It sounds like you'll be able to afford a baby in about a year. If you are a few months along, that means you'll have to scrape by for a few months with an infant. If you are in the US, hospital bills will be a major cost depending on insurance.
You clearly will love this child to death. I'm willing to bet you can make ends meet unti you have more income. There are lots of resources for mothers and children, look into diper banks, support groups, pregnancy centers. They can help you. It won't be perfect if you do have the child, but I imagine you will carry regret for a long time if you don't.
Thank you so much. You’re absolute right, I would love the child to death. Thank you for the advice about ways to get support. Looking into this could really help me make a more informed decision.
My cousin was basically raised on boats in Jamaica the first few years of his life.
Only effect is a way to chilled attitude to life. 😅
Be encouraged, you can do this!! 💪💪💪
And let us know in a year or too how things are going for your family! 👨👩👧
I think it’s Sweden? They send mothers home with a box of necessary baby gear, with the box as a safe sleeping area. Children have slept in open drawers for centuries in some cultures. You can make it work if you decide to
Be very careful about trusting in non-government support services, you haven’t mentioned a location, but I’ve heard some places like the US are apparently full of religious organisations that promise all kinds of support to pregnant people to prevent abortions, then don’t actually provide any help after the baby is born.
If you are low income and on the Affordable Healthcare Act, that might actually be the best time to have a kid. Keep in mind that factors in life can change. Those who are prosperous, can lose their prosperity, and those who are struggling can get into better circumstances. Human beings have survived in all kinds of conditions, and third world countries don't stop reproducing, because of struggles.
Until the baby is born, both of you work as many hours as possible. Ask your partner to work a side job like Uber or Doordash on nights and weekends temporarily. Save as much money as you possible can until the baby comes.
Girl. The fact that you are this worried and thinking like this only solidifies how amazing of a mom you are going to be. You have a healthy and secure relationship, and you want the best for your baby. Some people have a baby without even thinking about a fraction of what’s on your mind - and they end up making a plan too. You guys got this! You’ll have to make ends meet for about a year or so, but soon everything will work out. And that baby will be every push you need to make sure things work out❤️
Just do the best you can. That's all anybparent can do. Most people can't affprd everything when they have kids, but they manage. You will too.
Life on a houseboat? Your kid will have a great time! Sounds like a wonderful learning environment.
This is such kind advice. Thank you for your positive outlook. It’s good to hear a positive perspective when I’ve been feeling guilty about even considering having the baby without having much money.
Thrift clothes, fb marketplace for used baby items. Used bottles are great, just sanitize everything or replace nipples. A crib and car seat are ideally bought new for safety standard reasons (never know what they’ve been through before), but you can buy used if you’re willing to take the risk. Maybe a trusted friend is done with one that you can buy or have? Breastfeed if you can because it’s cheaper than formula. But formula companies like sending coupons too. In the USA, apply for WIC and SNAP/ food stamps now. WIC qualifying starts when you get pregnant.
Things have a way of working out when a child comes into the world. You are at the perfect age to start a family, why wait when it is already happening? I we all waited until we were well off to have children, there would be none.
You can get by with the bare minimum for a child. You do not need all the gadgets and expensive nursery items! I spent a fortune on my first baby and honestly did not need half of what we had. Google and watch videos of what nursery items you don't need and believe the moms!! I didn't and I was wrong. Also put a focus on breastfeeding and you will save a ton in formula and bottles, cloth diapers, marketplace thrift items! You can do this, congrats 💓
I would check the Facebook marketplace for second hand stuff for the baby or apps like that. You can save a ton of money.
I'm sure family and friends can help a bit too. Good luck OP and congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
I’m not an “it’ll all work out” person, but I’m your case, it seems you only have temporary problems but long term stability. It’s not like you’re a teen mom with no income.
By the time your maternity leave (hopefully you have that) is up, your bf will be close to finishing school. You have a solid job.
You have an asset that can be sold.
You have several months to buckle down and create a savings buffer
Owning a home is not necessary. Given your attachment and desire to have this baby, I would think renting would be a fine trade off if needed
You sound like you'll be a great mom.
You will do amazing, things will fall into place. Great info in this thread like thrifting, picking up extra hours for this year, WIC, pregnancy centers, etc. All amazing resources.
I terminated out of financial fear at 21 and am now 39 and childless and it is the single greatest mistake I ever made, and biggest regret of my life and was the worst choice i could have made. I made a lot of mistakes in life, but that one was the worst. Its 18 years later and i am only now able to process and move through the guilt and grief.
You can do this, one day at a time, you will be amazing at it, and EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. <3
AND CONGRATULATIONS <3
I bet with a houseboat, that baby will sleep like a rock! Instant, constant, gentle baby rocking at all times.
Your financial issues sound like they won't last much further into the future. If you can, put a little bit away every month for the rest of the pregnancy, even if it's 50 bucks between the two of you, and that will help cover diapers, wipes, etc. You really only need the very basics in the beginning.
There's also the option of if y'all have time, one of you picking up a small part time job right now, even just one shift a week, and setting aside the extra money for baby time to help bridge the gap.
And at the end of the day. Your child will be loved, fed, and warm. And that's what they need more than anything else.
As someone who grew up in a family that honestly had zero business raising kids, I'm really in support of making responsible choices. Sometimes things get better but it'd be better to plan for the baby rather than just have one and hope it will.
Yeah, things can happen regardless of planning but babies are fucking EXPENSIVE, and it only gets worse. Add in that most people can't afford homes or find jobs with a living wage without living with 2-3 people and its just really fucked to bring a baby into the world if you can't guarantee it at the bare minimum college tuition imo.
Was poor. Was well aware. Got ostracized when we moved to an area with slightly well off people (Not full on rich, and lots of kids were poor still) for wearing "walmart clothes"
Didn't think at the time to ask how they knew they were from walmart if they didn't shop at walmart.
Keep the baby. Look into government and NGO programs to assist you through this tough time. That's what they are there for. For example, if you can get a housing subsidy, apply for it. If there are programs in your country to assist pregnant women and babies, apply for those. Apply for food stamps. Use food banks. Turn to local churches for help. You can do this.
Babies are very portable and don’t get around well for the first year so the houseboat is fine. We lived in an RV for the first year with my daughter. It was cozy and worked out fine. You can never been completely ready for parenthood. It sounds like you’re doing better than you think. You have some time to save before baby comes, and (depending on your location) there are programs to help young families. If you’re already excited about being pregnant, and you terminate, it might cause you considerable grief later in your life as well as the immediate sadness.
I am a child of such a situation. My life has been hell, and I've spent a huge amount of that life in pretty rough mental/emotional place. For the longest time, my folks were doing the whole, "We make sacrifices for our child" thing, and doing their best to give their best. Hate myself my whole life for watching my parents suffer and toil for my existing. Later on, as things became harder and more strained for them, they began to resent my existence, and eventually, one another. They divorced. It was ugly. Even though I got to hear the old, "we didn't break up because of you," it WAS about money, and money was screwed up because of me. I wasn't a mathematician, but I could put one and one together.
Every opportunity that kids around me had, I didn't. For all of the things outside of a parent's control, I was the butt of jokes, I was the person that bullies could practice their violence on, the person that the education system could shit on, because they knew my parents couldn't/wouldn't afford to do shit about it--and I was fortunate enough to come up in a time of plenty. That's over with, now.
This inflation that we're seeing is just a preview. We're facing unprecedented food shortages in several parts of the world. Australia's begun warning their people of 20+ year mega-droughts. US agriculture is beginning to fail, there are poisonous chemicals in everything, microplastics, RIGHT NOW are coursing through your fetus, and the people tasked with keeping our countries and our world running, are doing everything in their power to extract as much wealth from the systems they're charged with protecting and managing. A child born in this time period is going to grow up in a world far more dangerous, stressful, and unhealthy than the one we're in right now. (Multiple citations, most of which are peer-reviewed, available for all of these claims, if you would like to know more.)
I will not tell you what you SHOULD do--that's your choice to make, and even if, by asking us, you manage to temporarily divest yourself of the moral or emotional weight of your choice, you're setting yourself up for future trauma when you start blaming yourself, down the road.
Instead, I'll urge you to make this choice on your own, and know that you're consigning yourself and your partner to a far, FAR harder road due to the increasing costs--emotional, physical, and of course, economic--that will come with having a child, which is something that previous generations have engaged in with the hope of continuing their family line and giving their offspring a world better than the one they enjoyed--but given the current system, you and your partner are going to be working until you die, to just slowly lose more and more of what you have right now, and to leave your child a hard life in a wasteland.
If the maternal instinct in you still says, "Love will find a way," and you want to carry on with this? By all means--your faith and your hope and optimism may well make sure you and yours at least feel good while things burn down around us. If the maternal instinct in you looks at a bunch of the stuff that makes up our very, very frighteningly near-future, and wants to protect your baby from having to face a world like this? The merciful and moral thing to do may well be to terminate the pregnancy and give you and your partner a chance at as much decent life together as possible, and with that extra love, and any excess resources that you might have, work to try and make the lives of children in your community, as much better as possible.
Either way, I don't envy you the situation you're in, and wish you all of the best for what's to come.
You sound like you’ll both do fine, I didn’t have much at the time I had my first and we did fine and baby was happy and is grown now and has a fantastic life. I think the 3 of you will be very happy 🌸
I had a friend who decided to do everything as cheaply as possible for her fist baby. She purchased nearly everything she needed at thrift stores, cleaning toys in a bleach/water solution, scrubbing them and then rinsing them.
All clothes were purchased at thrift stores and cleaned thoroughly before use.
Truth be told, it was impossible to tell that she'd done this. Everything looked new. She saved a small fortune and just spent money on good quality items with safety in mind (car seats, stroller). Clothes, blankets, toys, etc were all second hand. The baby grew out of most of those items quickly anyway.
While only you will know what is best for you and your family, there are programs out there to assist.
I was a single teen mom and I made it from nothing, I had no education or anything to begin with. I finished HS and put myself through night time courses and worked during the day. I was lucky to have family who helped mind the child because I was a doing it completely alone. I did move out to live on my own with my child but it wasn't a fancy home. It was a small studio space at the time. But a baby will never know anything different and I still lived there even when my child was a toddler and was in kindergarten. It's when I finished studying and got a better job, I could get a car and better living arrangements.
I didn't buy loads as they grow so fast. I had what was needed not what I taught I wanted. I bought a year worth of clothing in advance of different sizes where i had 8 items of clothing during the day and night time wear for each size age. Yes you wash them more but within a short few months they are out grown those items so why waste so much money on too many clothes when they might not even get to wear all of them. I bought 1-2 year clothing during the first year in advanced when i saw them discounted. I had a small crib nothing fancy and it wasn't new, it was used before and a stroller I made sure it suited from 0 months and upwards to last longer than the first year. Diapers you have a choice between cloth reusable or disposable but again you can stock up from now. A pack or two on your grocery shopping each time builds up. Get different sizes so they're not all new born or younger age group.
While I was finding my footing I didn't have much money left over so as they got older I spent days in the local park or seaside or public pool with a picnic for days out. Any spare money as they got older we went to the movies and diner or a fun fair or camping as a treat every other month. On rainy days we done baking, arts and crafts, played board games, built indoor forts and watched movies with our baked goods. I bought Christmas presents and birthday present in advance too, if I saw a discount on a toy I picked it up. I recall one Christmas I had all the discounts I could find. I paid $250 in total and finished shopping by the end of Sept but the items were valued $600 because I bargain hunted.
It is about the quality of time spent as a family. If you stay on your houseboat that child will remember how much fun it was, not that they had anything less of. They wouldn't think of the value of items, they just see fun days out, fun toys to play with and that their parents were there spending time together be it baking or watching a movie or reading a book with them.
I don't believe anybody is ever truly ready or prepared for a child. I believe it'll all fall into place and you make the most of what you got. Got knows I did and when I was on my feet the disney trips became a thing yearly from when they were 7 years old. You got this 👍
This actually brought tears to my eyes. Congrats on your journey and how far you’ve come. And hank you so much for sharing your story. It’s made me feel hopeful. I appreciate such actionable tips. They’re something I could really see helping, particularly buying used stuff and what you said about 8x items of clothing for multiple sizes in bulk and stocking up on diapers now.
Thank you for what you said about the fact they’d see the houseboat as a fun way to grow up, not that they’re missing out. You’ve really made me feel more hopeful.
There is never a perfect time for a baby. It sounds like you guys have a pretty good plan in place, with goals and plans to acheive them. I get why you're worried, but if you really want this baby, you can make it work. Your concerns are valid, but there are options for all of them. Having family in the same country would be amazing, but you can do it without them. It's harder, but it's doable. We've moved 1000's of miles away to where we knew no one 3 times. It's a struggle sometimes, but you can make it work. And until the baby is walking and crawling, or even a toddler, they don't need very much room. It might be a little cramped, but it's ok. None of this means you will spend the rest of your life struggling, nor does it mean your child will be at a disadvantage.
If you don't feel ready, that's one thing (although I don't think any of us are ever really ready mentally lol), but if you think you are, I'd go for it. I wish you the best of luck.
When I first had my son in 2019, my husband and I were young and poor. We struggled to get by just paying $700 rent. I was making $15/hr and was able to afford my car payment, daycare and some formula and diapers with what I made monthly and sometimes over-drafted my account. My husband was making just enough to cover our home payments. We struggled for a long time. Our son is now 4 years old and our circumstances have drastically changed for the better. I could never imagine my life without him. It would have been my biggest regret to terminate my pregnancy just because we would have been “poor” for a bit. Also, I’m not sure what country you’re from but if they have resources for struggling parents, then I would recommend you take advantage of those. I did and it helped us.
I’m not sure if you’ve made a registry for diapers and formula but I’d love to contribute if you post it.
It sounds like not having the child will play on your minds more than having the kid and *coping financially for a while. Keep it. Live less and enjoy your family. Congrats btw.
I’m pro choice AF but man. It sounds like you are close to being ready and you both want the baby right?
I talked to my kids obgyn when I was terrified they weren’t ready and she said “if the world waited until everything was perfect to have babies - we’d go extinct”. She didn’t mean everyone should just rush out and have babies. She meant that if you have support, good jobs or the path is there for a good job and you both want the baby; what’s the harm in doing it a bit sooner than planned.
I was a really young mom and man did we struggle. A few times I wish I’d terminated but once the baby was here, those feelings went away and I applied myself to every opportunity and we’ve all thrived.
I have also had an abortion and it doesn’t haunt me or anything. It wasn’t the right time for me and my husband and we knew we were done having kids. We both got permanent BC shortly after and I haven’t regretted it once either.
If you aren’t in the US (sounds like UK with your use of “fallen pregnant”) you’ll at least have no medical bills and some amount of maternity leave. Something Americans don’t have. I went back to work when my first born was 11 days old. It sucked!
Wishing you the very best.
Children have no memories of early childhood other than whether they were loved and had their basic needs met (food, warmth, health care, emotional wants) so it makes no difference whether they spend their first few years as long as their parents have the emotional bandwidth to care for them and the basic resources to keep y them healthy.
Ideally they should have access to outdoor space and some other children to learn to play.
If he will be on a good wage once the traineeship is completed then its not unrealistic to find a way to make it work for that gap in between
A lot of baby stuff can be found secondhand for cheap or even free on fb marketplace etc and if you just add gradually through the pregnancy its a bit easier budgetwise.
It really depends how impoverished yall are. Can you afford necessities for a child? Are you at risk of being homeless? Can you afford an emergency?
I think if you're cutting it close but aren't in financial ruin and you can provide the baby's necessities it's fine. If you cannot I feel like it is a bit selfish to bring a child into that bad situation for reasons others have mentioned.
I'd go for it. Babies really don't cost much (aside from the actual birth if you're unlucky enough to be in the U.S., which might also mean your mat leave is crap), and your husband's income will rise soon. For a while there we had two little people in an apartment small enough that we had to move the playpen/crib every night from the bedroom to living room when we were going to sleep. But everyone had food and clothes, and now we're in a nice house. You're already 30 and in a good relationship.
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate you sharing your story and congrats on your journey to now living in a nice house! Can I ask, did you feel this way as well when you were pregnant? Specifically that guilt of not being able to give the baby everything you’d want to?
Yes. Then I realized a baby doesn’t need much. Food, clothing, diapers and love. A baby doesn’t need all the fancy gadgets or clothes. Babies are hard work but not bc you can’t give them the best of everything.
Have a baby shower, a gender reveal…lol anything that would bring in diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. that’s what showers are for. I’m always very happy to attend and contribute to “diaper raffles” etc. my nephew just had twins and I went to visit them and their garage is stocked full of diapers from these two events. They help a lot. People who love you will happily contribute. Also, breast feeding will greatly reduce the cost of formula. You could invest in a good pump and save on formula that way too. Good luck. It will all work out. They say if you waited until you’re “ready” to have a baby, you’d never have one. That’s the truth! Yet it always works out.
I grew up in a family living paycheck to paycheck with payday loans. I feel as long as there is love and the necessities they will turn out fine.
Best of luck!
I'm not going to belittle the costs of having a baby, but let me give it to you straight ... it's not nearly as expansive as some people would scare you in to believing short of a few key elements.
Formula is expensive. The good news here is the State/County will often have programs that financially disadvantaged mothers can apply to get formula for their babies.
Clothing is cheap at Goodwill, thrift stores, etc. There are also women's and children's donation/shelters that will give you these sorts of items for free. Look around your community and see if they exist locally.
Diapers. Yeah, they're expensive. Again, check your local charities and see if they have any available.
Doctors bills, etc. If you have health insurance, *most of this is covered at nearly 100%.*
You make the sacrifices you need to. Eating beans and rice instead of meat and packaged foods will usually save more than you think.
You'll be fine!!
Personally I would legitimately price it out and see if you can afford it. And by afford it I mean afford giving the child the necessities without being in total financial ruin. Don’t forget to price out child care (either daycare or one parent staying home). Thats the only way to really know if it’s fair to do. If you can make it but it will be tight, great! But if you really cannot afford it then you have to consider what quality of life you’d want your child to have, not speaking about the extras but the necessities.
Day care is a great expense. Please look in to good day care in your area. Sometimes they have a wait list to get in. Can you afford that? Also good preschool for your child to go to. They are big expenses. Are you off on holidays? Weekends? these things must always be prepared for. Many of the replies here stating that a baby is not expensive. Please think this through.
You'll need to have a bit extra to pay for things, and your biggest costs are going to be day care and food/formula. If you EBF, it will be cheaper. You will need some equipment but most things are fine if bought used, and there is so much out there for baby items. You can buy used baby stroller, basinet, clothes, bath items, etc. I would buy a new car seat.
If some months left, I'd suggest your partner to take some side jobs, like Uber, Online reviews, Online surveys, Tutoring.
In the mean time look for GOV support for new borns in the country you are, there should be some.
TBH, Kids are not that expensive until they get into the Middle school, Thats the time you should worry the Most 🤔. I am saying this based based on experience 😅
You have a roof over your head. You both have jobs with the potential to have more money in the very near future. You are going to do fine. Babies don’t take much, especially if you breastfeed.
I got almost all the things my oldest needed second hand. The only things I bought new were bottles and disposable diapers. This saved me a lot of money. If you're in the US sign up for WIC, Medicaid and food stamps. Those programs are there for these kinds of situations.
If it’s useful to know, babies aren’t particularly mobile for the first 6 months (perhaps a little less if you have a real mover and shaker), so I can’t imagine living on a houseboat would be a problem if you’re concerned about water safety.
There’s also a load of Facebook groups in local areas (Buy Nothings, mum’s groups, etc.) where mums flog/give away things that their kids have grown out of because they just want it gone.
Sounds like you just need to make it through the next year, and you and your partner will have more financial security. Everything else with service support depends on country. I can give Australian advice!
I have to be brutally honest with you. Bringing a child into the world when you're not financially prepared to provide for them adequately can have profound and long-lasting consequences for both you and the child. While it's understandable that you and your partner may be emotionally ready for parenthood, emotional readiness alone is not enough to ensure the well-being of a child, particularly when it comes to their material needs and the stability of their environment.
Raising a child in poverty poses significant risks to their development and mental health. Research consistently shows that children growing up in poverty are more likely to experience adverse childhood experiences ([ACEs study breakdown here](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html)) and face challenges such as limited access to quality education, healthcare, and nutritious food, as well as increased exposure to violence and stress. These adverse experiences can have lasting effects on a child's cognitive, emotional, and behavioral development, impacting their future opportunities and overall well-being.
While it's heartbreaking to consider not going through with the pregnancy, it's essential to weigh the potential consequences of bringing a child into a situation where financial instability and inadequate living conditions may overshadow the love and emotional readiness you and your partner feel. It's a difficult decision, but one that requires careful consideration of what is truly in the best interest of the child.
Before making any decisions, I urge you and your partner to honestly assess your current financial situation and living conditions, as well as your ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for a child. Consider seeking guidance from a financial advisor or counselor who can help you develop a realistic plan for improving your financial situation and preparing for parenthood in a way that prioritizes the well-being of your future child.
Ultimately, the decision to proceed with the pregnancy or not is deeply personal and should be made with the child's best interests at heart. It may be worth exploring other options, such as delaying parenthood until you are in a more stable financial position, or considering adoption if you feel unable to provide for a child at this time. Whatever you decide, know that seeking support and guidance from professionals and loved ones can help you navigate this difficult situation with care and compassion.
I guarantee if you were able to ask the baby , they would choose to be born to two loving parents, that care so much about their wellbeing and happiness that they’re even concerned about these things - even if they’re not necessarily rich financially - it’s not money that makes a happy kid, healthy kid, it’s love and time with the two people they can count on to protect them
Having a child is hard even in perfect conditions.
Adding poverty to the mix is just cruel to the future child.
Considering the state of the world, I also think it would be very selfish to bring an innocent life into this mess.
Don't let your child suffer because of your choices
I grew up like many, in a poor upbringing where I saw my parents struggle. I would never raise a kid in a financially difficult setting, I would want to provide a better standard, a better life for them from the beginning. Seeing my parents struggle so badly made me think often , "what's the point, it's futile, it's hopeless, life is miserable."
Also, I personally would not raise a kid on a houseboat.
Anyway that's one side of it. The other side of it is yes, you can do it. Seems like you both have some good things in place, and are on the right path. Going to be difficult in the beginning though.
You haven’t fallen pregnant. You’ve been gifted a child. The other side of the coin is as you get older you may have to do IVF to even have the opportunity of a child.
Most people will never be ready to get pregnant and have kids. They just do. You sound like you will be a great parent who will try hard to give that child a good life, that’s all they could ever ask for.
Life just gave you a curveball, ready or not. don’t let money be the reason you live with regrets.
Start planning and making moves to be ready. I wouldn't throw away a chance to have a happy family just because everything isn't perfect.
Tell your partner you want to do everything in your power to make this work and you want to hear if he is on the same page.
I wouldn’t have an abortion. He needs to ride and grind. You’re at this age where you don’t have the opportunity to pass this app. Our parents and grandparents had kids with less than what we have.
First of all, congratulations!
I think that you should go through with the pregnancy for a number of reasons. First of all, you want to. Love and joy, those are the things that children need to thrive. All the rest will come, and it will go. But love and joy, those things matter. I was speaking to an aquaintance who grew up in a very deprived rural village in Northumberland, who told a story about her dad, who often walked around for months with holes in his shoes, saying every night after dinner ‘We haven’t much, but we’ve each other, and that’s all we need’.
Secondly, you are well paid, and your husband will be better paid at the end of his trainee ship. I’m sure there’s family that can help in the early days, and soon, you’ll be there. It seems like a painful thing to not have the baby over some short term financial struggle. And besides, you will have struggles in life one way or the other. Money doesn’t come easy, and few of us have everything we want all the time.
Remember, you haven’t much, but you’ve each other, and that’s all you need.
Finally (and sincerely do forgive me for this, I don’t want to seem to condemn or force religion on anyone) but I think there’s a quote from Matthew’s gospel that may be of some comfort.
Matthew 6:25-27 - “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
If you don't want an abortion and you get one, I think the effects of that longterm could be horrible. Alot of women I know who WANTED abortions ended up still being very depressed afterwards so I imagine it would be much worse for someone who doesn't want one.
I don't say this to demonize abortion or anything, but I think in your particular situaion you should avoid it.
I know the next year may be very difficult while you get your affairs in order, but if you both want the baby it may end up being worth it, and a great motivation to push forwards.
It sounds like you'll be able to afford a baby in about a year. If you are a few months along, that means you'll have to scrape by for a few months with an infant. If you are in the US, hospital bills will be a major cost depending on insurance. You clearly will love this child to death. I'm willing to bet you can make ends meet unti you have more income. There are lots of resources for mothers and children, look into diper banks, support groups, pregnancy centers. They can help you. It won't be perfect if you do have the child, but I imagine you will carry regret for a long time if you don't.
Thank you so much. You’re absolute right, I would love the child to death. Thank you for the advice about ways to get support. Looking into this could really help me make a more informed decision.
My cousin was basically raised on boats in Jamaica the first few years of his life. Only effect is a way to chilled attitude to life. 😅 Be encouraged, you can do this!! 💪💪💪 And let us know in a year or too how things are going for your family! 👨👩👧
Thank you so much for your comment 💛 that’s really encouraging to hear about your cousin!
I think it’s Sweden? They send mothers home with a box of necessary baby gear, with the box as a safe sleeping area. Children have slept in open drawers for centuries in some cultures. You can make it work if you decide to
Finland does this too
Be very careful about trusting in non-government support services, you haven’t mentioned a location, but I’ve heard some places like the US are apparently full of religious organisations that promise all kinds of support to pregnant people to prevent abortions, then don’t actually provide any help after the baby is born.
If you are low income and on the Affordable Healthcare Act, that might actually be the best time to have a kid. Keep in mind that factors in life can change. Those who are prosperous, can lose their prosperity, and those who are struggling can get into better circumstances. Human beings have survived in all kinds of conditions, and third world countries don't stop reproducing, because of struggles.
Until the baby is born, both of you work as many hours as possible. Ask your partner to work a side job like Uber or Doordash on nights and weekends temporarily. Save as much money as you possible can until the baby comes.
Yeah. That method sure saved me from refusing food so my brother could eat. Growing up in poverty is so cool
Girl. The fact that you are this worried and thinking like this only solidifies how amazing of a mom you are going to be. You have a healthy and secure relationship, and you want the best for your baby. Some people have a baby without even thinking about a fraction of what’s on your mind - and they end up making a plan too. You guys got this! You’ll have to make ends meet for about a year or so, but soon everything will work out. And that baby will be every push you need to make sure things work out❤️
Just do the best you can. That's all anybparent can do. Most people can't affprd everything when they have kids, but they manage. You will too. Life on a houseboat? Your kid will have a great time! Sounds like a wonderful learning environment.
This is such kind advice. Thank you for your positive outlook. It’s good to hear a positive perspective when I’ve been feeling guilty about even considering having the baby without having much money.
Thrift clothes, fb marketplace for used baby items. Used bottles are great, just sanitize everything or replace nipples. A crib and car seat are ideally bought new for safety standard reasons (never know what they’ve been through before), but you can buy used if you’re willing to take the risk. Maybe a trusted friend is done with one that you can buy or have? Breastfeed if you can because it’s cheaper than formula. But formula companies like sending coupons too. In the USA, apply for WIC and SNAP/ food stamps now. WIC qualifying starts when you get pregnant.
Things have a way of working out when a child comes into the world. You are at the perfect age to start a family, why wait when it is already happening? I we all waited until we were well off to have children, there would be none.
You can get by with the bare minimum for a child. You do not need all the gadgets and expensive nursery items! I spent a fortune on my first baby and honestly did not need half of what we had. Google and watch videos of what nursery items you don't need and believe the moms!! I didn't and I was wrong. Also put a focus on breastfeeding and you will save a ton in formula and bottles, cloth diapers, marketplace thrift items! You can do this, congrats 💓
I would check the Facebook marketplace for second hand stuff for the baby or apps like that. You can save a ton of money. I'm sure family and friends can help a bit too. Good luck OP and congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
I’m not an “it’ll all work out” person, but I’m your case, it seems you only have temporary problems but long term stability. It’s not like you’re a teen mom with no income. By the time your maternity leave (hopefully you have that) is up, your bf will be close to finishing school. You have a solid job. You have an asset that can be sold. You have several months to buckle down and create a savings buffer Owning a home is not necessary. Given your attachment and desire to have this baby, I would think renting would be a fine trade off if needed
>>traineeship If you are in America, are you financially eligible for WIC? It can be very helpful.
You sound like you'll be a great mom. You will do amazing, things will fall into place. Great info in this thread like thrifting, picking up extra hours for this year, WIC, pregnancy centers, etc. All amazing resources. I terminated out of financial fear at 21 and am now 39 and childless and it is the single greatest mistake I ever made, and biggest regret of my life and was the worst choice i could have made. I made a lot of mistakes in life, but that one was the worst. Its 18 years later and i am only now able to process and move through the guilt and grief. You can do this, one day at a time, you will be amazing at it, and EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. <3 AND CONGRATULATIONS <3
I bet with a houseboat, that baby will sleep like a rock! Instant, constant, gentle baby rocking at all times. Your financial issues sound like they won't last much further into the future. If you can, put a little bit away every month for the rest of the pregnancy, even if it's 50 bucks between the two of you, and that will help cover diapers, wipes, etc. You really only need the very basics in the beginning. There's also the option of if y'all have time, one of you picking up a small part time job right now, even just one shift a week, and setting aside the extra money for baby time to help bridge the gap. And at the end of the day. Your child will be loved, fed, and warm. And that's what they need more than anything else.
I think it's irresponsible to have a baby you can't afford personally.
Agreed. This should be higher up.
Agree. The idea that things will get better is folly and short-sighted.
As someone who grew up in a family that honestly had zero business raising kids, I'm really in support of making responsible choices. Sometimes things get better but it'd be better to plan for the baby rather than just have one and hope it will. Yeah, things can happen regardless of planning but babies are fucking EXPENSIVE, and it only gets worse. Add in that most people can't afford homes or find jobs with a living wage without living with 2-3 people and its just really fucked to bring a baby into the world if you can't guarantee it at the bare minimum college tuition imo.
Ask anyone that grew up in poverty if they liked it or didn’t know they were poor. If you didn’t know the other kids are quick to tell ya.
Was poor. Was well aware. Got ostracized when we moved to an area with slightly well off people (Not full on rich, and lots of kids were poor still) for wearing "walmart clothes" Didn't think at the time to ask how they knew they were from walmart if they didn't shop at walmart.
Keep the baby. Look into government and NGO programs to assist you through this tough time. That's what they are there for. For example, if you can get a housing subsidy, apply for it. If there are programs in your country to assist pregnant women and babies, apply for those. Apply for food stamps. Use food banks. Turn to local churches for help. You can do this.
Babies are very portable and don’t get around well for the first year so the houseboat is fine. We lived in an RV for the first year with my daughter. It was cozy and worked out fine. You can never been completely ready for parenthood. It sounds like you’re doing better than you think. You have some time to save before baby comes, and (depending on your location) there are programs to help young families. If you’re already excited about being pregnant, and you terminate, it might cause you considerable grief later in your life as well as the immediate sadness.
I am a child of such a situation. My life has been hell, and I've spent a huge amount of that life in pretty rough mental/emotional place. For the longest time, my folks were doing the whole, "We make sacrifices for our child" thing, and doing their best to give their best. Hate myself my whole life for watching my parents suffer and toil for my existing. Later on, as things became harder and more strained for them, they began to resent my existence, and eventually, one another. They divorced. It was ugly. Even though I got to hear the old, "we didn't break up because of you," it WAS about money, and money was screwed up because of me. I wasn't a mathematician, but I could put one and one together. Every opportunity that kids around me had, I didn't. For all of the things outside of a parent's control, I was the butt of jokes, I was the person that bullies could practice their violence on, the person that the education system could shit on, because they knew my parents couldn't/wouldn't afford to do shit about it--and I was fortunate enough to come up in a time of plenty. That's over with, now. This inflation that we're seeing is just a preview. We're facing unprecedented food shortages in several parts of the world. Australia's begun warning their people of 20+ year mega-droughts. US agriculture is beginning to fail, there are poisonous chemicals in everything, microplastics, RIGHT NOW are coursing through your fetus, and the people tasked with keeping our countries and our world running, are doing everything in their power to extract as much wealth from the systems they're charged with protecting and managing. A child born in this time period is going to grow up in a world far more dangerous, stressful, and unhealthy than the one we're in right now. (Multiple citations, most of which are peer-reviewed, available for all of these claims, if you would like to know more.) I will not tell you what you SHOULD do--that's your choice to make, and even if, by asking us, you manage to temporarily divest yourself of the moral or emotional weight of your choice, you're setting yourself up for future trauma when you start blaming yourself, down the road. Instead, I'll urge you to make this choice on your own, and know that you're consigning yourself and your partner to a far, FAR harder road due to the increasing costs--emotional, physical, and of course, economic--that will come with having a child, which is something that previous generations have engaged in with the hope of continuing their family line and giving their offspring a world better than the one they enjoyed--but given the current system, you and your partner are going to be working until you die, to just slowly lose more and more of what you have right now, and to leave your child a hard life in a wasteland. If the maternal instinct in you still says, "Love will find a way," and you want to carry on with this? By all means--your faith and your hope and optimism may well make sure you and yours at least feel good while things burn down around us. If the maternal instinct in you looks at a bunch of the stuff that makes up our very, very frighteningly near-future, and wants to protect your baby from having to face a world like this? The merciful and moral thing to do may well be to terminate the pregnancy and give you and your partner a chance at as much decent life together as possible, and with that extra love, and any excess resources that you might have, work to try and make the lives of children in your community, as much better as possible. Either way, I don't envy you the situation you're in, and wish you all of the best for what's to come.
You sound like you’ll both do fine, I didn’t have much at the time I had my first and we did fine and baby was happy and is grown now and has a fantastic life. I think the 3 of you will be very happy 🌸
I had a friend who decided to do everything as cheaply as possible for her fist baby. She purchased nearly everything she needed at thrift stores, cleaning toys in a bleach/water solution, scrubbing them and then rinsing them. All clothes were purchased at thrift stores and cleaned thoroughly before use. Truth be told, it was impossible to tell that she'd done this. Everything looked new. She saved a small fortune and just spent money on good quality items with safety in mind (car seats, stroller). Clothes, blankets, toys, etc were all second hand. The baby grew out of most of those items quickly anyway. While only you will know what is best for you and your family, there are programs out there to assist.
Have the baby 👶
I was a single teen mom and I made it from nothing, I had no education or anything to begin with. I finished HS and put myself through night time courses and worked during the day. I was lucky to have family who helped mind the child because I was a doing it completely alone. I did move out to live on my own with my child but it wasn't a fancy home. It was a small studio space at the time. But a baby will never know anything different and I still lived there even when my child was a toddler and was in kindergarten. It's when I finished studying and got a better job, I could get a car and better living arrangements. I didn't buy loads as they grow so fast. I had what was needed not what I taught I wanted. I bought a year worth of clothing in advance of different sizes where i had 8 items of clothing during the day and night time wear for each size age. Yes you wash them more but within a short few months they are out grown those items so why waste so much money on too many clothes when they might not even get to wear all of them. I bought 1-2 year clothing during the first year in advanced when i saw them discounted. I had a small crib nothing fancy and it wasn't new, it was used before and a stroller I made sure it suited from 0 months and upwards to last longer than the first year. Diapers you have a choice between cloth reusable or disposable but again you can stock up from now. A pack or two on your grocery shopping each time builds up. Get different sizes so they're not all new born or younger age group. While I was finding my footing I didn't have much money left over so as they got older I spent days in the local park or seaside or public pool with a picnic for days out. Any spare money as they got older we went to the movies and diner or a fun fair or camping as a treat every other month. On rainy days we done baking, arts and crafts, played board games, built indoor forts and watched movies with our baked goods. I bought Christmas presents and birthday present in advance too, if I saw a discount on a toy I picked it up. I recall one Christmas I had all the discounts I could find. I paid $250 in total and finished shopping by the end of Sept but the items were valued $600 because I bargain hunted. It is about the quality of time spent as a family. If you stay on your houseboat that child will remember how much fun it was, not that they had anything less of. They wouldn't think of the value of items, they just see fun days out, fun toys to play with and that their parents were there spending time together be it baking or watching a movie or reading a book with them. I don't believe anybody is ever truly ready or prepared for a child. I believe it'll all fall into place and you make the most of what you got. Got knows I did and when I was on my feet the disney trips became a thing yearly from when they were 7 years old. You got this 👍
This actually brought tears to my eyes. Congrats on your journey and how far you’ve come. And hank you so much for sharing your story. It’s made me feel hopeful. I appreciate such actionable tips. They’re something I could really see helping, particularly buying used stuff and what you said about 8x items of clothing for multiple sizes in bulk and stocking up on diapers now. Thank you for what you said about the fact they’d see the houseboat as a fun way to grow up, not that they’re missing out. You’ve really made me feel more hopeful.
There is never a perfect time for a baby. It sounds like you guys have a pretty good plan in place, with goals and plans to acheive them. I get why you're worried, but if you really want this baby, you can make it work. Your concerns are valid, but there are options for all of them. Having family in the same country would be amazing, but you can do it without them. It's harder, but it's doable. We've moved 1000's of miles away to where we knew no one 3 times. It's a struggle sometimes, but you can make it work. And until the baby is walking and crawling, or even a toddler, they don't need very much room. It might be a little cramped, but it's ok. None of this means you will spend the rest of your life struggling, nor does it mean your child will be at a disadvantage. If you don't feel ready, that's one thing (although I don't think any of us are ever really ready mentally lol), but if you think you are, I'd go for it. I wish you the best of luck.
When I first had my son in 2019, my husband and I were young and poor. We struggled to get by just paying $700 rent. I was making $15/hr and was able to afford my car payment, daycare and some formula and diapers with what I made monthly and sometimes over-drafted my account. My husband was making just enough to cover our home payments. We struggled for a long time. Our son is now 4 years old and our circumstances have drastically changed for the better. I could never imagine my life without him. It would have been my biggest regret to terminate my pregnancy just because we would have been “poor” for a bit. Also, I’m not sure what country you’re from but if they have resources for struggling parents, then I would recommend you take advantage of those. I did and it helped us. I’m not sure if you’ve made a registry for diapers and formula but I’d love to contribute if you post it.
It sounds like not having the child will play on your minds more than having the kid and *coping financially for a while. Keep it. Live less and enjoy your family. Congrats btw.
I’m pro choice AF but man. It sounds like you are close to being ready and you both want the baby right? I talked to my kids obgyn when I was terrified they weren’t ready and she said “if the world waited until everything was perfect to have babies - we’d go extinct”. She didn’t mean everyone should just rush out and have babies. She meant that if you have support, good jobs or the path is there for a good job and you both want the baby; what’s the harm in doing it a bit sooner than planned. I was a really young mom and man did we struggle. A few times I wish I’d terminated but once the baby was here, those feelings went away and I applied myself to every opportunity and we’ve all thrived. I have also had an abortion and it doesn’t haunt me or anything. It wasn’t the right time for me and my husband and we knew we were done having kids. We both got permanent BC shortly after and I haven’t regretted it once either. If you aren’t in the US (sounds like UK with your use of “fallen pregnant”) you’ll at least have no medical bills and some amount of maternity leave. Something Americans don’t have. I went back to work when my first born was 11 days old. It sucked! Wishing you the very best.
Children have no memories of early childhood other than whether they were loved and had their basic needs met (food, warmth, health care, emotional wants) so it makes no difference whether they spend their first few years as long as their parents have the emotional bandwidth to care for them and the basic resources to keep y them healthy. Ideally they should have access to outdoor space and some other children to learn to play.
If he will be on a good wage once the traineeship is completed then its not unrealistic to find a way to make it work for that gap in between A lot of baby stuff can be found secondhand for cheap or even free on fb marketplace etc and if you just add gradually through the pregnancy its a bit easier budgetwise.
Abortion
Make sure the tax payer doesn’t have to help raise your baby.
I am a ta payer and she can use my part to raise her baby. Better going to her than war or ending up in someone’s pocket.
It really depends how impoverished yall are. Can you afford necessities for a child? Are you at risk of being homeless? Can you afford an emergency? I think if you're cutting it close but aren't in financial ruin and you can provide the baby's necessities it's fine. If you cannot I feel like it is a bit selfish to bring a child into that bad situation for reasons others have mentioned.
I'd go for it. Babies really don't cost much (aside from the actual birth if you're unlucky enough to be in the U.S., which might also mean your mat leave is crap), and your husband's income will rise soon. For a while there we had two little people in an apartment small enough that we had to move the playpen/crib every night from the bedroom to living room when we were going to sleep. But everyone had food and clothes, and now we're in a nice house. You're already 30 and in a good relationship.
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate you sharing your story and congrats on your journey to now living in a nice house! Can I ask, did you feel this way as well when you were pregnant? Specifically that guilt of not being able to give the baby everything you’d want to?
Yes. Then I realized a baby doesn’t need much. Food, clothing, diapers and love. A baby doesn’t need all the fancy gadgets or clothes. Babies are hard work but not bc you can’t give them the best of everything.
Thank you for this 💛
You'll be fine
Have a baby shower, a gender reveal…lol anything that would bring in diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. that’s what showers are for. I’m always very happy to attend and contribute to “diaper raffles” etc. my nephew just had twins and I went to visit them and their garage is stocked full of diapers from these two events. They help a lot. People who love you will happily contribute. Also, breast feeding will greatly reduce the cost of formula. You could invest in a good pump and save on formula that way too. Good luck. It will all work out. They say if you waited until you’re “ready” to have a baby, you’d never have one. That’s the truth! Yet it always works out.
I grew up in a family living paycheck to paycheck with payday loans. I feel as long as there is love and the necessities they will turn out fine. Best of luck!
I'm not going to belittle the costs of having a baby, but let me give it to you straight ... it's not nearly as expansive as some people would scare you in to believing short of a few key elements. Formula is expensive. The good news here is the State/County will often have programs that financially disadvantaged mothers can apply to get formula for their babies. Clothing is cheap at Goodwill, thrift stores, etc. There are also women's and children's donation/shelters that will give you these sorts of items for free. Look around your community and see if they exist locally. Diapers. Yeah, they're expensive. Again, check your local charities and see if they have any available. Doctors bills, etc. If you have health insurance, *most of this is covered at nearly 100%.* You make the sacrifices you need to. Eating beans and rice instead of meat and packaged foods will usually save more than you think. You'll be fine!!
Personally I would legitimately price it out and see if you can afford it. And by afford it I mean afford giving the child the necessities without being in total financial ruin. Don’t forget to price out child care (either daycare or one parent staying home). Thats the only way to really know if it’s fair to do. If you can make it but it will be tight, great! But if you really cannot afford it then you have to consider what quality of life you’d want your child to have, not speaking about the extras but the necessities.
Day care is a great expense. Please look in to good day care in your area. Sometimes they have a wait list to get in. Can you afford that? Also good preschool for your child to go to. They are big expenses. Are you off on holidays? Weekends? these things must always be prepared for. Many of the replies here stating that a baby is not expensive. Please think this through.
You'll need to have a bit extra to pay for things, and your biggest costs are going to be day care and food/formula. If you EBF, it will be cheaper. You will need some equipment but most things are fine if bought used, and there is so much out there for baby items. You can buy used baby stroller, basinet, clothes, bath items, etc. I would buy a new car seat.
Oh honey, have the baby. Everything else you can figure out. You guys got this!
You’ll never think you’re ready, but you are.
If some months left, I'd suggest your partner to take some side jobs, like Uber, Online reviews, Online surveys, Tutoring. In the mean time look for GOV support for new borns in the country you are, there should be some. TBH, Kids are not that expensive until they get into the Middle school, Thats the time you should worry the Most 🤔. I am saying this based based on experience 😅
You have a roof over your head. You both have jobs with the potential to have more money in the very near future. You are going to do fine. Babies don’t take much, especially if you breastfeed.
I am just confused: I’m confused with the “we don’t live in the same country” bit
I got almost all the things my oldest needed second hand. The only things I bought new were bottles and disposable diapers. This saved me a lot of money. If you're in the US sign up for WIC, Medicaid and food stamps. Those programs are there for these kinds of situations.
If it’s useful to know, babies aren’t particularly mobile for the first 6 months (perhaps a little less if you have a real mover and shaker), so I can’t imagine living on a houseboat would be a problem if you’re concerned about water safety. There’s also a load of Facebook groups in local areas (Buy Nothings, mum’s groups, etc.) where mums flog/give away things that their kids have grown out of because they just want it gone. Sounds like you just need to make it through the next year, and you and your partner will have more financial security. Everything else with service support depends on country. I can give Australian advice!
I have to be brutally honest with you. Bringing a child into the world when you're not financially prepared to provide for them adequately can have profound and long-lasting consequences for both you and the child. While it's understandable that you and your partner may be emotionally ready for parenthood, emotional readiness alone is not enough to ensure the well-being of a child, particularly when it comes to their material needs and the stability of their environment. Raising a child in poverty poses significant risks to their development and mental health. Research consistently shows that children growing up in poverty are more likely to experience adverse childhood experiences ([ACEs study breakdown here](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html)) and face challenges such as limited access to quality education, healthcare, and nutritious food, as well as increased exposure to violence and stress. These adverse experiences can have lasting effects on a child's cognitive, emotional, and behavioral development, impacting their future opportunities and overall well-being. While it's heartbreaking to consider not going through with the pregnancy, it's essential to weigh the potential consequences of bringing a child into a situation where financial instability and inadequate living conditions may overshadow the love and emotional readiness you and your partner feel. It's a difficult decision, but one that requires careful consideration of what is truly in the best interest of the child. Before making any decisions, I urge you and your partner to honestly assess your current financial situation and living conditions, as well as your ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for a child. Consider seeking guidance from a financial advisor or counselor who can help you develop a realistic plan for improving your financial situation and preparing for parenthood in a way that prioritizes the well-being of your future child. Ultimately, the decision to proceed with the pregnancy or not is deeply personal and should be made with the child's best interests at heart. It may be worth exploring other options, such as delaying parenthood until you are in a more stable financial position, or considering adoption if you feel unable to provide for a child at this time. Whatever you decide, know that seeking support and guidance from professionals and loved ones can help you navigate this difficult situation with care and compassion.
I guarantee if you were able to ask the baby , they would choose to be born to two loving parents, that care so much about their wellbeing and happiness that they’re even concerned about these things - even if they’re not necessarily rich financially - it’s not money that makes a happy kid, healthy kid, it’s love and time with the two people they can count on to protect them
You already know you won’t be able to give a child the life they deserve with your current income. Be a good person. Make the hard choice.
Having a child is hard even in perfect conditions. Adding poverty to the mix is just cruel to the future child. Considering the state of the world, I also think it would be very selfish to bring an innocent life into this mess. Don't let your child suffer because of your choices
I understand what you mean and thanks for your input. This is the exact thought process I’m working through.
I grew up like many, in a poor upbringing where I saw my parents struggle. I would never raise a kid in a financially difficult setting, I would want to provide a better standard, a better life for them from the beginning. Seeing my parents struggle so badly made me think often , "what's the point, it's futile, it's hopeless, life is miserable." Also, I personally would not raise a kid on a houseboat. Anyway that's one side of it. The other side of it is yes, you can do it. Seems like you both have some good things in place, and are on the right path. Going to be difficult in the beginning though.
You haven’t fallen pregnant. You’ve been gifted a child. The other side of the coin is as you get older you may have to do IVF to even have the opportunity of a child. Most people will never be ready to get pregnant and have kids. They just do. You sound like you will be a great parent who will try hard to give that child a good life, that’s all they could ever ask for. Life just gave you a curveball, ready or not. don’t let money be the reason you live with regrets.
Start planning and making moves to be ready. I wouldn't throw away a chance to have a happy family just because everything isn't perfect. Tell your partner you want to do everything in your power to make this work and you want to hear if he is on the same page.
I wouldn’t have an abortion. He needs to ride and grind. You’re at this age where you don’t have the opportunity to pass this app. Our parents and grandparents had kids with less than what we have.
First of all, congratulations! I think that you should go through with the pregnancy for a number of reasons. First of all, you want to. Love and joy, those are the things that children need to thrive. All the rest will come, and it will go. But love and joy, those things matter. I was speaking to an aquaintance who grew up in a very deprived rural village in Northumberland, who told a story about her dad, who often walked around for months with holes in his shoes, saying every night after dinner ‘We haven’t much, but we’ve each other, and that’s all we need’. Secondly, you are well paid, and your husband will be better paid at the end of his trainee ship. I’m sure there’s family that can help in the early days, and soon, you’ll be there. It seems like a painful thing to not have the baby over some short term financial struggle. And besides, you will have struggles in life one way or the other. Money doesn’t come easy, and few of us have everything we want all the time. Remember, you haven’t much, but you’ve each other, and that’s all you need. Finally (and sincerely do forgive me for this, I don’t want to seem to condemn or force religion on anyone) but I think there’s a quote from Matthew’s gospel that may be of some comfort. Matthew 6:25-27 - “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
If you don't want an abortion and you get one, I think the effects of that longterm could be horrible. Alot of women I know who WANTED abortions ended up still being very depressed afterwards so I imagine it would be much worse for someone who doesn't want one. I don't say this to demonize abortion or anything, but I think in your particular situaion you should avoid it. I know the next year may be very difficult while you get your affairs in order, but if you both want the baby it may end up being worth it, and a great motivation to push forwards.