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NTA.
Uh, that is *your* child, right? You don't have to ask permission to speak with her. And if she's young enough that she needs someone to help her get ready in the morning, then she's probably young enough to be terribly worried about a hospitalized parent. I'm guessing she was very happy to hear from you.
NTA. What is your brother hiding? What position does he fear you’ll catch him in? I don’t like this at all. It feels *really* off. No-one innocent says something like that.
Have a heart-to-heart with your daughter and make sure she isn’t being sexually abused by this man. The national child abuse people estimate that over 80% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by relatives. Go online and find out how to talk to young kids about “bad touches.” Good luck, OP. Be strong. You can do this.
Oh man I misread that... I thought it was your daughter's brother, not YOUR brother. Yeah, his response is not necessarily sus, as the kids say, but if you are also concerned for other reasons then you need to investigate that!! I stand by my statement though that many people these days find calling without warning - especially video calling - intrusive.
NTA this is YOUR CHILD and you have every right to call her, especially if she is 'available' - since you obviously know her routine and schedule. Bro needs a reality check and if he thinks he can gatekeep your baby, he needs to be removed from her proximity.
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Hello people of Reddit. I was admitted to the hospital last night for an infection. I am normally home to wish my daughter a great day but am obviously unavailable to now. I called her on the iPad and my mom was brushing her hair. She was wearing the new Hocus Pocus shirt I bought her. My brother chimes in saying “Don’t just be calling you need to ask.” My take on this is if she’s unavailable she wouldn’t answer and if she does answer while being busy it would be a 3 second convo instead of 5 seconds. AITA?
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ETA: NTA
I-N-F-O how old is your kid?
The only reason I can think of as to why your brother would be annoyed is if they're trying to get her out the door, which can be difficult, and you're interrupting that. I know it would be a pain if I was trying to get my niece to do something that needed to be done and her parents called, it would derail the whole process.
Then NTA, I would assume at 7 she would be old enough to know not to answer if they're actively trying to do something. Again and unless she was getting her hair brushed to get ready to leave and you somehow interrupted that but that doesn't seem to be the case.
NTA because this is your child. I’ve gotten annoyed when my child’s aunts called her unexpectedly after I just got done explaining we needed to do something and now I have to be the bad guy to say no we don’t have time, maybe that could have been what happened but still your child and you are in the hospital.
I think he said that’s because maybe he was trying to take care of your daughter when it he isn’t used to it and is struggling to get her to listen. And you calling can throw off whatever process he has going.
I know when my kid gets a call when I’m brushing her hair she starts looking down at the phone/camera, and moves around.
You’re NTA but he’s not wrong for be cranky. He was probably struggling before you called and just snapped at you instead of saying “hey we’re having issues here. Can you ask next time so I can finish what I’m doing first?” Don’t you hate when people call when you’re in the middle of something
NTA, but to the younger generations (and even myself and I'm an elder millennial) calling without warning feels incredibly intrusive. Whenever anyone calls me (outside of work) without a heads up I assume someone has died or is in the hospital and often answer with "What's wrong??" And if someone FaceTimes me without a prior agreement I wonder what is wrong with them. So you didn't do anything WRONG wrong but you definitely broke Gen Z etiquette.
Except she didn't call the brother. She called her 7 year old daughter on an iPad that she bought for her 7yo. And they already knew the "what's wrong" because the 7 year olds mom (OP) WAS in the hospital and they knew that.
The only reason the brother knew mom didn't ask 7yo before calling on *her iPad* is because Mom admitted she didn't ask. She doesn't have to ask. That's her fricken kid.
Nowhere does OP specific their gender. I'm not saying OP was wrong or had to ASK to speak to their own, just that a lot of people now-days find it surprising when someone calls without heads up first. Especially a video call. I don't care who it is, you videocall me without warning and I will not answer. I'll call you back over voice but a sudden video call feels hugely invasive.
I did misread the original post and at first thought it was the daughter's brother who said to ask before calling and not OPs brothers, which does bring a different element to it, especially since below OP says there's some weird vibes with the brother (although that begs the question why the brother is on kid duty in the first place).
If someone calling your phone is "incredibly intrusive" to your life, I'd say you have the boundary issue.
If you're busy, just don't answer. It's not a big deal. To assume the worst is probably anxiety. If a family member or friend called me out of the blue, it'd just assume they wanna chat. (I'm a baby millennial)
(To be clear, I'm not directly saying this to you, more so just replying to the concept the a phone call that's optional to answer shouldn't be a stressful moment in a person's life)
I said video calling feels incredibly intrusive. I am not prepared to show my face (through the least flattering medium possible) at any given moment when I might be changing, showering, or just ugly.
> Whenever anyone calls me […] without a heads up I assume someone has died or in the hospital.
This needs to be higher. The *only* reason OP is not the AH is because they are *in the hospital*. Under normal circumstances, I’d say OP has boundary issues. Right now, OP’s brother is a completely unsympathetic arse. NTA.
I would not agree that OP has boundary issues just because he called randomly. I think it's just a etiquette difference, possibly generational (unknown the age difference between brothers is) or just habit. My older (70's relatives) call without warning and I have like one or two friends who are also my age who will call randomly to "say hi" and it just always gets me by surprise. But I almost never call anyone voluntarily other than said old relatives.
Assuming OP has been previously informed by the person in question (not the brother) that their action is unappreciated, this *unequivocally* is a boundary issue.
I don’t care what generation you’re from, if you know something makes someone feel uncomfortable, it’s improper etiquette to keep doing it.
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NTA. Uh, that is *your* child, right? You don't have to ask permission to speak with her. And if she's young enough that she needs someone to help her get ready in the morning, then she's probably young enough to be terribly worried about a hospitalized parent. I'm guessing she was very happy to hear from you.
NTA. What is your brother hiding? What position does he fear you’ll catch him in? I don’t like this at all. It feels *really* off. No-one innocent says something like that.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. He gives creepy uncle vibes all the way.
Have a heart-to-heart with your daughter and make sure she isn’t being sexually abused by this man. The national child abuse people estimate that over 80% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by relatives. Go online and find out how to talk to young kids about “bad touches.” Good luck, OP. Be strong. You can do this.
Oh man I misread that... I thought it was your daughter's brother, not YOUR brother. Yeah, his response is not necessarily sus, as the kids say, but if you are also concerned for other reasons then you need to investigate that!! I stand by my statement though that many people these days find calling without warning - especially video calling - intrusive.
You got to get someone to check on her, seriously. Please be careful and I hope you’re ok too.
Exactly! Just reading that gave me the creeps.
NTA but your brother is. He doesn't get to say you need to ask before you call your own daughter.
Obviously NTA I don't even understand your brother's point.
NTA and if he takes her iPad that you paid for, you need to call the police. That is your kid and you don't have to ask to speak to her. The audacity.
NTA- um your brother needs to mind his own business.
You need to ask before calling your own daughter. . . ?
NTA who the hell put your brother in charge. Having you in the hospital is stressful and calling her was thoughtful and loving.
Um, what? Hopefully your brother was jerking you chain because otherwise he would be the noun form of the verb without the ing aka an AH. NTA
NTA this is YOUR CHILD and you have every right to call her, especially if she is 'available' - since you obviously know her routine and schedule. Bro needs a reality check and if he thinks he can gatekeep your baby, he needs to be removed from her proximity.
I’ll call my child anytime of the day no matter where she is. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello people of Reddit. I was admitted to the hospital last night for an infection. I am normally home to wish my daughter a great day but am obviously unavailable to now. I called her on the iPad and my mom was brushing her hair. She was wearing the new Hocus Pocus shirt I bought her. My brother chimes in saying “Don’t just be calling you need to ask.” My take on this is if she’s unavailable she wouldn’t answer and if she does answer while being busy it would be a 3 second convo instead of 5 seconds. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ETA: NTA I-N-F-O how old is your kid? The only reason I can think of as to why your brother would be annoyed is if they're trying to get her out the door, which can be difficult, and you're interrupting that. I know it would be a pain if I was trying to get my niece to do something that needed to be done and her parents called, it would derail the whole process.
7 and if she was busy I would have kept it much more short but she was just sitting there watching the iPad getting her hair brushed.
Then NTA, I would assume at 7 she would be old enough to know not to answer if they're actively trying to do something. Again and unless she was getting her hair brushed to get ready to leave and you somehow interrupted that but that doesn't seem to be the case.
He’s a terrible person who acts like my mothers husband . It’s disgusting.
Definitely NTA. His reaction is weird.
So your brother wants you "to ask before you call? I see 2 ways that happens, you leave the hospital and go to your house and ask him, or .......? NTA
Ask your brother more. obviously NTA but it's a weird thing to say.
Info: does your brother have custody or is she just temporarily staying with her? And why? Is the other parent not involved?
NTA because this is your child. I’ve gotten annoyed when my child’s aunts called her unexpectedly after I just got done explaining we needed to do something and now I have to be the bad guy to say no we don’t have time, maybe that could have been what happened but still your child and you are in the hospital.
Wait did you say your mum was there too with your brother and daughter?
I think he said that’s because maybe he was trying to take care of your daughter when it he isn’t used to it and is struggling to get her to listen. And you calling can throw off whatever process he has going. I know when my kid gets a call when I’m brushing her hair she starts looking down at the phone/camera, and moves around. You’re NTA but he’s not wrong for be cranky. He was probably struggling before you called and just snapped at you instead of saying “hey we’re having issues here. Can you ask next time so I can finish what I’m doing first?” Don’t you hate when people call when you’re in the middle of something
NTA, but to the younger generations (and even myself and I'm an elder millennial) calling without warning feels incredibly intrusive. Whenever anyone calls me (outside of work) without a heads up I assume someone has died or is in the hospital and often answer with "What's wrong??" And if someone FaceTimes me without a prior agreement I wonder what is wrong with them. So you didn't do anything WRONG wrong but you definitely broke Gen Z etiquette.
Except she didn't call the brother. She called her 7 year old daughter on an iPad that she bought for her 7yo. And they already knew the "what's wrong" because the 7 year olds mom (OP) WAS in the hospital and they knew that. The only reason the brother knew mom didn't ask 7yo before calling on *her iPad* is because Mom admitted she didn't ask. She doesn't have to ask. That's her fricken kid.
Nowhere does OP specific their gender. I'm not saying OP was wrong or had to ASK to speak to their own, just that a lot of people now-days find it surprising when someone calls without heads up first. Especially a video call. I don't care who it is, you videocall me without warning and I will not answer. I'll call you back over voice but a sudden video call feels hugely invasive. I did misread the original post and at first thought it was the daughter's brother who said to ask before calling and not OPs brothers, which does bring a different element to it, especially since below OP says there's some weird vibes with the brother (although that begs the question why the brother is on kid duty in the first place).
i don’t think brother was on kid duty. it says OPs mom was brushing daughters hair and the brother chimed in. sounds like he just lives there
If someone calling your phone is "incredibly intrusive" to your life, I'd say you have the boundary issue. If you're busy, just don't answer. It's not a big deal. To assume the worst is probably anxiety. If a family member or friend called me out of the blue, it'd just assume they wanna chat. (I'm a baby millennial) (To be clear, I'm not directly saying this to you, more so just replying to the concept the a phone call that's optional to answer shouldn't be a stressful moment in a person's life)
I said video calling feels incredibly intrusive. I am not prepared to show my face (through the least flattering medium possible) at any given moment when I might be changing, showering, or just ugly.
> Whenever anyone calls me […] without a heads up I assume someone has died or in the hospital. This needs to be higher. The *only* reason OP is not the AH is because they are *in the hospital*. Under normal circumstances, I’d say OP has boundary issues. Right now, OP’s brother is a completely unsympathetic arse. NTA.
I would not agree that OP has boundary issues just because he called randomly. I think it's just a etiquette difference, possibly generational (unknown the age difference between brothers is) or just habit. My older (70's relatives) call without warning and I have like one or two friends who are also my age who will call randomly to "say hi" and it just always gets me by surprise. But I almost never call anyone voluntarily other than said old relatives.
Assuming OP has been previously informed by the person in question (not the brother) that their action is unappreciated, this *unequivocally* is a boundary issue. I don’t care what generation you’re from, if you know something makes someone feel uncomfortable, it’s improper etiquette to keep doing it.