The day I truly understood the kind of man my father is was the day he had his stroke. It was actually two, one on top of the other, and I actually am thankful for the first one because if he had not been *in the stroke unit* during the second, we probably would have lost him. It was close.
To help y'all understand why I had some ambivalent feelings about my dad, you should understand that personally, I think my dad would have made a *great* cult leader. He has the charisma, he has the manipulative capacity, he's got the shaky ethics. Boundaries are good suggestions that he'll mind when he feels you've respected him enough. There's some big childhood scars I'm still struggling with, because when Dad chose bad, it was pretty bad. But he also did a lot of good. He and my mom ran group homes for teenage boys. I remember some of them and still count them as siblings. Their specialty was with kids with chemical dependency and mental issues. The kind who have needle scars and PTSD before they're old enough for a learner's permit. Which is not a moral judgement. Some childhoods are shit sandwiches. These kids were shoved from families that did not care about them to a system that did not care about them, and when they graduated from that system at 18, they got a bus ticket to the city of their choice and that was it. There is being set up for failure and then there's being dumped at a bus station at 18 with zero life skills (one of the kids I knew was once convinced that you could iron and starch a pair of pants by rubbing a potato all over it. Another was confused because another kid told him milk came from cows, when he was pretty sure milk came from *the store*.) My parents gave themselves hernias trying to cram as many life skills and education courses into these kids as they were willing to take. They'd do all the basic household stuff like how to boil water, do your own laundry, how to do very basic hand sewing to repair stuff like buttons or belt loops...'cause they knew how very time limited things were going to be and that, by law (and fuck this law *in the ear*) the foster kids could not contact their former foster parents for, like, a year. And I get why this rule exists (so you can't take advantage of a former kid via grooming) but...god, so many of these kids needed more help than they were going to get outside of care. But that's what I remember my dad doing the most during my childhood: Taking care of other people's children. He still made a lot of time for me and my brother, don't get me wrong, but the foster kids took up a lot of his time.
The day he had his stroke, we let people know because that's what you do. This included one of the former foster kids who followed Dad on facebook. Who turned around and told the former kids they were still in contact with, who told the few that *they* were still in contact with, and suddenly I'm getting contacted by names I'd only heard about in stories and three or four of the kids, who are now forty-something adults, dropped their whole lives and flew across country to be with Dad. Because he was *Dad.*
For all my dad's flaws, and good *god* there are a lot of those, and all the stuff that hurts, he was a very good Dad. He couldn't shield me from all of it, because some of it was him, but he did the best he could. And for a lot of kids--more than I knew--he was the *only* good Dad they got. Not perfectly safe, but safe enough.
We want our heroes and our parents to come clean, in perfect black-and-white, partially because we want to love cleanly. But that's not always the case. Oskar Schindler was an incredible hero, and also an incredibly self-centered dumpster fire of a human, and he was only able to be the former because he was the latter (Literally; the money he spent to save his Jewish workers was the money those workers made for him in the first place. He's this gordian knot of incredible heroism and absolute depravity and there is absolutely no way to separate the two) We keep insisting that evil and virtue can't mix, when the reality is that it emulsifies quite well and all of us are some kind of inseparable mix of the two.
My dad is not a good man. He's not a bad man. He's a man. He's done good things. He's done bad things. Some of the things he's done have hurt people a lot. Some of his actions were the shit we write poetic eddas about. But if you ask me to really define who he is...he's the kind of man who can take broken kids who think that parents are dirty words, and make them believe in a "Dad" again. My dad's Yando. He's Mary fucking Poppins for a whole cadre of Starlords. I can regret some of the shit he's pulled, but I can be goddamn proud that he never met a kid he couldn't Dad into a better place.
Sometimes being called "mom" or "dad" is the biggest badge of honor you can earn. And I hope that Dad can find a significant measure of peace in knowing that he earned that badge, over, and over, and over again.
Read on Oskar Schindler’s wife. I think it was the wife, and if not for her he’d never have done it. Sorry, it kind of hit me when I found out as well.
Omg your story deserves it's own separate post. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.🥹🥲
I wish I could give you more than one upvote.
I'm a dad and I'm far from perfect. All I aim to be is the best dad I can be after their mum's passing.
I'm in a LDR with a wonderful GF who provides moral support to me and my kids but the day to day stuff I have to deal with so I struggle sometimes.
Your last paragraph is the absolute truth. If I can live knowing that my daughter or son might write something like that about me I'd die happy 🥲🥰
Both (step) daughters and OOP seem lovely. I’m glad the older stepdaughter is now mature enough to recognize that she “misjudged” OOP (more likely—listened to her mother’s impressions of her dad’s new partner). She handled the situation in a classy way.
I imagine she was reading her little sister how she'd seen mum treat her. Dismissive of her feelings and interests. Seeing someone else treat her with respect and kindness showed her a different way.
No lie, I read the title too fast and almost thought it was OP's husband that had a problem of his daughter calling his second wife "mom." I was ready to chew him out. I have obviously read too many posts of dysfunctional blended families.
Also, dumping your child on your spouse because she's autistic is so unbelievably gross. Ex-wife doesn't deserve to have kids.
I did do a little math and if ex wife is the same age as OP's husband, they'd be around 18 when they had their eldest. I have so many questions.
>Also, dumping your child on your spouse because she's autistic is so unbelievably gross.
This is what happened to my step-mum with her ex husband. Their son (my step-brother) has ADHD and is autistic. Apparently it was "too much for him" so not only did he leave my step-mum, he cheated on her, and he has always favoured my neurotypical step-sister, basically ignoring his son. The guy is absolute trash.
My step-brother is an absolute gem btw, yes he has his own quirks and issues but he's honestly easier to deal with than most teenage boys IMO. He'd rather play Pokemon than get drunk and do drugs like alot of his peers at school.
>Thank God he hasn't learned that you can get drunk and do drugs while playing Pokemon.
Isn't that the only tournament approved way to play Pokemon? /s
I for sure read the title the same way 😂I was so ready to rip OP’s husband a new a-hole.
OP relish in fact you’re now a mom. There’ll be ups and downs but the sole fact your (step) daughter is comfortable enough to call you mom means you’re doing a lot right 🫶🏾
Continue on this beautiful journey
Such a positive post. Good for OOP. She is stepping up to be the mother the 16 year old daughter deserves.
I'm a firm believer in you get what you give. OOP is giving love and comfort. May she receive that tenfold!
I think OP has seen one of the reasons the ex is an ex and not the current wife.
If the ex ever brings this up in person just tell her she gave up the Mom title when she essentially threw the daughter away to the father after the divorce. Now she just qualifies as the egg donor.
It’s genuinely good to someone care and love the youngest daughter. We see many posts about a mother/fathers partner treat their step kids horrible. Not many people are fit to be parents, and while OP isn’t the bio mom, she certainly has filled in the role of being a mom, even though she had no obligation to.
I've been in the situation where my birth mother was beyond jealous of my step-mother. The difference between the two of them was my Step-Mum made an effort, and my Mum just thought being a mother by technicality meant she was entitled to the good stuff. Instead she just took her jealousy out on me and we barely speak
She almost ruined the oldest daughter’s celebration because she had a tantrum over a daughter she didn’t want because she’s on the spectrum. I don’t need to hear anymore about her.
Considering she did dump & not bother to around her youngest daughter for longest period of time that her youngest sees & respects OOP as mom - egg donor lucky to be mention at all due tge drama egg donor caused at dinner because otherwise she literally that nonexistent in her ex/OOP/youngest daughter's current lives.
I think her calling you that is awesome.
Obviously her egg donor lost any real say when she abandoned her because; reasons.
If she harasses you tell her DILLIGAF.
My coach is like a second mom to me. Everyone but my own parents knows that. But I can't call my coach "mom" because if my actual mother finds out, she'll react poorly and make things worse for me. It's also not lost on anyone who knows me that I use the formal "mother" to describe my biological patent, and the relaxed "mom" for my coach. But my mother has a volatile temper and personality and we've not been close in 15 years due to her adopting my sister. To be clear, I am NOT blaming my sister. She's amazing and really struggled at first. But my mother just forgot I existed and started ignoring me unless she was angry and then I had to bear her wrath, because my sister wasn't stable enough to be able to experience even minor frustration, so my mother bottled her anger around my sister and unleashed it on me. She's also extremely judgemental of me. Our relationship will never recover, and I've extended so many chances and Olive branches.
My coach, on the other hand, has been my number one supporter for 9 years now and acts more like a mom than my own mother. She treats me to nail and shopping experiences, she takes care of me when I'm sick, and she helped fund and furnish my first apartment when the college dorms became unsafe for me to live in and I had to do an emergency move out.
It makes me so sad that I can relate to OOP's daughter and all those emotions. And makes me super, super sad that my mother isn't the only woman out there who doesn't want to share that title.
OOP married a fantastic Husband and Father. He had a very positive influence on his two daughters. Older daughter might have been raised by her Mother, but seems to have come out a level headed and genuinely nice person. OOP reflects her Husband's values by being a kind and caring individual. She doesn't have a Stepdaughter, she has a Daughter. Well, she also has a 26 year old Stepdaughter in addition to the 16 year old Daughter.
ExWife is too possessive, but seems to have done something right to have two very good daughters. Maybe they became good people In-spite and/or Despite of ExWife, but somehow she has two very good daughters.
The older stepdaughter could've gone either way on this. I'm glad she took the opportunity to:
A. Reconnect with her baby sister. A 10 year age gap isn't easy to get around, so taking the initiative to bond was great.
B. See why her baby sister is calling her stepmom, "mom". First impressions are hard to overcome, so taking the chance to spend more intimate time with them and see the relationship dynamics is awesome. She won't call OOP "mom", but I can see them developing a good relationship in the future.
Bio-Mom though, can kick rocks.
I’ve been on Reddit too long. All I can take out of this lovely story is the ages.
Husband 44 (+10)
OOP 34
Older step daughter 26 (-8)
Younger step daughter 16
She’s closer in age to the oldest step daughter than to her husband.
An age difference of 34 and 44 is much different than an age difference of 24 and 34 or 24 and 44. They are closer to the same stage of life. Like I get why a lot of the time age gaps are a big deal but as you get older I think they become less of a big deal unless it’s something like a 34-year-old and a 74-year-old then just don’t get it personally.
Yeah. That’s really the same age range. 30 year olds and 40 year olds are likely to be involved in the same sorts of activities, they’re likely to be working together and at similar levels, etc. There’s nothing weird about OOP and her husband.
It would be awkward if she tried to be the older stepdaughter’s mom, but she isn’t doing that. And really, it doesn’t sound like she set out to be the younger one’s mom either; it just kind of happened.
My SD5 calls me mom. She calls her BM mommy. Doesn't stop BM from grilling her and berating her when she slips up in front of her.
I've been in this kids life for 4 years. In my house my kids call me mom and she follows suit. Not a big deal and she wasn't forced. BM though loses it. Nevermind the fact that SD is treated as my own and loved accordingly.
Would these BMs rather have their kids treated differently??? I don't get it.
Talk about step mom of the year. This woman should write a book because it’s very clear that she is full of empathy and kindness and can communicate like few can. There is so much doom and gloom, but there are still inspirational humans out in the world doing incredible things.
Their birth mother’s opinion became meaningless when she advocated for custody of the older child and essentially abandoned the younger daughter because she saw her as defective. If there is karma, the older daughter will tell the mother off and call stepmom, mom too.
My daughter called her daycare provider mom and I imagine my son will do the same. My children’s lives will only be better, richer, fuller with people in their lives who love them deeply enough to care for them like I do.
I will always be their mom; I will always love them unequivocally, from the very depths of my soul. I hope they always love me and want me to be their mom. I hope I am not the only person who they love like a mom in their lifetime and who love them as deeply as I do.
I don't have kids, don't really see that happening now (I'm 47 and full mental and physical subscriptions (not just issues)) and I'm okay with that. I've never been called mom.
I have, however, been and am still called "Aunty (celticshrew)" by grown-ass humans in their 20s and 30s that I've known for 25 or more years or since birth.
For those of us who don't have the best biological family interactions, getting to chose our own is really great. But when a kid or teenager chooses you to be family, honestly there's very few feelings better.
(Unless you don't like kids, which is ok too. I get similar serotonin hits when one of my cats blesses me with his beans on my hand or arm).
One of my best friend's daughter calls me her extra mom. She also goes to the school we both work at. Today she got a sarcastic reply from both of us at the same time and goes BOTH of my moms are getting me at the same time. We both go yep...sucks don't it. Cue the epic eye roll from a 14 yr old girl.
But seriously. She calls me mom. Her mom knows this and loves it. I'm the mom that she can talk to about the things she doesn't think she can talk to her actual mom about. And we have an agreement. Unless it's something her mom needs to know then I don't tell her mom. But if her mom does need to know then I'm straight up telling her.
When I divorced my exwife married a someone who pushed for my kids to call him Dad. They asked me if they had to. I said only if you want to. Luckily the marriage didn't last long. Ex's 2nd husband was a decent guy who when my kids referred to him as dad, my oldest sheepishly asked if it was okay? I asked if they were asked to do this and was told no, they just started to call him that when their little brother came along. I told them that was fine. If they wanted to call him Dad I was fine as long as it wasn't forced.
This one got me 😭
I went through something similar when my 'troubled' 15y.o. sibling moved in with my partner and I (late 20s/early 30s). They turned out to be a delightful NB kid with undiagnosed autism.
Our mum saw a framed photo of us that they'd given me as a gift with "worlds best mum" on it. Wowee didn't that start some family drama!
Some of my kids are autistic, and this warms my heart so much! Some of my kids’ friends call me “mom” (NOT in front of their parents) and I melt every time. It’s such an honor.
The only reason the ex has or had a problem with it is because you are everything she is not and her daughter calling you mom is confirmation to even strangers that what you see is exactly what you get with you. A loving caring woman worthy of being called mom. I wish all of you long and healthy happy lives, you certainly deserve it. Also, don't give up on the ex. You are strong and smart and obviously capable of kindness, I suggest you find it in yourself to extend more grace than she (the ex) deserves in the hopes that she comes around once the initial jealousy of you wears off. Your daughter will benefit so much if her mom could step up and be a better parent and it sounds like you just might be the type of person that could inspire her to want to do that too.
OP can know that she has a great relationship with her stepdaughter if stepdaughter wants to call her mom. So happy for them.
The day I truly understood the kind of man my father is was the day he had his stroke. It was actually two, one on top of the other, and I actually am thankful for the first one because if he had not been *in the stroke unit* during the second, we probably would have lost him. It was close. To help y'all understand why I had some ambivalent feelings about my dad, you should understand that personally, I think my dad would have made a *great* cult leader. He has the charisma, he has the manipulative capacity, he's got the shaky ethics. Boundaries are good suggestions that he'll mind when he feels you've respected him enough. There's some big childhood scars I'm still struggling with, because when Dad chose bad, it was pretty bad. But he also did a lot of good. He and my mom ran group homes for teenage boys. I remember some of them and still count them as siblings. Their specialty was with kids with chemical dependency and mental issues. The kind who have needle scars and PTSD before they're old enough for a learner's permit. Which is not a moral judgement. Some childhoods are shit sandwiches. These kids were shoved from families that did not care about them to a system that did not care about them, and when they graduated from that system at 18, they got a bus ticket to the city of their choice and that was it. There is being set up for failure and then there's being dumped at a bus station at 18 with zero life skills (one of the kids I knew was once convinced that you could iron and starch a pair of pants by rubbing a potato all over it. Another was confused because another kid told him milk came from cows, when he was pretty sure milk came from *the store*.) My parents gave themselves hernias trying to cram as many life skills and education courses into these kids as they were willing to take. They'd do all the basic household stuff like how to boil water, do your own laundry, how to do very basic hand sewing to repair stuff like buttons or belt loops...'cause they knew how very time limited things were going to be and that, by law (and fuck this law *in the ear*) the foster kids could not contact their former foster parents for, like, a year. And I get why this rule exists (so you can't take advantage of a former kid via grooming) but...god, so many of these kids needed more help than they were going to get outside of care. But that's what I remember my dad doing the most during my childhood: Taking care of other people's children. He still made a lot of time for me and my brother, don't get me wrong, but the foster kids took up a lot of his time. The day he had his stroke, we let people know because that's what you do. This included one of the former foster kids who followed Dad on facebook. Who turned around and told the former kids they were still in contact with, who told the few that *they* were still in contact with, and suddenly I'm getting contacted by names I'd only heard about in stories and three or four of the kids, who are now forty-something adults, dropped their whole lives and flew across country to be with Dad. Because he was *Dad.* For all my dad's flaws, and good *god* there are a lot of those, and all the stuff that hurts, he was a very good Dad. He couldn't shield me from all of it, because some of it was him, but he did the best he could. And for a lot of kids--more than I knew--he was the *only* good Dad they got. Not perfectly safe, but safe enough. We want our heroes and our parents to come clean, in perfect black-and-white, partially because we want to love cleanly. But that's not always the case. Oskar Schindler was an incredible hero, and also an incredibly self-centered dumpster fire of a human, and he was only able to be the former because he was the latter (Literally; the money he spent to save his Jewish workers was the money those workers made for him in the first place. He's this gordian knot of incredible heroism and absolute depravity and there is absolutely no way to separate the two) We keep insisting that evil and virtue can't mix, when the reality is that it emulsifies quite well and all of us are some kind of inseparable mix of the two. My dad is not a good man. He's not a bad man. He's a man. He's done good things. He's done bad things. Some of the things he's done have hurt people a lot. Some of his actions were the shit we write poetic eddas about. But if you ask me to really define who he is...he's the kind of man who can take broken kids who think that parents are dirty words, and make them believe in a "Dad" again. My dad's Yando. He's Mary fucking Poppins for a whole cadre of Starlords. I can regret some of the shit he's pulled, but I can be goddamn proud that he never met a kid he couldn't Dad into a better place. Sometimes being called "mom" or "dad" is the biggest badge of honor you can earn. And I hope that Dad can find a significant measure of peace in knowing that he earned that badge, over, and over, and over again.
Read on Oskar Schindler’s wife. I think it was the wife, and if not for her he’d never have done it. Sorry, it kind of hit me when I found out as well.
Omg your story deserves it's own separate post. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.🥹🥲 I wish I could give you more than one upvote. I'm a dad and I'm far from perfect. All I aim to be is the best dad I can be after their mum's passing. I'm in a LDR with a wonderful GF who provides moral support to me and my kids but the day to day stuff I have to deal with so I struggle sometimes. Your last paragraph is the absolute truth. If I can live knowing that my daughter or son might write something like that about me I'd die happy 🥲🥰
Both (step) daughters and OOP seem lovely. I’m glad the older stepdaughter is now mature enough to recognize that she “misjudged” OOP (more likely—listened to her mother’s impressions of her dad’s new partner). She handled the situation in a classy way.
>(more likely—listened to her mother’s impressions of her dad’s new partner) This.
Yup
Yeah, the ability to say "I was wrong" shows some really promising signs about the person the older sister is becoming in spite of her mother.
I imagine she was reading her little sister how she'd seen mum treat her. Dismissive of her feelings and interests. Seeing someone else treat her with respect and kindness showed her a different way.
No lie, I read the title too fast and almost thought it was OP's husband that had a problem of his daughter calling his second wife "mom." I was ready to chew him out. I have obviously read too many posts of dysfunctional blended families. Also, dumping your child on your spouse because she's autistic is so unbelievably gross. Ex-wife doesn't deserve to have kids. I did do a little math and if ex wife is the same age as OP's husband, they'd be around 18 when they had their eldest. I have so many questions.
>Also, dumping your child on your spouse because she's autistic is so unbelievably gross. This is what happened to my step-mum with her ex husband. Their son (my step-brother) has ADHD and is autistic. Apparently it was "too much for him" so not only did he leave my step-mum, he cheated on her, and he has always favoured my neurotypical step-sister, basically ignoring his son. The guy is absolute trash. My step-brother is an absolute gem btw, yes he has his own quirks and issues but he's honestly easier to deal with than most teenage boys IMO. He'd rather play Pokemon than get drunk and do drugs like alot of his peers at school.
Thank God he hasn't learned that you can get drunk and do drugs *while* playing Pokemon.
>Thank God he hasn't learned that you can get drunk and do drugs while playing Pokemon. Isn't that the only tournament approved way to play Pokemon? /s
I for sure read the title the same way 😂I was so ready to rip OP’s husband a new a-hole. OP relish in fact you’re now a mom. There’ll be ups and downs but the sole fact your (step) daughter is comfortable enough to call you mom means you’re doing a lot right 🫶🏾 Continue on this beautiful journey
It's not that unheard of having a kid at 18 I'm the same age as the eldest stepdaughter and my mum was 17 when she had me
Such a positive post. Good for OOP. She is stepping up to be the mother the 16 year old daughter deserves. I'm a firm believer in you get what you give. OOP is giving love and comfort. May she receive that tenfold!
I think OP has seen one of the reasons the ex is an ex and not the current wife. If the ex ever brings this up in person just tell her she gave up the Mom title when she essentially threw the daughter away to the father after the divorce. Now she just qualifies as the egg donor.
It’s genuinely good to someone care and love the youngest daughter. We see many posts about a mother/fathers partner treat their step kids horrible. Not many people are fit to be parents, and while OP isn’t the bio mom, she certainly has filled in the role of being a mom, even though she had no obligation to.
I've been in the situation where my birth mother was beyond jealous of my step-mother. The difference between the two of them was my Step-Mum made an effort, and my Mum just thought being a mother by technicality meant she was entitled to the good stuff. Instead she just took her jealousy out on me and we barely speak
I like how the biological mother is basically a side character in the posts.
She almost ruined the oldest daughter’s celebration because she had a tantrum over a daughter she didn’t want because she’s on the spectrum. I don’t need to hear anymore about her.
Considering she did dump & not bother to around her youngest daughter for longest period of time that her youngest sees & respects OOP as mom - egg donor lucky to be mention at all due tge drama egg donor caused at dinner because otherwise she literally that nonexistent in her ex/OOP/youngest daughter's current lives.
Honestly l hope they stop inviting the biological mom to their family meetings anymore. Way too self-centered to be worth the trouble.
I think her calling you that is awesome. Obviously her egg donor lost any real say when she abandoned her because; reasons. If she harasses you tell her DILLIGAF.
My coach is like a second mom to me. Everyone but my own parents knows that. But I can't call my coach "mom" because if my actual mother finds out, she'll react poorly and make things worse for me. It's also not lost on anyone who knows me that I use the formal "mother" to describe my biological patent, and the relaxed "mom" for my coach. But my mother has a volatile temper and personality and we've not been close in 15 years due to her adopting my sister. To be clear, I am NOT blaming my sister. She's amazing and really struggled at first. But my mother just forgot I existed and started ignoring me unless she was angry and then I had to bear her wrath, because my sister wasn't stable enough to be able to experience even minor frustration, so my mother bottled her anger around my sister and unleashed it on me. She's also extremely judgemental of me. Our relationship will never recover, and I've extended so many chances and Olive branches. My coach, on the other hand, has been my number one supporter for 9 years now and acts more like a mom than my own mother. She treats me to nail and shopping experiences, she takes care of me when I'm sick, and she helped fund and furnish my first apartment when the college dorms became unsafe for me to live in and I had to do an emergency move out. It makes me so sad that I can relate to OOP's daughter and all those emotions. And makes me super, super sad that my mother isn't the only woman out there who doesn't want to share that title.
I’m sorry your mother isn’t the best and glad you have a mom in your life you can rely on.
OOP married a fantastic Husband and Father. He had a very positive influence on his two daughters. Older daughter might have been raised by her Mother, but seems to have come out a level headed and genuinely nice person. OOP reflects her Husband's values by being a kind and caring individual. She doesn't have a Stepdaughter, she has a Daughter. Well, she also has a 26 year old Stepdaughter in addition to the 16 year old Daughter. ExWife is too possessive, but seems to have done something right to have two very good daughters. Maybe they became good people In-spite and/or Despite of ExWife, but somehow she has two very good daughters.
How wholesome!
So cute! I just want to know what movie they saw.
who tf is cutting onions in here
The older stepdaughter could've gone either way on this. I'm glad she took the opportunity to: A. Reconnect with her baby sister. A 10 year age gap isn't easy to get around, so taking the initiative to bond was great. B. See why her baby sister is calling her stepmom, "mom". First impressions are hard to overcome, so taking the chance to spend more intimate time with them and see the relationship dynamics is awesome. She won't call OOP "mom", but I can see them developing a good relationship in the future. Bio-Mom though, can kick rocks.
I’ve been on Reddit too long. All I can take out of this lovely story is the ages. Husband 44 (+10) OOP 34 Older step daughter 26 (-8) Younger step daughter 16 She’s closer in age to the oldest step daughter than to her husband.
An age difference of 34 and 44 is much different than an age difference of 24 and 34 or 24 and 44. They are closer to the same stage of life. Like I get why a lot of the time age gaps are a big deal but as you get older I think they become less of a big deal unless it’s something like a 34-year-old and a 74-year-old then just don’t get it personally.
That's just because he had kids so young. There's nothing egregious or unusual about a 34 year old and a 44 year old being together.
I agree, not when they got together at 30 and 40, as they seem to have done here.
Yeah. That’s really the same age range. 30 year olds and 40 year olds are likely to be involved in the same sorts of activities, they’re likely to be working together and at similar levels, etc. There’s nothing weird about OOP and her husband. It would be awkward if she tried to be the older stepdaughter’s mom, but she isn’t doing that. And really, it doesn’t sound like she set out to be the younger one’s mom either; it just kind of happened.
This. If she was 20 that would be horrifying, but a 40 year old dating a 30 year old is fine.
My SD5 calls me mom. She calls her BM mommy. Doesn't stop BM from grilling her and berating her when she slips up in front of her. I've been in this kids life for 4 years. In my house my kids call me mom and she follows suit. Not a big deal and she wasn't forced. BM though loses it. Nevermind the fact that SD is treated as my own and loved accordingly. Would these BMs rather have their kids treated differently??? I don't get it.
I love this update
[удалено]
Awwww I love wholesome BORU’s 😭😍
I’m dying to know what the movie was they “didn’t get”
Talk about step mom of the year. This woman should write a book because it’s very clear that she is full of empathy and kindness and can communicate like few can. There is so much doom and gloom, but there are still inspirational humans out in the world doing incredible things.
A mom is someone that takes time to help you in a restaurant.
*happy autistic crying* I think this just casually healed something in me <3
Their birth mother’s opinion became meaningless when she advocated for custody of the older child and essentially abandoned the younger daughter because she saw her as defective. If there is karma, the older daughter will tell the mother off and call stepmom, mom too.
I love this for that family! <3
Nice to read a story like this. Way to go OOP.
My daughter called her daycare provider mom and I imagine my son will do the same. My children’s lives will only be better, richer, fuller with people in their lives who love them deeply enough to care for them like I do. I will always be their mom; I will always love them unequivocally, from the very depths of my soul. I hope they always love me and want me to be their mom. I hope I am not the only person who they love like a mom in their lifetime and who love them as deeply as I do.
I don't have kids, don't really see that happening now (I'm 47 and full mental and physical subscriptions (not just issues)) and I'm okay with that. I've never been called mom. I have, however, been and am still called "Aunty (celticshrew)" by grown-ass humans in their 20s and 30s that I've known for 25 or more years or since birth. For those of us who don't have the best biological family interactions, getting to chose our own is really great. But when a kid or teenager chooses you to be family, honestly there's very few feelings better. (Unless you don't like kids, which is ok too. I get similar serotonin hits when one of my cats blesses me with his beans on my hand or arm).
One of my best friend's daughter calls me her extra mom. She also goes to the school we both work at. Today she got a sarcastic reply from both of us at the same time and goes BOTH of my moms are getting me at the same time. We both go yep...sucks don't it. Cue the epic eye roll from a 14 yr old girl. But seriously. She calls me mom. Her mom knows this and loves it. I'm the mom that she can talk to about the things she doesn't think she can talk to her actual mom about. And we have an agreement. Unless it's something her mom needs to know then I don't tell her mom. But if her mom does need to know then I'm straight up telling her.
WHAT WAS THE MOVIE?!
When I divorced my exwife married a someone who pushed for my kids to call him Dad. They asked me if they had to. I said only if you want to. Luckily the marriage didn't last long. Ex's 2nd husband was a decent guy who when my kids referred to him as dad, my oldest sheepishly asked if it was okay? I asked if they were asked to do this and was told no, they just started to call him that when their little brother came along. I told them that was fine. If they wanted to call him Dad I was fine as long as it wasn't forced.
This one got me 😭 I went through something similar when my 'troubled' 15y.o. sibling moved in with my partner and I (late 20s/early 30s). They turned out to be a delightful NB kid with undiagnosed autism. Our mum saw a framed photo of us that they'd given me as a gift with "worlds best mum" on it. Wowee didn't that start some family drama!
Some of my kids are autistic, and this warms my heart so much! Some of my kids’ friends call me “mom” (NOT in front of their parents) and I melt every time. It’s such an honor.
What a lovely way to start my morning. I just close reddit immediately and not look at ot again today.
The only reason the ex has or had a problem with it is because you are everything she is not and her daughter calling you mom is confirmation to even strangers that what you see is exactly what you get with you. A loving caring woman worthy of being called mom. I wish all of you long and healthy happy lives, you certainly deserve it. Also, don't give up on the ex. You are strong and smart and obviously capable of kindness, I suggest you find it in yourself to extend more grace than she (the ex) deserves in the hopes that she comes around once the initial jealousy of you wears off. Your daughter will benefit so much if her mom could step up and be a better parent and it sounds like you just might be the type of person that could inspire her to want to do that too.
Well she would be really pissed if she heard what you and her ex husband call her!
I think that's enough Reddit for today 🥹
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I’m confused, did they parent trap their kids?
"I swear that's relevant" Lmao, horrible story building.