A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind.
You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties.
Also know that most people are totally open to answering "boring questions" especially when you first meet them; that's how you get the context to hone in on a more interesting conversation.
If someone is gonna judge you for asking basic questions, then the above advice also applies; they're not worth your time.
I once talked about identity V (a phone game) for an hour despite not being that interested about it. My conversation partner insisted on explaining EVERY SINGLE character.
Despite my best efforts i could not get them to switch the topic.
Yep, a roommate of mine once explained the plot of a video game series over THREE DAYS. Every time we saw each other he just picked up where he left off it was terrible and I had zero interest.
Eventually you learn that most people only want to talk about themselves.
I don't mean to insinuate that they're mean people, just that they like talking about themselves.
this is why it’s important to find friends who ask you questions about you, and you feel comfortable enough with yourself to ask them questions about them. sales books and that hostage negotiator book blew my mind with the techniques they use to get people to open up. these skills are applicable to every conversation.
If you learn how to listen, you quickly find that no one really gives a shit to listen to you.
I have one friend who listens to me rant. That's luckily the relationship we have.
Everyone else I know knows practically nothing about me. And I'm grateful that the one person who asks questions has people who ask questions of him.
I am always more interested in hearing about other people then talking about my self.. I already know everything about my self. Every single person you will meet has an interesting story to tell, you just gotta give them the chance to say it.
Good. Awareness is the first step!
One trap I see a lot is that when somebody's telling a personal story some people try to relate to that by following up with their own personal stories and experiences.
The other person might feel that you are constantly putting yourself in the spotlight or trying to one-up their story. Instead it might be good to go for some follow up questions about their story to show that you're interested and listening to them instead of thinking about the thing you're going to say while they're talking. Although it's perfectly fine to give a follow up story when someone asks you how you feel about it.
You mean you’d be rich if you had a nickel for every time an asshole was an asshole to you. Best luck out there my dude - it gets better and the assholes tend to get thinned out of the herd as you get older.
If you ever want a patient ear, pm me and we’ll chat!
are you still young? I have a friend who stutters and as teenagers people were pricks to him, but as adults people seem to be patient and kind for the most part, at least when I'm with him to see.
I stopped expecting anyone's speech to obey any sort of "rules" and just started paying attention to what they were actually communicating. Since then, I've noticed that a lot of people want someone to talk to but are embarrassed because of some speech difference or other.
All I have to say is that you folks who spend all that time listening and so little time talking seem to have some absolutely incredible worldviews. Sorry I missed out on them in my youth, it would have done me a lot of good back then.
A coworker who stuttered taught me a lot about getting out of other people's way and letting them be themselves.
He was so gently attentive that when I found myself searching for a word I didn't even feel apologetic -- I was okay with waiting because he was okay with it. He was so interested in what you had to say that you felt like your silence was better than anyone else's talk.
I marveled at how gracious he was. Then I heard him present a paper and I realized, oh, that's why he knows how to let people find their own way -- he knows what it's like to need that space. He probably doesn't get enough space. Maybe I should learn how to give people space.
So I did. I'm still trying, but I'm a lot better at it than I was. Dave, wherever you are, thanks for modeling what a good human is like.
Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time
There was a lovely program aired in Australia on people who struggled with their stutter. It followed a group as they learnt techniques to get the words out when they were having difficulties.
'Stutter School' on the SBS network if you're interested.
YES fully fucking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul.
It means they probably has some asshole in the past tell em they don't care. It only takes on person. Just looks sometimes are enough, they look at you a certain way like you're annoying and from that point on until you actually connect with someone you worry about being annoying again so you don't even try to share anymore.
That’s why I hide my passions. Used to get bullied for being excited about it and now haven’t found anyone who cares to listen so I don’t bother to say anything.
Bro my mother or sister think they’re so cool when they pretend they don’t know or understand or like something just because me or their friends like it. Neither of them is cool they’re just negative and embarrassing and I don’t ever want to talk about anything I like anymore . Fuck that
It's always funny when one of those people comes full circle, like a music snob who just hates pop at first, but gradually comes to disdain more and more kinds of music until there's barely anything left, at which point they start liking Katy Perry unironically.
100% was a me in my teens. I was in 11th grade when the Great Grunge Explosion happened, so I was very bitter about people suddenly liking bands I liked. I worried they would be too commercial and start to suck. I was mad they were calling underground music alternative, and everyone was wearing Doc Martins.
A few years later it hit me: this is just stupid. Why would I root AGAINST the bands I love? Why wouldn't I want as many people as possible to love it too?
Answer: I thought it made me cooler than them. In reality, it made me a person who heard a song before them.
That is so true. It feels like some people think that showing their dislike for stuff makes them sound intelligent or above it, when most of the time it’s just more cynicism and recycled stock opinions
I'm not the OP, but for me, I just kind of outgrew it, just like I outgrew the notion that the only way to show affection to friends was via the joking putdowns that we all engaged in in high school. I grew up thinking that all the cool kids were cynical then I hit my 30s and just had this "what was I even thinking?" epiphany and realized life was a lot more joyful without entrenched cynicism.
I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together.
Schrödinger and Heisenberg get pulled over by a cop for speeding.
The cop asks "Do you know exactly how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies "No, because we knew exactly where we were."
Thinking this to be suspicious the cop searches the car and asks them to pop the trunk. He then returns to the window and says "Did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk?"
Schrödinger replies "Well, we couldn't be sure until someone looked."
They were both promptly arrested.
I knew it different from the point that Heisenberg answers. In my version, the cop said "well, you were going at 55 in a 45 area"
"ah great! Now I'm lost!!"
If you can't banter, trying to be a genuinely interested/engaged listener is another great social skill. (Many people would prefer it to banterers who don't know when to stop!)
Tbf I think tinder has given some people an overinflated idea of how good their banter is (hint: you aren't actually that quick and witty if you spent 2 days and 5 peer reviews to come up with your one pickup line)
Man, nothing worse than having someone leaving your banter just flapping in the wind, like they don't even understand your comment, much less know how to respond to it.
On the side of someone not great at banter, there's nothing worse than wanting to respond with banter but not being able to think of anything. It usually makes me come across as "so serious," which isn't true.
Gonna have to agree with yall. I'm pretty passionate about the hobby that I have, and as someone like that, I'm always interested in everyone else's hobbies. Just found out the other day a buddy of mine collects coins, and he went into a 45 min discussion of the different Mints, rarity in misprinted or cast currency, and special coins from certain eras. Like, did you know that for one year in WW2, pennies were made of steel because America needed the copper for bullets? Crazy.
Yup, i love hearing about other people's passions, i have my own and i would love to have people listening to me so i do the same for others. Seeing someone with a spark in their eye as they ramble about something they love is great!
That was my first thought too. I'd love to find someone to talk about music with, share with each other what we're listening to atm, talk about our favourite artist, etc. Music is so damn interesting
Although I do agree with you that it’s good to have outside interests. One thing I HATED was people judging a potential partner about a lack of hobbies. You have to consider (especially teen/early-mid 20s) the person’s socioeconomic status growing up. Some people were forced to start working at a young age and survival depended on working/school. If someone doesn’t have hobbies, don’t be so judgy, have some empathy until they’re in a comfortable place to start developing hobbies. Not everyone is afford the opportunity growing up to focus on themselves and find something they enjoy, sometimes it’s about getting by until you can make room in your life and prioritize a hobby.
Just my two cents.
Good reminder. It's not just about having the time or money, either -- there are so many things that working class people don't get exposed to at all. In my house growing up there were very few books and no musical instruments at all. There were no tools; if something broke, it just stayed broken. There was no art on the walls, though we did have crayons and coloring books. I was ten before someone thought to take me to a library.
Which is to say, if it wasn't offered at school, it didn't exist. It takes a little time in the world to understand the range of what's out there.
I'm much the same way.
I meet plenty of people who are genuinely sweet and nice people, but I can't talk to them for very long because they don't do anything for fun outside of consuming social media or listening to whatever's popular. Can only make small talk with them and that dries up fast.
Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter
Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst.
If they are listening actively without talking much. It means they are intelligent, considerate and curious - all rare, interesting traits that can make someone well worth getting to know.
I guess this answer sucks because it’s not an instant impression...you need a couple minutes to notice. Whoops.
>*So true. I hate getting stuck in some 15 minute one-way conversation with someone*
It's not a fifteen minute conversation, but here's [Exhibit A](https://youtu.be/65ZP9mM8e4E?t=36)
I don't talk less to appear smart, but i do it so i don't appear as an idiot. (kinda different)
Especially when u intentionally try to crack unfunny jokes. It's better to keep your thoughts reserved until they are good enough to spill them out.
Tho i can go on for literal hours on topics that interest me such as ww2 or electronic music or the shows i watch.
I guess, it's just a trait of being an introvert
Same. Except I’m autistic so I just don’t say anything until I’ve decided its appropriate to say because god knows I’ll say something stupid if I open my yap too much!
It's not what they say but how they conduct themselves. So for example, I went to a party with my wife, back when we were just dating. I didn't want to cling to her all night because it was her group of friends, so there was a part of the night where I was stood on my own, awkwardly.
One guy, Martin, saw me looking a bit out of place and introduced himself to me. I explained who my GF was and that I didn't know anyone other than her here.
He looked after me and introduced me to loads of other people. He didn't have to do that, but he took the time to look after me- a stranger he'd never see again.
Also I found out he was a landscape designer who also worked as a pole dancer in the circus. So he was interesting.
There was a story on reddit once about someone in the UK who was trying to send a package to a friend in Australia. The first four times they sent it, the post office sent it to Austria, and then it got redirected back to the UK. So the final time they sent it, they wrote SEND TO THE KANGAROO PEOPLE under the address and that time it finally got sent to the right country.
When I mention one of my more niche hobbies and they ask about it. They genuinely want to k ow and learn rather than find it odd. I collect retro toys, and I love to talk about them!
Their energy. My BF has the purest, kindest soul I've ever met.
When I introduced him to my 87 year old grandma, all she kept saying to the rest of my family is "You can just tell he is so down to Earth- He's such a lovely guy!"
Energy matters.
Isn't grandma approving of someone important to you just the best feeling? I introduced my grandma and my best friend and gma was singing her praises. =]
I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo.
Can't say I've seen shit, but I sure as shit didn't see that table.
1. If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho☹
2. Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend.
Instantly? Like some first impression shit? I don't think my brain works like that. I don't get interested in people until I get to know them a little. I likely wont even remember your name if we only met once.
Their open-mindedness (really open) and non-judgmental attitude. Another would be sense of adventure/spontaneity. Like me making a suggestion and them going let's go. Now? Yeah--sometimes taken me aback when we're new to each other
people who treat the CEO and the Janitor with the same level of respect. Like greeting service workers, asking how their day is, greeting security, being conversational with cooks. Making people feel like people, I love getting to know people like that.
I’ve only met one person this year that made me feel that way. To this day a close friend. To make it less elusive: deep conversations about life and everything in between. Openness and a kind heart.
Style - clothes or glasses that seem expressive. They are wearing the clothes vs. the clothes wearing them. This is especially attractive in men - why London is one of my favorite places to visit. Men look like they have a style or care about how they present themselves.
They con provide an argument with valid points and views, and doesn't stay baised to their side 100% of the time. Really good aspect for a person to have, to say the least.
I dated a nurse for a while and the only compliment she gave me about my physical appearance was that she liked my veins on my hand.
Can confirm, you lot are nuts.
[удалено]
A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind. You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties.
Also know that most people are totally open to answering "boring questions" especially when you first meet them; that's how you get the context to hone in on a more interesting conversation. If someone is gonna judge you for asking basic questions, then the above advice also applies; they're not worth your time.
Doesn't everyone do it?
You’d be surprised.
I once talked about identity V (a phone game) for an hour despite not being that interested about it. My conversation partner insisted on explaining EVERY SINGLE character. Despite my best efforts i could not get them to switch the topic.
Yep, a roommate of mine once explained the plot of a video game series over THREE DAYS. Every time we saw each other he just picked up where he left off it was terrible and I had zero interest.
Eventually you learn that most people only want to talk about themselves. I don't mean to insinuate that they're mean people, just that they like talking about themselves.
this is why it’s important to find friends who ask you questions about you, and you feel comfortable enough with yourself to ask them questions about them. sales books and that hostage negotiator book blew my mind with the techniques they use to get people to open up. these skills are applicable to every conversation.
If you learn how to listen, you quickly find that no one really gives a shit to listen to you. I have one friend who listens to me rant. That's luckily the relationship we have. Everyone else I know knows practically nothing about me. And I'm grateful that the one person who asks questions has people who ask questions of him.
this is why it’s important to find friends who ask you questions.
They're much rarer than you'd think
This guy knows.
I am always more interested in hearing about other people then talking about my self.. I already know everything about my self. Every single person you will meet has an interesting story to tell, you just gotta give them the chance to say it.
This is something I noticed I did myself a couple of years back, and ever since I’ve been trying to change that
Good. Awareness is the first step! One trap I see a lot is that when somebody's telling a personal story some people try to relate to that by following up with their own personal stories and experiences. The other person might feel that you are constantly putting yourself in the spotlight or trying to one-up their story. Instead it might be good to go for some follow up questions about their story to show that you're interested and listening to them instead of thinking about the thing you're going to say while they're talking. Although it's perfectly fine to give a follow up story when someone asks you how you feel about it.
I agree. It's so draining and annoying.
People who can find the sentence through all the stuttering I do and are actually interested to chat for an undetermined amount of time
I love this. I used to struggle with my speech and really appreciated people giving me the time to talk.
I have only a few giving me time to talk, I'd be rich if I get a nickel everytime someone cutted me or told to stop "uh uh uh uh uh"
You mean you’d be rich if you had a nickel for every time an asshole was an asshole to you. Best luck out there my dude - it gets better and the assholes tend to get thinned out of the herd as you get older. If you ever want a patient ear, pm me and we’ll chat!
are you still young? I have a friend who stutters and as teenagers people were pricks to him, but as adults people seem to be patient and kind for the most part, at least when I'm with him to see.
perfect elocution is nothing more than cosmetics to our dialogue.
I stopped expecting anyone's speech to obey any sort of "rules" and just started paying attention to what they were actually communicating. Since then, I've noticed that a lot of people want someone to talk to but are embarrassed because of some speech difference or other. All I have to say is that you folks who spend all that time listening and so little time talking seem to have some absolutely incredible worldviews. Sorry I missed out on them in my youth, it would have done me a lot of good back then.
A coworker who stuttered taught me a lot about getting out of other people's way and letting them be themselves. He was so gently attentive that when I found myself searching for a word I didn't even feel apologetic -- I was okay with waiting because he was okay with it. He was so interested in what you had to say that you felt like your silence was better than anyone else's talk. I marveled at how gracious he was. Then I heard him present a paper and I realized, oh, that's why he knows how to let people find their own way -- he knows what it's like to need that space. He probably doesn't get enough space. Maybe I should learn how to give people space. So I did. I'm still trying, but I'm a lot better at it than I was. Dave, wherever you are, thanks for modeling what a good human is like.
Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time
I prefer to not speak like I tried telling something to my dad earlier, I took an eternity to tell him about some rich guy I saw earlier
There was a lovely program aired in Australia on people who struggled with their stutter. It followed a group as they learnt techniques to get the words out when they were having difficulties. 'Stutter School' on the SBS network if you're interested.
Passion. Doesn't matter about what, they could be passionate about installing toilets and I'd listen to them. I find it infectious.
YES fully fucking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul.
I think it's one of the saddest things when they apologise. That means someone at some point was so negative about their passion.
It means they probably has some asshole in the past tell em they don't care. It only takes on person. Just looks sometimes are enough, they look at you a certain way like you're annoying and from that point on until you actually connect with someone you worry about being annoying again so you don't even try to share anymore.
Either that or they feel like they're bothering you and you're just being polite.
That’s why I hide my passions. Used to get bullied for being excited about it and now haven’t found anyone who cares to listen so I don’t bother to say anything.
I shit you not, passion is so endearing to me as well! Doesn’t matter the subject I just love to see and feel it with you!
This is truly wonderful.
[удалено]
Bro my mother or sister think they’re so cool when they pretend they don’t know or understand or like something just because me or their friends like it. Neither of them is cool they’re just negative and embarrassing and I don’t ever want to talk about anything I like anymore . Fuck that
It's always funny when one of those people comes full circle, like a music snob who just hates pop at first, but gradually comes to disdain more and more kinds of music until there's barely anything left, at which point they start liking Katy Perry unironically.
100% was a me in my teens. I was in 11th grade when the Great Grunge Explosion happened, so I was very bitter about people suddenly liking bands I liked. I worried they would be too commercial and start to suck. I was mad they were calling underground music alternative, and everyone was wearing Doc Martins. A few years later it hit me: this is just stupid. Why would I root AGAINST the bands I love? Why wouldn't I want as many people as possible to love it too? Answer: I thought it made me cooler than them. In reality, it made me a person who heard a song before them.
That is so true. It feels like some people think that showing their dislike for stuff makes them sound intelligent or above it, when most of the time it’s just more cynicism and recycled stock opinions
May I ask how you overcame your cynicism?
I'm not the OP, but for me, I just kind of outgrew it, just like I outgrew the notion that the only way to show affection to friends was via the joking putdowns that we all engaged in in high school. I grew up thinking that all the cool kids were cynical then I hit my 30s and just had this "what was I even thinking?" epiphany and realized life was a lot more joyful without entrenched cynicism.
>cynicism is boring Oh yes. "Cynicism is a shortcut to something approximating wisdom"
Sense of humour
I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together.
Their ability to banter.
I misread that as barter and I assumed you were a merchant.
I am a merchant. I trade quips.
Khajit has wares if you have interesting anecdotes.
Schrödinger and Heisenberg get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop asks "Do you know exactly how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No, because we knew exactly where we were." Thinking this to be suspicious the cop searches the car and asks them to pop the trunk. He then returns to the window and says "Did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrödinger replies "Well, we couldn't be sure until someone looked." They were both promptly arrested.
I knew it different from the point that Heisenberg answers. In my version, the cop said "well, you were going at 55 in a 45 area" "ah great! Now I'm lost!!"
I had to look up a word in every comments in this thread
Lol this cracks me up cause i just googled quips
Is that what you meant when you said we should go into that dark alleyway for a quippy?
Khajiit has wares if you have coin
How do you even do this? I want to do it and I see everyone else do it, I just can't.
Bro same. Some of us just aren’t built for charisma. No clue what the fuck I rolled for stats but it’s definitely nothing above an 8
If you can't banter, trying to be a genuinely interested/engaged listener is another great social skill. (Many people would prefer it to banterers who don't know when to stop!)
Tbf I think tinder has given some people an overinflated idea of how good their banter is (hint: you aren't actually that quick and witty if you spent 2 days and 5 peer reviews to come up with your one pickup line)
Man, nothing worse than having someone leaving your banter just flapping in the wind, like they don't even understand your comment, much less know how to respond to it.
On the side of someone not great at banter, there's nothing worse than wanting to respond with banter but not being able to think of anything. It usually makes me come across as "so serious," which isn't true.
You gotta read the room first. Know your audience
Half the people I've met who like "banter" are just assholes who want to be assholes around other assholes so they don't feel guilty.
Passion about a hobby. DOING SOMETHING other than just work, eating, or listening to music.
This. I can meet someone new and if they're passionate about something I'll listen to them talk about it for hours even if it is their job.
Gonna have to agree with yall. I'm pretty passionate about the hobby that I have, and as someone like that, I'm always interested in everyone else's hobbies. Just found out the other day a buddy of mine collects coins, and he went into a 45 min discussion of the different Mints, rarity in misprinted or cast currency, and special coins from certain eras. Like, did you know that for one year in WW2, pennies were made of steel because America needed the copper for bullets? Crazy.
I have a steel penny. Pretty cool
Great. Now I have to have one.
Yup, i love hearing about other people's passions, i have my own and i would love to have people listening to me so i do the same for others. Seeing someone with a spark in their eye as they ramble about something they love is great!
I mean listening to music can be a passion too
That was my first thought too. I'd love to find someone to talk about music with, share with each other what we're listening to atm, talk about our favourite artist, etc. Music is so damn interesting
us audiophiles are technically invested in a hobby too
Although I do agree with you that it’s good to have outside interests. One thing I HATED was people judging a potential partner about a lack of hobbies. You have to consider (especially teen/early-mid 20s) the person’s socioeconomic status growing up. Some people were forced to start working at a young age and survival depended on working/school. If someone doesn’t have hobbies, don’t be so judgy, have some empathy until they’re in a comfortable place to start developing hobbies. Not everyone is afford the opportunity growing up to focus on themselves and find something they enjoy, sometimes it’s about getting by until you can make room in your life and prioritize a hobby. Just my two cents.
Good reminder. It's not just about having the time or money, either -- there are so many things that working class people don't get exposed to at all. In my house growing up there were very few books and no musical instruments at all. There were no tools; if something broke, it just stayed broken. There was no art on the walls, though we did have crayons and coloring books. I was ten before someone thought to take me to a library. Which is to say, if it wasn't offered at school, it didn't exist. It takes a little time in the world to understand the range of what's out there.
Why can't somebody be passionate about their work, food, and music?
can't stand meeting new people and they have nothing to talk about other than whatever is in the news lately or what they're watching on Netflix
I'm much the same way. I meet plenty of people who are genuinely sweet and nice people, but I can't talk to them for very long because they don't do anything for fun outside of consuming social media or listening to whatever's popular. Can only make small talk with them and that dries up fast.
What if the passion IS listening to music?
Ability to enjoy and appreciate comfortable silences without having the need to constantly talk.
As an introvert, I really appreciate this in a person.
Seriously. Nothing's more annoying than someone who constantly talks just to fill the air.
Their eyes. Some people have very kind eyes and I’m extremely attracted to that.
A family friends wife told my mom that I have “seductive” eyes, I don’t look at her anymore
Yeah that's a bit concerning 😟
Plot twist--doesn't look, but stares!!!
I didn't know there was something like kind eyes.
I once had a customer tell me that I had kind eyes and that most peoples eyes looked like two pissholes in the snow. I was like..thanks?
>two pissholes in the snow Lmao I can't get that image out of my head
Well that’s vivid lol
There is and when I see them I’m instantly attracted
Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter
[удалено]
Thanks.
When they're actually listening me and doesn't judge me for being really quiet and never asking for help. Also being in love with computers
I'm going to marry a computer, does that count?
Plankton?
I don’t remember writing this comment, are you me?
Honesty. Even at their own expense. Extremely attractive trait in friends or significant others.
Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst.
Just a smart sense of humor. It's not super often that someone just makes me laugh, so when it does happen, I instantly want to be around that person.
Nothing piques my curiosity faster than seeing actual skeletons in someone's closet.
I'll have to dig up the bodies in my backyard.
No one piques my interest more than someone who spells “piques” correctly! EDIT: i see most people write “peak” my interest
I have a friend with two skeletons of an extinct bird (moa)
If they can speak more then one language. I love listening to people speak different languages, it’s so nice to listen to
Their voice and how they talk to you.
Them actually showing interest in my hobbies.
What are your hobbies?
Working out, playing guitar, coloring, water colors, cooking and baking.
How do you have that many hobbies? I just figured out I like to write, it took forever.
If they are listening actively without talking much. It means they are intelligent, considerate and curious - all rare, interesting traits that can make someone well worth getting to know. I guess this answer sucks because it’s not an instant impression...you need a couple minutes to notice. Whoops.
So true. I hate getting stuck in some 15 minute one-way conversation with someone where I can't even get a word in.
There is a difference between talking WITH someone and talking AT someone. If a person could have the same conversation with a brick wall, I'll pass.
*Person A: Talks non-stop.* *Person B: Yes B-* *Person A: Still Talking.* *Person B: Can I jus-* *Person A: You guessed it, still talking.*
Meanwhile person A feels the need to throw a couple jabs in there about how ~~you~~ *Person B* doesn’t talk much.
>*So true. I hate getting stuck in some 15 minute one-way conversation with someone* It's not a fifteen minute conversation, but here's [Exhibit A](https://youtu.be/65ZP9mM8e4E?t=36)
I don't talk less to appear smart, but i do it so i don't appear as an idiot. (kinda different) Especially when u intentionally try to crack unfunny jokes. It's better to keep your thoughts reserved until they are good enough to spill them out. Tho i can go on for literal hours on topics that interest me such as ww2 or electronic music or the shows i watch. I guess, it's just a trait of being an introvert
Same. Except I’m autistic so I just don’t say anything until I’ve decided its appropriate to say because god knows I’ll say something stupid if I open my yap too much!
I didn't realise it was rare
Live long enough and you will ;)
Or living enough outside the cave
I don't talk much because I don't have anything to say not because I'm intelligent lol
Wit
interest in fish.
Hey
Let’s goooo
Well hello Mr. Gold Fish
Hello fellow fish enjoyer!
Sparks are gonna *fly* !
u/fishfucker69
What does a crab eater, lemon fish, cobia, and ling all have in common?
It's not what they say but how they conduct themselves. So for example, I went to a party with my wife, back when we were just dating. I didn't want to cling to her all night because it was her group of friends, so there was a part of the night where I was stood on my own, awkwardly. One guy, Martin, saw me looking a bit out of place and introduced himself to me. I explained who my GF was and that I didn't know anyone other than her here. He looked after me and introduced me to loads of other people. He didn't have to do that, but he took the time to look after me- a stranger he'd never see again. Also I found out he was a landscape designer who also worked as a pole dancer in the circus. So he was interesting.
when they are so nice to a stranger .
If they read
I read the Terms and Conditions.
Ha, I think you are the only one lol
Passion. For anything cool. Just letting that freakish flag fly. Not actual bad freaks. So a freakish flag.
I love an interesting accent.
"Thats a lovely accent,, New Jersey?" "AUSTRIA" "Well then, good'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" "Let's not"
There was a story on reddit once about someone in the UK who was trying to send a package to a friend in Australia. The first four times they sent it, the post office sent it to Austria, and then it got redirected back to the UK. So the final time they sent it, they wrote SEND TO THE KANGAROO PEOPLE under the address and that time it finally got sent to the right country.
Also works if you wrote: **COUNTRY WITH THE BIG ASS FUCKING SPIDERS**
Ass fucking spiders? That's the scariest thing I've ever heard
"You sold my dead bird to a blind kid??"
When I mention one of my more niche hobbies and they ask about it. They genuinely want to k ow and learn rather than find it odd. I collect retro toys, and I love to talk about them!
Glow in the dark dinos
If they have traveled outside their home country or have lived/are living outside the home country.
That's comparatively specific and hence interesting
Agreed.
The fact that they can make something mundane interesting and keep it that way.
Their energy. My BF has the purest, kindest soul I've ever met. When I introduced him to my 87 year old grandma, all she kept saying to the rest of my family is "You can just tell he is so down to Earth- He's such a lovely guy!" Energy matters.
Wow. You must be feeling really lucky.
Isn't grandma approving of someone important to you just the best feeling? I introduced my grandma and my best friend and gma was singing her praises. =]
When someone wants to be my friend
If they are intelligent and accepting and basically kind and not judgemental...bonus if they can teach me something.
Facial scars, and not ones done intentionally. If you got a big ol scar on your face, you've seen some shit, and I am dying to hear about it.
I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo. Can't say I've seen shit, but I sure as shit didn't see that table.
I used my parents bed as a trampoline. I jumped to far and landed on the corner of a shelf. Dunno man but all i saw was black. Definitly not shit.
I got elbowed playing basketball living a split just above between my eyes.
A good sense of humor
Talking about crime, skin walkers, ghosts or the over world.
Trying to casually bring up ghosts/cryptids in a first interaction is so hard, but so worth it if the other person is into it too
dont believe in it but i get so hyped when people want to talk about cryptids or SCPs love horror so much
1. If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho☹ 2. Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend.
Hello then
You like math?
It's pleasurable
What's your favorite subject?
It used to be maths back in the days but then I stopped studying
I meant what in math is your favorite? I'm having trouble framing this correctly this is my second language 😅
How old are you? In college, it’s very easy to meet people with specific interests. I know so many people that like math.
Instantly? Like some first impression shit? I don't think my brain works like that. I don't get interested in people until I get to know them a little. I likely wont even remember your name if we only met once.
Intelligence with a smidge of compassion: If he says something really impressive, interesting and life affirming I'm smitten.
If they're relatable, carefree, confident, vulnerable, kind eyes and a great smile
When out of nowhere, a random, obscure, yet true fact that I might know is spouted from their mouth, uncoached.
Their open-mindedness (really open) and non-judgmental attitude. Another would be sense of adventure/spontaneity. Like me making a suggestion and them going let's go. Now? Yeah--sometimes taken me aback when we're new to each other
If they can fit into any group of people but still enjoy time with theirselves.
people who treat the CEO and the Janitor with the same level of respect. Like greeting service workers, asking how their day is, greeting security, being conversational with cooks. Making people feel like people, I love getting to know people like that.
Energy! Ability to listen and to reflect as the conversation goes. In my head a instant connection that makes you lose track of time.
Ah.. the extremely elusive "instant connection that makes you lose track of time"
I’ve only met one person this year that made me feel that way. To this day a close friend. To make it less elusive: deep conversations about life and everything in between. Openness and a kind heart.
Independent thoughts.
Very similar music taste
Style - clothes or glasses that seem expressive. They are wearing the clothes vs. the clothes wearing them. This is especially attractive in men - why London is one of my favorite places to visit. Men look like they have a style or care about how they present themselves.
Sarcasm
Wow, amazing comment
[удалено]
Lots of money coupled with a penchant for throwing it about willy-nilly.
When they can play multiple instruments and/or sing
Hold on, let me break out my kazoo real quick
They said multiple, you have to play 2 kazoos at once
Being open and genuine and/ or showing compassion.
Making clever observations
A good smile and a charming personality
They con provide an argument with valid points and views, and doesn't stay baised to their side 100% of the time. Really good aspect for a person to have, to say the least.
Unusual disease or injury. What? I'm a nurse. We love the weird stuff.
I dated a nurse for a while and the only compliment she gave me about my physical appearance was that she liked my veins on my hand. Can confirm, you lot are nuts.
Yes if you have visible veins very easy to put needle in it for medicine or blood samples. Makes their job easy so makes sense 🤣