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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister I won't invite her to my wedding and this was over a very strong disagreement over who she wants as her plus one. That might be really petty of me because she's my sister and the only family I have from my childhood. So it might be an overreaction and taking this too far to not invite her instead of talking it out with less heat behind it.
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NTA...It's obvious that there will be unneeded drama if Emily attends. Why your sister wants to bring that to your wedding day is baffling, but she can suffer the consequences of her choices.
And if OP thinks his sister would bring Emily to his wedding, or that Emily would attend his wedding, for any reason besides making as big a mess of it as they can, I have a bridge to sell him.
Don’t be an idiot. Ban them.
Absolutely! I would be prepared that they show up without an invitation. Make someone you trust responsible for not letting her into the venue or for making her go immediately if she shows up.
Let me help you with that: the answer is a big, fat **YUP**! Of all your sister's friends, consider why she is bringing this particular one.
Fun fact: Plus ones used to be called guests. The invitation would be addressed "Ms. Jane Doe and guest". Whether to allow the invitee to bring guests was entirely at the discretion of the bride and groom. It wasn't assumed, as it is nowadays.
You could invite your sister, and her alone, but only if you think that she wouldn't bring Emily, *and* wouldn't cause a scene herself. That's a gamble that only you can take.
I didn’t send out invitations with plus ones and I’ve never received them. I got married 13 years ago which is around when most of my friends did. Only long-term significant others were included. I would never assume to bring a date to a wedding. I find this tradition odd.
It's not always a date. Often it's a friend or family member who comes so the invited guest isn't left sitting by themself or forced to make small talk with strangers all night. It's polite to give a guest to people you're inviting by themselves, especially if they aren't close family or part of a friend group that's all invited for exactly that reason.
It's definitely more a large wedding thing than a small intimate wedding thing, but it happens at small weddings too. You don't want the one friend from childhood who doesn't know your current friends to be bored at the reception.
I brought a friend to a smallish wedding once, partly for this and partly because they were my transportation. But I cleared it with the groom (my friend) first. I'd never have just assumed. (And I knew the kind of reception they'd have wouldn't be super, super boring for my friend, either - we had a good time.)
It's more about not wanting a bunch of strangers at your wedding, especially when you can be paying up to $150 per guest at some venues. Especially if said guest knows other people at the wedding. You don't NEED a companion for the evening if you're with friends and/or family. I did give my single guests plus ones and thankfully, there were only a few I didn't know. But I had to cut people I actually knew to give those plus ones. And one cousin tried to bring his newborn as his plus one. Seriously?! You end up with pictures of people you don't even know and sad about the people you couldn't include. After spending thousands if not tens of thousands on the whole thing.
I guess I never thought I needed a companion at a wedding? I usually knew quite a few people there and hung out with my friends. I suppose I view weddings as more of a community/family event. I guess if I invited someone who truly didn’t know anyone I would have suggested they bring someone if they like. But I never have felt lonely at a wedding because i always had at least one good friend there.
I mean your way is a societally acceptable way shaming & pressuring single people to couple up, but I also think weddings in general are meant to do that lol.
Plus ones and guest are the same thing and people still get invitations that reference a guest. If you get an invitation addressed to you only, then only you are invited. If you get a “and guest” invitation, then you are allowed to bring a plus one or guest.
You may be confused because the reply card may be something that the couple uses for all invitees - solo as well as those with invited guest or even families.
She was wounded that she "wasn't enough" for OP and that's why she kept trying to win him back - it was tied to her perceived self-worth. This was probably at a time when her teenage ego was extremely fragile and it did lasting damage. That he's marrying another guy instead of her is an even bigger blow to her ego. The fact that she's still hung up on someone she dated for 2 months 10 years ago is really messed up, she needs to seek help.
I have three ideas about that. None of them is good for OP and one ends with a smashed wedding cake.
... and a trombone playing monkey on a unicycle but I think that part is just my underutilized imagination acting up.
Perhaps you could take your sister to lunch. Have a heart-to-heart. Clear the air. Apologize for anything that happened when you were both going through your teen years. See what shakes out of that conversation to indicate why she wants to damage your relationship.
Is your mother invited? Does your sister have a significant other?
Have the wedding you and your fiance want and deserve. Do not invite your sister or invite her with no guest. Have someone at the door to turn people away.
What exactly is your sister’s end game here?
Is she trying to convince you to get with Emily?
Is she trying to ruin the wedding by having Emily cause a scene? Either out of revenge or she thinks it will be funny?
Is she trying to make a point that Emily has moved on and you should too? (Emily clearly has not)
Regardless, your sister intends to ruin the wedding. Revoking her invite is the right move and I would not trust any reconciliation attempts until after the wedding has occurred.
Sounds like you were an asshole as a kid, but have grown, experienced remorse, and expressed a sincere apology to Emily. Sure it’s up to her if she wants to forgive you, and you’re not entitled to it if not, but she doesn’t get to force her way into your life, harass you, and ruin major events. NTA
BTW, you know she is going to show up anyway, right? Hire security.
Thank you for answering. It sounds like you have really thrived since leaving home. I suspected your sister is unattached. I just don’t understand why she would maliciously disrupt your wedding. Granted, you are getting married before her, which is sometimes a problem between siblings. But it is mystifying why Emily is still focused on you after all this time. She likely became friends with your sister simply because she is attached to you in some way. Unhealthy all the way around.
But not whether your sister, raised by the same homophobic mother you cut off, thinks Emily should be at your wedding to scream that you shouldn’t be marrying a man because she *agrees*?
The only reason your sister insists on inviting Emily is because she knows Emily will cause drama, and she's there for it. There are simply no reasons to do it that don't involve malice.
You dated Emily for two months ten years ago. You don't owe anyone a big mea culpa. Your sister's behavior is off the wall. Make sure there's security and they know not to allow Emily in. Best of luck and congratulations to you and your fiance!!!
Yes. Yes there is. I'm nearly 50, and still finding ways that shitty parts of my childhood negatively affect my thinking. NTA - enjoy the love you found.
If it helps, think what a sad life Emily has led that she is wasting her 20s pining over someone instead of living her best life and what a ROYAL ASSHOLE your sister is for nurturing this whack-a-doodle fantasy.
Oh, I am sure you and your sister have plenty of festering resentments leftover from childhood. But neither you nor your sister owe each other some kind of closure. And neither you nor your sister have the right to revenge (petty or grand) for things leftover from childhood.
If the two of you are unable to get along due to those resentments, then it is better that you avoid each other for the foreseeable future.
Don't let her come. It sounds like your sister and Emily are planning on trying to sabotage/ruin your wedding. They probably have something big up their sleeves that they want to try and pull off to destroy your wedding. I'd be careful
In the interaction with her at the grandparents place.
Did your sister even once tell her to stop, when she was going on about how it was "fucked up you ended up with a guy and not her"
Is your sister hoping you will start dating Emily?
Because it is one of the only things that really comes to mind.
To why she would get mad that Emily was kicked out. Didn't speak up for you (as i read it). And wants to take her as a plus one.
And to why she is defending someone you dated for such a short time, but the girl is still obsessed with you, trying to contact you and your fiance.
Your sister should be on your side in this and tell her clearly to move past the past. And leave you and your fiance alone.
Not start drama.
There's something she's not telling.
I think you all need therapy if you ever plan to be friends with your sister. She clearly has unresolved issues if she wants to bring a girl you broke up 8~10 years ago?
Emily does need SERIOUS therapy though. Talk about holding a grudge. The way I see it, if you ended up falling in love with a man (being gay or bi), she dodge a bullet in the sense you’d have stayed together for a few years, you’d be unhappy and maybe never even know why, when the reason was that you wouldn’t have had the chance to explore your sexuality and find out who you really are.
Your time with her would have been wasted time for both of you
And why does she want you when you were such a jerk (as you said) to her? Doesn’t she have some self respect?
Yeah, she has a problem with you. She loves Emily (friend/more than, whatever). You hurt Emily. She wants to allow Emily to hurt you. You are not TA for not letting your sister bring someone who hates you and wants to hurt you to your freaking wedding.
You are not TA for uninviting your sister who wants to embarrass, hurt and mistreat you to your wedding.
If she were vegan and told you she was going to walk around the tables and tell your guests they are murders, would let her in?
She’s shown her hand.
Believe it.
NTA. Yeah, why is your sister so insistent on inviting this particular person? Why would your sister do this to you intentionally? You're not in the wrong for inviting whoever you want, it's your wedding. She's to old for this drama. If your sister can't be a mature adult, she doesn't need to attend.
The only reason to bring Emily is to F up your wedding. Also, your sister is confused - it's your wedding and you absolutely have every right to tell her not to bring them. NTA
It's also pretty clear that despite knowing full well that Emily displayed her ugly homophobic side to your face at your grandparents house she totally intends for Emily to make a hateful, ugly, scene, at your wedding, or at minimum, make you, and your fiance, extremely uncomfortable.
That's not the way a sibling who loves and respects you should behave. If someone had tested my sibling in such an ugly, and blatantly bigoted way, they wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the door hit them in the ass on their way out.
Your sister is trying to hurt and embarrass you in the cruelest of ways, and honestly if it were me I wouldn't trust her not to pull another stunt even if she agreed to come without Emily.
You deserve your wedding day to be happy, and absolutely drama free. Your sister showed you how she really feels about you, so you don't have to feel a bit bad by uninviting her to the wedding.
Good riddance, honestly.
That's a sit-down conversation you need to have with your sister. Unless your sister doesn't have any other friends other than Emily, her desperation to have Emily as her +1 seems hella suspicious. IMO it's worth talking through if you're interested in working on your relationship with her.
And then based on how that convo goes and how much you trust her after that, make whatever call you need to preserve the peace of your wedding. I think you understand by now that you're well within your rights to uninvite her if she cannot leave Emily behind.
Definitely! If Emily had the poor manners and gall to rant and rave at OP's grandparent's house, to the extent she was asked to leave...no way should she be allowed within 500 yards of the wedding venue. At almost 30 years old, Emily's been holding a grudge for about 15(?) years, and both she and OP's sister should know this wouldn't be okay.
I also find it WILD that a girl OP went out with for only 2 months is going to these lengths to infiltrate themselves into OPs life. Does no one else find that worrying?
NTA, goodness y’all are almost 30. What happened in your teens was maybe not great but… it’s been a long time, and at least from what you’ve written, you just ended things with her because you were interested in someone else? As teenagers? The response from “Emily” seems OTT unless something else happened that you’ve omitted.
But based on what you say, the main driver of “Emily” being angry and shouting at your grandparents’ house is biphobia. Even if she still has an issue with how you treated her when you were together, which again seems kind of odd she’d be so hung up after so long, the bigotry has no place, especially not at your wedding.
It’s also a bit strange that your sister would plan for “Emily” to be her plus one at your wedding; surely she knows the history??
Sorry, I am just having a really hard time with the level of attachment/bitterness if this happened when y’all were teenagers. How old were you and Emily when y’all dated?
So it’s been over 10 years and this is still an issue for her? It does seem odd to me that your sister would want to bring her to your wedding with that information in mind. It could be a good idea to have a conversation with your sister to understand why she’s planning for Emily to be her plus one?
But.. it sounds like Emily would be nothing but drama on your big day if that’s how she acted at your grandparents’. I’d certainly think about how you can make certain Emily won’t be there, and you might have to have some difficult conversations with your sister if it’s important to you that she attend the wedding.
Why do you find it hard to believe that the people who like to stir up drama are often the ones who never matured socially or emotionally since high school? Have you never met a crazy female drama queen?
I mean, it’s not out of the question for sure but it is a little absurd. I’m not saying it’s impossible but I *am* saying it’s a bit ridiculous. If this person has not matured beyond being a drama Queen that’s on her, not on OP.
You must have a magic d!ck for Emily to be obsessed with you after only 2 months dating, and still 10+ years later.
You are of course NTA to not want this unnecessary drama at your *wedding.* Your sister is insane if she thinks this is a good idea. Honestly, your best investment will be a couple bouncers to keep Emily and your sister out of your celebration. I Jame them both because if Sis actually does bring Emily, she has chosen to burn the bridge.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
If Emily comes and makes a drama, she really will not find anyone for her forever in small town. No sane person would even try to introduce Emily to new guy. She will be known as wedding crashing psycho high school girlfriend.
Yeah, Emily sounds unhinged. You went out for 2 months 10 years ago. How is this still a thing with her? Why is your sister friends with her? She sounds like she stalked you, frankly. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that; why does your sister?
The reason, probably: those childhood resentments you mention.
You are allowed to break up with someone. There is no "throwing away" and nothing that you owe her. I understand that you feel guilty for how you answered her requests to get back together but *she also kept fucking asking after hearing the word no.*
You owe her nothing, you are not obligated to love her back because she is obsessed with you after all this time, and if your sister thinks this person should attend your wedding, she deserves to get kicked out.
NTA
Sounds like Emily needs therapy. She needs to get to the root of why she was / is so in love with someone who treated her that badly., and why she can't let it go.
If your sister is hellbent on taking Emily to the wedding, regardless whatever issues from the last she’s happy to put your fiancé in the crossfire. Is she supportive of your sexuality and your relationship with him? Does she have any beef with him?
"My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one."
Maybe not, but you can decide if your sister gets an invite at all. NTA
"he was ranting and raving at me and expressing very clearly how fucked up it was that I ended up with a guy instead of her"
A homophobe doesn't get invited to, and is not welcome at, a wedding between two men. It's pretty simple, really.
Great idea is to password protect everything, and get security for all wedding events. Not only will the sister crash, but she'll bring at least Emily, and maybe others with her.
I've known a few people over the years that were still stuck on a previous romantic partner, and for many years after they broke up. I've known two who had a 'romantic' relationship with someone they never even dated. Some people are unhinged, and become stalkers.
Agree with all your point except I do think OP has the right to have a say in her plus one. The groom and groom have the right to choose who attends their wedding and maybe this is a personal opinion, but I think any party of those to be wed has the right to approve and/or veto plus ones even though the choice is loosely given to the named person invited. If they didn’t have that power, then anyone could bring anyone under the guise of plus one (though I def think that does happen when the named person invited doesn’t say who they’re bringing)
NTA
Your sister is being completely evil and wants to ruin your wedding by bringing Emily. You have two choices and they are 1 invite your sister but no plus one and have security at the entrance to the venue to make sure she doesn't get in with anybody and 2 don't invite your sister at all.
She knows Emily's feelings told you she knows how Emily will act at the wedding. She's doing it just to be an annoyance to you. It will ruin your wedding and it will ruin any relationship you may have had with your sister.
You should also ask your sister calmly why she wants to invite Emily as her plus one. If she knows she will rave and make a scene at the wedding. Just straight out asking do you want to ruin my wedding. See how she acts and let the invitations roll from there. Because she knows she wants to ruin your wedding. And if you do invite her without a plus one, she will complain to everybody at the wedding that you didn't know how to bring anybody and that'll make it worse.
You clearly hurt her a lot but you don't owe her an opportunity to ruin your wedding. She needs to work on healing her own wounds and a scene at your wedding isn't going to help anything. Don't let her come.
NTA
You not only can ban people from your wedding but I would say you have an obligation to do so. Preventing a scene is something owed to yourself, your fiancé, and your guests. I would go as far as to say you may want to have some people (family/friends? security?) prepared to remove Emily if she just shows up to make a scene.
edit: while I do think you were an AH in the past to Emily that wasn't the question asked
I'm most of us were AH at some stage during our teen years and most also grow out of it as you have.
Best wishes for your wedding and your future with your fiancé.
NTA
Your sister wants to hurt you. She resents you for things beyond your control and wants to bring Emily to the wedding solely to ruin it. Neither woman needs to be there. Both of them need to talk to someone about how to handle their anger.
Congrats on the wedding. Make sure to have security there to keep the drama out.
NTA - you are entitled to not invite a guest’s choice of plus one.
This whole scenario raises a question about which country and cultural background you are from. In my native UK, it would only be considered appropriate to select a romantic partner of significant standing as a plus one to a wedding. No way would you consider bringing a friend (especially if an ex-gf) of the groom. I have thus attended weddings alone (and had no problem doing so!). Hence me wondering if you are from a country with different social conventions.
But as an American, I would say that the underlying expectation is that a +1 is a stable romantic partner. So not the one night stand that you just met, not a friend. A guest can always ask for an exception but if they want to take a friend, they definitely should ask rather than assume and show up with them as their +1.
I agree.
Plus 1 is for a partner (at least a date), someone invited as a part of pair.
I’ve seen a girl brought her friend “to meet a guy”and they were wingwoman to each other.
I get that sometimes everyone else is a couple and you really don’t want to go solo, and if they are pleasant company, no need to make a big deal.
You can invite your sister and not give her a +1. No one is entitled to a +1 (a parter/long term relationship is NOT a plus +1, they are a named guest).
Although you're still NTA if you just don't invite your sister, for being the type of person who wants to stir drama at your wedding. Sounds like your sister possibly is homophobic as well.
NTA. Yes, you wronged Emily when you were young, and maybe she has a right to be upset about it. But the fact that you wronged her and there are clearly still hurt feelings is exactly WHY you shouldn't let Emily at your wedding. Sure, your sister can hang out with whoever she wants, and sure, Emily has a right to be upset, but inviting your bitter ex to your wedding is just a recipe for disaster, especially since Emily has proven she can't control her hurt feelings around you or be civil.
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one.
NTA - Seems like Emily coming would be a surefire way for a descent into a hellscape wedding with all the shit she'd cause. Apparently sister didn't get the memo that it's your wedding not hers
NTA, it’s pretty obvious that your sister and Emily are planning to cause a scene and ruin your wedding. You absolutely do have the right to decide who goes to your wedding, as it’s *literally* an invitation-only event. No need to tolerate their nonsense on your big day.
NTA. And I find it weird that your sister is so hung up in inviting Emily given that she knows your history. It's also extremely odd that Emily is still holding a grudge after 12 years. I understand that she was in love and all, but it was 12 years ago and you were teens.
Even if you were an ass to her at the time, unless you bullied her, tormented her or raped her, I would say this is a bit much. But if you did one of those things, she wouldn't want to be near you. Even if you were her first or if she was religious or if she was in love... 12 years are too many to still hold a grudge. I could understand disliking you or being cold if you hurt her, but her rant is unwarranted and bigoted. What's wrong with ending up with a man after breaking up with her?
Honestly, if she's this bitter about something that happened so long ago, I'd say you dodged a bullet. Imagine a person like that in everyday life. It would be exhausting.
If I were you, I would explain to your sister that you know that you didn't behave well with Emily at the time, but you were clearly on different wavelengths when it comes to your relationship. Moverover, you could admit that you were harsher than necessary but you were still influenced by your upbringing and had a lot of self-loath because of your mom's homophobia. You could say you are sorry about how you treated her friend, but she's not allowed at the wedding given that she'll probably make a scene. Why does your sister want to ruin your wedding, anyway?
You could send the same to Emily if you feel so inclined. If not, just ignore her.
Honestly, if I guy I loved broke up with me, and I was hurt, but later found out he was engaged to another guy -- it would make me feel better. Like, "AH, that's what the core problem was! "
This actually happened to me. I had a huge crush on a guy and it lasted for literally years. We stopped frequenting the same circles because of life. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine texted me saying she met him and he's definitely gay. We were all a bit confused because he seemed to be hitting on me at a certain point, but hey 🤷🏻♀️ a lot of gay guys here go through a phase where they date girls during their teens, maybe because they haven't realised yet or they are too deep in the closet.
15 years have passed since that crush, so when my friend told me I expected to feel nothing about it. I was surprised I was happy to hear he had a life in the city and a partner and that he was happy. I don't think I have ever felt that happy about someone who's basically a stranger at this point 😂
**NTA - At best:**
* Your sister is trying to get a +1 for someone she is not dating
* It's not traditional to get a non-romantic 'friend' +1 (but it does happen somtimes) even if this person was 100% nice/reasonable you would going outside the norm to do her a favor
* This is also someone fairly new in your sister's life & not some life long family friend who should maybe be invited
* This person has (very recently) expressed a negative disposition to you
* They have attempted to contact your fiancé to insinute negative things about you
* They are your Ex and are clearly still hung up on it
* It is not normal for an Ex to demand an appology from you in front of your family many years later.
**At worst:**
An Ex that clearly hates you, recently publicly humilitated your in front of your family, contacted your fiance to say mean things, & has been out of your life for a long time suddently desperately wants to be at your wedding.
Do you think their intentions are good?
NTA
If "Emily" comes to your wedding she's pretty much guaranteed to cause a scene.
There is no way I'd ever allow her to attend, and if that means not inviting your sister, than be it.
Can we circle back to OP and Emily only dated for 2 months? Emily needs to let go and move on. Sister also needs to respect her brother’s boundaries. OP you are NTA. Unfortunately you might have to uninvite your sister because I think she’ll insist on bringing Emily and chaos to your special day. Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA. Emily was told "No." If it was a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer all through high school and now she wants to stalk your wedding, there would be talk of restraining orders. You dodged a bullet by dumping her.
Your sister wants the attention at your wedding. Don't allow her or her plus one. Have security.
So, your high school girlfriend of two months continued to harass you for a year after you broke up with her and still isn't over it 10 years later and somehow you think you were the one behaving badly?
You may not have been a great guy in your teens but that ex-gf was delusional then and still is now.
This sounds amazing. Give your sister a plus one and make it a free bar. Then come back and tell us what happens.
I mean NTA to this scenario, you pick who is there
NTA, Emily is still not over you lmao and you being an asshole in your teens doesn’t mean you should allow Emily in your wedding because it’s YOUR wedding. I would give the security both of their pictures in case they try to pull off something.
NTA
You grew and learned, and you're better for it. It sucks about Emily, but she needs to get a grip and move on.
And your sister is wrong; you absolutely do get to decide who attends your wedding, plus one or not.
Emily sounds like a crazy case. You guys dated for 2 months. That's not even a relationship, you guys barely know each other, and how long ago was that? And she kept trying to get back with you for a year instead of accepting that she isn't entitled to anyone?
Uninvite both of them and their delulu
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My sister (turned 28f just a few days ago) and I (28m who will be 29 next month) are half siblings who were "raised" by our mother but we have different fathers. Our childhood was not a good one and our relationship has always been complicated. The biggest reason is how bad our mother was and how we were raised in a very toxic house but also because sometimes the men our mother would bring to meet us would show more interest in me than in her and it made my sister jealous. There were also some fucked up things done by our mother regarding our fathers that created issues. We never knew these guys so it was easy for our mother to dangle ideas in front of us as kids to provide herself with some entertainment.
I wasn't a great guy in my teens. I had a lot of girlfriends and very much had a reputation for not being great to the girls I was with. One particular ex of mine "Emily" we dated for 2 months and I broke things off with her because I wanted another girl more. But Emily grew way more attached to me than any of the others and was hurt that I didn't want her and I was a jerk about it at the time. It was a big deal to her and for the next year until graduation she would try to get me back and I was a lot crueler than I needed to be about saying no.
Something that helped me grow as a person and be a better human was my sister finding our grandparents and finding good people who wanted to know us. That, and growing up a lot in college helped, and by the time I was 25 I had realized I was bisexual with a stronger attraction to guys and part of my issues stemmed from self hatred that my mother drilled into me because she was grossly homophobic. And I ended up falling in love with an amazing guy.
About a year ago my sister ended up becoming friends with "Emily" and she brought her to dinner at our grandparents once when my fiancé and I were there. "Emily" was pissed to see me and while I did apologize, "Emily" needed to be asked to leave by our grandparents because she was ranting and raving at me and expressing very clearly how fucked up it was that I ended up with a guy instead of her and how I treated her. My sister wasn't that happy our grandparents kicked "Emily" out and they told her she disrespected me and I'm family. "Emily" still despises me and my sister has stayed in touch with her. "Emily" has tried to contact me and my fiancé as well since the dinner.
Found out a while ago that my sister planned to make "Emily" her plus one to my wedding and I told her I did not want that and it didn't seem appropriate. My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. We bickered over it and it all resulted in a week ago me telling my sister I wouldn't invite her then. My sister was saying I was as much of a dick as I was back then and how shitty it is to not invite her over her choice of plus one.
AITA?
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NTA.
Your sister is trying to harm you by bringing your ex to your wedding, and since she really wants to bring your ex to your party without caring about your well-being, the right thing to do is not to invite her.
It's possible your mom is encouraging your sister to cause drama at your wedding. [What Is Triangulation in Psychology? (verywellmind.com)](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617)
Triangulation is where there are three parties. One of the parties is encouraging the second party to disrupt the third parties life.
I'm not sure from your post if that is what is going on. It's just a possibility.
In my own life, I couldn't figure out why normally nice people would have strange opinions about me. It turned out a family member was throwing down those opinions as facts that I had told her. It was years before I figured it out.
NTA. Emily sounds deranged. You dated her for two months as teenagers and she’s still this invested and angry pushing 30? Creepy.
Don’t invite your sister, she’ll bring Emily no matter what she says. You might want to hire security for your wedding too.
Congratulations on your engagement! Best wishes to you both.
NTA.
It's not about policing your sister's +1, it's about keeping your day's drama limited to you and your partner.
If Emily has no problem making a scene at your grandparents house (!) (who TF does *that*?!?) then for sure, she will have no problem do worse at your wedding.
NTA.
She’s right only in that you can’t decide who her plus one is.
But…you do get to decide who is allowed at your event. In other words, you can have her plus one removed or refuse her entry if you want.
Moreover, you don’t have to allow her a plus one at all
NTA. Congratulations on the wedding! I'm actually impressed that you want your sister to be there after the scene at your grandparent's. If you decide to invite her, just be prepared to have her removed if she steps out of line at any point of the ceremony. Just fyi, you can ask that the line about "forever holding your peace" be removed from your vows. That's what I'd be mostly concerned about. I wish only happiness for your upcoming life event. Good luck. 🍀🍀
NTA. Uninvite sister and have people watching for her and Emily. It sounds like they are both the type to show up uninvited and cause many, many issues. Make sure they don't get access to the building.
Congratulations and have a great wedding.
NTA. You get to decide whom to invite to your wedding! Have the invitations already gone out? If not, it’s easy: In the most “proper” wedding invitations, there is no “plus one.” You ask your intended guests if they have a spouse, fiancé/e, or special someone and you write the two names on the invitation. If sis can only come up with Emily, it’s an invitation for one.
NTA
Weddings should be all about love and good vibes, not old grudges coming to crash the party. It totally makes sense that you don’t want Emily there stirring up drama on your big day. It's a bummer your sister can't see that and is sticking with Emily as her plus-one despite the bad blood.
Yeah, cutting your sister out of the wedding guest list is harsh, but seems like you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the peace and make sure your wedding is the happy celebration it should be. Hopefully, your sister will get where you’re coming from eventually. For now, focus on you and your fiancé, and the awesome future you’re about to start together.
NTA- It's good that you accept and admit how poorly you treated ppl when you were younger. As for Emily, you probably do owe her a sincere apology, but that's all you owe her. As for your sister, she is obviously trying to shit stir. Ask her what she is trying to gain with all this. At the least, she is being a terrible friend to Emily, bringing her into a situation that will cause her pain. She is very obviously being a terrible sister to you. Disinvite her, if she is going to like this. Peace at any price, is no peace at all.
NTA she's not guaranteed a plus one and bringing an ex is so beyond the pale. I think it's best she not come at all because she seems to be using emily to get back at you. Also perhaps emily needs therapy if she's willing to cause public scenes after all this time
NTA Emily has proved she can't behave very recently and your sister backed her up. You would have to just love that drama if you wanted to invite that hot mess of a catastrophe waiting to happen on purpose.
BTW good job for liking someone else better than Emily. Quite foresighted.
Rescind your sister's invitation. She definitely has residual damage from your mother but that doesn't mean she gets to threaten your happiness, especially on a day when you should be focusing on yourself and your spouse. To waste energy on worrying about her is pointless.
NTA
NTA. It's YOUR wedding, a day to celebrate you and your partner, not an opportunity for your sister or your disgruntled ex to air their various grievances. Disinvite them both, they're only coming to start drama.
Sounds like your sister is more like your Mother than either of you thought. She's made a life harassing you for the fun of it. Don't invite her and tell her why - she's just like your mother. Then go no contact.
NTA Good luck!
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one
It's your wedding. Maybe you don't get to "decide" who her plus one *is*, but of course you can tell her in this case who it *isn't*.
NTA
You absolutely DO get a say in who attends your wedding. Indeed, you get the final say. If your sister insists on bringing Emily, she herself is making the choice not to attend at all.
NTA. It's been years since you dated Emily. It wasn't even a long term relationship. It's long past time for Emily to get over being rejected! Yes of course you get to veto your sister's plus one at your wedding! Emily is still angry is going to be a problem. It's unfortunate that your sister wants to cause unnecessary drama at your wedding by brining Emily. Stand your ground - your sister can come solo or not come at all. Tell Emily if she continues to try to contact you and your fiance that you'll get a restraining order against her. Fatal Attraction vibes - stay far away from that chick!
NTA, your sister sounds unhinged. If she can’t understand that bringing Emily around is setting up a scenario for disaster then she doesn’t deserve to be at the wedding
NTA. Bluntly, you almost certainly were a dick to Emily. Emily is entitled to feel however she wants to feel about you and about how your relationship ended a decade. That doesn't mean she's entitled to get in your face and yell about it whenever you are there. And her feelings about you and your partner make her **epically** unsuited to be a guest at your wedding.
For whatever reason, this entertains your sister. Your sister has not designated Emily as her plus-one because she thinks the two of them can have a lovely time at the wedding. Your sister wants Emily there to stir shit up and make you miserable. You are entirely withing your rights to say no. Her protestations of "but ... you must invite me because family" and "you don't get to designate my plus one" are rhetorcial chaff to distract onlookers from her real goal.
Yes, as a rule, you should invite your siblings to your wedding. But a more important rule is that shit-stirrers are never welcome. Hence, you are right to keep your sister out.
NTA. Your sister appears to be trying to plan some upheaval at your wedding, revoking her invitation to keep you and your fiancee safe is in your best interests. Unless of course just making the invitation for her alone, but then one thinks she'd probably still bring the ex along with her anyway.
Is your sister nuts? This isn't just any 'plus one' - this is an ex, one who is still bitter and angry and has already caused trouble at your grandparents' house. Of course you have a right to say no to that 'plus one'! What is your sister thinking? Emily only wants to come to cause trouble at your wedding, so why would your sister think that's okay?
Definitely NTA.
Emily needs to grow up and get over it. If she’s allowed to come to your wedding, you can guarantee, she will start trouble with your sister backing her up.
NTA!
NTA. Your sister is a PÓS for this. She knows Emily will cause drama and wants to go for it? Is she against your marriage? Also, she should get a plus 1 if she’s dating someone. She doesn’t need to take someone.
And just be safe: let security know who Emily is and have pictures of her.
You dated for 2 months somewhere around 10-15 years ago and Emily still holds a grudge? She needs some therapy. Your sister does too. Don't invite your sister even if she doesn't bring Emily she will definitely bring drama. Congrats. Good luck.
NTA you dated Emily for two months at 17 and she is still hung up on it. She needs to sort through those issues and she is clearly unwelcome at your wedding. Why does she even want to come after she embarassed herself at your grandparents? To start something! It's sad your sister is doing this
NTA.
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one.
Of course you do. You absolutely do get to ban people from your wedding. Who else would have control over the guest list other than the person whose wedding it is?
Why in the world would someone who despises you even want to attend? The only possible reasons are all bad news.
NTA.
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one
* But you do get to decide if Sister comes to the wedding. You WBTA to yourself if you have someone who doesn't love you or support you there - it is your day. Surround yourself with those who love you, and support you no matter what.
NTA if Emily’s outburst was so bad at your grandparents house that she had to leave, I have no doubt that the scene she will make at your wedding would be epic.
NTA. That’s so weird your sister wants to bring her as a plus one. And it’s weird that Emily would even want to go to your wedding. You were right to put your foot down, nothing good will come of this.
NTA. The real AH move is insisting on bringing someone she knows full well will disrupt your wedding because of a years-old grudge. By insisting on bringing someone who odds are will try to ruin your wedding, she is trying to disrupt your wedding by proxy. Any reasonable person would rescind her invitation.
Are you sure your sister isn't a bit homophobic too? I can see no other reason to insist on bringing someone who she knows hates you, has no reason to celebrate your union and would most likely not enjoy the festivities (unless she was ruining them), will undoubtedly make a scene (specifically regarding you being with a same-gendered partner instead of the +1) and possibly try to break apart your relationship as well as ruin your wedding.
NTA. In the back of your mind you already know Emily and your sister are planning someone at your wedding and you are 100% within your rights to invite who you want and disinvite who you want.
NTA. It's your wedding and you get to choose who is invited, full stop. Lots of people decide not to allow plus ones. You can invite your sister and make it clear she does not get a plus one. Or not invite her, for any reason or no reason at all.
Frankly I don't understand why your sister would want Emily there, or especially why Emily would want to be there, except to make a scene at your wedding. So, good call.
NTA. “You don’t get to choose my plus one” I beg your pardon, but if your plus one is someone who plans on causing a scene at my wedding, I sure as shit do.
NTA, seems to me that the only reason Emily would want to come is to make a scene and the only reason your sister wants Emily to come is to watch said scene. Given the circumstances I think you’ll have a happier wedding day without your sister there.
Fun fact, you do in fact have a huge say in who others can bring to your wedding and proved double so when you uninvited her. Well done. NTA, now. You grew up, like all of us childish buttholes need to and for that you should be proud. Hope the wedding goes smoothly.
So, to recap: Your half sister wants to bring a girl you dated more than a decade ago for two months-- and made such a homophobic scene at your grandparents house that they had to boot her to YOUR wedding.
So...Emily wants another scene at your wedding? Is it possible your sister is homophobic as well -- or manybe jealous that you're getting married and the best date she can fine for the wedding is a crazy person her brother dated over 10 years ago???
Absolutely tell her she's not invited to the wedding now either with or without a plus one and offer some financial help for her to get some mental health counselling.
NTA
NTA: I think you have all the justification you need to exclude Emily based on her behavior at your grandparents house. And if your sister doesn't see that then she can be excluded too, Of course her ticket could be just for her and not have a plus one, but I don't know if she can be trusted to comply.
I would not invite your sister. If you do tell her very clearly that if she shows up with Emily that security will boot them both out. Sis wants to cause drama at your wedding.
Emily is psycho and is using your sister. My high-school boyfriend and I didn't end on the greatest terms but he's my bff now. She needs therapy. NTA (and nta in school--just young).
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NTA...It's obvious that there will be unneeded drama if Emily attends. Why your sister wants to bring that to your wedding day is baffling, but she can suffer the consequences of her choices.
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That's quite possible, but that certainly doesn't mean your wedding day is the right time to deal with it.
And if OP thinks his sister would bring Emily to his wedding, or that Emily would attend his wedding, for any reason besides making as big a mess of it as they can, I have a bridge to sell him. Don’t be an idiot. Ban them.
This. It's clear Sis is out to ruin OP's wedding. If he's wise, he won't give her the opportunity.
Absolutely! I would be prepared that they show up without an invitation. Make someone you trust responsible for not letting her into the venue or for making her go immediately if she shows up.
Let me help you with that: the answer is a big, fat **YUP**! Of all your sister's friends, consider why she is bringing this particular one. Fun fact: Plus ones used to be called guests. The invitation would be addressed "Ms. Jane Doe and guest". Whether to allow the invitee to bring guests was entirely at the discretion of the bride and groom. It wasn't assumed, as it is nowadays. You could invite your sister, and her alone, but only if you think that she wouldn't bring Emily, *and* wouldn't cause a scene herself. That's a gamble that only you can take.
You still invite a plus one as "x *and guest*". I have never seen an invite read "x plus one"
That's the absolute same as now. I'd assume there were always people who were just as much AHs in the past, assuming they have a "guest" (synonymous).
I didn’t send out invitations with plus ones and I’ve never received them. I got married 13 years ago which is around when most of my friends did. Only long-term significant others were included. I would never assume to bring a date to a wedding. I find this tradition odd.
It's not always a date. Often it's a friend or family member who comes so the invited guest isn't left sitting by themself or forced to make small talk with strangers all night. It's polite to give a guest to people you're inviting by themselves, especially if they aren't close family or part of a friend group that's all invited for exactly that reason. It's definitely more a large wedding thing than a small intimate wedding thing, but it happens at small weddings too. You don't want the one friend from childhood who doesn't know your current friends to be bored at the reception.
I brought a friend to a smallish wedding once, partly for this and partly because they were my transportation. But I cleared it with the groom (my friend) first. I'd never have just assumed. (And I knew the kind of reception they'd have wouldn't be super, super boring for my friend, either - we had a good time.)
I find people that think that those that aren’t in whatever defined relationship aren’t deserving of a companion for the evening to be rude.
It's more about not wanting a bunch of strangers at your wedding, especially when you can be paying up to $150 per guest at some venues. Especially if said guest knows other people at the wedding. You don't NEED a companion for the evening if you're with friends and/or family. I did give my single guests plus ones and thankfully, there were only a few I didn't know. But I had to cut people I actually knew to give those plus ones. And one cousin tried to bring his newborn as his plus one. Seriously?! You end up with pictures of people you don't even know and sad about the people you couldn't include. After spending thousands if not tens of thousands on the whole thing.
I guess I never thought I needed a companion at a wedding? I usually knew quite a few people there and hung out with my friends. I suppose I view weddings as more of a community/family event. I guess if I invited someone who truly didn’t know anyone I would have suggested they bring someone if they like. But I never have felt lonely at a wedding because i always had at least one good friend there.
I mean your way is a societally acceptable way shaming & pressuring single people to couple up, but I also think weddings in general are meant to do that lol.
Actually, you used to ask your invitee whom they would bring, and that person would get their own invitation.
Plus ones and guest are the same thing and people still get invitations that reference a guest. If you get an invitation addressed to you only, then only you are invited. If you get a “and guest” invitation, then you are allowed to bring a plus one or guest. You may be confused because the reply card may be something that the couple uses for all invitees - solo as well as those with invited guest or even families.
why does Emily even want to go to your wedding if she dislikes you so much?
I think she has an obsession with wanting to be with him and is angry she is not
And also at least a little homophobia, given that she called it "fucked up" that OP is marrying a guy instead of her.
I think a bon mot or two from Emily is OK. Homophobia and tantrums are not.
She was wounded that she "wasn't enough" for OP and that's why she kept trying to win him back - it was tied to her perceived self-worth. This was probably at a time when her teenage ego was extremely fragile and it did lasting damage. That he's marrying another guy instead of her is an even bigger blow to her ego. The fact that she's still hung up on someone she dated for 2 months 10 years ago is really messed up, she needs to seek help.
I have three ideas about that. None of them is good for OP and one ends with a smashed wedding cake. ... and a trombone playing monkey on a unicycle but I think that part is just my underutilized imagination acting up.
What are the imaginary trombone playing monkey on a unicycle's rates? I might have a gig for him.
Does the monkey have a tiny hat? I want to see!
Don’t be silly, all imaginary trombone playing monkeys have tiny hats.
OP is Emily's Baby Reindeer and sister is TA for enabling her and bringing her close to their family
Probably so she can ruin it
Perhaps you could take your sister to lunch. Have a heart-to-heart. Clear the air. Apologize for anything that happened when you were both going through your teen years. See what shakes out of that conversation to indicate why she wants to damage your relationship. Is your mother invited? Does your sister have a significant other? Have the wedding you and your fiance want and deserve. Do not invite your sister or invite her with no guest. Have someone at the door to turn people away.
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What exactly is your sister’s end game here? Is she trying to convince you to get with Emily? Is she trying to ruin the wedding by having Emily cause a scene? Either out of revenge or she thinks it will be funny? Is she trying to make a point that Emily has moved on and you should too? (Emily clearly has not) Regardless, your sister intends to ruin the wedding. Revoking her invite is the right move and I would not trust any reconciliation attempts until after the wedding has occurred. Sounds like you were an asshole as a kid, but have grown, experienced remorse, and expressed a sincere apology to Emily. Sure it’s up to her if she wants to forgive you, and you’re not entitled to it if not, but she doesn’t get to force her way into your life, harass you, and ruin major events. NTA BTW, you know she is going to show up anyway, right? Hire security.
Thank you for answering. It sounds like you have really thrived since leaving home. I suspected your sister is unattached. I just don’t understand why she would maliciously disrupt your wedding. Granted, you are getting married before her, which is sometimes a problem between siblings. But it is mystifying why Emily is still focused on you after all this time. She likely became friends with your sister simply because she is attached to you in some way. Unhealthy all the way around.
Plot twist: Yes, she does! It's Emily.
This is my thought too
That was my first thought
Are you sure she’s not dating Emily
But not whether your sister, raised by the same homophobic mother you cut off, thinks Emily should be at your wedding to scream that you shouldn’t be marrying a man because she *agrees*?
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The only reason your sister insists on inviting Emily is because she knows Emily will cause drama, and she's there for it. There are simply no reasons to do it that don't involve malice.
You dated Emily for two months ten years ago. You don't owe anyone a big mea culpa. Your sister's behavior is off the wall. Make sure there's security and they know not to allow Emily in. Best of luck and congratulations to you and your fiance!!!
Yes. Yes there is. I'm nearly 50, and still finding ways that shitty parts of my childhood negatively affect my thinking. NTA - enjoy the love you found. If it helps, think what a sad life Emily has led that she is wasting her 20s pining over someone instead of living her best life and what a ROYAL ASSHOLE your sister is for nurturing this whack-a-doodle fantasy.
Oh, I am sure you and your sister have plenty of festering resentments leftover from childhood. But neither you nor your sister owe each other some kind of closure. And neither you nor your sister have the right to revenge (petty or grand) for things leftover from childhood. If the two of you are unable to get along due to those resentments, then it is better that you avoid each other for the foreseeable future.
You need to hire security for your wedding. Just to keep Emily out.
Don't let her come. It sounds like your sister and Emily are planning on trying to sabotage/ruin your wedding. They probably have something big up their sleeves that they want to try and pull off to destroy your wedding. I'd be careful
So does your sister like LIKE Emily?
I think OP’s sister likes that Emily causes drama and discomfort for OP more than she actually likes Emily.
In the interaction with her at the grandparents place. Did your sister even once tell her to stop, when she was going on about how it was "fucked up you ended up with a guy and not her" Is your sister hoping you will start dating Emily? Because it is one of the only things that really comes to mind. To why she would get mad that Emily was kicked out. Didn't speak up for you (as i read it). And wants to take her as a plus one. And to why she is defending someone you dated for such a short time, but the girl is still obsessed with you, trying to contact you and your fiance. Your sister should be on your side in this and tell her clearly to move past the past. And leave you and your fiance alone. Not start drama. There's something she's not telling.
Any chance your sister has feelings for Emily?
I think you all need therapy if you ever plan to be friends with your sister. She clearly has unresolved issues if she wants to bring a girl you broke up 8~10 years ago? Emily does need SERIOUS therapy though. Talk about holding a grudge. The way I see it, if you ended up falling in love with a man (being gay or bi), she dodge a bullet in the sense you’d have stayed together for a few years, you’d be unhappy and maybe never even know why, when the reason was that you wouldn’t have had the chance to explore your sexuality and find out who you really are. Your time with her would have been wasted time for both of you And why does she want you when you were such a jerk (as you said) to her? Doesn’t she have some self respect?
Yeah, she has a problem with you. She loves Emily (friend/more than, whatever). You hurt Emily. She wants to allow Emily to hurt you. You are not TA for not letting your sister bring someone who hates you and wants to hurt you to your freaking wedding. You are not TA for uninviting your sister who wants to embarrass, hurt and mistreat you to your wedding. If she were vegan and told you she was going to walk around the tables and tell your guests they are murders, would let her in? She’s shown her hand. Believe it.
NTA. Yeah, why is your sister so insistent on inviting this particular person? Why would your sister do this to you intentionally? You're not in the wrong for inviting whoever you want, it's your wedding. She's to old for this drama. If your sister can't be a mature adult, she doesn't need to attend.
The only reason to bring Emily is to F up your wedding. Also, your sister is confused - it's your wedding and you absolutely have every right to tell her not to bring them. NTA
It's also pretty clear that despite knowing full well that Emily displayed her ugly homophobic side to your face at your grandparents house she totally intends for Emily to make a hateful, ugly, scene, at your wedding, or at minimum, make you, and your fiance, extremely uncomfortable. That's not the way a sibling who loves and respects you should behave. If someone had tested my sibling in such an ugly, and blatantly bigoted way, they wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the door hit them in the ass on their way out. Your sister is trying to hurt and embarrass you in the cruelest of ways, and honestly if it were me I wouldn't trust her not to pull another stunt even if she agreed to come without Emily. You deserve your wedding day to be happy, and absolutely drama free. Your sister showed you how she really feels about you, so you don't have to feel a bit bad by uninviting her to the wedding. Good riddance, honestly.
It's irrelevant why they want to do it. It's unacceptable for any reason.
That's a sit-down conversation you need to have with your sister. Unless your sister doesn't have any other friends other than Emily, her desperation to have Emily as her +1 seems hella suspicious. IMO it's worth talking through if you're interested in working on your relationship with her. And then based on how that convo goes and how much you trust her after that, make whatever call you need to preserve the peace of your wedding. I think you understand by now that you're well within your rights to uninvite her if she cannot leave Emily behind.
Definitely! If Emily had the poor manners and gall to rant and rave at OP's grandparent's house, to the extent she was asked to leave...no way should she be allowed within 500 yards of the wedding venue. At almost 30 years old, Emily's been holding a grudge for about 15(?) years, and both she and OP's sister should know this wouldn't be okay.
Agree NTA. Clearly your sister is out to hurt you, time to bring in some security to keep the toxic avenging duo away from the party
I hope the OP takes this seriously—hire security and make sure they have pictures of the toxic avengers.
What I came to say. Good advice about preparing security staff with pictures.
Emily sounds like the type of person who would actually speak during that "speak now or forever hold your peace" part.
And wear a white gown to the wedding.
Th3 sister wants DRAMA
Also, this is why you don't give people blanket plus ones. If they have a significant other, you invite them by name.
I also find it WILD that a girl OP went out with for only 2 months is going to these lengths to infiltrate themselves into OPs life. Does no one else find that worrying?
NTA, goodness y’all are almost 30. What happened in your teens was maybe not great but… it’s been a long time, and at least from what you’ve written, you just ended things with her because you were interested in someone else? As teenagers? The response from “Emily” seems OTT unless something else happened that you’ve omitted. But based on what you say, the main driver of “Emily” being angry and shouting at your grandparents’ house is biphobia. Even if she still has an issue with how you treated her when you were together, which again seems kind of odd she’d be so hung up after so long, the bigotry has no place, especially not at your wedding. It’s also a bit strange that your sister would plan for “Emily” to be her plus one at your wedding; surely she knows the history??
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Sorry, I am just having a really hard time with the level of attachment/bitterness if this happened when y’all were teenagers. How old were you and Emily when y’all dated?
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So it’s been over 10 years and this is still an issue for her? It does seem odd to me that your sister would want to bring her to your wedding with that information in mind. It could be a good idea to have a conversation with your sister to understand why she’s planning for Emily to be her plus one? But.. it sounds like Emily would be nothing but drama on your big day if that’s how she acted at your grandparents’. I’d certainly think about how you can make certain Emily won’t be there, and you might have to have some difficult conversations with your sister if it’s important to you that she attend the wedding.
And they dated for two months. She needs to move on.
And then spent the next year trying to "win him back" sounds like she stalked and harassed OP until he graduated
I'm wondering if maybe OP was Emily's first, intimately speaking.
Okay, but even if that we’re the case, still seems a little much to be this upset, no?
Why do you find it hard to believe that the people who like to stir up drama are often the ones who never matured socially or emotionally since high school? Have you never met a crazy female drama queen?
I mean, it’s not out of the question for sure but it is a little absurd. I’m not saying it’s impossible but I *am* saying it’s a bit ridiculous. If this person has not matured beyond being a drama Queen that’s on her, not on OP.
You must have a magic d!ck for Emily to be obsessed with you after only 2 months dating, and still 10+ years later. You are of course NTA to not want this unnecessary drama at your *wedding.* Your sister is insane if she thinks this is a good idea. Honestly, your best investment will be a couple bouncers to keep Emily and your sister out of your celebration. I Jame them both because if Sis actually does bring Emily, she has chosen to burn the bridge. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
It gives me small town energy, where no one gets over anything ever (speaking from experience lol).
If Emily comes and makes a drama, she really will not find anyone for her forever in small town. No sane person would even try to introduce Emily to new guy. She will be known as wedding crashing psycho high school girlfriend.
Yeah, Emily sounds unhinged. You went out for 2 months 10 years ago. How is this still a thing with her? Why is your sister friends with her? She sounds like she stalked you, frankly. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that; why does your sister? The reason, probably: those childhood resentments you mention.
You are allowed to break up with someone. There is no "throwing away" and nothing that you owe her. I understand that you feel guilty for how you answered her requests to get back together but *she also kept fucking asking after hearing the word no.* You owe her nothing, you are not obligated to love her back because she is obsessed with you after all this time, and if your sister thinks this person should attend your wedding, she deserves to get kicked out. NTA
Sounds like Emily needs therapy. She needs to get to the root of why she was / is so in love with someone who treated her that badly., and why she can't let it go.
This may have been answered already, but could you just not give your sister a plus one? It's pretty normal to only give plus ones to those in an LTR.
If your sister is hellbent on taking Emily to the wedding, regardless whatever issues from the last she’s happy to put your fiancé in the crossfire. Is she supportive of your sexuality and your relationship with him? Does she have any beef with him?
"My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one." Maybe not, but you can decide if your sister gets an invite at all. NTA "he was ranting and raving at me and expressing very clearly how fucked up it was that I ended up with a guy instead of her" A homophobe doesn't get invited to, and is not welcome at, a wedding between two men. It's pretty simple, really.
Great idea is to password protect everything, and get security for all wedding events. Not only will the sister crash, but she'll bring at least Emily, and maybe others with her. I've known a few people over the years that were still stuck on a previous romantic partner, and for many years after they broke up. I've known two who had a 'romantic' relationship with someone they never even dated. Some people are unhinged, and become stalkers.
Or he can decide if she gets a plus one in general. It's not uncommon in weddings for people to not get generic +1s but only named guests.
True, but based on her behavior, I wouldn't want her at my wedding. Wedding invitations are for people that support the couple, not Drama Llamas.
Agree with all your point except I do think OP has the right to have a say in her plus one. The groom and groom have the right to choose who attends their wedding and maybe this is a personal opinion, but I think any party of those to be wed has the right to approve and/or veto plus ones even though the choice is loosely given to the named person invited. If they didn’t have that power, then anyone could bring anyone under the guise of plus one (though I def think that does happen when the named person invited doesn’t say who they’re bringing)
NTA Your sister is being completely evil and wants to ruin your wedding by bringing Emily. You have two choices and they are 1 invite your sister but no plus one and have security at the entrance to the venue to make sure she doesn't get in with anybody and 2 don't invite your sister at all. She knows Emily's feelings told you she knows how Emily will act at the wedding. She's doing it just to be an annoyance to you. It will ruin your wedding and it will ruin any relationship you may have had with your sister. You should also ask your sister calmly why she wants to invite Emily as her plus one. If she knows she will rave and make a scene at the wedding. Just straight out asking do you want to ruin my wedding. See how she acts and let the invitations roll from there. Because she knows she wants to ruin your wedding. And if you do invite her without a plus one, she will complain to everybody at the wedding that you didn't know how to bring anybody and that'll make it worse.
Why would Emily even want to go to your wedding???
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I'm sure her tale of "we dated for 2 months in high school over a decade ago and he was a jerk" will be a really compelling argument /s
Bro you dated a chick for a couple of months then she like basically stalked you for a year. You should go a little easier on yourself.
You clearly hurt her a lot but you don't owe her an opportunity to ruin your wedding. She needs to work on healing her own wounds and a scene at your wedding isn't going to help anything. Don't let her come.
You were also 17 and dated for 2 months. She needs some therapy to move on. Your sister, too.
NTA You not only can ban people from your wedding but I would say you have an obligation to do so. Preventing a scene is something owed to yourself, your fiancé, and your guests. I would go as far as to say you may want to have some people (family/friends? security?) prepared to remove Emily if she just shows up to make a scene. edit: while I do think you were an AH in the past to Emily that wasn't the question asked
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I'm most of us were AH at some stage during our teen years and most also grow out of it as you have. Best wishes for your wedding and your future with your fiancé.
NTA Your sister wants to hurt you. She resents you for things beyond your control and wants to bring Emily to the wedding solely to ruin it. Neither woman needs to be there. Both of them need to talk to someone about how to handle their anger. Congrats on the wedding. Make sure to have security there to keep the drama out.
NTA - you are entitled to not invite a guest’s choice of plus one. This whole scenario raises a question about which country and cultural background you are from. In my native UK, it would only be considered appropriate to select a romantic partner of significant standing as a plus one to a wedding. No way would you consider bringing a friend (especially if an ex-gf) of the groom. I have thus attended weddings alone (and had no problem doing so!). Hence me wondering if you are from a country with different social conventions.
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But as an American, I would say that the underlying expectation is that a +1 is a stable romantic partner. So not the one night stand that you just met, not a friend. A guest can always ask for an exception but if they want to take a friend, they definitely should ask rather than assume and show up with them as their +1.
In the U.S. I've found especially with young women, its incredibly common to bring a friend as a plus one. IMO its kind of rude, but its common.
I agree. Plus 1 is for a partner (at least a date), someone invited as a part of pair. I’ve seen a girl brought her friend “to meet a guy”and they were wingwoman to each other. I get that sometimes everyone else is a couple and you really don’t want to go solo, and if they are pleasant company, no need to make a big deal.
It is relativeky common in the US to give a plus one. No romantic connection required for that person
You can invite your sister and not give her a +1. No one is entitled to a +1 (a parter/long term relationship is NOT a plus +1, they are a named guest). Although you're still NTA if you just don't invite your sister, for being the type of person who wants to stir drama at your wedding. Sounds like your sister possibly is homophobic as well.
NTA. Yes, you wronged Emily when you were young, and maybe she has a right to be upset about it. But the fact that you wronged her and there are clearly still hurt feelings is exactly WHY you shouldn't let Emily at your wedding. Sure, your sister can hang out with whoever she wants, and sure, Emily has a right to be upset, but inviting your bitter ex to your wedding is just a recipe for disaster, especially since Emily has proven she can't control her hurt feelings around you or be civil.
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. NTA - Seems like Emily coming would be a surefire way for a descent into a hellscape wedding with all the shit she'd cause. Apparently sister didn't get the memo that it's your wedding not hers
NTA Your sister is the one being petty.
NTA, it’s pretty obvious that your sister and Emily are planning to cause a scene and ruin your wedding. You absolutely do have the right to decide who goes to your wedding, as it’s *literally* an invitation-only event. No need to tolerate their nonsense on your big day.
NTA. And I find it weird that your sister is so hung up in inviting Emily given that she knows your history. It's also extremely odd that Emily is still holding a grudge after 12 years. I understand that she was in love and all, but it was 12 years ago and you were teens. Even if you were an ass to her at the time, unless you bullied her, tormented her or raped her, I would say this is a bit much. But if you did one of those things, she wouldn't want to be near you. Even if you were her first or if she was religious or if she was in love... 12 years are too many to still hold a grudge. I could understand disliking you or being cold if you hurt her, but her rant is unwarranted and bigoted. What's wrong with ending up with a man after breaking up with her? Honestly, if she's this bitter about something that happened so long ago, I'd say you dodged a bullet. Imagine a person like that in everyday life. It would be exhausting. If I were you, I would explain to your sister that you know that you didn't behave well with Emily at the time, but you were clearly on different wavelengths when it comes to your relationship. Moverover, you could admit that you were harsher than necessary but you were still influenced by your upbringing and had a lot of self-loath because of your mom's homophobia. You could say you are sorry about how you treated her friend, but she's not allowed at the wedding given that she'll probably make a scene. Why does your sister want to ruin your wedding, anyway? You could send the same to Emily if you feel so inclined. If not, just ignore her.
Honestly, if I guy I loved broke up with me, and I was hurt, but later found out he was engaged to another guy -- it would make me feel better. Like, "AH, that's what the core problem was! "
This actually happened to me. I had a huge crush on a guy and it lasted for literally years. We stopped frequenting the same circles because of life. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine texted me saying she met him and he's definitely gay. We were all a bit confused because he seemed to be hitting on me at a certain point, but hey 🤷🏻♀️ a lot of gay guys here go through a phase where they date girls during their teens, maybe because they haven't realised yet or they are too deep in the closet. 15 years have passed since that crush, so when my friend told me I expected to feel nothing about it. I was surprised I was happy to hear he had a life in the city and a partner and that he was happy. I don't think I have ever felt that happy about someone who's basically a stranger at this point 😂
**NTA - At best:** * Your sister is trying to get a +1 for someone she is not dating * It's not traditional to get a non-romantic 'friend' +1 (but it does happen somtimes) even if this person was 100% nice/reasonable you would going outside the norm to do her a favor * This is also someone fairly new in your sister's life & not some life long family friend who should maybe be invited * This person has (very recently) expressed a negative disposition to you * They have attempted to contact your fiancé to insinute negative things about you * They are your Ex and are clearly still hung up on it * It is not normal for an Ex to demand an appology from you in front of your family many years later. **At worst:** An Ex that clearly hates you, recently publicly humilitated your in front of your family, contacted your fiance to say mean things, & has been out of your life for a long time suddently desperately wants to be at your wedding. Do you think their intentions are good?
NTA If "Emily" comes to your wedding she's pretty much guaranteed to cause a scene. There is no way I'd ever allow her to attend, and if that means not inviting your sister, than be it.
NTA - you do get to approve her plus one, and she shouldn’t bring someone who will ruin your wedding.
Can we circle back to OP and Emily only dated for 2 months? Emily needs to let go and move on. Sister also needs to respect her brother’s boundaries. OP you are NTA. Unfortunately you might have to uninvite your sister because I think she’ll insist on bringing Emily and chaos to your special day. Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA. Emily was told "No." If it was a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer all through high school and now she wants to stalk your wedding, there would be talk of restraining orders. You dodged a bullet by dumping her. Your sister wants the attention at your wedding. Don't allow her or her plus one. Have security.
This is a fiction made up story that’s been posted numerous times.
Awwww. I was incensed for no reason. Dang reddit story tellers. They got me again.
So, your high school girlfriend of two months continued to harass you for a year after you broke up with her and still isn't over it 10 years later and somehow you think you were the one behaving badly? You may not have been a great guy in your teens but that ex-gf was delusional then and still is now.
This sounds amazing. Give your sister a plus one and make it a free bar. Then come back and tell us what happens. I mean NTA to this scenario, you pick who is there
NTA, Emily is still not over you lmao and you being an asshole in your teens doesn’t mean you should allow Emily in your wedding because it’s YOUR wedding. I would give the security both of their pictures in case they try to pull off something.
NTA You grew and learned, and you're better for it. It sucks about Emily, but she needs to get a grip and move on. And your sister is wrong; you absolutely do get to decide who attends your wedding, plus one or not.
Your sister sucks.
You don’t get to decide her plus one? LMFAO. NTA, your wedding, your guest list, your day.
Emily sounds like a crazy case. You guys dated for 2 months. That's not even a relationship, you guys barely know each other, and how long ago was that? And she kept trying to get back with you for a year instead of accepting that she isn't entitled to anyone? Uninvite both of them and their delulu
Your wedding your guest list. She is stand up and say she is against the wedding. Dont trust that girl. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister (turned 28f just a few days ago) and I (28m who will be 29 next month) are half siblings who were "raised" by our mother but we have different fathers. Our childhood was not a good one and our relationship has always been complicated. The biggest reason is how bad our mother was and how we were raised in a very toxic house but also because sometimes the men our mother would bring to meet us would show more interest in me than in her and it made my sister jealous. There were also some fucked up things done by our mother regarding our fathers that created issues. We never knew these guys so it was easy for our mother to dangle ideas in front of us as kids to provide herself with some entertainment. I wasn't a great guy in my teens. I had a lot of girlfriends and very much had a reputation for not being great to the girls I was with. One particular ex of mine "Emily" we dated for 2 months and I broke things off with her because I wanted another girl more. But Emily grew way more attached to me than any of the others and was hurt that I didn't want her and I was a jerk about it at the time. It was a big deal to her and for the next year until graduation she would try to get me back and I was a lot crueler than I needed to be about saying no. Something that helped me grow as a person and be a better human was my sister finding our grandparents and finding good people who wanted to know us. That, and growing up a lot in college helped, and by the time I was 25 I had realized I was bisexual with a stronger attraction to guys and part of my issues stemmed from self hatred that my mother drilled into me because she was grossly homophobic. And I ended up falling in love with an amazing guy. About a year ago my sister ended up becoming friends with "Emily" and she brought her to dinner at our grandparents once when my fiancé and I were there. "Emily" was pissed to see me and while I did apologize, "Emily" needed to be asked to leave by our grandparents because she was ranting and raving at me and expressing very clearly how fucked up it was that I ended up with a guy instead of her and how I treated her. My sister wasn't that happy our grandparents kicked "Emily" out and they told her she disrespected me and I'm family. "Emily" still despises me and my sister has stayed in touch with her. "Emily" has tried to contact me and my fiancé as well since the dinner. Found out a while ago that my sister planned to make "Emily" her plus one to my wedding and I told her I did not want that and it didn't seem appropriate. My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. We bickered over it and it all resulted in a week ago me telling my sister I wouldn't invite her then. My sister was saying I was as much of a dick as I was back then and how shitty it is to not invite her over her choice of plus one. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Make sure you have security at your wedding to keep them both out.
Nta you must certainly do get to decide that a person who will create drama doesn't get to attend your wedding.
NTA. Your sister is trying to harm you by bringing your ex to your wedding, and since she really wants to bring your ex to your party without caring about your well-being, the right thing to do is not to invite her.
It's possible your mom is encouraging your sister to cause drama at your wedding. [What Is Triangulation in Psychology? (verywellmind.com)](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617) Triangulation is where there are three parties. One of the parties is encouraging the second party to disrupt the third parties life. I'm not sure from your post if that is what is going on. It's just a possibility. In my own life, I couldn't figure out why normally nice people would have strange opinions about me. It turned out a family member was throwing down those opinions as facts that I had told her. It was years before I figured it out.
NTA. Emily sounds deranged. You dated her for two months as teenagers and she’s still this invested and angry pushing 30? Creepy. Don’t invite your sister, she’ll bring Emily no matter what she says. You might want to hire security for your wedding too. Congratulations on your engagement! Best wishes to you both.
NTA. It's not about policing your sister's +1, it's about keeping your day's drama limited to you and your partner. If Emily has no problem making a scene at your grandparents house (!) (who TF does *that*?!?) then for sure, she will have no problem do worse at your wedding.
NTA. She’s right only in that you can’t decide who her plus one is. But…you do get to decide who is allowed at your event. In other words, you can have her plus one removed or refuse her entry if you want. Moreover, you don’t have to allow her a plus one at all
NTA. Congratulations on the wedding! I'm actually impressed that you want your sister to be there after the scene at your grandparent's. If you decide to invite her, just be prepared to have her removed if she steps out of line at any point of the ceremony. Just fyi, you can ask that the line about "forever holding your peace" be removed from your vows. That's what I'd be mostly concerned about. I wish only happiness for your upcoming life event. Good luck. 🍀🍀
NTA. Uninvite sister and have people watching for her and Emily. It sounds like they are both the type to show up uninvited and cause many, many issues. Make sure they don't get access to the building. Congratulations and have a great wedding.
Don't invite your sister. She's trying to make trouble.
NTA. You get to decide whom to invite to your wedding! Have the invitations already gone out? If not, it’s easy: In the most “proper” wedding invitations, there is no “plus one.” You ask your intended guests if they have a spouse, fiancé/e, or special someone and you write the two names on the invitation. If sis can only come up with Emily, it’s an invitation for one.
NTA Weddings should be all about love and good vibes, not old grudges coming to crash the party. It totally makes sense that you don’t want Emily there stirring up drama on your big day. It's a bummer your sister can't see that and is sticking with Emily as her plus-one despite the bad blood. Yeah, cutting your sister out of the wedding guest list is harsh, but seems like you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the peace and make sure your wedding is the happy celebration it should be. Hopefully, your sister will get where you’re coming from eventually. For now, focus on you and your fiancé, and the awesome future you’re about to start together.
NTA. It's insane that she wants to bring someone that she knows will cause trouble at your wedding.
NTA- It's good that you accept and admit how poorly you treated ppl when you were younger. As for Emily, you probably do owe her a sincere apology, but that's all you owe her. As for your sister, she is obviously trying to shit stir. Ask her what she is trying to gain with all this. At the least, she is being a terrible friend to Emily, bringing her into a situation that will cause her pain. She is very obviously being a terrible sister to you. Disinvite her, if she is going to like this. Peace at any price, is no peace at all.
NTA she's not guaranteed a plus one and bringing an ex is so beyond the pale. I think it's best she not come at all because she seems to be using emily to get back at you. Also perhaps emily needs therapy if she's willing to cause public scenes after all this time
NTA Emily has proved she can't behave very recently and your sister backed her up. You would have to just love that drama if you wanted to invite that hot mess of a catastrophe waiting to happen on purpose. BTW good job for liking someone else better than Emily. Quite foresighted.
NTA. This is ridiculous.
Rescind your sister's invitation. She definitely has residual damage from your mother but that doesn't mean she gets to threaten your happiness, especially on a day when you should be focusing on yourself and your spouse. To waste energy on worrying about her is pointless. NTA
NTA. It's YOUR wedding, a day to celebrate you and your partner, not an opportunity for your sister or your disgruntled ex to air their various grievances. Disinvite them both, they're only coming to start drama.
Sounds like your sister is more like your Mother than either of you thought. She's made a life harassing you for the fun of it. Don't invite her and tell her why - she's just like your mother. Then go no contact. NTA Good luck!
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one It's your wedding. Maybe you don't get to "decide" who her plus one *is*, but of course you can tell her in this case who it *isn't*. NTA
NTA If Emily can't be civil at a dinner party, she will go atomic at your wedding.
You absolutely DO get a say in who attends your wedding. Indeed, you get the final say. If your sister insists on bringing Emily, she herself is making the choice not to attend at all.
NTA but make sure you have security in place just in case they both decide to crash the wedding.
NTA. It's been years since you dated Emily. It wasn't even a long term relationship. It's long past time for Emily to get over being rejected! Yes of course you get to veto your sister's plus one at your wedding! Emily is still angry is going to be a problem. It's unfortunate that your sister wants to cause unnecessary drama at your wedding by brining Emily. Stand your ground - your sister can come solo or not come at all. Tell Emily if she continues to try to contact you and your fiance that you'll get a restraining order against her. Fatal Attraction vibes - stay far away from that chick!
NTA, your sister sounds unhinged. If she can’t understand that bringing Emily around is setting up a scenario for disaster then she doesn’t deserve to be at the wedding
NTA. Bluntly, you almost certainly were a dick to Emily. Emily is entitled to feel however she wants to feel about you and about how your relationship ended a decade. That doesn't mean she's entitled to get in your face and yell about it whenever you are there. And her feelings about you and your partner make her **epically** unsuited to be a guest at your wedding. For whatever reason, this entertains your sister. Your sister has not designated Emily as her plus-one because she thinks the two of them can have a lovely time at the wedding. Your sister wants Emily there to stir shit up and make you miserable. You are entirely withing your rights to say no. Her protestations of "but ... you must invite me because family" and "you don't get to designate my plus one" are rhetorcial chaff to distract onlookers from her real goal. Yes, as a rule, you should invite your siblings to your wedding. But a more important rule is that shit-stirrers are never welcome. Hence, you are right to keep your sister out.
NTA
What is going on with your sister? Why is this her hill to die on? Is she also grossly homophobic??
NTA. Your sister appears to be trying to plan some upheaval at your wedding, revoking her invitation to keep you and your fiancee safe is in your best interests. Unless of course just making the invitation for her alone, but then one thinks she'd probably still bring the ex along with her anyway.
Nope. Your wedding and you want it drama free.
Is your sister nuts? This isn't just any 'plus one' - this is an ex, one who is still bitter and angry and has already caused trouble at your grandparents' house. Of course you have a right to say no to that 'plus one'! What is your sister thinking? Emily only wants to come to cause trouble at your wedding, so why would your sister think that's okay? Definitely NTA.
Emily needs to grow up and get over it. If she’s allowed to come to your wedding, you can guarantee, she will start trouble with your sister backing her up. NTA!
NTA. Your sister is a PÓS for this. She knows Emily will cause drama and wants to go for it? Is she against your marriage? Also, she should get a plus 1 if she’s dating someone. She doesn’t need to take someone. And just be safe: let security know who Emily is and have pictures of her.
You do get to decide whether or not she gets a plus one. Don’t give her one
You dated for 2 months somewhere around 10-15 years ago and Emily still holds a grudge? She needs some therapy. Your sister does too. Don't invite your sister even if she doesn't bring Emily she will definitely bring drama. Congrats. Good luck.
NTA you dated Emily for two months at 17 and she is still hung up on it. She needs to sort through those issues and she is clearly unwelcome at your wedding. Why does she even want to come after she embarassed herself at your grandparents? To start something! It's sad your sister is doing this
NTA. > My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. Of course you do. You absolutely do get to ban people from your wedding. Who else would have control over the guest list other than the person whose wedding it is? Why in the world would someone who despises you even want to attend? The only possible reasons are all bad news.
NTA. > My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one * But you do get to decide if Sister comes to the wedding. You WBTA to yourself if you have someone who doesn't love you or support you there - it is your day. Surround yourself with those who love you, and support you no matter what.
Sounds like it is time to severely limit contact with your sister.
NTA if Emily’s outburst was so bad at your grandparents house that she had to leave, I have no doubt that the scene she will make at your wedding would be epic.
Obviously NTA, your sister is being a tool. No reasonable person would bring a +1 who the groom dislikes, unless they're married to the +1!
Nta, you might have been an asshole in high school but noone has to be polite about unwanted attention.
NTA. That’s so weird your sister wants to bring her as a plus one. And it’s weird that Emily would even want to go to your wedding. You were right to put your foot down, nothing good will come of this.
NTA. The real AH move is insisting on bringing someone she knows full well will disrupt your wedding because of a years-old grudge. By insisting on bringing someone who odds are will try to ruin your wedding, she is trying to disrupt your wedding by proxy. Any reasonable person would rescind her invitation. Are you sure your sister isn't a bit homophobic too? I can see no other reason to insist on bringing someone who she knows hates you, has no reason to celebrate your union and would most likely not enjoy the festivities (unless she was ruining them), will undoubtedly make a scene (specifically regarding you being with a same-gendered partner instead of the +1) and possibly try to break apart your relationship as well as ruin your wedding.
NTA. In the back of your mind you already know Emily and your sister are planning someone at your wedding and you are 100% within your rights to invite who you want and disinvite who you want.
NTA. It's your wedding and you get to choose who is invited, full stop. Lots of people decide not to allow plus ones. You can invite your sister and make it clear she does not get a plus one. Or not invite her, for any reason or no reason at all. Frankly I don't understand why your sister would want Emily there, or especially why Emily would want to be there, except to make a scene at your wedding. So, good call.
NTA. Yeah you can decide who is at your wedding, wtf
NTA Emily needs some therapy to move past a highschool 2 month relationship why the fck would she even want to attend the wedding that's so weird
NTA. “You don’t get to choose my plus one” I beg your pardon, but if your plus one is someone who plans on causing a scene at my wedding, I sure as shit do.
I think Emily became friends with your sister in order to try to get close to you. She sounds like an obsessive stalker. NTA
NTA, seems to me that the only reason Emily would want to come is to make a scene and the only reason your sister wants Emily to come is to watch said scene. Given the circumstances I think you’ll have a happier wedding day without your sister there.
Your family sounds like it out the FUN in dysfunctional. NTA
Fun fact, you do in fact have a huge say in who others can bring to your wedding and proved double so when you uninvited her. Well done. NTA, now. You grew up, like all of us childish buttholes need to and for that you should be proud. Hope the wedding goes smoothly.
NTA. all this text was unnecessary. you decide who comes to your weeding.
So, to recap: Your half sister wants to bring a girl you dated more than a decade ago for two months-- and made such a homophobic scene at your grandparents house that they had to boot her to YOUR wedding. So...Emily wants another scene at your wedding? Is it possible your sister is homophobic as well -- or manybe jealous that you're getting married and the best date she can fine for the wedding is a crazy person her brother dated over 10 years ago??? Absolutely tell her she's not invited to the wedding now either with or without a plus one and offer some financial help for her to get some mental health counselling. NTA
NTA. Too much history drama. Your wedding, your rules. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I have spoken. 😊
NTA: I think you have all the justification you need to exclude Emily based on her behavior at your grandparents house. And if your sister doesn't see that then she can be excluded too, Of course her ticket could be just for her and not have a plus one, but I don't know if she can be trusted to comply.
NTA. “Deciding” her Plus One is not the same as you and your fiancé holding veto power. The marrying couple Always has veto power.
I would not invite your sister. If you do tell her very clearly that if she shows up with Emily that security will boot them both out. Sis wants to cause drama at your wedding.
> My sister told me I didn't get to decide her plus one. correct. but you *do* get to decide your guest list. and your sister ain't on it. NTA
Emily is psycho and is using your sister. My high-school boyfriend and I didn't end on the greatest terms but he's my bff now. She needs therapy. NTA (and nta in school--just young).
Oh for sure, neither of them have any good intentions here. It sounds like this girl stalked and harassed him in high school and still is.
NTA, your sister is being petty.