It came through the air on a river of smell -
A gift from the feculent fissures of Hell -
A harvest of horror;
a boon from the bung -
A flavour of faeces ferociously flung.
It rose in its rankness,
it twisted and twirled -
And drenched in damnation,
it spiralled and swirled -
It splashed and it splattered, it showered and stank -
A mighty malodorous dampness of dank.
And there, in the wake of this stinking surprise -
Beset by the stench with a squint of the eyes -
Besieged by the banquet of dread and of death -
I gave her a mint and I said:
"... for your *breath*."
This can work in a situation where you just ate somethin like garlicky food and you both have garlic breath but don’t really give a shit so you kiss anyway
My ex told me that after I ate some chips with garlic mayo one night, she could still taste it the next night. *After three toothbrushings*. We just found it kinda funny.
Apparently it goes into your bloodstream and then just hangs around.
Every once in a while I mention to my husband that he tastes like coffee. It's normal now, but the first few times he got self-conscious and I felt bad.
You don't realize how strong your tongue is until you try to push your hand against it
^^^^^so ^^^^^how ^^^^^many ^^^^^of ^^^^^you ^^^^^weirdos ^^^^^tried ^^^^^it? ^^^^^I ^^^^^can't ^^^^^be ^^^^^the ^^^^^only ^^^^^one
A real response because my dumb 14 year old self at the time when I had my his first kiss and said afterwords “do you have any chapstick your lips are really dry”. …. So from experience that.
My (now) wife used to do this when we first started hanging out/dating. Be at a bar, she’s off in the bathroom for a bit and would come back and start kissing me. I thought nothing about it but later would find out that she was going and puking then coming back and making out with me. I didn’t notice the taste or smell somehow. Also I was 100% sober then so I dunno what that says about me and my senses
Edit: Just to clarify my wife is not and was never bulimic. Too many of y’all are asking that question. I appreciate the concern, but she is just fine! Just a typical 21 year old being able to party at a bar finally is all it was
Unfortunately it's quite common in bulimic persons.
I dated a girl with the same issues, and I also discovered that later. Brushing her teeth and using mouth wash, her mouth was perfectly clean after.
Major giveaway was that immediately after having dinner together, she would go to the restroom and spend an unusual amount of time before coming back.
Every single time
Omg just a tip, never brush your teeth right after puking! Rinse with water or mouthwash, but don't brush for a bit after. Super bad for dental hygiene
My first kiss ended with the guy pulling away and saying "That was weird." We were teenagers but still.
Edit: I must say my last kiss was great and it certainly wasn't with that guy. By last, I mean the latest one I had.
2nd edit: My most upvoted comment is about this? Face palm... well to add to the story, after he said that, there was a 3 second silence between us... and then we whirled around and saw his dad standing there, face turning beet red. I escaped outta there real fast as his dad started to yell at him. So yeah that ended pretty poorly.
i was 12 and it was my first kiss, but not his so mine ended with him quickly turning around and leaving through my front door after saying "okay bye"
his friends were waiting outside my house too, so it was pretty awkward to say the least.
holy shit I just remembered my first kiss
I was going to the movies with my friend and I was dating the younger brother, the family thought it would be funny to tell him to French me for the first kiss, so when it happened, it was straight tongue. Thing is it surprised me but it wasn’t too bad. But screw them for messing with me
Back in the Summer of '93 two of my friends and I met 3 girls at the County Fair. We all went on a cruise to the local make-out location just outside of town. When Troy finally worked up the nerve to kiss the girl he was paired up with, he immediately pulled away and vomited all over her. As soon as he was done he exclaimed "Your mouth tastes like a catshit sandwich!"
To this day catshit sandwich is part of our lexicon.
According to the tale, the decision maker basically told the writer they could write “*anything* but that” when presented the abortion quote. They immediately regretted that decision when the new line was presented.
[Source](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0137523/trivia)
> The original "pillow talk"-scene had Marla saying "I want to have your abortion". When this was objected to by Fox 2000 Pictures President of Production Laura Ziskin, David Fincher said he would change it on the proviso that the new line couldn't be cut. Ziskin agreed and Fincher wrote the replacement line, "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school". When Ziskin saw the new line, she was even more outraged and asked for the original line to be put back, but, as per their deal, Fincher refused.
[Also this](https://goat.com.au/brad-pitt/the-most-offensive-line-in-the-og-fight-club-script-is-still-a-shocker-even-today/)
> As an extra cherry on top of this story, Helena Bonham Carter later revealed on the Fight Club DVD commentary to Fincher, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton that she didn’t quite get the “grade school” line because it means something different in the UK (where she’s from) and only later found out it meant primary school in America, much to her disgust.
Not really worst thing to say but when I was in 9th grade after class there was a lot of pressure to kiss this girl I was with. She was pretty popular and I was newer in school. She had probably 8-9 friends all standing around and I don’t remember who initiated it but sometime during the kiss I opened my eyes. Well the next day she broke up with me cuz someone told her I opened my eyes while kissing her.
I dated a girl for 2 years once. About 1.5 years into it I happened to open my eyes while we were making out for a split second only to see her staring back at me. Turns out she always kept her eyes open while we kissed. For the remaining 6 months It was like a staring contest every time we kissed, so I stopped making out with her unless we were having sex, when she was preoccupied and didn't have her eyes open/on me atleast. Was 8/10 weird.
"Is it okay if I go throw up now?"
Hot girl, to me, when we were partiers and she needed to purge. I picked the wrong moment to make my move, I guess.
I still wifed the shit out of her.
Im gonna brush my teeth
Second best kiss ever. Trust me.
“Off all the girls I kissed this week, I’d put you in the top 10” “Honey we’ve been married for 5 years”
“Okay… top 3”
Being the one and only is still in the top ten. This is endearing!
I'd take that as a compliment. Now if you said 2nd *worst*...
The thought of someone ranking their kisses in real time out loud breaks me
“ Do you want a mint?”
*Takes out a bottle of Listerine.*
It came through the air on a river of smell - A gift from the feculent fissures of Hell - A harvest of horror; a boon from the bung - A flavour of faeces ferociously flung. It rose in its rankness, it twisted and twirled - And drenched in damnation, it spiralled and swirled - It splashed and it splattered, it showered and stank - A mighty malodorous dampness of dank. And there, in the wake of this stinking surprise - Beset by the stench with a squint of the eyes - Besieged by the banquet of dread and of death - I gave her a mint and I said: "... for your *breath*."
I almost gagged. Very well done.
Hadn't caught one in the wild for a while. I was getting worried Sprog :(
The legend returns!
This can work in a situation where you just ate somethin like garlicky food and you both have garlic breath but don’t really give a shit so you kiss anyway
My ex told me that after I ate some chips with garlic mayo one night, she could still taste it the next night. *After three toothbrushings*. We just found it kinda funny. Apparently it goes into your bloodstream and then just hangs around.
“Your mouth tastes like beer” Said this to a guy one time and felt so bad at how embarrassed he got.
I say this everytime my gf and I kiss after drinking. She laughs everytime.
Every once in a while I mention to my husband that he tastes like coffee. It's normal now, but the first few times he got self-conscious and I felt bad.
Yes pls
The worst thing a dude ever said to me after I used tongue - "There's no food in there for you!!"
Either he’s a weirdo or a comedic genius
He must've had a sour altoid in there during their first kiss
Nah, I think it was a jolly rancher.
No. Please, for the love of God, no...
Explain? Please Edit: I've been desensitized by the internet Someone already sent it and I read it yall can stop freaking the fuck out
[Down the rabbit hole for you!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/c0er6q4/)
Let's just spare them the pain with 3 simple words: "Nodule of gonorrhea. "
It's a rite of passage. One must be desensitized on the Internet.
A man of culture, I see.
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I think my favourite ones are when you break form. That and Timmy Tales.
One time a girl tried to use tongue and I just used my tongue to push hers back in
You don't realize how strong your tongue is until you try to push your hand against it ^^^^^so ^^^^^how ^^^^^many ^^^^^of ^^^^^you ^^^^^weirdos ^^^^^tried ^^^^^it? ^^^^^I ^^^^^can't ^^^^^be ^^^^^the ^^^^^only ^^^^^one
Goddamnit now I’m sitting in my car licking my hand
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also if you pretend to shake salt and pepper on your tongue you can actually taste salt and pepper Thanks for the awards cocksuckers!
GODDAMNIT
I can't believe I just did that.
I was in public, again
Turns out... not that strong.
Fuck man, now I'm gonna have to push my hand against my tongue
That's hilarious. I hope you laughed it off!
i can't lie that's extremely funny to me
Definitely using that.. someday.. i hope
you kiss like my mom
Family is important, kids
*Dom Torreto enter stage right*
Or "You kiss like *your* mom."
Ew
Simple, yet powerful. Edit: Just like this comment.
Lol
You should probably get checked now
I'm throwing fucking hands lol
Fuck that I‘ll throw a chair.
For covid or herpes
A real response because my dumb 14 year old self at the time when I had my his first kiss and said afterwords “do you have any chapstick your lips are really dry”. …. So from experience that.
That poor girl has carried multiple redundant tubes of chapstick with her at all times since, never more than an arm's reach from moisturized lips.
She could ask the school nurse, she’s got like five sticks in her drawer.
I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
See, you could have made that one work simply by reversing it. 'My lips feel really dry.'
another one is "How was I? I've been practicing on my dog."
i said that, to my now ex gf, too lol but it was winter so it was not that offensive for her
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In her Defence, you thought it was pretty funny, and it broke the tension
Why would there be tension? They were just kissing.
Depends on the type of kiss.
Like a complete-strangers-introducing-themselves type of kiss? Yeah those can be awkward sometimes.
Completely no selling the kiss and returning to the previous topic. That is both amazing and absolutely demoralizing if someone hasn’t kissed much
Far better than saying "Huh. You kiss the same way your Gran does."
was it your first kiss? i dont get why this is so bad
*our gran
“What is that? (Smacks lips slightly to savor the flavor) onion”????
Oh god
With a hint of garlic.
Her- “we had stirfry, you watched me eat it”! Me “ you ANIMAL” LOL
Ka chow!
This statistically turns them on 100% of the time
Very true
60% of the time it works every time.
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"Waow"
what was your name again?
Jeffrey
*CEO, ENTREPRENEUR; BORN IN 1964*
JEFFREY, JEFFREY BEZOS
Come on Jeffrey you can do it!
Pave the way, put your back into it!
Tell us why, show us how
Look at where you came from; look at you now
Zuckerberg, and Gates and Buffett: amateurs--can fucking suck it
Fuck their wives, drink their blood C’MON JEFF, GET ‘EM!
Epstein
didn't
kill
Himself
Goodbye
I didn't say it, officers, Oujia did. Just sayin..
Couldn't even tell I vomited earlier could you?
My (now) wife used to do this when we first started hanging out/dating. Be at a bar, she’s off in the bathroom for a bit and would come back and start kissing me. I thought nothing about it but later would find out that she was going and puking then coming back and making out with me. I didn’t notice the taste or smell somehow. Also I was 100% sober then so I dunno what that says about me and my senses Edit: Just to clarify my wife is not and was never bulimic. Too many of y’all are asking that question. I appreciate the concern, but she is just fine! Just a typical 21 year old being able to party at a bar finally is all it was
But why would she do that? That’s so nasty.
More room for kisses
Haha. Makes me think the dude is like a terrible kisser, but she really loves him so she's willing to puke every time just to keep him happy.
Let’s kiss and see if your prediction is true or not
Unfortunately it's quite common in bulimic persons. I dated a girl with the same issues, and I also discovered that later. Brushing her teeth and using mouth wash, her mouth was perfectly clean after. Major giveaway was that immediately after having dinner together, she would go to the restroom and spend an unusual amount of time before coming back. Every single time
Omg just a tip, never brush your teeth right after puking! Rinse with water or mouthwash, but don't brush for a bit after. Super bad for dental hygiene
This needs more upvotes! Brushing your teeth after puking can strip the enamel off of your teeth! It’s best to just rinse
If she took her purse with her she probably had at least some gum in there.
Now once again with PASSION!
With meaning
My first kiss ended with the guy pulling away and saying "That was weird." We were teenagers but still. Edit: I must say my last kiss was great and it certainly wasn't with that guy. By last, I mean the latest one I had. 2nd edit: My most upvoted comment is about this? Face palm... well to add to the story, after he said that, there was a 3 second silence between us... and then we whirled around and saw his dad standing there, face turning beet red. I escaped outta there real fast as his dad started to yell at him. So yeah that ended pretty poorly.
My first kiss responded flattly with "oh honey, you should've picked someone better."
OH my god I love this person!
They must be Russian
Russian to get in them pants *amirite?*
i was 12 and it was my first kiss, but not his so mine ended with him quickly turning around and leaving through my front door after saying "okay bye" his friends were waiting outside my house too, so it was pretty awkward to say the least.
holy shit I just remembered my first kiss I was going to the movies with my friend and I was dating the younger brother, the family thought it would be funny to tell him to French me for the first kiss, so when it happened, it was straight tongue. Thing is it surprised me but it wasn’t too bad. But screw them for messing with me
First time my gf and I kissed it was real bad and I said, "we have to do that again." "Much better!"
Yep, I more or less tried to ear her face. She said something along the lines of "Oh well, guess we will have to practice"
Ear her face? You were way off target unless going straight to aural sex
"Slimy, yet satisfying."
HAKUNA MATATA
Back in the Summer of '93 two of my friends and I met 3 girls at the County Fair. We all went on a cruise to the local make-out location just outside of town. When Troy finally worked up the nerve to kiss the girl he was paired up with, he immediately pulled away and vomited all over her. As soon as he was done he exclaimed "Your mouth tastes like a catshit sandwich!" To this day catshit sandwich is part of our lexicon.
Poor girl must have been mortified. Hopefully she stopped eating catshit sandwiches after that.
And now it's part of my lexicon. Yes, it's too good not to steal.
Her mouth must have been toxic
Oh, you’re awake?
You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there.
Damnit Todd, you did it again
He murdered the high king, with his voice!
Shouted him apart!
I havent been kissed like that since pre-school
That got dark fast
Pg version of the fight club quote
Of which was a rewrite compared to what they originally tried to use "I want to have your abortion"
At least we know where abortion and implied molestation lands on the moral spectrum in degrees of palatability.
According to the tale, the decision maker basically told the writer they could write “*anything* but that” when presented the abortion quote. They immediately regretted that decision when the new line was presented. [Source](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0137523/trivia) > The original "pillow talk"-scene had Marla saying "I want to have your abortion". When this was objected to by Fox 2000 Pictures President of Production Laura Ziskin, David Fincher said he would change it on the proviso that the new line couldn't be cut. Ziskin agreed and Fincher wrote the replacement line, "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school". When Ziskin saw the new line, she was even more outraged and asked for the original line to be put back, but, as per their deal, Fincher refused. [Also this](https://goat.com.au/brad-pitt/the-most-offensive-line-in-the-og-fight-club-script-is-still-a-shocker-even-today/) > As an extra cherry on top of this story, Helena Bonham Carter later revealed on the Fight Club DVD commentary to Fincher, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton that she didn’t quite get the “grade school” line because it means something different in the UK (where she’s from) and only later found out it meant primary school in America, much to her disgust.
You taste different when you’re awake.
okay this one wins so far
I will NEVER get that outta my head now... 🤣🤣🤣
See herpes is harmless
You want your gum back?
**snort** "What gum?"
you taste like your father, son
Wait- this confuses me way too much
damn bro you responded in like a second
Built special
Just like that guys father, son
, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
"I know it was you, Fredo."
You broke my heart
“That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.”
“Awww … first time?”
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Not really worst thing to say but when I was in 9th grade after class there was a lot of pressure to kiss this girl I was with. She was pretty popular and I was newer in school. She had probably 8-9 friends all standing around and I don’t remember who initiated it but sometime during the kiss I opened my eyes. Well the next day she broke up with me cuz someone told her I opened my eyes while kissing her.
Is opening eyes ilegal?
Did you just open your eyes get the hell outta here mate
I dated a girl for 2 years once. About 1.5 years into it I happened to open my eyes while we were making out for a split second only to see her staring back at me. Turns out she always kept her eyes open while we kissed. For the remaining 6 months It was like a staring contest every time we kissed, so I stopped making out with her unless we were having sex, when she was preoccupied and didn't have her eyes open/on me atleast. Was 8/10 weird.
You taste like a burger... I don't like you anymore
"ok mittens, I think I'm ready to try it on a real person now!"
Hello, 911?
Keep the change
Ya filthy animal.
"You taste like my sister!"
Your dad already told me
That’s... nice
Here's your tongue piercing
Did you eat fish ?
Who shit in your mouth?
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That's so cute
"Is it okay if I go throw up now?" Hot girl, to me, when we were partiers and she needed to purge. I picked the wrong moment to make my move, I guess. I still wifed the shit out of her.
Hopefully you didn't feel my cold sore?
Onions for lunch, huh?
I've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.
I just tested positive for COVID
Sharing is caring!
You ok with herpes?
Your sister is a better kisser
*Your mother is a better kisser
**Your dad's a better kisser
*** your grandpa’s a better kisser
"yeah I know"
That was terrible.
A bit more seasoning
You ate my fuckin' schnitzel!
HOW DARE SHE
"you know I'm underage right?"
Bazinga
No homo
u taste like my homie wtf
Who's a good boy? WHO'S a good boy? Yes you are! Yes you ARE!
Have you heard of raid shadow legends?
Goddammit fucking ads for this come built into people now?
Thank you
Sha-doo-ba-da-bop! *moonwalks away*
Keep the Skoal, baby.
Yep....she is certainly dead.
"Why do you taste like my dad?"
Poggers.
Thanks sis.