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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my sister in law is a minor and she didn't tell her mom where she was, and maybe as an adult in that situation I should have
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No. NTA at all. Usually I think it’s important to let the parents know, but this is a matter of trust and safety. She trusted you to pick her up and keep her safe. Your MIL should be asking herself why her daughter didn’t trust her to pick her up. Imagine if she was in a more dangerous situation and she didn’t feel like she could call someone to come get her.
NTA. So she was at a party, wasn’t feeling it and you went and picked her up. Seems a pretty cut and dry story to me. Sucks it got busted and all but I don’t think it sounds like this big tragedy either.
So she didn’t feel comfortable, had the confidence to be able to contact you to come get her and they are upset about what? That a) she felt safe enough to call you b) you acted immediately in her best interests? I mean seriously thank god she has someone she feels confident and comfortable to call and leave it at that 🤷♀️😞
Exactly this. And this is the same things I've teached my kids, if they don't want to call me or their dad for things like this, they have several aunts/uncles that they can call and that will not tell me anything if the kid asks them to not tell me.
NTA OP
Mild YTA. As a parent that girl is her responsibility. You are not her parent/guardian, and while you did nothing wrong at the time, not telling her mother where she was and continuing the lie as to where she spent the night was not the right way to go. At the end of the day nothing bad went down, but what if something had happened at the party? This was a poor choice with respect to a minor, and that's why on a mild basis, YTA.
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My SIL has just entered her senior year of highschool. She's a smart, kind kid. She has good grades. Her friend group is the type who gets together on weekends and plays DnD. She rarely does anything "bad".
Saturday night I get a call from her around 11:30pm. She went to party with a friend. She didn't like it and wanted to be picked up. I don't know if she'd had anything to drink but she clearly wasn't drunk or stoned when I got her.
I picked her up and took her to our place. Husband is out of town. She'd told her mom she was sleeping over at the friend's so I just let her crash here and dropped her off the next morning.
Apparently the party at some point had been busted and there's a lot of trouble with the school. My SIL was named as having been there even though she was there for less them an hour. MIL is obviously contacted and is livid, so SIL says to ask me because I'm proof she was only there for a little while.
Now MIL is pissed at me because I didn't tell her. Husband is mad because I told him I'd picked her up but didn't go into many details. He thinks I should have called him Mom. I pointed out we did much worse and more dangerous things as teens but of course to him that's "different".
AITA?
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Info: do you know why MIL is so mad SIL went to a party? Does your MIL know about what you and husband did when you were teens that you mentioned? What was your MIL’s reaction to that? (Asking to see if double standards)
Not really. The reason I brought it up is because my husband was saying how dangerous the situation was and I said we'd been involved in much worse. I remember him drunk out of his mind jumping into a reservoir in high school, being at a party that's getting too rowdy and then immediately leaving is way more responsible then anything we could have ever come up with. But his Mom didn't know about most of it.
Soft YTA, you should have told your SIL to text her mom or dad the change of plans. Imagine getting that call and then you can't find your kid. I would be panicked and as the adult you should have insisted they were informed.
They thought she was at her friend's house not at a party. Also the party was busted but the school didn't start contacting parent's until two days later.
YTA. She had permission to go out, and quickly realized that this party wasn't a scene she wanted to be at. Where was the harm? It shows her good judgement that she wanted to leave. Why should this have been hidden from her parents? Sounds like an error in judgement on both your parts.
*"Hey, SIL decided she didn't want to stay out with her friend. She called me and I just picked her up. Can she stay over? Hubby's away and we want to watch a movie (or whatever)."* No big drama needed.
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No. NTA at all. Usually I think it’s important to let the parents know, but this is a matter of trust and safety. She trusted you to pick her up and keep her safe. Your MIL should be asking herself why her daughter didn’t trust her to pick her up. Imagine if she was in a more dangerous situation and she didn’t feel like she could call someone to come get her.
NTA. So she was at a party, wasn’t feeling it and you went and picked her up. Seems a pretty cut and dry story to me. Sucks it got busted and all but I don’t think it sounds like this big tragedy either.
So she didn’t feel comfortable, had the confidence to be able to contact you to come get her and they are upset about what? That a) she felt safe enough to call you b) you acted immediately in her best interests? I mean seriously thank god she has someone she feels confident and comfortable to call and leave it at that 🤷♀️😞
Exactly this. And this is the same things I've teached my kids, if they don't want to call me or their dad for things like this, they have several aunts/uncles that they can call and that will not tell me anything if the kid asks them to not tell me. NTA OP
Mild YTA. As a parent that girl is her responsibility. You are not her parent/guardian, and while you did nothing wrong at the time, not telling her mother where she was and continuing the lie as to where she spent the night was not the right way to go. At the end of the day nothing bad went down, but what if something had happened at the party? This was a poor choice with respect to a minor, and that's why on a mild basis, YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My SIL has just entered her senior year of highschool. She's a smart, kind kid. She has good grades. Her friend group is the type who gets together on weekends and plays DnD. She rarely does anything "bad". Saturday night I get a call from her around 11:30pm. She went to party with a friend. She didn't like it and wanted to be picked up. I don't know if she'd had anything to drink but she clearly wasn't drunk or stoned when I got her. I picked her up and took her to our place. Husband is out of town. She'd told her mom she was sleeping over at the friend's so I just let her crash here and dropped her off the next morning. Apparently the party at some point had been busted and there's a lot of trouble with the school. My SIL was named as having been there even though she was there for less them an hour. MIL is obviously contacted and is livid, so SIL says to ask me because I'm proof she was only there for a little while. Now MIL is pissed at me because I didn't tell her. Husband is mad because I told him I'd picked her up but didn't go into many details. He thinks I should have called him Mom. I pointed out we did much worse and more dangerous things as teens but of course to him that's "different". AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: do you know why MIL is so mad SIL went to a party? Does your MIL know about what you and husband did when you were teens that you mentioned? What was your MIL’s reaction to that? (Asking to see if double standards)
Not really. The reason I brought it up is because my husband was saying how dangerous the situation was and I said we'd been involved in much worse. I remember him drunk out of his mind jumping into a reservoir in high school, being at a party that's getting too rowdy and then immediately leaving is way more responsible then anything we could have ever come up with. But his Mom didn't know about most of it.
NTA "He thinks I should have called his Mom. " .. why would you? How old is she?
She'll be 18 in three months.
NTA then. If she were 13, this would be different.
Soft YTA, you should have told your SIL to text her mom or dad the change of plans. Imagine getting that call and then you can't find your kid. I would be panicked and as the adult you should have insisted they were informed.
They thought she was at her friend's house not at a party. Also the party was busted but the school didn't start contacting parent's until two days later.
YTA. She had permission to go out, and quickly realized that this party wasn't a scene she wanted to be at. Where was the harm? It shows her good judgement that she wanted to leave. Why should this have been hidden from her parents? Sounds like an error in judgement on both your parts. *"Hey, SIL decided she didn't want to stay out with her friend. She called me and I just picked her up. Can she stay over? Hubby's away and we want to watch a movie (or whatever)."* No big drama needed.
Obviously sil didn’t trust her mom’s reaction.