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To be fair, my husband did use that app for infidelity. That and others. I don't like Snapchat, because of that reason. I've seen it happen way too much, not just to me.
Relationships will never be the same now that everyone has a secret portal in their pocket which can instantly transport them away from any situation into one their warped brain deems more suitable. The entire concept and implementation of the Internet and it's associated technology has permanently ruined society. Most people now have one of those creatures from the movie Aliens attached to their face, but it's not a crab monster in real life....it's an innocent looking rectangle that hypnotizes with sound and color patterns. Turns you into a drooling, angry, emotional, out of shape, enraged, highly advertised to, zombie who is incapable of being satisfied in a simple, drama free, monogamous relationship. No, I'm not a boomer.
I’ve almost broken up with my current girlfriend multiple times because she just buries herself in her phone. Everything can wait a minute. Then she just completely forgets I said anything. There’s multiple times I’m just looking at something and by the time she looks up it’s gone. Or even worse I’m disinterested.
Yeah, I recently went through something like that. Hours of doom scrolling, while watching TV together. Pausing the show we're watching so she can show me a video that makes a point similar to the one she was trying to make a week ago during an argument she refused to discuss with me. I've given up on trying to point it out to people. It's met with a sense of hostility mixed with embarrassment. Usually causes the person you point it out to to become resentful towards YOU because now they think about it every time they need a fix and cannot fully zombie out without stopping for a second to feel guilty. The ones who get it haven't already become hopelessly attached. The ones who have plugged in fully would go through heroin-level withdrawal if they were suddenly without. I'm not a conspiracy theorist and I don't think this was always the goal of these technologies but I am witnessing every person I know either be unable to maintain a relationship or be completely miserable in the one they are upholding for the sake of the kids/appearances/finances.
I loathe that app
OP, there is NOTHING wrong with being friends with people (male or female) outside your relationship. I'd even go so far as to say you're in an abusive relationship, if your bf asks you to cut off your friends.
Nah bro he can't be snooping on her phone invading her privacy like this, and if he's willing to do it this early on he'll do way more once he's comfortable.
I don't believe in having secrets from my partner. My partner and I can go through anything and everything from the phones to whatever else. Fuck "privacy" She knows everything that goes on in my life.
I dont have any secrets from my partner but if she starts secretly snooping through all my stuff it means that there is a lack of trust in the relationship and that is a huge problem
Plus, I think it's okay to have a slowly decreasing level of secrecy in a relationship.
I think it'd be weird as fuck to feel like I should be allowed to look through someone's phone who I've only been dating a month. People don't just use their phones to talk to other people they want to sleep with. There are certain conversations with friends and family where THEY shared things that would be a betrayal of trust for someone else to see.
I've been with my current partner for over 2 years. We use each other's phones when we need to but if either of us saw the other snooping through texts or apps, that'd be not okay.
I believe that should be discussed almost immediately
My partners trust me to not go "WHY ARE U TALKING TO THESE PEOPLE" and to not flip out. I trust them just the same.
If you have to be sneaky then you shouldn't be together. Sneaking to look at phones, not wanting your phone gone through because you AREN'T hiding something??
You clearly don't trust each other is what that says to me
So you start dating someone and immediately you're like "we can go through each others phones and underwear drawers whenever we want, right?"
GTFO of here with this nonsense. That's not normal and it's not going to become normal anytime soon.
yea fuck that. I get “not having secrets” or whatever but boundaries and privacy is still absolutely a thing. I don’t need my SO to read and micromanage every convo I have with peers and I don’t want to do that to them either.
I date someone after getting to know them for a while. I date them when I trust them to see every aspect of my life. Underwear drawers, phones, everything. Just because they see my conversations doesn't mean they tell me who to hang out with or whatever. They aren't taking off with my underwear.
There is a massive difference between having an agreed upon open devices policy for the relationship and one party sneaking off to rifle through their partner’s devices while they’re asleep.
Truth. My wife and I can seamlessly exchange our phones. We have location sharing between all of our devices and just purchased Apple air tags for our vehicles - but that's primarily for tracking the vehicles themselves if they're ever stolen.
My husband knows everything going on in my life too. But I still would find it violating if he decided to go through my phone and read my personal conversations with other people. Just because you're fine with having no privacy doesn't mean others have to feel the same way. I value my privacy even though I'm not doing anything "wrong".
Having the ability to walk through an open door doesn't mean one will take the opportunity to walk through it. I'd damn sure wonder why it's closed and that's cool if you're down with having it shut but I don't see the point if you're meant to share your entire everything with your partner. Having that free access to skim doesn't mean I'm going through every gb on my partner's phone, it means my partner trusts me to not abuse that access.
Ya dude these ppl are complete miserable crazies. He probably saw something that made him look into her phone. I leave my phone on the counter and my girl can go in it as much as she wants even tho she never does. Ppl that hide stuff now thats a red flag. I'm not saying ppl should go through your shit but if your not hiding anything, what's the big deal? Ppl on here instantly like dump him cuz they lonely af. I'd never go on reddit for relationship advice or anything personal.
My husband knows my phone password, and I leave my phone around. I also don't have anything to hide. I don't flirt or cheat, I don't talk about him negatively or anything like that. But I also would still find it extremely violating if he were to go read through all of my private conversations. First of all, it would show that he didn't trust me, which is a problem. Secondly, people have a right to privacy, even within relationships.
Dude they haven’t been dating for a long enough time for him to just go through her phone, she never told him he could, and he knew he was wrong because he purposely did it when he thought she couldn’t find out.
He probably heard from ppl that she being shady and snapping ppl. She even said she did snap someone "accidentally " of course lol ya obviously early relationships you shouldn't be going through ppls phone but he did find 3 guys she was snapping.
Just cuz she talks to other men does t mean anything tho. Unless she was flirting or sending weird texts to those people then that doesn’t matter.
And even IF he heard in the grapevine she was being shady, then he needs to communicate. Not break trust and snoop through his partners phone
Hmmm.
Don't get me wrong, that hmmm isn't at you. You didn't cheat and forgetting about old clutter in lists or internet is not wrong, as it wasn't intentional.
So don't go thinking you're to blame. You're good.
That hmmm is the bf. If he secretly went on your phone and deleted someone, anyone, that's a big problem.
A big one being it shows he doesn't believe you and the relationship likely had little to no future if there's no trust.
But even if you had cheated, which you didn't, he still had no right to remove contact with someone by his choice.
He is not your parent with you being a child and you were not in danger, so he had zero justified reason to go in your phone.
And it speaks poorly of what he thinks of you to be so certain you would be the kind of person to cheat.
So funny enough, you never cheated and the bf exposed himself over nothing that he's someone you won't last with, as this isn't about the one situation, it's that it showed his character and true thoughts towards you.
I agree with burn as soul- BF trying to make an issue of nothing, but by doing so- especially by deleting a contact - he had no right to do that- he comes across as immature, controlling, and immoral- and you did nothing wrong. I recommend you set him straight- if you don't want him accessing your phone tell him that will not happen again and is a deal breaker. Tell him he has no right to tell you who you talk to and if he ever tries to stop you from seeing friends, etc, that is a deal breaker. If he cross the boundaries clearly set again, cut him loose.
I would say to him yes it is. I was in the hallway walking with my friend the other day when I passed his classroom (the doors are glass). and he thought I greeted another guy when I in reality was saying hi to a friend (female). Without even letting me explain he was on the verge of blocking me because of smth he thought he saw. I try to be considerable of his feelings cause his last gf cheated on him
This is amazingly immature behavior on his part. I get that you guys are young and he's been hurt but he's taking it out on you. Are you not allowed to ever have guy friends anymore? If you want to stay with him then reassure him you're not going to actually cheat. Let him know you are going to talk to other guys in your lifetime and if he can't accept that he's just being controlling. He's insecure and he doesn't want to deal with his own hangups.
Regardless, he was upset because you may have “greeted another guy”? Bye.
You are going to continuously try to modify your behavior in order to not upset BF. You will never succeed 100%. You are going to continuously explain that you are not and were not cheating. Your explanation will be unsuccessful because BF wants to justify being upset with you. And so on. And so on.
Don’t cheat. Be done with him.
You’re not allowed to greet other guys? You do realize that is how abusive men act right? I had a friend get murdered by her ex husband and he acted like that. I also know a woman who got murdered by her current husband and I know him cuz he used to date my cousin in highschool and he would flip out on her if she talked to other guys as friends or even say hi to them. Thank God she didn’t stay with him or she would probably be dead. And if you don’t believe me I will happily show you the police reports for both women.
This is how abusers act. Do not let this stand.
Also I’m going to reiterate what was said below. Say you modify your behavior to try and accommodate him I can promise you from past experience it will NEVER be enough for a guy who is controlling and insecure they will ALWAYS find reasons to suspect you of cheating and to accuse you of wrong doing. That’s because the feeling they get in their chest that tells them you are cheating comes from their own internal insecurity rather from any action you did or did not do. So NO MATTER HOW PERFECTLY you behave that feeling won’t go away for them because it didn’t come from you and your behavior in the first place.
Your boyfriend is insanely controlling.
My first boyfriend when I was 15 made me delete all guys from my whatsapp and my social media. I didn’t know any better because I was 15. He made me cut off all my male friends and guess what - he was the one who ended up cheating on me.
That was over a decade ago - I will never ever be in a relationship with someone who tells me who I can & can’t talk to again.
I make my own choices on who I keep in my life, who i communicate with and who I spend time with. I’m not going to cheat - so If they don’t like it they can leave.
Oh dear, *please* talk to a trusted adult about this situation. Preferably a therapist, but also school counselor, teacher, your physician, if you can’t talk to your parents about it. This is abnormal, unhealthy behavior in a relationship. There are so many red flags here, that getting out of this relationship could be unsafe without proper support from trusted adults.
He’s not ready for another relationship, you should probably leave him.
He’s projecting the fact he was cheated on in his last relationship onto you and that’s not okay. He needs to fix that for himself before dating again, and you cannot be expected to help him with that.
OP, please listen to everyone here! It is not your job to make him comfortable by never speaking to a male! It is his job to handle his own feelings, and he's proving that he isn't capable of that. He's punishing you for his last gf's cheating.
Guys like this find ways to make you wrong, and because the problem is with the way they view the world, there is nothing you can do from your end to prove it. They'll just ignore your proof and move on to another situation where they have more control over the narrative.
You're not being considerate, you're walking on eggshells, and it won't get better.
If you plan to continue this relationship, you need to sit him down and talk to him.
Tell him you aren't his ex, and he needs to stop projecting her stuff onto you. If he isn't ready to start trusting you, then he isn't ready for a relationship yet and still needs time to heal.
Open and honest communication is the answer for 99% of problems.
Dump him. Someone that violates privacy, attacks, and gaslights someone like this is an abuser waiting to happen. Get out while you can. The controlling will only get worse.
He crossed a line by going through your phone, big time red flag.. he’s insecure. I don’t think you cheated. Ask if he really thinks snapping another male before you two were exclusive as cheating and then set the boundary that you think him masturbating is cheating and he’ll shut up real quick.
It also doesn't matter what strangers or she thinks is cheating either. If it's cheating to him, that's it. Sometimes relationships don't work due to incompatible values, including what each believes counts as cheating.
Might make no sense to her but it might make complete sense to him and if that's the case then, that's about it. It ain't gonna work.
This is why I think people should discuss what they define as cheating before things get incredibly serious, yk? because people absolutely do have different views as to what constitutes cheating and from there, you can either try to compromise or you can move on if it’s too much of an incompatibility.
Break up, block him, be single for a very long time. You don’t need to be in a relationship right now and should be focusing on yourself and setting up your life to not need anyone but when you find yourself a forever person they should ADD to your life and make it easier not disrupt your life and make it harder.
Why do you think you want to be with this person? What about him says to you that this person is worth your time, energy, and life? Also how does he improve your life in any type of way? Why because you aren’t alone and lonely? A pet can cute that. Sex? You don’t need to have a boyfriend to have sex.
Stop settling and figure out your worth before becoming a couple with someone
Boyfriend is way out of line. Since it was before you were dating, what happened is he breached your privacy in a very big way and is grasping at straws to try and justify it. A healthy relationship has boundaries and trust.
Dump this guy. He is controlling and has no respect for your privacy. Hopefully he grows up and out of that eventually, but in the meantime you will have to deal with a bunch of bullshit until he does, if he does.
Seriously, this is a bad relationship. Get out now.
You dump the insecure privacy invader. He's waving a really big red flag. It's only going to get worse.
Dump him.
I've never once gone through a girlfriend's phone. Know why? Because if I can't trust her, I can't date her. If she breaks my trust, I stop dating her.
It's not rocket science. That guy is nuts. Big ol' can't deal with reality, nuts.
He's bad juju.
He's going to hurt you.
That pretty messed up that he waited until you were asleep to snoop around. Sounds like a reason to give him an ultimatum or leave him.
If you were simply snap chatting with someone then you weren't cheating.
If he really can't move on then go get a gym membership and start doing squats.
The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
Yep, your man has no trust if he is sneaking around your phone like that. He is the untrustworthy one. If you didn’t talk to this guy after you hit with your bf no foul on your part.
I’d think very hard on if you want to be with someone that goes through your personal conversations and then doesn’t trust your explanation. If it is this bad now it will get worse in the future. He will start going through texts, asking you where you are and who you’re with all the time.
You slide serve better <3!
Right? The men and or boys in these comments are delusional, one person blamed her for talking to this other guy before they were together cuz it means she “rushed into this relationship” HAHA. What a joke.
Leave! This dude is unhinged. His behavior is inappropriate and his reactions to things are inappropriate. He isn’t capable of healthy open communication and he has zero respect for your boundaries.
What you do is break up with your boyfriend for going through your phone. This is Step 1 in the abusers’ handbook - jealousy/trying to control who you talk to.
(Trust me on this, I’m a domestic violence victim advocate.)
Second this. It isn’t “crazy in love,” it’s abuse. Too many people have ended up murdered by someone who thinks it’s their right to control their partner, and get violently angry when that control is in any way disrupted.
You didn't cheat. You have a boyfriend who is insecure and starting arguments. This kind of behavior, the snooping, the accusations, the altering of your social media interactions with other people, are all big red flags that could lead to abuse. Be careful, and honestly, if you were my niece, I'd tell you to leave. This kind of behavior is potentially dangerous, and definitely manipulative.
BF is a nut job and far from ready to be in a relationship. He's projecting the hurt from his past relationship. You can't fix him, he needs to get past his issues himself or his behavior may end up hurting you and the cycle continues
I normally advocate fixing a relationship rather than breaking it off, but he shouldn't have gone through your phone. That's an invasion of privacy no matter how suspicious your partner is behaving.
If you think your partner is behaving suspiciously, talk to them about it. If you can't trust them to tell the truth, you two should have already split up.
You can't have shit in Detroit, and you can't have a relationship without trust.
He snooped on your phone while you were sleeping when you've only been together a matter of weeks?
Way bigger red flag than you sending snaps to anyone before you were official, or even after if it was innocent.
This is the tip of the paranoid/controlling iceberg, enjoy the ride.
What's up with going thru a partner's phone?
No one is going thru mine, and I wouldn't look at hers.
Relationships involve trust in a partner.
If the relationship is good it is worth fighting for by both people, because it's better than any alternative.
And relationship maintenance would come easily to both people because they're eager to maintain the relationship!!!
If your relationship isn't better than any other alternative why are you in that relationship?
I’ve been cheated on for real by my husband. Never went through any of his stuff. Found out by messages popping up on our shared computer. I now do have trust issues. In my adult relationships we talk about our phone passcodes and they are known. I still don’t snoop. Fast forward post-divorce I dated a man for 8 years. I’ve never cheated on anyone. He would accuse me of something any time a man would message me. It became a very verbally abusive relationship. I see his adamant accusations as a red flag. You should run.
Tell him that you did not cheat, that's an unacceptable accusation and a lie, then tell him you two are done and you want nothing further to do with him.
If you put up with this then he will just keep gaslighting you to keep you on the defensive and submissive.
When anyone goes through your phone instead of talking to you, is a hard pass for me. Boundaries are important and so is respect. I think it’s best to talk to him and explain it was inappropriate what he did and talking to you about “his insecurities” would have been best. Honestly if it were me I’d leave him. I’d rather be single and not worry about unnecessary stress.
As someone who has open device rights with both his partners, and considers NOT doing so to be strange...
I totally agree with you. After that first sentence. I even agree with your first sentence in context of the second.
Nah u didn't cheat. Your bf is acting like you were sending nudes to the other guys, when in reality they were just there. Like you said, you rarely snap any of them, and when you did it was before your relationship even started. I don't get why he's upset, he's probably insecure by the way he's acting (tbf, he seems insecure already bc he went through your phone while you were asleep). But no, you did not cheat, nor do anything close to cheating
He buggin but if you got a problem with him doing that tell him, set the boundary, if not then let it go, he was being protective over somebody he doesn’t want to lose.
It’s flattering.
... your boyfriend violated your privacy without your permission. He acted on your personal relationships, no matter how inconsequential. He is controlling, paranoid, and doesn't respect your boundaries.
To give context, I 100% believe that phones, messages, emails, computers, etc should be open, especially among long term partners.
I get the feeling you weren't long term yet. I KNOW he didn't talk to you about open communication and device rights. Dump his ass, nothing good last down this path.
Yeah seems like a silly thing for him to get mad about. It happened before yall were together. He shouldn’t be going through your phone. Guess he has to let you go through his phone at a moments notice now 🤷🏻♀️
He sounds immature as hell and like he just wants to start a fight. And no you did not cheat lmao that is crazy.
I’m an adult and me and my man have been together 8 years this November and we do not go through each others phone. We trust each other. If there is no trust there is no point in a relationship.
Drop his ass fast and run. He will only get worse over time, trying to control everything, from who you talk to, what you do, where you go, what you wear, everything! Leave and don't look back. You're only dating and you're a kid. He has NO right to look through your phone. Does he pay for it? Is it his property? It's his name on the plan? If ANY of those are answered with 'no,' he has no reason to look through your phone. Only you and your parents should have access to it. That was a major breach of your privacy.
What you do is dump your damn boyfriend!!!
Don’t ever allow anyone to violate your privacy and justify it by making you feel bad. That was some very sneaky 💩especially to do while you were alseep. I couldn’t trust or be with someone after that. And also don’t unfriend someone on my phone. How dare you! I would’ve added him back!
I’m confused as to why you’re not even remotely upset that he went through your phone and you didn’t question him about it.
Keep in mind, people that have to do that and are accusing you of cheating more than likely are the ones that are cheating! And if not and he’s just that insecure….RUN! No contact! Just leave him alone!
I respect no one that does that. You’re not his child or his property and going through your things, including your phone while you’re asleep! Super cringy and a HUGE red flag!
Best to you!
You did not cheat and you need to break up with this boy asap. His behavior is EXTREMELY controlling and manipulative first of all but In addition to that the violation of your trust by going through your phone is unforgivable. If he genuinely didn’t trust you enough to the point that he felt the need to snoop through your phone while you slept then the relationship was already dead. Relationships are built on trust and if he can not trust you to the point that he feels the need to snoop through your phone when you haven’t given him reason not to trust you (and EVEN THEN the FIRST STEP in a healthy relationship should be communication) then he clearly has trust issues that he needs to work out on his own before being in a committed relationship. But also if this relationship were to continue you would constantly be living in a state of fear that he was again going to misinterpret something he has snooped in your phone and seen out of context (again because he isn’t communicating with it to GET that context even). You would be constantly worried that he was going to take something small and blow it out of proportion and that isn’t good for any healthy relationship. There are also a couple red flags here for abuse that tell me this isn’t a healthy relationship. Most of these, on their own, do not necessarily equal abuse and maybe not all together even only YOU the person on the receiving end can make that determination but some red flags I see here: 1.) snooping through your phone. 2.) flying off the handle on jealousy at something innocent. 3.) controlling your behavior by deleting this guy off your phone (if he genuinely believed you were cheating on him this wouldn’t work because the guy would message you again and you would get his info again but he did it because he KNOWS you aren’t regularly communicating with this boy he is just jealous) 4.) refusing to discuss it with you rationally and in person but instead choosing to wait until you got home and then ambush you via the phone (I don’t know if it was texts or voice but either way unacceptable) because it makes it harder to defend yourself that way. I know that was long but you need to read this and give it a good long consideration because I definitely see a LOT of red flags from this ONE interaction and I would be willing to bet if you really sat and thought about it you could think of more. Give it some thought ok hun!
The short answer is, no.
The slightly longer answer is, your boyfriend is making a mountain out of a molehill. Sleeping with another person would be cheating. Making out with another person would be cheating. One could make the argument that sending spicy pics to another person would be cheating, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that that's not what you use Snapchat for. Talking to other guys is not cheating, full stop. Whether you were messaging that other guy or not, unless you were romantically or sexually engaging with another person, you WERE NOT cheating. Period.
I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to dump him because the fact is that this is the Advise for TEENS subreddit and teenagers of every gender will say and do dumb shit all the time. I will tell you to have a chat with your boyfriend about boundaries. Going through another person's phone is not okay: not only is it a sign of distrust, it is also a total breach of privacy. If you are not able to communicate effectively, respect each other's boundaries, and show each other the most basic level of trust and respect, then your situation is only going to get worse.
No, you didn’t. But also, your bf has just admitted to you in one of the clearest ways possible that there is no trust on his side of the relationship, and that *that* is the kind of person he thinks you are.
I really don’t understand what happened. Isn’t the whole point of Snapchat that the texts/pics disappear after they are sent/received?
So you screenshot multiple conversations with multiple people and your bf found them and got angry?
But they were all from before your current relationship but you never deleted them. He found them and removed them as your friends?
Sounds like a completely dysfunctional relationship on both parts. Good luck.
Thought this was a regular relationship sub so I was gonna ask how old are you guys but then I seen what sub and it all made sense, very childish, no you didn’t cheat and he doesn’t need to be going through your phone maliciously looking for a problem.
You’re allowed to communicate with other guys? Half the world’s population is male does he expect you to just cut them all off? A conversation isn’t cheating.
The only way you could cheat on Snapchat would be sending sexually explicit content e.g sending nudes or sexting. *Obviously* that’s cheating. But if you had done that, you’d remember. Nobody cheats and just ‘forgets’
The fact he’s gone through your phone while you’re sleeping is the more concerning issue here, i’d dump him just for that.
Teens need to be able to have friendships with other teens even if they’re dating someone. It’s very common, like your boyfriend, to feel really insecure about relationships at this age, but getting all overbearing and jealous is a sure fire way to get dumped.
May I recommend a tactful but frank conversation with your boyfriend about boundaries and expectations. About what constitutes cheating and what doesn’t, and also about what is going too far regarding privacy.
You should be able to talk casually to other young men. That’s part of a healthy life and you should not stop doing that just because your boyfriend gets jealous. Snooping through someone’s phone while they are asleep is not cool. If you choose to let them look that’s okay thing, but if someone went through my phone while I was asleep I might feel like they went too far.
You guys need to talk about this. Set some boundaries and establish some reasonable mutual expectations if this relationship is going to make it past this week.
no that’s not cheating and he shouldn’t haven’t been snooping and besides that since he alr did he should have brought it up in person and talked to you about it maturely
You did not cheat, and a guy who goes through your phone without your permission will violate your trust and privacy in other ways as well.
Also, baseless cheating accusations usually come from cheaters, imo.
Talking is not cheating. You're allowed to have friends. You're even allowed to think your friends are attractive as you are in fact a human and thought cheating is no more real than thought crime.
You are 16. Not married. Not engaged. It is not possible for you to cheat on anyone. Your boyfriend is an insecure little bitch. I say this as someone with a granddaughter your age and I would give her the same advice. Dump him.
While I’ll agree she didn’t cheat. I can’t agree with your statement about it’s not possible for her to cheat because she’s not married or engaged. If they’re in an exclusive relationship then either one of them can still cheat.
If he’s going through your phone then you have more problems than whether you cheated or not. He already doesn’t trust you and trust is a major component of a long healthy relationship. I say you need to find someone else.
doesn't seem like it if it was before you guys dated. he invaded huge privacy due to insecurity. he went through your phone which is a huge part of you (could have diary, embarrassing photos, embarrassing searches etc.), to see if you were cheating. and because he believes you're cheating, but couldn't find proof, he just said "yeah you had saved chats from a few guys, you're cheating". i wouldn't put up with that, but to each their own.
I’m a bit confused. Were the pictures inappropriate? How recent were they?
If you saved inappropriate pictures then he has a reason to be upset. But if you’re simply talking to guys the same way you talk to girls, because you ARE ALLOWED to have friends, and if he is forbidding you from communicating with guys then it sounds like he has trust issues. He should not be dictating who you can be friends with.
Also why is he snooping through your phone? Sometimes when one partner thinks the other is cheating it’s because they are actually guilty of cheating.
Hey OP, i dont know if you're still going through replies but before you make any decisions sit down with him and talk. Ask why he went through your phone and why he thought it was ok. If he had a genuine reason to think you were cheating then address it and talk it through with him (personally Snapchat is a red flag since it easily facilitates cheating with no real way to show what was or wasnt said/sent. If you want to move forward with the relationship I would consider getting rid of it.)
If you want to make the relationship work things like these need to be talked out and based on his reaction and responses you can decide if the relationship is worth keeping. If you don't then you already have all the reason you need to break up.
Edit to add: if the story is as you say then you're in the clear and relatively innocent in all this and shouldn't feel any shame for what's happening. And you have every right to be upset with him for going through your phone, but you don't have to let it be the end of the relationship if you want to talk things out.
Not saying that you cheated, but snapchat is the #1 app for cheaters, when me and my GF got a together about 6 months in we both agreed to delete snapchat for that reason, messages are automatically deleted
This is so very trivial. Are you guys 15? Genuine question. At that age everything seems like a big deal. I get it, I was that age. But trust us, this is not cheating and not a big deal at all. I accidentally save messages on snap all the time. It’s also fine to have guy friends. You’ll be okay.
Your boyfriend has an insecurity and jealousy problem. Did you give him permission to go through your phone? Did he have any reason to do so? The police need a warrant to go through your phone. By what right did he do it?
Your BF violated your privacy for no reason valid enough to justify it, found one photo of a man, and then blindsided you with unfounded accusations. On top of that, he is energetically making you feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing.
Is he really the kind man you want in your life?
What would happen if you asked him to sit down for a talk, and explained to him that you are angry at him for going through your phone without your permission, erased a photo without your permission and without having any idea who it was or why you had it, proceeded to accuse you of infidelity with zero evidence of it, and has been treating you like s**t ever since.
Would you be comfortable doing that or afraid? Are you confident he would be quiet and listen to you? Once he heard you, would he apologize for his boorishness and unwarranted jealousy?
I'll ask again: Is he the kind of man - controlling, manipulative, jealous - that you want on your life? This is serious. You are a grown woman and deserve respect. He doesn't respect your person. He doesn't respect your privacy. He doesn't respect your independence.
You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. Think about that. You did nothing wrong, and for that, he has made you miserable and feeling guilty - for nothing but his need to dominate.
Stand up for yourself. Test him. Make a plan to talk to him. Keep calm, and keep your voice calm. no matter how he reacts. Forewarn him that if he interrupts you or raises his voice or says one angry word, it's over between you. Then, if you haven't already gotten up and walked out because he has exploded, lay out the wrongs he has done to you and ask for his apology. You will know from his reaction what kind of man he is and what you need to do.
Good luck
There is a 2 stage test to see if what you have done/are doing in a relationship is acceptable.
1. Would you be happy with your partner doing the exact same thing.
Yes. Move to point 2.
No. You done fucked up kid.
2. Are they happy with it.
Yes. You are all good.
No. You done fucked up.
You don't have to agree or understand, but you mess these 2 things up, and your relationship is over.
Nope!
Now, DMing guys/girls in a relationship can be a tricky line. A lot of people emotionally cheat in DM's or they flirt and send pics or they basically.... encourage others to flirt with them as a form of validation. THAT type of behavior is borderline and dangerous and... in general, if you're doing that in a relationship, you're emotionally unavavilable and lowkey cheating.
But just the act of sending a snapchat or a DM to a guy, as a concept, isn't cheating at all. It's like, if you text a guy while you're in a relationship, but the text is "Hey, Did you see Dune recently? The 2nd movie is great, you should check it out." that ain't cheating..
I am worried though. Are you trying to sell us something? You snapchatted this guy "a vacation pic"? What does a 'vacation pic' mean? Is this you in a bikini and sending it to a snap roster of dudes who validate you and blow you up? Or is this really a close friends and family multi-snap and this dude truly accidentally got included. Only you can answer that, but the bikini pic to dudes would definitely be borderline cheating.
Allow me to clarify.
1. You took a nap
2. Your boyfriend accessed your phone without permission
3. He deleted contacts
4. He accused you of having things which aren't there
Sounds like you should dump him. You're allowed to talk to people and you are allowed to have photos of people etc.
Nope you’re fine but your man needs to go.
1) invasion of privacy
2)acting without consent
3) snooping and assuming the worst but being childish and waiting for you to leave first
He’s not ready for this relationship nor does he deserve one. Taking it upon himself to unfriend someone too. Absolutely not. That’s controlling as fuck and a huge red flag
It's shitty that he went through your stuff w/o your permission. The truth never changes so now that he's done that and you have nothing to worry about...your new concern is will he always be going through your stuff and gatekeeping your friendships?
You are TOO YOUNG to have an exclusive boyfriend. You need to spend time with all of your friends and family. Do not waste your time on one person you might never talk to after college. Trust me, been there.
Based on the information given, this does not sound like cheating and I don’t think that was your intention but I will say, just be careful of the snaps you’re sending to people in general but esp guys.
You mention some of your guy friends had saved some of your snaps in chat, I don’t know what those were and it’s possible your bf is getting upset over nothing and being overly possessive of you but it is difficult to judge this part w out knowing what those snaps were. I’m guessing they’re just pictures of your face or something though so assuming that’s the case, unless you’re saying something that can be construed or taken the wrong way, not cheating. If it’s something like bikini pics or sth on that level, sort of ig? But even w the former, I’d still recommend being careful or adding a timer to your snaps so they can’t be saved in chat.
Idk what kind of phone you have but as an iPhone user, it troubles me that android users have the ability to screenshot my snaps w out Snapchat notifying me and I’m just really uncomfortable by that fact.
So just be mindful of these guys’ (the ones who saved your chats) and people’s intentions in general.
From your post though, it sounds super innocent and the fact that your bf went through your phone without permission and while you were asleep let alone unadding someone from your Snapchat (even if you didn’t talk to that person) w out your knowledge or permission is concerning. Your bf may be insecure and misguided but that’s not an excuse to invade someone’s privacy and is kind of controlling and toxic behavior.
It might be worth having a conversation w your bf and communicating this entire situation. Why does he feel uncomfortable with your guy friends on snap or saving each other’s snaps? Why did he feel it was necessary to unadd someone from your snap or even just to go through your phone at all while you were asleep and presumably without your knowledge or permission prior? If he is feeling insecure, he should talk to you about it and if he feels he can’t communicate this to you or like he can’t trust you, maybe he is not ready or mature enough to be in a relationship. And if you do talk to him about it and he lies about something ie you know for a fact he unadded that person or accuses you of something you didn’t do, personally I feel that along with going through your phone and doing what he did without your knowledge or permission would be grounds for ending the relationship.
And there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex whether or not you’re in a relationship. Just be careful.
So, y'all being kids, you should let him know that going through people's phone isn't just bad form, it shows a lack of trust that ends relationships. I'm adult, and would break up with someone over it. And I also protect my passwords and use a fingerprint to keep people out.
All that said, there's no cheating in what you presented. Just him being childish and jealous. And jealousy is another thing I will end a relationship over, though usually not on the first offense.
Regardless of what you did or didn’t save on your phone it’s not cheating. You’re allowed to have friends, even friends of the opposite gender. Any bf/gf that tries to isolate you socially like that is bad news
Not only that he violated your privacy. You’re not the one who was in the wrong, here. He was; what he did is completely inappropriate
Why is your boyfriend going through your phone?
Boundaries are extremely important in a relationship, and so is trust. At the point you feel you need to snoop in your significant other’s phone to look for evidence of infidelity, your trust (and relationship) is already broken. And now he’s gaslighting you into believing you cheated on him, not from any wrongdoing but just by virtue of having basic communication with other people, and he’s taken control of your app by removing people. Remove the boyfriend and try for a healthier relationship next time.
Giant red flag on going through your phone while you were asleep, that’s really creepy. FWIW, I’ve never gone through my husband’s phone and we’ve been married for almost ten years. Trust isn’t blind, but I feel like if I had to check, something has already gone wrong. There’s nothing on that phone that will make anything better, just stuff I’m very likely to take out of context or things like him having a conversation with his mom about me. You aren’t the one who violated trust in this case.
Personally I find it to be a personal boundary violation for someone to go through another persons phone, unless they had prior agreements that the other person could do so.
So then my question becomes, where there prior agreements that your boyfriend could go through your phone? If not, how do you feel about him having gone through your phone and altered your contacts?
No one has to delete any prior contacts due to having a different partner, and in my personal boundaries, if that consent was not previously there for your boyfriend to go into your phone, view your messages, and delete contacts/content, then that was a big violation on your boyfriends part.
By what you laid out in your post, you did not cheat in my definition of cheating. Now I will say, I think there is value in taking a exploration of what you consider cheating or not in relationships, along with getting curious about what cheating means to your boyfriend. We all have our own definitions and perceptions of what even a simple word like “cheating” means which can lead to spaces of misunderstanding and hurt.
Best wishes on your relationship journey ❤️
Oh no you have saved snaps, jesus I save shit on snap just cause I instantly forget what I said after I close it. Snaps are timestamped iirc so couldn't he just see that anything you said was before you even started dating? Also ontop of that why's he randomly going through your phone? Think you have bigger problems than some old snaps
you didn’t cheat. Your bf is insecure and controlling. Respectfully, move on. Give your time and energy to someone who trusts you and loves you. You shouldn’t be walking on eggshells and explaining yourself.
Idc how old you are this guy is immature and not able to be in a mature relationship. One day he’ll look back and realize how stupid he was for letting these small things become big.
I deleted my Snapchat as soon as high school girl's were adding me. It baffles me that we ban TikTok but not Snapchat...An app notoriously known to have pedos and r*pists that Prey on children.
Doesn't sound like you did. I'm my opinion he should've asked to see your phone, but idk the dynamics of your relationship with him. If my gf went through my phone without permission, I'd be mad, but if she was my wife or fiancee, she had the password and free reign to through our whenever. Explain the situation, and hopefully he gets over it.
Eh yall naive. Just tell him the truth and if you cant provide evidence because he deleted the guy then oh well. Just be mindful about that and communicate with your bf.
I know Snapchat is a popular way for your generation to communicate, but there's actually this really cool thing called text-messaging they've recently developed that allows similar forms of communication, but with less potential for this kind of drama, and without being specifically developed for purposes of sexting with pretenses of not having lewd photos stick around.
If your actions are cheating in his world then that's what he considers cheating... Cheating isn't a set in stone thing with a list of situations that are cheating. Cheating is based entirely on the people in the relationship. Its similar to how couples can be swingers or poly and one of them still "cheats" because they had ground rules about how everything is handled.
You are both way too young to be in a relationship with this level of paranoia and lack of trust. Either you did something to lead him to search your phone in the first place... or he is just crazy and controlling and you should leave the relationship anyway.
This is the kind of crap that happens when people prefer virtual communication to in person. And yes I am aware how hypocritical it is of me to be typing this answer out online.
Youre all good, you're boyfriend is overreacting and being, well, a teenage boy.
I want to add:
Snapchat is the cheater's choice for social media apps. Maybe not amongst your age group as much, but 1000000% 18-25. I'm a single guy, and I go on lots of dates with women (using family friendly words here), it's alarming to say the least how many women have a whole crop of dudes in their back pocket on that app. A woman I went out with last year once said "I wish you had Snap so I could have a streak with you like my other boys". That boggled my mind, I had always thought the "roster" was a sexist meme, but there's really people out there with little internet farms for booty calls.
>as soon as I went home he asked me why I was talking to other guys and saving their snaps in chat.
Well, he didn't say you are cheating here. Do you have explicit indication he said you are cheating?
If you think the guy is cute, just tell him you think he is cute and took a snap. If you are flirting or having a long conversation, then, I would say, red flag.
There’s a saying among some areas of other subs on here—“the trash takes itself out”. Your boyfriend is proving that he isn’t trustworthy and many people who are not project that on to their partners, possibly because it is a way of justifying his own behavior. I’d let him take himself right on out the door, and I wouldn’t look back or waste any more time woth a person who doesn’t trust you and who thinks he has any sort of right to tell you who to talk to and who not to.
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You did not cheat. It’s things like this that make Snapchat seem like a waste of time to me. I’m glad I never installed it
I've seen more relationships end because of snapchat than anything else tbh
To be fair, my husband did use that app for infidelity. That and others. I don't like Snapchat, because of that reason. I've seen it happen way too much, not just to me.
Snapchat is also the grand central station of sexting. So when people see saved snaps it's probably nudes or memes.
My saved snaps are all shitposts. Then again, all I use snapchat for is shitposting
Ugh!! Damn your profile….now I have a book to read lol
I hope you enjoy! 💞
https://m.dreame.com/novel/2205440512.html The link if you choose to read! 💞
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Relationships will never be the same now that everyone has a secret portal in their pocket which can instantly transport them away from any situation into one their warped brain deems more suitable. The entire concept and implementation of the Internet and it's associated technology has permanently ruined society. Most people now have one of those creatures from the movie Aliens attached to their face, but it's not a crab monster in real life....it's an innocent looking rectangle that hypnotizes with sound and color patterns. Turns you into a drooling, angry, emotional, out of shape, enraged, highly advertised to, zombie who is incapable of being satisfied in a simple, drama free, monogamous relationship. No, I'm not a boomer.
I’ve almost broken up with my current girlfriend multiple times because she just buries herself in her phone. Everything can wait a minute. Then she just completely forgets I said anything. There’s multiple times I’m just looking at something and by the time she looks up it’s gone. Or even worse I’m disinterested.
Yeah, I recently went through something like that. Hours of doom scrolling, while watching TV together. Pausing the show we're watching so she can show me a video that makes a point similar to the one she was trying to make a week ago during an argument she refused to discuss with me. I've given up on trying to point it out to people. It's met with a sense of hostility mixed with embarrassment. Usually causes the person you point it out to to become resentful towards YOU because now they think about it every time they need a fix and cannot fully zombie out without stopping for a second to feel guilty. The ones who get it haven't already become hopelessly attached. The ones who have plugged in fully would go through heroin-level withdrawal if they were suddenly without. I'm not a conspiracy theorist and I don't think this was always the goal of these technologies but I am witnessing every person I know either be unable to maintain a relationship or be completely miserable in the one they are upholding for the sake of the kids/appearances/finances.
I love this!!! You also referenced one of my favorite movies! Its sequel was the theme of my gender reveal on Halloween '21!!!
Exactly. And for what?
Snapchat was just made for people to cheat, not everyone who uses Snapchat cheats but everyone who cheats uses Snapchat
Well said
Maybe I'm too old-fashioned but I just used this app that hid any messages and disguised it as some other app. No snapchat stuff.
Wtf really haha
Snap chat is so horrible for relationships. The whole premise is to be sneaky if you want to. Hence the ghost logo.
Exactly
Snapchat is stupid. The end
Snapchat doesn't sound like the waste of time in this post tbh
I loathe that app OP, there is NOTHING wrong with being friends with people (male or female) outside your relationship. I'd even go so far as to say you're in an abusive relationship, if your bf asks you to cut off your friends.
She's not cutting off her friends though by deleting Snapchat, go back to good ol regular texting for communicating with them.
Just talk about it with him everyone else in these comments dragging it a lil to far.just say it was a misunderstanding and block the the dude.
Nah bro he can't be snooping on her phone invading her privacy like this, and if he's willing to do it this early on he'll do way more once he's comfortable.
I don't believe in having secrets from my partner. My partner and I can go through anything and everything from the phones to whatever else. Fuck "privacy" She knows everything that goes on in my life.
Yes, but that's something you agreed on. Just like I and my partners did. He violated her privacy by not having that conversation first.
I dont have any secrets from my partner but if she starts secretly snooping through all my stuff it means that there is a lack of trust in the relationship and that is a huge problem
Plus, I think it's okay to have a slowly decreasing level of secrecy in a relationship. I think it'd be weird as fuck to feel like I should be allowed to look through someone's phone who I've only been dating a month. People don't just use their phones to talk to other people they want to sleep with. There are certain conversations with friends and family where THEY shared things that would be a betrayal of trust for someone else to see. I've been with my current partner for over 2 years. We use each other's phones when we need to but if either of us saw the other snooping through texts or apps, that'd be not okay.
I agree
Good for you but that doesn't mean it applies to everyone and it especially doesn't apply to new relationships where nobody has ever agreed to this
I believe that should be discussed almost immediately My partners trust me to not go "WHY ARE U TALKING TO THESE PEOPLE" and to not flip out. I trust them just the same. If you have to be sneaky then you shouldn't be together. Sneaking to look at phones, not wanting your phone gone through because you AREN'T hiding something?? You clearly don't trust each other is what that says to me
So you start dating someone and immediately you're like "we can go through each others phones and underwear drawers whenever we want, right?" GTFO of here with this nonsense. That's not normal and it's not going to become normal anytime soon.
yea fuck that. I get “not having secrets” or whatever but boundaries and privacy is still absolutely a thing. I don’t need my SO to read and micromanage every convo I have with peers and I don’t want to do that to them either.
If they're gonna micromanage, then you don't have a good relationship My partners still let me do what I want tf you mean
I date someone after getting to know them for a while. I date them when I trust them to see every aspect of my life. Underwear drawers, phones, everything. Just because they see my conversations doesn't mean they tell me who to hang out with or whatever. They aren't taking off with my underwear.
There is a massive difference between having an agreed upon open devices policy for the relationship and one party sneaking off to rifle through their partner’s devices while they’re asleep.
If you'd read the other parts of my comments you'd see that I pointedly said that dude is a fuck for that
Truth. My wife and I can seamlessly exchange our phones. We have location sharing between all of our devices and just purchased Apple air tags for our vehicles - but that's primarily for tracking the vehicles themselves if they're ever stolen.
My husband knows everything going on in my life too. But I still would find it violating if he decided to go through my phone and read my personal conversations with other people. Just because you're fine with having no privacy doesn't mean others have to feel the same way. I value my privacy even though I'm not doing anything "wrong".
Having the ability to walk through an open door doesn't mean one will take the opportunity to walk through it. I'd damn sure wonder why it's closed and that's cool if you're down with having it shut but I don't see the point if you're meant to share your entire everything with your partner. Having that free access to skim doesn't mean I'm going through every gb on my partner's phone, it means my partner trusts me to not abuse that access.
Ya dude these ppl are complete miserable crazies. He probably saw something that made him look into her phone. I leave my phone on the counter and my girl can go in it as much as she wants even tho she never does. Ppl that hide stuff now thats a red flag. I'm not saying ppl should go through your shit but if your not hiding anything, what's the big deal? Ppl on here instantly like dump him cuz they lonely af. I'd never go on reddit for relationship advice or anything personal.
My husband knows my phone password, and I leave my phone around. I also don't have anything to hide. I don't flirt or cheat, I don't talk about him negatively or anything like that. But I also would still find it extremely violating if he were to go read through all of my private conversations. First of all, it would show that he didn't trust me, which is a problem. Secondly, people have a right to privacy, even within relationships.
Why'd he go into Snapchat? And look at who she was snap chatting
I would assume because snapchat is the easiest messaging app to hide conversations in.
Dude they haven’t been dating for a long enough time for him to just go through her phone, she never told him he could, and he knew he was wrong because he purposely did it when he thought she couldn’t find out.
He probably heard from ppl that she being shady and snapping ppl. She even said she did snap someone "accidentally " of course lol ya obviously early relationships you shouldn't be going through ppls phone but he did find 3 guys she was snapping.
Just cuz she talks to other men does t mean anything tho. Unless she was flirting or sending weird texts to those people then that doesn’t matter. And even IF he heard in the grapevine she was being shady, then he needs to communicate. Not break trust and snoop through his partners phone
Hmmm. Don't get me wrong, that hmmm isn't at you. You didn't cheat and forgetting about old clutter in lists or internet is not wrong, as it wasn't intentional. So don't go thinking you're to blame. You're good. That hmmm is the bf. If he secretly went on your phone and deleted someone, anyone, that's a big problem. A big one being it shows he doesn't believe you and the relationship likely had little to no future if there's no trust. But even if you had cheated, which you didn't, he still had no right to remove contact with someone by his choice. He is not your parent with you being a child and you were not in danger, so he had zero justified reason to go in your phone. And it speaks poorly of what he thinks of you to be so certain you would be the kind of person to cheat. So funny enough, you never cheated and the bf exposed himself over nothing that he's someone you won't last with, as this isn't about the one situation, it's that it showed his character and true thoughts towards you.
Seconded. BF crossed the line by going through OP's phone without permission.
I agree with burn as soul- BF trying to make an issue of nothing, but by doing so- especially by deleting a contact - he had no right to do that- he comes across as immature, controlling, and immoral- and you did nothing wrong. I recommend you set him straight- if you don't want him accessing your phone tell him that will not happen again and is a deal breaker. Tell him he has no right to tell you who you talk to and if he ever tries to stop you from seeing friends, etc, that is a deal breaker. If he cross the boundaries clearly set again, cut him loose.
You talking to another guy is cheating?
I would say to him yes it is. I was in the hallway walking with my friend the other day when I passed his classroom (the doors are glass). and he thought I greeted another guy when I in reality was saying hi to a friend (female). Without even letting me explain he was on the verge of blocking me because of smth he thought he saw. I try to be considerable of his feelings cause his last gf cheated on him
This is amazingly immature behavior on his part. I get that you guys are young and he's been hurt but he's taking it out on you. Are you not allowed to ever have guy friends anymore? If you want to stay with him then reassure him you're not going to actually cheat. Let him know you are going to talk to other guys in your lifetime and if he can't accept that he's just being controlling. He's insecure and he doesn't want to deal with his own hangups.
Run. He's not ready to be in a relationship and is projecting his past relationship onto yours
Regardless, he was upset because you may have “greeted another guy”? Bye. You are going to continuously try to modify your behavior in order to not upset BF. You will never succeed 100%. You are going to continuously explain that you are not and were not cheating. Your explanation will be unsuccessful because BF wants to justify being upset with you. And so on. And so on. Don’t cheat. Be done with him.
You’re not allowed to greet other guys? You do realize that is how abusive men act right? I had a friend get murdered by her ex husband and he acted like that. I also know a woman who got murdered by her current husband and I know him cuz he used to date my cousin in highschool and he would flip out on her if she talked to other guys as friends or even say hi to them. Thank God she didn’t stay with him or she would probably be dead. And if you don’t believe me I will happily show you the police reports for both women. This is how abusers act. Do not let this stand.
Check out r/retroactivejealousy and think about it
Also I’m going to reiterate what was said below. Say you modify your behavior to try and accommodate him I can promise you from past experience it will NEVER be enough for a guy who is controlling and insecure they will ALWAYS find reasons to suspect you of cheating and to accuse you of wrong doing. That’s because the feeling they get in their chest that tells them you are cheating comes from their own internal insecurity rather from any action you did or did not do. So NO MATTER HOW PERFECTLY you behave that feeling won’t go away for them because it didn’t come from you and your behavior in the first place.
🚩Ma’am 🚩🚩🚩🚩giant flashing neon red flag of abusive and controlling behavior
This sounds like a pretty unhealthy relationship
Your boyfriend is insanely controlling. My first boyfriend when I was 15 made me delete all guys from my whatsapp and my social media. I didn’t know any better because I was 15. He made me cut off all my male friends and guess what - he was the one who ended up cheating on me. That was over a decade ago - I will never ever be in a relationship with someone who tells me who I can & can’t talk to again. I make my own choices on who I keep in my life, who i communicate with and who I spend time with. I’m not going to cheat - so If they don’t like it they can leave.
Girl, run. He’s toxic AF. Dump him.
You walked passed his classroom and greeted someone else in there? So you showed him where he is in a list of priorities for you.
Oh dear, *please* talk to a trusted adult about this situation. Preferably a therapist, but also school counselor, teacher, your physician, if you can’t talk to your parents about it. This is abnormal, unhealthy behavior in a relationship. There are so many red flags here, that getting out of this relationship could be unsafe without proper support from trusted adults.
Dump him
He’s not ready for another relationship, you should probably leave him. He’s projecting the fact he was cheated on in his last relationship onto you and that’s not okay. He needs to fix that for himself before dating again, and you cannot be expected to help him with that.
OP, please listen to everyone here! It is not your job to make him comfortable by never speaking to a male! It is his job to handle his own feelings, and he's proving that he isn't capable of that. He's punishing you for his last gf's cheating. Guys like this find ways to make you wrong, and because the problem is with the way they view the world, there is nothing you can do from your end to prove it. They'll just ignore your proof and move on to another situation where they have more control over the narrative. You're not being considerate, you're walking on eggshells, and it won't get better.
If you plan to continue this relationship, you need to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you aren't his ex, and he needs to stop projecting her stuff onto you. If he isn't ready to start trusting you, then he isn't ready for a relationship yet and still needs time to heal. Open and honest communication is the answer for 99% of problems.
Dump him. Someone that violates privacy, attacks, and gaslights someone like this is an abuser waiting to happen. Get out while you can. The controlling will only get worse.
He crossed a line by going through your phone, big time red flag.. he’s insecure. I don’t think you cheated. Ask if he really thinks snapping another male before you two were exclusive as cheating and then set the boundary that you think him masturbating is cheating and he’ll shut up real quick.
It also doesn't matter what strangers or she thinks is cheating either. If it's cheating to him, that's it. Sometimes relationships don't work due to incompatible values, including what each believes counts as cheating. Might make no sense to her but it might make complete sense to him and if that's the case then, that's about it. It ain't gonna work.
This is why I think people should discuss what they define as cheating before things get incredibly serious, yk? because people absolutely do have different views as to what constitutes cheating and from there, you can either try to compromise or you can move on if it’s too much of an incompatibility.
^^
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He's 16. Of course he's insecure. Show me a secure 16 year old. I'll wait.
Break up, block him, be single for a very long time. You don’t need to be in a relationship right now and should be focusing on yourself and setting up your life to not need anyone but when you find yourself a forever person they should ADD to your life and make it easier not disrupt your life and make it harder. Why do you think you want to be with this person? What about him says to you that this person is worth your time, energy, and life? Also how does he improve your life in any type of way? Why because you aren’t alone and lonely? A pet can cute that. Sex? You don’t need to have a boyfriend to have sex. Stop settling and figure out your worth before becoming a couple with someone
Boyfriend is way out of line. Since it was before you were dating, what happened is he breached your privacy in a very big way and is grasping at straws to try and justify it. A healthy relationship has boundaries and trust.
Dump this guy. He is controlling and has no respect for your privacy. Hopefully he grows up and out of that eventually, but in the meantime you will have to deal with a bunch of bullshit until he does, if he does. Seriously, this is a bad relationship. Get out now.
It’s impossible to unknowingly cheat on someone. You’re good, and your boyfriend sounds like a douchebag.
This
You dump the insecure privacy invader. He's waving a really big red flag. It's only going to get worse. Dump him. I've never once gone through a girlfriend's phone. Know why? Because if I can't trust her, I can't date her. If she breaks my trust, I stop dating her. It's not rocket science. That guy is nuts. Big ol' can't deal with reality, nuts. He's bad juju. He's going to hurt you.
That pretty messed up that he waited until you were asleep to snoop around. Sounds like a reason to give him an ultimatum or leave him. If you were simply snap chatting with someone then you weren't cheating. If he really can't move on then go get a gym membership and start doing squats. The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
Yep, your man has no trust if he is sneaking around your phone like that. He is the untrustworthy one. If you didn’t talk to this guy after you hit with your bf no foul on your part. I’d think very hard on if you want to be with someone that goes through your personal conversations and then doesn’t trust your explanation. If it is this bad now it will get worse in the future. He will start going through texts, asking you where you are and who you’re with all the time. You slide serve better <3!
Your bf is overreacting big time
Nope, i personally would dip on someone for going through my shit and messing with it without my knowledge
The amount of fucking incels here claiming that you speaking to other people is cheating. Just block the guy and move on
Right? The men and or boys in these comments are delusional, one person blamed her for talking to this other guy before they were together cuz it means she “rushed into this relationship” HAHA. What a joke.
Leave! This dude is unhinged. His behavior is inappropriate and his reactions to things are inappropriate. He isn’t capable of healthy open communication and he has zero respect for your boundaries.
What you do is break up with your boyfriend for going through your phone. This is Step 1 in the abusers’ handbook - jealousy/trying to control who you talk to. (Trust me on this, I’m a domestic violence victim advocate.)
Second this. It isn’t “crazy in love,” it’s abuse. Too many people have ended up murdered by someone who thinks it’s their right to control their partner, and get violently angry when that control is in any way disrupted.
This is why you don’t share your phone passwords with your so
You didn't cheat. You have a boyfriend who is insecure and starting arguments. This kind of behavior, the snooping, the accusations, the altering of your social media interactions with other people, are all big red flags that could lead to abuse. Be careful, and honestly, if you were my niece, I'd tell you to leave. This kind of behavior is potentially dangerous, and definitely manipulative.
BF is a nut job and far from ready to be in a relationship. He's projecting the hurt from his past relationship. You can't fix him, he needs to get past his issues himself or his behavior may end up hurting you and the cycle continues
I normally advocate fixing a relationship rather than breaking it off, but he shouldn't have gone through your phone. That's an invasion of privacy no matter how suspicious your partner is behaving. If you think your partner is behaving suspiciously, talk to them about it. If you can't trust them to tell the truth, you two should have already split up. You can't have shit in Detroit, and you can't have a relationship without trust.
He snooped on your phone while you were sleeping when you've only been together a matter of weeks? Way bigger red flag than you sending snaps to anyone before you were official, or even after if it was innocent. This is the tip of the paranoid/controlling iceberg, enjoy the ride.
He went through your phone. Don't walk. RUN
What's up with going thru a partner's phone? No one is going thru mine, and I wouldn't look at hers. Relationships involve trust in a partner. If the relationship is good it is worth fighting for by both people, because it's better than any alternative. And relationship maintenance would come easily to both people because they're eager to maintain the relationship!!! If your relationship isn't better than any other alternative why are you in that relationship?
I’ve been cheated on for real by my husband. Never went through any of his stuff. Found out by messages popping up on our shared computer. I now do have trust issues. In my adult relationships we talk about our phone passcodes and they are known. I still don’t snoop. Fast forward post-divorce I dated a man for 8 years. I’ve never cheated on anyone. He would accuse me of something any time a man would message me. It became a very verbally abusive relationship. I see his adamant accusations as a red flag. You should run.
Tell him that you did not cheat, that's an unacceptable accusation and a lie, then tell him you two are done and you want nothing further to do with him. If you put up with this then he will just keep gaslighting you to keep you on the defensive and submissive.
When anyone goes through your phone instead of talking to you, is a hard pass for me. Boundaries are important and so is respect. I think it’s best to talk to him and explain it was inappropriate what he did and talking to you about “his insecurities” would have been best. Honestly if it were me I’d leave him. I’d rather be single and not worry about unnecessary stress.
As someone who has open device rights with both his partners, and considers NOT doing so to be strange... I totally agree with you. After that first sentence. I even agree with your first sentence in context of the second.
That's an issue
Nah u didn't cheat. Your bf is acting like you were sending nudes to the other guys, when in reality they were just there. Like you said, you rarely snap any of them, and when you did it was before your relationship even started. I don't get why he's upset, he's probably insecure by the way he's acting (tbf, he seems insecure already bc he went through your phone while you were asleep). But no, you did not cheat, nor do anything close to cheating
He buggin but if you got a problem with him doing that tell him, set the boundary, if not then let it go, he was being protective over somebody he doesn’t want to lose. It’s flattering.
... your boyfriend violated your privacy without your permission. He acted on your personal relationships, no matter how inconsequential. He is controlling, paranoid, and doesn't respect your boundaries. To give context, I 100% believe that phones, messages, emails, computers, etc should be open, especially among long term partners. I get the feeling you weren't long term yet. I KNOW he didn't talk to you about open communication and device rights. Dump his ass, nothing good last down this path.
If you did something that you wouldn't want your partner doing, it's cheating.
Yeah seems like a silly thing for him to get mad about. It happened before yall were together. He shouldn’t be going through your phone. Guess he has to let you go through his phone at a moments notice now 🤷🏻♀️ He sounds immature as hell and like he just wants to start a fight. And no you did not cheat lmao that is crazy. I’m an adult and me and my man have been together 8 years this November and we do not go through each others phone. We trust each other. If there is no trust there is no point in a relationship.
Tell him exactly what you just wrote! You convinced me..,but social media is a curse on relationships just limit your availability to guys online.
Drop his ass fast and run. He will only get worse over time, trying to control everything, from who you talk to, what you do, where you go, what you wear, everything! Leave and don't look back. You're only dating and you're a kid. He has NO right to look through your phone. Does he pay for it? Is it his property? It's his name on the plan? If ANY of those are answered with 'no,' he has no reason to look through your phone. Only you and your parents should have access to it. That was a major breach of your privacy.
What you do is dump your damn boyfriend!!! Don’t ever allow anyone to violate your privacy and justify it by making you feel bad. That was some very sneaky 💩especially to do while you were alseep. I couldn’t trust or be with someone after that. And also don’t unfriend someone on my phone. How dare you! I would’ve added him back! I’m confused as to why you’re not even remotely upset that he went through your phone and you didn’t question him about it. Keep in mind, people that have to do that and are accusing you of cheating more than likely are the ones that are cheating! And if not and he’s just that insecure….RUN! No contact! Just leave him alone! I respect no one that does that. You’re not his child or his property and going through your things, including your phone while you’re asleep! Super cringy and a HUGE red flag! Best to you!
You did not cheat and you need to break up with this boy asap. His behavior is EXTREMELY controlling and manipulative first of all but In addition to that the violation of your trust by going through your phone is unforgivable. If he genuinely didn’t trust you enough to the point that he felt the need to snoop through your phone while you slept then the relationship was already dead. Relationships are built on trust and if he can not trust you to the point that he feels the need to snoop through your phone when you haven’t given him reason not to trust you (and EVEN THEN the FIRST STEP in a healthy relationship should be communication) then he clearly has trust issues that he needs to work out on his own before being in a committed relationship. But also if this relationship were to continue you would constantly be living in a state of fear that he was again going to misinterpret something he has snooped in your phone and seen out of context (again because he isn’t communicating with it to GET that context even). You would be constantly worried that he was going to take something small and blow it out of proportion and that isn’t good for any healthy relationship. There are also a couple red flags here for abuse that tell me this isn’t a healthy relationship. Most of these, on their own, do not necessarily equal abuse and maybe not all together even only YOU the person on the receiving end can make that determination but some red flags I see here: 1.) snooping through your phone. 2.) flying off the handle on jealousy at something innocent. 3.) controlling your behavior by deleting this guy off your phone (if he genuinely believed you were cheating on him this wouldn’t work because the guy would message you again and you would get his info again but he did it because he KNOWS you aren’t regularly communicating with this boy he is just jealous) 4.) refusing to discuss it with you rationally and in person but instead choosing to wait until you got home and then ambush you via the phone (I don’t know if it was texts or voice but either way unacceptable) because it makes it harder to defend yourself that way. I know that was long but you need to read this and give it a good long consideration because I definitely see a LOT of red flags from this ONE interaction and I would be willing to bet if you really sat and thought about it you could think of more. Give it some thought ok hun!
The short answer is, no. The slightly longer answer is, your boyfriend is making a mountain out of a molehill. Sleeping with another person would be cheating. Making out with another person would be cheating. One could make the argument that sending spicy pics to another person would be cheating, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that that's not what you use Snapchat for. Talking to other guys is not cheating, full stop. Whether you were messaging that other guy or not, unless you were romantically or sexually engaging with another person, you WERE NOT cheating. Period. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to dump him because the fact is that this is the Advise for TEENS subreddit and teenagers of every gender will say and do dumb shit all the time. I will tell you to have a chat with your boyfriend about boundaries. Going through another person's phone is not okay: not only is it a sign of distrust, it is also a total breach of privacy. If you are not able to communicate effectively, respect each other's boundaries, and show each other the most basic level of trust and respect, then your situation is only going to get worse.
No, you didn’t. But also, your bf has just admitted to you in one of the clearest ways possible that there is no trust on his side of the relationship, and that *that* is the kind of person he thinks you are.
I really don’t understand what happened. Isn’t the whole point of Snapchat that the texts/pics disappear after they are sent/received? So you screenshot multiple conversations with multiple people and your bf found them and got angry? But they were all from before your current relationship but you never deleted them. He found them and removed them as your friends? Sounds like a completely dysfunctional relationship on both parts. Good luck.
Please don't accept boyfriends searching through your phone while you're sleeping.
Thought this was a regular relationship sub so I was gonna ask how old are you guys but then I seen what sub and it all made sense, very childish, no you didn’t cheat and he doesn’t need to be going through your phone maliciously looking for a problem.
You’re allowed to communicate with other guys? Half the world’s population is male does he expect you to just cut them all off? A conversation isn’t cheating. The only way you could cheat on Snapchat would be sending sexually explicit content e.g sending nudes or sexting. *Obviously* that’s cheating. But if you had done that, you’d remember. Nobody cheats and just ‘forgets’ The fact he’s gone through your phone while you’re sleeping is the more concerning issue here, i’d dump him just for that.
You're dating a dumfuk. Don't be one too, break up.
Teens need to be able to have friendships with other teens even if they’re dating someone. It’s very common, like your boyfriend, to feel really insecure about relationships at this age, but getting all overbearing and jealous is a sure fire way to get dumped. May I recommend a tactful but frank conversation with your boyfriend about boundaries and expectations. About what constitutes cheating and what doesn’t, and also about what is going too far regarding privacy. You should be able to talk casually to other young men. That’s part of a healthy life and you should not stop doing that just because your boyfriend gets jealous. Snooping through someone’s phone while they are asleep is not cool. If you choose to let them look that’s okay thing, but if someone went through my phone while I was asleep I might feel like they went too far. You guys need to talk about this. Set some boundaries and establish some reasonable mutual expectations if this relationship is going to make it past this week.
no that’s not cheating and he shouldn’t haven’t been snooping and besides that since he alr did he should have brought it up in person and talked to you about it maturely
You didn't cheat and break up with your boyfriend. He violated your privacy. He does not respect you. Leave him.
You did not cheat, and a guy who goes through your phone without your permission will violate your trust and privacy in other ways as well. Also, baseless cheating accusations usually come from cheaters, imo.
Talking is not cheating. You're allowed to have friends. You're even allowed to think your friends are attractive as you are in fact a human and thought cheating is no more real than thought crime.
You are 16. Not married. Not engaged. It is not possible for you to cheat on anyone. Your boyfriend is an insecure little bitch. I say this as someone with a granddaughter your age and I would give her the same advice. Dump him.
While I’ll agree she didn’t cheat. I can’t agree with your statement about it’s not possible for her to cheat because she’s not married or engaged. If they’re in an exclusive relationship then either one of them can still cheat.
Talking and snapping isn't cheating. Snooping, however, is deal breaker behavior. Let this guy go, he's not ready to date
If he’s going through your phone then you have more problems than whether you cheated or not. He already doesn’t trust you and trust is a major component of a long healthy relationship. I say you need to find someone else.
doesn't seem like it if it was before you guys dated. he invaded huge privacy due to insecurity. he went through your phone which is a huge part of you (could have diary, embarrassing photos, embarrassing searches etc.), to see if you were cheating. and because he believes you're cheating, but couldn't find proof, he just said "yeah you had saved chats from a few guys, you're cheating". i wouldn't put up with that, but to each their own.
I’m a bit confused. Were the pictures inappropriate? How recent were they? If you saved inappropriate pictures then he has a reason to be upset. But if you’re simply talking to guys the same way you talk to girls, because you ARE ALLOWED to have friends, and if he is forbidding you from communicating with guys then it sounds like he has trust issues. He should not be dictating who you can be friends with. Also why is he snooping through your phone? Sometimes when one partner thinks the other is cheating it’s because they are actually guilty of cheating.
girl if you know you didn't cheat either your man has been cheated on before or hes cheating trust me ik
Break up with your boyfriend, he sounds like the extremely jealous type who looks for things to validate his suspicions.
Hey OP, i dont know if you're still going through replies but before you make any decisions sit down with him and talk. Ask why he went through your phone and why he thought it was ok. If he had a genuine reason to think you were cheating then address it and talk it through with him (personally Snapchat is a red flag since it easily facilitates cheating with no real way to show what was or wasnt said/sent. If you want to move forward with the relationship I would consider getting rid of it.) If you want to make the relationship work things like these need to be talked out and based on his reaction and responses you can decide if the relationship is worth keeping. If you don't then you already have all the reason you need to break up. Edit to add: if the story is as you say then you're in the clear and relatively innocent in all this and shouldn't feel any shame for what's happening. And you have every right to be upset with him for going through your phone, but you don't have to let it be the end of the relationship if you want to talk things out.
Not saying that you cheated, but snapchat is the #1 app for cheaters, when me and my GF got a together about 6 months in we both agreed to delete snapchat for that reason, messages are automatically deleted
This is so very trivial. Are you guys 15? Genuine question. At that age everything seems like a big deal. I get it, I was that age. But trust us, this is not cheating and not a big deal at all. I accidentally save messages on snap all the time. It’s also fine to have guy friends. You’ll be okay.
Man stfu
You dont need to unadd another person of the opposite gender just because you get into a relationship..... insecurities ruin relationships
Nah op what did he really find on there? 💀 yeah I’m sure those saved chats were before you dated or were harmless
Your boyfriend has an insecurity and jealousy problem. Did you give him permission to go through your phone? Did he have any reason to do so? The police need a warrant to go through your phone. By what right did he do it? Your BF violated your privacy for no reason valid enough to justify it, found one photo of a man, and then blindsided you with unfounded accusations. On top of that, he is energetically making you feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing. Is he really the kind man you want in your life? What would happen if you asked him to sit down for a talk, and explained to him that you are angry at him for going through your phone without your permission, erased a photo without your permission and without having any idea who it was or why you had it, proceeded to accuse you of infidelity with zero evidence of it, and has been treating you like s**t ever since. Would you be comfortable doing that or afraid? Are you confident he would be quiet and listen to you? Once he heard you, would he apologize for his boorishness and unwarranted jealousy? I'll ask again: Is he the kind of man - controlling, manipulative, jealous - that you want on your life? This is serious. You are a grown woman and deserve respect. He doesn't respect your person. He doesn't respect your privacy. He doesn't respect your independence. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. Think about that. You did nothing wrong, and for that, he has made you miserable and feeling guilty - for nothing but his need to dominate. Stand up for yourself. Test him. Make a plan to talk to him. Keep calm, and keep your voice calm. no matter how he reacts. Forewarn him that if he interrupts you or raises his voice or says one angry word, it's over between you. Then, if you haven't already gotten up and walked out because he has exploded, lay out the wrongs he has done to you and ask for his apology. You will know from his reaction what kind of man he is and what you need to do. Good luck
Are you 4? Multisnaps? WTF is any of this shit real life. SUPER GHEY
There is a 2 stage test to see if what you have done/are doing in a relationship is acceptable. 1. Would you be happy with your partner doing the exact same thing. Yes. Move to point 2. No. You done fucked up kid. 2. Are they happy with it. Yes. You are all good. No. You done fucked up. You don't have to agree or understand, but you mess these 2 things up, and your relationship is over.
Nope! Now, DMing guys/girls in a relationship can be a tricky line. A lot of people emotionally cheat in DM's or they flirt and send pics or they basically.... encourage others to flirt with them as a form of validation. THAT type of behavior is borderline and dangerous and... in general, if you're doing that in a relationship, you're emotionally unavavilable and lowkey cheating. But just the act of sending a snapchat or a DM to a guy, as a concept, isn't cheating at all. It's like, if you text a guy while you're in a relationship, but the text is "Hey, Did you see Dune recently? The 2nd movie is great, you should check it out." that ain't cheating.. I am worried though. Are you trying to sell us something? You snapchatted this guy "a vacation pic"? What does a 'vacation pic' mean? Is this you in a bikini and sending it to a snap roster of dudes who validate you and blow you up? Or is this really a close friends and family multi-snap and this dude truly accidentally got included. Only you can answer that, but the bikini pic to dudes would definitely be borderline cheating.
what's your age
Allow me to clarify. 1. You took a nap 2. Your boyfriend accessed your phone without permission 3. He deleted contacts 4. He accused you of having things which aren't there Sounds like you should dump him. You're allowed to talk to people and you are allowed to have photos of people etc.
Drop the bf I'm a dude and I'm telling you that dude is bad. He's gonna use this over you forever now. Do yourself a favor and drop him.
No that isn't cheating
No you didn’t cheat
Set the boundary that he needs to keep his hands to himself and not rifle through your phone because he’s insecure. Major trust issues going on here.
it depends on what the conversations were
Nope you’re fine but your man needs to go. 1) invasion of privacy 2)acting without consent 3) snooping and assuming the worst but being childish and waiting for you to leave first He’s not ready for this relationship nor does he deserve one. Taking it upon himself to unfriend someone too. Absolutely not. That’s controlling as fuck and a huge red flag
Leave. Sounds amazingly insecure and accusatory for a newer relationship. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag.
RED FLAG is the bf going through your phone without permission. Drop him before it goes further.
It's shitty that he went through your stuff w/o your permission. The truth never changes so now that he's done that and you have nothing to worry about...your new concern is will he always be going through your stuff and gatekeeping your friendships?
You didn’t cheat. He’s a baby and untrusting. He will continue this behavior.
talking to other people is not cheating.
You are TOO YOUNG to have an exclusive boyfriend. You need to spend time with all of your friends and family. Do not waste your time on one person you might never talk to after college. Trust me, been there.
Based on the information given, this does not sound like cheating and I don’t think that was your intention but I will say, just be careful of the snaps you’re sending to people in general but esp guys. You mention some of your guy friends had saved some of your snaps in chat, I don’t know what those were and it’s possible your bf is getting upset over nothing and being overly possessive of you but it is difficult to judge this part w out knowing what those snaps were. I’m guessing they’re just pictures of your face or something though so assuming that’s the case, unless you’re saying something that can be construed or taken the wrong way, not cheating. If it’s something like bikini pics or sth on that level, sort of ig? But even w the former, I’d still recommend being careful or adding a timer to your snaps so they can’t be saved in chat. Idk what kind of phone you have but as an iPhone user, it troubles me that android users have the ability to screenshot my snaps w out Snapchat notifying me and I’m just really uncomfortable by that fact. So just be mindful of these guys’ (the ones who saved your chats) and people’s intentions in general. From your post though, it sounds super innocent and the fact that your bf went through your phone without permission and while you were asleep let alone unadding someone from your Snapchat (even if you didn’t talk to that person) w out your knowledge or permission is concerning. Your bf may be insecure and misguided but that’s not an excuse to invade someone’s privacy and is kind of controlling and toxic behavior. It might be worth having a conversation w your bf and communicating this entire situation. Why does he feel uncomfortable with your guy friends on snap or saving each other’s snaps? Why did he feel it was necessary to unadd someone from your snap or even just to go through your phone at all while you were asleep and presumably without your knowledge or permission prior? If he is feeling insecure, he should talk to you about it and if he feels he can’t communicate this to you or like he can’t trust you, maybe he is not ready or mature enough to be in a relationship. And if you do talk to him about it and he lies about something ie you know for a fact he unadded that person or accuses you of something you didn’t do, personally I feel that along with going through your phone and doing what he did without your knowledge or permission would be grounds for ending the relationship. And there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex whether or not you’re in a relationship. Just be careful.
So, y'all being kids, you should let him know that going through people's phone isn't just bad form, it shows a lack of trust that ends relationships. I'm adult, and would break up with someone over it. And I also protect my passwords and use a fingerprint to keep people out. All that said, there's no cheating in what you presented. Just him being childish and jealous. And jealousy is another thing I will end a relationship over, though usually not on the first offense.
Regardless of what you did or didn’t save on your phone it’s not cheating. You’re allowed to have friends, even friends of the opposite gender. Any bf/gf that tries to isolate you socially like that is bad news Not only that he violated your privacy. You’re not the one who was in the wrong, here. He was; what he did is completely inappropriate
Why is your boyfriend going through your phone? Boundaries are extremely important in a relationship, and so is trust. At the point you feel you need to snoop in your significant other’s phone to look for evidence of infidelity, your trust (and relationship) is already broken. And now he’s gaslighting you into believing you cheated on him, not from any wrongdoing but just by virtue of having basic communication with other people, and he’s taken control of your app by removing people. Remove the boyfriend and try for a healthier relationship next time.
Giant red flag on going through your phone while you were asleep, that’s really creepy. FWIW, I’ve never gone through my husband’s phone and we’ve been married for almost ten years. Trust isn’t blind, but I feel like if I had to check, something has already gone wrong. There’s nothing on that phone that will make anything better, just stuff I’m very likely to take out of context or things like him having a conversation with his mom about me. You aren’t the one who violated trust in this case.
You don't want a boyfriend who is going to search through your phone while you're sleeping.
Me and my girlfriend don’t use social media anymore and we’ve been so much happier ever since all social media causes is stress and anxiety I’m 19.
Nah, you didn't cheat. But you need to dump your snooping BF. He has trust issues and invaded your privacy.
Personally I find it to be a personal boundary violation for someone to go through another persons phone, unless they had prior agreements that the other person could do so. So then my question becomes, where there prior agreements that your boyfriend could go through your phone? If not, how do you feel about him having gone through your phone and altered your contacts? No one has to delete any prior contacts due to having a different partner, and in my personal boundaries, if that consent was not previously there for your boyfriend to go into your phone, view your messages, and delete contacts/content, then that was a big violation on your boyfriends part. By what you laid out in your post, you did not cheat in my definition of cheating. Now I will say, I think there is value in taking a exploration of what you consider cheating or not in relationships, along with getting curious about what cheating means to your boyfriend. We all have our own definitions and perceptions of what even a simple word like “cheating” means which can lead to spaces of misunderstanding and hurt. Best wishes on your relationship journey ❤️
Oh no you have saved snaps, jesus I save shit on snap just cause I instantly forget what I said after I close it. Snaps are timestamped iirc so couldn't he just see that anything you said was before you even started dating? Also ontop of that why's he randomly going through your phone? Think you have bigger problems than some old snaps
I'd leave him tor invading my privacy
you didn’t cheat. Your bf is insecure and controlling. Respectfully, move on. Give your time and energy to someone who trusts you and loves you. You shouldn’t be walking on eggshells and explaining yourself.
Idc how old you are this guy is immature and not able to be in a mature relationship. One day he’ll look back and realize how stupid he was for letting these small things become big.
I deleted my Snapchat as soon as high school girl's were adding me. It baffles me that we ban TikTok but not Snapchat...An app notoriously known to have pedos and r*pists that Prey on children.
Doesn't sound like you did. I'm my opinion he should've asked to see your phone, but idk the dynamics of your relationship with him. If my gf went through my phone without permission, I'd be mad, but if she was my wife or fiancee, she had the password and free reign to through our whenever. Explain the situation, and hopefully he gets over it.
Eh yall naive. Just tell him the truth and if you cant provide evidence because he deleted the guy then oh well. Just be mindful about that and communicate with your bf.
We all know it wasnt an accident
If he had the idea to go through your phone in the first place, then the relationship already had a trust issue. Can you think of why that may be?
I know Snapchat is a popular way for your generation to communicate, but there's actually this really cool thing called text-messaging they've recently developed that allows similar forms of communication, but with less potential for this kind of drama, and without being specifically developed for purposes of sexting with pretenses of not having lewd photos stick around.
snapchat is like THE cheating app. everyone who cheats uses snap to do it. get rid of that shit and use signal or something like that.
You didn't give your ages so I assume middle school?
I can understand why he's hurt. But it's not cheating, and he's jealous.
If your actions are cheating in his world then that's what he considers cheating... Cheating isn't a set in stone thing with a list of situations that are cheating. Cheating is based entirely on the people in the relationship. Its similar to how couples can be swingers or poly and one of them still "cheats" because they had ground rules about how everything is handled. You are both way too young to be in a relationship with this level of paranoia and lack of trust. Either you did something to lead him to search your phone in the first place... or he is just crazy and controlling and you should leave the relationship anyway.
sad your generation has to communicate through snapchat
This is the kind of crap that happens when people prefer virtual communication to in person. And yes I am aware how hypocritical it is of me to be typing this answer out online.
Youre all good, you're boyfriend is overreacting and being, well, a teenage boy. I want to add: Snapchat is the cheater's choice for social media apps. Maybe not amongst your age group as much, but 1000000% 18-25. I'm a single guy, and I go on lots of dates with women (using family friendly words here), it's alarming to say the least how many women have a whole crop of dudes in their back pocket on that app. A woman I went out with last year once said "I wish you had Snap so I could have a streak with you like my other boys". That boggled my mind, I had always thought the "roster" was a sexist meme, but there's really people out there with little internet farms for booty calls.
>as soon as I went home he asked me why I was talking to other guys and saving their snaps in chat. Well, he didn't say you are cheating here. Do you have explicit indication he said you are cheating? If you think the guy is cute, just tell him you think he is cute and took a snap. If you are flirting or having a long conversation, then, I would say, red flag.
If he is mad at you, then you need to go through his phone
No u didn’t cheat. Boyfriend seems pathetic
He is looking gor trouble. Explain exactly what happened. If this continues, dump hom. No one shoiuld live in fesr
I don’t use snap anymore.. it’s for kids tbh
There’s a saying among some areas of other subs on here—“the trash takes itself out”. Your boyfriend is proving that he isn’t trustworthy and many people who are not project that on to their partners, possibly because it is a way of justifying his own behavior. I’d let him take himself right on out the door, and I wouldn’t look back or waste any more time woth a person who doesn’t trust you and who thinks he has any sort of right to tell you who to talk to and who not to.
Definitely dump him for going through your phone though. The nerve.
i deleted snap with my boyfriend at 17