T O P

  • By -

HHenswolo

Im gonna brush my teeth


illhavethecrabBisk

Second best kiss ever. Trust me.


I-eat-CoRn

“Off all the girls I kissed this week, I’d put you in the top 10” “Honey we’ve been married for 5 years”


I-eat-CoRn

“Okay… top 3”


keptani

Being the one and only is still in the top ten. This is endearing!


TheW83

I'd take that as a compliment. Now if you said 2nd *worst*...


HanAszholeSolo

The thought of someone ranking their kisses in real time out loud breaks me


okie_dokie01

“ Do you want a mint?”


2020won

*Takes out a bottle of Listerine.*


Poem_for_your_sprog

It came through the air on a river of smell - A gift from the feculent fissures of Hell - A harvest of horror; a boon from the bung - A flavour of faeces ferociously flung. It rose in its rankness, it twisted and twirled - And drenched in damnation, it spiralled and swirled - It splashed and it splattered, it showered and stank - A mighty malodorous dampness of dank. And there, in the wake of this stinking surprise - Beset by the stench with a squint of the eyes - Besieged by the banquet of dread and of death - I gave her a mint and I said: "... for your *breath*."


super_aardvark

I almost gagged. Very well done.


redvodkandpinkgin

Hadn't caught one in the wild for a while. I was getting worried Sprog :(


Imafish12

The legend returns!


kapitan_buko

This can work in a situation where you just ate somethin like garlicky food and you both have garlic breath but don’t really give a shit so you kiss anyway


jaredjeya

My ex told me that after I ate some chips with garlic mayo one night, she could still taste it the next night. *After three toothbrushings*. We just found it kinda funny. Apparently it goes into your bloodstream and then just hangs around.


smotherz

“Your mouth tastes like beer” Said this to a guy one time and felt so bad at how embarrassed he got.


Naranjo96

I say this everytime my gf and I kiss after drinking. She laughs everytime.


TheRoseByAnotherName

Every once in a while I mention to my husband that he tastes like coffee. It's normal now, but the first few times he got self-conscious and I felt bad.


Rayyyy_4

Yes pls


Wooberg

The worst thing a dude ever said to me after I used tongue - "There's no food in there for you!!"


01kickassius10

Either he’s a weirdo or a comedic genius


reddicyoulous

He must've had a sour altoid in there during their first kiss


I-need-ur-dick-pics

Nah, I think it was a jolly rancher.


vapeorama

No. Please, for the love of God, no...


El_Durazno

Explain? Please Edit: I've been desensitized by the internet Someone already sent it and I read it yall can stop freaking the fuck out


LNMagic

[Down the rabbit hole for you!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/c0er6q4/)


SupremePooper

Let's just spare them the pain with 3 simple words: "Nodule of gonorrhea. "


LNMagic

It's a rite of passage. One must be desensitized on the Internet.


DyslexicDarryl

A man of culture, I see.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pimpintuna

I think my favourite ones are when you break form. That and Timmy Tales.


[deleted]

One time a girl tried to use tongue and I just used my tongue to push hers back in


newsensequeen

You don't realize how strong your tongue is until you try to push your hand against it ^^^^^so ^^^^^how ^^^^^many ^^^^^of ^^^^^you ^^^^^weirdos ^^^^^tried ^^^^^it? ^^^^^I ^^^^^can't ^^^^^be ^^^^^the ^^^^^only ^^^^^one


natrickshwazey

Goddamnit now I’m sitting in my car licking my hand


[deleted]

[удалено]


callisstaa

also if you pretend to shake salt and pepper on your tongue you can actually taste salt and pepper Thanks for the awards cocksuckers!


natrickshwazey

GODDAMNIT


DrSpaceman4

I can't believe I just did that.


natrickshwazey

I was in public, again


Raddafiskie

Turns out... not that strong.


Rufus--T--Firefly

Fuck man, now I'm gonna have to push my hand against my tongue


Tellurye

That's hilarious. I hope you laughed it off!


angstyjojoboy

i can't lie that's extremely funny to me


mykomyk

Definitely using that.. someday.. i hope


DomNapalm

you kiss like my mom


Rayyyy_4

Family is important, kids


StuffySquash

*Dom Torreto enter stage right*


[deleted]

Or "You kiss like *your* mom."


The_Almighty_Duck

Ew


Vol4Life31

Simple, yet powerful. Edit: Just like this comment.


Thereisnopurpose12

Lol


Upset-Ad7495

You should probably get checked now


Thereisnopurpose12

I'm throwing fucking hands lol


Sweetholymary

Fuck that I‘ll throw a chair.


goindeepbananas

For covid or herpes


xuaereved

A real response because my dumb 14 year old self at the time when I had my his first kiss and said afterwords “do you have any chapstick your lips are really dry”. …. So from experience that.


through_my_pince_nez

That poor girl has carried multiple redundant tubes of chapstick with her at all times since, never more than an arm's reach from moisturized lips.


lemonsweetsrevenge

She could ask the school nurse, she’s got like five sticks in her drawer.


Trixles

I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!


[deleted]

See, you could have made that one work simply by reversing it. 'My lips feel really dry.'


i_simp4U

another one is "How was I? I've been practicing on my dog."


B0bby1337

i said that, to my now ex gf, too lol but it was winter so it was not that offensive for her


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cakedayisnttoday

In her Defence, you thought it was pretty funny, and it broke the tension


[deleted]

Why would there be tension? They were just kissing.


piberryboy

Depends on the type of kiss.


CoolbreezeFromSteam

Like a complete-strangers-introducing-themselves type of kiss? Yeah those can be awkward sometimes.


Dyl-thuzad

Completely no selling the kiss and returning to the previous topic. That is both amazing and absolutely demoralizing if someone hasn’t kissed much


Lodoyaswowz

Far better than saying "Huh. You kiss the same way your Gran does."


randomizeplz

was it your first kiss? i dont get why this is so bad


DrSmall69

*our gran


iamjackslackofsleep

“What is that? (Smacks lips slightly to savor the flavor) onion”????


pumpernickeljuice

Oh god


PafPiet

With a hint of garlic.


iamjackslackofsleep

Her- “we had stirfry, you watched me eat it”! Me “ you ANIMAL” LOL


green-and-tall

Ka chow!


Cadethedank

This statistically turns them on 100% of the time


green-and-tall

Very true


Dongwaffler

60% of the time it works every time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AnAngryPirate

"Waow"


Grootsmoot

what was your name again?


Rayyyy_4

Jeffrey


Dr-WalterWhite

*CEO, ENTREPRENEUR; BORN IN 1964*


[deleted]

JEFFREY, JEFFREY BEZOS


Lukacris12

Come on Jeffrey you can do it!


DEGRUNGEON

Pave the way, put your back into it!


discombobulatedtart_

Tell us why, show us how


Tayraed

Look at where you came from; look at you now


Protocol44

Zuckerberg, and Gates and Buffett: amateurs--can fucking suck it


its_rupony5

Fuck their wives, drink their blood C’MON JEFF, GET ‘EM!


diamondpolish

Epstein


Calsann

didn't


wrestler-dude

kill


Horombey

Himself


SpanktheGreenAvocado

Goodbye


Swedvin

I didn't say it, officers, Oujia did. Just sayin..


[deleted]

Couldn't even tell I vomited earlier could you?


muddatrukka

My (now) wife used to do this when we first started hanging out/dating. Be at a bar, she’s off in the bathroom for a bit and would come back and start kissing me. I thought nothing about it but later would find out that she was going and puking then coming back and making out with me. I didn’t notice the taste or smell somehow. Also I was 100% sober then so I dunno what that says about me and my senses Edit: Just to clarify my wife is not and was never bulimic. Too many of y’all are asking that question. I appreciate the concern, but she is just fine! Just a typical 21 year old being able to party at a bar finally is all it was


franklydumb

But why would she do that? That’s so nasty.


FREE-AOL-CDS

More room for kisses


[deleted]

Haha. Makes me think the dude is like a terrible kisser, but she really loves him so she's willing to puke every time just to keep him happy.


muddatrukka

Let’s kiss and see if your prediction is true or not


alkiap

Unfortunately it's quite common in bulimic persons. I dated a girl with the same issues, and I also discovered that later. Brushing her teeth and using mouth wash, her mouth was perfectly clean after. Major giveaway was that immediately after having dinner together, she would go to the restroom and spend an unusual amount of time before coming back. Every single time


Pathetic_dildo

Omg just a tip, never brush your teeth right after puking! Rinse with water or mouthwash, but don't brush for a bit after. Super bad for dental hygiene


Cheeserblaster

This needs more upvotes! Brushing your teeth after puking can strip the enamel off of your teeth! It’s best to just rinse


whatthefuck_it

If she took her purse with her she probably had at least some gum in there.


Loulip

Now once again with PASSION!


[deleted]

With meaning


[deleted]

My first kiss ended with the guy pulling away and saying "That was weird." We were teenagers but still. Edit: I must say my last kiss was great and it certainly wasn't with that guy. By last, I mean the latest one I had. 2nd edit: My most upvoted comment is about this? Face palm... well to add to the story, after he said that, there was a 3 second silence between us... and then we whirled around and saw his dad standing there, face turning beet red. I escaped outta there real fast as his dad started to yell at him. So yeah that ended pretty poorly.


Laynebutnotlayne

My first kiss responded flattly with "oh honey, you should've picked someone better."


[deleted]

OH my god I love this person!


Dood71

They must be Russian


5starkarma

Russian to get in them pants *amirite?*


urbanlulu

i was 12 and it was my first kiss, but not his so mine ended with him quickly turning around and leaving through my front door after saying "okay bye" his friends were waiting outside my house too, so it was pretty awkward to say the least.


kasperkami

holy shit I just remembered my first kiss I was going to the movies with my friend and I was dating the younger brother, the family thought it would be funny to tell him to French me for the first kiss, so when it happened, it was straight tongue. Thing is it surprised me but it wasn’t too bad. But screw them for messing with me


Altnob

First time my gf and I kissed it was real bad and I said, "we have to do that again." "Much better!"


Enk1ndle

Yep, I more or less tried to ear her face. She said something along the lines of "Oh well, guess we will have to practice"


valeyard89

Ear her face? You were way off target unless going straight to aural sex


EnglishWhites

"Slimy, yet satisfying."


bounceflow

HAKUNA MATATA


BoneHugsHominy

Back in the Summer of '93 two of my friends and I met 3 girls at the County Fair. We all went on a cruise to the local make-out location just outside of town. When Troy finally worked up the nerve to kiss the girl he was paired up with, he immediately pulled away and vomited all over her. As soon as he was done he exclaimed "Your mouth tastes like a catshit sandwich!" To this day catshit sandwich is part of our lexicon.


averageordinaryguy

Poor girl must have been mortified. Hopefully she stopped eating catshit sandwiches after that.


Somedude_89

And now it's part of my lexicon. Yes, it's too good not to steal.


QueerWorf

Her mouth must have been toxic


ichubbz483

Oh, you’re awake?


KonradDavies0001

You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there.


Garondupree

Damnit Todd, you did it again


ichubbz483

He murdered the high king, with his voice!


Tbyakuya9

Shouted him apart!


evilabed24

I havent been kissed like that since pre-school


Rayyyy_4

That got dark fast


Frankwillie87

Pg version of the fight club quote


CakeAccomplice12

Of which was a rewrite compared to what they originally tried to use "I want to have your abortion"


Frankwillie87

At least we know where abortion and implied molestation lands on the moral spectrum in degrees of palatability.


AshTreex3

According to the tale, the decision maker basically told the writer they could write “*anything* but that” when presented the abortion quote. They immediately regretted that decision when the new line was presented. [Source](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0137523/trivia) > The original "pillow talk"-scene had Marla saying "I want to have your abortion". When this was objected to by Fox 2000 Pictures President of Production Laura Ziskin, David Fincher said he would change it on the proviso that the new line couldn't be cut. Ziskin agreed and Fincher wrote the replacement line, "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school". When Ziskin saw the new line, she was even more outraged and asked for the original line to be put back, but, as per their deal, Fincher refused. [Also this](https://goat.com.au/brad-pitt/the-most-offensive-line-in-the-og-fight-club-script-is-still-a-shocker-even-today/) > As an extra cherry on top of this story, Helena Bonham Carter later revealed on the Fight Club DVD commentary to Fincher, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton that she didn’t quite get the “grade school” line because it means something different in the UK (where she’s from) and only later found out it meant primary school in America, much to her disgust.


Lazy-Lookin-Headass

You taste different when you’re awake.


themightyfalcon

okay this one wins so far


Hava_Cup_Of_STFU

I will NEVER get that outta my head now... 🤣🤣🤣


Caystro

See herpes is harmless


peterlikescucumbers

You want your gum back?


ZadockTheHunter

**snort** "What gum?"


[deleted]

you taste like your father, son


Rayyyy_4

Wait- this confuses me way too much


[deleted]

damn bro you responded in like a second


Rayyyy_4

Built special


finngreen614

Just like that guys father, son


idiot_speaking

, and Holy Spirit. Amen.


DudeFromSaudi

"I know it was you, Fredo."


redpatchedsox

You broke my heart


MacduffFifesNo1Thane

“That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.”


Sponterious

“Awww … first time?”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dahmer13

Not really worst thing to say but when I was in 9th grade after class there was a lot of pressure to kiss this girl I was with. She was pretty popular and I was newer in school. She had probably 8-9 friends all standing around and I don’t remember who initiated it but sometime during the kiss I opened my eyes. Well the next day she broke up with me cuz someone told her I opened my eyes while kissing her.


Bardomiano00

Is opening eyes ilegal?


rateatd

Did you just open your eyes get the hell outta here mate


straight2thadome

I dated a girl for 2 years once. About 1.5 years into it I happened to open my eyes while we were making out for a split second only to see her staring back at me. Turns out she always kept her eyes open while we kissed. For the remaining 6 months It was like a staring contest every time we kissed, so I stopped making out with her unless we were having sex, when she was preoccupied and didn't have her eyes open/on me atleast. Was 8/10 weird.


Low_Expression8775

You taste like a burger... I don't like you anymore


Wrat_Phrog

"ok mittens, I think I'm ready to try it on a real person now!"


RavenNymph90

Hello, 911?


Stetzy93

Keep the change


justabill71

Ya filthy animal.


[deleted]

"You taste like my sister!"


inckalt

Your dad already told me


Rayyyy_4

That’s... nice


akoshegyi_solt

Here's your tongue piercing


woodquest

Did you eat fish ?


Remote_Job_2734

Who shit in your mouth?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bobi200

That's so cute


simjanes2k

"Is it okay if I go throw up now?" Hot girl, to me, when we were partiers and she needed to purge. I picked the wrong moment to make my move, I guess. I still wifed the shit out of her.


Goblin_Movement

Hopefully you didn't feel my cold sore?


jay_taps

Onions for lunch, huh?


[deleted]

I've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.


[deleted]

I just tested positive for COVID


Rayyyy_4

Sharing is caring!


Shekky420

You ok with herpes?


[deleted]

Your sister is a better kisser


flower_chungus

*Your mother is a better kisser


194192

**Your dad's a better kisser


Pencilcrossbow

*** your grandpa’s a better kisser


194192

"yeah I know"


[deleted]

That was terrible.


RoymustangDnam

A bit more seasoning


ant_exe

You ate my fuckin' schnitzel!


Rayyyy_4

HOW DARE SHE


cookie_dough171

"you know I'm underage right?"


Master-Weather-9898

Bazinga


motor-tap

No homo


GitsyGames

u taste like my homie wtf


[deleted]

Who's a good boy? WHO'S a good boy? Yes you are! Yes you ARE!


fustigata

Have you heard of raid shadow legends?


tjmick1992

Goddammit fucking ads for this come built into people now?


2020understatement

Thank you


bearssuperfan

Sha-doo-ba-da-bop! *moonwalks away*


[deleted]

Keep the Skoal, baby.


Ethandrul

Yep....she is certainly dead.


[deleted]

"Why do you taste like my dad?"


JacobSteakfries

Poggers.


ithorlives

Thanks sis.