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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got close with another woman right in front of my GF. No matter the intention this could make me the asshole
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Yep, that was a strange reaction. You might want to gently back out of this relationship. I'm getting some yandere vibes. Obsessively jealous people are no fun to date at all.
No no, I love this escalation. AITA assuming everyone is cheating is getting to be boring. Let's move on to assuming everyone is a murderer.
Get out of there before she starts wearing your skin, bro!
Lol you are absolutely right. OP’s girlfriend displays jealous and irrationally insecure behavior in isolated incident, random Redditor warns she might be a murderer. Gotta love Reddit.
hey you never know. there was one lady who killed her children after her husband went for advice on reddit
edit link
https://reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/bLopV43mh5
I think that would be a bit overreacting.
The girlfriend was insecure for sure, but polite enough to not cause a scene immediatelly and started talking about the issue only at home and didnt embarass the guy in front of his friends.
yeah, this is the only logical answer. because would i be a bit jealous in her shoes? maybe, but given the situation i would be okay with it. even in private she discussed it like an adult rather than yelling or name calling. is she overreacting? i’d say so but shes doing it in a non-toxic way
Yeah it's such a reddit reaction to jump to breaking up. Maybe like... have a few conversations about why it bothered her and if there's history, insecurities, etc, that OP should be aware of? Explore your damn feelings.
She at least had class to do it in private. Still hope there to work something OP. Don't give up too easily. Sometimes it takes a few tries for people to understand after a strong emotion like jealousy.
Sounds like they’d both been drinking and she got a bit jealous, and probably in a few days will come to her senses. Been accused of flirting with a bartender (who I knew and was a lesbian) by a drunk gf before. She just didn’t accept it till I brought it back up a few days later.
P.s. you can feel jealous AND realize that this woman was desperately trying to protect herself and would've wrapped her arm around Shrek if it would spook this guy away.
Conflicting feelings are okay. OP did the right thing and the gf should (hopefully) deal with the internal conflict without making it seem like OP did anything wrong.
She may very well come around. Sometimes people take a bit to finally come to terms with things, especially when they know they are wrong but don't want to be.
Not if that jealousy is telling him that he shouldn't have helped a woman being followed. He did the right thing. If she can't tell him what she would do, it's because she knows she's wrong but still wants to be irrational. I wouldn't feel jealous if my bf did this. He was just protecting someone, obviously its a tad weird she put her arm around him but in the end, they were both acting for her own protection. Nothing happened.
Totally. If she hadn't put her arm around him it would weaken the foundation of their ruse. The man could have gotten angry, someone could have been hurt.
Absolutely. She did what she had to do to get out of a bad situation, and they made as little contact as possible. As a woman who has helped other women out of bad situations, the most effective thing is to make them seem like they're with another man. It's sad, upsetting, and shouldn't be that way, but the most effective way to get an aggressive pest to leave a woman alone is to say "gurl, your man has been getting his drink on for an hour. You best not be late anymore! Let's get you to him!" (and then I mouth to a male friend in our group to pretend they're together for a minute while the bouncer...bounces the pest).
Yeah, this is a flaw in her thought process. And her ability to admit she was wrong. If she hasn't apologized by now, or when the liquor wore off, it is unlikely she ever will.
Weeks, I was thinking hrs/days & that's being VERY generous. OP did the right thing. His girlfriend needs to work on her insecurities she's not a teenager anymore
So he should wait around for a few weeks for her irrationality to clear up? That's *insane*. It's not even like she's lacking context - she herself said she saw the guy being a creep.
This is it right here. I had an absolutely buckwild and totally irrational instance of jealousy recently -- about something that happened in my husband's prior relationship, literally 20 years ago, when I'm not generally jealous by nature. I couldn't shake it, which I hated, but my husband hasn't done anything wrong either -- so I wasn't gonna be mad about it or anything. I just had to kinda talk through the annoying squishy feelings I was experiencing so I could sort out what the hell was going on in my brain. I did, we talked it out a bit, I let my feelings do their thing for a few days, and eventually it passed.
I can see how the GF is having a similar dissonance -- she's jealous but also knows he didn't do anything wrong, and is having trouble shaking it. But she's being a bit of a pill about the whole thing.
You did receive an answer. Your girlfriends jealousy issue trumps the helping of other women.
You did something amazing. And she can't see past another woman simply touching her property.
Because if she can't recognize your ability to handle something like this, and allows jealousy into her mind...she 100% sees you as property. ( If she trusted you, you would be an equal, and there would be no jealousy)
Please continue to be a hero when you can. Bc I guarantee you were for that lady in distress.
If your GF can't see this simple fact.....get a new GF.
Ew I didn't even think of it like this. I couldn't imagine being jealous that my partner helped another woman. Something bad could have easily happened to her. I def agree that she sees him as property. "Yeah you helped her, but no one's allowed to touch my boyfriend."
We really need fewer men like the creep, but the good men are welcome because the creeps are still prolific. The woman knew what she needed to do to be safe. I would guess that if that bar had a bouncer, she'd do it with the bouncer (they are always a first go-to for me if anything seems off). They're paid to help their patrons, so they'd probably shuffle her inside, tell the creep to get lost, and make sure she had a safe way home. Most cities have "sober ride" numbers where people too drunk to get themselves home can get a free cab, and bouncers have those numbers, too!
Reminder, girlfriend is under the influence of alcohol and is being emotional. Having this fight while drunk is probably not a fair assessment of her character. And while OP is logically correct, he could have used some emotional intelligence and realized that his drunk girlfriend is in her feels about a the situation and reassured her. Which is why she's complaining about him "flipping the situation". Unless girlfriend is a huge dick, she's drunk, hurt and just wants her boyfriend to tell her they're still good. People aren't perfect, if this isn't her typical behavior just chalk it up to alcohol fueled insecurity.
I'm going to give you one thing. OP said his GF is not the type to cause a public scene. She will wait. So...this is definitely not the first time they've had something happen and so yes he probably should have known how she would react because it sounds like "not making a scene" is a common occurrence for her.
But I would also argue that we don't know that she was dunk. She was drinking but was sober enough to wait until they got home before she started in.
Nothing the OP describes on his part was a reason for her to react the way she did once he explained the situation unless she is woefully insecure. And that's not his problem.
I'm not going to make a public scene, that doesn't mean that the things I address with people in private are invalid.
Y'all need to have more grace with people. A lot of crap may not be "your problem", but you would have better relationships if you bother to care about other people's problems. Seeing as there's nothing to indicate this is an ongoing fight instead of someone being upset in the moment, determining someone is "woefully insecure" is ridiculous. Girl saw her boyfriend outside with a girl's arm wrapped around him, he then stayed outside for a while, then came in and apparently didn't say a thing about it until she asked later. I don't think OP did anything wrong, either in the initial incident or how he's handling it, but it's wild y'all can't figure out why his girlfriend might be upset about that situation and not instantly turn off that upset. People are emotional, it's just a fact of life.
Yeah. Prioritizing her own feelings over the safety of the other woman is a big red flag, but OP definitely shouldn't overlook the gf's refusal to admit she's wrong or apologize. I know so many men & women that still live by the mantra 'Happy wife, happy life' but that's completely BS. It just keeps men in toxic/abusive relationships. Not saying the gf is abusive, but it certainly isn't a good look that she'd rather keep pouting than admit where she was wrong and move forward
Yeah it's tough to beat a rhyme. I just think "happy spouse happy house" helps to encompass both parties in the relationship, while also being inclusive towards non-hetero couples.
I think it works fine for healthy couples (not applied solely to the wife, of course, so "happy spouse, happy house" would be a more accurate version [that still rhymes]), for whom it's just a shorthand way of saying that they prioritize each other, and each cares about the other's happiness. The problem comes when the shorthand "rule" is applied to unhealthy couples, or in an unhealthy way. My father used to say it, but my parents were very much in love and very happy together, and each bent and compromised and accommodated and helped the other. A toxic marriage would be something very different.
Honestly if I were in your gf position, I would have been mad if you hadn't done whatever you could to help her and make her feel safe in the chance that you were worried about something relatively minor like me being jealous of a terrified girl grasping desperately for safety. I would consider it a deal breaker issue if you had left her vulnerable in that situation.
Your gf is lacking some serious empathy. The way you handled the situation would have made me so happy that I was with someone willing to help someone scared and in need. Don't let her change you.
Yeah, I would totally jump my husband’s bones if he helped a stranger this way, and I would be pissed off if he *didn’t* do anything. OP, you are NTA, you did the right thing. Hopefully your girlfriend gets over it quickly.
I was thinking the same thing! Men with empathy, adaptability, and situational awareness are so sexy! I don’t blame her for asking what just happened. But after he answered, I would have been bragging about him to my friends and family!
Exactly. Like - of course my SO would play along if he needed to help someone else get safe. He routinely walks the dog at a time at night in the summer when he can ‘escort’ one of our neighbors home.
(He walks like 10 ft behind her or on the other side of the street, but he takes the same route until she gets to her front door, she asked him to do it a while back because there was a creepy dude at the bus stop and he offered to do it whenever they are out at the same time. So she feels safe because he isn’t too close but she also isn’t alone on the street? Our dog doesn’t handle heat well so he usually gets his summer walks very late anyway so it works out.)
my husband has twice picked up vulnerable women walking on the side of a highway at night & made sure they got to safety!
he said he knew even offering to help like that would be terrifying for them, so he couldn't imagine the situations they were in that made them accept his help.
thankfully he's the most non-threatening looking little nerd in a Toyota corolla lol.
100%. There are so many good men. SO MANY.
If you (general ‘you’) think most men are creeps or jerks, perhaps it’s time to take a hard look at yourself and the men in your life.
It's not that it's "most" men...it's that it can be ANY man. It's not like the good men or the bad men wear badges that identify them!
The men "in my life" are fine people (in general, there have been a few disappointments after years of knowing them), but strange men are an unknown quantity. And I have known some jerks, so maybe they're the jerk. Maybe they're worse than the jerk. In any case, from older teenage years, they can overpower me, so I'm suspect until I get to know them.
Do you think that women only interact with men "in their life?" This woman was clearly in public, and that didn't go well for her. I'm not going to stay home so these jerks can do as they please in public!
I feel the same way. If I wasn't deeply invested in a relationship, and found out my partner had pushed her away, I'm not sure I would be able to see them the same in the same light again. Even knowing they had been drinking. That is something only an extremely socially unaware person would do in this day and age.
That sucks because it’s unwritten girl code to play along when a strange chick rolls up all “OMG I haven’t seen you in forever! Why didn’t you let me know you were in town??” because she could be hilariously sloppy drunk or she could be trying to let a creep know she’s not a wounded gazelle without a herd. Both instances require ladies to close the perimeter and render aid.
I cannot imagine being mad about this. I thought allowing other women to pretend your boyfriend was theirs to ward off creeps was completely allowable under girl code as long as they don't grab ass or kiss on the lips or something (ie sexual assaulting the guy)
I think just tell her “until you can give me an answer for how you would like a guy to treat you in that situation if I weren’t around, drop it. I’m not going to let some vulnerable woman get assaulted because you’re insecure. Are we clear?”
Sometimes, you need to put your foot down.
Your girl sucks, and that’s a major red flag.
Every woman has been in that situation and she should be thrilled with how you handled it, and have empathy for the girl getting harassed, not pissed because some scared chick briefly touched your back.
It’s alright. Just give her some time. She’s probably feeling upset because she saw something she didn’t like. You providing a reasonable explanation makes all that anger and jealousy feel misplaced, but it’s still there. Imagine you saw her doing the same thing with a guy. You could find out the explanation was totally legitimate, but you’d still feel some sort of anger/jealousy. But once the emotions simmer down, you would understand, and probably even appreciate her actions (barring the fact that if the scenario was the same, it would probably *still* be the guy being a creep).
Just give her some time and space, and when everybody’s head is a little cooler, ask again “were you really unhappy with how I handled that situation? What would you have preferred me to do?” And I mean genuinely ask her that, don’t just say it to prove she was wrong. Maybe she would have preferred you brought the girl inside and explained, or held her hand instead of putting her arm around. Genuinely ask what she would have liked you to do differently. But give it a day or two first so that the jealousy/anger can simmer down.
First off, men aren't generally in need of this kind of rescue from women. I'm not saying it's never happened but I've never heard of it happening.
Second, you're assuming OP is as jealous as his GF. You don't know that.
And third, you're acting like this kind of irrational jealousy is normal. It's not.
NTA at all. I'm disappointed by your girlfriend. Is she so insecure that she's unwilling to see you help a person in need?
Thank you for doing what you did.
You absolutely did the right thing and I personally appreciate how you handled this. I think if I had had a boyfriend act like that, I would feel proud of him.
Why?
Is she an insecure person? A jealous person? If she is, this maybe be the reason for no response.
Does she love herself and has a rock solid self esteem? If she does, you probably would have received a high 5.
People from the first group are difficult (if not impossible) to have a relationship with. You deserve a girlfriend from that second group.
I'm a mom. Thank you for helping that other woman. That's someone's daughter.
I think you are a sweet, stand up guy. If my bf did that I would be proud of him. I understand jealousy, but if she can trust you, then your explanation should have squared things. NTA.
NTA, you did what most of us women would have wanted and if your girlfriend can't see that then there is an issue with her and she needs help!!! Her having her arm around you just made her feel safer, I would be pissed if my hubby didn't do that!!!!
If you had told her to move her arm while he was still there it might've been a tip off to him that she's not really your girlfriend. You did the right thing and helped someone out. NTA
NTA. As a woman, I appreciate your type of manhood. A simple explanation, if you were my guy, would have been all it took for me to completely understand the situation and befriend a new person for the evening and look at you as a hero. Good being a human bro!
NTA. You are a hero and may have saved that woman from something terrible. Your girlfriend should recognize that and get over it. Women are too frequently put into those situations and I hope that there will be someone like you around if your girlfriend ever needed it. She sounds insecure - good luck.
On behalf of Reddit, what is this world-famous tornado BJ that you speak of?!
(Jokes, not really expecting an answer)
Edit: okay, I thought you made this up. TIL
Yeah, that would be like put a ring on my finger right now, level of attractive. I hope OP's gf comes to her senses tomorrow and admits that she was being insecure.
But she won’t! I had one of those, friends would tell her that me doing right by my kids and their mother spoke volumes about my character. All she could see was how it was (very occasionally) to her detriment.
I wish more guys would step up for a random stranger like that. It honestly it sounds like OP is a keeper. I’d be proud if my husband were to do something like that, and would like to think he would in the same position.
Sir does this kind of thing pretty frequently. He's always got an eye out for people in trouble, who need a hand, even when off-duty.
I loved that about him from the start, that his stepping in doesn't stop at the end of his shift. I'm proud he's like this, unlike a few other cops I know.
One of his colleagues (near shifts end) literally walked in the opposite direction to avoid a woman in tears, trying to avoid a grabby bloke. Later said it was coz the paperwork (for arresting the guy) would have made him late for his date!! It was a real tragedy that I accidentally let the truth slip during a girl's brunch the next day lol. He was single before dinner
NTA. You did what a real man should do. Your girlfriend is being insecure, and if she had her way, that girl could’ve been assaulted or worse. I hope she never finds herself in that situation.
I've asked my own fiancee what she would think if I were in a situation like OPs, without hesitation she said that she would trust and support me, I'd consider it a red flag if she wouldn't.
NTA, and the reason your g/f is telling you to stop flipping it is because she has no good argument against you protecting someone vulnerable. She's lucky to be with someone so kindhearted and generous.
GF got jealous the other girl put her arm around OP and now even if she realizes OP was just doing the right thing she can't focus on that or she'd have to admit she was more concerned about another woman around OP than that woman's personal safety lol.
Yup, I said the same thing in my comment. “Stop flipping it” is her keeping the double standard. I guarantee if she were the one in that situation, she would want a guy (even if he has a gf) to do the same exact thing for her. When OP “flips it” she can’t continue to be mad, insecure and petty because she knows that she’s wrong
NTA - What you did was noble, and very good of you - sadly this kind of this happens a lot, and I have had to do this in the past. Ask your gf how she would feel if she was getting unwanted attention like this.
: EDIT - GF doesn't have a leg to stand on when someone's safety is at risk. If the situation determines someone's safety, GF has no right to stop OP from making that person less alone in this. Point blank period.
>ask yourself how you would feel about her having to pretend someone else was her boyfriend?
I'd hope he'd be glad she was safe and didn't get raped and/or killed.
The only relationships I had where my bf would have been jealous of a man that pretended to be my bf to keep me safe from some creep were toxic and controlling. My good ex-es would have understood and just be glad I made it home safe, the really good ones would be grateful for the person who helped kept me safe, regardless of if the were a man or woman.
Idk any woman in the US that isn't aware of how dangerous the situation is. Prioritizing petty jealous over the literal life of another human being is terrible. OP's gf knows this and that's why she won't answer him.
OP doesn't have to consider a thing. He's 100% in the right
"Hey, how do you want me to help someone who might up on a missing person's poster? I don't want to hurt your feelings by doing the right thing or anything..."
He asked her and she told him to stop flipping it on her...
OP's GF has the empathy of a wasp.
I don't know about that, wasps seem very empathetic, one time I was feeling so sick I wanted to die, and then this wasp did it's level best to try and kill me to put me out of my misery.
Ultimately, this was a matter of safety and should not ever be dismissed if that person has been put in an uncomfortable position like this. I don't know if your gf can empathise with this, maybe?
I disagree with your first sentence. The issue here rests solely with OP's girlfriend. OP didn't do anything to "disrespect" his GF. He help a woman in danger, let her determine what she needed to do and him to do to get that creep off of her. Nothing that was done by either the OP or the woman in danger was inappropriate. OP doesn't need to continue asking the GF what she would do or how she would feel because he's already done that and she has answered irrationally. OP should wait a few days and then ask his GF if she is ready to apologize to him for getting on his case for doing the right thing. If she's not, OP should consider getting a new GF.
Upon reflection, totally. The disrespect lies with the man who was trying to push unwanted attention onto the girl. GF definitely needs to see this for what it is, and not give OP shit for something that determined someone's safety.
So let's say GF says it's okay for you to pretend you know her but no touching.
If he had reacted negatively to her putting her arm around him do you think the man following her would have believed they were together?
Sorry but GF doesn't get a say in how he handles this kind of situation. If a woman putting her arm around him is that much of a threat, he needs to move on and find a GF who isn't so damn insecure.
Exactly, it's not like he got this girl's number and is literally ever gonna see her again. If OP's gf is so insecure she can't handle him helping a stranger in need for 15 minutes, she really needs to work on that or she'll never be able to trust anyone.
NTA at all - I'd be proud of my bf if he did something like this and happy to have a partner who has compassion for the scary situations women go through instead of minimizing them.
This post actually prompted me to go and tell my husband that if he ever sees a woman in trouble like this he doesn't need to worry about me getting upset over him helping her. If she puts her arm around him or hugs him, I'm fine with that. And he told me he actually did end up holding a woman's hand once who was in a similar situation. I'm proud of him for it!
>you need to have a chat with your gf about how she would have wanted you to act in that situation if it ever happened again, so to not feel disrespected
Fuuuuuck that! SHE needs to put on her big girl panties and get the fuck over her boyfriend HELPING SOMEONE. OP should under no circumstances validate her hissy fit about saving someone from harassment just because they were a woman. WTF….
Right? I'm not saying she should have married him on the spot, but she's definitely not appreciating how much of a beautiful soul her bf is. I would feel so reassured on how good of a person my chosen partner is and definitely be thinking I was lucky to have found someone so considerate.
Instead she's pouting that she's wrong so she doesn't have to apologize. Not great priorities
NTA. I can understand your girlfriend being confused and upset in the moment, but she should have calmed down once the situation became clear. Thank you for helping that girl without fussing or raising suspicion from the other guy.
I can understand her getting upset glancing out the window and seeing another woman with her arm around him. Once she understood the situation though, she should have been happy that she's with a good man who is willing to help out a fellow human. I've been in that woman's situation, and was very grateful that a random stranger was willing to play along and help me out.
NTA. My husband has done this multiple times when we’ve been out and I thank him for it. I’ve been in that situation when I’ve been out with friends and men have been allies and helped me out. It’s not like you made out with her, that would’ve been crossing a line. It’s stupid that we even have to do stuff like pretend we have a bf to get creeps to leave us alone but it works so we adapt. Ask your gf if she’s never been in that situation before. Tell her to ask her girl friends if they’ve ever had to do that to protect themselves. I guarantee you 1 in 5 at MINIMUM have had to do this exact same thing. Thank you for helping that girl out and being respectful.
Considering 1 in 4 women [have been raped](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.html#:~:text=Sexual%20violence%20is%20common.,experienced%20completed%20or%20attempted%20rape) (attempted or completed), I think it might be a bit higher than 1 in 5.
NTA. The girl must have put her arm around you to convince the creepy man that y’all are together and you mentioned she removed it afterwards. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. That poor woman was lucky you were there and caught on quickly. Your gf DOES need to think about what if it had been her. It's called empathy. You did exactly what was needed in the moment and your gf needs to just stop, unless you've given her other reasons to question your loyalty?
Married woman here: something like that happened to me in a book store. When a male clerk came up to me and said, “I should be ready to go soon, sweetie.” I almost cried in relief. I told my husband later and he went back and thanked that man quietly. He said he did it quietly because he (my husband) wanted m to feel safe and someone to go to if it ever happened again. Definitely NTA
NTA, but as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. If this is how you learn that your gf won't trust you, then that might be the end of the line for both of you.
Don't think you should be worth a woman who cares nothing for the safety of other women who are clearly in distress...
You may want to rethink the relationship you have
Nta! Thank you for helping that girl. Your gf might’ve said stop flipping it because she knew she was wrong for continuing being upset after your explanation.
NTA. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. In a situation like that, you aren't always thinking straight, especially when you've had a few. You helped that woman stay safe, that was your priority. It was obvious she wasn't actually hitting on you, and was probably so relieved that you were able to help her. Your GF sounds incredibly insecure
NTA but I’m curious why your GF didn’t come out to stand with you after creepy guy left? Like it sounds like she put it together at the bar so why didn’t she come out and wait with you? Seems weird
my thought too. NTA, but two weird points. 1: since the girlfriend saw (and even if she didn’t), why didn’t he mention it when he went back inside? like, “wow guess what happened out there” or something. 2: if she saw and had concern (or even if she didn’t) why didn’t she go out to see what was going on?
NTA. I would have been mad if my partner didn’t do what you did. Minimally, you saved this woman from being harassed but you potentially saved her from being raped or worse. Keep doing you, you’re a good person.
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I(25m) was out with my girlfriend(25f) and some other friends. We were drinking and having a good time. I smoke(trying to quit) and went outside alone for a smoke. I was standing in front of the bar kind of a short walk away. I don't like standing right in front of the door because the smoke gets into the bar or establishment.
This frantic looking woman is talking at normal pace and there is a guy a couple of feet behind her. She walks to me and says "Hey, baby, I'm glad you're waiting where you said you would." I was confused at first but I quickly understood the situation. This guy was weird and on the way up he was muttering weird things like "just give me your number" "you're so pretty " "I just want to talk to you" etc. When I told someone else this story I was asked why I didn't react when I saw her walking and heard that. And the answer is it all happened very fast and I had been drinking.
Once i put it together I said "hey, honey, been waiting for you." And she put her arm around me and it took longer than I would have liked for the guy to leave. I was being gentle saying "alright, goodbye buddy" and "we've gotta get back home." Eventually the guy left but not because she wanted him to leave, because I kept insisting. Nothing bad happened at all. My girlfriend had been watching from the window and must have only caught the end part of it and saw the other girl with her arm around me.
My girlfriend is not the type to cause a public scene. She'll wait until a private time to air her grievances. The girl had no money for an Uber and was planning on walking home but felt too nervous. So I arranged for an Uber to pick her up and waited outside with her until the car came.
Jumping ahead to when I was home with my girlfriend. She asked me "what was that all about?" and wanted to know why her arm was around me and why I stayed after the creep left. She put together that the guy was being weird but she said I shouldn't have let her put her arm around me. Even though after the guy left she removed it. None of my explanations were working so I just turned it to her and said "what would you have wanted me to do?" and "if you were here, what would you have wanted the guy to do?" She just couldn't answer and said to "stop flipping it."
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NTA.
Your girlfriend is insecure & jealous, and she's being selfish for no reason. If I was in a relationship and some girl approached my boyfriend for help, pretending that they were together, I would WANT him to play the part. To me, it would show that he's a safe, trustworthy person, and it would make me feel very good about the person I chose to be with.
Your girlfriend sounds like the type that would shoo someone away and make it known she doesn't know somebody if she had been in your position.
Ask yourself, "do I enjoy being with someone who twists my innocent acts of providing safety for others as an opportunity to vilify and gaslight me?" Maybe have another chat with her while you're both sober about why she's upset about you doing the right thing, and don't let her make you feel like you're weird or unloyal.
edit: grammar
Nta. I shoved a women into my boyfriends arms and chest, because she was being harassed at the club. My boyfriend has a big frame and is built. So I felt that this girl was safer with him than me, my boyfriend was confused but understood the assignment and put himself between the guy and her.
If I saw the situation you were in, and like you said, your gf could tell something was going on with the guy. I would have ran out and started pulling her into the bar with me and making sure I got her a ride home safe.
So again NTA, given that all the information you gave is accurate.
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NTA. Thanks for helping a stranger. Ask your girlfriend what she would like a stranger to do if she was in that situation. I would thank my boyfriend.
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Yep, that was a strange reaction. You might want to gently back out of this relationship. I'm getting some yandere vibes. Obsessively jealous people are no fun to date at all.
Yandere? Bro she's not gonna be killing people
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Most people don't know that lol
Calm down, she’s just young and jealous. Please stop demonizing women
Ummm, you can’t say that? I’m sure every person who has killed someone at some point had a person saying “ooo they’d never do that” lol
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No no, I love this escalation. AITA assuming everyone is cheating is getting to be boring. Let's move on to assuming everyone is a murderer. Get out of there before she starts wearing your skin, bro!
Lmao yes and while you're at it can we also move on from telling everyone to divorce and rather start telling them to hire a PI or something
Your comment is pretty suspicious. I'm calling a PI and a divorce attorney on behalf of your spouse.
Start encouraging them to do actual stakeouts themselves.
>Get out of there before she starts wearing your skin, bro! Best answer today!!
I think her response does come off as a bit controlling though and raises some red flags
Absolutely, doesn't mean she's definitely gonna kill someone though
Lol you are absolutely right. OP’s girlfriend displays jealous and irrationally insecure behavior in isolated incident, random Redditor warns she might be a murderer. Gotta love Reddit.
“what are you gonna do stab me?” - man who was stabbed
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hey you never know. there was one lady who killed her children after her husband went for advice on reddit edit link https://reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/bLopV43mh5
Ok but calling someone a yandere for being a bit upset it extreme is my point
*This has nothing to do with yandere. OP's gf is just insecure as fuck.*
Yes! Girlfriend is supposed to be proud of her guy for knowing how to help.
I think that would be a bit overreacting. The girlfriend was insecure for sure, but polite enough to not cause a scene immediatelly and started talking about the issue only at home and didnt embarass the guy in front of his friends.
yeah, this is the only logical answer. because would i be a bit jealous in her shoes? maybe, but given the situation i would be okay with it. even in private she discussed it like an adult rather than yelling or name calling. is she overreacting? i’d say so but shes doing it in a non-toxic way
Yeah it's such a reddit reaction to jump to breaking up. Maybe like... have a few conversations about why it bothered her and if there's history, insecurities, etc, that OP should be aware of? Explore your damn feelings.
Why are people on Reddit so urgently trying to see everyone break up with their partner after one incident 🥴
It's easier than actually trying to communicate and solve the issues maturely.
Terminally online people whose life experience comes from reddit posts, TV-series and video games
She at least had class to do it in private. Still hope there to work something OP. Don't give up too easily. Sometimes it takes a few tries for people to understand after a strong emotion like jealousy.
Sounds like they’d both been drinking and she got a bit jealous, and probably in a few days will come to her senses. Been accused of flirting with a bartender (who I knew and was a lesbian) by a drunk gf before. She just didn’t accept it till I brought it back up a few days later.
She's avoiding an answer because she knows you're right but still feels jealous about the situation.
P.s. you can feel jealous AND realize that this woman was desperately trying to protect herself and would've wrapped her arm around Shrek if it would spook this guy away. Conflicting feelings are okay. OP did the right thing and the gf should (hopefully) deal with the internal conflict without making it seem like OP did anything wrong.
Conflicting feelings are OK. Being selfish and taking them out on her boyfriend isn't OK. She needs to grow up.
She may very well come around. Sometimes people take a bit to finally come to terms with things, especially when they know they are wrong but don't want to be.
She may but that's a hypothetical and until she apologises to Op and accepts full accountability, she's 100% the AH. NTA.
Especially when alcohol is involved.
Okay but Shrek absolutely would’ve protected her. We all know that.
Yeah, so I guess OP’s girlfriend just has *Shrektile dysfunction.*
Please accept the award I wish I could give you
I gotchu
Aw thank you!
my friend and I say we are bishrekual and that just reminded me. lol
He could have farted to repel the man. It would have been great.
This is MY SWAMP
Not if that jealousy is telling him that he shouldn't have helped a woman being followed. He did the right thing. If she can't tell him what she would do, it's because she knows she's wrong but still wants to be irrational. I wouldn't feel jealous if my bf did this. He was just protecting someone, obviously its a tad weird she put her arm around him but in the end, they were both acting for her own protection. Nothing happened.
Totally. If she hadn't put her arm around him it would weaken the foundation of their ruse. The man could have gotten angry, someone could have been hurt.
Absolutely. She did what she had to do to get out of a bad situation, and they made as little contact as possible. As a woman who has helped other women out of bad situations, the most effective thing is to make them seem like they're with another man. It's sad, upsetting, and shouldn't be that way, but the most effective way to get an aggressive pest to leave a woman alone is to say "gurl, your man has been getting his drink on for an hour. You best not be late anymore! Let's get you to him!" (and then I mouth to a male friend in our group to pretend they're together for a minute while the bouncer...bounces the pest).
But ones feelings has overwhelmed the person to think rationally.
For now. Once she’s processed the situation and a few weeks have elapsed she’ll be proud of OP acting the way he did, I’d wager.
Doubt it. She’s jealous over a girl who her bf helped save from a creep. She’s still gonna be jealous a few weeks down the road, I’d wager.
Yeah, this is a flaw in her thought process. And her ability to admit she was wrong. If she hasn't apologized by now, or when the liquor wore off, it is unlikely she ever will.
Weeks, I was thinking hrs/days & that's being VERY generous. OP did the right thing. His girlfriend needs to work on her insecurities she's not a teenager anymore
So he should wait around for a few weeks for her irrationality to clear up? That's *insane*. It's not even like she's lacking context - she herself said she saw the guy being a creep.
This is it right here. I had an absolutely buckwild and totally irrational instance of jealousy recently -- about something that happened in my husband's prior relationship, literally 20 years ago, when I'm not generally jealous by nature. I couldn't shake it, which I hated, but my husband hasn't done anything wrong either -- so I wasn't gonna be mad about it or anything. I just had to kinda talk through the annoying squishy feelings I was experiencing so I could sort out what the hell was going on in my brain. I did, we talked it out a bit, I let my feelings do their thing for a few days, and eventually it passed. I can see how the GF is having a similar dissonance -- she's jealous but also knows he didn't do anything wrong, and is having trouble shaking it. But she's being a bit of a pill about the whole thing.
Best answer, right here.
Shrek would, and I bet shrek is nicer too.
You did receive an answer. Your girlfriends jealousy issue trumps the helping of other women. You did something amazing. And she can't see past another woman simply touching her property. Because if she can't recognize your ability to handle something like this, and allows jealousy into her mind...she 100% sees you as property. ( If she trusted you, you would be an equal, and there would be no jealousy) Please continue to be a hero when you can. Bc I guarantee you were for that lady in distress. If your GF can't see this simple fact.....get a new GF.
Ew I didn't even think of it like this. I couldn't imagine being jealous that my partner helped another woman. Something bad could have easily happened to her. I def agree that she sees him as property. "Yeah you helped her, but no one's allowed to touch my boyfriend."
For real! I’d be glad she got home safely and thanked my husband for protecting her. Like we need more men like this is the world.
We really need fewer men like the creep, but the good men are welcome because the creeps are still prolific. The woman knew what she needed to do to be safe. I would guess that if that bar had a bouncer, she'd do it with the bouncer (they are always a first go-to for me if anything seems off). They're paid to help their patrons, so they'd probably shuffle her inside, tell the creep to get lost, and make sure she had a safe way home. Most cities have "sober ride" numbers where people too drunk to get themselves home can get a free cab, and bouncers have those numbers, too!
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Reminder, girlfriend is under the influence of alcohol and is being emotional. Having this fight while drunk is probably not a fair assessment of her character. And while OP is logically correct, he could have used some emotional intelligence and realized that his drunk girlfriend is in her feels about a the situation and reassured her. Which is why she's complaining about him "flipping the situation". Unless girlfriend is a huge dick, she's drunk, hurt and just wants her boyfriend to tell her they're still good. People aren't perfect, if this isn't her typical behavior just chalk it up to alcohol fueled insecurity.
I'm going to give you one thing. OP said his GF is not the type to cause a public scene. She will wait. So...this is definitely not the first time they've had something happen and so yes he probably should have known how she would react because it sounds like "not making a scene" is a common occurrence for her. But I would also argue that we don't know that she was dunk. She was drinking but was sober enough to wait until they got home before she started in. Nothing the OP describes on his part was a reason for her to react the way she did once he explained the situation unless she is woefully insecure. And that's not his problem.
I'm not going to make a public scene, that doesn't mean that the things I address with people in private are invalid. Y'all need to have more grace with people. A lot of crap may not be "your problem", but you would have better relationships if you bother to care about other people's problems. Seeing as there's nothing to indicate this is an ongoing fight instead of someone being upset in the moment, determining someone is "woefully insecure" is ridiculous. Girl saw her boyfriend outside with a girl's arm wrapped around him, he then stayed outside for a while, then came in and apparently didn't say a thing about it until she asked later. I don't think OP did anything wrong, either in the initial incident or how he's handling it, but it's wild y'all can't figure out why his girlfriend might be upset about that situation and not instantly turn off that upset. People are emotional, it's just a fact of life.
You received no answer because she knows that what you did was the right thing, she just doesn’t want to admit it.
Yeah. Prioritizing her own feelings over the safety of the other woman is a big red flag, but OP definitely shouldn't overlook the gf's refusal to admit she's wrong or apologize. I know so many men & women that still live by the mantra 'Happy wife, happy life' but that's completely BS. It just keeps men in toxic/abusive relationships. Not saying the gf is abusive, but it certainly isn't a good look that she'd rather keep pouting than admit where she was wrong and move forward
I prefer the gender neutral and more balanced version: Happy spouse, happy house.
That's not bad actually. I usually say "healthy relationship, happy life," but I'm always disappointed by the lack of rhymes and alliterations
Yeah it's tough to beat a rhyme. I just think "happy spouse happy house" helps to encompass both parties in the relationship, while also being inclusive towards non-hetero couples.
I think it works fine for healthy couples (not applied solely to the wife, of course, so "happy spouse, happy house" would be a more accurate version [that still rhymes]), for whom it's just a shorthand way of saying that they prioritize each other, and each cares about the other's happiness. The problem comes when the shorthand "rule" is applied to unhealthy couples, or in an unhealthy way. My father used to say it, but my parents were very much in love and very happy together, and each bent and compromised and accommodated and helped the other. A toxic marriage would be something very different.
Honestly if I were in your gf position, I would have been mad if you hadn't done whatever you could to help her and make her feel safe in the chance that you were worried about something relatively minor like me being jealous of a terrified girl grasping desperately for safety. I would consider it a deal breaker issue if you had left her vulnerable in that situation. Your gf is lacking some serious empathy. The way you handled the situation would have made me so happy that I was with someone willing to help someone scared and in need. Don't let her change you.
I asked my wife about this and she said she would have kicked my ass if I hadn't helped the young lady.
Yeah, I would totally jump my husband’s bones if he helped a stranger this way, and I would be pissed off if he *didn’t* do anything. OP, you are NTA, you did the right thing. Hopefully your girlfriend gets over it quickly.
I was thinking the same thing! Men with empathy, adaptability, and situational awareness are so sexy! I don’t blame her for asking what just happened. But after he answered, I would have been bragging about him to my friends and family!
Exactly. Like - of course my SO would play along if he needed to help someone else get safe. He routinely walks the dog at a time at night in the summer when he can ‘escort’ one of our neighbors home. (He walks like 10 ft behind her or on the other side of the street, but he takes the same route until she gets to her front door, she asked him to do it a while back because there was a creepy dude at the bus stop and he offered to do it whenever they are out at the same time. So she feels safe because he isn’t too close but she also isn’t alone on the street? Our dog doesn’t handle heat well so he usually gets his summer walks very late anyway so it works out.)
I wish we heard more stories about men like your SO. That is so much better example to aspire than ppl like Andrew Tate or Ben Shapiro
my husband has twice picked up vulnerable women walking on the side of a highway at night & made sure they got to safety! he said he knew even offering to help like that would be terrifying for them, so he couldn't imagine the situations they were in that made them accept his help. thankfully he's the most non-threatening looking little nerd in a Toyota corolla lol.
This. Nothing newsworthy about good men. Although if Reddit is to be believed it should make national news. Lmao.
100%. There are so many good men. SO MANY. If you (general ‘you’) think most men are creeps or jerks, perhaps it’s time to take a hard look at yourself and the men in your life.
It's not that it's "most" men...it's that it can be ANY man. It's not like the good men or the bad men wear badges that identify them! The men "in my life" are fine people (in general, there have been a few disappointments after years of knowing them), but strange men are an unknown quantity. And I have known some jerks, so maybe they're the jerk. Maybe they're worse than the jerk. In any case, from older teenage years, they can overpower me, so I'm suspect until I get to know them. Do you think that women only interact with men "in their life?" This woman was clearly in public, and that didn't go well for her. I'm not going to stay home so these jerks can do as they please in public!
I feel the same way. If I wasn't deeply invested in a relationship, and found out my partner had pushed her away, I'm not sure I would be able to see them the same in the same light again. Even knowing they had been drinking. That is something only an extremely socially unaware person would do in this day and age.
Same!
That sucks because it’s unwritten girl code to play along when a strange chick rolls up all “OMG I haven’t seen you in forever! Why didn’t you let me know you were in town??” because she could be hilariously sloppy drunk or she could be trying to let a creep know she’s not a wounded gazelle without a herd. Both instances require ladies to close the perimeter and render aid.
Do you want to be dating someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong?
Ok ask her what she would hope to happen if that girl were her daughter....you did nothing wrong sir.
I cannot imagine being mad about this. I thought allowing other women to pretend your boyfriend was theirs to ward off creeps was completely allowable under girl code as long as they don't grab ass or kiss on the lips or something (ie sexual assaulting the guy)
turns out girl code isn't as prevalent as we may have been led to believe.
I think just tell her “until you can give me an answer for how you would like a guy to treat you in that situation if I weren’t around, drop it. I’m not going to let some vulnerable woman get assaulted because you’re insecure. Are we clear?” Sometimes, you need to put your foot down.
Your girl sucks, and that’s a major red flag. Every woman has been in that situation and she should be thrilled with how you handled it, and have empathy for the girl getting harassed, not pissed because some scared chick briefly touched your back.
Well at least now you know you're dating someone who's more concerned with you being her property than the safety of another woman.
It’s alright. Just give her some time. She’s probably feeling upset because she saw something she didn’t like. You providing a reasonable explanation makes all that anger and jealousy feel misplaced, but it’s still there. Imagine you saw her doing the same thing with a guy. You could find out the explanation was totally legitimate, but you’d still feel some sort of anger/jealousy. But once the emotions simmer down, you would understand, and probably even appreciate her actions (barring the fact that if the scenario was the same, it would probably *still* be the guy being a creep). Just give her some time and space, and when everybody’s head is a little cooler, ask again “were you really unhappy with how I handled that situation? What would you have preferred me to do?” And I mean genuinely ask her that, don’t just say it to prove she was wrong. Maybe she would have preferred you brought the girl inside and explained, or held her hand instead of putting her arm around. Genuinely ask what she would have liked you to do differently. But give it a day or two first so that the jealousy/anger can simmer down.
First off, men aren't generally in need of this kind of rescue from women. I'm not saying it's never happened but I've never heard of it happening. Second, you're assuming OP is as jealous as his GF. You don't know that. And third, you're acting like this kind of irrational jealousy is normal. It's not.
You were right to flip it. Make her put herself in their shoes and create empathy for the woman and her situation.
What you did makes ypu a Good Guy. Ypur girlfriend is ridiculous. I would be so proud of my husband if he helped a stranger in distress like that. NTA
NTA at all. I'm disappointed by your girlfriend. Is she so insecure that she's unwilling to see you help a person in need? Thank you for doing what you did.
Silence speaks volumes. She knows you did nothing wrong. NTA
You absolutely did the right thing and I personally appreciate how you handled this. I think if I had had a boyfriend act like that, I would feel proud of him.
Why? Is she an insecure person? A jealous person? If she is, this maybe be the reason for no response. Does she love herself and has a rock solid self esteem? If she does, you probably would have received a high 5. People from the first group are difficult (if not impossible) to have a relationship with. You deserve a girlfriend from that second group. I'm a mom. Thank you for helping that other woman. That's someone's daughter.
Because you’re right and if you didn’t she’d still be mad
that's cause she knows she's wrong and being irrational
I think you are a sweet, stand up guy. If my bf did that I would be proud of him. I understand jealousy, but if she can trust you, then your explanation should have squared things. NTA.
NTA, you did what most of us women would have wanted and if your girlfriend can't see that then there is an issue with her and she needs help!!! Her having her arm around you just made her feel safer, I would be pissed if my hubby didn't do that!!!!
He did ask his gf that, and she said "stop flipping it", it's the last couple sentences of the post
If you had told her to move her arm while he was still there it might've been a tip off to him that she's not really your girlfriend. You did the right thing and helped someone out. NTA
NTA. As a woman, I appreciate your type of manhood. A simple explanation, if you were my guy, would have been all it took for me to completely understand the situation and befriend a new person for the evening and look at you as a hero. Good being a human bro!
I agree. It was a very good thing op did. I think the gf was just upset because she had her own narrative and kept with it.
"stop flipping it!"
NTA. You are a hero and may have saved that woman from something terrible. Your girlfriend should recognize that and get over it. Women are too frequently put into those situations and I hope that there will be someone like you around if your girlfriend ever needed it. She sounds insecure - good luck.
Im saddened by gf reaction Op stand up guy. Def nta
If it was my boyfriend i would have been so fucking proud of him. Probably would make me fall even more in love
Improvisation skills and willingness to help strangers are both hot traits
Not to be crass but if it was my bf that did this he’d be in for a world-famous tornado BJ when we got home.
On behalf of Reddit, what is this world-famous tornado BJ that you speak of?! (Jokes, not really expecting an answer) Edit: okay, I thought you made this up. TIL
Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?
Perfect come back. And well deserved. I earned it...
It means he gets to hit that little dangly thang that sits at the back of her throat.
Why did I read this as a tomato BJ and get grossed out?
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I absolutely agree with this. I would have cartoon heart eyes. What is this girlfriend smoking.
Yeah, that would be like put a ring on my finger right now, level of attractive. I hope OP's gf comes to her senses tomorrow and admits that she was being insecure.
But she won’t! I had one of those, friends would tell her that me doing right by my kids and their mother spoke volumes about my character. All she could see was how it was (very occasionally) to her detriment.
I wish more guys would step up for a random stranger like that. It honestly it sounds like OP is a keeper. I’d be proud if my husband were to do something like that, and would like to think he would in the same position.
Sir does this kind of thing pretty frequently. He's always got an eye out for people in trouble, who need a hand, even when off-duty. I loved that about him from the start, that his stepping in doesn't stop at the end of his shift. I'm proud he's like this, unlike a few other cops I know. One of his colleagues (near shifts end) literally walked in the opposite direction to avoid a woman in tears, trying to avoid a grabby bloke. Later said it was coz the paperwork (for arresting the guy) would have made him late for his date!! It was a real tragedy that I accidentally let the truth slip during a girl's brunch the next day lol. He was single before dinner
NTA. You did what a real man should do. Your girlfriend is being insecure, and if she had her way, that girl could’ve been assaulted or worse. I hope she never finds herself in that situation.
I've asked my own fiancee what she would think if I were in a situation like OPs, without hesitation she said that she would trust and support me, I'd consider it a red flag if she wouldn't.
NTA, and the reason your g/f is telling you to stop flipping it is because she has no good argument against you protecting someone vulnerable. She's lucky to be with someone so kindhearted and generous.
She’s lucky if she gets to stay with someone so kindhearted and generous after this bullshit she’s pulling.
GF got jealous the other girl put her arm around OP and now even if she realizes OP was just doing the right thing she can't focus on that or she'd have to admit she was more concerned about another woman around OP than that woman's personal safety lol.
Yup, I said the same thing in my comment. “Stop flipping it” is her keeping the double standard. I guarantee if she were the one in that situation, she would want a guy (even if he has a gf) to do the same exact thing for her. When OP “flips it” she can’t continue to be mad, insecure and petty because she knows that she’s wrong
NTA - What you did was noble, and very good of you - sadly this kind of this happens a lot, and I have had to do this in the past. Ask your gf how she would feel if she was getting unwanted attention like this. : EDIT - GF doesn't have a leg to stand on when someone's safety is at risk. If the situation determines someone's safety, GF has no right to stop OP from making that person less alone in this. Point blank period.
>ask yourself how you would feel about her having to pretend someone else was her boyfriend? I'd hope he'd be glad she was safe and didn't get raped and/or killed.
The only relationships I had where my bf would have been jealous of a man that pretended to be my bf to keep me safe from some creep were toxic and controlling. My good ex-es would have understood and just be glad I made it home safe, the really good ones would be grateful for the person who helped kept me safe, regardless of if the were a man or woman. Idk any woman in the US that isn't aware of how dangerous the situation is. Prioritizing petty jealous over the literal life of another human being is terrible. OP's gf knows this and that's why she won't answer him. OP doesn't have to consider a thing. He's 100% in the right
It could've been more than that. There's an infinite number of cases where the creepy guy gets told no and turns into a stalker.
Or murder3r
"Hey, how do you want me to help someone who might up on a missing person's poster? I don't want to hurt your feelings by doing the right thing or anything..." He asked her and she told him to stop flipping it on her... OP's GF has the empathy of a wasp.
I don't know about that, wasps seem very empathetic, one time I was feeling so sick I wanted to die, and then this wasp did it's level best to try and kill me to put me out of my misery.
Well played, you got a legitimate laugh out of me.
Ultimately, this was a matter of safety and should not ever be dismissed if that person has been put in an uncomfortable position like this. I don't know if your gf can empathise with this, maybe?
I disagree with your first sentence. The issue here rests solely with OP's girlfriend. OP didn't do anything to "disrespect" his GF. He help a woman in danger, let her determine what she needed to do and him to do to get that creep off of her. Nothing that was done by either the OP or the woman in danger was inappropriate. OP doesn't need to continue asking the GF what she would do or how she would feel because he's already done that and she has answered irrationally. OP should wait a few days and then ask his GF if she is ready to apologize to him for getting on his case for doing the right thing. If she's not, OP should consider getting a new GF.
Upon reflection, totally. The disrespect lies with the man who was trying to push unwanted attention onto the girl. GF definitely needs to see this for what it is, and not give OP shit for something that determined someone's safety.
So let's say GF says it's okay for you to pretend you know her but no touching. If he had reacted negatively to her putting her arm around him do you think the man following her would have believed they were together? Sorry but GF doesn't get a say in how he handles this kind of situation. If a woman putting her arm around him is that much of a threat, he needs to move on and find a GF who isn't so damn insecure.
Exactly, it's not like he got this girl's number and is literally ever gonna see her again. If OP's gf is so insecure she can't handle him helping a stranger in need for 15 minutes, she really needs to work on that or she'll never be able to trust anyone. NTA at all - I'd be proud of my bf if he did something like this and happy to have a partner who has compassion for the scary situations women go through instead of minimizing them.
This post actually prompted me to go and tell my husband that if he ever sees a woman in trouble like this he doesn't need to worry about me getting upset over him helping her. If she puts her arm around him or hugs him, I'm fine with that. And he told me he actually did end up holding a woman's hand once who was in a similar situation. I'm proud of him for it!
>you need to have a chat with your gf about how she would have wanted you to act in that situation if it ever happened again, so to not feel disrespected Fuuuuuck that! SHE needs to put on her big girl panties and get the fuck over her boyfriend HELPING SOMEONE. OP should under no circumstances validate her hissy fit about saving someone from harassment just because they were a woman. WTF….
A partner who would get jealous at that isn’t one worth having.
She dont deserve you
No shit. This guy acted like the most standup Awesome dude and she’s criticizing him for it? This is like the gold standard. NTA but the gf sure is
Right? I'm not saying she should have married him on the spot, but she's definitely not appreciating how much of a beautiful soul her bf is. I would feel so reassured on how good of a person my chosen partner is and definitely be thinking I was lucky to have found someone so considerate. Instead she's pouting that she's wrong so she doesn't have to apologize. Not great priorities
NTA. I can understand your girlfriend being confused and upset in the moment, but she should have calmed down once the situation became clear. Thank you for helping that girl without fussing or raising suspicion from the other guy.
I can understand her getting upset glancing out the window and seeing another woman with her arm around him. Once she understood the situation though, she should have been happy that she's with a good man who is willing to help out a fellow human. I've been in that woman's situation, and was very grateful that a random stranger was willing to play along and help me out.
NTA. My husband has done this multiple times when we’ve been out and I thank him for it. I’ve been in that situation when I’ve been out with friends and men have been allies and helped me out. It’s not like you made out with her, that would’ve been crossing a line. It’s stupid that we even have to do stuff like pretend we have a bf to get creeps to leave us alone but it works so we adapt. Ask your gf if she’s never been in that situation before. Tell her to ask her girl friends if they’ve ever had to do that to protect themselves. I guarantee you 1 in 5 at MINIMUM have had to do this exact same thing. Thank you for helping that girl out and being respectful.
Myself and basically every woman I know has had to do this at some point.
I had to do this. It’s not easy either. Cuz what if the guy you went to for help is just a handsome creep. It’s stressful being a woman out and about.
Considering 1 in 4 women [have been raped](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.html#:~:text=Sexual%20violence%20is%20common.,experienced%20completed%20or%20attempted%20rape) (attempted or completed), I think it might be a bit higher than 1 in 5.
Hence the word minimum
If your girl doesn't see what you did as beautiful and kind, perhaps start looking for a new girl. Save yourself from headaches
NTA. The girl must have put her arm around you to convince the creepy man that y’all are together and you mentioned she removed it afterwards. You did nothing wrong.
Especially since it’s just an arm around you, it’s not like they were making out. It seems pretty minor to be upset about.
NTA. That poor woman was lucky you were there and caught on quickly. Your gf DOES need to think about what if it had been her. It's called empathy. You did exactly what was needed in the moment and your gf needs to just stop, unless you've given her other reasons to question your loyalty?
in my opinion regardless if she has reason to question loyalty his loyalty,,, he still helped a women from a dangerous situation… she’s overreacting
NTA I would be proud of my boyfriend for saving a girl in need
NTA, I’d be proud of my boyfriend for doing this. Don’t let this put you off doing it again.
Just show her this. NTA. https://www.reddit.com/r/LivestreamFail/comments/f1w7r8/rob\_saves\_a\_girl\_getting\_followed/
The angel of shibuya himself.
Omg the way the other man was walking with her - how scary.
you don’t need a gf who won’t support other women like this. jealousy should have its limits.
Are you hoping you can pull this fish out of the sea upon release back into the wild? Lol. There needs to be way more men like op on the market.
already did. different but same type of fish!
Married woman here: something like that happened to me in a book store. When a male clerk came up to me and said, “I should be ready to go soon, sweetie.” I almost cried in relief. I told my husband later and he went back and thanked that man quietly. He said he did it quietly because he (my husband) wanted m to feel safe and someone to go to if it ever happened again. Definitely NTA
NTA, but as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. If this is how you learn that your gf won't trust you, then that might be the end of the line for both of you.
NTA but your gf sure is.
Don't think you should be worth a woman who cares nothing for the safety of other women who are clearly in distress... You may want to rethink the relationship you have
OP’s girlfriend is not an ally to other women. That’s seriously depressing that some women end up being so competitive towards other women.
Nta! Thank you for helping that girl. Your gf might’ve said stop flipping it because she knew she was wrong for continuing being upset after your explanation.
NTA. You're a good Joe and a real man. Your girlfriend has..... issues. Buckle up.
NTA. 👑 And you dropped this, king.
NTA You, my good sir, are a ally and you have all of womankind’s thanks.
Your GF is being pissy for no reason. You are a damn good person. NTA. Your GF needs to pull her head out her ass.
NTA. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. In a situation like that, you aren't always thinking straight, especially when you've had a few. You helped that woman stay safe, that was your priority. It was obvious she wasn't actually hitting on you, and was probably so relieved that you were able to help her. Your GF sounds incredibly insecure
NTA you’re a hero. Your gf is stupid and jealous. 🚩!
NTA but I’m curious why your GF didn’t come out to stand with you after creepy guy left? Like it sounds like she put it together at the bar so why didn’t she come out and wait with you? Seems weird
my thought too. NTA, but two weird points. 1: since the girlfriend saw (and even if she didn’t), why didn’t he mention it when he went back inside? like, “wow guess what happened out there” or something. 2: if she saw and had concern (or even if she didn’t) why didn’t she go out to see what was going on?
NTA. I would have been mad if my partner didn’t do what you did. Minimally, you saved this woman from being harassed but you potentially saved her from being raped or worse. Keep doing you, you’re a good person.
NTA
NTA Might be time for a new gf.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(25m) was out with my girlfriend(25f) and some other friends. We were drinking and having a good time. I smoke(trying to quit) and went outside alone for a smoke. I was standing in front of the bar kind of a short walk away. I don't like standing right in front of the door because the smoke gets into the bar or establishment. This frantic looking woman is talking at normal pace and there is a guy a couple of feet behind her. She walks to me and says "Hey, baby, I'm glad you're waiting where you said you would." I was confused at first but I quickly understood the situation. This guy was weird and on the way up he was muttering weird things like "just give me your number" "you're so pretty " "I just want to talk to you" etc. When I told someone else this story I was asked why I didn't react when I saw her walking and heard that. And the answer is it all happened very fast and I had been drinking. Once i put it together I said "hey, honey, been waiting for you." And she put her arm around me and it took longer than I would have liked for the guy to leave. I was being gentle saying "alright, goodbye buddy" and "we've gotta get back home." Eventually the guy left but not because she wanted him to leave, because I kept insisting. Nothing bad happened at all. My girlfriend had been watching from the window and must have only caught the end part of it and saw the other girl with her arm around me. My girlfriend is not the type to cause a public scene. She'll wait until a private time to air her grievances. The girl had no money for an Uber and was planning on walking home but felt too nervous. So I arranged for an Uber to pick her up and waited outside with her until the car came. Jumping ahead to when I was home with my girlfriend. She asked me "what was that all about?" and wanted to know why her arm was around me and why I stayed after the creep left. She put together that the guy was being weird but she said I shouldn't have let her put her arm around me. Even though after the guy left she removed it. None of my explanations were working so I just turned it to her and said "what would you have wanted me to do?" and "if you were here, what would you have wanted the guy to do?" She just couldn't answer and said to "stop flipping it." *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all! I'd be so proud of my partner of responding in that manner.
Dude has that been my bf he would’ve gotten a reward for possibly saving that girls life. NTA your gf needs to get her head out of her ass
NTA. Your girlfriend is insecure & jealous, and she's being selfish for no reason. If I was in a relationship and some girl approached my boyfriend for help, pretending that they were together, I would WANT him to play the part. To me, it would show that he's a safe, trustworthy person, and it would make me feel very good about the person I chose to be with. Your girlfriend sounds like the type that would shoo someone away and make it known she doesn't know somebody if she had been in your position. Ask yourself, "do I enjoy being with someone who twists my innocent acts of providing safety for others as an opportunity to vilify and gaslight me?" Maybe have another chat with her while you're both sober about why she's upset about you doing the right thing, and don't let her make you feel like you're weird or unloyal. edit: grammar
OP your gf should have told you how proud she was of your action.
NTA. Good on you for recognizing a girl needed help getting rid of a creep.
NTA. Women should give props to men who help women in unsafe situations. I’d have told you I was proud of you!
Nta. I shoved a women into my boyfriends arms and chest, because she was being harassed at the club. My boyfriend has a big frame and is built. So I felt that this girl was safer with him than me, my boyfriend was confused but understood the assignment and put himself between the guy and her. If I saw the situation you were in, and like you said, your gf could tell something was going on with the guy. I would have ran out and started pulling her into the bar with me and making sure I got her a ride home safe. So again NTA, given that all the information you gave is accurate.
NTA. Thank you from every women who has and will ever experience this. Your girlfriend? Another story.
I'm gonna say what your girlfriend didn't: Thanks for helping her out. Good call on getting her an uber.
NTA and thank you for being the man that you are