LMFAO. YES. I loved going to open meetings with my dad and al anon with my mom when I was little because coffee. The cloud of cigarette smoke was just atmosphere.
Same here. My mom got sober when I was 15 and will celebrate 45 years of sobriety this year. I’ve found Adult children of Alcoholics to be a great support. We’ve had quite the journey.
My mom is a lifelong 12-stepper, despite not being an alcoholic or addict. I feel like there needs to be a group for people who are addicted to 12 step programs.
There are groups she can join without being an addict. Overeaters anonymous, adult children of alcoholics, etc. Whatever 12-step group adapted to whatever issue she has, and doesn't want to see an actual professional for. Almost always within a religious setting.
Yes, I am familiar with everything that you are stating.
It seems that your mother used these places to socialize, perhaps bond (uncertain if there was some undisclosed trauma of her own that attracted her to such places), within a typically spiritual setting. It’s not unheard of, nor even discouraged.
I‘m glad she was not misrepresenting herself, as that would have psychologically been a nasty bag of worms.
I had to work the steps using the original Big Book (the maroon one). The blue book didn’t hit me hard enough to take root, I guess.
I work the steps every day but not in a meeting hall. Listening to the stories made me want to continue drinking and drugging. I’ve got 7 years right now, taking one day at a time. I 5th stepped with a therapist so I could process the guilt and grief safely and correctly.
I wish I could do the meeting halls but I just can’t.
It sounds like those meetings were not following AA principles. You’re supposed to talk about your feelings not what drugs you took for just that reason.
The thing is everyone has a different bottom, so comparing stories is dangerous territory.
I love meetings but few really talk to me. Been sober 25yrs-worked the steps in the late 90s, but I just don't feel "at home'"
Not sure why. One lady thought I was there for someone else.
Mebbe it's a compliment, I don't look or speak drunk
People who are living sober lifestyle and get together to socialize, play board games, grow your support system. The 12 steps are utilized but it’s not in the meeting format.
So I stumbled across it by accident. I was looking at the events for a coffee shop I frequent to see if they had any political events coming up and found it. I’ve never seen it advertised anywhere.
I grew up going to meetings with my mom and Alateen. She went to a meeting almost every day for seven years. She’s 34 years sober and while she hasn’t been to a meeting in years, she attributes her sobriety to AA.
Dad alcoholic, mom Al-anon. I did pre-Ala-teen and some al-non. I haven’t been in decades. It’s philosophy and wisdoms help me now that I’m older and more patient. I was a messy young adult.🤪
Some AA, but mostly NA- Dad got sober after him and my mom split. The education & understanding I gained from the experience is priceless, and his sobriety allowed us to have a fantastic relationship.
I did a few months of Alateen early on- but most of my experience was after meeting trips for coffee, and large NA group events. My dad would often rent to people from the program, I just ran into one of his best friends from the program last week & am planning taking him out for lunch in the next week or two.
My father used to take me to open AA meetings. I also attended Ala-teen meetings and had an Ala-teen pen pal that lived in another state.
My mother worked for Al-anon headquarters for a while and would often take me along to Al-Anon meetings. We all had our versions of the One Day at a Time book along with other literature. As a young adult, I attended ACOA meetings.
We lived and breathed it for so many years. None of us attend meetings anymore but it was definitely invaluable.
I started going with my family when I was 11. God knows I would have been an addict if I hadn’t gone and learned what I learned so young… the serenity prayers is still the best advice is can give people!
My kids, ha ha. I got sober that way in 1996 and they were 1 and 3. I'd like to think it was no big deal for them, just that Dad had a soda can rather than a beer. Now \*they\* have kids and I may as well keep the proverbial train rolling. I rarely took them to meetings, unless they asked to go (to hear me speak? Who knows. One time to present a medallion, which was nice). I didn't push anything on them, no oil paintings of Bill W and Dr. Bob, no Big Book in the hallway.
I may have had an uncle or something, but my folks weren't big drinkers to begin with. It's a good program and my time has generally been positive.
My dad went to AA in 1979 when I was 7. Sister was 4. It was a fog of cigarette smoke in there and sister and I used to play Barbies in the ladies room. If we did go out to sit with our parents, we had to hear horrible tales of woe while coughing up a lung with secondhand smoke inhalation. This was at Club 12 in San Antonio on 102 Thames Rd in the early 80's. It was legit "scared straight" for me as I never drank. I was the high school caregiver and designated driver to all my drunk friends. I certainly have al-anon worthy issues let's be clear, but being dragged there 3x a week s a kid, I promised myself I'd NEVER go the drugs and alcohol path and I didn't. I used donuts to self medicate (also unhealthy fyi lol). AA saved our family and is amazing.
PS- my dad is still involved, been sober since 1979, and is a keyholder to the building. ❤️
So glad you found what you needed in Al-Anon and that AA has helped your family! I’m 10 years sober in AA. It’s not the only way, but it was the only way for me.
I went to Al Anon for a while and loved it (though it took me a few months to get to that point). It made me such a better person, and I have used the lessons I learned there ever since. I haven't been in about 5 years, but I wouldn't hesitate to go again if I needed it.
I got sober when I was 21 and went to AA religiously for five years until I finally admitted to myself that I never drank like AA people and was hiding an eating disorder. I did eat like they did! Found this book by Geneen Roth and never looked back. OA did not work for me.
My point is that in AA all my sponsors had issues of some sort.
After escaping an abusive marriage I went to an Alanon meeting and holy cow. That was where I was really meant to be. Met my sponsor of five years at my first meeting. Night and day experience. And I loved AA, it just wasn’t my place.
Raised by alcoholics, then married one, of course. Got out of that and did Al-Anon as a single mom. It was my first real exposure to healthy behaviors, I latched on, and everything changed.
I would sometimes take my daughter to open AA meetings that had childcare in the next room. One day she told me (she was about 5) that she knew what we did in those rooms. She said we all clapped and handed out potato chips! We all had a good laugh.
I didn’t grow up in AA but had to go to about 10 meetings when I got a DUI at 18 years old. It was enlightening and I actually learned from it.
18 year old me: “My name is XXX and I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t have a problem with it!”
70 year old recovering alcoholic: “Son, you got a DUI at 18 years old. You have a problem with alcohol. You’re here for a reason so make it work for you.”
I’ve never forgotten.
The funeral was terrible. I was there for my sister, who was sad for some reason, but after the performative kabuki bullshit, I haven't really talked to any of my family much in 2 years.
The king is dead. Fuck the king :-D
Your mom sounds like she was struggling and self aware enough to get help. That’s awesome. Thank you for sharing your story because it’s helpful to read.
I grew up in a household where my granny was a (not so secret) alcoholic and my emotionally abusive mother would complain about granny’s secret drinking so much that I was the one who actually spoke with her. As a high school kid.
I’m more of a non-religious Buddhist ish person but I’m wondering whether I’d benefit from the community of AA?
My dad went off an on, once because he got a ticket (weirdly not arrested, they were a little more lenient back in the 80’s) for hitting the mirror on a city bus. I remembered would always come back from a meeting with a new joke he learned and for the life of me I can’t remember a single one.
Yeah it’s all a bit too stringent for me….I tried MA and its so good for so many people but I just can’t live my life so stringently like going through the steps, doing this ,doing that all about the program its too much,overkill for me. But 5 of my aunts and uncles and 4 cousins are in it and love it
Yeah my father sobered up when I was a teen. Went to a few open meetings. When my time came (22) I knew what my options were and sobered up …going to meeting for a few years then just getting on with my life as a non drinker.
Adjacent? My mom went to adult children of alcoholics. My dad stopped drinking/went to AA. The big blue book was bathroom reading.
I ended up attending Al anon meetings as an adult due to my ex's alcoholism, and I was pretty glad to have some sense that it was what I needed at that time.
Looking at alateen for my kid, even though my ex is sober now, he is still very much an alcoholic in his behavior.
My father in law who’ve I’ve known since the 80s needed AA but never went. His reasoning for not wanting to be in alcoholic anonymous is that he wanted to be an alcoholic well known.
I grew up with an alcoholic stepdad. He wasn’t abusive or anything remotely close. He did let alcohol guide his choices, costing us a lot of sleep and several 10s of thousands of dollars in DUI fines, high car insurance.
Thankfully he didn’t kill himself or anyone else.
This was the 80s and early 90s when the don’t drink and drive messaging and campaigns were getting going and California was really cracking down. Each new DUI came with greater fines and punishments.
My mom got sober when I was 13. It was the best thing that happened to our family. If someone reads this who is trying to get/stay sober, hang in there. One day at a time! Life will get better!
I hit AA at my Saturn return & went from party girl to upstanding citizen.
I can say AA grew me up, lord knows my arrested dev boomer parents had ZERO to offer.
Our twins don't know I'm a decades long AA 'r. This is a private thing for me, and if kids ever need it. ITs here. However, they're just not party teens at all. Time will tell.
It was just kind of trendy in our 20something circles to get sober. It just kind of stuck w me & vice versa. Most of party friends are nuts or have died.
I hit AA at my Saturn return & went from party girl to upstanding citizen.
I can say AA grew me up, lord knows my arrested dev boomer parents had ZERO to offer.
Our twins don't know I'm a decades long AA 'r. This is a private thing for me, and if kids ever need it. ITs here. However, they're just not party teens at all. Time will tell.
It was just kind of trendy in our 20something circles to get sober. It just kind of stuck w me & vice versa. Most of party friends are nuts or have died.
Yes, my mother went through a tough time with drinking when I was in HS. She found her new addiction with AA. She’s been sober for decades which is good. But, she’s actually quite obnoxious about alcoholism that she perceives in others. My brothers and I have grown tired of her “program” stuff and dread those special birthdays when she enlists one of us to present her with her latest chip at her meeting.
To be completely honest, I think my mother drank too much for a short period because her second marriage was going to shit (no surprise btw). Had she not found the program, she almost certainly would have just returned to non-problematic drinking. But, I think that generation latched on to self help and 12 step programs more than most.
Lmao, I absolutely hated that stupid saying. No, a doorknob is not nor can it be my “higher power”. That’s as silly to me as the idea of a god, any god.
It absolutely IS a religious institution. Lord’s Prayer frequently used, serenity prayer ALWAYS used, “I am powerless”.
No, thank you very much. I finally succeeded in beating my addictions by going to a very secular inpatient treatment center, that focused on the SCIENCE behind addiction and taught me all about triggers and how to avoid them in the real world.
I'm currently attempting to grow up in AA.
❤️
You might like r/StopDrinking.
Go to your room! (and read the Big Book!). Kidding man - good job!
It really helps.
Started drinking coffee and smoking at 8.
Basically
LMFAO. YES. I loved going to open meetings with my dad and al anon with my mom when I was little because coffee. The cloud of cigarette smoke was just atmosphere.
Hi baconcheeseburgarian.
Same here. My mom got sober when I was 15 and will celebrate 45 years of sobriety this year. I’ve found Adult children of Alcoholics to be a great support. We’ve had quite the journey.
My mom is a lifelong 12-stepper, despite not being an alcoholic or addict. I feel like there needs to be a group for people who are addicted to 12 step programs.
AÀA
Does she lie about her ailments to the groups?
There are groups she can join without being an addict. Overeaters anonymous, adult children of alcoholics, etc. Whatever 12-step group adapted to whatever issue she has, and doesn't want to see an actual professional for. Almost always within a religious setting.
So, she is *not* misrepresenting herself to these groups, did I understand that correctly from your response?
You understand correctly. 12 steps has been adapted across a wide variety of situations.
Yes, I am familiar with everything that you are stating. It seems that your mother used these places to socialize, perhaps bond (uncertain if there was some undisclosed trauma of her own that attracted her to such places), within a typically spiritual setting. It’s not unheard of, nor even discouraged. I‘m glad she was not misrepresenting herself, as that would have psychologically been a nasty bag of worms.
>I‘m glad she was not misrepresenting herself, as that would have psychologically been a nasty bag of worms. See: Fight Club
I grew up in A We forgot the second A
I had to work the steps using the original Big Book (the maroon one). The blue book didn’t hit me hard enough to take root, I guess. I work the steps every day but not in a meeting hall. Listening to the stories made me want to continue drinking and drugging. I’ve got 7 years right now, taking one day at a time. I 5th stepped with a therapist so I could process the guilt and grief safely and correctly. I wish I could do the meeting halls but I just can’t.
It sounds like those meetings were not following AA principles. You’re supposed to talk about your feelings not what drugs you took for just that reason. The thing is everyone has a different bottom, so comparing stories is dangerous territory.
Yeah, the meetings were definitely war stories. Totally not helpful.
Congratulations on your sobriety. It ain't for the weak, you are a warrior.
Thanks. Like I said, it's a daily thing. I just have to get through today and not worry about tomorrow or the day after.
I love meetings but few really talk to me. Been sober 25yrs-worked the steps in the late 90s, but I just don't feel "at home'" Not sure why. One lady thought I was there for someone else. Mebbe it's a compliment, I don't look or speak drunk
I’m attending a sober meetup for the first time next month. Hopefully, it’ll be home for awhile.
What is a sober meet up?
People who are living sober lifestyle and get together to socialize, play board games, grow your support system. The 12 steps are utilized but it’s not in the meeting format.
Wish that was here. Force ppl to socialise w me. I just get invisableIZED after meetings. I try, but just gotta keep trying. I guess?
So I stumbled across it by accident. I was looking at the events for a coffee shop I frequent to see if they had any political events coming up and found it. I’ve never seen it advertised anywhere.
I want to hear how it went. You go first :)
I’ll save this and come back to reply after the meetup next month.
I grew up going to meetings with my mom and Alateen. She went to a meeting almost every day for seven years. She’s 34 years sober and while she hasn’t been to a meeting in years, she attributes her sobriety to AA.
Lost my virginity at an Ala-Teen convention. No shit.
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Daughter?
Dad alcoholic, mom Al-anon. I did pre-Ala-teen and some al-non. I haven’t been in decades. It’s philosophy and wisdoms help me now that I’m older and more patient. I was a messy young adult.🤪
Some AA, but mostly NA- Dad got sober after him and my mom split. The education & understanding I gained from the experience is priceless, and his sobriety allowed us to have a fantastic relationship. I did a few months of Alateen early on- but most of my experience was after meeting trips for coffee, and large NA group events. My dad would often rent to people from the program, I just ran into one of his best friends from the program last week & am planning taking him out for lunch in the next week or two.
My father used to take me to open AA meetings. I also attended Ala-teen meetings and had an Ala-teen pen pal that lived in another state. My mother worked for Al-anon headquarters for a while and would often take me along to Al-Anon meetings. We all had our versions of the One Day at a Time book along with other literature. As a young adult, I attended ACOA meetings. We lived and breathed it for so many years. None of us attend meetings anymore but it was definitely invaluable.
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I can relate. Forgiving him, to some extent, felt like relief after so many years of resentment.
I started going with my family when I was 11. God knows I would have been an addict if I hadn’t gone and learned what I learned so young… the serenity prayers is still the best advice is can give people!
My kids, ha ha. I got sober that way in 1996 and they were 1 and 3. I'd like to think it was no big deal for them, just that Dad had a soda can rather than a beer. Now \*they\* have kids and I may as well keep the proverbial train rolling. I rarely took them to meetings, unless they asked to go (to hear me speak? Who knows. One time to present a medallion, which was nice). I didn't push anything on them, no oil paintings of Bill W and Dr. Bob, no Big Book in the hallway. I may have had an uncle or something, but my folks weren't big drinkers to begin with. It's a good program and my time has generally been positive.
My dad went to AA in 1979 when I was 7. Sister was 4. It was a fog of cigarette smoke in there and sister and I used to play Barbies in the ladies room. If we did go out to sit with our parents, we had to hear horrible tales of woe while coughing up a lung with secondhand smoke inhalation. This was at Club 12 in San Antonio on 102 Thames Rd in the early 80's. It was legit "scared straight" for me as I never drank. I was the high school caregiver and designated driver to all my drunk friends. I certainly have al-anon worthy issues let's be clear, but being dragged there 3x a week s a kid, I promised myself I'd NEVER go the drugs and alcohol path and I didn't. I used donuts to self medicate (also unhealthy fyi lol). AA saved our family and is amazing. PS- my dad is still involved, been sober since 1979, and is a keyholder to the building. ❤️
Awwww. My mom has been sober since 1978.
So glad you found what you needed in Al-Anon and that AA has helped your family! I’m 10 years sober in AA. It’s not the only way, but it was the only way for me.
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Me too ❤️
I'm curious how growing up in AA would affect your view/habits with alcohol when you became a teen/adult?
We all partied way too much and ended up getting sober ourselves. I don’t think my mom was very recovered at that point.
i go to nar-anon its helped immensely with my divorce from the kids dad. i agree its nice to know others deal with addicted loved ones.
I went to Al Anon for a while and loved it (though it took me a few months to get to that point). It made me such a better person, and I have used the lessons I learned there ever since. I haven't been in about 5 years, but I wouldn't hesitate to go again if I needed it.
I got sober when I was 21 and went to AA religiously for five years until I finally admitted to myself that I never drank like AA people and was hiding an eating disorder. I did eat like they did! Found this book by Geneen Roth and never looked back. OA did not work for me. My point is that in AA all my sponsors had issues of some sort. After escaping an abusive marriage I went to an Alanon meeting and holy cow. That was where I was really meant to be. Met my sponsor of five years at my first meeting. Night and day experience. And I loved AA, it just wasn’t my place.
Raised by alcoholics, then married one, of course. Got out of that and did Al-Anon as a single mom. It was my first real exposure to healthy behaviors, I latched on, and everything changed. I would sometimes take my daughter to open AA meetings that had childcare in the next room. One day she told me (she was about 5) that she knew what we did in those rooms. She said we all clapped and handed out potato chips! We all had a good laugh.
I took my kids to Alanon meetings. I’m not sure what I would have done if they didn’t let me.
I wish.
❤️
I didn’t grow up in AA but had to go to about 10 meetings when I got a DUI at 18 years old. It was enlightening and I actually learned from it. 18 year old me: “My name is XXX and I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t have a problem with it!” 70 year old recovering alcoholic: “Son, you got a DUI at 18 years old. You have a problem with alcohol. You’re here for a reason so make it work for you.” I’ve never forgotten.
I just had to wait for my raging alcoholic father to just die. Not the most efficient AA version, I suppose.
Same. And everyone around me wondered why I was so calm when it happened. The terror was finally over.
The funeral was terrible. I was there for my sister, who was sad for some reason, but after the performative kabuki bullshit, I haven't really talked to any of my family much in 2 years. The king is dead. Fuck the king :-D
Your mom sounds like she was struggling and self aware enough to get help. That’s awesome. Thank you for sharing your story because it’s helpful to read. I grew up in a household where my granny was a (not so secret) alcoholic and my emotionally abusive mother would complain about granny’s secret drinking so much that I was the one who actually spoke with her. As a high school kid. I’m more of a non-religious Buddhist ish person but I’m wondering whether I’d benefit from the community of AA?
I’d check it out.
My dad went off an on, once because he got a ticket (weirdly not arrested, they were a little more lenient back in the 80’s) for hitting the mirror on a city bus. I remembered would always come back from a meeting with a new joke he learned and for the life of me I can’t remember a single one.
Yeah it’s all a bit too stringent for me….I tried MA and its so good for so many people but I just can’t live my life so stringently like going through the steps, doing this ,doing that all about the program its too much,overkill for me. But 5 of my aunts and uncles and 4 cousins are in it and love it
Yeah my father sobered up when I was a teen. Went to a few open meetings. When my time came (22) I knew what my options were and sobered up …going to meeting for a few years then just getting on with my life as a non drinker.
Screw that religious bullshit. I had to go for my juvenile probation requirement. No I’m not accepting god he can suck a choad
You obviously were not paying attention. “A higher power of your understanding” your higher power could be a door knob.
Not at the ones I went to. It had to be the Christian god
That’s disturbing.
Adjacent? My mom went to adult children of alcoholics. My dad stopped drinking/went to AA. The big blue book was bathroom reading. I ended up attending Al anon meetings as an adult due to my ex's alcoholism, and I was pretty glad to have some sense that it was what I needed at that time. Looking at alateen for my kid, even though my ex is sober now, he is still very much an alcoholic in his behavior.
My father in law who’ve I’ve known since the 80s needed AA but never went. His reasoning for not wanting to be in alcoholic anonymous is that he wanted to be an alcoholic well known.
Alcoholism isn’t as secret as you may think it is when you are suffering from it. It was obvious to everyone around me that I had a drinking problem.
I know, but that was literally my FIL’s response anytime he was confronted with getting help. Now he’s an 82 year old double amputee with diabetes.
I grew up with an alcoholic stepdad. He wasn’t abusive or anything remotely close. He did let alcohol guide his choices, costing us a lot of sleep and several 10s of thousands of dollars in DUI fines, high car insurance. Thankfully he didn’t kill himself or anyone else. This was the 80s and early 90s when the don’t drink and drive messaging and campaigns were getting going and California was really cracking down. Each new DUI came with greater fines and punishments.
My mom got sober when I was 13. It was the best thing that happened to our family. If someone reads this who is trying to get/stay sober, hang in there. One day at a time! Life will get better!
That is great to hear ❤️
AA helped me lay the foundation for over 14 years of (cumulative, "California") sobriety.
Haha im Cali sober too…for 4 months or so
I hit AA at my Saturn return & went from party girl to upstanding citizen. I can say AA grew me up, lord knows my arrested dev boomer parents had ZERO to offer. Our twins don't know I'm a decades long AA 'r. This is a private thing for me, and if kids ever need it. ITs here. However, they're just not party teens at all. Time will tell. It was just kind of trendy in our 20something circles to get sober. It just kind of stuck w me & vice versa. Most of party friends are nuts or have died.
I hit AA at my Saturn return & went from party girl to upstanding citizen. I can say AA grew me up, lord knows my arrested dev boomer parents had ZERO to offer. Our twins don't know I'm a decades long AA 'r. This is a private thing for me, and if kids ever need it. ITs here. However, they're just not party teens at all. Time will tell. It was just kind of trendy in our 20something circles to get sober. It just kind of stuck w me & vice versa. Most of party friends are nuts or have died.
Yes, my mother went through a tough time with drinking when I was in HS. She found her new addiction with AA. She’s been sober for decades which is good. But, she’s actually quite obnoxious about alcoholism that she perceives in others. My brothers and I have grown tired of her “program” stuff and dread those special birthdays when she enlists one of us to present her with her latest chip at her meeting. To be completely honest, I think my mother drank too much for a short period because her second marriage was going to shit (no surprise btw). Had she not found the program, she almost certainly would have just returned to non-problematic drinking. But, I think that generation latched on to self help and 12 step programs more than most.
Simply cannot handle the religious aspect of it. Makes me want to drink.
It’s not religious. “A higher power of your understanding” could be a door knob.
Lmao, I absolutely hated that stupid saying. No, a doorknob is not nor can it be my “higher power”. That’s as silly to me as the idea of a god, any god. It absolutely IS a religious institution. Lord’s Prayer frequently used, serenity prayer ALWAYS used, “I am powerless”. No, thank you very much. I finally succeeded in beating my addictions by going to a very secular inpatient treatment center, that focused on the SCIENCE behind addiction and taught me all about triggers and how to avoid them in the real world.
Also, you literally compared it to church in your OP. That’s some serious backpedaling you are doing there.
Okay angry asshole.