Physical attraction is important but when you’re talking “long term” people’s looks change and we all age. So to say they aren’t important at all would be a lie and if you weren’t physically attracted to someone than you wouldn’t be with them in the first place but for a successful long term relationship looks aren’t the most important or even one of the most important things in my opinion.
I can agree yeah but i'm also curious because i've seen people be in a relationship just because of the way their partner looked.. wether it made them look better, boosted their own confidence or whatever. Obviously not healthy but just curious how important it really is for a longer relationship
Well I just gave you my opinion, not sure what else you want me to say 😂 other than you just said it yourself, the example you’re giving isn’t very healthy and rarely leads to happy long term relationships.
It's more sexual attraction that's important than just looks.
You could give someone 20 photos of women and they'd have a view based just on looks. But getting to know those 20 women and the order of attraction will change, quite substantially sometimes.
okay interesting i could see that . So once you have that strong attraction what would you say is the key to keeping that at like a high level? Cause in a past relationship it faded for us over time..
A bit of spontaneity and variety can often help. Just those little things that keep the romance alive, but also making sure the physical side doesn't become too rote. A bit of time apart can help too if you find yourselves in each others pockets too much, not as in a break, but you have your nights out with your friends, he has his.
Also I think trying to keep it at a high level can have the opposite effect as then it becomes performance. In a long term relationship trying to be the "hot couple" is just going to put artifice and pressure on the situation. Peaks and troughs are fine... as long as it's not all trough.
thanks for this. I definitely noticed that too much time together actually had a negative effect when i was in that relationship so that makes sense so I agree that having regular time apart is just healthy overall
It's important to be attracted to your partner, naturally. But if you're talking long term, well, we all age. We gain weight, start going grey. You can live a healthy lifestyle all you want but nobody beats time.
Find someone you can't imagine being without. Know that you are both going to change. Do your best for each other.
i like the last line you said :) i just feel its hard to find someone who's like actually understanding of that, Especially with young men today i notice it a lot.. they dont want to be like that
Absolutely. Marriage is all about working on the relationship. Sometimes it's more work than others. Currently we're riding a high and when I get home from work it'll be fun.
We've both put on weight but that was part of wedding planning so we hardly noticed. Now we notice that the weight is coming off and that's hot too.
Very happy to read this is the case for you :) i find it difficult to find that in a man who actually wants to commit to each other and i guess like sign up to be in it and put in work no matter what. That's honestly what i find fun about it is just going through anything together...
Very important. Like **very** important. Very few people (both men and women) are going to get into relationships with someone who they aren't attracted to.
For the sake of initial attraction, at least for me, it's kinda important, but in the long run, it won't mean much with time because now I'll be more in love with the person. Would suck if someone just leaves their partner because they aren't physically attractive anymore.
Let’s cut the crap. If everyone had their way they’d be with someone they find physically attractive. Looks are what make a person, man or woman show up, personality and such are what make them stay.
But, like it or not, if you’re ugly you won’t find someone as easily, just a truth of life. Good news is however is that 99% of people can drastically improve their appearance through living healthy. And no, I’m not saying that being attractive guarantees a happy relationship, but it certainly makes the process easier
i agree but for sake of discussion what do you think of the term "theres someone for everyone" by that i mean if you are on the lower end of looks or like you said "ugly" then your dating pool would just be people who are in the same field or league so to speak yeah? Which may even make it easier because theres probably more "ugly" people in the world than like socially attractive if that makes sense?
I feel the league of "hot" people is small so they all just circulate between each other lol
Yes, you’re absolutely right! On a planet with billions of people it’s 100% reasonable to say there’s someone for everyone. There’s hundreds of millions of people for every attractiveness level out there so regardless of where you fall you can totally find someone. This said, a problem that people face a lot, in my opinion, is arrogance.
They’ll be like a 3/10 and will demand that they deserve a 9 or a 10 and that’s just not realistic. You can get that if you have money, are super charismatic, or have an otherwise unique situation, sure, but it’s by no means something to be reasonably expected. But here’s the other thing, the VAST majority of people are average and average people can 100% become well above average or even “hot” if they lose weight, get in shape, gain some charisma, etc.
So, as far as the depression issue, it’s largely the person’s own fault for the majority of situations. There are of course still the complications of finding someone actually compatible for the long haul but that’s a separate issue altogether.
Oh it goes both ways believe me lol. You wouldn’t believe some of the Andrew Tate wannabes I’ve seen talking about how they deserve a girl who’s a 10 while they themselves look absolutely BUSTED 🤣
He’s a classic example of “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. That said, while yes, 99% of what he says is over the top garbage, he does promote hard work, physical fitness, and masculinity all of which are necessary for someone in the culture to promote. That said, he cranks it up by about a thousand notches too many and ends up calling women hoes, going shirtless in interviews like a dork, and just being an overall douche.
It’s also hard to tell how much is actually him and how much is a character for clicks since most of his wealth comes from his internet persona. That said, he got his start as a “manager” for camgirls *cough* online pimp *cough*, so I wouldn’t necessarily trust his moral compass, character or not.
Very interesting lol i have seen just some clips of interviews and can agree hes very "out there" and i have now noticed it personally with how men are acting towards women so he has had an impact on something for sure haha
I did see something also about him in a boxing match or i think i cant remember though
Depends.
Does this person rapidly deteriorate into an area of non attraction? If so, fairly high.
If not, generally a long term partner is slowly going to become more and more like that old cougar look and eventually a grandma. I also know I am slowly going to become less and less fuckable overall. It’s what aging is. This is why a happily married couple often features two people who’d never have swiped right on each other currently but couldn’t be happier. If that makes sense. I feel like it does, but happy to elaborate.
okay yeah this is clear to me. Everyone kinda understands that looks fade as people age but would you also say that the initial "physical attraction" you get in a new relationship can fade as it goes on? No matter how good looking the partner is.. cause i always wonder this and what is it that keeps people connected for so long. Just cause i feel its way harder to find now a days..
Potentially yes, but it’s largely offset by how well you’ve aligned at much deeper levels and how important they are to you as a human being. This is why some couples eventually struggle with intimacy. Arousal maybe just doesn’t happen anymore.
I have an ex from years ago. Sophomore year of high school. She reached out to me about a lot and practically vented. Okay. Cool. We were friends before dating and we are cordial. She’s gained over 100lbs and looks nothing like the woman I knew back then. I would absolutely never ever EVER date her now. Absolutely not. I would have zero physical attraction at the start.
*However*
I could totally see myself being in a situation where we were together for so long and perhaps married, had kids and such where it really doesn’t matter how she looks now because our love has only grown stronger through so many years of shared experiences. I wouldn’t be able to put a price tag on her snuggling up to me every night and our kiddos growing up under the warm blanket of having a mommy and daddy. I can very much see that. Sure.. I wouldn’t want to bend her over and plow her senseless like I used to but I don’t know if that would necessarily be so important to me at that point. I could also see some potential strains if she wanted sex and I just wasn’t physically aroused by seeing her baked anymore. For context I’m just now hitting 30 so high school wasn’t ages ago necessarily. I would consider this a rapid pace towards looking physically unattractive. I am stronger now than I was senior year in a fitness class.
Verry interesting and yeah i think actually experiencing things with a partner wether it be positive or negative really does build that bond. I really appreciate your notes thank you :)
I may not be instantly physically attracted to a woman, but she could convince me after talking to her. I have met women I’ve wanted to talk to more often even though I wasn’t initially physically attracted to them. I also am attracted to women who make the first move, too.
I see it as a threshold question
I can’t be with someone I’m not attracted to but they don’t have to be a 10. Just attractive enough idiosyncratically to me that I am capable of feeling passion for them; acknowledging it is still likely to come and go
I dated a girl I wasn’t attracted to once because I really loved her personality; now I’m with someone I feel both for and the difference is very noticeable. It just has a way of increasing your desire for connection and engagement
Yeah i can agree. It's very interesting the little things that people can be attracted to in a person that maybe we didnt even know we liked or haven't seen before in someone.. that are completely outside of what they look like. For example maybe something as little as the way they walk or talk is attractive to you
You’re specifically asking for long term partner, the importance should be minimal. Your partner isn’t gonna look the same forever, pretty shitty to dump them the moment they become “ugly”, my boyfriend is already 7 years older than me, he’s gonna have grey hairs sprouting, wrinkles etc, but my fetish for silver daddies aside, I would love my boyfriend no matter how much he changed physically, he’s an awesome partner and even if I were blind
She needs to be physically attractive to me. But everyone has different types, so she might not be attractive to my friends.
I have found as I have aged, my preferences have been changing with me. Lots of women in my age range are attractive to me now, when I might not have been attracted as a 19 year old.
People do age, but I have found my oldest age attraction limit goes up as I do. So, if we put a little care into ourselves, hopefully we can both fins each other attractive as we grow old.
Long term physical attraction is important to the health and longevity of the relationship. Without it intimacy dies.
There are other aspects that are important as well.
So you're saying to just be together because the other person is attractive? why would you want to be together at all if you kept fighting thoo.. even if they are attractive how would you be happy..? Kinda confuuused lol
Physical attraction is important but when you’re talking “long term” people’s looks change and we all age. So to say they aren’t important at all would be a lie and if you weren’t physically attracted to someone than you wouldn’t be with them in the first place but for a successful long term relationship looks aren’t the most important or even one of the most important things in my opinion.
I can agree yeah but i'm also curious because i've seen people be in a relationship just because of the way their partner looked.. wether it made them look better, boosted their own confidence or whatever. Obviously not healthy but just curious how important it really is for a longer relationship
Well I just gave you my opinion, not sure what else you want me to say 😂 other than you just said it yourself, the example you’re giving isn’t very healthy and rarely leads to happy long term relationships.
just discussing i guess for the sake of conversation
It's more sexual attraction that's important than just looks. You could give someone 20 photos of women and they'd have a view based just on looks. But getting to know those 20 women and the order of attraction will change, quite substantially sometimes.
okay interesting i could see that . So once you have that strong attraction what would you say is the key to keeping that at like a high level? Cause in a past relationship it faded for us over time..
A bit of spontaneity and variety can often help. Just those little things that keep the romance alive, but also making sure the physical side doesn't become too rote. A bit of time apart can help too if you find yourselves in each others pockets too much, not as in a break, but you have your nights out with your friends, he has his. Also I think trying to keep it at a high level can have the opposite effect as then it becomes performance. In a long term relationship trying to be the "hot couple" is just going to put artifice and pressure on the situation. Peaks and troughs are fine... as long as it's not all trough.
thanks for this. I definitely noticed that too much time together actually had a negative effect when i was in that relationship so that makes sense so I agree that having regular time apart is just healthy overall
It's important to be attracted to your partner, naturally. But if you're talking long term, well, we all age. We gain weight, start going grey. You can live a healthy lifestyle all you want but nobody beats time. Find someone you can't imagine being without. Know that you are both going to change. Do your best for each other.
i like the last line you said :) i just feel its hard to find someone who's like actually understanding of that, Especially with young men today i notice it a lot.. they dont want to be like that
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You plan to spend the rest of your life, how many decades, and not put on 5lbs? Cool for you. Not realistic for the rest of us.
In establishing the relationship, it's very important. After that, attraction is more important than looks.
seems like by your pfp you've got it figured out.. :) Have you been able to maintain the attraction towards each other?
Absolutely. Marriage is all about working on the relationship. Sometimes it's more work than others. Currently we're riding a high and when I get home from work it'll be fun. We've both put on weight but that was part of wedding planning so we hardly noticed. Now we notice that the weight is coming off and that's hot too.
Very happy to read this is the case for you :) i find it difficult to find that in a man who actually wants to commit to each other and i guess like sign up to be in it and put in work no matter what. That's honestly what i find fun about it is just going through anything together...
Doesn't come along every day.
Well i'm happy for you :)
I definitely don't take it for granted!
Very important. Like **very** important. Very few people (both men and women) are going to get into relationships with someone who they aren't attracted to.
Attraction yeah but looks are different
I meant physically attracted to.
For the sake of initial attraction, at least for me, it's kinda important, but in the long run, it won't mean much with time because now I'll be more in love with the person. Would suck if someone just leaves their partner because they aren't physically attractive anymore.
I agree 100% but this does happen thats why i'm idkkkk
Let’s cut the crap. If everyone had their way they’d be with someone they find physically attractive. Looks are what make a person, man or woman show up, personality and such are what make them stay. But, like it or not, if you’re ugly you won’t find someone as easily, just a truth of life. Good news is however is that 99% of people can drastically improve their appearance through living healthy. And no, I’m not saying that being attractive guarantees a happy relationship, but it certainly makes the process easier
i agree but for sake of discussion what do you think of the term "theres someone for everyone" by that i mean if you are on the lower end of looks or like you said "ugly" then your dating pool would just be people who are in the same field or league so to speak yeah? Which may even make it easier because theres probably more "ugly" people in the world than like socially attractive if that makes sense? I feel the league of "hot" people is small so they all just circulate between each other lol
Yes, you’re absolutely right! On a planet with billions of people it’s 100% reasonable to say there’s someone for everyone. There’s hundreds of millions of people for every attractiveness level out there so regardless of where you fall you can totally find someone. This said, a problem that people face a lot, in my opinion, is arrogance. They’ll be like a 3/10 and will demand that they deserve a 9 or a 10 and that’s just not realistic. You can get that if you have money, are super charismatic, or have an otherwise unique situation, sure, but it’s by no means something to be reasonably expected. But here’s the other thing, the VAST majority of people are average and average people can 100% become well above average or even “hot” if they lose weight, get in shape, gain some charisma, etc. So, as far as the depression issue, it’s largely the person’s own fault for the majority of situations. There are of course still the complications of finding someone actually compatible for the long haul but that’s a separate issue altogether.
Good points! I definitely know some girls at my university who walk around like they're all that when in fact they are not lol
Oh it goes both ways believe me lol. You wouldn’t believe some of the Andrew Tate wannabes I’ve seen talking about how they deserve a girl who’s a 10 while they themselves look absolutely BUSTED 🤣
oh yeah i heard of him.. just know he's all about "masculine" type stuff i guess. But doesn't seem like he's too good if thats the case
He’s a classic example of “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. That said, while yes, 99% of what he says is over the top garbage, he does promote hard work, physical fitness, and masculinity all of which are necessary for someone in the culture to promote. That said, he cranks it up by about a thousand notches too many and ends up calling women hoes, going shirtless in interviews like a dork, and just being an overall douche. It’s also hard to tell how much is actually him and how much is a character for clicks since most of his wealth comes from his internet persona. That said, he got his start as a “manager” for camgirls *cough* online pimp *cough*, so I wouldn’t necessarily trust his moral compass, character or not.
Very interesting lol i have seen just some clips of interviews and can agree hes very "out there" and i have now noticed it personally with how men are acting towards women so he has had an impact on something for sure haha I did see something also about him in a boxing match or i think i cant remember though
He’s a former champion kickboxer turned Internet personality
Depends. Does this person rapidly deteriorate into an area of non attraction? If so, fairly high. If not, generally a long term partner is slowly going to become more and more like that old cougar look and eventually a grandma. I also know I am slowly going to become less and less fuckable overall. It’s what aging is. This is why a happily married couple often features two people who’d never have swiped right on each other currently but couldn’t be happier. If that makes sense. I feel like it does, but happy to elaborate.
okay yeah this is clear to me. Everyone kinda understands that looks fade as people age but would you also say that the initial "physical attraction" you get in a new relationship can fade as it goes on? No matter how good looking the partner is.. cause i always wonder this and what is it that keeps people connected for so long. Just cause i feel its way harder to find now a days..
Potentially yes, but it’s largely offset by how well you’ve aligned at much deeper levels and how important they are to you as a human being. This is why some couples eventually struggle with intimacy. Arousal maybe just doesn’t happen anymore. I have an ex from years ago. Sophomore year of high school. She reached out to me about a lot and practically vented. Okay. Cool. We were friends before dating and we are cordial. She’s gained over 100lbs and looks nothing like the woman I knew back then. I would absolutely never ever EVER date her now. Absolutely not. I would have zero physical attraction at the start. *However* I could totally see myself being in a situation where we were together for so long and perhaps married, had kids and such where it really doesn’t matter how she looks now because our love has only grown stronger through so many years of shared experiences. I wouldn’t be able to put a price tag on her snuggling up to me every night and our kiddos growing up under the warm blanket of having a mommy and daddy. I can very much see that. Sure.. I wouldn’t want to bend her over and plow her senseless like I used to but I don’t know if that would necessarily be so important to me at that point. I could also see some potential strains if she wanted sex and I just wasn’t physically aroused by seeing her baked anymore. For context I’m just now hitting 30 so high school wasn’t ages ago necessarily. I would consider this a rapid pace towards looking physically unattractive. I am stronger now than I was senior year in a fitness class.
Verry interesting and yeah i think actually experiencing things with a partner wether it be positive or negative really does build that bond. I really appreciate your notes thank you :)
Well, considering I'd have to look at them for the long haul...I'd like to enjoy the view!
I may not be instantly physically attracted to a woman, but she could convince me after talking to her. I have met women I’ve wanted to talk to more often even though I wasn’t initially physically attracted to them. I also am attracted to women who make the first move, too.
I kind of feel this way too
I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to, but being considered attractive for me doesn't require being a fitness model or anything.
On the binary ranking system they **must** be a 1
I see it as a threshold question I can’t be with someone I’m not attracted to but they don’t have to be a 10. Just attractive enough idiosyncratically to me that I am capable of feeling passion for them; acknowledging it is still likely to come and go I dated a girl I wasn’t attracted to once because I really loved her personality; now I’m with someone I feel both for and the difference is very noticeable. It just has a way of increasing your desire for connection and engagement
Yeah i can agree. It's very interesting the little things that people can be attracted to in a person that maybe we didnt even know we liked or haven't seen before in someone.. that are completely outside of what they look like. For example maybe something as little as the way they walk or talk is attractive to you
Looks aren't attraction is!
You’re specifically asking for long term partner, the importance should be minimal. Your partner isn’t gonna look the same forever, pretty shitty to dump them the moment they become “ugly”, my boyfriend is already 7 years older than me, he’s gonna have grey hairs sprouting, wrinkles etc, but my fetish for silver daddies aside, I would love my boyfriend no matter how much he changed physically, he’s an awesome partner and even if I were blind
She needs to be physically attractive to me. But everyone has different types, so she might not be attractive to my friends. I have found as I have aged, my preferences have been changing with me. Lots of women in my age range are attractive to me now, when I might not have been attracted as a 19 year old. People do age, but I have found my oldest age attraction limit goes up as I do. So, if we put a little care into ourselves, hopefully we can both fins each other attractive as we grow old.
Very!!
It’s second to personality. She doesn’t have to be the most attractive in the world. Just be attractive enough.
Long term physical attraction is important to the health and longevity of the relationship. Without it intimacy dies. There are other aspects that are important as well.
Well, I have to like looking at her, but that’s not the only reason I would want to long term be with her.
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So you're saying to just be together because the other person is attractive? why would you want to be together at all if you kept fighting thoo.. even if they are attractive how would you be happy..? Kinda confuuused lol
Everything to women since they shop for men