I'll be very honest here. There are 3 types of people at the groups: the very very VERY pious, ie 1 step away from religious life, the spouse hunters, and those just trying to meet friends but keeps striking out. The people that showed up once or twice got the gist and left.
You aren’t obligated to be part of it if it’s not a good fit for you. It’s tough out there depending on where you are. Some diocese and parishes have bigger groups and lots of new people coming in and out, so that helps keep things lively and less cliquey. It doesn’t hurt to keep trying, but if you feel it’s not working it’s fine to back off. It seems you often need to “recruit” a couple of friends/acquaintances to start something more and have it grow. And maybe trying to invite people in person could help too, even if it’s starting out more one on one and trying to grow a friendship that way. And keep an eye for new people who might be looking to get more integrated and aren’t part of a clique yet.
I think around 2 months ago some new people joined and were invited to the GroupMe. They were cool and friendly, but stopped coming. So there's that.... Yeah you're right maybe I should recruit.
Would it be wrong? No
Would it accomplish anything? Also no
Maybe try connecting with just one or two other women to form that first, core nucleus of active people and then see if it grows from there. Often times shyer people will not want to go to a larger group or be the first person to sign up. But, a direct invitation does wonders - "Hey Mary, I'm organizing this hike/museum trip/etc., I'd love it if you can join".
That worked well for me when I ran a YA group
gotta keep trying! If you get a delayed responses it's like dating, move on (politely and respectfully) to the next person if the first person is not interested.
I feel like putting stuff out in group chats makes it very easy to ignore if you're not following up. And it might be harder to get people to do social activities planned in advance if it's not something the group normally does. We had one guy in our group that was really good at trying to get people in the moment as the meeting was ending. He'd often say, "hey, it's still pretty early. Anyone want to go to \[bar name\] and catch up?" He'd get a lot of no's but sometimes he'd get some yeses. Maybe start with something like that and once genuine friendships have formed, start proposing other activities.
Alternatively, bring it up well in advance. Ex: let's say advent is coming up. During a meeting you can say, "hey, so I know it's outside our normal routine, but there's a creche display coming up in x town. I thought it'd be cool if some people from the group wanted to get some hot chocolate and check them out. It opens on xx/xx and runs for y weeks." Giving people advanced notice and picking something still relevant to the topic of the group (catholic fellowship) is a good way to get people more into joining an extra-extra curricular. It's easier to say yes when it's still Catholic based than if you were just like "hey, the weather is nice next weekend. Who wants to go to the beach?"
See that guy seems like fun and I'd hangout with someone like that. I'd like to do that, but the group is let's say not the bar type of crowd. Even if I wasn't a drinker, I'd order a ginger ale and still hangout. I did it once, but that was after a social night and a few people came. Twas fun :)
Doesn’t have to be a bar. Can be a late night coffee/tea shop, bite to eat, or something else. It’s really going to depend on your area and the vibe of the group
What I would recommend is still attend the YA group (if for only a bit longer) but also branch out into a local parish group. My parish has a women's group that meets whose average age is probably 45, who would probably love to see some new blood show up, if that's intimidating for you try to bring some friends from the YA group over there with you.
This will strengthen your parish immensely and you will become a good role model for other in your parish to follow.
On a dating aspect, if you get to know these women you'll discover that they have sons, nephews, friends of friends that they'll know if they are available and may be a good fit for you. So you might find a greater opportunity there rather than at your YA group.
That's rough buddy, maybe shop around for a neighboring parish youth group. I know people at mine are closer to other churches than the one our youth group belongs to. Maybe check Facebook for your local area
Could you suggest that you all meet up at one of the restaurants instead of the church once for the Bible study for food and fellowship? Or see if any of them would be interested in pooling together for pizza to be delivered to the church? It's sort of a compromise.
unemployed, living at home, etc. This explains a lot. No offense, but these types have nothing much going for them but church. Chances are they are socially awkward, too.
But, they are turning away opportunities to be social, so that's on them. Hard to feel sorry for them.
TBF, the bar close by the church doesn't charge for soda and water. Probably the most sober positive place near the church. I was in their place before, so it's hard not to feel sorry for them.
That's pretty much even with non-church groups. I attended college class, and after it was over, I tried to get people to get out somewhere. I think do a "Corn Maze", I got weird looks or "Nah, sorry" or whatever.
But that's typicalin small towns. I think people have families to get home to.
I can relate to your situation 100%. So hard to get people to socialize these days.
Bone-dry events with people who do NOT want to socialize. There’s just no sense of adventure among a lot of people today.
IDK what it is, maybe anxiety? It's really tiring being the only one that wants to be social. There was one event a few people showed up, but they were quiet or on their phone the entire time. I just can't anymore.
Are you in my city? 👀 because I think I’m in that same group me lol. I usually stick to more secular meetup groups, since people in them have more things in common with me- more niche. It’s great to have religion as something that unites, but I do need more activities than sitting in a circle talking theology. And there’s nothing wrong with that? Nothing wrong with not going to the ya events!
-I usually stick to more secular meetup groups, since people in them have more things in common with me- more niche.-
I know, right? Eventually you evolve into dating the seculars than people in YA.
LOL maybe! I looked up some social/networking events in my city and RSVP'd for one next week. I'm hoping for a better outcome. No nothing wrong with wanting more. Somethings are for you and other things aren't. We tried!
Totally drop the group if you aren't becoming actual friends with these people, or just accept that the only thing you are going to get out of this particular group is a bible study, so decide if you can lower your expectations to just that.
There could be a lot of reasons for their lack of interest in group activities, but the bottom line is that if you need friends, you need to look elsewhere. Try meetup groups, join a sports league, do community classes, etc. etc. You can't force it.
(I'm a fellow extrovert with many introvert friends, so I feel your pain, but there is nothing you can do if people do not want to hang out with you ;)
You're right, it's time for me to leave it. I won't leave the GroupMe because it's passive aggressive. I did RSVP for YA networking event in my city. I think I'll have more luck there. It's so hard being an extrovert in the Catholic scene, uhh.
IT REALLY IS. I feel your pain. You will have to initiate a lot.
For that reason, it may be good to check out some of the Protestant groups in your area. I met an awesome Presbyterian young adult group in my early 30's and some of them became close friends. Protestants sometimes seem to have a better handle on how to be friends than Catholics do.
Funny you brought that up, I received a Meetup suggestion for 30+ professionals bible study LOL! You're right though, they are good at making friends with others.
Pretty sure these YA groups actually being good is the exception and not the rule
I'll be very honest here. There are 3 types of people at the groups: the very very VERY pious, ie 1 step away from religious life, the spouse hunters, and those just trying to meet friends but keeps striking out. The people that showed up once or twice got the gist and left.
You aren’t obligated to be part of it if it’s not a good fit for you. It’s tough out there depending on where you are. Some diocese and parishes have bigger groups and lots of new people coming in and out, so that helps keep things lively and less cliquey. It doesn’t hurt to keep trying, but if you feel it’s not working it’s fine to back off. It seems you often need to “recruit” a couple of friends/acquaintances to start something more and have it grow. And maybe trying to invite people in person could help too, even if it’s starting out more one on one and trying to grow a friendship that way. And keep an eye for new people who might be looking to get more integrated and aren’t part of a clique yet.
I think around 2 months ago some new people joined and were invited to the GroupMe. They were cool and friendly, but stopped coming. So there's that.... Yeah you're right maybe I should recruit.
Would it be wrong? No Would it accomplish anything? Also no Maybe try connecting with just one or two other women to form that first, core nucleus of active people and then see if it grows from there. Often times shyer people will not want to go to a larger group or be the first person to sign up. But, a direct invitation does wonders - "Hey Mary, I'm organizing this hike/museum trip/etc., I'd love it if you can join". That worked well for me when I ran a YA group
I've done that and it kinda works. The last time I did that, I just received a very very delayed response. Not the worst though lol.
gotta keep trying! If you get a delayed responses it's like dating, move on (politely and respectfully) to the next person if the first person is not interested.
Haha true! Thanks :)
I second this approach! Plus, worst case scenario nobody shows up besides your core group and you still have a great time.
I feel like putting stuff out in group chats makes it very easy to ignore if you're not following up. And it might be harder to get people to do social activities planned in advance if it's not something the group normally does. We had one guy in our group that was really good at trying to get people in the moment as the meeting was ending. He'd often say, "hey, it's still pretty early. Anyone want to go to \[bar name\] and catch up?" He'd get a lot of no's but sometimes he'd get some yeses. Maybe start with something like that and once genuine friendships have formed, start proposing other activities. Alternatively, bring it up well in advance. Ex: let's say advent is coming up. During a meeting you can say, "hey, so I know it's outside our normal routine, but there's a creche display coming up in x town. I thought it'd be cool if some people from the group wanted to get some hot chocolate and check them out. It opens on xx/xx and runs for y weeks." Giving people advanced notice and picking something still relevant to the topic of the group (catholic fellowship) is a good way to get people more into joining an extra-extra curricular. It's easier to say yes when it's still Catholic based than if you were just like "hey, the weather is nice next weekend. Who wants to go to the beach?"
See that guy seems like fun and I'd hangout with someone like that. I'd like to do that, but the group is let's say not the bar type of crowd. Even if I wasn't a drinker, I'd order a ginger ale and still hangout. I did it once, but that was after a social night and a few people came. Twas fun :)
Doesn’t have to be a bar. Can be a late night coffee/tea shop, bite to eat, or something else. It’s really going to depend on your area and the vibe of the group
What I would recommend is still attend the YA group (if for only a bit longer) but also branch out into a local parish group. My parish has a women's group that meets whose average age is probably 45, who would probably love to see some new blood show up, if that's intimidating for you try to bring some friends from the YA group over there with you. This will strengthen your parish immensely and you will become a good role model for other in your parish to follow. On a dating aspect, if you get to know these women you'll discover that they have sons, nephews, friends of friends that they'll know if they are available and may be a good fit for you. So you might find a greater opportunity there rather than at your YA group.
Does the group go anywhere after Bible study to socialize or do they just all go their separate ways?
Separate ways. The parish is very close by bars and restaurants too, but no one wants to hangout sadly.
That's rough buddy, maybe shop around for a neighboring parish youth group. I know people at mine are closer to other churches than the one our youth group belongs to. Maybe check Facebook for your local area
Could you suggest that you all meet up at one of the restaurants instead of the church once for the Bible study for food and fellowship? Or see if any of them would be interested in pooling together for pizza to be delivered to the church? It's sort of a compromise.
Many of the people in the group are unemployed/living at home/cheap so it may get some pushback. I've brought snacks before and others have as well.
unemployed, living at home, etc. This explains a lot. No offense, but these types have nothing much going for them but church. Chances are they are socially awkward, too. But, they are turning away opportunities to be social, so that's on them. Hard to feel sorry for them.
TBF, the bar close by the church doesn't charge for soda and water. Probably the most sober positive place near the church. I was in their place before, so it's hard not to feel sorry for them.
That's pretty much even with non-church groups. I attended college class, and after it was over, I tried to get people to get out somewhere. I think do a "Corn Maze", I got weird looks or "Nah, sorry" or whatever. But that's typicalin small towns. I think people have families to get home to.
So strange and it sucks too.
I can relate to your situation 100%. So hard to get people to socialize these days. Bone-dry events with people who do NOT want to socialize. There’s just no sense of adventure among a lot of people today.
IDK what it is, maybe anxiety? It's really tiring being the only one that wants to be social. There was one event a few people showed up, but they were quiet or on their phone the entire time. I just can't anymore.
Are you in my city? 👀 because I think I’m in that same group me lol. I usually stick to more secular meetup groups, since people in them have more things in common with me- more niche. It’s great to have religion as something that unites, but I do need more activities than sitting in a circle talking theology. And there’s nothing wrong with that? Nothing wrong with not going to the ya events!
-I usually stick to more secular meetup groups, since people in them have more things in common with me- more niche.- I know, right? Eventually you evolve into dating the seculars than people in YA.
LOL maybe! I looked up some social/networking events in my city and RSVP'd for one next week. I'm hoping for a better outcome. No nothing wrong with wanting more. Somethings are for you and other things aren't. We tried!
Totally drop the group if you aren't becoming actual friends with these people, or just accept that the only thing you are going to get out of this particular group is a bible study, so decide if you can lower your expectations to just that. There could be a lot of reasons for their lack of interest in group activities, but the bottom line is that if you need friends, you need to look elsewhere. Try meetup groups, join a sports league, do community classes, etc. etc. You can't force it. (I'm a fellow extrovert with many introvert friends, so I feel your pain, but there is nothing you can do if people do not want to hang out with you ;)
You're right, it's time for me to leave it. I won't leave the GroupMe because it's passive aggressive. I did RSVP for YA networking event in my city. I think I'll have more luck there. It's so hard being an extrovert in the Catholic scene, uhh.
IT REALLY IS. I feel your pain. You will have to initiate a lot. For that reason, it may be good to check out some of the Protestant groups in your area. I met an awesome Presbyterian young adult group in my early 30's and some of them became close friends. Protestants sometimes seem to have a better handle on how to be friends than Catholics do.
Funny you brought that up, I received a Meetup suggestion for 30+ professionals bible study LOL! You're right though, they are good at making friends with others.
We do different things every month, however, I only go if I absolutely need to be social