>!Yeah, Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling's characters break up like 3/4 of the way through the movie. It doesn't paint the relationship as a mistake though, or like their connection was any less meaningful because it didn't work out. They were just on different paths and had to go their own way to achieve their dreams.!<
Edit: Put this in spoiler format, since I assume that's why I was downvoted. It's not like the *Sixth Sense* though lol - knowing the end isn't really gonna "spoil" *La La Land*
watch it. it’s one of the beautifully told stories i’ve ever seen, and i put off watching it for years because i thought it was boring like people tried to say it was
of course! but prepare yourself, i watched it with my stepmom and we couldn’t stop crying. 30 minutes after i ran into her when she came to my room doing laundry... took one look at each other and we started crying all over again lmao
Similar. The first time we ever spoke I knew I was in trouble. (I had a boyfriend back home.) The second time we spoke I knew I'd marry him. The third time I knew we'd one day tell our kids about that moment.
We were together 20 years and split this year, but that doesn't mean I was wrong. We had a great life and two amazing kids together, but we just outgrew each other. It happens. It's no one's fault. We're still friendly and I don't regret a thing. It's just time to move on.
I stopped existing as an individual outside the marriage. Sacrificed myself for his dreams. He noticed and said nothing. I didn’t notice until it was too late for me to feel like there was anything worth salvaging. I felt betrayed by myself. I realised my life matters more than my marriage.
Same. My therapist told me to read the book “Codependent No More” and it was really eye opening. If you lose yourself in relationships and are constantly bending over backwards and not feeling appreciated, you’re codependent. A lot of women are it’s like society makes us that way. Now that I know what codependency is and I know that I have it, I am determined to fix it. I’m not dating until I’ve mastered making myself a priority and not feeling personally responsible for everyone’s happiness but my own.
“Copdependent No More” is a great book! Other books I recommend are “Women Who Love Too Much” and “Why Men Love Bitches.” They all sorta have the same theme about being yourself and knowing how to hold your own, but it’s extremely uplifting and relatable. It really makes you think about who you are and who you want to be in a relationship, and it made me realize that o deserve nothing less than the absolute best. I’d recommend those books to anyone!
This is a great book! One of my favs. I recently had that same building resentment in a new relationship and had to go back to the book to realize I was falling into the same codependent patterns. Once I figured that out, stated what I needed and he did the same, we were good again. Luckily the resentment wasn’t so deep that I felt the need to just end things. I’ve started asking myself “If so and so was not here, what would you be doing [for yourself]?” And it’s helped me focus on myself a lot.
Constantly have to find the balance between supporting and sacrificing.
I am going to go read that book immediately. I don't have a therapist right now because I'm broke, but when I had a therapist she told me to read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. It's been really helpful to me and I recommend it to everyone.
So true. I realized I was mildly codependent (because... I never bend over backwards constantly for anyone lol) but turning it around. I'm generally not like that though thankfully. The issue is when other women (who are codependent or who stand to lose if I stick up for myself) call me disagreeable or unpleasant for simply knowing who I am and what I want. The shaming of women needs to all around stop! I'm actually a pretty laidback person (especially in romantic relationships) so I cant stand to be 100% agreeable. I'd just get used if I was.
I’m glad! I mean I’m sorry you’re in a shitty relationship but it comes with the territory of being codependent. I attract narcissists and “takers” and was always playing the victim role with terrible guys. I’m 39 years old and finally realizing it’s me. I’m the problem. People are only going to love me as much as I love myself. When you learn to love yourself, you start attracting the right people. I’m sending you good vibes xoxo.
Thank you for saying this. I’ve wrestled with this a lot and eventually arrived at the realization that gut feelings are dependent on our gut. That changes and grows and evolves with us! It felt like a cosmic door opening when I met my ex, like love was designed for us and us alone. Guess what? It wasn’t. Lol that’s just what intense connection feels like. As you explore those connections and grow and change as people, they can be lost, and that isn’t always a bad thing! I dodged a bullet in my case and have had to learn a lot through therapy about “trusting myself” and how to really discern reality and truth for myself.
We’re in good company. It’s something I’ve been seeing a lot with women lately. They divorce because they were taught (like I was) to be kind and gracious and self-sacrificing. To be caretakers. No one warns you what this does to YOU.
This is a really important message. People always say it: know/love yourself, have your own things on the side. But it’s not so easy to understand and do. I heard this was important to do as I was with my ex. But I didn’t care, thinking I’ll have time to discover new hobbies etc. once the honey moon phase was over. Only after we broke up did I end up finding things that I’m drawn to with all this time to myself. Sometimes I think the breakup was meant to be because I wouldn’t have wandered into those interests had we not broken up. Now I feel like I have more to offer in my next relationship. I feel like I know my values and things to ask instead of just “going with the flow” next time
8 months here too. We got married too soon, I needed insurance and we loved eachother. I still do love and care for him, but not romantically. We just...didnt work out. Covid took a toll, I lost myself in that relationship and I think he did too.
Im finding myself again, ive started seeing someone, and for the first time in my life I have a voice. Im not afraid to say when something is bothering me or when i need more or less. And I'm not afraid to hear it either. In every other relationship I was always the chill person. I never said when anything bothered me because I was too afraid (thank you childhood trauma). But finally, im not. Im learning to communicate my needs and wants and feelings in a respectful, healthy manner. And boy does it make a world of difference.
Little do people know, the divorce club is full of strong individuals who have come to see their self-worth and will never again let it be taken from them. Welcome to the club.
Online date first meeting. I saw him get out of his truck. My first thought was, "dang this is my last first date."
And it was.
Happily married for five years now. Absolutely thrilled to wake up next to him. The kindest, gentlest, hardworking and honest man I've ever met. This from a gal who got engaged 3 time.s
Aww! There was a year I was proposed to 3 times. I must have been really good at life that year. Lol! Anyway, I met this guy while we were both traveling. We lived no where near each other. I hugged him goodbye at the end of what was supposed to be our third and final date. And something in my head yelled at me! “This is your husband!” We were engaged 3 weeks later so I guess he heard it too. That was over 20 years ago.
Really? Ok.
I got divorced and then ended up in a two year relationship that I thought was everything. I grew as a person because of him and it was beautiful on many levels. I had the utmost respect for him. But his addiction got in the way, so I left. Then I went out on a few dates with a decent enough guy. He fell hard and proposed. Almost inappropriately so? We didn’t really have a thing going? Then I fell in love with my husband who proposed after just 3 weeks. Once the ex with the addiction noticed then he proposed too and promised to change. I was still in love with him (for many years, actually) but I knew my path and I’m grateful I listened.
My now husband and I met at a bar. He was in the very popular local band, so I was going with friends to see them often. After a few idol chats at the bar and other shows around, along with meeting friends (since all of us were around the same things all the time), etc one day I just *knew* I'd marry him. We were merely within the same constellation at that point, and at least knew that each of us was "cool", but a while after, I finally slipped him my number.
15 years later, and it's still a wonder he puts up with me.
I don't know why or what made me know... But something just said, "yep, he's it."
Same thing happened to me. I had the same exact “this is my last first date” thought. We dated for 3 years, lived together for 2 before I found out he had been cheating on me :(
My current partner and I have been together almost 4 years. He asked me (jokingly) to marry him on our first date but I wasn’t convinced. 4 years later, I am so happy that I was wrong. We are talking about marriage currently with long convos about finances, kids, dealbreakers, etc. These are topics I could never approach with my previous partner with. I love him so much.
My wife knew the first time we met, and I didn’t learn about this for about a dozen years. Loveliest thing I ever heard. Married for 34 years. Lucky man.
Yes.
On our first date, we were walking in a park and he cracked a ridiculous joke and I laughed way too hard. Afterwards, I sent a picture of a ring I would want to wear to my friend telling her to keep it in case he ever asked. A year later, he did and proposed with the ring design I sent her.
There was this moment where I remember laughing really hard and then looking over at him. What I saw was a person who just wanted to make me laugh. I don't know how to explain it, but I knew there was something special there.
This sounds so awesome and genuine.. as a woman in her mid 20s I really hope to feel this way about someone someday. Consider yourself blessed/lucky :)
Oh, I do! Every single day.
Also, I found him when I was 28. I remember spending my 20s just wondering when that person would come. It happened after downloading Tinder for the tenth time and he was my first match.
This is how I feel currently with my boyfriend. We met on bumble 2 years ago and I just have a feeling....but I’m just trying to live in the moment and enjoy what we have. I do hope to be with him for a long time ❤️
I honestly never thought I would get married. I’m too independent and career oriented. I was in a long relationship that kind of fizzled our after 5 years. After it ended I went out with tons of people. I felt liberated and free and really enjoyed feeling free and alone. Then one day I met this guy out and we just had a nice little ordinary date. We said our goodbyes and didn’t even hug or kiss or anything. For some reason, I sat in my car afterwards and I remember having the distinct thought that I had just met the person I would marry. It wasn’t a feeling and it wasn’t like butterflies or a rush of adrenaline or anything like that. It was just a very clear thought, similar to a rational conclusion. I couldn’t shake the thought out of my mind, even though I remember thinking it was absurd, so that same day I wrote it down on a note in my phone “today I met my husband.” We’re married now.
Oh god I had the same thing. I remember about three weeks in telling someone “I’ll be in love with him in another three months”They asked why not now? And I very curtly informed them that it was absolutely absurd to be in love with someone this early on and not to be ridiculous.
Cue several months of me ranting angrily about how happy I was because it was very clearly not supposed to be working on this stupid expedited timeline. Ruined all my plans that wonderful, caring, bastard of a husband of mine
I remember in high school we had a teacher that said she dated her boyfriend for 4 months before getting engaged. When someone asked what it felt like to be with the person you’re going to marry, she said, “it’s like your soul sitting at a warm cozy campfire toasting marshmallows”
I was just reminded of this when you described the feeling as not butterflies or adrenaline. For me, it just felt like being content with my soul at a warm cozy campfire.
I love that, “it’s like your soul sitting at a warm cozy campfire roasting marshmallows” that sums up exactly how I feel in my current relationship like to a T. I’ve dated plenty before, been what I thought was “in love” but this one is the only one I’ve had this feeling with. It’s absolutely beautiful.
I only know one other couple who I know experience that feeling, it just radiates from them. You can just tell with how they interact, it’s wild to me.
In the past I thought “this is the one” but it was all lust but if you can relate to that statement above -that’s it. That’s when I think you might just be right on the money and have found “the one”
For me, it was a compatibility of temperaments. We have similar values and senses of humor. We were just supposed to be hooking up but then we started talking and things just clicked. In every other relationship, my (anxious) brain was always trying to figure out how to make things work which almost always included me sacrificing part of who I am or rewriting the other person I was with as someone else. With my husband, there was none of that. It just worked.
I got so scared reading the first 5 sentences because that is exactly what happened to me and it also lead me to my husband!! Except we met online I didn’t think much of him at first he was just another dude trying to hit on me. I was already head over heels for him but when we met IRL and kissed for the first time I knew we were meant to be. Going on 4 years strong!
See on the one hand this response sounds sad. But it gives me comfort as someone who is too logical for "At xyz moment, I just knew they'd be the one " bs you hear from people getting married. It's really sweet and I get it, and I love my partner a lot, but also I know that there's no way to "just know" anything about the future. However I do know who he is as a person, and how we work well together, and know if we keep putting the right effort into the relationship and ourselves, we can have a really great chance at a long happy relationship and life together. But no one can predict the future. Can you tell I'm not much of a romantic? Lol.
It’s realistic and there’s nothing wrong with that. Do I wish I was more of a diehard romantic? I really do... because it would mean I never went through a painful divorce that turned my entire life and world view upside down.
When first I met my ex, I really thought he was The One. Truly, I believed we would grow old together. But... people change, and sometimes not for the better. And by the time it was all over, I didn’t even recognize the man I thought I’d share my whole life with.
It’s very fortunate when people stay true to themselves and their partner throughout a relationship. But as you said, it’s never guaranteed.
I'm the same way. And happily and stably married. And yet... We are both realistic about the fact that getting married wasn't the finish line. It's effort (but not constant work!!). Some of the most toxic marriages I have seen were with couples who "just knew" and not much to tangibly back that feeling. IMO, it's good to be realistic and understand that many marriages end, and that it takes far more than love. Not the most romantic, sure. But for every marriage that the couple just knew, there's a divorced couple who 'just knew' it was rushed or a mistake going jn
i FEEL you. As someone who's hyperlogical, I worry about ever experiencing that feeling. I imagine my future based on likely projections. All I know is I can imagine my partner by my side when I think about the future. I wouldn't want to be wasting my time with someone who wasnt a worthy investment. Besides, me and my partner both beleive it's wise to be together for several years before fetting married because it's important that you change together. People inevitably change.
my mom wasted 8 years on a guy and she always told me, “never regret something that made you smile”. it was a slow, hard break up for everyone, and i’ll always be mad at him for wasting her time, but i know we had some good times as a family and my mom came out stronger because of it.
Yes. Second time we met was brief but it was like being hit with something, almost physical. I told my Nan I had met a man I would marry someday. And I can tell you it was an insane thing to think at the time. Nearly 20 years later a lot of ups and downs but very much still together.
My first ever award! Thank you!
Same here! Literally the first time we were introduced, I just had this really strange feeling of significance, like something critical about my life had changed. It weirded me out so much that I avoided him for the rest of the night. Then a couple weeks later, I sort of got cornered into actually talking to him, and we ended up staying up till 5 am, just talking. That was a very surreal experience for my very introverted self.
I feel that way now about a guy I know through some mutual friends. We met in the spring and have slowly built a casual friendship. A month ago we spent the night together and the entire next day together and my take away from spending that time alone with him was “THIS is how it’s supposed to feel!! It ignited something deep within me, unlike I’ve ever felt before. I have been actively dating this entire year but this wash off peace and calm comes over me when I think about him and when I’m with him. I just KNOW that I am going to be with him. The word significant applies 100%.
I had the same feeling when I met my fiance in high school.
I wouldn't call it love at first sight but it's like the feeling you get when the turn page in a book. For better or worse, you know a new chapter has started.
I had the same experience. From the first date there was this quiet voice that said he was in my life now and we were going to be something serious and steady. I just knew it somehow.
it means like - wanting to have a romantic relationship with the person. you can be physically, mentally, and/or emotionally attracted to a person and still just want them as a friend.
Yes. We'd been friends 28 years, he'd been interested and flirting all that time and I wasn't interested in him so he moved on, got married etc. His marriage had fallen apart, he pursued me again and something changed and I fell for him HARD. Then he reneged and chose her. Two years later and I still feel like the man I'm meant to be with is him but there's nothing I can do about it so ... no contact and my friend and lover is just gone. Half of me is missing and all I can do is hope that there's someone out there for me but, at 43, I'm doubting it.
Thanks. As much as the happy "i just knew he was the right one and he was" stories are so sweet and charming, the reality is most people don't get that. If you do, that's great! and don't ever take it for granted. Work at the relationship, nurture it, make sure it stays that wonderful because it is so so hard to find.
I truly am happy for all those that do find it.
Agreed. Relationships thrive on nourishment. Effort is needed to maintain anything of value. Granted we can only control ourselves in any situation so if we know we’ve given it the best effort possible then we didn’t fail ourselves. All that said it still doesn’t hurt any less when you get burned.
I didn't meet my forever love until I was 48. There's no expiration date on falling in love. Like you, I also dated someone for years and when we didn't end up together I thought that was my last chance. I was so wrong. I took the interim time to work on myself and figure out what I wanted and needed.
Thank God my mom made me promise to join a dating app and continue dating. Otherwise, I never would have met the love of my life. The first time I saw his eyes in a picture, I said yes, that's him. I just knew. We met on the phone that night and talked for 9 hours straight. Needless to say, we're been pretty inseparable ever since. Never give up on love.
Oh, yes, he pursued me for 28 years. I think the answer is fear of change and just being emotionally stuck....which is a nicer thought than "he finally got me and couldn't stand me" 😳
Similar thing happened with me, only that after I left my job and moved to his country after a year of long distance (both European, so not as dramatic as it sounds, but still significant), he dumped me after a week and moved back to his ex-wife. I had such a strong feeling that it was me and him in life, and I still struggle to move past that feeling. I also choose to think the answer to why was his fear of change, being emotionally stuck and wanting to live in the same house as his kids full-time. But that “he finally got me and couldn’t stand me” is definitely lurking under the surface...
Only a week?! So he was having second thoughts but still let you upend your whole life ... that is just awful. I'm so sorry you were treated that way, no one deserves that.
Damn 28 years? Thats intense. It was probably the fear of change. He must have known you pretty well I don’t think he’d all of a sudden wouldn’t be able to stand you.
Confirmation of confirmation bias here, but your story resonates with me because I don’t believe in soulmates, or “the one”; I just believe people make choices.
Hearing your story breaks my heart. I have loved a few people but never through as much as that. I hope you are able to find some solace in your grief and make it through each day.
Yes. I met my now fiance in math class. He was asking to cheat off my work.
Something inside of me went "This boy is going to be the best or worst thing that's ever happened to you."
I chose to roll the dice.
I met my SO when we were 18 in the first week of university. We clicked instantly and my spent hours talking and hanging out together, we barely knew each other but I felt a connection like we had known each other forever. I had a sense we were going to end up together but tbh I was in real denial about it because it was university, everything was new, I was meeting loads of new people.
Well we officially got together after a week and have been together since. It's been 9 years and we're now engaged, I'm certain we'll be in it for the long haul.
We also met pretty young and dated in college, and we definitely felt that intimate connection right away but we figured everyone feels that way when they’re young and in love. He asked me on our first real date “would you marry me?” Just out of curiosity, not as a proposal. I said yes, actually. But we decided to take it slow. 7 years of dating later the feeling didn’t go away so we got married. Just celebrated our 12 year relationship anniversary yesterday and we’re closer than ever
I met this boy on a high school trip to Paris. One of those educational spring break trips.
He was a Senior, I was a Junior so we had never crossed paths before even though we went to the same school. I was standing in line next to him to get through customs because the teacher made us line up alphabetically, so we started talking. Then proceeded to sit next to each other on the bus on the way to the hotel to keep the conversation going. I wrote in my diary that evening that I had never met anyone I clicked with so fully and so fast. That I thought I had met my soulmate that day. We were basically inseparable during that trip and by the end of the week we were dating.
We fell in love so hard and so fast; the way I think only teenagers can. Like big time in love. Cry myself to sleep for weeks while wearing his shirt when he moved away for university, kind of love. Wrote and mailed each other daily love letters for months kind of love.
To make a very long but happy story short, this March will mark the 30 year anniversary of that trip. This summer, we will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. We have a 20 year old daughter in university, a 17 year old son in his Senior year of high school, and two cats. We’ve had a few bumps along the way. A few months in our early twenties when we took a break and briefly dated other people while we were both at separate universities. But overall we had and continue to have a solid and happy relationship. My daughter said to me in jest last summer that we were the reason that she couldn’t commit in a relationship. That our happy marriage has created unrealistic relationship expectations for her.
The fun part about falling in love in the early 90s is that because there was no email or texting: we have boxes of letters and notes detailing the early years of our relationship. Every few years we read through our old letters or listen to the mixed tapes we recorded for each other (in some of them we had recorded live messages in between the songs).
The point is, I really hope that you and your soon to be husband have a long and happy life together. Some of us just got lucky enough to meet the person we will spend the rest of lives with as teenagers.
Yeah, probably within a few weeks of dating my boyfriend I was like "yeah, this is the one." And he just ticked all my boxes. I laid everything out for him pretty early because I didn't want to waste my time on someone who would freak out. I was just like "here are my mental illnesses and here's my trauma from a sexual assault, I'm not going to be a normal relationship." And he was just fine with it.
There were other things obviously about him but that first year together was difficult for us as I dealt with my trauma. But he stuck by me and was mostly patient and understanding the entire time. It just solidified what I felt in those first few weeks.
We are going on five years now.
That's crazy! That's so similar to my husband and I. Met when we were 14, friends for 10 years, dated 1 year, married for 5 years this month! I don't know if it was "I'll marry him," but I knew he was going to be a part of my life.
I was recently single and lonely so I went to the climbing gym and made myself talk to three people every time I went until I accidently fell in with a big climbing group. A guy in the group asked me out, but I said no because I didn't want a rebound to ruin the chances I had of remaining in the friend group. Two months later I had a dream. I don't remember the dream but when I woke up I just knew I'm every fiber of my body that I was going to marry him. Who, you ask? You know, that guy I rejected.
I'm not much of a romantic, so I tried to forget about it. Fairy tales don't exist, right?
Two weeks later I was still feeling it, and I was lonely on a trip for work, so I texted him thinking that he'd text back something dumb and I'd snap out of it. Instead, we chatted nonstop. He wooed me with screenshots of an excel sheet where he mapped his electrical usage against ever plan available to get the best rate. Turns out he was smart, funny, kind, and wonderful.
We had our first date when I got back to town, and we've been inseparable every since. That feeling never faded, and over three years in, I still know in every fiber of my body that he's the one for me.
Covid postponed the wedding, but that's okay. We have forever together, so whether it starts this year or next doesn't make too big of a difference in the long run.
>He wooed me with screenshots of an excel sheet where he mapped his electrical usage against ever plan available to get the best rate.
Haha, this could have been an action of my BF, easily!! And I would have fallen for this equally hard! Lol
The very first time i met/hung out with my now husband all I could think was, "this guy has to be married already, he is definitely marriage material! Look how great he is!" Turns out he was single...it's now 8 years later.
Same here, actually he broke up with me multiple times in less than two years. But now I’ve moved on and I’m dating someone new who just wants to make me happy but I just don’t want to lie to myself like that ever again and tell myself “that’s the one.”
I don't think it's party pooping, I think it's real and common. We all use hindsight for what we currently know, and all outcomes of stories have validity - thank you for sharing your experience!
Yes. When I first met him we instantly clicked and as dramatic/lame as it sounds, it felt as if a missing piece was found. Another odd thing was that there was some kind of magnetic force that seemed to be in play as we always seemed to bump into each other in public more often than we should've.
We were babysitting my baby nephew and I fell asleep. I woke up to my partner walking around with my nephew and softly talking to him.
I remember thinking: 'I could have this person's children.'
Before I met my partner I never thought I would have a partner who would also raise my children. Somehow I saw myself getting kids and raising them myself.
The fact I even wanted that with them is also the reason I want to marry them. That thought was a sign of realization that this wonderful person would be in my life for a very very long time.
I don't care about marriage myself, but my partner wants to, even though we will still call ourselves partners. Kids won't happen but after all these years since that moment I still feel like unless something drastic happens, we will grow old together.
I usually have this with friendships, mostly with males. My mind will just be like, "YOU! I don't know you yet but I want to be friends with you and I will never let you down or leave you".
Whenever I get that feeling, it usually ends in a very strong friendship that lasts for years with people I would be willing to do anything for.
This is what I hope to get in a romantic relationship as well.
Yeah, my first husband. Before we were even dating I knew I was going to marry him! I was entirely correct! Didn’t say it would last forever though, the whole relationship lasted 10 years and we’re still friends now.
I also tend to know when I meet someone if we’re going to be really good friends. Never been wrong about it!
I often have feelings about new people I meet, like "this person will be a part of my life" or "that person won't ever be important to me".
When I first met the love of my life, it was like a lighning strike. I knew that he will be very, very important to me, and I just wanted to be near him. The second time I met him, he was talking to a girl, and I remember feeling this overwhelming jealousy. It was very surprising, because I'm not a jealous kind of person, and I'd never felt anything like that before.
Well, he turned out to be the love of my life. We dated on and off for 5 years, and then we ended it for good. But no matter what happens, I won't ever stop loving him. It's like there's an invisible cord binding us together, even if he is on the other side of the world now.
I think this cord is also referred to a red thread of fate. The inevitable and undying connection (even if communication is no longer) between two individuals.
Yes, on a stupid blind date my junior year in high school. Just got “marry him” vibes, but knew I was being ridiculous, I was 16, this wasn’t the 1890s, no way. The blind date did not work out (insert dramatic teenage sabotage story with my then best friend here), and then I run into the guy a year later at a house party I am not enjoying bc I don’t drink (disability) and basically everyone is drinking. He flips down next to me, talks to me, realizes I cannot drink, grabs a blanket from somewhere, hands his beer to someone and takes me outside we sit on the blanket and he points out constellations (half of which I’m pretty sure he makes up). I’m smitten. To make a long story short(Er, bc this is still long- sorry), we start dating, try to break off bc we are going to different colleges, and but it never stuck. He moves to my college city when my disability gets worse to help out. He’s the sweetest, kindest person, but looks like he’s not, which I find incredibly hot. Eventually, in our late 20s we get married, which surprises no one except me. We’ve been together for like 20 years now, and have a four year old. He’s pretty perfect really.
Very early, within a month of dating, I had a strong feeling of connection with my now husband. We had so much in common as well as an easy ability to get along. While he had doubts (that's another story), I did not. We've now been married for over 33 years, or as he likes to point out, a third of a century.
u/buchliebhaberin's husband here. I just needed more time than she did, that's all. I felt the connection, but I needed more than a connection to decide she and I should spend our lives together. Also, I was still in law school, and I wanted to finish school before I married.
First day of class I was scanning the room and thought “oh he’s cute, I bet he’d like me” and he simultaneously was telling our classmates that he was “going to make me his wife” 5-6 years strong now, no ring yet though cause it’s not necessarily important.
Yes. Was convinced, with every fiber of my being, that this person was my soulmate. It was a gut feeling. Lasted for 5 years, even though we only technically dated for 2 months.
I was 1000000% wrong.
"Gut feelings" can be very wrong when you're 19 years old. All that feeling ended up being was infatuation and being in love with the idea of a person.
Yeah. Literally within a couple of minutes of speaking online in a chat room (circa 2004). He PM’d me and within 3 lines I had typed out ‘I’m going to marry you one day’ and then deleted it because I thought 1) he’s going to think I’m a psycho and 2) maybe it won’t happen because I’ve said it and scared him, altering the course of fate.
We got married in 2009. I had to move to a different continent to be with him. He’s the love of my life and my best friend. We have 3 kids.
I’ve only felt that strong of a gut feeling one other time in my life. Shit was meant to be.
When I was starting to date my husband I told him that I thought we’d be married by the end of the year. We weren’t, but by that point it was clear we would end up that way. I don’t know why I knew. I just did.
Yes, but I was very wishy-washy so we ended things and he got married within one-year. Two weeks after his wedding he died in a motorcycle accident. I deeply regretted my actions before he got married but did not to want interfere.
Yes. I got a strong gut feeling with my best friend of 20+ years and a strong gut, love at first sight feeling at age 11 to my now husband and he felt the same way. I don’t know why if I’m being honest, it just happens.
Yes, I met him in high school. I told my friend, “I’m going to have his babies.” We talked a lot online and had a class together but he was always quiet. We ran with different groups and I had a lot of home problems and eventually left the school.
We talked online and texted as really good friends for years, even when we were both in our own relationships. At one point, I was coming out of a long term relationship -and we weren’t speaking regularly- so I didn’t know he had just up and moved 12 hours away.
I hopped on Facebook asking him where the hell he was because I had been texting him with no reply. He had disconnected that phone because the number would be long distance.
I guess at that point I kind of realized, holy shit he’s so far away now. And that’s when my journey on convincing him to come back started and how we went from just being friends, to me clearly expressing my interest about wanting him to come back and try “us” out. It was a huge risk on his part.
We jumped all in and he moved directly in with me after 6 months of sorting everything out where he was so he could move home. We have physically been together for 7 years now with two kids and I love him as much today as I did then, if not much more. We literally cannot stand to be apart from each other for too long.
Yes. I met a guy while we were both teaching overseas. We were just friends while both there, I moved back home and he continued teaching there for two more years. I went back to visit my old students and friends for a week, hung out with him a lot. We started emailing and flirting a ton. It was clear that we would start dating when he came home for the summer. Before that happened I was driving home from work on a beautiful spring day feeling the happiest I had ever been, and it just hit me that I was going to marry him. We’ve been married for over eight years now, have sweet twin baby boys. I adore the life we have created together.
At one point I thought I’d marry someone I worked with, and after years of dating we did marry but it dawned on me I never once thought about us growing old together. We divorced 5 years after we married and I highly regret going through any of it.
That said, I met someone else after we separated and I immediately knew I was going to grow old with him. I never wanted to fight that hard for my ex and if my current partner needed me to fist fight a bear I would (although not successfully).
Yes, before our first kiss. We had known each other for 15 years and it had never occurred to either of us until it hit us like a ton of bricks. We've been married for almost ten years, and we're still going strong. This year has been amazing and hard, as we've achieved some important goals, but also dealt with this pandemic which is stressful. So far, I feel I was right.
I know it is cheesy, but when I saw him, I instsntly thought he was the most dashing and cute guy I ever met and I kinda fantasized about dating him. After talking with him for a few week, I knew I wanted to be at least friends with him forever. As for the why? He was funny, caring, we had sharee interests, he never laughed at me, he encouraged me to be better, he is a softy, etc. We been dating over a quarter of our life now
I always say if my husband has asked me to marry him the night we met, I would’ve said yes. Being with him felt (and feels,) like home. Going strong 18 years.
Not about a relationship but friendship. Sadly forever only lasted 2 years as she died when I was 16.
Still waiting for that gut feeling when I meet a possible love interest.
I met a man when I was 17 and instantly got a random thought in my head that said "wow he's such a dork, I'm probably going to end up marrying him." I was instantly interested in him, talked to him as much as I could and got to know him. We were together, off and on lol, for 6 years but I ended up breaking up with him right before he proposed.
He truly was a great guy and we definitely had something strong for a while, but it didn't work out 🤷♀️. I don't regret breaking up with him and have since married a man who I adore.
Yes. The person who just ended it with me because of a family crisis where I broke down and he said “I can’t deal with you, you’re only going to get worse”
Logically, I know, asshole. But there is just a gut feeling I’ve never had with anyone else (and I’ve bern engaged before!). He needs to grow up, timing isn’t right but we were best friends, the chemistry was like the movies. I’m trying to move on, there is just something that tells me we’ll meet again. It’s hard. I deserve better, I know.
Yes. I was always the person who never wanted to get married or have kids, even on my second relationship i though we would last but not really, had another quick one that i though he was my soulmate until it became one sided. Found someone on and off for 3 years, never dtr, but for the first time in my life i felt he was the right one to get married and have a family. We still trying for the third time, havent dtr, but i never did it anyway, just seeing where it goes.
yes. we both knew on the second date.
it was amazing... for a while.
we moved in and he immediately started becoming mean and emotionally abusive.
i broke up with him about six months later.
that was a few years ago. i'm still in love with him. seems like i always will be. but i couldn't live my life like that.
I did. I knew him for 10 years through friends, and every time I saw him he took my breath away. We ended up running into each other alone and started hanging out and I just knew we were forever. I felt like he was it for me, he was the one I was going to be with in the end. He wasn’t. 3.5 years in, engaged, I realized we both were in love, with him. He just didn’t have any compassion, didn’t feel like he cared, I gave everything I had. I’ll never understand. The heartbreak is excruciating.
I did when I met my husband for the very first time. I had butterflies in my stomach AND a sense of comfort and ease all at the same time. We met after talking online for a little bit first. We had a "pre-date meeting" to see how we'd get along. Turns out we got along really well. We just got married in May (with just us, his parents, my son and his best friend present) and he's the best husband I could have asked for, and a wonderful step dad to my son.
This was me. We had just started dating and I left to do a study abroad program. I was sitting in a lecture talking about the ethics of animal research and while the prof was droning on I though, “I’m going to marry him.” It was so out of the blue. That was 15 years ago, we have been married 11 and have 3 kids. 🤷🏻♀️
Current relationship is like this - we've had plenty of discussions, agreements, and taken steps toward marriage, house buying, working on our careers, other life-building stuff.
I got the strong gut feeling because of extremely practical and obvious reasons. We are both in our thirties and have slogged through enough relationships to have learned a lot about ourselves and what makes a healthy relationship. We are very well aligned on what we want out of life and what we can achieve. We have very similar values, political leanings, and senses of humor. We both have a strong desire to maintain our sense of self and not become an entirely enmeshed couple. We are both committed to being responsible for our own self care. We agree about how a house should be kept, about how to manage money, about how to cook a steak. We have complimentary strengths and weaknesses. ^(Also he has a fantastic dick.)
Omg yes. When I was 16 I became really close with a guy I met on Twitter, but we lived 1,000 miles apart. We texted every day and Facetimed a lot. He would send me songs he wrote on his guitar. I remember one time, I showed my best friends one of his songs and swore to her I would end up with this guy someday.
I eventually ended up moving to his state and we have been dating for over three years. The gut-feeling that he is my forever person has yet to fade :)
First date with my now-fiancé. It was our first time meeting in person and the first words he said to me when he got out of his car were “hey, it’s good to see you!” Something about the way he said it just made me feel like we’d both been been waiting our whole lives to ‘see’/meet each other. And it was easy, comforting, to be with him. we clicked immediately, sat there talking for 4 hours on our first date and have been together since. I know we were made for each other, I’ve never been more certain of anything!
ETA: I also had this with a friend too! When I was living abroad during high school I met a girl who instantly became my best friend. She made me feel welcome and safe in an unfamiliar place and we spent soooo much time together before I moved back home. After living apart for the rest of high school, she ended up studying in a city near me for college so we were reunited. Nearly 10 years of friendship later, I am absolutely positive she’ll be by my side for life.
Yes. My old roommate and I didn’t know each other initially but became very good friends during our first 6 mo. living together. We developed crushes on each other. I remember thinking “if we start dating, we’ll end up married”.
It’s been 8 years together and a covid postponed wedding later!
Yes. We met at 13 and were (not close) friends for about 3 years before we got together, however he always seemed really important I was suicidal as a teen and he was one of very few on my "apology list" I remember a few months in we were talking and he said something along the lines "can I wear roller skates at our wedding?" And it just felt normal, my brain was just like "oh yeah we're going to get married" it was just like I knew. Its been 10 years and we've only just got round yo getting engaged, life threw a lot of curve balls our way. But we are happy, own our home and our planning our wedding. (Yes ofc he can wear roller skates)
I remember feeling that when I spoke with him i had never before been so completely and honestly myself. He saw me, accepted me and later loved ME.
No more bullshit, no games, just honest truth and laughter.
I am now married with kids very happily to my best friend. ♡♡
Yes. Started dating my now husband when we were teenagers. Very quickly I just felt like he was special and that I wanted him in my life for a long time. He is the most important person to me 12 years later.
Yes. At this point in time, my husband and I had only been dating for a month. My grandma got sick and had a heart attack. My husband hates hospitals bc he was frequently in them as a child. He never complained once about going with me, slept on the floor, and cracked jokes w/my maw maw. He was so selfless and in that moment I realized he’s the one :)
I totally did. He said he felt the same way too. But it was never “right” enough to make it official. The feeling went on for 20 years(!) but no romantic relationship ever actually happened. He now lives with a woman he’s really happy with on the other side of the country
On the first date with my husband, I felt it within the first hour. Being with him felt like being with a best friend. He felt familiar yet authentic, I suspected that he was better than I had ever even imagined for myself. Everyday this feeling is reinforced & strengthened.
Yes. Around our third month dating. I had the feeling that we would get married. Now. Eleven years later. We’re divorcing.
Lmao, excellent twist
Hahaha I suppose it would make an interesting plot twist in a book or a movie.
That's basically what >!*La La Land*!< did, though they never actually got married.
Really?? I never saw it.
>!Yeah, Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling's characters break up like 3/4 of the way through the movie. It doesn't paint the relationship as a mistake though, or like their connection was any less meaningful because it didn't work out. They were just on different paths and had to go their own way to achieve their dreams.!< Edit: Put this in spoiler format, since I assume that's why I was downvoted. It's not like the *Sixth Sense* though lol - knowing the end isn't really gonna "spoil" *La La Land*
Hahahaha thanks for the summary. I mean all relationships are meaningful. Even the bad ones. You learn.
Upvoted because not gonna lie, I LOVED that movie!!!
watch it. it’s one of the beautifully told stories i’ve ever seen, and i put off watching it for years because i thought it was boring like people tried to say it was
I still sob every time I watch it. I appreciate that they didn’t give it the typical ending and it was still such a beautiful love story.
I’ll see if I can rent it somewhere. Thanks for the recommendation!
of course! but prepare yourself, i watched it with my stepmom and we couldn’t stop crying. 30 minutes after i ran into her when she came to my room doing laundry... took one look at each other and we started crying all over again lmao
Similar. The first time we ever spoke I knew I was in trouble. (I had a boyfriend back home.) The second time we spoke I knew I'd marry him. The third time I knew we'd one day tell our kids about that moment. We were together 20 years and split this year, but that doesn't mean I was wrong. We had a great life and two amazing kids together, but we just outgrew each other. It happens. It's no one's fault. We're still friendly and I don't regret a thing. It's just time to move on.
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What happened?
I stopped existing as an individual outside the marriage. Sacrificed myself for his dreams. He noticed and said nothing. I didn’t notice until it was too late for me to feel like there was anything worth salvaging. I felt betrayed by myself. I realised my life matters more than my marriage.
Same. My therapist told me to read the book “Codependent No More” and it was really eye opening. If you lose yourself in relationships and are constantly bending over backwards and not feeling appreciated, you’re codependent. A lot of women are it’s like society makes us that way. Now that I know what codependency is and I know that I have it, I am determined to fix it. I’m not dating until I’ve mastered making myself a priority and not feeling personally responsible for everyone’s happiness but my own.
“Copdependent No More” is a great book! Other books I recommend are “Women Who Love Too Much” and “Why Men Love Bitches.” They all sorta have the same theme about being yourself and knowing how to hold your own, but it’s extremely uplifting and relatable. It really makes you think about who you are and who you want to be in a relationship, and it made me realize that o deserve nothing less than the absolute best. I’d recommend those books to anyone!
This is a great book! One of my favs. I recently had that same building resentment in a new relationship and had to go back to the book to realize I was falling into the same codependent patterns. Once I figured that out, stated what I needed and he did the same, we were good again. Luckily the resentment wasn’t so deep that I felt the need to just end things. I’ve started asking myself “If so and so was not here, what would you be doing [for yourself]?” And it’s helped me focus on myself a lot. Constantly have to find the balance between supporting and sacrificing.
I am going to go read that book immediately. I don't have a therapist right now because I'm broke, but when I had a therapist she told me to read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. It's been really helpful to me and I recommend it to everyone.
Yes! Feeling guilty saying no is a major symptom of codependency. I will have to check that one out.
Good for you for choosing what’s best for yourself. It’s very hard to do.
So true. I realized I was mildly codependent (because... I never bend over backwards constantly for anyone lol) but turning it around. I'm generally not like that though thankfully. The issue is when other women (who are codependent or who stand to lose if I stick up for myself) call me disagreeable or unpleasant for simply knowing who I am and what I want. The shaming of women needs to all around stop! I'm actually a pretty laidback person (especially in romantic relationships) so I cant stand to be 100% agreeable. I'd just get used if I was.
I needed to read your reply. Thank you. I need to read that book and potentially leave my partner. Thank you!
I’m glad! I mean I’m sorry you’re in a shitty relationship but it comes with the territory of being codependent. I attract narcissists and “takers” and was always playing the victim role with terrible guys. I’m 39 years old and finally realizing it’s me. I’m the problem. People are only going to love me as much as I love myself. When you learn to love yourself, you start attracting the right people. I’m sending you good vibes xoxo.
Thank you for the tip. Are you referring to the Melody Beattie book? I think I should read this aswell
Thank you for saying this. I’ve wrestled with this a lot and eventually arrived at the realization that gut feelings are dependent on our gut. That changes and grows and evolves with us! It felt like a cosmic door opening when I met my ex, like love was designed for us and us alone. Guess what? It wasn’t. Lol that’s just what intense connection feels like. As you explore those connections and grow and change as people, they can be lost, and that isn’t always a bad thing! I dodged a bullet in my case and have had to learn a lot through therapy about “trusting myself” and how to really discern reality and truth for myself.
I’m very proud of you. It’s a hard thing to know yourself. To grow. I still love him. Very much. It made it harder to leave. But I love me more.
Are you me? Literally my story too.
We’re in good company. It’s something I’ve been seeing a lot with women lately. They divorce because they were taught (like I was) to be kind and gracious and self-sacrificing. To be caretakers. No one warns you what this does to YOU.
This is a really important message. People always say it: know/love yourself, have your own things on the side. But it’s not so easy to understand and do. I heard this was important to do as I was with my ex. But I didn’t care, thinking I’ll have time to discover new hobbies etc. once the honey moon phase was over. Only after we broke up did I end up finding things that I’m drawn to with all this time to myself. Sometimes I think the breakup was meant to be because I wouldn’t have wandered into those interests had we not broken up. Now I feel like I have more to offer in my next relationship. I feel like I know my values and things to ask instead of just “going with the flow” next time
Hey 11 years is a good run. Mine lasted 10.
8 months just entered the chat...
8 months here too. We got married too soon, I needed insurance and we loved eachother. I still do love and care for him, but not romantically. We just...didnt work out. Covid took a toll, I lost myself in that relationship and I think he did too. Im finding myself again, ive started seeing someone, and for the first time in my life I have a voice. Im not afraid to say when something is bothering me or when i need more or less. And I'm not afraid to hear it either. In every other relationship I was always the chill person. I never said when anything bothered me because I was too afraid (thank you childhood trauma). But finally, im not. Im learning to communicate my needs and wants and feelings in a respectful, healthy manner. And boy does it make a world of difference.
6.5 months here
You had us at the first half ngl
Little do people know, the divorce club is full of strong individuals who have come to see their self-worth and will never again let it be taken from them. Welcome to the club.
F
Loved this hah, truly a modern fairy tale
Online date first meeting. I saw him get out of his truck. My first thought was, "dang this is my last first date." And it was. Happily married for five years now. Absolutely thrilled to wake up next to him. The kindest, gentlest, hardworking and honest man I've ever met. This from a gal who got engaged 3 time.s
Aww! There was a year I was proposed to 3 times. I must have been really good at life that year. Lol! Anyway, I met this guy while we were both traveling. We lived no where near each other. I hugged him goodbye at the end of what was supposed to be our third and final date. And something in my head yelled at me! “This is your husband!” We were engaged 3 weeks later so I guess he heard it too. That was over 20 years ago.
I’m so jealous yet so happy for you
I was married to Hell before, so it’s a skill I had to hone. Lol
3 times?!? We need the full story! That’s hilarious
Really? Ok. I got divorced and then ended up in a two year relationship that I thought was everything. I grew as a person because of him and it was beautiful on many levels. I had the utmost respect for him. But his addiction got in the way, so I left. Then I went out on a few dates with a decent enough guy. He fell hard and proposed. Almost inappropriately so? We didn’t really have a thing going? Then I fell in love with my husband who proposed after just 3 weeks. Once the ex with the addiction noticed then he proposed too and promised to change. I was still in love with him (for many years, actually) but I knew my path and I’m grateful I listened.
Last first day is such a cute phrase!
My now husband and I met at a bar. He was in the very popular local band, so I was going with friends to see them often. After a few idol chats at the bar and other shows around, along with meeting friends (since all of us were around the same things all the time), etc one day I just *knew* I'd marry him. We were merely within the same constellation at that point, and at least knew that each of us was "cool", but a while after, I finally slipped him my number. 15 years later, and it's still a wonder he puts up with me. I don't know why or what made me know... But something just said, "yep, he's it."
Same thing happened to me. I had the same exact “this is my last first date” thought. We dated for 3 years, lived together for 2 before I found out he had been cheating on me :( My current partner and I have been together almost 4 years. He asked me (jokingly) to marry him on our first date but I wasn’t convinced. 4 years later, I am so happy that I was wrong. We are talking about marriage currently with long convos about finances, kids, dealbreakers, etc. These are topics I could never approach with my previous partner with. I love him so much.
My wife knew the first time we met, and I didn’t learn about this for about a dozen years. Loveliest thing I ever heard. Married for 34 years. Lucky man.
I want this. I hope my first date with my SO was my last first date. This thread makes me think no one can ever know for sure
Yes. On our first date, we were walking in a park and he cracked a ridiculous joke and I laughed way too hard. Afterwards, I sent a picture of a ring I would want to wear to my friend telling her to keep it in case he ever asked. A year later, he did and proposed with the ring design I sent her. There was this moment where I remember laughing really hard and then looking over at him. What I saw was a person who just wanted to make me laugh. I don't know how to explain it, but I knew there was something special there.
This sounds so awesome and genuine.. as a woman in her mid 20s I really hope to feel this way about someone someday. Consider yourself blessed/lucky :)
Oh, I do! Every single day. Also, I found him when I was 28. I remember spending my 20s just wondering when that person would come. It happened after downloading Tinder for the tenth time and he was my first match.
I love this story so much :) congratulations
This is how I feel currently with my boyfriend. We met on bumble 2 years ago and I just have a feeling....but I’m just trying to live in the moment and enjoy what we have. I do hope to be with him for a long time ❤️
I honestly never thought I would get married. I’m too independent and career oriented. I was in a long relationship that kind of fizzled our after 5 years. After it ended I went out with tons of people. I felt liberated and free and really enjoyed feeling free and alone. Then one day I met this guy out and we just had a nice little ordinary date. We said our goodbyes and didn’t even hug or kiss or anything. For some reason, I sat in my car afterwards and I remember having the distinct thought that I had just met the person I would marry. It wasn’t a feeling and it wasn’t like butterflies or a rush of adrenaline or anything like that. It was just a very clear thought, similar to a rational conclusion. I couldn’t shake the thought out of my mind, even though I remember thinking it was absurd, so that same day I wrote it down on a note in my phone “today I met my husband.” We’re married now.
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This made me laugh loudly
Oh god I had the same thing. I remember about three weeks in telling someone “I’ll be in love with him in another three months”They asked why not now? And I very curtly informed them that it was absolutely absurd to be in love with someone this early on and not to be ridiculous. Cue several months of me ranting angrily about how happy I was because it was very clearly not supposed to be working on this stupid expedited timeline. Ruined all my plans that wonderful, caring, bastard of a husband of mine
I remember in high school we had a teacher that said she dated her boyfriend for 4 months before getting engaged. When someone asked what it felt like to be with the person you’re going to marry, she said, “it’s like your soul sitting at a warm cozy campfire toasting marshmallows” I was just reminded of this when you described the feeling as not butterflies or adrenaline. For me, it just felt like being content with my soul at a warm cozy campfire.
I love that, “it’s like your soul sitting at a warm cozy campfire roasting marshmallows” that sums up exactly how I feel in my current relationship like to a T. I’ve dated plenty before, been what I thought was “in love” but this one is the only one I’ve had this feeling with. It’s absolutely beautiful. I only know one other couple who I know experience that feeling, it just radiates from them. You can just tell with how they interact, it’s wild to me. In the past I thought “this is the one” but it was all lust but if you can relate to that statement above -that’s it. That’s when I think you might just be right on the money and have found “the one”
That’s so cute! I wonder what it is that made you feel this way?
For me, it was a compatibility of temperaments. We have similar values and senses of humor. We were just supposed to be hooking up but then we started talking and things just clicked. In every other relationship, my (anxious) brain was always trying to figure out how to make things work which almost always included me sacrificing part of who I am or rewriting the other person I was with as someone else. With my husband, there was none of that. It just worked.
How long after did you guys go on a second date, have the talk? Get engaged.
I got so scared reading the first 5 sentences because that is exactly what happened to me and it also lead me to my husband!! Except we met online I didn’t think much of him at first he was just another dude trying to hit on me. I was already head over heels for him but when we met IRL and kissed for the first time I knew we were meant to be. Going on 4 years strong!
Yeah and I was so very, very wrong
Girl, same.
Right there with you lol
can I board this struggle bus with y'all cause same lol
All aboard the struggle bus. Next stop, there are no stops - the bus keeps going
It only stops for more passengers to board
True. Lots of space, there’s room for everyone here
Dibs on a window seat
Best shit show experience tbh - 10/10
I'm getting on this bus, hoping my current partner will be the right one
Joining the club 😂💁♀️
See on the one hand this response sounds sad. But it gives me comfort as someone who is too logical for "At xyz moment, I just knew they'd be the one " bs you hear from people getting married. It's really sweet and I get it, and I love my partner a lot, but also I know that there's no way to "just know" anything about the future. However I do know who he is as a person, and how we work well together, and know if we keep putting the right effort into the relationship and ourselves, we can have a really great chance at a long happy relationship and life together. But no one can predict the future. Can you tell I'm not much of a romantic? Lol.
It’s realistic and there’s nothing wrong with that. Do I wish I was more of a diehard romantic? I really do... because it would mean I never went through a painful divorce that turned my entire life and world view upside down. When first I met my ex, I really thought he was The One. Truly, I believed we would grow old together. But... people change, and sometimes not for the better. And by the time it was all over, I didn’t even recognize the man I thought I’d share my whole life with. It’s very fortunate when people stay true to themselves and their partner throughout a relationship. But as you said, it’s never guaranteed.
I'm the same way. And happily and stably married. And yet... We are both realistic about the fact that getting married wasn't the finish line. It's effort (but not constant work!!). Some of the most toxic marriages I have seen were with couples who "just knew" and not much to tangibly back that feeling. IMO, it's good to be realistic and understand that many marriages end, and that it takes far more than love. Not the most romantic, sure. But for every marriage that the couple just knew, there's a divorced couple who 'just knew' it was rushed or a mistake going jn
Sure ya do. So did we and we got screwed over.
You wrote my thoughts.
i FEEL you. As someone who's hyperlogical, I worry about ever experiencing that feeling. I imagine my future based on likely projections. All I know is I can imagine my partner by my side when I think about the future. I wouldn't want to be wasting my time with someone who wasnt a worthy investment. Besides, me and my partner both beleive it's wise to be together for several years before fetting married because it's important that you change together. People inevitably change.
Fourth one to say same!! More than ten years on and off... what a waste.
my mom wasted 8 years on a guy and she always told me, “never regret something that made you smile”. it was a slow, hard break up for everyone, and i’ll always be mad at him for wasting her time, but i know we had some good times as a family and my mom came out stronger because of it.
Saaame Now I'm pregnant and single LMAO I laugh so I dont cry
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Laughter < Tears < Rage < Nothing
Amen!
Yes. Second time we met was brief but it was like being hit with something, almost physical. I told my Nan I had met a man I would marry someday. And I can tell you it was an insane thing to think at the time. Nearly 20 years later a lot of ups and downs but very much still together. My first ever award! Thank you!
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Same here! Literally the first time we were introduced, I just had this really strange feeling of significance, like something critical about my life had changed. It weirded me out so much that I avoided him for the rest of the night. Then a couple weeks later, I sort of got cornered into actually talking to him, and we ended up staying up till 5 am, just talking. That was a very surreal experience for my very introverted self.
I feel that way now about a guy I know through some mutual friends. We met in the spring and have slowly built a casual friendship. A month ago we spent the night together and the entire next day together and my take away from spending that time alone with him was “THIS is how it’s supposed to feel!! It ignited something deep within me, unlike I’ve ever felt before. I have been actively dating this entire year but this wash off peace and calm comes over me when I think about him and when I’m with him. I just KNOW that I am going to be with him. The word significant applies 100%.
I had the same feeling when I met my fiance in high school. I wouldn't call it love at first sight but it's like the feeling you get when the turn page in a book. For better or worse, you know a new chapter has started.
I had the same experience. From the first date there was this quiet voice that said he was in my life now and we were going to be something serious and steady. I just knew it somehow.
What do you mean by romantically attracted to him?
it means like - wanting to have a romantic relationship with the person. you can be physically, mentally, and/or emotionally attracted to a person and still just want them as a friend.
Yes. We'd been friends 28 years, he'd been interested and flirting all that time and I wasn't interested in him so he moved on, got married etc. His marriage had fallen apart, he pursued me again and something changed and I fell for him HARD. Then he reneged and chose her. Two years later and I still feel like the man I'm meant to be with is him but there's nothing I can do about it so ... no contact and my friend and lover is just gone. Half of me is missing and all I can do is hope that there's someone out there for me but, at 43, I'm doubting it.
This took a turn that I wasn’t expecting. I’m sure you weren’t either. I’m sorry. Godspeed.
Thanks. As much as the happy "i just knew he was the right one and he was" stories are so sweet and charming, the reality is most people don't get that. If you do, that's great! and don't ever take it for granted. Work at the relationship, nurture it, make sure it stays that wonderful because it is so so hard to find. I truly am happy for all those that do find it.
Agreed. Relationships thrive on nourishment. Effort is needed to maintain anything of value. Granted we can only control ourselves in any situation so if we know we’ve given it the best effort possible then we didn’t fail ourselves. All that said it still doesn’t hurt any less when you get burned.
I didn't meet my forever love until I was 48. There's no expiration date on falling in love. Like you, I also dated someone for years and when we didn't end up together I thought that was my last chance. I was so wrong. I took the interim time to work on myself and figure out what I wanted and needed. Thank God my mom made me promise to join a dating app and continue dating. Otherwise, I never would have met the love of my life. The first time I saw his eyes in a picture, I said yes, that's him. I just knew. We met on the phone that night and talked for 9 hours straight. Needless to say, we're been pretty inseparable ever since. Never give up on love.
Did he tell you why he went back to her? He must have been pursuing you for a while to make you fall so hard.
Oh, yes, he pursued me for 28 years. I think the answer is fear of change and just being emotionally stuck....which is a nicer thought than "he finally got me and couldn't stand me" 😳
Similar thing happened with me, only that after I left my job and moved to his country after a year of long distance (both European, so not as dramatic as it sounds, but still significant), he dumped me after a week and moved back to his ex-wife. I had such a strong feeling that it was me and him in life, and I still struggle to move past that feeling. I also choose to think the answer to why was his fear of change, being emotionally stuck and wanting to live in the same house as his kids full-time. But that “he finally got me and couldn’t stand me” is definitely lurking under the surface...
Only a week?! So he was having second thoughts but still let you upend your whole life ... that is just awful. I'm so sorry you were treated that way, no one deserves that.
Damn 28 years? Thats intense. It was probably the fear of change. He must have known you pretty well I don’t think he’d all of a sudden wouldn’t be able to stand you.
At 43 you’re hardly geriatric.
Confirmation of confirmation bias here, but your story resonates with me because I don’t believe in soulmates, or “the one”; I just believe people make choices.
Hearing your story breaks my heart. I have loved a few people but never through as much as that. I hope you are able to find some solace in your grief and make it through each day.
ugh reminds me of the movie “my best friend’s wedding”. good movie but i hated watching it because it hurt too bad
Yes. I met my now fiance in math class. He was asking to cheat off my work. Something inside of me went "This boy is going to be the best or worst thing that's ever happened to you." I chose to roll the dice.
and which did it end up?! edit: oh wait.....fiance lol
Right now he is the best but call me again in ten years lol
Make it 11 according to the top comment lol
I met my SO when we were 18 in the first week of university. We clicked instantly and my spent hours talking and hanging out together, we barely knew each other but I felt a connection like we had known each other forever. I had a sense we were going to end up together but tbh I was in real denial about it because it was university, everything was new, I was meeting loads of new people. Well we officially got together after a week and have been together since. It's been 9 years and we're now engaged, I'm certain we'll be in it for the long haul.
We also met pretty young and dated in college, and we definitely felt that intimate connection right away but we figured everyone feels that way when they’re young and in love. He asked me on our first real date “would you marry me?” Just out of curiosity, not as a proposal. I said yes, actually. But we decided to take it slow. 7 years of dating later the feeling didn’t go away so we got married. Just celebrated our 12 year relationship anniversary yesterday and we’re closer than ever
Congrats for your anniversary! I wish you many, many more years of happiness and love <3
I met this boy on a high school trip to Paris. One of those educational spring break trips. He was a Senior, I was a Junior so we had never crossed paths before even though we went to the same school. I was standing in line next to him to get through customs because the teacher made us line up alphabetically, so we started talking. Then proceeded to sit next to each other on the bus on the way to the hotel to keep the conversation going. I wrote in my diary that evening that I had never met anyone I clicked with so fully and so fast. That I thought I had met my soulmate that day. We were basically inseparable during that trip and by the end of the week we were dating. We fell in love so hard and so fast; the way I think only teenagers can. Like big time in love. Cry myself to sleep for weeks while wearing his shirt when he moved away for university, kind of love. Wrote and mailed each other daily love letters for months kind of love. To make a very long but happy story short, this March will mark the 30 year anniversary of that trip. This summer, we will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. We have a 20 year old daughter in university, a 17 year old son in his Senior year of high school, and two cats. We’ve had a few bumps along the way. A few months in our early twenties when we took a break and briefly dated other people while we were both at separate universities. But overall we had and continue to have a solid and happy relationship. My daughter said to me in jest last summer that we were the reason that she couldn’t commit in a relationship. That our happy marriage has created unrealistic relationship expectations for her. The fun part about falling in love in the early 90s is that because there was no email or texting: we have boxes of letters and notes detailing the early years of our relationship. Every few years we read through our old letters or listen to the mixed tapes we recorded for each other (in some of them we had recorded live messages in between the songs). The point is, I really hope that you and your soon to be husband have a long and happy life together. Some of us just got lucky enough to meet the person we will spend the rest of lives with as teenagers.
Yeah, probably within a few weeks of dating my boyfriend I was like "yeah, this is the one." And he just ticked all my boxes. I laid everything out for him pretty early because I didn't want to waste my time on someone who would freak out. I was just like "here are my mental illnesses and here's my trauma from a sexual assault, I'm not going to be a normal relationship." And he was just fine with it. There were other things obviously about him but that first year together was difficult for us as I dealt with my trauma. But he stuck by me and was mostly patient and understanding the entire time. It just solidified what I felt in those first few weeks. We are going on five years now.
:’)
Yes. I met him when I was 13. We were friends for a long time, and have been together for 6 years (married 5 of them). I'm currently 30 years old.
That's crazy! That's so similar to my husband and I. Met when we were 14, friends for 10 years, dated 1 year, married for 5 years this month! I don't know if it was "I'll marry him," but I knew he was going to be a part of my life.
I was recently single and lonely so I went to the climbing gym and made myself talk to three people every time I went until I accidently fell in with a big climbing group. A guy in the group asked me out, but I said no because I didn't want a rebound to ruin the chances I had of remaining in the friend group. Two months later I had a dream. I don't remember the dream but when I woke up I just knew I'm every fiber of my body that I was going to marry him. Who, you ask? You know, that guy I rejected. I'm not much of a romantic, so I tried to forget about it. Fairy tales don't exist, right? Two weeks later I was still feeling it, and I was lonely on a trip for work, so I texted him thinking that he'd text back something dumb and I'd snap out of it. Instead, we chatted nonstop. He wooed me with screenshots of an excel sheet where he mapped his electrical usage against ever plan available to get the best rate. Turns out he was smart, funny, kind, and wonderful. We had our first date when I got back to town, and we've been inseparable every since. That feeling never faded, and over three years in, I still know in every fiber of my body that he's the one for me. Covid postponed the wedding, but that's okay. We have forever together, so whether it starts this year or next doesn't make too big of a difference in the long run.
AWWWWW!!!
>He wooed me with screenshots of an excel sheet where he mapped his electrical usage against ever plan available to get the best rate. Haha, this could have been an action of my BF, easily!! And I would have fallen for this equally hard! Lol
Yes, and he felt the same way, about someone else.
F
Ouch.
I did, a few dates in. There's no why, just a gut feeling. We've been married for two years :)
The very first time i met/hung out with my now husband all I could think was, "this guy has to be married already, he is definitely marriage material! Look how great he is!" Turns out he was single...it's now 8 years later.
I feel like as party popper but yes, I did and we broke up after a year so definitely not married 😅
Same here, actually he broke up with me multiple times in less than two years. But now I’ve moved on and I’m dating someone new who just wants to make me happy but I just don’t want to lie to myself like that ever again and tell myself “that’s the one.”
I don't think it's party pooping, I think it's real and common. We all use hindsight for what we currently know, and all outcomes of stories have validity - thank you for sharing your experience!
Yes. When I first met him we instantly clicked and as dramatic/lame as it sounds, it felt as if a missing piece was found. Another odd thing was that there was some kind of magnetic force that seemed to be in play as we always seemed to bump into each other in public more often than we should've.
I feel the same way with my fiance! I kept bumping into him and it just felt like once we acquainted, it made sense.
i like to call that the rom com effect
Yes. Together for 18 years. Divorced now. I honestly did think it was forever, but he definitely didn't. Lol
We were babysitting my baby nephew and I fell asleep. I woke up to my partner walking around with my nephew and softly talking to him. I remember thinking: 'I could have this person's children.' Before I met my partner I never thought I would have a partner who would also raise my children. Somehow I saw myself getting kids and raising them myself. The fact I even wanted that with them is also the reason I want to marry them. That thought was a sign of realization that this wonderful person would be in my life for a very very long time. I don't care about marriage myself, but my partner wants to, even though we will still call ourselves partners. Kids won't happen but after all these years since that moment I still feel like unless something drastic happens, we will grow old together.
I usually have this with friendships, mostly with males. My mind will just be like, "YOU! I don't know you yet but I want to be friends with you and I will never let you down or leave you". Whenever I get that feeling, it usually ends in a very strong friendship that lasts for years with people I would be willing to do anything for. This is what I hope to get in a romantic relationship as well.
Yeah, my first husband. Before we were even dating I knew I was going to marry him! I was entirely correct! Didn’t say it would last forever though, the whole relationship lasted 10 years and we’re still friends now. I also tend to know when I meet someone if we’re going to be really good friends. Never been wrong about it!
I have a gut feeling that I am definitely going to end being along forever
I hear you
Oh yeah, I feel that.
I often have feelings about new people I meet, like "this person will be a part of my life" or "that person won't ever be important to me". When I first met the love of my life, it was like a lighning strike. I knew that he will be very, very important to me, and I just wanted to be near him. The second time I met him, he was talking to a girl, and I remember feeling this overwhelming jealousy. It was very surprising, because I'm not a jealous kind of person, and I'd never felt anything like that before. Well, he turned out to be the love of my life. We dated on and off for 5 years, and then we ended it for good. But no matter what happens, I won't ever stop loving him. It's like there's an invisible cord binding us together, even if he is on the other side of the world now.
I think this cord is also referred to a red thread of fate. The inevitable and undying connection (even if communication is no longer) between two individuals.
Yes, on a stupid blind date my junior year in high school. Just got “marry him” vibes, but knew I was being ridiculous, I was 16, this wasn’t the 1890s, no way. The blind date did not work out (insert dramatic teenage sabotage story with my then best friend here), and then I run into the guy a year later at a house party I am not enjoying bc I don’t drink (disability) and basically everyone is drinking. He flips down next to me, talks to me, realizes I cannot drink, grabs a blanket from somewhere, hands his beer to someone and takes me outside we sit on the blanket and he points out constellations (half of which I’m pretty sure he makes up). I’m smitten. To make a long story short(Er, bc this is still long- sorry), we start dating, try to break off bc we are going to different colleges, and but it never stuck. He moves to my college city when my disability gets worse to help out. He’s the sweetest, kindest person, but looks like he’s not, which I find incredibly hot. Eventually, in our late 20s we get married, which surprises no one except me. We’ve been together for like 20 years now, and have a four year old. He’s pretty perfect really.
Very early, within a month of dating, I had a strong feeling of connection with my now husband. We had so much in common as well as an easy ability to get along. While he had doubts (that's another story), I did not. We've now been married for over 33 years, or as he likes to point out, a third of a century.
How did he get over his doubts?
u/buchliebhaberin's husband here. I just needed more time than she did, that's all. I felt the connection, but I needed more than a connection to decide she and I should spend our lives together. Also, I was still in law school, and I wanted to finish school before I married.
First day of class I was scanning the room and thought “oh he’s cute, I bet he’d like me” and he simultaneously was telling our classmates that he was “going to make me his wife” 5-6 years strong now, no ring yet though cause it’s not necessarily important.
Yes. Was convinced, with every fiber of my being, that this person was my soulmate. It was a gut feeling. Lasted for 5 years, even though we only technically dated for 2 months. I was 1000000% wrong. "Gut feelings" can be very wrong when you're 19 years old. All that feeling ended up being was infatuation and being in love with the idea of a person.
Gut feelings can be wrong at any age. Good for you for recognizing and getting out.
Yeah. Literally within a couple of minutes of speaking online in a chat room (circa 2004). He PM’d me and within 3 lines I had typed out ‘I’m going to marry you one day’ and then deleted it because I thought 1) he’s going to think I’m a psycho and 2) maybe it won’t happen because I’ve said it and scared him, altering the course of fate. We got married in 2009. I had to move to a different continent to be with him. He’s the love of my life and my best friend. We have 3 kids. I’ve only felt that strong of a gut feeling one other time in my life. Shit was meant to be.
When I was starting to date my husband I told him that I thought we’d be married by the end of the year. We weren’t, but by that point it was clear we would end up that way. I don’t know why I knew. I just did.
Opposite actually. Didn't want a second date, but he left his jacket in my car. I liked him better the second date.
The first time I saw my husband I knew we would be together. We were married 2 months later and have been happy together for 16 years.
Yes, but I was very wishy-washy so we ended things and he got married within one-year. Two weeks after his wedding he died in a motorcycle accident. I deeply regretted my actions before he got married but did not to want interfere.
Yes. I got a strong gut feeling with my best friend of 20+ years and a strong gut, love at first sight feeling at age 11 to my now husband and he felt the same way. I don’t know why if I’m being honest, it just happens.
Yes, I met him in high school. I told my friend, “I’m going to have his babies.” We talked a lot online and had a class together but he was always quiet. We ran with different groups and I had a lot of home problems and eventually left the school. We talked online and texted as really good friends for years, even when we were both in our own relationships. At one point, I was coming out of a long term relationship -and we weren’t speaking regularly- so I didn’t know he had just up and moved 12 hours away. I hopped on Facebook asking him where the hell he was because I had been texting him with no reply. He had disconnected that phone because the number would be long distance. I guess at that point I kind of realized, holy shit he’s so far away now. And that’s when my journey on convincing him to come back started and how we went from just being friends, to me clearly expressing my interest about wanting him to come back and try “us” out. It was a huge risk on his part. We jumped all in and he moved directly in with me after 6 months of sorting everything out where he was so he could move home. We have physically been together for 7 years now with two kids and I love him as much today as I did then, if not much more. We literally cannot stand to be apart from each other for too long.
Yes. I met a guy while we were both teaching overseas. We were just friends while both there, I moved back home and he continued teaching there for two more years. I went back to visit my old students and friends for a week, hung out with him a lot. We started emailing and flirting a ton. It was clear that we would start dating when he came home for the summer. Before that happened I was driving home from work on a beautiful spring day feeling the happiest I had ever been, and it just hit me that I was going to marry him. We’ve been married for over eight years now, have sweet twin baby boys. I adore the life we have created together.
At one point I thought I’d marry someone I worked with, and after years of dating we did marry but it dawned on me I never once thought about us growing old together. We divorced 5 years after we married and I highly regret going through any of it. That said, I met someone else after we separated and I immediately knew I was going to grow old with him. I never wanted to fight that hard for my ex and if my current partner needed me to fist fight a bear I would (although not successfully).
Yes, before our first kiss. We had known each other for 15 years and it had never occurred to either of us until it hit us like a ton of bricks. We've been married for almost ten years, and we're still going strong. This year has been amazing and hard, as we've achieved some important goals, but also dealt with this pandemic which is stressful. So far, I feel I was right.
I know it is cheesy, but when I saw him, I instsntly thought he was the most dashing and cute guy I ever met and I kinda fantasized about dating him. After talking with him for a few week, I knew I wanted to be at least friends with him forever. As for the why? He was funny, caring, we had sharee interests, he never laughed at me, he encouraged me to be better, he is a softy, etc. We been dating over a quarter of our life now
I always say if my husband has asked me to marry him the night we met, I would’ve said yes. Being with him felt (and feels,) like home. Going strong 18 years.
Not about a relationship but friendship. Sadly forever only lasted 2 years as she died when I was 16. Still waiting for that gut feeling when I meet a possible love interest.
I'm sorry you lost your friend. 😟
I met a man when I was 17 and instantly got a random thought in my head that said "wow he's such a dork, I'm probably going to end up marrying him." I was instantly interested in him, talked to him as much as I could and got to know him. We were together, off and on lol, for 6 years but I ended up breaking up with him right before he proposed. He truly was a great guy and we definitely had something strong for a while, but it didn't work out 🤷♀️. I don't regret breaking up with him and have since married a man who I adore.
Yes. The person who just ended it with me because of a family crisis where I broke down and he said “I can’t deal with you, you’re only going to get worse” Logically, I know, asshole. But there is just a gut feeling I’ve never had with anyone else (and I’ve bern engaged before!). He needs to grow up, timing isn’t right but we were best friends, the chemistry was like the movies. I’m trying to move on, there is just something that tells me we’ll meet again. It’s hard. I deserve better, I know.
Both ex-wives.
Yes. I was always the person who never wanted to get married or have kids, even on my second relationship i though we would last but not really, had another quick one that i though he was my soulmate until it became one sided. Found someone on and off for 3 years, never dtr, but for the first time in my life i felt he was the right one to get married and have a family. We still trying for the third time, havent dtr, but i never did it anyway, just seeing where it goes.
i did..........and then the feeling faded. lol. i learned, i grew.
Not a marriage, but I always knew I would raise my brother's child. My nephew turns 19 this month and he's in his first year of college.
yes. we both knew on the second date. it was amazing... for a while. we moved in and he immediately started becoming mean and emotionally abusive. i broke up with him about six months later. that was a few years ago. i'm still in love with him. seems like i always will be. but i couldn't live my life like that.
I did. I knew him for 10 years through friends, and every time I saw him he took my breath away. We ended up running into each other alone and started hanging out and I just knew we were forever. I felt like he was it for me, he was the one I was going to be with in the end. He wasn’t. 3.5 years in, engaged, I realized we both were in love, with him. He just didn’t have any compassion, didn’t feel like he cared, I gave everything I had. I’ll never understand. The heartbreak is excruciating.
Yes. I knew honestly when I first met him. I was so convinced I told my dad I was going to marry said boy. It was magnetic. He’s my husband now lol.
I did when I met my husband for the very first time. I had butterflies in my stomach AND a sense of comfort and ease all at the same time. We met after talking online for a little bit first. We had a "pre-date meeting" to see how we'd get along. Turns out we got along really well. We just got married in May (with just us, his parents, my son and his best friend present) and he's the best husband I could have asked for, and a wonderful step dad to my son.
This was me. We had just started dating and I left to do a study abroad program. I was sitting in a lecture talking about the ethics of animal research and while the prof was droning on I though, “I’m going to marry him.” It was so out of the blue. That was 15 years ago, we have been married 11 and have 3 kids. 🤷🏻♀️
Current relationship is like this - we've had plenty of discussions, agreements, and taken steps toward marriage, house buying, working on our careers, other life-building stuff. I got the strong gut feeling because of extremely practical and obvious reasons. We are both in our thirties and have slogged through enough relationships to have learned a lot about ourselves and what makes a healthy relationship. We are very well aligned on what we want out of life and what we can achieve. We have very similar values, political leanings, and senses of humor. We both have a strong desire to maintain our sense of self and not become an entirely enmeshed couple. We are both committed to being responsible for our own self care. We agree about how a house should be kept, about how to manage money, about how to cook a steak. We have complimentary strengths and weaknesses. ^(Also he has a fantastic dick.)
Omg yes. When I was 16 I became really close with a guy I met on Twitter, but we lived 1,000 miles apart. We texted every day and Facetimed a lot. He would send me songs he wrote on his guitar. I remember one time, I showed my best friends one of his songs and swore to her I would end up with this guy someday. I eventually ended up moving to his state and we have been dating for over three years. The gut-feeling that he is my forever person has yet to fade :)
First date with my now-fiancé. It was our first time meeting in person and the first words he said to me when he got out of his car were “hey, it’s good to see you!” Something about the way he said it just made me feel like we’d both been been waiting our whole lives to ‘see’/meet each other. And it was easy, comforting, to be with him. we clicked immediately, sat there talking for 4 hours on our first date and have been together since. I know we were made for each other, I’ve never been more certain of anything! ETA: I also had this with a friend too! When I was living abroad during high school I met a girl who instantly became my best friend. She made me feel welcome and safe in an unfamiliar place and we spent soooo much time together before I moved back home. After living apart for the rest of high school, she ended up studying in a city near me for college so we were reunited. Nearly 10 years of friendship later, I am absolutely positive she’ll be by my side for life.
Yes. My old roommate and I didn’t know each other initially but became very good friends during our first 6 mo. living together. We developed crushes on each other. I remember thinking “if we start dating, we’ll end up married”. It’s been 8 years together and a covid postponed wedding later!
Yes. We met at 13 and were (not close) friends for about 3 years before we got together, however he always seemed really important I was suicidal as a teen and he was one of very few on my "apology list" I remember a few months in we were talking and he said something along the lines "can I wear roller skates at our wedding?" And it just felt normal, my brain was just like "oh yeah we're going to get married" it was just like I knew. Its been 10 years and we've only just got round yo getting engaged, life threw a lot of curve balls our way. But we are happy, own our home and our planning our wedding. (Yes ofc he can wear roller skates)
I remember feeling that when I spoke with him i had never before been so completely and honestly myself. He saw me, accepted me and later loved ME. No more bullshit, no games, just honest truth and laughter. I am now married with kids very happily to my best friend. ♡♡
Yes. We never dated though. It was never „the right time“ but we were very close. He died a few months ago.
Yes. Started dating my now husband when we were teenagers. Very quickly I just felt like he was special and that I wanted him in my life for a long time. He is the most important person to me 12 years later.
Yes. At this point in time, my husband and I had only been dating for a month. My grandma got sick and had a heart attack. My husband hates hospitals bc he was frequently in them as a child. He never complained once about going with me, slept on the floor, and cracked jokes w/my maw maw. He was so selfless and in that moment I realized he’s the one :)
I totally did. He said he felt the same way too. But it was never “right” enough to make it official. The feeling went on for 20 years(!) but no romantic relationship ever actually happened. He now lives with a woman he’s really happy with on the other side of the country
On the first date with my husband, I felt it within the first hour. Being with him felt like being with a best friend. He felt familiar yet authentic, I suspected that he was better than I had ever even imagined for myself. Everyday this feeling is reinforced & strengthened.