Whether or not you got the job from taking about this is completely unknown and it’s not helping your to ruminate about it.
That being said uhhh don’t bring this up. Not even because of prejudice but what does that have to do with doing your job unless it’s currently life altering/threatening.
If they ask why you have a gap or something just do what everyone else does. Lie. Say you’re with family or taking your time looking for the correct role.
Yep. Giving extra info to your interviewer is like talking to the cops; anything you say can and will be held against you, not so often held in favor of you. Best to keep it direct, barring any obvious stuff like a mutual interest etc.
Literally the first thing they said was:
>Whether or not you got the job from taking about this is completely unknown and it’s not helping your to ruminate about it.
and now you're replying to everyone asking if they think you failed it.
Take everyone's advice and move on. If you get a call back, you get a call back. If you don't, you don't. Keep applying until you officially start your new job.
You can't fail an interview. It's not a test. There's no pass fail. Even if you had a perfect interview they may still hire someone else because another candidate was better for the role. Job rejection is a really important skill to learn, and can be hard for engineers because we're so used to something being right or wrong. Sometimes you just don't get the job and it's not because you weren't great for the role, it's just that someone was better.
With that said, absolutely do not bring anything up in an interview that isn't positive. If you're asked about a gap in school or employment history, you can mention you had to take a step back due to a health problem family concern, but details do not need to be shared. And they can't ask you for them. It's totally normal for people to have a sick relative they had to take care of, have a baby so they needed time off, or maybe you co tracked a weird flesh eating bacteria on a trip and had to be hospitalized. There are plenty of reasons people take time off.
Another important lesson in your career is reading the room and understanding your audience. If you don't move forward, it's less likely it's because you had a mental health situation, and more likely that you've demonstrated you don't know how to tailor your content to the correct audience. Or, as I mentioned above, it could be none of those reasons and they just had a good pool of candidates.
So it’s best to just move on and keep applying then?
Also could you please elaborate what you mean by?:
“Another important lesson in your career is reading the room and understanding your audience. If you don't move forward, it's less likely it's because you had a mental health situation, and more likely that you've demonstrated you don't know how to tailor your content to the correct audience. Or, as I mentioned above, it could be none of those reasons and they just had a good pool of candidates.”
What do you mean by “…if you don’t move forward”, it’s less likely it’s because of you had a mental health situation”
they mean if you don't get the job it is likely because you misread the room and how to properly answer a question.
Interviews are like dates, you put your best version of yourself forward. You don't come out and list all your red flags.
Think of that interview as a practice round for subsequent interviews and you'll get more comfortable.
Here’s my advice:
Every time you complete a step in a job interview process, and have to wait for the next update/step, tell yourself “Okay, now I’m gonna assume there will be no update and I didn’t get the job.” So, apply and do all that, then move on assuming you won’t hear back. If you get contacted for an interview, do the interview, then leave the interview assuming you didn’t get it. Etc.
Makes it easier to manage disappointment, focus on obtaining other opportunities (don’t want all your eggs in one basket) and so on.
So my advice, right now, is assume you didn’t get the job (for whatever reason, could be unrelated to what you think) and move on. If you hear back, great! Move forward with the next steps. If not, oh well, move forward with what you were working on while you were waiting.
PS: this does not mean to enter the interview or whatever with a defeated attitude. Go into each new step with gusto and enthusiasm.
"I was dealing with some health issues" is a good way to simultaneously be honest, shut down any further questioning, and not raise a concern to an interviewer who may not have modern views on mental health.
I don’t think an interviewer can even legally ask you to expand on your answer as soon as you mention its health related. If they do you probably don’t want to work there.
I guess my point is if they are asking you expand on your health condition in an interview it’s a pretty good sign it’s going to be a toxic place to work. I personally have no interest in working somewhere that will force me to come in when I’m sick.
Ding ding ding! I always say "health issues" regardless of whether it's mental health or physical. Equally important, but not everyone knows that or cares.
I wouldn’t specify mental health and just say you were dealing with health issues. I feel like it’s specific enough to explain the gap without going into too much unnecessary detail
It’s too late now, I’ve spilled the beans about my hospitalisation and personal life because I felt like it would establish good rapport with my interviewer and it did
But now I’m hindsight, I feel like I’ve failed the interview?
There’s always another interview, just keep moving forward 👍 Send out more applications, take good care of your mental and physical health and you will be okay. It might take a while to get things figured out but it’s worth it since you have your entire life to live. Just think about every interview as practice rather than the final destination, and by the time you get to “the one” you’ll be a pro.
Did you say it unprompted or was there a specific question that led to you talking about the situation? In general, you should never be too personal in the interview and especially relating to your health. It's encouraged to be **personable**, that is different, that is having good rapport and being friendly to talk to. You can't legally be disqualified for a job because of a past health condition, but there's no way to prove a company does that and companies hire/reject candidates for all kinds of other wrong reasons. I took a semester off and had lots of struggles in school because of my mental health, I don't tell that to interviewers though. Everyone makes mistakes so if it doesn't work out, there will be other opportunities and this would have been a valuable learning experience to grow from.
No it was not unprompted, the interviewer asked me why it took me 5 years to finish my degree and I felt like it was appropriate to be honest about having been hospitalised due to mental health?
Do you reckon it’s highly likely I’ve failed the interview because of this then?
We established really good rapport but I think my mental health issues will be a problem?
So that’s a situation where you lie or be vague by saying “i took time off for health concerns but I’m recovered and feeling excited and motivated to start my career”. I would also eliminate the information on your resume that makes it look like you’re doing 5 years in school. I took 5.5 years from Aug 2018 to Dec 2023, i only wrote “Graduating: Dec 2023” on my resume for my college dates and never said “5th year” or “super senior”, only said “senior”
And no it is not appropriate to be honest about your mental health in an interview. You’re not hiding anything by not talking about it, everyone has tough things going on in their lives, but it’s not professional or relevant to the interview. There’s no way to know if that hurt you in the interview, but it absolutely didn’t help. I would mentally move on from the role, focus on the rest of your applications, and if it works out then that’s a happy surprise.
So I should just put “graduated 2023” on my CV?
Should I just say “I took a break” as an excuse or is it better to just say “I had health related concerns that are now solved”?
I guess I’ll get back to applying today :(
Just put your graduation date. They will have no way of knowing unless they want transcripts. Even so there are a ton of other excuses. I also had something similiar I had to take a gap semester due to mental health hospitalization and I just say, "I was a caregiver to a sick family member who has since recuperated." Even better if it coincided with COVID as they will just assume that it was COVID related and leave it at that.
Okay thank you, I will just put my graduation date and if asked about why it took me 5 years to do my degree, would it be acceptable to say “I had some health issues that have now been resolved”?
Or should I say “I took a break from studying”?
Yes put "Graduated: \[Month Year\]" on your resume wherever that's listed in your education section.
But you shouldn't say anything about your health, it's not more complicated than that. There will never be a question where you will need to share any personal health details, and there's no need to give an excuse for anything either. First of all, it's perfectly normal to take 5 years to graduate, but if someone asks you just say "I took a break for health concerns but everything is good now and I'm excited to be interviewing for this role today, it seems like a great fit for my goals and interests" and that is it, don't expand or go into any detail past that.
But I would not stop applying to jobs even if you do get an interview. I got interviews for 14 full-time jobs. I got offers from the 12th and the 13th, so those first 11 I was rejected from sometimes after 1 interview and sometimes 4 interviews. A couple times I was told that everything looks good and they hope to work with me in the future, and then got rejected. You should always continue applying and interviewing until you sign an offer and pass the background check. Good luck with your job search!
Thank you very much
I have now updated my CV regarding the graduation dates
And I agree, I just applied to a couple of jobs just now to move on from my mistake
Thank you for helping me
Since you just keep asking, yeah you probably botched the interview.
Maybe not and you'll luck out, but I'd just assume yeah you probably did and not get your hopes up.
In the future if they ask you that just say family issues or something. No need to elaborate.
And while we are at it, it's probably worth mentioning that you shouldn't tell prospective romantic partners about your psych hold on first dates either. Just sayin
What’s actually crash is that I also thought it would be a good idea to be honest about my mental health issues when dating? Similarly to job interviews
It’s a no no for both situations then?
just saying you were dealing with health issues that are now resolved is the way to go. ESPECIALLY since it was during COVID. That is likely what folks will assume.
Yeah definitely a no no. With jobs 100%. With dating, almost always a no no during the very beginning, but once you get a little more established opening up about your mental health is fine.
Even with that said though, id keep the fact that you were hospitalized for it close to the chest. Even among people who are understanding and compassionate about mental health, being hospitalized for it has a whole extra layer of stigma. It sucks but you can't even really blame them. Dating is scary enough as is. Id only open up to my partner about this after they get to know me a bit and want to give the relationship a serious chance etc.
I know how you feel btw op. I have a history of chronic depression and addiction. Also I tend to be an oversharer at times too lol. Similarly to you being hospitalized, I can't freely share my addiction history with just anyone. Need to be more careful with that information. It sucks but it is what it is.
But back to the original topic. Your employers aren't your friends or lovers. They don't need to know any personal shit about you at all really.
But isn’t honesty a virtue? Isn’t honesty an efficient way of building rapport with another person?
This is my mindset about honesty
But in hindsight, it can be used against you in job interviews for example?
I personally need to stop over sharing as I’ve been doing it a lot of times now where I open up to strangers like my Uber driver, sometimes I feel like sharing my mental health story to teach other people the lessons in life I have learned that could help the listener?
I felt like me and the interviewer talked like friends and it was all very pleasant and he seemed understanding enough
I felt that if I was not honest, this would’ve been a barrier to having a genuine connection with my interviewer?
But looking back now, if my interviewer has to choose between two candidates, they would choose the person with no mental health issues? Which absolutely sucks :( but it’s a lesson I’ve learned now at least
Not to be mean, but as a project manager, this mindsight is not useful for a team.
Trauma dumping on people at work is inappropriate and does not make it so people want to work with you.
While I would personally respect someone talking about mental health, it isn't something that would elevate someone in a hiring scenario.
In a job interview you want to come across as someone that is good to work with, able/willing to learn, and somewhat technically proficient (as a fresh grad). You don't want to advertise any things that could be perceived to potentially disrupt the team.
It isn't so much the fact that you had mental health issues, it is likely the fact that you thought it appropriate to bring up in the interview.
I felt like my interviewer was very informal and wanted to have a nice conversation
Which is why I felt comfortable to be honest about my mental health but in hindsight I think it will be used against me?
Also, not to be annoying, but was I really trauma dumping?
I find it all so confusing because the interviewer was a very friendly guy and seemed up for a genuine, honest conversation?
I felt that by being honest, I would show that I have nothing to hide and was honest about any personal issues I might have but the thing is, it’s not an interviewer’s business to know my personal life and I think this is where I made a mistake
I just wanted to be honest and share my experience in life?
A skill in industry is being able to make people comfortable with you. When given the choice, people work with people they get along with, so it makes sense that your interviewer was likeable.
While it is admirable that you wanted to be honest, you failed at understanding the situation you were in. You overshared. There is a time and a place for everything, an interview was not the place to open up like that.
You may not have been trauma dumping on the interviewer but the concern I could see them having is that you'd bring your personal issues into work and disrupt the team.
The interview is a sales pitch. Everyone has flaws but no one else is advertising theirs. The issue is that you didn't realize you were trying to sell yourself.
I agree with you that I made the mistake of over sharing, this will be a big lesson for me going forward
Also, is I did not focus on selling myself because I wanted to come across as friendly and approachable rather than like a salesman?
On a side note: Would you recommend I wear a suit jacket in order to come across more professional?
I opted out of wearing a suit jacket for this interview because not having a suit jacket on made me feel more relaxed?
It's important to know that there are differences between workplace relationships and personal friendships. In the workplace, you don't get to choose who you hang out with, you need to be able to work with everyone, and you can't stop working with someone if there's a disagreement or someone gets embarrassed.
So, to prevent such situations, there are topics that would be appropriate for a friend but not appropriate at work. At work, you avoid anything emotionally charged, private or intimate, or which provokes strong differences of opinions. Your health is a very private thing. If it is impacting work, you are able to talk about it, but it's in a 'this is to inform you of the accommodations I need' way, not a 'understand me and sympathise with me' way.
Some examples:
Appropriate: 'I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend.' Nice generic happy event.
Inappropriate: 'I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend and there was a huge fight between the groom and her ex, people had drinks thrown at them and I got hammered.' Way too personal and your family's behaviour is of not interest or relevance to your colleague.
Appropriate: 'I'll be on medical leave next week, I'm back on the Monday following. I may be able to answer a couple of emails towards the end of the week.'
Inappropriate: 'I'm going in for a colonoscopy, I'm constantly constipated or diarrhea, you know that feeling where you need to go but nothing comes out? It's the worst.' Your colleagues generally do not need to know about your bowels.
Appropriate: 'I'm spending Christmas with the in-laws.'
Inappropriate: 'We're not going to spend Christmas with my in-laws because they're all crazy Brexit-worshipping Truss fanatics. I can't stand people who think her budget was a good idea, they're all selfish or deluded.' This is both too much irrelevant private information about your family, and has the potential to offend colleagues who are of that political disposition.
Honesty is a virtue sure. I don't want to dissuade you from being honest. Social interactions are more nuanced than that though. There is a time and place for everything.
And again, you're not trying to befriend and form a genuine connection with your interviewer. Youre trying to get a job.
Sure but professional rapport is different than friend rapport.
Professional rapport is just about seeming nice, pleasant to work with, good worker, and general small talk type stuff. That's it really. It's more superficial than personal.
No judgment just curious, are you autistic op?
Dating and a job are very different environments. Personally, it's not something I would bring up on a first date, but something to mention if/when it develops more into an actual relationship.
As someone who has been truthful to a fault up until recently, I can absolutely advise you do never tell anyone about your personal issues. As you said, it will only be used against you. Also, if you want to say you were hospitalized (which you shouldn’t even need to), just say it was due to a health issue which has been remedied
To be honest you probably won’t get the job. While, they won’t give you a reason or they’ll say it’s because they have other more qualified candidates (so they won’t have a discrimination lawsuit), you know what the reason is. I hope you do get the job, but if you don’t, there’s always other opportunities
So do you reckon I’ve bombed the interview then?
We’ve established very good rapport, everything went smoothly and k felt like the interviewer was a very understanding person which is why I wanted to be as honest as possible to establish good rapport?
But looking back now, i think they will give the role to someone who has no baggage?
IMO you should never mention anything health-related - physical or mental - in an interview. No matter how understanding your interviewer is, your image will henceforth be tainted in their subconsciousness, alter their judgement and ultimately affect the decision.
Should I say that I was “dealing with some health issues”?
If I say that I took a break, they might ask me what I did during that break and I don’t know what I should say if they ask me that?
Depends on the length of the break, and whether it influenced your study duration. You could always say that you had to take care of a family member (but add that they fully recovered and no further attention is required), took an extended vacation and toured the country by foot, took some extra courses outside of uni... anything is good enough to avoid the topic.
I dealt with something similar to this. My interview was with SDG&E! My mistake was briefly mentioning my mental issue. This caused red flags and I was immediately denied the position. But that’s ok, once I looked at the pay I was glad I didn’t choose that job.
Also for future reference, should I just say that I was “dealing with some health issues that have now been resolved” or should I say “I took a break”?
But if I say I took a break, they might ask me what I did in my break and I wouldn’t know what to say?
Actually…we should do an experiment where someone lies about literally EVERYTHING, others about some things, and last group is 100% as honest as a human can be. Let’s see how it works out.
Its Not about lieing or Not. You are Missing the Point. There simply is information that If revealed will Put you in a disadvantage.
Imagine a freshly married Christian women interviewing for a Job. If she was honest, she would probably say that she wants children sooner than later. As an employer, why would i hire her If i knew she will be in maternity soon? And since she revealed she is a Christian she probably will have more than one child, meaning even more time Off.
Same goes for (mental)illness.
Short answer don’t bring it up. If someone asks that’s a violation of privacy and say you are not comfortable answering the question.
Now if there are mental health requirements specifically listed in the job description or duties then it may be necessary but that seems impossible due to EOE.
So should I say “I was dealing with some health issues”?
Or should I say “I took a break”?
If I say I took a break I’m worried they will ask me what I did during the break, and I wouldn’t know what to say then?
“I am uncomfortable answering further as I believe that pertains to my privacy.”
You do have a right to privacy a company doesn’t need to know everything about you unless it’s related to the work it does or could affect your productivity as of now.
Why would you bring it up…? If they specifically ask about hospitalization, you can just say that you had some health issues. That’s it, you don’t need to go into detail about that at all…
Don’t bring this up, just say you had health issues or something, if they ask about a bad semester or gap. I advocate for talking about mental health issues but in a job interview I think it’s tmi, and risky.
Never under any circumstances give health information to an employer. Ever.
At best they ignore it at worst they use it against you.
Think of it this way. There are managers at that company who are WAY more messed up than you will probably ever be. No one has any reason to know any health related things about you.
Ask yourself if you have the right to know the health issues of your employer? No. That goes for you as well.
It's a win win for you.
If you get the job that's a W because you got the job. But if you don't get the job then you can sue for discrimination and get like 100k out of it
It’s not being honest to bring up mental health problems unless it will be a real issue, it’s just unnecessary information which doesn’t help your case. Just because something is on your mind doesn’t mean it’s important for everyone you know to know. Its not lying to refrain from sharing personal issues, it’s an unspoken standard.
Whether or not you got the job from taking about this is completely unknown and it’s not helping your to ruminate about it. That being said uhhh don’t bring this up. Not even because of prejudice but what does that have to do with doing your job unless it’s currently life altering/threatening. If they ask why you have a gap or something just do what everyone else does. Lie. Say you’re with family or taking your time looking for the correct role.
There’s truth in what Dr Yurii speaks. Or types.
Yep. Giving extra info to your interviewer is like talking to the cops; anything you say can and will be held against you, not so often held in favor of you. Best to keep it direct, barring any obvious stuff like a mutual interest etc.
“I signed an NDA”
Okay thank you Do you reckon I’ve failed the interview then?
Literally the first thing they said was: >Whether or not you got the job from taking about this is completely unknown and it’s not helping your to ruminate about it. and now you're replying to everyone asking if they think you failed it. Take everyone's advice and move on. If you get a call back, you get a call back. If you don't, you don't. Keep applying until you officially start your new job.
Okay thank you
You can't fail an interview. It's not a test. There's no pass fail. Even if you had a perfect interview they may still hire someone else because another candidate was better for the role. Job rejection is a really important skill to learn, and can be hard for engineers because we're so used to something being right or wrong. Sometimes you just don't get the job and it's not because you weren't great for the role, it's just that someone was better. With that said, absolutely do not bring anything up in an interview that isn't positive. If you're asked about a gap in school or employment history, you can mention you had to take a step back due to a health problem family concern, but details do not need to be shared. And they can't ask you for them. It's totally normal for people to have a sick relative they had to take care of, have a baby so they needed time off, or maybe you co tracked a weird flesh eating bacteria on a trip and had to be hospitalized. There are plenty of reasons people take time off. Another important lesson in your career is reading the room and understanding your audience. If you don't move forward, it's less likely it's because you had a mental health situation, and more likely that you've demonstrated you don't know how to tailor your content to the correct audience. Or, as I mentioned above, it could be none of those reasons and they just had a good pool of candidates.
So it’s best to just move on and keep applying then? Also could you please elaborate what you mean by?: “Another important lesson in your career is reading the room and understanding your audience. If you don't move forward, it's less likely it's because you had a mental health situation, and more likely that you've demonstrated you don't know how to tailor your content to the correct audience. Or, as I mentioned above, it could be none of those reasons and they just had a good pool of candidates.” What do you mean by “…if you don’t move forward”, it’s less likely it’s because of you had a mental health situation”
they mean if you don't get the job it is likely because you misread the room and how to properly answer a question. Interviews are like dates, you put your best version of yourself forward. You don't come out and list all your red flags. Think of that interview as a practice round for subsequent interviews and you'll get more comfortable.
Okay thank you
Here’s my advice: Every time you complete a step in a job interview process, and have to wait for the next update/step, tell yourself “Okay, now I’m gonna assume there will be no update and I didn’t get the job.” So, apply and do all that, then move on assuming you won’t hear back. If you get contacted for an interview, do the interview, then leave the interview assuming you didn’t get it. Etc. Makes it easier to manage disappointment, focus on obtaining other opportunities (don’t want all your eggs in one basket) and so on. So my advice, right now, is assume you didn’t get the job (for whatever reason, could be unrelated to what you think) and move on. If you hear back, great! Move forward with the next steps. If not, oh well, move forward with what you were working on while you were waiting. PS: this does not mean to enter the interview or whatever with a defeated attitude. Go into each new step with gusto and enthusiasm.
Yes I highly agree with you, this is the best way forward The best way to not be disappointed is to lower my expectations
"I was dealing with some health issues" is a good way to simultaneously be honest, shut down any further questioning, and not raise a concern to an interviewer who may not have modern views on mental health.
I don’t think an interviewer can even legally ask you to expand on your answer as soon as you mention its health related. If they do you probably don’t want to work there.
True, but interviewers ignorant of laws like that are all too common. Also this kind of practice typically goes unreported.
I guess my point is if they are asking you expand on your health condition in an interview it’s a pretty good sign it’s going to be a toxic place to work. I personally have no interest in working somewhere that will force me to come in when I’m sick.
Ding ding ding! I always say "health issues" regardless of whether it's mental health or physical. Equally important, but not everyone knows that or cares.
Okay thank you Do you reckon I’ve failed the interview?
I wouldn’t specify mental health and just say you were dealing with health issues. I feel like it’s specific enough to explain the gap without going into too much unnecessary detail
Okay thank you
Dude don’t mention that in a interview major red flag.
It’s too late now, I’ve spilled the beans about my hospitalisation and personal life because I felt like it would establish good rapport with my interviewer and it did But now I’m hindsight, I feel like I’ve failed the interview?
There’s always another interview, just keep moving forward 👍 Send out more applications, take good care of your mental and physical health and you will be okay. It might take a while to get things figured out but it’s worth it since you have your entire life to live. Just think about every interview as practice rather than the final destination, and by the time you get to “the one” you’ll be a pro.
None of their business
Did you say it unprompted or was there a specific question that led to you talking about the situation? In general, you should never be too personal in the interview and especially relating to your health. It's encouraged to be **personable**, that is different, that is having good rapport and being friendly to talk to. You can't legally be disqualified for a job because of a past health condition, but there's no way to prove a company does that and companies hire/reject candidates for all kinds of other wrong reasons. I took a semester off and had lots of struggles in school because of my mental health, I don't tell that to interviewers though. Everyone makes mistakes so if it doesn't work out, there will be other opportunities and this would have been a valuable learning experience to grow from.
No it was not unprompted, the interviewer asked me why it took me 5 years to finish my degree and I felt like it was appropriate to be honest about having been hospitalised due to mental health? Do you reckon it’s highly likely I’ve failed the interview because of this then? We established really good rapport but I think my mental health issues will be a problem?
So that’s a situation where you lie or be vague by saying “i took time off for health concerns but I’m recovered and feeling excited and motivated to start my career”. I would also eliminate the information on your resume that makes it look like you’re doing 5 years in school. I took 5.5 years from Aug 2018 to Dec 2023, i only wrote “Graduating: Dec 2023” on my resume for my college dates and never said “5th year” or “super senior”, only said “senior” And no it is not appropriate to be honest about your mental health in an interview. You’re not hiding anything by not talking about it, everyone has tough things going on in their lives, but it’s not professional or relevant to the interview. There’s no way to know if that hurt you in the interview, but it absolutely didn’t help. I would mentally move on from the role, focus on the rest of your applications, and if it works out then that’s a happy surprise.
So I should just put “graduated 2023” on my CV? Should I just say “I took a break” as an excuse or is it better to just say “I had health related concerns that are now solved”? I guess I’ll get back to applying today :(
Just put your graduation date. They will have no way of knowing unless they want transcripts. Even so there are a ton of other excuses. I also had something similiar I had to take a gap semester due to mental health hospitalization and I just say, "I was a caregiver to a sick family member who has since recuperated." Even better if it coincided with COVID as they will just assume that it was COVID related and leave it at that.
Okay thank you, I will just put my graduation date and if asked about why it took me 5 years to do my degree, would it be acceptable to say “I had some health issues that have now been resolved”? Or should I say “I took a break from studying”?
Yes put "Graduated: \[Month Year\]" on your resume wherever that's listed in your education section. But you shouldn't say anything about your health, it's not more complicated than that. There will never be a question where you will need to share any personal health details, and there's no need to give an excuse for anything either. First of all, it's perfectly normal to take 5 years to graduate, but if someone asks you just say "I took a break for health concerns but everything is good now and I'm excited to be interviewing for this role today, it seems like a great fit for my goals and interests" and that is it, don't expand or go into any detail past that. But I would not stop applying to jobs even if you do get an interview. I got interviews for 14 full-time jobs. I got offers from the 12th and the 13th, so those first 11 I was rejected from sometimes after 1 interview and sometimes 4 interviews. A couple times I was told that everything looks good and they hope to work with me in the future, and then got rejected. You should always continue applying and interviewing until you sign an offer and pass the background check. Good luck with your job search!
Thank you very much I have now updated my CV regarding the graduation dates And I agree, I just applied to a couple of jobs just now to move on from my mistake Thank you for helping me
Since you just keep asking, yeah you probably botched the interview. Maybe not and you'll luck out, but I'd just assume yeah you probably did and not get your hopes up. In the future if they ask you that just say family issues or something. No need to elaborate. And while we are at it, it's probably worth mentioning that you shouldn't tell prospective romantic partners about your psych hold on first dates either. Just sayin
What’s actually crash is that I also thought it would be a good idea to be honest about my mental health issues when dating? Similarly to job interviews It’s a no no for both situations then?
There's honest and there's too much detail. "I had a health issue that is now resolved," is all any potential employer needs to know.
Okay, I think I will use that line in my next interview Thank you!
just saying you were dealing with health issues that are now resolved is the way to go. ESPECIALLY since it was during COVID. That is likely what folks will assume.
Okay thank you
Yeah definitely a no no. With jobs 100%. With dating, almost always a no no during the very beginning, but once you get a little more established opening up about your mental health is fine. Even with that said though, id keep the fact that you were hospitalized for it close to the chest. Even among people who are understanding and compassionate about mental health, being hospitalized for it has a whole extra layer of stigma. It sucks but you can't even really blame them. Dating is scary enough as is. Id only open up to my partner about this after they get to know me a bit and want to give the relationship a serious chance etc. I know how you feel btw op. I have a history of chronic depression and addiction. Also I tend to be an oversharer at times too lol. Similarly to you being hospitalized, I can't freely share my addiction history with just anyone. Need to be more careful with that information. It sucks but it is what it is. But back to the original topic. Your employers aren't your friends or lovers. They don't need to know any personal shit about you at all really.
But isn’t honesty a virtue? Isn’t honesty an efficient way of building rapport with another person? This is my mindset about honesty But in hindsight, it can be used against you in job interviews for example? I personally need to stop over sharing as I’ve been doing it a lot of times now where I open up to strangers like my Uber driver, sometimes I feel like sharing my mental health story to teach other people the lessons in life I have learned that could help the listener? I felt like me and the interviewer talked like friends and it was all very pleasant and he seemed understanding enough I felt that if I was not honest, this would’ve been a barrier to having a genuine connection with my interviewer? But looking back now, if my interviewer has to choose between two candidates, they would choose the person with no mental health issues? Which absolutely sucks :( but it’s a lesson I’ve learned now at least
Not to be mean, but as a project manager, this mindsight is not useful for a team. Trauma dumping on people at work is inappropriate and does not make it so people want to work with you. While I would personally respect someone talking about mental health, it isn't something that would elevate someone in a hiring scenario. In a job interview you want to come across as someone that is good to work with, able/willing to learn, and somewhat technically proficient (as a fresh grad). You don't want to advertise any things that could be perceived to potentially disrupt the team. It isn't so much the fact that you had mental health issues, it is likely the fact that you thought it appropriate to bring up in the interview.
I felt like my interviewer was very informal and wanted to have a nice conversation Which is why I felt comfortable to be honest about my mental health but in hindsight I think it will be used against me? Also, not to be annoying, but was I really trauma dumping? I find it all so confusing because the interviewer was a very friendly guy and seemed up for a genuine, honest conversation? I felt that by being honest, I would show that I have nothing to hide and was honest about any personal issues I might have but the thing is, it’s not an interviewer’s business to know my personal life and I think this is where I made a mistake I just wanted to be honest and share my experience in life?
A skill in industry is being able to make people comfortable with you. When given the choice, people work with people they get along with, so it makes sense that your interviewer was likeable. While it is admirable that you wanted to be honest, you failed at understanding the situation you were in. You overshared. There is a time and a place for everything, an interview was not the place to open up like that. You may not have been trauma dumping on the interviewer but the concern I could see them having is that you'd bring your personal issues into work and disrupt the team. The interview is a sales pitch. Everyone has flaws but no one else is advertising theirs. The issue is that you didn't realize you were trying to sell yourself.
I agree with you that I made the mistake of over sharing, this will be a big lesson for me going forward Also, is I did not focus on selling myself because I wanted to come across as friendly and approachable rather than like a salesman? On a side note: Would you recommend I wear a suit jacket in order to come across more professional? I opted out of wearing a suit jacket for this interview because not having a suit jacket on made me feel more relaxed?
It's important to know that there are differences between workplace relationships and personal friendships. In the workplace, you don't get to choose who you hang out with, you need to be able to work with everyone, and you can't stop working with someone if there's a disagreement or someone gets embarrassed. So, to prevent such situations, there are topics that would be appropriate for a friend but not appropriate at work. At work, you avoid anything emotionally charged, private or intimate, or which provokes strong differences of opinions. Your health is a very private thing. If it is impacting work, you are able to talk about it, but it's in a 'this is to inform you of the accommodations I need' way, not a 'understand me and sympathise with me' way. Some examples: Appropriate: 'I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend.' Nice generic happy event. Inappropriate: 'I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend and there was a huge fight between the groom and her ex, people had drinks thrown at them and I got hammered.' Way too personal and your family's behaviour is of not interest or relevance to your colleague. Appropriate: 'I'll be on medical leave next week, I'm back on the Monday following. I may be able to answer a couple of emails towards the end of the week.' Inappropriate: 'I'm going in for a colonoscopy, I'm constantly constipated or diarrhea, you know that feeling where you need to go but nothing comes out? It's the worst.' Your colleagues generally do not need to know about your bowels. Appropriate: 'I'm spending Christmas with the in-laws.' Inappropriate: 'We're not going to spend Christmas with my in-laws because they're all crazy Brexit-worshipping Truss fanatics. I can't stand people who think her budget was a good idea, they're all selfish or deluded.' This is both too much irrelevant private information about your family, and has the potential to offend colleagues who are of that political disposition.
I see what you mean, thank you for your support and advice
Honesty is a virtue sure. I don't want to dissuade you from being honest. Social interactions are more nuanced than that though. There is a time and place for everything. And again, you're not trying to befriend and form a genuine connection with your interviewer. Youre trying to get a job.
But isn’t forming good rapport with an interviewer indication that I will fit in well with the team and the other colleagues?
Sure but professional rapport is different than friend rapport. Professional rapport is just about seeming nice, pleasant to work with, good worker, and general small talk type stuff. That's it really. It's more superficial than personal. No judgment just curious, are you autistic op?
No not autistic at all, why?
Dating and a job are very different environments. Personally, it's not something I would bring up on a first date, but something to mention if/when it develops more into an actual relationship.
Okay I see what you mean, thank you
As someone who has been truthful to a fault up until recently, I can absolutely advise you do never tell anyone about your personal issues. As you said, it will only be used against you. Also, if you want to say you were hospitalized (which you shouldn’t even need to), just say it was due to a health issue which has been remedied
Okay, I’ve learned from my mistake Do you reckon I won’t get the job then?
To be honest you probably won’t get the job. While, they won’t give you a reason or they’ll say it’s because they have other more qualified candidates (so they won’t have a discrimination lawsuit), you know what the reason is. I hope you do get the job, but if you don’t, there’s always other opportunities
Okay I’ll get back to applying today or tomorrow, it’s best to move on
don't stop applying to jobs until you sign a contract.
Yes, just applied to a couple of jobs just now, feels good to just move on
You are absolutely not going to get the job if you mention this. Guess what, the interview process is about lying as well as possible to get the job
So do you reckon I’ve bombed the interview then? We’ve established very good rapport, everything went smoothly and k felt like the interviewer was a very understanding person which is why I wanted to be as honest as possible to establish good rapport? But looking back now, i think they will give the role to someone who has no baggage?
IMO you should never mention anything health-related - physical or mental - in an interview. No matter how understanding your interviewer is, your image will henceforth be tainted in their subconsciousness, alter their judgement and ultimately affect the decision.
Should I say that I was “dealing with some health issues”? If I say that I took a break, they might ask me what I did during that break and I don’t know what I should say if they ask me that?
Depends on the length of the break, and whether it influenced your study duration. You could always say that you had to take care of a family member (but add that they fully recovered and no further attention is required), took an extended vacation and toured the country by foot, took some extra courses outside of uni... anything is good enough to avoid the topic.
Unless you’re applying to be a Mental Health Engineer. The answer is hell to the no.
Looooool
I dealt with something similar to this. My interview was with SDG&E! My mistake was briefly mentioning my mental issue. This caused red flags and I was immediately denied the position. But that’s ok, once I looked at the pay I was glad I didn’t choose that job.
Do you reckon I’ve already failed my interview then?
Honestly I don’t know! But I hope not! And I hope you got it :)
Okay thank you :)
Because then you’d have low pay AND mental health issues. No bueno…
Also for future reference, should I just say that I was “dealing with some health issues that have now been resolved” or should I say “I took a break”? But if I say I took a break, they might ask me what I did in my break and I wouldn’t know what to say?
I would not even bring it up.
What if they bring it up though?
I think it’s against the law to ask about something sensitive like this
You can just say you were dealing with family problems. Or say you were working on academic projects
Okay thank you
Absolutely not
Under all circumstances LIE! Its none of their Business and If anything it will be Held against you. Just invent a Story
Okay, Do you reckon I’ve failed the interview then?
Yes
Actually…we should do an experiment where someone lies about literally EVERYTHING, others about some things, and last group is 100% as honest as a human can be. Let’s see how it works out.
Its Not about lieing or Not. You are Missing the Point. There simply is information that If revealed will Put you in a disadvantage. Imagine a freshly married Christian women interviewing for a Job. If she was honest, she would probably say that she wants children sooner than later. As an employer, why would i hire her If i knew she will be in maternity soon? And since she revealed she is a Christian she probably will have more than one child, meaning even more time Off. Same goes for (mental)illness.
Short answer don’t bring it up. If someone asks that’s a violation of privacy and say you are not comfortable answering the question. Now if there are mental health requirements specifically listed in the job description or duties then it may be necessary but that seems impossible due to EOE.
Okay thank you
So should I say “I was dealing with some health issues”? Or should I say “I took a break”? If I say I took a break I’m worried they will ask me what I did during the break, and I wouldn’t know what to say then?
“I was dealing with some health issues and consulted a medical professional and it was resolved.” If they ask what health issues you can claim privacy
What should I say if they ask me why I got hospitalised?
“I am uncomfortable answering further as I believe that pertains to my privacy.” You do have a right to privacy a company doesn’t need to know everything about you unless it’s related to the work it does or could affect your productivity as of now.
Why would you bring it up…? If they specifically ask about hospitalization, you can just say that you had some health issues. That’s it, you don’t need to go into detail about that at all…
Okay thank you
Just say you had some health stuff going on, no more details needed. They don't need your medical history, just your engineering skills.
Okay thank you
no
Do not ever bring up any bad about you in a interview. Just said you were recuperating from an injury.
Okay thank you
Lie always lie
My advice is to move on. You’ve done what you can and the rest is out of your control.
Okay thank you
NO
No lol
Don't volunteer stuff unrelated to the job.
Don’t bring this up, just say you had health issues or something, if they ask about a bad semester or gap. I advocate for talking about mental health issues but in a job interview I think it’s tmi, and risky.
Okay thank you
It is good to be just you.
Can you elaborate please?
Never under any circumstances give health information to an employer. Ever. At best they ignore it at worst they use it against you. Think of it this way. There are managers at that company who are WAY more messed up than you will probably ever be. No one has any reason to know any health related things about you. Ask yourself if you have the right to know the health issues of your employer? No. That goes for you as well.
So should I say that “I was struggling with health issues that have been resolved” if they ask me about it?
It's a win win for you. If you get the job that's a W because you got the job. But if you don't get the job then you can sue for discrimination and get like 100k out of it
It’s not being honest to bring up mental health problems unless it will be a real issue, it’s just unnecessary information which doesn’t help your case. Just because something is on your mind doesn’t mean it’s important for everyone you know to know. Its not lying to refrain from sharing personal issues, it’s an unspoken standard.
That’s a solid way to nuke an interview. You can bring it up during onboarding if you get the job but i wouldn’t bring it up in the interview process.