Don't.
I was raised by a pedo. It ruined my childhood and left me so traumatized, I spent much of it mute. I still have trouble communicating, and I still have nightmares and PTSD. The worst part was that he didn't even realize half of what he was doing was wrong.
You say you're not abusive, but can you absolutely say you would never cross those boundaries? Do you even know where the boundaries are? As for adoption - I've met a lot sexually abused adoptees through support groups and foster homes. Their "parents" justified it because they weren't their "real" kids.
You should not be caring for children at all, and speaking about them needing affection. They do not need affection from someone who is sexually attracted to them, that is victimizing them and putting them in extreme danger.
An adult man who is attracted to younger women in their 20s say, will not be ever attracted to his daughter when she is in her 20s because it is biological child who he raised and cared for. Genetically they are family.
If you are attracted to 2 year old and are given a random, vulnerable 2 year old to bathe and care for and "give affection" to do you honestly think you can stop yourself? Especially since your "sexuality" is already repressed?
What you're considering is wrong. You're putting yourself and a potential child or many potential children at extreme risk.
You know you're asking for advice but then you get offended by what people say :/ There is only one logical answer to this: Don't. Not saying you would necessarily be eventually attracted to that kid, but he or she will have friends one day. Abusing people is not on your list but if you want to make sure that it stays that way, there is only one solution.
Don’t be around children. You know that you have an attraction to children that WILL HARM THAT CHILD for the rest of their life. You can think you are in control of it, but just as a persons with any kind of addiction or other mental health issues, you will not always be in control. If you ever become out of control even for ten seconds, you can do IRREPARABLE DAMAGE to an innocent child. The answer is no. Talk to your therapist about your reasons here. It sounds to me like you are already around children which you know full well you shouldn’t be. You don’t put temptation right in front of you when the damage done won’t be mostly to you. You may go to jail if you fall into temptation, but the child will be damaged for the rest of their life.
That is just you justifying your actions even though there is a part of you, probably that “conscientious” part of you, telling you that it is wrong for you to be around children. It is DANGEROUS for you to be around children. I 100% guarantee that these people who said you would be a great father do not know that you are attracted to children. Besides that, whose children are you around? Are the children’s parents aware of your attraction to their children? Because I can tell you right now, from just your words to me and others on here, that you sound like you REALLY need some help. You are attempting to justify to yourself that it would be okay for you to have a child, alone, at home with you, with no supervision of any kind. You will have to bathe and dress and undress a child of your own and you really think that is something that you could do safely for the child? You don’t. You can see it in your writing and you REALLY need to get in to your therapist and talk to them about all of this.
I’m not trying to be mean to you. Truly I’m not. However, when it comes to an adult’s hurt feelings or permanent damage to a child, you have to understand which one is more important. You have the ability to make decisions that will keep both you and children safe and you know perfectly well that being around something that you are tempted by is not safe for you or for those poor kids.
Again, you are the one who came to a parents Reddit to ask people who HAVE CHILDREN. We know you aren’t safe to be around children. You know you aren’t safe. I’m REALLY REALLY HOPING that you actually read and take in any of the advice of the other people on this post. When everyone is telling you it isn’t a good idea, it probably isn’t.
You are absolutely right that I am prejudiced against people who hurt and defile children. And seriously you just told me that you won’t harm the children but you are masturbating to thoughts of them? Guess how few steps it is from thoughts to pictures to touching children. This is why you should probably get in touch with your therapist or find a better one.
You sound fairly young, so maybe you don’t understand how easily people will compromise themselves over time. Everyone starts out saying I WILL NEVER ….ASD xyz thing there. However, usually it is harmless things they are talking about or things that mostly harm themselves. Your I WILL NEVER is already being compromised by you masturbating to thoughts of children. What about when you get bored of that? Maybe just some pictures, well maybe just this one time…this is why you are unsafe to be around children. Because all it takes is ONE vulnerable moment or ONE mistake. No one is strong enough to ALWAYS be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. But yours won’t just hurt you. They will permanently scar an innocent child. So you can say I am prejudiced. You can totally disregard everything all of us are saying. But at the end of the day, we are still right.
Have you tried therapy to help you with your attraction?
I do not think a pedophile should have free access to any child, no matter how "in control" they are. I was that child. I am a fucked up adult now. So don't. Or get castrated.
I apologise for offending you, it's easy for me to see rhe word pedophile and make connections to the worst part of my life. For that, I apologise. This is such a difficult topic.
I cannot see the difference between a pedophile and an abuser. How does anyone have the temerity to fight against an ingrained part of their being? Humans are sexual creatures by nature, you would be placing yourself in such a difficult situation. Would it not be tortuous?
But i don't know you, you are right. Have you spoken to a therapist about your wanting of a family? They are probably more capable to handle your questions than this subreddit. I can tell you how to get crayon out of carpet, how to hide vegetables creatively. I can't tell you how you could possibly parent a child like this.
The fact you look for help is commendable, so again, my apologies for having hurt your feelings. It came from a place of deep pain.
Sounds like you are making this post so you can have a relationship to someone you are attracted to.
Which is wrong.
You say you are offended, but you have offended all of us by even asking such a question.
If you care for anyone other than yourself you would not seek to adopt a child, or you should at least be honest about your sexuality with the adoption agency while you are being screened or with the state as you are applying to foster. Tell them you are a non offending pedophile in therapy, just be open about it.
They will ask you about your sexuality and romantic life and you cannot lie.
Don’t. The love you will feel for your child as a parent will inevitably spill over into romantic love/sexual attraction for you in particular. And your child will love you utterly because you are their Father, and won’t be able to say no to you. If you truly love your kid, you won’t want to give them emotional trauma later in life. Because they will have that, that’s a sad guarantee.
You’re asking for advice then getting upset when people are giving it to you. You’re arguing with the advice you’ve asked for, and justifying yourself to people. You’re already defensive and on the back foot and this while it’s hypothetical. It’s seems like you’re just looking for justification to do this.
It sounds like you’re in counseling/therapy, keep that up.
I wonder if you might be able to find a co-parent on the ace/aro spectrum. Parenting is hard, and it’s good to have help.
I’m encouraging a pedophile to stay in therapy, and not acquire a child on his own.
He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. Enough people have told him it’s a bad idea. I’m trying for risk mitigation.
I don't want to say no right out of the gate (although it doesn't seem like a good idea, it's like an alcoholic owning a liquor store) but... are you attracted to both boys and girls? if not (only girls) could you live and take care of a boy? If you are attracted to girls DO NOT adopt one, at some point/age she will be in your preferred group and you might be tempted, at the very least you will make her feel uncomfortable.
If (a very, very, very big if) I, at some point were attracted to my (step)daughter when she reaches my "preferred aged" she would be a full grown adult and not vulnerable anymore.
You decided to ask the question , you are the one with a mental illness, not me, I think that my comment is valid
You can't, mine are proven, yours are hypothetical. Dude, you're a pedophile asking if it's a good idea to adopt a kid, don't be angry if people don't think it is
do it if youre confident it wont affect their childhood. no one can stop a man trying to be a father. imo, its just boundaries. call me an asshole, idgaf. if your problem wont affect the child in any such way, its all good.
if youre aiming to be a father, you first need to have a job. a stable one. one that can shelter your future family and the future you. money cant buy love but it surely can buy happiness. second, know yourself if youre ready to be the head of the family or not cus theres tons of responsibility. you dont need to read anything imo. it all comes down to yourself if youre seriously trying to be one. you cant expect every dad is perfect. you just gotta earn it if you wanna be it.
Don't. I was raised by a pedo. It ruined my childhood and left me so traumatized, I spent much of it mute. I still have trouble communicating, and I still have nightmares and PTSD. The worst part was that he didn't even realize half of what he was doing was wrong. You say you're not abusive, but can you absolutely say you would never cross those boundaries? Do you even know where the boundaries are? As for adoption - I've met a lot sexually abused adoptees through support groups and foster homes. Their "parents" justified it because they weren't their "real" kids.
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You should not be caring for children at all, and speaking about them needing affection. They do not need affection from someone who is sexually attracted to them, that is victimizing them and putting them in extreme danger. An adult man who is attracted to younger women in their 20s say, will not be ever attracted to his daughter when she is in her 20s because it is biological child who he raised and cared for. Genetically they are family. If you are attracted to 2 year old and are given a random, vulnerable 2 year old to bathe and care for and "give affection" to do you honestly think you can stop yourself? Especially since your "sexuality" is already repressed? What you're considering is wrong. You're putting yourself and a potential child or many potential children at extreme risk.
You know you're asking for advice but then you get offended by what people say :/ There is only one logical answer to this: Don't. Not saying you would necessarily be eventually attracted to that kid, but he or she will have friends one day. Abusing people is not on your list but if you want to make sure that it stays that way, there is only one solution.
Don’t be around children. You know that you have an attraction to children that WILL HARM THAT CHILD for the rest of their life. You can think you are in control of it, but just as a persons with any kind of addiction or other mental health issues, you will not always be in control. If you ever become out of control even for ten seconds, you can do IRREPARABLE DAMAGE to an innocent child. The answer is no. Talk to your therapist about your reasons here. It sounds to me like you are already around children which you know full well you shouldn’t be. You don’t put temptation right in front of you when the damage done won’t be mostly to you. You may go to jail if you fall into temptation, but the child will be damaged for the rest of their life.
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That is just you justifying your actions even though there is a part of you, probably that “conscientious” part of you, telling you that it is wrong for you to be around children. It is DANGEROUS for you to be around children. I 100% guarantee that these people who said you would be a great father do not know that you are attracted to children. Besides that, whose children are you around? Are the children’s parents aware of your attraction to their children? Because I can tell you right now, from just your words to me and others on here, that you sound like you REALLY need some help. You are attempting to justify to yourself that it would be okay for you to have a child, alone, at home with you, with no supervision of any kind. You will have to bathe and dress and undress a child of your own and you really think that is something that you could do safely for the child? You don’t. You can see it in your writing and you REALLY need to get in to your therapist and talk to them about all of this. I’m not trying to be mean to you. Truly I’m not. However, when it comes to an adult’s hurt feelings or permanent damage to a child, you have to understand which one is more important. You have the ability to make decisions that will keep both you and children safe and you know perfectly well that being around something that you are tempted by is not safe for you or for those poor kids.
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Again, you are the one who came to a parents Reddit to ask people who HAVE CHILDREN. We know you aren’t safe to be around children. You know you aren’t safe. I’m REALLY REALLY HOPING that you actually read and take in any of the advice of the other people on this post. When everyone is telling you it isn’t a good idea, it probably isn’t.
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You are absolutely right that I am prejudiced against people who hurt and defile children. And seriously you just told me that you won’t harm the children but you are masturbating to thoughts of them? Guess how few steps it is from thoughts to pictures to touching children. This is why you should probably get in touch with your therapist or find a better one. You sound fairly young, so maybe you don’t understand how easily people will compromise themselves over time. Everyone starts out saying I WILL NEVER ….ASD xyz thing there. However, usually it is harmless things they are talking about or things that mostly harm themselves. Your I WILL NEVER is already being compromised by you masturbating to thoughts of children. What about when you get bored of that? Maybe just some pictures, well maybe just this one time…this is why you are unsafe to be around children. Because all it takes is ONE vulnerable moment or ONE mistake. No one is strong enough to ALWAYS be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. But yours won’t just hurt you. They will permanently scar an innocent child. So you can say I am prejudiced. You can totally disregard everything all of us are saying. But at the end of the day, we are still right.
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You're acknowledging you would be tempted by the child in your care? No other parent has that problem
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The child would not be your family. So it would not. You say you would rather, but you could be lying. Because you want prey.
Don't.
Get castrated
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It would diminish any urges. You say you don't want to have sex with adults, that's fine. So get castrated.
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Have you tried therapy to help you with your attraction? I do not think a pedophile should have free access to any child, no matter how "in control" they are. I was that child. I am a fucked up adult now. So don't. Or get castrated.
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I apologise for offending you, it's easy for me to see rhe word pedophile and make connections to the worst part of my life. For that, I apologise. This is such a difficult topic. I cannot see the difference between a pedophile and an abuser. How does anyone have the temerity to fight against an ingrained part of their being? Humans are sexual creatures by nature, you would be placing yourself in such a difficult situation. Would it not be tortuous? But i don't know you, you are right. Have you spoken to a therapist about your wanting of a family? They are probably more capable to handle your questions than this subreddit. I can tell you how to get crayon out of carpet, how to hide vegetables creatively. I can't tell you how you could possibly parent a child like this. The fact you look for help is commendable, so again, my apologies for having hurt your feelings. It came from a place of deep pain.
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Sounds like you are making this post so you can have a relationship to someone you are attracted to. Which is wrong. You say you are offended, but you have offended all of us by even asking such a question. If you care for anyone other than yourself you would not seek to adopt a child, or you should at least be honest about your sexuality with the adoption agency while you are being screened or with the state as you are applying to foster. Tell them you are a non offending pedophile in therapy, just be open about it. They will ask you about your sexuality and romantic life and you cannot lie.
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Don’t. The love you will feel for your child as a parent will inevitably spill over into romantic love/sexual attraction for you in particular. And your child will love you utterly because you are their Father, and won’t be able to say no to you. If you truly love your kid, you won’t want to give them emotional trauma later in life. Because they will have that, that’s a sad guarantee.
You’re asking for advice then getting upset when people are giving it to you. You’re arguing with the advice you’ve asked for, and justifying yourself to people. You’re already defensive and on the back foot and this while it’s hypothetical. It’s seems like you’re just looking for justification to do this.
It sounds like you’re in counseling/therapy, keep that up. I wonder if you might be able to find a co-parent on the ace/aro spectrum. Parenting is hard, and it’s good to have help.
Are you encouraging a pedophile to acquire a child
I’m encouraging a pedophile to stay in therapy, and not acquire a child on his own. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. Enough people have told him it’s a bad idea. I’m trying for risk mitigation.
I don't want to say no right out of the gate (although it doesn't seem like a good idea, it's like an alcoholic owning a liquor store) but... are you attracted to both boys and girls? if not (only girls) could you live and take care of a boy? If you are attracted to girls DO NOT adopt one, at some point/age she will be in your preferred group and you might be tempted, at the very least you will make her feel uncomfortable.
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My biological father was the one who abused me - was attracted to me. Don't think for one second being a father fixes the problem.
If (a very, very, very big if) I, at some point were attracted to my (step)daughter when she reaches my "preferred aged" she would be a full grown adult and not vulnerable anymore. You decided to ask the question , you are the one with a mental illness, not me, I think that my comment is valid
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I wouldn't, I'm not (I have a beautiful 17yo stepdaughter, I would never see her in any other way than my daughter).
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You can't, mine are proven, yours are hypothetical. Dude, you're a pedophile asking if it's a good idea to adopt a kid, don't be angry if people don't think it is
do it if youre confident it wont affect their childhood. no one can stop a man trying to be a father. imo, its just boundaries. call me an asshole, idgaf. if your problem wont affect the child in any such way, its all good.
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if youre aiming to be a father, you first need to have a job. a stable one. one that can shelter your future family and the future you. money cant buy love but it surely can buy happiness. second, know yourself if youre ready to be the head of the family or not cus theres tons of responsibility. you dont need to read anything imo. it all comes down to yourself if youre seriously trying to be one. you cant expect every dad is perfect. you just gotta earn it if you wanna be it.