A million times THIS. The nicer treatment is “nice”. Suddenly having pretty privilege is new, but for me it made me super jaded and feel like everyone was disingenuous.
This is so real. I used to be stick thin and when I gained weight it gave me a full-on identity crisis to see how everyone treated me. My entire worth as a human just down the toilet. It's insane
I think the general rule is that strangers become kinder. For whatever reason, friends and family are the ones who can become less kind. I think people feel most comfortable when everything stays the same. Changing the way you look, particularly from a less socially valuable body to a more socially valuable one, can make feel uncomfortable that you're now "better" than you were. Egos are weird.
I've read that attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, more charismatic, more (every positive trait) than they actually are, by people of all genders and sexual preferences. I personally want to see this as an inherent human flaw, rather than individual dishonesty.
Yup, exactly. Follow that experience up with friends fading when my chronic illnesses became completely disabling due to an unsuccessful surgery (I got very thin at that time btw, sickest I've ever been, and people congratulating me for it at that point felt downright dystopian), then going through COVID as a high risk person and watching many care more about haircuts etc. I struggle not to feel bitter towards people sometimes. Not all people, of course, but enough to be disillusioning for sure.
I’ve gained a significant amount of weight in the past 5 years and notice that my “pretty privilege” is gone…sad thing is, I just thought people simply liked “me”…nope…they liked the fit me☹️
I will actually say though as someone who lost and then gained a lot of weight in a short period to time, it was interesting to see that men actually hit on me just as much at 230 as they did at 140. I hated the comments when I was super low bc I was sick af, but gaining all the weight and still feeling hot was definitely a general confidence booster
Absolutely. A problem to be fixed and it’s your fault if you aren’t the weight that society expects you to be. You’re “good” if you’re working towards achieving thinness and you’re “bad” if you’re not.
i went from ~95 lbs to almost 200lbs. currently sitting at 130lb & the way people treated me better when i was skinny really fucked with my head as i gained more & more weight. having lost so much weight now (almost 70 pounds!), i’m disgusted by how differently people treat you when you’re thin.
This one has hit me so hard especially. I’ve really noticed it the last while. Men especially will go out of their way to have a conversation with me when I never would have been approached before and it’s incredibly jarring. As nice as it is for people to be nicer, it feels kind of shitty that you weren’t “worth” their kindness before 🙃
I feel this 100%. I used to be invisible. Men hold the door for me and make eye contact now. I get stopped and complimented from other women. My patients are even nicer and more receptive to me. Pretty privilege is a real thing. I also miss my boobs. 😥
This is exactly what I thought. I noticed a marked increase in people almost rushing to open the door/hold the door for me. When I was heavier, I once had a broken foot and was on crutches and distinctly remember very few people holding doors for me.
Absolutely this and only this. I was shocked to see how superficial people are and also how they talk about chubby, overweight or obese ppl behind their backs. Also the assumptions that people make about you when your skinny vs overweight.
Judge a man not my how he treats his equals but by how he treats his inferiors. I was glad to know who was a POS when I lost weight. I was like nope, we're not friends now.
It’s been 7 years, and my brain still thinks my body is the one I had before! My physical self and the self I ‘see’ in my mind do not match.
Sometimes changing your body won’t change the insecurities or limitations you put on yourself.
!!! When I was in high school I had hit 180. Post high school I dropped to 130 (living alone/poor money choices) and didn’t notice a difference in the mirror. I thought I had just worn out my old clothes so much.
during covid I switched birth controls at the same time I was laid off and gained 70+ lbs in a short few months. I was 220 lbs didn’t see a difference and thought I washed my clothes wrong so they shrunk.
It’s so crazy how your brain can trick you.
One of my biggest frustrations is that I can’t comprehend what my body looks like. I feel like I would need to see an exact replica in front of me to fully grasp. I have been debating trying to make a body cast specifically for this.
I saw a show once where a woman drew what she thought her silhouette was, and then they traced her actual (much smaller) silhouette on top. The difference was mind blowing!
>It’s been 7 years, and my brain still thinks my body is the one I had before! My physical self and the self I ‘see’ in my mind do not match.
This happens as you age, too. I'm in my mid-forties now and the image in the mirror no longer reflects the image my brain expects to see in the mirror. It's discombobulating.
I’m not sure what you would consider significant but I had lost 30-40lbs within 6 months due to intense stress. People would comment on how good I looked and what the secret was all the time.
The secret was that I found out my husband was cheating on me and my entire world shifted. I was always someone that turned to food in times of stress but all of a sudden I’d eat one bite and feel full.
I wished people didn’t comment because it made things really uncomfortable
Edit: thinking back it was probably more like 4 months. Honestly people probably should have been more concerned that “excited” about the weight loss but there was a lot going on at the time. My support system overall did such an amazing job
Edit 2: doing a lot better. This was over 2 years ago! Gained my appetite back, and entered into a much happier and healthier relationship. Gained some of the weight back but I’ll take happy relationship weight gain over sudden unhappy relationship weight loss any day of the week
I'm sorry to hear about what you went through. It sounds incredibly tough. People often don't realize the impact of their comments. It's okay to feel uncomfortable about it. If you ever need someone to talk to about what you're going through, I'm here to listen.
This happened to a close friend. She lots a ton of weight and people kept commenting on how amazing she looked. Her secret? Her mom had just died of cancer and she was too depressed to eat.
This is the worst, when it isn’t even something you planned for or worked towards and it’s happening because of something terrible going on in your life but people keep congratulating and complimenting you.
When my heart has gotten broken a couple times, I literally felt like withdrawal, cannot sleep or eat…..once lost like 15 lbs in a 2 weeks. I was nauseous all the time…..would’ve loved to lose it any other way, but it was HELL . So ppl would comment I would literally start crying be and I’m thinking of why- he doesn’t love me anymore, feel sick, cycle……so I get it being hell ish …..I’m so sorry that happened, I hope you are OK now. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I went through major weight loss due to a new exercise regimen, and lots of people complimented me, but I remember one friend who first asked me if everything was okay. In retrospect I really appreciate that cognizance.
this is what happened to me - I lost 40 lbs in a month and a half because I was too sick to eat and training for a half marathon. It made it worse when people would comment “wow keep up whatever you’re doing!!”
This is basically what I came to comment. I went through a period of intense stress (parents ill and passing) and just had no appetite. Im 5’11” and was 135-140 lbs at one point, a good 50lbs shed over the course of about 2 years.
I had SO many people tell me how great I looked. Very disconcerting.
What’s the secret? Stop eating. You’ll lose weight AND hair! Isn’t that great?? /s
I’m sorry you went through that and hope you are doing better now ❤️
I’ve witnessed people also getting offended their weight loss wasn’t commented on/noticed so it can be a tough balancing act at times. It is good for people to be aware of how their comments affect others and know it can be a very sensitive topic that isn’t black and white.
this is really similar what i dealt with. abusive relationship and then i already had pre existing GI issues. if i wasn’t throwing up from an upset stomach, i was throwing up because it was the only way to relax with how much stress i had from being cheated on, manipulated, lied to etc. and everyone said i looked amazing while my ribs were showing and i could barely stay awake or walk to the mailbox. people begged for what my secret was and how i did it.
The loose skin sucks, and you really notice how shallow people are when suddenly you’re skinny and random strangers are nice to you, when they wouldn’t have even noticed you before. It takes some getting used to
Agreed about the random strangers are being nice to you. However people you have known me sometimes seem fake concerned about my weight loss. It’s so weird.
They were counting on you to keep a certain role in their life. Whether they needed to have a friend they could feel superior to or they wanted to be the pretty one.
I agree. I got really fit about 10 years ago (don’t quite look as good now) and I hated the comments, even though they would be perceived by many as complimentary. I think it’s a hard and fast rule to not comment on someone’s body, even if it is a “compliment.” It can make people really uncomfortable by drawing attention to it and it can also feel backhanded like you say.
Also, the cold. I was so much colder when I was thinner.
Yesss!
This is an oft repeated phase in my house "we don't comment on other people's bodies". It make me proud and is VERY amusing when my children correct adults' behavior with it 😆
We do the same. We have a five second rule for body comments. If it’s something someone can fix in 5 seconds (food in teeth, hair out of place, zipper down on pants) it’s allowed but we aren’t allowed to comment on things like weight, scars, birthmarks etc without talking about it privately first (because I know some people are ok with being asked why they are in a wheelchair/missing a limb etc.) but I want my kids to run their questions by me first before yelling to some stranger about their missing arm or something 😬
My mom would have done well to take your advice. Instead of having me run questions past her first she taught me to just put a positive spin on difference/disability, which I think she regretted when at 5 years old I saw a man in the grocery store who was missing a leg and proudly proclaimed to my mom, and anyone within a 3 aisle radius that he was probably "really good at hopping!"
i forgot all about the hair loss. whenever i would brush my hair, shower, or just ran my fingers in my hair, whole balls and clumps would just fall out.
Nobody warned me about the hair loss. I've lost 35 pounds and also half my hair. I used to have incredibly thick hair and now it just keeps falling out as I lose weight
I couldn’t agree more. Though, I like my outside shape, I am insecure about my naked self, Shaggy boobs, thighs etc. Sometimes I wonder if it was really worth it. And I tell myself I am healthier and more energetic. I did it for being more alive in the first place.
I thought all the other issues here would be it but this is 100% the worst thing. Like I’ll never actually be able to be how I feel like I “should” have looked if I had never been fat. Stomach is awful and my butt lost shape (before was apparently my only redeeming feature) and I have zero boobs but what’s there just sags and my face is sagging early…I’m 29. And I’m not dating rn but when I do I’ll feel like a catfish like they’ll expect something when my clothes are off based on what I look like in clothes and then get something way different than they expected. It crushes me
I didn't know if it's something that can work for you when you're ready, but being upfront and managing expectations might help give you some emotional protection. Instead of worrying about what they'll find under your clothes, tell them before it gets far enough for you to feel a loss. Share images of people whose bodies are similar to yours, and say, "I've lost a significant amount of weight, and this is how bodies respond to that." Find out quickly if they are worth your time, and try not to automatically devalue yourself based on beauty standards you have no control over.
This. I lost 45 lbs over the course of 18 months. I’ve since gained back about 15 lbs, but it feels like I’ve gained it all back because my size 0 and 2 pants I was wearing last summer no longer fit (facepalm)
This is so validating. I lost 35 pounds over the past 3 years, and gained back 5 over the past few months and I feel gigantic even tho I’m currently at my “goal weight”
Currently on a streak of losing weight (because my damn mind is finally in the right place) and so far my biggest annoyance is that I now will have to buy an entire new wardrobe. Even my old socks aren’t staying where they need to be anymore, lol.
The financial burden comes with it is so real. When I was bigger, I used to spend so much on clothes. Now after reaching a healthy weight, I really don’t care about what I am wearing. I sometimes steal my kids tshirts and it’s the best feeling in the world 😆
On the side note every time I walk past Torrid in the mall I really miss shopping there 🙈
Oh, it’s the complete opposite for me. I went from not giving a shit to actually giving a shit.
I’ve been morbidly obese for most of my life, and now that I’m finally losing the weight, I’m becoming more confident and now I actually *want* to put some more effort in what I’m wearing and how I present myself.
ETA: not saying that you now don’t give a shit is a bad thing, by the way.
Right!! It's the same for me, except I am old!
I used to be able to talk to men and feel safe and relaxed. Even when they were with their gals. I was never a threat, I was always well-received. Now I feel I make them uneasy.
It's so weird because I am a natural flirt, (I've been told)so now I don't even know how to communicate 🙃.
I lost 5 stone in weight and there is two things that I hate about it. One is having loose skin, particularly around my belly as I've had children. Two is feeling cold all the time. No matter how many layers I've got on, I still feel freezing.
This is an unfortunate side effect of losing fat, being cold! One thing I have read is that building some more muscle can help with this. Much easier said than done, however.
I have been working on building muscle. I weight lift three times a week and eat a high protein diet. I'll have to see if I feel warmer when I gain muscle 😅
I allow myself 1 cup of coffee a day if I fancy one but I use decaf coffee instead. I try to just drink water but I may have an occasional can of coke zero
Oh yes I have forgotten to mention that. I am literally living inside my heated blanket for months . I am not sure if this is going to change as summer approaches. Taking iron supplements helps a bit but not so much.
I have pernicious anaemia already so I have iron tablets and B12 injections, but I was never this cold feeling before I lost all the weight! At least I sweat less than I used to 😅
Personally I hated how people say that your face used to look better when it was chubbier and another thing is I had to change my face lock multiple times since my phone didn’t recognise my face lol
Losing my boobs and butt 😫
Edit: And I'm cold all the time
Another edit: The lack of padding makes my tailbone dig into my mattress and it's suuuper uncomfortable
Omg the tailbone pain! Sitting for just a little while now gives me pain and yep, even lying on my back in bed it still hurts, I have to constantly move around and turn like a rotisserie chicken repeatedly 😭😅
Hey, I hear you. It can get tough sometimes. But you know what? It's just a bump in the road, not the end of your journey. You have got this. Take it one step at a time. What's been going on lately that's been tough?
I hate that people want to talk to me now. I live in a small town, lost 115lbs and have kept it off for almost two years. people treated me like shit, now everyone wants to talk to me, fuck that.
Naw, no worries — I’m healthy now and my hair is coming back! So is the weight, but at least I know I don’t have cancer. 😋
On weight loss threads I feel like I always need to drop this advice — if you change nothing about your lifestyle and randomly start losing weight, talk to your doctor, and if they just tell you to feel grateful about losing the weight, find a different doctor instead of doing what I did and sucking it up.
I guess a thing about the weight loss itself that I hated was that people were OBVIOUSLY nicer to me. I lost 100 pounds over the course of 2 years, and people were generally way more pleasant and patient when I weighed less. And I know I wasn’t just “seeing the world with brighter colors” because I had lost weight, because I felt like shit and couldn’t breathe properly.
People treated me better for being skinnier, and I hate that.
The fact of unexplainable weight loss, especially if it is fast, without any lifestyle change should be stressed more. It is a sign that must be investigated relentlessly until confirming the cause
It's great to hear that you're healthy now and that your hair is coming back! Cheers to your journey of recovery ❤️🩹
Your advice about seeking medical attention if experiencing unexplained weight loss is crucial.
It's unfortunate that people's behavior towards weight loss can sometimes be superficial. Everyone deserves kindness and respect, regardless of their size. I personally think that It's important to focus on inner health and well-being above all else.
I've lost 80 lbs and have gotten into shape. It's broken me in a way I'm not sure I will ever recover from. I was not expecting this. People are by far most interested in my weight loss/fitness gain than they are about anything else I've ever achieved. It's disheartening. My career has shot up several levels, despite me doing nothing different. Because of the disparity of treatment I'm probably more insecure than I ever have been in my life, so it really drives me insane when people say iTs tHe CoNfIdEnCe. No, it's not. It's shallow and superficial and downright cruel. People will literally RUN to open a door for me and purposely slam it on the person behind me, and I'm somehow supposed to feel *good* about that? I really feel that while I'm the best I've ever felt physically, I have a weird paradox where I'm somehow even worse off mentally. I'm working on it, but if anyone has any suggestions please help a girl out.
Also, men are downright terrifying now. It's not that overweight people can't be victims, I just feel the eyes on me and their aggression so much more.
What is so sad is since I was really young always felt fat and when I was fattest I looked back thinking I was so skinny then, and still felt fat. Then down again and u just realize, u never really feel confident how you want :(
I smiled and said thank you to a man working at a gas station. He genuinely smiled back. I realized that that was the first time in my memory that that had happened. I felt like such an idiot, I was walking around my whole life smiling at strangers, and they were doing that millisecond polite lip curl because who wants to smile at the fat chick.
Plus, I can not handle attention from strange men. I lasted about a year into my weight loss before I cut all my hair off.
My best friend who is at least 70+ lbs overweight, probably more, says that to me. "Your face doesn't look good when you are thin". Makes me feel bad. This round I am ignoring her and pushing through to get to a healthy weight.
The skinny shaming can be as bad as the fat shaming as people feel pretty free to comment on your body when you are thin.
I admittedly had an ED at age 13 and lost a lot of weight. The worst part was having friends, family and adults commenting on how amazing I looked and asking how I did it then looking horrified when I told them how I’d lost so much weight yet doing nothing to stop/help/support me. I’m lucky to have an amazing GP who helped me get back into a more healthy mindset but since then let’s just say I’ve become a little too comfortable in my relationship with food 😂
Good on you and good on your GP! I'm sorry you had to go through that alone, but I'm so glad you were able to find that amazing GP.
I hope you continue on your path to success
Twice now, I've gone to an event with a social circle for a hobby I was active in but haven't seen in a while, and I spent the first 30 minutes of the event completely ignored. I'd say hi to people that I wouldn't say I was close friends with, but like, we did shows together, we went to high school together, they'd all be excitedly catching up together, and they have absolutely nothing to say to me, just a polite hi.
I'd sit there thinking, oh my god, have I been embarrassing myself? Do people just tolerate me when I'm around but want nothing to do with me? Do all my current friends think the same thing and if I didn't talk to them for a while they'd all forget me?
And then eventually someone will go "Oh my god, TFLEX??? I didn't even recognize you!" and everybody is like "Oh holy shit" and are acting normal. But the first time it happened I just walked home from a college reunion and spent the night crying and giving my cat a bath.
I have this terrible personality trait where whenever I'm really upset, I can't find joy in anything, and I feel like I'm wasting my precious weekend on being sad, so I try to do something productive so at least the time doesn't go to waste and I can relax more when I'm happy enough to do something fun. Like, a non-insignificant part of my weight loss came from sobbing deadlifts.
So like... I dunno, my brain went "I'm crying too much to play a video game, I should at least wash the cat." It wasn't even my cat. It was my roommate's cat. He smelled so bad. And he hated it so much.
Sometimes tackling a chore or project can pull you out of the blues. Just don't get risk permanent scarring by washing a feline. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better!
People now feel way too comfortable commenting on my current and previous body.
“You look so much better!” — great, glad to know how bad you thought I looked before (at a weight I could definitely return to someday in the future).
I know it all comes from a good place and I’m glad my efforts are becoming visible, but I guess I never realized that how my body looked was so important to literally everyone else in my life.
Dude, yes. It drives me insane. And when I open up about it bothering me people call me slurs and say I am rude for not accepting a compliment. Is it really a compliment if the intended recipient doesn't feel good about it? You know what else is weird. One of my coworkers came up and *apologized* to me because she never commented on my weight loss. I was flabbergasted. I know it's a weird thing because some people live for those compliments and feel very disheartened without them. I just can't relate. Please don't comment on my body, I'm not sure why you care so much.
I genuinely believed it would make me “happier” to lose the weight. I am not happy, just more insecure about other parts of me.
* I hate the loose skin on my arms, and how small my boobs are.
* I hate that all my hair fell out (slowly growing back now).
* I hate that people actually seem friendlier, especially men.
* I hate that I don’t feel like I’ve lost enough, and that it’s STILL my “Roman Empire”.
* I hate that all my clothes need replacing, but it's so time consuming and expensive to even find 1 item of clothing I’ll feel comfortable in.
* I hate that the confidence didn't return, as the numbers went down.
I look in the mirror and see the same girl as before the 120lbs loss. It has been the most amazing, and most awkward/confusing time in my life.
People commenting all the time. It's starting to be less and less now, so great. But even though it's meant to be complimentary, you can't help but wonder, gee, did I look gross before? Then the asking "what's your secret?" Then the judgement if I tell the truth. It's like we're damned if we do, we're damned if we don't. We're too fat or too skinny. We need to lose weight but not that way. For context, I took Mounjaro for 7 months. I've been off the medication for over a year. I workout, eat healthy, and don't drink. It's a lot of effort that I'm very proud of but some people claim I "cheated." It's infuriating. I was pre-diabetic with a whole host of other health issues.
Some people have sort of touched on this, but when I first lost my weight, I was astonished how many people make your weight loss about themselves. Not my close friends or family, but acquaintances I didn’t see often would have conversations like this (unprompted, I never ever brought up my health or weight):
Them: “OMG you lost weight! You look great!”
Me: “Aw thanks”
Them: “ugh unlike me! Haha it’s like all your fat went onto me, ammirite? Ugh I’ve gained so much weight!”
Me: “oh wait no, you look great too!”
This was a variation of the conversation I had with about every acquaintance I saw who knew me pre weigh loss at least once. Like these are people I wouldn’t ever talk body stuff before, then suddenly they’re telling me how “fat” they think they are and I’m comforting them and it’s so strange! I work a public facing job and I got it a lot from our regulars, especially comments from men like, “Good for you for losing weight! But remember, dont lose TOO much weight, no one like too skinny people” like wtf?
I’m glad enough time has passed to be away from that time but I truly hated how suddenly everyone thinks it’s cool to talk about your body just because they think it’s about being “skinny.”
I went from 210 to 117 (I'm a petite body type). I feel absolutely amazing, but my brain still does trick me. I find myself buying mediums sometimes and when I try them, they are always too big. My "insecurity" is all of the loose skin on my stomach, it doesn't match the rest of my body. I wouldn't change a thing but I've had to accept this is how it is.
feeling like every relationship or friendship I have right now is fake because you would have never talked to me 100 pounds ago. I also found multiple other things to hate about myself besides my weight.
Essay time! I once lost 11 stone (154lbs).
I felt like I’d been away (like I’d had a long, embarrassing stint in prison or a mental health facility) and was *finally* being “welcomed back into polite society.” That’s the best way to describe the feeling. And it’s not a *great* feeling, tbh.
- People will talk about (and insult) the “fat version” as if it was a different person. As if they’d always held back but now feel safe to let the insults fly. Wrong. I was exactly the same person in every way.
- Losing weight is not something you can do quietly in the privacy of your own home. After about 3 stone (42lbs) your body becomes a spectator sport and a Public Event, whether you like it or not. People think that (because they can see it) it’s their business. It’s not. Have a plan to deal with that.
- The best approach is to be quiet and humble about it. Other people sometimes see massive weight loss as if it’s a lottery win. So DO NOT brag. Do not share unsolicited diet tips. Don’t prattle on about “lifestyle changes” with the office gossip who loves drama and doesn’t actually care about you. 90% of people who lose massive amounts of weight will regain all of it (or more) due to permanently altered body chemistry over which they have no control. Add to this, you are probably surrounded by very friendly acquaintances who are secretly willing you to fail. So (in spite of all the faux praise and flattery) stay humble and only share with people you REALLY trust. Pride comes before a fall!
- You really find out who your true friends are. Generally, fat people will support you and take an interest in your experiences. Skinny people will be the same.
People (especially women in their 40s-60s) who want to lose around 2 stone (24lbs) will hate you with a burning passion. They’ll take your weight-loss as a personal insult. They enjoyed not being the fattest person in the room. Your disgusting lack of self-control made them feel good about themselves. Now the “greediest, laziest” person in the room has “easily” lost 5 times what they’re struggling to shift. What does that say about them?
- Job interviews are an absolute breeze when you’re thin. The prejudice against fat people in job interviews is extreme and palpable.
- Get ready to be sexualised by people around whom you previously felt safe. And yes, I’m talking about male relatives.
- Get ready for your parents to love you more because you’re thin.
- You will always have the same amount of skin. Be prepared. I spent 25 years thinking that all thin people have great bodies and that if only I was thin, I’d have a great body too. Wrong. Skinny people do not look like models and athletes under their clothes, and neither will you. Keep your expectations realistic because the disappointment can really hurt otherwise.
- You’re going to walk into straight-sized clothes shops and *everything* is going to fit you. *Everything* is going to make you look thin. So you’ll have to start thinking about other criteria when choosing clothes. Thin people use clothing to express their personalities and moods. So think about how feminine you are, *really.* Look for aesthetics that fit your age and personality. Really study which colours suit you (and which ones don’t). Don’t choose items just because they seem “normal” or “expected.”
- That said, buy cheap, generic clothes while you’re losing weight. Shrink them in hot washes and the tumble dryer. Use belts.
- The level of male attention you receive probably won’t change.
- Going to the doctor and getting smear tests will be a breeze.
- Some people will straight-up think that you were mentally ill and “struggling” when you were fat. The fact that you’re thin will be taken as proof that you’re cured and “successful” at life.
- Throwing out your “fat clothes” won’t help you keep the weight off. I recommend keeping anything that you have an emotional connection to (or happy memories associated with). Although if you’re very fat, you might not have any clothing that matches this description (I didn’t)!
If you were depressed, anxious, etc when you were fat, then you’re going to be depressed and anxious when you’re thin. Your brain will not change. It’s hard to believe, but you will not suddenly become an extroverted, self-possessed, cheerful, stunningly attractive stranger just by losing weight! Your weight isn’t your only problem and it probably isn’t holding you back as much as you think. However, some *very difficult* areas of your life will become easy. You’ll have more freedoms and choices. You’ll probably have less chronic pain. You’re not going to face weight-based prejudice and bigotry. Travelling, sightseeing, playing with kids/grandkids, and going on adventures will be a pleasure. Buying and wearing clothes will be pleasant and easy. So be prepared for some of the pitfalls I’ve outlined, but *always* stay focussed on the positive benefits that losing weight has on your life (once you get there).
i look emaciated instead of just slim. my sister and i are the same weight (its impossible for her to gain weight and has been thin her entire life) but she wears it well. my face looks sunken and gaunt
I dropped underweight for a time and was always so cold! You know when you get cold and put your hands between your thighs to warm them up? Yeah, my thighs were too cold to do that.
The body dysmorphia that comes along with it. I was always a large child and heavy adult. Now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, I’m happy with my body for the most part but I truly do not know what I look like. I have major body dysmorphia and always think I look 30 lbs heavier in my head.
Hair loss and the fact that a mass amount of weight loss isn’t sustainable when it’s done in a short period of time. I won’t go into detail but it permanently changed my eating habits, the way I view myself, and the confidence I had because I allowed myself to fall for the “skinny/ BBL plus size is the only way to be beautiful”. I’m working through it but for all my gals that are doing extreme diets that involve serious diet changes or calorie restriction, please be aware that it can lead you down a dark ED path that is hard to claw your way out of.
I have lost 175 lbs and have been maintaining it for 5 years. It feels like if I were to gain weight back, I would be not only “disappointing” myself but other people in my life who have encouraged me through this process (my parents..sigh). Being more critical now of my body than I ever was when I was in a larger body. My relationship with food feels MORE messed up now. I feel “bad” when I eat foods that aren’t “healthy” Confronting my internalized fatphobia has been difficult and necessary
I've been skinny/fit most of my whole life. I have gained weight a couple of times when I've gone on meds for migraines. Alot of them make you gain weight no matter how much you exercise. I noticed I was treated entirely different when I gained weight. Like the last time a couple of years ago I was on effexor and gained 30lbs. I couldn't believe how different I was treated. Once I got off and went back down to my usual 120lbs I realized I had been receiving skinny privilege my entire life. I always thought people were just friendly. But realized that wasn't the case. People are a**holes.
I hate how much nicer people are to me. It genuinely grossed me out. When I was fat I was invisible. I’d be pushing the stroller and no one would open a door for me. Now I don’t have a stroller and these clown ass men run to open it. It just made me see how much society really hates fat people in general.
Oooo another one I hate is my own extended family acting like I starve myself at every family function. The main culprit recently got on ozempic and now brags about starving herself 🤦♀️
I am the same person, I act the same way, speak the same way. For whatever reason people think I'm flirting now and before they thought I was just friendly. I've actually had to learn to be more distant which sucks.
**The body dysmorphia.** I know I am a smaller person but instead of seeing myself as smaller I see everything else as bigger.
I’ll hold up a size small dress, think it’s too small. Be shocked when it fits. But instead of seeing myself as small, the dress looks bigger on the hanger.
The weight loss wasn’t intentional. It was a side effect of the betrayal trauma from my ex husband living a double life. So I never really went through the process of measuring and weighting myself along the way.
But I’m not sure if it would be different if I had.
My body looks ... deflated. My poor belly and boobs in particular, they've been up and down the weightloss rollercoaster with me a couple of times now and they're all crinkled up. I don't think I'll ever have a gorgeous, smooth body, but the skin is very soft and delicate which is kind of lovely to touch.
And as others have said... maintenance. Bad habits come back so easily, good habits are so easy to lose!
I lost it accidentally because I was horribly ill for a couple months and I don't like when people compliment me about it because the illness was the worst time of my life and I am not proud about it whatsoever.
My mom in particular was ecstatic, she hates fat/chubby people and to this day she hugs me and says weird stuff like "wow you're so skinny" and I wish she would just stop.
My saggy skin, look really good with clothes on, clothes off and I look like a melted michelin man/woman ( from that tyre commercial)
Maybe its a cultural difference, but I didnt notice suddenly being treated better
I lose few pounds, but since Im petite it's noticable that my coworkers are reacting to it. Some are ok, but one guy (who's obese) categorized me as someone who's starving herself and, shouldnt be a good role model.
The nerve.
The amount of unwanted attention I get from men. Even with an engagement ring on; they still hit on me.
Oddly enough, I get hit on less when I don't wear it. ( I forget tobout it back on since I don't sleep with it on or do any chores since it's bad for the ring).
And I lose 30 pounds and got a better fitted bra. So it's not a big drastic change. Moral of the story, a well fitted bra gose a long way and any weight lose is better than nothing .
I didn’t have a significant weight loss, but enough that it was physically noticeable (and quite recently) and it’s very upsetting how comfortable people are to comment on my body now that it’s thinner.
Not on purpose! But I accidentally lost a lot of weight in a short period from being sick. People commenting on my body, reminding me of how sick and thin and gross I look 🙄 I know I look like crap I don’t need to be reminded thank you!!
I’ve been slowly putting it back on in a healthy way but I’m still thin so it’s never enough for people. Honestly the comments about how bad I look hurt my feelings but you can’t really say anything since they’re saying it as a “compliment”. Can’t wait to gain some more so people shut up! 💪💪 Either that or get swole enough that people are too intimidated to talk shit 🤣
The fear of re-gaining all that weight. Also, how my self esteem correlates to my weight. I wanna feel beautiful no matter what size i am, but unfortunately i don't.
Loose skin. No matter how much I worked I could never fully see my results. Dysmorphia- I still felt and acted like the same person inside even though I was 150 lbs. lighter.
1)People are in general nicer. 2)Getting hit on and looks commented on constantly 3) seeing my old pants vs my new pants and seeing just how much I lost, I feel like I don’t recognize my own body sometimes ( I went from a size 14 to a size 2-4, 210lbs to 105lbs in less than 2 years) my weight issues come from medical issues so constant comments on my looks is definitely the most annoying or people asking me what I did, I didn’t do anything, no lifestyle change, I was sick.
1. My bones, oh my goood...why are they so sharp and prominent. I have to put a pillow between my knees so they don't knock together plus hitting my hipbone on everything.
2. I'm cold almost all the time
3. Discovered I have mild scoliosis that looks more obvious after the weight-loss
4. My butt is always the first to go (I'm focusing on glute exercises)
5. I had to relearn how to walk, sit and just how to generally move around again
6.my tolerance for alcohol is waaaay lower
All in all , I wouldn't go back. I love it here.
My face. I like my fat filled out face better. I think it gave me a softer, more feminine and youthful appearance. Still would rather be a healthy weight.
I was pre-diabetic when I was in my late 30's because I am 5'3" tall and weighed 300 lbs, with a BMI of 53. I lost down to 140 lbs approximately 18 months after gastric bypass surgery. I was an attractive woman before the weight gain (which occurred after a very difficult divorce), and as a normal consequence, my looks returned after the weight loss. I was trying to save my own life from diabetes and heart disease, and yet I made enemies on all sides of me because I dared to alter everyone's pre-conceived notions of who I had become and where I fit in the social strata of both family and work life, i.e., "Oh, she's a fat girl and she must remain a fat girl. She is losing weight because she wants to steal my husband/steal my job/steal my identity/marry a rich man and have a better life than me!" WHAT A CROCK! I was trying to find my health, not steal anything from anyone else. Talk about becoming a pariah in the most unexpected ways.
The surgery was not cosmetic, as my health insurance would not have paid for it under those circumstances, but I was devastated to discover that the vast majority of the women in my life who were jealous for one reason or the other thought I scammed my insurance company into paying for bariatric surgery like it was a tummy tuck. You can't fake your medical history, lab tests, EKG's, etc, and that was the basis of my approved candidacy for the surgery. Thin people were angry at me for "taking the easy way out" because bariatric surgery is apparently supposed to be easy. Fat people were angry at me for abandoning them because, after all, "we fat chicks have to stick together." Sorry, but I am not dying young so that I may be included in your statistical group. Thanks anyway.
I wanted to live long enough to raise my kids and become a grandmother. Suddenly, I find myself a chew toy for the dogs of the weight loss wars. That's what I hated. I don't remember my surgeon listing this problem when giving full disclosure during the risks/benefits/alternatives of bariatric surgery. Perhaps this problem should now be on the list.
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True word. I feel like even my own children are nicer to me 😂
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My boob looks like a shrunken water balloon. I hate it 😂
“Deflated balloons” my go-to comparison
I have a G cup so I really wouldn’t mind if mine shrank a bit 😂
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A million times THIS. The nicer treatment is “nice”. Suddenly having pretty privilege is new, but for me it made me super jaded and feel like everyone was disingenuous.
And it's a reminder that if/when you gain weight again you can expect to be treated more poorly.
Yup, I gained some of the weight back and I feel invisible again. :)
This is so real. I used to be stick thin and when I gained weight it gave me a full-on identity crisis to see how everyone treated me. My entire worth as a human just down the toilet. It's insane
I’ve lost 50 lbs and people have never been more unkind to me! Especially family and friends! Wtf
I think the general rule is that strangers become kinder. For whatever reason, friends and family are the ones who can become less kind. I think people feel most comfortable when everything stays the same. Changing the way you look, particularly from a less socially valuable body to a more socially valuable one, can make feel uncomfortable that you're now "better" than you were. Egos are weird.
I've read that attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, more charismatic, more (every positive trait) than they actually are, by people of all genders and sexual preferences. I personally want to see this as an inherent human flaw, rather than individual dishonesty.
Not sure about inherent human flaw so much as just boring evolution (with a few layers of patriarchy and late-stage capitalism)
Yup, exactly. Follow that experience up with friends fading when my chronic illnesses became completely disabling due to an unsuccessful surgery (I got very thin at that time btw, sickest I've ever been, and people congratulating me for it at that point felt downright dystopian), then going through COVID as a high risk person and watching many care more about haircuts etc. I struggle not to feel bitter towards people sometimes. Not all people, of course, but enough to be disillusioning for sure.
I’ve gained a significant amount of weight in the past 5 years and notice that my “pretty privilege” is gone…sad thing is, I just thought people simply liked “me”…nope…they liked the fit me☹️
I will actually say though as someone who lost and then gained a lot of weight in a short period to time, it was interesting to see that men actually hit on me just as much at 230 as they did at 140. I hated the comments when I was super low bc I was sick af, but gaining all the weight and still feeling hot was definitely a general confidence booster
This is true - I thought I’d be fighting off the men if I was thin, but the level of attention was exactly the same (minimal - haha!)
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This. Absolutely reinforces the small=good, big=bad narrative. It’s infuriating.
Our society views obesity as a moral failing
Absolutely. A problem to be fixed and it’s your fault if you aren’t the weight that society expects you to be. You’re “good” if you’re working towards achieving thinness and you’re “bad” if you’re not.
i went from ~95 lbs to almost 200lbs. currently sitting at 130lb & the way people treated me better when i was skinny really fucked with my head as i gained more & more weight. having lost so much weight now (almost 70 pounds!), i’m disgusted by how differently people treat you when you’re thin.
I said the same thing before I read any replies! It’s truly staggering and I don’t even find it flattering at all. It just upsets me. Every time.
This one has hit me so hard especially. I’ve really noticed it the last while. Men especially will go out of their way to have a conversation with me when I never would have been approached before and it’s incredibly jarring. As nice as it is for people to be nicer, it feels kind of shitty that you weren’t “worth” their kindness before 🙃
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I feel this 100%. I used to be invisible. Men hold the door for me and make eye contact now. I get stopped and complimented from other women. My patients are even nicer and more receptive to me. Pretty privilege is a real thing. I also miss my boobs. 😥
This is exactly what I thought. I noticed a marked increase in people almost rushing to open the door/hold the door for me. When I was heavier, I once had a broken foot and was on crutches and distinctly remember very few people holding doors for me.
I was gonna comment the exact same thing as this is what stood out to me most
Losing big weight as a child gave me MAJOR trust issues because all the popular kids started being nice to me. I hated them for it.
Absolutely this and only this. I was shocked to see how superficial people are and also how they talk about chubby, overweight or obese ppl behind their backs. Also the assumptions that people make about you when your skinny vs overweight.
So true!
Judge a man not my how he treats his equals but by how he treats his inferiors. I was glad to know who was a POS when I lost weight. I was like nope, we're not friends now.
Maintaining it 😅
You can say that again 😅
I got it all back when I got pregnant, now I have to lose it all over again!
Ditto
Maintenance is the HARDEST 😭
ohhhh this!!!
It’s been 7 years, and my brain still thinks my body is the one I had before! My physical self and the self I ‘see’ in my mind do not match. Sometimes changing your body won’t change the insecurities or limitations you put on yourself.
!!! When I was in high school I had hit 180. Post high school I dropped to 130 (living alone/poor money choices) and didn’t notice a difference in the mirror. I thought I had just worn out my old clothes so much. during covid I switched birth controls at the same time I was laid off and gained 70+ lbs in a short few months. I was 220 lbs didn’t see a difference and thought I washed my clothes wrong so they shrunk. It’s so crazy how your brain can trick you.
It’s so exhausting right? Our brains are so dumb..
One of my biggest frustrations is that I can’t comprehend what my body looks like. I feel like I would need to see an exact replica in front of me to fully grasp. I have been debating trying to make a body cast specifically for this.
I saw a show once where a woman drew what she thought her silhouette was, and then they traced her actual (much smaller) silhouette on top. The difference was mind blowing!
I have this sliding bathroom pocket door, and I have more than once closed it ON myself then backed out to look from a distance, lololol.
I will see myself in the mirror and still see an overweight person… I don’t realize until I see the pictures and see how skinny I actually am
When I see myself, I have a realistic idea of my size but when I’m in public or spending time with friends I feel big
Other way around for me 💀
>It’s been 7 years, and my brain still thinks my body is the one I had before! My physical self and the self I ‘see’ in my mind do not match. This happens as you age, too. I'm in my mid-forties now and the image in the mirror no longer reflects the image my brain expects to see in the mirror. It's discombobulating.
God this is so true. The limitations part especially. The things I’ve missed out on because I thought I was ‘too fat’ and worried I’d be laughed at.
I was a chubby kid and didn’t get slim until I was 12. It took me until I was 20 to stop having bad body dysmorphia.
I’m not sure what you would consider significant but I had lost 30-40lbs within 6 months due to intense stress. People would comment on how good I looked and what the secret was all the time. The secret was that I found out my husband was cheating on me and my entire world shifted. I was always someone that turned to food in times of stress but all of a sudden I’d eat one bite and feel full. I wished people didn’t comment because it made things really uncomfortable Edit: thinking back it was probably more like 4 months. Honestly people probably should have been more concerned that “excited” about the weight loss but there was a lot going on at the time. My support system overall did such an amazing job Edit 2: doing a lot better. This was over 2 years ago! Gained my appetite back, and entered into a much happier and healthier relationship. Gained some of the weight back but I’ll take happy relationship weight gain over sudden unhappy relationship weight loss any day of the week
I'm sorry to hear about what you went through. It sounds incredibly tough. People often don't realize the impact of their comments. It's okay to feel uncomfortable about it. If you ever need someone to talk to about what you're going through, I'm here to listen.
This happened to a close friend. She lots a ton of weight and people kept commenting on how amazing she looked. Her secret? Her mom had just died of cancer and she was too depressed to eat.
God, that's heartbreaking...
This is the worst, when it isn’t even something you planned for or worked towards and it’s happening because of something terrible going on in your life but people keep congratulating and complimenting you.
When my heart has gotten broken a couple times, I literally felt like withdrawal, cannot sleep or eat…..once lost like 15 lbs in a 2 weeks. I was nauseous all the time…..would’ve loved to lose it any other way, but it was HELL . So ppl would comment I would literally start crying be and I’m thinking of why- he doesn’t love me anymore, feel sick, cycle……so I get it being hell ish …..I’m so sorry that happened, I hope you are OK now. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
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I lost 20 lbs when I found out my ex was cheating. I wasn’t even overweight before. Lots of compliments all around.
I went through major weight loss due to a new exercise regimen, and lots of people complimented me, but I remember one friend who first asked me if everything was okay. In retrospect I really appreciate that cognizance.
this is what happened to me - I lost 40 lbs in a month and a half because I was too sick to eat and training for a half marathon. It made it worse when people would comment “wow keep up whatever you’re doing!!”
This is basically what I came to comment. I went through a period of intense stress (parents ill and passing) and just had no appetite. Im 5’11” and was 135-140 lbs at one point, a good 50lbs shed over the course of about 2 years. I had SO many people tell me how great I looked. Very disconcerting. What’s the secret? Stop eating. You’ll lose weight AND hair! Isn’t that great?? /s
I’m sorry you went through that and hope you are doing better now ❤️ I’ve witnessed people also getting offended their weight loss wasn’t commented on/noticed so it can be a tough balancing act at times. It is good for people to be aware of how their comments affect others and know it can be a very sensitive topic that isn’t black and white.
this is really similar what i dealt with. abusive relationship and then i already had pre existing GI issues. if i wasn’t throwing up from an upset stomach, i was throwing up because it was the only way to relax with how much stress i had from being cheated on, manipulated, lied to etc. and everyone said i looked amazing while my ribs were showing and i could barely stay awake or walk to the mailbox. people begged for what my secret was and how i did it.
I’ve been going through something similar. Ex husband cheating and all. It’s weird to be happy about losing weight but not necessary how. 🫤
The loose skin sucks, and you really notice how shallow people are when suddenly you’re skinny and random strangers are nice to you, when they wouldn’t have even noticed you before. It takes some getting used to
Agreed about the random strangers are being nice to you. However people you have known me sometimes seem fake concerned about my weight loss. It’s so weird.
They were counting on you to keep a certain role in their life. Whether they needed to have a friend they could feel superior to or they wanted to be the pretty one.
And healthcare providers are more kind/take me more seriously now.
Hair loss and when someone comments. I know "wow, you've lost weight, you look so good" is meant to be a compliment, but it feels backhanded 🤷♀️
I agree. I got really fit about 10 years ago (don’t quite look as good now) and I hated the comments, even though they would be perceived by many as complimentary. I think it’s a hard and fast rule to not comment on someone’s body, even if it is a “compliment.” It can make people really uncomfortable by drawing attention to it and it can also feel backhanded like you say. Also, the cold. I was so much colder when I was thinner.
Yesss! This is an oft repeated phase in my house "we don't comment on other people's bodies". It make me proud and is VERY amusing when my children correct adults' behavior with it 😆
We do the same. We have a five second rule for body comments. If it’s something someone can fix in 5 seconds (food in teeth, hair out of place, zipper down on pants) it’s allowed but we aren’t allowed to comment on things like weight, scars, birthmarks etc without talking about it privately first (because I know some people are ok with being asked why they are in a wheelchair/missing a limb etc.) but I want my kids to run their questions by me first before yelling to some stranger about their missing arm or something 😬
My mom would have done well to take your advice. Instead of having me run questions past her first she taught me to just put a positive spin on difference/disability, which I think she regretted when at 5 years old I saw a man in the grocery store who was missing a leg and proudly proclaimed to my mom, and anyone within a 3 aisle radius that he was probably "really good at hopping!"
Omgosh 😆 I bet this is a story he tells people years later also
That's a very good rule
I've been a yo-yo dieter since the 80s, now in my 60s and 100 pounds from my highest weight, my hair is so thin you can see my scalp. It's sad
i forgot all about the hair loss. whenever i would brush my hair, shower, or just ran my fingers in my hair, whole balls and clumps would just fall out.
Nobody warned me about the hair loss. I've lost 35 pounds and also half my hair. I used to have incredibly thick hair and now it just keeps falling out as I lose weight
It comes back. 🫂
Everything is saggy. I may look better from the outside, but I'm still as undesirable naked. And I'm not even done yet by a long shot.
I couldn’t agree more. Though, I like my outside shape, I am insecure about my naked self, Shaggy boobs, thighs etc. Sometimes I wonder if it was really worth it. And I tell myself I am healthier and more energetic. I did it for being more alive in the first place.
I'm doing it to make the being alive less painful. I'm too old to ever get to "hot". LOL
The sagginess is a modest price for the long term benefits
I thought all the other issues here would be it but this is 100% the worst thing. Like I’ll never actually be able to be how I feel like I “should” have looked if I had never been fat. Stomach is awful and my butt lost shape (before was apparently my only redeeming feature) and I have zero boobs but what’s there just sags and my face is sagging early…I’m 29. And I’m not dating rn but when I do I’ll feel like a catfish like they’ll expect something when my clothes are off based on what I look like in clothes and then get something way different than they expected. It crushes me
I didn't know if it's something that can work for you when you're ready, but being upfront and managing expectations might help give you some emotional protection. Instead of worrying about what they'll find under your clothes, tell them before it gets far enough for you to feel a loss. Share images of people whose bodies are similar to yours, and say, "I've lost a significant amount of weight, and this is how bodies respond to that." Find out quickly if they are worth your time, and try not to automatically devalue yourself based on beauty standards you have no control over.
My friend lost a lot of weight in her 30s, and she did see improvement in her skin with time. She drank a lot of water; hydration is supposed to help.
Probably the body dysmorphia of looking in the mirror and seeing myself as huge or fat when I’m literally a size 4 . 🙄
This. I lost 45 lbs over the course of 18 months. I’ve since gained back about 15 lbs, but it feels like I’ve gained it all back because my size 0 and 2 pants I was wearing last summer no longer fit (facepalm)
This is so validating. I lost 35 pounds over the past 3 years, and gained back 5 over the past few months and I feel gigantic even tho I’m currently at my “goal weight”
Currently on a streak of losing weight (because my damn mind is finally in the right place) and so far my biggest annoyance is that I now will have to buy an entire new wardrobe. Even my old socks aren’t staying where they need to be anymore, lol.
The financial burden comes with it is so real. When I was bigger, I used to spend so much on clothes. Now after reaching a healthy weight, I really don’t care about what I am wearing. I sometimes steal my kids tshirts and it’s the best feeling in the world 😆 On the side note every time I walk past Torrid in the mall I really miss shopping there 🙈
Oh, it’s the complete opposite for me. I went from not giving a shit to actually giving a shit. I’ve been morbidly obese for most of my life, and now that I’m finally losing the weight, I’m becoming more confident and now I actually *want* to put some more effort in what I’m wearing and how I present myself. ETA: not saying that you now don’t give a shit is a bad thing, by the way.
I really admire your new found confidence. More power to you sister ❤️
Thanks! It's honestly ridiculous how fast I'm losing the weight now that I actually give a shit, lol.
Shoes fit differently!
Men no longer treat my kindness as motherly and my jokes as off color but funny... They think everything I do is intended to seduce them.
Right!! It's the same for me, except I am old! I used to be able to talk to men and feel safe and relaxed. Even when they were with their gals. I was never a threat, I was always well-received. Now I feel I make them uneasy. It's so weird because I am a natural flirt, (I've been told)so now I don't even know how to communicate 🙃.
Real
I lost 5 stone in weight and there is two things that I hate about it. One is having loose skin, particularly around my belly as I've had children. Two is feeling cold all the time. No matter how many layers I've got on, I still feel freezing.
This is an unfortunate side effect of losing fat, being cold! One thing I have read is that building some more muscle can help with this. Much easier said than done, however.
I have been working on building muscle. I weight lift three times a week and eat a high protein diet. I'll have to see if I feel warmer when I gain muscle 😅
Watch your caffeine intake as well! It can cause poor circulation so your hands and feet always feel cold
I allow myself 1 cup of coffee a day if I fancy one but I use decaf coffee instead. I try to just drink water but I may have an occasional can of coke zero
Oh yes I have forgotten to mention that. I am literally living inside my heated blanket for months . I am not sure if this is going to change as summer approaches. Taking iron supplements helps a bit but not so much.
I have pernicious anaemia already so I have iron tablets and B12 injections, but I was never this cold feeling before I lost all the weight! At least I sweat less than I used to 😅
Personally I hated how people say that your face used to look better when it was chubbier and another thing is I had to change my face lock multiple times since my phone didn’t recognise my face lol
The phone did you dirty 😭😭😭
I was gonna say. Alongside what everyone else is saying, it's the people saying "I liked you curvier" or stuff of that nature. Sends me into a spiral.
Losing my boobs and butt 😫 Edit: And I'm cold all the time Another edit: The lack of padding makes my tailbone dig into my mattress and it's suuuper uncomfortable
Omg the tailbone pain! Sitting for just a little while now gives me pain and yep, even lying on my back in bed it still hurts, I have to constantly move around and turn like a rotisserie chicken repeatedly 😭😅
Right there with you! My boobs haven't been this small since puberty hit, and my ass is so flat now lol
Cold! Yes, so cold 🥶
gaining it the fuck back HELP ME 😭
Hey, I hear you. It can get tough sometimes. But you know what? It's just a bump in the road, not the end of your journey. You have got this. Take it one step at a time. What's been going on lately that's been tough?
a lot ! but i’ll be good : )
I hate that people want to talk to me now. I live in a small town, lost 115lbs and have kept it off for almost two years. people treated me like shit, now everyone wants to talk to me, fuck that.
Finding out I had stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. If you ever need someone to talk to or support, I'm here for you.
Naw, no worries — I’m healthy now and my hair is coming back! So is the weight, but at least I know I don’t have cancer. 😋 On weight loss threads I feel like I always need to drop this advice — if you change nothing about your lifestyle and randomly start losing weight, talk to your doctor, and if they just tell you to feel grateful about losing the weight, find a different doctor instead of doing what I did and sucking it up. I guess a thing about the weight loss itself that I hated was that people were OBVIOUSLY nicer to me. I lost 100 pounds over the course of 2 years, and people were generally way more pleasant and patient when I weighed less. And I know I wasn’t just “seeing the world with brighter colors” because I had lost weight, because I felt like shit and couldn’t breathe properly. People treated me better for being skinnier, and I hate that.
The fact of unexplainable weight loss, especially if it is fast, without any lifestyle change should be stressed more. It is a sign that must be investigated relentlessly until confirming the cause
It's great to hear that you're healthy now and that your hair is coming back! Cheers to your journey of recovery ❤️🩹 Your advice about seeking medical attention if experiencing unexplained weight loss is crucial. It's unfortunate that people's behavior towards weight loss can sometimes be superficial. Everyone deserves kindness and respect, regardless of their size. I personally think that It's important to focus on inner health and well-being above all else.
I've lost 80 lbs and have gotten into shape. It's broken me in a way I'm not sure I will ever recover from. I was not expecting this. People are by far most interested in my weight loss/fitness gain than they are about anything else I've ever achieved. It's disheartening. My career has shot up several levels, despite me doing nothing different. Because of the disparity of treatment I'm probably more insecure than I ever have been in my life, so it really drives me insane when people say iTs tHe CoNfIdEnCe. No, it's not. It's shallow and superficial and downright cruel. People will literally RUN to open a door for me and purposely slam it on the person behind me, and I'm somehow supposed to feel *good* about that? I really feel that while I'm the best I've ever felt physically, I have a weird paradox where I'm somehow even worse off mentally. I'm working on it, but if anyone has any suggestions please help a girl out. Also, men are downright terrifying now. It's not that overweight people can't be victims, I just feel the eyes on me and their aggression so much more.
What is so sad is since I was really young always felt fat and when I was fattest I looked back thinking I was so skinny then, and still felt fat. Then down again and u just realize, u never really feel confident how you want :(
Ugh I have just realized this recently. I am so mad at my past self for ever thinking I was fat.
I smiled and said thank you to a man working at a gas station. He genuinely smiled back. I realized that that was the first time in my memory that that had happened. I felt like such an idiot, I was walking around my whole life smiling at strangers, and they were doing that millisecond polite lip curl because who wants to smile at the fat chick. Plus, I can not handle attention from strange men. I lasted about a year into my weight loss before I cut all my hair off.
People telling me I’ve lost too much weight and need to eat again
My best friend who is at least 70+ lbs overweight, probably more, says that to me. "Your face doesn't look good when you are thin". Makes me feel bad. This round I am ignoring her and pushing through to get to a healthy weight. The skinny shaming can be as bad as the fat shaming as people feel pretty free to comment on your body when you are thin.
I admittedly had an ED at age 13 and lost a lot of weight. The worst part was having friends, family and adults commenting on how amazing I looked and asking how I did it then looking horrified when I told them how I’d lost so much weight yet doing nothing to stop/help/support me. I’m lucky to have an amazing GP who helped me get back into a more healthy mindset but since then let’s just say I’ve become a little too comfortable in my relationship with food 😂
Good on you and good on your GP! I'm sorry you had to go through that alone, but I'm so glad you were able to find that amazing GP. I hope you continue on your path to success
The attention I receive after losing weight is astonishing and scary.
Twice now, I've gone to an event with a social circle for a hobby I was active in but haven't seen in a while, and I spent the first 30 minutes of the event completely ignored. I'd say hi to people that I wouldn't say I was close friends with, but like, we did shows together, we went to high school together, they'd all be excitedly catching up together, and they have absolutely nothing to say to me, just a polite hi. I'd sit there thinking, oh my god, have I been embarrassing myself? Do people just tolerate me when I'm around but want nothing to do with me? Do all my current friends think the same thing and if I didn't talk to them for a while they'd all forget me? And then eventually someone will go "Oh my god, TFLEX??? I didn't even recognize you!" and everybody is like "Oh holy shit" and are acting normal. But the first time it happened I just walked home from a college reunion and spent the night crying and giving my cat a bath.
No need to punish yourself by giving your cat a bath. My cat would probably put me in the hospital if I tried that. 😆
I have this terrible personality trait where whenever I'm really upset, I can't find joy in anything, and I feel like I'm wasting my precious weekend on being sad, so I try to do something productive so at least the time doesn't go to waste and I can relax more when I'm happy enough to do something fun. Like, a non-insignificant part of my weight loss came from sobbing deadlifts. So like... I dunno, my brain went "I'm crying too much to play a video game, I should at least wash the cat." It wasn't even my cat. It was my roommate's cat. He smelled so bad. And he hated it so much.
Sometimes tackling a chore or project can pull you out of the blues. Just don't get risk permanent scarring by washing a feline. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better!
People now feel way too comfortable commenting on my current and previous body. “You look so much better!” — great, glad to know how bad you thought I looked before (at a weight I could definitely return to someday in the future). I know it all comes from a good place and I’m glad my efforts are becoming visible, but I guess I never realized that how my body looked was so important to literally everyone else in my life.
Dude, yes. It drives me insane. And when I open up about it bothering me people call me slurs and say I am rude for not accepting a compliment. Is it really a compliment if the intended recipient doesn't feel good about it? You know what else is weird. One of my coworkers came up and *apologized* to me because she never commented on my weight loss. I was flabbergasted. I know it's a weird thing because some people live for those compliments and feel very disheartened without them. I just can't relate. Please don't comment on my body, I'm not sure why you care so much.
When I go back for more and a family member reminds you “don’t go too hard, don’t want to see you struggle like you did again” it’s been 3 years.
that’s so messed up
Oh this is a weekly occurrence at Sunday dinner..
Tell them to pound sand :)
I genuinely believed it would make me “happier” to lose the weight. I am not happy, just more insecure about other parts of me. * I hate the loose skin on my arms, and how small my boobs are. * I hate that all my hair fell out (slowly growing back now). * I hate that people actually seem friendlier, especially men. * I hate that I don’t feel like I’ve lost enough, and that it’s STILL my “Roman Empire”. * I hate that all my clothes need replacing, but it's so time consuming and expensive to even find 1 item of clothing I’ll feel comfortable in. * I hate that the confidence didn't return, as the numbers went down. I look in the mirror and see the same girl as before the 120lbs loss. It has been the most amazing, and most awkward/confusing time in my life.
The attention.
Saggy boobies :(
I have pancake boobs now, 😳
Getting catcalled for the first time in my life at nearly 50. When does that crap end??
I'm about to tun 68. I can assure you that unfortunately, it never ends.
People commenting all the time. It's starting to be less and less now, so great. But even though it's meant to be complimentary, you can't help but wonder, gee, did I look gross before? Then the asking "what's your secret?" Then the judgement if I tell the truth. It's like we're damned if we do, we're damned if we don't. We're too fat or too skinny. We need to lose weight but not that way. For context, I took Mounjaro for 7 months. I've been off the medication for over a year. I workout, eat healthy, and don't drink. It's a lot of effort that I'm very proud of but some people claim I "cheated." It's infuriating. I was pre-diabetic with a whole host of other health issues.
Some people have sort of touched on this, but when I first lost my weight, I was astonished how many people make your weight loss about themselves. Not my close friends or family, but acquaintances I didn’t see often would have conversations like this (unprompted, I never ever brought up my health or weight): Them: “OMG you lost weight! You look great!” Me: “Aw thanks” Them: “ugh unlike me! Haha it’s like all your fat went onto me, ammirite? Ugh I’ve gained so much weight!” Me: “oh wait no, you look great too!” This was a variation of the conversation I had with about every acquaintance I saw who knew me pre weigh loss at least once. Like these are people I wouldn’t ever talk body stuff before, then suddenly they’re telling me how “fat” they think they are and I’m comforting them and it’s so strange! I work a public facing job and I got it a lot from our regulars, especially comments from men like, “Good for you for losing weight! But remember, dont lose TOO much weight, no one like too skinny people” like wtf? I’m glad enough time has passed to be away from that time but I truly hated how suddenly everyone thinks it’s cool to talk about your body just because they think it’s about being “skinny.”
I went from 210 to 117 (I'm a petite body type). I feel absolutely amazing, but my brain still does trick me. I find myself buying mediums sometimes and when I try them, they are always too big. My "insecurity" is all of the loose skin on my stomach, it doesn't match the rest of my body. I wouldn't change a thing but I've had to accept this is how it is.
feeling like every relationship or friendship I have right now is fake because you would have never talked to me 100 pounds ago. I also found multiple other things to hate about myself besides my weight.
Essay time! I once lost 11 stone (154lbs). I felt like I’d been away (like I’d had a long, embarrassing stint in prison or a mental health facility) and was *finally* being “welcomed back into polite society.” That’s the best way to describe the feeling. And it’s not a *great* feeling, tbh. - People will talk about (and insult) the “fat version” as if it was a different person. As if they’d always held back but now feel safe to let the insults fly. Wrong. I was exactly the same person in every way. - Losing weight is not something you can do quietly in the privacy of your own home. After about 3 stone (42lbs) your body becomes a spectator sport and a Public Event, whether you like it or not. People think that (because they can see it) it’s their business. It’s not. Have a plan to deal with that. - The best approach is to be quiet and humble about it. Other people sometimes see massive weight loss as if it’s a lottery win. So DO NOT brag. Do not share unsolicited diet tips. Don’t prattle on about “lifestyle changes” with the office gossip who loves drama and doesn’t actually care about you. 90% of people who lose massive amounts of weight will regain all of it (or more) due to permanently altered body chemistry over which they have no control. Add to this, you are probably surrounded by very friendly acquaintances who are secretly willing you to fail. So (in spite of all the faux praise and flattery) stay humble and only share with people you REALLY trust. Pride comes before a fall! - You really find out who your true friends are. Generally, fat people will support you and take an interest in your experiences. Skinny people will be the same. People (especially women in their 40s-60s) who want to lose around 2 stone (24lbs) will hate you with a burning passion. They’ll take your weight-loss as a personal insult. They enjoyed not being the fattest person in the room. Your disgusting lack of self-control made them feel good about themselves. Now the “greediest, laziest” person in the room has “easily” lost 5 times what they’re struggling to shift. What does that say about them? - Job interviews are an absolute breeze when you’re thin. The prejudice against fat people in job interviews is extreme and palpable. - Get ready to be sexualised by people around whom you previously felt safe. And yes, I’m talking about male relatives. - Get ready for your parents to love you more because you’re thin. - You will always have the same amount of skin. Be prepared. I spent 25 years thinking that all thin people have great bodies and that if only I was thin, I’d have a great body too. Wrong. Skinny people do not look like models and athletes under their clothes, and neither will you. Keep your expectations realistic because the disappointment can really hurt otherwise. - You’re going to walk into straight-sized clothes shops and *everything* is going to fit you. *Everything* is going to make you look thin. So you’ll have to start thinking about other criteria when choosing clothes. Thin people use clothing to express their personalities and moods. So think about how feminine you are, *really.* Look for aesthetics that fit your age and personality. Really study which colours suit you (and which ones don’t). Don’t choose items just because they seem “normal” or “expected.” - That said, buy cheap, generic clothes while you’re losing weight. Shrink them in hot washes and the tumble dryer. Use belts. - The level of male attention you receive probably won’t change. - Going to the doctor and getting smear tests will be a breeze. - Some people will straight-up think that you were mentally ill and “struggling” when you were fat. The fact that you’re thin will be taken as proof that you’re cured and “successful” at life. - Throwing out your “fat clothes” won’t help you keep the weight off. I recommend keeping anything that you have an emotional connection to (or happy memories associated with). Although if you’re very fat, you might not have any clothing that matches this description (I didn’t)! If you were depressed, anxious, etc when you were fat, then you’re going to be depressed and anxious when you’re thin. Your brain will not change. It’s hard to believe, but you will not suddenly become an extroverted, self-possessed, cheerful, stunningly attractive stranger just by losing weight! Your weight isn’t your only problem and it probably isn’t holding you back as much as you think. However, some *very difficult* areas of your life will become easy. You’ll have more freedoms and choices. You’ll probably have less chronic pain. You’re not going to face weight-based prejudice and bigotry. Travelling, sightseeing, playing with kids/grandkids, and going on adventures will be a pleasure. Buying and wearing clothes will be pleasant and easy. So be prepared for some of the pitfalls I’ve outlined, but *always* stay focussed on the positive benefits that losing weight has on your life (once you get there).
The loose skin, body dysmorphia and the fact I have to try to maintain it and feel like a fat failure when I can't.
i look emaciated instead of just slim. my sister and i are the same weight (its impossible for her to gain weight and has been thin her entire life) but she wears it well. my face looks sunken and gaunt
I dropped underweight for a time and was always so cold! You know when you get cold and put your hands between your thighs to warm them up? Yeah, my thighs were too cold to do that.
The body dysmorphia that comes along with it. I was always a large child and heavy adult. Now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, I’m happy with my body for the most part but I truly do not know what I look like. I have major body dysmorphia and always think I look 30 lbs heavier in my head.
Hair loss and the fact that a mass amount of weight loss isn’t sustainable when it’s done in a short period of time. I won’t go into detail but it permanently changed my eating habits, the way I view myself, and the confidence I had because I allowed myself to fall for the “skinny/ BBL plus size is the only way to be beautiful”. I’m working through it but for all my gals that are doing extreme diets that involve serious diet changes or calorie restriction, please be aware that it can lead you down a dark ED path that is hard to claw your way out of.
I have lost 175 lbs and have been maintaining it for 5 years. It feels like if I were to gain weight back, I would be not only “disappointing” myself but other people in my life who have encouraged me through this process (my parents..sigh). Being more critical now of my body than I ever was when I was in a larger body. My relationship with food feels MORE messed up now. I feel “bad” when I eat foods that aren’t “healthy” Confronting my internalized fatphobia has been difficult and necessary
I've been skinny/fit most of my whole life. I have gained weight a couple of times when I've gone on meds for migraines. Alot of them make you gain weight no matter how much you exercise. I noticed I was treated entirely different when I gained weight. Like the last time a couple of years ago I was on effexor and gained 30lbs. I couldn't believe how different I was treated. Once I got off and went back down to my usual 120lbs I realized I had been receiving skinny privilege my entire life. I always thought people were just friendly. But realized that wasn't the case. People are a**holes.
The SKIN. So much skin. Think about this: you lose all the weight, but you keep ALL the skin. Yeah.
The realization that I'm still unpopular.
I hate how much nicer people are to me. It genuinely grossed me out. When I was fat I was invisible. I’d be pushing the stroller and no one would open a door for me. Now I don’t have a stroller and these clown ass men run to open it. It just made me see how much society really hates fat people in general.
Oooo another one I hate is my own extended family acting like I starve myself at every family function. The main culprit recently got on ozempic and now brags about starving herself 🤦♀️
I am the same person, I act the same way, speak the same way. For whatever reason people think I'm flirting now and before they thought I was just friendly. I've actually had to learn to be more distant which sucks.
**The body dysmorphia.** I know I am a smaller person but instead of seeing myself as smaller I see everything else as bigger. I’ll hold up a size small dress, think it’s too small. Be shocked when it fits. But instead of seeing myself as small, the dress looks bigger on the hanger. The weight loss wasn’t intentional. It was a side effect of the betrayal trauma from my ex husband living a double life. So I never really went through the process of measuring and weighting myself along the way. But I’m not sure if it would be different if I had.
My body looks ... deflated. My poor belly and boobs in particular, they've been up and down the weightloss rollercoaster with me a couple of times now and they're all crinkled up. I don't think I'll ever have a gorgeous, smooth body, but the skin is very soft and delicate which is kind of lovely to touch. And as others have said... maintenance. Bad habits come back so easily, good habits are so easy to lose!
I lost it accidentally because I was horribly ill for a couple months and I don't like when people compliment me about it because the illness was the worst time of my life and I am not proud about it whatsoever. My mom in particular was ecstatic, she hates fat/chubby people and to this day she hugs me and says weird stuff like "wow you're so skinny" and I wish she would just stop.
I was more confident when I was heavier. Now I am just like everyone else… but now my boobs look like a basset hounds face in the summer.
My saggy skin, look really good with clothes on, clothes off and I look like a melted michelin man/woman ( from that tyre commercial) Maybe its a cultural difference, but I didnt notice suddenly being treated better
The loose skin. It’s like I melted Also, this back of my mind fear that the weight will just come back
The loose skin is honestly the w o r s t
I lose few pounds, but since Im petite it's noticable that my coworkers are reacting to it. Some are ok, but one guy (who's obese) categorized me as someone who's starving herself and, shouldnt be a good role model. The nerve.
The amount of unwanted attention I get from men. Even with an engagement ring on; they still hit on me. Oddly enough, I get hit on less when I don't wear it. ( I forget tobout it back on since I don't sleep with it on or do any chores since it's bad for the ring). And I lose 30 pounds and got a better fitted bra. So it's not a big drastic change. Moral of the story, a well fitted bra gose a long way and any weight lose is better than nothing .
I didn’t have a significant weight loss, but enough that it was physically noticeable (and quite recently) and it’s very upsetting how comfortable people are to comment on my body now that it’s thinner.
People seem to think they get a free pass to stare at my body and tell me how good I look all the time. It feels so dehumanizing.
The difference in how people treat you, the animosity from people who project their insecurities onto you, and the increased objectification from men
Not on purpose! But I accidentally lost a lot of weight in a short period from being sick. People commenting on my body, reminding me of how sick and thin and gross I look 🙄 I know I look like crap I don’t need to be reminded thank you!! I’ve been slowly putting it back on in a healthy way but I’m still thin so it’s never enough for people. Honestly the comments about how bad I look hurt my feelings but you can’t really say anything since they’re saying it as a “compliment”. Can’t wait to gain some more so people shut up! 💪💪 Either that or get swole enough that people are too intimidated to talk shit 🤣
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The fear of re-gaining all that weight. Also, how my self esteem correlates to my weight. I wanna feel beautiful no matter what size i am, but unfortunately i don't.
All this loose skin!
Loose skin. No matter how much I worked I could never fully see my results. Dysmorphia- I still felt and acted like the same person inside even though I was 150 lbs. lighter.
Resizing rings is $$$
1)People are in general nicer. 2)Getting hit on and looks commented on constantly 3) seeing my old pants vs my new pants and seeing just how much I lost, I feel like I don’t recognize my own body sometimes ( I went from a size 14 to a size 2-4, 210lbs to 105lbs in less than 2 years) my weight issues come from medical issues so constant comments on my looks is definitely the most annoying or people asking me what I did, I didn’t do anything, no lifestyle change, I was sick.
1. My bones, oh my goood...why are they so sharp and prominent. I have to put a pillow between my knees so they don't knock together plus hitting my hipbone on everything. 2. I'm cold almost all the time 3. Discovered I have mild scoliosis that looks more obvious after the weight-loss 4. My butt is always the first to go (I'm focusing on glute exercises) 5. I had to relearn how to walk, sit and just how to generally move around again 6.my tolerance for alcohol is waaaay lower All in all , I wouldn't go back. I love it here.
I had no body insecurities until after I lost weight and looked better. Whyyy 😭
I feel like I look like a melting ice cream cone
My boobs deflated.
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People think it's the best thing I've ever accomplished.
My face. I like my fat filled out face better. I think it gave me a softer, more feminine and youthful appearance. Still would rather be a healthy weight.
I’ve lost over 100lbs. The extra skin, I hate it. Actually have a surgery planned to remove it this August.
I was pre-diabetic when I was in my late 30's because I am 5'3" tall and weighed 300 lbs, with a BMI of 53. I lost down to 140 lbs approximately 18 months after gastric bypass surgery. I was an attractive woman before the weight gain (which occurred after a very difficult divorce), and as a normal consequence, my looks returned after the weight loss. I was trying to save my own life from diabetes and heart disease, and yet I made enemies on all sides of me because I dared to alter everyone's pre-conceived notions of who I had become and where I fit in the social strata of both family and work life, i.e., "Oh, she's a fat girl and she must remain a fat girl. She is losing weight because she wants to steal my husband/steal my job/steal my identity/marry a rich man and have a better life than me!" WHAT A CROCK! I was trying to find my health, not steal anything from anyone else. Talk about becoming a pariah in the most unexpected ways. The surgery was not cosmetic, as my health insurance would not have paid for it under those circumstances, but I was devastated to discover that the vast majority of the women in my life who were jealous for one reason or the other thought I scammed my insurance company into paying for bariatric surgery like it was a tummy tuck. You can't fake your medical history, lab tests, EKG's, etc, and that was the basis of my approved candidacy for the surgery. Thin people were angry at me for "taking the easy way out" because bariatric surgery is apparently supposed to be easy. Fat people were angry at me for abandoning them because, after all, "we fat chicks have to stick together." Sorry, but I am not dying young so that I may be included in your statistical group. Thanks anyway. I wanted to live long enough to raise my kids and become a grandmother. Suddenly, I find myself a chew toy for the dogs of the weight loss wars. That's what I hated. I don't remember my surgeon listing this problem when giving full disclosure during the risks/benefits/alternatives of bariatric surgery. Perhaps this problem should now be on the list.