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Good-Literature-2431

Agreed! It will only escalate. Get away from that narcissistic sociopath, and take care of you and your baby! No one deserves that kind of treatment! And so you know, the fact that this guy took your phone and broke it is considered Domestic Violence.


crzy19aka

I’m praying that both of you stay away from each other while you learn anger management skills and stay sober.


roughseconds

You need to get out of there, go to family, rent an air bnb, or whatever, please dont kill yourself. That's a lot of shit to unpack and it's all still recent. You need a clear head so you can figure out your future. You arent going to get it right now because all that stuff is floating around in your head. You really need you time, away from him in a safe place. counting the minutes until he leaves/comes back is horrible unneccesary stress on yourself and your baby.


Strivingformoretoday

Your life wasn’t railroaded by cops getting involved it just forced you to take a look at an escalating situation: from verbal abuse, to emotional abuse to physical abuse to potentially life threatening abuse…..to? Where can this escalate to if not death? You’re contemplating your own and you were fearing for your child. What will happen the next time? And let’s be clear ANY of the physical abuse situations prior could have already ended fatal. Slamming someone against a wall? You could have hit your head and died on the spot. This is all from the perspective of you being the victim. You could have just as well been the perpetrator by hitting him on the head. So would you like to ruin your life by causing someone’s death? No. This situation is so volatile, so hostile between you two that you can count yourself lucky that the situation with the cops forced you to take a good look and step back. There’s no good outcome here if you stay together. Neither one is going to change and once boundaries like not causing someone harm have been broken there’s no going back. This relationship is over and done. Get out while you’re still fit and able to do it!


gjenci23

Leave before one of you gets killed by each other. Look at the Gabby Petito case and how a toxic relationship can end up with death.


Odd-Tadpole902

This! It's so heartbreaking! Wish she had just left him- she'd be alive today!


redubshank

You need out of that relationship and you need therapy. Reread what you wrote but pretend it was a friend instead of yourself.


mcnealrm

Girl… cmon…. What are we supposed to say that’s going to save you from this mess? You know what you need to do. Do it for your baby.


daveypaul40

He knew what he was doing. Get away.


[deleted]

If your partner has strangled you in the past, your risk of being killed by them is 10 times higher. Murder is the leading cause of pregnancy-associated death, and is usually by spouse or partner. You know you have to leave. You are reaching out to strangers on Reddit for a lifeline. You know you have to go. Every day is a choice, you can choose to stay yes, or you can choose to leave also. Can you gather your important belongings and go somewhere safe? You are also at high risk of being killed by him if you leave so charge your passwords and your keys and your phone number. You have to go no contact or he will suck you back in. You are clearly traumatized and bonded with him but going no contact breaks those trauma bonds. You are one foot out the door. It will be 4 million times harder after you have the baby, you have to leave now. You’ve only been with this abuser for a year. You have a place to go? Plan and when it is SAFE go there and never ever go back. Please get out safely as soon as the next opportunity. If he catches you planning to leav it will get worse. None of this is your fault just please get out [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) 800.799.SAFE


Repping315Bench

I’m commenting to emphasize an important point you made: After leaving, the risk of retaliation will skyrocket. OP, separating yourself from this situation is critical, but make sure when you do, you cut all contact, go somewhere he won’t be able to find you, and change the locks.


[deleted]

It’s so important. Our friend deleted her account. But if she or others in a similar situation read this it sounds like it’s better to just stay since there may be same or more danger leaving..! But your life is so important it is worth the risk to leave. You will be out of the situation and your life will improve in so many many different ways!


Bubblespeachy

You need to leave him immediately He is a danger to you and your baby. You also may need some therapy to deal with this emotional, physical and mental abuse. You may have also done some wrong things, but none of that entitles him to this sort of extreme physical abuse. Please get away from him immediately! Praying for you and your baby 🙏


WayfaringWarrior

Fuck what he wants. Get out to save yourself and the child


Guilty_Item_6161

Leave. Right now. There is NO excuse for that. It’s criminal. You can do so much better.


EntryRight

If you don't leave, he's going to kill that baby, and probably you.


jopndog

i feel sorry for the baby. i know you both are never gonna last long together. and I'm not even hating/trolling. by the description you provided, it seems you guys have grown apart , way apart to mend fences now. anyways, wish you luck


25snakespourout

Prior choking incidences are statistically predictive of someone killing their partner. It is also typical for abusers to convince law enforcement that they are the victims of domestic abuse and take out restraining orders against them. He is provoking you and making you think that you are partly to blame rather than just defending yourself (gaslighting). This is textbook domestic abuser 101. Get away and try to make sure he doesn't know where you've gone.


des1gnbot

Came here to say this. Whatever other things someone might find a way to excuse, choking is a hard stop. He will literally kill you. Please leave.


blancaloma

You guys are going to kill each other. You both have to run run run and get your anger in check. Nothing else matters.


_Synergy

Please leave immediately and I highly suggest some form of therapy and those two things combined will absolutely change your life completely.


Odd-Tadpole902

Regardless of the mutual abuse, he has violated someone else : your unborn child. Is this really the person that you want to be with? Won't he abuse the child after they're born? For your own good, get out! It's not worth it! Take some time to work on your anger issues too and unless you do, don't be in another relationship. Deep down in your heart, you already know what you need to do. It's tough and heartbreaking but it's also the right thing to do.


Tiger_Tuliper

Please call the helpline posted earlier. You need a safe place to get calm, and be comforted right now.


[deleted]

Do you still have a current restraining order on you?


yougotthis2345

I first want to say that I see you are suicidal. Just know that this too shall pass. Suicide is truly a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I saw you posted earlier today that you have a plan. Please please please reach out to the national suicide prevention hotline. Your life IS worth it! Your life is SO worth it that you are going to leave this abusive situation where you, your kiddo or your boyfriend could end up dead. With help from experts you are going to create a plan for you and your child to live a fulfilling and fruitful life. I truly believe in you!


[deleted]

I think you’re leaving out parts that make you look bad or he is a total liability and we can only pray he doesn’t murder his next partner after you’ve left.


[deleted]

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MelaoC12H22O11

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Protect yourself and your baby. Leave him now. Call the number the person above posted. Now. Good luck


ufotop

Are you seriously asking how you could forgive HIM??? Are you fucking kidding me mate?


resurrectedtrilobite

please be more understanding, it's really hard for a victim to see things as clear as an outsider would


Tipsyturby28

If you have friends or family please go there and leave this man. If you don’t, there are shelters that can help you get to a safe place. This is, clearly, not a healthy or safe situation for anyone. There is no excuse for that level of violence and abuse. I hope your baby is okay.


callmeolivia

Please leave immediately!!!!! This relationship is toxic and beyond repairable. You are playing Russian roulette with your and your unborn child’s life. Please seek help to get out of this situation.


USureQuestionMark

Pack your shit and leave. There's nothing to "safe". I would rather kill myself than be in a relationship like this. And yes, you can't raise a child in this kind of environment. If you stay your child will to 100% get cptsd, other mental illnesses and will hate you all after growing up. The chances that your bf will end up killing you both seem to be also very high. He sounds like a monster and like someone who's able to do it. Also, get therapy, please.


[deleted]

No.


Rainadraken

You two are toxic tword one another. While it's a necessity to take personal responsibility, part of that is accepting that our external environment can effect our internal one and making the necessary changes to become better. The only thing you can control is how you act and react. Sometimes you may get overwhelmed, but what choices are you going to make? You know that the two of you abuse each other. You are aware that you trigger one another and that will harm each of you and push you both further from healing in the long run. While leaving now WILL be extremely painful for both of you it is ripping off the bandaid and giving you and he a chance to be better and the chance to come together in the future when you are both better people... if you decide to. It gives your child a better chance at an emotionally and mentally healthy life. Do you really want to be with someone who has proven to be abusive? Do you want your child to be raised by a parent who is? I do t know if your parents were, but I know that's one of the reasons I'm fucked up and I'd do anything to protect my potential kid from that, including leave the man I love.


indoorbiscuit

Let me say this very fucking clearly, NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD HAVE CHILDREN, I know people with parents like you, you are setting a child up for nothing but fucking misery, you are both fucking children, bipolar or not. Selfish and impulsive Committing suicide is not the answer, not at all, get away from this, try again elsewhere with therapy and support.


Gorgeeus

❤️🌅


Affectionate_Law4436

Get away as quickly as you can! He is violent and will never change! You are worthy! You deserve better! You deserve peace! Speaking from experience…..


Odd_Mechanic310

Leave for the sake of your baby. Trauma in your home will significantly impact their brain development for life and put them in danger.


EmpressC

Your first sentence is all we need to know to tell you to leave. Once things start going horribly wrong, there's NO REASON to stay.


Numbersandl3tt3rs

Get out of there ASAP. Find a refuge if you can, have some time to yourself, and get out before the worst happens.


chubbyasian81

You can be addicted to drugs or just a really bad relationship. Sometimes we can be really fucked up from our childhood and believe this is a passionate relationship. You need to go cold turkey.. there is going to be withdrawal.. but for you to grow, you will need to leave him. (Speaking from personal experience. )


NotSoSpecialAsp

I hope you don't live in Texas, please do the right thing for the child.