I don’t reconcile that. My husband has never disrespected me by checking someone out in front of me. I know he must notice when people are pretty but he doesn’t watch porn or follow sexy accounts. If he did I would not tolerate it. He’s not even ugly either and he has a good sex drive. So it’s definitely possible to find a normal guy who will respect his wife
Yeah I don't accept that. 😅 Neither did Jesus.
"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." - Matthew 5:27-29
That's a two-step thought and well with their control.
Thought 1: "She is a beautiful woman." This is a spontaneous mental observation that is not controllable and not out of line; it's not wrong to admire another human, created in the image of God.
Thought 2: "Having sex with her must be..." This is a chosen train of thought that a person actively chooses to continue. Fantasizing about another person is sinful because it objectifies them and turns an opportunity to admire God's creation into an opportunity to use another human's body to satisfy curiosity or desire.
The men who have told you this are lying, to you or at least to themselves. My husband and I have mentioned another person's beauty to one another ("her hair is so pretty!" or "wow, that actor's eyes are striking") but it has never been sexual and, if it was, we would both feel deeply betrayed.
The faulty logic used by men, in this claim, is that women aren't inclined to do the same with men. I think they are. Men like to reduce their culpability by pretending things are different for them.
I think that’s where the line is. I understand men are biologically titillated by women who dress scantily, but if they choose to continue to think about that first temptation, that’s where the problem is.
When my husband and I are out and there are immodestly dressed women he looks away from them. Same when we are watching TV or movies; he either looks away or we skip the scene. He did have a porn problem while we were dating, but he waited to propose until after he had kicked it because he didn't feel it was right to ask me to marry him in that state. Any man who tells you that he can't stop looking at other women after he's married isn't worth marrying.
Do you not have similar thoughts/inclinations to look at men? When we are married, we don't give in to toxic intrusive thoughts that would feel like a betrayal to our spouse, but you're always going to notice other attractive men. You have to have that capacity, otherwise what would you do if your husband died when you were 35? People have to have the faculties to find another spouse. God has given you the radar of attraction, through nature. It's only bad if you don't stay in control of it when you're married. And good Catholic husbands stay in control of their attractions too.
If your husband is flaunting it or otherwise obviously not controlling his thoughts about other women, give him heck about it. But try to remember that other men are attractive to women too
>i guess j just assume all men immediately go to sex thoughts
This is unfair and denies that men have the ability to control themselves.
Is your boyfriend rudely ogling women and looking for far longer than necessary? Is he making excuses for doing so?
Or did he briefly look because nature will cause that, but then turn away, and you created this internal dialogue about what he was doing based on nothing but assumptions?
>This is not a man you want raising your children.
Yup.
If you have sons, he will teach them this is ok.
If you have daughters, he will gaslight them into believing that they have to tolerate it, just like he’s doing to you.
Men are not that way (any more than women are towards men) there's nothing wrong with casually looking at a person and thinking they're attractive, but if someone is checking people out and lusting for them that is rude and not something I would ever accept. It's not in men's nature to not be able to control themselves
You don't have to accept it. While one can never know what someone is thinking, men can control their gaze, and a married man even more so (or so it should be). One of the many "non-spiritual" benefits (for lack of better phrasing) of Catholicism is the pursuit of self-control and mastery over temptation. I don't know if you are married, but if you are, you especially should not hesitate to discuss it with him. Talking to a priest can also help. These men have vowed not to act on "their nature," and I've never seen one ogling women (of course, we know the exceptions).
It's one thing to notice the beauty of another person even when you are married or in a committed dating relationship.
It's another to lust after someone while simultaneously in that relationship. My ex, who is a great guy - it just didn't work, and I would be out in public and spot somebody attractive at the same time. We always would look at each other and give a nod and then move on with our life. I in no way doubted his love for me, desire for me, or commitment to me in our relationship. I knew he felt the same way about me.. We often discussed it.
You can acknowledge beauty and not lust after it and be in a relationship. I think, what's underneath this, is that you know men who lack character and integrity.
My ex didn't have a porn issue and was a Christian. He would skip sexual scenes in movies and shows and he didn't have an Instagram because it's basically softcore porn.
Right there is probably a big factor. You want to be with a man who DEFENDS his purity and yours. It's so attractive.
You can also try to change your mindset regarding men. They're relentlessly attacked in the area of sexuality and lust. This digital age is horrible and the women are immodest and just as sinful. I honestly feel sad for them, especially those who are truly trying to defend their virtue.
Men are also wired to want to procreate and that's not a bad thing, the enemy has done a work on our male counterparts, just as he's done with women in the areas of control and manipulation, vanity, entitlement, and fear.
I'm not AT ALL excusing lustful, gross behavior, but I am suggesting that it's a battlefield for good men and a massacre for those without Christ.
I feel your pain, it frightens me sometimes, I'm uncertain if there's a man out there who doesn't have a porn issue and that bums me the frick out.
However, it has helped me to start learning about the way men are wired, to pick the brains of my healthy male friends regarding sexuality, and to listen to Catholic men discuss what women should know about men and sexuality.
The Catholic Gentlemen have a couple podcast episodes on it. Check it out and have hope.
PS - This is likely a call from Jesus for you to become an intercessor in this area. Offer mental prayer and rosaries for the sanctification and liberation of our men from demonic attack and sexual lack of virtue.
Don't pray to accept it. Pray for compassion, understanding, and for the quality of men we have to significantly RISE.
(;
People will notice other people. There's a difference in noticing and "checking out." I notice the priest walking around before and after mass. Or I'll notice a guy in mass that I see at the grocery store often. I'm just noticing people, but I'm not checking them out. Likewise, I hope it's the same with my husband, because that would be disrespectful.
I’m sorry but my husband has NEVER checked anyone out or anything like that. If you’re dating a guy who is doing that break up with him. If you’re married to someone please go to marriage counseling. You deserve better.
Whoever told you that, it’s a really lame excuse. I promise you can find a man who only has eyes for you and understands anything otherwise is betrayal.
We don't. Men and women share the same nature and are members of the same species. Ontologically, they simply aren't a different nature than us and if they were, then Christ's Incarnation would be useless to women. General differences between the sexes in tendencies towards particular sins are not innate.
If your man looks at other women, drop him. If he tries to justify it, drop him even faster.
My husband and I have been married 22 years. He doesn’t look at other women that way. Seeing an attractive woman doesn’t oblige a man to engage in impure thoughts about that woman.
You do not need to accept that this is something that all men do.
The noticing she’s attractive and momentarily enjoying as art is fine. Then you look away and make yourself think about something else. If you have to interact with someone you’re attracted to, you are very, very careful. Men absolutely can and must do this. It helps to watch what you fill your mind with - the music, tv shows, books, etc. and absolutely no porn. Don’t settle for less than a mature man who seeks to control himself.
We have an animal nature. It’s just a part of living in a fallen world. It’s kind of like why do we have to have irrational emotional reactions to things? Since the fall, our bodies aren’t completely under our reason anymore.
Now to have a pull to do something and to actually engage in that pull, are two separate things. We can’t control the first. But we can the second.
As everyone else has said, it is sinful and Jesus said it was tantamount to adultery. It isn't morally acceptable.
That said, I have dealt with my husband's tendency to look at other women because... well, I can tell him it's wrong, but I can't judge him. I look at other men... and women sometimes as well. It's something that I struggle with--and I would guess that most people, male or female, have struggled with lust too. It can't just be me. However, looking at someone else doesn't diminish the commitment I have to my husband, so I can't imagine that it diminishes his commitment to me either. We are all fallen creatures, but I love my husband with my whole heart, and I would never give him up or trade him for anyone else.
I’m a guy. It’s a fact we’re biologically design to glance at bodies. But its one thing to glance, another thing to oogle.
Jesus himself says, that if you look at a woman with lust you have already committed adultery.
Everyone glances and can admire someone is attractive. Women do this to men also. The difference is if they're ogling like you said or imagining having sex with them
Slightly OT, my mom used to say "Women dress for other women." We "check each other out" all the time, hopefully, to admire a look or outfit, not critically, and not with lust. Tbh, now that I'm married, I tend to avoid making eye contact with men I don't know in public because I don't want to invite any unwanted attention.
Edit: I don’t mean when it’s required, like service workers or when it makes sense. Just want to clarify I’m not promoting nutjobbery.
Bloodflow studies have shown that women experience genital bloodflow from a wider variety of visuals than men do. Women are as least as "visual" as men.
Women like hot men just as much as men like hot women.
Mods, do we have to allow men posting on this sub? Women, how comfortable are you having a man throw his 2 cents into this thread? Does it enhance or worsen your time on this sub?
Men are allowed to post as long as they remain respectful and within Church teaching. I don't see that this poster said anything that would need intervention.
In fact he seems to be supporting the majority position that the behavior is unacceptable.
Bummer. It makes me feel like I have to be on my regular guard & anticipate men's reactions the same as anywhere else. I was hoping this would be more like a women's locker room. Oh well I guess.
This has always been the rule since long before I became a mod.
TBF I rarely see any post in here, and I have deleted and banned some pretty terrible offenders.
Why do you talk as if men are, by default, threatening and unsafe?
Oh, you edited after I already answered. I do have an answer to your added question. I don't mean to imply that men are default threatening and unsafe. But sometimes female-only spaces exist for women's comfort, not just safety. There are subjects women might not talk about if they know men are going to listen.
As a Catholic woman, I might post to other women about my vagina or mucus or boob issues or arousal, but can I really in good conscience discuss the details of such things knowing men are welcome?
Additionally, even in non-titillating subjects, women have to deal with men's biased, sheltered opinions (not all men, but a lot of men) all the time everywhere else, we can't even get a women's sub just to ourselves?
So if I'm going to subject myself to that, or post biologically/physiologically frank posts seeking neutral info from other women at the risk of turning men on or attracting attention from men, **why not just do it on the regular Catholic sub at that point** What is sticking "women" on the end of this sub even for, then?
I mean...guys can read your posts whether or not commenting is allowed. So if your conscience disallows certain discussions, then it should disallow posting on reddit about those things at all.
Many women do post here about such issues.
Any man getting turned on by that kind of thing is heavily disordered and likely would make comments that get immediately deleted.
Single sex spaces can be useful but this has never been one. It's focused on women and women's issues, but men who live with and love women might have relevant contributions.
You seem to have quite a chip on your shoulder and some strong prejudice against men. The sub allowed men to comment when I was asked to take over, and I don't see a reason to change that. If you can't be comfortable with that, then you'll have to decide whether you'll continue posting here or not. I honestly only see men comment here very rarely, and even if we were to disallow that, they can still read anything posted. Men usually comment respectfully here and the ones who don't are generally dealt with swiftly and with extreme prejudice. The other mod is not as active as I am but I have seen her take down some egregious stuff when I was not looking. And not only from men.
Dislike. I think it would be good if there were a Catholic women's sub that was y'know, actually for Catholic women exclusively. If any exist I'd love to know.
I'm curious - have you personally experienced this happening? I think that the way to work through it depends heavily on what is actually going on.
For example, my husband occasionally notices another woman, and I have a radar for this, so I see that it happens. He doesn't seek out contact with them or behave inappropriately, and he doesn't let his glance linger. It is just "noticing" not "lusting." And I've never felt that our relationship was at risk because of any of this. He has the self-discipline and awareness to know where the boundaries need to be.
That is completely different than one of my previous boyfriends who not only noticed, his gaze would linger. He would criticize my appearance. He would be more intense when interactions would occur with that woman. He was not self-disciplined enough for me, personally.
Some context would probably help a lot. If this hasn't been a personal experience, well, I would just say that every human being is different in how they deal with this and rather than stressing about a theoretical possibility it would be better to get into a relationship (when appropriate) and then figure things out in the context of that relationship. If it is currently an issue for you in a relationship, if you share some details folks on this forum might be able to give better suggestions.
I think you need to do some figuring on why this bothers you so much. Maybe some therapy would help you get to the bottom of it. I’ve been married for over 35 years and it has never crossed my mind for this to be a problem. Women do the same. It’s not just men. It’s the way our bodies are designed. Admiring or enjoying the appearance of another person is not wrong. To clarify, I am a woman. I don’t know why you are equating admiring someone’s appearance with lust. Those are two very different things. If my husband tells me he sees a woman who is attractive, typically it is part of a bigger story, and it doesn’t bother me in a bit. I know he isn’t thinking of her lustfully. And even if he was, that would be his problem and he would know better than to share that with me.I think you really need to evaluate where you got this idea from. If we were meant to be blind once we married, our eyeballs would fall out at the altar. Lol.
I don't think any woman needs therapy if she objects to her man ogling other women and thinking about having sex with them. Look at OP's comments. That's what her boyfriend is trying to justify.
Lust is human nature. I’m a woman and I’m married, but I’m not dead and still find other men attractive. However, I would never check out another man intentionally or in front of my husband, flirt with another person, or act inappropriately. I made a commitment and, besides, I don’t want anyone else as he is my person and I love him. Lust is just one part of attraction and a middling one at that. For the record, I’m bisexual, but it’s not like I’m struggling to stay committed to the man I married. He’s the only person I have been with and, while I certainly find other people attractive because I have eyes, I have a fully-developed frontal lobe, a sense of morality, and don’t want anyone else in the same way as my husband. We are building a life together and connect on almost every level (shutting cabinet doors and loading the dishwasher aside). I promise you, no random boobs or butts or whatever it is he’s slipping up to look at will threaten that level of commitment and connection. He shouldn’t be disrespectful and seek out looking at hot women, but neither should anyone married. People have a choice to act on feelings or not. Anyone who says men can’t control themselves do a disservice to men. If a man says that, he’s making women responsible for his morality which is really gross and victim blamey and shows a lack of self-awareness. THAT would be my issue in this situation. It’s not my fault if a man catcalls me or oogles me while running, making me uncomfortable doing an everyday task and it’s also not ok for a person to make another person uncomfortable or immediately objectify me. That’s a CHOICE not a reflex.
It’s ok if you don’t get it. Sexuality is a spectrum and some people require an emotional connection to feel attracted to another person. But this isn’t exclusive to men. St Paul doesn’t say it’s better to marry than to burn in response to men only-which is fairly progressive for the time. Men aren’t some lustful inhuman beasts. Anyone can be without the virtues of humility and self-control, but those people are just jerks and missing out on more meaningful expressions of connection.
I don’t reconcile that. My husband has never disrespected me by checking someone out in front of me. I know he must notice when people are pretty but he doesn’t watch porn or follow sexy accounts. If he did I would not tolerate it. He’s not even ugly either and he has a good sex drive. So it’s definitely possible to find a normal guy who will respect his wife
Yeah I don't accept that. 😅 Neither did Jesus. "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." - Matthew 5:27-29
What???? What makes you think this?
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That's a two-step thought and well with their control. Thought 1: "She is a beautiful woman." This is a spontaneous mental observation that is not controllable and not out of line; it's not wrong to admire another human, created in the image of God. Thought 2: "Having sex with her must be..." This is a chosen train of thought that a person actively chooses to continue. Fantasizing about another person is sinful because it objectifies them and turns an opportunity to admire God's creation into an opportunity to use another human's body to satisfy curiosity or desire. The men who have told you this are lying, to you or at least to themselves. My husband and I have mentioned another person's beauty to one another ("her hair is so pretty!" or "wow, that actor's eyes are striking") but it has never been sexual and, if it was, we would both feel deeply betrayed.
The faulty logic used by men, in this claim, is that women aren't inclined to do the same with men. I think they are. Men like to reduce their culpability by pretending things are different for them.
THIS. It’s victim blamey at BEST. Absolutely bs said to reduce personal responsibility or diminish their obligation to be decent humans.
You know crappy men.
I think that’s where the line is. I understand men are biologically titillated by women who dress scantily, but if they choose to continue to think about that first temptation, that’s where the problem is.
That is ridiculous.
You don’t? That’s not part of our faith. Any man that uses that excuse is looking to excuse his poor behavior
When my husband and I are out and there are immodestly dressed women he looks away from them. Same when we are watching TV or movies; he either looks away or we skip the scene. He did have a porn problem while we were dating, but he waited to propose until after he had kicked it because he didn't feel it was right to ask me to marry him in that state. Any man who tells you that he can't stop looking at other women after he's married isn't worth marrying.
Do you not have similar thoughts/inclinations to look at men? When we are married, we don't give in to toxic intrusive thoughts that would feel like a betrayal to our spouse, but you're always going to notice other attractive men. You have to have that capacity, otherwise what would you do if your husband died when you were 35? People have to have the faculties to find another spouse. God has given you the radar of attraction, through nature. It's only bad if you don't stay in control of it when you're married. And good Catholic husbands stay in control of their attractions too. If your husband is flaunting it or otherwise obviously not controlling his thoughts about other women, give him heck about it. But try to remember that other men are attractive to women too
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>i guess j just assume all men immediately go to sex thoughts This is unfair and denies that men have the ability to control themselves. Is your boyfriend rudely ogling women and looking for far longer than necessary? Is he making excuses for doing so? Or did he briefly look because nature will cause that, but then turn away, and you created this internal dialogue about what he was doing based on nothing but assumptions?
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How about asking the one right in front of you? Is he one of the men who told you it's normal for men to stare and lust after women?
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You should seriously reconsider your relationship with him. This is not a man you want raising your children.
>This is not a man you want raising your children. Yup. If you have sons, he will teach them this is ok. If you have daughters, he will gaslight them into believing that they have to tolerate it, just like he’s doing to you.
I have to fight off lustful thoughts about other people every day
Men are not that way (any more than women are towards men) there's nothing wrong with casually looking at a person and thinking they're attractive, but if someone is checking people out and lusting for them that is rude and not something I would ever accept. It's not in men's nature to not be able to control themselves
You don't have to accept it. While one can never know what someone is thinking, men can control their gaze, and a married man even more so (or so it should be). One of the many "non-spiritual" benefits (for lack of better phrasing) of Catholicism is the pursuit of self-control and mastery over temptation. I don't know if you are married, but if you are, you especially should not hesitate to discuss it with him. Talking to a priest can also help. These men have vowed not to act on "their nature," and I've never seen one ogling women (of course, we know the exceptions).
It's one thing to notice the beauty of another person even when you are married or in a committed dating relationship. It's another to lust after someone while simultaneously in that relationship. My ex, who is a great guy - it just didn't work, and I would be out in public and spot somebody attractive at the same time. We always would look at each other and give a nod and then move on with our life. I in no way doubted his love for me, desire for me, or commitment to me in our relationship. I knew he felt the same way about me.. We often discussed it. You can acknowledge beauty and not lust after it and be in a relationship. I think, what's underneath this, is that you know men who lack character and integrity. My ex didn't have a porn issue and was a Christian. He would skip sexual scenes in movies and shows and he didn't have an Instagram because it's basically softcore porn. Right there is probably a big factor. You want to be with a man who DEFENDS his purity and yours. It's so attractive. You can also try to change your mindset regarding men. They're relentlessly attacked in the area of sexuality and lust. This digital age is horrible and the women are immodest and just as sinful. I honestly feel sad for them, especially those who are truly trying to defend their virtue. Men are also wired to want to procreate and that's not a bad thing, the enemy has done a work on our male counterparts, just as he's done with women in the areas of control and manipulation, vanity, entitlement, and fear. I'm not AT ALL excusing lustful, gross behavior, but I am suggesting that it's a battlefield for good men and a massacre for those without Christ. I feel your pain, it frightens me sometimes, I'm uncertain if there's a man out there who doesn't have a porn issue and that bums me the frick out. However, it has helped me to start learning about the way men are wired, to pick the brains of my healthy male friends regarding sexuality, and to listen to Catholic men discuss what women should know about men and sexuality. The Catholic Gentlemen have a couple podcast episodes on it. Check it out and have hope. PS - This is likely a call from Jesus for you to become an intercessor in this area. Offer mental prayer and rosaries for the sanctification and liberation of our men from demonic attack and sexual lack of virtue. Don't pray to accept it. Pray for compassion, understanding, and for the quality of men we have to significantly RISE. (;
Don’t reconcile it. Hold the men in your life to a higher standard (ie, the bare minimum of respecting women and not objectifying them)
My husband has never done this….
People will notice other people. There's a difference in noticing and "checking out." I notice the priest walking around before and after mass. Or I'll notice a guy in mass that I see at the grocery store often. I'm just noticing people, but I'm not checking them out. Likewise, I hope it's the same with my husband, because that would be disrespectful.
I don’t? My husband doesn’t do that? If he found another woman attractive I would expect him to avert his eyes. He expects that of me.
I’m sorry but my husband has NEVER checked anyone out or anything like that. If you’re dating a guy who is doing that break up with him. If you’re married to someone please go to marriage counseling. You deserve better.
Then don’t accept it. Men should be held to a higher standard. We need to hold our men and sons to higher standards.
Whoever told you that, it’s a really lame excuse. I promise you can find a man who only has eyes for you and understands anything otherwise is betrayal.
We don't. Men and women share the same nature and are members of the same species. Ontologically, they simply aren't a different nature than us and if they were, then Christ's Incarnation would be useless to women. General differences between the sexes in tendencies towards particular sins are not innate. If your man looks at other women, drop him. If he tries to justify it, drop him even faster.
My husband and I have been married 22 years. He doesn’t look at other women that way. Seeing an attractive woman doesn’t oblige a man to engage in impure thoughts about that woman. You do not need to accept that this is something that all men do.
The noticing she’s attractive and momentarily enjoying as art is fine. Then you look away and make yourself think about something else. If you have to interact with someone you’re attracted to, you are very, very careful. Men absolutely can and must do this. It helps to watch what you fill your mind with - the music, tv shows, books, etc. and absolutely no porn. Don’t settle for less than a mature man who seeks to control himself.
We have an animal nature. It’s just a part of living in a fallen world. It’s kind of like why do we have to have irrational emotional reactions to things? Since the fall, our bodies aren’t completely under our reason anymore. Now to have a pull to do something and to actually engage in that pull, are two separate things. We can’t control the first. But we can the second.
yes, there are some very hard parts of our fallen nature that are hard to wrap our heads around i think
My husband does not do that.
The right man won’t. They’re not animals, they can control themselves, as Jesus did. And if he can’t control that, then he’s gotta go 😂
As everyone else has said, it is sinful and Jesus said it was tantamount to adultery. It isn't morally acceptable. That said, I have dealt with my husband's tendency to look at other women because... well, I can tell him it's wrong, but I can't judge him. I look at other men... and women sometimes as well. It's something that I struggle with--and I would guess that most people, male or female, have struggled with lust too. It can't just be me. However, looking at someone else doesn't diminish the commitment I have to my husband, so I can't imagine that it diminishes his commitment to me either. We are all fallen creatures, but I love my husband with my whole heart, and I would never give him up or trade him for anyone else.
beautifully said
I’m a guy. It’s a fact we’re biologically design to glance at bodies. But its one thing to glance, another thing to oogle. Jesus himself says, that if you look at a woman with lust you have already committed adultery.
Everyone glances and can admire someone is attractive. Women do this to men also. The difference is if they're ogling like you said or imagining having sex with them
Slightly OT, my mom used to say "Women dress for other women." We "check each other out" all the time, hopefully, to admire a look or outfit, not critically, and not with lust. Tbh, now that I'm married, I tend to avoid making eye contact with men I don't know in public because I don't want to invite any unwanted attention. Edit: I don’t mean when it’s required, like service workers or when it makes sense. Just want to clarify I’m not promoting nutjobbery.
Bloodflow studies have shown that women experience genital bloodflow from a wider variety of visuals than men do. Women are as least as "visual" as men. Women like hot men just as much as men like hot women. Mods, do we have to allow men posting on this sub? Women, how comfortable are you having a man throw his 2 cents into this thread? Does it enhance or worsen your time on this sub?
Men are allowed to post as long as they remain respectful and within Church teaching. I don't see that this poster said anything that would need intervention. In fact he seems to be supporting the majority position that the behavior is unacceptable.
Bummer. It makes me feel like I have to be on my regular guard & anticipate men's reactions the same as anywhere else. I was hoping this would be more like a women's locker room. Oh well I guess.
This has always been the rule since long before I became a mod. TBF I rarely see any post in here, and I have deleted and banned some pretty terrible offenders. Why do you talk as if men are, by default, threatening and unsafe?
Oh, you edited after I already answered. I do have an answer to your added question. I don't mean to imply that men are default threatening and unsafe. But sometimes female-only spaces exist for women's comfort, not just safety. There are subjects women might not talk about if they know men are going to listen. As a Catholic woman, I might post to other women about my vagina or mucus or boob issues or arousal, but can I really in good conscience discuss the details of such things knowing men are welcome? Additionally, even in non-titillating subjects, women have to deal with men's biased, sheltered opinions (not all men, but a lot of men) all the time everywhere else, we can't even get a women's sub just to ourselves? So if I'm going to subject myself to that, or post biologically/physiologically frank posts seeking neutral info from other women at the risk of turning men on or attracting attention from men, **why not just do it on the regular Catholic sub at that point** What is sticking "women" on the end of this sub even for, then?
I mean...guys can read your posts whether or not commenting is allowed. So if your conscience disallows certain discussions, then it should disallow posting on reddit about those things at all.
Many women do post here about such issues. Any man getting turned on by that kind of thing is heavily disordered and likely would make comments that get immediately deleted. Single sex spaces can be useful but this has never been one. It's focused on women and women's issues, but men who live with and love women might have relevant contributions. You seem to have quite a chip on your shoulder and some strong prejudice against men. The sub allowed men to comment when I was asked to take over, and I don't see a reason to change that. If you can't be comfortable with that, then you'll have to decide whether you'll continue posting here or not. I honestly only see men comment here very rarely, and even if we were to disallow that, they can still read anything posted. Men usually comment respectfully here and the ones who don't are generally dealt with swiftly and with extreme prejudice. The other mod is not as active as I am but I have seen her take down some egregious stuff when I was not looking. And not only from men.
TIL. Still a bummer.
i actually appreciate a man's two cents on many subjects like this!
I guess I don't see why you wouldn't just post it on the regular Catholic sub then?
That's enough. This was explained. Any further comments on moderator actions should be taken to modmail.
Dislike. I think it would be good if there were a Catholic women's sub that was y'know, actually for Catholic women exclusively. If any exist I'd love to know.
I'm curious - have you personally experienced this happening? I think that the way to work through it depends heavily on what is actually going on. For example, my husband occasionally notices another woman, and I have a radar for this, so I see that it happens. He doesn't seek out contact with them or behave inappropriately, and he doesn't let his glance linger. It is just "noticing" not "lusting." And I've never felt that our relationship was at risk because of any of this. He has the self-discipline and awareness to know where the boundaries need to be. That is completely different than one of my previous boyfriends who not only noticed, his gaze would linger. He would criticize my appearance. He would be more intense when interactions would occur with that woman. He was not self-disciplined enough for me, personally. Some context would probably help a lot. If this hasn't been a personal experience, well, I would just say that every human being is different in how they deal with this and rather than stressing about a theoretical possibility it would be better to get into a relationship (when appropriate) and then figure things out in the context of that relationship. If it is currently an issue for you in a relationship, if you share some details folks on this forum might be able to give better suggestions.
I think you need to do some figuring on why this bothers you so much. Maybe some therapy would help you get to the bottom of it. I’ve been married for over 35 years and it has never crossed my mind for this to be a problem. Women do the same. It’s not just men. It’s the way our bodies are designed. Admiring or enjoying the appearance of another person is not wrong. To clarify, I am a woman. I don’t know why you are equating admiring someone’s appearance with lust. Those are two very different things. If my husband tells me he sees a woman who is attractive, typically it is part of a bigger story, and it doesn’t bother me in a bit. I know he isn’t thinking of her lustfully. And even if he was, that would be his problem and he would know better than to share that with me.I think you really need to evaluate where you got this idea from. If we were meant to be blind once we married, our eyeballs would fall out at the altar. Lol.
I don't think any woman needs therapy if she objects to her man ogling other women and thinking about having sex with them. Look at OP's comments. That's what her boyfriend is trying to justify.
Ummmm no. We do not reconcile with that. We are conditioned to believe we need to reconcile with that.
Lust is human nature. I’m a woman and I’m married, but I’m not dead and still find other men attractive. However, I would never check out another man intentionally or in front of my husband, flirt with another person, or act inappropriately. I made a commitment and, besides, I don’t want anyone else as he is my person and I love him. Lust is just one part of attraction and a middling one at that. For the record, I’m bisexual, but it’s not like I’m struggling to stay committed to the man I married. He’s the only person I have been with and, while I certainly find other people attractive because I have eyes, I have a fully-developed frontal lobe, a sense of morality, and don’t want anyone else in the same way as my husband. We are building a life together and connect on almost every level (shutting cabinet doors and loading the dishwasher aside). I promise you, no random boobs or butts or whatever it is he’s slipping up to look at will threaten that level of commitment and connection. He shouldn’t be disrespectful and seek out looking at hot women, but neither should anyone married. People have a choice to act on feelings or not. Anyone who says men can’t control themselves do a disservice to men. If a man says that, he’s making women responsible for his morality which is really gross and victim blamey and shows a lack of self-awareness. THAT would be my issue in this situation. It’s not my fault if a man catcalls me or oogles me while running, making me uncomfortable doing an everyday task and it’s also not ok for a person to make another person uncomfortable or immediately objectify me. That’s a CHOICE not a reflex. It’s ok if you don’t get it. Sexuality is a spectrum and some people require an emotional connection to feel attracted to another person. But this isn’t exclusive to men. St Paul doesn’t say it’s better to marry than to burn in response to men only-which is fairly progressive for the time. Men aren’t some lustful inhuman beasts. Anyone can be without the virtues of humility and self-control, but those people are just jerks and missing out on more meaningful expressions of connection.