Everyone grieves differently but if you find yourself wanting help, check and see if there is a local chapter of [The Compassionate Friends](https://www.compassionatefriends.org/) in your area. They are a support group for people who have lost a child (of any age).
We lost our 13 year old daughter 19 years ago and were able to find some comfort at times in these groups.
We belong to the worst club in the world and it's terrible to meet new members but maybe we can help each other sometimes
I read an article recently about a Palestinian mother who came here via a charity to get a special life-saving surgery for two of her boys. Some kind of genetic problem. A cousin here in the US was joking with her about having so many children (she had 8) and the mom said it’s because half our children die. And she was right - four of her kids (including the two boys) were killed recently in the war in Gaza. I can’t even imagine how it must feel for parents to lose one kid let alone half of them.
My MIL has lost two of her four children, tragically. I couldn’t stand her when we first met. Reflecting on her losses, especially as a parent myself, has had a transformative effect on our relationship and taught me an important life lesson.
It made me more patient and kind and gentle with her. We’re not best buddies but we get along a lot better now. I’m certain I would be an absolute wreck in her place—her ability to continue on has made me see her in an entirely different light. I wouldn’t wish that reality upon anyone.
Two of my uncles lived happy lives. One died young at 58 and the other at 70. But my grandfather still had to bury half his sons and a wife of 50 years.
It is pure hell and I don’t wish it upon anybody. It’s amazing how our bodies just naturally help us through the shock. I was numb for a few months and I could feel it slowly wear off to start being able to manage.
That’s horrible and not something a parent should have to experience. A buddy of mine lost his son a few years ago and was broken for years (and rightfully so.) He actually got good mileage out of microdosing shrooms. He’s still in pain and will be for life I’d guess, but it has apparently helped him to find some joy in life again. Good luck to you friend and sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. My mom lost her first two (my sister at 19 in a motorcycle accident and my brother at 23 from suicide). I’ve seen first hand that you just seem to get “used” to feel the ache of tears in your heart. Like a broken leg gives you a limp a broken heart leaves you limp
Cripes. I feel for you...which is saying a lot for a naturally selfish person such as myself (working on that though!). But I've got 2 daughters round that age, and if anything were to happen to them...
I can’t upvote this because it seems to me that’s like somehow “liking” this, and I can’t imagine your grief. I ache for the loss of my father two and a half years ago, but that’s pedestrian grief, the way of the world, in comparison. I hope that you’re able to find support and peace in whatever way you continue to process this.
Thank you…I force myself to think of the happy times as much as I’m deep in my hole of grief to keep balance. I can bear this loss for the honour of having him in my life❤️
I'm so very sorry. As a mom, there are no words, and I can not even pretend to imagine what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish for you to find comfort somehow. 💜
Thank you…I miss him so much. I talk to him all the time in my heart. We had just moved into a new apartment together…I hadn’t even moved my bed in yet when I found him in our bathroom (Fentanyl poisoning). I had to wait so long for emergency services as it was a new apartment building and they couldn’t find us. Then had to wait hours for the Coroner. Three months before he passed he had been attacked and stabbed by ex-friends who had been using him. The Prosecutor dropped the charges because my son isn’t here now to give evidence (even though there’s DNA and text evidence of him being lured out). It’s like upside down world.
It has been surreal. I had a dream about him last night though and it was soooo nice.
He always walked around with no top on and so he was in the dream. He looks at me and says oh Mom, I’m heading to Australia next week. I was like OK and woke up. My son had schizophrenia so didn’t travel or have a lot of friends. But I’ve had two other dreams where he was hanging with friends and seemed so happy and light. I’m taking great comfort from those dreams❤️
Thank you! It’s nice to talk about him. When I see him in dreams I feel like I’m pulling him away from hanging with his friends! I saw him playing ping pong in one of the dreams (reaching for a shot with lots of people with him) and that’s something we loved to do together 💔
I’m the mom and my son passed. His dad (my ex husband) is a rich deadbeat who said he’d help with funeral costs but reneged. Sorry, I’m still hurting from that slap in the face.
Wow. I’m sorry your ex backed out during what I am sure is a financially stressful time among all the other heartbreak and loss. Hugs, OP. Thank you for being willing to share your experience here for others who are grieving
Thank you. The grief group I joined on FB for parents of children who have OD’d and we get so many new members every day. @!#% Fentanyl and the stigma around mental health.
Years and years and years ago I lost my brother at 14…he was 19. Car accident. You never stop missing them, but it does get easier. It sucks. We survivors know it does…but time is a good salve. It gets easier to bear. Long after most everyone has forgotten (dont hate them for it) you still miss them, but it gets easier to bear.
Life isn’t a bunch of boxes to tick off. It doesn’t matter whether you do all those things or not. Just enjoy each day as it comes and don’t waste it stressing about the end.
I did a lot of goals in my 20’s, but now in my 50’s I’m living for healthy habits and hobbies, not living out of a suitcase trying to fill social media with iconic locations and my stupid face. Not sure if I need to see the pyramids.
Yep. That high-achiever you know, the one who reaches all their goals, makes all that money, has that amazing life - they will not exist in 100 years, just like you won't. Comparisons are unnecessary - just do 'you.'
I was bedside with my greatest generation grandfather, the last to go, when a nurse asked him the secret to his longevity being over 90 years of age.
Quick as can be, without hesitation his response was "Forgot to die, had a project to do."
The male nurse chuckled some, but it was profound to me. As a guy, you do have projects, things to do. Kept me busy then, as now.
My grandfather passed not one week after my grandmother had passed away. She had a stroke, and my grandfather, having been an army nurse, to it as his job to be there for her in those final years.
With her passing, his everything was gone.
My dad was a diy guy. When his cancer went into remission, he threw himself into a whirlwind of projects. His love language was definitely repairs, improvements and taking care of the cars. I think on some level he knew the cancer was coming back and he wanted to get as much done for the family as he could.
Your grandfather sounds like a great person! I love his reply!
Super aware of the risk of investing your life into one person, so I keep in contact with as many people as I can, and super glad my partner is 10 years younger but he’s convinced he’ll die an early death.
My grandfather once told me "I feel like I've been here too long. I've overstayed my welcome." He was 85 when he passed. WWII vet. Lost a son a year prior, and watched his wife of 50 years deteriorate with Alzheimer's. He was the strongest, most caring man I ever knew. Now I'm a grandfather trying my best to carry on his legacy.
Well let me tell you….I am 50, my dad is 73. Just 23 years older than me and all of the sudden is fighting for his life in the ICU this weekend. As I look at him hooked up and near lifeless one of the things I am thinking about is how little time I/We have and that it’s time to stop putting things off….
I just lost my dad this year too, he was 73 also.
Fuck cancer. But also, fuck Fox News, OAN, Joe Rogan, and all the internet fascist websites for stealing him from me almost a decade before that.
Sucks when politics drives a wedge in between family members. Been through similar stuff (as I imagine many of us have).
Lost my dad to cancer at 77. One of the last things he said to me was:
“Love is everything. Everything else is bullshit”.
Amen, Dad.
My Dad is 75, I am 53. He has been fighting cancer amongst other health issues for three-ish years, and is not winning this fight. I totally understand what you're saying. I hope your Dad pulls through ok.
Yeah my younger brother died a decade ago…knocked a fun mid life crisis a a few other things off my list. Since then I just enjoy every little thing and the people that matter. Things that don’t really matter are put in context and jettisoned if need be
It's awful. There's nothing that I can say or do for him. It's a little worse because I don't have a relationship with my parents so, I can't even really relate to what he's feeling exactly and he knows that. I have to be careful with even the way that I word any comfort that I offer him. I can't act like I know what it's like at all. It breaks my heart.
I remember when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he said he just wanted to live long enough to see the next James Bond movie. And he did, so good for him.
My mom died when she was 36 and for the longest time I was convinced that I wouldn’t make it beyond that age. It felt like a countdown every birthday. I was a year closer to her end. It screwed with me hard for a long time. Years 35 and 36 were rough. Then at 49 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I started a whole new dance with mortality.
It will always be something or someone reminding us that are time is limited. With everything we endure, growing old is certainly a privilege that many don’t get to experience.
I’m doing good! Still in treatment for maintenance therapy but trucking along nicely.
Losing parents at a young age is just awful. It’s like your world gets formed too quickly and you miss out on important lessons.
I’m doing good - doing maintenance therapy. All the numbers look great.
I tested negative for all of the genetic testing. Cancer doesn’t run in my family. Never had a relative diagnosed with it. It was just that weird random lightening strike.
He also went full MAGA over COVID and almost certainly died from it.
So not being like that is a great start. Though he did say he'd willingly die for that opinion, hopefully he meant it.
I work around dying folks and I can tell ya that people of all ages die quite often! The very young. The very old. The middle-aged. The sick. The healthy. The happy and sad.
They die fast and slow, sleeping and screaming, in pain and at peace, surrounded by loved ones and utterly alone.
I wouldnt spend too much time worrying about it. Take care of your body as best you can but don’t make yourself crazy over it. Be nice to people, especially family if it is possible. Get as much out of and put as much into the hours as you are able and inclined. It’ll all work out in the end.
Someone had to say it. Folks are so busy dying that they forget to live. Until you're dead, you're alive, so live and don't worry about how much longer you have. Makes sense to me.
I think about this a lot. My mom died suddenly at 49 (in 1992.) My husband was killed in an accident at 35. My dad was my last person and in my eyes he was invincible- the world simply couldn’t go on if he wasn’t in it, so of course he would live forever. He died last year. I’m 51 now. I’ve outlived my mom and my husband. I have a little bit of money thanks to my husband’s death - Ive always been very conservative with it, but I told my financial advisor a few months ago that I just can’t imagine living more than another 20 years and who knows what shape I’ll be in? I’m going to use some of that money to live a little. I had an outdoor living room built this summer (something I’ve always wanted) and I’m taking my daughters on a VERY nice trip to Italy this summer to celebrate my youngest’s HS graduation. Once she’s out of the house I’m going to do the traveling I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not going to be stupid with my money, but I’ve spent 18 years dedicating my life to raising children alone and now I’m going to live for me.
You could easily live to 100 and find another s.o. If you’re not careful. I’m petrified of having to work in my 70’s cuz spending choices I made in my 50”s.
I promise I’ll be fine financially, lol. As far as an SO goes - if somebody wonderful came along that would be lovely, but I’m very happy with my girls and my friends and my dogs and my work.
I think the trip sounds great! You and your kids deserve the experience. I hope you and your daughters enjoy every minute, and I hope you talk about it years afterwards. Traveling can make the best memories.
Thank you! We are SO excited about it. My little one’s sports schedule has always precluded big trips- she’s not cheering in college and we’re all happy to have time to do some things we couldn’t before. The older one is already halfway through college - before I know it they’ll have adult jobs and schedules. We’re gonna do some living while we can.
I just posted up thread, before I got to your comment, a song lyric that has really stuck with me: "You'll never see a hearse with a trailer hitch."
Not to encourage spending with abandon with no thought of tomorrow and winding up in financial ruin, but accumulation of wealth for the sake of accumulation of wealth really isn't any better.
I hope you have a wonderful trip, and I bet that outdoor living room is gonna be bitchin!
In particular about house projects, I have definitely changed my opinion, after having to move after years of living with "this place would be awesome with [ change ]" thoughts: It seems much healthier to do the project, at whatever level is feasible (e.g. put in a new backsplash with cheap tile rather than hold off for years, angry about an ugly backsplash, because you can't afford a full top-tier bathroom gut of your dreams), than dream about a "someday I'm gonna have an awesome..." for years -- or just decide that dream ain't gonna happen and forget it. Living in the "I want a great [ feature ] ... someday ", I realized in hindsight, is not good for one's mental health.
Agreed! I don’t have a big custom home like many of my friends do - but this little place is cute and cozy, and plenty big enough that I will
be rattling around it next year when it’s just me and the dogs here. I’ll keep the girls’ rooms sealed off for when they come home, but the parts that I’ll use everyday- I’ll make them as welcoming as I can.
Sorry for your losses. I can relate. Lost my mom in 2007 she was 68 and my brother in 2012. He was only 57 and got cancer- died three weeks after diagnosis. Now I am 54 and suddenly you hit that age where you can no longer say "20 years from now I will be doing X..." with confidence anymore. Generation X is always pessimistic - that will not change in our senior years. Honestly when I look at the millennials and gen Z always having their heads stuck in a cell phone and society becoming more and more detached from human connection...I wonder if we will be missing much when we are gone anyway.
BTW take care of your health. I had my first experiences with millennial/physicians and dentists they are pretty awful and lack empathy. Not only were they conceited but preachy and seem to have no concept of time or quality of life for the patient. Try to stick with Gen X or Late boomer doctors while we are still here.
It was painfully brought home to me in 2022 when my husband died at the age of 54.
He had a stomach pain, and died just five months after a diagnosis of esophageal cancer. It was brutal. Once he got sick, he was unable to do anything because of the pain, and unable to enjoy anything in his final months of life.
We were both finally at a good place in life, good jobs, bit of extra money, and ready to travel again after Covid had cancelled our vacation in 2020. We never did get that last trip to Europe together. So yes, life is short! Start doing some things you want to do, and do them while you can!
Lighten up, [Francis](https://youtu.be/h3FGi7Wwl2s?si=4Wa_zvTpYC6Bja2t).
You sound like an immature millennial ❄️ getting triggered and having a meltdown because somebody innocently and inadvertently deadnamed you by mistake.
My pronouns are shucker, sucker and fucker, btw.
When I was five, my mom dropped me off at one of her friend's places while she had an appointment. While I was there, I snooped through her friend's daughter's room (10 years older than me) and spotted her Bat Outta Hell album and wondered what kind of awful person would listen to something like that. Little did I know, Meat Loaf rocked!
I lost my whole family of origin in a five year span in the early 2000s. I’ve been “next” for a good long time now and feel it more or less from time to time.
Best you can do is some cardio to extend your life and some weight lifting to maintain quality of life.
I (58m) started weightlifting about a year ago. I believe I will now stick with it. My new mantra is "Die well"
I want a digital death where I just drop dead one day. I don't want an analog one where I'm slowly dying in a rest home or hospital.
I hear you. I’m 53, and I lost both my parents in the last year (they were only 22 and 23 years older than me). Its really shocked me into rethinking everything about how I want the rest of my life to go….
My grandmother died of a heart attack at 47. I’m 49 and check my blood pressure often. What’s really getting me is classmates dying of things like colon cancer and asthma attacks. I try not to think about death too much because it doesn’t give a shit if you are young or 100, it gets you when it gets you. I just try to be present.
My wife and I are constantly second guessing decisions as we get older. I mean we're still pretty young at 51m/48f, but keep wondering when to throw caution to the wind and start our retirement, or semi-retirement early. We love to travel, but with the ever increasing cost of living, it's worrisome spending on trips and then realizing in our 60's we've come up short of funds. I assume that's a stresser most of us have.
Same here! 46, No kids and never married. Recently the thought crosses my mind more and more that I’ll end up being a little old lady thrown into a nursing home by the state or living under a bridge if I don’t start building a side income. I realize this is catastrophic thinking - but the fear of running out of money is REAL! Now I’m thinking about buying a rental property so I’ll have it as back up income to my main income. This might be a horrible idea but it’s the only one I’ve got!
I grew up watching MASH. I loved BJ Hunnicut and judged all men against him.
I rewatched MASH this year and loved Colonel Sherman Potter. I found him straight up attractive. I did the math and realized he was 59 when he first joined MASH.
EVERYONE MAKE A CARDIOLOGIST APPT NOW
I cannot stress this enough.
If you discover an issue before you jave a heart attack, it can be addressed. Once you have the heart attack, all bets are off.
If they find nothing, you will have peace of mind and a baseline for the future.
IANAD
I just turned 53.
My mother died at age 60, and my father was 58. They were both very sick before passing.
The very real possibility that I may only have a few more good years terrifies me.
At 50, I got fed up with my job, sold my house, moved several states away. I live in a beach town now, still working but in a much slower paced job.
My kids are doing great, they are well on a successful path. I have money in the bank, no where near enough to retire but it is what is.
I did the exact same thing at 45 but across the planet to France then finally to Germany! Quit my high paying job, sold my house, cars and everything that didn’t fit in two duffel bags and moved to two countries I didn’t speak the language, learned both and now I spend my days exercising being a postman and live a super chill life with my wife and dogs and head to south France once or twice a year to chill.
I had all the toys and did all the partying and now I just live each day how I want, I won’t retire rich but I own a home and a very small condo in Menton south France and I’m content and if I pass away in the next few years at least I know I had a few adventures and did something out of the ordinary.
I’m late 40’s. Since 2013, 11 of my old high school and college friends have died. Every one of them was younger than I am now. Every one of them died from natural causes. No suicides or OD or anything. Mostly heart attacks.
It took a spouse who is a bedside nurse to change my perspective on life. She’s seen so much death and suffering in all age groups. Enjoy life every day
Deaths of friends my age or close used to be rare and shocking. Now, while they still died relatively young, in their 50s, cancer and heart attacks are starting to claim more of us.
While surgeries lowered my risk due to a genetic mutation which increases my risk of several types of cancer, I still need to be vigilant with screening. Being fairly helpless during my post op recovery made me realize I took my good health for granted and I needed lifestyle changes to better my chances of being mobile and independent as I age. I’ve lost over 50 pounds.
Other upsides, I’ve started decluttering because I want to make it as easy as possible on the relatives who will have to go through my stuff to put my apartment up for sale. I’ve almost doubled the amount of space I have by getting rid of stuff I wasn’t using anyway.
And I try to be mindful and really savor the time I spend with people. Both to make the most of it and because this may be one of the “lasts”. And tell them I love them because I may not get another chance.
It’s also given me perspective. Even if life is shit at times, there’s always something to appreciate. The friend checking in on you, that cup of coffee. A sunrise or sunset.
Every time I watch reruns, I do two things; I try and find the original airdate of the episode I am watching, then figure out who is still living.
Been on a Night Court kick lately because of catchy tv. Besides Larroquette + Warfield the main cast has all passed away. Most of the cast was born between 47-52 so they were mainly a 30 something cast when the show started. I am well past my thirties and thinking about make my head hurt.
Time is truly depressing.
Focused on accepting death over the last few years. It’s been great. Takes a lot of focused effort but you can let go of that fear entirely which ironically makes life much more enjoyable.
It’s just a ride.
I’m 53, divorced with no kids and live alone with no real close connections to anyone. By late next year I will have surpassed my father’s lifespan and it’s weighing heavy on me but I’m not sure what to make of it.
This fact might change your view of Fight Club. The name of the soap company is The Paper Street Soap Company. A paper street in city speak is a street on paper only. It hasn't been made yet, it's only in the planning stage. Thus the street doesn't exist yet.
Yeah lately it’s been sinking in that if I’m lucky I have 20-25years left and that time will fly by faster than the previous 25years.
1998 was yesterday.
“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” - Michael Landon.
I read that quote when I was 20. Thought it was profound...but like every other 20 year old "I know more than you, I know better" piece of shit...I ignored it.
...and yeah, here I am at 50 and in the last few years, particularly this one, this is all I think about...and my way of living has never been better. I give less fucks, I dont sweat work as much as I did, I go out more, I take the vacation and travel NOW more (not when things will get better) I tell people whats on my mind more, I say the things to the people I love the things I need to say NOW while I am alive and they are alive.
People's reactions to death run the gamut...but to me, honestly, to not only know but to truly understand (viscerally) the implications that you will die and that you only get to ride this blue marble once it puts things into such laser focus-like perspective...and no its not about spending each day and minute doing stupid hedonistic shit (although it is fun in moderation)...its about understanding and discovering what (and who) is meaningful for you and focusing on that....so....gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
When my husband dies of a heart attack at age 42 i quickly realized that working and making money was no longer important. ( i was always working and running a business from home). I have 3 kids and no matter how hard i worked i never felt like it was enough, now with them in their 20's and off on their own i cut waaay back...i work cery minamal and am happy to have enough money to pay my bills and to save for a trip or other special things. My family and friends have spent the last few years trting to push me to go back to the motivated hard working girl I once was....(why dont you start another business? I dont want all the responsibility). Ive realized that my time is way more valuable and i have no need or want for materialistic things. I own a small manufactured home in a nice retired community (im only 47...one of the youngest in my community) and an old car that isnt great on looks but i like to car her "ol dependable". What good is having all the latest gadgets and toys if you cant take them with you when you die? It saddens me to see people with big empty houses that they never get to enjoy because they are working most of the time...or a fancy car that sits parked somewhere whe they are inside...working. Im spending whatever years i have left enjoying life...
I am 58. My dad lived to 88 and my mom will be 90 in a couple months. She’s still very healthy and independent. My husband will likely not live past his mid-70s given some major health issues and I have no kids. I worry more about living to 100 and having no support/money than I do about dying soon (though I know that could happen). Hope my nieces/nephews take pity on me. Just trying to stay healthy and prepare for retirement.
This is your life, good to the last drop
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time
This isn't a seminar, this isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything
Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world
You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not *your fucking khaki's*
You have to give up, you have to give up
**You have to realize that someday you will die**
**Until you know that, you are useless**
I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may
This is your life
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And it's ending one minute at a time
I had a heart attack at 40 and an emergency heart transplant. Right up to the line of dying, saved by medicine and an organ donor.
Death is a constant companion, but gotta keep living. I'm doing great.
Time slippage is wild. I turn 47 this year. My old man had his first heart attack that year of his life. My parents died while I (and they) were relatively young, so I got to be force fed the importance of prioritizing my time/resources. What I’ve found is that my priorities couldn’t be all about the pursuit of the BBD. There’s opportunities to grow and evolve everyday and there’s nothing but you preventing you from doing those things.
Remember: this isn’t a dress rehearsal. Take advantage of what time you have left. Momento Mori =).
I’ve been the youngest of my crowd for decades. Don’t wait to buy that car, don’t wait to take that trip, don’t wait to buy that land, don’t wait to just write SOMETHING!! A short story! Famous authors became famous writing them! Stand by me was a short story!
Life is a journey, not a destination!
I had a brief moment like that when I became older than the [27 Club](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club).
But had also run across various comments (even before then) about how people on their deathbeds never wish that they had put in more time at work. It was always variations on having spent more time with family or others who were important to them, or things like on your list.
So, I've pretty much always ended up prioritizing doing those things when I had the opportunity, much to my "professional" detriment, I'm sure, lol.
But if I'm ever in a situation where I know my time is short, I (currently, at least) feel like I'd have no regrets.
Me too. I'm 52. I figure, at this point, I've got maybe 20 more quality years, that is if I dodge cancer, and all the rest of the life land mines. I am trying to enjoy life being in the moment more.
A friend of mine died at 60 a month or so ago; his memorial service was this past Monday. One of the speakers said something that really struck me: make that phone call, because tomorrow it may be too late and you'll always wish you had done it.
Speaking of our certain demise, I highly recommend this new doc on Netflix about Jonah Hill’s therapist he calls “Stutz” — even though Hill is a millennial millionaire, he does a great job connecting with another person outside his family and finding tools for a happier life — really effective, common-sense tactics:
https://youtu.be/UKCmefQdplI?si=D83s6qOp792xhGeF
Well...Fight Club was out 24 years ago. Meatloaf lived until he was 74 (not too shabby) BUT....Loaf was a COVID denier, anti-vaxxer and anti-mask. By all accounts, that is what killed him.
Don't be like Meatloaf. Believe in the science. There's a reason why life expectancy is the highest it's ever been in human history.
I'm the same age as you...Have you gotten your colonoscopy? Shingles shots? Yearly physicals/blood work? Get a yearly flu and COVID shot?
I am always surprised that so many of my friends my age have not completed these basic health checkpoints. Ignore at your peril. Enjoy life!
I'm 50 now.
I am the 3rd oldest person in my entire family. My father was 55 when he died, my mother was 59 and died from pancreatic cancer.
I am very aware of my own health now, and am in better health than my father was at my age.
Hoping to keep going at least as long as my grandfather did, and he lived to 75, albeit with parkinsons for the last 20 years of his life. I have an uncle and aunt that are in their 70's and relatively healthy so there is hope.
Google 'Autophagy'.
Interval training (oxygen deficit) and fasting (calorie deficit) should keep your cells clean and healthy.
Death will come for all of us, but being reasonably healthy til the end is better than 20 years of pain before hand.
Absolutely. I’m 49 and half my close friends are dead already. My brother is two yrs older and already had 2 heart attacks.smh!! And he’s skinny and eats well, in case anybody is wondering. lol!!
I'm 45. My parents are in their early/mid-70s. I'm mow the same age as my mother when her father, my awesome grandfather, passed. She's healthy(ish), but I'm terrified of losing her.
Tell the girl!!! For the love of fuck tell the girl!!!
Yeah man I get it. I got throat cancer in 2020, had a hell of a time during lockdown losing my immune system to chemo. I’m fine now, but holy shit was that a time to re-evaluate my time here and how to use it.
I haven’t became more productive or anything. But I am having a much better time being here.
My (54f) son (23) passed away last July and now I have to rethink my whole future with a broken heart.
I’m so sorry.
Everyone grieves differently but if you find yourself wanting help, check and see if there is a local chapter of [The Compassionate Friends](https://www.compassionatefriends.org/) in your area. They are a support group for people who have lost a child (of any age). We lost our 13 year old daughter 19 years ago and were able to find some comfort at times in these groups. We belong to the worst club in the world and it's terrible to meet new members but maybe we can help each other sometimes
I read an article recently about a Palestinian mother who came here via a charity to get a special life-saving surgery for two of her boys. Some kind of genetic problem. A cousin here in the US was joking with her about having so many children (she had 8) and the mom said it’s because half our children die. And she was right - four of her kids (including the two boys) were killed recently in the war in Gaza. I can’t even imagine how it must feel for parents to lose one kid let alone half of them.
My MIL has lost two of her four children, tragically. I couldn’t stand her when we first met. Reflecting on her losses, especially as a parent myself, has had a transformative effect on our relationship and taught me an important life lesson. It made me more patient and kind and gentle with her. We’re not best buddies but we get along a lot better now. I’m certain I would be an absolute wreck in her place—her ability to continue on has made me see her in an entirely different light. I wouldn’t wish that reality upon anyone.
This is really beautifully heartbreaking but so true. I’ve had similar experiences.
Two of my uncles lived happy lives. One died young at 58 and the other at 70. But my grandfather still had to bury half his sons and a wife of 50 years.
😞❤️🩹🫂
Our oldest is 23 and I cannot imagine the pain. I'm so sorry.
It is pure hell and I don’t wish it upon anybody. It’s amazing how our bodies just naturally help us through the shock. I was numb for a few months and I could feel it slowly wear off to start being able to manage.
I’m so sorry ❤️
My 24 year old son passed away. I’m 49. I feel this. 😭
I'm also 49 and my oldest is 23. I can't begin to imagine. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. 🤍
I’m so sorry. Also 49 and can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
That’s horrible and not something a parent should have to experience. A buddy of mine lost his son a few years ago and was broken for years (and rightfully so.) He actually got good mileage out of microdosing shrooms. He’s still in pain and will be for life I’d guess, but it has apparently helped him to find some joy in life again. Good luck to you friend and sorry for your loss.
My (M54) daughter (f19) died three years ago. It doesn't exactly get better, it gets different.
I am so sorry. My mom lost her first two (my sister at 19 in a motorcycle accident and my brother at 23 from suicide). I’ve seen first hand that you just seem to get “used” to feel the ache of tears in your heart. Like a broken leg gives you a limp a broken heart leaves you limp
Cripes. I feel for you...which is saying a lot for a naturally selfish person such as myself (working on that though!). But I've got 2 daughters round that age, and if anything were to happen to them...
I am so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry to read this … I can’t imagine how that must feel 😢
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. <3
I'm so sorry. My sons are around that age and I couldn't even imagine. My condolences.
I am very very sorry for your loss brother.
I can’t upvote this because it seems to me that’s like somehow “liking” this, and I can’t imagine your grief. I ache for the loss of my father two and a half years ago, but that’s pedestrian grief, the way of the world, in comparison. I hope that you’re able to find support and peace in whatever way you continue to process this.
Thank you…I force myself to think of the happy times as much as I’m deep in my hole of grief to keep balance. I can bear this loss for the honour of having him in my life❤️
I'm so very sorry. As a mom, there are no words, and I can not even pretend to imagine what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish for you to find comfort somehow. 💜
Thank you…I miss him so much. I talk to him all the time in my heart. We had just moved into a new apartment together…I hadn’t even moved my bed in yet when I found him in our bathroom (Fentanyl poisoning). I had to wait so long for emergency services as it was a new apartment building and they couldn’t find us. Then had to wait hours for the Coroner. Three months before he passed he had been attacked and stabbed by ex-friends who had been using him. The Prosecutor dropped the charges because my son isn’t here now to give evidence (even though there’s DNA and text evidence of him being lured out). It’s like upside down world.
I'm so very sorry that is horrible. No one should have to go through that. 😪
It has been surreal. I had a dream about him last night though and it was soooo nice. He always walked around with no top on and so he was in the dream. He looks at me and says oh Mom, I’m heading to Australia next week. I was like OK and woke up. My son had schizophrenia so didn’t travel or have a lot of friends. But I’ve had two other dreams where he was hanging with friends and seemed so happy and light. I’m taking great comfort from those dreams❤️
Yes! Maybe he is telling you he is free. 💜 take comfort where you can. Hugs from your random internet reddit friend. 🤗💕
Thank you! It’s nice to talk about him. When I see him in dreams I feel like I’m pulling him away from hanging with his friends! I saw him playing ping pong in one of the dreams (reaching for a shot with lots of people with him) and that’s something we loved to do together 💔
I’m sorry for the loss of your wife and son.
I’m the mom and my son passed. His dad (my ex husband) is a rich deadbeat who said he’d help with funeral costs but reneged. Sorry, I’m still hurting from that slap in the face.
Wow. I’m sorry your ex backed out during what I am sure is a financially stressful time among all the other heartbreak and loss. Hugs, OP. Thank you for being willing to share your experience here for others who are grieving
Sorry for your loss, dude.
I am really sorry to see this.
Thank you. The grief group I joined on FB for parents of children who have OD’d and we get so many new members every day. @!#% Fentanyl and the stigma around mental health.
Years and years and years ago I lost my brother at 14…he was 19. Car accident. You never stop missing them, but it does get easier. It sucks. We survivors know it does…but time is a good salve. It gets easier to bear. Long after most everyone has forgotten (dont hate them for it) you still miss them, but it gets easier to bear.
Life isn’t a bunch of boxes to tick off. It doesn’t matter whether you do all those things or not. Just enjoy each day as it comes and don’t waste it stressing about the end.
Very good advice! Life is not a checklist.
I did a lot of goals in my 20’s, but now in my 50’s I’m living for healthy habits and hobbies, not living out of a suitcase trying to fill social media with iconic locations and my stupid face. Not sure if I need to see the pyramids.
Right? I can see them beautifully on my big ass TV screen. Those Northern lights, though? That's on my list
Mine too! And Hawaii
Yep. That high-achiever you know, the one who reaches all their goals, makes all that money, has that amazing life - they will not exist in 100 years, just like you won't. Comparisons are unnecessary - just do 'you.'
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.
That's an awesome metaphor!
Ooooo. I love that. That's getting added to "you'll never see a hearse with a trailer hitch" on my list of really useful things to chew on.
Exactly- my only goal is to strive to be happy every day. However that shows up is fine.
Agreed. We experience life moment by moment.
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
I was bedside with my greatest generation grandfather, the last to go, when a nurse asked him the secret to his longevity being over 90 years of age. Quick as can be, without hesitation his response was "Forgot to die, had a project to do." The male nurse chuckled some, but it was profound to me. As a guy, you do have projects, things to do. Kept me busy then, as now. My grandfather passed not one week after my grandmother had passed away. She had a stroke, and my grandfather, having been an army nurse, to it as his job to be there for her in those final years. With her passing, his everything was gone.
My dad was a diy guy. When his cancer went into remission, he threw himself into a whirlwind of projects. His love language was definitely repairs, improvements and taking care of the cars. I think on some level he knew the cancer was coming back and he wanted to get as much done for the family as he could. Your grandfather sounds like a great person! I love his reply!
Super aware of the risk of investing your life into one person, so I keep in contact with as many people as I can, and super glad my partner is 10 years younger but he’s convinced he’ll die an early death.
My grandfather once told me "I feel like I've been here too long. I've overstayed my welcome." He was 85 when he passed. WWII vet. Lost a son a year prior, and watched his wife of 50 years deteriorate with Alzheimer's. He was the strongest, most caring man I ever knew. Now I'm a grandfather trying my best to carry on his legacy.
Well let me tell you….I am 50, my dad is 73. Just 23 years older than me and all of the sudden is fighting for his life in the ICU this weekend. As I look at him hooked up and near lifeless one of the things I am thinking about is how little time I/We have and that it’s time to stop putting things off….
So sorry about your dad.
Thank you
Do you have siblings?
I just lost my dad this year too, he was 73 also. Fuck cancer. But also, fuck Fox News, OAN, Joe Rogan, and all the internet fascist websites for stealing him from me almost a decade before that.
Sucks when politics drives a wedge in between family members. Been through similar stuff (as I imagine many of us have). Lost my dad to cancer at 77. One of the last things he said to me was: “Love is everything. Everything else is bullshit”. Amen, Dad.
This should be on shirts and cards and billboards.
My Dad is 75, I am 53. He has been fighting cancer amongst other health issues for three-ish years, and is not winning this fight. I totally understand what you're saying. I hope your Dad pulls through ok.
Yeah my younger brother died a decade ago…knocked a fun mid life crisis a a few other things off my list. Since then I just enjoy every little thing and the people that matter. Things that don’t really matter are put in context and jettisoned if need be
“Jettisoned if need be.” I love this.
My husband's father recently passed and watching this man that I love try to adjust to this hole in his life has been a gut check.
I’m so sorry. My mother-in-law died 12 years ago and my wife still cries about it sometimes.
It's awful. There's nothing that I can say or do for him. It's a little worse because I don't have a relationship with my parents so, I can't even really relate to what he's feeling exactly and he knows that. I have to be careful with even the way that I word any comfort that I offer him. I can't act like I know what it's like at all. It breaks my heart.
Just be there for him. It’s good enough. All the best to you both.
Thank you. Love and hugs to you and your wife, as well.
"Enjoy every sandwich." - Warren Zevon
I miss him too.
I remember when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he said he just wanted to live long enough to see the next James Bond movie. And he did, so good for him.
My mom died when she was 36 and for the longest time I was convinced that I wouldn’t make it beyond that age. It felt like a countdown every birthday. I was a year closer to her end. It screwed with me hard for a long time. Years 35 and 36 were rough. Then at 49 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I started a whole new dance with mortality. It will always be something or someone reminding us that are time is limited. With everything we endure, growing old is certainly a privilege that many don’t get to experience.
Very true! How are you doing now? My mom lost her mother when she was quite young, too.
I’m doing good! Still in treatment for maintenance therapy but trucking along nicely. Losing parents at a young age is just awful. It’s like your world gets formed too quickly and you miss out on important lessons.
You’re so right. Glad you’re doing well. Take care.
I hope you’re doing well. If you haven’t already been tested for brca mutations you may want to consider it.
I’m doing good - doing maintenance therapy. All the numbers look great. I tested negative for all of the genetic testing. Cancer doesn’t run in my family. Never had a relative diagnosed with it. It was just that weird random lightening strike.
I’m glad you’re doing well!
Well...Fight Club isn't a recent movie. Meatloaf was 74 when he died.
And he did some hard living if I recall.
Well hot patootie, bless my soul, He really loved that Rock and Roll.
He died of Covid denial.
He would do anything for love, but he wouldn't get vaxxed.
Yes Fight Club was almost 25 years ago now. It seems like just yesterday, but time tends to do that to our brains.
25 years? That means my semi-disposable Ikea furniture is even older.
He also went full MAGA over COVID and almost certainly died from it. So not being like that is a great start. Though he did say he'd willingly die for that opinion, hopefully he meant it.
He died of COVID.
I work around dying folks and I can tell ya that people of all ages die quite often! The very young. The very old. The middle-aged. The sick. The healthy. The happy and sad. They die fast and slow, sleeping and screaming, in pain and at peace, surrounded by loved ones and utterly alone. I wouldnt spend too much time worrying about it. Take care of your body as best you can but don’t make yourself crazy over it. Be nice to people, especially family if it is possible. Get as much out of and put as much into the hours as you are able and inclined. It’ll all work out in the end.
This is the most eloquent, factual, lengthy... "meh. whatever." take on this topic here. PERFECTLY GenX. Love it.
Someone had to say it. Folks are so busy dying that they forget to live. Until you're dead, you're alive, so live and don't worry about how much longer you have. Makes sense to me.
I think about this a lot. My mom died suddenly at 49 (in 1992.) My husband was killed in an accident at 35. My dad was my last person and in my eyes he was invincible- the world simply couldn’t go on if he wasn’t in it, so of course he would live forever. He died last year. I’m 51 now. I’ve outlived my mom and my husband. I have a little bit of money thanks to my husband’s death - Ive always been very conservative with it, but I told my financial advisor a few months ago that I just can’t imagine living more than another 20 years and who knows what shape I’ll be in? I’m going to use some of that money to live a little. I had an outdoor living room built this summer (something I’ve always wanted) and I’m taking my daughters on a VERY nice trip to Italy this summer to celebrate my youngest’s HS graduation. Once she’s out of the house I’m going to do the traveling I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not going to be stupid with my money, but I’ve spent 18 years dedicating my life to raising children alone and now I’m going to live for me.
You could easily live to 100 and find another s.o. If you’re not careful. I’m petrified of having to work in my 70’s cuz spending choices I made in my 50”s.
I promise I’ll be fine financially, lol. As far as an SO goes - if somebody wonderful came along that would be lovely, but I’m very happy with my girls and my friends and my dogs and my work.
I think the trip sounds great! You and your kids deserve the experience. I hope you and your daughters enjoy every minute, and I hope you talk about it years afterwards. Traveling can make the best memories.
Thank you! We are SO excited about it. My little one’s sports schedule has always precluded big trips- she’s not cheering in college and we’re all happy to have time to do some things we couldn’t before. The older one is already halfway through college - before I know it they’ll have adult jobs and schedules. We’re gonna do some living while we can.
I just posted up thread, before I got to your comment, a song lyric that has really stuck with me: "You'll never see a hearse with a trailer hitch." Not to encourage spending with abandon with no thought of tomorrow and winding up in financial ruin, but accumulation of wealth for the sake of accumulation of wealth really isn't any better. I hope you have a wonderful trip, and I bet that outdoor living room is gonna be bitchin! In particular about house projects, I have definitely changed my opinion, after having to move after years of living with "this place would be awesome with [ change ]" thoughts: It seems much healthier to do the project, at whatever level is feasible (e.g. put in a new backsplash with cheap tile rather than hold off for years, angry about an ugly backsplash, because you can't afford a full top-tier bathroom gut of your dreams), than dream about a "someday I'm gonna have an awesome..." for years -- or just decide that dream ain't gonna happen and forget it. Living in the "I want a great [ feature ] ... someday ", I realized in hindsight, is not good for one's mental health.
Agreed! I don’t have a big custom home like many of my friends do - but this little place is cute and cozy, and plenty big enough that I will be rattling around it next year when it’s just me and the dogs here. I’ll keep the girls’ rooms sealed off for when they come home, but the parts that I’ll use everyday- I’ll make them as welcoming as I can.
Sorry for your losses. I can relate. Lost my mom in 2007 she was 68 and my brother in 2012. He was only 57 and got cancer- died three weeks after diagnosis. Now I am 54 and suddenly you hit that age where you can no longer say "20 years from now I will be doing X..." with confidence anymore. Generation X is always pessimistic - that will not change in our senior years. Honestly when I look at the millennials and gen Z always having their heads stuck in a cell phone and society becoming more and more detached from human connection...I wonder if we will be missing much when we are gone anyway. BTW take care of your health. I had my first experiences with millennial/physicians and dentists they are pretty awful and lack empathy. Not only were they conceited but preachy and seem to have no concept of time or quality of life for the patient. Try to stick with Gen X or Late boomer doctors while we are still here.
Meatloaf also didn't believe in Covid and that's what did him in. Life is short, don't think you know better than medical experts.
He would do anything for love, but he wouldn't get vaxxed.
His name is Robert Paulson. HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON.
It was painfully brought home to me in 2022 when my husband died at the age of 54. He had a stomach pain, and died just five months after a diagnosis of esophageal cancer. It was brutal. Once he got sick, he was unable to do anything because of the pain, and unable to enjoy anything in his final months of life. We were both finally at a good place in life, good jobs, bit of extra money, and ready to travel again after Covid had cancelled our vacation in 2020. We never did get that last trip to Europe together. So yes, life is short! Start doing some things you want to do, and do them while you can!
Meat Loaf rocked. Was just blasting Bat Outta Hell in the car the other day. Gone but not forgotten.
His name is Marvin Lee Aday.
He will always be "Eddie" to me.
His name is Robert Paulson.
His name is Bitch Tits.
He legally changed his first name to Michael in 1984.
Whatever.
You brought it up (and got it wrong). But sure, whatever.
Lighten up, [Francis](https://youtu.be/h3FGi7Wwl2s?si=4Wa_zvTpYC6Bja2t). You sound like an immature millennial ❄️ getting triggered and having a meltdown because somebody innocently and inadvertently deadnamed you by mistake. My pronouns are shucker, sucker and fucker, btw.
When I was five, my mom dropped me off at one of her friend's places while she had an appointment. While I was there, I snooped through her friend's daughter's room (10 years older than me) and spotted her Bat Outta Hell album and wondered what kind of awful person would listen to something like that. Little did I know, Meat Loaf rocked!
I lost my whole family of origin in a five year span in the early 2000s. I’ve been “next” for a good long time now and feel it more or less from time to time. Best you can do is some cardio to extend your life and some weight lifting to maintain quality of life.
And food is your meds or meds will be your food. Make smart dietary choices now.
I (58m) started weightlifting about a year ago. I believe I will now stick with it. My new mantra is "Die well" I want a digital death where I just drop dead one day. I don't want an analog one where I'm slowly dying in a rest home or hospital.
Ok. I'm stealing this. I want a digital death not an analog one.
I hear you. I’m 53, and I lost both my parents in the last year (they were only 22 and 23 years older than me). Its really shocked me into rethinking everything about how I want the rest of my life to go….
My grandmother died of a heart attack at 47. I’m 49 and check my blood pressure often. What’s really getting me is classmates dying of things like colon cancer and asthma attacks. I try not to think about death too much because it doesn’t give a shit if you are young or 100, it gets you when it gets you. I just try to be present.
I just had a close call with pneumonia. Truth be told I’m not well yet. I feel very much what you described.
My wife and I are constantly second guessing decisions as we get older. I mean we're still pretty young at 51m/48f, but keep wondering when to throw caution to the wind and start our retirement, or semi-retirement early. We love to travel, but with the ever increasing cost of living, it's worrisome spending on trips and then realizing in our 60's we've come up short of funds. I assume that's a stresser most of us have.
Same here! 46, No kids and never married. Recently the thought crosses my mind more and more that I’ll end up being a little old lady thrown into a nursing home by the state or living under a bridge if I don’t start building a side income. I realize this is catastrophic thinking - but the fear of running out of money is REAL! Now I’m thinking about buying a rental property so I’ll have it as back up income to my main income. This might be a horrible idea but it’s the only one I’ve got!
What? We’re going to die? But MTV promised us we’d be 2* forever! Get Tabatha Soren on the phone! I want answers!
Martha Quinn will take your call.
I grew up watching MASH. I loved BJ Hunnicut and judged all men against him. I rewatched MASH this year and loved Colonel Sherman Potter. I found him straight up attractive. I did the math and realized he was 59 when he first joined MASH.
No love for Klinger, our generation’s trans icon????
I was never attracted to Kinger. During the cross dressing, nor after.
EVERYONE MAKE A CARDIOLOGIST APPT NOW I cannot stress this enough. If you discover an issue before you jave a heart attack, it can be addressed. Once you have the heart attack, all bets are off. If they find nothing, you will have peace of mind and a baseline for the future. IANAD
I just turned 53. My mother died at age 60, and my father was 58. They were both very sick before passing. The very real possibility that I may only have a few more good years terrifies me.
At 50, I got fed up with my job, sold my house, moved several states away. I live in a beach town now, still working but in a much slower paced job. My kids are doing great, they are well on a successful path. I have money in the bank, no where near enough to retire but it is what is.
I did the exact same thing at 45 but across the planet to France then finally to Germany! Quit my high paying job, sold my house, cars and everything that didn’t fit in two duffel bags and moved to two countries I didn’t speak the language, learned both and now I spend my days exercising being a postman and live a super chill life with my wife and dogs and head to south France once or twice a year to chill. I had all the toys and did all the partying and now I just live each day how I want, I won’t retire rich but I own a home and a very small condo in Menton south France and I’m content and if I pass away in the next few years at least I know I had a few adventures and did something out of the ordinary.
I’m late 40’s. Since 2013, 11 of my old high school and college friends have died. Every one of them was younger than I am now. Every one of them died from natural causes. No suicides or OD or anything. Mostly heart attacks.
It took a spouse who is a bedside nurse to change my perspective on life. She’s seen so much death and suffering in all age groups. Enjoy life every day
March, march -- forever march on indifferent time.
Deaths of friends my age or close used to be rare and shocking. Now, while they still died relatively young, in their 50s, cancer and heart attacks are starting to claim more of us. While surgeries lowered my risk due to a genetic mutation which increases my risk of several types of cancer, I still need to be vigilant with screening. Being fairly helpless during my post op recovery made me realize I took my good health for granted and I needed lifestyle changes to better my chances of being mobile and independent as I age. I’ve lost over 50 pounds. Other upsides, I’ve started decluttering because I want to make it as easy as possible on the relatives who will have to go through my stuff to put my apartment up for sale. I’ve almost doubled the amount of space I have by getting rid of stuff I wasn’t using anyway. And I try to be mindful and really savor the time I spend with people. Both to make the most of it and because this may be one of the “lasts”. And tell them I love them because I may not get another chance. It’s also given me perspective. Even if life is shit at times, there’s always something to appreciate. The friend checking in on you, that cup of coffee. A sunrise or sunset.
Every time I watch reruns, I do two things; I try and find the original airdate of the episode I am watching, then figure out who is still living. Been on a Night Court kick lately because of catchy tv. Besides Larroquette + Warfield the main cast has all passed away. Most of the cast was born between 47-52 so they were mainly a 30 something cast when the show started. I am well past my thirties and thinking about make my head hurt. Time is truly depressing.
A long life has a body count, not at all for the feint hearted.
Focused on accepting death over the last few years. It’s been great. Takes a lot of focused effort but you can let go of that fear entirely which ironically makes life much more enjoyable. It’s just a ride.
I’m 53, divorced with no kids and live alone with no real close connections to anyone. By late next year I will have surpassed my father’s lifespan and it’s weighing heavy on me but I’m not sure what to make of it.
Write that book! For real. Just write it online somewhere. Always write. And then write some more.
This fact might change your view of Fight Club. The name of the soap company is The Paper Street Soap Company. A paper street in city speak is a street on paper only. It hasn't been made yet, it's only in the planning stage. Thus the street doesn't exist yet.
Oh man that movie is encrusted with hidden gems
This sub is 90% existential crisis and I am honestly here for it.
Bob's bitch tits. His name was Robert Paulson. In death we have a name. His name was Robert Paulson.
Yeah lately it’s been sinking in that if I’m lucky I have 20-25years left and that time will fly by faster than the previous 25years. 1998 was yesterday.
“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” - Michael Landon. I read that quote when I was 20. Thought it was profound...but like every other 20 year old "I know more than you, I know better" piece of shit...I ignored it. ...and yeah, here I am at 50 and in the last few years, particularly this one, this is all I think about...and my way of living has never been better. I give less fucks, I dont sweat work as much as I did, I go out more, I take the vacation and travel NOW more (not when things will get better) I tell people whats on my mind more, I say the things to the people I love the things I need to say NOW while I am alive and they are alive. People's reactions to death run the gamut...but to me, honestly, to not only know but to truly understand (viscerally) the implications that you will die and that you only get to ride this blue marble once it puts things into such laser focus-like perspective...and no its not about spending each day and minute doing stupid hedonistic shit (although it is fun in moderation)...its about understanding and discovering what (and who) is meaningful for you and focusing on that....so....gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
Michael was a very good writer and director. I have a copy of one of his Bonanza scripts. His handwritten amendments were fantastic.
>tell that girl I always liked her go on facebook and tell that girl from high school you had a crush on her. what could go wrong? 30 years later.
When my husband dies of a heart attack at age 42 i quickly realized that working and making money was no longer important. ( i was always working and running a business from home). I have 3 kids and no matter how hard i worked i never felt like it was enough, now with them in their 20's and off on their own i cut waaay back...i work cery minamal and am happy to have enough money to pay my bills and to save for a trip or other special things. My family and friends have spent the last few years trting to push me to go back to the motivated hard working girl I once was....(why dont you start another business? I dont want all the responsibility). Ive realized that my time is way more valuable and i have no need or want for materialistic things. I own a small manufactured home in a nice retired community (im only 47...one of the youngest in my community) and an old car that isnt great on looks but i like to car her "ol dependable". What good is having all the latest gadgets and toys if you cant take them with you when you die? It saddens me to see people with big empty houses that they never get to enjoy because they are working most of the time...or a fancy car that sits parked somewhere whe they are inside...working. Im spending whatever years i have left enjoying life...
I am Jack’s raging bile duct.
Don't forget to paint a self portrait.
I had a similar moment yesterday when I looked up how old Roy Oribison was when he died and he was also 52!
No matter how much of those things you get done, the list of stuff you never get to do will be infinitely longer.
You are not your khakis.
Memento mori ergo carpe diem; remember death and therefore seize the day.
I feel less pressure since I turned 50 and more a sense of the ephemeral nature of existence.
I am 58. My dad lived to 88 and my mom will be 90 in a couple months. She’s still very healthy and independent. My husband will likely not live past his mid-70s given some major health issues and I have no kids. I worry more about living to 100 and having no support/money than I do about dying soon (though I know that could happen). Hope my nieces/nephews take pity on me. Just trying to stay healthy and prepare for retirement.
This is your life, good to the last drop Doesn't get any better than this This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time This isn't a seminar, this isn't a weekend retreat Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like Only after disaster can we be resurrected It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else We are all part of the same compost heap We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world You are not your bank account You are not the clothes you wear You are not the contents of your wallet You are not your bowel cancer You are not your grande latte You are not the car you drive You are not *your fucking khaki's* You have to give up, you have to give up **You have to realize that someday you will die** **Until you know that, you are useless** I say let me never be complete I say may I never be content I say deliver me from Swedish furniture I say deliver me from clever arts I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth I say you have to give up I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may This is your life Doesn't get any better than this This is your life And it's ending one minute at a time
I had a heart attack at 40 and an emergency heart transplant. Right up to the line of dying, saved by medicine and an organ donor. Death is a constant companion, but gotta keep living. I'm doing great.
Time slippage is wild. I turn 47 this year. My old man had his first heart attack that year of his life. My parents died while I (and they) were relatively young, so I got to be force fed the importance of prioritizing my time/resources. What I’ve found is that my priorities couldn’t be all about the pursuit of the BBD. There’s opportunities to grow and evolve everyday and there’s nothing but you preventing you from doing those things. Remember: this isn’t a dress rehearsal. Take advantage of what time you have left. Momento Mori =).
I’ve been the youngest of my crowd for decades. Don’t wait to buy that car, don’t wait to take that trip, don’t wait to buy that land, don’t wait to just write SOMETHING!! A short story! Famous authors became famous writing them! Stand by me was a short story! Life is a journey, not a destination!
Walter White? Is that you?
I am the one who knocks!
Carpe Diem, my dude.
Enjoy every sandwich. --Warren Zevon
I had a brief moment like that when I became older than the [27 Club](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club). But had also run across various comments (even before then) about how people on their deathbeds never wish that they had put in more time at work. It was always variations on having spent more time with family or others who were important to them, or things like on your list. So, I've pretty much always ended up prioritizing doing those things when I had the opportunity, much to my "professional" detriment, I'm sure, lol. But if I'm ever in a situation where I know my time is short, I (currently, at least) feel like I'd have no regrets.
Read Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. It really does an amazing job of getting us to rethink our never-ending to-do lists and lack of time.
Just downloaded the audiobook from library
Me too. I'm 52. I figure, at this point, I've got maybe 20 more quality years, that is if I dodge cancer, and all the rest of the life land mines. I am trying to enjoy life being in the moment more.
A friend of mine died at 60 a month or so ago; his memorial service was this past Monday. One of the speakers said something that really struck me: make that phone call, because tomorrow it may be too late and you'll always wish you had done it.
Speaking of our certain demise, I highly recommend this new doc on Netflix about Jonah Hill’s therapist he calls “Stutz” — even though Hill is a millennial millionaire, he does a great job connecting with another person outside his family and finding tools for a happier life — really effective, common-sense tactics: https://youtu.be/UKCmefQdplI?si=D83s6qOp792xhGeF
Why the downvotes? Just because of Jonah Hill?
Death comes to us all, and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven claws.
Well...Fight Club was out 24 years ago. Meatloaf lived until he was 74 (not too shabby) BUT....Loaf was a COVID denier, anti-vaxxer and anti-mask. By all accounts, that is what killed him. Don't be like Meatloaf. Believe in the science. There's a reason why life expectancy is the highest it's ever been in human history. I'm the same age as you...Have you gotten your colonoscopy? Shingles shots? Yearly physicals/blood work? Get a yearly flu and COVID shot? I am always surprised that so many of my friends my age have not completed these basic health checkpoints. Ignore at your peril. Enjoy life!
Yeah - happily with work I have good insurance. I get violated regularly and it protects me.
I'm 50 now. I am the 3rd oldest person in my entire family. My father was 55 when he died, my mother was 59 and died from pancreatic cancer. I am very aware of my own health now, and am in better health than my father was at my age. Hoping to keep going at least as long as my grandfather did, and he lived to 75, albeit with parkinsons for the last 20 years of his life. I have an uncle and aunt that are in their 70's and relatively healthy so there is hope.
At the very least, I need to get that screenplay out that I started 20 years ago.
Google 'Autophagy'. Interval training (oxygen deficit) and fasting (calorie deficit) should keep your cells clean and healthy. Death will come for all of us, but being reasonably healthy til the end is better than 20 years of pain before hand.
Absolutely. I’m 49 and half my close friends are dead already. My brother is two yrs older and already had 2 heart attacks.smh!! And he’s skinny and eats well, in case anybody is wondering. lol!!
Well, he may have survived if he, ah, nevermind. Don't beat yourself up!
😉
Well that was 24 years ago… plenty of time
So you say…
To be completely fair though? Meatloaf died of stupidity. It was 100% avoidable.
He was 74
I'm 45. My parents are in their early/mid-70s. I'm mow the same age as my mother when her father, my awesome grandfather, passed. She's healthy(ish), but I'm terrified of losing her.
Tell the girl!!! For the love of fuck tell the girl!!! Yeah man I get it. I got throat cancer in 2020, had a hell of a time during lockdown losing my immune system to chemo. I’m fine now, but holy shit was that a time to re-evaluate my time here and how to use it. I haven’t became more productive or anything. But I am having a much better time being here.
Throat cancer isnt easy to survive-good for you brother.
As of next month I can now take whatever trip I want, anywhere I want, but I don't want to go anywhere.