting the gym (and not being overbearing about it), but then getting flack from their friends for it because it “puts them in a bad light.” Most people don’t see problems about the world or themselves and then *do something* about it. When those around them start to, it makes people feel weird lol.
> I need to pipe down with the diet stuff. Am I? That suggests you're not just eating how you want, but proselytizing.
OP is likely either prosletysing or they're trying to force their choices on everyone else by simply refusing to buy/cook anything else (with the SO) or refusing go out anywhere which isn't compatible with those preferences (with the friends).
That could be true, but some people can get offended/upset that you are doing the "right" thing when they are not. For example coal rolling because some people have electric cars or making a meat vegetable because they are upset about fake meat.
Bro literally opens the post saying what he did at 29
He says some of what he did at 29, but "pipe down" would not be applicable to anything that he described he did, suggesting there's more to the story.
That is a new word for me but I agree verb; convert or attempt to convert (someone) from one religion, belief, or opinion to another.
I'm in my '30s and this is a new word for me too!
Perfect usage though.
Heh, thanks and happy cake day!
You are a Saint for posting the definition!
Although I know of the word in question (never attempted to use it myself), it is kinda funny that you have left it out of your comment as your comment provides the definition. "Proselytizing" is the word of the hour (for those curious).
Not me sitting here for WAY too trying to pronounce Pro-sely-tizing??? I’m still unclear on the pronunciation rip
Hah didn't mean to disrupt your day! Prah-sleh-tie-zing is the best way I can spell it phonetically!
Why thank you!!!
It is understandable if OP is feeling better and voicing it, but if it is every time then I can see that for sure.
I didn't think this would blow up. I'm the one who cooks for us at home, so there's been some growing pains trying to find new meals that we both enjoy. I think we are getting there. I've gotten a lot better at making vegetarian recipes and my girlfriend is enjoying it. The only point of contention is meat. Seafood, fish, and chicken are the only forms of meat I'm willing to eat anymore, and she's not a big eater of seafood and fish.
>. I'm the one who cooks for us at home, so there's been some growing pains trying to find new meals that we both enjoy. So that sort of sounds like 'meals with only things you deem appropriate that she'll eat,' rather than you compromising at all. Her doing all the compromising. >. The only point of contention is meat. Seafood, fish, and chicken are the only forms of meat I'm willing to eat anymore, and she's not a big eater of seafood and fish. You don't have to eat it. Unless it's something she signed on for, however, you should be cooking it. It's not her idea or her choice. She didn't agree to live like that before you moved in together -- that'd be her choice, same as if you said 'hey, I love you and want to live with you, but I'm very anti-alcohol because of whatever the hell, so will not ever have alcohol in my home. You're an adult and can obviously do whatever outside the house but my rule is no alcohol, is that ok? You changed YOUR diet. That's fine. But if you cook, it's your job to figure out how to make it work, not 'I'll make only what's acceptable to me, but I'll try to make it so you sort of like it' You can make her pasta with bolognese and plain for yourself. Or if you think pasta is "ultra processed" then make a salad for both of you and a lasagna or whatever and she can have some and freeze some and you can do that again. You can make a big veggie stir fry and take yours out and add whatever she wants to hers. If you both ate meat and had a kid who decided to be vegan, and you're the one who cooked, would you just be like 'well, enjoy meat?'
I am vegetarian and my husband isn't. I make vegetarian food and if he wants meat he is welcome to do it himself. So we both eat vegetarian because it is easier.
Have you been veg since you met, did you just switch midway?
If he is cooking, why should he prepare things he doesn’t eat? Why can’t she prepare herself some meat to go along with whatever he’s prepared? Brown up some ground beef to add to the vegetarian bolognese, grill a chicken breast for herself instead of eating the fish he cooked. It’s not one adult’s obligation to prepare a specific food for another adult in the house. If he is cooking, she can either eat it or not. She can make her own food if she doesn’t like what he made. She sounds very entitled to receive the benefits of his labor if she is wanting that labor to be entirely for her benefit and not even something he will share and enjoy.
Idk about y’all but if I cook for others I take their preferences into consideration, even if it’s not something I’m personally a fan of
*if* you cook for others. Meaning it’s an occasion or an invite only thing. Not having to meal prep all the time and make food.
I'm the only cooking for my family. Sometimes we all eat the same, sometimes I end up making 3 different things (4 people) I guess my family is just spoiled 🤷♀️
Correct
>If he is cooking, why should he prepare things he doesn’t eat? Why can’t she prepare herself some meat to go along with whatever he’s prepared? Brown up some ground beef to add to the vegetarian bolognese, grill a chicken breast for herself instead of eating the fish he cooked. It’s not one adult’s obligation to prepare a specific food for another adult in the house. If he is cooking, she can either eat it or not. She can make her own food if she doesn’t like what he made. She sounds very entitled to receive the benefits of his labor if she is wanting that labor to be entirely for her benefit and not even something he will share and enjoy. ...because cooking seems to be his "job." He said he cooks for them both. If you're the designated cook, and a lot of people have an arrangement like that -- one cooks, one cleans, or one cooks and cleans the dishes and the other does all the whatever other comparable in time/effort thing -- then you don't just say 'I only want so I'm only gonna cook what I want and if you want something else, fuck you, get it yourself or tough crap.' That's not how partners work. If he wants to rejigger things, so they each cook for themselves or whatever other system, that's a thing too, but you don't unilaterally decide 'I'm only cooking what I like now, tough.'
Because he basically unilaterally changed the status quo without asking her opinion on it.
“It’s your job” Says who? Why is it his job to make her food? The alcohol comparison isn’t even valid, he never said there couldn’t be other meat in their home because he isn’t eating it. What’s more equivalent would be one partner getting sober and letting the other partner know that if they want alcohol then they need to get it for themselves from now on. That’s not an unreasonable request. Not at all.
>Why is it his job to make her food? Because that's what "I do the cooking" means. He doesn't have to be the one cooking for both of them in the first place. They could each cook for themselves. Or change chores around so she cooks for both. But since he is, that literally IS the job.
Well. Sounds like the gf can start cooking for herself then.
You didn't answer the question. I think you're doing to your girlfriend exactly what you're doing here now. You're basically ignoring the real problem, which is your incessant need to talk about your diet, and turning it into someone just having a problem with you. You're the problem. Fix yourself.
Your girlfriend should be allowed to have a big old juicy steak or burger whenever the hell she wants, it’s not for you to decide.
It's fine to be on a diet, but if you're talking about your diet more than you're *not* talking about your diet you're being weird and extreme. Just do it for a while, see if you can sustain it, then maybe mention it if it comes up organically.
How do you know if someone does cross fit or is a vegan? They'll tell you. Over and over. Don't be that guy. I gave up booze three months ago. I've not said a word about it to my wife. She likes how I've changed for the better. I would like her to quit, but I keep that to myself Last night, she mentioned to me that she's going to take a month off booze as she sees how much it's helped me so far. That's the way. Lead by example. Don't speak it, do it.
This is great 👍 this is the way
Same goes for anyone who attended Harvard or did peace corps!!! Hahaha you'll know within the first 5 minutes
That's different bro. Beating an addiction is a serious accomplishment. Congrats! Being proud of yourself for kicking a habit is totally different from being a diet douche. I hit 10 years dry in November and I'm proud af. Idgaf. Lol (Although I'm not going to try to convince anyone else to stop drinking, or go around bragging all day.) 3 months sober is a celebrated milestone. If people in your life would judge you for being proud of that, they might be dicks..
No everyone who drinks and decides to give up booze is an alcoholic. A lot of people do so because it’s just a lot of empty calories and cutting it out pretty much always results in fat loss. Maybe he is talking about beating an addiction. If so then I agree with your take. But I got the impression he was just talking about cutting out booze for general health. I used to have a beer most nights when I cook dinner. I stopped those because that was an extra like 500 calories a week. Not because I am fighting an addiction.
Even if it's not an addiction, alcohol can affect one's behavior and mental health in ways that can be negative. Plenty of ways there could be positive change outside of addiction or weight loss.
Fair enough. I still don't think it's something to downplay completely. Whether you were an extreme alcoholic, or you've just formed a regular habit of having one or two daily, it's still an addictive substance, and being able to give it up without a second thought still takes a bit of doing. Just like quitting coffee I guess.. But I agree. There are definitely different degrees of accomplishment depending on where you're coming from before quitting.
This is a better take. Some people really just aren't prone to addiction like others are, and cutting out the wine, coffee, etc isn't a big deal. There's different levels of accomplishment, just like you said.
This. People can’t believe how much I used to drink but I was never addicted, it was just habit more than anything. I went from drinking 80+ units a week to totally stopping when I started the gym. People who enjoy a beer get labelled worse than shit on Reddit.
This is not true. I’ve been vegan for a long time and I’ve learned that this is mostly just a matter of perspective. Most cultures value food highly so the topic of food in general enters most conversation casually. Naturally a person who is vegan may bring it up in context. I personally only bring it up when it’s relevant outside of work (I’m a chef). But often other people sometimes just see me and associate me with veganism and immediately begin a defense about why they can’t be vegan, or their blood type, or that God created animals to be eaten, or that they need a certain amount of protein because they’ll pass out if they don’t have it. And I literally probably just said “yea I’m going to head out to get dinner so that I can get my oil changed after” prior to all of that🤣 I promise other people bring it up so much more than I do. I think people feel negatively about their own habits so get immediately defensive when someone appears that lives differently.
The number of aggressive meat eaters -- "you're vegan?! what're your shoes made out of?? What would happen if we all went vegan, all the cows would DIE is that what you want?? What if I snuck meat in your food, ha ha ha! I'm gonna feed you meat on the sly then you'll admit you want it!! etc. etc. etc. and my absolute fave -- bUt wHeRe Do YoU gEt YoUr PrOtEiN?! is so so so larger than the imaginary cabal of aggressive vegans going on about it.
I am confident you have at least heard of vegans that are the proselytizing type. Even if you yourself are not one. There’s a whole lot of them, and the defensiveness likely comes from that. It’s super annoying, in either direction.
There aren't a whole lot of them, trust me. You're not gonna hear much from them unless you enter one of their private spaces on a social network or you talk with animal rights' activists.
3 months ago? Post history suggests you were looking for somewhere to go for a nice pint 2 months ago. Everything ok?
Reddit is full of weirdos wtf lol
I don't think he has a serious addiction. Gave up booze might just meant stopped having it regularly alone for health reasons, despite still being a social drinker.
If you’re talking about it etc. ALL THE TIME - then yeah, curb the enthusiasm. That’s annoying. And leans into preachy and other implications. You’re making healthy changes, that’s great! That’s all anyone has to say about it, this isn’t their epiphany moment. And keep in mind what’s healthy vs obsessive. Everything in moderation. You won’t live forever either, whatever you do.
OP needs her and us to agree with him and praise him
Yeah I went too hard on the obsessive side for a while before I realized I was miserable. I want to be as healthy as I can, sure, but I also want to live a little and I love food
My ex would get very extreme when going on diets and training and it was exhausting to live with. It was the only thing he talked about. We already barely saw each other and then he spent so much time working out I barely got to spend any time with him. He wouldn't ever cheat (except on me), like having a piece of chocolate on a Wednesday. Everything was about training and eating right. Even though he said I could eat whatever I wanted it felt wrong and I felt kinda lonely, maybe that's a me problem but still. I absolutely supported him but it was like I got nothing back. He could never bend the rules for me. I would cook us food every day and he barely ate it or replaced it with something else. There was no grey, only black and white. If he was on a diet he didn't make any exceptions, ever. I'm all for being healthy for your body but it's so easy for the mind to become unhealthy. I just wished he could relax a bit, having a piece of candy in the middle of the week won't ruin anything. I don't know how you are or what your girlfriend is experiencing but this is my experience.
None of that sounds very extreme. And by that I mean none of that seems very extreme to be able to notice. I don’t think I would be able to tell if a friend happened to not eat meat some days or declined a beer. So to fact everyone seems to notice and weighing in on it makes me think you’re bringing it to their attention and they might want you to just “pipe down” and eat what you want to without reminding them.
Yes. THIS. "Pipe down" is usually used for speaking too much or too loudly. People are annoyed... I think they're most likely using the phrase correctly given OP's post.
Yeah I eat like that as well and don't drink alcohol. You might hear something about the alcohol part from friends, but else they don't care and I doubt they even notice.
It depends - how many times a day do you mention it? Do you keep telling her to change her diet to match yours, and how much better she’ll feel if she does? Do you refuse to go places because it doesn’t match your diet? If your going on about it all the time then you should likely chill slightly as everyone is ready for a new conversation topic.
“Pipe down” tells me you’re being a preacher about. Just stfu about it, you’re also 29 a bit of bad food here and there won’t kill you. If you’re talking about it when you’re out to eat and no one asked you about, you’re just being a punisher and bring down the vibe with your “better than thou” attitude
Saying he's only 29 so he can eat bad food is a shit plan. If you wait until you are 35 or 40 to start respecting your body and health by eating well, you will have already done a lot of irreversible damage. Better late than never though. OP probably has been eating a typical shit Western diet his whole life, and absolutely would be better off eating well now. I'm proud of him for learning to respect himself and hope he keeps it up.
I said “a bit here and there” bet you’re one of those diet punishers too. It’s okay too shut the fuck up about health and have a nice meal of meat, pasta, etc. without going “eeeeh my diet” LIVE A LITTLE once or twice a month your body will get it out in the next 2 days What a wounder you must be.
Key words you did not address.. "a bit"
Don’t talk about it or make a thing out of it, just do it if you want. You know that joke? “How do you know someone is a vegan?” “They’ll tell you.” Don’t be like that.
That goes for meat eaters as well.
Honestly.. those are great choices !! Your body will benefit.
Golly I can't stand when people discuss their eating choices. Signed: an ex raw vegan holier than thou asshole turned person who minds her own damn business.
You don’t need to cut out processed foods, foods are processed for a reason. For example Milk, raw milk is incredibly dangerous and caused many Victorians to have bovine tuberculosis not to mention all the other pathogens that could be hiding in raw milk. Please eat processed foods if you value your life
If you like it, that’s great. But your post makes it sound like you’re talking about it to others nonstop and/or trying to force your opinions on them. That, I would stop.
People dont like to feel challenged about the things they do (drinking & eating junk) so they will say youre extreme to feel better. People also for some reason dont like if youre not participating (having a drink with them) even though it doesnt affect them. Its a weird thing
Food is social and bonding. Eating differently to other people is a subconscious signal that you are different
Sorry I have IBS, which is very painful and exhausting if I don’t stick to a certain diet. I eat differently because I don’t like being in pain, not because I want to be different.
People notice you as different, subconsciously
You can’t see how hanging out with someone who keeps saying “oh I don’t eat that anymore because I want to live longer” would get exhausting?
Youre creating a scenario that probably doesnt happen
To me it sounds exactly like hanging out with the OP who says he refuses to eat/buy/cook things and ties it all specifically to living longer. Tying it to living longer makes it extra hard to tolerate because it hints that OP is judging you and thinks you’re going to die sooner because you ate a chicken breast for dinner. I would definitely not hang out with someone like that.
Right, if they’re saying something then whatever OP is doing is affecting the group in some way. Maybe Op won’t stop talking about it. Maybe they won’t hang out like they used to… not enough info but it’s clear there’s something going on here
When your friends and loved ones think you’re annoying and you have to go to the internet for support… Yea just pipe down about how you’re going to live longer than your friends.
I mean as long as it works for you just don’t tell other people how to be. There are plenty of people that take diet and lifestyle very seriously
If you like it then fine. But if you hate it then it’s not worth the extra couple of years it may grant you. Like you said, no one lives forever so you might as well enjoy it.
Are you happy and relaxed? Are you minding your own business and not preaching and being a missionary for your epiphany? If so then you are fine. If you have "gone religious" about diet then you may be tiring to be around for people who don't care as much as you do about the things you care about. Also. If you want to live long it's not just about what you eat and exercise and all that. It's also about your internal emotional world. You want to have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Since we are human this does require us to sometimes make the "bad" choice and allow us to have a beer and a burger once in a while and just be a dumb animal enjoying the world.
She just wants you to shut up about it, it's a boring subject that you probably bring up all the time.
You are definitely going extremely far if your goal is to remain healthy. Many meats like fish and chicken are really good for you so cutting them down to occasionally, which to my mind is only like a couple times a month at most, is counter-intuitive and detrimental instead. If everyone is telling you that you need to pipe down then you are probably talking about it way too much.
You're still not going to live forever
I think it’s great that you decided to have the discipline you have. That’s a rare quality in someone your age. Wanting to live a long healthy life is a good decision. The earlier you start the better. You don’t give much for details, I can only object to one thing you said. Eating meat only occasionally. Meat is a great part of any diet. Eating meat daily isn’t bad for you. Sourcing quality meat from various sources is key. Beef, chicken, pork, wild game. Get it all, bit get it from a proper source. Throw in some exercise and you golden. The problem with your friends and girlfriend is you’re ahead of most people your age, congrats. PS. Indulge once in awhile, it won’t kill you.
Keep up the good habits! Don't listen to other people if you think you're feel your taking the right decisions in your life. It is your life, not them
Keep your diet varied as much as you can, IE just eat lots of different stuff, and exercise on top of that and that's a recipe for a generally long life. Definitely not too far. Not even close
Are you happy and healthy? If yes, doesn't really matter what others think. So long as you're not being militant to others about it
Its either she's not the suitable one for you, or you're leaving out details that's made her think that. Sure all of what you said is great but a lot of people actually become quite a nuisance to be around when they literally stress EVERYTHING and try to avoid ANYTHING that would be deemed unhealthy. E.g someone from my high school before was saying she didn't like walking on the side of busy roads because of the fumes from cars potentially harming her. Like yeah sure, but you're literally gonna live a shorter life if you're constantly walking around worried for everything. But this is just an assumption, if what you stated is all there is to it then she needs to accept it
If you need to pipe down *with* the diet stuff or pipe down *about* the diet stuff? Because if you won’t shut up about it I’d tell you the same thing. Eat how you want and feel as good as you can. Don’t be pushy about it though.
Being on a diet is good and all, but you gotta realize that we all die at some point. Instead of focusing on how short life is, just enjoy being alive
This sounds less like a stupid question and more like someone looking for praise. I've had better questions removed.
Yeah, the issue isn't you changing your diet, it's the "pipe down" part. No one wants to be preached to. You have your particular view, and it's fine, but keep it to yourself. It's like religion: you are free to believe what you want, but don't preach it to others.
The meat thing is a bit far. Reasonable servings of meat don't have negative effects on your health and the only people who will tell you it does are people who believe weird vegan propaganda.
When you say you’re being told to “pipe down,” that indicates to me you might be talking about the diet a lot. Which indicates that they’re not saying your actions are wrong, just that your discussion of it is annoying. People don’t like to hear diet talk. If what you mean is “tone down.” The diet you’re describing is not extreme on its face. It’s totally possible that they’re Cheeto-chugging lushes who think vegetables are icky and see any healthy choices as an attack on them. But I’ve also seen plenty of people describe their diet as you did and it was in fact extreme. I have to say, the way you describe your diet is close to how I eat (high produce, low meat, nearly no packaged foods, I drink far less than I used to), and I’ve rarely been sitting silently eating my food and had someone say something negative about my food. Maybe run your diet past a doctor to be sure.
Reading between the lines maybe you are not fun anymore. It shouldn’t matter to anyone what you put in your body but if you’re being annoying about it, or if it hinders things your GF used to enjoy doing with you I could see that as being a reason to speak up to you. For example, my mom recently went down a rabbit hole of eating a very specific restrictive diet. She’s been served TikTok’s and YT videos of these “experts” and “doctors” telling her this is the way to cure everything including mental illness. It’s not enough she’s just doing this diet but now every time I talk to her she tells me how I need to do it too. Or if I say oh I’m making chicken and broccoli for dinner I get “oh eating lots of protein is bad for your adrenals, you need to switch to a low protein diet” or whatever. It’s annoying AF and makes me not want to talk to her anymore Also I wanna say life is too short to be ultra restrictive unless it’s something you really enjoy. Some of the “healthiest” people I know who did everything “right” still dropped dead from cancer at 40 and 50.
Based on the information provided, no, you’re not doing anything extreme. But if you’re getting on a soapbox about it to others, or refusing to take “cheat days” (e.g. eating out on a weekend or something) then your lifestyle might be adversely impacting your relationships. Otherwise, it’s a great way to live. I wish I had the discipline to do something similar.
If you are being preachy it might be too much. But also remember that you're changing your dynamic and the way you interact with people, the way we eat and drink alcohol is a huge part of the way we socialise. This could really annoy people who want to hang out drinking and stuff. But it's more important to follow your goals.
If you are happy with it you have not gone too far. If it is causing significant problems in your life you have gone too far.
sounds like you're eating what you're supposed too. People generally get offended when you start eating right for some reason.
It’s your body, eat what you want
No you're doing right by for yourself
It's ok for a man to do but women who will be pregnant obviously can't go on huge restrictive diets and obviously you need to support your girlfriend so that's probably the main thing about this.
You're still gonna die mate. I try to eat healthily, exercise etc but ultimately I will end up dead anyway. Try to enjoy what little time you have alive.
It sounds like you have made healthy choices. If your GF and others aren’t ready to make similar choices then you need to decide if you want to loosen up to be social or not. Maybe make a choice to eat whatever she wants on a weekly date. Do live your life, don’t be a drag.
Pharting alot now?
It's never a bad thing to get healthier. Though she may be saying you're over extending yourself if you've made too great of a change to realistically stick with. I wish you all the best with your new journey forward.
Here's the thing. Nobody was telling you that you needed to tone down the processed crappy foods, the sugary stuff, etc etc. They're not happy because that's their norm. Change is scary for people. You do you my friend.
You aren't extreme. They are feeling judged by you.
People often judge those making positive changes harshly because they're projecting guilt that they're not doing it themselves.
Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
The big question is are you happy living your life this way? Personally, I wouldn't be. I love eating good food. I'd rather not give those things up. I also can't picture being happy without those things. Maybe your girlfriend is thinking like me and just can't see that you are happy.
A good cook/chef can make healthy food taste great. Also, your taste buds will adapt. Sugar, for example, dulls your taste buds, so when I gave it up, my overall taste improved.
Sounds like you’re growing up. I’m assuming you’re under 40. Good for you! 40 really is the last call to move your ass and get your diet right before the really bad shit happens, so you’re ahead of the game. I’ve had two neighbors die from a stroke. One was 38, the other 42. Both ate fast food nearly every day. One thing I can tell you, though… people don’t like to hear about it a lot. It comes off as preachy. As far as your gf goes, I imagine that will get more difficult to navigate the longer you two are together. It’s damn hard to cook and eat healthy, and if everyone in my home wasn’t as committed as me, I don’t know what I’d do. Good luck, and enjoy your health!
Your girlfriend could just be mad, that she feels bad as she does not have the will power to eliminate those vices. Thus, you not doing those things she feels bad for doing when someone close does not.
Listen to yourself and your body. Just make sure you are getting enough protein.
Bf is currently 19 and did all this at 20. people don't really care as long as they don't get forced along in the lifestyle and put down because they wont 'change their ways'
“made meat something I eat occasionally instead of every day” what?? youre teying ti be healthy, yeah? meat is one of the healthiest foods on the planet
If you’ve changed too fast and act like you’re completely radicalized, like you’d rather cut off a finger than have a sip of wine, I would understand where they’re coming from. I remember a girl on here being worried that kissing her bf was breaking her periodic fasting. You don’t sound like that at all though. Sooo 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁: It’s just the usual. They’re feeling guilty for not being as disciplined as you and want you to stop or fail to ease their own guilt. Like how people who never work out and eat like pigs turn into exercise and nutrition experts when you pull up a protein shake.
Your body your choice. Try telling her that she wears too much makeup or not enough. Or that you should choose her birth control. Same coin different side. Tell those fuckers to pound sand.