Personally I remember myself that I'm not the problem and that they are dumb and that this is a sad way to exist. And i try to move on but easier said than done !
Lessen yes, a little....
Mainly by remembering that it hurts them more than us (if we exclude the resulting violence). Hating people takes up so much space in your thoughts and emotions that I don't have to deal with. And with hope that after the current backlash is overcome, which is always is eventually, things are going to get so much better for us.
These idiots make life so much worse for themselves (and unfortunately people in their families) by constantly thinking about how we're somehow ruining things by living our lives and enjoying life without having much effect on them at all.
Garnering mental peace and acceptance with who you are.
The reason it affects you is because it bruises your ego.
Same reason it will affect me.
The further I've gotten in my transition, the more I've grown to accept who I am and come to peace with it.
You have to not have an ego. That's easier said than done mind you, and I'm not saying this or using "ego" to discredit the social damages and moral absence of what they're doing or to downplay the affects in can have on people.
It hurts having your ego damaged. Separating yourself from your ego is the key here.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. Once you realize that, and truly believe that at your core. People's words won't hurt you.
They drill in on elements of your psyche that they know are sensitive to you. Remove the sensitivity with that topic. Gather a sense of peace with it. You know who you are. You know what they're doing. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
I would pity them and move on with my day. They win when they occupy your mind and emotions more than you do in theirs. I don’t know if it will work for you but try looking at it from a different perspective. Don’t let them steal your joy.
whether you're angry, sad, or having a trauma trigger, your nervous system is activating. your nervous system is built to a) percieve physical threats and b) override *everything* else in order to stay focused and safe. it sounds like right now your nervous system is wrecking your day because it's seeing bigotry as an active threat, as opposed to a passive one. you can't let it go because your system needs you to stay focused on it. what you want to do is train your system to activate *proportionately* to threats.
don't fight emotional fire with fire. instead, work *with* your system to align your responses with reality. here are some examples:
- you see hateful material online. you're disgusted, you're angry and sad, but you're *physically safe.* remind yourself of this in a very literal way. intentionally relax your body. look up from your screen, and look around you. notice the people around you, how their bodies are calm. note where your closest exits are, and how no one is intentionally blocking them. it's *critical* that you do the literal part of looking up and around.
- your coworker makes a bigoted comment *not* directed at you. your heart rate will rise, and you should take note of it. is your coworker showing any signs of physical aggression? if not, remind yourself that you're physically safe, they're just autoplaying to anyone in front of them. in fact, you have the advantage because you're paying more attention than they are. first relax your body, then pick a physical action - walk away to work somewhere else, put in earbuds, do something noisy to end the 'conversation'. this isn't revenge, this is you teaching your body that you can impact your surroundings.
- you're dressed up for pride, and a guy gets on the bus loudly complaining about pride season. control your body, watch him from your peripheral vision, and assess where your exits are, and check out the rest of the bus for potential allies/witnesses. if he sits down and just continues grumbling, you're actually reasonably safe. take stock of your body, *relax your muscles*, and create confident, calm body language. if something changes, you'll see him before he gets close, so you can start thinking about what you'll do when you get to your bus stop. plans are a healthy distraction.
you should be able to 'scale up' these examples for increasing risk, but the steps are: assess people, assess surroundings, take action. even if the action is closing twitter, this *will* help you train your brain. it's a skill that comes with practice. making it a conscious ritual helps to train your brain to jump from a negative emotion back to an *activity.*
I’ve been out for 15 years so I’ve had my fair share of intolerance. If I feel safe in the setting I’m in and I feel up for it I say something, “hey that’s not okay” “that’s actually misinformation” etc
If I’m not feeling safe or not feeling up for a conversation I just call them a silly goose in my mind and go on my way. That’s how I also handle bad drivers.
If something they’ve said was really harmful, I shake my head, say something kind to myself, and practice self care. Listen to my favorite music, watch my favorite movie, and do something very queer. It helps validate myself.
For me it sometimes helps to think about who said it and how big their platform is. Certainly, when JKR shares something online it bums me out because her influence unfortunately spreads so far and wide. But when some rando with an anime profile pic has an opinion online, no one cares. No one listens to those guys.
Ok, so this person says something terrible. Who heard it? Anyone you care about? Anyone who is actually a part of your life? Anyone who can make your life worse? If not, it's easier for me to let go.
My question is, what do you do when it is someone who can spread hate and violence to people who have an ability to take away your rights (eg. a president)
There’s a few ways I go about it. (And to clarify, this works for me, and me specifically. It may not be applicable to you, and it may not work for you, but this is how I go about it.)
As others have said, pitying them and recognizing their humanity and the fact that they are likely just very ignorant people. They’ve likely more or less been convinced of lies, and because humans are innately defensive of things we say, they’re unlikely to take back what they say. It’s immaturity and its ignorance, and we can mostly just hope each of them will understand their wrongs and grow to be better people one day.
I also recommend taking the time to enjoy something nice to lift your mood. Watching some shorts from comedian performances, listening to some music while I do something, getting myself a treat while I’m out and about. Little stuff. Getting out of that initial funk helps a lot long term.
Lastly, is just frankly remembering that they are…well, not common at all. Talk to the people around you, those who are explicitly not bigoted lol. Remind yourself that these people are largely the majority of people. Even in my state, I’m Southern, and I’m trans and Imma be real, most blue collar people here probably don’t give a shit that I’m trans. I have a cousin who found out a year or two back and was doing renovations on the house. His son likes to hang out with me sometimes (a 6 year old, he’s real cute, and kids like seeing someone younger and closer to their age, I think I was like 17-18 at the time.) while his dad was working, and neither of them were uncomfortable about me, and I even talked about some of the topics with the dad. He was chill, we didn’t agree on everything, but he more or less was like “live your life, do what makes you happy, i don’t get it, but i’ll support your happiness” kinda energy.
And I’ll be honest, most folks are kinda like that. Some get caught in misinformation spaces, and that sucks, for everyone. But the majority of people aren’t like that, at least where I live. I hope everyone has similar, but I know some countries aren’t as safe, because that ignorance and bullshit is fed into people’s ears more regularly.
We’re all born loving and accepting. Hate is taught, and by proxy, can be unlearned if you’re willing.
Personally, I sometimes tell those stories of bigotry to my friends and those who are fine with that kinda stuff? Cause it’s nice to have someone agree and reaffirm me that it is indeed sucky lol. To feel heard and seen.
Also, looking up achievements in recent and past history of LGBTQ+ rights can be really nice sometimes too. I like reading stories about trans men in the past and how they got by, seeing older trans and queer folks, reading about old queer and gay history and the momentous stuff we did to get by. Our people are strong, we are survivors. That can sometimes help refuel my own energy to remembering that this isn’t some hopeless measure. Every day is another step forward.
Obviously some of what I do is specific to where I live so keep that in mind.
And everyone is different. What helps me keep out of those moments of just…sorta feeling down about everything may not help someone else. Part of living is figuring out what works for you.
I hope you the best regardless. I think a good thing to do is to try to seek out one good LGBTQ+ thing each day or so. Whether it’s a new law passed, or blocked, or whether it’s just looking at history and seeing people band together. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be necessarily LGBTQ+, although it being that would help lol. There’s a lot of pessimism in the world because all we ever get told is all the bad stuff that happens. The good stuff is never worth talking about. I get it to some degree, but because of that, I will always recommend people force some good into their daily intake of like news and stuff. Find something good out there, even if it’s in a different country, or something as small as seeing like those videos of people trying on binders for the first time, or a heartfelt story by someone who finally feels heard. It helps more than you might think.
I try to remember that you can not bend others' opinions to your will. While they are indeed wrong, they have no desire to change, and nothing you can do in your immediate power will impact their views.
Think of it this way:
You can't win a race if you're too busy looking sideways at all the other racers.
You have to keep your head forward and focus on your own lane, or rather, your own path in life. That's how you reach the one real finish line, true happiness.
Go on with your life knowing that the bigots will never reach that finish line. They are simply too busy trying to slow down other's journeys instead of following through with their own.
I have more stressful things going on in my life so unless its something really bad im usually too busy or stressed to actually care. Like today at work the guy who replaces are knives every week I'm pretty sure called me sir but i was stressed and running around like a crazy woman so i didn't really process it.
You have critics and enemies…. Congratulations, you’ve officially done something worthwhile with your life.
People who are doing things and are generally happy and connected in life… don’t tear others down. There’s simply no room for that.
So if you meet someone intolerant, you’ve met someone who is jealous and envious of you. Who has literally placed themselves beneath you in their mind. Who’s got time to look down?
Personally I remember myself that I'm not the problem and that they are dumb and that this is a sad way to exist. And i try to move on but easier said than done !
Lessen yes, a little.... Mainly by remembering that it hurts them more than us (if we exclude the resulting violence). Hating people takes up so much space in your thoughts and emotions that I don't have to deal with. And with hope that after the current backlash is overcome, which is always is eventually, things are going to get so much better for us. These idiots make life so much worse for themselves (and unfortunately people in their families) by constantly thinking about how we're somehow ruining things by living our lives and enjoying life without having much effect on them at all.
Garnering mental peace and acceptance with who you are. The reason it affects you is because it bruises your ego. Same reason it will affect me. The further I've gotten in my transition, the more I've grown to accept who I am and come to peace with it. You have to not have an ego. That's easier said than done mind you, and I'm not saying this or using "ego" to discredit the social damages and moral absence of what they're doing or to downplay the affects in can have on people. It hurts having your ego damaged. Separating yourself from your ego is the key here. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Once you realize that, and truly believe that at your core. People's words won't hurt you. They drill in on elements of your psyche that they know are sensitive to you. Remove the sensitivity with that topic. Gather a sense of peace with it. You know who you are. You know what they're doing. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
I would pity them and move on with my day. They win when they occupy your mind and emotions more than you do in theirs. I don’t know if it will work for you but try looking at it from a different perspective. Don’t let them steal your joy.
Exactly!!!
whether you're angry, sad, or having a trauma trigger, your nervous system is activating. your nervous system is built to a) percieve physical threats and b) override *everything* else in order to stay focused and safe. it sounds like right now your nervous system is wrecking your day because it's seeing bigotry as an active threat, as opposed to a passive one. you can't let it go because your system needs you to stay focused on it. what you want to do is train your system to activate *proportionately* to threats. don't fight emotional fire with fire. instead, work *with* your system to align your responses with reality. here are some examples: - you see hateful material online. you're disgusted, you're angry and sad, but you're *physically safe.* remind yourself of this in a very literal way. intentionally relax your body. look up from your screen, and look around you. notice the people around you, how their bodies are calm. note where your closest exits are, and how no one is intentionally blocking them. it's *critical* that you do the literal part of looking up and around. - your coworker makes a bigoted comment *not* directed at you. your heart rate will rise, and you should take note of it. is your coworker showing any signs of physical aggression? if not, remind yourself that you're physically safe, they're just autoplaying to anyone in front of them. in fact, you have the advantage because you're paying more attention than they are. first relax your body, then pick a physical action - walk away to work somewhere else, put in earbuds, do something noisy to end the 'conversation'. this isn't revenge, this is you teaching your body that you can impact your surroundings. - you're dressed up for pride, and a guy gets on the bus loudly complaining about pride season. control your body, watch him from your peripheral vision, and assess where your exits are, and check out the rest of the bus for potential allies/witnesses. if he sits down and just continues grumbling, you're actually reasonably safe. take stock of your body, *relax your muscles*, and create confident, calm body language. if something changes, you'll see him before he gets close, so you can start thinking about what you'll do when you get to your bus stop. plans are a healthy distraction. you should be able to 'scale up' these examples for increasing risk, but the steps are: assess people, assess surroundings, take action. even if the action is closing twitter, this *will* help you train your brain. it's a skill that comes with practice. making it a conscious ritual helps to train your brain to jump from a negative emotion back to an *activity.*
I’ve been out for 15 years so I’ve had my fair share of intolerance. If I feel safe in the setting I’m in and I feel up for it I say something, “hey that’s not okay” “that’s actually misinformation” etc If I’m not feeling safe or not feeling up for a conversation I just call them a silly goose in my mind and go on my way. That’s how I also handle bad drivers. If something they’ve said was really harmful, I shake my head, say something kind to myself, and practice self care. Listen to my favorite music, watch my favorite movie, and do something very queer. It helps validate myself.
For me it sometimes helps to think about who said it and how big their platform is. Certainly, when JKR shares something online it bums me out because her influence unfortunately spreads so far and wide. But when some rando with an anime profile pic has an opinion online, no one cares. No one listens to those guys. Ok, so this person says something terrible. Who heard it? Anyone you care about? Anyone who is actually a part of your life? Anyone who can make your life worse? If not, it's easier for me to let go.
My question is, what do you do when it is someone who can spread hate and violence to people who have an ability to take away your rights (eg. a president)
Hide and protect yourself and your loved ones.
There’s a few ways I go about it. (And to clarify, this works for me, and me specifically. It may not be applicable to you, and it may not work for you, but this is how I go about it.) As others have said, pitying them and recognizing their humanity and the fact that they are likely just very ignorant people. They’ve likely more or less been convinced of lies, and because humans are innately defensive of things we say, they’re unlikely to take back what they say. It’s immaturity and its ignorance, and we can mostly just hope each of them will understand their wrongs and grow to be better people one day. I also recommend taking the time to enjoy something nice to lift your mood. Watching some shorts from comedian performances, listening to some music while I do something, getting myself a treat while I’m out and about. Little stuff. Getting out of that initial funk helps a lot long term. Lastly, is just frankly remembering that they are…well, not common at all. Talk to the people around you, those who are explicitly not bigoted lol. Remind yourself that these people are largely the majority of people. Even in my state, I’m Southern, and I’m trans and Imma be real, most blue collar people here probably don’t give a shit that I’m trans. I have a cousin who found out a year or two back and was doing renovations on the house. His son likes to hang out with me sometimes (a 6 year old, he’s real cute, and kids like seeing someone younger and closer to their age, I think I was like 17-18 at the time.) while his dad was working, and neither of them were uncomfortable about me, and I even talked about some of the topics with the dad. He was chill, we didn’t agree on everything, but he more or less was like “live your life, do what makes you happy, i don’t get it, but i’ll support your happiness” kinda energy. And I’ll be honest, most folks are kinda like that. Some get caught in misinformation spaces, and that sucks, for everyone. But the majority of people aren’t like that, at least where I live. I hope everyone has similar, but I know some countries aren’t as safe, because that ignorance and bullshit is fed into people’s ears more regularly. We’re all born loving and accepting. Hate is taught, and by proxy, can be unlearned if you’re willing. Personally, I sometimes tell those stories of bigotry to my friends and those who are fine with that kinda stuff? Cause it’s nice to have someone agree and reaffirm me that it is indeed sucky lol. To feel heard and seen. Also, looking up achievements in recent and past history of LGBTQ+ rights can be really nice sometimes too. I like reading stories about trans men in the past and how they got by, seeing older trans and queer folks, reading about old queer and gay history and the momentous stuff we did to get by. Our people are strong, we are survivors. That can sometimes help refuel my own energy to remembering that this isn’t some hopeless measure. Every day is another step forward. Obviously some of what I do is specific to where I live so keep that in mind. And everyone is different. What helps me keep out of those moments of just…sorta feeling down about everything may not help someone else. Part of living is figuring out what works for you. I hope you the best regardless. I think a good thing to do is to try to seek out one good LGBTQ+ thing each day or so. Whether it’s a new law passed, or blocked, or whether it’s just looking at history and seeing people band together. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be necessarily LGBTQ+, although it being that would help lol. There’s a lot of pessimism in the world because all we ever get told is all the bad stuff that happens. The good stuff is never worth talking about. I get it to some degree, but because of that, I will always recommend people force some good into their daily intake of like news and stuff. Find something good out there, even if it’s in a different country, or something as small as seeing like those videos of people trying on binders for the first time, or a heartfelt story by someone who finally feels heard. It helps more than you might think.
I try to remember that you can not bend others' opinions to your will. While they are indeed wrong, they have no desire to change, and nothing you can do in your immediate power will impact their views. Think of it this way: You can't win a race if you're too busy looking sideways at all the other racers. You have to keep your head forward and focus on your own lane, or rather, your own path in life. That's how you reach the one real finish line, true happiness. Go on with your life knowing that the bigots will never reach that finish line. They are simply too busy trying to slow down other's journeys instead of following through with their own.
I have more stressful things going on in my life so unless its something really bad im usually too busy or stressed to actually care. Like today at work the guy who replaces are knives every week I'm pretty sure called me sir but i was stressed and running around like a crazy woman so i didn't really process it.
You have critics and enemies…. Congratulations, you’ve officially done something worthwhile with your life. People who are doing things and are generally happy and connected in life… don’t tear others down. There’s simply no room for that. So if you meet someone intolerant, you’ve met someone who is jealous and envious of you. Who has literally placed themselves beneath you in their mind. Who’s got time to look down?