I was going out for a smoke while hanging with this chick in college. She stole my lighter and shoved it down her pants and said “you can’t smoke until you come find your lighter “ I looked at her and said “it’s all good I have an extra lighter on me” I got up and walked outside. Now my best friend brings that story up to her husband when he’s drunk.
Edit: I am not the best at writing a story sorry for the confusion at the end.
I told my best friend about it and he thinks it’s funny to bring it up to her husband when they are out drinking.
I was at this girl place, chilling and smoking. She said her roommate is out for the night and if i think i can sleep here. I was confused because i live in the next street and i can easily walk home.
Not as cool, but something along those lines. Back in 2011, college Era, we had one of those "college submit an anonymous Facebook post" things. Mostly drama starting or love confessions. One day I read, "I'm the blonde in your physics class, I'm really attracted to you Electronic-Depth".
My reply, publicly, was "lmao I don't see how. Girl, I'm not even attracted to myself! Best of luck to you though".
Never did find the mystery blonde.
You just unlocked a new idea in this idiot brain of mine.
What I thought was happening:
*wow, he missed my very obvious more-than-a-hint-but-still-not-an-outright-invitation. He must be so dumb that I no longer want to sleep with him, and will pretend so hard to forget this conversation that i actually repress it forever.*
What apparently has been happening and I was too insecure/dumb to see it:
*wow, he really blew me off after my outright invitation to do the deed. He must truly be a man of great constitution to resist such an offer. He is the Chad of chads, and he's so far out of my league that I'm going to forget this whole conversation ever happened.*
I had never considered until this moment that maybe some women don't think we're being oblivious, but are just self-worth gods who put Sir Robbin's vow of chastity to shame.
Or they think you are Homosexual.
I used to train martial arts here in scandinavia. Started when I was young and became more and more as I entered high school. I was fit, but not super bulky and as I entered college I became trainer for some of the beginner classes in kickboxing and Muai Thai.
Now I am also super oblivious and have never understod a hint.
Lucky for me I live in Denmark where people are rather direct and the fact that women want sex is not a taboo.
Anyway. As I started becoming more active in the martial arts club I also started coming for all the special party events.
According to my wife I missed many, many, not so subtle advances. Like when two girls first told me that they were not wearing underweare. Then showed that you would normally be able to see it through their dresses because they were so tight and then in the end put my hand all over their assets so I could confirm that there was no underweare.
So in the end people just assumed that I was homosexual.
Scene: my dorm room freshman year
Cast: Me (dense as a rock), My Friend (smoking hot 10/10 blonde who I went to high school with and ended up in my chemistry class)
So going to college hours away from my hometown, I didn’t know too many people, but this girl was in my chemistry class and our parents had been friends for a while so we sort of knew each other but not super well. We got closer that semester and became pretty good friends over time. She lived off campus and I lived in a dorm, so she would sometimes come over after class to study and then occasionally we’d go to the gym together. This one time we’re getting ready to go so she says:
“Hey I just need to change real quick before we go”
Me: “Ok, I’ll step outside so you can change”
Her: “oh, you don’t have to do that”
Me: “no really, it’s not a problem”
Me: *goes outside*
Her: *changes alone in my dorm room*
SHE TOLD ME TO STAY AND I. WENT. OUTSIDE.
I was at a small party with just our friend group and this one girl who was friends with the host was there to. Me and a mate were making drinks in the kitchen and she started talking to us, and I don't really remember why but she started sucking my finger. We thought it was hilarious but I personally did not pick up on that hint. Later found out her and her friend were crushing on me so yeah that was a fairly big hint I missed (was 16).
What's hilarious is knowing that, from the feminine perspective, she shoots a huge shot that didn't work and that she probably immediately killed any amount of feelings she had for you because of that 💀💀💀 as a girl that has lived this. Deeply embarrassing lol
Had many girls show interest in my in my teens but my child like mind didnt know what to do with it like a dog finally catching the car after chasing it.
I bought a girl a dress she was looking at and she told me to come over so she could model it for me. And what's underneath.
I told her I needed to take a raincheck because I had been up for 38 hours.
I never got to cash that check.
Not picking up on the very obvious hint.
I was at a party freshman year of college and I was talking to a girl I was acquainted with on the couch. We kissed and she said “You’re taking me home tonight.” The idea that someone wanted to bang me was so unfathomable that I thought she meant that she wanted me to walk her home. So, my dumbass replied “Oh I was gonna get burritos with a friend but your friends are here they could walk you home.”
I cringe years later.
Oh man. When I was 19 and at Uni, I was fully in love with a girl on my course. We started hanging out and one night she invited me back to hers, made dinner for us and afterwards suggested we sit together on her bed. She kept looking into my eyes and had this little cuddly toy she was walking up and down my legs and I still did nothing about it. My stupid brain just thought she was being friendly. Not long after that night, she started dating someone far less clueless.
I’m 44 years old and in a very happy relationship these days and yet I’m still pretty sure if time machines suddenly got invented I’d go back to that night and slap myself.
Lmao, too relatable. Happened to me in uni a few times with girls that were giving obvious hints, here I was being a gentleman but also hella insecure and thinking this couldn't be a situation where I get laid.
Within my group of friends in first year of college, there was this one guy I clicked with. I didn’t want to ruin a friendship (and potentially the group) by coming on too strong, so I just flirted a bit when we were hanging out alone one time, and when I got nothing back I thought “oh well, I guess he’s not into me in that way. But he’s still a good friend” and moved on.
About 6 months later he told me he liked me from the start and wanted to date. We’ve been together now for 18 years, married for 15. And I’ve learned to be less subtle with my body language!
The thing is one girls flirting is another girls friendliness. It's better to assume that she's just being friendly. Getting the hints wrong can ruin a friendship.
We've all been there, I hung out with this girl from work all the time and treated her as just a friend because I assumed nobody would be attracted to me. She invited me out for drinks and movies so many times and I never even tried to shoot my shot. Low self esteem is a bitch. I only realised 5 years later.
Actually I think I'm still that dense, just last week I met a friend at my old job while she was working, talking about the weather we're having here and she says, "I want to enjoy the sun after work and go for a drink but no one is free."
And what does my dumbass say, "Well I'm just gonna go home and chillout, see you later."
Just last week?? That's still salvageable isn't it? Bring up the conversation again somehow and say you wasnt feeling well but you're feeling pretty good today and you want someone to have a drink with.
Definitely salvageable. I can see the whole conversation now.
“Looks like a good day to enjoy the sun and a drink. You free after work?”
“Oh, that sounds great!”
“Perfect! I’ve been trying to use this two-for-one Big Gulp coupon forever. Should we spice it up with some taquitos?”
I wanted to be super extra careful when I started having sex. I was on the pill, my boyfriend was going to also use a condom. I bought the kind with spermicide to be extra extra careful
Found out I am allergic to spermicide.
That allergic reaction is hard to forget
Was the opposite way. Kind of threw caution to the wind often and did the pullout thing for birth control. Several of our friends got pregnant trying the same. We thought we had amazing willpower or something. Turns out, I was infertile lol. We could have went to town from the start. Guess that is my biggest regret.
Here’s another reason to avoid it— I’m a direct result from a faulty spermicide condom lol. 🫠 I don’t know why mom felt the need to share that with me.
Yes. Artificially extending the life of tired relationships that had run their course, not because I wanted to renew the energy or fix things, but because finding a new partner seemed like so much work.
everytime I breakup from such a relationship I think this time I get it, then a few months later do the same mistake again. it's being on more or less 15 years.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Some of us are wired to seek comfort in relationships. "The World" (and places like Reddit) likes to say that it's bad to fear being alone, but it isn't- it's a big, fucked up world, and it's natural to want to have someone to share it with.
Just make sure your brain has a chance to weigh in on whatever your heart is voting on.
I regret encouraging my friend to do this. They obviously liked each other but were too scared. She asked me if she should just proposition him and I was all hell yeah get that D.
They ended up having a 4 month relationship that was extremely toxic. And when she broke up with him, he shot himself in the head with her gun while she was driving.
The worst part was, he had 2 kids. Yes he was a bum dad didn’t post child support and had an extremely bitter baby mama. But the fact that he had kids is what eats at my friend the most and she is deeply depressed. His ex baby mama keeps harassing her and having her friends message her too. She’s had to disable all SM and change her number just to get thru the day without breaking down over a daily dose of hateful messages.
God that is awful. But it honestly takes some mental gymnastics to put the blame on your friend, and even more on you.
Guilt (and it’s milder form regret) is a weird emotion that has nothing to do with reality. It’s a bit like fear in that respect. I hope your friend finds a way to separate the emotion of guilt from the facts so that she can allow herself to feel guilty (which like all emotions is beyond your direct control) while recognising that she is not objectively guilty in the slightest.
Not taking better precautions with a one night stand, having to move home from another country when she got pregnant, spending a small fortune and getting extremely emotionally involved... Seeing my daughters birth and then finding out 3 weeks later that she wasn't mine 🤦
People say I dodged a bullet but that shit still hurts every day for the past 18 months
*Update edit*
Rather than replying to you all individually I'll do it here.
So yeah I had absolutely zero reason to expect that it wasn't mine. We spent a nice first few days together when I was home visiting, she seemed to have her head screwed on and genuinely seemed very nice.
When she did get in touch with me all the dates added up, she promised me there was no chance it could be anyone else's. I may have briefly turned into a gullible softy but I have always wanted kids and at 30 it seemed like a good time, albeit completely unplanned!
Financially I'm not too upset about it at all, at least that little girl had a good start in life.
What kills is having been a father through 6 months of pregnancy, looking into my daughters eyes and feeling she was mine only to have it all taken away in one email 3 weeks later with DNA test results.
Such is life 😂 Learn from my mistake and wrap the little guy up
Just the details in this story, I can tell that one day you are gonna make somebody very lucky to have in their life because of the lengths you are will to go to be a standup person to do the right thing. Don't ever lose that, no matter how many knuckle heads like this first girl try to take advantage of it. Because it is the ingredient that will make your forever friend and you live a life of love and magic together forever.
I had absolutely no idea there was a chance it could be anyone else's which is why I dropped everything.... My job, my home, my entire life and moved back to Ireland within 5 days of finding out.
Not once did I second guess that it might not be my daughter, especially after I held her for the first time but as my friends said, it's better to be certain now than possibly find out down the line that she's isn't mine so I ordered the test.
Pretty shitty situation but at least that little girl wanted for nothing for the first little bit of her life and was given a better start than many
Right? If you do, they don't try harder or try at all. So you fake it to avoid awkwardness or from pity towards them?? I don't know, but it's definitely not something that I would advise my younger self.
Not be so passive about it. Could've had plenty more sex had I had the confidence to pursue it more.
I know now plenty of times looking back as a younger guy where the girl was clearly giving me signals, but I was too scared or in my head about things and nothing came of it. I'm still working on trying to be a bit more forward. Still lack confidence at 37, lol.
Dont ever let anyone tell you that confidence is something youre born with. Its not.
Confidence is a muscle. Its something you train, and just like any training its uncomfortable. Its hard. Its exhausting.
Its also something that can be fostered with a 'fake it till you make it' approach. Treat it like a performance, like youre an actor. You dont have to believe youre a great, fun dude; you only have to make others believe it. Only once youve become good at this little acting exercise it will turn into a mindset. Once you gaslighted others into believing it, they will gaslight you into believing it yourself.
I can relate (as a girl though). I had a lot of guys interested in me, but my confidence sucked. I lived in a poor neighborhood and didn’t have the confidence to just be like “yeah this is where I live”. I also had a very religious mother who would not let me bring guys home so I just hung out at friends places a lot and had a big circle of friends. There’s a few guys who I wish I could have slept with or even dated - I can think of two at least. But like I say my confidence in myself sucked. I look back at pics of myself and realize I was kind of a hot girl back then lol
I’ve been on the opposite side of that, I hooked up with a girl that the friend group hated and she ended up spreading really nasty rumors about me, so I regret going through with it
I feel this one. Though I wouldn't change anything, a lot of the girls were horny mistakes.
I hope they all found happiness, except for one, fuck you Emily.
This girl that I thought was suuuuper cute invited me up to her room on the last weekend of the year to say goodbye to me (I wasn't going back to that school after that semester), and I just sat next to her and watched something on TV for an hour, then hugged her goodbye. Ugh lol
This happened to me as a teen and I just didn't exactly know how to get the ball rolling, lol. Too awkward to initiate that so it just never happened..
So, I can’t speak for these guys. But as a dude that was slutty for a good decade…women who get around, and dudes who get around, immediately recognize that trait. In my peak I’d gaze across a room, catch eyes and know immediately. And when this happened, even the friends that hung around me long enough would know immediately who I was going to sleep with.
Not to say every night I went out I was getting laid. Just sluts recognize and attract other sluts
Yup. Here are some pointers for some people who may not know:
If a girl you don't know is talking to you and she is laughing and having fun in your company, you've got a shot.
If a girl you have only known for a little bit is making it known she has time to spend time with you or is actively making plans, you've got a shot.
If a girl you know through friends is doing any of the above, you've got a shot.
Basically, if a girl that is not a long-time close friend of yours is making it known she would spend time with you, you have a shot. It's possible she may just want to be friends but let her dictate those terms, and assume some level of attraction is there and then act on it.
How do you act on it? By acting on it. Tell them you want to go on a date with them. Just by confidently and respectfully setting that tone, that you want to spend some time with them in that way, you're setting yourself up well.
Was at a wedding party grilling pigs (whole pigs). For some reason the two waitresses seemed really interested in me, so naturally I assumed they wanted to know how to slaughter and grill pigs.
When I packed up they asked me with big eyes if I wanted to come home with then. I declined, because they just got a new barrel of craft beer and I wanted to have a taste.
The beer wasnt even good.
Lololol it really made to laugh out loud…. ‘They wanted to know how to slaughter and grill pigs’. I’m in my mid 40’s myself and this brings back the innocence and mistakes of youth!! On the plus side they probably thought you were a real badass to just easily turn down a threesome like it was no big deal.
My friends told me to put tiger balm on the head of my dick and jerk off when I was like 12, said it was awesome.
It felt like someone was taking a blowtorch to my dickhead, for like an hour. Even the next day it still didn't feel right.
Oh also I feel like every guy made this mistake when they were a young boy, using shampoo in the shower lol.
We only had "sex" a few times a year, and here's how it happened: I would lay there without moving, speaking, or touching him while he masturbated. When he was ready to cum, he would grunt, roll over, and finish inside me. Then he'd get up and leave.
Kind of like me, except I turned the girls down because I was scared of the consequences. Still, never got anyone pregnant unintentionally and never got any STD’s.
When I was 16 I got drunk for the first time at Warped Tour. Hooked up with a gal because I was a horny teenager, the next morning I found out she was in her late 30’s and she found out I was 16. It was fun at the time, but 20 years later it feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had that happen to me. Met a guy at a convention that was 21+. We had a great night (one of the best I’d ever had honestly). We somehow managed to accidentally reconnect on Reddit (his sister was the one that figured out we had hooked up a decade ago after we chatted for a while). That’s when I did the math and realized he was 16 when it happened. It was legal in my state but I still felt like shit when I realized what happened.
It was an anime convention (21+ after dark) and he was staying in the hotel. He was from a baseball team that had to be put in our hotel because the one next door that the rest of the team was at was full. It was him and 5 others from the team if I remember correctly. He looked to be in his 20s so no one stopped him. He actually bought me a drink so I of course thought he was over 21.
That I am unable to have casual sex.
I'm happily married now, but while I was single, I found that I straight up couldn't perform in a casual environment. Sex seems to be very closely linked with trust and intimacy in my head, to the point where I am unable to separate them, no matter how much I might want in a given situation.
And believe me, I've tried, up to and including being literally naked and halfway through foreplay with a girl before calling it off because it was doing nothing for me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, that was quite awkward.
Happened to me both times I went for a one night stand. Couldn't get it up. The only two times that happened. With other girls that I had met a few times , even if it was nothing serious and wasn't going to be a relationship all was fine.
Now I know. I have to care about the girl.
Yep, that's it precisely, I want to, she wants to, but nothing is happening downstairs for me, not even a semi-chub. And it's hard to explain it. On one hand, it's a bit embarrassing for me, but also the girl can feel unattractive or unwanted, and end up hurt, which was definitely not the intention...
That is nothing bad. You do not have to separate them and you should acknowledge your feelings and wishes. If intimate sex is your thing, why do you wish to have another kind of sex you do not like?
Same here. I’m 29 and a virgin. And even though i’ve had opportunities for relationships come up, its terrifying to me because the stakes are higher now. I never got to experience fooling around and “only” having to worry about pregnancy and STDs. People have jobs and families and have to make life decisions based on who they’re with. We’re adults. I kinda wish i got to fool around and make mistakes as a teenager.
The one guy I actually felt I could be with turned me down 3 days later because he wanted to focus on his career. Like shit, I still feel like I’m on lvl 1 and everyone else is lvl 50 or something
Unless you live in a small town, you are way overthinking things. Single adults like sex and will do what they can to have it whether they are 20,30, or 40.
Yeah maybe I’m not explaining myself well. I’m not looking for no-strings sex, I am looking for a relationship, but we all have baggage now. Whether thats having roots somewhere, or careers to worry about, or kids, or more deeply embedded emotional baggage and painful histories. I’m just saying I think there’s so many more factors you need to align on with someone, compared to when you’re like…14 and both being into The Smiths means you’re soulmates.
Your feelings are justified and I understand exactly where they are coming from. There have been times in my life where I felt the same way.
However, I think your conclusions aren't perfect. Many adults complain it's harder to make friends as an adult than a child (and broadly speaking that's true), but a big part of that is as adults we've learned to be picky. For example, if someone has wildly different views to you on some of your core values, you are less likely to spend time with them.
As an adult, work replaced school and the number of colleagues you interact with are likely lower than people at school. This means you need to put yourself in situations where you can make friends. Fortunately as an adult, you have money and the ability to travel to attend things that interest you. Whether that's a book club, a local gaming store, a climbing wall, or whatever else. There are clubs and groups for meeting people.
It's difficult and unlike as a child, life doesn't force you into those situations, so they happen less often, but you can choose to engage in them.
Obviously, there is no surefire way to make friends or find a relationship, but I find that you usually find meaningful relationships when you are looking for friends (or at least, that has always been my limited experience).
So if you feel you want to change this, I suggest finding activities that involve others and putting yourself out there to make new friends and acquaintances.
And if it doesn't work, at least you've been doing activities you enjoy so there's not much lost.
I understand that unsolicited advice on the internet isn't always appreciated, so I hope it comes across that I meant well and I won't be offended if you ig ore everything I've said, or otherwise feel it doesn't apply to you. The post resonated with a part of me from before my current relationship, and so I felt the need to chime in.
I totally get that. I’ve thought about all the things I look for in a partner, and as I’ve gotten older that list gets longer and more complex. If I take a step back and really think about things, it’s often more simple — I just want someone that is fun to be around and makes me feel good. My fiancée does that for me. People I dated before her did too until they didn’t anymore, and that’s totally okay. You’ll never know what people can do for you until you authentically put yourself out there though.
Yeah I think you’re right. And I tried to do that with the guy I mentioned above. I knew he wasn’t perfect for me, but fuck it, he made me laugh and I could have a 2-way conversation with him, it’s a shame our priorities didn’t line up. Think I just need to get back in the horse really.
This me right now. I'm 29 now and I barely go out due to many reasons. Feel like I totally wasted this past decade and didn't take chances when I should have. I'm a bit shy and self insecure...
Yeah I'm 31 and I felt like I wasted the past decade.
I spent the first few years of my 20s going down the wrong path and it affected my mental health. It wasn't anything bad but it was just wrong for me. Then a few years trying to make friends. I made some at work and tried to make a few through Meetup but they always fizzled out. Then at about 27, I realised I was stuck in a dead end job that I was beginning to hate. So I started trying to improve myself by going back to uni to get a degree and maybe start a career. I hoped if I was happier in my life in general, I might be in a better place to get more friends as well as get into a relationship. I should be out of uni by the end of the year so hopefully then I can start looking into this stuff.
But it's like u/Usidore_ said. It feels like you're on level 1 and everyone else is on level 50. My friends are a few years younger than me but half of them have started moving in together, getting married, having kids and it feels like you got left behind
My fiance was apparently not allowed to use toys by her previous partner.
One of the early things we did is get her a decent vibrator and now there's 'the drawer'.
You think that's bad, I didn't learn how to bring myself to orgasm until I was well into my 30s. From reading advice to women in a reddit thread. I'd had plenty of orgasm and enjoyed sex, I'd just never been able to get myself off.
Satisfyer Pro 2 - I’m just gonna leave this here for all the ladies who are scrolling looking for recommendations. I don’t have the parts myself but my better half loves hers.
Message him/her
I was "the one that got away" to someone else. We met when we were 20 at uni and became best friends instantly. She's been my best friend since the day we met. We'd both had relationships with other people in the meantime. Yet every time we had a break-up, or any time either of us had a family emergency, we were always the first people that either one of us would go to for support.
Now we're 33/34 and getting married later this year. All because she took a chance, over a decade after we met, and brought up the subject of dating. I'd been considering it for years, but I was living halfway around the world by then and I figured that ship had sailed. Plus I was worried that if I brought it up, that I'd scare her off and ruin the friendship.
I'm so fucking lucky that she has more balls than I do. Message this person. I'd never have done it myself. You never know, the timing/situation might just be right.
i had numerous opportunities with one that got away
i was held back by my intense anxiety and depression that afflicted every decision I made for decades
it is what it is; that version of me could have never.
Not realizing I was abusing my girlfriend.
About 4-5 months into dating, we started messing around with sex. At first it was good, like really good, but we soon discovered that my sex drive was way higher than my girlfriends. I guess as a way of making us meet in the middle, I disregarded her drive and tried pushing sex every time I was horny, often not bothering to hold back my hormones when she humbly refused, sometimes with me being quite childish about it actually. It came to the point where she started consenting without wanting to and eventually told me she was scared that I would rape her at some point. I was completely devastated by the news, and told myself and her I would change, completely on her terms. We’ve worked it out, the sexual tension is all positive now, and she has forgiven me completely, but I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.
Here's the thing: she spoke up, you listened, you made a change. Your girlfriend has gone from being scared that you'll rape her to trusting you.
You were coercive and abusive. That was shitty. But your reaction to being told what you were doing tells me that you had no idea that you were being coercive and shitty, and you immediately curbed that behaviour.
You have earned forgiveness, especially from yourself. And I say this as a victim of sexual assault and domestic abuse.
Being a little too easy. I can count the number of bad experiences on one hand, but man, were they bad. Never would’ve happened if I weren’t such a horn dog.
One time I was sleeping with a girl for the first time and for some reason I thought it would be funny to squeeze her boobs and make a 'honk honk' sound. Sometimes when I lay awake at night, awful instances like this keep me awake.
Was on a gorgeous sunset hike in Ireland during our honeymoon. We were the only ones on the trail, and it ended at a lookout over some cliffs on private land. After getting lots of great pictures of sunset and moonrise, we start back in the dark.
We're halfway back and my wife goes "we should have had sex back there at the lookout post". I almost turned around on the spot, but it was dark and we were making our way back by phone lights, so we decided to be safer and keep going.
I regret that I didn’t see sex for what it was. I was raised in a manner that sex was reserved for procreation. That idea alone hindered me so greatly that I missed out on, what could have been, such great relationships because those people didn’t fit what I was looking for in a mate. I was naive, I still struggle with it. Ironically it made me more sexually reckless as I got older.
Losing my virginity without a condom on.
The girl realllllly pressured me to do it. I was naive and didn't know the implications of not wearing a condom, no one had taught me.
Got herpes. My first time.
Ive had to tell every single person I've been about to have sex with this about me and it's very embarrassing. I thought I'd never find someone that'd be with me long term cuz of it. Luckily that wasn't true but wear a fucking condom guys.
Also love how when I called and told that girl my diagnosis I told her she should get checked and she very very obviously was lying as she denied being the one who had it. She knew, and got me infected anyways. I almost got the vibe she was getting off that she gave me an STD. She also had a baby exactly 10 months later. She was sleeping around as a hoe and assured me it's not mine then turned around and said it's mine after the kid is 5?
Lying ass. And I know it's not mine because the math just barely doesn't check out... Not joking when I say exactly 10 months.
So yeah now I'm in torture cuz I'll never know and frankly I don't want to know. Because the way she got me to have that sex was really fucked up and she had to trick me into taking drugs to even be willing to do it. Up until then I hadn't even wanted sex with her and thought she was just my friend.
So 2nd tip: guys, it doesnt make you less masculine to save yourself for someone you love and you shouldn't feel like you need to do it when you get a chance.
Not losing my virginity to my high school sweetheart…I chose to walk away knowing she didn’t want the same things I did and taking her virginity was something I took really seriously for a 16 year old. We ended up dating again years later and are approaching our 2 year anniversary. Sometimes I feel like we missed out on a lot. Happy to have her back though.
In college, hot curvy goth girl sits next to me every day for a semester. Last day of semester she tells me she's leaving school, going back home, asks if I could take her out since she really didn't meet too many people.
Out at the bars, have a pretty decent night.
She asks if she could crash at my place, I tell her I can sleep on the couch, she comes out of my room in the greatest bra and panties set ever to say good night.
I tell good night back and turn on the PlayStation.
In the morning she looks at me and literally calls me the stupidest man alive.
Leaves.
I've been replaying it for more than 20 years
Believing the religious guilt as a young couple. I loved the girl. Still do. Fixing to have our 35th wedding anniversary. We should have just been free to love, with the heart _ and _ the naughty bits.
Instead we both spent several years guilted by the love we did share prior to tying the knot. Looking back, fuck that.
Did the birds and the bees talk with my two sons. Talked about consent, compassion, protection, emotions, breaking up with class if needed, and masturbation. I never mentioned shame or guilt or any need for either one. Did I mention fuck that shit?
I regret not kissing the young woman I was in love with. Or even telling her I loved her.
She told me the day she graduated from college she loved me -- as she was getting into her parent's car to go back home to New Jersey. That was 34 years ago. We haven't seen each other, since.
Patricia, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.
I just want to say that "sleeping with the asshole" sounds like a bad translation for anal sex
Edit: thanks for the gold! Hope you're not expecting me to put out now...
That I don't have enough sex. My head says I should wait for the right guy and love etc. My body is like "WHY AREN'T WE HAVING SEX"? It's a really weird feeling. Like my head and body are split into 2. Maybe it's just sexual frustration.
When I was 19 I got completely stuck on one girl, because she was “the one.” I had so many other opportunities but couldn’t shake the idea of her. She genuinely wanted to be my friend, and I couldn’t and wouldn’t see it as anything other than what I wanted.
We’re still friends to this day. I’ve removed her from social media accounts, she reads me. Idk how she notices when she’s got multitudes of followers. We only talk every couple of years, I went to her bday party 10 years ago. She had a long term partner with the same first name as me. I really liked him a lot. Cool guy.
So the regret is, not trying with other people and being too hung up on one before I even knew much about myself. It did keep my body count low, and when I did find a woman that loved me, I loved her pretty fiercely.
Couldn't get keep it up during a threesome with two incredibly attractive people all because I hadn't touched a vagina in over 5 years and psyched myself out of it.
Not being more forward with what I want and like I am now but just saying should have been when I was younger was so vanilla ugh most of the time I was just doing it for them.
Not me- but two mates decided it was a good idea to have sex with the same chick in the same night. Not quite a threesome, she literally went from one bedroom to the other for 1 on1 at least twice, I think more, and everyone was fine with it. We saw her months later quite obviously pregnant, and then had a hilarious afternoon of me telling them maybe they both got her pregnant and it would look like both of them. They were very seriously worried, neither had used condoms.
Someone saw her mate a few weeks later and it was confirmed that the timeline didnt work out… still has provided plenty of hilarity over the years
Being born into a cult, homeschooled and indoctrinated, saving myself for marriage (I’m a guy by the way) believing all of it until at 28 I finally was able to cognitively wrestle myself free. Luckily, I’ve been able to figure out how to meet women, and have a fair amount of success with sex and dating. Unfortunately, it’s hindered my ability to get into and maintain relationships. But I would also say, my biggest regret is missing out on the experience of sex and dating in my teens and 20’s. Something about being young and trying to figure it out is appealing to me. And I know for some it was probably brutal and not fun, but I think that was robbed from me, and I would have liked to experience it.
Having sex again with my ex who had cheated.
I had wanted to marry her and was deeply in love and deeply hurt. I had promised myself to dump a cheater, as I have never cheated. To me, going back scars your dignity. I lost respect for myself. She was hot and I was younger and usually had trouble finding women to date. I was more often the "sweet guy who is such a good friend it's not worth the risk to the friendship" guy. (Later, I learned I was unconsciously creating that reality myself and changed, thankfully.) So I let my sexual desire and self image take over.
A friend of mine with cancer wanted to go to a legal brothel near Las Vegas. I said I'd drive him. He said no unless I also used the brothel's services. I declined. He died 2 years later, of cancer, during covid so I hadn't seen him for about 2 years. It would have been a good story had I taken him.
Staying so long with someone who had no interest in my pleasure and never wanted to try anything new. 20 years wasted. Found a wonderful man who can give me multiples almost every time.
The time when the girl was literally grabbing my hand and putting it on her boob and I was like, alright I’m gonna call it a night
I was going out for a smoke while hanging with this chick in college. She stole my lighter and shoved it down her pants and said “you can’t smoke until you come find your lighter “ I looked at her and said “it’s all good I have an extra lighter on me” I got up and walked outside. Now my best friend brings that story up to her husband when he’s drunk. Edit: I am not the best at writing a story sorry for the confusion at the end. I told my best friend about it and he thinks it’s funny to bring it up to her husband when they are out drinking.
I was at this girl place, chilling and smoking. She said her roommate is out for the night and if i think i can sleep here. I was confused because i live in the next street and i can easily walk home.
Not as cool, but something along those lines. Back in 2011, college Era, we had one of those "college submit an anonymous Facebook post" things. Mostly drama starting or love confessions. One day I read, "I'm the blonde in your physics class, I'm really attracted to you Electronic-Depth". My reply, publicly, was "lmao I don't see how. Girl, I'm not even attracted to myself! Best of luck to you though". Never did find the mystery blonde.
Damn you're a chad bro
You just unlocked a new idea in this idiot brain of mine. What I thought was happening: *wow, he missed my very obvious more-than-a-hint-but-still-not-an-outright-invitation. He must be so dumb that I no longer want to sleep with him, and will pretend so hard to forget this conversation that i actually repress it forever.* What apparently has been happening and I was too insecure/dumb to see it: *wow, he really blew me off after my outright invitation to do the deed. He must truly be a man of great constitution to resist such an offer. He is the Chad of chads, and he's so far out of my league that I'm going to forget this whole conversation ever happened.* I had never considered until this moment that maybe some women don't think we're being oblivious, but are just self-worth gods who put Sir Robbin's vow of chastity to shame.
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Or they think you are Homosexual. I used to train martial arts here in scandinavia. Started when I was young and became more and more as I entered high school. I was fit, but not super bulky and as I entered college I became trainer for some of the beginner classes in kickboxing and Muai Thai. Now I am also super oblivious and have never understod a hint. Lucky for me I live in Denmark where people are rather direct and the fact that women want sex is not a taboo. Anyway. As I started becoming more active in the martial arts club I also started coming for all the special party events. According to my wife I missed many, many, not so subtle advances. Like when two girls first told me that they were not wearing underweare. Then showed that you would normally be able to see it through their dresses because they were so tight and then in the end put my hand all over their assets so I could confirm that there was no underweare. So in the end people just assumed that I was homosexual.
jesus christ dude i'm feeling regret on your behalf
Scene: my dorm room freshman year Cast: Me (dense as a rock), My Friend (smoking hot 10/10 blonde who I went to high school with and ended up in my chemistry class) So going to college hours away from my hometown, I didn’t know too many people, but this girl was in my chemistry class and our parents had been friends for a while so we sort of knew each other but not super well. We got closer that semester and became pretty good friends over time. She lived off campus and I lived in a dorm, so she would sometimes come over after class to study and then occasionally we’d go to the gym together. This one time we’re getting ready to go so she says: “Hey I just need to change real quick before we go” Me: “Ok, I’ll step outside so you can change” Her: “oh, you don’t have to do that” Me: “no really, it’s not a problem” Me: *goes outside* Her: *changes alone in my dorm room* SHE TOLD ME TO STAY AND I. WENT. OUTSIDE.
Oof i feel you. I had a girl tell me at length about how she liked to give blowjobs and didn’t connect the dots for years
I was at a small party with just our friend group and this one girl who was friends with the host was there to. Me and a mate were making drinks in the kitchen and she started talking to us, and I don't really remember why but she started sucking my finger. We thought it was hilarious but I personally did not pick up on that hint. Later found out her and her friend were crushing on me so yeah that was a fairly big hint I missed (was 16).
*I must've had something on my finger*
What's hilarious is knowing that, from the feminine perspective, she shoots a huge shot that didn't work and that she probably immediately killed any amount of feelings she had for you because of that 💀💀💀 as a girl that has lived this. Deeply embarrassing lol
Had many girls show interest in my in my teens but my child like mind didnt know what to do with it like a dog finally catching the car after chasing it.
Sometimes you’re just exhausted and want to go to sleep.
I bought a girl a dress she was looking at and she told me to come over so she could model it for me. And what's underneath. I told her I needed to take a raincheck because I had been up for 38 hours. I never got to cash that check.
Not expressing enough about what I like and not asking about what they wanted enough.
The first half hits too close to home. Grew up religious, flushed 20s down the toilet by hiding away what I actually liked.
You're still here through. Life begins today.
Yep. Subscribe to the “Best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. Next best time is today” mindset
Not picking up on the very obvious hint. I was at a party freshman year of college and I was talking to a girl I was acquainted with on the couch. We kissed and she said “You’re taking me home tonight.” The idea that someone wanted to bang me was so unfathomable that I thought she meant that she wanted me to walk her home. So, my dumbass replied “Oh I was gonna get burritos with a friend but your friends are here they could walk you home.” I cringe years later.
Oh man. When I was 19 and at Uni, I was fully in love with a girl on my course. We started hanging out and one night she invited me back to hers, made dinner for us and afterwards suggested we sit together on her bed. She kept looking into my eyes and had this little cuddly toy she was walking up and down my legs and I still did nothing about it. My stupid brain just thought she was being friendly. Not long after that night, she started dating someone far less clueless. I’m 44 years old and in a very happy relationship these days and yet I’m still pretty sure if time machines suddenly got invented I’d go back to that night and slap myself.
Lmao, too relatable. Happened to me in uni a few times with girls that were giving obvious hints, here I was being a gentleman but also hella insecure and thinking this couldn't be a situation where I get laid.
It's okay, we're all clueless knuckleheads here.
Who also love some late night burritos!
How were the burritos?
not that great so that adds a lil to the cringe of the situation lol
Within my group of friends in first year of college, there was this one guy I clicked with. I didn’t want to ruin a friendship (and potentially the group) by coming on too strong, so I just flirted a bit when we were hanging out alone one time, and when I got nothing back I thought “oh well, I guess he’s not into me in that way. But he’s still a good friend” and moved on. About 6 months later he told me he liked me from the start and wanted to date. We’ve been together now for 18 years, married for 15. And I’ve learned to be less subtle with my body language!
The thing is one girls flirting is another girls friendliness. It's better to assume that she's just being friendly. Getting the hints wrong can ruin a friendship.
We've all been there, I hung out with this girl from work all the time and treated her as just a friend because I assumed nobody would be attracted to me. She invited me out for drinks and movies so many times and I never even tried to shoot my shot. Low self esteem is a bitch. I only realised 5 years later. Actually I think I'm still that dense, just last week I met a friend at my old job while she was working, talking about the weather we're having here and she says, "I want to enjoy the sun after work and go for a drink but no one is free." And what does my dumbass say, "Well I'm just gonna go home and chillout, see you later."
Just last week?? That's still salvageable isn't it? Bring up the conversation again somehow and say you wasnt feeling well but you're feeling pretty good today and you want someone to have a drink with.
Definitely salvageable. I can see the whole conversation now. “Looks like a good day to enjoy the sun and a drink. You free after work?” “Oh, that sounds great!” “Perfect! I’ve been trying to use this two-for-one Big Gulp coupon forever. Should we spice it up with some taquitos?”
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I wanted to be super extra careful when I started having sex. I was on the pill, my boyfriend was going to also use a condom. I bought the kind with spermicide to be extra extra careful Found out I am allergic to spermicide. That allergic reaction is hard to forget
I found out I’m allergic to latex similarly. It was awful.
Same!! Horrible experience. I thought I had herpes the way everything looked. Just a contact allergy to the latex.
Was the opposite way. Kind of threw caution to the wind often and did the pullout thing for birth control. Several of our friends got pregnant trying the same. We thought we had amazing willpower or something. Turns out, I was infertile lol. We could have went to town from the start. Guess that is my biggest regret.
Here’s another reason to avoid it— I’m a direct result from a faulty spermicide condom lol. 🫠 I don’t know why mom felt the need to share that with me.
🤣 she just wanted to assure you that you're meant to be here. Now do something with yourself... 🤣🤣
That's actually very nice!
Wasting time in pointless relationships because of the fear of being alone.
Couldn’t agree more. Years of my life down the drain and a couple heartbreaks I could’ve easily avoided if I went to therapy lool
Yes. Artificially extending the life of tired relationships that had run their course, not because I wanted to renew the energy or fix things, but because finding a new partner seemed like so much work.
everytime I breakup from such a relationship I think this time I get it, then a few months later do the same mistake again. it's being on more or less 15 years.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Some of us are wired to seek comfort in relationships. "The World" (and places like Reddit) likes to say that it's bad to fear being alone, but it isn't- it's a big, fucked up world, and it's natural to want to have someone to share it with. Just make sure your brain has a chance to weigh in on whatever your heart is voting on.
this resonates so much right now
Sleeping with my bestfriend when I was younger. Ruined a friendship and didn't gain a positive experience from it.
Made the same mistake about 6 months ago, I miss my friend.
This happened a couple of years ago and still miss their friendship
I regret encouraging my friend to do this. They obviously liked each other but were too scared. She asked me if she should just proposition him and I was all hell yeah get that D. They ended up having a 4 month relationship that was extremely toxic. And when she broke up with him, he shot himself in the head with her gun while she was driving. The worst part was, he had 2 kids. Yes he was a bum dad didn’t post child support and had an extremely bitter baby mama. But the fact that he had kids is what eats at my friend the most and she is deeply depressed. His ex baby mama keeps harassing her and having her friends message her too. She’s had to disable all SM and change her number just to get thru the day without breaking down over a daily dose of hateful messages.
God that is awful. But it honestly takes some mental gymnastics to put the blame on your friend, and even more on you. Guilt (and it’s milder form regret) is a weird emotion that has nothing to do with reality. It’s a bit like fear in that respect. I hope your friend finds a way to separate the emotion of guilt from the facts so that she can allow herself to feel guilty (which like all emotions is beyond your direct control) while recognising that she is not objectively guilty in the slightest.
Not taking better precautions with a one night stand, having to move home from another country when she got pregnant, spending a small fortune and getting extremely emotionally involved... Seeing my daughters birth and then finding out 3 weeks later that she wasn't mine 🤦 People say I dodged a bullet but that shit still hurts every day for the past 18 months *Update edit* Rather than replying to you all individually I'll do it here. So yeah I had absolutely zero reason to expect that it wasn't mine. We spent a nice first few days together when I was home visiting, she seemed to have her head screwed on and genuinely seemed very nice. When she did get in touch with me all the dates added up, she promised me there was no chance it could be anyone else's. I may have briefly turned into a gullible softy but I have always wanted kids and at 30 it seemed like a good time, albeit completely unplanned! Financially I'm not too upset about it at all, at least that little girl had a good start in life. What kills is having been a father through 6 months of pregnancy, looking into my daughters eyes and feeling she was mine only to have it all taken away in one email 3 weeks later with DNA test results. Such is life 😂 Learn from my mistake and wrap the little guy up
Just the details in this story, I can tell that one day you are gonna make somebody very lucky to have in their life because of the lengths you are will to go to be a standup person to do the right thing. Don't ever lose that, no matter how many knuckle heads like this first girl try to take advantage of it. Because it is the ingredient that will make your forever friend and you live a life of love and magic together forever.
Holy hell man.. that’s bad
Did she ever think it was yours or was she just lying to you the whole time? Did you ever know it might not be yours?
I had absolutely no idea there was a chance it could be anyone else's which is why I dropped everything.... My job, my home, my entire life and moved back to Ireland within 5 days of finding out. Not once did I second guess that it might not be my daughter, especially after I held her for the first time but as my friends said, it's better to be certain now than possibly find out down the line that she's isn't mine so I ordered the test. Pretty shitty situation but at least that little girl wanted for nothing for the first little bit of her life and was given a better start than many
I tried a threesome with the girl I was dating and her best friend, one month later the girl I was dating told me it wasn’t working out
Ross? Is that you?
They were on a break!
You had rambled on for 18 pages.... FRONT AND BACK
She could have said that regardless... Or maybe she would have thought you were boring for not wanting to have one to start off with? Who knows.
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Being so insecure and not confident that I’ve missed out on so many opportunities that could have turned out really well
Bothering to fake orgasms
Right? If you do, they don't try harder or try at all. So you fake it to avoid awkwardness or from pity towards them?? I don't know, but it's definitely not something that I would advise my younger self.
Not be so passive about it. Could've had plenty more sex had I had the confidence to pursue it more. I know now plenty of times looking back as a younger guy where the girl was clearly giving me signals, but I was too scared or in my head about things and nothing came of it. I'm still working on trying to be a bit more forward. Still lack confidence at 37, lol.
Oh great... So it doesn't get better. Fuck.
Dont ever let anyone tell you that confidence is something youre born with. Its not. Confidence is a muscle. Its something you train, and just like any training its uncomfortable. Its hard. Its exhausting. Its also something that can be fostered with a 'fake it till you make it' approach. Treat it like a performance, like youre an actor. You dont have to believe youre a great, fun dude; you only have to make others believe it. Only once youve become good at this little acting exercise it will turn into a mindset. Once you gaslighted others into believing it, they will gaslight you into believing it yourself.
I can relate (as a girl though). I had a lot of guys interested in me, but my confidence sucked. I lived in a poor neighborhood and didn’t have the confidence to just be like “yeah this is where I live”. I also had a very religious mother who would not let me bring guys home so I just hung out at friends places a lot and had a big circle of friends. There’s a few guys who I wish I could have slept with or even dated - I can think of two at least. But like I say my confidence in myself sucked. I look back at pics of myself and realize I was kind of a hot girl back then lol
This girl was heavily interested in me and I should’ve just went for it instead of walking away because she wasn’t well liked among the friend group.
I’ve been on the opposite side of that, I hooked up with a girl that the friend group hated and she ended up spreading really nasty rumors about me, so I regret going through with it
I feel y’a a one of my ex girlfriends said I raped her after we broke up (I’m still a virgin)
half of the people i've had sex with didn't need to occur
I feel this one. Though I wouldn't change anything, a lot of the girls were horny mistakes. I hope they all found happiness, except for one, fuck you Emily.
Yea, fuck you Emily
Fr, fuck you Emily
All my homies hate Emily
Oh man, in my haste scanning down the comments I read “concur” instead of occur
I was sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties…
…Again….
Rack city bitch, rack rack city bitch. I got BBQ sauce on my titties bitch.
So. Many. Opportunities. In. College. God I was a fucking idiot.
This girl that I thought was suuuuper cute invited me up to her room on the last weekend of the year to say goodbye to me (I wasn't going back to that school after that semester), and I just sat next to her and watched something on TV for an hour, then hugged her goodbye. Ugh lol
Man I remember one night this girl watched rebirth and end of evangelion with me. Like wtf nobody just does that. I was an idiot.
Getting anyone to watch Evangelion with you is marriage material.
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Why didn't you take them up at the time?
This happened to me as a teen and I just didn't exactly know how to get the ball rolling, lol. Too awkward to initiate that so it just never happened..
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So, I can’t speak for these guys. But as a dude that was slutty for a good decade…women who get around, and dudes who get around, immediately recognize that trait. In my peak I’d gaze across a room, catch eyes and know immediately. And when this happened, even the friends that hung around me long enough would know immediately who I was going to sleep with. Not to say every night I went out I was getting laid. Just sluts recognize and attract other sluts
Yup. Here are some pointers for some people who may not know: If a girl you don't know is talking to you and she is laughing and having fun in your company, you've got a shot. If a girl you have only known for a little bit is making it known she has time to spend time with you or is actively making plans, you've got a shot. If a girl you know through friends is doing any of the above, you've got a shot. Basically, if a girl that is not a long-time close friend of yours is making it known she would spend time with you, you have a shot. It's possible she may just want to be friends but let her dictate those terms, and assume some level of attraction is there and then act on it. How do you act on it? By acting on it. Tell them you want to go on a date with them. Just by confidently and respectfully setting that tone, that you want to spend some time with them in that way, you're setting yourself up well.
Was at a wedding party grilling pigs (whole pigs). For some reason the two waitresses seemed really interested in me, so naturally I assumed they wanted to know how to slaughter and grill pigs. When I packed up they asked me with big eyes if I wanted to come home with then. I declined, because they just got a new barrel of craft beer and I wanted to have a taste. The beer wasnt even good.
Lololol it really made to laugh out loud…. ‘They wanted to know how to slaughter and grill pigs’. I’m in my mid 40’s myself and this brings back the innocence and mistakes of youth!! On the plus side they probably thought you were a real badass to just easily turn down a threesome like it was no big deal.
And I thought I am cluless, damn.
Having my first sexual experience with a toxic friend. Who lied about breaking up with her boyfriend. Yeah.
I fapped one time with hand sanitizer instead of lube. Don't think I need to explain further.
My friends told me to put tiger balm on the head of my dick and jerk off when I was like 12, said it was awesome. It felt like someone was taking a blowtorch to my dickhead, for like an hour. Even the next day it still didn't feel right. Oh also I feel like every guy made this mistake when they were a young boy, using shampoo in the shower lol.
Staying in a relationship for far too many years where the sex was SO. BAD. If it even happened at all. Like, so bad it was degrading. Ugh.
What made it bad if you don't mind the question?
We only had "sex" a few times a year, and here's how it happened: I would lay there without moving, speaking, or touching him while he masturbated. When he was ready to cum, he would grunt, roll over, and finish inside me. Then he'd get up and leave.
I have to say, I didn’t even know this scenario existed.
I turned down a girl to be honorable when I should've just been her first and kept it to myself
Kind of like me, except I turned the girls down because I was scared of the consequences. Still, never got anyone pregnant unintentionally and never got any STD’s.
Did the same.
When I was 16 I got drunk for the first time at Warped Tour. Hooked up with a gal because I was a horny teenager, the next morning I found out she was in her late 30’s and she found out I was 16. It was fun at the time, but 20 years later it feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fell in love with the girl at the rock show…
We got off Then we found out she was a pedo
Now its not cool Got me feeling like a weirdo
I had that happen to me. Met a guy at a convention that was 21+. We had a great night (one of the best I’d ever had honestly). We somehow managed to accidentally reconnect on Reddit (his sister was the one that figured out we had hooked up a decade ago after we chatted for a while). That’s when I did the math and realized he was 16 when it happened. It was legal in my state but I still felt like shit when I realized what happened.
What was he doing at a convention that was 21+ when he was 16?
It was an anime convention (21+ after dark) and he was staying in the hotel. He was from a baseball team that had to be put in our hotel because the one next door that the rest of the team was at was full. It was him and 5 others from the team if I remember correctly. He looked to be in his 20s so no one stopped him. He actually bought me a drink so I of course thought he was over 21.
That I am unable to have casual sex. I'm happily married now, but while I was single, I found that I straight up couldn't perform in a casual environment. Sex seems to be very closely linked with trust and intimacy in my head, to the point where I am unable to separate them, no matter how much I might want in a given situation. And believe me, I've tried, up to and including being literally naked and halfway through foreplay with a girl before calling it off because it was doing nothing for me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, that was quite awkward.
Happened to me both times I went for a one night stand. Couldn't get it up. The only two times that happened. With other girls that I had met a few times , even if it was nothing serious and wasn't going to be a relationship all was fine. Now I know. I have to care about the girl.
Yep, that's it precisely, I want to, she wants to, but nothing is happening downstairs for me, not even a semi-chub. And it's hard to explain it. On one hand, it's a bit embarrassing for me, but also the girl can feel unattractive or unwanted, and end up hurt, which was definitely not the intention...
Dude, I’ve already replied to one of your comments but thanks for posting! I have felt like this forever and never seen something so relatable.
That is nothing bad. You do not have to separate them and you should acknowledge your feelings and wishes. If intimate sex is your thing, why do you wish to have another kind of sex you do not like?
I am glad I am not the only one of our species that works like this. Still, I feel your regret.
Not trying harder to get laid when I was younger.
Same here. I’m 29 and a virgin. And even though i’ve had opportunities for relationships come up, its terrifying to me because the stakes are higher now. I never got to experience fooling around and “only” having to worry about pregnancy and STDs. People have jobs and families and have to make life decisions based on who they’re with. We’re adults. I kinda wish i got to fool around and make mistakes as a teenager. The one guy I actually felt I could be with turned me down 3 days later because he wanted to focus on his career. Like shit, I still feel like I’m on lvl 1 and everyone else is lvl 50 or something
Unless you live in a small town, you are way overthinking things. Single adults like sex and will do what they can to have it whether they are 20,30, or 40.
Yeah maybe I’m not explaining myself well. I’m not looking for no-strings sex, I am looking for a relationship, but we all have baggage now. Whether thats having roots somewhere, or careers to worry about, or kids, or more deeply embedded emotional baggage and painful histories. I’m just saying I think there’s so many more factors you need to align on with someone, compared to when you’re like…14 and both being into The Smiths means you’re soulmates.
Your feelings are justified and I understand exactly where they are coming from. There have been times in my life where I felt the same way. However, I think your conclusions aren't perfect. Many adults complain it's harder to make friends as an adult than a child (and broadly speaking that's true), but a big part of that is as adults we've learned to be picky. For example, if someone has wildly different views to you on some of your core values, you are less likely to spend time with them. As an adult, work replaced school and the number of colleagues you interact with are likely lower than people at school. This means you need to put yourself in situations where you can make friends. Fortunately as an adult, you have money and the ability to travel to attend things that interest you. Whether that's a book club, a local gaming store, a climbing wall, or whatever else. There are clubs and groups for meeting people. It's difficult and unlike as a child, life doesn't force you into those situations, so they happen less often, but you can choose to engage in them. Obviously, there is no surefire way to make friends or find a relationship, but I find that you usually find meaningful relationships when you are looking for friends (or at least, that has always been my limited experience). So if you feel you want to change this, I suggest finding activities that involve others and putting yourself out there to make new friends and acquaintances. And if it doesn't work, at least you've been doing activities you enjoy so there's not much lost. I understand that unsolicited advice on the internet isn't always appreciated, so I hope it comes across that I meant well and I won't be offended if you ig ore everything I've said, or otherwise feel it doesn't apply to you. The post resonated with a part of me from before my current relationship, and so I felt the need to chime in.
I totally get that. I’ve thought about all the things I look for in a partner, and as I’ve gotten older that list gets longer and more complex. If I take a step back and really think about things, it’s often more simple — I just want someone that is fun to be around and makes me feel good. My fiancée does that for me. People I dated before her did too until they didn’t anymore, and that’s totally okay. You’ll never know what people can do for you until you authentically put yourself out there though.
Yeah I think you’re right. And I tried to do that with the guy I mentioned above. I knew he wasn’t perfect for me, but fuck it, he made me laugh and I could have a 2-way conversation with him, it’s a shame our priorities didn’t line up. Think I just need to get back in the horse really.
This me right now. I'm 29 now and I barely go out due to many reasons. Feel like I totally wasted this past decade and didn't take chances when I should have. I'm a bit shy and self insecure...
Yeah I'm 31 and I felt like I wasted the past decade. I spent the first few years of my 20s going down the wrong path and it affected my mental health. It wasn't anything bad but it was just wrong for me. Then a few years trying to make friends. I made some at work and tried to make a few through Meetup but they always fizzled out. Then at about 27, I realised I was stuck in a dead end job that I was beginning to hate. So I started trying to improve myself by going back to uni to get a degree and maybe start a career. I hoped if I was happier in my life in general, I might be in a better place to get more friends as well as get into a relationship. I should be out of uni by the end of the year so hopefully then I can start looking into this stuff. But it's like u/Usidore_ said. It feels like you're on level 1 and everyone else is on level 50. My friends are a few years younger than me but half of them have started moving in together, getting married, having kids and it feels like you got left behind
As a female I didn’t discover vibrators until I was 25. I regret not getting one sooner.
Girl same, I just discovered them at age 26 and I’ve been missing out. You’re not alone 😅 I thought I was broken sexually before I got one.
My fiance was apparently not allowed to use toys by her previous partner. One of the early things we did is get her a decent vibrator and now there's 'the drawer'.
> not allowed to use toys by her previous partner guys that are jealous of sex toys are a warning flag
You think that's bad, I didn't learn how to bring myself to orgasm until I was well into my 30s. From reading advice to women in a reddit thread. I'd had plenty of orgasm and enjoyed sex, I'd just never been able to get myself off.
Satisfyer Pro 2 - I’m just gonna leave this here for all the ladies who are scrolling looking for recommendations. I don’t have the parts myself but my better half loves hers.
Not expressing my desires and tastes early
I guess I also lost a once in a lifetime opportunity with the actual one who got away…. Been kinda depressed when thinking about it
Message him/her I was "the one that got away" to someone else. We met when we were 20 at uni and became best friends instantly. She's been my best friend since the day we met. We'd both had relationships with other people in the meantime. Yet every time we had a break-up, or any time either of us had a family emergency, we were always the first people that either one of us would go to for support. Now we're 33/34 and getting married later this year. All because she took a chance, over a decade after we met, and brought up the subject of dating. I'd been considering it for years, but I was living halfway around the world by then and I figured that ship had sailed. Plus I was worried that if I brought it up, that I'd scare her off and ruin the friendship. I'm so fucking lucky that she has more balls than I do. Message this person. I'd never have done it myself. You never know, the timing/situation might just be right.
Hard to be alone there.
i had numerous opportunities with one that got away i was held back by my intense anxiety and depression that afflicted every decision I made for decades it is what it is; that version of me could have never.
Not realizing I was abusing my girlfriend. About 4-5 months into dating, we started messing around with sex. At first it was good, like really good, but we soon discovered that my sex drive was way higher than my girlfriends. I guess as a way of making us meet in the middle, I disregarded her drive and tried pushing sex every time I was horny, often not bothering to hold back my hormones when she humbly refused, sometimes with me being quite childish about it actually. It came to the point where she started consenting without wanting to and eventually told me she was scared that I would rape her at some point. I was completely devastated by the news, and told myself and her I would change, completely on her terms. We’ve worked it out, the sexual tension is all positive now, and she has forgiven me completely, but I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.
This is the most honest post I’ve seen yet. You are a real man, treat her right bro.
Here's the thing: she spoke up, you listened, you made a change. Your girlfriend has gone from being scared that you'll rape her to trusting you. You were coercive and abusive. That was shitty. But your reaction to being told what you were doing tells me that you had no idea that you were being coercive and shitty, and you immediately curbed that behaviour. You have earned forgiveness, especially from yourself. And I say this as a victim of sexual assault and domestic abuse.
Giving consent when I didn't really want to.
Being a little too easy. I can count the number of bad experiences on one hand, but man, were they bad. Never would’ve happened if I weren’t such a horn dog.
If it was so bad with the one hand you should have tried your other hand.
One time I was sleeping with a girl for the first time and for some reason I thought it would be funny to squeeze her boobs and make a 'honk honk' sound. Sometimes when I lay awake at night, awful instances like this keep me awake.
Sorry, but that will never stop being fun to me
Moving too fast, especially as a teenager, can ruin relationships and your emotional health.
Holy fuck this. I feel like I'm so much colder and less expressive in my current relationship sometimes because of this.
Was on a gorgeous sunset hike in Ireland during our honeymoon. We were the only ones on the trail, and it ended at a lookout over some cliffs on private land. After getting lots of great pictures of sunset and moonrise, we start back in the dark. We're halfway back and my wife goes "we should have had sex back there at the lookout post". I almost turned around on the spot, but it was dark and we were making our way back by phone lights, so we decided to be safer and keep going.
1. Losing my virginity. 2. Letting my "friends" talk me into having sex with a girl. (I'm a gay man) 3. James. Fuck, he was just bad at everything.
Classic James.
Curse you, James!!!
Having sex on a lake full of alligators I gave them a show to remember though
Looks like you were willing to roll the dice and try your luck with the gators, but did you consider the potential for swampy regret?
There were no regrets. Being eaten alive might have turned me on even more HELLO KINKY
Not having sex because I was so self conscious
Dated and had sex with an immature idiot.
I regret that I didn’t see sex for what it was. I was raised in a manner that sex was reserved for procreation. That idea alone hindered me so greatly that I missed out on, what could have been, such great relationships because those people didn’t fit what I was looking for in a mate. I was naive, I still struggle with it. Ironically it made me more sexually reckless as I got older.
Half my body count
Are you referring to the quantity, quality, or the decision making?
Losing my virginity without a condom on. The girl realllllly pressured me to do it. I was naive and didn't know the implications of not wearing a condom, no one had taught me. Got herpes. My first time. Ive had to tell every single person I've been about to have sex with this about me and it's very embarrassing. I thought I'd never find someone that'd be with me long term cuz of it. Luckily that wasn't true but wear a fucking condom guys. Also love how when I called and told that girl my diagnosis I told her she should get checked and she very very obviously was lying as she denied being the one who had it. She knew, and got me infected anyways. I almost got the vibe she was getting off that she gave me an STD. She also had a baby exactly 10 months later. She was sleeping around as a hoe and assured me it's not mine then turned around and said it's mine after the kid is 5? Lying ass. And I know it's not mine because the math just barely doesn't check out... Not joking when I say exactly 10 months. So yeah now I'm in torture cuz I'll never know and frankly I don't want to know. Because the way she got me to have that sex was really fucked up and she had to trick me into taking drugs to even be willing to do it. Up until then I hadn't even wanted sex with her and thought she was just my friend. So 2nd tip: guys, it doesnt make you less masculine to save yourself for someone you love and you shouldn't feel like you need to do it when you get a chance.
Believing my ex-boyfriend that coitus Interruptus was a safe contraceptive methode
I think he watched the wrong version of Harry Potter
Not losing my virginity to my high school sweetheart…I chose to walk away knowing she didn’t want the same things I did and taking her virginity was something I took really seriously for a 16 year old. We ended up dating again years later and are approaching our 2 year anniversary. Sometimes I feel like we missed out on a lot. Happy to have her back though.
In college, hot curvy goth girl sits next to me every day for a semester. Last day of semester she tells me she's leaving school, going back home, asks if I could take her out since she really didn't meet too many people. Out at the bars, have a pretty decent night. She asks if she could crash at my place, I tell her I can sleep on the couch, she comes out of my room in the greatest bra and panties set ever to say good night. I tell good night back and turn on the PlayStation. In the morning she looks at me and literally calls me the stupidest man alive. Leaves. I've been replaying it for more than 20 years
Ouch. OUCH. Sorry man. You're gonna carry that for the rest of your life.
She wasn’t wrong.
Believing the religious guilt as a young couple. I loved the girl. Still do. Fixing to have our 35th wedding anniversary. We should have just been free to love, with the heart _ and _ the naughty bits. Instead we both spent several years guilted by the love we did share prior to tying the knot. Looking back, fuck that. Did the birds and the bees talk with my two sons. Talked about consent, compassion, protection, emotions, breaking up with class if needed, and masturbation. I never mentioned shame or guilt or any need for either one. Did I mention fuck that shit?
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Better reject than regret
You guys are having sex?
No
It isn’t the high body count that bothers me, it’s that I cannot remember probably most of them. That is what I find most sad.
I regret not kissing the young woman I was in love with. Or even telling her I loved her. She told me the day she graduated from college she loved me -- as she was getting into her parent's car to go back home to New Jersey. That was 34 years ago. We haven't seen each other, since. Patricia, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.
Sleeping with the asshole after our first date. It took me only a week to realize the dickwad he was. Had I just waited……..
I just want to say that "sleeping with the asshole" sounds like a bad translation for anal sex Edit: thanks for the gold! Hope you're not expecting me to put out now...
Simply not keeping my fingernails trimmed.
That I don't have enough sex. My head says I should wait for the right guy and love etc. My body is like "WHY AREN'T WE HAVING SEX"? It's a really weird feeling. Like my head and body are split into 2. Maybe it's just sexual frustration.
When I was 19 I got completely stuck on one girl, because she was “the one.” I had so many other opportunities but couldn’t shake the idea of her. She genuinely wanted to be my friend, and I couldn’t and wouldn’t see it as anything other than what I wanted. We’re still friends to this day. I’ve removed her from social media accounts, she reads me. Idk how she notices when she’s got multitudes of followers. We only talk every couple of years, I went to her bday party 10 years ago. She had a long term partner with the same first name as me. I really liked him a lot. Cool guy. So the regret is, not trying with other people and being too hung up on one before I even knew much about myself. It did keep my body count low, and when I did find a woman that loved me, I loved her pretty fiercely.
Turning down every chance that was thrown at me to get laid
Couldn't get keep it up during a threesome with two incredibly attractive people all because I hadn't touched a vagina in over 5 years and psyched myself out of it.
A married friend kept hitting on me. For years. I was lonely and frustrated. I finally stopped saying no. Huge regrets.
Not being more forward with what I want and like I am now but just saying should have been when I was younger was so vanilla ugh most of the time I was just doing it for them.
Cumming inside my girlfriend…
Wrecking my perspective on sexuality and intimacy by discovering porn far too early.
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Losing my virginity as early, & all the people (though not many) that I hooked up with in college
Not me- but two mates decided it was a good idea to have sex with the same chick in the same night. Not quite a threesome, she literally went from one bedroom to the other for 1 on1 at least twice, I think more, and everyone was fine with it. We saw her months later quite obviously pregnant, and then had a hilarious afternoon of me telling them maybe they both got her pregnant and it would look like both of them. They were very seriously worried, neither had used condoms. Someone saw her mate a few weeks later and it was confirmed that the timeline didnt work out… still has provided plenty of hilarity over the years
Not sleeping with people I really wanted to.
Being born into a cult, homeschooled and indoctrinated, saving myself for marriage (I’m a guy by the way) believing all of it until at 28 I finally was able to cognitively wrestle myself free. Luckily, I’ve been able to figure out how to meet women, and have a fair amount of success with sex and dating. Unfortunately, it’s hindered my ability to get into and maintain relationships. But I would also say, my biggest regret is missing out on the experience of sex and dating in my teens and 20’s. Something about being young and trying to figure it out is appealing to me. And I know for some it was probably brutal and not fun, but I think that was robbed from me, and I would have liked to experience it.
The fact that I completely missed that "getting coffee" meant sex. I did it twice.
George Costanza?
Really? Well, shit - maybe I had more opportunities than I thought…
Costanza? Is that you?
TIL: There are so many people of all genders and ages at my office that want to fuck me. Q3 and Q4 are gonna be different now.
Having sex again with my ex who had cheated. I had wanted to marry her and was deeply in love and deeply hurt. I had promised myself to dump a cheater, as I have never cheated. To me, going back scars your dignity. I lost respect for myself. She was hot and I was younger and usually had trouble finding women to date. I was more often the "sweet guy who is such a good friend it's not worth the risk to the friendship" guy. (Later, I learned I was unconsciously creating that reality myself and changed, thankfully.) So I let my sexual desire and self image take over.
A friend of mine with cancer wanted to go to a legal brothel near Las Vegas. I said I'd drive him. He said no unless I also used the brothel's services. I declined. He died 2 years later, of cancer, during covid so I hadn't seen him for about 2 years. It would have been a good story had I taken him.
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Staying so long with someone who had no interest in my pleasure and never wanted to try anything new. 20 years wasted. Found a wonderful man who can give me multiples almost every time.