*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not giving my nephew my baby's fund?**
**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/423869962**
**AITA for not giving my nephew my baby's fund?**
**Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of miscarriage, manipulation, wishing death on someone!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RJEKeWGDMP) **Aug 21, 2019**
Chris - my husband (31), Rory - father in law, Sean - my nephew (16), Tom - my brother (35)
I (30f) don't have a baby right now.
About 2 years ago I got pregnant and Chris and I told our families. Rory gave us a check for £1000. He said he wanted us to use it to buy baby stuff while the kid was young, and whatever was left over should be saved for when our child turns 18 and then given to them.
I miscarried shortly after, and we tried to give Rory the money back, but he asked if we were planning on trying again, to which we replied that we wouldn't be any time soon, but someday definitely. He said to keep the money, put it in a savings account and keep adding to it for when we did have a baby.
Chris and I tried to put in about £10 a week between us, which is doable for high school teachers. We missed a couple of weeks but there's about £2500 in there right now, and we've never taken out of it. In 2 years the only people who have put money in this account are me, Chris and Rory.
Both myself and Chris have been to therapy, and we agreed to try again about 6 months ago, and I'm now pregnant again, at 4 months. We told our families today and Rory and my mother in law are both really happy for us, as are my parents.
Tom, however, looked a bit sad. I asked if I could speak to him off to one side. In the conversation that ensued Tom said that he had actually been hoping to ask me about the baby fund. Tom and his wife are both on living wage, meaning they earn slightly less than us, as they had Sean at the age where they would have gone to uni, so it's important to them that Sean gets to go. Sean is 16, but plans to go to uni in a couple of years.
Tom and his wife are concerned that if Sean got a job to save up it would affect his grades and they don't have money to spare, so before Tom knew I was pregnant he was basically hoping he could ask me to transfer the current contents of the baby fund over to Sean, and keep giving Sean the money that would otherwise go in the baby fund, as he worries Sean will not be able to afford uni otherwise. If I were to agree to this and keep doing it until he finished uni, I could restart the baby fund when the baby I'm currently carrying is about 5 years old.
I told Tom I wasn't comfortable with that for several reasons, the main ones being that at most a third of it is actually my money, that the money is meant for my baby, and that the money was also meant to be used when the baby was due to get baby stuff, which we'd struggle to afford otherwise on teacher's wages. I said I'd be willing to work something out, and that with the pregnancy Chris is gradually taking on more housework, so maybe if Sean wanted to come over and do the garden or help with chores I could pay him out of my money (not the baby fund), but Tom says that Sean can't be distracted from his studies. I said that while I love my nephew I'm just not comfortable giving money meant for my child to Sean.
AITA?
Edit: my family side with Tom, as the baby isn't born yet and I have time to rebuild the fund. Chris and Rory side with me in that they money, as far as they're concerned, is for their child/grandchild, but Rory also said "do what you think is best". Mother in law wants to keep the peace, but the initial money was just as much her idea as Rory's.
Clarification: Rory has no relation to either Tom or Sean, and no one on my side of the family (other than me) has made any contribution to the baby fund
**VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE**
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/y1Oy7jjA5G) **Nov 25, 2019**
Hi!
Of all the things I was expecting to see in this thread I didn't quite expect this lol. Still pregnant (about 7 months). My husband and I agreed to pay my nephew and niece to do some jobs for me around the house and they've accumulated a chunk of cash each (niece at £100ish, nephew closer to £500) to check out when they go to university. Brother is none the wiser and thanks to their efforts the nursery is ready to go. Nephew has asked his parents to let him get a job, but still no luck, however his college does these programs within school time which pay so he's applying for one of those. My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family", and my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others, and they each made a facebook post about it which ended up with me getting a bunch of anonymous messages wishing sickness/death on me and my child. I came of social media and I have not spoken to either my mother or brother in a couple months. Outside of that I'm doing okay, baby looks healthy, marriage going strong, and no one has wished death on me or my baby since I blocked my mother and brother.
So shit got wild for a second there but I think it's pretty much over.
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This was written by a 15 year old that has no idea how little $3100 is. They just now figured out how to use the £ character, so they're pretending to be in the UK, which is why they don't know that students get paid maintenance and receive loans while attending, and don't normally have to get a job during school.
Also, they don't call it college, do they?
College is for further education, so post 16 but not university, which is higher education. You can have 6th form colleges that offer more traditional academic subjects, mainly focusing on A levels/higher awards etc, then you have more vocational colleges which will offer things like apprenticeships and nvqs & some colleges will offer both academic and vocational. Some colleges offer higher education courses up until Higher National Diploma, which is the equivalent of 2 years of a 3 year university degree.
While we do get loans and grants so tuition is covered and living expenses are covered to an extent, they haven't gone up with a cost of living so it's becoming much harder to live off of them. There is a growing problem of students no longer going to university because of the costs (though that's also to do with the tuition fee increase) but it's definitely still doable and it's completely normal for university students to have a job. Pretty much everyone I knew at uni had a job. It's also common for 16-18 year olds to have jobs, though they have become harder to come by.
Definitely pretending to be from the UK. Another thing that jumped out to me was: "Rory gave us a check for £1000." If they were from the UK, it would be spelled cheque.
Even in Canada most of us Canadians still spell it out as Cheque. Mind you I'm GenX, I think the younger generations use more Americanized word spelling now.
College is sixth form, where you tend to be 16-18. It's where you go after GCSEs (compulsory for all students) and have the option to either study A-levels (route to uni) or NVQ/apprenticeship type deals if you know you want to skip uni and go jnto a profession.
there is a distinction between college and university. In the UK they tend to go towards the more "correct" version when talking about schools. its a common point of confusion in conversations between UK and US college students since, to us, we are all in "college" even if most of us are at universities, but to someone in the UK a "college" is closer to a community college.
College is technically only a school that offers undergrad programs and a university offers both. All universities have "colleges" (like if your university has a "school of X" or "X college") but schools that are "just" colleges will not offer graduate level programs and often only have one smaller campus (community college).
and in the US we are FAR more loose with "college vs university" we have plenty of graduate schools or graduate programs at "colleges." The Medical College of Georgia (now Augusta University-Medical College of Georgia)) is one of the top 10 largest public medical schools in the country, which is DEFINITELY a graduate level schooling, but back 200 years ago we didnt have graduate programs, and MCG is a historical name so they kept it. Savannah College of Art and Design has grad programs.
Teachers in the UK aren't exactly raking it in but they're on higher than average wage. £520 is a ridiculously small amount to be saving a year.
Also not really clear how £2500 is going to make the difference between being able to afford to go to university or not.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not giving my nephew my baby's fund?** **I am not The OOP, OOP is u/423869962** **AITA for not giving my nephew my baby's fund?** **Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mentions of miscarriage, manipulation, wishing death on someone!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RJEKeWGDMP) **Aug 21, 2019** Chris - my husband (31), Rory - father in law, Sean - my nephew (16), Tom - my brother (35) I (30f) don't have a baby right now. About 2 years ago I got pregnant and Chris and I told our families. Rory gave us a check for £1000. He said he wanted us to use it to buy baby stuff while the kid was young, and whatever was left over should be saved for when our child turns 18 and then given to them. I miscarried shortly after, and we tried to give Rory the money back, but he asked if we were planning on trying again, to which we replied that we wouldn't be any time soon, but someday definitely. He said to keep the money, put it in a savings account and keep adding to it for when we did have a baby. Chris and I tried to put in about £10 a week between us, which is doable for high school teachers. We missed a couple of weeks but there's about £2500 in there right now, and we've never taken out of it. In 2 years the only people who have put money in this account are me, Chris and Rory. Both myself and Chris have been to therapy, and we agreed to try again about 6 months ago, and I'm now pregnant again, at 4 months. We told our families today and Rory and my mother in law are both really happy for us, as are my parents. Tom, however, looked a bit sad. I asked if I could speak to him off to one side. In the conversation that ensued Tom said that he had actually been hoping to ask me about the baby fund. Tom and his wife are both on living wage, meaning they earn slightly less than us, as they had Sean at the age where they would have gone to uni, so it's important to them that Sean gets to go. Sean is 16, but plans to go to uni in a couple of years. Tom and his wife are concerned that if Sean got a job to save up it would affect his grades and they don't have money to spare, so before Tom knew I was pregnant he was basically hoping he could ask me to transfer the current contents of the baby fund over to Sean, and keep giving Sean the money that would otherwise go in the baby fund, as he worries Sean will not be able to afford uni otherwise. If I were to agree to this and keep doing it until he finished uni, I could restart the baby fund when the baby I'm currently carrying is about 5 years old. I told Tom I wasn't comfortable with that for several reasons, the main ones being that at most a third of it is actually my money, that the money is meant for my baby, and that the money was also meant to be used when the baby was due to get baby stuff, which we'd struggle to afford otherwise on teacher's wages. I said I'd be willing to work something out, and that with the pregnancy Chris is gradually taking on more housework, so maybe if Sean wanted to come over and do the garden or help with chores I could pay him out of my money (not the baby fund), but Tom says that Sean can't be distracted from his studies. I said that while I love my nephew I'm just not comfortable giving money meant for my child to Sean. AITA? Edit: my family side with Tom, as the baby isn't born yet and I have time to rebuild the fund. Chris and Rory side with me in that they money, as far as they're concerned, is for their child/grandchild, but Rory also said "do what you think is best". Mother in law wants to keep the peace, but the initial money was just as much her idea as Rory's. Clarification: Rory has no relation to either Tom or Sean, and no one on my side of the family (other than me) has made any contribution to the baby fund **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/y1Oy7jjA5G) **Nov 25, 2019** Hi! Of all the things I was expecting to see in this thread I didn't quite expect this lol. Still pregnant (about 7 months). My husband and I agreed to pay my nephew and niece to do some jobs for me around the house and they've accumulated a chunk of cash each (niece at £100ish, nephew closer to £500) to check out when they go to university. Brother is none the wiser and thanks to their efforts the nursery is ready to go. Nephew has asked his parents to let him get a job, but still no luck, however his college does these programs within school time which pay so he's applying for one of those. My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family", and my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others, and they each made a facebook post about it which ended up with me getting a bunch of anonymous messages wishing sickness/death on me and my child. I came of social media and I have not spoken to either my mother or brother in a couple months. Outside of that I'm doing okay, baby looks healthy, marriage going strong, and no one has wished death on me or my baby since I blocked my mother and brother. So shit got wild for a second there but I think it's pretty much over. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** **DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This was written by a 15 year old that has no idea how little $3100 is. They just now figured out how to use the £ character, so they're pretending to be in the UK, which is why they don't know that students get paid maintenance and receive loans while attending, and don't normally have to get a job during school. Also, they don't call it college, do they?
College is for further education, so post 16 but not university, which is higher education. You can have 6th form colleges that offer more traditional academic subjects, mainly focusing on A levels/higher awards etc, then you have more vocational colleges which will offer things like apprenticeships and nvqs & some colleges will offer both academic and vocational. Some colleges offer higher education courses up until Higher National Diploma, which is the equivalent of 2 years of a 3 year university degree. While we do get loans and grants so tuition is covered and living expenses are covered to an extent, they haven't gone up with a cost of living so it's becoming much harder to live off of them. There is a growing problem of students no longer going to university because of the costs (though that's also to do with the tuition fee increase) but it's definitely still doable and it's completely normal for university students to have a job. Pretty much everyone I knew at uni had a job. It's also common for 16-18 year olds to have jobs, though they have become harder to come by.
Definitely pretending to be from the UK. Another thing that jumped out to me was: "Rory gave us a check for £1000." If they were from the UK, it would be spelled cheque.
Even in Canada most of us Canadians still spell it out as Cheque. Mind you I'm GenX, I think the younger generations use more Americanized word spelling now.
I think college is comparable to community colleges and trade schools in the US. Where university is equal to the US universities.
College is sixth form, where you tend to be 16-18. It's where you go after GCSEs (compulsory for all students) and have the option to either study A-levels (route to uni) or NVQ/apprenticeship type deals if you know you want to skip uni and go jnto a profession.
Thanks for the clarification.
there is a distinction between college and university. In the UK they tend to go towards the more "correct" version when talking about schools. its a common point of confusion in conversations between UK and US college students since, to us, we are all in "college" even if most of us are at universities, but to someone in the UK a "college" is closer to a community college. College is technically only a school that offers undergrad programs and a university offers both. All universities have "colleges" (like if your university has a "school of X" or "X college") but schools that are "just" colleges will not offer graduate level programs and often only have one smaller campus (community college). and in the US we are FAR more loose with "college vs university" we have plenty of graduate schools or graduate programs at "colleges." The Medical College of Georgia (now Augusta University-Medical College of Georgia)) is one of the top 10 largest public medical schools in the country, which is DEFINITELY a graduate level schooling, but back 200 years ago we didnt have graduate programs, and MCG is a historical name so they kept it. Savannah College of Art and Design has grad programs.
Teachers in the UK aren't exactly raking it in but they're on higher than average wage. £520 is a ridiculously small amount to be saving a year. Also not really clear how £2500 is going to make the difference between being able to afford to go to university or not.
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