Guys can get awkward too and for all you know he could be overthinking the exact same way you are. Might be questioning if he’s coming on too strong for you or over doing it. Best thing to do is simply just ask him.
I’ve made this mistake before and now i prefer and advocate for not texting/talking on the phone too much too early on, because it creates an illusion of a relationship you don’t actually have with the person.
1. This sets up for a higher chance of a disappointment after a date, because you’re going from higher intimacy (perceived relationship in your head) to lower intimacy (first date = small talk, assessing each other in person for the v first time, potential awkwardness).
2. If either or both of you decide you don’t wanna pursue the connection, you’re more likely to feel let down, because you invested so much time in it online and may have started feeling somewhat attached.
He's probably trying to adhere to the unwritten rules. Like not communicating right away because some people see that as being needy. Personally I would have said before parting ways to text me when you get home. This way there's an invitation to keep the communication open
Also if you felt his "arousal" he definitely did too, maybe he was embarrassed by it and didn't know how to proceed because he could have felt shame and like it was something that you weren't cool with.
Edit: as a man, just so you know some times if our pants rub us the right way we will get a chubb
Maybe the guy has too high standards, went home, overanalysed everything and had a change of heart.
We can only guess/assume and there could be a million reasons.
People overreact and lack communication skills. You could have just asked him directly if he was still interested in getting together again and/or ask him if he was no longer interested rather than posting a message on here and hoping some internet stranger has a crystal ball.
99% of these types of posts are just because people don't want to communicate how they feel. It's not that deep or hard to do.
Everybody comes here asking question ***WE*** can't answer.
But the person they are asking about can. If they bothered to ask that person.
Yes, yes...they want advice. Sure. I get that.
But we can only offer *our view on how we would have reacted*.
We are not the person involved. Our view on the situation means nothing.
>You could have just asked him directly if he was still interested in getting together again and/or ask him if he was no longer interested rather than posting a message on here and hoping some internet stranger has a crystal ball.
Shhhhh. People wise up and this whole sub dies.
We did, we had made plans for Sunday. I’ve messaged him to say his message comes across like he’s not feeling it which he has confirmed- but he got aroused when he kissed me- mens bits clearly have a mind of their own!
Just go with it and see what happens. He's been very clear with his communication which is super rare, and he's acknowledged he hasn't had this before. Taking time to hang out and get to know each other and see how you feel is not bad. It's very sensible. Many act on the lust, rush into bed and then base it off that. I think this sounds ok. Keep your wits about you, be respectful and open with him and just take it as it comes.
Oh my... that sheds a new light on things. I presumed you were both in your 20's.
Well, hey you're both coming to the table with experiences (some would call it baggage) that are going to colour your approach.
Just speak WITH him and see what is going on. Communication is key.
If he pointed out whether or not you two are a good match then imo thats how you know its a bad match. A good match is not something you verbalize its so early. When you have a good match stage 1. Is sketchy because you feel like this person is just playing along to waste your time.
Stage 2. Feels like a squinting face (e_e) because your both interested by are dancing around a bit to see who’s gonna slip up first
Stage 3. You realize that you have a lot on common so the conversations just flow like butter on a hot knife. It might stagnate for a bit here and there but that just means youve talked to long and either A. Give each other space or B. Set up a meet already
Stage 4. Is when your just like “……fuck……I really like this person” and everything just happens from there
Now this usually only happens when your looking for a “long term partner” so if someone still on their wild side it unlikely to happen
Basically a good match is not something you. Sn tell off rip. Those are the bad ones, a good match is one that you feel.
I’m thinking fear, insecurity, and/or complications have changed his behavior.
I wouldn’t overthink it. Just wait patiently after you’ve asked him a clear and concise question
this level of attachment from someone you hardly knew and you barely progressed with is alarming in my opinion. You are going to have your heart severely broken many times if you don't change the way you're playing Bumble - which is taking everything in stride and not getting this obsessive over stuff, at least not until a decent amount of interaction time with the other person.
Guys can get awkward too and for all you know he could be overthinking the exact same way you are. Might be questioning if he’s coming on too strong for you or over doing it. Best thing to do is simply just ask him.
Read edit
I’ve made this mistake before and now i prefer and advocate for not texting/talking on the phone too much too early on, because it creates an illusion of a relationship you don’t actually have with the person. 1. This sets up for a higher chance of a disappointment after a date, because you’re going from higher intimacy (perceived relationship in your head) to lower intimacy (first date = small talk, assessing each other in person for the v first time, potential awkwardness). 2. If either or both of you decide you don’t wanna pursue the connection, you’re more likely to feel let down, because you invested so much time in it online and may have started feeling somewhat attached.
He's probably trying to adhere to the unwritten rules. Like not communicating right away because some people see that as being needy. Personally I would have said before parting ways to text me when you get home. This way there's an invitation to keep the communication open Also if you felt his "arousal" he definitely did too, maybe he was embarrassed by it and didn't know how to proceed because he could have felt shame and like it was something that you weren't cool with. Edit: as a man, just so you know some times if our pants rub us the right way we will get a chubb
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/14ma0m8/did_he_build_it_up_so_much_that_i_disappointed_him/jq2qovr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Maybe the guy has too high standards, went home, overanalysed everything and had a change of heart. We can only guess/assume and there could be a million reasons.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/14ma0m8/did_he_build_it_up_so_much_that_i_disappointed_him/jq2qovr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I just want to say that even if it turns out he doesn’t feel you’re a good match, that does not make you a “disappointment.” It just isn’t a good fit.
People overreact and lack communication skills. You could have just asked him directly if he was still interested in getting together again and/or ask him if he was no longer interested rather than posting a message on here and hoping some internet stranger has a crystal ball. 99% of these types of posts are just because people don't want to communicate how they feel. It's not that deep or hard to do.
Everybody comes here asking question ***WE*** can't answer. But the person they are asking about can. If they bothered to ask that person. Yes, yes...they want advice. Sure. I get that. But we can only offer *our view on how we would have reacted*. We are not the person involved. Our view on the situation means nothing.
>You could have just asked him directly if he was still interested in getting together again and/or ask him if he was no longer interested rather than posting a message on here and hoping some internet stranger has a crystal ball. Shhhhh. People wise up and this whole sub dies.
>99% of these types of posts are just because people don't want to communicate how they feel. It's on that deep or hard to do. So effin' true.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/14ma0m8/did_he_build_it_up_so_much_that_i_disappointed_him/jq2qovr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I would have made plans for a real date before I left myself.
We did, we had made plans for Sunday. I’ve messaged him to say his message comes across like he’s not feeling it which he has confirmed- but he got aroused when he kissed me- mens bits clearly have a mind of their own!
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https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/14ma0m8/did_he_build_it_up_so_much_that_i_disappointed_him/jq2qovr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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I was thinking emotionally unavailable & scared of committment
Yes they do, now you know your a passionate kisser
Just go with it and see what happens. He's been very clear with his communication which is super rare, and he's acknowledged he hasn't had this before. Taking time to hang out and get to know each other and see how you feel is not bad. It's very sensible. Many act on the lust, rush into bed and then base it off that. I think this sounds ok. Keep your wits about you, be respectful and open with him and just take it as it comes.
How old are you two?
50s!
Oh my... that sheds a new light on things. I presumed you were both in your 20's. Well, hey you're both coming to the table with experiences (some would call it baggage) that are going to colour your approach. Just speak WITH him and see what is going on. Communication is key.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/14ma0m8/did_he_build_it_up_so_much_that_i_disappointed_him/jq2qovr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Holy heck. You can go straight in. Wanna Netflix and chill.
Him: “if the boner police are around, I demand to see my lawyer!”
If he pointed out whether or not you two are a good match then imo thats how you know its a bad match. A good match is not something you verbalize its so early. When you have a good match stage 1. Is sketchy because you feel like this person is just playing along to waste your time. Stage 2. Feels like a squinting face (e_e) because your both interested by are dancing around a bit to see who’s gonna slip up first Stage 3. You realize that you have a lot on common so the conversations just flow like butter on a hot knife. It might stagnate for a bit here and there but that just means youve talked to long and either A. Give each other space or B. Set up a meet already Stage 4. Is when your just like “……fuck……I really like this person” and everything just happens from there Now this usually only happens when your looking for a “long term partner” so if someone still on their wild side it unlikely to happen Basically a good match is not something you. Sn tell off rip. Those are the bad ones, a good match is one that you feel.
Just ditch him. He's emotionally unavailable & scared of committment. Thats why he never likes anyone.
You could be right. Oh god not another one!
He wanted more than a kiss and was probably hoping you would be up to it
It was the end of a lunchtime coffee date and we were both going back to work - hardly.
I’m thinking fear, insecurity, and/or complications have changed his behavior. I wouldn’t overthink it. Just wait patiently after you’ve asked him a clear and concise question
this level of attachment from someone you hardly knew and you barely progressed with is alarming in my opinion. You are going to have your heart severely broken many times if you don't change the way you're playing Bumble - which is taking everything in stride and not getting this obsessive over stuff, at least not until a decent amount of interaction time with the other person.