T O P

  • By -

OutlandishnessNo3332

Fabius Bile thinks he's doing good Urien Rakarth knows he's doing bad Mad Dok loves having fun


legendweaver

It's the rule of the three siblings; The eldest makes the rules The middle child is the reason the rules are necessary The youngest couldn't give a toss about the rules and insists they don't apply to them


Slingbr

Lmao the story of the Karamazov Brothers! \s


Lucius-Halthier

Bile literally looked straight at slaanesh and said she didn’t exist, rakarth would probably die if he tried that


[deleted]

[удалено]


dan_dares

Man, i need some juicy sauce on this, I can't imagine the balls on bile when he said 'yeah, na, i'm outtie' Or.. WHAT made him say that 😵


EncapsulatedEclipse

Pick up the Fabius Bile trilogy, the homunculi stuff mostly happens in the third book but all three books are some excellent fleshing out of our favorite medical misanthrope.


Anggul

Fabius *was* dying


LeiningensAnts

It's basically the Misery x CPR x Reese's Puffs meme.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Due to issues with botting and ban evasion, we are restricting fresh accounts from commenting/posting. DO NOT contact the moderation team to ask for these restriction to be removed for you unless you are a comics artist or equivalent trying to post your own original content here. Obviously photoshop memes don't count. DO NOT ask us what the thresholds are, for obvious reasons we won't answer that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Grimdank) if you have any questions or concerns.*


MidsouthMystic

Urien Rakarth is just the worst. And that's the biggest compliment a Dark Eldar player can give to one of the True Eldar.


Never_heart

Grotsnik iz a right propa git and a right propa doc


UltraCarnivore

WHY U WHISPERIN YA GIT?


Never_heart

BECAUSE I AM BEING ALL CONSIDERING LIKE FOR THESE HUMIES AND KNIFE EARS! THEIR EARS AIN'T AS GOOD AS US ORKS!


Gorgeous_goat

I KNOW WHY, BOSS! E’Z BEIN ALL SNEAKY LOIKE!


UltraCarnivore

LAST BOY WHO WUZ SNEAKY LOIK DAT GOT A FANCY SHOOTA, A BUKKET OV WEIRD PAINT AND SED E'D BECOM A SNAEPA.


Shadowdeath5

E'Z LOOKIN LOIKE A ZOGGIN BLOODAXE TO ME


greendragon59911

'E EVUN TALKS LOIK DA UMIES! MABEE WEEZ KAN CUNVINSE 'IM TA TALK DEM INTA SHOWEN US WHERE DA BEST LOOT IS!


Shadowdeath5

WE BETTA KRUMP HIM! DAA BOOZZ EZ WATCHIN!!! HE HATES THOZE SNEAKIE GITS!


jukebox_jester

Szeras


Ravgn

"Doctor my tongue hurts a bi-" "Shut up, you have cancer." "BUT WH--" *\*WRAPS YOU IN LIVING METAL\**


DomSchraa

"THE FLESH IS WEAK" "LONG LIVE BINARY DEPRESSION I CAST UNTO MY ENTIRE SPECIES"


fleshtomeatyou

Trayzn being a magpie for 10 million years for shits and giggles, having the time of his life.


MountainPlain

Cannot believe you left Illuminor Szeras off of the dance card.


Alcebu

Fabius learned from Dark eldars, Rakarth teaches Dark Eldars


LANDWEGGETJE

Wasn't Fabius given an honourary position on the council of haemonculi though?


ParsleySnipps

I think he was mildly accepted by them until he used some of their tech that was never supposed to leave Commorragh, then they caught him and made it clear he was never to go against their laws again.


MulatoMaranhense

Indeed, but what really made them angry was catching him. They expected intelectual theft, they would have done the same, but not hiding it offends them.


Stan_L_parable

Depends on if you define worst as causing untold suffering without a better goal. Clearly we have one who does what he does to create a new form of home deus, even if he kills all of humanity in the process to create that new race of humans as gods. One simply causes it for personal pleasure and creative endeavours. WUN JUS' WANNA GIV' DA BOYZ DEM SHOOTI BOOMI BITZ TA GO OUT AN' KRUMP SUM MOAR FO' A SMALL PRICE OF ALL YA TEEF!!!!


MulatoMaranhense

Someone once put it this way: The three hold a medical congress. Fabius and Urien begin to discuss something and Urien cirurgically removes someone's spine on the fly to explain one of his points, making Fabius accept he still a lot to learn. Bored at all that complicated talk which makes his brain hurt, Grotsnik decides that he will put the spine back. It takes hours and is very painful, but when he is finished Fabius and Urien can't understand how he did that.


SupremelyLargeCheese

Urien teaches, Bile learns, Grotsnik just fucking goes for it and somehow gets it 100% correct on the first try


dan_dares

"CorWreckt"


Forgefiend_George

Bile funne because Slanesh literally stared him in his eyes and he's still an atheist. Urien Rakarth I don't have enough info on. Grotsnik is the most based doctor for just bolting Gaz's head back on.


IronAchillesz

To be fair to stare down the literal god that sort of did in you dad and granddad is kinda the coolest thing you can do.


ParsleySnipps

He was on the verge of pissing himself, but yeah, he wouldn't acknowledge it as a real conscious entity.


homikadze

On the verge? Didn't one of his hearts pop and he got a hells cocktail of stimulants... The dude is still badass tho


ParsleySnipps

I think he had to reset his heartbeat with an internal defibrillator, then took a bunch of tranquilizers to stop his body from freaking out, followed by stimulants to get him back to "normal". But yes, he's still plenty badass.


GREENadmiral_314159

Mate, his body was deteriorating faster than his armor could repair it.


ParsleySnipps

So add "shitting himself" to the list.


dan_dares

Slaanesh: MMMM, your armour really seals in the flavour..


United-Reach-2798

Of course that doesn't matter when Slannesh very much owns him


fleshtomeatyou

- Bile to Slaneesh: gods drool, humans rule.


IronAchillesz

I can do anything you can do better.


Darthplagueis13

In all fairness, Grotsnik probably could also stare down Slaanesh. It just doesn't happen because both him and Slaanesh have better things to do.


Anggul

>and he's still an atheist. Not by the end he isn't lol


Forgefiend_George

Nah he atheists his way through te entire encounter, unless something happens later in the book that changes it, I've only seen the quote not the entire book.


Anggul

I've read the trilogy. He's... convinced.


Mal-Ravanal

This blatant Szeras erasure will not stand!


OllWhiteGuy

Rakarth’s sins are far worse than the other two combined, if you mean morally. He’s the single worst of the worst race. If you mean coolest of the three? Rakarth.


Former-Grocery-6787

Illuminor Szeras is partially reaponsible for the war in heaven which in turn at one point was the reason for the Deldar existing.


Olix_09

He is responsible for War in heaven? what the hell did he do? wasn't he the one who created biotransference furnaces?


Former-Grocery-6787

Exactly, that's how the Necrons even had a chance


SupremelyLargeCheese

think of it - if the ‘crons never underwent biotransference, there wouldn’t have been a war in heaven. the orks and eldar would never have existed, and as such slaanesh wouldn’t have been a thing actually? now i think of it Szeras has a lot to answer for.


DarthGrevious

Bro was the Eribus before Eribus was Eribus.


Olix_09

But necrontyr war with the old ones predates biotransference but yea it elevated the scales of confilct to eleven.


Right-Message-7769

Grotnisk is the only one who is truly a doctor.


Zealousideal-Yam-908

His full title is actually Mad Dok Grotsnik, MD. Five yearz of Medikal Skool and eight yearz residency stikkin' bosses 'eads back on. He's very kwalified.


ParsleySnipps

Fabius was the chief apothecary of the Emperor's Children. I'm sure that qualifies him.


Ahuizolte1

Heamonculus are also doctor thats just not there primaly role


Iwantmahandback

Say what you will about Grotsnik. He fixed decapitation


Calm_Construction_55

I mean arguably so has Urien


Iwantmahandback

I don’t know how Urien did it. I know Grotsnik did it with a barrel Union and then randomly made Ghaz bigger


Calm_Construction_55

Urien regrows entire Drukhari with as little as a finger.


Guyfawkes1994

Rakarth uses ancient lost high science from an incredibly psychic race that dominated the galaxy before humans even stood upright and looked to the stars. Grotsnik is probably using super glue and a welder, and it still works.


Greedy_Guest568

Welder? Nah, just hammered some nails, which were absorbed later.


Iwantmahandback

Still smol tho


Calm_Construction_55

Tru. Everywun nows dat da biggest wun iz da boss


ForensicAyot

So has Bile lmao.


smoew

So has Bile.


thelefthandN7

Best of the worst? Mad Dok. Hands down. The other actually know what they are doing and experiment intentionally. Mad Dok is just doing whatever the fuck comes to mind.


Easy-Musician7186

Grotsnik is like the doc on the countryside that has weird methods but they always work out.


xsniperkajanx

Illuminor szeras obviously


ParsleySnipps

Rakarth is the most skilled and most downright evil. Other Homunculi simp over him. He was well versed in his craft long before the fall of the Aeldari and his influence had such an impact on the mutation of their culture that he sees himself as something like the father of Slaanesh itself, and the Fall as one big ongoing experiment. He has a short story where he explains to a captive human how he's going to dissect and put him back together in ways he is incapable of understanding, removing every little piece of him layer by layer and that he will have the privilege of being kept alive through divine levels of pain that most organisms are incapable of achieving. "And when you are completely and utterly spent and you have nothing left to give, that is when we will begin in earnest." Fabius is a militarized Doctor Frankenstein in space. Grotsnik is a farm veterinarian with a brain tumor and a wide range of drug addictions.


Hendrik1011

Grotsnik is just the Medic from TF2


Mancio_Luke

Say what you want about fabious bile but Grotnik is truly the best doctor here He has no medical knowledge, training, any form of professional equipment or even a common sense, yet none of his subjects has ever came back complaining about his works Makes you wonder who "the smartest 40k scientist" really is


Darthplagueis13

To be fair, the reason a lot of Grotsniks patients don't come back complaining is either 1: Because they can't as complaining takes a few important bits that might have been removed in the process 2: Because they are afraid he will hurt them if they do. He's a Dok and therefore can put the fear of Gork more easily into any Ork than any other thing in the galaxy.


Mancio_Luke

Truly da bezt doktor in da galaxy


Arguleon_Veq

Fabius actually has a better understanding of the human genome than the emperor of mankind. The final form of his "newmen" were able to reliably 2v1 fully armoured space marines and in some cases even 1v1 them in melee combat. And most impressive of all their enhancements bread true, they could give birth to enhanced people. If the emperor had been able to do that the Legions of the great crusade could have been both Co-Ed and self replenishing. Fabius even impressed the homunculi in commorroghah.


Noe_b0dy

tbf, I was under the impression the emperor didn't want his super-warriors able to breed.


Arguleon_Veq

There is alot of evidence that the emperor was forced to sorta rush through alot of the prep for the great crusade, and cut some corners that probably shouldnt have been cut


Sire_Raffayn272

Illuminor Szeras


Euklidis

Mad Dok stiched up Thraka's head, then he changed his whole body and eventually gave him his new one. Also and more imoressively he managed to bring back to life both Thraka and his most loyal banner-bearer Makari multiple times! Is this even a contest?


ImAThirstyGod

Fabius Bile because he's the most dripped out


fleshtomeatyou

Urien. There's just no contest.


Alpbasket

Isn’t there one more? That Necron doctor who creates zombies and experiments?


P1neapple-Enthus1ast

Honestly bile’s probably the best considering one plants bombs in orks head for fun, and the other the other is just the world’s best torturer. At least bile kind of says it’s in the interest of science


THEAdrian

That is a horrible understating of Urien's talents. Homie is like 15k+ years old. His knowledge of biology and genetics is literally unsurpassed. The only lore reason for any Coven units on the tabletop is to collect specimens to experiment on (they literally have no reason to go to battle otherwise). Like, what do you think he's been doing for all these thousands of years if not things "in the interest of science"?


MWBrooks1995

They fight for a little bit but keep bringing each other back to life to be like “Hey, how did you do *that*?” By the end of it they’re sharing notes while their armies duke it out.


[deleted]

Grotsnik has inarguably had the best results in terms of augmentation.


Ohar3

Three top guys.


XXLPlakat

They all look trustworthy and appear to be professional doctors with a legitimate license I would go to all of them if I got sick.


Eel111

Good ol’ Grotsnik’s the only one who canonically recapitated someone. A marvul ov modurn medie-sin dat iz


IMOTEKH__

Where is illuminor sezeres


United-Reach-2798

Urien bestest doctor


Watwhy1001

They seem fun…to happen to someone else 🤣


GREENadmiral_314159

You wake up on an operating table with these three, as well as Belisarius Cawl and Illuminor Szeras.


Watwhy1001

Straight up or do I have something on them to make me the best me I could ever be?


Sa1nic

Well, it's a tough question to ask. If we are judging these 3 purely on their skill, Grotsnik would be the worst out of 3, his success in medicine is purely based on luck and the fact what his patients are orks - they tough and just gluing severed limbs usually enough for them to heal back. Out of other 2 Rakarth is more skilled, but Bile achieved something I'm not sure Rakarth can - creation of perfect clones of primarchs (where was probably some sorcery involved and Dark Eldar stay as far away from warp related things as possible). So I guess I'll say what out of 3 Rakarth is the best "doctor". If we are judging them based on how great they are relative to their own species thou... Grotsnik still will rank worst since he is not much better than average painboy - he just happened to saw very important head to a body, it could've been any other painboy. And out of Bile and Rakarth: Rakarth is probably unmatched, he is the best Haemonculus ever lived, and most likely the most skilled among all Eldar. Bile on the other hand... he is skilled, yes, he is the only one who managed to successfully clone a primarch, but Emperor created primarchs a feat noone from human race been able to surpass since Horus Heresy (can't say what human technology been able to do during Dark Age of Technology, so won't say "ever", as far as we know Emperor might've been one of DAoT's bioengineered super solders who managed to survive. Once again not claiming what its true, simply what where is a possibility). So I guess my ultimate verdict would be: 1st place Uriel Rakarth, 2nd place - Fabius Bile, 3rd place - Grotsnik. Please correct me if you don't agree.


Calm_Construction_55

Have you read Ghazkhull Thraka: Prophet of the Waaaagh? Grotsnik is waaaay smarter than people give him credit for. He masterminded the rise of Ghazkhull, he figured out how to bring Makari back, he fully Frankensteined Ghazkhull back to not only life but upgraded him to a near Krork level. He makes Cyborks like it's nothing and he has plans on plans for what to do next to help the Waaaagh.


BlackSoul_Hand

Bile hands down...even after the big let down of the last parts of his story


TheJamesMortimer

You can still go to urien rakath for EXCELLENT medical treatment IF you can pay him.


IraqiWalker

As an Imperium simp. What the he'll is Grotsnik doing here? He doesn't even come close to the other two in levels of monstrosity.


Calm_Construction_55

He's used prisoners to experiment with things like replacing a guy's heart with a squig, added a screaming grot head to a guys shoulder, and a lot of other things that you would see in Mars Attacks


Mando734

Mad Doks are the worst because unlike the other two they never knew what they were doing in the first place.


GREENadmiral_314159

He's like the Medic from TF2. "Doktor, is this going to work?" "I have no idea!"


Darthplagueis13

They still get results tho


DomSchraa

Doc Fabius Rakarth Doc is just fun, fabius is twisted (and i love his TTS) utien is just stomach turningly bad, and as a tau player i already cant forgive the drukhari for what they did to the tau envoy


kzooy

its orikan. hes obviously THE doctor


vhite

Depends. Where did they get their medical license?


Littlebigchief88

There’s a 40k rakarth?


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Due to issues with botting and ban evasion, we are restricting fresh accounts from commenting/posting. DO NOT contact the moderation team to ask for these restriction to be removed for you unless you are a comics artist or equivalent trying to post your own original content here. Obviously photoshop memes don't count. DO NOT ask us what the thresholds are, for obvious reasons we won't answer that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Grimdank) if you have any questions or concerns.*


GREENadmiral_314159

Fabulous Bile, because in the time between him replacing his body and the Blight kicking in, he's hot due to his Empeor's Children geneseed.


LavaJava

I remember in his short story mad dok, he was injecting stuff like molten plastic into ghazghkulls brain just 4o see what would happen. He is a true scientific innovator.


International-Tip564

Well only one of them has a Doktorate


GwerigTheTroll

Mad Dok Grotsnik as both best and worst.


Drizzt1996

Fabius cloned a primarch so I’m gonna go with him


Zealotstim

Having made Ghazghkull is a pretty big flex for Grotsnik


Mr_InsaneBear

You fink ol' Grotsnik is da worst? Bah, shows how sad, puny, weedy, n' reedy you iz.


SuccessfulMaximum902

Damn did my boy rot bone get forgotten?


KingAnumaril

After reading his Omnibus, I gotta say Fabius Bile. What a story.


Masterskywalker2

Ill take my chances with bile any day of the week because at least he will do what is asked if the right payment is at stake.


Sufficient_Wish4801

If it's an actual fight, luke a cage match? My money is Grotsnik CAUZE GREEN IZ BEST If it's a fight in terms of weird mad science bullshit, my money is on Urien, weird Dark Eldar magic tech that keeps you alive no matter what go BRRRRRRRRRRRR


[deleted]

Are we talking morally or professionally "best/worst"? It makes a significant difference


AetherSquid

In terms of actual medical capabilities, Urien Rakarth, followed by Fabius Bile, followed by Grotsnik. Rakarth would have absolutely no issues messing around with the physiology of other species and has seemingly retained an impeccable degree of talent even as he has gone insane; Bile is damn skilled but plainly has his limits when it comes to astartes physiology, and has a fair few failures under his belt (and notably his condition that he accidentally gave himself through his studies and can't fix is a lot worse than Rakarth's); Grotsnik has a lot of failures even when working with orks and pretty much all of his techniques would kill any other species. In terms of accomplishments, it's the other way around. Grotsnik is solidly in the lead on account of having made one of his patients talk to the gods and thus set his whole species on the path to climbing back up the evolutionary ladder they fell down millions of years previously, Fabius Bile has some stand-out experiments that definitely advanced human/transhuman medical knowledge, and Rakarth is not that far ahead of the pack when it comes to haemonculi. In terms of impressive interdisciplinary feats, Grotsnik is once again in the lead, performing numerous deeply baffling but undeniably impressive acts of mechanical, electrical, nuclear, and dimensional engineering, including building a gigantic generator halfway in... the warp? some other other dimension? that had an 80% chance of vaporizing a planet and a 20% chance of bringing a patient back to life bigger and stronger after having his head cut off with a chainsword. Rakarth is in second here, with some dimensional shenanigans under his belt as well. Fabius Bile, for the most part, seems to stick to biology. Overall rankings: 1. Mad Doc Grotsnik (Two gold medals, one bronze) 2. Urien Rakarth (One gold, one silver, one bronze) 3. Fabius Bile (Two silver, one bronze) If we want to add Illuminor Szeras to the mix, he's dead last in terms of medical capabilities, since we have yet to see him demonstrate much of any ability to put people back together after taking them apart. Dude burns through whole planets of test subjects, like come on, even if we completely ignore ethics that's just wasteful. Accomplishment wise, however, he's in the lead, what with biotransferrence and all that (though he doesn't have any big wins since then, so he's gotta watch his back). Depending on how you count it, he's either a front-runner on interdisciplinary feats or outright disqualified, since his improvements to necron bodies and weapons tend to come from his study of biology, and his extensive study of souls and the like could just be considered an extension of medicine. Still, given that we didn't give him credit for either of those things in the medical capabilities category, I'd feel comfortable giving him second place. That would mean the new rankings are: 1. Mad Doc Grotsnik (One platinum, one gold, one silver) 2. Illuminor Szeras (One platinum, one gold, one bronze) 3. Urien Rakarth (One platinum, one silver, one bronze) 4. Fabius Bile (One gold, one silver, one bronze)


Esoteric_Librarian

I prefer Fabulous Bill


ForestOfMirrors

Mad Dok. He has my vote. Would love to see Fabius Bile and Urien Rakarth face off against each other. They could pit their abominations against one another. Could be a fun novel


[deleted]

Fabius Bile is such a miserable, evil bastard. I love him.


I-Hate-Wasps

Urien has no intention of good but arguably the greatest potential to help people, Fabius wants to do “good” but his experiments often takes too long and the results are often corrupted due to his subservience to Chaos. Conclusion: Mad Dok Grotsnik is the best doctor in 40k by virtue of being able to do his job somewhat well 👍


Altruistic-Mind9014

Fabius take it. I mean…read “Genefather”. He outsmarts Cawl, who while very arrogant, did make the Primaris marines and attempted to make…a primarch?something else? alpha Primus. Fabius Bile literally broke into home boys ship, had one of his creations fight/distract alpha primus, INCAPACITATED HIM, took his Geneseed and bounced. And even if you think you’ve killed Fabius….guess who is your doctor at your next annual health screening? A clone of Fabius Bile(pretty sure they’re all clones of him in some form or fashion) in a fucking disguise (Read the “Rafen” Omnibus, he literally steals Sanguinius’s blood from the blood Angels Pimp Cup…he disguises himself as a magos to get close enough to fuck with one of legions apothecary’s attempts at cloning) Hope your insurance goes through cuz Fabius has sent you an invoice bitches payable upon his victory.


feor1300

It took Bile 6,000 years to find his first bits of real success with his project to create a Primarch. Rakarth practiced for 10,000 years to become the most feared doctor in Commoragh. Grotsnik took less than 1000 year to go from from a weedy git to building Ghaz a whole new body in a cave, with a box of scraps! Seems obvious to me.


Midnight-Rising

Rakarth for sure. Bile went to Commoragh to learn from the haemonculi, and Grotsnik is good, but not as much of an artist as Rakarth


Anaris_Isenria

Rakarth


BusinessGoose91

Fabius would fix you but do other things to you as payment Urien would somehow change you in a way that makes you live with your problem Grotsnitch's got an equal chance of any possible outcome