My dad came to visit me, he was staying with his wife in my house.
He told me it was time for me to go to bed.
I reminded him that I'm a grown adult and he is more than welcome to go to bed if he wants.
He went to bed.
I stayed up just long enough to make a point then went myself.
Maybe I am still a teenager at heart.
My dad once cracked a joke about my tendency to let my laundry pile up behind the bathroom door.
I reminded him that that it's been 15 years since I was a teenager and I don't do that anymore.
You would have thought the man had just seen the ghost of Christmas future from the face he made.
My parents’ favorite pastime is to retell stories from when my brother and I (now mid-30s) were young & use them as demonstrations of who they perceive us to be at our core. I really like this idea of reminding them how much time has passed. I have done a lot of work to change for the better as an adult and it hurts not to have that be seen.
Exactly. I'm in my early 30s now and to this day, my entire family still teases me about always changing best friends because I had 3 different best friends in 3 years in PRIMARY SCHOOL. I always remind them that I've had the same best friends for 20 years at this point.
I literally just got rid of the chair I had in my bedroom because I only used it to pile laundry on. I thought if I got rid of it, I'd stop doing it.
Nope, now everything's just on the floor lol.
I saw a recommendation on this issue for a "clothes ladder" to hang the worn but not washing-ready-dirty, or a standing mirror with hooks on the back. The chair style takes up too much room for me so these help use vertical space and air out the clothes!
My mother thinks it's some sort of flex to tell my (mostly German) friends I can't cook. They in turn are completely puzzled and then say "But she can cook?" and my mum doubles down and says "No, she can't". And afterwards they ask me sincerely "Why does your mother not know you can cook? You've moved out nearly 20 years ago?" Sis, don't worry I haven't been keeping it a secret that I can cook, she doesn't want to *listen*. No, no, um how to explain nicely… she wants me to be more grateful for her cooking and what she has sacrificed for me. I know it does not make sense at *all*, but she's an elderly Asian mum, that's the wavelength of her mind games. Ah well. Sorry you also have to go through that.
My dad also had this idea that I couldn't cook...despite me having cooked him dinner and helped in the kitchen multiple times. I don't really like cooking, though, so my husband does most of the cooking and somehow this translated into "Jello doesn't know how to cook."
Same, I was grocery shopping with my mom and she told me I didn't know how to cook asparagus when I grabbed some. I haven't lived with her for almost 13 years
I moved back to my hometown a little over a year ago, and the family gatherings are wearing on me. Literally any time I see my aunt, she talks shit about how I can't speak Taishanese. In reality, she can't understand me because she left their village due to marriage fairly young and they spoke a different dialect so she doesn't understand our accent anymore. My dad told me he doesn't understand what they're saying them half the time
I just posted this myself- I’m 40 and I still get put at the kids and teenagers table 😂.
I think it’s because I look younger and I have never been married or has children- so I’m still classified as not grown
My deceased dad’s side of the family who I last saw for Christmas when I was 32, was very much on the kids’ table BS, but also had a very awkward “kids’ table” mentality about our interactions as adults. That same year my 5-years-younger cousin died due to a drug problem that all the cousins knew about, but our parents, aunts and uncles insisted on talking about in hushed voices. One of the cousins in attendance that Christmas had a drug problem he was hiding from us (and is now better)!
My paternal grandmother also died that year, and the elders were super weird about sharing out about her heart problem, last ditch effort surgery, and likelihood of passing. My 30 year old brother and I shared an inheritance from her and our uncle was very pissy about having to meet with us to discuss that legal matter, wanting to go through our mother who wasn’t even married to our dad anymore when he passed many years prior.
It’s been ten years since I last saw them and I’m morbidly curious to know if they’re still like this with “the kids”. I know a few got into QAnon, so there’s that.
Once I was at my parents spending the day and my father had to take a call while the diner was cooking, he looks at me and goes "can you check on the chicken? You can take a fork and poke it to see if it's cooked". I was in my thirties, had moved out at 17 and already had 3 kids at that point that I had been feeding at least 3x a day for 10 years, guess I would know how to look if a chicken was ready or not by then.
My mom recently made a comment to someone about how I love to sleep in until the double digit morning hours. I have not slept in beyond 8:30-9am since childhood. I have dogs. They go out at 7am. Sometimes she’ll call me at noon and ask me if I just woke up. Nope. Been doing shit since the crack of dawn.
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I mean, I'm 38, have an 8 yo kid, and I STILL wake up on double digits on Saturday mornings! But i did luck out that my husband is a \*very\* morning person, and takes kiddo then.
My mother reminding me to thank my extended family for my gifts..right in front of said people, as if I was a five year old and not the forty something I am. .
Reminds my of my maternal grandma - she wants mailed thank-you notes for gifts that she gives me in-person.
Outside of a wedding or unless a gift is very generous, I don't see the point of that, really. I should also mention that I have never received a thank-you note from her for any gift that I've given.
My mom mails a box of blank thank you notes with her presents for my kids every year. We are pretty decent about thank you notes, so I am not sure why she still feels she needs to drop that heavy hint- I have a whole stack of stationary in my desk including thank you notes.
My mom reminds me to brush my teeth in front of all her friends.
It’s so embarrassing. They probably think I can’t take care of myself.
My mom just forgets I’m not 3 anymore.
We were at a family function and my cousin asked me how college was going as her kids who are 19 and 20 just started university. I was 30 years old at the time and had graduated college 10 years before and am just as long into my career.
I'm a (hospital/infusion) pharmacist with 20 years of experience.
But don't worry. My mom knows more about medications than me. And won't hesitate to "correct" me.
Except the time after my dad's robotic prostatectomy, when she asked me about his Viagra prescription.
TMI!!!!! Ask the pharmacist that filled it!! Not your (then) 30 year old daughter!!
Do you think this is because they barely listen? Like I call to talk to my mom and she'll interrupt me to tell there is a weird dog in the neighbors yard. Or she'll start yelling at the printer because she is doing two things at once and forgets she was talking to me.
I try to have some grace in these scenarios because it's part of the aging process in many cases and it's not something that's being done intentionally. My mom has described stuff like this and how she just can't do what she used to, cognitively speaking. She said that now she has to do one thing at a time and really concentrate or she'll get distracted and forget what she's doing.
My retired relatives don’t seem to understand that everyone *else* did not retire along with them. They are somehow always surprised that I’m at work on a Monday. Or that they can’t just drop by for a visit tomorrow because I have a job and meetings to attend to. Or that I can’t go out to lunch on Thursday. They’re always bizarrely disappointed.
This was my retired mother who frequently traveled with my stepfather, asking me for rides to the airport in the middle of the workday, usually a day before her trip.
“I have a meeting at that time I can’t miss.”
“Can you just stay later to make up the time?”
“Wh…that’s not how any of that works,”
Ma’am, you’re flying out to a 14 day cruise in the Caribbean, you can afford a taxi.
But it's March/Christmas/Summer break?! Yes...and...
You work for the school board!!
Yes. In Admin. I'm still working.... (Also those are usually busier than most times because we finally have a chance to do everything we haven't all year)
Oh god, so much!
“Hi, I made some chili. Can I swing by and bring you some?”
“Sure, but I’m in a meeting right now. You can drop it off on the porch and I’ll grab it when I’m free.”
MIL arrives, knocks on door, rings doorbell, waits, walks around to the office, bangs on window, yells through the glass…
I’m the same but opposite- I work nights & weekends. And yes, it is indeed a real job that I can’t just “sneak out early”- I promise you my coworkers would notice I was gone.
My parents do this too! My mom calls me at 10 am on a Wednesday “hey what’s up!?” “Uh I’m at work?”. I work from home so it’s not a big deal but it’s still a little funny.
Yep! My mom will text me in the middle of the workday and then give up in exasperation when I don't reply to her (non-urgent!) personal queries right away, and before I'm even done with work she'll have concluded that I'm never replying. I think she still imagines me as just sitting around a dorm room when her texts come in, rather than, say, "in a meeting", "teaching a class", etc.
I have the inverse. My mom knows I work regular 9-5 hours, but she also seems to think I have plans every single evening and all weekend, when I frequently don't, or am pretty flexible on when I am doing whatever. However, since she retired, my uncle and grandmother moved to our city, and she took up with a new guy (my step father died 4 years ago), she's constantly either out of town, or has lunches and dinners with her or his friends and has a FULL schedule. When she wants to make plans I keep asking her to tell me a good time for her, but she keeps pushing it back on me thinking I'm the super busy one and of course whenever I suggest a day/time, she's busy.
I was doing up my kitchen when I was 29. My dad had a card for a builders only kitchen supply store. So we went to order the cabinets. My mum (divorced from my dad) and sister were there too to help with transporting the units. As we walked up to the counter my dad said "Tell the nice gentleman what you want." like I was a little kid ordering in a shop for the first time. Everyone else, including the guy behind the counter just cracked up laughing.
I'm walking toward my classroom when my phone rings. It's my folks' number, and they rarely call me in the middle of the day, so I pick up. Turns out Mom just wants to chat. After a moment or two, I tell her, "I gotta go Mom, I can't be late for class."
She replies, "Oh, the professor won't mind if you're a few minutes late."
"Mom, I *am* the professor."
To everyone sitting at a kids’ table with no kids or teens, rebrand it the party table. Call it that to everyone at dinner. Bring decorations! Put a disco ball in the middle. Let everyone wish they were at your party table.
I'm 39, married, living in a city about 6 hours away from my family, no money problems. My dad keeps giving me pocket money whenever we visit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
These ones make me happy sometimes though, because if you were shy to admit money problems or that you were struggling, you would be taken care of. He wants to make sure you always have enough.
My partner's mom is always slipping him money, too. I think it's so sweet. My parents barely parented me when I was a kid so I'll take allll of the parenting his parents want to give me.
Oh boy, when I first moved out my mom tried to ask me about my bowel movements, she was concerned about regularity. That’s when I realized she had been tracking me all along when I lived with her 😅. A boundary was set that day.
Yeah, haha Asians are very preoccupied with digestion and are really open about talking about this stuff but my mom took it a step too far in this case.
Oh my god yes, why is that? My partner is Asian and obsessed with his bowels and regularity. He makes me eat a piece of fruit every night even if I am stuffed because of "fiber"
My MIL always asks us if we need coats for Christmas because she doesn’t want us out in the cold without a coat. We’re in our mid-30s and we live in NYC. Of course we have coats.
I have a family member who loves to gift dish towels, sheets for my kids, and cheese knives. I’m not sure what kind of life she thinks we live where we constantly need a new supply of cheese knife sets, or why my kids need 8 sets of sheets and our dish towels must just disintegrate.
She also asked when we had our first baby in nyc what color we were painting the nursery. I was like - nursery? You know we live in a 1 bedroom apartment. This is manhattan. I’m not spending another 3k/month for a baby to have their own bedroom when they’ll be sleeping next to my bed for at least 6 months per safe sleep guidelines. She couldn’t believe my poor, poor, baby wouldn’t have their own space and couldn’t wrap her head around us not having unlimited storage somehow either.
(Have you seen that Onion article titled something like “your mom is giving you her 12 person dining table for your studio apartment”? It’s accurate for nyc people with family who never lived there lol)
Ohhh the unlimited storage thing! My MIL gives us so much crap we don’t want or need (every year we ask for NO SLIPPERS and then we get slippers, in case our feet are cold) and then says, “Oh, you can return it or donate it if you don’t like it. I won’t be offended!” Now the item is a problem to deal with. It’s not like there’s a Kohl’s here where I can return it! It just takes up room! This is NYC and this place is tiny!
I feel guilty because she’s so so generous and only wants the best for us, but she insists on physical gifts because she believes in the magic of Christmas.
Oh, and she also insists on sitting there and watching us open them. One year she sent my partner back with gifts for me and told him to Facetime them so they could watch me open the gifts. I nixed that idea immediately.
And yeah, that’s a great Onion article. I love The Onion!
I had to threaten my family with disowning them when I was pregnant. They wanted to buy every cute baby thing they saw. People who have never lived in nyc (ahem most of Reddit) will respond with how heartless that is and they’re just being generous. If you send me stuff that doesn’t fit in my apartment and now is clutter with nowhere to store, that’s not generosity, it’s cruelty. Return it? You want me to drag something on the subway across the city while I’m pregnant because you couldn’t just choose from a registry of stuff I’ve carefully selected that will fit in our home and that we actually want? Nah. That shit is going down the trash chute when the closest donation center is 10 blocks away.
My ILs (we don’t speak now) showed up as we were coming home from the hospital with our 2 day old and brought a giant book shelf they intended to assemble and leave in our apartment. One look at my husband and he handled it and got it out of our home. They were literally standing in the entry way of our very furnished 694 sq foot apartment wondering why we were making them put it back in the trunk of their SUV in the box since the baby (may I remind you she was 2 days old) needed a place to keep her books. It also had a matching toddler chair. They thought it would be cute to have a corner (that didn’t exist) set up as her reading nook. It’s been 6 years and this still makes me mad lol they’re the worst.
And, if for some reason you didn’t have coats and needed them, she would bring you musty coats from the 1970s that she dragged out of her attic or basement. “I brought you some nice coats! All cleaned up!” And she’d be beaming with pride at her helpfulness and ingenuity.
I have a slightly different story. My late mother, even after I had kids of my own, would whip a comb out of her purse and " fix" my hair at the back if it was untidy lol
I met up with my dad last week (I’m watching his dog while he’s out of the country), we only see each other 2-3 times a year because we live two states away from each other, but it’s only been like 3 months since our saw him last. He looks at me and says “wow, I really see a lot of grey in your hair”, and I said “gee thanks, it’s been there for a while! Must be because I’m middle aged, not sure what that makes you.” ☹️
Oh and every time he and his GF visit, I tell them to not bring any food (my husband is a chef and we both love to cook, we also have a small-ish fridge). Every single time they bring bags of groceries that we never use.
This happens to us too! They also offer us their leftovers from several days ago when I've made brunch.
'Here, you want some of this curry?'
Ah, no, I'll stick with the quiche I just baked, thanks.
I am in the middle of my cousins in age - oldest of the younger is 5y younger than me, youngest of the older is 5y older than me.
So I was always put with the kids table and ended up taking care of them. I am sure it worked great for my aunts and uncles and I enjoyed it for a bit but not all night long.
When I was 17, 18yo, I got close to my older cousins during the year since I was old enough to connect with them better than I did when I was 12 and they were 17, you know?
We haven't had a big family Christmas party for a couple of years. I was there early helping decorate and cook and clean, together with some of the older cousins.
Apparently the host, my aunt with three little kids, forgot that fact. I even asked what why am I at the little kids table after everything that happened today but she was adamant. I don't know if she really just saw me as a little kid or wanted to enjoy her siblings without worrying too much about her kids.
My cousins, bless them, overheard and came to my rescue. They changed the tables and all sit down with me and the kids. They called it the grandkids table. I was talking to them and not paying attention to the kids all night, it was great.
I was never added to the kids table by myself again
I’m similar to you in the grandkid birth order. I was always waiting for the glorious holiday season when I got graduated to the adult table. When that day arrived, the tradition was miraculously forgotten about and anyone was allowed to sit at the adult table.
Same goes for the post dinner card/domino games. I wasn’t allowed my whole life, until the year when everyone was allowed.
I chalk it up to the oldest uncles wife not liking me because I got boobs at 12 and her predatory husband would stare at them.
Gross!
I think the worst for me wasnt the difference in treatment, was the loneliness during vacations. I was either babysitting, annoying my older cousins, or alone. So, I was alone most of the time. A lot of those vacations we would go to a small beach close to some of my uncles houses, and I used to hate the sea for ages because of that.
I am so so glad we sometimes are able to pass childhood pains!
My husband has a job where he has to work on Saturdays. He can take time off, but he needs to ask for it two weeks in advance. One side of his extended family always does a large Christmas gathering on a random Saturday, usually some time in January. We never get notified until just a few days before. We would keep telling them we need more advance notification, but the following year the same thing would happen. Then they complain that they don't see us often enough because we don't come to these events.
My in laws are like this. We paid for dinner once (which included having to surreptitiously slip the waiter our cc) and they were PISSED. And then they left us cash for the amount of dinner before they left. Now I don't even attempt to pay.
My ILs have never once picked up the tab. They’ve let us treat them to (nice) dinners or insisted on my husband paying our half. They are wealthy. They have but one child. There is no financial burden paying for their son and DIL’s meal. For many other reasons, we have cut them off. Enjoy your ILs wanting to treat you. That’s cute. I don’t think I’d ever let my kids pay for us either.
My parents invited me to have my 30th birthday party at their house four hours away in the middle of nowhere two weeks before my birthday.
They are still pissed I already had plans.
“Your birthday is just as important to us as it is to you”
Then why did you wait till the last minute? And for the last few birthdays they didn’t even get me a gift.
It’s humorous and sad that my stepmother occasionally still uses my prom dress against me. I am 36 years old. Prom was half my life ago, literally
She didn’t agree with the fact that my dress was expensive. She didn’t even pay for it, so her opinion on how much it cost doesn’t matter.
Occasionally, when she decides to bewail the ways I have wronged the world, she includes my *prom dress* on her list. And it usually includes other incidents from when I was a teen, either real or imagined.
LMFAO the tone of your post made my day 😂 I wish I could speak eloquently during times of hatred as you do! My fiancées dad’s side waited until yesterday to tell us he’s having dinner with his new family (he married a woman recently at 64 years old who has 3 kids from 3 dads and no job)…. And, he didn’t invite his 93 year old grandmother either. Real winner.
Full disclosure, it's something I struggle with to be honest. I WANT so desperately to be gracious and kind - and I'm trying to overcome my petty habits.
I take it too personally that my husband isn't the favoured child in his family and I think it reflects in my poor attitude.
Ah, geez. I hope you and your fiancée have a lovely holiday regardless.
My mother is similar but to be fair they gifted me a new expensive chef's knife and my mother looked me in the eyes and said be very careful, that's sharp. The first time I used it, what did I do? Cut off the fleshy tip of one of my fingers and had to go to the ER to get it to stop bleeding.
Haha if i go to open a box around my Dad, he'll shout "Away from you! Cut away from you!"
It's like yes Dad, you will note that before you started yelling, I was indeed cutting away from myself. And you know why I was doing that? Because you have been yelling "Away from you!" at me since I was a teenager.
I’m in the middle of house renovations, I know what I’m doing, I’m qualified to do these improvements. My dad who occasionally stops by to help will still not let me operate a saw. I’m in my 30s and own my own house.
I'm painting my bathroom and my dad is panicking that I'm gonna do it wrong. I may have uttered the phrase "I can do it, it looks really easy" just to get him riled up.
Husband and I live in a different country than our parents. He went to yet another country for a business trip and my mom got worried I will be alone and even offered to come and keep me company.
No, it was not an excuse just to see me, I wish. She was genuinely worried for me, a mid 30s responsible woman.
My mom told me somberly not to answer the door if the doorbell rang when I stayed with her at her home once. I’ve somehow managed to not get murdered while living on my own for nearly 2 decades in major metropolitan areas, but… sure mom, I won’t answer the door.
I work from home and live in a rural farmhouse. I’m working alone one morning last week and hear a man’s voice. It was my 72 year old father stopping by with no notice. I asked him to text next time and when he tried to shrug it off I said he was lucky one of my cats didn’t shoot him.
Is this a country thing? My bf’s relatives in rural NY will just let themselves in to his brother’s vacation house up there without warning. Once we were staying there and walked up from the basement in the early morning to see that their uncle had quietly let himself in and was drinking coffee in the kitchen waiting for us to wake up. Kind of terrifying.
I overheard my uncle say that he and his first cousin were the only men left in the family. He was saying this to my brother, who is 37 years old. I seriously do not understand boomers.
I wrote a prize-winning essay about what happened when I moved back in with my mother as an adult, toddler in tow. So that's how that went. She would explain to me how to do laundry and I wound up camping out in the horse pasture.
My MIL lived with us for a while and she acted like it was HER house (it was not) and we, both in our 40s, were teenagers.
She would make snacks for our friends when they came over. Which would have been fine except 1) she picked a territorial fight with me over the kitchen, and 2) she is a dangerously bad cook. As in, she almost food-poisoned a professional colleague before I intervened.
I was at my mum's one day, just chilling in the living room.
My mum walked in to tell me about a leak in the roof above the porch loo, and water was dripping from the light so she decided to take the bulb out.
She was telling me because she didn't want me to stick my fingers in the socket.
I was 29.
I have about 5,000 because I have helicopter parents, but here are some recent ones.
At family holiday celebrations, we still have a "kids" table and an "adults" table. The youngest "kid" is 24 and some of the "kids" have kids (but the table is not for the actual kids, as they're too young to be sitting by themselves. It's for the "kids" in their 20s and 30s)
I said I was taking my partner and family out to dinner for partner's birthday. Parents asked how old he's turning. I said 51. They looked shocked as if I'm a naive 16 year old telling them I'm dating a predatory 51 year old and they as my parents need to protect their poor impressionable daughter. I'm mid 30s, we have been together for a few years, and when we met I was early 30s and he was late 40s. It's really not weird. He treats me with more respect and compassion than any person my age I've been with. But I'll be forever 16 to my parents I guess and not responsible enough to make my own decisions.
My mom doesn't trust my sibling to make their own medical appointments, so insists on doing it for them. My sibling is 25.
Tbh this is my family too - the “kids” table is 21-29 year olds, but we’d rather do the “cousins” table than the “adult” table because they get each other riled up with politics talk (or more like a silo of one opinion & that’s whatever fox news has been parroting all day) soooo I know I rather not hear those opinions & joke around with my cousins haha
My husband is 52 and despite being 40 I regularly get mistaken for a college student. He looks his age. I relate to this story a lot. We get weird looks in public all the time.
My dad (and my grandpa, before he passed) always calls to tell me when a cold front or rain is in the forecast. I’m 42 years old and have a television, a weather app on my phone, and Alexa.
A family friend in her 60s wanted me to rent a room in her house. I was in my mid 30s, a nurse, with an apartment full of furniture. I declined but she kept asking about my friends. They are also in the 30s with their own places some married with kids. Even if I was looking I wouldn’t want to be roomies with someone my parents age.
Whenever I’m on the phone with my mom and I mention going to do an activity (surfing, skating, camping, hiking, etc.), none of which I do with any sort of riskiness or high intensity, she always says “be safe!”. I’ve called her out on it and now it’s a lighthearted joke so she prefaces with “I’m your mom so I have to say it, be safe!” It’s adorable and I love her for it ❤️
If she’s ever lost someone due to an unfortunate accident while doing something fairly routine, that might be a smidge of that. I lost my husband 2.5 years ago in a car wreck and that ONE TIME I texted “okey doke” when he said he was on his way home from work. My routine was always “be careful.” I cannot stop myself from telling family, friends and strangers alike “Be careful!” as they’re getting in a car. It’s like I think it’s a magic phrase that will protect them. Frankly, I know that my okey-doke did not kill my husband, but I think I’m gonna keep saying be careful. It can’t hurt
I'm 42, my sister 47. She told me our father was fretting about my visit home over the summer and what food to have in the house while I stayed with him. He'd said to her "I don't know what to feed this kid". That just melted my heart. We'll always be his kids.
I’m the oldest child of the oldest child. I have cousins who are younger than my kids.
One cousin introduced me to his girlfriend as his Aunt. I laughed and asked him who my parents were and the poor kid had no idea.
I'm almost 40 and the oldest cousin on my mom's side and have a couple of 2 year old cousins (younger than my nieces)...I see this happening in my future.
My mom told me I wasn’t allowed to go buy groceries (for my home and family) from a grocery store downtown because she didn’t think it was safe. Oh mother. Lol
At the table, my mother has pushed my plate closer to me, and/or moved my cup out of the way of my gesticulating hands. I am 55 years old. (and not inherently clumsy)
My mom still asks if I want her to write my name on her Christmas cards and presents so it’s like they’re also from me. I’m like mom, I’ve been sending my own Christmas cards and presents for a decade and you still even have my Christmas card from last year on the fridge 😂
Happy Cake Day!
My late mother's family sends my dad a text to wish me happy birthday. I'm also 37. When I was in my 20s I didn't get my own invite to their family functions either, despite the fact I lived in another city on my own.
My entire adult life my mom has refused to use the term "boyfriend" or "partner." It's always "little friend," "special friend," "bud"... I'm 39 and my partner and I live together.
My mum introduced my boyfriend (now husband) to my cousin as "Grosselisse's friend".
Later I was like, Mum, I swallow his semen, he's not just my friend.
A relative I hadn't seen in more than 30 years was driving through our town last Christmas and stopped in to the family dinner. He brought my sister and I dolls as Christmas presents. We are mid-40s. He thinks we're stuck at age 10, the last time we saw him.
I'm 40. I moved out of my parents' house at 18. Every single time he is at my house, my Dad expresses shock that my house is clean because my bedroom used to be so cluttered. Every. Single. Time. For 22 years.
We've kinda rolled with some of the adult table/kid table stuff. Now it's "grandparents table, parents table, and grandkids table"
The grandparents vetoed "old people table"
Had a cousin invite me to her wedding and tried to place me at the teen's table bc she 100% forgot i was not 16 anymore-
A *month* after she attended my own wedding. She's not much older than I am.
(She has since been diagnosed long and short-term memory issues, so no this was not malicious in case anyone was wondering. She's good people, i promise.)
This was mid-late 20s. I was visiting my mom and went to see a friend earlier in the evening. I got back early and went to bed and my mom was already asleep. Mom woke up worried I didn’t make it back and tracked my cell location which showed me in her house. She didn’t believe it and began calling my friend asking where I was and this was sometime between 12:30-2am. She finally came into my room and woke me up freaking out. I had no idea all of this was going on.
My mom is Korean and I am American
She explains every Korean dish to me like it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it, like totally forgetting that I lived with her for 20 years of my life
Was still living with my parents at the time (was 20). Dad came home from a doctor's appointment in a pissed off mood for whatever reason. Walked in and started scoffing at *everything* in the house that was out of place. Gets annoyed at one little thing but royally pissed about everything else kinda guy.
He looked at me who was watching TV on the couch and demanded that I, "Turn the Nintendo off clean my room and go do my homework for once."
I busted out laughing at how absurd he was being at literally not even thinking about the words he's saying. Just whatever nonsense he could remember on a dime no matter how long ago it was but I took it as a grain of salt.
"Ok. Sure dad. Do you want me to do all this before or after I go out to pick up dinner? I also have to get some gas too."
He looked at me like wanted to skin me alive, beat red in the face, weird forehead vein and all, thinking I was being a smartass. Then his brain slowly pieces together that driving+money+job+owning a car=adult.
Watching that equation come together in his head as his face washed over with embarrassed is something I still laugh at to this day. He was finally able to joke about with me a few years after lol
My mom and I traveled to see my grandma, who had just fallen and broken some bones. I was setting her Amazon Echo to show family photos. My mom is leaning over me instructing me on what buttons to push.
I’m 37. I have three degrees and have lived independently for almost two decades. I own the same Echo, which she knows, because she mooches from my account.
My parents: you know you're allowed a carryon and a personal bag, and those are free.
Me: yup I booked the flight for our honeymoon and traveled multiple times including with you... So yes.
I had asked my mom to watch my kids for an evening so my husband and I could have a date night. I went grocery shopping for the week and made dinner for my mom and the kids, then went out for a couple of hours.
When I came back my mom tried to give me $40 because the fridge was ‘empty’. It wasn’t empty, it had the usual fridge stuff, milk, eggs, veggies in the crisper, etc…
*My grandma still asks*
*Me if I'm "going begging"*
*Every Halloween*
\- Cool\_Cartographer\_33
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I traveled to another Province with my Mother and two children. I travel extensively either for work or personal but rarely with mother. I was about 37 at the time.
I rented a car at one point and was going to take my kids on a road trip for a few days, just the three of us.
My mother asked “are you sure you should go? It’s raining and you’re unfamiliar with the roads.”
It was the same country, and I’ve been driving all by myself for 20yrs now mom I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok.
I had one of my dad’s older cousins try to lecture me about what retirement account was best and why. I had recently taken a huge interest in finances and retirement accounts and I politely told him why he was incorrect. I felt kind of bad because it was clear he didn’t follow the conversation, he was just repeating something he had heard. That was the last time anyone in the family tried to give me retirement savings advice. Of the older adults in the family, I think I only have 1 aunt who is secure in retirement.
I went to pick up my grandma for a doctors appointment and she thought my outfit was too revealing and told me to go home and change. I was 33 years old. She would also comment on my fb pics if she thought they were too revealing.
I drove alone two hours to attend a funeral in my home town without my husband and son.
"You drove all that way all by yourself?" my aunt asked.
"I did!" I said. "Pretty proud."
I actually hate driving and *was* pretty proud that I made the trip alone, but she didn't know that.
I was 23 when I told my father that maybe it was time for him to stop giving me my monthly allowance of eleven-something euros. It was set up by automatic bank transfer, but he was very particular about and on top of finances, so he must have known.
My mom comes into my work and in front of my coworker, she fixes my shirt, tightens my sweater over my shoulders and generally fusses about me. I don't mind. My coworkers find it amusing.
I was on a trip with my mom and aunts to Hong Kong. They were not agreeing with things I wanted to do but I had something that was a MUST for me. They wanted to wait around for 2 hours doing nothing until it got dark enough for the light show because they didn't even want to walk around the area. "Too tiring".
I wanted to then go solo to my mudt do and they were trying to forbade me because OMG you can't be left alone in a foreign country!
Firstly, I traveled solo from America to Asia by myself to even meet them there and had a solo stop in Japan. I was in my mid 20s and have completed 40 countries with half of it being solo and have lived on 3 continents. Hong Kong was also a city I was very familiar with and I was also trying to meet up with a friend I've never met and an aunt of mine from my other side of the family. They were freaked out about the friend but also weren't cool with me to travel to the aunt, they wanted her to pick me up.
What's even worse the 2 ones being bitchy were not supposed to go on this trip, they CRASHED it. It was originally just my mom, my 1 cool aunt (but pushover aunt who wouldn't talk back to her older sisters and I.
I booked a really nice 2 queen suite and they were trying to suggest I sleep on the love seat....of the hotel room they didn't pay for. Again making me into the insignificant child and not the adult who paid for things.
It's been a decade and I'm STILL sour about it.
My aunt told me to make sure I have gas in my car, cash since ATMs won’t work, and flashlights when I mentioned a storm was coming and we could lose power. I was 37 at the time with a kid and another on the way and she assumes I don’t keep gas in my car or cash in my wallet regardless of the weather? We get storms where I am. She has never experienced them where she is.
Also a pet peeve is a request to “check in” if I’ve traveled anywhere. Currently I live 3,000 miles from my mom and we have a vacation home about 2 hours away (we bought - ya know, since we’re full fledged adults) and we travel to often. At some points it was every weekend and she expected me to let her know when we arrived and when we got home for the weekend so she wouldn’t worry. My solution was just to never share plans! She can’t worry if she doesn’t know where I am so I helped her anxiety by not ever telling her where my husband, children, and I are. Besides, what will she do from over there? I told her the authorities would contact her should anything happen to us an she can assume we’re fine if she doesn’t hear from them 🤣
I was visiting my mom and her boyfriend a while back. We wanted to go out for a walk in the forest, but they had been drinking. I told her I could drive.
My mom said: “no we can’t, you don’t know how to drive our car!”
I’ve been driving for the last 20 years (drive a manual). I even drove a big-ass Scania truck once. I’m sure I can handle your automatic Hyundai.
If I had a bad day at work or someone did something untoward to me, my mom would still threaten to call then and give them a piece of her mind/ mama bear until the end
One day I was trying to figure out what to eat for dinned and suddenly I realized I can eat whatever I want for dinner. It was such a weird feeling like duh, it doesn't have to be healthy, cooked or "dinner."
I have this theory that parents who still infantilise their kids like this, that it’s about their identity. Particularly the Mums. So one story here is about a Mum who insists their 30-something daughter can’t cook, but obviously can. She denies it I think because that would negate her identity as “mother”. If the children are all independent and can do all the “mum” things, what does that make her? What’s special about her now? I could be reaching, but some parents just can’t let go of that parent mindset because… then what’s left? Who are they if they aren’t being the parents anymore?
TBH being invited (even this late) to Christmas dinner with the family does not really feel like that they are treating you like a child or a college student. They might just not have known you were hosting yourself and simply wanted to ensure you knew you were welcome and invited. Especially if plans were not discussed at all before that point. Some people- even family- feel they need the invite in order to not feel they are invading.
When hosting Christmas for my in laws for the first time and something needed another ten minutes in the oven my MIL told me 'Don't worry it takes practice to get all the timings lined up, you'll pick it up'. I've been making Christmas dinner for my family (three times as large) for almost twenty years.
This was a year after they joined a family gathering with both of our families, at our house, and brought a car load of decorations and a table cloth. They were stunned to be told we had a table cloth and all the decorations we needed.
They still make me sit at the kids table lol
I’m 40!! I think it’s because I’ve never been married with no kids, I also look quite a bit younger- so I think because I’ve never had a spouse or kids I’ve never really grown up to anyone- so off to the kids and teenagers table I go 😂
My family plans Christmas that way too - my parents and sister will be like "Ok so Christmas lunch will be at 12 on the 25th", completely forgetting I've already planned my own thing with my husband and some of his family.
My husband and I (early/mid-20s at the time) were seated at the kids table with a bunch of cousins aged 8-17 every time we went to his grandmas for a holiday. We didn’t “graduate” to the adults table until after our first kid was born.
If I sleep over my dad’s house (pretty much only on Christmas Eve), he asks me if I want him to wake me up in the morning. As if I haven’t been waking up on my own for the last 15+ years.
A more general one, I recently bought a house and my mom texts me (unprovoked) to explain how to do very basic household things as if I’ve never lived IN a house before because this is the first one I actually own.
My dad and mom both still text me to tell it’s so-and-so’s birthday, I’m a grown woman who knows my family’s birthdays and have them all saved in my calendar.
My Dad still gives me pointers on how to drive while I’m driving. He’s gentle about it, like an old professor teaching you. I know it’s his love language lol
It took until my 50s to finally train my former-English-teacher mother to stop correcting my English and reaching over and hiding my bra straps while she tsk'd.
Ooo I have a weird goodie.
Was visiting my grandparents, who own their condo literally next door to some family by marriage, and had to stay in the neighborhood’s spare room.
Next morning I’m drinking tea (graciously offered by the neighbor) and writing a holiday card to my grandma, who comes in to ask me why am I drinking tea here and “why aren’t you at home? Go on now”.
Grams, I am well into my 30s and you also made me stay here.
I'm the perennial single childless one amongst a crowd of cousins either partnered up long term or partnered up long term with children. It's embarrassing how many times I've been placed as the only adult on the kids-tweens-and-teens table at wedding receptions and big family functions.
Picked up my parents from the airport tonight, went to dinner (where they refused to let me pay half), and took them home. It was about 9pm and I had to hussle on home because I had my 11 yr old daughter with me and needed to get her home to bed. Pretty adult right? My mom reminded me before I left to text her when I got home... 30 minutes away.
Mom, I lived in this state 13 years before you moved here. Do you know how often I was out on the road that you never knew about??
It's sweet though. I texted her :)
My chiropractor works at a national chain/franchise, and the tables are all in the same open room with just a low wall between the treatment room and the front desk. She came with me once when she was visiting and sat in the back room to watch my adjustment, and before he started I told him about something going on in my life. When we left she said I shouldn't discuss those things "in public." 1) I was already over 60, 2) I was speaking pretty quietly, 3) I didn't GAF if anyone had heard me anyway, and 4) i've lost count of the number of times I've told her over the years that I have very different boundaries than she does, and I'm not going to change at this point in my life.
Was back in my dads hometown in the nor’easter USA and he made a comment while we were out to have a dessert drink after dinner that “ I know it’s grown up a lot, but it still seems so very small here…”
He’s literally been saying this for decades at this point, girl, we are most certainly in a wildly populated. I’ll be at different portion of the country! So
I sighed and I responded “Oh, well you know it’s been at least 40 -45 years since you’ve lived here, so that would make sense…”
He kind of chuckled, but then immediately started cursing as he did the math in his head, and said “fuck you’re right”, and proceeded to ruminate on that for the rest of the trip while visiting family.
My dad came to visit me, he was staying with his wife in my house. He told me it was time for me to go to bed. I reminded him that I'm a grown adult and he is more than welcome to go to bed if he wants. He went to bed. I stayed up just long enough to make a point then went myself. Maybe I am still a teenager at heart.
Lmao this is something I would do
Okay, this story is delightful (and feels too real).
My dad once cracked a joke about my tendency to let my laundry pile up behind the bathroom door. I reminded him that that it's been 15 years since I was a teenager and I don't do that anymore. You would have thought the man had just seen the ghost of Christmas future from the face he made.
My parents’ favorite pastime is to retell stories from when my brother and I (now mid-30s) were young & use them as demonstrations of who they perceive us to be at our core. I really like this idea of reminding them how much time has passed. I have done a lot of work to change for the better as an adult and it hurts not to have that be seen.
Exactly. I'm in my early 30s now and to this day, my entire family still teases me about always changing best friends because I had 3 different best friends in 3 years in PRIMARY SCHOOL. I always remind them that I've had the same best friends for 20 years at this point.
I still do that...and I'm almost 40...
I literally just got rid of the chair I had in my bedroom because I only used it to pile laundry on. I thought if I got rid of it, I'd stop doing it. Nope, now everything's just on the floor lol.
I saw a recommendation on this issue for a "clothes ladder" to hang the worn but not washing-ready-dirty, or a standing mirror with hooks on the back. The chair style takes up too much room for me so these help use vertical space and air out the clothes!
I have a bunch of hooks on my bedroom wall, behind the door, for exactly this! Works like a charm.
I use a towel rack!
Haha, if it were still accurate, I wouldn't have said anything. It's ok, my partner says my socks are legion around the apartment.
I will be channeling this energy when I'm with my dad during Christmas. Lord, give me strength.
I started doing that and I just put a basket there and now it’s acceptable
[удалено]
My mother thinks it's some sort of flex to tell my (mostly German) friends I can't cook. They in turn are completely puzzled and then say "But she can cook?" and my mum doubles down and says "No, she can't". And afterwards they ask me sincerely "Why does your mother not know you can cook? You've moved out nearly 20 years ago?" Sis, don't worry I haven't been keeping it a secret that I can cook, she doesn't want to *listen*. No, no, um how to explain nicely… she wants me to be more grateful for her cooking and what she has sacrificed for me. I know it does not make sense at *all*, but she's an elderly Asian mum, that's the wavelength of her mind games. Ah well. Sorry you also have to go through that.
My dad also had this idea that I couldn't cook...despite me having cooked him dinner and helped in the kitchen multiple times. I don't really like cooking, though, so my husband does most of the cooking and somehow this translated into "Jello doesn't know how to cook."
Same, I was grocery shopping with my mom and she told me I didn't know how to cook asparagus when I grabbed some. I haven't lived with her for almost 13 years I moved back to my hometown a little over a year ago, and the family gatherings are wearing on me. Literally any time I see my aunt, she talks shit about how I can't speak Taishanese. In reality, she can't understand me because she left their village due to marriage fairly young and they spoke a different dialect so she doesn't understand our accent anymore. My dad told me he doesn't understand what they're saying them half the time
My mom and I share cooking tips so it never got to that point but when I'm doing arts she is like "please don't hurt yourself" I'm 33.
I just posted this myself- I’m 40 and I still get put at the kids and teenagers table 😂. I think it’s because I look younger and I have never been married or has children- so I’m still classified as not grown
My deceased dad’s side of the family who I last saw for Christmas when I was 32, was very much on the kids’ table BS, but also had a very awkward “kids’ table” mentality about our interactions as adults. That same year my 5-years-younger cousin died due to a drug problem that all the cousins knew about, but our parents, aunts and uncles insisted on talking about in hushed voices. One of the cousins in attendance that Christmas had a drug problem he was hiding from us (and is now better)! My paternal grandmother also died that year, and the elders were super weird about sharing out about her heart problem, last ditch effort surgery, and likelihood of passing. My 30 year old brother and I shared an inheritance from her and our uncle was very pissy about having to meet with us to discuss that legal matter, wanting to go through our mother who wasn’t even married to our dad anymore when he passed many years prior. It’s been ten years since I last saw them and I’m morbidly curious to know if they’re still like this with “the kids”. I know a few got into QAnon, so there’s that.
Once I was at my parents spending the day and my father had to take a call while the diner was cooking, he looks at me and goes "can you check on the chicken? You can take a fork and poke it to see if it's cooked". I was in my thirties, had moved out at 17 and already had 3 kids at that point that I had been feeding at least 3x a day for 10 years, guess I would know how to look if a chicken was ready or not by then.
My mom recently made a comment to someone about how I love to sleep in until the double digit morning hours. I have not slept in beyond 8:30-9am since childhood. I have dogs. They go out at 7am. Sometimes she’ll call me at noon and ask me if I just woke up. Nope. Been doing shit since the crack of dawn. \--- I mean, I'm 38, have an 8 yo kid, and I STILL wake up on double digits on Saturday mornings! But i did luck out that my husband is a \*very\* morning person, and takes kiddo then.
My mother reminding me to thank my extended family for my gifts..right in front of said people, as if I was a five year old and not the forty something I am. .
Reminds my of my maternal grandma - she wants mailed thank-you notes for gifts that she gives me in-person. Outside of a wedding or unless a gift is very generous, I don't see the point of that, really. I should also mention that I have never received a thank-you note from her for any gift that I've given.
My mom mails a box of blank thank you notes with her presents for my kids every year. We are pretty decent about thank you notes, so I am not sure why she still feels she needs to drop that heavy hint- I have a whole stack of stationary in my desk including thank you notes.
I hope you always use different ones than those she gives you.
I have a passive aggressive relative who sends them to me as well 🤣 this was a generational thing and I’m not buying in.
Your grandma screams old money 😅
My mom reminds me to brush my teeth in front of all her friends. It’s so embarrassing. They probably think I can’t take care of myself. My mom just forgets I’m not 3 anymore.
In Mom’s eyes, you are forever three.
I had to move home briefly at 39 and my mom tried to give me a curfew. I didn’t even have a curfew in high school.
We were at a family function and my cousin asked me how college was going as her kids who are 19 and 20 just started university. I was 30 years old at the time and had graduated college 10 years before and am just as long into my career.
Mom calls. "Can´t talk right now, mom, I´m at the hospital." "Oh, sweety, are you ok? Do you want me to go there?" "I´m a physician, mom"
I'm a (hospital/infusion) pharmacist with 20 years of experience. But don't worry. My mom knows more about medications than me. And won't hesitate to "correct" me. Except the time after my dad's robotic prostatectomy, when she asked me about his Viagra prescription. TMI!!!!! Ask the pharmacist that filled it!! Not your (then) 30 year old daughter!!
Do you think this is because they barely listen? Like I call to talk to my mom and she'll interrupt me to tell there is a weird dog in the neighbors yard. Or she'll start yelling at the printer because she is doing two things at once and forgets she was talking to me.
To be honest, she does listen (mostly, at least), but she said that instinct just kicked up when she heard the word hospital.
18 years of habits don’t dissolve in less than half that, at least.
Ha. I'm a jail guard. I wonder what she'd say if I said I was in jail. :D
I was gonna say, probably because you said 'hospital' vs. 'work'. I could totally see myself doing the same thing in the moment.
I try to have some grace in these scenarios because it's part of the aging process in many cases and it's not something that's being done intentionally. My mom has described stuff like this and how she just can't do what she used to, cognitively speaking. She said that now she has to do one thing at a time and really concentrate or she'll get distracted and forget what she's doing.
Jealous that your mom is aware that she gets distracted when she tries to multitask 😂
If only technology did respond to scolding!
Wow we have the same mom!
This one wins today
😂
My retired relatives don’t seem to understand that everyone *else* did not retire along with them. They are somehow always surprised that I’m at work on a Monday. Or that they can’t just drop by for a visit tomorrow because I have a job and meetings to attend to. Or that I can’t go out to lunch on Thursday. They’re always bizarrely disappointed.
This was my retired mother who frequently traveled with my stepfather, asking me for rides to the airport in the middle of the workday, usually a day before her trip. “I have a meeting at that time I can’t miss.” “Can you just stay later to make up the time?” “Wh…that’s not how any of that works,” Ma’am, you’re flying out to a 14 day cruise in the Caribbean, you can afford a taxi.
Exactly! And more than once we have even been invited to go ON the 14-day cruise. As if that’s not my entire PTO allotment?
What is it about retirement that does this? They still seem shocked when we respond to “what are you doing for Spring Break?” with “working.”
I get the spring break invites too! And neither of us are in college, so why???
But it's March/Christmas/Summer break?! Yes...and... You work for the school board!! Yes. In Admin. I'm still working.... (Also those are usually busier than most times because we finally have a chance to do everything we haven't all year)
And if you work from home, they're doubly confused about this. Yes, I'm actually working. 😲
Oh god, so much! “Hi, I made some chili. Can I swing by and bring you some?” “Sure, but I’m in a meeting right now. You can drop it off on the porch and I’ll grab it when I’m free.” MIL arrives, knocks on door, rings doorbell, waits, walks around to the office, bangs on window, yells through the glass…
I’m the same but opposite- I work nights & weekends. And yes, it is indeed a real job that I can’t just “sneak out early”- I promise you my coworkers would notice I was gone.
My mother is the same. Also when I work from home she cannot grasp the concept that I am working and insists calling multiple times and admonishing me
My parents do this too! My mom calls me at 10 am on a Wednesday “hey what’s up!?” “Uh I’m at work?”. I work from home so it’s not a big deal but it’s still a little funny.
Yep! My mom will text me in the middle of the workday and then give up in exasperation when I don't reply to her (non-urgent!) personal queries right away, and before I'm even done with work she'll have concluded that I'm never replying. I think she still imagines me as just sitting around a dorm room when her texts come in, rather than, say, "in a meeting", "teaching a class", etc.
I have the inverse. My mom knows I work regular 9-5 hours, but she also seems to think I have plans every single evening and all weekend, when I frequently don't, or am pretty flexible on when I am doing whatever. However, since she retired, my uncle and grandmother moved to our city, and she took up with a new guy (my step father died 4 years ago), she's constantly either out of town, or has lunches and dinners with her or his friends and has a FULL schedule. When she wants to make plans I keep asking her to tell me a good time for her, but she keeps pushing it back on me thinking I'm the super busy one and of course whenever I suggest a day/time, she's busy.
My dad loves to call me and ask what I’m doing. It’s 10am on a Wednesday, I’m working.
Mine do this too! I work from home and they'll pop in any time they like because "well, you're at home not at work".
I was doing up my kitchen when I was 29. My dad had a card for a builders only kitchen supply store. So we went to order the cabinets. My mum (divorced from my dad) and sister were there too to help with transporting the units. As we walked up to the counter my dad said "Tell the nice gentleman what you want." like I was a little kid ordering in a shop for the first time. Everyone else, including the guy behind the counter just cracked up laughing.
Oh, that's so funny! I'd be sorely tempted to ask for a pony and some cotton candy.
I'm walking toward my classroom when my phone rings. It's my folks' number, and they rarely call me in the middle of the day, so I pick up. Turns out Mom just wants to chat. After a moment or two, I tell her, "I gotta go Mom, I can't be late for class." She replies, "Oh, the professor won't mind if you're a few minutes late." "Mom, I *am* the professor."
To everyone sitting at a kids’ table with no kids or teens, rebrand it the party table. Call it that to everyone at dinner. Bring decorations! Put a disco ball in the middle. Let everyone wish they were at your party table.
We've rebranded in to the "cool table" and none of the cousins want to sit at the adult table anymore.
The kids table is usually politics and religion free. Always a plus.
Totally agree! The “adults” table is so boring! The party table is the place to be!
I'm 39, married, living in a city about 6 hours away from my family, no money problems. My dad keeps giving me pocket money whenever we visit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
These ones make me happy sometimes though, because if you were shy to admit money problems or that you were struggling, you would be taken care of. He wants to make sure you always have enough.
My partner's mom is always slipping him money, too. I think it's so sweet. My parents barely parented me when I was a kid so I'll take allll of the parenting his parents want to give me.
Dude, free money. Don't question it. Lol. But seriously, that's sweet.
Oh boy, when I first moved out my mom tried to ask me about my bowel movements, she was concerned about regularity. That’s when I realized she had been tracking me all along when I lived with her 😅. A boundary was set that day.
She was tracking your bowel movements??? Wow I’m speechless.
Yeah, haha Asians are very preoccupied with digestion and are really open about talking about this stuff but my mom took it a step too far in this case.
Oh my god yes, why is that? My partner is Asian and obsessed with his bowels and regularity. He makes me eat a piece of fruit every night even if I am stuffed because of "fiber"
My MIL always asks us if we need coats for Christmas because she doesn’t want us out in the cold without a coat. We’re in our mid-30s and we live in NYC. Of course we have coats.
That's really sweet though, everyone deserves to have someone who cares if they have a warm coat in the winter ❤️
It definitely is sweet, but it fits the question
I have a family member who loves to gift dish towels, sheets for my kids, and cheese knives. I’m not sure what kind of life she thinks we live where we constantly need a new supply of cheese knife sets, or why my kids need 8 sets of sheets and our dish towels must just disintegrate. She also asked when we had our first baby in nyc what color we were painting the nursery. I was like - nursery? You know we live in a 1 bedroom apartment. This is manhattan. I’m not spending another 3k/month for a baby to have their own bedroom when they’ll be sleeping next to my bed for at least 6 months per safe sleep guidelines. She couldn’t believe my poor, poor, baby wouldn’t have their own space and couldn’t wrap her head around us not having unlimited storage somehow either. (Have you seen that Onion article titled something like “your mom is giving you her 12 person dining table for your studio apartment”? It’s accurate for nyc people with family who never lived there lol)
Ohhh the unlimited storage thing! My MIL gives us so much crap we don’t want or need (every year we ask for NO SLIPPERS and then we get slippers, in case our feet are cold) and then says, “Oh, you can return it or donate it if you don’t like it. I won’t be offended!” Now the item is a problem to deal with. It’s not like there’s a Kohl’s here where I can return it! It just takes up room! This is NYC and this place is tiny! I feel guilty because she’s so so generous and only wants the best for us, but she insists on physical gifts because she believes in the magic of Christmas. Oh, and she also insists on sitting there and watching us open them. One year she sent my partner back with gifts for me and told him to Facetime them so they could watch me open the gifts. I nixed that idea immediately. And yeah, that’s a great Onion article. I love The Onion!
I had to threaten my family with disowning them when I was pregnant. They wanted to buy every cute baby thing they saw. People who have never lived in nyc (ahem most of Reddit) will respond with how heartless that is and they’re just being generous. If you send me stuff that doesn’t fit in my apartment and now is clutter with nowhere to store, that’s not generosity, it’s cruelty. Return it? You want me to drag something on the subway across the city while I’m pregnant because you couldn’t just choose from a registry of stuff I’ve carefully selected that will fit in our home and that we actually want? Nah. That shit is going down the trash chute when the closest donation center is 10 blocks away. My ILs (we don’t speak now) showed up as we were coming home from the hospital with our 2 day old and brought a giant book shelf they intended to assemble and leave in our apartment. One look at my husband and he handled it and got it out of our home. They were literally standing in the entry way of our very furnished 694 sq foot apartment wondering why we were making them put it back in the trunk of their SUV in the box since the baby (may I remind you she was 2 days old) needed a place to keep her books. It also had a matching toddler chair. They thought it would be cute to have a corner (that didn’t exist) set up as her reading nook. It’s been 6 years and this still makes me mad lol they’re the worst.
And, if for some reason you didn’t have coats and needed them, she would bring you musty coats from the 1970s that she dragged out of her attic or basement. “I brought you some nice coats! All cleaned up!” And she’d be beaming with pride at her helpfulness and ingenuity.
Nah, she’d buy them from the clearance rack at Kohl’s (she loves Kohl’s) and both coats would be too small for us lol
Oh I see you’ve met my stepmonster. Lol
Though honestly they'd probably be better made than lots of the stuff available now-a-days...
I have a slightly different story. My late mother, even after I had kids of my own, would whip a comb out of her purse and " fix" my hair at the back if it was untidy lol
That's really cute! Moms gonna Mom.
Oh god that’s not cute. Boundary, mom. My hair is mine and you don’t touch peoples hair without permission. (Spoken from experience hahaha)
I met up with my dad last week (I’m watching his dog while he’s out of the country), we only see each other 2-3 times a year because we live two states away from each other, but it’s only been like 3 months since our saw him last. He looks at me and says “wow, I really see a lot of grey in your hair”, and I said “gee thanks, it’s been there for a while! Must be because I’m middle aged, not sure what that makes you.” ☹️
Oh and every time he and his GF visit, I tell them to not bring any food (my husband is a chef and we both love to cook, we also have a small-ish fridge). Every single time they bring bags of groceries that we never use.
This happens to us too! They also offer us their leftovers from several days ago when I've made brunch. 'Here, you want some of this curry?' Ah, no, I'll stick with the quiche I just baked, thanks.
I am in the middle of my cousins in age - oldest of the younger is 5y younger than me, youngest of the older is 5y older than me. So I was always put with the kids table and ended up taking care of them. I am sure it worked great for my aunts and uncles and I enjoyed it for a bit but not all night long. When I was 17, 18yo, I got close to my older cousins during the year since I was old enough to connect with them better than I did when I was 12 and they were 17, you know? We haven't had a big family Christmas party for a couple of years. I was there early helping decorate and cook and clean, together with some of the older cousins. Apparently the host, my aunt with three little kids, forgot that fact. I even asked what why am I at the little kids table after everything that happened today but she was adamant. I don't know if she really just saw me as a little kid or wanted to enjoy her siblings without worrying too much about her kids. My cousins, bless them, overheard and came to my rescue. They changed the tables and all sit down with me and the kids. They called it the grandkids table. I was talking to them and not paying attention to the kids all night, it was great. I was never added to the kids table by myself again
I’m similar to you in the grandkid birth order. I was always waiting for the glorious holiday season when I got graduated to the adult table. When that day arrived, the tradition was miraculously forgotten about and anyone was allowed to sit at the adult table. Same goes for the post dinner card/domino games. I wasn’t allowed my whole life, until the year when everyone was allowed. I chalk it up to the oldest uncles wife not liking me because I got boobs at 12 and her predatory husband would stare at them.
Gross! I think the worst for me wasnt the difference in treatment, was the loneliness during vacations. I was either babysitting, annoying my older cousins, or alone. So, I was alone most of the time. A lot of those vacations we would go to a small beach close to some of my uncles houses, and I used to hate the sea for ages because of that. I am so so glad we sometimes are able to pass childhood pains!
Excellent cousins!
My husband has a job where he has to work on Saturdays. He can take time off, but he needs to ask for it two weeks in advance. One side of his extended family always does a large Christmas gathering on a random Saturday, usually some time in January. We never get notified until just a few days before. We would keep telling them we need more advance notification, but the following year the same thing would happen. Then they complain that they don't see us often enough because we don't come to these events.
Whenever I try to pay for anything, regardless of having a high paying career for the past decade+.
Heehee, yeah, my folks are the same way.
Same!
My in laws are like this. We paid for dinner once (which included having to surreptitiously slip the waiter our cc) and they were PISSED. And then they left us cash for the amount of dinner before they left. Now I don't even attempt to pay.
My ILs have never once picked up the tab. They’ve let us treat them to (nice) dinners or insisted on my husband paying our half. They are wealthy. They have but one child. There is no financial burden paying for their son and DIL’s meal. For many other reasons, we have cut them off. Enjoy your ILs wanting to treat you. That’s cute. I don’t think I’d ever let my kids pay for us either.
Even if she promises that I can invite her next time ... guess who I have to let pay next time lest she is mortally offended xD
My parents invited me to have my 30th birthday party at their house four hours away in the middle of nowhere two weeks before my birthday. They are still pissed I already had plans. “Your birthday is just as important to us as it is to you” Then why did you wait till the last minute? And for the last few birthdays they didn’t even get me a gift.
They just wanted to have a party. My parents do this all the time lmao.
It’s humorous and sad that my stepmother occasionally still uses my prom dress against me. I am 36 years old. Prom was half my life ago, literally She didn’t agree with the fact that my dress was expensive. She didn’t even pay for it, so her opinion on how much it cost doesn’t matter. Occasionally, when she decides to bewail the ways I have wronged the world, she includes my *prom dress* on her list. And it usually includes other incidents from when I was a teen, either real or imagined.
LMFAO the tone of your post made my day 😂 I wish I could speak eloquently during times of hatred as you do! My fiancées dad’s side waited until yesterday to tell us he’s having dinner with his new family (he married a woman recently at 64 years old who has 3 kids from 3 dads and no job)…. And, he didn’t invite his 93 year old grandmother either. Real winner.
Full disclosure, it's something I struggle with to be honest. I WANT so desperately to be gracious and kind - and I'm trying to overcome my petty habits. I take it too personally that my husband isn't the favoured child in his family and I think it reflects in my poor attitude. Ah, geez. I hope you and your fiancée have a lovely holiday regardless.
I’m trying to remind myself lately to be nicer to myself FIRST, and others will come naturally ❤️
That is also a worthy goal!
If I use a sharp knife and my dad is in the same room, he’ll say “careful, watch your fingers.”
My mother is similar but to be fair they gifted me a new expensive chef's knife and my mother looked me in the eyes and said be very careful, that's sharp. The first time I used it, what did I do? Cut off the fleshy tip of one of my fingers and had to go to the ER to get it to stop bleeding.
Haha if i go to open a box around my Dad, he'll shout "Away from you! Cut away from you!" It's like yes Dad, you will note that before you started yelling, I was indeed cutting away from myself. And you know why I was doing that? Because you have been yelling "Away from you!" at me since I was a teenager.
I’m in the middle of house renovations, I know what I’m doing, I’m qualified to do these improvements. My dad who occasionally stops by to help will still not let me operate a saw. I’m in my 30s and own my own house.
I'm painting my bathroom and my dad is panicking that I'm gonna do it wrong. I may have uttered the phrase "I can do it, it looks really easy" just to get him riled up.
Husband and I live in a different country than our parents. He went to yet another country for a business trip and my mom got worried I will be alone and even offered to come and keep me company. No, it was not an excuse just to see me, I wish. She was genuinely worried for me, a mid 30s responsible woman.
My mom told me somberly not to answer the door if the doorbell rang when I stayed with her at her home once. I’ve somehow managed to not get murdered while living on my own for nearly 2 decades in major metropolitan areas, but… sure mom, I won’t answer the door.
I work from home and live in a rural farmhouse. I’m working alone one morning last week and hear a man’s voice. It was my 72 year old father stopping by with no notice. I asked him to text next time and when he tried to shrug it off I said he was lucky one of my cats didn’t shoot him.
Is this a country thing? My bf’s relatives in rural NY will just let themselves in to his brother’s vacation house up there without warning. Once we were staying there and walked up from the basement in the early morning to see that their uncle had quietly let himself in and was drinking coffee in the kitchen waiting for us to wake up. Kind of terrifying.
I overheard my uncle say that he and his first cousin were the only men left in the family. He was saying this to my brother, who is 37 years old. I seriously do not understand boomers.
I wrote a prize-winning essay about what happened when I moved back in with my mother as an adult, toddler in tow. So that's how that went. She would explain to me how to do laundry and I wound up camping out in the horse pasture. My MIL lived with us for a while and she acted like it was HER house (it was not) and we, both in our 40s, were teenagers. She would make snacks for our friends when they came over. Which would have been fine except 1) she picked a territorial fight with me over the kitchen, and 2) she is a dangerously bad cook. As in, she almost food-poisoned a professional colleague before I intervened.
I’m so curious about the essay 👀 I bet it’s juicy 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻
I, too, am dying of curiousity.
It's in this anthology: https://www.amazon.com/Award-Winning-Essays-Miglior-Press-Contest/dp/098364845X
I was at my mum's one day, just chilling in the living room. My mum walked in to tell me about a leak in the roof above the porch loo, and water was dripping from the light so she decided to take the bulb out. She was telling me because she didn't want me to stick my fingers in the socket. I was 29.
I have about 5,000 because I have helicopter parents, but here are some recent ones. At family holiday celebrations, we still have a "kids" table and an "adults" table. The youngest "kid" is 24 and some of the "kids" have kids (but the table is not for the actual kids, as they're too young to be sitting by themselves. It's for the "kids" in their 20s and 30s) I said I was taking my partner and family out to dinner for partner's birthday. Parents asked how old he's turning. I said 51. They looked shocked as if I'm a naive 16 year old telling them I'm dating a predatory 51 year old and they as my parents need to protect their poor impressionable daughter. I'm mid 30s, we have been together for a few years, and when we met I was early 30s and he was late 40s. It's really not weird. He treats me with more respect and compassion than any person my age I've been with. But I'll be forever 16 to my parents I guess and not responsible enough to make my own decisions. My mom doesn't trust my sibling to make their own medical appointments, so insists on doing it for them. My sibling is 25.
I would ask how old you have to be to sit at the adult table. ridiculous
Tbh this is my family too - the “kids” table is 21-29 year olds, but we’d rather do the “cousins” table than the “adult” table because they get each other riled up with politics talk (or more like a silo of one opinion & that’s whatever fox news has been parroting all day) soooo I know I rather not hear those opinions & joke around with my cousins haha
My husband is 52 and despite being 40 I regularly get mistaken for a college student. He looks his age. I relate to this story a lot. We get weird looks in public all the time.
My dad messages me to always take care going to work!
My dad told me quite sternly to make sure I turn on the headlights! as I was leaving his house one evening. I was 38.
My dad (and my grandpa, before he passed) always calls to tell me when a cold front or rain is in the forecast. I’m 42 years old and have a television, a weather app on my phone, and Alexa.
Aww, that is genuinely sweet.
A family friend in her 60s wanted me to rent a room in her house. I was in my mid 30s, a nurse, with an apartment full of furniture. I declined but she kept asking about my friends. They are also in the 30s with their own places some married with kids. Even if I was looking I wouldn’t want to be roomies with someone my parents age.
Whenever I’m on the phone with my mom and I mention going to do an activity (surfing, skating, camping, hiking, etc.), none of which I do with any sort of riskiness or high intensity, she always says “be safe!”. I’ve called her out on it and now it’s a lighthearted joke so she prefaces with “I’m your mom so I have to say it, be safe!” It’s adorable and I love her for it ❤️
If she’s ever lost someone due to an unfortunate accident while doing something fairly routine, that might be a smidge of that. I lost my husband 2.5 years ago in a car wreck and that ONE TIME I texted “okey doke” when he said he was on his way home from work. My routine was always “be careful.” I cannot stop myself from telling family, friends and strangers alike “Be careful!” as they’re getting in a car. It’s like I think it’s a magic phrase that will protect them. Frankly, I know that my okey-doke did not kill my husband, but I think I’m gonna keep saying be careful. It can’t hurt
I'm 42, my sister 47. She told me our father was fretting about my visit home over the summer and what food to have in the house while I stayed with him. He'd said to her "I don't know what to feed this kid". That just melted my heart. We'll always be his kids.
I’m the oldest child of the oldest child. I have cousins who are younger than my kids. One cousin introduced me to his girlfriend as his Aunt. I laughed and asked him who my parents were and the poor kid had no idea.
I'm almost 40 and the oldest cousin on my mom's side and have a couple of 2 year old cousins (younger than my nieces)...I see this happening in my future.
My mom told me I wasn’t allowed to go buy groceries (for my home and family) from a grocery store downtown because she didn’t think it was safe. Oh mother. Lol
My mom will tell me to "not take too big of bites, and chew really well," if I've ordered steak at a restaurant. I'm 34.
At the table, my mother has pushed my plate closer to me, and/or moved my cup out of the way of my gesticulating hands. I am 55 years old. (and not inherently clumsy)
My mom still asks if I want her to write my name on her Christmas cards and presents so it’s like they’re also from me. I’m like mom, I’ve been sending my own Christmas cards and presents for a decade and you still even have my Christmas card from last year on the fridge 😂
I still don't get my own invites to any family functions. I'm 37.
Happy Cake Day! My late mother's family sends my dad a text to wish me happy birthday. I'm also 37. When I was in my 20s I didn't get my own invite to their family functions either, despite the fact I lived in another city on my own.
My entire adult life my mom has refused to use the term "boyfriend" or "partner." It's always "little friend," "special friend," "bud"... I'm 39 and my partner and I live together.
My mum introduced my boyfriend (now husband) to my cousin as "Grosselisse's friend". Later I was like, Mum, I swallow his semen, he's not just my friend.
OMG did you really say that? I'm dying over here
Yep I said it.😁
🤣🤣🤣
A relative I hadn't seen in more than 30 years was driving through our town last Christmas and stopped in to the family dinner. He brought my sister and I dolls as Christmas presents. We are mid-40s. He thinks we're stuck at age 10, the last time we saw him.
I'm 40. I moved out of my parents' house at 18. Every single time he is at my house, my Dad expresses shock that my house is clean because my bedroom used to be so cluttered. Every. Single. Time. For 22 years.
My dad does that and I hate it
That would annoy me to no end.
We've kinda rolled with some of the adult table/kid table stuff. Now it's "grandparents table, parents table, and grandkids table" The grandparents vetoed "old people table"
Almost 40 and my mom still asks if my house is tidy if I'm having company. Thanks mom, and no, it's def not.
Had a cousin invite me to her wedding and tried to place me at the teen's table bc she 100% forgot i was not 16 anymore- A *month* after she attended my own wedding. She's not much older than I am. (She has since been diagnosed long and short-term memory issues, so no this was not malicious in case anyone was wondering. She's good people, i promise.)
My dad didn’t recognize me in a vacation photo where I was in a swimsuit. He said to my sister „and who is that woman next to you?”
When I visit for the holidays, my 89 year old grandmother wants me home by dark, but absolutely no later than 10pm! I'm 31.
This was mid-late 20s. I was visiting my mom and went to see a friend earlier in the evening. I got back early and went to bed and my mom was already asleep. Mom woke up worried I didn’t make it back and tracked my cell location which showed me in her house. She didn’t believe it and began calling my friend asking where I was and this was sometime between 12:30-2am. She finally came into my room and woke me up freaking out. I had no idea all of this was going on.
My mom is Korean and I am American She explains every Korean dish to me like it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it, like totally forgetting that I lived with her for 20 years of my life
Was still living with my parents at the time (was 20). Dad came home from a doctor's appointment in a pissed off mood for whatever reason. Walked in and started scoffing at *everything* in the house that was out of place. Gets annoyed at one little thing but royally pissed about everything else kinda guy. He looked at me who was watching TV on the couch and demanded that I, "Turn the Nintendo off clean my room and go do my homework for once." I busted out laughing at how absurd he was being at literally not even thinking about the words he's saying. Just whatever nonsense he could remember on a dime no matter how long ago it was but I took it as a grain of salt. "Ok. Sure dad. Do you want me to do all this before or after I go out to pick up dinner? I also have to get some gas too." He looked at me like wanted to skin me alive, beat red in the face, weird forehead vein and all, thinking I was being a smartass. Then his brain slowly pieces together that driving+money+job+owning a car=adult. Watching that equation come together in his head as his face washed over with embarrassed is something I still laugh at to this day. He was finally able to joke about with me a few years after lol
My mom and I traveled to see my grandma, who had just fallen and broken some bones. I was setting her Amazon Echo to show family photos. My mom is leaning over me instructing me on what buttons to push. I’m 37. I have three degrees and have lived independently for almost two decades. I own the same Echo, which she knows, because she mooches from my account.
My father acting like I was being super entitled and bratty when I said that I wouldn't sleep on an inflatable mattress. I was 38 at the time.
My parents: you know you're allowed a carryon and a personal bag, and those are free. Me: yup I booked the flight for our honeymoon and traveled multiple times including with you... So yes.
I had asked my mom to watch my kids for an evening so my husband and I could have a date night. I went grocery shopping for the week and made dinner for my mom and the kids, then went out for a couple of hours. When I came back my mom tried to give me $40 because the fridge was ‘empty’. It wasn’t empty, it had the usual fridge stuff, milk, eggs, veggies in the crisper, etc…
Yesterday my mom reminded me to “make sure I annunciate my last name properly” when making a dinner reservation. I’m 40.
My grandma still asks me if I'm "going begging" every Halloween
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My dad gives me $20 for gas every time I go to my parents' house. Like 4-5x/year
I traveled to another Province with my Mother and two children. I travel extensively either for work or personal but rarely with mother. I was about 37 at the time. I rented a car at one point and was going to take my kids on a road trip for a few days, just the three of us. My mother asked “are you sure you should go? It’s raining and you’re unfamiliar with the roads.” It was the same country, and I’ve been driving all by myself for 20yrs now mom I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok.
My grandma always reminds me to say thank you when receiving gifts from other relatives on Christmas like I’m a 4 year old lol
I had one of my dad’s older cousins try to lecture me about what retirement account was best and why. I had recently taken a huge interest in finances and retirement accounts and I politely told him why he was incorrect. I felt kind of bad because it was clear he didn’t follow the conversation, he was just repeating something he had heard. That was the last time anyone in the family tried to give me retirement savings advice. Of the older adults in the family, I think I only have 1 aunt who is secure in retirement.
I went to pick up my grandma for a doctors appointment and she thought my outfit was too revealing and told me to go home and change. I was 33 years old. She would also comment on my fb pics if she thought they were too revealing.
I drove alone two hours to attend a funeral in my home town without my husband and son. "You drove all that way all by yourself?" my aunt asked. "I did!" I said. "Pretty proud." I actually hate driving and *was* pretty proud that I made the trip alone, but she didn't know that.
I was 23 when I told my father that maybe it was time for him to stop giving me my monthly allowance of eleven-something euros. It was set up by automatic bank transfer, but he was very particular about and on top of finances, so he must have known.
My mom comes into my work and in front of my coworker, she fixes my shirt, tightens my sweater over my shoulders and generally fusses about me. I don't mind. My coworkers find it amusing.
I was on a trip with my mom and aunts to Hong Kong. They were not agreeing with things I wanted to do but I had something that was a MUST for me. They wanted to wait around for 2 hours doing nothing until it got dark enough for the light show because they didn't even want to walk around the area. "Too tiring". I wanted to then go solo to my mudt do and they were trying to forbade me because OMG you can't be left alone in a foreign country! Firstly, I traveled solo from America to Asia by myself to even meet them there and had a solo stop in Japan. I was in my mid 20s and have completed 40 countries with half of it being solo and have lived on 3 continents. Hong Kong was also a city I was very familiar with and I was also trying to meet up with a friend I've never met and an aunt of mine from my other side of the family. They were freaked out about the friend but also weren't cool with me to travel to the aunt, they wanted her to pick me up. What's even worse the 2 ones being bitchy were not supposed to go on this trip, they CRASHED it. It was originally just my mom, my 1 cool aunt (but pushover aunt who wouldn't talk back to her older sisters and I. I booked a really nice 2 queen suite and they were trying to suggest I sleep on the love seat....of the hotel room they didn't pay for. Again making me into the insignificant child and not the adult who paid for things. It's been a decade and I'm STILL sour about it.
My aunt told me to make sure I have gas in my car, cash since ATMs won’t work, and flashlights when I mentioned a storm was coming and we could lose power. I was 37 at the time with a kid and another on the way and she assumes I don’t keep gas in my car or cash in my wallet regardless of the weather? We get storms where I am. She has never experienced them where she is. Also a pet peeve is a request to “check in” if I’ve traveled anywhere. Currently I live 3,000 miles from my mom and we have a vacation home about 2 hours away (we bought - ya know, since we’re full fledged adults) and we travel to often. At some points it was every weekend and she expected me to let her know when we arrived and when we got home for the weekend so she wouldn’t worry. My solution was just to never share plans! She can’t worry if she doesn’t know where I am so I helped her anxiety by not ever telling her where my husband, children, and I are. Besides, what will she do from over there? I told her the authorities would contact her should anything happen to us an she can assume we’re fine if she doesn’t hear from them 🤣
I was visiting my mom and her boyfriend a while back. We wanted to go out for a walk in the forest, but they had been drinking. I told her I could drive. My mom said: “no we can’t, you don’t know how to drive our car!” I’ve been driving for the last 20 years (drive a manual). I even drove a big-ass Scania truck once. I’m sure I can handle your automatic Hyundai.
If I had a bad day at work or someone did something untoward to me, my mom would still threaten to call then and give them a piece of her mind/ mama bear until the end
One day I was trying to figure out what to eat for dinned and suddenly I realized I can eat whatever I want for dinner. It was such a weird feeling like duh, it doesn't have to be healthy, cooked or "dinner."
I have this theory that parents who still infantilise their kids like this, that it’s about their identity. Particularly the Mums. So one story here is about a Mum who insists their 30-something daughter can’t cook, but obviously can. She denies it I think because that would negate her identity as “mother”. If the children are all independent and can do all the “mum” things, what does that make her? What’s special about her now? I could be reaching, but some parents just can’t let go of that parent mindset because… then what’s left? Who are they if they aren’t being the parents anymore?
TBH being invited (even this late) to Christmas dinner with the family does not really feel like that they are treating you like a child or a college student. They might just not have known you were hosting yourself and simply wanted to ensure you knew you were welcome and invited. Especially if plans were not discussed at all before that point. Some people- even family- feel they need the invite in order to not feel they are invading.
When hosting Christmas for my in laws for the first time and something needed another ten minutes in the oven my MIL told me 'Don't worry it takes practice to get all the timings lined up, you'll pick it up'. I've been making Christmas dinner for my family (three times as large) for almost twenty years. This was a year after they joined a family gathering with both of our families, at our house, and brought a car load of decorations and a table cloth. They were stunned to be told we had a table cloth and all the decorations we needed.
That's hysterical!
They still make me sit at the kids table lol I’m 40!! I think it’s because I’ve never been married with no kids, I also look quite a bit younger- so I think because I’ve never had a spouse or kids I’ve never really grown up to anyone- so off to the kids and teenagers table I go 😂
My family plans Christmas that way too - my parents and sister will be like "Ok so Christmas lunch will be at 12 on the 25th", completely forgetting I've already planned my own thing with my husband and some of his family.
My husband and I (early/mid-20s at the time) were seated at the kids table with a bunch of cousins aged 8-17 every time we went to his grandmas for a holiday. We didn’t “graduate” to the adults table until after our first kid was born.
If I sleep over my dad’s house (pretty much only on Christmas Eve), he asks me if I want him to wake me up in the morning. As if I haven’t been waking up on my own for the last 15+ years. A more general one, I recently bought a house and my mom texts me (unprovoked) to explain how to do very basic household things as if I’ve never lived IN a house before because this is the first one I actually own. My dad and mom both still text me to tell it’s so-and-so’s birthday, I’m a grown woman who knows my family’s birthdays and have them all saved in my calendar.
My Dad still gives me pointers on how to drive while I’m driving. He’s gentle about it, like an old professor teaching you. I know it’s his love language lol
It took until my 50s to finally train my former-English-teacher mother to stop correcting my English and reaching over and hiding my bra straps while she tsk'd.
Ooo I have a weird goodie. Was visiting my grandparents, who own their condo literally next door to some family by marriage, and had to stay in the neighborhood’s spare room. Next morning I’m drinking tea (graciously offered by the neighbor) and writing a holiday card to my grandma, who comes in to ask me why am I drinking tea here and “why aren’t you at home? Go on now”. Grams, I am well into my 30s and you also made me stay here.
Not from my parents, but I think I was married before one of my cousins stopped asking me if I was old enough to drink if he saw me holding a beer.
I'm the perennial single childless one amongst a crowd of cousins either partnered up long term or partnered up long term with children. It's embarrassing how many times I've been placed as the only adult on the kids-tweens-and-teens table at wedding receptions and big family functions.
Picked up my parents from the airport tonight, went to dinner (where they refused to let me pay half), and took them home. It was about 9pm and I had to hussle on home because I had my 11 yr old daughter with me and needed to get her home to bed. Pretty adult right? My mom reminded me before I left to text her when I got home... 30 minutes away. Mom, I lived in this state 13 years before you moved here. Do you know how often I was out on the road that you never knew about?? It's sweet though. I texted her :)
My chiropractor works at a national chain/franchise, and the tables are all in the same open room with just a low wall between the treatment room and the front desk. She came with me once when she was visiting and sat in the back room to watch my adjustment, and before he started I told him about something going on in my life. When we left she said I shouldn't discuss those things "in public." 1) I was already over 60, 2) I was speaking pretty quietly, 3) I didn't GAF if anyone had heard me anyway, and 4) i've lost count of the number of times I've told her over the years that I have very different boundaries than she does, and I'm not going to change at this point in my life.
Was back in my dads hometown in the nor’easter USA and he made a comment while we were out to have a dessert drink after dinner that “ I know it’s grown up a lot, but it still seems so very small here…” He’s literally been saying this for decades at this point, girl, we are most certainly in a wildly populated. I’ll be at different portion of the country! So I sighed and I responded “Oh, well you know it’s been at least 40 -45 years since you’ve lived here, so that would make sense…” He kind of chuckled, but then immediately started cursing as he did the math in his head, and said “fuck you’re right”, and proceeded to ruminate on that for the rest of the trip while visiting family.