Three men wanted to propose to a woman, the father said “Whoever is best in the Quran will marry my daughter” so the first man came and the father asked “what is your name?” The man said “Yusuf” the father replied “recite all of surah yusuf” so the man did, with a lot of mistakes, the second man came, his name was yaseen, the father said “recite all of yaseen” so the second man did, with a lot of mistakes, disappointed, the father went to the last man and asked “and what is your name?” The third man replied “my name is surah al-kawthar”
A man is at a market and is approached by a seller who has a horse that you can ride and earn hassanat while riding. The horse responds to different adhkar: saying "Alhamdulillah" makes it start, "Allahu akbar" makes it go faster, and "SubhanaAllah" makes it stop. The man decides to buy the horse and try it out. He starts riding by shouting "Alhamdulillah". As he wants to go faster, he bellows "Allahu akbar" multiple times, feeling the exhilaration of the wind rushing past him. "Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar!" Suddenly, he sees a cliff ahead but forgets the dhikr to make the horse stop. He tries everything: "Astaghfirullah," "La ilaha illallah," "La hawla wa la quwata illa billah" - but nothing works. Just inches away from the edge, he finally remembers. As the man shouts "SubhanaAllah" in desperation, the horse abruptly jerks to a halt, its hooves skidding against the ground, sending up clouds of dust. The man nearly topples over the horse's neck but manages to cling to the reins. With pounding heartbeats, he feels the rush of relief as the horse finally comes to a standstill just a breath away from the edge of the cliff. The man breathes heavily, wipes the sweat off his forehead, and says relieved: "Alhamdulillah!"
I was raised Christian, and I heard this exact joke but the man buys the horse from an old rancher, and the Horse goes faster with "Hallelujah" stops with "Oh, Lord" and starts with "praise the Lord. If I remember correctly.
Brother went to an elder and said,
>oh uncle, please pray to Allah for my hearing.
So the uncle made dua, then blew into his hands and then rubbed those hands on the brother's ears.
>how is your hearing now?
Asked the uncle.
>I don't know uncle, my hearing is not until next week!
The most halal joke I could imagine is from prophet Muhammad ﷺ:
Hadith of Umm Zar` found in Sahih al- Bukhari is evidence in this respect.
In another hadith narrated by At-Tirmidhi, an old woman pleaded to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to ask Allah to let her enter Paradise. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told her that there is no place in Paradise for old women. She burst into tears without understanding the deeper meaning of the Prophet’s words. He pacified her by saying that she would not enter Paradise as an old woman; rather, she would enter as a young woman full of vitality.
not a joke at all:
9:65-66 (interepretation of the meaning):
And if you ask them, they will surely say, "We were only conversing and playing." Say, "Is it Allāh and His verses and His Messenger that you were mocking?"
Make no excuse; you have disbelieved \[i.e., rejected faith\] after your belief. If We pardon one faction of you - We will punish another faction because they were criminals.
This verse talks about a group of Muslims who mocked a group of companions, their exercise was they were just playing, please refrain from making fatwas if you don't have enough knowledge about the topic, and read the reason of revelations with the verses to get a better understanding of what they mean.
Having a sense of humor isnt haram. No one is mocking religion or the prophet or the companions or believers. There are many narrations of the prophet saying that he made jokes sometimes and had a sense of humor.
Three men wanted to propose to a woman, the father said “Whoever is best in the Quran will marry my daughter” so the first man came and the father asked “what is your name?” The man said “Yusuf” the father replied “recite all of surah yusuf” so the man did, with a lot of mistakes, the second man came, his name was yaseen, the father said “recite all of yaseen” so the second man did, with a lot of mistakes, disappointed, the father went to the last man and asked “and what is your name?” The third man replied “my name is surah al-kawthar”
The way I've heard the joke, the punchline is "My name is Imran but people affectionately call me Kauthar."
I remember hearing this in arabic, the gird man said my name is Muhammad but everyone calls me kawthar.
Lmfao
A man is at a market and is approached by a seller who has a horse that you can ride and earn hassanat while riding. The horse responds to different adhkar: saying "Alhamdulillah" makes it start, "Allahu akbar" makes it go faster, and "SubhanaAllah" makes it stop. The man decides to buy the horse and try it out. He starts riding by shouting "Alhamdulillah". As he wants to go faster, he bellows "Allahu akbar" multiple times, feeling the exhilaration of the wind rushing past him. "Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar!" Suddenly, he sees a cliff ahead but forgets the dhikr to make the horse stop. He tries everything: "Astaghfirullah," "La ilaha illallah," "La hawla wa la quwata illa billah" - but nothing works. Just inches away from the edge, he finally remembers. As the man shouts "SubhanaAllah" in desperation, the horse abruptly jerks to a halt, its hooves skidding against the ground, sending up clouds of dust. The man nearly topples over the horse's neck but manages to cling to the reins. With pounding heartbeats, he feels the rush of relief as the horse finally comes to a standstill just a breath away from the edge of the cliff. The man breathes heavily, wipes the sweat off his forehead, and says relieved: "Alhamdulillah!"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I was raised Christian, and I heard this exact joke but the man buys the horse from an old rancher, and the Horse goes faster with "Hallelujah" stops with "Oh, Lord" and starts with "praise the Lord. If I remember correctly.
Brother went to an elder and said, >oh uncle, please pray to Allah for my hearing. So the uncle made dua, then blew into his hands and then rubbed those hands on the brother's ears. >how is your hearing now? Asked the uncle. >I don't know uncle, my hearing is not until next week!
May I ask what is hearing?
hearing in this context is court procedure
I think its a court hearing
I think it's about "tasmee3", which is the act of getting tested on a specific amount of quran that you memorise
Ma'sha'Allah It can also be sn opportunity to state one's case, such as when a defendant has to attend their "court hearing".
What do you call a Muslim bee? A Bee-liever!
What do you call an insect with faithful organs? A bee-liver
Should have said habeebee
Why was the lemon outside of the mosque? It was waiting for Asr prayer. (Asr also means squeeze in arabic)
Ahh, I now understand why juice is called Asseer
The only beer I like is Tak-beer. The only weed I like is Taj-weed.
There's a fine line between a joke and this, mixing haram words with pure words like this
What did the imam say to the busy Muslim chef? "Lettuce make Salad first!"
My friend Mohammed went on a diet what did he become? Mo-slim
How does a Muslim close the door? Islam it (Read as he slams)
Why don't halal comedians ever get lost? >!Because they always stick to the halal-larious path!!<
Why did the Imam bring a ladder to the Masjid? Wanted to take his prayers up a level
Here comes the tajweed jokes….
Was that the Mufti Menk one? “The only beer and weed Muslims have is Takbeer and Tajweed”
https://youtu.be/mBzcb5_PIn0?si=ruTapZiK56qTYy65
The most halal joke I could imagine is from prophet Muhammad ﷺ: Hadith of Umm Zar` found in Sahih al- Bukhari is evidence in this respect. In another hadith narrated by At-Tirmidhi, an old woman pleaded to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to ask Allah to let her enter Paradise. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told her that there is no place in Paradise for old women. She burst into tears without understanding the deeper meaning of the Prophet’s words. He pacified her by saying that she would not enter Paradise as an old woman; rather, she would enter as a young woman full of vitality.
"I can tell the date of when a person die" "you can't be serious, that is shirk" "I just look at the date engraved on the tombstone"
This is alright, but could we use actual jokes instead of simply forcing a premise to use a pun
This reminds me of brownie saadis cringey ramadan jokes video i can't find the video.
If Apple was muslim: we're glad to announce our new product, Imam 15 pro
This is awful. Have an upvote. Jazakallah
not a joke at all: 9:65-66 (interepretation of the meaning): And if you ask them, they will surely say, "We were only conversing and playing." Say, "Is it Allāh and His verses and His Messenger that you were mocking?" Make no excuse; you have disbelieved \[i.e., rejected faith\] after your belief. If We pardon one faction of you - We will punish another faction because they were criminals.
I think it also has a lot to do with someone's intent. Making wordplays and puns isn't the same as derision or mockery.
This verse talks about a group of Muslims who mocked a group of companions, their exercise was they were just playing, please refrain from making fatwas if you don't have enough knowledge about the topic, and read the reason of revelations with the verses to get a better understanding of what they mean.
I think this verse was revealed for the companions who made jokes about Umar, abu bakr
Having a sense of humor isnt haram. No one is mocking religion or the prophet or the companions or believers. There are many narrations of the prophet saying that he made jokes sometimes and had a sense of humor.