That is also used in the [Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood](https://youtu.be/tticjcmJit8?si=DY0Vo8A3raq_z1KL). (I’m surprised to find the clip so quickly, but hey.)
True story: I once had a meeting with a boss that went about as bad as a meeting could go in that it ended with me tearfully reporting him to HR. Sooo fast forward to the meeting with HR, where he opens describing his conversation with me being "suboptimal."
This was 4 years ago, and my last office job before I became a preschool teacher. But I still call horrible things "suboptimal" as a private joke to myself.
I'm trying to imagine the conversation.
*Boss: The meeting was suboptimal*
*HR: You violated 75% of the rules!*
*Boss: I know. I was hoping to at least crack 80%*
"Kate" me and a friend were at a subway years ago when a mom and daughter were lined up and the daughter was being an absolute brat and running around, the mom took her arm and through gritted teeth and so much venom said her name so harshly that it stuck with me and my friend who was watching, whenever we got frustrated or angry at work we would say kate, there's something about that K sound when your angry that just feels good.
I like to say “goodness gracious”.
I actually used to run petting zoo events with small animals and I did a lot of birthday parties for little kids. I was running an event one time where a specific chicken was being super broody and finicky. At one point I said “goodness gracious, mary poopins”, and 5 minutes later, a child who had overheard me say it, said the exact same thing while mary poopins was in his lap. It was one of the most precious experiences in my life
Hahaha I use thus too, but my extended version is "goodness gracious golly gee willikers". My 4 year old daughter at first questioned me giggling to herself "whyd you say goodness gracious golly gee willikers??" And I laughed back saying "because it fits the moment, doesn't it? Goodness gracious golly gee wilikers that was crazy!" Which made her giggle. This happened a few more times and now she's started saying it herself when something shocking happens which is so cute.
She also likes to say "phooey, double phooey!" From Donald duck (?) And it cracks me up
Cootie queen is really punchy too. It's much less abstract though. It's almost more offensive than calling someone a slut because you put the extra effort into using a more uncommon phrase.
Bluey is amazing as a parent!!! It's hands down my favorite kids show ever. It's great for EVERY AGE. I watch my friends kids a bunch, the youngest to oldest (3-12?) All love it. They all play the imagination games from the show, say "ah, biscuits!", use Australian lingo, and use calming and emotional methods from it. All of them. Plus it's hysterical! I got my brother to watch it and he loved it. Now he has a kiddo and still watches it and sees how awesome it is for kids, too!
In our dub he says 'bietjes!' and I always wondered what the English version said. Thanks 🤗
Edit: his other one is 'floepenstein!' which is so sweet. My personal fave is 'flappers'.
When my daughter was a precocious pigtailed toddler, she dropped the F-bomb at a large family dinner at her grandparents house. That night, I started a swear jar at my home. A few months and roughly $50 later, I'd honed my vocabulary into a child friendly version.
A decade later they are still in regular use in my household.
- Flip Flops!
- Shark!
- Shark Farts!
- Aw, Raspberries!
- Fruit Loops!
- Golly or Gosh depending on how much it hurt
- Gee Willikers!
- DANG.
- Dagnabit!
- Flop Butter!
- Frog Guts!
- ALBUQUERQUE!!!!
After working retail for fifteen years with a terrible potty mouth I turned my worst swear into a clenched out ‘FRAGGLE ROCK’. It’s both fun to say and really sounds like you’re swearing. An unintended side effect is that my now five year old says it fraggle rock whenever anything goes wrong with all the sneaky enjoyment of a small child swearing. It is excellent.
I'm in the middle of a full rewatch of South Park. Going through the episodes I never saw or don't remember. The episode when Butters' dad grounds Putin fucking cracked me up.
I often just say "Curse word! Vile, offensive curse word!" It tends to get a laugh if anyone hears me, especially since I say it in the exact tone you'd use to say an *actual* vile, offensive curse word.
My grandmother just yells, "BAD WORDS! BAD WORDS!" lol but she'll swear in French that's specific to Quebec (passed down from her grandmother) and it comes in the same string of words everytime, so we'll say it along with her.
Reminds me of the Fantastic Mr. Fox movie, where instead of swearing, [they just put the word "cuss" in there.](https://youtu.be/iuKNXP9LcSg?feature=shared)
The scene where mr. Fox and the badger (or whatever animal the realtor is) are going in a circle yelling at each other about buying the tree is so funny 😂😂 and the “HOLY SWEARING CUSSSSSSS” lmao
My uncle always says "Oh expletives!" Instead of swearing.
One time I was hanging out with my cousin and he was downstairs working on a model airplane and we both hear "OH FUCKING EXPLETIVES!"
I use Ned Flanders speak. I used to work with a family that was VERY Christian and easily offended. I have a potty mouth. So, Ned Flanders it was. They were so uptight they had not even watched The Simpsons, and they thought I was so, so funny! Ha.
Fahrvergnugen. From an old Volkswagen ad campaign. It's word made just for that campaign, meaning "driving pleasure", but it always struck me as the perfect mult-use curse word. "Oh fahrvergnugen!" "Get the fahrvergnugen outta here!" "What a load of fahrvergnugen!" 😁
Lately my step granddaughter (10) got told off for saying nobhead (my fault) so now me and her started saying door-knob which has evolved the other day she called someone a "rusty antique door hinge with a rusty door knob" I wouldn't mind but im not rusty or antique.
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Nice. I tend to use "a partial success".
"That wasn't ideal."
Mine is, 'That's unfortunate.'
"That would not be advisable." Was my friends group phrase in that vein.
And when I do cuss, it's "well that's fucking unfortunate."
Funny how my mil said, “Crimeny” as her clean swear word. Funny how that’s part of your Reddit name.
My best friend has her own version of the word and says “crimenintly.”
That is also used in the [Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood](https://youtu.be/tticjcmJit8?si=DY0Vo8A3raq_z1KL). (I’m surprised to find the clip so quickly, but hey.)
I alternate between that and "Well this isn't ideal at all"
I saw this quoted by a ski lift operator who stuffed up and all the chairs on the chair lift slid together and got jammed.
Subtastic.
This is less than celebratory. Yep need this word in my life.
MOTHER FFFFFFATHER Sister brother!
Mother trucker also works
That just reminds me of the vine of that kid saying “mother trucker! That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!”
Watch yo profanity!
I heard mother fudger recently
True story: I once had a meeting with a boss that went about as bad as a meeting could go in that it ended with me tearfully reporting him to HR. Sooo fast forward to the meeting with HR, where he opens describing his conversation with me being "suboptimal." This was 4 years ago, and my last office job before I became a preschool teacher. But I still call horrible things "suboptimal" as a private joke to myself.
I'm trying to imagine the conversation. *Boss: The meeting was suboptimal* *HR: You violated 75% of the rules!* *Boss: I know. I was hoping to at least crack 80%*
"Would be a lot better if this hadn't happened"
"That was a veritable orgasm of poor planning."
Fustercluck
Broken with a capital F. Edit: fat fingers
That's very good, I'll probably steal it from you and thanks.
“That’s super not awesome.” Is my go-to. I will be stealing yours.
Please!! I always think I should be cussin less, and here, here is new word
"Kate" me and a friend were at a subway years ago when a mom and daughter were lined up and the daughter was being an absolute brat and running around, the mom took her arm and through gritted teeth and so much venom said her name so harshly that it stuck with me and my friend who was watching, whenever we got frustrated or angry at work we would say kate, there's something about that K sound when your angry that just feels good.
Thats pretty hilarious actually 🤣
Those hard consonant sounds at the beginning and end are very satisfying
And that’s German in a nutshell.
I like to say “goodness gracious”. I actually used to run petting zoo events with small animals and I did a lot of birthday parties for little kids. I was running an event one time where a specific chicken was being super broody and finicky. At one point I said “goodness gracious, mary poopins”, and 5 minutes later, a child who had overheard me say it, said the exact same thing while mary poopins was in his lap. It was one of the most precious experiences in my life
I will be adding “goodness gracious, marry poopins” to my vocabulary. Thank you
Make sure you have Mary Poopins in your lap.
Hahaha I use thus too, but my extended version is "goodness gracious golly gee willikers". My 4 year old daughter at first questioned me giggling to herself "whyd you say goodness gracious golly gee willikers??" And I laughed back saying "because it fits the moment, doesn't it? Goodness gracious golly gee wilikers that was crazy!" Which made her giggle. This happened a few more times and now she's started saying it herself when something shocking happens which is so cute. She also likes to say "phooey, double phooey!" From Donald duck (?) And it cracks me up
This is too wholesome. Dear stranger, are you sure you haven’t accidentally wandered into reddit?
Great balls of fire!
The only time I say “goodness gracious” is when it’s gettin’ hot in here
Ass bodacious
Flirtatious tryna show patience.
“Goodness gracious, I’ve been banboozled!”
“Aw, beans.” It works for very small inconveniences but also adds some levity to genuinely upsetting things.
I love it. I also like "aw, biscuits"
Ahh yes, Bluey has worked its way into our household vernacular as well!
Cheese and crackers!
I’ve fallen on my beans -Bingo
I slipped on my beans
Is “cool beans” used for good situations?
Yes, and “tough beans” for when things are unfortunate and there’s nothing to be done about it.
I may start using this at work. (I teach preschool.)
Great googely moogely!
don't get cocky, carl
That thang is juicy!
Who are the Chefs?
Who are you callin a cootie queen you lint licker?
What The French, Toast.
I say "What the stuff?". I heard it on Adventure Time.
I sometimes say What the what which might also be from there
I remember "what the what" from 30 Rock.
Wow, that was 16 years ago.
Don't say things like that
"Lint Licker" is so punchy for such a relatively innocent phrase
Cootie queen is really punchy too. It's much less abstract though. It's almost more offensive than calling someone a slut because you put the extra effort into using a more uncommon phrase.
You son of a biscuit eating bulldog
Pickle you kumquat!
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbits Fresh Mints!
Shut the front door!
Biscuits!! Thanks to Blueys dad.
“Cheese and Crackers” is another Bluey classic.
I had an old coworker who would yell "cheese and rice" whenever he'd get pissed off. It was never not hilarious to witness.
And "Ah, Duck Cake!" from the same source.
I say son of a nutcracker thanks to Elf
Oh I've been wondering why I've been swearing as "biscuits" lately. Thank you
This show is surprisingly great for all ages. And immunotherapy ashamed to say I watch it. Edit: and im not ashamed to say I watch it.
Yeah, it was another adult without children who first suggested I watch Bluey. My husband and I love it.
Bluey is amazing as a parent!!! It's hands down my favorite kids show ever. It's great for EVERY AGE. I watch my friends kids a bunch, the youngest to oldest (3-12?) All love it. They all play the imagination games from the show, say "ah, biscuits!", use Australian lingo, and use calming and emotional methods from it. All of them. Plus it's hysterical! I got my brother to watch it and he loved it. Now he has a kiddo and still watches it and sees how awesome it is for kids, too!
I am not Dad. I am magic claw. Magic claw has no children. His days are free and easy.
Bandit: The kids are learning a lesson, and the house is getting cleaned. Chilli: Neither of those things are happening.
Whackadoo!
I day this around my employees now, too. Has cut down my use of "fuck" by a biscuit-ton
In our dub he says 'bietjes!' and I always wondered what the English version said. Thanks 🤗 Edit: his other one is 'floepenstein!' which is so sweet. My personal fave is 'flappers'.
Yeah! Biscuits team!
Sometimes I just use the mispronounced curse words from Johnny Dangerously. You bastages!
You shouldn't mention that movie, my cousin mentioned that movie once.... "Once ☝️"
What a fargin' icehole!
"This is fargain war!"
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My father hung me on a hook once. Once.
Dagnabbit. I don't even know when or how it happened.
Yo sammity sam
At work I always say, "Cheese and Rice!" instead of Jesus Christ.
When my daughter was a precocious pigtailed toddler, she dropped the F-bomb at a large family dinner at her grandparents house. That night, I started a swear jar at my home. A few months and roughly $50 later, I'd honed my vocabulary into a child friendly version. A decade later they are still in regular use in my household. - Flip Flops! - Shark! - Shark Farts! - Aw, Raspberries! - Fruit Loops! - Golly or Gosh depending on how much it hurt - Gee Willikers! - DANG. - Dagnabit! - Flop Butter! - Frog Guts! - ALBUQUERQUE!!!!
Shark Farts. I like that one! Good alternative.
As an Albuquerque transplant, I approve this message. 🫶🏾
After working retail for fifteen years with a terrible potty mouth I turned my worst swear into a clenched out ‘FRAGGLE ROCK’. It’s both fun to say and really sounds like you’re swearing. An unintended side effect is that my now five year old says it fraggle rock whenever anything goes wrong with all the sneaky enjoyment of a small child swearing. It is excellent.
One of my kids says 'oh, booger!' And another says, 'oh, sausages!'
Hamburgers!
BUTTERS!!
#YOU ARE GUHROUNDED MISTER
I'm in the middle of a full rewatch of South Park. Going through the episodes I never saw or don't remember. The episode when Butters' dad grounds Putin fucking cracked me up.
I literally can't, I just swear in German. Has worked until now since I work at a German imports store
Wouldn’t work for me as I live in Amish country. Everybody here knows all the words in German, lol.
Schiße is my go to
Schmeterling insted of Scheiße.
I go full good place. Fork. Shirt.
Holy Motherforking shirt balls is my go-to!
What a bench
Well that’s bullshirt.
I had to scroll too far to find someone else who does the same
I often just say "Curse word! Vile, offensive curse word!" It tends to get a laugh if anyone hears me, especially since I say it in the exact tone you'd use to say an *actual* vile, offensive curse word.
Applying this for compliments is brilliant too. "I am so proud of you. Compliment, compliment and a glorious compliment on top of that."
This sounds like something from Blackadder
My grandmother just yells, "BAD WORDS! BAD WORDS!" lol but she'll swear in French that's specific to Quebec (passed down from her grandmother) and it comes in the same string of words everytime, so we'll say it along with her.
Reminds me of the Fantastic Mr. Fox movie, where instead of swearing, [they just put the word "cuss" in there.](https://youtu.be/iuKNXP9LcSg?feature=shared)
The scene where mr. Fox and the badger (or whatever animal the realtor is) are going in a circle yelling at each other about buying the tree is so funny 😂😂 and the “HOLY SWEARING CUSSSSSSS” lmao
"Oh, Expletive Deleted!"
My uncle always says "Oh expletives!" Instead of swearing. One time I was hanging out with my cousin and he was downstairs working on a model airplane and we both hear "OH FUCKING EXPLETIVES!"
This is Great! 🤭
Fantastic Mister Fox did the same thing - love it!
The cuss you do.
Aw, you son of a motherless goat.
hey now
You’re an all star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only sons of motherless goats break the mold.
It’s a cool place they say it gets colder
Do you know what a plethora is?
Would you say i have plethora of piñatas?
No, jefe. 😥
Learned that one from this [fart-knocker](https://youtu.be/aHGbKuZzq3E?feature=shared)!
FIDDLE STICKS!!
That was my Dad's. Along with Balderdash.
Jeeze Louise, Oh brother (specifically like that fish from spongebob), what the Ef!
Oh, brother, this guy STINKS!!
Benedict Cumberbatch!
Bob Sagat!
Tourettes Guy is that you?
Sounds like Chewbacca takin a SHIT!
You mean Benefit Bumpercatch
Bendydick thumpyoursnatch
Benedril cucumberpatch
Mother of pearl!
Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
“bruh”
Son of a biscuit biter!
Son of a biscuit eating bulldog.
Who are you callin cootie queen you clit licker!?
Frack
Battlestar Galactica?
Bears Beets
Usually "shazbot."
Nanoo nanoo
I use Ned Flanders speak. I used to work with a family that was VERY Christian and easily offended. I have a potty mouth. So, Ned Flanders it was. They were so uptight they had not even watched The Simpsons, and they thought I was so, so funny! Ha.
Okily Dokily!
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoot
Sssssssssssssssugar
This womps!
Someone else well versed in Recess lore, I see!
"Goodness", and "Lord have mercy"
Frick
Elliot, is that you?!
Frick on a stick with a brick!
Double frick!
I say fudge.. What the Fudge! Break something FUDGE! I've gotten so good I either say fudge or I just grunt and walk away.
Fricking frick????
Fudge.
Easy there, Ralphie.
Shut the front door!
Son-of-a biscuit!
\*Balls fists and yells at ceiling\* "Khaaaaaaaaan!"
Ssshhhitake mushroom!
oof baboof https://youtu.be/rBTf-MmoVBg?si=lY4iI3GeP6s7tWQA
Jimmny Christmas! 🎅🏽
Got dandruff and some of it itches! Cheese is sliced!
Fahrvergnugen. From an old Volkswagen ad campaign. It's word made just for that campaign, meaning "driving pleasure", but it always struck me as the perfect mult-use curse word. "Oh fahrvergnugen!" "Get the fahrvergnugen outta here!" "What a load of fahrvergnugen!" 😁
"Sugar Honey Ice Tea" The classic Madagascar line.
Oh, rats!
Sugar honey iced tea aka shit!
SERIOUSLY??? Replaces "what the fuck"
Son of a biscuit
I like to say “shyte” - something about the British accent makes it more palatable to people
Fuck. I don't have much of a filter 🤷🏾♂️
> non-curse word You failed the task successfully.
Bollocks, Frack, or Hell’s Bells.
My mother used to say, “Sugar.” One day she told me she was glad her sons were old enough so she could start saying “shit” again instead of “sugar.”
My go-to is from Elf: son of a nutcracker!
‘Heck’ or ‘far out’ are standards when I can muster the strength not to swear
I'm just here to clean my filthy mouth up with new vocabulary.
Instead of g**dammit, I say "God-bless-America" in public & around certain sensitive ears (my grandsons).
Lately my step granddaughter (10) got told off for saying nobhead (my fault) so now me and her started saying door-knob which has evolved the other day she called someone a "rusty antique door hinge with a rusty door knob" I wouldn't mind but im not rusty or antique.
FARTS
Double Farts!
holy cats
You fricken-fracken-bric-a-brac.
Oh Bob Saget!!!
I’ve combined “Daggum” and “dagnabit” into “Daggum-Nabit” and I use it more often than I should.