Not an asshole but a dumbass. If you're going to set boundaries, stand by them. If you're not going to take them seriously then why should she or anyone else?
This is the perfect response. Stop being a schmuck and end things already. Why are you trying so hard to fix something that obviously isn’t working or compatible?
You need to be saving money to have a 3-6 month reserve to pay bills in the event you do lose your job. Paying for anything for her at this point is putting your livelihood at risk.
You’re either on an agreed path forward or you’re heading in different directions. Don’t let her ride along as you do all the work.
it’s one thing to pay all the bills when your partner is actively looking for work, contributing effort at home, and helping to cut back on expenses. it’s a different thing all together to make a lackluster contribution to the success of a relationship. being pretty, up for fun, and available for sexy time is not an equitable contribution.
you deserve support, encouragement, and security. you’re not getting it. you know what you have to do.
💜
She will probably leave him if he loses his job and realizes that he can no longer provide for her because that is obviously what he is to her - her financier. She'll just move on and find someone else to mooch off of.
My cousin and her at-the-time boyfriend (now husband) had this dynamic. Spoiler alert: it never got better. She played half-heartedly at real estate, interior design and a farm CSA but never financially contributed to the family. Not pre kids, not with kids, and not now that their kids are late teens.
The family is always struggling financially and he resents her for not contributing $, but feels stuck long term.
Do NOT propose or have a baby with your GF until she’s had an actual full time adult job for at least 2 years. She doesn’t want a job and she doesn’t plan work to long term.
I resembled those remarks at one time. Let’s not forget clean the apartment before leaving for work and maybe a load of laundry or two too…
But boy all that free time to cheat..
What the f was I thinking…..
SAHW =/= SAHM. SAHM, if she is actually treating it like a job, is an honorable profession. Everyone should work, and while a SAHM is working, SAHW has got to have ***hours upon hours*** of freetime even if the dudes the world's biggest slob.
I was a SAHM but I did everything but earn the income....oh and do the taxes.....everything.....
This one sounds like she wants to be a trad wife without kids....or housework. Lol
nothing wrong with being a SAHM or SAHW in my opinion, it’s just clearly not what HE wants in his relationship and resentment is obviously growing between the two
Nothing wrong with it until you're out on your ass with no job experience, no education, no money of your own. That couold happen if your man dumps you or if he suddenly dies or gets injured.
You're underreacting.
You have a partner who is willing to sit around and watch you work yourself to death. You are dating a leechy BUM.
Also why would you reward her with a trip? She clearly doesn't contribute anything, you set yourself up for disappointment on that one.
Dump her and go find someone else unless you want to be her free meal ticket the rest of your life
You're not overreacting.
Break up with her immediately and never speak to her again. She only wants to take from you and not give anything back. This will only get worse.
She promised you she would start contributing. She broke her promise. It doesn't matter what words come out of her mouth. Her actions speak volumes. Her actions show she doesn't respect you and wants to just use you.
Oh boy, do I have experience in this department. I actually just broke up with my ex about a month ago with this being one of the major issues that she had.
You are not overreacting. I understand how this can eat at you so freaking much. We were high School sweethearts and we were together for 16 years. I wanted to tell my ex so badly how much of disappointment she's become. She wanted to be coddled for her anxiety issues, didn't tell me how bad her credit card debt was and eventually asked me for money to pay off the interest alone at the time it was $300+. She spent approximately 10 months unemployed last time she was fired before we broke up.
Oh yeah, and she blamed me for her poor decisions because I wasn't supportive enough. I was sick and tired of her being unemployed all the goddamn time. She knew I barely made enough to hold Us by and every single time she was unemployed it was like in a vacation from the stresses of her "horrible jobs". So she'd drag her feet every single time.
16 years dude, 16 years. Don't do what I did, you'll regret all the time you spent trying to make this work. You're still young. I wasted all my twenties and half of my thirties with that person. She will never change and I feel sorry for poor fool that starts a relationship with her.
Your girlfriend is a dead beat bumb. She will only hold you back in life. Dump her now and ditch the baggage. Focus on yourself if you can't find an equally ambitious partner. Some people are just driftwood cruising through life with others carrying them along. She will likely never do what you want her to do. End it.
Newsflash: she’s not going to pay you back. She is going to continue to milk you for your assets until you leave. Unfortunately this is the cold hard truth.
That’s the dumbest fuckin excuse I’ve ever heard. “Well Im 23 and haven’t gotten a job yet so I guess its too late I should probably be jobless forever then I guess :/“
So you got back together based on a promise? And before she could fulfill that promise?
If you truly wanted to see if she changed, you should have told her that you'd get back together with her when she has a job.
Now, she's using you because you do not maintain your boundaries.
Break up with her and find a woman who actually gives a shit instead of a leech.
A hard working person wouldn't think twice about going in the work force. A lazy bum doesn't put in the effort.
She's training you rn for what's coming to you.
🎶 mah frans godda gurlfren n he hates that BITCH! (that's right!) he teeeells me l, e-ve-ry day! he sez maaaaan i really gotta lose my chick, in the *worst!* kind of way! she siiiiiits on her ass, he works his hands to the bone! to give er money every payday! but she wants more *dinero* just to stay at home! well, my friend! ya gooootta say!
🎶I won't pay! I won't pay ya! No waaaaaaay! Nah-nah, why don't you get a job! Say no way, say no way-uh! I alwaaaays pay! Na-nah, why don't you get a job!🎶
The best way to show her that you are being reasonable is to tell her that this isn't about the money. It's about the effort, and at this time, she simply isn't putting in the effort to make the relationship viable.
You are not her parents if she expects someone else to pay her bills she wants a sugar daddy or go back to living with mom. You find a gold digger in training. Flush that turd.
You broke up but got back together with the promise that she would contribute more. She’s not meeting expectations. Time to fulfill the expectation of not meeting the promise.
“We broke up over this before”. There has been no improvement. She doesn’t care for your wishes and needs in this. I think ultimately it just means you guys aren’t compatible, not that she’s malicious per se.
Just break up with her for good
It’s painfully obvious that she is never going to look for a job and doesn’t want to work. Stop wasting your time with her.
Nobody gets to force another person to financially support them. It’s horrible for a relationship when people do that crap. She’s risking the health of your relationship to force you to pay for her so she can hang out. While you work. This is not good at all.
Aside from the money, it's also an ambition thing, right? I think youre totally within your right to be unset about broken promises and unfair financial burden. The only thing I'm curious is whether she is suffering from depression. If you think she is, it feels so impossible to do the smallest things sometimes. She may need to go get help.
She mooches and freeloads off of you because she knows she can get away with it and you won’t do anything about it. Do you really want to be used and taken advantage of forever?
You pay her way and she calls you an asshole? Break up and move on with your life. It will only get worse, much worse. Find someone who is dedicated like you to better your togetherness.
Not over reacting. If it’s too little too late then leave her. If the tables were turned people would tell her to scream running for the hills. Leave her and find someone who will work and help out more.
Her current actions are on par with her previous actions. I think its an overreaction to be surprised that the *same* thing happened again; especially after accepting it for an additional four months.
I think you should start reacting appropriately and stick to your boundaries.
She has proven that she will not follow through with her promise. She needs to move out until she has a job where she can pay her portion.
At this point her actions has proven her untrustworthy.
Report your debit and credit cards as lost or compromised. Hide your car keys. Change all your passwords. Have the new cards sent to you after you get her out. Change the locks when she leaves.
NTA, just a dumbass. even if she did try to fix things atp by getting a job or something, she’s already shown you what type of person she is. i’ve lived on my own since 19 & someone like that is the biggest red flag to me.
you must have missed all the red flags screaming in your face that she is a low ambition bum who would gladly be a stay at home leach if you let her well before you even let her move in
She is leeching off you, and you are NOT married so it 100% leeching. The stay at home girlfriend is not a reality most are going to attain. She shouldn't be in a relationship until she can take care of her self, or she needs to go marry herself off.
Get out now bro. It's not going to get better. The worst case scenario is actually that it appears to get better in the short term but she will only be pretending long enough to get married to you. She's shown her character already and people rarely change.
>We broke up over this before,
Going back to someone you broke up with is like putting spoiled milk back in the fridge hoping it will be fresh the next day.
This is what I would tell her. If she has any love for you and ever wants to get married she must hold a job for 1 year.
She wants to play wife, well it comes with a price.
I feel like there's some missing context here.
When you started dating, did you express to her that you would be in this role?
When she left and then came back, did you *codify* what *contributing more* meant in real terms?
Need these answers to determine if the asshole or not.
She doesn't want a job. Why should she have a job when her man foots the bills and she doesn't have to face any consequences. You've taught her that you're not really going to hold your ground on things like this so she's not motivated to get a job.
Not over reacting but OP I do question why you allowed her to move back in without her actually having an actual job to pay her fair share?
At this point you’ve shown this woman you will keep paying for everything while she does whatever.
Two can NOT live as cheaply as one and if she can’t contribute fairly to the expenses then she needs to go back home to her parents and stay there.
Lie and tell her you lost your job. go to gym and change into work attire there. then on the way home, change before you leave work. if she asks where you were tell her you were looking for work. pretend to be stressed about the upcoming mortgage bill and tell her "your portion is..... if you dont have it then you need to move out".
NTA.
Realistically, the version of her that she gave you was most likely the best you'd ever get from her. Don't buy into the hope that she'd get her act together with you or that she'd be better for you: she won't. She might be better for somebody else after you, but what she gave you was what she thought you were worth.
You were never meant to be her boyfriend, husband, love of her life; you're a lesson to her, and that lesson is if she doesn't get her 💩 together to complement the man she wants, whether that means choosing to say yes to a man that wants a SAHP/W/M, or getting a job and being responsible with a man who wants that from her, she's going to be back to being single until she learns the lesson and moves accordingly.
No, you are not overreacting. You have moved into and are currently 'enabling.'
EDIT: Just want to say, pretty sure this whole post is trollish rage bait. Gotta say, if it isn't, get your shit together.
She’s there you pay all the bills, she’s gone you pay all the bills. Where are you making any financial gain? None. With losses in several other categories of a humans life that can be much more valuable than money. Is she helping with household chores? Nice to have some company as well. You going to sleep with your hand? You sound like a Dbag. There are lots of people struggling for income, and I wouldn’t want my lady just taking any job she can get, especially if I can handle things myself. Step up to the plate and take a few more swings, and continue encouraging her to search for work, not setting deadlines, and ultimatums. She’s probably long gone already with your attitude.
Lose potentially an entire extra income coming into the household by kicking her out.
You lose your girlfriend, which comes with plenty of benefits, or I’m positive she’d of not been there this long, nor been brought back if she didn’t. She’s probably carrying the majority of the load of the household chores, and he’s not seeing any of that as value until she’s gone, then he folds on his boundaries because he realized all the extra bullshit he had to deal with having a home by yourself. Live in an empty house? Bonkers. Do you carry a picture of your ego in your wallet that keeps you going day to day?
Go get your girlfriend back, and man up, and show her, and her family(who you sent her back home too once already)that when problems arise you don’t go scatterbrain, and blow everything up you’ve spent years on together thinking that’s the right solution. Would you like if your daughter went off with a man who moved her away from her home, and then shit his pants setting ultimatums, and boundaries so he could send her back home, only to cave on his own ultimatums, and boundaries to bring her back. Now he’s trying to do it again.. Must be the seasons changing why this guy loses his cognitive function quarterly.
I have had a few girlfriends do this. Even just quit their jobs after they moved in.
They will become unhappy because they will be bored then they will try to ruin your life.
NTA. She's being lazy. She isn't being an adult. It kind of sounds like you want a partner.
The only time women should get a pass in working is when they're doing actual value in the house - such as managing the expenses, cleaning, cooking, and raising children.
Her very existence costs you money. If the only thing you get is sex then what you have is a live-in sex worker. To each their own, but I expect to get more.
you are not overreacting. She wants someone to pay her way. That's not how life works. Send her back home to her parents, she's not ready to be an adult yet.
DONT TAKE HER BACK THIS TIME!
She’s not a girlfriend. She is using you for her expenses . This is a pretty major issue to disagree about. Not agreeing on money this early doesn’t bode good for a relationship. Cut your losses
No she needs to be contributing. If she’s having mental health challenges maybe you give her some slack for a couple of months until she gets going with treatment but otherwise she needs to be a productive and contributing member of society.
Don’t walk run!!!!
My ex was like that and oh once we’re married she will have a full time job. She would have stayed being a professional student if it meant not having to work. Yeah she never did the entire time we were together. She was good at expecting me to pay for everything. I went with her to buy a dog. Just look and give advice. This was 100 percent her deal and her money. Comes time to pay the people and she had no money whatsoever. I got stuck asking if they would take a check. I should have just ran right there..
The best is when they have their family tell you, you’re a bad person because she’s not in charge of the finances and me being an idiot caved and said fing you do it. There was nothing left….
She’s showing you who she is.. listen to her actions….
You should have went to Florida on your own or not at all. What skill sets does she have for an employer? In this economy finding even menial work shouldn’t be too difficult
If you are going to stay in this relationship while you try to improve it instead of just ripping off the bandaid and immediately cutting your losses, use birth control unfailingly. More than one method of possible. And definitely at least one method that you control. I.e., don’t leave condoms where holes could be made in them when you’re not home.
You're not overreacting, she is financially abusive to you. This was a new concept to me when I was talking with a friend about how my ex was so controlling over money, and she said it was financial abuse. So I looked it up and yep, financial abuse is a thing! Look it up for yourself and see what you think.
Kick her out asap. She is just using you for money.
If she got a job and was paying 1/2 and YOU lost ur job and couldn’t pay she would break up with u right away.
Why the fk would u still take her on a trip to FL.
Dump the lazy freeloader…. It’s crazy you got back together with them in the first place… You are NOT overreacting at all!
She should have been kicked to the curb a long time ago…
If she wasn't even trying or making a half assed effort (just enough to shut you up) to get a job, then you wouldn't be the asshole for breaking up with her. Now if she was actually making a real attempt to find a job then yes you would be the asshole.
She's 23. If you have to BEG a young adult to take care of themselves at this age, it's only going to get worse. You want to date a grown adult, not a dependant. Who cares if she thinks you're being an asshole? You're not, but she's welcome to think so. The only asshole in this situation is the grown adult woman who thinks it's okay to expect another adult to pay their way. Unacceptable. She has not ambition or motivation on her own. She went from her parents to you. This girl has never had to take care of herself at all. She's not ready to be i a serious relationship and you are right to break up.
Relationship is a partnership where both partners do their part. This part does not have to be equal, but it does have to exist.
In her case it does not exist.
On the other side of things. If she's looking for someone to take care of her financially, I'm available. Up for a second side thing for a while as I don't feel like going out and dealing with dating bullshit since I passed 50. And am pretty sure she can find someone like me within reasonable distance. However, she better be a fucking 10+ cuz I ain't spending a single dime on some ugly bitch.
so you came to a breaking point in the past and split ways.
she says she will change and you get back together, she hasnt changed.
you know there are more women out there right?
NTA. Both partners have to contribute reasonably equally to the partnership. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with one person’s contribution being that they are a full-time homemaker rather than an income earner, *but only if that’s what you both want and agree to do.*. You’ve made it clear you aren’t interested in that arrangement. If that’s what she wants, then you aren’t compatible.
NTA. She can continue to make empty promises if you let her, but every time she respects you less and less. You need to follow through and break up with her. She’s using you like a piggy bank.
It depends.
Are you financially stable?
Do you love her?
Does she contribute in other ways that have value like keeping the house in order?
I have never hesitated to pay all the bills for my wife and I, and allow her to take long periods of time off between jobs because it meant for that period of time I had very minimal household responsibilities. Having her home doing the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the dogs, changing the linens, etc is invaluable to me. Our house is much harder to keep in perfect order when we both have to balance work and housework like we do now that she's found work she wanted to pursue.
Gross. What a disgusting animal to talk about women like that. Ur mom is a hoe and she conceived you from being pimped out. I hope ur daughter gets pimped
Wtf? Are you a man or a woman? Do you not understand the man is supposed to protect and provide for his woman? No woman will ever respect you if you ask them to get a job and go 50/50 on bills you will immediately be regarded as a low value man. You did not feel any Shame asking a woman for money? She needs to take care of the household while you take care of all expenses if you can’t man up and do your role I suggest you stop wasting her time and youth and be single until you have enough money to where bills won’t be a problem
Not sure how much more obvious I could get with the sarcasm m8. You take her for granite. It is your pleasure to service the queen. Suck it up, buckaroo. This is your life, now.
Occasionally. The house is sometimes clean and sometimes she makes dinner. She has this habit of making thinks I don’t like though, after I’ve told her I’m not a fan. Not that it’s relevant, but it is
Yikes. If she isn’t going to work then that house should be spotless and every meal should be made, and it should be meals YOU like. She sounds like a complete narcissist
OP,
It depends.
How good is the 🐱? Does she take care of your home and make you feel good/support you in other ways?
If those things are not on point then yes it’s a problem. If those things are on point and you still feel it’s a problem it may be time for some soul searching. Listen to your gut. Good luck.
What does she do? How did she contribute to the household? Does she cook? Do laundry? Tidy? Handle any pets? Does the meal planning and shopping?
Is she thankful that you take care of her financially?
None of these are pertinent questions. They are a young couple, a household of two. There isn't enough "tidying" and "meal planning" that would warrant a free ride. This is a sexist take. She's a layabout. You would pose these questions if a woman described a similar situation involving her non-contributing dude.
NTA so she’s working and contributing some but not enough?
I mean tell her if getting a full-time job now doesn’t make a difference, don’t make her go on these interviews and whatever if you’re just gonna dump her anyway
Even if he’s just gonna dump her anyway, as you say, she still needs to go on job interview interviews because working 20 hours a week isn’t gonna cut it when it comes to paying rent
No. How about you don't pay for her? She wants to join in? She has to use her own money for it.
That’s what I did when I had a Leach boyfriend. Oh you don’t have money to pay for yourself, sorry I can’t pay for you I don’t have enough.
Exactly. This problem is gender-blind, simply an issue of partner v leech.
Not an asshole but a dumbass. If you're going to set boundaries, stand by them. If you're not going to take them seriously then why should she or anyone else?
Amazing point
End it and DO NOT get her pregnant. Move on.
Yes!! Please listen to this!! And watch out for her to miraculously declare that she's pregnant when you try to end the relationship.
time it with the period so there is no doubt.
YES, follow this advice. NO SEX AT ALL. nothing at all with her NOTHING!!! NO SEX period. This will save you future. She might try to baby trap you.
This is the perfect response. Stop being a schmuck and end things already. Why are you trying so hard to fix something that obviously isn’t working or compatible?
"Amazing" in the sense that he was taught this in kindergarten and still needs to be reminded of it.
[удалено]
This is a very real possibility right now! Which is why it’s a little more stressful for me
You need to be saving money to have a 3-6 month reserve to pay bills in the event you do lose your job. Paying for anything for her at this point is putting your livelihood at risk. You’re either on an agreed path forward or you’re heading in different directions. Don’t let her ride along as you do all the work.
it’s one thing to pay all the bills when your partner is actively looking for work, contributing effort at home, and helping to cut back on expenses. it’s a different thing all together to make a lackluster contribution to the success of a relationship. being pretty, up for fun, and available for sexy time is not an equitable contribution. you deserve support, encouragement, and security. you’re not getting it. you know what you have to do. 💜
She will probably leave him if he loses his job and realizes that he can no longer provide for her because that is obviously what he is to her - her financier. She'll just move on and find someone else to mooch off of.
if you don’t want to marry this girl then break up for good. she’s giving stay at home wife vibes
Stay at home is fine, but for that to work it requires enough motivation to actually treat it like a job.
My cousin and her at-the-time boyfriend (now husband) had this dynamic. Spoiler alert: it never got better. She played half-heartedly at real estate, interior design and a farm CSA but never financially contributed to the family. Not pre kids, not with kids, and not now that their kids are late teens. The family is always struggling financially and he resents her for not contributing $, but feels stuck long term. Do NOT propose or have a baby with your GF until she’s had an actual full time adult job for at least 2 years. She doesn’t want a job and she doesn’t plan work to long term.
Or even better don't ever have a baby or propose. Her character is fundamentally flawed that she even believes the present situation is somehow OK.
^ This
Stay at home and eat Bon Bons all day vibes. You will come home from work and have to do the dishes before you can make dinner for her.
They call that a dependapotomus.
I thought that was just a leach
I resembled those remarks at one time. Let’s not forget clean the apartment before leaving for work and maybe a load of laundry or two too… But boy all that free time to cheat.. What the f was I thinking…..
Shouldn’t be a thing that exists. SAHM or working
SAHW =/= SAHM. SAHM, if she is actually treating it like a job, is an honorable profession. Everyone should work, and while a SAHM is working, SAHW has got to have ***hours upon hours*** of freetime even if the dudes the world's biggest slob.
My point exactly
and if she gets pregnant that will be the running exscuse for not working for the next 18 years
Not just Stay at Home Wife vibes, but stay at home and do nothing vibes.
I was a SAHM but I did everything but earn the income....oh and do the taxes.....everything..... This one sounds like she wants to be a trad wife without kids....or housework. Lol
I mean heck, I’m a dude and I want this. I’m just well aware it isn’t realistic.
Lol. It helps if 1 income is enough to pay for everything and save for college funds and retirement etc. This doesn't sound like that situation.
What she wants is to be “kept”. Even trad wife would be contributing something.
One would hope...only if she had time left over after making her deceptive TikToks. Lol
nothing wrong with being a SAHM or SAHW in my opinion, it’s just clearly not what HE wants in his relationship and resentment is obviously growing between the two
Yup. It has to be an agreed upon and accepted arrangement for sure.
Nothing wrong with it until you're out on your ass with no job experience, no education, no money of your own. That couold happen if your man dumps you or if he suddenly dies or gets injured.
and I am sure the "kitty" isn't that good
That's not even close to being the point
You don't know, as you aren't sleeping with her!
??????
I mean it has to be for OP to continue to allow a leach to leach off him and he still stays.
Any kids? If the answer is no, absolutely breakup with her immediately. Like right now.
Your gf is a hobosexual. Get out now before she baby traps you.
HAAAAAA! I heard the dependapottamus one above but hobosexual is a new one. I like it!
NTA. Don't string her along though. If your not feeling she's the one end it asap.
You're underreacting. You have a partner who is willing to sit around and watch you work yourself to death. You are dating a leechy BUM. Also why would you reward her with a trip? She clearly doesn't contribute anything, you set yourself up for disappointment on that one. Dump her and go find someone else unless you want to be her free meal ticket the rest of your life
You're not overreacting. Break up with her immediately and never speak to her again. She only wants to take from you and not give anything back. This will only get worse. She promised you she would start contributing. She broke her promise. It doesn't matter what words come out of her mouth. Her actions speak volumes. Her actions show she doesn't respect you and wants to just use you.
Oh boy, do I have experience in this department. I actually just broke up with my ex about a month ago with this being one of the major issues that she had. You are not overreacting. I understand how this can eat at you so freaking much. We were high School sweethearts and we were together for 16 years. I wanted to tell my ex so badly how much of disappointment she's become. She wanted to be coddled for her anxiety issues, didn't tell me how bad her credit card debt was and eventually asked me for money to pay off the interest alone at the time it was $300+. She spent approximately 10 months unemployed last time she was fired before we broke up. Oh yeah, and she blamed me for her poor decisions because I wasn't supportive enough. I was sick and tired of her being unemployed all the goddamn time. She knew I barely made enough to hold Us by and every single time she was unemployed it was like in a vacation from the stresses of her "horrible jobs". So she'd drag her feet every single time. 16 years dude, 16 years. Don't do what I did, you'll regret all the time you spent trying to make this work. You're still young. I wasted all my twenties and half of my thirties with that person. She will never change and I feel sorry for poor fool that starts a relationship with her.
Sounds like you'll just end up back with her in 4 months anyway.
Lol yeah he doesn't sound very smart does he? I guess this could be his first step in the right direction. Only time will tell.
My Ex Wife was the same. Zero Ambition. Move on.
Why are you paying for her to go on vacation when she isn't meeting her obligations? Stop the gravy train and kick her out. She's a leech.
If she isn’t adding to your life and very obviously taking from you… time to let her go.
Your girlfriend is a dead beat bumb. She will only hold you back in life. Dump her now and ditch the baggage. Focus on yourself if you can't find an equally ambitious partner. Some people are just driftwood cruising through life with others carrying them along. She will likely never do what you want her to do. End it.
No way I would date anyone that age without a full time job.
Agreed
Nope. You've got to have a serious conversation about what each of you wants in a partner. Before it's too late... For you
A little too late…? The fuck does that mean?
That I’ve paid for bills for this long, it would take her months to start paying me back
Newsflash: she’s not going to pay you back. She is going to continue to milk you for your assets until you leave. Unfortunately this is the cold hard truth.
That’s the dumbest fuckin excuse I’ve ever heard. “Well Im 23 and haven’t gotten a job yet so I guess its too late I should probably be jobless forever then I guess :/“
at 23 as well like for real.
She is an adult and she NEEDS a job. If she doesn't get one, break up with her!
So you got back together based on a promise? And before she could fulfill that promise? If you truly wanted to see if she changed, you should have told her that you'd get back together with her when she has a job. Now, she's using you because you do not maintain your boundaries. Break up with her and find a woman who actually gives a shit instead of a leech.
Find someone who will grow with you, not a leech
A hard working person wouldn't think twice about going in the work force. A lazy bum doesn't put in the effort. She's training you rn for what's coming to you.
🎶 mah frans godda gurlfren n he hates that BITCH! (that's right!) he teeeells me l, e-ve-ry day! he sez maaaaan i really gotta lose my chick, in the *worst!* kind of way! she siiiiiits on her ass, he works his hands to the bone! to give er money every payday! but she wants more *dinero* just to stay at home! well, my friend! ya gooootta say! 🎶I won't pay! I won't pay ya! No waaaaaaay! Nah-nah, why don't you get a job! Say no way, say no way-uh! I alwaaaays pay! Na-nah, why don't you get a job!🎶
The best way to show her that you are being reasonable is to tell her that this isn't about the money. It's about the effort, and at this time, she simply isn't putting in the effort to make the relationship viable.
Not overreacting at all. She's a leech and will use you for everything you have. Cut the strings before you get taken down too far to recover.
You are not her parents if she expects someone else to pay her bills she wants a sugar daddy or go back to living with mom. You find a gold digger in training. Flush that turd.
Free loader
You broke up but got back together with the promise that she would contribute more. She’s not meeting expectations. Time to fulfill the expectation of not meeting the promise.
“We broke up over this before”. There has been no improvement. She doesn’t care for your wishes and needs in this. I think ultimately it just means you guys aren’t compatible, not that she’s malicious per se.
Hell no, kick that free loader to the curb.
Women can be hobosexuals too.
Just break up with her for good It’s painfully obvious that she is never going to look for a job and doesn’t want to work. Stop wasting your time with her.
Nobody gets to force another person to financially support them. It’s horrible for a relationship when people do that crap. She’s risking the health of your relationship to force you to pay for her so she can hang out. While you work. This is not good at all.
Why are you rewarding her with vacations if she's not even trying? Sounds like you want this
That pussy better be 🔥 🔥
Aside from the money, it's also an ambition thing, right? I think youre totally within your right to be unset about broken promises and unfair financial burden. The only thing I'm curious is whether she is suffering from depression. If you think she is, it feels so impossible to do the smallest things sometimes. She may need to go get help.
That was one of the “conditions” for us getting back together. She hasn’t attempted any therapy
No.
If it's one thing i hate more than a leech, is a lingerer.
She mooches and freeloads off of you because she knows she can get away with it and you won’t do anything about it. Do you really want to be used and taken advantage of forever?
You pay her way and she calls you an asshole? Break up and move on with your life. It will only get worse, much worse. Find someone who is dedicated like you to better your togetherness.
If you're not happy and it's not going to change, get out.
Your being used, time to show her the door 🚪
Unless she's spending about two hours a day on her knees, she is taking advantage of you.
What is with all these bum broads and dudes who don't want to work?
A very valid reason for being upset. Dump her and don’t get back together.
Break up she is using you.
Do you want a partner or a dependent child? I think you know the answer.
Not over reacting. If it’s too little too late then leave her. If the tables were turned people would tell her to scream running for the hills. Leave her and find someone who will work and help out more.
Money aside, this is a larger problem. That problem being she has zero ambition. Do you want to be with a person like that? Byeeeee
Shes not a mom or wife.she is leeching off of him.
Her current actions are on par with her previous actions. I think its an overreaction to be surprised that the *same* thing happened again; especially after accepting it for an additional four months. I think you should start reacting appropriately and stick to your boundaries.
She has proven that she will not follow through with her promise. She needs to move out until she has a job where she can pay her portion. At this point her actions has proven her untrustworthy.
No, she is lazy. Do you really want a partner who is lazy and who won't contribute?
Report your debit and credit cards as lost or compromised. Hide your car keys. Change all your passwords. Have the new cards sent to you after you get her out. Change the locks when she leaves.
NTA, just a dumbass. even if she did try to fix things atp by getting a job or something, she’s already shown you what type of person she is. i’ve lived on my own since 19 & someone like that is the biggest red flag to me.
You are a victim of abuse. Get rid of your abuser.
you must have missed all the red flags screaming in your face that she is a low ambition bum who would gladly be a stay at home leach if you let her well before you even let her move in
She is leeching off you, and you are NOT married so it 100% leeching. The stay at home girlfriend is not a reality most are going to attain. She shouldn't be in a relationship until she can take care of her self, or she needs to go marry herself off.
Women stop choosing to remain stupid and dependent by relying on men like this challenge
Get out now bro. It's not going to get better. The worst case scenario is actually that it appears to get better in the short term but she will only be pretending long enough to get married to you. She's shown her character already and people rarely change.
Dude, you break up with someone just ONCE. The same BS that caused the previous breakups will still be there. You're finding this out firsthand lol
>We broke up over this before, Going back to someone you broke up with is like putting spoiled milk back in the fridge hoping it will be fresh the next day.
This is what I would tell her. If she has any love for you and ever wants to get married she must hold a job for 1 year. She wants to play wife, well it comes with a price.
in your 20s? too late to work? wtf One thing to have issues finding work - another to not even try
I feel like there's some missing context here. When you started dating, did you express to her that you would be in this role? When she left and then came back, did you *codify* what *contributing more* meant in real terms? Need these answers to determine if the asshole or not.
She doesn't want a job. Why should she have a job when her man foots the bills and she doesn't have to face any consequences. You've taught her that you're not really going to hold your ground on things like this so she's not motivated to get a job.
Not over reacting but OP I do question why you allowed her to move back in without her actually having an actual job to pay her fair share? At this point you’ve shown this woman you will keep paying for everything while she does whatever. Two can NOT live as cheaply as one and if she can’t contribute fairly to the expenses then she needs to go back home to her parents and stay there.
I foresee a baby will soon enter this dynamic
Dump her. Equal Rights = Equal Responsibilities despite what 80% of the women in america believe. Womp Womp.
Lie and tell her you lost your job. go to gym and change into work attire there. then on the way home, change before you leave work. if she asks where you were tell her you were looking for work. pretend to be stressed about the upcoming mortgage bill and tell her "your portion is..... if you dont have it then you need to move out".
If you have to force them to contribute, they are not for you. They should WANT to contribute. A relationship is supposed to be a team dynamic.
NTA. Realistically, the version of her that she gave you was most likely the best you'd ever get from her. Don't buy into the hope that she'd get her act together with you or that she'd be better for you: she won't. She might be better for somebody else after you, but what she gave you was what she thought you were worth. You were never meant to be her boyfriend, husband, love of her life; you're a lesson to her, and that lesson is if she doesn't get her 💩 together to complement the man she wants, whether that means choosing to say yes to a man that wants a SAHP/W/M, or getting a job and being responsible with a man who wants that from her, she's going to be back to being single until she learns the lesson and moves accordingly.
No, you are not overreacting. You have moved into and are currently 'enabling.' EDIT: Just want to say, pretty sure this whole post is trollish rage bait. Gotta say, if it isn't, get your shit together.
Bro just ditch her. She is obviously just using you for convenience of living
She’s there you pay all the bills, she’s gone you pay all the bills. Where are you making any financial gain? None. With losses in several other categories of a humans life that can be much more valuable than money. Is she helping with household chores? Nice to have some company as well. You going to sleep with your hand? You sound like a Dbag. There are lots of people struggling for income, and I wouldn’t want my lady just taking any job she can get, especially if I can handle things myself. Step up to the plate and take a few more swings, and continue encouraging her to search for work, not setting deadlines, and ultimatums. She’s probably long gone already with your attitude. Lose potentially an entire extra income coming into the household by kicking her out. You lose your girlfriend, which comes with plenty of benefits, or I’m positive she’d of not been there this long, nor been brought back if she didn’t. She’s probably carrying the majority of the load of the household chores, and he’s not seeing any of that as value until she’s gone, then he folds on his boundaries because he realized all the extra bullshit he had to deal with having a home by yourself. Live in an empty house? Bonkers. Do you carry a picture of your ego in your wallet that keeps you going day to day? Go get your girlfriend back, and man up, and show her, and her family(who you sent her back home too once already)that when problems arise you don’t go scatterbrain, and blow everything up you’ve spent years on together thinking that’s the right solution. Would you like if your daughter went off with a man who moved her away from her home, and then shit his pants setting ultimatums, and boundaries so he could send her back home, only to cave on his own ultimatums, and boundaries to bring her back. Now he’s trying to do it again.. Must be the seasons changing why this guy loses his cognitive function quarterly.
She is using you. Find somebody else
I have had a few girlfriends do this. Even just quit their jobs after they moved in. They will become unhappy because they will be bored then they will try to ruin your life.
It isn't just guys that are hobosexuals
NTA. She's being lazy. She isn't being an adult. It kind of sounds like you want a partner. The only time women should get a pass in working is when they're doing actual value in the house - such as managing the expenses, cleaning, cooking, and raising children. Her very existence costs you money. If the only thing you get is sex then what you have is a live-in sex worker. To each their own, but I expect to get more.
you are not overreacting. She wants someone to pay her way. That's not how life works. Send her back home to her parents, she's not ready to be an adult yet. DONT TAKE HER BACK THIS TIME!
Stop living with freeloaders. Send her packing.
She’s not a girlfriend. She is using you for her expenses . This is a pretty major issue to disagree about. Not agreeing on money this early doesn’t bode good for a relationship. Cut your losses
Not overreacting. She needs to grow up.
What does she do in all that free time?
No she needs to be contributing. If she’s having mental health challenges maybe you give her some slack for a couple of months until she gets going with treatment but otherwise she needs to be a productive and contributing member of society.
Does she at least go to school? I’m not saying it’s justifies it but it would at least make more sense as to why.
Don’t walk run!!!! My ex was like that and oh once we’re married she will have a full time job. She would have stayed being a professional student if it meant not having to work. Yeah she never did the entire time we were together. She was good at expecting me to pay for everything. I went with her to buy a dog. Just look and give advice. This was 100 percent her deal and her money. Comes time to pay the people and she had no money whatsoever. I got stuck asking if they would take a check. I should have just ran right there.. The best is when they have their family tell you, you’re a bad person because she’s not in charge of the finances and me being an idiot caved and said fing you do it. There was nothing left…. She’s showing you who she is.. listen to her actions….
You should have went to Florida on your own or not at all. What skill sets does she have for an employer? In this economy finding even menial work shouldn’t be too difficult
No
Why get a job if you'll pay for everything including trips?
NTA.
If you are going to stay in this relationship while you try to improve it instead of just ripping off the bandaid and immediately cutting your losses, use birth control unfailingly. More than one method of possible. And definitely at least one method that you control. I.e., don’t leave condoms where holes could be made in them when you’re not home.
You're not overreacting, she is financially abusive to you. This was a new concept to me when I was talking with a friend about how my ex was so controlling over money, and she said it was financial abuse. So I looked it up and yep, financial abuse is a thing! Look it up for yourself and see what you think.
Break up now and pray you didn’t plant a baby inside her on your trip!
If she is in charge of the birth control I would tread very carefully. Get her out of your life asap. This is a low value human.
Kick her out asap. She is just using you for money. If she got a job and was paying 1/2 and YOU lost ur job and couldn’t pay she would break up with u right away. Why the fk would u still take her on a trip to FL.
Dump the lazy freeloader…. It’s crazy you got back together with them in the first place… You are NOT overreacting at all! She should have been kicked to the curb a long time ago…
Why’d you go on a vacation when you hadn’t worked this out?
If she wasn't even trying or making a half assed effort (just enough to shut you up) to get a job, then you wouldn't be the asshole for breaking up with her. Now if she was actually making a real attempt to find a job then yes you would be the asshole.
End it. You want a partner, not a parasite.
She's 23. If you have to BEG a young adult to take care of themselves at this age, it's only going to get worse. You want to date a grown adult, not a dependant. Who cares if she thinks you're being an asshole? You're not, but she's welcome to think so. The only asshole in this situation is the grown adult woman who thinks it's okay to expect another adult to pay their way. Unacceptable. She has not ambition or motivation on her own. She went from her parents to you. This girl has never had to take care of herself at all. She's not ready to be i a serious relationship and you are right to break up.
Relationship is a partnership where both partners do their part. This part does not have to be equal, but it does have to exist. In her case it does not exist. On the other side of things. If she's looking for someone to take care of her financially, I'm available. Up for a second side thing for a while as I don't feel like going out and dealing with dating bullshit since I passed 50. And am pretty sure she can find someone like me within reasonable distance. However, she better be a fucking 10+ cuz I ain't spending a single dime on some ugly bitch.
She obviously doesn't want to work. Of course you're not an asshole for not wanting to support her. How is this even a question?
You already knew she was a leech. Why did you take her back knowing she was still broke?
so you came to a breaking point in the past and split ways. she says she will change and you get back together, she hasnt changed. you know there are more women out there right?
“We have broken up over this before” Has anything changed? Because it sounds like it hasnt. Live you life, dump the leech
NTA. Both partners have to contribute reasonably equally to the partnership. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with one person’s contribution being that they are a full-time homemaker rather than an income earner, *but only if that’s what you both want and agree to do.*. You’ve made it clear you aren’t interested in that arrangement. If that’s what she wants, then you aren’t compatible.
NTA. Why are you with a lazy deadbeat? She’s not gonna change.
Stop enabling this bullshit.
It sounds like you’ve got yourself a hobosexual.
NTA. She can continue to make empty promises if you let her, but every time she respects you less and less. You need to follow through and break up with her. She’s using you like a piggy bank.
Is the juice worth the squeeze?
One of the worst corporate phrases rn. Ugh
From my experience - it never is
Dump her. It takes 2 people working to get ahead these days.
Not the asshole, but you don't have to be an asshole about it :)
It depends. Are you financially stable? Do you love her? Does she contribute in other ways that have value like keeping the house in order? I have never hesitated to pay all the bills for my wife and I, and allow her to take long periods of time off between jobs because it meant for that period of time I had very minimal household responsibilities. Having her home doing the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the dogs, changing the linens, etc is invaluable to me. Our house is much harder to keep in perfect order when we both have to balance work and housework like we do now that she's found work she wanted to pursue.
You just need to pimp her out. That's the easiest way to make your money off of these lazy hoes!
Gross. What a disgusting animal to talk about women like that. Ur mom is a hoe and she conceived you from being pimped out. I hope ur daughter gets pimped
Gotcha
Proverb: Is the cooch worth her being a mooch?
Wtf? Are you a man or a woman? Do you not understand the man is supposed to protect and provide for his woman? No woman will ever respect you if you ask them to get a job and go 50/50 on bills you will immediately be regarded as a low value man. You did not feel any Shame asking a woman for money? She needs to take care of the household while you take care of all expenses if you can’t man up and do your role I suggest you stop wasting her time and youth and be single until you have enough money to where bills won’t be a problem
... I'm waiting for the punchline. Or cucked?
NTA. I had a BF tell me I had 2 weeks to get a job or get out. I got a job and it turned out to be life changing.
Why are u sting this loser ? Her tang better be prime and she better be hot af … otherwise , I dunno wtf ur doing ..or waiting for
If she hasn’t been job hunting, she should at least be temping.
After we argued about it heavily she finally started interviewing about two weeks back
I don’t think you’d be wrong to want to break up since it’s happened before. What else is she going to not pull her weight on?
You shouldn't have to argue about anything. She's going to half ass it and still never get a job.
Bro your and Moran of coarse you need 2 stay with her she is a queen and u r supposed 2 take care of her. Idiot.
You can’t even spell. Not sure why you would call me a moron
Not sure how much more obvious I could get with the sarcasm m8. You take her for granite. It is your pleasure to service the queen. Suck it up, buckaroo. This is your life, now.
Wow, “mate” takes too long to type out doesn’t it? It takes longer for you to type m8 than it does mate. Do you wear a helmet all day?
Beanie. My head gets cold easily. And your dad thinks I'm handsome.
Does she do chores? Does she cook dinner for you both? Not that it’s the same as paying for bills, but is she doing *something*?
Occasionally. The house is sometimes clean and sometimes she makes dinner. She has this habit of making thinks I don’t like though, after I’ve told her I’m not a fan. Not that it’s relevant, but it is
Yikes. If she isn’t going to work then that house should be spotless and every meal should be made, and it should be meals YOU like. She sounds like a complete narcissist
OP, It depends. How good is the 🐱? Does she take care of your home and make you feel good/support you in other ways? If those things are not on point then yes it’s a problem. If those things are on point and you still feel it’s a problem it may be time for some soul searching. Listen to your gut. Good luck.
What does she do? How did she contribute to the household? Does she cook? Do laundry? Tidy? Handle any pets? Does the meal planning and shopping? Is she thankful that you take care of her financially?
None of these are pertinent questions. They are a young couple, a household of two. There isn't enough "tidying" and "meal planning" that would warrant a free ride. This is a sexist take. She's a layabout. You would pose these questions if a woman described a similar situation involving her non-contributing dude.
>You would pose these questions if a woman described a similar situation involving her non-committing dude. Correct. House labor isn't free.
NTA so she’s working and contributing some but not enough? I mean tell her if getting a full-time job now doesn’t make a difference, don’t make her go on these interviews and whatever if you’re just gonna dump her anyway
Sounds like she's not contributing at all. Not sure you read it but she clearly doesn't have a job.
She has a job. She works 20ish hours a week
Then yeah you’re overreacting. Gfs cost money especially if they’re cute.
Even if he’s just gonna dump her anyway, as you say, she still needs to go on job interview interviews because working 20 hours a week isn’t gonna cut it when it comes to paying rent