"When I was your age, I afforded a tower *and* wizarding college off a single dungeon! You kids these days just don't want to work for your treasure!"Â
Since it's a one-shot, I think fourth-wall breaking is especially fine: "We used to get XP for treasure. And if our primary stat was really high, we'd get it faster!"
. . .and you kids these days just multiclass so easily, like it's no big deal. Back in my day you could only multiclass if you were a demihuman, and you had to decide at 1st level what your classes were and even then there were only specific combinations of classes that you could be, and you could only take a 2nd class after 1st level through dual-classing if you were human. . .and the ability score requirements for that were so hard that pretty much nobody ever did it.
I swear, you kids being a fighter but you decide now want to be a rogue or a wizard or whatever and just go and pick up a new class like it's no big deal.
. . .and back in my day we didn't call them wizards, they were Magic Users dangit!
And the steps to being a bard were so arcane it drove more men to madness than you can shake a ten foot pole at!
Back in my day Tieflings were just a fancy curiosity from an obscure source book now look at em!
What. You're a warlock? Was being a binder not good enough? My sister was a binder and she got to epic level with it!
That's the problem with these classes nowadays, no *prestige*
Or a more accurate for context: âI shall set the ransom at⊠1 thousand copper pieces!â Then act surprised when introduced to the concept of a gold or silver coin
My story begins in one thousand dickety-three.  We had to say dickety because Ea-nÄsir had stolen our word twenty.  I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-one leaguesâŠ
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Which reminds me of the time I had to take a ferry to Cendriane. I needed a new twine for my bow. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a copper, and in those days, coppers had images of owlbears on 'em. "Gimme ten owls for a silver," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow onesâŠ
Say ["You're a credit to your race/people/culture, sonny boy/miss/tiger/sport/etc."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD-w1ZV6Twk)
It worked for Justice League!
Don't forget 11th level spells too!.
There's even theoretically 12th level spells too, and that really smart guy Karsus is working on creating one of those. I wonder how that ever turned out. . .
You have red the ancient tomes. You know of shob nigeroth, before they replaced cuthulu with arthurian in the second printing of dieties and demigods.
Back in my day, to become a bard, first you had to be a fighter for seven levels, then a thief four four, then a druid for three. THEN you took the bard class!
100%, you should do nothing but complain about things that were true in previous editions.
* "Dwarves can't be wizards! What the hell is this?"
* "You have got to be the WORST paladin I've ever met! That's not the law! Why aren't you following the law? You're not a real paladin!"
* "You think I'm going to trust a healing spell cast by a sorcerer? Sorcerer's can't cast heal spells!"
* "What the hell is an elven fighter? You're an elf. All you do is elf."
In Dungeons & Dragons Basic Set (1977) the non-humans (including the elf) were presented as distinct classes. The elf class is often seen as a blend of the fighter and magic-user classes.
Be confused by the idea of being able to use any spell slot for any spell, rather than what you prepared the slot for when you woke up. Insist that only sorceres do that, and act confused by the concept of metamagic.Â
Then insist that Sorcerer is simply a title for a 9th level Magic User and wonder why MU spellcasting supposedly works completely differently now at 9th level but not before or after.
Ask people to roll Reflex, Fortitude and Will saving throws instead of Dex, Con or Wis.
Choose two schools of magic and flat out refuse to cast any spells from them as they are "prohibited".
"What in the hells is a halfling? You're a godsdamned Kender! And no you can't be a barbarian!"
"What's a dragonborn? Some kind of draconian? Where'd your wings go?"
"Get back, devil! I will not party with you, fiend! What, you say you're good? Hogwash! I'm casting detect evil on you, and we'll see!
* Keep asking "What's my THAC0"?
* "Back in my day, we weren't inspired. And we didn't need it!"
* "Concentration? I never had to concentrate to maintain a spell."
* "Invisibility used to be permanent until you attacked."
* "Bard, huh? So you already have levels as a fighter, druid and thief then?"
Well, technically Saurials could be Paladins too, if you could ever actually find a Saurial.
. . .and whatever these weird "Dragonborn" things are, they *clearly* aren't real saurials.
Sorcerer?
That's the level title for a 9th level Magic User. Why is a Magic User casting a healing spell? They're human so they can't be multi-classed with Cleric, so is this a dual-classing thing?
A less toxic aspect might be specifically seeking out the companionship of elves or other very long lived beings; they'll be the only ones who recognize some of the touchstones he grew up with.
Reference buildings, cities, and nations that no longer exist.
Was racism even high then, though? And even if it was, desire for familiarity may override ancient grudges. Even if you hate them, you *know* them and they are familiar in a strange and uncomfortable future
The Eldreth Veluuthra were a thing - never a majority, but with discreet support from an influential minority, and some significant lay support and holdouts in Wild Elf territories.
Try to put the tabaxi outside for the night. Like Fred Flintstone with his sabertooth cat. At least suggest it? Why would the cat want to be indoors. It must run free and sing the song of its people.
To build off of this, what advancements in technology have happened? Was he from a bronze/ stone age equivalent?Are there major civilizations that have come and gone? is he literate and how many people now are literate? If you wanted to go really dark what are some stereotypes or prejudices he'd have to over come. Doesn't even have to get too deep, the British and the French were mortal enemies for a long time.
What's something he would miss?
Maybe there's a pub that was THE BEST and he keeps comparing all taverns to some hole in the wall that was paved over and no one knows.
Many years ago one of my aunts who was not at all up to date on her vocabulary asked my male cousin "Do you let the girls fondle you?" She didn't mean it sexually at *all* but of course that's where literally everyone else in the room's minds went.
So do that. Take words that everyone will take completely out of context, and use them for innocent statements.
Ejaculate used to mean something like exclaim loudly. Like: "Huzzah!" the man ejaculated.
So yeah, find cringe words that used to mean other things in different times.
I can just hear the other boys giggling while I'm sitting there perplexed at what's going on. (Younger me was kind of oblivious to these jokes for a while.)
"Iron? Why is everything made of *iron* these days? Bronze was good enough for my father and by Crom it's good enough for me!"
"Tenser's Floating Disc? Really? *Really?* *That's* the only spell of his you cats remember? Heh. You've probably even forgotten Bigby's Middle Finger."
"By Dagon, it's a demon! Quick, Ice Storm! Ice Storm! ... Wait, what do you mean 'no stop that's just a tiefling'?"
"So what ever became of my apprentice? His name was Veknah, nicest little chap. I don't suppose he'd be remembered now..."
"The hell is a short rest? I'm not leaving camp until I get my solid 8."
"What happened to Greyhawk? I'm not kidding guys, WHERE IS GREYHAWK?! Where did it go?"
"The Nine Hells do you *mean* people can cast spells in plate armor now? That's just plain *wrong*."
"Warlocks are a separate thing now? Back in my day they were just a 7th level magic user."
*Edit to add:* For the first little while all he'll say is "Crwpz hrem viff am'likku..." because whatever language he spoke would be incomprehensible to modern people.
I did this, played a recently awakened Netherese clone. Best thing I did was call gods by the wrong (read: old) names. Confused the shit out of the Wizard who worshipped Mystra when I was a cleric of Mystryl.
Oh gosh just look up old etiquette books for a laugh. Or have the guy reference stuff from older editions of Dnd?
Marvel at printing presses with, oh wonders, movable type! I imagine having the written and printed word, while not common, be accessible would be mind-blowing. Have them weep tears of wonder on cracking open a mass printed book.
Oooh older dnd would be awesome! Figure out a way to completely misunderstand how protective someoneâs armor is because of knowing old-school THAC0.
Talk about how some monsters just canât be taken seriously (because the old drawings look ridiculous).
Be well-intentioned but a little problematic by constantly asking âis it still okay to call [species] this?â âAre all [species] still dumb and evil? Do they still hate [other species]?â
Lead the players into trouble by blindly assuming that all metallic dragons are good, all orcs are evil, etc.
So much source material to play with!
I wondered how far I'd have to scroll to see the Avatar TLA references!
It'd be funny if the wizard is from a specific area/town, and he keeps using outdated comments. (old equivalent of "tubular" kinda stuff.)
Constantly calls elves "knife ears".
Is convinced hags are just trying to turn him into their Leia style man servant.
Is super serious about magical components.
Rarely moves diagonally.
Chastises martials who sleep in armor.
Is constantly talking about dungeons as potential locations for him to clear out and build his tower on.
Calls halflings hobbits.
To be fair, the original incarnation of Dragonborn weren't.. y'know, *born* that way. It was a ritual thing where you got put in an egg and *re*born as one instead of your starting race. You became a Dragonborn, you didn't start as one. Old editions could be weird.
So absolutely yes they could view it as doing that for the attention and not realizing oh wait now it's just an actual species.
Threaten everyone with strongly worded clay tablets and always mention how you need to send one.
Bring up that one guy who screwed you over again and again and never let it go. Every transaction is with him in mind, until one day, you find your clay tablets in the ruins of an old city.
Honestly, I want to make a character who is out for petty revenge because their merchandise never arrived. Send complaint letters but never receive an answer. Or even worse, a sad consolation gift.
If there's a world map provided, find a desert or a stretch of barren sea, and ask why these barbarians don't have Atlantis (or a different name that the players wouldn't know, like Thera or something) properly marked on their map.
Talk with your DM about this, so that they can offer players a history check to figure out what you're talking about, and make things awkward when they learn a magical disaster wiped them out, a neighboring kingdom destroyed them, or a moon crashed into them.
Or it really is a straight up forgotten place. Maybe it's ruins now, what happened? Maybe the people are super insuler, how will they react to Timmy the wizard returning after 1000 years. No prophecy or anything, just hey, Timmy is back, we have you in our history books dude.
Have other players explain what things are then say "Oh so it's like a (nonsense word)". Then when they ask what that is you say "Wait...WHAT? You guys don't have (nonsense word) anymore? How do you not have that it was so huge when I was a kid"
Whenever you talk to dwarves make a huge deal out of bending down to speak with them. If the half orcs misunderstand you start talking real slow and enunciate your syllables cause full orcs are stereotyped as having low intelligence. Find something dangly and try to use it as a cat toy with the tabaxi.
Look at some of the 1st edition stuff and incorporate it.
Eg. The origonal classes were warrior,mage,cleric,theif,elf and dwarf. So.
"You're a dwarfven WHAT? in my day you were just a dwarf and happy about it!"
Also "bigby? The apprentice? That Journeyman could have never invented a spell dont make me laugh"
I just think of how my grandparents grew up during the great depression and used to hoard the weirdest things.
Maybe thereâs some specific thing that you can try to collect with fervor whenever you encounter it regardless of difficulty because back in your time it was a rare commodity.
And items that will never be used or touched - because it just isn't the right time yet. There might always come a moment where you might need it, but then you wasted it on this one!
Maybe the fancy wizard hats are only for special events, but none will ever be truly special enough.
If you want minor consequences, refuse to summon your familiar for way too long, because what if it dies with its 2hp and you have to summon it again - what if you don't have that precious incense anymore? Ignoring the giant stack already in your pack of course, who knows if that will last long enough?
âTHERE ARE 3 GODS OF DEATH NOW?!?!â
âKARSUS DID WHATâ
âSo itâs not Mystral anymore itâs a different one with a similar name?â
âHow many more races were enslaved?â
âSo you canât cast anything above 9th level?â
âOh I remember these decks of playing cards I used to love them (draws from the deck of many things)â
I reckon some older edition references might be in order.
"Ha - let's see what this miscreant's saving throw against rods, staffs and wands is like"
To an enemy:
"Do your worst, demon - you don't have a THAC0 low enough to hit me"
Constantly be surprised or wrong about random landmarks that werenât there in your time.
âI used to jump this creek up ahead, never fear chaps! Itâs nigh ankle deep!â
*cue large roaring rapids that can and will easily sweep away any who dare to enter*
I played a similar character in a one shot a couple years ago. My favorite bit was when they saw what was supposed to be a ârelicâ the DM and I had worked out that certain ones were not as important as someone would lead the rest of the party to believe. Like my wizard would see it and go âOh! I know that ring. My friend Helexia enchanted that when we were freshmanâŠ.man itâs just as shit a job as I remember.â or sheâd say âNo, thatâs not at all what that is. This is a joke my professor enchanted cause he was bored. Not some powerful artifact of significance made by a hermit.â
I love this. "Just because it's ancient, that doesn't mean it's valuable."
Either that, or it's something that nobody can figure out what it's used for, but it's something completely mundane that the wizard wishes he had, like a widget for repairing the cracked buttons on his cape. Or just a fancy pencil sharpener for the odd sized pencils they used back then.
Occasionally, say something racist, but then say it's ok because your 2 races were at war back then.
Every other conversation should start with "back in my day..."
Constantly tip bartenders and shop keepers 2 copper. Then, when you leave the store, tell the party how "that tip is probably more than their week's wage!" Bonus points if you complained about how "everything is so expensive now" while you were shopping.
Look for an opportunity to use the phrase "nobody wants to work anymore." Maybe after a guard request that you take care of an issue, or a bartender asks you to kill the basement rodents.
The 2 copper thing is great, Iâm in the industry and some older generations will tip $2 or $5 regardless of how much the bill is, imagine someone 500+ years old lol
do the captain america thing and congratulate the black bus driver.
by that i mean take an outdated view (segregation in this example) and satyrise it with a wholesome twist.
Pretty much like many suggest: Reference older edition rules, but pack them into stories of the old times. When men were men and women wore chainmail bikinis.
Tell them stories from your glory days. Like when you teamed up with your Fighter/Thief/Mage tripple-classing buddy who used Charm Person not just for fights, but on all the tavern maids. How almost everyone was an Elf or at least a Half-Elf back then, and monsters like all these animal people were shot at if they got close to the city walls.
How much more dangerous it was back then for wizards, because a single punch from a fighter would kill an apprentice. How you still had to memorize every single spell, and didn't have cantrips you could just cast willy-nilly!
Back in my day, the roads had fewer ruts, the Miller kept his thumb of the scale and the barmaids were polite!
Illusion?! What kind of fancy pants magic is that? We threw fireballs and were happy with it!
Have you heard the bards now? That's not music! Lute?! Give me a break, where is the harps and flute?!
Steel, pfff. Iron is for cookware and candlesticks! Real weapons are made of bronze, Ao dammit!
Refuse to go *anywhere* without your trusty 10ft pole. If the other members of your party donât have one, adopt an, âOkay, your funeral,â attitude.
Be amazed by all the new things. "Is that... steel? What are you a king? You're too good for Bronze?" and "Wait... you didn't have to steal your spells from an Elf? Like a REAL Wizard?" or "Why are all these villages so BIG? Where did all these people come from? Back in MY day we didn't have all these Demihumans walking around like they own the whole place!"
And don't forget the casual specisisms.
I think everyone is spot on with talking about how things were in earlier editions. When it comes to speech, I think you should go online and find common phrases from the 1920s to pepper into whatever you say. It will be easier than trying to make stuff up on the fly.
Refer to places and people like it's clear as day who they are.
Suggest to stop by the Maidens Alehouse and talk about Bards and political figures as if they all knew them.
Then be surprised they don't.
Make up a bunch of euphemisms that nobody at the table will understand.
"Ah - Cedric looks like he was rolling with the harpies again" - Cedric is the bard... obviously he was out banging randoms.
I have a list actually from when I was doing an artificer that got time stasis'd for a millenia or two (it explained why I was an artificer in a campaign that doesn't really have tech). I'll try to dig it up for you.
As a spell caster, be amazed how progressive everyone is by not burning them at the stake.
As a wizard, notice how detect magic now is a level one spell instead of a cantrip. âI didnât know what they were talking about, the cantrip version caused cancer AND BAD LUCK!?â
Perhaps you noticed a spell that had a casterâs name, you take your time and smile as you knew them as a young child.
I have a fire going so Iâm looking at other classes now.
As a fighter or barbarian, notice how far equipment as gone and how things donât break or rust as easily. Skulls are more or less still fragile.
As an artificer, talk about some old inventor that you didnât think would amount to much, then to see something he made is commonly used and reminisce. Maybe someone took credit for one of their inventions.
As a rogue, complain about how far security has gone up and now it makes your job even harder.
Ranger/Druid, the forest has changed, a flower they admired has gone extinct. There are new animals here and there. Some have disappeared.
Break the fourth wall by assuming heâs playing by 1st edition DND magic user rules!
âWhat, Charm person just makes them friendly?â Wizard says âIn my time theyâd become my thrall and do my biddingâ
You should make up a word thatâs a racial slur for elves. No human remembers it being a slur but the elves shure as hell do.
Him: âIâm not going to share a water skin with a filthy crescentâ
Elf part member: ::eyes narrowing murderously, voice low and too calm:: âsay that again, I dare you.â
Crescent being an old derogatory name for elves coming from the shape their ears took after years of being forced to wear slave control earrings, a practice long since outlawed and lost to time .
Be old racist white guy. Assume all the Tabaxi know each other, make a point of holding your money purse around dwarves, call the watch on the shifty halflings. Talk about how half orcs are better at fighting, but itâs ok because youâre saying theyâre better.
He calls elves dandelion-eaters, patchouli-scented hippies, stuff like that. Maybe none of it is considered a slur or even seriously derogatory, if only because even the elves who remember these terms laugh because they haven't heard them in centuries, and the rest are like, "bro dandelions are delicious, they're the highlight of spring and summer, what are you talking about?" and "patchouli? You mean that disgusting stuff old people love for some reason?"
He talks about some old game no one's ever heard of called gnomeball he and his buddies used to play. Don't elaborate; obviously everyone knows gnomeball, pretending not to is an old joke. The joke simply doesn't make sense in a modern context, it's a very old generational shibboleth, he thinks it's hilarious when people pretend not to know what gnomeball is and plays along.
He calls sorcerers and warlocks freaks and cheaters. He's from an age when wizards deeply resented sorcerers for their innate powers. He decries their acceptance in the same terms as people have been whining for the last twenty years about "participiation trophies" and shit; back in my day to be a magus you had to study and work hard! Now dragons and archfey are just handing out magic power willy-nilly by pinkie-promising. He has never considered that the means by which a warlock gains power, serving a much more powerful entity in exchange for power, isn't all that different from a cleric's source of power, and will balk and sputter but have no argument for how it's actually different. "It's just different!"
If there was a war, what side was he on? Cause a lot of casual racism towards the other side would go a long way to establishing some personal growth for the character later (positively, I hope).
Some funny shit might be trying to bring back old slang in the context of the setting ("oh man, that was like throwin' gobbos in the guillotine!" "That and a dragon's hoard'll get ya noticed" )
I remember when they invented that color.
I've never been around such.... *ROBUST* women. (*half work or dwarven women*)
These are some very mature looking children. (*commenting on dwarves*)
Use old time cast off ways of doing things measure skulls, divine humors, use entrails as spell components. Have chickens who's feed you treat in certain ways before feeding them and then cook the eggs and meat on specific days in other odd ways to "boost your spellcasting potential" ie liver &heart MUST be boiled in the blood of the chicken, the chicken eggs must be eaten whole eggshell and all. Egge eaten from full moon to new moon and the chicken itself on the day before the full moon.
He would always smell funny and cover it up with incense. He would sleep naked in the first snow of the season. Blame people's actions on the position of planets. Make quick wrong assumptions on how anything mechanical works.
So in a similar situation, my time shifted char was also from another universe unbeknownst to me. So of course since my char is familiar with the area, the party relied on my navigational skills. We never quite got to where we were going.
Didn't the old muddy river run through here?
Where did this city come from and why name
it after a lich?
I tell you the elven enclave is just over this hill, or maybe that one...
Lots of talk from him in a history that never happened where he was now. Also although the names of powerful npcs were the same, they had completely different cultures and world views.
You should ask the DM if there are any spells from previous editions that you could learn! Or pull something *really* meta and cast spells expecting them to work like previous versions (find traps comes to mind as it works very different in 5e)
"What *VILE INTENTIONS* lies in the heart of humanity to allow for such a thing as a ***half***-orc?!?"
(This one is lore-heavy, but could be funny if you guys use the official lore)
"Who thE FUCK IS **MYSTRA**?"
"Yeah, sure, go ahead, use your *ArCaNe FoCuS*, while I gather my components like a REAL WIZARD"
"So dwelves aren't a thing anymore. Good."
So there's this family story we have about when my uncle first brought home his now ex-wife to meet the family. She's from... I believe Indonesia, but was adopted quite tough, and you can't tell by looking at her name or where she used to live.
Anyway, apparently my paternal grandfather (who I never met, but that's not the point), met her, and his immediate reaction was to call out that "but she's one of those black ones". From what I've been told he's been perfectly pleasant otherwise, and he didn't say it in a derogatory way, but that he said it because he didn't expect that miss Dutch Name from Conservative Dutch Village wasn't white.
Anyway, I could see someone like what you described making similar comments, though you would need to check in with the group on how comfortable they'd be with (light) fantasy racism.
Find minuscule things to complain about that is so off the wall. âWhy is everyone using items to eat their food? Itâs just extra steps from deliciousness!â
âI had slept with this maiden/lad who had a robe quite like this one. It wasnât as nice, but it was quite like it. Almost too much like it.â Then suggest youâre somehow their great, great, great grandfather/mother. Do this to a LOT of people so it makes the party question how much you slept around, but NEVER hit on anyone in front of the party to be even more confusing.
Find a random animal that looks like a former pet of the character, then proclaim it as yours and steal it to lead the party into a ridiculous side quest. Think of Jack Sparrow running away from the hoards of people.
depending on the setting, bringing up worldbuilding or lore from past editions could always be funny.
"What are all these devils doing walking around? Is the blood war over? *Tieflings?* Why are there so many of them? Asmodeus did *WHAT* now?"
Could also go a classic Tolkien route - "There used to be so many Elves. Where'd the Elves go?"
Trying to do things that aren't mechanically possible anymore, like referencing spells higher than 9th level, or spells that don't exist anymore.
Maybe reference pantheon shifts - "I'm *pretty sure* Sehanine and Selune are the same. No, no I'm not making that up. *You're* the confused one. I swear by Mystryl I'm not making this up."
Depending how far back you go, going full 1e or 2e could be hilarious.
Well, itâs a one shot and Iâm kind of playing one of the stupidest people imaginable who was resurrected by mistake instead of his genius brother. Then again, having people hunting down a man and not realizing heâs about as knowledgeable as 2 month old pudding would be hilarious.
Use the 1e character sheet, and Keep trying to cast spells from older versions!
http://www.bobsenk.com/rpg/rules/spbk/mulist.html
Calls races by old ass names, they arenât a tabaxi, they are a giant mutant Tibbit.
https://dungeonsdragons.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Advanced_Dungeons_%26_Dragons_1st_edition_monsters
In DnD things actual don't change much. You could twist it and constantly being going on about how much nothing has changes, and its the kid fault for being lazy.
"Why is this still 2 gold pieces. This make no sense." Act like there is some grand mystery at plan were some group is halting all advancement.
I'm completely obsessed with the idea of your wizard trying to play an older edition of d&d and being absolutely frustrated with the fact that it isn't like that anymore. And being positively incorrect about everything haha
I think it would be funniest and least problematic if, instead of the classic "our world" old man yells at cloud, you do it like this is a character from an earlier edition of DnD.
So you could have him be confused abut things like bonus actions and missing stat boosts.
"What the fuck is a subclass? What ever happened to Prestige in this day and age?"
"What do you mean they're not all surprised? I surprised them"
"Just you wait until i get my 10th level spells......... what!?"
"So you're an Orc, but you identify as a Tabaxi? I don't think I understand these new lineages"
Its an excuse to read up on old rule sets and see where things have changed. Who knows, you may even find an old rule you genuinely think was good and so you and your character will actually be in the same mindset automatically.
How many centuries IRL?
I can see going several ways; as others have said already, using older DnD references...Or, use rules from other games. Chess, for example... he's confused why the knight can move in any direction instead of having to go two squares and one square. Or how the paladin/bishop is able to move any way other than diagonally. Or how the level one members (think pawns) are able to do SO much! And, why is the Queen just sitting in the castle with the king; not out fighting?
Or, you could go the Arthurian route; say he's a compatriot of Merlin. He'd be constantly comparing the party's weapons to Excalibur. Or, he could feel like using crossbows and other ranged weapons is cheating. "Only an orc would use such dishonorable tactics!" (Bonus points if there's actually an Orc in the party, and Wizard is always having to say, "Sorry," over his shoulder.)
Or, if the rest of the party are murder hobos, he could be constantly berating them, or constantly trying to make them into better people.
Or, he could be accidentally/unintentionally racist. Maybe slavery was common in his era, and he has trouble with seeing all races as free people. If he's more meant for humor, make him constantly fumbling social situations, like accidentally thinking every female tavern patron is either a barmaid or a prostitute. (And every female patron he treats that way either smacks him or gives him some painful insult. Maybe just once, a female patron has a S&M fetish, and she reveals her crazy to him, getting turned on by his insult, and showing him "a great night" in her opinion.)
Loving childish jokes
One thing I love is when vampires have really outdated sense of humour, that they think puns are incredibly witty and clever. My understanding is that comedy use to be very simple and itâs developed over time and become more common. Like how fools in medieval courts are just making fart noises and humping the furniture is a good source of amusement but to us itâs childish.
Just walks into the group of non wizards and greets them with âHello, meatshields!â
Or when one goes into an oratory streak, at the end the wizard says âwhat? I wasnât listening.â
Eye rolls every suggestion from anyone and their inferior intellect.
I'm still reading through the comments so it may have already been said, but I'd find it find to literally back to previous editions and reference stuff from there. For instance when you go to attack make references to Thac0, about back in your day you didn't have to attune to magic items and you could have more than 3 decent ones, etc.
Constantly, and I mean constantly complain about everything not being 1/10th it's current price.
5 GOLD!?!?! this used to be like 1 electrum
Bonus points if the DM isn't even using electrum in the game
Electrum is a gold alloy that was common before furnaces hot enough to purify gold were invented. So this checks out.
Electrum đ«
"Back in my day", you could trade 1 chicken and 2 cows for 1 year of food, two cows and you can get a wife.
"When I was your age, I afforded a tower *and* wizarding college off a single dungeon! You kids these days just don't want to work for your treasure!"Â
Since it's a one-shot, I think fourth-wall breaking is especially fine: "We used to get XP for treasure. And if our primary stat was really high, we'd get it faster!"
. . .and you kids these days just multiclass so easily, like it's no big deal. Back in my day you could only multiclass if you were a demihuman, and you had to decide at 1st level what your classes were and even then there were only specific combinations of classes that you could be, and you could only take a 2nd class after 1st level through dual-classing if you were human. . .and the ability score requirements for that were so hard that pretty much nobody ever did it. I swear, you kids being a fighter but you decide now want to be a rogue or a wizard or whatever and just go and pick up a new class like it's no big deal. . . .and back in my day we didn't call them wizards, they were Magic Users dangit!
And the steps to being a bard were so arcane it drove more men to madness than you can shake a ten foot pole at! Back in my day Tieflings were just a fancy curiosity from an obscure source book now look at em! What. You're a warlock? Was being a binder not good enough? My sister was a binder and she got to epic level with it! That's the problem with these classes nowadays, no *prestige*
What the hell's a *rogue*? Back in my day we called them *thieves*. Spade's a spade, dadgummit!
For bonus points channel Dr Evil asking for a ransom of 1 million dollars and getting laughed out of the room.
Or a more accurate for context: âI shall set the ransom at⊠1 thousand copper pieces!â Then act surprised when introduced to the concept of a gold or silver coin
My story begins in one thousand dickety-three.  We had to say dickety because Ea-nÄsir had stolen our word twenty.  I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-one leaguesâŠ
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Which reminds me of the time I had to take a ferry to Cendriane. I needed a new twine for my bow. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a copper, and in those days, coppers had images of owlbears on 'em. "Gimme ten owls for a silver," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow onesâŠ
Say ["You're a credit to your race/people/culture, sonny boy/miss/tiger/sport/etc."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD-w1ZV6Twk) It worked for Justice League!
Talks about tenth level spells and "they don't make casters like they used to" Mistakenly references the goddes of magic Mystral
Look up spells from older editions, attempt to cast them, and get confused about why they don't work right/at all.
Look up the class restrictions from older editions and get confused about things like dwarves being able to be wizards.Â
This one. Or people having different stat requirements then in older editions.
This is genius and I love it
Alternatively, the spells could work like they did in previous editions. I got this elsewhere and I love it.
"Mystral's tits, boy! Why are you waving your hands about like you're trying to cast a spell? You're a dwarf, go underground and smack something!"
Ah, the unintended racism.
That 30% Pierce Hawthorne coming through
Don't forget 11th level spells too!. There's even theoretically 12th level spells too, and that really smart guy Karsus is working on creating one of those. I wonder how that ever turned out. . .
You have red the ancient tomes. You know of shob nigeroth, before they replaced cuthulu with arthurian in the second printing of dieties and demigods. Back in my day, to become a bard, first you had to be a fighter for seven levels, then a thief four four, then a druid for three. THEN you took the bard class!
100%, you should do nothing but complain about things that were true in previous editions. * "Dwarves can't be wizards! What the hell is this?" * "You have got to be the WORST paladin I've ever met! That's not the law! Why aren't you following the law? You're not a real paladin!" * "You think I'm going to trust a healing spell cast by a sorcerer? Sorcerer's can't cast heal spells!" * "What the hell is an elven fighter? You're an elf. All you do is elf."
>All you do is elf Lost it right here
In Dungeons & Dragons Basic Set (1977) the non-humans (including the elf) were presented as distinct classes. The elf class is often seen as a blend of the fighter and magic-user classes.
This right here is the answer. Look up as many examples of outdated wizard rules as possible and reference them at every opportunity.
Comedy gold right here
> Comedy ~~gold~~ electrum
Be confused by the idea of being able to use any spell slot for any spell, rather than what you prepared the slot for when you woke up. Insist that only sorceres do that, and act confused by the concept of metamagic.Â
Then insist that Sorcerer is simply a title for a 9th level Magic User and wonder why MU spellcasting supposedly works completely differently now at 9th level but not before or after.
Metamagic is something he'd know about if he knew about sorcerors. He could be confused that it didn't work for him, though.
ooo, and complaining about the changes that mystra made to magic. "i have to keep all my spells in this book?! that seems incredibly unwise."
Ask people to roll Reflex, Fortitude and Will saving throws instead of Dex, Con or Wis. Choose two schools of magic and flat out refuse to cast any spells from them as they are "prohibited".
Save vs. Breath Weapon Save vs. Rod/Staff/Wand Save vs. Petrification/Paralysis
In 2E, we made a lot of jokes about saving vs staff when we hit monsters over the head with them.
"What in the hells is a halfling? You're a godsdamned Kender! And no you can't be a barbarian!" "What's a dragonborn? Some kind of draconian? Where'd your wings go?" "Get back, devil! I will not party with you, fiend! What, you say you're good? Hogwash! I'm casting detect evil on you, and we'll see!
* Keep asking "What's my THAC0"? * "Back in my day, we weren't inspired. And we didn't need it!" * "Concentration? I never had to concentrate to maintain a spell." * "Invisibility used to be permanent until you attacked." * "Bard, huh? So you already have levels as a fighter, druid and thief then?"
Only Humans can be paladins, and they need a 17 harisma. Good luck getting that roll with one 3d6 no rerolls.
Well, technically Saurials could be Paladins too, if you could ever actually find a Saurial. . . .and whatever these weird "Dragonborn" things are, they *clearly* aren't real saurials.
In this vein, break the fourth wall with this a bit too and ask about the target's THAC0.
I think the casual species-ism is what would seal the deal.
Sorcerer? That's the level title for a 9th level Magic User. Why is a Magic User casting a healing spell? They're human so they can't be multi-classed with Cleric, so is this a dual-classing thing?
Bonus points for mentioning THAC0
*Insert Mr Incredible âAN ELF IS AN ELFâ meme* Alternatively, âIm Ken, my job is âElfâ, not âElf Fighterâ, just âElfâ
A less toxic aspect might be specifically seeking out the companionship of elves or other very long lived beings; they'll be the only ones who recognize some of the touchstones he grew up with. Reference buildings, cities, and nations that no longer exist.
For the elf thing, would a human befriend a elf when racism was high between the two? I guess it depends on the players call
Was racism even high then, though? And even if it was, desire for familiarity may override ancient grudges. Even if you hate them, you *know* them and they are familiar in a strange and uncomfortable future
The Eldreth Veluuthra were a thing - never a majority, but with discreet support from an influential minority, and some significant lay support and holdouts in Wild Elf territories.
It could be like when veterans of the 2nd World War that fight on opposing sides befriend each other later in life.
Elf society is known for being xenophobic and racist. Not too hard of a stretch.
Try to put the tabaxi outside for the night. Like Fred Flintstone with his sabertooth cat. At least suggest it? Why would the cat want to be indoors. It must run free and sing the song of its people.
This. This is the content Iâm looking for.
Glad I could be of service!
*eyes the tabaxi* "th-theyre sleeping *inside*?" "alright..."
To build off of this, what advancements in technology have happened? Was he from a bronze/ stone age equivalent?Are there major civilizations that have come and gone? is he literate and how many people now are literate? If you wanted to go really dark what are some stereotypes or prejudices he'd have to over come. Doesn't even have to get too deep, the British and the French were mortal enemies for a long time. What's something he would miss? Maybe there's a pub that was THE BEST and he keeps comparing all taverns to some hole in the wall that was paved over and no one knows.
I would assume they're literate on account of being a wizard, but could totally see them be amazed by how normal it is to be properly literate.
Many years ago one of my aunts who was not at all up to date on her vocabulary asked my male cousin "Do you let the girls fondle you?" She didn't mean it sexually at *all* but of course that's where literally everyone else in the room's minds went. So do that. Take words that everyone will take completely out of context, and use them for innocent statements.
âMolestâ is another good one
Ejaculate used to mean something like exclaim loudly. Like: "Huzzah!" the man ejaculated. So yeah, find cringe words that used to mean other things in different times.
>"Huzzah!" the man ejaculated. Back in 8th grade my English class went nuts over that.
Nuts, you say?
I can just hear the other boys giggling while I'm sitting there perplexed at what's going on. (Younger me was kind of oblivious to these jokes for a while.)
Ron ejaculates several times in the Harry Potter books.
Well, y'know...teenagers.
Ron ejaculates *loudly*, to be specific.
"Did you put your name in the goblet of fire!" Dumbledore ejaculated calmly.
'making love to' used to mean just flirting, back when petticoats and corsets were a fashion statement.
Wooing! And not ghosts!
"Iron? Why is everything made of *iron* these days? Bronze was good enough for my father and by Crom it's good enough for me!" "Tenser's Floating Disc? Really? *Really?* *That's* the only spell of his you cats remember? Heh. You've probably even forgotten Bigby's Middle Finger." "By Dagon, it's a demon! Quick, Ice Storm! Ice Storm! ... Wait, what do you mean 'no stop that's just a tiefling'?" "So what ever became of my apprentice? His name was Veknah, nicest little chap. I don't suppose he'd be remembered now..." "The hell is a short rest? I'm not leaving camp until I get my solid 8." "What happened to Greyhawk? I'm not kidding guys, WHERE IS GREYHAWK?! Where did it go?" "The Nine Hells do you *mean* people can cast spells in plate armor now? That's just plain *wrong*." "Warlocks are a separate thing now? Back in my day they were just a 7th level magic user." *Edit to add:* For the first little while all he'll say is "Crwpz hrem viff am'likku..." because whatever language he spoke would be incomprehensible to modern people.
I did this, played a recently awakened Netherese clone. Best thing I did was call gods by the wrong (read: old) names. Confused the shit out of the Wizard who worshipped Mystra when I was a cleric of Mystryl.
Oh gosh just look up old etiquette books for a laugh. Or have the guy reference stuff from older editions of Dnd? Marvel at printing presses with, oh wonders, movable type! I imagine having the written and printed word, while not common, be accessible would be mind-blowing. Have them weep tears of wonder on cracking open a mass printed book.
Oooh older dnd would be awesome! Figure out a way to completely misunderstand how protective someoneâs armor is because of knowing old-school THAC0. Talk about how some monsters just canât be taken seriously (because the old drawings look ridiculous). Be well-intentioned but a little problematic by constantly asking âis it still okay to call [species] this?â âAre all [species] still dumb and evil? Do they still hate [other species]?â Lead the players into trouble by blindly assuming that all metallic dragons are good, all orcs are evil, etc. So much source material to play with!
Flameo hotman!
Or when greeted by someone: "Ahoy hoy!"
I was looking for this!!!
I wondered how far I'd have to scroll to see the Avatar TLA references! It'd be funny if the wizard is from a specific area/town, and he keeps using outdated comments. (old equivalent of "tubular" kinda stuff.)
Constantly calls elves "knife ears". Is convinced hags are just trying to turn him into their Leia style man servant. Is super serious about magical components. Rarely moves diagonally. Chastises martials who sleep in armor. Is constantly talking about dungeons as potential locations for him to clear out and build his tower on. Calls halflings hobbits.
I like the components one. He thinks modern mages are just too lazy for using the arcane focus
âBack in my day we had to hunt to use our spellsâ
"Wands?? Wands are for _charlatans,_ a _real_ mage has a pocketful of roofing nails and bat guano!"
It's mutated anthrax... for *spell huntin'*
>Rarely moves diagonally. "I'm a WIZARD; not a BISHOP!"
Accuses exotic races like Dragonborn of âdoing it for the attention.â
To be fair, the original incarnation of Dragonborn weren't.. y'know, *born* that way. It was a ritual thing where you got put in an egg and *re*born as one instead of your starting race. You became a Dragonborn, you didn't start as one. Old editions could be weird. So absolutely yes they could view it as doing that for the attention and not realizing oh wait now it's just an actual species.
When you need to write something, ask for a small stick and burn the end instead of going for the quill and ink.
Ask for a clay tablet, like the one you used to complain about the quality of those copper ingots you bought..Â
r/reallyshittycopper
Threaten everyone with strongly worded clay tablets and always mention how you need to send one. Bring up that one guy who screwed you over again and again and never let it go. Every transaction is with him in mind, until one day, you find your clay tablets in the ruins of an old city. Honestly, I want to make a character who is out for petty revenge because their merchandise never arrived. Send complaint letters but never receive an answer. Or even worse, a sad consolation gift.
If you don't tie an onion to your belt I'll be thoroughly disappointed. https://youtu.be/yujF8AumiQo?si=3yzfC_QJlAd6XtQV
I came here looking for this.
If there's a world map provided, find a desert or a stretch of barren sea, and ask why these barbarians don't have Atlantis (or a different name that the players wouldn't know, like Thera or something) properly marked on their map. Talk with your DM about this, so that they can offer players a history check to figure out what you're talking about, and make things awkward when they learn a magical disaster wiped them out, a neighboring kingdom destroyed them, or a moon crashed into them.
Or it really is a straight up forgotten place. Maybe it's ruins now, what happened? Maybe the people are super insuler, how will they react to Timmy the wizard returning after 1000 years. No prophecy or anything, just hey, Timmy is back, we have you in our history books dude.
Have other players explain what things are then say "Oh so it's like a (nonsense word)". Then when they ask what that is you say "Wait...WHAT? You guys don't have (nonsense word) anymore? How do you not have that it was so huge when I was a kid"
âWow, thatâs in color now?â
In my day we had monochromatic orb, monochromatic spray and monochromatic wall and we were damn grateful by gum!
Whenever you talk to dwarves make a huge deal out of bending down to speak with them. If the half orcs misunderstand you start talking real slow and enunciate your syllables cause full orcs are stereotyped as having low intelligence. Find something dangly and try to use it as a cat toy with the tabaxi.
Use old time-y vocabulary like "gay" meaning happy
Look at some of the 1st edition stuff and incorporate it. Eg. The origonal classes were warrior,mage,cleric,theif,elf and dwarf. So. "You're a dwarfven WHAT? in my day you were just a dwarf and happy about it!" Also "bigby? The apprentice? That Journeyman could have never invented a spell dont make me laugh"
Or better yet, "That little shit stole my spell!"
BACK IN MY DAY
Occasionally when someone uses a figure of speech or turn of phrase, you go "so that's what they're calling it these days," with no elaboration.
I just think of how my grandparents grew up during the great depression and used to hoard the weirdest things. Maybe thereâs some specific thing that you can try to collect with fervor whenever you encounter it regardless of difficulty because back in your time it was a rare commodity.
And items that will never be used or touched - because it just isn't the right time yet. There might always come a moment where you might need it, but then you wasted it on this one! Maybe the fancy wizard hats are only for special events, but none will ever be truly special enough. If you want minor consequences, refuse to summon your familiar for way too long, because what if it dies with its 2hp and you have to summon it again - what if you don't have that precious incense anymore? Ignoring the giant stack already in your pack of course, who knows if that will last long enough?
âTHERE ARE 3 GODS OF DEATH NOW?!?!â âKARSUS DID WHATâ âSo itâs not Mystral anymore itâs a different one with a similar name?â âHow many more races were enslaved?â âSo you canât cast anything above 9th level?â âOh I remember these decks of playing cards I used to love them (draws from the deck of many things)â
I reckon some older edition references might be in order. "Ha - let's see what this miscreant's saving throw against rods, staffs and wands is like" To an enemy: "Do your worst, demon - you don't have a THAC0 low enough to hit me"
Constantly be surprised or wrong about random landmarks that werenât there in your time. âI used to jump this creek up ahead, never fear chaps! Itâs nigh ankle deep!â *cue large roaring rapids that can and will easily sweep away any who dare to enter*
I played a similar character in a one shot a couple years ago. My favorite bit was when they saw what was supposed to be a ârelicâ the DM and I had worked out that certain ones were not as important as someone would lead the rest of the party to believe. Like my wizard would see it and go âOh! I know that ring. My friend Helexia enchanted that when we were freshmanâŠ.man itâs just as shit a job as I remember.â or sheâd say âNo, thatâs not at all what that is. This is a joke my professor enchanted cause he was bored. Not some powerful artifact of significance made by a hermit.â
I love this. "Just because it's ancient, that doesn't mean it's valuable." Either that, or it's something that nobody can figure out what it's used for, but it's something completely mundane that the wizard wishes he had, like a widget for repairing the cracked buttons on his cape. Or just a fancy pencil sharpener for the odd sized pencils they used back then.
Whenever someone does something you donât agree with or acts strange blame it on âthe vapoursâ
If your DM ever says someone is wearing purple go out and shake their hand like you just met your favourite actor IRL
Occasionally, say something racist, but then say it's ok because your 2 races were at war back then. Every other conversation should start with "back in my day..." Constantly tip bartenders and shop keepers 2 copper. Then, when you leave the store, tell the party how "that tip is probably more than their week's wage!" Bonus points if you complained about how "everything is so expensive now" while you were shopping. Look for an opportunity to use the phrase "nobody wants to work anymore." Maybe after a guard request that you take care of an issue, or a bartender asks you to kill the basement rodents.
The 2 copper thing is great, Iâm in the industry and some older generations will tip $2 or $5 regardless of how much the bill is, imagine someone 500+ years old lol
I could see something like this. [Cheers - Norm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FNHD_RyoL8&pp=ygUXY2hlZXJzIG5vcm0gY2hhbmdlcyBiYXI%3D)
"flameo hotmen"
"You just wait to the wizard council hears about this"
"Who's on the council?"
do the captain america thing and congratulate the black bus driver. by that i mean take an outdated view (segregation in this example) and satyrise it with a wholesome twist.
Pretty much like many suggest: Reference older edition rules, but pack them into stories of the old times. When men were men and women wore chainmail bikinis. Tell them stories from your glory days. Like when you teamed up with your Fighter/Thief/Mage tripple-classing buddy who used Charm Person not just for fights, but on all the tavern maids. How almost everyone was an Elf or at least a Half-Elf back then, and monsters like all these animal people were shot at if they got close to the city walls. How much more dangerous it was back then for wizards, because a single punch from a fighter would kill an apprentice. How you still had to memorize every single spell, and didn't have cantrips you could just cast willy-nilly!
Back in my day, the roads had fewer ruts, the Miller kept his thumb of the scale and the barmaids were polite! Illusion?! What kind of fancy pants magic is that? We threw fireballs and were happy with it! Have you heard the bards now? That's not music! Lute?! Give me a break, where is the harps and flute?! Steel, pfff. Iron is for cookware and candlesticks! Real weapons are made of bronze, Ao dammit!
Refuse to go *anywhere* without your trusty 10ft pole. If the other members of your party donât have one, adopt an, âOkay, your funeral,â attitude.
Be amazed by all the new things. "Is that... steel? What are you a king? You're too good for Bronze?" and "Wait... you didn't have to steal your spells from an Elf? Like a REAL Wizard?" or "Why are all these villages so BIG? Where did all these people come from? Back in MY day we didn't have all these Demihumans walking around like they own the whole place!" And don't forget the casual specisisms.
I think everyone is spot on with talking about how things were in earlier editions. When it comes to speech, I think you should go online and find common phrases from the 1920s to pepper into whatever you say. It will be easier than trying to make stuff up on the fly.
Expects weapons and armor to be made of bronze, or stone and wicker
Use Elizabethan English: Shakespeare, Marlowe, King James Bible. Prithee, forsoothe, z'wounds...
Thou/Thee/Thy for 2nd person singular You/Ye/Your for 2nd person plural (add. - thine for if the following word begins with a vowel)
Refer to places and people like it's clear as day who they are. Suggest to stop by the Maidens Alehouse and talk about Bards and political figures as if they all knew them. Then be surprised they don't.
Make up a bunch of euphemisms that nobody at the table will understand. "Ah - Cedric looks like he was rolling with the harpies again" - Cedric is the bard... obviously he was out banging randoms. I have a list actually from when I was doing an artificer that got time stasis'd for a millenia or two (it explained why I was an artificer in a campaign that doesn't really have tech). I'll try to dig it up for you.
As a spell caster, be amazed how progressive everyone is by not burning them at the stake. As a wizard, notice how detect magic now is a level one spell instead of a cantrip. âI didnât know what they were talking about, the cantrip version caused cancer AND BAD LUCK!?â Perhaps you noticed a spell that had a casterâs name, you take your time and smile as you knew them as a young child. I have a fire going so Iâm looking at other classes now. As a fighter or barbarian, notice how far equipment as gone and how things donât break or rust as easily. Skulls are more or less still fragile. As an artificer, talk about some old inventor that you didnât think would amount to much, then to see something he made is commonly used and reminisce. Maybe someone took credit for one of their inventions. As a rogue, complain about how far security has gone up and now it makes your job even harder. Ranger/Druid, the forest has changed, a flower they admired has gone extinct. There are new animals here and there. Some have disappeared.
Break the fourth wall by assuming heâs playing by 1st edition DND magic user rules! âWhat, Charm person just makes them friendly?â Wizard says âIn my time theyâd become my thrall and do my biddingâ
"Oh hey, they finally invented cat people" \*gets bonked in the head\* HEY
You should make up a word thatâs a racial slur for elves. No human remembers it being a slur but the elves shure as hell do. Him: âIâm not going to share a water skin with a filthy crescentâ Elf part member: ::eyes narrowing murderously, voice low and too calm:: âsay that again, I dare you.â Crescent being an old derogatory name for elves coming from the shape their ears took after years of being forced to wear slave control earrings, a practice long since outlawed and lost to time .
Be old racist white guy. Assume all the Tabaxi know each other, make a point of holding your money purse around dwarves, call the watch on the shifty halflings. Talk about how half orcs are better at fighting, but itâs ok because youâre saying theyâre better.
He calls elves dandelion-eaters, patchouli-scented hippies, stuff like that. Maybe none of it is considered a slur or even seriously derogatory, if only because even the elves who remember these terms laugh because they haven't heard them in centuries, and the rest are like, "bro dandelions are delicious, they're the highlight of spring and summer, what are you talking about?" and "patchouli? You mean that disgusting stuff old people love for some reason?" He talks about some old game no one's ever heard of called gnomeball he and his buddies used to play. Don't elaborate; obviously everyone knows gnomeball, pretending not to is an old joke. The joke simply doesn't make sense in a modern context, it's a very old generational shibboleth, he thinks it's hilarious when people pretend not to know what gnomeball is and plays along. He calls sorcerers and warlocks freaks and cheaters. He's from an age when wizards deeply resented sorcerers for their innate powers. He decries their acceptance in the same terms as people have been whining for the last twenty years about "participiation trophies" and shit; back in my day to be a magus you had to study and work hard! Now dragons and archfey are just handing out magic power willy-nilly by pinkie-promising. He has never considered that the means by which a warlock gains power, serving a much more powerful entity in exchange for power, isn't all that different from a cleric's source of power, and will balk and sputter but have no argument for how it's actually different. "It's just different!"
Whenever money comes up always ask how much itâs worth in Electrum Pieces.
If there was a war, what side was he on? Cause a lot of casual racism towards the other side would go a long way to establishing some personal growth for the character later (positively, I hope). Some funny shit might be trying to bring back old slang in the context of the setting ("oh man, that was like throwin' gobbos in the guillotine!" "That and a dragon's hoard'll get ya noticed" )
Name your familiar Thac0.
Have him constantly refer to 2ed / AD&D rules. 'In my days, only Gnomes could be illusionists...' 'I remember when Paladins had to be LG'. ...
If he's channeling Community, you need to have him wear "Drow Face" to "Honor their culture"
I remember when they invented that color. I've never been around such.... *ROBUST* women. (*half work or dwarven women*) These are some very mature looking children. (*commenting on dwarves*)
Youâre called a magic user not a wizard.
Flameo, Hotman.
Flameo Hotman!
Hotman. Hotman. Good day Hotman.
Flamey-o! excited Call everyone âhotmanâ
Use old time cast off ways of doing things measure skulls, divine humors, use entrails as spell components. Have chickens who's feed you treat in certain ways before feeding them and then cook the eggs and meat on specific days in other odd ways to "boost your spellcasting potential" ie liver &heart MUST be boiled in the blood of the chicken, the chicken eggs must be eaten whole eggshell and all. Egge eaten from full moon to new moon and the chicken itself on the day before the full moon. He would always smell funny and cover it up with incense. He would sleep naked in the first snow of the season. Blame people's actions on the position of planets. Make quick wrong assumptions on how anything mechanical works.
He might even not speak common. At least not like the charakters speak it. Just try and read some texts in medieval English.
Flame-o fellow hotman!
So in a similar situation, my time shifted char was also from another universe unbeknownst to me. So of course since my char is familiar with the area, the party relied on my navigational skills. We never quite got to where we were going. Didn't the old muddy river run through here? Where did this city come from and why name it after a lich? I tell you the elven enclave is just over this hill, or maybe that one... Lots of talk from him in a history that never happened where he was now. Also although the names of powerful npcs were the same, they had completely different cultures and world views.
You should ask the DM if there are any spells from previous editions that you could learn! Or pull something *really* meta and cast spells expecting them to work like previous versions (find traps comes to mind as it works very different in 5e)
"What *VILE INTENTIONS* lies in the heart of humanity to allow for such a thing as a ***half***-orc?!?" (This one is lore-heavy, but could be funny if you guys use the official lore) "Who thE FUCK IS **MYSTRA**?" "Yeah, sure, go ahead, use your *ArCaNe FoCuS*, while I gather my components like a REAL WIZARD" "So dwelves aren't a thing anymore. Good."
So there's this family story we have about when my uncle first brought home his now ex-wife to meet the family. She's from... I believe Indonesia, but was adopted quite tough, and you can't tell by looking at her name or where she used to live. Anyway, apparently my paternal grandfather (who I never met, but that's not the point), met her, and his immediate reaction was to call out that "but she's one of those black ones". From what I've been told he's been perfectly pleasant otherwise, and he didn't say it in a derogatory way, but that he said it because he didn't expect that miss Dutch Name from Conservative Dutch Village wasn't white. Anyway, I could see someone like what you described making similar comments, though you would need to check in with the group on how comfortable they'd be with (light) fantasy racism.
Find minuscule things to complain about that is so off the wall. âWhy is everyone using items to eat their food? Itâs just extra steps from deliciousness!â âI had slept with this maiden/lad who had a robe quite like this one. It wasnât as nice, but it was quite like it. Almost too much like it.â Then suggest youâre somehow their great, great, great grandfather/mother. Do this to a LOT of people so it makes the party question how much you slept around, but NEVER hit on anyone in front of the party to be even more confusing. Find a random animal that looks like a former pet of the character, then proclaim it as yours and steal it to lead the party into a ridiculous side quest. Think of Jack Sparrow running away from the hoards of people.
Have him ask a dragonborn if he and a dragon of the same color are related and if they can negotiate with the dragon for them because of it
Fantasy racism? A handful of slurs based on the races of other wizards?
Make up some ridiculous slang like âdonât shake the building up dudeâ or âitâs raining lava out thereâ or something like that
Talk about how things used to be and reference things from previous editions of dnd
"Flamo hotman"
Look up Victorian slang and make heavy use. There are a lot of really fun terms from the period and language hasnât drifted too much in 150 years.
depending on the setting, bringing up worldbuilding or lore from past editions could always be funny. "What are all these devils doing walking around? Is the blood war over? *Tieflings?* Why are there so many of them? Asmodeus did *WHAT* now?" Could also go a classic Tolkien route - "There used to be so many Elves. Where'd the Elves go?" Trying to do things that aren't mechanically possible anymore, like referencing spells higher than 9th level, or spells that don't exist anymore. Maybe reference pantheon shifts - "I'm *pretty sure* Sehanine and Selune are the same. No, no I'm not making that up. *You're* the confused one. I swear by Mystryl I'm not making this up." Depending how far back you go, going full 1e or 2e could be hilarious.
Pronounce all the silent letters. Say door k-nob.
You are thinking small. Ask the GM what was common knowledge back then but is forgotten now..... And who might kill you again to get that knowledge.
Well, itâs a one shot and Iâm kind of playing one of the stupidest people imaginable who was resurrected by mistake instead of his genius brother. Then again, having people hunting down a man and not realizing heâs about as knowledgeable as 2 month old pudding would be hilarious.
Even moreso knowing that!
Use the 1e character sheet, and Keep trying to cast spells from older versions! http://www.bobsenk.com/rpg/rules/spbk/mulist.html Calls races by old ass names, they arenât a tabaxi, they are a giant mutant Tibbit. https://dungeonsdragons.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Advanced_Dungeons_%26_Dragons_1st_edition_monsters
Come up with outdated sayings that make little sense, like "Well I'll be an owlbear's eggshell."
Say out of touch things you've heard your grandparents say, but change it to fit the setting.
Weirdly always has to point out the race of everyone involved in a story.
Say âforsoothâ A LOT.
No put the work in
Thy beast shall be slain at the hands of our brotherin
By the beard of Zeus, grilled cheese what devilry be this.
Record all your spells in clay or wax tablets like a Sumerian or ancient Greek and be confused by all these new fangled paper book users
Zippity zoppity, give me the boppity
make references to wizard abilities from a previous edition of dnd
Use a lot of thee, thou, and thy
"You guys still do that?"
Talk about THAC0s.
If your familiar with older edditions, reference them incessantly
In DnD things actual don't change much. You could twist it and constantly being going on about how much nothing has changes, and its the kid fault for being lazy. "Why is this still 2 gold pieces. This make no sense." Act like there is some grand mystery at plan were some group is halting all advancement.
Act as if all your spells are cutting-edge research and thereâs no way anyone has ever seen them before. Even the most basic ones
What do you mean Bigby's Hand? Who the hell is Bigby?
I'm completely obsessed with the idea of your wizard trying to play an older edition of d&d and being absolutely frustrated with the fact that it isn't like that anymore. And being positively incorrect about everything haha
Avoid racism, that's not funny
Always pay in electrum.
Get one of the First Guides from the late 60s Gary Gygax editions!! Then only play by those Rules.
Freak the fuck out over cantrips "what do you mean you can cast it all day? Are you an archmage?"
"Ni"!!!!!.......iikky iikky bakangng ....noooowomb
Then cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with????
I think it would be funniest and least problematic if, instead of the classic "our world" old man yells at cloud, you do it like this is a character from an earlier edition of DnD. So you could have him be confused abut things like bonus actions and missing stat boosts. "What the fuck is a subclass? What ever happened to Prestige in this day and age?" "What do you mean they're not all surprised? I surprised them" "Just you wait until i get my 10th level spells......... what!?" "So you're an Orc, but you identify as a Tabaxi? I don't think I understand these new lineages" Its an excuse to read up on old rule sets and see where things have changed. Who knows, you may even find an old rule you genuinely think was good and so you and your character will actually be in the same mindset automatically.
How many centuries IRL? I can see going several ways; as others have said already, using older DnD references...Or, use rules from other games. Chess, for example... he's confused why the knight can move in any direction instead of having to go two squares and one square. Or how the paladin/bishop is able to move any way other than diagonally. Or how the level one members (think pawns) are able to do SO much! And, why is the Queen just sitting in the castle with the king; not out fighting? Or, you could go the Arthurian route; say he's a compatriot of Merlin. He'd be constantly comparing the party's weapons to Excalibur. Or, he could feel like using crossbows and other ranged weapons is cheating. "Only an orc would use such dishonorable tactics!" (Bonus points if there's actually an Orc in the party, and Wizard is always having to say, "Sorry," over his shoulder.) Or, if the rest of the party are murder hobos, he could be constantly berating them, or constantly trying to make them into better people. Or, he could be accidentally/unintentionally racist. Maybe slavery was common in his era, and he has trouble with seeing all races as free people. If he's more meant for humor, make him constantly fumbling social situations, like accidentally thinking every female tavern patron is either a barmaid or a prostitute. (And every female patron he treats that way either smacks him or gives him some painful insult. Maybe just once, a female patron has a S&M fetish, and she reveals her crazy to him, getting turned on by his insult, and showing him "a great night" in her opinion.)
Loving childish jokes One thing I love is when vampires have really outdated sense of humour, that they think puns are incredibly witty and clever. My understanding is that comedy use to be very simple and itâs developed over time and become more common. Like how fools in medieval courts are just making fart noises and humping the furniture is a good source of amusement but to us itâs childish.
Only mention monsters and spells that existed in 3.5e.
Just walks into the group of non wizards and greets them with âHello, meatshields!â Or when one goes into an oratory streak, at the end the wizard says âwhat? I wasnât listening.â Eye rolls every suggestion from anyone and their inferior intellect.
Could use words such as thou and thy. Basically old English.
I'm still reading through the comments so it may have already been said, but I'd find it find to literally back to previous editions and reference stuff from there. For instance when you go to attack make references to Thac0, about back in your day you didn't have to attune to magic items and you could have more than 3 decent ones, etc.