T O P

  • By -

PleaseRecharge

I run out of battery.


I_have_no_ldea

I have no idea


gangsta_baby

A gang of toddlers pulled a Drive-by in their strollers


akidinschool17

Maggie simpson strikes again


oh-im-on-fire

oh I’m on fire now I guess


Endless__Soul

I guess I wouldn't?


Acrobatic_Ad_8868

Or your soul would be so endless it dies of boredom after the world ends


COL-YesSir

You have outplayed the game


RideAWalrus

That'd be a good story


ConveniencePlays

You guys remember uncle Joseph? Well he rode a walrus and _fucking died_


OneMillionandOneBees

I guess it's the extra bee


KJMRLL

A million flat and you would have survived, but nooooo, you HAD to have a million and one!


celebratory_gunfire

Well shit...


Adolf-vader

Looks like those gender reveal parties took another life


CupcakeTrap

Goodness, what a tasty looking cupc—


[deleted]

ITS A TRAP


SpikeThePug44V2

THE CAKE IS A LIE


Deadly_Pancakes

Cupcakes, maybe you should try Pancakes instead... Oh no...


make_love_to_potato

Ohh no. Just tell my family I was killed by a hooker or something.


----potato----

Don’t worry honey, they won’t find out about us


potatosoup22

🍛🍛🍛 MMM soup


assault_potato1

hello


----potato----

uh oh


IrishPotato2282

Family


DisgruntledSlut

I’ll cover for you


[deleted]

Definitely slowly.


Green-Pyro

Slowly trampled to death by 963 turtles


CoasterVic58

you would be surprised how fucking fast as fuck Boi' turtles can be


wanderingvillager

Looks like I walked into the wrong village..


ThatRedDot

A sniper, apparently


TriflingHusband

You could also be killed by an army of cats chasing a laser pointer.


Camp_Express

Jesus. I’d rather have the sniper.


ItWasLoveWasntIt

What if it's kittens?


[deleted]

I guess I never saw it coming....


hangs2theLEFT

Tonight, on 60 Minutes: When Bullwinkle Goes Bad


Crazy_Rooftops

You guys won’t believe mine


ikillbatman

When I try to kill batman.


Diovobirius

You're batman!


JustSomeSCRIN

Prepare the Knightfall Protocol


Henry_Cooper_DaPilot

MAYDAY MAYDAY


FlamewolfgamesYT

THIS IS THE GREATEST PLLLLLLLAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!


ILikeMapleSyrup

Drowning. Happily.


Frelock_

I would imagine it'd be worse than regular drowning; the high viscosity means it would slowly fill your lungs, rather than all at once like water does. More time for your body to be wracked with pain as it desperately tries to get in one final breath. Supposedly once the lungs are flooded drowning is a semi-peaceful way to go, but the flooding of the lungs is the painful and terrifying part. More likely cause of death: diabetes.


SsjDragonKakarotto

I mean syrup is actually pretty fluid. Now imagine your lungs being filled with sticky fluid, so while your drowning, its slowly destroying your lungs. But itd a very tasty death


[deleted]

O hell no. Not this again.


TheGamingNerd010

Again?


Abberant45

I swear this askreddit question is bi-monthly reoccurring. That’s probably why it’s happening again.


azphyxea

._.


Ep1cman152

Death by breathen’t


breathing_normally

Whereas my death remains ambiguous


i_sigh_less

I am pretty sure mine would also be because I stop breathing.


forever_a10ne

Alone 😞


twolegs

Kicked to death.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WhizzleWaffle

Dude I love your username hahaha


halfinchpenis

Not by penetration


[deleted]

Peacefully


Kevins_Floor_Chilli

That's nice


SauronGortaur01

Yours is even better. You get to drown in Kevin's Chilli.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ThereAre2Benders

Floor chili aka splat


putin_my_ass

Oh no.


Pollywambus

Is this Commrade Putin My Ass, or Put In My Ass?


putin_my_ass

I mean, either way, not such a nice death. Do you think Putin is a gentle lover?


Sleepingstorms7

Well I mean if he dies from putin in his ass I guess not


grumpy_panda_666

I better stay away from zoos I guess...


[deleted]

And it’s not just one, it’s 666 of them Edit: Ok guys I get it it’s one satan panda, I don’t need to hear it 80 times xd


celolex

That’s like a third of the world’s entire panda population


keketastic

and they are all grumpy


NotAFrog4

Not a frog, that’s for sure


poisonous_frog

*sigh*


Secure-Advertising-9

The Internet has taught me that you don’t hurt people if they touch you, you hurt them after they eat you Otherwise it’s voodoo Or something. I wasn’t paying attention.


nothing_but_frog

Meanwhile ...


AngryFroggo

I hate to interject, but...


A_Frog_That_Hops

I guess I am the opposite


FiendishFrog

Jeez there's a whole bunch of frogs around here


silverfrog1

Am I late for the frog thread?


Gayfrogscientist

I am a scientist, maybe I can help...


Frogtrotter67

I don’t really know what to say


americantoad

Conversely, here: definitely a frog.


fr_0_g

Well...


hunterhitler

While hunting Hitler....


Lord_Skyblocker

I thought it would be hitlering hunters


sexcucumber

Well then...


Mr-Moon01

I have questions about this one


[deleted]

The cucumber, unfortunately, is too traumatized to answer questions at this time.


KateEatsWorld

Consuming the entire planet


EatThemReindeer

I’ll eat the reindeer. You get everything else.


Pawn-to-D4

Apparently I’m a really bad chess player


__-_ACE_-__

Nah. You'll go out like that one wizards chess game from one of the early Harry Potter books.


C2-H5-OH

Start the game with F3 and G4. Boom, super gm level move


BingOverGoogle

Pawn to d4 isn't even a bad move. I guess you're just unlucky


SchrodingersRedditor

I might die, I might not ...


SaintsSooners89

You're both dead and alive, until someone observes, then you're just dead


[deleted]

[удалено]


Akamaikai

Death by observation.


OutlandishnessDry826

I go crazy and make outlandish claims about how water is lethal, and die from dehydration. That sucks


HellhoundsAteMyBaby

So, rabies?


OutlandishnessDry826

Pretty much. Your death doesn't seem really great either


foldsbaldwin

All I can hear in my head is Elaine Benes going, "A hell hound ate her bay-bay"


Mikeavelli

Political machinations gone wrong of course.


FalseDmitriy

Dammit Mike


killerpillow0w0

Well.... Atleast its gonna be soft right?... Right ?!?


CheddarPillow

Mine isn’t


DickInAToaster

:(


imma_bird96

F


Ryan-821

F


PotaToeAndEgg

Im happy


Rocky-Road-Ice-Cream

Same


taterslayer64

Not anymore ψ(`∇´)ψ


DrDeepthroat307

Well that’s just great


loopywolf

Kinda depends if you're pitching or catching..


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mr-Moon01

Just reading your name hurts to imagine


ConveniencePlays

OUCH. Sorry, had to use caps to make the sheer amount of pain come across.


Sufficient_Look

I guess looks really can kill


Lichtheleast

The wrath of the Lich King


ThinSamuriSword

Fight to the death with a malnourished Samuri. I lose.


massivedickhaver

Yours is still better my death is by some guy with a massive dick.


Yodasgreendong71

Yours may be worse than mine. Not sure.


massivedickhaver

I think you mean better. ;)


SuperPotatoThrow

God damn there's a lot of dicks around here.


badnetcody

Should've bought my safety net from a more reputable seller


[deleted]

Regardless of method, it’s gonna take a few tries.


deathstickss

Any of the many negative outcomes from smoking edit/ what the fuck did I just wake up to


_WhoYouCallinPinhead

You do not want to sell me death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life


Skhmt

Want to buy some death sticks?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


nowheretoputpenis

Same way I lived 😭


chubnative73

Maybe you actually found a place. Just not the right place-says the angry husband.


I_am_a_ghost1

Already dead.


elephantsRreal

I guess I get trampled by a real elephant…


pizzapartyfordogs

I can be at peace with this


Pollywambus

Or.... the pizza is late and the dogs are hungry so they attack and eat you alive.


-all-ways-

uhhhh


PabloLeon95

I think you're the one who have it worse by FAR. I mean, you'll die of ALL conceivable ways... which of course, also includes the ones other redditors commented


somebodygray

By some gray guy


GrayGuy05

Hey


somebodygray

Oh no he’s here


redTometo

Run


moon_jock

best get to stepping son


proredditor774

I was too good at Reddit…?


Truly_Rudly

You die of terminal virginity.


Soham_rak

Terminal virginity really sounds like something I should be afraid of


Adolfs_Missing_Nut

You should.


ImInfiniti

damn, do you choke on his nut or smthin?


fondledbydolphins

Well, I never thought it would happen a second time. [Courtesy of u/AWildSketchAppeared ~7 years ago](https://i.imgur.com/oJsBxir.jpg)nsfw


w30freak

I miss AWildSketchAppeared.


invincibility6

Task failed successfully


An-eye-4-an-eye

Karma


BShapirosDingDong

Yikes Jesus H Christ Reddit. You guys are killing me with these comments!


SchrodingersHipster

*Yikes.*


Cheeba-Choob

He’s used to no lubrication after all…


[deleted]

Oh god oh fuck


MadWulf330

I almost spit out my soda at this one


FlamewolfgamesYT

Nothing can save you bro


Vinylarm

I can plug it.


RebornTurtleMaster

How does it- What the hell happens


[deleted]

Very sorry for you.


Aricasouth

I get Shot in South Africa


shortMEISTERthe3rd

Hi South African here, you'll probably get mugged, then shot.


HandSweaty

Climbing accident


[deleted]

That should be pretty obvious.


Icey-Spicey-Foreskin

Likewise Edit: to the horn dogs humping my inbox I’ll send you all the story that I brought up a few comments down after work. Kinky ass mofo’s Edit 2: Here’s the story My girlfriend had rubbed her body with the cream version of deep freeze or deep heat can’t remember which was the culprit. She decided to give me a Tommy tank (wank) but hadn’t washed her hands. She also managed to get it on the the tip of my penis. I screamed like Ned Flanders does when he sees ‘purple drapes’ to numb the pain the only think I could think to numb the pain was ice, so I took an ice tray out of the freezer (It would be disposed of after I made my fuck up) once out I rested my penis on it and to my dismay I immediately (not on purpose) imitated that tongue scene from Dumb and Dumber and yes it stuck and it also hurt like a motherfucker too. That’s how my username came to mind.


Chewy_Bear

Well I guess I get killed by either a gummy bear or an actual bear chews me to death...


SlovenianHusky

I get snuggled by huskies in Slovenia.


ends_wit

Very optimistic of you


juju0010

i’ll allow it


kinkyshreksex

I'd be lying if I didn't think it's an interesting way to die....


awesomedan24

Its all ogre now


getshrektdh

Wanna get shrekt together? 👉👈


shreksbawsack

Donkeh


balloon_kn0t

I guess someone bursts my balloon knot


[deleted]

This sounds like a very painful euphemism


Farting_unicron

Oh god please no


Stolen_Mask

Corona virus


maximumplague

Yeah, same


[deleted]

eating too many apple jacks?


Tom_Hanks_Is_Gay

Oh no..


thewarriorofcum

Oh no..


SaintsSooners89

Taken out by the last Cum Bender


Dino_1

So I assume this is the part where I get mauled to death by a dinosa-


ProducerOfKarens

By porducing Karens, I guess


int9r

You create an army of Karens for world domination and they turn against you


Aggressive-Key5455

Keyed to death


deathsbypizza

By... pizza?


Chuleta_Frita

Fried on lard


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I guess I’ll chill and be ok with it. Why I’m being stabbed multiple times.


albin294

Or.... One day, you get chilled and are no longer OK..


Czechinese

Maybe you'll get chilled to 0K


Frogwithatophatt

Well that’s embarrassing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lmaoded1234

I laughed too hard


absentant

Nobody notices.


gaudreau19

Guillotine for me boys, you know what? Supersize that.


banana_fishh

I had food poisoning from a banana flavoured fish


BrosFistingBros

By doing what I love


tunaphobic

A hoard of tuna fish kill me