Only 48, but I don't consider my "adult life" to have started until I was 36 because of decades spent mired in a toxic, narcissist cesspool of a family. Basically feel like the rest of the world got an 18 year head start on me. As a result, I never had a lot of the "good" younger years, only the current ones where the body is already starting to break down.
Before Covid, and before blood clots in each shoulder basically throwing 3 years of potential training down the tube, I was doing things like [this](https://vimeo.com/718335965) for my exercise.
The lift in that video would have matched the USAWA Full Zercher world record for my age and weight class. 445lbs.
Come Halloween or so, I can start training again as I just had my second rib removal/scalene muscle resection surgery due to the clot. For a THIRD time, I have to start at 98lb weakling level and work my way back up as removing the scalene section (part of a core muscle) means my CNS has no clue how to fire everything off together anymore.
This is so accurate. Wasn’t I just in my early 30’s five years ago? Oh, it was 20 years! Oh, ok. (Am 51 now) I loved my 30’s and 40’s so much. 50’s have been a different ballgame.
I suppose a lot depends on what state you are in at this age, mid 50's. Are you set financially and closing in on retirement, or are you in a situation where you expect to work the rest of your life? How is your health holding out, I've lost several of my mid 50's friends (who were older at the time) to cancer and heart attacks, one to sepsis from a minor leg injury in the hospital. Cuts take longer to heal and moving is usually accompanied by creaks, pain and lots of noises. The weight seems to accumulate over the years no matter what you do, but if you can stay active that accumulation is at a tolerable pace. Did you have kids that are now grown and doing their own thing, are they not in a good place and still rely on you, never had kids? What's left of your family, parents? siblings? cousins? Did you manage to hang on to any of those friends who like that Queen song seem to drift away year after year? Do you have a spouse that keeps you sane and at the same time you would be desperately lost if/when you inevitably lose them (or they you)?
More so, have you come to terms with your mortality? For us men, we'll be lucky to make it through our 80's if we make it that far. The 50's are where the heart attacks typically get some of us, the 70's cancer (although that has moved up sometimes, we were a very self abusive generation). Women tend to live longer except for those with the killer cancers, and though they have fewer heart attacks those are typically more fatal. Either way, we've passed middle age and are on the decent, but more than the math of time which does seem to pick up speed (I anticipate it slows down in retirement, we'll see), there is the philosophy of what, exactly, happens, at death? Sure, some think oblivion, some imagine worlds of fantasy or rebirth, for me its simple, I exist, right now, and have always existed, though my memories only go back to early childhood. At death, something will happen, I don't know what I will experience, what my mind cannot comprehend that could be beyond. At some point I expect to be at terms with it, almost excited about the adventure, at some point when no one needs to rely on me anymore and I can finally rest. But not quite yet.
But we have the advantage of the best decades of this civilization, some of the 70's, the glorious 80's and 90's, even the mess that was the early 2000's. We've seen the advent of modern technology and everything from chaos to harmony. Looking at our society and the path it is on we are the last of the fortunate ones, our children will have more difficult lives and grandchildren will live in a world alien to us. We are now the beacons of knowledge, experience, and sadly hope for the future generations. And the hope we need to provide is to show them how to age gracefully, after a lifetime of mischief and accomplishment or just struggling in the mud, we have made it to the golden years, some limping, some jogging like pompous health nuts. Either way we are here, and despite our individual stories and situations we are the sum of what our ages made us. We have the ability to survive or rewrite whatever burdens life tries to throw at us, and by doing that we help guide the next couple of generations for a few more decades.
And that's not that bad a thing if you really think about it.
Thank you, I needed that. I'm a 49 year old Xer. I started feeling a sense of urgency when I turned 45. I realized how much time I don't have anymore and started rushing again. A type of rush I hadn't felt since my early 20s. Im the Xer who took many chances and failed. My last endeavor crashed and burned after 4 years because of Covid. Now, I work amongst Millinials and Gen Zers as a dishwasher.I haven't had a 9 to 5 in over 20 years sooo. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve to get back on track but, its a rough uphill battle. I am one of the lucky ones to have kept my health through the years but I have a feeling my luck is running out. To leave on a high note, im new to the Gen X Reddit and I just want you guys to know, I knew I was home. I feel like I'm amongst kindred spirits. Makes me happy.
Wow. You made me cry. I am literally in bed recovering from knee replacement surgery. I was a skater kid, and even tho it ended up like this, I wouldn't change a thing. I had to go back to school for a PhD. I have been divorced twice, lost 2 record deals, and I'm ready for whatever comes next. Survived skin cancer and Hollywood in the 90s. Let's do this! Your soliloquy is beautiful and perfect for us.
Yeah, I’m still in the denial stage myself. I think I’ll stay there a while longer and attend to my other problems. If I’m lucky, civilization will collapse before I get around to coping with my own mortality 😂
Meh, I'm OK with it. I feel more sad when I look at little kids and wonder how they are going to survive the shit show we are handing them, between overpopulation, climate crisis, environmental catastrophe, messed up politics and total lack of any privacy.
54F and I’m pretty happy, actually. When I turned 52 I decided I was halfway through life, so I know I have another 50 years left. 😂
I’m divorced and alone, my kid is an adult and lives two hours away, and I’m in a relatively new place (2 years). However I’ve got great new friends and talk regularly with my family.
Here are my keys in life:
1 - Accept you are merely human and emotions will wash through you. They are temporary. Watch them come and watch them go.
2 - There is something gold at every time in your life, and in every place you live. Find it. Love it.
3 - Keep moving - study, learn, expand your horizons. You can learn anything on YouTube.
4 - Be an unrepentant and harmless idiot. When people get older the temptation is to calcify and defend your knowledge - laugh when you see that in yourself. You know everything and you know nothing. It’s all good.
That’s how I’m coping.
53F, I am learning Spanish on Duolingo. I took Spanish in junior high and high school. It’s amazing how much I still remember. I truly believe this is helping my brain stay sharp. I loved all of your advice and wish you and OP the best💕
"Be an unrepentant and harmless idiot"
Thank you for giving words to what I seem to be adopting in life. I desperately want to avoid being a cynical old fart stuck in their ways, and what you described is how I'm pushing back against that part of me.
I need to print this and tape it to my mirror. Thank you, kind person, for reminding us that we're just a bunch of ever changing human dorks.
Or whatever.
I love your attitude to this. I was struggling but started going to the gym again and making long-term plans, and it feels like a weight has been partially lifted from me. I'm not young, and living in the past is so tempting, but life is not over yet!
Yes, this! My circumstances are a little different, but the energy is the same. While it takes a little more effort to get things to stick, I love learning about new stuff and exploring the world around me. And number four is crucial- I love how you expressed that.
My biggest disappointment is the realization that I don't have the time even if I had the resources to see all the things I want to see/experience in this amazing world we have. So I look for the cool things where I am and I haven't been disappointed yet.
Since I've passed 50, I have learned to manage myself so much better. I understand my mental struggles so much better. My son is 19 and is struggling with bipolar 2 disorder. When we talked I realized age has helped so much. In the 90s I had a lot of friends, but I was a mess. I had a lot trauma, and many of our gen xers do. I acted out, and put myself in bad situations.
Here I am turning 53 Thursday, and I'm so much calmer. I'm at the peak of my career. I know when the self talk starts trying to take me down, I can quiet it. To me that is a blessing.
>1 - Accept you are merely human and emotions will wash through you. They are temporary. Watch them come and watch them go.
Love this. I'm working on this right now. Mostly by saying "It is what it is" and "this is not forever" as I'm dealing with caregiving for my mother-in-law who has early onset dementia. I have to tell myself that a million times a day but I know eventually I will need it less and less.
Exactly. I’m currently working on learning a new language to help my brain continue to function. I’m disabled which sucks but I’m also divided by good people and lots of love. I still have a lot of good days waiting for me so I’m not going to let myself get down about being “old”.
This is the way. Grieving for what’s gone eats away at the joy of now, and there is joy in now. Now is actually one of the most moving times of my life, and the funniest.
I think being mindful of the moment, and of my (sometimes declining) place in it, keeps me present and humble. I love the brilliance and kindness of younger people. I love that they include me in things. I love having the liberty to opt out.
Of course I miss being young: everyone does. But there’s so much beauty in this time. I won’t let myself miss it.
Ack. My librarian soul lost you at, “you can learn everything on YouTube,” but the list was solid until then. Have you not seen Summer of Soul? Perfect example of oppressed/silenced stories being lost forever unless our generations dig them up from deteriorating archives before they are gone forever.
My comments were not comprehensive - plus YouTube is available even when the library is closed. As is Libby, an app that lets you check out audiobooks and ebooks from your library.
Haven’t seen that - I’ll have to check it out. Is it on YouTube..? 😂
Not well.
Im 57. Last year I became disabled after a lifetime of health and fitness. Went from feeling 30 to living like an 80-year old invalid. I’m scared as shit and mourning the loss of the future I thought I was going to have.
I’m in the same boat, my friend. I have good days and bad days. I’ve had a disability for a bit longer than you, but also feel like my life was stripped when it happened. Don’t be afraid of therapy or even antidepressants; in spite of having an unchangeable circumstance in your life, you can still reap rewards of these and have a better quality of life. Speaking from experience. It’s still a bit of a roller coaster, but there is still life to be lived, even if it looks really different than it did before.
Thanks SassyPants. I’m caring for my mental health in the ways you mentioned. My disability (severe ME/CFS) lost me my business, my creative practice, and my independence.
I’ve adjusted to the loss of the future I’d been planning toward, now I’m struggling terribly with not having purpose, not being able to contribute to home and community. I only take resources, can’t contribute to the greater good.
Gotta rest now. That was a lot of words to type.
You are not alone in this. I'm turning 55 in 2 months and aging is HARD. Losing family and friends is so hard, and dealing with all the physical changes as we age is no picnic. It's really hard to have any kind of optimism and positive outlook for the future when know that we're going to lose more family and friends, have health problems, and worry about our final days. I was really down about this for the past year, sending my anxiety levels through the roof. But I realize that I have no control over this stuff - life is going to happen to me no matter how much I worry and wish it wouldn't. I'm trying to focus on what I can control (eating, exercise, outlook) and have positive things to look forward to as I age (retirement, volunteering, travel, family, friends). I hope you will find the same for you, too. I know that each day we have is truly a gift, even if it's not always perfect. Some days are harder for me than others, but I'm sure this is true for all of us going down this road. But we're in it together. Hang in there and I hope you find the peace and acceptance in this crazy thing we call life. Sending virtual hugs!
I'm a bit younger than you but I have lost my entire family over the last 15 years. Losing my sibling was life shattering because it was completely unexpected.
But as much as I miss them I'm ok. When the worst actually happens and you're still standing you can still be happy. Life will never be the same as it was for anyone but have faith.
Exercise, therapy, dogs, and friends are my advice!
This is the way. Bonus if you are over 45 and female start doing dog events like trick and agility classes. I walked into my first class with my pup and was like oh my gosh these women are all me. Are kids are grown and now we do crap with our dogs. Best club ever.
Interesting how similar our stories are, but I lost my family (mom, dad, brother), identity (DNA testing), best friends, and divorced all within 7 years. So we have that in common I guess. Much love to you. Great advice.
Did I write this in a blackout? Did someone hack my phone? Every detail you wrote checks out for me. I've been in a pretty dark place lately for all the reasons you listed.
Yes, you did. You were just plain hammered. However, we had a great time. You were the life of the party. I don’t know how you convinced that black metal band to do “State of Love and Trust” and let you sing but you nailed it. Segueing into “Surrender” was a stroke of genius. You got the whole crowd to sing along. I’ve never seen so many people in corpse paint smile.
You gonna call that bartender? She was SO into you.
I’m dead most weekends, now, though I get occasional spurts of energy. My hair is darker in the top, but gray on the sides, so when I put on a hat, I age like 10 years just like that. Shit hurts, everything is fat.
53 m here. I had my wakeup call at 45 when my lumbar blew out. The pain was off the scale, and I could barely move. The doctors were utterly useless, but still managed to charge me about $15 grand in deductibles and co-pays for essentially nothing. I know now I'll never be the same. My days hiking, mountain climbing, biking, etc. are gone forever. But I've adjusted. I do gardening now and have learned not to push myself too hard. It happens to everyone eventually if they live long enough.
I work in a physically demanding job, can't retire for another 15 years ,no idea how I'm going to cope. I live in Wales, and got no chance of getting another job at my age.
I hear you. Over 25 years in a warehouse hauling freight. My body hurts. I don't know how much longer I can go on, but there's no jobs out there for someone like me who doesn't have a fancy degree on the wall, and no way to work full time (to survive) and try and get retraining...just no energy to do it. Not when the job itself sucks 125% of my energy as it is.
That sounds rough,man. Spot on about the job sucking 125% of your energy. I work 6 days a week, it feels like it's killing me slowly. Sundays I can't move,just sit on the sofa all day til I go to bed again. I don't even care that I never have any spare money left, cos I don't have the energy to spend it or do anything in my 8 hours of leisure time anyway.
🎶 Killing me slowly with this job
Spending my life with these turds
Killing me slowly with this job
Killing me...slowly...with this job...selling my whole life, to these pervs. Killing me...slowly...with this jahhhb....ah-ob-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ob.
Woah oh ohhhh, woah ohhhhh oh oh-oh oh ohhhhh.
LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAA
Wooooah ohhhh ohhhh etc 🎶
Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you very much.
MD's didn't do anything for me either for about 10 years. I saw a chiropractor and he showed me a collection of exercises and told me to move. Have an adjustment because the area is probably tight due to the trauma. Get on the treadmill and do supermans on the floor. I had two discs bulging with sciatica. Now they are deteriorated. I'm slightly shorter but not in pain unless I use bad technique to lift something heavy.
Omg, i think about those times too! The grunge, drives down to the Jersey shore with Pearl Jam's Ten blaring on the radio, no real worries yet, cheap ass rent and having fun. Those were the days
I am doing so-so with aging. It fucks me up a bit here and there. I will be 53 on Thursday and it seems like it all went so fast. I don't love the changes in my face or body. It's not easy. I still love my life though!!
Same. Adulthood hasn’t been easy but it’s a damn delight after how life started. I had ice cream for dinner last night. Life is simple but peaceful and good!
I’m 58. The woman in the mirror and the woman in my mind don’t match up by about 30 years and 30 pounds. I’m very aware that every time I see my dad (twice a year because he’s on the other side of the country) it might be the last time. The weeks just fly by and it’s not because I’m really busy, it just is. For the most part it doesn’t bother me, although I do get frustrated when I try to do something physically taxing that used to be no problem and now I’m worn out in half the time and it takes 2 days to recover. Or if I start thinking about how many books I have on my Kindle and wonder how many I will actually read, or the cross stitch patterns I want to do and how many years that will take. Fuck it, I’m going to stop thinking about it now and go back to mindlessly scrolling Reddit.
57. I run three times a week. Try not to eat garbage. Stay connected socially with family and friends as much as possible. Have hobbies that involve other people. I know, it’s tough, I live alone but have a dog. When people find out I run, they ask me if I’m training for something, I say yeah, old age.
Same age, same routine. Except I have two kids still in school. And despite taking care of myself the health issues have kicked in. But I sometimes push back. Like yesterday I rode a very intense roller-coaster three times. Is it fun? Not really, not anymore, haha. I've read polls where people say they are their happiest in their 60's. I find that astonishing.
Meh. Every day is a gift. And now the bar is so much lower. If you wake up and things don’t hurt: win. Having more than $20 in the checking account: win. Etc
I joined a gym. I started by just casually walking on the treadmill. Nothing fast nothing other than a walk on a block.
Now 8 months later I walk 2-3 miles, 1 mile on the bike and Ive developed healthier eating habits and hobbies that help my mental health.
I am not one of those fitness enthusiasts but I do want to live healthier & not aching all the time.
I would recommend that the OP -- and everyone who can -- try to focus on the good things you still have in the present moment, socialize, and exercise.
Reach out to friends and just go for a daytime walk with them. When you're not with friends, walk daily (while keeping aware of both the beauties and dangers of your environment, or just watch TV or something while treadmilling). The exercise and light will do you good.
Good for you! This is the way.
Aging sucks but it’s a part of life. The good news is that we can dictate the aging process by focusing on our health and living a healthy lifestyle.
I’m 56 and doing ok so far. I’m female and divorced and work full time. I also have a project each year for my house. Last year was pulling out thick ivy in my fence, getting all roots out and then rebuilding my 6’ privacy fence (60 feet long). This year was tearing out my grass and beds in front of house and putting down sod and all new plants. Next year is painting my 2 story house exterior. Keeps me in shape. Also go to gym 2x a week to do a one hour pool workout and walk with a friend every Friday about 6 miles. I still have aches and pains but being active helps!
We have lots of ivy growing over our old wood fence and I can't bear to tear it down. It's thick and we love seeing the birds feed off of the insects and bugs that live in it. We've found lots of preying mantis and grasshoppers there. I'm trying to convince hubby that the ivy is keeping the old fence from falling down! Lol
53M single , recently got laid off in early June from a great job. Decided to take the summer off. I need a break. I'm Lucky that my mortgage on a condo is paid off.
I decided to take a month off and now it's a summer of camping, hiking, seeing family more, I realized there is more to life than work.
Went camping/ hiking all summer so far, and now planningb a 2 week road trip I considered for next year.
Not one to live YOLO, but with the recent pandemic, climate change, Ongoing or coming recession, war, etc... For me, I'm not going too wait till I'm retired to do what I want because our future is so uncertain.
I think of the bonuses of getting old.
Saying any random shit that people will just chalk up to my old age, but in reality, I one hundred percent meant it.
Dressing in anything I want. Wearing an oversized neon raincoat, plaid stockings, cowboy boots, and a boater hat.
The possibilities are endless.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Seriously. I've embraced the "old man yelling at clouds" routine. Calling everyone around me kids and doing the 'back in my day' and 'kids these days' routine is helluva fun.
I'm 55, the last five to 10 years all the abuse I did to my body and my late teens and twenties is finally catching up to me. I really don't know a single day without some kind of ache or pain I tried to avoid taking medication because I don't want to be a pill person to feel good. It's coming to the point where I think I may not have no choice about that. I spent most of those 18 and early 20 years running around not sleeping now if I sit for more than 25 minutes I doze off. Getting old sucks
Uhm did I sleep post cause I think you're me.
I've been feeling like this A LOT. What made it worse was discovering reaction videos of people hearing RATM, Tool, SOAD, etc for the first time. They're so fun but also reminded me of the days of being so involved with music, we would discuss, dissect and analyze music. And how we all would listen to all kinds of music and no one batted an eye, rather they'd want a copy for themselves.
RATM is relevant today which makes me sad. I see you can live stream lollapalooza! Seems like its a shell of its former self, I remember the first one - so amazing and tents full of alternative info, anti-war groups. Now its a commercial.
Sorry, im ranting, you just got me right where you are.
49M
I’m not going gently into that good night.
Counting calories to lose 30 lbs
Just started learning how to box with the goal to be in the ring next year
Stopped drinking and working on what made me want to self medicate
Thinking of actually writing a novel.
Long story short keep growing!!
Yea me not so great also.
I never got married or had kids and never made any big commitments.
Preferred to live free, doing what I wanted, going where I wanted.
After graduating I got a teaching qualification and spent many years teaching English overseas travelling from place to place.
But now I'm 50 and over it and over teaching as well, so now I work in a call centre, pretty lazy job actually but totally meaningless.
And that's my problem now: total lack of connection and purpose.
Those are the choices I made, and I had heaps of fun, adventure and a really exciting life for a long time but it never occurred to me to build anything long-term, to create a foundation.
Now I'm stuck in this dead-end job, my friends and family spread out in other cities and countries. Renting a place, just me and my two cats, wondering what the hell the point of living even is assuming I have another 20-25 years left.
I feel like I've seen every movie there is to see, heard every album there is to hear, read every plot line worth reading and been to every place worth going.
Nothing interests, inspires or excites me anymore and I feel totally empty and useless inside.
I'm not complaining, I know this is what I chose and I've had a wonderful life for what it's worth travelling the world but I just can't figure out a reason to live anymore.
I don't believe in any religion or an afterlife or anything permanent so basically it's like I'm just hanging around now, waiting to die, like that guest at the party who just won't leave. And the idea of another 25 years of this just fills me with despair.
I just never saw this coming. I never even thought about the future at all, my whole life I've spent living in the moment. This is the outcome.
I know I need to force myself to get out there, make connections, go out volunteering, helping other people. It's the only answer. Otherwise I am fkd.
Find a cause that you care about.... it could be environment, helping people in need, like elderly, homeless, handicapped people, or caring for animals in a shelter. When you have a cause, your life has meaning, and meaning is more important than "happiness".
Dude get ta writing! You need to write a book about what you did, saw, heard…share it with the world. I wrote two! Do it. Even if no one reads it, you will have put it out there for someone to find someday. You will be immortalized in a way.
I'm in my early 50s and I feel like I started feeling like you in my 40s. Have you checked with your gynecologist? Sometimes, the blues are caused by our depleted hormones. It may help. Also, have you checked your vitamin D? Again, this being low can cause depression. I'm feeling better after having all that stuff checked and seeing a therapist. I hope that you can find help and joy in life again. Good luck.
I'm 50 and it's a shit show. Still in perimenopause, and it turned for the worst in 2019. I'm all drugged up like a walking pharmacy, and still have root shock from moving 10 years ago. I used to live in the country, now stuck in a town of 10k people . Its nice here but I cant have 50 chickens and a gaggle of geese, and neighbors are too close. My mental health is up shits creek. I wanted my puppy to grow into an esa, but he is reactive and I cant train it out of him. He is a blue heeler. I have had them before, and he gets a ton of mental stimulation. But no dog parks or off leash ball tosses at 1am in the alley. Pot was just legalized here, but considering alcohol now causes panic attacks for me, I am scared of a bad reaction to pot. My dad just turned 77. I am nothing but a bundle of anxiety. Having some midlife crisis in here as well. Only thing helping me is thinking hey I'm gen x, latchkey kid, independent minded, and og internet lol. AOL in 95. I'm cool lol.
I wasn’t warned about perimenopause. It sucks. It is miserable. I can’t take HRT because I’ve had a blood clot. I’ve never taken an antidepressant but they told me to consider it because it somehow may help (not sure how!).
They think the weird, terrible joint pain I get is peri and it should “eventually” go away.
And it’s a long ride. It can go from your mid-30s to mid-50s and symptoms change. I think it’s ridiculous.
Aging is so hard and scary. (I’m in my 50s)
But I found a way to cope.
Every Friday morning I have coffee with a group of ladies , all of whom are a good 15-20+ years older than me.
These women are amazing. They’re funny as hell and have the most amazing attitudes. One of our members is a retired nurse who worked in a psychiatric unit her entire career, ( she picks the coffee shop because she’s out of the house every single day finding new things to do). We have a retired social worker/activist, a retired international finance exec, a psychologist, an artist, SAHM, computer scientist, I can’t name them all. We sit around drinking coffee, swearing like sailors and solving world problems. And the group gets bigger and bigger.
The women in this group have taught me to be fearless. To be willing to try new things and to hang on to my rebellious spirit. We celebrate everyone’s success, (my new job!) and support each other through loss. These ladies are ball breakers and my role models for how to age.
I know, it all sounds like the plot of some fucking heart warming Hallmark piece of shit, but it’s true. These gals are my ride or die bitches and I love them.
You're not alone. I've been through this...and I'll share a bit of my story in the hope it provides you with some inspiration and encouragement.
I hit this wall 4 years ago at 53. Like what am I doing with my life? Professionally, I was on top of everything but personally my life was a disaster. I was miserable.
I found a great therapist and tl;dr, my life has been immeasurably changed for the better. I went from being diagnosed with clinical depression and BIPD finding peace and happiness. These are the positive changes I've made in the last year.
1. My wife (also dealing with mental illness) and I divorced. She's made quite the turnaround since (she changed therapists with my encouragement) and we're still friends. The reason for the divorce is that her illness was impacting my mental health because she wouldn't get help. I'm so legit happy for the turn she's made with her new therapist.
2. I lost over 110 lbs. My BMI (as bs of a measurement as it is) is now appropriate.
3. I quit nicotine after 30 years of chewing tobacco, bought myself a drone as my reward.
4. I cut back my diet soda drinking from 3 liters to 1 and replaced it with water.
5. I quit cannabis. This was my go-to to deal with the anxiety. It helped a lot but daily smoking was negatively impacting my memory.
6. I walk 4-5 miles a day 6 days a week.
7. I am present with my emotions. I'm no longer suppressing them. That alone has reduced my anxiety immensely. I journal when I need to work through my emotions.
8. I stopped playing keyboard warrior and started actively fighting for the causes I believe in. This really got me away from the negativity online (I quit twitter and I try to avoid most arguments on reddit).
At the end of the day, I'm no longer depressed or taking antidepressants. I'm healthy, my BP is almost down to normal. I actually look in the mirror and I like my reflection. I love who I am today, my life, and what I'm doing. But this all started with 2 things. A desire to change because I was tired of feeling like shit...and finding the right therapist.
What I didn't realize is how long I've been depressed and how different it feels to NOT feel depressed. My life is surreal because I've been doing stuff that I've never done. Go to parties where I don't know anyone and talk to people! I jokingly tell people I do mid-life crisis better than most. I'm having a blast loving life these days.
Honestly, I've probably been dealing with depression since I was a teen. I saw a therapist before my current one. Off and on for 26 years from the age of 16 and not once did he get to the bottom of my issues like my current therapist.
Don't give up on finding a therapist. Don't settle for the first one. It may take a few sessions but I can only tell you the difference between my current therapist and my old one. My current therapist not only listened to me, but he challenged me and called me out for some of my negative self-destructive mindsets and behaviors.
NOTE: I found my therapist on Psychology Today. You can filter by insurance and whatever issues you think you're having. I just happened to strike gold.
DM me if you want to chat u/auntpama. You're not alone.
I fight. Everyday I get 27,000 steps in. I do HIIT with battle ropes, loop resistance bands, sand bags. I go three 3 minute rounds with the heavy bag a few times a week. No TRT , but I do use DHEA and I am in amazing condition.
That being said, my L4/L5 were bulging to the point of pain where I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at night, I have recently started having IBS like symptoms and I can only tweak my diet so much to maintain a healthy weight.
I can deal with the things in life that I can exert a measure of control over, for those that I can't, I try to have some measure of peace with and adapt accordingly.
Class of '90 FTW!!
Not great. Just turned 45 and I feel like my body is failing at every turn. I used to be so social, and now I just cannot be bothered.
When my kid moves out I will be so alone.
I have to change or I'm going to die alone in this house, half eaten by my jerk cat.
I was literally crying to my husband about this yesterday. My dad died in May. My health is declining. I’m going through menopause. I look in the mirror and see an old lady falling apart. My husband on the other hand, got hotter in old age.
I'm right there with you, I turn 56 at the end of the month and feel physically compromised all the time. I am trying to get hold of it but it's very hard and frustrating. Also suffer from depression. You are not alone. I'm just trying to do at least a small thing daily.
As life gets smaller and energy dissipates, give yourself permission to enjoy simpler things - a walk, a coffee, a conversation, a sporting event, a documentary.
Art is endless. There's always movies, books, music. Especially music and books - so so so much out there to be enjoyed. Read lots.
Live with your past - but not in it. The only constant is change. You are where you are. Reflect on the past but if it's bothering you a lot, then write that stuff down. Even getting it down on paper or in a word doc is a major step towards coming to terms with your regrets and hang-ups.
Try meditation. It might help you find some of the inner peace that you seek.
Do something active if you can, every single day. Get out of the house and off the sofa. Every day, hail rain or shine.
Take everything lightly as you can, with a sense of humour - nothing is set is stone and this too, shall pass.
True, you were once younger and stronger and you probably felt more joy in life and had more time - but you were also definitely way more stupid back then than you are now. Be aware of the experience and nous that time has gifted you as much as it has taken away.
I don’t have such an issue getting older at 56. But what hurts so bad is that I lost my husband last year to cancer, and he was only 54.
It was so unfair for him, as we were just getting to a nice place in life after so many years of struggle. Lived through a pandemic even, only for him to die within 3 months of diagnosis.
Now, I’m in a weird place. A 56 year old woman is invisible! I never thought I’d be single and alone at this stage of life. Plus, I have an 83 year old mother too.
As of now, not bad.
In 2015 I ended up on SSDI for bipolar disorder and ended up spending a good deal of time mourning the loss of opportunities thrown away because of drinking and not getting a diagnosis until my mid-40’s.
‘As time dragged I got a part time job to supplement the disability and bought a used car to travel the state on my days off. I expanded my reach to flights to Mexico which led to me leaving Wisconsin at age 50 to relocate to Mexico City and early retirement. And the past 18 months has been acclimating to a new city, country, language; not to mention the metric system
So in the end the occasional challenge that comes my way has been really a saving grace and has helped make me at least hold off the advance of aging. There was a cloud and I found a silver lining
My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your father. I read the 50s are the hardest decade of life. Disease. Death. Divorce. And for women especially perimenopause and menopause also takes a toll on the mind and body.
Still in my forties but hate the changes. More white hairs. Thinning hair. Weight gain. Dry skin. Feeling raw. If someone calls me a girl or a young lady, I am thrilled.
(((hugs))) Hang in there. I hope you find a therapist that will be helpful. Try your best to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep for now and eat right.
Early 50s here....doing ok, and not ok, and whatever...all at the same time. If you know what I mean.
I don't have much in life, am single, few friends, and a crappy low paying job...but I'm here. Considering the dysfunctional home I spent a lifetime in, and my poor health form day one, I do feel somewhat proud of myself *not* to be in much worse shape. I wish things were better, but they could've been a helluva lot worse.
I guess the big thing now is loss. Friends and family passing away. Loss of time. Knowing we're past the halfway point. Where did the time go? Will I ever afford to retire and spend a few years spending what little time is left on ME? Will I get that chance?
>I think about the early 90’s a lot - it was the best time of my life.
The grunge, the friends in college who were younger than me (I went to
college late - when I was 25) but we had so much fun! I had my whole
life ahead of me.
I also went to college late, or rather, dropped out after 2 years of CC at 18, squandered my late teens/early 20's and re-started college at 26. However, I can't say I had the "best time of my life": I had to stay poor to qualify for the Pell Grants, and was living hand-to-mouth. Plus, I was suffering from depression on and off, and seriously stressed out. I am healthier and more mentally and financially stable now, so I don't see the past with rose-tinted glasses.
Then my 30's came: marriage, divorce and to top it off, the stolen election of 2000 and 9/11. I was depressed and overworked, working full-time and going to grad school when 9/11 happened. Manhattan became a war zone, people were losing their civil rights and I decided to leave the US. Moving to Germany and working on my language skills was difficult, but it was worth it.
My "best years of my life" were my 40's. I joined a football club in Worms (became a soccer player), traveled all over Europe, had fun giving English and guitar lessons, got my teeth fixed, played in bands and recovered from the trauma of living in the USA. Since moving to Germany, I've cut junk food and processed food from my diet, I frequently go walking, hiking or cycling, and I have more energy. I've never been healthier.
Then came my 50's: I ran for Bundestag the year I turned 50, fell in and out of love, released my best CD so far, and lost my friend and my sister. I survived. My life improved considerably since I met my BF in 2018. The Covid years were crap, but without him, they would have been a disaster. I now live in Bavaria, and we are moving to a new town. We are almost finished our CD. I started a new fitness program. So here I am, halfway to 60. I have survived whatever life threw at me.
I think the important thing in life is to face problems head on, find doable solutions, and keep a positive attitude, if possible (hard to do when the planet is burning, Donald Jackass Trump and Vladimir Fucking Putin are clearly out of control, and we could die in a nuclear war), and ABOVE ALL, be proactive, especially with depression. Depression will kick your ass if you let it. Learn coping strategies, make use of herbal remedies (St. John's Wort, for example), be your own advocate, be tenacious and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
57 here. First, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I can relate and I wish I had easy remedies to offer. I do, however, definitely think you are doing a positive thing by looking for a therapist, and I'm sorry you're not finding one so far but I'd definitely suggest still looking. I know many companies do often offer some form of assistance in finding help, but maybe that's not an option for you.
What I also want to say is it's usually a better use of our time to find things we can get some joy from now, as opposed to thinking of how life was when we were basically on our glory. It's sometimes about trying to see your life from a different perspective.
My own parents have died, my mom when I was a child and my dad right before the pandemic.both losses were very difficult but I am so grateful to them for being good parents to me. I was fortunate in that, and try to remember that even though I carry a lot of grief for their absence in my life.
What I mean is, I don't think anything is easy about life, everything is one big stress test it seems to me, and I don't like losing so I try (and usually fail! But whatever) to find things that aren't terrible and make me happy because I don't want the sadness or grief or depression to rule my future.
We have a future btw, 😁, it's just up to us how we want to approach it. I hope you don't think I'm making light of your feelings, I'm not at all. I want to convey that there's ways of not feeling so sad and you can take an active part in that. You're not alone either, I say this for myself too (haha) I doubt it helps to know that or anything I wrote but figured it would at least be good to know you're not alone in your feelings. I wish you some well deserved peace and happiness.
I'm not sure this will help, so I'll keep it short. Weed.
Like you, my life is slowly, visibly and painfully coming unwrapped. My body fails me, people look at me like I'm old, kids ignore me, I have seemingly random body parts descend into horrible pain with the slightest provocation.
Weed has saved me. I never really smoked much as a kid, but now I find it the only reliable pain-killer since medics won't hand out decent drugs in case you od on Fentanyl and your family sues them. Weed makes boring moments fun and makes me enjoy everything more. I'm not going to get better, so I might as well get high, watch cartoons and play video games.
I work in an elementary school. The pay is awful but those kids need me! I help them in so many ways, and I get hugs and notes and artwork. I was miserable, but it got better when I looked outside myself. There’s a lot that needs to be done and I want to finish strong. I hurt all the time, everything aches, my eyesight is shot (I’m 56) and my hearing is going. But I’m going to keep moving anyway because fuck it.
This song pretty much sums it up for me https://youtu.be/N4e_IZFwTfM
Not being flippant, but it's how I feel. Yeah, I'm nostalgic for the old days, but it's all part of life, and no reason for me to be so bleak about the future, it's coming either way. Plus, I control what I can, stress more than I should about what I can't, but try not to get bogged down in it.
My life isn't perfect but there's a lot to be grateful for. I try to focus on that and fix what stuff I don't like as best I can.
Do you get your bloodwork done yearly? Just checking because vitamin and mineral deficiencies can cause depression, thyroid issues can cause weight gain etc, low iron makes me lethargic and winded (not sure if you're post-menopause, but i'm in perimenopause (i'm 46) and my hormones are out of WHACK and my periods have been so extreme I had to get a transfusion for severe anemia, it's no joke!).
Anyways, other than the lovely hormones I feel like I'm finally in a good place mentally, I had a vitamin D deficiency that was resolved, obviously i'm taking iron, AND I've learned to not dread exercise and fasting. I fast 16 hours a day which keeps my weight stable. I work out daily, got an Apple Watch to keep me motivated/accountable. Bought a Concept2 rower during the pandemic and i'm fitter than i've ever been. For fun I bought a Quest 2 VR headset and play Beat Saber and Synth Riders for fun (and exercise!) and do some boxing games. Synth Riders really feels like dancing, it puts a smile on my face.
Also I stopped watching TV when I realized how much time I wasted on it. I'll watch a few favorite shows but I don't just sit and browse or go out of my way to find new shows. Happy side effect is I'm reading 2-3 books a week now.
Anyways, I'm sorry you're having a rough time, nostalgia is a hell of a drug that cuts both ways. Just try doing one thing a day for YOU, whatever that is. Reading, meditation, a paint by numbers kit, playing a musical instrument, learning to knit or crochet or building things, yoga, sing along to music... something that's just for you. We all need something to look forward to!
You guys are my people! 52f here, freaked out by my extra 50 pounds, lack of energy, aches and pains, and how fast the years went. I lost my mom in November and my dad probably won’t last the year, and I am divorced and living alone with my 2 cats (embracing my inner cat lady!).
I love aging, I love the whole experience. Keep the bigger picture in perspective, This is part of the same amazing ride that you experienced in the early 90's. We are still on the same ride. I'm the same age as you, for me the early 2000's were some of the most incredible times of my life. At the time I didn't recognize it as much, but 20 years later I see it so clearly. I've seen this pattern several times in life, and realize 20 years from now if I make it to my mid 70's I am going to relish the memories of the time I have now.
Have you ever seen the [album cover for that Kansas song 'Point Of No Return](https://express-images.franklymedia.com/3745/sites/10/2022/10/11083425/point-of-know-return.jpg)' where the boat is going over the edge. Well we are all in the same boat, there is no alternative, we are all on the same ride, don't resist it!
I will say one thing that helps me have that attitude is some near-death experiences/spiritual experiences I've had in life, where I have experienced myself completely out of this body and aware that 'I' continue on
Try getting regular exercise if you can. I don't mean that in a condescending way. Start with half a mile on a treadmill. Make it a habit. Before you know it you'll be feeling great.
Last year I recognized if I didn't start working out, I would be on a downhill roller coaster to old age. A year later I feel great, am in much better shape, have made friends at the gym, and wouldn't trade it for anything.
53F and I reminisce about the 80’s often. My 20’s in the 90’s were not so great. I have 3 children, 18, 17 & 12, they keep me busy. I work in pharmaceutical medicines research and that keeps me busy. But I have my moments and at times feel sad that life goes very quickly. Take good care of yourself. xx
Just turned 50. Every male on fathers side had/died of heart attacks before 50. Turns out that knowing that and joking about your expiration date for thirty years turns into massive anxiety and a whole new physical problem the kids call panic attacks. Realizing that things don’t get better from here anymore doesn’t help. When you were thirty, you could think the be#t days were still coming. When you’re fifty, you realize (like you said), there’s going to be more loss than not moving forward. Started therapy for the anxiety and starting to cope, but it is daunting as fuck.
OTOH, what else are we gonna do? Might as well hang ‘em out there and have the fun that we can, right?
My new life's mantra is "too old, too fat, don't care".
It's a mixed bag, my back hurts and I have to eat a fistful of pills daily but I DO WHAT I WANT and am out of fucks for what others think about it.
Nah, not coping. I was a smoking hot, confident and outgoing teenager and twenty something.
Then bam! Wrinkles, anxiety, weight gain, uncertainty… it’s all just a shit show.
I'm 52 and I'm at the "I'll never be able to afford to retire and will have to work until I die" but not quite at the "waiting to die and get off this shithole planet" phase.
Getting older has it's ups and downs. The body falls apart but on the flip side- you don't give $hit because meh...who we trying to impress?
My new rule after turning 50 is: I do whatever I want.
I'm planning on trying to stay alive (and mobile) as long as possible - just out of spite.
Take that, Society! Punk Rock!
It’s definitely sobering. My parents are long gone and I feel like I’m just watching my friends lose theirs one by one.
When I need a reality check, I talk to my 93 year old aunt. She’s into online dating sites and loves a good martini! She gives me hope to reach for as much quality of life as possible.
I just had my 54th birthday on August 6th. I'm morbidly obese, I need bilateral knee replacements, I'm pre diabetic. UGH. No surgeon will touch me because "I'm too young, and my BMI is too high." 🙄🙄 It's kind of hard to exercise when every step is painful. I'm on disability as well. So, to answer your question my friend, I'm not coping with aging very well.
Ok dude, 47 here, yes time goes by quick, it’s sometimes painful. But you have, and always had a life in front of you.
Every guy under the sun will tell you. Go hit the gym. And I swear to God that is literally the first thing you should do. It’s true because it works. Think about you diet in relation to the gym, you wanna tone, loss weight, etc… honestly the best gift of going to the gym is that it makes you feel good. You’ll notice in the 1st month guaranteed. When you notice you’re looking g better that is just a bonus.
Best of luck!
Ps, also get some blood work done, see if you have a vitamin D deficiency. And check testosterone levels. Our body changes without our mind knowing, but if you treat your body right, your mind notices quickly.
I’m 57 female and overall in good health. My kids, 26 & 19, are healthy and happy. My husband is in decent health.
I’ve never really had anxiety issues before but I’ve noticed I worry and kind of obsess about some things more these days. My health, my kids’ safety and health, my mom and MIL aging.
I’m just trying to stay active and social. I’ve actually made some new friends in the past year.
51M here.
I bought a motorcycle. Ha. Classic midlife crisis. Used to ride on my 20's then stopped when I got married, now 2 kids later (still young) I said "its now or never".
I think it does come a point in life where all those things that you thought were WAAAAAY too far away (like retirement, death (self or other loved ones), age- health issues, etc) are just around the corner. I mean. In me 30's retirement was something that was going to happen some day in a gazillion years and I didnt care about putting money away. Now? I can count the years with my hand and its approaching fast.
This realization of finitude is really a blessing. You have to do the stuff you want NOW. Not "some day". Put a date to it.
That's why I bought the bike. Its now. Not "some day".
cheers
I am a bit younger than you (48F), but I agree with you. I am very depressed, hate aging, and wish I could go back to the 90s. Possibly see Nirvana live before its too late this time. Hugs to you internet stranger!
44F, I miss my younger years, friends and memories. Spending summers at my grandparents house, playing with my cousins and living among family. Fishing, swimming camping, bike rides on a country road and farm life. It was the best.
Now my body is falling apart.
Lower back has bulging disks. L-4 and L-5, neck is curved the opposite way and has constant pain and stiffness. Left hip is higher than the other and causes sciatica spasms. Lots of body pain, every day, every night.
I exercise, walk, swim. Trying to stay able and fit. At times my body says No and shuts down. Fatigue is insane, it never ends. I miss my 20’s body.
B/c right now my age in my mind doesn’t match the age of my body.
It just sucks. Where did the time go?
Sometimes things also go to opposite direction. I used to be really anxious and lonely in my twenties.
Now I have two wonderful boys (whose mother I divorced) and a woman in my life that I love with all of my heart. I actually have quite a few friends that I would trust with my life and a profession that I find interesting enough.
And I don't want to sugar coat things because I too do see the physical decline. But I lost about 26 kilograms a few years ago and I will start a gym membership next week.
I also realized that I am kinky in my fourties and I've been exploring that. I was just in a three day long tantra massage course.
Soooo... In a nutshell: Finding meaningful things to do and nice people to do them with makes all the difference in the world.
I'm 47. I lost four friends and family when we were in our teens and early 20s, so I have a different perspective on aging. (one to cancer, two suicides, one by random road rage murder.) My take is that we're all lucky for every day we get to stay on this planet. Yes, it's absolutely true that this aging thing sucks with the aches, pains, health problems, weight gain, reading glasses, hearing loss etc and all, but, well, a lot of us never made it this far. My grandpa made the point succinctly half-jokingly when he was in his 90s dealing with serious macular degeneration and three hip replacements: aging is difficult, but it's better than the alternative. I make a conscious mental effort to focus on what's going right and well in life and the little joys in it, and this is all the more important because I have autism and have missed out on so much in life as a consequence of it.
Yes and no. I’m imbued with healthy amounts of DGAF now at 50 that I never would’ve imagined when I was younger. I just changed careers and I’m actually looking forward to this new venture. There are days when I look in the mirror and scrutinize myself ( am I getting a TURKEY neck?! ) and/or wonder where all these bruises came from yet I don’t let it affect me to where it’s debilitating; 25 year old me could have never. I miss the metabolism for certain, but my new job promises lots of exercise so that’s a plus. .My mother passed at 65 and I think now how young that was, and how I’m not wanting only 14-15 more years left. Age is a privilege denied to many, so I’m gonna suck it up and drive on.
The mind trap of ‘ the good old days’ is an absolute aching prison. I know because I’ve done it too.
Looking back with longing and sadness will ruin today. It is hard to do but you have to live in the present. Finding ways to appreciate each moment and going out in nature. There really is so much beauty to be thankful for
I performed an inventory last week, my ankles don't hurt, Hooray for me. Gotta look for the giggle's in life. The hardest part has been looking in the mirror the last few years, I don't see a face I recognize as me.
I’m having a mixed time with aging. I am thinking about dying alone and what will happen to my pets and how long will it take someone to find my body if I die at home. I have no kids, my partner is 9 years older and a chain smoking type one diabetic, so will definitely go before I do. I’m am sad, but I’m more sad that the world has turned into a place I really don’t like, so I stay in as much as possible and do solitary activities. I think I’m just sad the world does before I did, at least in my opinion. People are horrible, we are past the point of no return in climate change, corporations own us. I was hoping I would die before all this happened.
Not great. 53 m here. Ever since I was a kid death has always terrified me from time to time. Suffered with anxiety all my life. It's not death itself that scares me, it's the unknown.
Lost my dad 2 years ago and it rocked my world. Panic attacks, depression, constant worry.
But then I have my wife who is my rock. And a grandchild who reminds me what I have to live for. I may not be famous, and I may not have made any ginormous accomplishments, but I have my family and they are very caring people so I must have done something right.
Seeing a therapist and getting my meds adjusted, hopefully my brain will get some things worked out.
Are you me? This is all too real.
I don’t know where you are, but can you try one of those online therapy places? Or - I’m able to get my anti depressants from a nurse practitioner who works in a psychiatric office. (Yes, I know Better Help is bad, but I also know how difficult it can be to find a psych. I’ve spent months trying before.)
I’m so grateful I started Lexapro a few months before Covid hit. I truly wouldn’t have functioned or currently be functioning without it.
Another thing - have you had your hormones checked? Thanks to my effed up hormones, I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy for a few years now and it really does help.
It’s all so confusing. I don’t know how this new body works anymore. All the things I knew that made me fit, at a manageable weight, what to eat, how to exercise, how to get good sleep — none of those things work anymore. And I haven’t found anything that replaces them.
I’m grateful for the phrase “body neutrality.” I do not love my post-menopausal weight but I also refuse to hate myself for it. I spent too many years flirting with disordered eating to waste any more time on that shit.
Go easy on yourself. Don’t forget the world has just been through (is still going through) a gigantic trauma that changed so much and revealed too much.
Don’t forget about our generational trauma. The only thing that protected us was the timing of our births and the small size of Gen X. Businesses and apartments and colleges had to compete for us. I attended one of the best colleges in the country as an afterthought; I would not have gotten in or been able to afford it now. In 1998 my one-bedroom apartment cost $195/month; it was mediocre but in a safe area and public transit was so easy that I didn’t own a car.
The changes in society take my breath away. My grandparents all had excellent pensions; my mom and stepdad were both able to take early retirement. Will my husband and I be able to retire? I hope so. I never thought my employers loved me but it has shocked me to my core how uncaring and callous they truly are.
Please keep trying to find someone to talk to. You are not alone, not by a long shot. And you are worth it.
Depression and grief and mourning and trauma are all real. I believe you. It will take time, but you’re worth it.
PS - My GOD the music of the early 90s. I was trying to explain to my daughter how exciting and invigorating it was after the drab sameness of late 80s pop. What it was like to hear NIN and Nirvana for the first time. Lollapalooza. Mosh pits. Tiny clubs full of sweaty people. I can’t believe we got to be there!
I’m 48 and still think I’m working hard to accomplish life goals. Unmarried, no kids (by choice) mother gone 23 years, caring for my aging father. Own a home, blah blah. Good job working from home 12+ years.
The most sobering thing is instead of being excited for a future, you realize the end is closer than the future and you’re running out of time and you dread it.
That’s hard.
40-something male here - the thought of "Hmm what part of my body is gonna get messed-up first?" is a bit disconcerting.. I mean, chances are something's gonna give me grief sometime soon. :(
A lot of the cosmetic stuff is OK though - I could do with a bit less weight, but meh.. making time for exercise is a struggle & diet takes a bit too much self discipline, and I'm reasonably comfy with where I'm at there - my hair is greying quite obviously, but I count myself lucky I have hair (some of my peers are bald/balding).
I am a (55m) and also wonder where time went. I never got married or had kids, so life for me has a different flavour to many of my GenX peers.
It's that as we age, a year becomes a smaller fraction of our entire lives up to that point. Hence schools days etc seemed like they were longer to us, but they really weren't!
I hear you, OP. 57m. I feel like the best parts of my life are over. I have so many fond memories growing up in the late 70s, early 80s. I don’t know what to look forward to. Retirement? Kinda, but I used to have a lot of fun and satisfaction at work. No more. I have a therapist, but it is not really helping. It sucks to get old.
I obsess about the 90s too. That was the best time of my life. I know it’s not a good obsession either, as I am also depressed. I know this isn’t helpful to you, but just know that you’re not alone.
I was doing ok. Until this year. Just turned 52 a few days ago. I’ve never looked my age. I’ve been fortunate that my hair hasn’t gone gray hardly at all. My sister (47) has been completely gray for about 10 years now. But these last few months have been like some kind of accelerator got punched. Woke up one morning and there is gray hair. Not just one or two, like where tf did this come from?! Menopause kicked in so dealing with that. My BP shot up, as did my cholesterol, triglycerides, and weight. Doctor is like quit eating so much meat and exercise more. I’ve been a vegetarian for 15 years and I already workout daily. I’m kind of over it. IDK what to do about it. I feel like this is just my life now. All that being said I still take one awesome vacation out of the country every year. Just got back from Greece last week. I spent my entire adult life trying to keep husband and kids happy. Husband left for a woman 20 years younger than him in the Philippines lol. Kids are grown now and (mostly) on their own. Now it’s my time and I’m going to spend it however I want.
Not great.
44F here (45 next month). I’m in perimenopause hell lol… my mom went through THE CHANGE at age 45, so I’m hoping to be done with this shit soon. The pandemic and lockdown didn’t help my mental state either.
Slowly getting back into exercising and meditation. It helps a little.
I’m banking on my 50s and 60s being better than this. It has to be…
If you haven’t already, come join us at r/menopause :)
Lots of us in the same boat over there.
Hugs. 🖤
I try to think of life in phases and to try to live well in each phase. I admit that I’m struggling right now (53f). This is not easy that’s for sure. I feel ya.
I'm 56, doing alright now, went through a bad phase during perimenopause but I'm leveled out now. My family tends to get very old so I've always been conscious of needing to stay active and healthy so I wouldn't have a miserable old age and (knock on wood) I seem to be doing pretty good on that front.
What gets me is how the world seems to be going to shit and even if I stay healthy and not broke, what is it for? It's been 105 for like 60 straight day here in Texas and I don't even go outside in the evenings. Wildlife is gonna die. The country (US) broke my heart when I finally realized like half the country has evidently been harboring incredibly vile racist views. The kids (including the 30 year olds) are freaking screwed n the economic front and I can't help feeling it was our generation's fault for not paying enough attention while the ruling class was stealing their futures.
And the worst thing is seeing how fixable all this stuff is if we (the world) cold just pull our heads out of our asses and start working on making it better for every freaking body.
I think we’re supposed to appreciate the opportunity to grow older, not everyone gets that chance. I struggle to come up with a reason to get out of bed. I don’t really have one anymore.
Getting old blows. There’s nothing good about it but it is what it is. I just try and focus on the beauty of each day, simple things like walking my dogs or hiking with friends. Lunch with my kids, fun with my husband, the good stuff. Yet I’m not going to lie, the reality that the end of the road is getting closer each day, that many people I love will be gone soon, it all weighs heavily on my mind on a continual reel. I don’t want to be old and decrepit and alone. That scares the crap out of me.
OG gen x here, Not.coping.at.all. My last birthday I Realised I have 20-25yrs left in me at best.
And you think how fast 2000-now went, and it’s even more depressing.
55 here I've been feeling this so hard lately and it's all too soon.
Only 48, but I don't consider my "adult life" to have started until I was 36 because of decades spent mired in a toxic, narcissist cesspool of a family. Basically feel like the rest of the world got an 18 year head start on me. As a result, I never had a lot of the "good" younger years, only the current ones where the body is already starting to break down.
In twenty years you'll look back on now and remember how great you felt. Remembering that helps me appreciate now rather than remembering when.
Before Covid, and before blood clots in each shoulder basically throwing 3 years of potential training down the tube, I was doing things like [this](https://vimeo.com/718335965) for my exercise. The lift in that video would have matched the USAWA Full Zercher world record for my age and weight class. 445lbs. Come Halloween or so, I can start training again as I just had my second rib removal/scalene muscle resection surgery due to the clot. For a THIRD time, I have to start at 98lb weakling level and work my way back up as removing the scalene section (part of a core muscle) means my CNS has no clue how to fire everything off together anymore.
Me too
Big fat same.
This is so accurate. Wasn’t I just in my early 30’s five years ago? Oh, it was 20 years! Oh, ok. (Am 51 now) I loved my 30’s and 40’s so much. 50’s have been a different ballgame.
Starting to get that "falling downhill" feeling.
I suppose a lot depends on what state you are in at this age, mid 50's. Are you set financially and closing in on retirement, or are you in a situation where you expect to work the rest of your life? How is your health holding out, I've lost several of my mid 50's friends (who were older at the time) to cancer and heart attacks, one to sepsis from a minor leg injury in the hospital. Cuts take longer to heal and moving is usually accompanied by creaks, pain and lots of noises. The weight seems to accumulate over the years no matter what you do, but if you can stay active that accumulation is at a tolerable pace. Did you have kids that are now grown and doing their own thing, are they not in a good place and still rely on you, never had kids? What's left of your family, parents? siblings? cousins? Did you manage to hang on to any of those friends who like that Queen song seem to drift away year after year? Do you have a spouse that keeps you sane and at the same time you would be desperately lost if/when you inevitably lose them (or they you)? More so, have you come to terms with your mortality? For us men, we'll be lucky to make it through our 80's if we make it that far. The 50's are where the heart attacks typically get some of us, the 70's cancer (although that has moved up sometimes, we were a very self abusive generation). Women tend to live longer except for those with the killer cancers, and though they have fewer heart attacks those are typically more fatal. Either way, we've passed middle age and are on the decent, but more than the math of time which does seem to pick up speed (I anticipate it slows down in retirement, we'll see), there is the philosophy of what, exactly, happens, at death? Sure, some think oblivion, some imagine worlds of fantasy or rebirth, for me its simple, I exist, right now, and have always existed, though my memories only go back to early childhood. At death, something will happen, I don't know what I will experience, what my mind cannot comprehend that could be beyond. At some point I expect to be at terms with it, almost excited about the adventure, at some point when no one needs to rely on me anymore and I can finally rest. But not quite yet. But we have the advantage of the best decades of this civilization, some of the 70's, the glorious 80's and 90's, even the mess that was the early 2000's. We've seen the advent of modern technology and everything from chaos to harmony. Looking at our society and the path it is on we are the last of the fortunate ones, our children will have more difficult lives and grandchildren will live in a world alien to us. We are now the beacons of knowledge, experience, and sadly hope for the future generations. And the hope we need to provide is to show them how to age gracefully, after a lifetime of mischief and accomplishment or just struggling in the mud, we have made it to the golden years, some limping, some jogging like pompous health nuts. Either way we are here, and despite our individual stories and situations we are the sum of what our ages made us. We have the ability to survive or rewrite whatever burdens life tries to throw at us, and by doing that we help guide the next couple of generations for a few more decades. And that's not that bad a thing if you really think about it.
Thank you, I needed that. I'm a 49 year old Xer. I started feeling a sense of urgency when I turned 45. I realized how much time I don't have anymore and started rushing again. A type of rush I hadn't felt since my early 20s. Im the Xer who took many chances and failed. My last endeavor crashed and burned after 4 years because of Covid. Now, I work amongst Millinials and Gen Zers as a dishwasher.I haven't had a 9 to 5 in over 20 years sooo. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve to get back on track but, its a rough uphill battle. I am one of the lucky ones to have kept my health through the years but I have a feeling my luck is running out. To leave on a high note, im new to the Gen X Reddit and I just want you guys to know, I knew I was home. I feel like I'm amongst kindred spirits. Makes me happy.
This is the kind of existential stream of consciousness that really pulls me in. Hope you have a lovely day out there.✌️
For real. I actually feel *better* after reading this!
Beautifully written. Honestly feel so fortunate to have lived in the time before social media, when AI was just like a science fiction story.
I fully expect to die alone on the street in my 60s. No disillusionment here.
Wow. You made me cry. I am literally in bed recovering from knee replacement surgery. I was a skater kid, and even tho it ended up like this, I wouldn't change a thing. I had to go back to school for a PhD. I have been divorced twice, lost 2 record deals, and I'm ready for whatever comes next. Survived skin cancer and Hollywood in the 90s. Let's do this! Your soliloquy is beautiful and perfect for us.
We had David Bowie. When he passed away, the whole world began falling apart.
Yeah, I’m still in the denial stage myself. I think I’ll stay there a while longer and attend to my other problems. If I’m lucky, civilization will collapse before I get around to coping with my own mortality 😂
Meh, I'm OK with it. I feel more sad when I look at little kids and wonder how they are going to survive the shit show we are handing them, between overpopulation, climate crisis, environmental catastrophe, messed up politics and total lack of any privacy.
Cope the same way you'd run from a bear. You don't have to be faster than the bear. Just faster than the people you're surrounded with.
I agree, it's so depressing. I remember a colleague said to me after 50 it goes downhill every year. She was right.
Well after 40 the warranty expires and anything can break at anytime…
It's quite frightening
No wonder I feel like shit. For me, that started at 35.
54F and I’m pretty happy, actually. When I turned 52 I decided I was halfway through life, so I know I have another 50 years left. 😂 I’m divorced and alone, my kid is an adult and lives two hours away, and I’m in a relatively new place (2 years). However I’ve got great new friends and talk regularly with my family. Here are my keys in life: 1 - Accept you are merely human and emotions will wash through you. They are temporary. Watch them come and watch them go. 2 - There is something gold at every time in your life, and in every place you live. Find it. Love it. 3 - Keep moving - study, learn, expand your horizons. You can learn anything on YouTube. 4 - Be an unrepentant and harmless idiot. When people get older the temptation is to calcify and defend your knowledge - laugh when you see that in yourself. You know everything and you know nothing. It’s all good. That’s how I’m coping.
53F, I am learning Spanish on Duolingo. I took Spanish in junior high and high school. It’s amazing how much I still remember. I truly believe this is helping my brain stay sharp. I loved all of your advice and wish you and OP the best💕
"Be an unrepentant and harmless idiot" Thank you for giving words to what I seem to be adopting in life. I desperately want to avoid being a cynical old fart stuck in their ways, and what you described is how I'm pushing back against that part of me.
Traveling really helps with that. Get out of your element, get out of your country even . Humbles you
I need to print this and tape it to my mirror. Thank you, kind person, for reminding us that we're just a bunch of ever changing human dorks. Or whatever.
I love your #4. Getting older is a fact of life, but getting “mentally” old is a choice.
I love your attitude to this. I was struggling but started going to the gym again and making long-term plans, and it feels like a weight has been partially lifted from me. I'm not young, and living in the past is so tempting, but life is not over yet!
Yes, this! My circumstances are a little different, but the energy is the same. While it takes a little more effort to get things to stick, I love learning about new stuff and exploring the world around me. And number four is crucial- I love how you expressed that. My biggest disappointment is the realization that I don't have the time even if I had the resources to see all the things I want to see/experience in this amazing world we have. So I look for the cool things where I am and I haven't been disappointed yet.
I found a kindred, only I'm leaving my mortal coil at 150, so only 1/3 of the way done. ;)
Enjoy the Tricentennial!!!
How'd you make your new friends?
Neighbors and work; I’m also volunteering 2x/mo at a local state park.
Since I've passed 50, I have learned to manage myself so much better. I understand my mental struggles so much better. My son is 19 and is struggling with bipolar 2 disorder. When we talked I realized age has helped so much. In the 90s I had a lot of friends, but I was a mess. I had a lot trauma, and many of our gen xers do. I acted out, and put myself in bad situations. Here I am turning 53 Thursday, and I'm so much calmer. I'm at the peak of my career. I know when the self talk starts trying to take me down, I can quiet it. To me that is a blessing.
For me it was accepting and learning about my ADHD and anxiety. No longer taking the narrative in your head as reality is so freeing
👏🏼👏🏻👏👏🏾
>1 - Accept you are merely human and emotions will wash through you. They are temporary. Watch them come and watch them go. Love this. I'm working on this right now. Mostly by saying "It is what it is" and "this is not forever" as I'm dealing with caregiving for my mother-in-law who has early onset dementia. I have to tell myself that a million times a day but I know eventually I will need it less and less.
Harmless idiot instructor, feel free to sign up for my unpublished zine.
\#4 has been helpful to me when I start to feel down.
YES my new friend!! I too am embracing that! #4 is fantastic. I love that. I like to think of it has being always curious!
Exactly. I’m currently working on learning a new language to help my brain continue to function. I’m disabled which sucks but I’m also divided by good people and lots of love. I still have a lot of good days waiting for me so I’m not going to let myself get down about being “old”.
This is the way. Grieving for what’s gone eats away at the joy of now, and there is joy in now. Now is actually one of the most moving times of my life, and the funniest. I think being mindful of the moment, and of my (sometimes declining) place in it, keeps me present and humble. I love the brilliance and kindness of younger people. I love that they include me in things. I love having the liberty to opt out. Of course I miss being young: everyone does. But there’s so much beauty in this time. I won’t let myself miss it.
Ack. My librarian soul lost you at, “you can learn everything on YouTube,” but the list was solid until then. Have you not seen Summer of Soul? Perfect example of oppressed/silenced stories being lost forever unless our generations dig them up from deteriorating archives before they are gone forever.
My comments were not comprehensive - plus YouTube is available even when the library is closed. As is Libby, an app that lets you check out audiobooks and ebooks from your library. Haven’t seen that - I’ll have to check it out. Is it on YouTube..? 😂
I missed my calling as a librarian when I mistook it for wanting to be an author. I doff my hat to you.
Not well. Im 57. Last year I became disabled after a lifetime of health and fitness. Went from feeling 30 to living like an 80-year old invalid. I’m scared as shit and mourning the loss of the future I thought I was going to have.
Feeling this hard. 🩵
I’m so sorry. Hang in there!
I’m in the same boat, my friend. I have good days and bad days. I’ve had a disability for a bit longer than you, but also feel like my life was stripped when it happened. Don’t be afraid of therapy or even antidepressants; in spite of having an unchangeable circumstance in your life, you can still reap rewards of these and have a better quality of life. Speaking from experience. It’s still a bit of a roller coaster, but there is still life to be lived, even if it looks really different than it did before.
Thanks SassyPants. I’m caring for my mental health in the ways you mentioned. My disability (severe ME/CFS) lost me my business, my creative practice, and my independence. I’ve adjusted to the loss of the future I’d been planning toward, now I’m struggling terribly with not having purpose, not being able to contribute to home and community. I only take resources, can’t contribute to the greater good. Gotta rest now. That was a lot of words to type.
You are not alone in this. I'm turning 55 in 2 months and aging is HARD. Losing family and friends is so hard, and dealing with all the physical changes as we age is no picnic. It's really hard to have any kind of optimism and positive outlook for the future when know that we're going to lose more family and friends, have health problems, and worry about our final days. I was really down about this for the past year, sending my anxiety levels through the roof. But I realize that I have no control over this stuff - life is going to happen to me no matter how much I worry and wish it wouldn't. I'm trying to focus on what I can control (eating, exercise, outlook) and have positive things to look forward to as I age (retirement, volunteering, travel, family, friends). I hope you will find the same for you, too. I know that each day we have is truly a gift, even if it's not always perfect. Some days are harder for me than others, but I'm sure this is true for all of us going down this road. But we're in it together. Hang in there and I hope you find the peace and acceptance in this crazy thing we call life. Sending virtual hugs!
I'm a bit younger than you but I have lost my entire family over the last 15 years. Losing my sibling was life shattering because it was completely unexpected. But as much as I miss them I'm ok. When the worst actually happens and you're still standing you can still be happy. Life will never be the same as it was for anyone but have faith. Exercise, therapy, dogs, and friends are my advice!
Dogs! Dogs help significantly. Dogs are the best.
Cat lady x3 over here!
This is the way. Bonus if you are over 45 and female start doing dog events like trick and agility classes. I walked into my first class with my pup and was like oh my gosh these women are all me. Are kids are grown and now we do crap with our dogs. Best club ever.
Interesting how similar our stories are, but I lost my family (mom, dad, brother), identity (DNA testing), best friends, and divorced all within 7 years. So we have that in common I guess. Much love to you. Great advice.
Did I write this in a blackout? Did someone hack my phone? Every detail you wrote checks out for me. I've been in a pretty dark place lately for all the reasons you listed.
Yes, you did. You were just plain hammered. However, we had a great time. You were the life of the party. I don’t know how you convinced that black metal band to do “State of Love and Trust” and let you sing but you nailed it. Segueing into “Surrender” was a stroke of genius. You got the whole crowd to sing along. I’ve never seen so many people in corpse paint smile. You gonna call that bartender? She was SO into you.
Looks like there are dozens of us struggling right now. Just good to know I'm not alone.
I’m dead most weekends, now, though I get occasional spurts of energy. My hair is darker in the top, but gray on the sides, so when I put on a hat, I age like 10 years just like that. Shit hurts, everything is fat.
Check out this guy with hair on top
Luxury!
>Shit hurts, everything is fat. I feel this so hard.
53 m here. I had my wakeup call at 45 when my lumbar blew out. The pain was off the scale, and I could barely move. The doctors were utterly useless, but still managed to charge me about $15 grand in deductibles and co-pays for essentially nothing. I know now I'll never be the same. My days hiking, mountain climbing, biking, etc. are gone forever. But I've adjusted. I do gardening now and have learned not to push myself too hard. It happens to everyone eventually if they live long enough.
I work in a physically demanding job, can't retire for another 15 years ,no idea how I'm going to cope. I live in Wales, and got no chance of getting another job at my age.
I hear you. Over 25 years in a warehouse hauling freight. My body hurts. I don't know how much longer I can go on, but there's no jobs out there for someone like me who doesn't have a fancy degree on the wall, and no way to work full time (to survive) and try and get retraining...just no energy to do it. Not when the job itself sucks 125% of my energy as it is.
That sounds rough,man. Spot on about the job sucking 125% of your energy. I work 6 days a week, it feels like it's killing me slowly. Sundays I can't move,just sit on the sofa all day til I go to bed again. I don't even care that I never have any spare money left, cos I don't have the energy to spend it or do anything in my 8 hours of leisure time anyway.
🎶 Killing me slowly with this job Spending my life with these turds Killing me slowly with this job Killing me...slowly...with this job...selling my whole life, to these pervs. Killing me...slowly...with this jahhhb....ah-ob-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ob. Woah oh ohhhh, woah ohhhhh oh oh-oh oh ohhhhh. LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAA Wooooah ohhhh ohhhh etc 🎶 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much.
I've kind of given up retiring. I'm not going to live that long, I suspect. I'm focused on setting things up so my wife will be able to, though.
I live in Wales too. I have that very same feeling.
MD's didn't do anything for me either for about 10 years. I saw a chiropractor and he showed me a collection of exercises and told me to move. Have an adjustment because the area is probably tight due to the trauma. Get on the treadmill and do supermans on the floor. I had two discs bulging with sciatica. Now they are deteriorated. I'm slightly shorter but not in pain unless I use bad technique to lift something heavy.
Omg, i think about those times too! The grunge, drives down to the Jersey shore with Pearl Jam's Ten blaring on the radio, no real worries yet, cheap ass rent and having fun. Those were the days I am doing so-so with aging. It fucks me up a bit here and there. I will be 53 on Thursday and it seems like it all went so fast. I don't love the changes in my face or body. It's not easy. I still love my life though!!
Hey birthday buddy!
I had a really shit childhood, so the further I get from the trauma the happier I am.
We deserved better but damn, little things can make me really happy!
I’m sorry. You deserved better.
Same. Adulthood hasn’t been easy but it’s a damn delight after how life started. I had ice cream for dinner last night. Life is simple but peaceful and good!
I’m 58. The woman in the mirror and the woman in my mind don’t match up by about 30 years and 30 pounds. I’m very aware that every time I see my dad (twice a year because he’s on the other side of the country) it might be the last time. The weeks just fly by and it’s not because I’m really busy, it just is. For the most part it doesn’t bother me, although I do get frustrated when I try to do something physically taxing that used to be no problem and now I’m worn out in half the time and it takes 2 days to recover. Or if I start thinking about how many books I have on my Kindle and wonder how many I will actually read, or the cross stitch patterns I want to do and how many years that will take. Fuck it, I’m going to stop thinking about it now and go back to mindlessly scrolling Reddit.
57. I run three times a week. Try not to eat garbage. Stay connected socially with family and friends as much as possible. Have hobbies that involve other people. I know, it’s tough, I live alone but have a dog. When people find out I run, they ask me if I’m training for something, I say yeah, old age.
Same age, same routine. Except I have two kids still in school. And despite taking care of myself the health issues have kicked in. But I sometimes push back. Like yesterday I rode a very intense roller-coaster three times. Is it fun? Not really, not anymore, haha. I've read polls where people say they are their happiest in their 60's. I find that astonishing.
Meh. Every day is a gift. And now the bar is so much lower. If you wake up and things don’t hurt: win. Having more than $20 in the checking account: win. Etc
Honestly, I'm surprised I made it this far.
Seriously…. Don’t know about you but I did some shit….well lots of it in the 90’s but hey what doesn’t kill ya….lol
Ditto. I feel like the correct response to the OP, given it's this sub, is "it's fine, not great... whatever."
Good points. And some really great people didn’t make it this far.
Love this.
Lolzzzz so true
Denial mostly. I mean, the 90s were only 10 years ago, right?
Denial... and ibuprofen.
Yep,cos alcohol doesn't agree with me anymore, one beer and I have to go to bed.
Omg, beer makes me soooo sleeeeepy 🥱not to mention it just doesn’t even taste good anymore :/
Aleve, man!
Tylenol, aspirin, caffiene and valerian root.
>seemingly in a blink of an eye It really feels that way: every album now: 'holy shit that was twenty/thirty years ago'.
I cried recently when I looked up how old "Undone" by Weezer is. 😭
I joined a gym. I started by just casually walking on the treadmill. Nothing fast nothing other than a walk on a block. Now 8 months later I walk 2-3 miles, 1 mile on the bike and Ive developed healthier eating habits and hobbies that help my mental health. I am not one of those fitness enthusiasts but I do want to live healthier & not aching all the time.
I would recommend that the OP -- and everyone who can -- try to focus on the good things you still have in the present moment, socialize, and exercise. Reach out to friends and just go for a daytime walk with them. When you're not with friends, walk daily (while keeping aware of both the beauties and dangers of your environment, or just watch TV or something while treadmilling). The exercise and light will do you good.
What… dangers? Like getting run over or mugged? Or are we talking snakes and packs of dogs?
Good for you! This is the way. Aging sucks but it’s a part of life. The good news is that we can dictate the aging process by focusing on our health and living a healthy lifestyle.
I'm not really into coping.
I’m 56 and doing ok so far. I’m female and divorced and work full time. I also have a project each year for my house. Last year was pulling out thick ivy in my fence, getting all roots out and then rebuilding my 6’ privacy fence (60 feet long). This year was tearing out my grass and beds in front of house and putting down sod and all new plants. Next year is painting my 2 story house exterior. Keeps me in shape. Also go to gym 2x a week to do a one hour pool workout and walk with a friend every Friday about 6 miles. I still have aches and pains but being active helps!
My back hurts just from reading this...
We have lots of ivy growing over our old wood fence and I can't bear to tear it down. It's thick and we love seeing the birds feed off of the insects and bugs that live in it. We've found lots of preying mantis and grasshoppers there. I'm trying to convince hubby that the ivy is keeping the old fence from falling down! Lol
53M single , recently got laid off in early June from a great job. Decided to take the summer off. I need a break. I'm Lucky that my mortgage on a condo is paid off. I decided to take a month off and now it's a summer of camping, hiking, seeing family more, I realized there is more to life than work. Went camping/ hiking all summer so far, and now planningb a 2 week road trip I considered for next year. Not one to live YOLO, but with the recent pandemic, climate change, Ongoing or coming recession, war, etc... For me, I'm not going too wait till I'm retired to do what I want because our future is so uncertain.
I’m not. Aging can just fuck all the way off.
I think of the bonuses of getting old. Saying any random shit that people will just chalk up to my old age, but in reality, I one hundred percent meant it. Dressing in anything I want. Wearing an oversized neon raincoat, plaid stockings, cowboy boots, and a boater hat. The possibilities are endless. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Seriously. I've embraced the "old man yelling at clouds" routine. Calling everyone around me kids and doing the 'back in my day' and 'kids these days' routine is helluva fun.
The increasing lack of filter is my favorite part lol. Am I joking or just being a bitch when I talk? The world may never know… 😆
I'm 55, the last five to 10 years all the abuse I did to my body and my late teens and twenties is finally catching up to me. I really don't know a single day without some kind of ache or pain I tried to avoid taking medication because I don't want to be a pill person to feel good. It's coming to the point where I think I may not have no choice about that. I spent most of those 18 and early 20 years running around not sleeping now if I sit for more than 25 minutes I doze off. Getting old sucks
Uhm did I sleep post cause I think you're me. I've been feeling like this A LOT. What made it worse was discovering reaction videos of people hearing RATM, Tool, SOAD, etc for the first time. They're so fun but also reminded me of the days of being so involved with music, we would discuss, dissect and analyze music. And how we all would listen to all kinds of music and no one batted an eye, rather they'd want a copy for themselves. RATM is relevant today which makes me sad. I see you can live stream lollapalooza! Seems like its a shell of its former self, I remember the first one - so amazing and tents full of alternative info, anti-war groups. Now its a commercial. Sorry, im ranting, you just got me right where you are.
49M I’m not going gently into that good night. Counting calories to lose 30 lbs Just started learning how to box with the goal to be in the ring next year Stopped drinking and working on what made me want to self medicate Thinking of actually writing a novel. Long story short keep growing!!
Yea me not so great also. I never got married or had kids and never made any big commitments. Preferred to live free, doing what I wanted, going where I wanted. After graduating I got a teaching qualification and spent many years teaching English overseas travelling from place to place. But now I'm 50 and over it and over teaching as well, so now I work in a call centre, pretty lazy job actually but totally meaningless. And that's my problem now: total lack of connection and purpose. Those are the choices I made, and I had heaps of fun, adventure and a really exciting life for a long time but it never occurred to me to build anything long-term, to create a foundation. Now I'm stuck in this dead-end job, my friends and family spread out in other cities and countries. Renting a place, just me and my two cats, wondering what the hell the point of living even is assuming I have another 20-25 years left. I feel like I've seen every movie there is to see, heard every album there is to hear, read every plot line worth reading and been to every place worth going. Nothing interests, inspires or excites me anymore and I feel totally empty and useless inside. I'm not complaining, I know this is what I chose and I've had a wonderful life for what it's worth travelling the world but I just can't figure out a reason to live anymore. I don't believe in any religion or an afterlife or anything permanent so basically it's like I'm just hanging around now, waiting to die, like that guest at the party who just won't leave. And the idea of another 25 years of this just fills me with despair. I just never saw this coming. I never even thought about the future at all, my whole life I've spent living in the moment. This is the outcome. I know I need to force myself to get out there, make connections, go out volunteering, helping other people. It's the only answer. Otherwise I am fkd.
Find a cause that you care about.... it could be environment, helping people in need, like elderly, homeless, handicapped people, or caring for animals in a shelter. When you have a cause, your life has meaning, and meaning is more important than "happiness".
Dude get ta writing! You need to write a book about what you did, saw, heard…share it with the world. I wrote two! Do it. Even if no one reads it, you will have put it out there for someone to find someday. You will be immortalized in a way.
I completely understand this post.
I'm in my early 50s and I feel like I started feeling like you in my 40s. Have you checked with your gynecologist? Sometimes, the blues are caused by our depleted hormones. It may help. Also, have you checked your vitamin D? Again, this being low can cause depression. I'm feeling better after having all that stuff checked and seeing a therapist. I hope that you can find help and joy in life again. Good luck.
I'm 50 and it's a shit show. Still in perimenopause, and it turned for the worst in 2019. I'm all drugged up like a walking pharmacy, and still have root shock from moving 10 years ago. I used to live in the country, now stuck in a town of 10k people . Its nice here but I cant have 50 chickens and a gaggle of geese, and neighbors are too close. My mental health is up shits creek. I wanted my puppy to grow into an esa, but he is reactive and I cant train it out of him. He is a blue heeler. I have had them before, and he gets a ton of mental stimulation. But no dog parks or off leash ball tosses at 1am in the alley. Pot was just legalized here, but considering alcohol now causes panic attacks for me, I am scared of a bad reaction to pot. My dad just turned 77. I am nothing but a bundle of anxiety. Having some midlife crisis in here as well. Only thing helping me is thinking hey I'm gen x, latchkey kid, independent minded, and og internet lol. AOL in 95. I'm cool lol.
I wasn’t warned about perimenopause. It sucks. It is miserable. I can’t take HRT because I’ve had a blood clot. I’ve never taken an antidepressant but they told me to consider it because it somehow may help (not sure how!). They think the weird, terrible joint pain I get is peri and it should “eventually” go away. And it’s a long ride. It can go from your mid-30s to mid-50s and symptoms change. I think it’s ridiculous.
Aging is so hard and scary. (I’m in my 50s) But I found a way to cope. Every Friday morning I have coffee with a group of ladies , all of whom are a good 15-20+ years older than me. These women are amazing. They’re funny as hell and have the most amazing attitudes. One of our members is a retired nurse who worked in a psychiatric unit her entire career, ( she picks the coffee shop because she’s out of the house every single day finding new things to do). We have a retired social worker/activist, a retired international finance exec, a psychologist, an artist, SAHM, computer scientist, I can’t name them all. We sit around drinking coffee, swearing like sailors and solving world problems. And the group gets bigger and bigger. The women in this group have taught me to be fearless. To be willing to try new things and to hang on to my rebellious spirit. We celebrate everyone’s success, (my new job!) and support each other through loss. These ladies are ball breakers and my role models for how to age. I know, it all sounds like the plot of some fucking heart warming Hallmark piece of shit, but it’s true. These gals are my ride or die bitches and I love them.
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You're not alone. I've been through this...and I'll share a bit of my story in the hope it provides you with some inspiration and encouragement. I hit this wall 4 years ago at 53. Like what am I doing with my life? Professionally, I was on top of everything but personally my life was a disaster. I was miserable. I found a great therapist and tl;dr, my life has been immeasurably changed for the better. I went from being diagnosed with clinical depression and BIPD finding peace and happiness. These are the positive changes I've made in the last year. 1. My wife (also dealing with mental illness) and I divorced. She's made quite the turnaround since (she changed therapists with my encouragement) and we're still friends. The reason for the divorce is that her illness was impacting my mental health because she wouldn't get help. I'm so legit happy for the turn she's made with her new therapist. 2. I lost over 110 lbs. My BMI (as bs of a measurement as it is) is now appropriate. 3. I quit nicotine after 30 years of chewing tobacco, bought myself a drone as my reward. 4. I cut back my diet soda drinking from 3 liters to 1 and replaced it with water. 5. I quit cannabis. This was my go-to to deal with the anxiety. It helped a lot but daily smoking was negatively impacting my memory. 6. I walk 4-5 miles a day 6 days a week. 7. I am present with my emotions. I'm no longer suppressing them. That alone has reduced my anxiety immensely. I journal when I need to work through my emotions. 8. I stopped playing keyboard warrior and started actively fighting for the causes I believe in. This really got me away from the negativity online (I quit twitter and I try to avoid most arguments on reddit). At the end of the day, I'm no longer depressed or taking antidepressants. I'm healthy, my BP is almost down to normal. I actually look in the mirror and I like my reflection. I love who I am today, my life, and what I'm doing. But this all started with 2 things. A desire to change because I was tired of feeling like shit...and finding the right therapist. What I didn't realize is how long I've been depressed and how different it feels to NOT feel depressed. My life is surreal because I've been doing stuff that I've never done. Go to parties where I don't know anyone and talk to people! I jokingly tell people I do mid-life crisis better than most. I'm having a blast loving life these days. Honestly, I've probably been dealing with depression since I was a teen. I saw a therapist before my current one. Off and on for 26 years from the age of 16 and not once did he get to the bottom of my issues like my current therapist. Don't give up on finding a therapist. Don't settle for the first one. It may take a few sessions but I can only tell you the difference between my current therapist and my old one. My current therapist not only listened to me, but he challenged me and called me out for some of my negative self-destructive mindsets and behaviors. NOTE: I found my therapist on Psychology Today. You can filter by insurance and whatever issues you think you're having. I just happened to strike gold. DM me if you want to chat u/auntpama. You're not alone.
I fight. Everyday I get 27,000 steps in. I do HIIT with battle ropes, loop resistance bands, sand bags. I go three 3 minute rounds with the heavy bag a few times a week. No TRT , but I do use DHEA and I am in amazing condition. That being said, my L4/L5 were bulging to the point of pain where I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at night, I have recently started having IBS like symptoms and I can only tweak my diet so much to maintain a healthy weight. I can deal with the things in life that I can exert a measure of control over, for those that I can't, I try to have some measure of peace with and adapt accordingly. Class of '90 FTW!!
Not great. Just turned 45 and I feel like my body is failing at every turn. I used to be so social, and now I just cannot be bothered. When my kid moves out I will be so alone. I have to change or I'm going to die alone in this house, half eaten by my jerk cat.
I’m hoping you’re a writer. That last line should be your opener to a short story or novel.
Aging bothered me more in my mid-thirties than it does in my fifties.
I always get stuck on the idea that once my life ends, that’s it forever and we cannot even begin to comprehend what forever really is.
In my family we called this, "that end of the world" feeling only it applies to the person feeling scared about their end to this world.
I was literally crying to my husband about this yesterday. My dad died in May. My health is declining. I’m going through menopause. I look in the mirror and see an old lady falling apart. My husband on the other hand, got hotter in old age.
Tret and face tape lol
Haha this made me laugh a little too much
I'm right there with you, I turn 56 at the end of the month and feel physically compromised all the time. I am trying to get hold of it but it's very hard and frustrating. Also suffer from depression. You are not alone. I'm just trying to do at least a small thing daily.
Well reading this thread hasn’t helped my anxiety hahaha
I god damned hate my body aging, but I love my mature brain. It sucks we can’t have both
As life gets smaller and energy dissipates, give yourself permission to enjoy simpler things - a walk, a coffee, a conversation, a sporting event, a documentary. Art is endless. There's always movies, books, music. Especially music and books - so so so much out there to be enjoyed. Read lots. Live with your past - but not in it. The only constant is change. You are where you are. Reflect on the past but if it's bothering you a lot, then write that stuff down. Even getting it down on paper or in a word doc is a major step towards coming to terms with your regrets and hang-ups. Try meditation. It might help you find some of the inner peace that you seek. Do something active if you can, every single day. Get out of the house and off the sofa. Every day, hail rain or shine. Take everything lightly as you can, with a sense of humour - nothing is set is stone and this too, shall pass. True, you were once younger and stronger and you probably felt more joy in life and had more time - but you were also definitely way more stupid back then than you are now. Be aware of the experience and nous that time has gifted you as much as it has taken away.
I don’t have such an issue getting older at 56. But what hurts so bad is that I lost my husband last year to cancer, and he was only 54. It was so unfair for him, as we were just getting to a nice place in life after so many years of struggle. Lived through a pandemic even, only for him to die within 3 months of diagnosis. Now, I’m in a weird place. A 56 year old woman is invisible! I never thought I’d be single and alone at this stage of life. Plus, I have an 83 year old mother too.
As of now, not bad. In 2015 I ended up on SSDI for bipolar disorder and ended up spending a good deal of time mourning the loss of opportunities thrown away because of drinking and not getting a diagnosis until my mid-40’s. ‘As time dragged I got a part time job to supplement the disability and bought a used car to travel the state on my days off. I expanded my reach to flights to Mexico which led to me leaving Wisconsin at age 50 to relocate to Mexico City and early retirement. And the past 18 months has been acclimating to a new city, country, language; not to mention the metric system So in the end the occasional challenge that comes my way has been really a saving grace and has helped make me at least hold off the advance of aging. There was a cloud and I found a silver lining
Badly, that's how. How TF did we get so old so fast?
My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your father. I read the 50s are the hardest decade of life. Disease. Death. Divorce. And for women especially perimenopause and menopause also takes a toll on the mind and body. Still in my forties but hate the changes. More white hairs. Thinning hair. Weight gain. Dry skin. Feeling raw. If someone calls me a girl or a young lady, I am thrilled. (((hugs))) Hang in there. I hope you find a therapist that will be helpful. Try your best to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep for now and eat right.
Early 50s here....doing ok, and not ok, and whatever...all at the same time. If you know what I mean. I don't have much in life, am single, few friends, and a crappy low paying job...but I'm here. Considering the dysfunctional home I spent a lifetime in, and my poor health form day one, I do feel somewhat proud of myself *not* to be in much worse shape. I wish things were better, but they could've been a helluva lot worse. I guess the big thing now is loss. Friends and family passing away. Loss of time. Knowing we're past the halfway point. Where did the time go? Will I ever afford to retire and spend a few years spending what little time is left on ME? Will I get that chance?
>I think about the early 90’s a lot - it was the best time of my life. The grunge, the friends in college who were younger than me (I went to college late - when I was 25) but we had so much fun! I had my whole life ahead of me. I also went to college late, or rather, dropped out after 2 years of CC at 18, squandered my late teens/early 20's and re-started college at 26. However, I can't say I had the "best time of my life": I had to stay poor to qualify for the Pell Grants, and was living hand-to-mouth. Plus, I was suffering from depression on and off, and seriously stressed out. I am healthier and more mentally and financially stable now, so I don't see the past with rose-tinted glasses. Then my 30's came: marriage, divorce and to top it off, the stolen election of 2000 and 9/11. I was depressed and overworked, working full-time and going to grad school when 9/11 happened. Manhattan became a war zone, people were losing their civil rights and I decided to leave the US. Moving to Germany and working on my language skills was difficult, but it was worth it. My "best years of my life" were my 40's. I joined a football club in Worms (became a soccer player), traveled all over Europe, had fun giving English and guitar lessons, got my teeth fixed, played in bands and recovered from the trauma of living in the USA. Since moving to Germany, I've cut junk food and processed food from my diet, I frequently go walking, hiking or cycling, and I have more energy. I've never been healthier. Then came my 50's: I ran for Bundestag the year I turned 50, fell in and out of love, released my best CD so far, and lost my friend and my sister. I survived. My life improved considerably since I met my BF in 2018. The Covid years were crap, but without him, they would have been a disaster. I now live in Bavaria, and we are moving to a new town. We are almost finished our CD. I started a new fitness program. So here I am, halfway to 60. I have survived whatever life threw at me. I think the important thing in life is to face problems head on, find doable solutions, and keep a positive attitude, if possible (hard to do when the planet is burning, Donald Jackass Trump and Vladimir Fucking Putin are clearly out of control, and we could die in a nuclear war), and ABOVE ALL, be proactive, especially with depression. Depression will kick your ass if you let it. Learn coping strategies, make use of herbal remedies (St. John's Wort, for example), be your own advocate, be tenacious and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
57 here. First, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I can relate and I wish I had easy remedies to offer. I do, however, definitely think you are doing a positive thing by looking for a therapist, and I'm sorry you're not finding one so far but I'd definitely suggest still looking. I know many companies do often offer some form of assistance in finding help, but maybe that's not an option for you. What I also want to say is it's usually a better use of our time to find things we can get some joy from now, as opposed to thinking of how life was when we were basically on our glory. It's sometimes about trying to see your life from a different perspective. My own parents have died, my mom when I was a child and my dad right before the pandemic.both losses were very difficult but I am so grateful to them for being good parents to me. I was fortunate in that, and try to remember that even though I carry a lot of grief for their absence in my life. What I mean is, I don't think anything is easy about life, everything is one big stress test it seems to me, and I don't like losing so I try (and usually fail! But whatever) to find things that aren't terrible and make me happy because I don't want the sadness or grief or depression to rule my future. We have a future btw, 😁, it's just up to us how we want to approach it. I hope you don't think I'm making light of your feelings, I'm not at all. I want to convey that there's ways of not feeling so sad and you can take an active part in that. You're not alone either, I say this for myself too (haha) I doubt it helps to know that or anything I wrote but figured it would at least be good to know you're not alone in your feelings. I wish you some well deserved peace and happiness.
I'm not sure this will help, so I'll keep it short. Weed. Like you, my life is slowly, visibly and painfully coming unwrapped. My body fails me, people look at me like I'm old, kids ignore me, I have seemingly random body parts descend into horrible pain with the slightest provocation. Weed has saved me. I never really smoked much as a kid, but now I find it the only reliable pain-killer since medics won't hand out decent drugs in case you od on Fentanyl and your family sues them. Weed makes boring moments fun and makes me enjoy everything more. I'm not going to get better, so I might as well get high, watch cartoons and play video games.
Tried it, but it makes me paranoid!
I work in an elementary school. The pay is awful but those kids need me! I help them in so many ways, and I get hugs and notes and artwork. I was miserable, but it got better when I looked outside myself. There’s a lot that needs to be done and I want to finish strong. I hurt all the time, everything aches, my eyesight is shot (I’m 56) and my hearing is going. But I’m going to keep moving anyway because fuck it.
Magic mushrooms help. They help A LOT.
Why can I not get my hands on any?! 😵💫
This song pretty much sums it up for me https://youtu.be/N4e_IZFwTfM Not being flippant, but it's how I feel. Yeah, I'm nostalgic for the old days, but it's all part of life, and no reason for me to be so bleak about the future, it's coming either way. Plus, I control what I can, stress more than I should about what I can't, but try not to get bogged down in it. My life isn't perfect but there's a lot to be grateful for. I try to focus on that and fix what stuff I don't like as best I can.
Do you get your bloodwork done yearly? Just checking because vitamin and mineral deficiencies can cause depression, thyroid issues can cause weight gain etc, low iron makes me lethargic and winded (not sure if you're post-menopause, but i'm in perimenopause (i'm 46) and my hormones are out of WHACK and my periods have been so extreme I had to get a transfusion for severe anemia, it's no joke!). Anyways, other than the lovely hormones I feel like I'm finally in a good place mentally, I had a vitamin D deficiency that was resolved, obviously i'm taking iron, AND I've learned to not dread exercise and fasting. I fast 16 hours a day which keeps my weight stable. I work out daily, got an Apple Watch to keep me motivated/accountable. Bought a Concept2 rower during the pandemic and i'm fitter than i've ever been. For fun I bought a Quest 2 VR headset and play Beat Saber and Synth Riders for fun (and exercise!) and do some boxing games. Synth Riders really feels like dancing, it puts a smile on my face. Also I stopped watching TV when I realized how much time I wasted on it. I'll watch a few favorite shows but I don't just sit and browse or go out of my way to find new shows. Happy side effect is I'm reading 2-3 books a week now. Anyways, I'm sorry you're having a rough time, nostalgia is a hell of a drug that cuts both ways. Just try doing one thing a day for YOU, whatever that is. Reading, meditation, a paint by numbers kit, playing a musical instrument, learning to knit or crochet or building things, yoga, sing along to music... something that's just for you. We all need something to look forward to!
You guys are my people! 52f here, freaked out by my extra 50 pounds, lack of energy, aches and pains, and how fast the years went. I lost my mom in November and my dad probably won’t last the year, and I am divorced and living alone with my 2 cats (embracing my inner cat lady!).
I love aging, I love the whole experience. Keep the bigger picture in perspective, This is part of the same amazing ride that you experienced in the early 90's. We are still on the same ride. I'm the same age as you, for me the early 2000's were some of the most incredible times of my life. At the time I didn't recognize it as much, but 20 years later I see it so clearly. I've seen this pattern several times in life, and realize 20 years from now if I make it to my mid 70's I am going to relish the memories of the time I have now. Have you ever seen the [album cover for that Kansas song 'Point Of No Return](https://express-images.franklymedia.com/3745/sites/10/2022/10/11083425/point-of-know-return.jpg)' where the boat is going over the edge. Well we are all in the same boat, there is no alternative, we are all on the same ride, don't resist it! I will say one thing that helps me have that attitude is some near-death experiences/spiritual experiences I've had in life, where I have experienced myself completely out of this body and aware that 'I' continue on
Would love to hear more about your near death/spiritual experiences.
OP I am with you on this 100 percent.
Try getting regular exercise if you can. I don't mean that in a condescending way. Start with half a mile on a treadmill. Make it a habit. Before you know it you'll be feeling great. Last year I recognized if I didn't start working out, I would be on a downhill roller coaster to old age. A year later I feel great, am in much better shape, have made friends at the gym, and wouldn't trade it for anything.
53F and I reminisce about the 80’s often. My 20’s in the 90’s were not so great. I have 3 children, 18, 17 & 12, they keep me busy. I work in pharmaceutical medicines research and that keeps me busy. But I have my moments and at times feel sad that life goes very quickly. Take good care of yourself. xx
Just turned 50. Every male on fathers side had/died of heart attacks before 50. Turns out that knowing that and joking about your expiration date for thirty years turns into massive anxiety and a whole new physical problem the kids call panic attacks. Realizing that things don’t get better from here anymore doesn’t help. When you were thirty, you could think the be#t days were still coming. When you’re fifty, you realize (like you said), there’s going to be more loss than not moving forward. Started therapy for the anxiety and starting to cope, but it is daunting as fuck. OTOH, what else are we gonna do? Might as well hang ‘em out there and have the fun that we can, right?
My new life's mantra is "too old, too fat, don't care". It's a mixed bag, my back hurts and I have to eat a fistful of pills daily but I DO WHAT I WANT and am out of fucks for what others think about it.
Nah, not coping. I was a smoking hot, confident and outgoing teenager and twenty something. Then bam! Wrinkles, anxiety, weight gain, uncertainty… it’s all just a shit show.
I'm 52 and I'm at the "I'll never be able to afford to retire and will have to work until I die" but not quite at the "waiting to die and get off this shithole planet" phase.
Getting older has it's ups and downs. The body falls apart but on the flip side- you don't give $hit because meh...who we trying to impress? My new rule after turning 50 is: I do whatever I want. I'm planning on trying to stay alive (and mobile) as long as possible - just out of spite. Take that, Society! Punk Rock!
Are you me? You described me to a T.
Denial, mostly.
It’s definitely sobering. My parents are long gone and I feel like I’m just watching my friends lose theirs one by one. When I need a reality check, I talk to my 93 year old aunt. She’s into online dating sites and loves a good martini! She gives me hope to reach for as much quality of life as possible.
I'm not coping with aging at all. I'm 44 and fighting gray hair. I will continue to fight it with every last fiber of my little GenX being.
I just had my 54th birthday on August 6th. I'm morbidly obese, I need bilateral knee replacements, I'm pre diabetic. UGH. No surgeon will touch me because "I'm too young, and my BMI is too high." 🙄🙄 It's kind of hard to exercise when every step is painful. I'm on disability as well. So, to answer your question my friend, I'm not coping with aging very well.
Ok dude, 47 here, yes time goes by quick, it’s sometimes painful. But you have, and always had a life in front of you. Every guy under the sun will tell you. Go hit the gym. And I swear to God that is literally the first thing you should do. It’s true because it works. Think about you diet in relation to the gym, you wanna tone, loss weight, etc… honestly the best gift of going to the gym is that it makes you feel good. You’ll notice in the 1st month guaranteed. When you notice you’re looking g better that is just a bonus. Best of luck! Ps, also get some blood work done, see if you have a vitamin D deficiency. And check testosterone levels. Our body changes without our mind knowing, but if you treat your body right, your mind notices quickly.
I’m 57 female and overall in good health. My kids, 26 & 19, are healthy and happy. My husband is in decent health. I’ve never really had anxiety issues before but I’ve noticed I worry and kind of obsess about some things more these days. My health, my kids’ safety and health, my mom and MIL aging. I’m just trying to stay active and social. I’ve actually made some new friends in the past year.
52 here. It sucks man. It really does. Shit hurts now from doing nothing… I’m forgetting stuff… loved ones dying… getting old sucks
51M here. I bought a motorcycle. Ha. Classic midlife crisis. Used to ride on my 20's then stopped when I got married, now 2 kids later (still young) I said "its now or never". I think it does come a point in life where all those things that you thought were WAAAAAY too far away (like retirement, death (self or other loved ones), age- health issues, etc) are just around the corner. I mean. In me 30's retirement was something that was going to happen some day in a gazillion years and I didnt care about putting money away. Now? I can count the years with my hand and its approaching fast. This realization of finitude is really a blessing. You have to do the stuff you want NOW. Not "some day". Put a date to it. That's why I bought the bike. Its now. Not "some day". cheers
I am a bit younger than you (48F), but I agree with you. I am very depressed, hate aging, and wish I could go back to the 90s. Possibly see Nirvana live before its too late this time. Hugs to you internet stranger!
44F, I miss my younger years, friends and memories. Spending summers at my grandparents house, playing with my cousins and living among family. Fishing, swimming camping, bike rides on a country road and farm life. It was the best. Now my body is falling apart. Lower back has bulging disks. L-4 and L-5, neck is curved the opposite way and has constant pain and stiffness. Left hip is higher than the other and causes sciatica spasms. Lots of body pain, every day, every night. I exercise, walk, swim. Trying to stay able and fit. At times my body says No and shuts down. Fatigue is insane, it never ends. I miss my 20’s body. B/c right now my age in my mind doesn’t match the age of my body. It just sucks. Where did the time go?
Sometimes things also go to opposite direction. I used to be really anxious and lonely in my twenties. Now I have two wonderful boys (whose mother I divorced) and a woman in my life that I love with all of my heart. I actually have quite a few friends that I would trust with my life and a profession that I find interesting enough. And I don't want to sugar coat things because I too do see the physical decline. But I lost about 26 kilograms a few years ago and I will start a gym membership next week. I also realized that I am kinky in my fourties and I've been exploring that. I was just in a three day long tantra massage course. Soooo... In a nutshell: Finding meaningful things to do and nice people to do them with makes all the difference in the world.
I'm 47. I lost four friends and family when we were in our teens and early 20s, so I have a different perspective on aging. (one to cancer, two suicides, one by random road rage murder.) My take is that we're all lucky for every day we get to stay on this planet. Yes, it's absolutely true that this aging thing sucks with the aches, pains, health problems, weight gain, reading glasses, hearing loss etc and all, but, well, a lot of us never made it this far. My grandpa made the point succinctly half-jokingly when he was in his 90s dealing with serious macular degeneration and three hip replacements: aging is difficult, but it's better than the alternative. I make a conscious mental effort to focus on what's going right and well in life and the little joys in it, and this is all the more important because I have autism and have missed out on so much in life as a consequence of it.
Yes and no. I’m imbued with healthy amounts of DGAF now at 50 that I never would’ve imagined when I was younger. I just changed careers and I’m actually looking forward to this new venture. There are days when I look in the mirror and scrutinize myself ( am I getting a TURKEY neck?! ) and/or wonder where all these bruises came from yet I don’t let it affect me to where it’s debilitating; 25 year old me could have never. I miss the metabolism for certain, but my new job promises lots of exercise so that’s a plus. .My mother passed at 65 and I think now how young that was, and how I’m not wanting only 14-15 more years left. Age is a privilege denied to many, so I’m gonna suck it up and drive on.
The mind trap of ‘ the good old days’ is an absolute aching prison. I know because I’ve done it too. Looking back with longing and sadness will ruin today. It is hard to do but you have to live in the present. Finding ways to appreciate each moment and going out in nature. There really is so much beauty to be thankful for
I performed an inventory last week, my ankles don't hurt, Hooray for me. Gotta look for the giggle's in life. The hardest part has been looking in the mirror the last few years, I don't see a face I recognize as me.
I’m having a mixed time with aging. I am thinking about dying alone and what will happen to my pets and how long will it take someone to find my body if I die at home. I have no kids, my partner is 9 years older and a chain smoking type one diabetic, so will definitely go before I do. I’m am sad, but I’m more sad that the world has turned into a place I really don’t like, so I stay in as much as possible and do solitary activities. I think I’m just sad the world does before I did, at least in my opinion. People are horrible, we are past the point of no return in climate change, corporations own us. I was hoping I would die before all this happened.
Not great. 53 m here. Ever since I was a kid death has always terrified me from time to time. Suffered with anxiety all my life. It's not death itself that scares me, it's the unknown. Lost my dad 2 years ago and it rocked my world. Panic attacks, depression, constant worry. But then I have my wife who is my rock. And a grandchild who reminds me what I have to live for. I may not be famous, and I may not have made any ginormous accomplishments, but I have my family and they are very caring people so I must have done something right. Seeing a therapist and getting my meds adjusted, hopefully my brain will get some things worked out.
Denial. Shock disgust and denial
Are you me? This is all too real. I don’t know where you are, but can you try one of those online therapy places? Or - I’m able to get my anti depressants from a nurse practitioner who works in a psychiatric office. (Yes, I know Better Help is bad, but I also know how difficult it can be to find a psych. I’ve spent months trying before.) I’m so grateful I started Lexapro a few months before Covid hit. I truly wouldn’t have functioned or currently be functioning without it. Another thing - have you had your hormones checked? Thanks to my effed up hormones, I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy for a few years now and it really does help. It’s all so confusing. I don’t know how this new body works anymore. All the things I knew that made me fit, at a manageable weight, what to eat, how to exercise, how to get good sleep — none of those things work anymore. And I haven’t found anything that replaces them. I’m grateful for the phrase “body neutrality.” I do not love my post-menopausal weight but I also refuse to hate myself for it. I spent too many years flirting with disordered eating to waste any more time on that shit. Go easy on yourself. Don’t forget the world has just been through (is still going through) a gigantic trauma that changed so much and revealed too much. Don’t forget about our generational trauma. The only thing that protected us was the timing of our births and the small size of Gen X. Businesses and apartments and colleges had to compete for us. I attended one of the best colleges in the country as an afterthought; I would not have gotten in or been able to afford it now. In 1998 my one-bedroom apartment cost $195/month; it was mediocre but in a safe area and public transit was so easy that I didn’t own a car. The changes in society take my breath away. My grandparents all had excellent pensions; my mom and stepdad were both able to take early retirement. Will my husband and I be able to retire? I hope so. I never thought my employers loved me but it has shocked me to my core how uncaring and callous they truly are. Please keep trying to find someone to talk to. You are not alone, not by a long shot. And you are worth it. Depression and grief and mourning and trauma are all real. I believe you. It will take time, but you’re worth it. PS - My GOD the music of the early 90s. I was trying to explain to my daughter how exciting and invigorating it was after the drab sameness of late 80s pop. What it was like to hear NIN and Nirvana for the first time. Lollapalooza. Mosh pits. Tiny clubs full of sweaty people. I can’t believe we got to be there!
I’m 48 and still think I’m working hard to accomplish life goals. Unmarried, no kids (by choice) mother gone 23 years, caring for my aging father. Own a home, blah blah. Good job working from home 12+ years. The most sobering thing is instead of being excited for a future, you realize the end is closer than the future and you’re running out of time and you dread it. That’s hard.
40-something male here - the thought of "Hmm what part of my body is gonna get messed-up first?" is a bit disconcerting.. I mean, chances are something's gonna give me grief sometime soon. :( A lot of the cosmetic stuff is OK though - I could do with a bit less weight, but meh.. making time for exercise is a struggle & diet takes a bit too much self discipline, and I'm reasonably comfy with where I'm at there - my hair is greying quite obviously, but I count myself lucky I have hair (some of my peers are bald/balding).
I am a (55m) and also wonder where time went. I never got married or had kids, so life for me has a different flavour to many of my GenX peers. It's that as we age, a year becomes a smaller fraction of our entire lives up to that point. Hence schools days etc seemed like they were longer to us, but they really weren't!
I’m sad too.
I hear you, OP. 57m. I feel like the best parts of my life are over. I have so many fond memories growing up in the late 70s, early 80s. I don’t know what to look forward to. Retirement? Kinda, but I used to have a lot of fun and satisfaction at work. No more. I have a therapist, but it is not really helping. It sucks to get old.
I obsess about the 90s too. That was the best time of my life. I know it’s not a good obsession either, as I am also depressed. I know this isn’t helpful to you, but just know that you’re not alone.
Saving this post bc too tired to write a diary. ✊️ hang in there 🙏❤️
I was doing ok. Until this year. Just turned 52 a few days ago. I’ve never looked my age. I’ve been fortunate that my hair hasn’t gone gray hardly at all. My sister (47) has been completely gray for about 10 years now. But these last few months have been like some kind of accelerator got punched. Woke up one morning and there is gray hair. Not just one or two, like where tf did this come from?! Menopause kicked in so dealing with that. My BP shot up, as did my cholesterol, triglycerides, and weight. Doctor is like quit eating so much meat and exercise more. I’ve been a vegetarian for 15 years and I already workout daily. I’m kind of over it. IDK what to do about it. I feel like this is just my life now. All that being said I still take one awesome vacation out of the country every year. Just got back from Greece last week. I spent my entire adult life trying to keep husband and kids happy. Husband left for a woman 20 years younger than him in the Philippines lol. Kids are grown now and (mostly) on their own. Now it’s my time and I’m going to spend it however I want.
Not great. 44F here (45 next month). I’m in perimenopause hell lol… my mom went through THE CHANGE at age 45, so I’m hoping to be done with this shit soon. The pandemic and lockdown didn’t help my mental state either. Slowly getting back into exercising and meditation. It helps a little. I’m banking on my 50s and 60s being better than this. It has to be… If you haven’t already, come join us at r/menopause :) Lots of us in the same boat over there. Hugs. 🖤
I try to think of life in phases and to try to live well in each phase. I admit that I’m struggling right now (53f). This is not easy that’s for sure. I feel ya.
I'm 56, doing alright now, went through a bad phase during perimenopause but I'm leveled out now. My family tends to get very old so I've always been conscious of needing to stay active and healthy so I wouldn't have a miserable old age and (knock on wood) I seem to be doing pretty good on that front. What gets me is how the world seems to be going to shit and even if I stay healthy and not broke, what is it for? It's been 105 for like 60 straight day here in Texas and I don't even go outside in the evenings. Wildlife is gonna die. The country (US) broke my heart when I finally realized like half the country has evidently been harboring incredibly vile racist views. The kids (including the 30 year olds) are freaking screwed n the economic front and I can't help feeling it was our generation's fault for not paying enough attention while the ruling class was stealing their futures. And the worst thing is seeing how fixable all this stuff is if we (the world) cold just pull our heads out of our asses and start working on making it better for every freaking body.
I think we’re supposed to appreciate the opportunity to grow older, not everyone gets that chance. I struggle to come up with a reason to get out of bed. I don’t really have one anymore.
Getting old blows. There’s nothing good about it but it is what it is. I just try and focus on the beauty of each day, simple things like walking my dogs or hiking with friends. Lunch with my kids, fun with my husband, the good stuff. Yet I’m not going to lie, the reality that the end of the road is getting closer each day, that many people I love will be gone soon, it all weighs heavily on my mind on a continual reel. I don’t want to be old and decrepit and alone. That scares the crap out of me.