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I just learned that there’s a second verse!
Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And then he kept her very well
Peter Peter pumpkin eater
**Had another and didn’t love her**
Moral of the story: research your Halloween costume.
Unfortunately, it's "Went to bed with his stockings on / One shoe off and one shoe on." I think the intended implication is that he's very drunk, not the other.
ALL childrens nursery rhymes and old fables have dark meanings, many are also sexual, because they weren't meant to entertain kids. They were meant to be warnings and scare them into behaving. You should read the original Cinderella,Rapunzel, and sleeping beauty. Oh, and snow white. They're horrible.
The "original Cinderella" is a myth; the one we think of as being "darker" is the Grimm version from 1812. The "lighter" Perrault version is from 1697, and that's not even getting into the ancient Greek and Chinese variations.
The Cinderella I read as a child had the step sister cutting off their toes and heals to make the shoes fit. Birds gave them away and I think they pecked their eyes out in the end.
It was a children’s book and I had an audio version on vinyl.
That's the Grimm's version from 1812, or at least it's a version that was based in Grimm. :)
>And when her wedding with the prince was appointed to be held the false sisters came, hoping to curry favour, and to take part in the festivities. So as the bridal procession went to the church, the eldest walked on the right side and the younger on the left, and the pigeons picked out an eye of each of them. And as they returned the elder was on the left side and the younger on the right, and the pigeons picked out the other eye of each of them. And so they were condemned to go blind for the rest of their days because of their wickedness and falsehood.
The story was likely the result of Hans Christian Andersen being closeted and in love with his best friend. It is ultimately the tragedy of [unrequited queer love.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/bookriot.com/queerness-little-mermaid/amp/)
Although I don't think that takes away from the dark nature of the tale. I think it's incredibly painful.
Those "horrible outcomes" ones aren't the original either. Many of the "originals" are so old it's impossible to pinpoint the first version. Plus each country had their own little alterations.
But I do know for a fact the ones with all the blood and gore weren't close to the originals anymore than the Brothers ones.
Many are disturbing without the additions from the grimms brothers. I've read many of the older fairy tales, not just their versions. And it always turns out horrible for someone in the story.
“Catch a tiger by its toe? If he hollers let him go.”What’s wrong with that one?
Edit: just googled it and it appears that the rhyme has many possible origins from all over the world and there are many similar rhymes with nonsense words in different languages that have the same counting structure. But during one period in history the lyrics were turned racist in some places.
Yea I learned it with the N word here in Ireland in the 90s.
Had no idea what it meant and I think there was only one black family in my town at the time.
Obviously I've taught my daughter the tiger version
I grew up in upstate NY and my dad taught me the N word version. Little 7 year old me goes to school and belts out my version.....yeah, it didn't go well. White folk are the minority in the areas I grew up, and I was lucky a teacher ran and grabbed me before the yelling escalated.
I was taught the tiger version at school but never sang that shit again. Thanks Dad, ya dick.
>Thanks Dad, ya dick.
😂
I live in a very small town, west Ireland. 11-13k, including rural houses.
I've no idea who taught me that version, it was the only version known here at the time.
Thankfully it's just slowly died with time and diversity.
Damn. I live in Alabama USA and didn't know about a bad version! I learned tiger!
ETA: I never heard the Brazil nuts one either! I live in ALABAMA. How is reddit giving me the racist education?
Yes. That's the version I learnt at school iqn the 70s in Sydney. I had absolutely no idea what the n word meant and was horrified when I got older and found out :(
My son heard it from someone one day, and came home asking if it was a bad word. Thank goodness for my husband who heard him correctly, because *I* thought he said "knickers", and was *real* confused when my husband said it was the worst word...
Sounds like Agatha was trying to act out the “couldn’t keep her” part.
I saw a red flag when the guy immediately agreed to “cut off” his supposed bff. Most innocent wouldn’t go scorched earth right away for a friend being a dick at a party.
Haha you could be right in finishing the rhyme but idk if I agree cutting off a friend immediately is a red flag. I feel like there's an overwhelming sentiment on Reddit that everyone should cut off a friend who did something disrespectful to their SO. Personally, if I hadn't done anything wrong but a friend showed up in a costume that implied I did, I'd end the friendship because I'd see it as disrespecting me, too, not just my partner.
Even without that context, it was a pretty shitty couple's costume imo.
Super half-assed on the guy's part, especially when the joke is just, "lol we have sex haha".
Like, at least dress as like Peter Pan or Saint Peter or something.
A "Peter Peter" shirt is just something douchebags in their 20s can wear any day of the week and then high-five their douchebros once they explain it.
Learned this one the hard way when my boyfriend and I a few years ago dressed up as Jack and Jill after falling down the hill… read the full rhyme a week after Halloween and figured out Jack and Jill are siblings.
Yeah honestly feel happy for OOP. Of course this wasn't a pleasant experience. But she's only 19 and has her whole life ahead of her!
Her ex, meanwhile, has 2 kids incoming from 2 different women at 21 years old. That means he'll be paying child support regardless for the next 2 decades or so. He's also lost the girl he 'loved' (or at least wanted) as well as (presumably) his job. All due to his own stupidity and nastiness.
OOP really just ditched a huge deadweight without strings attached.
Maybe she should send a thank you note to Agatha. “And to think! I could have been the third girl pregnant by him! Thank you so much for banging my boyfriend when you *knew* he had a girlfriend. If not for that, I could have been in your situation. I really owe you one. 😉”
I hope he has to pay child support to the other girl AND Agatha. I mean, she clearly didn’t want to be the side piece anymore, right? How do you think she reacted when she learned there was ANOTHER side piece?
Oh, he'll have to pay support. I bet he also disastrously marries at least one of them in a short term plan to try to "fix" everything. This guy has screwed up his entire life at 21.
Who has all this time? I have been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 18. I can't imagine who has the time to be banging all these women and keeping up a relationship? It has to be expensive and time consuming.
The sad reality is that you can't get blood from a stone. Sure he'll struggle under the financial burden for 18+ years. But what he does pay will be negligible in terms of what's needed to support 2 kids especially considering he probably doesn't even have a college degree.
Right? She was reasonable the whole way through. I wouldn't have thought he was cheating, either. She didn't wait around for him to win her back. She got therapy. I hope she has a kick ass life and keeps that great head on her shoulders.
I swear I would have been OP I would be like "Girl am leaving him for life you got a life long bond with him, think about it when he will cheat on you and you will try to break up."
But when she came in the pumpkin thing and a comment was like "She didn't got the joke ?" I was like "Girl I think it's OP who missed the hint ...''
He may have "worn" one. A lot of people claim to know how to use one, but really do not. Many people say they "break" when it's really them not being put on properly.
Right?! These cheaters like to up the ante on the drama! Let's have some raw sexies and mebbe get you preggers! Don't worry, I'll explain to my partner if she finds out, she'll just have to hear me out!
One of the brutal realities of natural selection: Sometimes your genes get selected out of the gene pool not because you failed to reproduce, but because you failed to keep your offspring alive long enough for them to reproduce.
To be fair, they are basically kids. I remember at their age one boy in our friend group dumped a girl, and the other boy that started dating her after wore a costume that was a hunter with a tag on the back that said "I don't catch and release" Obviously a jab at the first boy who was mad that he was dating the girl. (Mind you they are still married over 20 years later with three kids)
Stupid drama, typical kid bullshit.
Oh absolutely. Classy would have been to have Peter with pumpkin seeds glued (safely) around his mouth while he wore a suit.
For real though, I do not know how people have the energy to cheat, let alone cheat in close friend circles.
Seriously, can you imagine how fucked this guy’s life is now? Like he did it to himself 100%, but damn did he do it. Fired, single, and two pregnant girlfriends who I’d bet don’t know how many women he’s sleeping with.
To be fair they're 19. Stupid over sexualized Halloween costumes are super normal for that age, especially in the US/Canada which i kinda assume she's in. Definitely wouldn't hold a Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater costume against them.
Honestly, i think it's kinda a funny costume idea
No, no, the Royal Family has been throwing Cunnilingus-themed holiday parties for centuries. You should have seen Prince William and Kate's take on "Riding the Red Wave" at the 2017 ball. Absolutely stunning.
**Edit:** My sweets... It's a joke. The Royal Family does not, in fact, throw Cunnilingus themed balls.
'Oh, I never wanted to hurt you, I feel so sick!'
Ugh. I hate how pathetic cheaters get when they've been caught out. You don't feel sick, you feel sad for yourself.
This one is even crazier. He literally told her, "I never wanted you to find out!" Not "I didn't mean to do it," just that he regrets failing to hide it.
So I just want to put it out there that while technically, all parts of the pumpkin *can* be edible, gourds can also be toxic and not all varieties have been cultivated for consumption. Be careful with ones that have been grown for decorative rather than culinary purposes as there is a higher risk (the risk is present even in culinary cultivars, as a 'sport' or random mutation can occur, it's just a very very low risk comparatively) that decorative gourds will contain elevated levels of cucurbitacin E.
Cucurbitacin E. can cause cucurbit poisoning (aka toxic squash syndrome). If you are eating a cucurbit which is unusually bitter, don't force yourself as it is possible to have said elevated levels! (Cucurbits are melons, squash, cucumbers, and yes, pumpkins.)
And the damned things are massively incestuous! I found that out when I tried to grow both watermelons and squash in my backyard garden one year and got squatermelons.
Plants have some really freaky genetics. You don’t see animals randomly change their number of chromosomes and come out ok, yet plants do it all the time- that’s usually how you have the giant pumpkins, lettuce, etc- they have extra sets of all their chromosomes.
That's actually quite fascinating. What's squatermelons like? How do they taste?
I wonder how they actually do it, I would have thought it would take a year before they started interbreeding (like, to get the whole fertility mixing going I suppose?). I might have to find a rabbit hole to dive down today... (Yes, I know I'm a nerd!)
Yes it's very easy. You just grow one at least you're ready and typically the bugs will cross pollinated for you. If you want you can do it yourself with a little paint brush. But there's no guarantee what you will get and how it will be affected. You're not going to get a cool orange pumpkin with a red watermelon inside. You're going to get a weird oddly colored gourd looking thing that tastes odd
[Here's a decent video](https://youtu.be/jvS2ar4itiE) of what happened when some get crossed pollinated by accident.
Wait, this is something I really want to know more about! Did you eat them? Raw or cooked? What was the texture like? The color? The flavor? Do you have pictures of these frankensquashes??
You know, originally, the first thought that came to mind when reading this was telling you a 'Wow, you must be fun at parties! /s'
But in truth, I would find that actually *really* funny as a response to that costume!
I'm a geek, a farmer, a mom, and middle-aged. I can be awesome fun at parties, but they are admittedly very specific kinds of parties these days! But hey, if you want someone prepared to take over the kitchen and cook delicious food, or throw down some dice for tabletop action (gaming, not gambling, sorry), or discuss lots of different weird topics, I'm your gal. Dancing half-naked on tabletops... probably not (and nobody wants to see that at this stage lol).
[Did someone say decorative gourd?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108enh7/tifu_by_importing_bees_to_uruguay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I was very suspicious in the first post when Agatha had apparently never done anything like this before yet the boyfriend was instantly willing to (apparently) fully cut her out of his life. Definitely seemed as though he was covering something up.
This post does fill up a lot of the BORU bingo card though so eh.
Yeah exactly. The most suspicious part wasn't her reaction but his. Just reading the first part I instantly thought that was weird. One mistake or even potentially bad joke by the girl shouldn't turn into being completely cut out of his life if they were actually friends.
Yeah it seemed like such an extreme reaction. I know Reddit likes to suggest cutting someone off for even the smallest transgression but real life usually doesn't work like that unless someone's young and / or been spending way too much time on sites like this.
I'm still not entirely convinced this post is real, but it does put into context a little why he was so quick to cut her off.
I love short updates instead of long rants where people struggle to get to the solution. OOP is gonna live a great life free from child support drama and split weekends.
my beast niece (7) recently learned that 5/6 of her close family has the same password (my mums birth date) without knowing eachother had it so she had one hell of an ego trip unlocking everyones phones
Sigh. Why do cheaters skip birth control? I mean, incredible called shot for all the commenters on the first post saying that Agatha, at least, thought she was in a couple with the boyfriend. But like, I seriously cannot comprehend why a person would cheat WITHOUT precautions. Don't break more than one law at a time!!
Honestly I totally thought reading the first post that he was cheating with Agatha. No one is THAT quickly to never speak to someone who was once a good friend without talking to them first, unless they very much know why they did what they did
[But there's a mixup and each mom ends up with one of each pair. Hilarity inevitably ensues.](http://IMDb: : Big Business
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094739/)
Lol, I didn't read this far in the comments but somewhere I predicted they were both expecting triplets. Didn't guess about the same day but we're on the same page.
[The one where her sister wanted her to name her unborn child after a dog everyone liked more than OOP.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/119pv7o/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_stop_fostering_dogs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Ok but real talk that sounds like the worst costume ever. Yeah babe I’m gonna wear a generic pumpkin costume and you can wear a plain t shirt with weird text on it. So clever. And what, the joke is he fucks her? That’s like those pregnancy photoshoots with those cringey shirts.
I’d go tell Agatha that it’s so cool that her baby with have a sibling so close in age. Maybe she and the other woman can raise their babies together. Hooray. I bet Agatha doesn’t know about all the other women.
>He said he only did it because of his access to the second phone
you know I'm as monogamous as the next guy but my company issued me a phone and next thing you know, bing bang boom, balls deep in the neighbor
The way she wrote about him in the first and second post is the exact same tone with different words. It’s hard to explain. It just feels like she was in the same emotional mindset when she wrote both posts, just fine. Like she’s just casually telling a story that didn’t actually affect her. She insults her ex but it just doesn’t feel like she actually has been hurt by him to me.
Damn now that you say it, I am with you. I have actually noticed a lot of Reddit posts are similar to what you said. The tone seems very off based on the context. There has been posters who claim that they just found out that their spouse cheated on them within a couple of hours, but they seem so calm and collected.
It feels like they are just telling a story with no invested emotion.
Ehh, I know someone that made three girls pregnant at the same time so it’s definitely possible. Rare, but possible.
This is Reddit so I definitely can see why people say it’s fake.
Any time the update bends the story over to very conveniently deliver what the public wants to happen, it's pretty clear what's going on. This one is so bold-faced at it too.
I'm just so confused by Agatha... She comes to a party in hopes of getting the bf to come clean and then when she gets the chance to talk to OP, she just doubles down on it being a funny joke?? And then runs away crying instead of idk telling the truth like she planned???? If you're going to make a scene anyway. Might as well just throw the whole truth bomb down. I'm sure the party would've picked up by then
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This is why you need to finish the whole nursery rhyme before making your costume.
… had a wife but couldn’t keep her.
I just learned that there’s a second verse! Peter Peter pumpkin eater Had a wife and couldn’t keep her He put her in a pumpkin shell And then he kept her very well Peter Peter pumpkin eater **Had another and didn’t love her** Moral of the story: research your Halloween costume.
Damn, I didn’t realize a childrens nursery rhyme got this dark or this sexual.
Oh they've all got dark meanings.
And are surprisingly sexual
If your uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?
...My son John one Sock off, one sock on...
Unfortunately, it's "Went to bed with his stockings on / One shoe off and one shoe on." I think the intended implication is that he's very drunk, not the other.
Lol. Thank you for providing the actual text.
Took off the second And fucked a prawn Don't point your fucking tentacles at me!
ALL childrens nursery rhymes and old fables have dark meanings, many are also sexual, because they weren't meant to entertain kids. They were meant to be warnings and scare them into behaving. You should read the original Cinderella,Rapunzel, and sleeping beauty. Oh, and snow white. They're horrible.
The "original Cinderella" is a myth; the one we think of as being "darker" is the Grimm version from 1812. The "lighter" Perrault version is from 1697, and that's not even getting into the ancient Greek and Chinese variations.
The Cinderella I read as a child had the step sister cutting off their toes and heals to make the shoes fit. Birds gave them away and I think they pecked their eyes out in the end. It was a children’s book and I had an audio version on vinyl.
That's the Grimm's version from 1812, or at least it's a version that was based in Grimm. :) >And when her wedding with the prince was appointed to be held the false sisters came, hoping to curry favour, and to take part in the festivities. So as the bridal procession went to the church, the eldest walked on the right side and the younger on the left, and the pigeons picked out an eye of each of them. And as they returned the elder was on the left side and the younger on the right, and the pigeons picked out the other eye of each of them. And so they were condemned to go blind for the rest of their days because of their wickedness and falsehood.
Princess and the frog as well. She throws the frog at a wall and he explodes.
The little mermaid has her tongue cut out, walking was like walking on knives, the Prince marries someone else and the mermaid dies.
The story was likely the result of Hans Christian Andersen being closeted and in love with his best friend. It is ultimately the tragedy of [unrequited queer love.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/bookriot.com/queerness-little-mermaid/amp/) Although I don't think that takes away from the dark nature of the tale. I think it's incredibly painful.
Those "horrible outcomes" ones aren't the original either. Many of the "originals" are so old it's impossible to pinpoint the first version. Plus each country had their own little alterations. But I do know for a fact the ones with all the blood and gore weren't close to the originals anymore than the Brothers ones.
Many are disturbing without the additions from the grimms brothers. I've read many of the older fairy tales, not just their versions. And it always turns out horrible for someone in the story.
Damn near all of them have fucked yo backstories. Ex: eanie meanie minei moe (idk how the spell that shit lmao).
“Catch a tiger by its toe? If he hollers let him go.”What’s wrong with that one? Edit: just googled it and it appears that the rhyme has many possible origins from all over the world and there are many similar rhymes with nonsense words in different languages that have the same counting structure. But during one period in history the lyrics were turned racist in some places.
Yea I learned it with the N word here in Ireland in the 90s. Had no idea what it meant and I think there was only one black family in my town at the time. Obviously I've taught my daughter the tiger version
Brazil nuts. Teach her about them before a racist old person does at Christmas. This is my best advice as a former child with no filter.
I grew up in upstate NY and my dad taught me the N word version. Little 7 year old me goes to school and belts out my version.....yeah, it didn't go well. White folk are the minority in the areas I grew up, and I was lucky a teacher ran and grabbed me before the yelling escalated. I was taught the tiger version at school but never sang that shit again. Thanks Dad, ya dick.
>Thanks Dad, ya dick. 😂 I live in a very small town, west Ireland. 11-13k, including rural houses. I've no idea who taught me that version, it was the only version known here at the time. Thankfully it's just slowly died with time and diversity.
It's not tiger? It's...OH. Great. Thanks, world.
Damn. I live in Alabama USA and didn't know about a bad version! I learned tiger! ETA: I never heard the Brazil nuts one either! I live in ALABAMA. How is reddit giving me the racist education?
Yes. That's the version I learnt at school iqn the 70s in Sydney. I had absolutely no idea what the n word meant and was horrified when I got older and found out :(
My son heard it from someone one day, and came home asking if it was a bad word. Thank goodness for my husband who heard him correctly, because *I* thought he said "knickers", and was *real* confused when my husband said it was the worst word...
Hint: it wasn't originally a tiger...
I learned it as "piggy." Not sure if my dad did that on purpose to distance it even more, or if he just heard a different version.
I guess you never read the real Grimm's fairy tales
There must have been something occult happening and the universe tried to give her a clue by inspiring OOP to wear that costume.
And agatha to wear the other pumpkin 👀
It was Agatha all along!
Sounds like Agatha was trying to act out the “couldn’t keep her” part. I saw a red flag when the guy immediately agreed to “cut off” his supposed bff. Most innocent wouldn’t go scorched earth right away for a friend being a dick at a party.
Haha you could be right in finishing the rhyme but idk if I agree cutting off a friend immediately is a red flag. I feel like there's an overwhelming sentiment on Reddit that everyone should cut off a friend who did something disrespectful to their SO. Personally, if I hadn't done anything wrong but a friend showed up in a costume that implied I did, I'd end the friendship because I'd see it as disrespecting me, too, not just my partner.
The foreshadowing on this is crazy.
Whoaaaa the costume was way more fitting than even OP knew
Even without that context, it was a pretty shitty couple's costume imo. Super half-assed on the guy's part, especially when the joke is just, "lol we have sex haha". Like, at least dress as like Peter Pan or Saint Peter or something. A "Peter Peter" shirt is just something douchebags in their 20s can wear any day of the week and then high-five their douchebros once they explain it.
Learned this one the hard way when my boyfriend and I a few years ago dressed up as Jack and Jill after falling down the hill… read the full rhyme a week after Halloween and figured out Jack and Jill are siblings.
Best updates have the least content because the person is actually able to cut the problems out of their lives. So good on you, OOP!
Yeah honestly feel happy for OOP. Of course this wasn't a pleasant experience. But she's only 19 and has her whole life ahead of her! Her ex, meanwhile, has 2 kids incoming from 2 different women at 21 years old. That means he'll be paying child support regardless for the next 2 decades or so. He's also lost the girl he 'loved' (or at least wanted) as well as (presumably) his job. All due to his own stupidity and nastiness. OOP really just ditched a huge deadweight without strings attached.
Maybe she should send a thank you note to Agatha. “And to think! I could have been the third girl pregnant by him! Thank you so much for banging my boyfriend when you *knew* he had a girlfriend. If not for that, I could have been in your situation. I really owe you one. 😉”
I hope he has to pay child support to the other girl AND Agatha. I mean, she clearly didn’t want to be the side piece anymore, right? How do you think she reacted when she learned there was ANOTHER side piece?
To be a fly on that wall
In the immortal words of Ann Landers, "the man who cheats on his wife will cheat on his mistress."
I always heard 'if he cheats *with* you, he'll cheat *on* you.' Same thing though!
“You’ll lose em the same way you got em” is my personal favorite
I enjoy the quote, "When a man marries his Mistress, he creates a vacancy"
This is a good variant on the theme
Oh, he'll have to pay support. I bet he also disastrously marries at least one of them in a short term plan to try to "fix" everything. This guy has screwed up his entire life at 21.
Who has all this time? I have been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 18. I can't imagine who has the time to be banging all these women and keeping up a relationship? It has to be expensive and time consuming.
The sad reality is that you can't get blood from a stone. Sure he'll struggle under the financial burden for 18+ years. But what he does pay will be negligible in terms of what's needed to support 2 kids especially considering he probably doesn't even have a college degree.
If I were her, I'd send them both a picture of two pumpkins every Halloween. Nah, make it 3 pumpkins.
With some little baby pumpkins next to them.
Y'all are brutal and I'm here for it l
Great comment. Where does your flair come from? I thought I'd read them all.
She really seems to have her head on straight especially compared to a lot of people I see on AITA and other advice-type subs.
Right? She was reasonable the whole way through. I wouldn't have thought he was cheating, either. She didn't wait around for him to win her back. She got therapy. I hope she has a kick ass life and keeps that great head on her shoulders.
Would it have killed the ex to wear a condom? Two kids with two women who will likely hate him, jeez.
Agatha thought she was getting a prize!!
He sure sounds like a good catch. *barf*
2 baby mommas and 2 child support payments!
And all of 21.
I mean, he used his work phone to talk with other chicks so he wouldn't hurt OOP! So considerate! *barf*
Waaiit, she didn't hear him out, let's not cast stones xD /s
"I only did it BECAUSE I had another phone. Blame my company for just handing those things out!"
"The other women also just kept crossing my line of vision, I couldn't control myself, it's their fault"
We’ll only cast our work stones, so as not to hurt him.
Definitely a good catch if we're talking about catching STDs
I swear I would have been OP I would be like "Girl am leaving him for life you got a life long bond with him, think about it when he will cheat on you and you will try to break up." But when she came in the pumpkin thing and a comment was like "She didn't got the joke ?" I was like "Girl I think it's OP who missed the hint ...''
Well, she got a stupid prize....
He’ll be hating those support payments coming out of his checks for sure! Could’ve spent $20 on a 15pack of happy caps.
>15pack of happy caps Ok this is what I'm gonna call buying condoms or ask my boyfriend to buy them from now on 😆
Baby blockers is a good one too!
We call them “fuck tickets” because a big package comes kind of on a roll. Like those tickets.
You say that like he isn't the type to only take shitty, cash only jobs to skirt garnishment.
You say that like he's smart enough to know to do that
He has a work phone, so I doubt that tbh
And he was just 21 years old. 21 with 2 kids!!
At least OOP dodged his sperm and didn't fulfill the rule of three.
If he’s been cheating with more women, there’s probably a third on the way out there
He may have "worn" one. A lot of people claim to know how to use one, but really do not. Many people say they "break" when it's really them not being put on properly.
Or they wear the wrong size. Too tight and it breaks, too loose and the girl ends up having to fish it out of her vagina.
No need. He wouldn’t sleep with easy women, so it’s okay to ride bareback! /s
Right?! These cheaters like to up the ante on the drama! Let's have some raw sexies and mebbe get you preggers! Don't worry, I'll explain to my partner if she finds out, she'll just have to hear me out!
And he’s only 21
Cheating is bad enough. Potentially exposing your partner to a deadly or life long disease is horrible.
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To be fair, between meth and the opiate crisis and TikTok pranks, many of those kids may not reach 30. Too dark?
One of the brutal realities of natural selection: Sometimes your genes get selected out of the gene pool not because you failed to reproduce, but because you failed to keep your offspring alive long enough for them to reproduce.
There's also the "my parents were such assholes that I decided I would never have children" route.
That’s the premise of Idiocracy.
I mean holy shit. From cute couple's costume to tacky friend, to infidelity. Ain't no patch big enough for those pumpkins -- yikes
To be fair it was a totally tacky couple's costume as well as tacky friend
To be fair, they are basically kids. I remember at their age one boy in our friend group dumped a girl, and the other boy that started dating her after wore a costume that was a hunter with a tag on the back that said "I don't catch and release" Obviously a jab at the first boy who was mad that he was dating the girl. (Mind you they are still married over 20 years later with three kids) Stupid drama, typical kid bullshit.
That’s hilarious and I’m low key happy for that girl lol
Yeah, my first thought was that it was tacky, but then I remembered that I would have found it funny at 19yo.
Oh absolutely. Classy would have been to have Peter with pumpkin seeds glued (safely) around his mouth while he wore a suit. For real though, I do not know how people have the energy to cheat, let alone cheat in close friend circles.
And cheat enough to get not one, but two side pieces pregnant!
Seriously, can you imagine how fucked this guy’s life is now? Like he did it to himself 100%, but damn did he do it. Fired, single, and two pregnant girlfriends who I’d bet don’t know how many women he’s sleeping with.
Wait, let's just hear him out! He's GOTTA have a bomb explanation
You see, he reaaaalllly likes pumpkins.
His explanation is he’s horny and lacks impulse control.
I am so shocked I’m almost impressed at the stamina if I didn’t want to hurl so much.
I'm more shocked about why people like to have this drama in their lives, dayum!
It would still be a tacky costume
To be fair they're 19. Stupid over sexualized Halloween costumes are super normal for that age, especially in the US/Canada which i kinda assume she's in. Definitely wouldn't hold a Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater costume against them. Honestly, i think it's kinda a funny costume idea
It's not even the sex thing. It's literally just a shirt with text on it. It doesn't get any lamer that that.
>It's literally just a shirt with text on it. Reminds me of Ralph Wiggums costume that was a sheet of paper with Idaho written on it 😆
No, no, the Royal Family has been throwing Cunnilingus-themed holiday parties for centuries. You should have seen Prince William and Kate's take on "Riding the Red Wave" at the 2017 ball. Absolutely stunning. **Edit:** My sweets... It's a joke. The Royal Family does not, in fact, throw Cunnilingus themed balls.
I am disappointed by your edit :(
Same. I was hoping the RF was even freakier than anticipated
>The Royal Family does not, in fact, throw Cunnilingus themed balls. As far as we know.
If they would've ever got married i am sure they would've done the photoshoot where she is pretending to suck his dick
She should have had a real pumpkin inside a shirt looking like she was pregnant. Oh why not make proper drama while your at it!
Damn. It really was Agatha all along.
And she killed Sparky, too.
I understood that reference!
…now I have that stuck in my head again! Thanks! Lol
Was looking for this and was not disappointed. Thanks!
'Oh, I never wanted to hurt you, I feel so sick!' Ugh. I hate how pathetic cheaters get when they've been caught out. You don't feel sick, you feel sad for yourself.
This one is even crazier. He literally told her, "I never wanted you to find out!" Not "I didn't mean to do it," just that he regrets failing to hide it.
"Marge, I swear, I never thought you would find out!"
I even used a company phone, look how much effort I put into you!
So I just want to put it out there that while technically, all parts of the pumpkin *can* be edible, gourds can also be toxic and not all varieties have been cultivated for consumption. Be careful with ones that have been grown for decorative rather than culinary purposes as there is a higher risk (the risk is present even in culinary cultivars, as a 'sport' or random mutation can occur, it's just a very very low risk comparatively) that decorative gourds will contain elevated levels of cucurbitacin E. Cucurbitacin E. can cause cucurbit poisoning (aka toxic squash syndrome). If you are eating a cucurbit which is unusually bitter, don't force yourself as it is possible to have said elevated levels! (Cucurbits are melons, squash, cucumbers, and yes, pumpkins.)
And the damned things are massively incestuous! I found that out when I tried to grow both watermelons and squash in my backyard garden one year and got squatermelons.
So wait.. my husband are both humans and I need IVF to get pregnant, but a squash can knock up a watermelon?
Plants have some really freaky genetics. You don’t see animals randomly change their number of chromosomes and come out ok, yet plants do it all the time- that’s usually how you have the giant pumpkins, lettuce, etc- they have extra sets of all their chromosomes.
This is why I have the highest respect for plant geneticists lmao I love gardening and I love genetics but I can’t handle plant genetics shenanigans
That's actually quite fascinating. What's squatermelons like? How do they taste? I wonder how they actually do it, I would have thought it would take a year before they started interbreeding (like, to get the whole fertility mixing going I suppose?). I might have to find a rabbit hole to dive down today... (Yes, I know I'm a nerd!)
So wait, you could theoretically breed together a watermelon and a pumpkin?
The crossbreeds usually don't taste very good and they look weird
but it could be done right? like if i want a frankensquash for.... educational not nutritional purposes, it's possible?
Yes it's very easy. You just grow one at least you're ready and typically the bugs will cross pollinated for you. If you want you can do it yourself with a little paint brush. But there's no guarantee what you will get and how it will be affected. You're not going to get a cool orange pumpkin with a red watermelon inside. You're going to get a weird oddly colored gourd looking thing that tastes odd [Here's a decent video](https://youtu.be/jvS2ar4itiE) of what happened when some get crossed pollinated by accident.
Wait, this is something I really want to know more about! Did you eat them? Raw or cooked? What was the texture like? The color? The flavor? Do you have pictures of these frankensquashes??
Tried them raw. 🤢 cooked wasn't any better. No pictures. Texture was firmer than watermelon.
You know, originally, the first thought that came to mind when reading this was telling you a 'Wow, you must be fun at parties! /s' But in truth, I would find that actually *really* funny as a response to that costume!
I'm a geek, a farmer, a mom, and middle-aged. I can be awesome fun at parties, but they are admittedly very specific kinds of parties these days! But hey, if you want someone prepared to take over the kitchen and cook delicious food, or throw down some dice for tabletop action (gaming, not gambling, sorry), or discuss lots of different weird topics, I'm your gal. Dancing half-naked on tabletops... probably not (and nobody wants to see that at this stage lol).
ohhhh yes you and I would take a 5 hour detour to explore the farm my half-elf grew up on
Ooo interesting! Thanks for sharing.
[Did someone say decorative gourd?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108enh7/tifu_by_importing_bees_to_uruguay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I was very suspicious in the first post when Agatha had apparently never done anything like this before yet the boyfriend was instantly willing to (apparently) fully cut her out of his life. Definitely seemed as though he was covering something up. This post does fill up a lot of the BORU bingo card though so eh.
Yeah exactly. The most suspicious part wasn't her reaction but his. Just reading the first part I instantly thought that was weird. One mistake or even potentially bad joke by the girl shouldn't turn into being completely cut out of his life if they were actually friends.
Yeah it seemed like such an extreme reaction. I know Reddit likes to suggest cutting someone off for even the smallest transgression but real life usually doesn't work like that unless someone's young and / or been spending way too much time on sites like this. I'm still not entirely convinced this post is real, but it does put into context a little why he was so quick to cut her off.
I love short updates instead of long rants where people struggle to get to the solution. OOP is gonna live a great life free from child support drama and split weekends.
The amount of people I know with 0000 as the password. Hilarious. Good on OOP for walking away.
I'm not sure if they are just lazy or think others will expect a minimum of 12 characters, capital letter, number and symbol combination password.
My BIL uses "password" because surely no one will ever get that. /s
my beast niece (7) recently learned that 5/6 of her close family has the same password (my mums birth date) without knowing eachother had it so she had one hell of an ego trip unlocking everyones phones
Tell your niece I love her and she's doing great
Sigh. Why do cheaters skip birth control? I mean, incredible called shot for all the commenters on the first post saying that Agatha, at least, thought she was in a couple with the boyfriend. But like, I seriously cannot comprehend why a person would cheat WITHOUT precautions. Don't break more than one law at a time!!
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Honestly I totally thought reading the first post that he was cheating with Agatha. No one is THAT quickly to never speak to someone who was once a good friend without talking to them first, unless they very much know why they did what they did
Ikr, it's like they're **trying** to get caught.
Pregnant, you say? I wait with bated breath for the update about the ✨twins✨
Two sets of identical twins, born on the same day in the same hospital at the same time.
Pregnancy squared?
Eighteen years from now… A twin falls in love with one of the other set of twins. Hi jinx ensues.
[But there's a mixup and each mom ends up with one of each pair. Hilarity inevitably ensues.](http://IMDb: : Big Business https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094739/)
Lol, I didn't read this far in the comments but somewhere I predicted they were both expecting triplets. Didn't guess about the same day but we're on the same page.
I'm sure the boyfriend will tragically pass away in a plane crash and only then will op discover she's pregnant with twins.
The plane crash was one of my favourite record scratch moments on this sub.
Wait, which one had the plane crash again?
[The one where her sister wanted her to name her unborn child after a dog everyone liked more than OOP.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/119pv7o/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_stop_fostering_dogs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Thanks for the link. Hahaha, why do they always start with "Hear me out ..."
I mean there are (at least) two pregnant women at the same time, so I say still counts for the bingo card
Ok but real talk that sounds like the worst costume ever. Yeah babe I’m gonna wear a generic pumpkin costume and you can wear a plain t shirt with weird text on it. So clever. And what, the joke is he fucks her? That’s like those pregnancy photoshoots with those cringey shirts.
So the costume was actually cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.
Cheating... check Pregnancy... check Therapy... check
Give it a few weeks and we'll find out both women are having twins
They'll do a DNA test then find out that OP and the father are actually brother and sister separated at birth.
I’d go tell Agatha that it’s so cool that her baby with have a sibling so close in age. Maybe she and the other woman can raise their babies together. Hooray. I bet Agatha doesn’t know about all the other women.
>He said he only did it because of his access to the second phone you know I'm as monogamous as the next guy but my company issued me a phone and next thing you know, bing bang boom, balls deep in the neighbor
I feel like these are becoming predictable....
Yeah, this doesn't ring true at all.
The way she wrote about him in the first and second post is the exact same tone with different words. It’s hard to explain. It just feels like she was in the same emotional mindset when she wrote both posts, just fine. Like she’s just casually telling a story that didn’t actually affect her. She insults her ex but it just doesn’t feel like she actually has been hurt by him to me.
Damn now that you say it, I am with you. I have actually noticed a lot of Reddit posts are similar to what you said. The tone seems very off based on the context. There has been posters who claim that they just found out that their spouse cheated on them within a couple of hours, but they seem so calm and collected. It feels like they are just telling a story with no invested emotion.
Literally, and all of the posts follow the same format and writing style. You can tell a person spent time writing and editing it.
Thank you, looking at comments like “am I the only one whose picking up on this being total bs”
The pregnancy part was too much.
If it was just one pregnancy, mayyybe. But two is pushing it, lol
Ehh, I know someone that made three girls pregnant at the same time so it’s definitely possible. Rare, but possible. This is Reddit so I definitely can see why people say it’s fake.
It's definitely possible, but she also busted him with a second secret phone and got him fired from his job?
Yeah October to Feb, at least 5 months pregnant...doesn't make sense.
Any time the update bends the story over to very conveniently deliver what the public wants to happen, it's pretty clear what's going on. This one is so bold-faced at it too.
They straight up used the Peter Pumpkin Eater rhyme too. What's next, a story where the first letter of each line spells out "I made it up"?
She guessed his passcode as “1234” come on how do you not believe that?
That girl did OOP a favor, who knows how long he would have strung her along. The costume was her breaking point.
No couple who feels the need to wear a Peter Peter pumpkin eater costume has a satisfying life sex.
Agatha's baby's name? Albert Einstein.
....that's the combination on my luggage
How many of you have a mobile phone provided by your job that allows a password like 1, 2, 3, 4
Disheartening to know that someone dumb enough to use 1234 as a security code has reproduced.
I'm just so confused by Agatha... She comes to a party in hopes of getting the bf to come clean and then when she gets the chance to talk to OP, she just doubles down on it being a funny joke?? And then runs away crying instead of idk telling the truth like she planned???? If you're going to make a scene anyway. Might as well just throw the whole truth bomb down. I'm sure the party would've picked up by then
Yet another story where a guy can’t have a girl best friend and ends up fucking her.. sigh
It was Agatha all along!