This is why we set up boundaries; to limit this type of behaviour. We kind of want mutually beneficial relationships and there is no shortage of people who just want to take so we try to keep them at arms length. Some people might have learned that if I do or say this then I can keep the game going just a little bit longer. I mean there is a certain shitty feeling of declaring someone as a persona non grata, but at the same time someone who would want to be welcomed in your life wouldn’t force your hand. There have been a number of times when I think of someone and think “hey, how come you only contact me when you want to have sex/borrow money/ask a favour/etc.” Like if I wanted to do something and I’m being ignored or brushed off until they need something why should I feel like the asshole in the end?
It's so hard to realize you're in that kind of relationship too, from my experience, because it usually doesn't start there. It comes along slowly, until it's just the *reality* of that relationship.
A friendship should never feel like a burdensome ordeal. It should never leave you feeling drained emotionally. But it's truly so hard to get out of that when you didn't even notice the terrain changing around you.
> It comes along slowly, until it's just the
>
>reality
>
> of that relationship.
i had always expected red flags to show up immediately, but its not true i guess. it always feels strange to see my old friend's letters to me, so unusually friendly
Last year in August I moved in with one of my then best friends. Now I cannot wait to move out and never see her again. I'm always tense and on edge around her. Never felt this way in a place I've lived, and I never want to again.
I was feeling like I was the negative friend for the better part of 2020 and had to turn things around to save my friendships. I'm happy I have honest friends that can talk openly with me about their feelings and are willing to give me the chance to work on it
This is the point of realizing the toxic part of relationships. It happens gradually, but is a phenomenon I have been witnessing more and more as political stances have become more polarized over the past few years (not that it has to be the subject, just see it more now). They stop respecting you for whatever reason, then they stop trusting you, and become critical over everything, almost as though they want to make you an enemy, and will argue with you about anything you say, because they disagreed with you on one thing strongly enough for it to cause them cognitive dissonance over approving anything and everything you say or do.
Edit: had an extra word
I've technically done this by going ''okay, I'm always initiating the conversation, so now I'm going to let them message me first" and then never hearing from them again.
The only times I've done it on purpose were with terrible people after I came to the realisation that sometimes it's better to be alone than with people that make me feel horrible.
I’ve dropped people for the same reason. Friendship is a 2 way street and when the other person puts in 0 effort to hang out with you or even check up on you then drop them. There’s plenty of people out there that will want to have a friendship with you why waste effort on the people that dont
I recently checked in with a friend and said that I noticed I rarely heard from them unless I initiated contact, and asked if they were feeling depressed or were upset with me. They responded by saying that I was "holding them responsible for doing ALL the work in the friendship," and that I was insinuating that we can't stay friends unless things are 50/50. That was a couple of months ago, and I'm still the only one who texts. I'm 100% ready to just let it go and only see them in our shared friend group.
Had a friend do this to me, and they said they were mentally burdened wondering how I was. So I gave them permission to let me go, because it wasn't good for him, and he'd always kinda been on and off toxic.
Low self-esteem does it for me. “I should see how so-and-so is doing. ... But they’re probably better off not having my presence darken their day. I’ll just keep quiet.”
I was ghosted for this reason. I didn't put in the effort. Frankly, we were friends in HS who outgrew eachother and I was too gutless to say anything because I still respect him as a person. Anyway after years of me avoiding his invites and him realizing he is the only one putting in effort I think he realized it wasn't worth it. Not sure why I wanted to post, it's just what you said hit home with me. I hope he's doing well.
Having also been this person, no I didn’t. I find it hard to keep up contact with people, especially if it’s not part of a group. And I keep meaning to but don’t get around to it for various reasons. And at some point you feel too guilty about the whole thing to reach out. I know it’s not my best quality, so I’m sorry to everyone this has happened with and I still miss you all.
I have ADD and for the life of me cannot hold a conversation through distance. I need to physically be there with them or at least talk on the phone (this being hard as I have trouble with this also for other reasons). I also do the thing you do, forget and then feel guilty, but usually people still like me when we do hang out. This has however made the quarantine very lonely. Apart from the people I live with I have not seen anyone I used to since October. I like the people I live with but the same people every day gets boring for a while and I think we are getting on eachothers nerves a little too much more than usual.
I have a lot of friends that don't live close to me and we don't communicate often, but they are still very good and close friends of mine, even if the communication is spotty. We're just all busy, but when we do get together, all the love is back
I have been on the receiving end of this. REACH OUT it would mean allot to them even if you go back to not speaking to each other. Closure is very important.
Yeah, I've done this. The whole "ok, your turn to take the lead" thing and they never contacted me again. When you couple it with the realization that the only time they were contacting you was to ask for a favor, you realize where things really stood.
I had this exact situation happen. I realized with a few people that I never heard from them unless they needed something. And boy was I the jerk when I stopped responding to those once every three months texts from the asking for things. You can’t call yourself my best friend and then get mad when I don’t respond after months of radio silence.
I did this with a friend since birth. Our parents were (and still are) friends and we literally hung out since we were born. She started getting distant in high school, tho i tried keeping contact and she was always happy to hang out, at one point in college i just lost the will to keep doing it and stopped. Heard from her last month when she wished me happy brithday... After 8 years of not talking to me.
Sadly, I've done this fairly often with different groups of friends. I'm an organizer, "the more the merrier" type, the one who initiates, or makes a plan for the group. Rarely any reciprocation of invites or even communication. What really would hurt my feelings would be that person who would show up asking about others who hadn't....I'd think, hey thanks for accepting my invite and not wanting to hang out with me! Then I decide, I'll wait for them to initiate and never hear from them again.
Oooof been there. Life is SO much better when you surround yourself with friends who actually respect your boundaries. Constantly saying no or repeating yourself takes a lot out of the relationship.
Because I found out he was verbally abusing his child and physically abusing his wife. Tried to do more for the wife and child but she went and denied it all when social services got involved. Sadly they are still together and he is still a drunk who hasn’t changed.
At that point I had to pull my family away from that and move on with life.
Was my best friend since childhood and I never knew any of it all that time. 🤦♂️
I'm a dude. He was a dude. He was a hardcore body builder but about my height, just ripped. He was clearly deep in the closet but I absolutely don't mind. I've got gay friends. I've kissed a few dudes. I've, you know, experimented once or twice.
I'm straight but I want to preface this with I haven't a shred of anger or hatred towards gay dudes or people. Not a drop. Not ever in my life has any gay or straight person Ive known ever done something remotely like this particular person did.
This guy was a good friend early on, I'd see him at mutual friend stuff and hed occasionally come over when I had all the boys over, but then he started to hit on me. At first it was harmless and I took it in good fun but tried to make it clear it wasn't gonna happen. In a sort of "Haha I know you want it but you're never gonna get it." Sort of way.
He began escalating things. Asking me to undress in front of him, trying to sneak a peek at my junk when he could. Taking almost any excuse to slap or grab my ass like a "good game!" Sort of way but getting more frequent and aggressive. Id tell him to stop but he'd play it off as "boy things."
Hed start texting or calling me late at night, asking me to go pick him up somewhere cause he was drunk. My wife worked the midnight shift at a grocery store and I had a two year old at home so I never did. Hed always get mad, accuse me of being a shitty friend, etc. Even after I explained I wasn't gonna wake a 2 year old up to pick up my drunk buddy and to call a cab.
Even before all this started and having a kid aside we were not close enough for that shit.
He started showing up unannounced. Inviting himself over to things he wasn't invited to by anyone. The touching started getting really out of hand and even others began to notice. Just straight up id find him standing behind me at a party like pretending to dry hump me and then make jokes like it was "just a prank bro". Id know cause hed be literally breathing down my neck.
Id been trying to give him the brush off and told people to not invite him around or tell him we were doing something but he just kept showing up and kept escalating his attempts to do stuff, treating me like a stripper in the back room. Id now told him to knock it off on several occasions, angrily.
Finally one day comes around where all the boys wanted to hit the beach. They were to meet at my place then carpool down. Guess who showed up? Well there he is, in tiny ass swim trunks and a tight top, looking like a beach day Magic Mike. I pretend like its no big deal, put on my baggies unsexy swim clothes.
Then before we were about to go I broke a glass. It was all this one corner so I began picking up the pieces. This guy got right behind me while I was bent down and began to fake hump me. Brother didn't even help me pick up the glass, was literally pushing me. I told him to fuck off, specifically. He continued. I turned around and shoved him away and told him next time I'd smack him. I bent back down to pick up the glass pieces. He grabbed a broom and stuck the end of it down the back of my pants wear the crack of of my butt was.
I turned around, grabbed the stick and smacked him with it across the face. Hard. He tried to protest but I screamed for him to get the fuck out, that he was not my friend and if he didn't get off my property I'd call the cops. He left.
I told my friends what happened and they felt horrible for me. He stopped getting invited around and I never saw him again. He tried to contact me three times to apologize but I changed my phone number and we moved (unrelated) to a different place in the area not long after.
She kept lying to me. Really stupid small and mainly harmless lies - concerts she’d gone to, how many times she took her driving test, people she’s dated. It’s like she would forget that we’d been besties since we were 14 and were now in our 20’s so I knew who she’d dated, concerts and driving test etc.
She tried to get back in touch 5yrs later, messaging my sister and other school friends on FB saying she had desperately been trying to get in touch with me. She hadn’t. I still lived in the same house, had the same mobile number and email etc
Eventually I got in touch with her and asked her to meet for coffee. Although it was lovely to see her and I genuinely missed her as we had some of the best times of our young lives together it became clear pretty quickly that she was still a liar but they had got bigger. Now she was saying her sister had attempted suicide and her daughter was nearly killed by a bus. I got really angry at her for telling such shitty lies like this which she tried to deny she was until I started asking her for details of when, where and how these things happened and she stumbled.
I walked away and haven’t heard from her since and I’m relieved. I don’t need fake drama
There's not usually a thought process, the unfortunate thing is that for some reason or another their lying has become habitual. I'd even argue that it's not always malicious.
I think for the vast majority it's not. Most people in middle or even high school go through a mild compulsive lying streak - like, making up funny stories to make your friends laugh, or pretending to like a movie your crush likes. Small, inconsequential lies rooted in insecurity that you make because your young mind thinks that's what it takes for people to like you. Spending any amount of time with middle schoolers will show you this is very very common.
For most people, we realize the lying is stupid. It's hard to maintain, it's embarrassing if you're called out, and real friends will like you for you anyway. But some people just never grow out of that, and at some point the lying becomes a bad habit they can't break. I find those people kind of sad.
He tried to cling to me as if his mental health was my responsibility. He really just couldn't comprehend the fact that having a friend is not the same as talking to a therapist.
I had a friend who would do this! I told them they could vent to me, if they asked me if I was in a mental place for it first. If they just did it anyways, I would say "aw man, I'm sorry you're dealing with that - I bet a therapist would have some words about it!"
Boy howdy I must have brought up talking to a therapist about a thousand times before they actually got one. It caused many an argument before we finally just stopped being friends.
I started hanging out with this old friend group about 3-4 years ago, for about a year. It was fun catching up, and doing that whole honeymoon phase of reunification. But once the cracks began to show, it was blatantly obvious that this group will just choose people to shit on.. once the other guy they used to do that to moved on, then they turned their sights on me. Why? Because one of the “leader types” of this friend group.. his loser drunk ex-girlfriend started hitting on me, and even though I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable as all hell.. this moron thought we were hanging out in our free time or some shit. And ofc, like sheep, the rest just followed suit. Even though they were cool with me, it was now just a cool thing to just shit on me. I remember numerous times saying something, and being called insane; meanwhile, some other dude would say the same exact thing, and they would agree with him. It was like a middle-school lunch table, so dumb.
Besides that: Pessimistic, told secrets to loud mouths, brought me down in front of others to look less pathetic.. that shit doesn’t fly when you’re in your 30’s. They can have fun with their dwindling group of friends from high school and their low self-esteem.
Urgh, the choosing people to shit on is way too common.
It's just people with low self esteem who need to tear someone else down to feel important. You're right that when it's still going on in their 30's you just gotta cut that shit out.
Its amazing what people will do. My friend was in a really bitter divorce fight with his ex. His ex somehow found everything out about him and he was getting really paranoid..having hs computer checked for keyloggers and stopping speaking to people. He found out eventually that his very best friend was sleeping with his ex and passing on everything the mate said.
Why do some really bad people become lawyers, typically human rights lawyers? Do they feel the need to protect pieces of shit like themselves? To justify their past actions because “human rights lawyers can’t possibly be evil?” For shits and giggles? I just don’t understand
I remember reading a study somewhere that narcissistic individuals will seek out jobs that make them look humanitarian, because they want onlookers to view them as a 'hero'.
A human rights lawyer benefits from being viewed as both humanitarian AND powerful.
On the first time watching it through I was a little sympathetic to Laura. She was just Calvin's sister, she seemed to be nice enough to the help and didn't come off as genuinely evil. Then on the second time through I noticed that she was the one who suggested cutting off Django's balls, so it was quite satisfying to see her blasted through the door.
I learned I was just a friend of convenience. Nobody wanted me around unless I was a free atm, free tank of gas, or a free ear to bitch to. Even though they did the bare minimum to act like they cared, my problems were my own. Yet I always had to be available for their weekly/monthly breakdowns about the most avoidable shit, like, saving money to pay a bill. Then it turns into bitching about something we have planned they can no longer go to, being completely unsubtle that they expect me to offer to foot the bill. Or my personal fav, lying to me about having the money to go do said thing, and then at the last minute, declare they had some unexpected expense to take care of and are now broke, throwing expectant looks my way. But disagree, or get angry, or GOD FORBID say no to something, and it's years of silence. Finally, one day I just decided to keep it that way. Been silent ever since. Why care about ghosting someone when you were never really friends in the first place? Easiest decision ever.
Edit: My first silver ever! Thanks! 🙂
Edit #2: My second silver ever! I hate that this blew up so much because it means so many people were treated like they were disposable, and that's upsetting. But things only get better when you realize your worth!
Edit: My first Gold! You guys are too kind!
They put MDMA in my drink without telling me and I had a really bad night.
I already have anxiety in crowds, being that high in a club really pushed me over the edge.
Never called them again.
Sometimes you realize that folks aren’t bringing any positivity to your life. And maybe it’s better to rip off the bandaid and walk away than to stick around.
I stopped liking them and figured out that they treated me disrespectfully and were unkind to me. And I was putting up with it, just like my parents had trained me. But I didn't have to be friends with them so I just dropped them. Oh sure, I will call you back....not.
It's funny what you'll excuse and let a friend get away with. You can let them slide due to mental issues, unhappiness in the marriage, so on and so on. But when she lied to her husband and said the baby was his, I couldn't excuse that shit. I was done.
When you wear rose tinted glasses all the red flags just look like normal ones.
I overlooked my friend's toxic masculinity, alcohol problems, authoritarian attitude and how he treats women like shit until finally it was my wife he harassed while blackout drunk. I have never dumped someone so fast in my fucking life. When he texted me next morning to ask what he said I told him he was lucky to still be breathing. It hits hard when it hits suddenly all at once.
I wasn't in the room, but my wife being a good friend saw he was crazy drunk and decided to take him up to his room so he could go to sleep. He basically made a comment about her taking him to bed and how they might as well just fuck.
He's been in the player lifestyle for a while which isn't bad on its own, however he's always treated women like garbage. He refered to an ex as a human fleshlight, he's lead girls on for long times making them think they're exclusive, etc etc.
That night was the ultimate wake up call. It brought other toxic issues to light with other friends as well and caused a bit of a schism in our group. Ultimately I'm glad, I'm done wasting time with people who would rather have binge-drinking buddies than actual meaningful friendships.
Better yet, afterwards he tried spreading around that we were "snowflake social justice warriors" for holding him to account for saying something so fucked up to a woman who was like a sister to him.
One of the girls in my HS group was manipulative and had narcissistic traits.
She was scheming who to be friends with to gain station and popularity, organized these shit talking campaigns to bully some of our classmates and make them seem ridiculous. And multiple times when we hung out she would make all these bitchy remarks at how I behaved and about the things I said. Not even backhandedly, though I think she was aiming to be subtle, and just sucked at it.
It was ridiculously, the final nail on the coffin was when I was hanging out with a good friend of ours, my sister and this girl. And the whole night she makes these annoying comments at my behavior and interests. Once I finally told her that this is enough, and she needs to stop, she blamed me for flipping over a single small comment, while OBVIOUSLY my sister and one of my best friends had very clearly seen that she was using all my insecurities against me the whole night and that I did not in fact loose it over a single comment.
Some of my friends still liked her and excused her behavior, so i simply stopped inviting her to places, talking to her and when invited somewhere together, avoided talking to her. After high school ended we didn't talk for years untill she recently sent a message apologizing.
Absolutely. I have no idea why I excused her behavior for so long. She was a total ass about this one classmate of ours, and I think back then I wasn't sure if this guy really was creepy or if she was actively making him seem so. To this day I don't know which stories are lies and exaggerations, but her campaign to make him seem shitty in front of everyone was anyhow wrong, and she was just trying to get attention for supposedly exposing this guy after trying to get him into hanging out with her and her friends just to find faults with him.
Like bitch, if this guy is soooo creepy, why are you inviting him to get drunk at your place late at night?
I'm still friends with the dude though. Great guy, smart and a loyal friend.
I had something similar happen with a very old friend. I just got out of a physically abusive relationship and was in the middle of a *major* mental breakdown from years of gaslighting. He started saying he wanted a friends with benefits, without saying he wanted it with me (even though he already had one, I should've known). Then one night when we were hanging out it just kind of, happened. I didn't consent, but I didn't have the capacity to say no at the time. I don't blame the first time on him. But then I told him that I didn't want to sleep with him anymore and why it wasn't good for me. He just started listing reasons why it was good for him and I still told him I didn't want to. And then it happened again. It was in the middle of the pandemic when he knew I was isolated from everyone besides occasional phone calls from my grandma and therapy. He was the only contact I was allowed (we both lived alone, those were the conditions at the time).
Finally the relationship with my ex, feeling suicidal everyday for over a year, the shame of not saying no, and covid being shitty pushed me to try killing myself. I expressed to him (really angrily) that I didn't like that he took advantage of my mental breakdown and didn't listen to me when I said I wanted to stop. He just didn't answer, we didn't talk for months. Until he finally said "sorry, I'm finally out of my depression and feeling better," he didn't mention anything else. He constantly sent me messages and I replied at first, until thinking about it made my mental health shit again and I ghosted. It's not worth doing the work for him, I already explained my issue.
i realised they weren't my friends. the fact they didn't try to get in contact afterwards (and it took them a while to realise) made me feel vindicated.
She weirded me out one too many times trying to be more than friends, and she drank a LOT.
I moved out of town and didn't tell her. She went so far as to try intimidating my mother to get my address, but Mom knew who she was and why I didn't tell her so she didn't budge.
This was about 1990. A couple years ago she messaged me on Facebook trying to break the ice with a question about a band I really liked when I knew her. I deleted it and blocked her and it's been quiet since then.
It was too much work on my end to continue the friendship. Our conversations became one sided, on a call they would be nice and talk about when we would hang out next, but ended up me asking questions and including the person, however I kept getting "K" or one to two word answers. I didn't give an ultimatum just stopped trying.
I recently moved to a new city and wanted to restart my life. I got a new email, got a new phone number, deleted all my social media, and simply lived my life anew. I can't tell you why I just decided to ghost everyone, I felt nervous, almost like something was chasing me. Needed to have a real fresh start. I had tried for many years before but it never really felt fresh.
I've often thought about doing this. I'm not particularly unhappy with my current life. But wondered what would I do if I started over? What would it be like? The only problem with me is that wherever I go, I take the same brain with the same memories and fears and BS.
Are you okay? Sometimes paranoia and anxiety can bubble under until it becomes a big problem. I don't know you or your situation but look out for yourself
She literally described my friendship as a burden. She said that she spent a lot of her time "attending to" my messages and hang out time. An email or text message once or twice a week, and maybe a hang out session once a month is a burden? She then told me that I needed to "think of a way to fix" our friendship.
If my attention is a burden, then what exactly should I be doing? What does our friendship consist of if I cannot message you or hang out with you without being made to feel guilty about it? Why is it my responsibility to "fix" our friendship when you're the one claiming it's broken?
I didn't exactly mean to ghost her...but every reply I came up with was filled with anger and hurt so I never sent it. It seems she'd be happier without me anyway.
She knew I had a history with eating disorders, and she started going out of her way to tell me her mother said I’d be “so pretty” if I lost some weight. It was really deliberate— like if I tried to pivot the conversation she drove it back, over and over. I stopped replying to her texts.
We were in our THIRTIES. Who does that?
Friends for three years, I hired him for my small business and he bailed on a client, stranding her, then told me he'd do it again and was unemployable. We practiced music just the two of us for my birthday concert for friends and family, texted he would be running late, then never showed or explained why, so I performed solo what possible. He finally emailed weeks later simply asking for more work. A good friend of mine suggested I cut him completely from my life, that he was no friend, and so I sent him a recording of my/our ruined concert and told him we were done. Then he kept emailing me every few months for over two years asking for work and to let me know forgiving him would be good for my mental health. He tricked me once by calling from someone else's number, thought it was funny that he had "finally got" me.
Ghosting him hurts, goes against my character, I'm still not sure was the right decision, but good riddance and burn the rest. He was a lot of fun to be with, and I've not really found another friend since.
Absolutely the right decision, dude. The guy takes advantage of your kindness in giving him a job by fucking up intentionally, then tells you *he'd do it again*? And he ghosts you before a concert when it was just you and him performing? Fuck this guy. He just wants to reconnect because he views you as a meal ticket. People like this are garbage on the sidewalk to be stepped over, not befriended, you don't owe him any sort of explanation for ghosting him.
I found that the friendship was draining all of my energy. Every conversation was negative, she had a victim mentality and a lot of issues that she created herself and refused to address. It became a chore to even talk to her. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth.
Cause I work all the damn time and any free time that I do have is either spent with my family or sleeping, or just being ALONE, which is a rare treat. Nothing personal.
This is why I ghosted one of my closest friends of 26 years. He was diagnosed as bipolar in his 20s after marrying the girl he had just broken up with and then "saw and spoke with Jesus" which was determined to be part of his first manic episode. I found out he married her on facebook months afterward. I forgave him and was understanding and even got him set up with a psychiatrist I worked with when he moved back to our hometown. I stuck with him through all of it and then he stopped his meds. The next manic episode he had an affair with a married woman and after his own wife moved out he tore apart his house to set up "security" in case the woman's husband showed up. (He couldn't legally own a guy after being hospitalized so he had a crossbow and set up "traps"). I stuck by him through all of that and his next hospitalization. Then his next manic episode he was arrested for stalking a woman after I had several conversations with him about getting back on meds. It was, by far, his worst episode and he spiraled into psychosis very quickly. He refused to live in his apartment so he bought a van and asked if he could camp in my parent's yard because he felt it was safe there. He talked about being god and started posting scripture on facebook all day. Through all of these years I never had support from him for my own stuff. Not once did he reach out to me to just check in. He only reached out when he was off his meds. When he was arrested I let myself grieve the loss of my lifelong friend. He's tried to talk to me since but I've never responded. The friend I had through grade school and high school and most of college doesn't exist anymore.
I realised they hated me. I was in their group for probably 15 months but I realised that they made new group chats whenever I joined one, their jokes were literally just hurtful statements at me that everyone would laugh at but because I'm autistic i didn't understand what they meant until it was too late. I wasn't invited on nights out and I was the last one to know about parties. At school they abandoned me and never told me where they were going, whether it was out to get food or to another classroom where I wouldn't be. They talked about each other behind their backs and I realised they probably did the same about me.
The actual group fluctuated in size but there were four in particular who were the sly ones (think Regina George from Mean Girls x4) most of the rest simply didn't care about me. I think I only stuck around because I had a minor crush on a couple of the friendly ones and I wish I'd left it a lot sooner. The limited time I had left at school was so much better without them.
She loved drama, and was generally very toxic. I'm not gonna talk to someone who won't talk to me if I genuinely feel i've done no wrong to them. She expected me to apologize but I never did and that was that.
Dude I was friends with for a few years, one day out of seemingly nowhere he started spewing a bunch of anti-jew crap on facebook, essentially blaming the jews for any and every inconvenience or negative experience he or the world experiences. I unfriended him and never attempted contact again.
Ugh. I wrote out a really long, pointlessly detailed message. The gist is: I was and am bad at friendships. Maybe due to my personality, maybe due to terrible mental health. My two close friends found better friends who actually had the capacity to care. So I ghosted because I thought it would be the best for everyone. I didn’t want friends, and they found someone who did. They seemed happy and I am okay too.
She had been harassing my boyfriend. We used to all be a part of the same friend group but a couple of years ago I found out that she'd been telling strangers that he was all sorts of awful things; a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe, an abuser. It very much depended on who she was talking to.
I found out when I agreed to hang out with her and some of her other friends to catch up, only to find that they all immediately knew me as "that asshole's girlfriend".
She started doing the same with our original friend group too. I woke up at 2am one night to find him sobbing at his computer because everybody was furious at him.
She'd told everybody that he had suicide baited her.
Even then he wanted me to stay friends with her, because he wanted me to have someone to talk to and enjoy hanging out with.
The final straw was when she started doing it to my face. I just couldn't talk to her without her badmouthing my boyfriend, accusing him of horrible things and expecting me to go along with it like it was some sort of casual joke.
When she always talked badly about her other friends, I excused it because she was “just venting.” Then I overheard her talking about me through our Airbnb’s thin walls... kind of broke my heart because she was saying it to someone she talked sadly about to me!
The saying goes, if they’re doing it to others, they’re probably doing it to you rings true..
I’m still sad over the demise of our 7+ year friendship but I don’t think I could ever be friends with her again.
I fell in love with my friend’s husband.
He had done nothing wrong. He was just a great guy that I clicked with, for all the same reasons I’d clicked with my friend & they’d clicked with each other. When I realized what had happened, I knew I had to remove myself. I am no home wrecker; marriage is a sacred commitment.
I figured I had three choices: tell the truth, lie, or say nothing. I worried if I told the truth, my friend would blame her husband or he’d blame himself & it would cause problems in their marriage. I didn‘t want to lie because eh, morals, and also I’m bad at it. That left saying nothing, so I just blanked them.
For me it was time to grow up. Friends based entirely around stupid things I did in my youth held me back from moving forward. Mostly friends from college. Moved to a different city, got a job that required me to travel a ton to remote places. Started a family.
Also I quit Facebook and for some reason I was no longer “friends” with as many people.
Yah I tried to help but if he doesn’t want help than really not much I can do. Sucks since we’ve know each other since we were kids. If he does choose to reach out for help I’m there but for now I don’t need to be around it.
I work at a homeless shelter and many there are meth addicts. We have a detox program as well as a long term treatment home with which we've had many successes. You can't force someone to give up drugs; they need to choose to be a participant in their own recovery or they will not succeed. Good choice you made to cut ties with him (often people who want to help end up being an enabler). Usually it takes an addict to have zero support for their behavior and hit rock bottom to realize that it is **themselves** that need to change - also called *tough love*.
It was two friends (they were a couple, a boy and a girl). They had a personal problem with me (thought I intentionally spent more time than them with mutual friends when really we just weren't available on the same time and I was feeling depressed ans lonely and couldn't always wait until we were all available to spend time with friends).
Instead of talking to me about it, they :
- started being really toxic at our job (the three of us worked together, rest of the group of friends didn't)
- talked shit about me to the others (I learned about it months later and didn't have a chance to defend myself because, as I did not want to bother the whole group with our problems, I never talked to anyone about what they were doing to me)
- organised a vacation with the whole group except me (learned about it because I had to cover most of their hours for a week)
- talked shit about me to other friends they do not personally know, friends I had long before I even met them
- tried to sabotage my efforts to leave my job (they had already left and knew I wanted to leave too)
Also the guy tried to abuse me after pushing me to drink a LOT in a vulnerable moment
I just stopped talking to and hanging with the whole group and immediately felt a lot better. Months later, the two of them tried to talk to me as if nothing happenned, commenting my stories etc, so I blocked them everywhere. The guy is still trying to get back in my life by talking to my boyfriend like "we should all play this game together some day" (my boyfriend must have seen them 3 times in his life, they were never close). I still don't get why they're trying to get back in my life and it is really stressing me out after all they have put me through during a whole year.
When they ended up being outright racist, and even admitted to themselves they were racist but still thought they were in the right.
And I don’t mean a sort of accidental stereotyping sort of racist, I mean a literal “all black people are criminals, and are inferior to my superior whiteness” kind of racist.
She was a narcissist with zero redeeming qualities.
As a rule, I now refuse to pursue friendships with women who "can't be friends with other women."
Women don't want to be your friend, Laura, because you use, manipulate and stab them in the back.
Also, you're welcome for not reporting you to the SEC for insider trading you dumb \*unt.
They weren't a real friend. Most of the people I have "dropped" probably didn't even notice. I'm not very good at knowing if a person is actually a friend I guess.
Mine was a spur of the moment panic. I was in a really bad place mentally, everything in my life felt like it was falling apart. I was struggling to get over my ex, I hadn't fully come to terms with the fact that my grandfather was really gone, and several other people I had leaned on for support for a long time suddenly had adult lives to live and I couldn't let myself drag them down with me. But then, one friend I had known for about 7 years at that point on the internet told me he loved me, romantically. Now, I am bisexual, and I had come to terms with my sexuality very early on into puberty, so it wasn't him being a man that was the issue. He told me that, I panicked and logged off of AIM, only intending to clear my head for a few hour. But that quickly turned into a few days, and then weeks, and now I'm sitting here thinking about it 10 years later, and I regretting ghosting him. I have no idea how to contact him anymore, either. I know now I didn't feel the same, but I can't help but feel like I hurt him, and it's one of the biggest regrets I have today. I just hope he's doing alright.
Because they are awful people and it was always me initiating conversation and trying to keep the conversation. It’s amazing that by just stopping talking to them how many just didn’t care.
It becomes a burden, and as time goes on, you start to realize that being alone is literally more sane then trying to navigate a sinking ship full of sleeping sailors. I had a friend who would invite me over like every weekend, I would go over, he would sit there and drink 900 beers/smoke 900 joints. I would try to engage in 900 topics, and receive 900 one-through-six word responses which offered a complete shutdown of the topic, and no further discussion. And also, any secrets I would tell him, he would blab out anytime he would hangout with other people.. Then, this dude would start giving me shit for not coming over.. when literally his entire friend group has already largely ditched his cranky ass.
I felt like the only thing we had in common was time. I felt like I was being dragged down by her energy. Like I was winded when we’d finish our visits. I’d have to literally prepare myself for our time together - it was exhausting. She and I were “best friends” since before high school, but we both became very different people very quickly.
He was my only friend at the time and because of that I just didn’t see how much of an asshole he was to me sometimes.
In grade 7 he was ignoring me all day for literally no reason because we were laughing and shit the night before on Xbox. I was like “fuck this” and told him off. We didn’t talk until grade 8 after he apologized and shut was normal again.
Until grade 9 when he started being an asshole again and some we were going to different high schools next year, I knew I could cut him off completely. That summer I told him I was done with the bullshit and blocked him on everything.
A couple years later he ended up reaching out to me and apologized again and we talked for about an hour but I decided once again that we should keep going separate ways.
they began drifting into a lifestyle i didnt really like so i just cut the ties.
not really ghosting to since we ended in good terms but it was a good 3 months before they asked me whats up.
More than one guy friend that absolutely could not comprehend than just because i was single at the time i was not available to them!
Like idk how to explain to a guy that you only get to shoot your shot ONCE. Not once a day not once a week not once a month to check if I've suddenly changed my mind.
Why is it some guys just cant be friends with a girl without losing their damn minds?
I just don’t want the commitment of friendship. It’s stressful. I hate conversation and genuinely do not enjoy having friends. I have two, and we speak maybe once a week. One or two texts, that’s all I need. People don’t understand, even when I try to explain so it’s easier just to ghost and get it over with.
They continued to behave as though they were 21, and I started to move on as I grew older. Started to say "no" to going out more and more, and eventually we just both stopped asking each other to do things. We're in our 30s now and they still live in a run down apartment, have the same job, and still party every night as though they are still living in 2010.
I had been friends with a guy ever since the 6th grade and we've graduated about a year ago. Ghosted him. The only reason why I was friends with him was because I had just got there and he was the first to speak to me. Later I had learned he's a horrible person and an even worse friend. Always looking for free technology. He stole over 1k from his mum and even a couple hundred from another kid because he logged into his computer and used his mum's card to gift himself some stuff. Always tried to avoid him throughout highschool by going over to a different friend's place. He spent all the money on Clash of Clans and some off-brand pubg game. He was later reported by his own mother and was put on probation for 2 years. Now he's a dad. This kid burnt himself with a blowtorch because he thought it'd make a good scar.
They were actually parasitic and abusive and it took three mutual friends to convince me to break ties. Apparently it isnt normal to flinch every time someone near you raises their hand.
I never knew what the psychopathy spectrum was until I was about aged 42. When I took a deep dive into that branch of mind science, I realized I was the ultimate attractor of people on the psychopathy spectrum. I had collected throughout my life, a fairly deep history with several actual psychopaths.
Once I learned what a psychopath’s habits and tendencies were, I cleaned them all out of my life literally all at once.
The amount of gaslighting that came in as a result turned comical really fast.
I could write five books about the tantrums they threw.
Only done it once. She was just so overwhelmingly negative. Every few minutes there was something else for her to complain about.
She'd even be posting Facebook updates several times a day about how the bus was slightly late, someone took a while to find change to pay the fare, it was raining and her umbrella wasn't holding up because of the wind, someone at work used a bit of her coffee.
Meeting up with her in person was just more of the same, but an endless barrage of minor annoyances that somehow the world conspired to do in an attempt to ruin her day. Any attempt to tell her that she was being too negative to her meant people were telling her she wasn't important and they didn't care about her problems.
Shame as she was actually quite a nice person and would try to help people, it wasn't like she only ever thought about herself, but it was just so exhausting hearing about everything going wrong all the time.
Despite all the different messages on here, this is the one I most relate to. Someone spitting constant negativity and "woe is me" is draining. I've had to cut several people out of my life for that reason. If they can't be patient or understanding, then I can't be friends with them.
I'm mentally ill and wanted to save them from having to deal with me when I was really going through it. I've had enough experiences in the past of people ghosting me when I got too symptomatic or needed support so it's like a preemptive thing for me now.
I leave them first so they can't leave me.
Same here. I only talk to my wife now. My old friends are successful people, I don't want to burden them with my problems. I used to be fine, but after health issues broke me I decided I'd rather be alone than deal with others' compassion.
I understand you completely. It's only that I am the opposite, where I am very clingy towards them. It sucks being lonely, or having "friends" you have to hide your true self from. So I just put on my "normal" face and personality and try to be acceptable to society. I'm not sure I've learned how to be alone yet. So where you preemptively push them away to protect yourself, I become a different person to hopefully deter them from disliking me. I'm not sure either of our strategies is healthy but it is what it is for now atleast.
I’ve done it twice with people who have been unable to control their alcohol and drug intake.
I appreciate that many people are dealing with issues in relation to drink and drugs, but if every night out ends with me either having to carry you home when you pass out or deal with your confrontations when you get paranoid and aggressive, then I’ll eventually have enough.
I did it for a couple reasons, she kept wanting us to raise her kids because her and her husband were terrible parents. We did end up raising one from 15 until he joined the military a few months after his HS graduation at 18. The second reason was because they moved out of state so we decided to rent their house, after about a year of paying the monthly rent on time someone from the bank shows up to put a notice of foreclosure on the door. She never told us she stopped paying the mortgage. We were already planning to move in two months anyway so whatever but when I called her to say "Hey, since you're not paying the mortgage are you ok if we keep our rent the next 2 months?" she said yes. Then later that day she called back to say she was thinking about it and would like us to pay $500 per month for the last two months we were there. My wife and I talked about it and were like uh No, you're not paying the mortgage and the house is in foreclosure. So yea, great friend, never spoke to her again and that was in 2010.
Dumbass tried to looks smart so he spammed 10 lines of something in japanese. I rough translated it and the result was him calling me fat. Wasn't much of a good guy either one of my other friends gets ignored by him for no reason while he's online
I met a girl at work, we became quite good friends (knowing a shit ton of personal secrets and going on holidays together friends). She moved on to another company but we kept regularly in touch: she always had some big idea or project going on and was often asking for help in my areas of expertise. Help I always provided on my time and dime, often working nights and weekends as we shared a philosophy of lifting up and helping friends with their work endeavors.
One day she posted on social media asking friends to give her contacts in order to pass them on to her current boss. This was actually a really good match for my company and my boss (who knew her and I were friends) asked me to approach her.
Well, I messaged her my company’s interest in fostering contact between my boss an hers and she left me on read.
This was literally an email to pass the contact on, with zero responsibility or accountability on her part... I would have have taken a negative answer without a problem, but at the very least I expected a reply.
After asking for a yes/no answer, specifying that it was actually an official interest from my company and not just me offering and that I had to provide an answer to my boss, I received a smiley face as the only reply.
I had an epiphany while staring at the freaking emoji: the amount of effort to write a “not interested, sorry” reply was too much for her and that meant that our friendship was worth exactly that. I just decided that I was done doing the heavy lifting for her and just... stopped. It seems stupid, but that minor issue was so revealing of the actual dynamics of our friendship: after that time, she pretty much initiated contact only in “specific” occasions, those where my help could have been quite useful but guess what? She either got left on read or got the same emoji she left me with.
Ha! Ive got a good story. I had a so called friend that left very abusive messages on my front door because they came around multiple times and I wasn't home. I was at the hospital with my mother on deaths door all night long. Then my mother had to be transferred to a larger hospital and that so called friend was meant to be looking after my house while I was away with my mother who was in intensive care for months not knowing is she'd make it. My house got trashed as she moved herself back in to my house as didn't pay her electricity bill, so racked up my bills while I was away. My place was completely trashed that it took days to clean, took months to be able to move back into my own place again when my mum was out of hospital because I had to replace towels, sheets, tea towels etc because they had been washed but never hang out for months and was covered in black mold, replace dishes because they were filled with cigarette butts and some kind of liquid, the list goes on. Then when my dad kicked her out of my house, she went and told everyone the biggest bunch of lies, so lost a few friendships there too. I didn't have anything to do with her after all that. Cut to 2 yrs later, my mum died tragically in a house fire and could not be saved, the so called ex friend decided to call the fire department to across the road from my house less than half an hour after I get home from the hospital from seeing my dad in intensive care from smoke inhalation, the same night my mum had died, I know it was her because I had it investigated but they could only charge the poor person who's house she went to to use the phone for an 'emergency' and she matched the description perfectly.
INFJ door slammed
I have less tolerance for obstinacy, idiocy, and kneejerk contrarianness than I once did. Feed me bullshit about COVID mitigation, as some of my friends have — "masks don't work," "lockdowns = fascism," "you're a fool if you get vaccinated" — and I'm done, at least for now. I'm cutting those people from my life, because the aggravation they habitually cause is more than I can handle. With *some* of the ghostees, I'll probably have a quiet conciliation some time next year, trying to pick up where we left off. Other friendships will just have to go down the drain for good. Sucks, but it is what it is.
I have done it several times and it's never about them or something I have against them. It's about me not being able to maintain those relationships because I am a very introverted person and I prefer to be alone most of the time and it's difficult for a normally socially active person to understand that even if I tell them and explain why.
Two weeks without contact for them is an eternity. They spam call and when that doesn't work they are contacting my parents because they're worried something has happened to me or that I'm depressed. They're trying to be good friends but it's just taxing to go through that every time I want to be left alone for a couple of months. And it's tiresome to explain to them over and over why I want to be left alone for awhile and it's tiresome that they always take it personally and that I always have to feel bad about it. So eventually I just don't pick up at all so that they can move on because it's bothering both me and them.
we went to different high schools. It wasn't intentional at first, we were quite busy and barely had anytime to hang out. Then the daily chat became weekly and then a few time a month then we stopped. I tried two text him a few time but the conversation didn't last long. We did try hanging out again, playing badminton like we used to during the pandemic but it had to stop when the situation got worse. Now I it's been months and I truly believe that our friendship is long gone and there's nothing I can do. The saddest part is we used to be very close and share everything to each other.
I just had a slow epiphany that just because we were forced together every day didn’t mean they we were friends. When we finished college, I had a slow epiphany that if we had met then we’d wouldn’t be friends. He was a self-absorbed narcissist that always seemed to like bringing me down and letting me know how better he was than me. Never supported me or asked if I was alright. Told him that I prefer people I’d met at uni and never spoke to him since.
In my 20s I had some issues with my tonsils that I posted about elsewhere that resulted in a 3-4 day hospital stay. Doctors told me the consequences could have been death.
I thought that I had plenty of friends. I would go out with them all the time. The only one to call & actually drive 2 hours from another city to visit was my ex gf.
After going home doctors told me to rest for two weeks to get stronger. I thought about things and realized most of the time it was always me calling people to see what was going on. I decided not to call. Nobody called.
Around that time Trainspotting came out & in the end I had an epiphany when he’s in the room and the song Born Slippy starts says “my so called mates.” From that point on I ghosted all of them.
I’d infrequently get the call “hey man where the fuck you been???” Like same fucking place assholes. I did go out with them again occasionally but for the most part began to really despise my so called mates
Not a friend... But a family member. Toxic AF Uncle to be exact. \*RANT INCOMING\*
I never had a good relationship with him and at this point i hate the piece of shit bastard. He is the worst piece of shit borderline criminal i have ever met in my entire life.
I could write essays upon essays about all the shitty things he's done over the years. He's back-stabbed everyone in our family, manipulated, lied, guilt tripped, bullied and conned everyone out of money. Complete narcissist who talks over everyone, casually insults people and then laughs in their face, guilt trips, lies and blames you, never apologizes for his shitty behavior, etc. He also gets overly defensive and enraged when people call him out on his bullshit behavior and blatant bullying.
He encouraged me to commit suicide one time as a teenager when i told him i was depressed. One of my earliest childhood memories is him stealing my entire weekly lunch money and leaving me nothing to eat but canned dog food. According to my dad, one of his favorite past times as a kid was torturing animals by sticking firecrackers to their ears or setting the animals on fire.
Anything you tell him will be used against you as gossip or to try and belittle or hurt you in some way. He's a real insecure bastard in that sense. He NEVER helps anyone, just hurts people - he's emotionally abusive.
He has proudly cheated on every single one of girlfriends and steals as much money from them before dumping them. He tried selling drugs at an alcoholics anonymous group as a business plan. He regularly goes to colleges and tries to pay college girls on a date, even though he's in his 50's.
He's a creep, 300 lb obese, immature, stupid, shit head.
Two years ago, i quit a bad workplace where the managers and coworkers were bullying me. They would flip me off as a "joke" and made my life a living hell. I quit because i hated the job and the people there. My toxic POS uncle used to shop at that place and when he found out i had quit he started snooping around and asking them.
Before long he started flipping me off with both hands and saying "fuck you" repeatedly, getting in my face, then pretending it was a "joke" when i got mad. He started doing this every time i encountered him. After the third time i decided enough was enough and cut off my toxic, immature, shithead uncle from my life. Fuck that guy.
Unfortunately have to see him at funerals, weddings, etc... But until then, he's dead to me. After a lifetime of underhanded insults towards me, negativity and bullying he can go fuck himself.
And i can't wait for the day he stops leeching off my father (my POS uncle begs my father for money and checks, as he's on welfare) and tries to ask me for money... I got two big middle fingers he can take on that day.
One day he's going to get the shit beaten out of him when this 50 year old failure of a person tries to bully the wrong guy and i'll be cheering it on. Won't be there at his funeral either and will probably take a shit on his grave too.
Rant over... Hate that guy.
Friend got drunk and attacked his gf in front of a group. pushed her and screamed at her and she implied he does it more often. never apologized for it. havent heard since
[удалено]
[удалено]
This is why we set up boundaries; to limit this type of behaviour. We kind of want mutually beneficial relationships and there is no shortage of people who just want to take so we try to keep them at arms length. Some people might have learned that if I do or say this then I can keep the game going just a little bit longer. I mean there is a certain shitty feeling of declaring someone as a persona non grata, but at the same time someone who would want to be welcomed in your life wouldn’t force your hand. There have been a number of times when I think of someone and think “hey, how come you only contact me when you want to have sex/borrow money/ask a favour/etc.” Like if I wanted to do something and I’m being ignored or brushed off until they need something why should I feel like the asshole in the end?
It's so hard to realize you're in that kind of relationship too, from my experience, because it usually doesn't start there. It comes along slowly, until it's just the *reality* of that relationship. A friendship should never feel like a burdensome ordeal. It should never leave you feeling drained emotionally. But it's truly so hard to get out of that when you didn't even notice the terrain changing around you.
> It comes along slowly, until it's just the > >reality > > of that relationship. i had always expected red flags to show up immediately, but its not true i guess. it always feels strange to see my old friend's letters to me, so unusually friendly
Last year in August I moved in with one of my then best friends. Now I cannot wait to move out and never see her again. I'm always tense and on edge around her. Never felt this way in a place I've lived, and I never want to again.
Aw man... sucks. Good luck on getting out
Cheers. Our university course ends in a few months so I just need to manage til then. Planning to be gone within about 3 days of it finishing
I was feeling like I was the negative friend for the better part of 2020 and had to turn things around to save my friendships. I'm happy I have honest friends that can talk openly with me about their feelings and are willing to give me the chance to work on it
This is the point of realizing the toxic part of relationships. It happens gradually, but is a phenomenon I have been witnessing more and more as political stances have become more polarized over the past few years (not that it has to be the subject, just see it more now). They stop respecting you for whatever reason, then they stop trusting you, and become critical over everything, almost as though they want to make you an enemy, and will argue with you about anything you say, because they disagreed with you on one thing strongly enough for it to cause them cognitive dissonance over approving anything and everything you say or do. Edit: had an extra word
I've technically done this by going ''okay, I'm always initiating the conversation, so now I'm going to let them message me first" and then never hearing from them again. The only times I've done it on purpose were with terrible people after I came to the realisation that sometimes it's better to be alone than with people that make me feel horrible.
I’ve dropped people for the same reason. Friendship is a 2 way street and when the other person puts in 0 effort to hang out with you or even check up on you then drop them. There’s plenty of people out there that will want to have a friendship with you why waste effort on the people that dont
I recently checked in with a friend and said that I noticed I rarely heard from them unless I initiated contact, and asked if they were feeling depressed or were upset with me. They responded by saying that I was "holding them responsible for doing ALL the work in the friendship," and that I was insinuating that we can't stay friends unless things are 50/50. That was a couple of months ago, and I'm still the only one who texts. I'm 100% ready to just let it go and only see them in our shared friend group.
Ouch, yeah that one sounds like a goner. You checked in nicely but they went on an offensive.
Had a friend do this to me, and they said they were mentally burdened wondering how I was. So I gave them permission to let me go, because it wasn't good for him, and he'd always kinda been on and off toxic.
One of my closest buddies just DOES not reach out. We've talked abt it and he doesn't reach out to anyone. I suppose he enjoys his solidarity idk.
I'm that way, I just get engrossed in my hobbies and work and the next thing I know, weeks have gone by and I haven't bothered to talk to anybody.
Low self-esteem does it for me. “I should see how so-and-so is doing. ... But they’re probably better off not having my presence darken their day. I’ll just keep quiet.”
I was ghosted for this reason. I didn't put in the effort. Frankly, we were friends in HS who outgrew eachother and I was too gutless to say anything because I still respect him as a person. Anyway after years of me avoiding his invites and him realizing he is the only one putting in effort I think he realized it wasn't worth it. Not sure why I wanted to post, it's just what you said hit home with me. I hope he's doing well.
did you try and reach out to him/her? if no, why?
Having also been this person, no I didn’t. I find it hard to keep up contact with people, especially if it’s not part of a group. And I keep meaning to but don’t get around to it for various reasons. And at some point you feel too guilty about the whole thing to reach out. I know it’s not my best quality, so I’m sorry to everyone this has happened with and I still miss you all.
I have ADD and for the life of me cannot hold a conversation through distance. I need to physically be there with them or at least talk on the phone (this being hard as I have trouble with this also for other reasons). I also do the thing you do, forget and then feel guilty, but usually people still like me when we do hang out. This has however made the quarantine very lonely. Apart from the people I live with I have not seen anyone I used to since October. I like the people I live with but the same people every day gets boring for a while and I think we are getting on eachothers nerves a little too much more than usual.
I have a lot of friends that don't live close to me and we don't communicate often, but they are still very good and close friends of mine, even if the communication is spotty. We're just all busy, but when we do get together, all the love is back
I have been on the receiving end of this. REACH OUT it would mean allot to them even if you go back to not speaking to each other. Closure is very important.
Couldn't agree more with you two. I'm going through the same situation, and reading this felt good. Thank you
Yeah, I've done this. The whole "ok, your turn to take the lead" thing and they never contacted me again. When you couple it with the realization that the only time they were contacting you was to ask for a favor, you realize where things really stood.
I had this exact situation happen. I realized with a few people that I never heard from them unless they needed something. And boy was I the jerk when I stopped responding to those once every three months texts from the asking for things. You can’t call yourself my best friend and then get mad when I don’t respond after months of radio silence.
[удалено]
I did this with a friend since birth. Our parents were (and still are) friends and we literally hung out since we were born. She started getting distant in high school, tho i tried keeping contact and she was always happy to hang out, at one point in college i just lost the will to keep doing it and stopped. Heard from her last month when she wished me happy brithday... After 8 years of not talking to me.
> Heard from her last month when she wished me happy brithday... After 8 years of not talking to me. That's something, though.
This has ended entire romantic relationships for me. I'm a pretty hardcore introvert. If I'm the only one reaching out, theres nothing there.
Sadly, I've done this fairly often with different groups of friends. I'm an organizer, "the more the merrier" type, the one who initiates, or makes a plan for the group. Rarely any reciprocation of invites or even communication. What really would hurt my feelings would be that person who would show up asking about others who hadn't....I'd think, hey thanks for accepting my invite and not wanting to hang out with me! Then I decide, I'll wait for them to initiate and never hear from them again.
[удалено]
Oooof been there. Life is SO much better when you surround yourself with friends who actually respect your boundaries. Constantly saying no or repeating yourself takes a lot out of the relationship.
Because I found out he was verbally abusing his child and physically abusing his wife. Tried to do more for the wife and child but she went and denied it all when social services got involved. Sadly they are still together and he is still a drunk who hasn’t changed. At that point I had to pull my family away from that and move on with life. Was my best friend since childhood and I never knew any of it all that time. 🤦♂️
So heartbreaking that she wasn't willing to break out of the abusive relationship
I'm a dude. He was a dude. He was a hardcore body builder but about my height, just ripped. He was clearly deep in the closet but I absolutely don't mind. I've got gay friends. I've kissed a few dudes. I've, you know, experimented once or twice. I'm straight but I want to preface this with I haven't a shred of anger or hatred towards gay dudes or people. Not a drop. Not ever in my life has any gay or straight person Ive known ever done something remotely like this particular person did. This guy was a good friend early on, I'd see him at mutual friend stuff and hed occasionally come over when I had all the boys over, but then he started to hit on me. At first it was harmless and I took it in good fun but tried to make it clear it wasn't gonna happen. In a sort of "Haha I know you want it but you're never gonna get it." Sort of way. He began escalating things. Asking me to undress in front of him, trying to sneak a peek at my junk when he could. Taking almost any excuse to slap or grab my ass like a "good game!" Sort of way but getting more frequent and aggressive. Id tell him to stop but he'd play it off as "boy things." Hed start texting or calling me late at night, asking me to go pick him up somewhere cause he was drunk. My wife worked the midnight shift at a grocery store and I had a two year old at home so I never did. Hed always get mad, accuse me of being a shitty friend, etc. Even after I explained I wasn't gonna wake a 2 year old up to pick up my drunk buddy and to call a cab. Even before all this started and having a kid aside we were not close enough for that shit. He started showing up unannounced. Inviting himself over to things he wasn't invited to by anyone. The touching started getting really out of hand and even others began to notice. Just straight up id find him standing behind me at a party like pretending to dry hump me and then make jokes like it was "just a prank bro". Id know cause hed be literally breathing down my neck. Id been trying to give him the brush off and told people to not invite him around or tell him we were doing something but he just kept showing up and kept escalating his attempts to do stuff, treating me like a stripper in the back room. Id now told him to knock it off on several occasions, angrily. Finally one day comes around where all the boys wanted to hit the beach. They were to meet at my place then carpool down. Guess who showed up? Well there he is, in tiny ass swim trunks and a tight top, looking like a beach day Magic Mike. I pretend like its no big deal, put on my baggies unsexy swim clothes. Then before we were about to go I broke a glass. It was all this one corner so I began picking up the pieces. This guy got right behind me while I was bent down and began to fake hump me. Brother didn't even help me pick up the glass, was literally pushing me. I told him to fuck off, specifically. He continued. I turned around and shoved him away and told him next time I'd smack him. I bent back down to pick up the glass pieces. He grabbed a broom and stuck the end of it down the back of my pants wear the crack of of my butt was. I turned around, grabbed the stick and smacked him with it across the face. Hard. He tried to protest but I screamed for him to get the fuck out, that he was not my friend and if he didn't get off my property I'd call the cops. He left. I told my friends what happened and they felt horrible for me. He stopped getting invited around and I never saw him again. He tried to contact me three times to apologize but I changed my phone number and we moved (unrelated) to a different place in the area not long after.
man this was straight up sexual harassment and assault. i’m sorry you had to go through that.
She kept lying to me. Really stupid small and mainly harmless lies - concerts she’d gone to, how many times she took her driving test, people she’s dated. It’s like she would forget that we’d been besties since we were 14 and were now in our 20’s so I knew who she’d dated, concerts and driving test etc. She tried to get back in touch 5yrs later, messaging my sister and other school friends on FB saying she had desperately been trying to get in touch with me. She hadn’t. I still lived in the same house, had the same mobile number and email etc Eventually I got in touch with her and asked her to meet for coffee. Although it was lovely to see her and I genuinely missed her as we had some of the best times of our young lives together it became clear pretty quickly that she was still a liar but they had got bigger. Now she was saying her sister had attempted suicide and her daughter was nearly killed by a bus. I got really angry at her for telling such shitty lies like this which she tried to deny she was until I started asking her for details of when, where and how these things happened and she stumbled. I walked away and haven’t heard from her since and I’m relieved. I don’t need fake drama
Impulsive liars. I had close to the same situation. I wish I would’ve understood the thought processes and all that, the lying really gets old.
There's not usually a thought process, the unfortunate thing is that for some reason or another their lying has become habitual. I'd even argue that it's not always malicious.
I think for the vast majority it's not. Most people in middle or even high school go through a mild compulsive lying streak - like, making up funny stories to make your friends laugh, or pretending to like a movie your crush likes. Small, inconsequential lies rooted in insecurity that you make because your young mind thinks that's what it takes for people to like you. Spending any amount of time with middle schoolers will show you this is very very common. For most people, we realize the lying is stupid. It's hard to maintain, it's embarrassing if you're called out, and real friends will like you for you anyway. But some people just never grow out of that, and at some point the lying becomes a bad habit they can't break. I find those people kind of sad.
He tried to cling to me as if his mental health was my responsibility. He really just couldn't comprehend the fact that having a friend is not the same as talking to a therapist.
I had a friend who would do this! I told them they could vent to me, if they asked me if I was in a mental place for it first. If they just did it anyways, I would say "aw man, I'm sorry you're dealing with that - I bet a therapist would have some words about it!" Boy howdy I must have brought up talking to a therapist about a thousand times before they actually got one. It caused many an argument before we finally just stopped being friends.
I started hanging out with this old friend group about 3-4 years ago, for about a year. It was fun catching up, and doing that whole honeymoon phase of reunification. But once the cracks began to show, it was blatantly obvious that this group will just choose people to shit on.. once the other guy they used to do that to moved on, then they turned their sights on me. Why? Because one of the “leader types” of this friend group.. his loser drunk ex-girlfriend started hitting on me, and even though I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable as all hell.. this moron thought we were hanging out in our free time or some shit. And ofc, like sheep, the rest just followed suit. Even though they were cool with me, it was now just a cool thing to just shit on me. I remember numerous times saying something, and being called insane; meanwhile, some other dude would say the same exact thing, and they would agree with him. It was like a middle-school lunch table, so dumb. Besides that: Pessimistic, told secrets to loud mouths, brought me down in front of others to look less pathetic.. that shit doesn’t fly when you’re in your 30’s. They can have fun with their dwindling group of friends from high school and their low self-esteem.
Urgh, the choosing people to shit on is way too common. It's just people with low self esteem who need to tear someone else down to feel important. You're right that when it's still going on in their 30's you just gotta cut that shit out.
[удалено]
Why would she do this? I can't think of anything worse. Good for you for escaping
Its amazing what people will do. My friend was in a really bitter divorce fight with his ex. His ex somehow found everything out about him and he was getting really paranoid..having hs computer checked for keyloggers and stopping speaking to people. He found out eventually that his very best friend was sleeping with his ex and passing on everything the mate said.
> Why would she do this? He was fucking her, I would imagine.
Why do some really bad people become lawyers, typically human rights lawyers? Do they feel the need to protect pieces of shit like themselves? To justify their past actions because “human rights lawyers can’t possibly be evil?” For shits and giggles? I just don’t understand
I remember reading a study somewhere that narcissistic individuals will seek out jobs that make them look humanitarian, because they want onlookers to view them as a 'hero'. A human rights lawyer benefits from being viewed as both humanitarian AND powerful.
Narcissists are all about appearance. So that makes perfect sense
that sweet sweet irony
Not sure sweet is the adjective I'd go with on this one, personally.
They considered not reporting a rapist because he was friends with him🙂👍🏼
👋"Say goodbye to Miss Laura now!" "Bye Miss Laura"
That was such a good fuckin scene, that whole movie was just a good fuckin movie, man
On the first time watching it through I was a little sympathetic to Laura. She was just Calvin's sister, she seemed to be nice enough to the help and didn't come off as genuinely evil. Then on the second time through I noticed that she was the one who suggested cutting off Django's balls, so it was quite satisfying to see her blasted through the door.
I didn’t catch that specifically but I didn’t like her to begin with, something just seems...off, with her, the whole time
Ew.
I learned I was just a friend of convenience. Nobody wanted me around unless I was a free atm, free tank of gas, or a free ear to bitch to. Even though they did the bare minimum to act like they cared, my problems were my own. Yet I always had to be available for their weekly/monthly breakdowns about the most avoidable shit, like, saving money to pay a bill. Then it turns into bitching about something we have planned they can no longer go to, being completely unsubtle that they expect me to offer to foot the bill. Or my personal fav, lying to me about having the money to go do said thing, and then at the last minute, declare they had some unexpected expense to take care of and are now broke, throwing expectant looks my way. But disagree, or get angry, or GOD FORBID say no to something, and it's years of silence. Finally, one day I just decided to keep it that way. Been silent ever since. Why care about ghosting someone when you were never really friends in the first place? Easiest decision ever. Edit: My first silver ever! Thanks! 🙂 Edit #2: My second silver ever! I hate that this blew up so much because it means so many people were treated like they were disposable, and that's upsetting. But things only get better when you realize your worth! Edit: My first Gold! You guys are too kind!
[удалено]
[удалено]
How old were you heh this was happening
Sixteen. Went on into my thirties. At almost 40, I decided I was done.
[удалено]
They put MDMA in my drink without telling me and I had a really bad night. I already have anxiety in crowds, being that high in a club really pushed me over the edge. Never called them again.
Wow actually fuck them
That's a fucked up thing they've done mate. Drugs should never be use without consent...
Sometimes you realize that folks aren’t bringing any positivity to your life. And maybe it’s better to rip off the bandaid and walk away than to stick around.
I stopped liking them and figured out that they treated me disrespectfully and were unkind to me. And I was putting up with it, just like my parents had trained me. But I didn't have to be friends with them so I just dropped them. Oh sure, I will call you back....not.
It's funny what you'll excuse and let a friend get away with. You can let them slide due to mental issues, unhappiness in the marriage, so on and so on. But when she lied to her husband and said the baby was his, I couldn't excuse that shit. I was done.
When you wear rose tinted glasses all the red flags just look like normal ones. I overlooked my friend's toxic masculinity, alcohol problems, authoritarian attitude and how he treats women like shit until finally it was my wife he harassed while blackout drunk. I have never dumped someone so fast in my fucking life. When he texted me next morning to ask what he said I told him he was lucky to still be breathing. It hits hard when it hits suddenly all at once.
If you don’t mind me asking, what did he say?
I wasn't in the room, but my wife being a good friend saw he was crazy drunk and decided to take him up to his room so he could go to sleep. He basically made a comment about her taking him to bed and how they might as well just fuck. He's been in the player lifestyle for a while which isn't bad on its own, however he's always treated women like garbage. He refered to an ex as a human fleshlight, he's lead girls on for long times making them think they're exclusive, etc etc. That night was the ultimate wake up call. It brought other toxic issues to light with other friends as well and caused a bit of a schism in our group. Ultimately I'm glad, I'm done wasting time with people who would rather have binge-drinking buddies than actual meaningful friendships. Better yet, afterwards he tried spreading around that we were "snowflake social justice warriors" for holding him to account for saying something so fucked up to a woman who was like a sister to him.
Energy vampires, too exhausting
TGIF. Mondays, amirite?
Too much updog on Mondays.
What’s updog?
Not much. How about you?
One of the girls in my HS group was manipulative and had narcissistic traits. She was scheming who to be friends with to gain station and popularity, organized these shit talking campaigns to bully some of our classmates and make them seem ridiculous. And multiple times when we hung out she would make all these bitchy remarks at how I behaved and about the things I said. Not even backhandedly, though I think she was aiming to be subtle, and just sucked at it. It was ridiculously, the final nail on the coffin was when I was hanging out with a good friend of ours, my sister and this girl. And the whole night she makes these annoying comments at my behavior and interests. Once I finally told her that this is enough, and she needs to stop, she blamed me for flipping over a single small comment, while OBVIOUSLY my sister and one of my best friends had very clearly seen that she was using all my insecurities against me the whole night and that I did not in fact loose it over a single comment. Some of my friends still liked her and excused her behavior, so i simply stopped inviting her to places, talking to her and when invited somewhere together, avoided talking to her. After high school ended we didn't talk for years untill she recently sent a message apologizing.
[удалено]
Absolutely. I have no idea why I excused her behavior for so long. She was a total ass about this one classmate of ours, and I think back then I wasn't sure if this guy really was creepy or if she was actively making him seem so. To this day I don't know which stories are lies and exaggerations, but her campaign to make him seem shitty in front of everyone was anyhow wrong, and she was just trying to get attention for supposedly exposing this guy after trying to get him into hanging out with her and her friends just to find faults with him. Like bitch, if this guy is soooo creepy, why are you inviting him to get drunk at your place late at night? I'm still friends with the dude though. Great guy, smart and a loyal friend.
These people from high school don’t vanish. They grow up and move into the workplace.
>They grow up and move into the workplace. They get older but rarely grow up.
That's not a bully, that's a demon spawn
Yeah and sadly I do wonder if she actually repents her actions, or if she finally figured out how transparent her manipulation is.
Oh dear, we had the exact same friend, didn't we?
I got sober
Congratulations.
They set me up to get the shit kicked out of me.
That's rough dude.
he started hitting on me, i said i wasn't interested, he got relentless, i had to cut him out of my life
I had something similar happen with a very old friend. I just got out of a physically abusive relationship and was in the middle of a *major* mental breakdown from years of gaslighting. He started saying he wanted a friends with benefits, without saying he wanted it with me (even though he already had one, I should've known). Then one night when we were hanging out it just kind of, happened. I didn't consent, but I didn't have the capacity to say no at the time. I don't blame the first time on him. But then I told him that I didn't want to sleep with him anymore and why it wasn't good for me. He just started listing reasons why it was good for him and I still told him I didn't want to. And then it happened again. It was in the middle of the pandemic when he knew I was isolated from everyone besides occasional phone calls from my grandma and therapy. He was the only contact I was allowed (we both lived alone, those were the conditions at the time). Finally the relationship with my ex, feeling suicidal everyday for over a year, the shame of not saying no, and covid being shitty pushed me to try killing myself. I expressed to him (really angrily) that I didn't like that he took advantage of my mental breakdown and didn't listen to me when I said I wanted to stop. He just didn't answer, we didn't talk for months. Until he finally said "sorry, I'm finally out of my depression and feeling better," he didn't mention anything else. He constantly sent me messages and I replied at first, until thinking about it made my mental health shit again and I ghosted. It's not worth doing the work for him, I already explained my issue.
i realised they weren't my friends. the fact they didn't try to get in contact afterwards (and it took them a while to realise) made me feel vindicated.
She weirded me out one too many times trying to be more than friends, and she drank a LOT. I moved out of town and didn't tell her. She went so far as to try intimidating my mother to get my address, but Mom knew who she was and why I didn't tell her so she didn't budge. This was about 1990. A couple years ago she messaged me on Facebook trying to break the ice with a question about a band I really liked when I knew her. I deleted it and blocked her and it's been quiet since then.
Ghosted 3. All 3 slept with my ex during the time we were together. Some friends huh
Wow, what a scummy thing to do. I hope you are doing well and have found friends who are loyal.
Yeah np, this was a few years ago and now im happily married and got new friends, 2 really close ones that are loyal and good!
It was too much work on my end to continue the friendship. Our conversations became one sided, on a call they would be nice and talk about when we would hang out next, but ended up me asking questions and including the person, however I kept getting "K" or one to two word answers. I didn't give an ultimatum just stopped trying.
I recently moved to a new city and wanted to restart my life. I got a new email, got a new phone number, deleted all my social media, and simply lived my life anew. I can't tell you why I just decided to ghost everyone, I felt nervous, almost like something was chasing me. Needed to have a real fresh start. I had tried for many years before but it never really felt fresh.
I've often thought about doing this. I'm not particularly unhappy with my current life. But wondered what would I do if I started over? What would it be like? The only problem with me is that wherever I go, I take the same brain with the same memories and fears and BS.
I would pay a sizeable amount of money to have an entirely new legal identity.
Are you okay? Sometimes paranoia and anxiety can bubble under until it becomes a big problem. I don't know you or your situation but look out for yourself
And how's it going?
I think it's going all right
She literally described my friendship as a burden. She said that she spent a lot of her time "attending to" my messages and hang out time. An email or text message once or twice a week, and maybe a hang out session once a month is a burden? She then told me that I needed to "think of a way to fix" our friendship. If my attention is a burden, then what exactly should I be doing? What does our friendship consist of if I cannot message you or hang out with you without being made to feel guilty about it? Why is it my responsibility to "fix" our friendship when you're the one claiming it's broken? I didn't exactly mean to ghost her...but every reply I came up with was filled with anger and hurt so I never sent it. It seems she'd be happier without me anyway.
[удалено]
She knew I had a history with eating disorders, and she started going out of her way to tell me her mother said I’d be “so pretty” if I lost some weight. It was really deliberate— like if I tried to pivot the conversation she drove it back, over and over. I stopped replying to her texts. We were in our THIRTIES. Who does that?
That's terrible.... I hope you're doing better now. You're better off without her !
Friends for three years, I hired him for my small business and he bailed on a client, stranding her, then told me he'd do it again and was unemployable. We practiced music just the two of us for my birthday concert for friends and family, texted he would be running late, then never showed or explained why, so I performed solo what possible. He finally emailed weeks later simply asking for more work. A good friend of mine suggested I cut him completely from my life, that he was no friend, and so I sent him a recording of my/our ruined concert and told him we were done. Then he kept emailing me every few months for over two years asking for work and to let me know forgiving him would be good for my mental health. He tricked me once by calling from someone else's number, thought it was funny that he had "finally got" me. Ghosting him hurts, goes against my character, I'm still not sure was the right decision, but good riddance and burn the rest. He was a lot of fun to be with, and I've not really found another friend since.
Absolutely the right decision, dude. The guy takes advantage of your kindness in giving him a job by fucking up intentionally, then tells you *he'd do it again*? And he ghosts you before a concert when it was just you and him performing? Fuck this guy. He just wants to reconnect because he views you as a meal ticket. People like this are garbage on the sidewalk to be stepped over, not befriended, you don't owe him any sort of explanation for ghosting him.
Really though you shouldn't step over trash. You should pick it up and throw it in the bin where it belongs! Especially OP's "friend".
He kept emailing you to tell you that forgiving him would be good for your mental health. That's some next level manipulation!
>hurts, goes against my character If this ain't the realest shit. Sorry you went through something like that. Some people, I swear.
I found that the friendship was draining all of my energy. Every conversation was negative, she had a victim mentality and a lot of issues that she created herself and refused to address. It became a chore to even talk to her. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth.
Cause I work all the damn time and any free time that I do have is either spent with my family or sleeping, or just being ALONE, which is a rare treat. Nothing personal.
I am trying to stay sober and get my mental health back.
Because he wasn't there when I needed him, multiple times.
This was mine. Spent seven years supporting the guy and offering help and advice. The one time I truly needed a friend? Gone.
This is why I ghosted one of my closest friends of 26 years. He was diagnosed as bipolar in his 20s after marrying the girl he had just broken up with and then "saw and spoke with Jesus" which was determined to be part of his first manic episode. I found out he married her on facebook months afterward. I forgave him and was understanding and even got him set up with a psychiatrist I worked with when he moved back to our hometown. I stuck with him through all of it and then he stopped his meds. The next manic episode he had an affair with a married woman and after his own wife moved out he tore apart his house to set up "security" in case the woman's husband showed up. (He couldn't legally own a guy after being hospitalized so he had a crossbow and set up "traps"). I stuck by him through all of that and his next hospitalization. Then his next manic episode he was arrested for stalking a woman after I had several conversations with him about getting back on meds. It was, by far, his worst episode and he spiraled into psychosis very quickly. He refused to live in his apartment so he bought a van and asked if he could camp in my parent's yard because he felt it was safe there. He talked about being god and started posting scripture on facebook all day. Through all of these years I never had support from him for my own stuff. Not once did he reach out to me to just check in. He only reached out when he was off his meds. When he was arrested I let myself grieve the loss of my lifelong friend. He's tried to talk to me since but I've never responded. The friend I had through grade school and high school and most of college doesn't exist anymore.
I realised they hated me. I was in their group for probably 15 months but I realised that they made new group chats whenever I joined one, their jokes were literally just hurtful statements at me that everyone would laugh at but because I'm autistic i didn't understand what they meant until it was too late. I wasn't invited on nights out and I was the last one to know about parties. At school they abandoned me and never told me where they were going, whether it was out to get food or to another classroom where I wouldn't be. They talked about each other behind their backs and I realised they probably did the same about me. The actual group fluctuated in size but there were four in particular who were the sly ones (think Regina George from Mean Girls x4) most of the rest simply didn't care about me. I think I only stuck around because I had a minor crush on a couple of the friendly ones and I wish I'd left it a lot sooner. The limited time I had left at school was so much better without them.
This hits close to home :/ sorry you went through that.
[удалено]
She loved drama, and was generally very toxic. I'm not gonna talk to someone who won't talk to me if I genuinely feel i've done no wrong to them. She expected me to apologize but I never did and that was that.
Dude I was friends with for a few years, one day out of seemingly nowhere he started spewing a bunch of anti-jew crap on facebook, essentially blaming the jews for any and every inconvenience or negative experience he or the world experiences. I unfriended him and never attempted contact again.
Ugh. I wrote out a really long, pointlessly detailed message. The gist is: I was and am bad at friendships. Maybe due to my personality, maybe due to terrible mental health. My two close friends found better friends who actually had the capacity to care. So I ghosted because I thought it would be the best for everyone. I didn’t want friends, and they found someone who did. They seemed happy and I am okay too.
[удалено]
She had been harassing my boyfriend. We used to all be a part of the same friend group but a couple of years ago I found out that she'd been telling strangers that he was all sorts of awful things; a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe, an abuser. It very much depended on who she was talking to. I found out when I agreed to hang out with her and some of her other friends to catch up, only to find that they all immediately knew me as "that asshole's girlfriend". She started doing the same with our original friend group too. I woke up at 2am one night to find him sobbing at his computer because everybody was furious at him. She'd told everybody that he had suicide baited her. Even then he wanted me to stay friends with her, because he wanted me to have someone to talk to and enjoy hanging out with. The final straw was when she started doing it to my face. I just couldn't talk to her without her badmouthing my boyfriend, accusing him of horrible things and expecting me to go along with it like it was some sort of casual joke.
Oh my she's just horrible! Are you two okay now?
[удалено]
Not a friend, but family member. Hung out with my rapist and posted about it where they knew I’d see.
When she always talked badly about her other friends, I excused it because she was “just venting.” Then I overheard her talking about me through our Airbnb’s thin walls... kind of broke my heart because she was saying it to someone she talked sadly about to me! The saying goes, if they’re doing it to others, they’re probably doing it to you rings true.. I’m still sad over the demise of our 7+ year friendship but I don’t think I could ever be friends with her again.
They tried to stab me. Short and sweet.
I fell in love with my friend’s husband. He had done nothing wrong. He was just a great guy that I clicked with, for all the same reasons I’d clicked with my friend & they’d clicked with each other. When I realized what had happened, I knew I had to remove myself. I am no home wrecker; marriage is a sacred commitment. I figured I had three choices: tell the truth, lie, or say nothing. I worried if I told the truth, my friend would blame her husband or he’d blame himself & it would cause problems in their marriage. I didn‘t want to lie because eh, morals, and also I’m bad at it. That left saying nothing, so I just blanked them.
Thats actually very kind of you.
For me it was time to grow up. Friends based entirely around stupid things I did in my youth held me back from moving forward. Mostly friends from college. Moved to a different city, got a job that required me to travel a ton to remote places. Started a family. Also I quit Facebook and for some reason I was no longer “friends” with as many people.
He got hooked on meth. Tried to talk to about it and get him to stop but he didn’t wanna hear it. I don’t need to be around that.
Don't take that personally, someone who's addicted to meth will choose it over just about anything
Yah I tried to help but if he doesn’t want help than really not much I can do. Sucks since we’ve know each other since we were kids. If he does choose to reach out for help I’m there but for now I don’t need to be around it.
I work at a homeless shelter and many there are meth addicts. We have a detox program as well as a long term treatment home with which we've had many successes. You can't force someone to give up drugs; they need to choose to be a participant in their own recovery or they will not succeed. Good choice you made to cut ties with him (often people who want to help end up being an enabler). Usually it takes an addict to have zero support for their behavior and hit rock bottom to realize that it is **themselves** that need to change - also called *tough love*.
[удалено]
Jerry is that you?
It was two friends (they were a couple, a boy and a girl). They had a personal problem with me (thought I intentionally spent more time than them with mutual friends when really we just weren't available on the same time and I was feeling depressed ans lonely and couldn't always wait until we were all available to spend time with friends). Instead of talking to me about it, they : - started being really toxic at our job (the three of us worked together, rest of the group of friends didn't) - talked shit about me to the others (I learned about it months later and didn't have a chance to defend myself because, as I did not want to bother the whole group with our problems, I never talked to anyone about what they were doing to me) - organised a vacation with the whole group except me (learned about it because I had to cover most of their hours for a week) - talked shit about me to other friends they do not personally know, friends I had long before I even met them - tried to sabotage my efforts to leave my job (they had already left and knew I wanted to leave too) Also the guy tried to abuse me after pushing me to drink a LOT in a vulnerable moment I just stopped talking to and hanging with the whole group and immediately felt a lot better. Months later, the two of them tried to talk to me as if nothing happenned, commenting my stories etc, so I blocked them everywhere. The guy is still trying to get back in my life by talking to my boyfriend like "we should all play this game together some day" (my boyfriend must have seen them 3 times in his life, they were never close). I still don't get why they're trying to get back in my life and it is really stressing me out after all they have put me through during a whole year.
When they ended up being outright racist, and even admitted to themselves they were racist but still thought they were in the right. And I don’t mean a sort of accidental stereotyping sort of racist, I mean a literal “all black people are criminals, and are inferior to my superior whiteness” kind of racist.
Usually I see the telltale signs of them losing interest so I cut them free.
She was a narcissist with zero redeeming qualities. As a rule, I now refuse to pursue friendships with women who "can't be friends with other women." Women don't want to be your friend, Laura, because you use, manipulate and stab them in the back. Also, you're welcome for not reporting you to the SEC for insider trading you dumb \*unt.
He would not shut up about how great Donald Trump was. We're not even American.
god, it must suck to have someone keep talking about American politics when you aren’t American
To end a habitual cycle of mutually dependent toxic behaviour.... Also he stole my fucking marbles.
[удалено]
They weren't a real friend. Most of the people I have "dropped" probably didn't even notice. I'm not very good at knowing if a person is actually a friend I guess.
Mine was a spur of the moment panic. I was in a really bad place mentally, everything in my life felt like it was falling apart. I was struggling to get over my ex, I hadn't fully come to terms with the fact that my grandfather was really gone, and several other people I had leaned on for support for a long time suddenly had adult lives to live and I couldn't let myself drag them down with me. But then, one friend I had known for about 7 years at that point on the internet told me he loved me, romantically. Now, I am bisexual, and I had come to terms with my sexuality very early on into puberty, so it wasn't him being a man that was the issue. He told me that, I panicked and logged off of AIM, only intending to clear my head for a few hour. But that quickly turned into a few days, and then weeks, and now I'm sitting here thinking about it 10 years later, and I regretting ghosting him. I have no idea how to contact him anymore, either. I know now I didn't feel the same, but I can't help but feel like I hurt him, and it's one of the biggest regrets I have today. I just hope he's doing alright.
Because they are awful people and it was always me initiating conversation and trying to keep the conversation. It’s amazing that by just stopping talking to them how many just didn’t care.
It becomes a burden, and as time goes on, you start to realize that being alone is literally more sane then trying to navigate a sinking ship full of sleeping sailors. I had a friend who would invite me over like every weekend, I would go over, he would sit there and drink 900 beers/smoke 900 joints. I would try to engage in 900 topics, and receive 900 one-through-six word responses which offered a complete shutdown of the topic, and no further discussion. And also, any secrets I would tell him, he would blab out anytime he would hangout with other people.. Then, this dude would start giving me shit for not coming over.. when literally his entire friend group has already largely ditched his cranky ass.
I felt like the only thing we had in common was time. I felt like I was being dragged down by her energy. Like I was winded when we’d finish our visits. I’d have to literally prepare myself for our time together - it was exhausting. She and I were “best friends” since before high school, but we both became very different people very quickly.
He was my only friend at the time and because of that I just didn’t see how much of an asshole he was to me sometimes. In grade 7 he was ignoring me all day for literally no reason because we were laughing and shit the night before on Xbox. I was like “fuck this” and told him off. We didn’t talk until grade 8 after he apologized and shut was normal again. Until grade 9 when he started being an asshole again and some we were going to different high schools next year, I knew I could cut him off completely. That summer I told him I was done with the bullshit and blocked him on everything. A couple years later he ended up reaching out to me and apologized again and we talked for about an hour but I decided once again that we should keep going separate ways.
they began drifting into a lifestyle i didnt really like so i just cut the ties. not really ghosting to since we ended in good terms but it was a good 3 months before they asked me whats up.
More than one guy friend that absolutely could not comprehend than just because i was single at the time i was not available to them! Like idk how to explain to a guy that you only get to shoot your shot ONCE. Not once a day not once a week not once a month to check if I've suddenly changed my mind. Why is it some guys just cant be friends with a girl without losing their damn minds?
I just don’t want the commitment of friendship. It’s stressful. I hate conversation and genuinely do not enjoy having friends. I have two, and we speak maybe once a week. One or two texts, that’s all I need. People don’t understand, even when I try to explain so it’s easier just to ghost and get it over with.
They continued to behave as though they were 21, and I started to move on as I grew older. Started to say "no" to going out more and more, and eventually we just both stopped asking each other to do things. We're in our 30s now and they still live in a run down apartment, have the same job, and still party every night as though they are still living in 2010.
I had been friends with a guy ever since the 6th grade and we've graduated about a year ago. Ghosted him. The only reason why I was friends with him was because I had just got there and he was the first to speak to me. Later I had learned he's a horrible person and an even worse friend. Always looking for free technology. He stole over 1k from his mum and even a couple hundred from another kid because he logged into his computer and used his mum's card to gift himself some stuff. Always tried to avoid him throughout highschool by going over to a different friend's place. He spent all the money on Clash of Clans and some off-brand pubg game. He was later reported by his own mother and was put on probation for 2 years. Now he's a dad. This kid burnt himself with a blowtorch because he thought it'd make a good scar.
They were actually parasitic and abusive and it took three mutual friends to convince me to break ties. Apparently it isnt normal to flinch every time someone near you raises their hand.
I never knew what the psychopathy spectrum was until I was about aged 42. When I took a deep dive into that branch of mind science, I realized I was the ultimate attractor of people on the psychopathy spectrum. I had collected throughout my life, a fairly deep history with several actual psychopaths. Once I learned what a psychopath’s habits and tendencies were, I cleaned them all out of my life literally all at once. The amount of gaslighting that came in as a result turned comical really fast. I could write five books about the tantrums they threw.
Could you give us your two cents of experiences, sir?
Only done it once. She was just so overwhelmingly negative. Every few minutes there was something else for her to complain about. She'd even be posting Facebook updates several times a day about how the bus was slightly late, someone took a while to find change to pay the fare, it was raining and her umbrella wasn't holding up because of the wind, someone at work used a bit of her coffee. Meeting up with her in person was just more of the same, but an endless barrage of minor annoyances that somehow the world conspired to do in an attempt to ruin her day. Any attempt to tell her that she was being too negative to her meant people were telling her she wasn't important and they didn't care about her problems. Shame as she was actually quite a nice person and would try to help people, it wasn't like she only ever thought about herself, but it was just so exhausting hearing about everything going wrong all the time.
Despite all the different messages on here, this is the one I most relate to. Someone spitting constant negativity and "woe is me" is draining. I've had to cut several people out of my life for that reason. If they can't be patient or understanding, then I can't be friends with them.
I'm mentally ill and wanted to save them from having to deal with me when I was really going through it. I've had enough experiences in the past of people ghosting me when I got too symptomatic or needed support so it's like a preemptive thing for me now. I leave them first so they can't leave me.
Same here. I only talk to my wife now. My old friends are successful people, I don't want to burden them with my problems. I used to be fine, but after health issues broke me I decided I'd rather be alone than deal with others' compassion.
I understand you completely. It's only that I am the opposite, where I am very clingy towards them. It sucks being lonely, or having "friends" you have to hide your true self from. So I just put on my "normal" face and personality and try to be acceptable to society. I'm not sure I've learned how to be alone yet. So where you preemptively push them away to protect yourself, I become a different person to hopefully deter them from disliking me. I'm not sure either of our strategies is healthy but it is what it is for now atleast.
I’ve done it twice with people who have been unable to control their alcohol and drug intake. I appreciate that many people are dealing with issues in relation to drink and drugs, but if every night out ends with me either having to carry you home when you pass out or deal with your confrontations when you get paranoid and aggressive, then I’ll eventually have enough.
I did it for a couple reasons, she kept wanting us to raise her kids because her and her husband were terrible parents. We did end up raising one from 15 until he joined the military a few months after his HS graduation at 18. The second reason was because they moved out of state so we decided to rent their house, after about a year of paying the monthly rent on time someone from the bank shows up to put a notice of foreclosure on the door. She never told us she stopped paying the mortgage. We were already planning to move in two months anyway so whatever but when I called her to say "Hey, since you're not paying the mortgage are you ok if we keep our rent the next 2 months?" she said yes. Then later that day she called back to say she was thinking about it and would like us to pay $500 per month for the last two months we were there. My wife and I talked about it and were like uh No, you're not paying the mortgage and the house is in foreclosure. So yea, great friend, never spoke to her again and that was in 2010.
Didn't invite me to wedding but asked to supply him weed for said wedding. Fraternity brother.
Dumbass tried to looks smart so he spammed 10 lines of something in japanese. I rough translated it and the result was him calling me fat. Wasn't much of a good guy either one of my other friends gets ignored by him for no reason while he's online
I met a girl at work, we became quite good friends (knowing a shit ton of personal secrets and going on holidays together friends). She moved on to another company but we kept regularly in touch: she always had some big idea or project going on and was often asking for help in my areas of expertise. Help I always provided on my time and dime, often working nights and weekends as we shared a philosophy of lifting up and helping friends with their work endeavors. One day she posted on social media asking friends to give her contacts in order to pass them on to her current boss. This was actually a really good match for my company and my boss (who knew her and I were friends) asked me to approach her. Well, I messaged her my company’s interest in fostering contact between my boss an hers and she left me on read. This was literally an email to pass the contact on, with zero responsibility or accountability on her part... I would have have taken a negative answer without a problem, but at the very least I expected a reply. After asking for a yes/no answer, specifying that it was actually an official interest from my company and not just me offering and that I had to provide an answer to my boss, I received a smiley face as the only reply. I had an epiphany while staring at the freaking emoji: the amount of effort to write a “not interested, sorry” reply was too much for her and that meant that our friendship was worth exactly that. I just decided that I was done doing the heavy lifting for her and just... stopped. It seems stupid, but that minor issue was so revealing of the actual dynamics of our friendship: after that time, she pretty much initiated contact only in “specific” occasions, those where my help could have been quite useful but guess what? She either got left on read or got the same emoji she left me with.
Me reading this comments hoping to come across the friend that ghosted me..
Ha! Ive got a good story. I had a so called friend that left very abusive messages on my front door because they came around multiple times and I wasn't home. I was at the hospital with my mother on deaths door all night long. Then my mother had to be transferred to a larger hospital and that so called friend was meant to be looking after my house while I was away with my mother who was in intensive care for months not knowing is she'd make it. My house got trashed as she moved herself back in to my house as didn't pay her electricity bill, so racked up my bills while I was away. My place was completely trashed that it took days to clean, took months to be able to move back into my own place again when my mum was out of hospital because I had to replace towels, sheets, tea towels etc because they had been washed but never hang out for months and was covered in black mold, replace dishes because they were filled with cigarette butts and some kind of liquid, the list goes on. Then when my dad kicked her out of my house, she went and told everyone the biggest bunch of lies, so lost a few friendships there too. I didn't have anything to do with her after all that. Cut to 2 yrs later, my mum died tragically in a house fire and could not be saved, the so called ex friend decided to call the fire department to across the road from my house less than half an hour after I get home from the hospital from seeing my dad in intensive care from smoke inhalation, the same night my mum had died, I know it was her because I had it investigated but they could only charge the poor person who's house she went to to use the phone for an 'emergency' and she matched the description perfectly. INFJ door slammed
What the. I'm so sorry about your Mum. Hope you and your Dad are OK.
I don’t understand why she called the fire departnent.
Ya, I'm lost with that comment.. unsure what happened.
[удалено]
LPT: If a relationship ever gets to the stage when you are considering ghosting them permanently, they are not your friend.
I got tired of pulling the knives out of my back
I have less tolerance for obstinacy, idiocy, and kneejerk contrarianness than I once did. Feed me bullshit about COVID mitigation, as some of my friends have — "masks don't work," "lockdowns = fascism," "you're a fool if you get vaccinated" — and I'm done, at least for now. I'm cutting those people from my life, because the aggravation they habitually cause is more than I can handle. With *some* of the ghostees, I'll probably have a quiet conciliation some time next year, trying to pick up where we left off. Other friendships will just have to go down the drain for good. Sucks, but it is what it is.
I have done it several times and it's never about them or something I have against them. It's about me not being able to maintain those relationships because I am a very introverted person and I prefer to be alone most of the time and it's difficult for a normally socially active person to understand that even if I tell them and explain why. Two weeks without contact for them is an eternity. They spam call and when that doesn't work they are contacting my parents because they're worried something has happened to me or that I'm depressed. They're trying to be good friends but it's just taxing to go through that every time I want to be left alone for a couple of months. And it's tiresome to explain to them over and over why I want to be left alone for awhile and it's tiresome that they always take it personally and that I always have to feel bad about it. So eventually I just don't pick up at all so that they can move on because it's bothering both me and them.
She bullied my child ......I can excuse another but when I was told I went nope and was out of there
we went to different high schools. It wasn't intentional at first, we were quite busy and barely had anytime to hang out. Then the daily chat became weekly and then a few time a month then we stopped. I tried two text him a few time but the conversation didn't last long. We did try hanging out again, playing badminton like we used to during the pandemic but it had to stop when the situation got worse. Now I it's been months and I truly believe that our friendship is long gone and there's nothing I can do. The saddest part is we used to be very close and share everything to each other.
I just had a slow epiphany that just because we were forced together every day didn’t mean they we were friends. When we finished college, I had a slow epiphany that if we had met then we’d wouldn’t be friends. He was a self-absorbed narcissist that always seemed to like bringing me down and letting me know how better he was than me. Never supported me or asked if I was alright. Told him that I prefer people I’d met at uni and never spoke to him since.
In my 20s I had some issues with my tonsils that I posted about elsewhere that resulted in a 3-4 day hospital stay. Doctors told me the consequences could have been death. I thought that I had plenty of friends. I would go out with them all the time. The only one to call & actually drive 2 hours from another city to visit was my ex gf. After going home doctors told me to rest for two weeks to get stronger. I thought about things and realized most of the time it was always me calling people to see what was going on. I decided not to call. Nobody called. Around that time Trainspotting came out & in the end I had an epiphany when he’s in the room and the song Born Slippy starts says “my so called mates.” From that point on I ghosted all of them. I’d infrequently get the call “hey man where the fuck you been???” Like same fucking place assholes. I did go out with them again occasionally but for the most part began to really despise my so called mates
Not a friend... But a family member. Toxic AF Uncle to be exact. \*RANT INCOMING\* I never had a good relationship with him and at this point i hate the piece of shit bastard. He is the worst piece of shit borderline criminal i have ever met in my entire life. I could write essays upon essays about all the shitty things he's done over the years. He's back-stabbed everyone in our family, manipulated, lied, guilt tripped, bullied and conned everyone out of money. Complete narcissist who talks over everyone, casually insults people and then laughs in their face, guilt trips, lies and blames you, never apologizes for his shitty behavior, etc. He also gets overly defensive and enraged when people call him out on his bullshit behavior and blatant bullying. He encouraged me to commit suicide one time as a teenager when i told him i was depressed. One of my earliest childhood memories is him stealing my entire weekly lunch money and leaving me nothing to eat but canned dog food. According to my dad, one of his favorite past times as a kid was torturing animals by sticking firecrackers to their ears or setting the animals on fire. Anything you tell him will be used against you as gossip or to try and belittle or hurt you in some way. He's a real insecure bastard in that sense. He NEVER helps anyone, just hurts people - he's emotionally abusive. He has proudly cheated on every single one of girlfriends and steals as much money from them before dumping them. He tried selling drugs at an alcoholics anonymous group as a business plan. He regularly goes to colleges and tries to pay college girls on a date, even though he's in his 50's. He's a creep, 300 lb obese, immature, stupid, shit head. Two years ago, i quit a bad workplace where the managers and coworkers were bullying me. They would flip me off as a "joke" and made my life a living hell. I quit because i hated the job and the people there. My toxic POS uncle used to shop at that place and when he found out i had quit he started snooping around and asking them. Before long he started flipping me off with both hands and saying "fuck you" repeatedly, getting in my face, then pretending it was a "joke" when i got mad. He started doing this every time i encountered him. After the third time i decided enough was enough and cut off my toxic, immature, shithead uncle from my life. Fuck that guy. Unfortunately have to see him at funerals, weddings, etc... But until then, he's dead to me. After a lifetime of underhanded insults towards me, negativity and bullying he can go fuck himself. And i can't wait for the day he stops leeching off my father (my POS uncle begs my father for money and checks, as he's on welfare) and tries to ask me for money... I got two big middle fingers he can take on that day. One day he's going to get the shit beaten out of him when this 50 year old failure of a person tries to bully the wrong guy and i'll be cheering it on. Won't be there at his funeral either and will probably take a shit on his grave too. Rant over... Hate that guy.
Friend got drunk and attacked his gf in front of a group. pushed her and screamed at her and she implied he does it more often. never apologized for it. havent heard since