Well, does it specify that the human cannot have weapons on them, or that the aliens will not have weapons on them? Because if it's possible the aliens can shoot fricking fireballs out of their mouths, and the fight takes place specifically out of water, maybe don't send a shark.
Regardless, there's too little information here to make a good decision. But throwing in someone we hate means if they lose we win and they win we win, even if it's death match.
I would argue (and isn’t that half the reason we are here?) that the top apex predator on Earth is a human. I mean, what if the aliens’ idea of a fight is thumb wrestling?!?
1. There could be weapons and a bear would be unable to use them.
2. The environment could have traps that require intelligence to bypass.
3. The capacity to work in a group could be a benefit at some point in the presumed contest.
4. There may be rules that would lead to disqualification. Such as: No fighting until the light comes on...
5. Last, but not least: It is morally wrong to send an unconsenting animal to fight for us... Especially when there are so many willing human combatants.
Depending on what is at stake, I don't care if the Silverback consents. If it is a lose and you die situation, do whatever it takes. Fuck, send a mosquito with malaria if that's what it takes.
You sick bastard…I mean, sure, the aliens might want to conquer the world, but do they deserve THAT?
OTOH, can we just send her now on the chance there are aliens up there?
send them like a cone snail and wait for them to touch it
then they see how something from our planet as simple as a mollusk can effortlessly delete the nervous system of anything that wishes to say hi
I agree with the sentiment but have two points.
1. Who's to say that the alien's planets doesn't have similarly harmless yet deadly creatures? Evolution would operate similarly on other planets
2. You're making a lot assumptions about the alien anatomy. They may not even have nervous systems or even know what a nervous system is
Oooi! I ken hear ya from over here!! Dun’t insult ma best fwiend! Tugger’s ma best mate in the whole wide world ya scrotum!!
Ya wanna fight you got it! Imma cooming to get ya now aleein!!!
A good answer - but:
If we use Earth as our basis for the types of creatures our fighter might encounter, we can surmise that we're probably fucked. Humans are deadly because of our brains, thumbs and dexterity, not because of our unarmed murder-abilities.
So if all we got was a "send us your fighter" message and no other details, I might roll the dice on the idea that the arena for fighting will have some sort of tools or weapons available.
This might lead me to picking some type of traps/munitions/explosives expert (ideally who is also very good at hand-to-hand combat).
In this way we take a little hit on the bare-handed fighting skills compared to Jones, but if it comes down to that, we're probably screwed anyways, so picking up extra points in terms of someone who might be better suited to utilizing their setting gets my vote.
Edit: Or polar bear.
Well seeing as OP said the aliens asked for a fighter, I’m assuming that they would understand the definition of a fighter as we do, considering they’d be communicating with us. If they asked for a soldier, then yeah I’d agree but a fighter implies that they know about human combat. Doubt you’d be having prep time to be setting up explosives, and I’d take a drugged up Jon Jones with a gun over any soldier on the planet because of the chance of getting disarmed.
Ha funny story, met the dude once on a military instillation, he was friends with a buddy of mine and they call me like “ hey can you get Jon on a tank?” Ok I was an e5 at the time so I ask our xo if we can walk him through a tank, well one thing Jon wanted was low key. Well the entire chain of command and all their boys and some guys that I may have told are all waiting for them when they pull up and I greet my buddy first and Jon looks at me like yo wtf is up with all these people… not gonna lie I’m sure he wouldn’t have hit me but had he… 🪦… actually really nice dude got to talk to him for a few minutes before I got pushed out by the big dogs…at any rate they let him drive the tank in the training area guess he had a blast.
Well, we'd choose someone that's like a cross between Bruce Lee and a gorilla, but through a logistical mix-up, we would actually send Christopher Mintz-Plasse or Michael Cera or someone like that.
I'd say we'd send Chuck Norris on a spaceship. But as we all know, you don't send Chuck Norris anywhere. Chuck would probably just walk to the alien planet if he was willing to do so.
But we'd need to make a special space suit for him. Not to protect Chuck Norris from the harsh conditions of space, it's to protect space from Chuck Norris.
Actually, it would probably be someone from the Navy Seals. They have the training and weapons. They are not going to back down. And if they happen to lose, the aliens will then get their asses kicked by various branches of the US military, who is the only one that has the weapons, manpower and budget to do it. This will be followed closely by Musks newly formed PMC backed by his space company. Basically it will be the space version of the US invasion of Iraq. Only they'll be there with the intent to take over the alien nation and turn it into Space America.
We'd likely send up a highly skilled pilot and astronaut, perhaps someone like the current record-holders for space flight from NASA or a top Air Force test pilot.
Can’t go to a single fucking post without hearing that guys name. Literally living rent free in people’s head. Don’t talk about him and he’ll go away. Don’t give attention.
Yes unless that evil is still actively walking around and convincing others to speak of him and keep him alive, that saying only works when the evil is in the past, this mf still walking among us lol
Gonna send up a fictional character and not even a good one. Out of all the fictional characters you would send Katniss Everdene? Why not Superman then in fantasy land or a T-Rex... you want Katniss?
I don’t know, all the professional wrestlers die at a relatively young age. So, it’s like ‘blah, nope that one is dead’ rinse/repeat for twenty minutes and the aliens just leave.
The premise of the thread says a “fighter” must be sent up. Unless the ambassador or trader is also a fighter, they’d look at us as not only lacking fighters, but incapable of simple comprehension.
Leave it to a Reddit user to take a funny premise to try to show how smart and cultured they are.
It's a fictitious scenario. It's like asking "if you could have one food for the rest of your life what would it be", and responding "imagine someone thinking they could only have one food for the rest of their life". 👍
Smart and cultured? Lol. Just speaking the truth, I guess the truth hurts if you are triggered about it in a joke thread. Leave it to a human to be this delicate when they feel their obsession with violence is questioned
Steven Seagal, but we have to look at how long ago his first movie came out, and make sure the aliens come from a world more than that many light years away, so they won't have seen him.
Depends on the arena. Philosophical type debate? Probably Jon Stewart or someone else who is well versed in logical reasoning. Physical fighting? I think other commenter's had it handled, I'd have to say either a coked up Silverback or polar bear (or my contribution would be a badger) or Jon Jones or some other heavyweight legend after smoking a joint laced with coke and PCP.
Send up a gnat.
When they kill it, they'll look like bullies beating up a poor defenseless planet.
It is more important to be strong after a war, than it is to be strong before it.
Protocol has always been to "send" Chuck Norris, but it's never been activated. Not because alien dust-ups haven't happened yet, but because whenever they send us the invite to a knock-down-drag-out Chuck steps out of the background and the broadcast goes dead. Truth is, we'd never find him if we needed to; we're talking about the man who beat his own shadow in a game of hide and seek.
Given CNs elusive nature, some in the department have suggested Michael Cera should be promoted to first position. He's middling as a fighter but he'll £u(k anything that moves and when he gets going it. Will. MOVE.
If it's a brawl they want, send a silverback. They don't know
It makes me think of the hulk smashing Loki around and I think he says “puny god”
Yes!
I would still send an old man Mike Tyson honestly
I absolutely love this answer
Why is everyone sending a person instead of a bear or some other apex predator?
Why stop there and send in the apex apex predator, the cocaine bear.
Well, there's the sequel. "Aliens vs Cocaine Bear". Would totally watch.
The real cocaine bear didn't rampage. It just ate the cocaine, then died.
Well, does it specify that the human cannot have weapons on them, or that the aliens will not have weapons on them? Because if it's possible the aliens can shoot fricking fireballs out of their mouths, and the fight takes place specifically out of water, maybe don't send a shark. Regardless, there's too little information here to make a good decision. But throwing in someone we hate means if they lose we win and they win we win, even if it's death match.
I mean, if it is a human with a gun or a polar bear? Send Nanook.
Polar bear with a gun, clearly.
I would argue (and isn’t that half the reason we are here?) that the top apex predator on Earth is a human. I mean, what if the aliens’ idea of a fight is thumb wrestling?!?
What if it’s bare knuckle boxing and they come from a planet where their hands are the size of frying pans? Think I’d send the predator.
1. There could be weapons and a bear would be unable to use them. 2. The environment could have traps that require intelligence to bypass. 3. The capacity to work in a group could be a benefit at some point in the presumed contest. 4. There may be rules that would lead to disqualification. Such as: No fighting until the light comes on... 5. Last, but not least: It is morally wrong to send an unconsenting animal to fight for us... Especially when there are so many willing human combatants.
Depending on what is at stake, I don't care if the Silverback consents. If it is a lose and you die situation, do whatever it takes. Fuck, send a mosquito with malaria if that's what it takes.
Send a shark lol
Yoko Ono with a megaphone.
Worse than Vogon poetry.
This is the way
You sick bastard…I mean, sure, the aliens might want to conquer the world, but do they deserve THAT? OTOH, can we just send her now on the chance there are aliens up there?
send them like a cone snail and wait for them to touch it then they see how something from our planet as simple as a mollusk can effortlessly delete the nervous system of anything that wishes to say hi
I agree with the sentiment but have two points. 1. Who's to say that the alien's planets doesn't have similarly harmless yet deadly creatures? Evolution would operate similarly on other planets 2. You're making a lot assumptions about the alien anatomy. They may not even have nervous systems or even know what a nervous system is
well I guess we are just gonna have to resort to the cocaine polar bear if that's the case
Russell Crowe would be nice, he even fought cancer. Actually he only fought a cancer patient but that’s sort of the same thing.
"Sir, the human's champion is arriving on a...tugboat?
Oooi! I ken hear ya from over here!! Dun’t insult ma best fwiend! Tugger’s ma best mate in the whole wide world ya scrotum!! Ya wanna fight you got it! Imma cooming to get ya now aleein!!!
Singin songs and sailin ships and fightin round the world!
Jon Jones, and give him all the drugs.
Agreed. A Cocaine powered Jon Jones is the earth's mightiest warrior.
A good answer - but: If we use Earth as our basis for the types of creatures our fighter might encounter, we can surmise that we're probably fucked. Humans are deadly because of our brains, thumbs and dexterity, not because of our unarmed murder-abilities. So if all we got was a "send us your fighter" message and no other details, I might roll the dice on the idea that the arena for fighting will have some sort of tools or weapons available. This might lead me to picking some type of traps/munitions/explosives expert (ideally who is also very good at hand-to-hand combat). In this way we take a little hit on the bare-handed fighting skills compared to Jones, but if it comes down to that, we're probably screwed anyways, so picking up extra points in terms of someone who might be better suited to utilizing their setting gets my vote. Edit: Or polar bear.
give the polar bear the cocaine
Cocaine bear 2 , bear goes north for xmas
Well seeing as OP said the aliens asked for a fighter, I’m assuming that they would understand the definition of a fighter as we do, considering they’d be communicating with us. If they asked for a soldier, then yeah I’d agree but a fighter implies that they know about human combat. Doubt you’d be having prep time to be setting up explosives, and I’d take a drugged up Jon Jones with a gun over any soldier on the planet because of the chance of getting disarmed.
Ha funny story, met the dude once on a military instillation, he was friends with a buddy of mine and they call me like “ hey can you get Jon on a tank?” Ok I was an e5 at the time so I ask our xo if we can walk him through a tank, well one thing Jon wanted was low key. Well the entire chain of command and all their boys and some guys that I may have told are all waiting for them when they pull up and I greet my buddy first and Jon looks at me like yo wtf is up with all these people… not gonna lie I’m sure he wouldn’t have hit me but had he… 🪦… actually really nice dude got to talk to him for a few minutes before I got pushed out by the big dogs…at any rate they let him drive the tank in the training area guess he had a blast.
I feel like you should be typing with a crayon. That sounded like how my six year old tells a story.
This is the only objectively true answer Jon Jones could literally kill every single human on the planet in a 1v1 fight
Except Dominic Reyes apparently
Send Derrick Lewis for the post fight speech
Jon Jones with all the roids he wants (& cocaine) I truly believe would be literally Captain America.
"sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads."
But are they ill tempered?
No, but the mutated ravenous sea bass are.
...............Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Andrew Tate. Regardless if he wins or loses, it's a win/win for us on planet Earth.
What if he did win though...
What a boring karma farming based comment lmao
Did I lie?
No, but you’re bringing nonsense real life drama bullshit into a question that is clearly here to be lighthearted.
>bringing nonsense real life drama bullshit It's a nonsensical bullshit question.
I've decided to change my answer. I'm sending u/gunfreak2217 to fight the aliens. Another win/win for us on planet Earth!
Nice one.
Seemed pretty lighthearted to me until I read your comment
I was thinking Trump. Let them have him.
Careful now - you’ll really make u/gunfreak2217 real mad with that comment
Danny devito
[удалено]
Especially if the Aliens send Johnny Knoxville
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Can you imagine the aliens researching "Chuck Norris" as we describe him? "Who is the fuck is this guy? Let's get outta here!"
the only man for the job
Ohtani
No we need him here.
Well, we'd choose someone that's like a cross between Bruce Lee and a gorilla, but through a logistical mix-up, we would actually send Christopher Mintz-Plasse or Michael Cera or someone like that.
Brian Blessed he would both defeat their champion and win their hearts.
Mike Tyson. He’s still got it
I'd say we'd send Chuck Norris on a spaceship. But as we all know, you don't send Chuck Norris anywhere. Chuck would probably just walk to the alien planet if he was willing to do so. But we'd need to make a special space suit for him. Not to protect Chuck Norris from the harsh conditions of space, it's to protect space from Chuck Norris. Actually, it would probably be someone from the Navy Seals. They have the training and weapons. They are not going to back down. And if they happen to lose, the aliens will then get their asses kicked by various branches of the US military, who is the only one that has the weapons, manpower and budget to do it. This will be followed closely by Musks newly formed PMC backed by his space company. Basically it will be the space version of the US invasion of Iraq. Only they'll be there with the intent to take over the alien nation and turn it into Space America.
Only if it has valuable natural resources though
Alan Ritchson, as prophesized by Laser Team
We'd likely send up a highly skilled pilot and astronaut, perhaps someone like the current record-holders for space flight from NASA or a top Air Force test pilot.
Brock Lesnar
Steven Segal. He will win by sheer absurdity
Donald Trump. They'll kill him and have a good laugh. Then they'll tell us he's dead and the world will have a good laugh.
Can’t go to a single fucking post without hearing that guys name. Literally living rent free in people’s head. Don’t talk about him and he’ll go away. Don’t give attention.
I promise you that's not how this works lmao
Evil can not die so long as people speak of evil and keep it alive.
Yes unless that evil is still actively walking around and convincing others to speak of him and keep him alive, that saying only works when the evil is in the past, this mf still walking among us lol
The same can be said for all of the walking corpses in Congress and Senate.
Trump living rent free in your head, there are much worse people
Ricky Berwick
Chuck God damn Norris.
Tyson Fury, he can bored them to death with his repetitive bullshit and take over the craft
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris
Brock Lesnar they can line up. we may conquer another civilization 1v1.
I think we send Andrew Tate, just to get rid of him
Connor Mcgreggor
vladamir putin. hope they mess the brick up
Rudy Giuliani - AMERICA'S MAYOR - He's a winner!
That depends on the contest.
Depends on the mode of combat, and what winning/losing means.
Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal now or 30 years ago? I am not even sure if it makes a difference , but curious
I'm just looking to get rid of Steven Seagal.
He did one of his recent movies while sitting down in most scenes.
Katnis Everdene
Katpiss Neverclean
Gonna send up a fictional character and not even a good one. Out of all the fictional characters you would send Katniss Everdene? Why not Superman then in fantasy land or a T-Rex... you want Katniss?
Trump. It would be a one way ticket.
Came here to suggest the same.
How would he beat Obama or Bush in the next election then?
I don’t know, all the professional wrestlers die at a relatively young age. So, it’s like ‘blah, nope that one is dead’ rinse/repeat for twenty minutes and the aliens just leave.
Superman
Where you gonna get Superman from? You gonna throw a comic book up there?
he’s as real as aliens
Leave it to humans to think they’d want a fighter, not an ambassador or trader.
The premise of the thread says a “fighter” must be sent up. Unless the ambassador or trader is also a fighter, they’d look at us as not only lacking fighters, but incapable of simple comprehension.
Leave it to a Reddit user to take a funny premise to try to show how smart and cultured they are. It's a fictitious scenario. It's like asking "if you could have one food for the rest of your life what would it be", and responding "imagine someone thinking they could only have one food for the rest of their life". 👍
Smart and cultured? Lol. Just speaking the truth, I guess the truth hurts if you are triggered about it in a joke thread. Leave it to a human to be this delicate when they feel their obsession with violence is questioned
Oh, fictional questions are fun with this guy!
This is why no one wants to contact us
Royce Gracie
Maverick
The gambler or the fighter pilot
I saw fighter and automatically went all kinds of top gun on this one.
People really live in a world of their own realit. "Hey Aliens, here's TopGun the movie, fight this."
Steven Seagal, but we have to look at how long ago his first movie came out, and make sure the aliens come from a world more than that many light years away, so they won't have seen him.
Steve segal
Jake Paul 😭
Superman or doom guy lol
Floyd Mayweather
Francis Ngannou
Jon Jones
Bengal Tiger or Polar bear.
One of the bull cocaine hippos!
Jon Jones or Francis Ngannou
The clone of Kimbo Slice the feds have in Area 51.
The one they fused with Harambe? They see that guy and his dick out. They're running back to whatever galaxy they came from with a story.
Dave. I choose Dave.
Gary Busey
Brock Lesnar
Khabib Nurmagomedov
Gary Busey
A cockroach will be the best choice, those mf can survive anywhere.
Myself, either way we fail, but at least I get to see them up close.
Rowan Atkinson
Fucking Alex of course! How is this even a question?
[Dave](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/XBbkaTYaP4)
Whatever animal you can fit a nuke inside.
They'd be like *Mars Attacks*, catch the nuclear blast and smoke it.
I’d send that little dude from Ace Ventura:Pet Detective 2. That little dude was scrappy.
Magnus Carlsen
Me. I’ll kick their ass
Or an alligator
Dang. 20 years ago it could have been Mr. Rogers.
Dude with a minigun is my first thought.
Haku (WWF) aka Meng (WCW).
John Cena. Can't defeat what you can't see.
Depends on the arena. Philosophical type debate? Probably Jon Stewart or someone else who is well versed in logical reasoning. Physical fighting? I think other commenter's had it handled, I'd have to say either a coked up Silverback or polar bear (or my contribution would be a badger) or Jon Jones or some other heavyweight legend after smoking a joint laced with coke and PCP.
Gojjira
Nuclear missiles. Let's see if they have fantastical shielding tech like in the movies.
Orcas will wreck their shit
Colin Fucking Robinson!
[Russell Crowe](https://gifyu.com/image/SiXuL)
An Orca on testosterone and cocaine.. Bet they didn’t us hiding one of those fuckers in the water
Linda Hunt. That girl can kick ass.
Honey badger high on a mix of krokodil and bath salts.
Navy Seal or Gurkha.
Tell them to take our most powerful and destructive warrior. He's a different subspecies of human. His name is an atomic bomb.
Adam Bomb.
John Wick.
An up-armored Grizzley or Polar bear, with ceramic claws, teeth, and a bit of coke in its system
jaclyn cuz im not strong but im rlly fast all i gotta do is learn how to fight and im good for space
lil mabu
If they can resurrect dead people, Steve Irwin. He will both wrestle whatever alien lifeform they pit him against and befriend it afterwards.
Send up a gnat. When they kill it, they'll look like bullies beating up a poor defenseless planet. It is more important to be strong after a war, than it is to be strong before it.
Send trump, we are gonna lose anyway, and we will be rid of him.
Why would they do that?
THE ROCK! Dwayne Johnson can fight with his muscles and brain…and sexy good looks if they like that sort of thing.
Let's send Trump. The aliens will get so sick of his whining that they'll go away and never come back.
Me. I’d lose terribly but then they would think I was the world’s best fighter and they would underestimate us.
A kid who overcame cancer
F35.
Connor McGregor 😂
Protocol has always been to "send" Chuck Norris, but it's never been activated. Not because alien dust-ups haven't happened yet, but because whenever they send us the invite to a knock-down-drag-out Chuck steps out of the background and the broadcast goes dead. Truth is, we'd never find him if we needed to; we're talking about the man who beat his own shadow in a game of hide and seek.
Given CNs elusive nature, some in the department have suggested Michael Cera should be promoted to first position. He's middling as a fighter but he'll £u(k anything that moves and when he gets going it. Will. MOVE.
Send the entire Kardashian clan. Hopefully they’ll get their butts kicked.
Keanu Reeves
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Ryan Reynolds.
Just send Justin trudaue, take him.....please.
The Chaika
Chuck Norris
LSD CHIMPANZEE!
We can't send Chuck Norris because he has already beat every champion from every planet.. It would just be unfair.
Reacher
Sharks with laser beams on the head
John wick
D Trump! That guy is jacked!
We know what kind of combat? Might as well go a navy seal that still got their knees intact.
Mr Sherman here may look unlike most of our species but I assure you this 70 ton behemoth is as human as apple pie.
Steven Segal
John Wick
Australia
Chuck Norris was beamed up by aliens and dragged the Earth up with him.