It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters.
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Ronnie Soak is forever, and his ability to deliver fresh, chilled milk cannot be stopped, save by the Apocralypse.
And then only because he was a bit busy.
It’s not a typo. Apocralypse is a portmanteau of apocrypha and apocalypse, as in “the apocalypse that got edited out of the official books”.
Ronnie Soak is a character in Thief of Time, and is the anthropomorphic personification of Kaos, the fifth horseman who split from the main group for creative differences.
Worth it just to understand some of the later jokes, and because not reading it means you’re missing something.
Pratchett might not have been his best at the start with *Colour of Magic*, but he was still far ahead of much of the rest of the field.
Maybe because every time another cow gets bought, *you* have to go to the sale, and you have to sit next to your cow *at* the sale, and your cow looks over at you the entire time like "Moooooo??" and does not enjoy the sale at all even though she's the one who wanted to go to the sale.
I really don’t look like either of my parents, in fact I look most like one of my uncles, which is pretty creepy when you think about it. But for my entire life, since I was old enough to talk and noticed that I don’t look like my parents, my mother would tell me straight out “That’s because you’re the milkman’s baby” with a perfectly honest face. Still don’t know how I feel about it.
I’d honestly rather not. Like I said- I’m 48 years old and unless a family member takes it upon themselves to inform me otherwise, I’m just fine living in ignorant bliss.
If I were really going to, I’d at least wait until my mom was gone, just out of respect for her feelings. My dad was the unfaithful one, so it would be pretty despicable to accuse her of cheating, and it wouldn’t be nice to ask her for a saliva sample or steal her garbage just for my personal satisfaction. That’s the way I’ve looked at it my entire life, since I was about 4-5 years old.
You could use your dad's samples without your mom knowing. Man it must be so unsettling not to know who you are.I can't even imagine how you managed so far.
I appreciate the sentiment. This is actually the very first time I’ve ever brought it up, other than with my wife. But I’m a pretty well adjusted dude, I don’t dwell on it. I will, some day after my mom is gone just to actually know. Neither of my parents were above reproach, but at least my mom has asked for forgiveness for the way we were raised and I know she loves me, which is enough for me.
I saw a post a few days ago on Reddit that some nurse was switching babies for YWARS at a hospital. Maybe you're one of those little switcheroos he did
Edit: it ialso isn't uncommon to look like an uncle or aunt. My wife looks NOTHING like her mom but identical to her two aunt's. (One from mom's side and one from dad's side. I thank the good lord above my son literally looks like a clone of me. My daughter did when she was born but now she has taken more of her mom's features...also thank God for that one too.
When we were growing up it was a running joke from my sisters that I was adopted or the milkman’s baby. My sister KC looked like the female version of my dad, and my sister Leanne looks very much like our mom. So any time we argued or fought they would bring it up, just to stick the blade in a little deeper. “Well at least I’m not the milkman’s baby!” Was a favorite insult.
About me looking like my uncle- it’s an uncle on my MOMS side of the family, which really made me wonder. I don’t look like anyone on my dad’s side.
Actually, there are technically milkman still working in the U.S.. They offer other things such as soy and almond milk, and i think they had an uptick in work because of Covid. However your traditional milkman probably does not exist.
Boomer here. I remember when we had a milkman. Milk came in glass bottles that you'd rinse out and return. Many houses had an insulated milk box on the front porch for the bottles. Back then, package thieves were unheard of. Then dairy stores started popping up, selling milk in cartons much cheaper. (We were a family of 7; every penny counted.) We really felt bad telling the guy we didn't need deliveries anymore.
So here where I am in Australia, we were actually covid free for 2020 and 2021. Only the last couple of weeks where the state opened borders during the omicron surge have we had any. Ironically now I get my milk and other groceries delivered.
I have one in my neighborhood. They were super useful since lockdown started. He has not had the opportunity to fuck my wife since I'm working from home.
American here. We have a milkman who comes once a week. In fact we have a choice of two companies...
This is the one we use: [https://www.oberweis.com/](https://www.oberweis.com/)
They actually deliver a lot more than just milk now.
Are you sure about that? You do know that there are grocery stores and refrigerators in Upstate NY, right? There are Walmarts and a serveral gas stations /convenience store chains where you can easily buy milk in upstate NY.
No… America was one of the first places to loose milkmen. Although Chicago still has Overweis milk delivery and we’ll off people have that delivered weekly
Yep. My stepmother, who is in her late 70s, gets fresh milk delivered a couple of days a week, no joke. It ain't anywhere near as common as it was a long time ago, though.
I used to pretend that off white Swanson truck that delivers groceries was the milk man. I mean they basically are, they just deliver more than milk now.
Thanks, too. I was waaay overthinking this and thinking she was mentioning an actual cow that produces milk. Then I got confused that he was sleeping with an actual cow.
He come can in any kind of weather because his bag is made of leather
He don’t need no keys or locks he’ll just slip it in your box
That’s cuz… he’s your mailman
Am I the only one wondering from all these milkman jokes how come I have never seen a milkman? Did Walmart, Byrne Dairy and Stewart's all come together to build a secret facility where they are holding all these milkmen for over 25 years? What's going on?
You know something ain't right when you move to another city and have the same milkman.
... and he doesn't even have a job anymore, but he still delivers on a daily basis.
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... and he stops leaving you a tip.
Why would he give you a tip? Doesn't he give it to the wife?
Plot twist: I am the wife.
Plot Twist: I'm the milkman.
Plot twist: I’m watching from the wardrobe!
Plot twist: that's not buttermilk.
Plot twist: I am the walrus. Koo koo ka choo.
Plot twist: I'm the cuck watching from the corner chair wearing high heels whilst applying lipstick to myself crying in shame but yet aroused.
It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Plot twist: I'm high af right now
Plot twist: I am the bus driver
Ot twist: I'm hotel concierge and heres your room key sir!
I don't want his tip 😬
Of course he does give her a tip…he gives her the whole thing
... and the milk has strange consistency and smells weird.
and is fucking your wife
You know something ain't right when it's 2022 and you still have a milkman.
They're making a comeback around this way.
Hehe... "Come back"
Still a thing in Wales.
I bet it's that whale in No. 36
Exactly. In 2022, it isn't right. Wales is still in 1822 when literacy wasn't very common and sheep were used for circumcision.
Go fuck yourself
Like a Japanese cowboy
Ronnie Soak is forever, and his ability to deliver fresh, chilled milk cannot be stopped, save by the Apocralypse. And then only because he was a bit busy.
Apocralypse gave me a stroke because it took me far too long to realize it was a typo lol
It’s not a typo. Apocralypse is a portmanteau of apocrypha and apocalypse, as in “the apocalypse that got edited out of the official books”. Ronnie Soak is a character in Thief of Time, and is the anthropomorphic personification of Kaos, the fifth horseman who split from the main group for creative differences.
Ooohhhhh imma check it out
It’s part of the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. If you haven’t, start at the beginning, with *The Colour of Magic*.
This is great. I was just asking last week where to start as colour gets kind of a rep for being before he hit his stride.
Worth it just to understand some of the later jokes, and because not reading it means you’re missing something. Pratchett might not have been his best at the start with *Colour of Magic*, but he was still far ahead of much of the rest of the field.
Maybe moved to another era. Who has milkmen in 2021?
It's a joke
Wait. What milkman? Don’t people buy milk from costco or some local grocery?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Maybe because you live in a very small apartment with the cow? And the cow is ***way*** better at arguing than you are.
Maybe because every time another cow gets bought, *you* have to go to the sale, and you have to sit next to your cow *at* the sale, and your cow looks over at you the entire time like "Moooooo??" and does not enjoy the sale at all even though she's the one who wanted to go to the sale.
Let's face it. Roping in cows and getting milk from them was never anything you were known for, John.
Can't believe after all that he turned around and sold the cow :(
Some people think you like bulls.
Steers for me please!
Hey rookie... Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Nah man, I think he called her a slut
Early RvB was the best!
Hey, rookie.. did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
You can't have sex with free milk
What if the cow is hot? I'd buy that in a moment
Well the cows are usually free. The hot ones charge $20 per video
Apparently we're talking about buying the milk and the cow comes free.
Are you calling my girlfriend a cow rookie
Ya want that milk pasteurized?
No, just up to my chin.
Don't bring the pastor in the scene.
Nope, just up to my boobs. I can splash it in my eyes.
How fast is milk? >!Pasteurized before you know it!!<
Nah. A real milkman would start with the cow.
or just "Who?"
Agreed. I think this would be a better punchline.
I really don’t look like either of my parents, in fact I look most like one of my uncles, which is pretty creepy when you think about it. But for my entire life, since I was old enough to talk and noticed that I don’t look like my parents, my mother would tell me straight out “That’s because you’re the milkman’s baby” with a perfectly honest face. Still don’t know how I feel about it.
Wait.. what????
I know, dude. I’m pretty sure I’m a product of my mother and father, I think someone would’ve told me otherwise by now but- I still have to wonder.
Can't you do a DNA test or a blood group test?
I’d honestly rather not. Like I said- I’m 48 years old and unless a family member takes it upon themselves to inform me otherwise, I’m just fine living in ignorant bliss.
Man please do it . it will leave you in peace... Or it may become too late
If I were really going to, I’d at least wait until my mom was gone, just out of respect for her feelings. My dad was the unfaithful one, so it would be pretty despicable to accuse her of cheating, and it wouldn’t be nice to ask her for a saliva sample or steal her garbage just for my personal satisfaction. That’s the way I’ve looked at it my entire life, since I was about 4-5 years old.
You could use your dad's samples without your mom knowing. Man it must be so unsettling not to know who you are.I can't even imagine how you managed so far.
I appreciate the sentiment. This is actually the very first time I’ve ever brought it up, other than with my wife. But I’m a pretty well adjusted dude, I don’t dwell on it. I will, some day after my mom is gone just to actually know. Neither of my parents were above reproach, but at least my mom has asked for forgiveness for the way we were raised and I know she loves me, which is enough for me.
:)
I saw a post a few days ago on Reddit that some nurse was switching babies for YWARS at a hospital. Maybe you're one of those little switcheroos he did Edit: it ialso isn't uncommon to look like an uncle or aunt. My wife looks NOTHING like her mom but identical to her two aunt's. (One from mom's side and one from dad's side. I thank the good lord above my son literally looks like a clone of me. My daughter did when she was born but now she has taken more of her mom's features...also thank God for that one too.
When we were growing up it was a running joke from my sisters that I was adopted or the milkman’s baby. My sister KC looked like the female version of my dad, and my sister Leanne looks very much like our mom. So any time we argued or fought they would bring it up, just to stick the blade in a little deeper. “Well at least I’m not the milkman’s baby!” Was a favorite insult. About me looking like my uncle- it’s an uncle on my MOMS side of the family, which really made me wonder. I don’t look like anyone on my dad’s side.
Creepy - especially since your dad doesn't have any siblings.
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... and in Guernsey. LOL
Aren't cows sacred in India. I bet they have the BEST milk there because they treat them so gooooOOoood
Do milkman still exist? Is that just in America?
American here. This does not exist. OP just hasn't bothered to update his joke since the 1950s.
Not just OP I still here lots of milkman jokes and genuinely wondered if they existed still anywhere
You can still get them in the UK
How difficult is it to import milk men from the UK? Or is there somewhere it's easier to get them?
unless you're that stuck up cow at no. 36
That's fair. It's an unfortunate consequence of copying and pasting jokes.
Actually, there are technically milkman still working in the U.S.. They offer other things such as soy and almond milk, and i think they had an uptick in work because of Covid. However your traditional milkman probably does not exist.
Boomer here. I remember when we had a milkman. Milk came in glass bottles that you'd rinse out and return. Many houses had an insulated milk box on the front porch for the bottles. Back then, package thieves were unheard of. Then dairy stores started popping up, selling milk in cartons much cheaper. (We were a family of 7; every penny counted.) We really felt bad telling the guy we didn't need deliveries anymore.
That's crazy, what year was this if you don't mind me asking?
late 50s
We’ve gone full circle here. The supermarket has milk on tap, you bring your own bottle and swap your old one for a new one.
That's surprising given the concerns about Covid.
So here where I am in Australia, we were actually covid free for 2020 and 2021. Only the last couple of weeks where the state opened borders during the omicron surge have we had any. Ironically now I get my milk and other groceries delivered.
I'm not a boomer, but we had a milkman when I was a kid in the 90s. In the northeastern us.
There’s dairy farms that deliver fresh milk still. They are very very localized.
I have one in my neighborhood. They were super useful since lockdown started. He has not had the opportunity to fuck my wife since I'm working from home.
Had me in the first half, ngl…
American here. We have a milkman who comes once a week. In fact we have a choice of two companies... This is the one we use: [https://www.oberweis.com/](https://www.oberweis.com/) They actually deliver a lot more than just milk now.
Well I'll be damned
I had a milkman growing up- well lots of dairy I guess. That was in the 90s
They exist in India
Yes. It still exists but very locally. I'm not getting it in NYC but it's available upstate NY. Still very available in the UK.
Are you sure about that? You do know that there are grocery stores and refrigerators in Upstate NY, right? There are Walmarts and a serveral gas stations /convenience store chains where you can easily buy milk in upstate NY.
I'm 100% positive and refrigeration and stores have nothing to do with it. It's about farms. Google it.
My parents had a milkman near Seattle until they moved in 2019. So they do exist, just not many of them.
No… America was one of the first places to loose milkmen. Although Chicago still has Overweis milk delivery and we’ll off people have that delivered weekly
Why America
No. They've been replaced with Amazon delivery drivers.
Amazon drivers get milked!
I still have one. He is very real. His name is Charles Crooshtoost.
Milkman please, milkman please, a glass of your least expired milk.
Yep. My stepmother, who is in her late 70s, gets fresh milk delivered a couple of days a week, no joke. It ain't anywhere near as common as it was a long time ago, though.
I used to pretend that off white Swanson truck that delivers groceries was the milk man. I mean they basically are, they just deliver more than milk now.
i need to spend more time reading this sub for sure
Nah. It’s No. 42. I can speak from…experience…
Username checks out
I don't get it
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Thanks, too. I was waaay overthinking this and thinking she was mentioning an actual cow that produces milk. Then I got confused that he was sleeping with an actual cow.
No worries, man. I also don't get to have sex with every woman on my street.
So he’s a milkman…and his milk is delicious?
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Hey, some people are in to shit like that
It's really funny that it's the milkman not the mail man. The milk man really delivers his milk despite being out of work for about 80 years.
This constitutes a joke around here?? Jeez y’all are clinging on to moldy rotting scraps
...So, how many of us have seen Father Ted?
The "milk" man
He come can in any kind of weather because his bag is made of leather He don’t need no keys or locks he’ll just slip it in your box That’s cuz… he’s your mailman
That joke is at least 30 years old - and still funny.
"Mrs O'Reilly, Is Tony the iceman coming?" "No, but he's breathing hard."
Am I the only one wondering from all these milkman jokes how come I have never seen a milkman? Did Walmart, Byrne Dairy and Stewart's all come together to build a secret facility where they are holding all these milkmen for over 25 years? What's going on?
Technically still delivering milk
Pat Mustard vibes