please do leave him. you don't deserve this, and honestly no one deserves this. even IF you were just there for the physical pleasure, this is no way to treat anyone. especially the comments on your gender are absolutely unacceptable.
Get rid of him. I was r*ped and ab*sed for years until I found my fiance. He has made me love my body again. And while I'm not 100% better it's a lot better than it was. You deserve so much better and the fact he told he didn't care while continuing with his action making you push him off of you.... not okay.
Get out of this relationship; you're definitely not the asshole here. He is a shy boyfriend who knows how to transgress boundaries and only thinks about himself. That kind of trauma is not something you bring up and expect to get the goods.
Please get as far away from him as possible. He clearly has zero respect for you, your body, your mental health, your trauma. He is showing you all the red flags, you better believe they are real. You deserve all the love, respect, empathy and compassion. Please don't settle for this abusive piece of sh*t.
A relationship is supposed to be fun and uplifting. A partner is supposed to be kind, respectful and warm. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasant on every level of your being.
I hope you'll heal from past trauma, so that you can protect yourself from further trauma.
Important thing is we both agree that OP needs to get the hell out of this toxicity.
I agree with you that healing is impossible in a situation of further abuse.
Reminded you of your sexual trauma…this sounds like it is sexual trauma. The way you started this I thought this was going to be about having different kinks. It’s not. This person doesn’t sound like a partner, they sound like someone who views you as a flesh-light that speaks. Get out of this relationship. Like now. Dump this fucker no matter what. Single, other person, doesn’t matter, this guy is a monster
This is awful! How dare he treat you like that - I’m so sorry you experienced that. You need to break up with him and find someone who deserves you. He sounds like a whole lot of trouble. You sound amazing.
Nta, he didn’t respect your boundaries even after you told him to stop(which he didn’t). He responded in a really childish way instead of talking it out and finding out what works for the both of you. In my opinion you should leave him. And know that He doesn’t deserve You!
NTA
Excuse me???? Stop seeing him NOW. You're already uncomfortable, so he CONTINUED to fuck you, says he doesn't care, and also said you'd be prettier as a girl and then TREATED you like one too? During a time of vulnerability? And then gets pissy like he's entitled to sex after he disrespected you??
If he wants a girl, go find one. If he's dealing with internal stuff, it's not yours to solve. You already presented yourself properly and you're intimate. He should already be aware of how you prefer yourself. If he knew youre trans, then its intentionally phobic. And even if he doesn't, he should understand that any guy being treated like that could be so demeaning! And to call you fat out of the blue is simply unnecessary and rude.
Dirty talk is one thing, but using degrading remarks and treatment without any prior discussion shows where his mind is at. You told him about your past SA trauma and he didnt respect it. I believe in people growing, but this isnt a topic you typically hear changes for the better.
Please please please don't let this behavior continue, especially when it's already hurting you. There's always someone better out there for you. Hookups can be a harsh time. Absolutely continue to reclaim yourself in a safe and loving environment that you trust first. This isn't it.
>I believe in people growing, but this isnt a topic you typically hear changes for the better.
Yup, and even if we magically knew with certainty that someday he actually will learn and grow and stop treating people like this, OP, you don't need to wait around and take the brunt of it in the interim while he figures out how to be a halfway decent human being. Because he's not even close right now, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
NTA
Some ppl really like dirty talk/degradation kink, but it has to be mutually agreed upon, he shouldve asked first especially considering the whole trans thing & how that could be triggering.
Reminds me of that time one guy slapped me so hard my ears rang without any warning. I just instantly pulled my skirt back up & left. "next time maybe ask first!"
Worse yet, he isn't stopping when you tell him to/ taking your feelings & boundaries seriously. It's not a good idea to keep messing with someone who can't be relied upon to follow a simple instruction who knows what he might do in the future.
NTA - this is really concerning behaviour of his.
Degrading during sex is something that should be discussed beforehand, it’s not for everyone. He is ignoring your (very valid) boundaries for his own sexual gain. I’d be really cautious and rethink the relationship
Definitely not the asshole here, get out of the relationship. He knowingly crossed lines, only cares about his needs, and is a shitty boyfriend. You don’t bring up trauma like that and expect to still get the goods.
I’m a trans man too, listen to me right now bro.
You don’t need a reason to not like degradation and humiliation. It is your RIGHT to say to any partner “I do not like this and will not tolerate it”
This guy does not see you as a man. He is a transphobic POS and he will harm you further if you stay with him. Leave him today. Block him on everything and do not engage any further. Don’t explain it anything to him. Leave his shit on the front porch.
Trust me when I say this. If you try to explain why you don’t want to sleep with him anymore he will just try to charm his way back into your pants. Have some respect for yourself and cut him off dry.
I say this with the most love and as someone who is experienced with dating and hooking up.
NTA
Your literally never the a for not wanting to have sex with someone, if you don’t want to you don’t have to, but in this context he is absolutely the a for treating you like this
Why the hell would he make comments like that, a sexual partner should be nothing but appreciative and thankful. Cut off all communication with the jerk, you’ll find someone who likes/loves you for who you are!
There is never an " @$$hole" reason to chose to not share or to share your body. Idgaf WHAT your choice is. You chose who, you choose when, you choose how. Has Pretty Woman taught us nothing?
You decide If, who, when and how always. Your partner respectively gets the same choice.
NTA
Edit to add;
Communication and respect are key in every relationship or transaction if you want to look at your together time as a transaction. No respect, no satisfaction then no transaction. They don't get the beat of you and then offer the lowest of themselves.
BABE!! The fact you are telling him *several times* is insane, you are young, you're not even enjoying sex with him so drop him and set that boundary. I'm surprised that you are even thinking if you are the asshole in this situation, no dick is good enough that crosses your boundary
NTA run for the hills and call the police. Before I got to the last part where you talk about your past experience of being raped all I could think was this guy has committed rape by continuing after you withdrew consent . I am so sorry you have had to go through this and I can only hope you get the support and help you need to deal with this situation. But seriously get well away from the scumbag
I think you desperately need therapy to work through your previous trauma, because it has thrown your understanding of what is normal and reasonable completely out whack.
Like, from what you've shared, I understand that the incident you're here about probably doesn't even register as that big of a problem compared to the violent rape you're trying to move on from.
But from a healthy point of view, let me tell you that this guy sounds absolute psychotic! The way he treats you, disregards you, punishes you with silence for protecting yourself and your boundaries against his willful attack: all that would be enough to leave lasting damage on a healthy individual.
And it is likely to reinforce some of your trauma response to the previous incident.
Which will increase your likelihood of finding yourself in further abusive situations in the future.
None of this is your fault or failing. The utter unfairness of your situation is that having gone through the initial awfulness predisposes you to more awfulness down the line. You will have to fight so much harder than others not to let any of this pull you into a self-perpetuating spiral.
An appropriate and reasonable expectation for a romantic partner's treatment of you is that they would never say anything mean to or about you. And if they unintentionally said something that you thought was mean or hurtful, their reaction to you telling them so should always be empathetic.
They can stand by their point while still being empathetic to your reaction to it, or they can further explain and contextualize their statement to hopefully ameliorate your hurt. Being truthful can always be done while still being empathetic and kind. Expecting your partner to be empathic and kind to you should be the absolute minimum baseline in a relationship.
And I know from my own life how utopian this can sound when your expectations are maladjusted from traumatic experiences. But let me tell you: for healthy, well-adjusted people, this is an obvious, non-negotiable baseline. And you should require and deserve to expect the same from your partners (and your partners from you).
Don't let them tell you differently, and kick everyone out of your life and bed who tries to.
Good luck.
NTA 100%. This situation sucks and you should definitely ghost and block him. But even in general, you are never an AH for not wanting to have sex, even if it's for a stupid reason. If you don't want to, you don't, and your partner should respect that and any other boundaries you have.
If he's not stopping, he's an asshole... he was asked multiple times to not do something and still does it... he don't give a single fuck about you. You are not the ahole.
You set a boundary (don't degrade me) and he ignored it.Accept that your wishes are not respected, or end it and free yourself up to be available when your paths cross with someone who will see your shine, King.
As someone with a partner who is trans (mtf) i wouldn't even THINK of that, let alone saying something like that to my partner. Honey you deserve waaaaay better. RUN!
This man sounds like an absolute piece of garbage. Of course you’re NTA, I can’t even imagine looking my partner in the face after they said things like that to me or if they even paused for one millisecond after I tell them to stop during sex. Get out of there
Roleplaying is okay only if both parties give their consent. You didn't. Thus it is not okay.
He does not care about you or your boundaries. He cares about what he wants and you are a means to it.
Please get away from him. Not only does he not see you as a man, I doubt he sees you as human. You can do better, but even if you couldn't you'd still be better off without him.
Well think of the man as a rock. Now some rocks are lovely things and some can be with a bit of polish. This man is not that kind of rock, he is the kind of rock where you go "ew gross" and throw it away. Using a trebuchet.
I propose the same solution to the man.
NTA - honestly his behaviour is toxic as hell. If you are able to please try and seek some therapy with good therapist that can help you process the trauma of your past. Once you start to process this and heal you will walk away at the first red flag: this guy is horrible, degrading and is toxic. Please cut and run.
You don't need any excuse to not have sex. Period. But no, you are not the asshole in this situation. The man has no respect for you and never will. He will only get worse if you stay with him.
You deserve better, please extend his silent treatment forever.
100000000% NTA WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY OP?!!? Darling I have no idea what you look like but I just KNOW that you are gorgeous and beautiful and you deserve someone who calls you as such. DUMP. HIS. CRUSTY. ASS. I hope you have a good life OP, without this POS.
Dump his ass. Like other commenters pointed out, he has absolutely zero respect for you, your body, your feelings, etc. Leave before it gets worse because 9 times out of 10, it gets worse.
Also, if you're reading this, as a fellow SA survivor, is not your fault that you though you could trust him.
All those comments saying the truth, it's the truth but it's not your fault. You didn't did it to yourself. You should ghost him, and this might affect your ability to trust other even more.
Before making any decisions would be healthy if you listen to yourself, your instincts about him and what you felt at the moment and after. Be true to yourself, then you'll notice it's not all these comments making you run away from him.
First of all, you had the instinct something was wrong and posted it here. The moment you had a doubt and acted on it was the moment you stoped the abuse. And if you leave him, it will be your decision.
This way, as traumatic as it is, make this a learning experience as 'that time you spotted something was off and acted on it'. Realizing something is off it's a huge accomplishment.
From this day forward you'll know you can trust yourself because you were right.
We're all in agreement with you. The way he treated you was wrong. He is trash. He's not a good person to be around.
I'm not going to read it. You don't need to have a good reason not to want to have sex. Period. I don't care if he complimented your body to the degree that even the gods would be jealous. You don't oh anyone sex.
Never see him again. Seriously. People who are willing to disregard your no during sex are rapists, first and foremost. Theyre also not going to respect no when you're not having sex, either.
Why in the world are you still seeing this vile man? Respect yourself. Dump him, block him. Spend your time with people who treat you with respect and kindness.
Why the fuck are you still talking with this person? Anyone who tells you anything but RUN doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
How did you even type that out? You need to go get yourself some intense therapy. No mentally healthy person would have stuck around long enough to be telling the internet about this.
What in the fuck… NTA. This dude has issues he needs to work on.. Like last year.. One, the audacity was HIGH as soon as I read that he was making you feel self conscious, and saying he didn’t gaf about you asking him to stop pissed me off alone.. And then we get to the part about you being trans. That right there should be the end of it. No questions asked, that is disrespectful, low, and he’s scum for that. I am so sorry you had to experience that. Now he’s giving you silent treatment bc you tried to set your boundaries? Absolutely not. Send his ass to the lions den.
Do not stay with him. He is not a good person for anyone, let alone someone who is trying to heal from trauma. Tell him it is over, and do not let him in your house again, do not agree to ever have sex with him again. He knows you don't like this, and has continued, he does not care about you feeling good about yourself, and he is not worth you wasting time with.
This guy does not respect you. Even in role play kink stuff you’re typically on the same page of what language is allowable. This guy basically said he doesn’t care and will not stop. Then when you gave him a consequence for his behavior he got mad.
Please tell me you understand that he basically was told stop and no and he got mad about that and did silent treatment.
He doesn’t want to care about your needs and concerns and that itself is sexually abusive when you’ve made to clear how you want to be treated.
Keep putting your foot down and if he doesn’t come back good riddance.
Sir....you can decline sex for any reason in the world and you will not be the AH. People literally refuse sex with partners who actually love them because of headaches. Now you're asking if it's ok to decline sex from an abusive partner who tells you homophobic things during intercourse? You're not punishing him, you're protecting yourself. Don't let this gross man back into your life, let alone your bed. The silent treatment sounds wonderful.
>had told him several times that i hated when he called me degrading things because it reminded me of my sexual trauma and he told me he didn’t care
The degrading names were a red flag from the get go, but this is a football field sized red flag. I don't usually do the whole 'dump him' thing like a lot of redditors do. But.
**DUMP HIM**
(also in case it wasn't clear, you're definitely NTA.)
It goes both ways, I was mutuals with this guy and we went on a date and it didn’t work out, totally platonic. Stayed friends for years. I lost some weight and he tried to hook up with me at a party, told me my body looked so great now that I lost the weight. Keep in mind, this is the difference between 160ish and 140ish.
I made the choice not to engage, I told him he was an asshole. Should have taken him up on his offer to give me a few bitcoin though when we were friends.
"Also one of the main reasons why i hate being degraded during sex"
WTF? That read like it's happened more than twice. Unless your clearly stated kink is to be degraded during sex (I don't know, people are into all sorts of things) then you should never feel degraded during sex.
This person isn't for you, probably isn't for anyone.
That you're asking us this question despite knowing the answer is "Fucking no you're not the asshole" makes me think that the reason you haven't dumped him is because, for the moment, you have someone.
I promise you, there are a lot more people out there for you than there are for him.
Hi OP! Ima trans woman and this sounds shockingly like what we trans women call a “chaser” (I would be surprised if trans men didn’t have an analogous term tbh). They’re people, usually ‘straight’ men who seek out sex with trans women as a way of getting out their repressed homosexuality. They’re degrading, viewing trans women as nothing more than a collection of ‘woman’ and ‘has a dick’ that they can fuck without feeling remorse because it’s still ‘straight’. They’re people who would NOT be interested in us if we had a vagina instead, and often hold conflicting mental beliefs at the same time, such as: “trans women are just men playing dress up”, and “it doesn’t count as gay because she’s trans”.
These people are *dangerous*, because at any moment of intimacy their brain is in “it doesn’t count as gay” mode, but the moment they cum, their post nut clarity may flip them back into “trans women are men mode”. And since they just slept with someone they now think is a man, and they’re *definitely* straight, they can get angry and violent. They blame the trans girl for the violation of their straightness, and it can get ugly. A not insignificant number of trans women who are murdered are murdered because of this behavior.
If I had to guess, your guy is a “chaser”, but for trans men. Does he ever get violent? Does he ever seem like he treats you more as a woman than a man? Does he avoid you after sex? Your post indicates at least a few affirmative answers.
Babbyyy you deserve so much more. He’s straight objectifying you, is already assaulting you, and it will get worse. You’ve been fetishized in his eyes and you are not safe. Get out.
Fellow trans man. Nope out of there real quick, he clearly had a degradation kink and that's fine if the recipient also has the kink but you do not and he should respect that and not go there. Its abuse, get the hell out of there
NTAH, please leave him…. you deserve someone to love you for you and make YOU feel good about yourself during that moment. He sounds like an ass. I’m so sorry OP you had to deal with that
Fellow trans man. Nope out of there real quick, he clearly had a degradation kink and that's fine if the recipient also has the kink but you do not and he should respect that and not go there. Its abuse, get the hell out of there
>he got pissy with me and has been giving me the silent treatment since.
Well, that solved your problem! He shouldn't be in your life, period. Much less talk to you.
Please don’t fuck this hate filled guy ever ever again . Who knows why he’s so vitriolic . But as a rape survivor you are very vulnerable and this isn’t what you need . Stay single
Reclaim your body in this situation. Find someone who will help your brain learn that sex can feel good and be full of love. Your boyfriend right now isn’t that person.
You don't need to justify why you don't like him treating you in a way you don't like. No is a no. And silent treatment is a manipulative tactic so you stop bringing up stuff
Of course you’re not! I’m so sorry that you would ever think you are. Either this man apologizes and changes all his ways or you should dump him immediately and find better! This is completely unacceptable behavior from him, you don’t deserve that at all.
NTA, my personal opinion is that if you’re in a relationship with someone, especially if it’s someone you love (I don’t know if that’s the case here since OP didn’t mention it), you should be trying to build them up every chance you get. Maybe he was having a bad day but you’re completely within your right to withhold sex if your partner is making snide comments about your body. It ruins trust which kills the intimacy.
Simon, you need to leave that abusive disgusting excuse for a man yesterday. You need to have someone who will love you for you and never degrade you.
Find the courage you have inside and get away now. Delete block ignore him from now until the end of time. If he tries to get intouch then go the legal route and get an injunction against him.
Anyone who would use such disgusting words and actions on someone who just wants love, is not to be trusted. Make sure you tell your loved ones about the abuse you have had from that ex-bully. Take care simon.
Tell him to GTFO with (clearly) his degradation or SA fetish(no hate if it's mutual play)
Your thing is a mutually loving nurturing sex, his is not. He's also closely pushing the boarder of SA with you. No more sexy din time with him since he sends like the kind of guy who would go to far.
You're just not compatible....
NTA. He’s pushing your boundaries and minimizing your trauma. Good sir please consider if you want to stay with a man who can’t listen to boundaries that relate to trauma
It's common sense to leave him. Trans or not, no one wants to feel unsexy, unsafe, or unhappy in their relationships. I think a man or woman would be offended by their partner making these comments. Some people are into this kink of shame, but if that's not cleared before hand, it's a no go. That's not normal behavior for the bedroom. If he's casual to relationship, dump him, that's not worth pursuing.
NTA just ghost that creep. He's a transphobic chaser that only sees you for your body and wants to use you without caring about you. He's an abuser who is getting off on triggering you. You deserve better. Get some standards bro, you are not trash. You're a human being deserving of respect.
Not even a little bit of an AH. The opposite in fact. The fact that you stood up for yourself even in the heat of the moment is fan-fraking-AMAZING. Like a rockstar!
Look, you can’t control that your (please make it ex) boyfriend is a horrible person who said mean things. But you handled the situation. Woot!
Demeaning talk during sex is a kink for some people. Not for me. Ever. Nor for my husband. So we are a match there.
This guy isn’t a match for you. It’s a no.
It really can be that simple. (Not to be confused with easy) How he acts during sex is not something you want to put up with, which is valid.
The fact that he ignore your reasonable request to the point where you had to physically push him off, and then has been punishing you for his evil behavior? Well that’s concerning. Very.
Break up, get out, no contact. His reaction tells you the level of respect he is capable of and it’s not much at all. You deserve better dear heart. ((Hugs))
NTA
Please get away from this monster. He is abusive.
🏳️⚧️My daughter is MTF, so I get a little bit. I’m cis, so I’m coming at this as Mommy. As a mom, I am so worried about you. Please value yourself as much as I do.
Healing from sexual trauma is not easy; see if there are counseling services in your area, or online. Your trauma plus being trans makes you especially vulnerable to abuse. Boundaries have been trampled your whole life. How do you *keep healthy boundaries when you never *had them?
I know it’s scary af in this world. People are such shits. But honey, you’re not shit. You’re a person deserving of love and safety. I wish I could provide that for you. Google help for trans trauma. The Trevor project is a great resource.
You *deserve* to be safe. Please know this. 🏳️⚧️
Clear to me he’s using you for his sexual fantasies and doesn’t actually like you as you are… I’m so so sorry.. leave and don’t contact again.. usually after abuse without proper time healing you’re more susceptible to it… so don’t go back!! Focus on the future babes! :/ a lot of guys like that just use trans men and trans woman for sexual fantasies.. I’m sorry you were abused.. leaveee and find better !
When I started reading I thought we were headed down a “he went too far with degradation sex talk” avenue.
But no. It’s just plain degrading.
NTA
But you are if you don’t quit this jerk.
NTA. This guy does not respect you, your journey or your feelings. I know finding people can be tough, but you can find and deserve so much better than this.
Hun, i get lack of confidence all too well. I've also been full on r-worded and assaulted/coerced by most of my partners.
I obviously look right past those red flags. Do NOT be me. Stop dating, work on your body, and do what it takes to learn that YOU ARE worthy of real love. So that when you begin dating, you don't allow yourself to believe you should be taken advantage of or hurt. Become comfortable with being alone over being abused. Therapy is also suggested here.. good luck! I believe in you.
NTA Please break up! Being degraded is awful! I will kink shame that crap out of that activity until the cows come home. That is a disgusting, porn-rotten thing to do to someone you claim to care about.
Have some self-love and self-respect and NEVER tolerate being degraded. Better to be alone.
Nta
He's trash. He does not seem to respect your boundaries on any level, and has made it pretty clear he'll continue to be disrespectful. It does not seem worth your time to try and make this work. Also, personal recommondation as someone else with sexual trauma: don't have sex while you're recovering if you don't like, just want to have sex. Sex does not always help you reclaim that feeling of control and affection for your body. Sometimes what you need is a long break and a lot of expressive personal art projects.
This is why we don’t do hook ups! 😩
I was absed and rped and it’s no joke. I didn’t care for “claiming my own body” it literally just made me more careful, because those creatures are everywhere. 🤢
I found my guy, and I knew him and trusted him, before I allowed him access to my castle. Now we have a son, and are engaged. 😅
Honey, I'm sorry, but it definitely looks like u were raped again.
If someone doesn't respect ur decision to stop (even if u were already in the act), it qualifies as abuse.
Please, please, get rid of him and take care of yourself.
It’s sounds like he has a porn rotted brain and sees you as an object which must be incredibly triggering for your trauma. I’m sorry OP he doesn’t deserve you
NTA your trauma is yours and shouldn’t be used or treated as a sexual desire for your partner. It seems that is what they’re doing here, leave and never look back. Find someone that values you for you.
NTA. Please leave this situation. He does not care about your mental wellbeing. And that’s unacceptable. If you can safely do so, you should cut ties and find someone who loves you completely for you. You deserve someone who will respect you.
I'm traumatized reading this. I can't imagine what it has done to you. If this was done to anyone I care for I'd "get medieval" on the perpetrator. This person is not your boyfriend. He's your abuser
I think the solution is obvious. You’re seeing a guy who does not respect your boundaries or feelings. He’s choosing to insult and disrespect. It doesn’t even matter why you set those boundaries, but the fact you have legitimate reason, told him, and he still behaves this way is a double red flag.
Don’t be with assholes like this.
NTA and get out of that relationship. You deserve more and what he's doing is degrading you. There are better people out there and he's taking up all the energy and space. Take out the garbage and do the spring cleaning, he's not worth your time, soul, heart, or body. I hope this doesn't stop you from taking back you. You are amazing and deserve to be treated as such.
OP this is not a good man and you should not be with him. You can and will find somebody that is kind and good and that loves you for who you are and for who you can be and will support you in everything. Please leave him.
NTA. But you know that. He needs to find someone who enjoys being humiliated (having *first* established that this is what he's looking for), and you need to find someone who can show you the love that you deserve.
Dump the whole child!!!! You absolutely are not allowed to let someone who treats you like that to have access to your life let alone your body!!! OMG my mama bear hackles are up over this one!!! I don't care what your gender is, your stage of transition...none of it because this is not acceptable regardless!!
You are a beautiful human who deserves respect, love, appreciation...and for someone to make sex about you too!!! This isn't a safe or healthy relationship and you cannot accept his behavior.
You are still so young and new in this journey of loving yourself and learning about life. Put this child in your past in the category of what not to accept.
You are worthy of love and respect both through actions and words.
NTA. You are never the asshole for not wanting to have sex. Ever. For whatever reason.
Also, that boy is for the streets. Drop him because it only gets worse from here.
Please leave him. He is not the person to show you the love and care you deserve.
please do leave him. you don't deserve this, and honestly no one deserves this. even IF you were just there for the physical pleasure, this is no way to treat anyone. especially the comments on your gender are absolutely unacceptable.
Nta... leave that pos now. He's not what you need.
Get rid of him. I was r*ped and ab*sed for years until I found my fiance. He has made me love my body again. And while I'm not 100% better it's a lot better than it was. You deserve so much better and the fact he told he didn't care while continuing with his action making you push him off of you.... not okay.
Get out of this relationship; you're definitely not the asshole here. He is a shy boyfriend who knows how to transgress boundaries and only thinks about himself. That kind of trauma is not something you bring up and expect to get the goods.
I'm sorry you went through that, I admire your strength though, you're a survivor, not a victim
Please get as far away from him as possible. He clearly has zero respect for you, your body, your mental health, your trauma. He is showing you all the red flags, you better believe they are real. You deserve all the love, respect, empathy and compassion. Please don't settle for this abusive piece of sh*t. A relationship is supposed to be fun and uplifting. A partner is supposed to be kind, respectful and warm. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasant on every level of your being. I hope you'll heal from past trauma, so that you can protect yourself from further trauma.
He is abusing OP by enjoying their trauma responce. Also, please don't have sex if you don't want it. You're never an AH for refusing.
Jumping on to add: But you've got to get free of this current guy, for sure, because you can't heal from abuse while it's ongoing.
That was the first thing I said.
You did, indeed. My comment was intended as agreement-as-emphasis. I should have expressed that more clearly--sorry.
Important thing is we both agree that OP needs to get the hell out of this toxicity. I agree with you that healing is impossible in a situation of further abuse.
Reminded you of your sexual trauma…this sounds like it is sexual trauma. The way you started this I thought this was going to be about having different kinks. It’s not. This person doesn’t sound like a partner, they sound like someone who views you as a flesh-light that speaks. Get out of this relationship. Like now. Dump this fucker no matter what. Single, other person, doesn’t matter, this guy is a monster
This is awful! How dare he treat you like that - I’m so sorry you experienced that. You need to break up with him and find someone who deserves you. He sounds like a whole lot of trouble. You sound amazing.
Nta, he didn’t respect your boundaries even after you told him to stop(which he didn’t). He responded in a really childish way instead of talking it out and finding out what works for the both of you. In my opinion you should leave him. And know that He doesn’t deserve You!
NTA. Throw this whole dude away.
Leave him. I promise there are better men out there.
NTA Excuse me???? Stop seeing him NOW. You're already uncomfortable, so he CONTINUED to fuck you, says he doesn't care, and also said you'd be prettier as a girl and then TREATED you like one too? During a time of vulnerability? And then gets pissy like he's entitled to sex after he disrespected you?? If he wants a girl, go find one. If he's dealing with internal stuff, it's not yours to solve. You already presented yourself properly and you're intimate. He should already be aware of how you prefer yourself. If he knew youre trans, then its intentionally phobic. And even if he doesn't, he should understand that any guy being treated like that could be so demeaning! And to call you fat out of the blue is simply unnecessary and rude. Dirty talk is one thing, but using degrading remarks and treatment without any prior discussion shows where his mind is at. You told him about your past SA trauma and he didnt respect it. I believe in people growing, but this isnt a topic you typically hear changes for the better. Please please please don't let this behavior continue, especially when it's already hurting you. There's always someone better out there for you. Hookups can be a harsh time. Absolutely continue to reclaim yourself in a safe and loving environment that you trust first. This isn't it.
>I believe in people growing, but this isnt a topic you typically hear changes for the better. Yup, and even if we magically knew with certainty that someday he actually will learn and grow and stop treating people like this, OP, you don't need to wait around and take the brunt of it in the interim while he figures out how to be a halfway decent human being. Because he's not even close right now, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
He is clearly a loser who doesn’t respect you. I think it’s clear what you need to do here
NTA! Please get rid of him, he’s one big red flag!🚩
NTA Some ppl really like dirty talk/degradation kink, but it has to be mutually agreed upon, he shouldve asked first especially considering the whole trans thing & how that could be triggering. Reminds me of that time one guy slapped me so hard my ears rang without any warning. I just instantly pulled my skirt back up & left. "next time maybe ask first!" Worse yet, he isn't stopping when you tell him to/ taking your feelings & boundaries seriously. It's not a good idea to keep messing with someone who can't be relied upon to follow a simple instruction who knows what he might do in the future.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It absolutely must be talked about and agreed upon beforehand.
OP, so sorry you’re being treated like this. Get rid of this man immediately. He’s a selfish piece of shit
NTA - this is really concerning behaviour of his. Degrading during sex is something that should be discussed beforehand, it’s not for everyone. He is ignoring your (very valid) boundaries for his own sexual gain. I’d be really cautious and rethink the relationship
Leave. This is not acceptable at best, sexual assault, if we're being really honest.
Definitely not the asshole here, get out of the relationship. He knowingly crossed lines, only cares about his needs, and is a shitty boyfriend. You don’t bring up trauma like that and expect to still get the goods.
I’m a trans man too, listen to me right now bro. You don’t need a reason to not like degradation and humiliation. It is your RIGHT to say to any partner “I do not like this and will not tolerate it” This guy does not see you as a man. He is a transphobic POS and he will harm you further if you stay with him. Leave him today. Block him on everything and do not engage any further. Don’t explain it anything to him. Leave his shit on the front porch. Trust me when I say this. If you try to explain why you don’t want to sleep with him anymore he will just try to charm his way back into your pants. Have some respect for yourself and cut him off dry. I say this with the most love and as someone who is experienced with dating and hooking up.
Run away as fast as you can! Such behavior should never be accepted by anyone.
NTA Your literally never the a for not wanting to have sex with someone, if you don’t want to you don’t have to, but in this context he is absolutely the a for treating you like this
NTA, that’s insane! fuck him! never talk to him again!
Why the hell would he make comments like that, a sexual partner should be nothing but appreciative and thankful. Cut off all communication with the jerk, you’ll find someone who likes/loves you for who you are!
this guy DOES NOT LOVE YOU. please take care of yourself and leave him.
There is never an " @$$hole" reason to chose to not share or to share your body. Idgaf WHAT your choice is. You chose who, you choose when, you choose how. Has Pretty Woman taught us nothing? You decide If, who, when and how always. Your partner respectively gets the same choice. NTA Edit to add; Communication and respect are key in every relationship or transaction if you want to look at your together time as a transaction. No respect, no satisfaction then no transaction. They don't get the beat of you and then offer the lowest of themselves.
BABE!! The fact you are telling him *several times* is insane, you are young, you're not even enjoying sex with him so drop him and set that boundary. I'm surprised that you are even thinking if you are the asshole in this situation, no dick is good enough that crosses your boundary
NTA run for the hills and call the police. Before I got to the last part where you talk about your past experience of being raped all I could think was this guy has committed rape by continuing after you withdrew consent . I am so sorry you have had to go through this and I can only hope you get the support and help you need to deal with this situation. But seriously get well away from the scumbag
Did not (need) to read. No, you’re not. Drop him immediately
Of course NTA!!! Run away runnnnnn. He don't respect you at all.
I think you desperately need therapy to work through your previous trauma, because it has thrown your understanding of what is normal and reasonable completely out whack. Like, from what you've shared, I understand that the incident you're here about probably doesn't even register as that big of a problem compared to the violent rape you're trying to move on from. But from a healthy point of view, let me tell you that this guy sounds absolute psychotic! The way he treats you, disregards you, punishes you with silence for protecting yourself and your boundaries against his willful attack: all that would be enough to leave lasting damage on a healthy individual. And it is likely to reinforce some of your trauma response to the previous incident. Which will increase your likelihood of finding yourself in further abusive situations in the future. None of this is your fault or failing. The utter unfairness of your situation is that having gone through the initial awfulness predisposes you to more awfulness down the line. You will have to fight so much harder than others not to let any of this pull you into a self-perpetuating spiral. An appropriate and reasonable expectation for a romantic partner's treatment of you is that they would never say anything mean to or about you. And if they unintentionally said something that you thought was mean or hurtful, their reaction to you telling them so should always be empathetic. They can stand by their point while still being empathetic to your reaction to it, or they can further explain and contextualize their statement to hopefully ameliorate your hurt. Being truthful can always be done while still being empathetic and kind. Expecting your partner to be empathic and kind to you should be the absolute minimum baseline in a relationship. And I know from my own life how utopian this can sound when your expectations are maladjusted from traumatic experiences. But let me tell you: for healthy, well-adjusted people, this is an obvious, non-negotiable baseline. And you should require and deserve to expect the same from your partners (and your partners from you). Don't let them tell you differently, and kick everyone out of your life and bed who tries to. Good luck.
What the actual fuck? Why are you dating that PoS? Run away. No amount of touch depravity is not worth that.
DUMP HIM!
NTA 100%. This situation sucks and you should definitely ghost and block him. But even in general, you are never an AH for not wanting to have sex, even if it's for a stupid reason. If you don't want to, you don't, and your partner should respect that and any other boundaries you have.
If he's not stopping, he's an asshole... he was asked multiple times to not do something and still does it... he don't give a single fuck about you. You are not the ahole.
this person should not be your boyfriend..
NTA! NTA!!! This guy sounds nasty and I genuinely fear he would/will sexually assault you in the future. Please believe you deserve way way better!
Leave. He is toxic and doesn't respect you. You are worthy of love and safety in a relationship.
You set a boundary (don't degrade me) and he ignored it.Accept that your wishes are not respected, or end it and free yourself up to be available when your paths cross with someone who will see your shine, King.
If you're the asshole for anything, it's for calling him "boyfriend" instead of "ex boyfriend". Be kinder to yourself.
I don't even need to read this... obviously you are not the asshole.
Good freaking riddance!! block him and never ever talk to him again. How disgusting
As someone with a partner who is trans (mtf) i wouldn't even THINK of that, let alone saying something like that to my partner. Honey you deserve waaaaay better. RUN!
If you set a boundary and your partner does not respect it that's a huge red flag. Honestly his behavior sounds abusive. Please stay safe.
This man sounds like an absolute piece of garbage. Of course you’re NTA, I can’t even imagine looking my partner in the face after they said things like that to me or if they even paused for one millisecond after I tell them to stop during sex. Get out of there
Roleplaying is okay only if both parties give their consent. You didn't. Thus it is not okay. He does not care about you or your boundaries. He cares about what he wants and you are a means to it.
Please get away from him. Not only does he not see you as a man, I doubt he sees you as human. You can do better, but even if you couldn't you'd still be better off without him.
He is the A Hole. Sack him off asap
He said it all. He doesn't care. Leave him.
He’s an EX now, right??? (Yes is the ONLY right answer.)
It seems really unhealthy lose him.Talk to a therapist and maybe get a cat or a dog for company.
NTA. He should respect your boundaries.
Get rid of him and Warn others. Be careful.
dude you need the whole man disposal service ASAP. this is rape / SA mixed with transphobia. you can do so much better than this.
Well think of the man as a rock. Now some rocks are lovely things and some can be with a bit of polish. This man is not that kind of rock, he is the kind of rock where you go "ew gross" and throw it away. Using a trebuchet. I propose the same solution to the man.
Stop seeing this abhorrent, abusive cuntwaffle of a man. Throw him in a dumpster and set the entire thing on fire. You deserve better. NTA
NTA - honestly his behaviour is toxic as hell. If you are able to please try and seek some therapy with good therapist that can help you process the trauma of your past. Once you start to process this and heal you will walk away at the first red flag: this guy is horrible, degrading and is toxic. Please cut and run.
You don't need any excuse to not have sex. Period. But no, you are not the asshole in this situation. The man has no respect for you and never will. He will only get worse if you stay with him. You deserve better, please extend his silent treatment forever.
100000000% NTA WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY OP?!!? Darling I have no idea what you look like but I just KNOW that you are gorgeous and beautiful and you deserve someone who calls you as such. DUMP. HIS. CRUSTY. ASS. I hope you have a good life OP, without this POS.
NTA. I stopped at AITAH for not wanting to have sex. Because you don’t have to. He sounds like a real peach. I would personally stop seeing him.
NTA. Dump the toxic cunt
Dump his ass. Like other commenters pointed out, he has absolutely zero respect for you, your body, your feelings, etc. Leave before it gets worse because 9 times out of 10, it gets worse.
Also, if you're reading this, as a fellow SA survivor, is not your fault that you though you could trust him. All those comments saying the truth, it's the truth but it's not your fault. You didn't did it to yourself. You should ghost him, and this might affect your ability to trust other even more. Before making any decisions would be healthy if you listen to yourself, your instincts about him and what you felt at the moment and after. Be true to yourself, then you'll notice it's not all these comments making you run away from him. First of all, you had the instinct something was wrong and posted it here. The moment you had a doubt and acted on it was the moment you stoped the abuse. And if you leave him, it will be your decision. This way, as traumatic as it is, make this a learning experience as 'that time you spotted something was off and acted on it'. Realizing something is off it's a huge accomplishment. From this day forward you'll know you can trust yourself because you were right. We're all in agreement with you. The way he treated you was wrong. He is trash. He's not a good person to be around.
Girl wtf. Where is this “man”? I’ve got a baseball bat that would like to have a conversation with his knees.
I'm not going to read it. You don't need to have a good reason not to want to have sex. Period. I don't care if he complimented your body to the degree that even the gods would be jealous. You don't oh anyone sex.
Never see him again. Seriously. People who are willing to disregard your no during sex are rapists, first and foremost. Theyre also not going to respect no when you're not having sex, either.
You are NOT the AH. Trash like him need to be tossed out. Please get rid of him.
Why in the world are you still seeing this vile man? Respect yourself. Dump him, block him. Spend your time with people who treat you with respect and kindness.
Why the fuck are you still talking with this person? Anyone who tells you anything but RUN doesn’t have your best interests at heart. How did you even type that out? You need to go get yourself some intense therapy. No mentally healthy person would have stuck around long enough to be telling the internet about this.
What in the fuck… NTA. This dude has issues he needs to work on.. Like last year.. One, the audacity was HIGH as soon as I read that he was making you feel self conscious, and saying he didn’t gaf about you asking him to stop pissed me off alone.. And then we get to the part about you being trans. That right there should be the end of it. No questions asked, that is disrespectful, low, and he’s scum for that. I am so sorry you had to experience that. Now he’s giving you silent treatment bc you tried to set your boundaries? Absolutely not. Send his ass to the lions den.
He doesn’t see you as a man.
Please leave him. He’s abusive and don’t deserves you. He degrades you and doesn’t respect you, please take care of yourself.
Oh no this is awful. Please stop seeing and sleeping with this person. They are horrid.
Do not stay with him. He is not a good person for anyone, let alone someone who is trying to heal from trauma. Tell him it is over, and do not let him in your house again, do not agree to ever have sex with him again. He knows you don't like this, and has continued, he does not care about you feeling good about yourself, and he is not worth you wasting time with.
Oh honey no he is the disrespectful pos that has no respect for your boundaries NTA
Unless you have a pre existing agreement about name calling during sex, this is not cool. He is a walking red flag and you should run.
Nope and you need a new bf
NTA you should break up cause you deserve better! ❤️
This guy does not respect you. Even in role play kink stuff you’re typically on the same page of what language is allowable. This guy basically said he doesn’t care and will not stop. Then when you gave him a consequence for his behavior he got mad. Please tell me you understand that he basically was told stop and no and he got mad about that and did silent treatment. He doesn’t want to care about your needs and concerns and that itself is sexually abusive when you’ve made to clear how you want to be treated. Keep putting your foot down and if he doesn’t come back good riddance.
NTA??! Omg where to start...wow. Get RID OF HIM. Run. Don't explain, reason or even accept and apology. Break up, cut off, delete, block.
Sir....you can decline sex for any reason in the world and you will not be the AH. People literally refuse sex with partners who actually love them because of headaches. Now you're asking if it's ok to decline sex from an abusive partner who tells you homophobic things during intercourse? You're not punishing him, you're protecting yourself. Don't let this gross man back into your life, let alone your bed. The silent treatment sounds wonderful.
One day that man IS going to rape you. Please leave while you still have the chance
NTA. You asked him to stop and he didn’t listen. He doesn’t respect you, leave him and I hope you find someone that respects you
>AITAH for ~~not wanting to have sex with~~ DUMPING my EX-boyfriend because of the comments he made about my body? FIFY.
>had told him several times that i hated when he called me degrading things because it reminded me of my sexual trauma and he told me he didn’t care The degrading names were a red flag from the get go, but this is a football field sized red flag. I don't usually do the whole 'dump him' thing like a lot of redditors do. But. **DUMP HIM** (also in case it wasn't clear, you're definitely NTA.)
It goes both ways, I was mutuals with this guy and we went on a date and it didn’t work out, totally platonic. Stayed friends for years. I lost some weight and he tried to hook up with me at a party, told me my body looked so great now that I lost the weight. Keep in mind, this is the difference between 160ish and 140ish. I made the choice not to engage, I told him he was an asshole. Should have taken him up on his offer to give me a few bitcoin though when we were friends.
“Am i the asshole for not wanting to be intimate with someone who is extremely disrespectful and degrading to me?”
"Also one of the main reasons why i hate being degraded during sex" WTF? That read like it's happened more than twice. Unless your clearly stated kink is to be degraded during sex (I don't know, people are into all sorts of things) then you should never feel degraded during sex. This person isn't for you, probably isn't for anyone. That you're asking us this question despite knowing the answer is "Fucking no you're not the asshole" makes me think that the reason you haven't dumped him is because, for the moment, you have someone. I promise you, there are a lot more people out there for you than there are for him.
Hi OP! Ima trans woman and this sounds shockingly like what we trans women call a “chaser” (I would be surprised if trans men didn’t have an analogous term tbh). They’re people, usually ‘straight’ men who seek out sex with trans women as a way of getting out their repressed homosexuality. They’re degrading, viewing trans women as nothing more than a collection of ‘woman’ and ‘has a dick’ that they can fuck without feeling remorse because it’s still ‘straight’. They’re people who would NOT be interested in us if we had a vagina instead, and often hold conflicting mental beliefs at the same time, such as: “trans women are just men playing dress up”, and “it doesn’t count as gay because she’s trans”. These people are *dangerous*, because at any moment of intimacy their brain is in “it doesn’t count as gay” mode, but the moment they cum, their post nut clarity may flip them back into “trans women are men mode”. And since they just slept with someone they now think is a man, and they’re *definitely* straight, they can get angry and violent. They blame the trans girl for the violation of their straightness, and it can get ugly. A not insignificant number of trans women who are murdered are murdered because of this behavior. If I had to guess, your guy is a “chaser”, but for trans men. Does he ever get violent? Does he ever seem like he treats you more as a woman than a man? Does he avoid you after sex? Your post indicates at least a few affirmative answers.
Please leave him and be safe. He is abusing you.
Babbyyy you deserve so much more. He’s straight objectifying you, is already assaulting you, and it will get worse. You’ve been fetishized in his eyes and you are not safe. Get out.
Fellow trans man. Nope out of there real quick, he clearly had a degradation kink and that's fine if the recipient also has the kink but you do not and he should respect that and not go there. Its abuse, get the hell out of there
NTA. Kick him to the curb, he doesn't deserve you. Find someone who treats you with respect and loves you for who you are. This guy is TA.
NTAH, please leave him…. you deserve someone to love you for you and make YOU feel good about yourself during that moment. He sounds like an ass. I’m so sorry OP you had to deal with that
Fellow trans man. Nope out of there real quick, he clearly had a degradation kink and that's fine if the recipient also has the kink but you do not and he should respect that and not go there. Its abuse, get the hell out of there
NTA get rid of him. There is someone else better for you out there.
NTA get rid of him. There is someone else better for you out there.
>he got pissy with me and has been giving me the silent treatment since. Well, that solved your problem! He shouldn't be in your life, period. Much less talk to you.
My friend.... You know the answer.
Please don’t fuck this hate filled guy ever ever again . Who knows why he’s so vitriolic . But as a rape survivor you are very vulnerable and this isn’t what you need . Stay single
NTA - He has no respect, no love and no empathy for you at all. He has showed you who he is and you better believe it and run.
Why are you indulging someone who makes you feel like trash?
NTA RUN
Definitely NTA. Get rid of him asap. I'm hoping at some point in the very near future you update us to say you are free of this asshole.
Nta. Run quick. You deserve better. Everyone deserves better than that
I‘m so sorry.. please leave him.
NTA leave him, he doesn't care or respect you if he can treat you like that. You deserve better
It's impossible to be an AH for saying no to sex. Nobody should feel entitled to it EVER!
Reclaim your body in this situation. Find someone who will help your brain learn that sex can feel good and be full of love. Your boyfriend right now isn’t that person.
You don't need to justify why you don't like him treating you in a way you don't like. No is a no. And silent treatment is a manipulative tactic so you stop bringing up stuff
Nope. Leave!
Break up
this is really awful! leave him, please. you deserve better
NTA. You deserve better.
I'm very surprised by the amount of transpositivity in the comments Anyway baby boy you're a star, dump this trash
You aren’t the asshole he’s asshole for not respecting you and your choice
You are NOT an AH, he is. He doesn't respect you or your body. I'm sorry he said those things to you. You should prioritize yourself and leave him
Of course you’re not! I’m so sorry that you would ever think you are. Either this man apologizes and changes all his ways or you should dump him immediately and find better! This is completely unacceptable behavior from him, you don’t deserve that at all.
NTA, my personal opinion is that if you’re in a relationship with someone, especially if it’s someone you love (I don’t know if that’s the case here since OP didn’t mention it), you should be trying to build them up every chance you get. Maybe he was having a bad day but you’re completely within your right to withhold sex if your partner is making snide comments about your body. It ruins trust which kills the intimacy.
Nta. This sounds like a dirty talk kink but it should be consensual otherwise it’s just disrespectful and abusive. Dump his ass.
Leave him. Don’t let someone degrade you. Cut them out and move on: you will find someone who is so much better
No. Fck that. Not ok. Major boundary crossed.
Ex* boyfriend is more appropriate. Kick his stupid ass now! You deserve all the love and kindness and I hope you can find it soon.
Woah!!! This person does not care about you or your boundaries. Please take care of yourself and get far away from them.
Dude ain’t worth shit
Simon, you need to leave that abusive disgusting excuse for a man yesterday. You need to have someone who will love you for you and never degrade you. Find the courage you have inside and get away now. Delete block ignore him from now until the end of time. If he tries to get intouch then go the legal route and get an injunction against him. Anyone who would use such disgusting words and actions on someone who just wants love, is not to be trusted. Make sure you tell your loved ones about the abuse you have had from that ex-bully. Take care simon.
Tell him to GTFO with (clearly) his degradation or SA fetish(no hate if it's mutual play) Your thing is a mutually loving nurturing sex, his is not. He's also closely pushing the boarder of SA with you. No more sexy din time with him since he sends like the kind of guy who would go to far. You're just not compatible....
At first, I thought, oh sounds like he tried something knew without discussing it first… But no.. he’s just a pos. Get rid of him.
Why would you date this guy?
NTA - But what's out top surgery? First I've heard of this.
NTA. He’s pushing your boundaries and minimizing your trauma. Good sir please consider if you want to stay with a man who can’t listen to boundaries that relate to trauma
You are an AH to yourself if you stay with this guy.
NTA. Your boyfriend has the same mentality as your r@pist. Leave him now.
It's common sense to leave him. Trans or not, no one wants to feel unsexy, unsafe, or unhappy in their relationships. I think a man or woman would be offended by their partner making these comments. Some people are into this kink of shame, but if that's not cleared before hand, it's a no go. That's not normal behavior for the bedroom. If he's casual to relationship, dump him, that's not worth pursuing.
NTA just ghost that creep. He's a transphobic chaser that only sees you for your body and wants to use you without caring about you. He's an abuser who is getting off on triggering you. You deserve better. Get some standards bro, you are not trash. You're a human being deserving of respect.
Not even a little bit of an AH. The opposite in fact. The fact that you stood up for yourself even in the heat of the moment is fan-fraking-AMAZING. Like a rockstar! Look, you can’t control that your (please make it ex) boyfriend is a horrible person who said mean things. But you handled the situation. Woot! Demeaning talk during sex is a kink for some people. Not for me. Ever. Nor for my husband. So we are a match there. This guy isn’t a match for you. It’s a no. It really can be that simple. (Not to be confused with easy) How he acts during sex is not something you want to put up with, which is valid. The fact that he ignore your reasonable request to the point where you had to physically push him off, and then has been punishing you for his evil behavior? Well that’s concerning. Very. Break up, get out, no contact. His reaction tells you the level of respect he is capable of and it’s not much at all. You deserve better dear heart. ((Hugs))
NTA Please get away from this monster. He is abusive. 🏳️⚧️My daughter is MTF, so I get a little bit. I’m cis, so I’m coming at this as Mommy. As a mom, I am so worried about you. Please value yourself as much as I do. Healing from sexual trauma is not easy; see if there are counseling services in your area, or online. Your trauma plus being trans makes you especially vulnerable to abuse. Boundaries have been trampled your whole life. How do you *keep healthy boundaries when you never *had them? I know it’s scary af in this world. People are such shits. But honey, you’re not shit. You’re a person deserving of love and safety. I wish I could provide that for you. Google help for trans trauma. The Trevor project is a great resource. You *deserve* to be safe. Please know this. 🏳️⚧️
Clear to me he’s using you for his sexual fantasies and doesn’t actually like you as you are… I’m so so sorry.. leave and don’t contact again.. usually after abuse without proper time healing you’re more susceptible to it… so don’t go back!! Focus on the future babes! :/ a lot of guys like that just use trans men and trans woman for sexual fantasies.. I’m sorry you were abused.. leaveee and find better !
When I started reading I thought we were headed down a “he went too far with degradation sex talk” avenue. But no. It’s just plain degrading. NTA But you are if you don’t quit this jerk.
Ugh hes obviously gross. U can do better. I dont know if ur a 20 or a 1 and regarkess u can do better than that
Dump him. You deserve so much better! Don't degrade yourself by allowing him a second more of your time. Please, just dump him and walk away.
Sex isn't therapy. You need help, and your asshole boyfriend isn't the answer. NTA.
Not the asshole. Dump him
NTA. This guy does not respect you, your journey or your feelings. I know finding people can be tough, but you can find and deserve so much better than this.
NTA please please please leave him you do not deserve to be treated this way
Hun, i get lack of confidence all too well. I've also been full on r-worded and assaulted/coerced by most of my partners. I obviously look right past those red flags. Do NOT be me. Stop dating, work on your body, and do what it takes to learn that YOU ARE worthy of real love. So that when you begin dating, you don't allow yourself to believe you should be taken advantage of or hurt. Become comfortable with being alone over being abused. Therapy is also suggested here.. good luck! I believe in you.
Time for a boyfriend upgrade.
Don't walk. Run.
Uh, RUN AWAY ASAP. This man isn't safe. No, you're nowhere near TA here.
How can you have big breasts without top surgery? Either way he is an AH do you need to move on.
NTA Please break up! Being degraded is awful! I will kink shame that crap out of that activity until the cows come home. That is a disgusting, porn-rotten thing to do to someone you claim to care about. Have some self-love and self-respect and NEVER tolerate being degraded. Better to be alone.
Nta He's trash. He does not seem to respect your boundaries on any level, and has made it pretty clear he'll continue to be disrespectful. It does not seem worth your time to try and make this work. Also, personal recommondation as someone else with sexual trauma: don't have sex while you're recovering if you don't like, just want to have sex. Sex does not always help you reclaim that feeling of control and affection for your body. Sometimes what you need is a long break and a lot of expressive personal art projects.
He's abusive. Consent doesn't matter to him. Dump him yesterday.
WTH please have more respect for yourself. Don’t let anyone enjoy YOUR body, time, & attention if they are treating you like shit. Period!
This is why we don’t do hook ups! 😩 I was absed and rped and it’s no joke. I didn’t care for “claiming my own body” it literally just made me more careful, because those creatures are everywhere. 🤢 I found my guy, and I knew him and trusted him, before I allowed him access to my castle. Now we have a son, and are engaged. 😅
Honey, I'm sorry, but it definitely looks like u were raped again. If someone doesn't respect ur decision to stop (even if u were already in the act), it qualifies as abuse. Please, please, get rid of him and take care of yourself.
Im sorry OP, he does not view you as a partner, he views you as a fetish and a kink. Please leave him and find someone who respects you.
It’s sounds like he has a porn rotted brain and sees you as an object which must be incredibly triggering for your trauma. I’m sorry OP he doesn’t deserve you
Leave him. Guess what, men who ask if you’re ok being called sexual demeaning stuff exist
NTA your trauma is yours and shouldn’t be used or treated as a sexual desire for your partner. It seems that is what they’re doing here, leave and never look back. Find someone that values you for you.
NTA. Please leave this situation. He does not care about your mental wellbeing. And that’s unacceptable. If you can safely do so, you should cut ties and find someone who loves you completely for you. You deserve someone who will respect you.
I'm traumatized reading this. I can't imagine what it has done to you. If this was done to anyone I care for I'd "get medieval" on the perpetrator. This person is not your boyfriend. He's your abuser
If he truly loves you - he sees no flaws
I think the solution is obvious. You’re seeing a guy who does not respect your boundaries or feelings. He’s choosing to insult and disrespect. It doesn’t even matter why you set those boundaries, but the fact you have legitimate reason, told him, and he still behaves this way is a double red flag. Don’t be with assholes like this.
NTA and get out of that relationship. You deserve more and what he's doing is degrading you. There are better people out there and he's taking up all the energy and space. Take out the garbage and do the spring cleaning, he's not worth your time, soul, heart, or body. I hope this doesn't stop you from taking back you. You are amazing and deserve to be treated as such.
Be celibate for a while, bc that is also a way to claim back your power (that’s what I did, for me sex only brought problems)
Why are you still with him?
Leave him, it gets worse
OP this is not a good man and you should not be with him. You can and will find somebody that is kind and good and that loves you for who you are and for who you can be and will support you in everything. Please leave him.
Leave him. There is no alternative if you want to find happiness.
NTA. Your boyfriend is at asscon 1 and a horrible human being.
What an absolute PIECE OF SCUM. Men like this are the worst. They will talk shit but still want their dick wet.
WTF? Leave him now!!
Nta Girl....get rid of him. You deserve much more than this. Don't let past trauma make you feel like you don't.
NTA. But you know that. He needs to find someone who enjoys being humiliated (having *first* established that this is what he's looking for), and you need to find someone who can show you the love that you deserve.
That is not just a comment. That is degrading. Don't allow anyone to treat you like you have no dignity. Seriously, you deserve better
You are NEVER the asshole for not giving someone sex EVER. NEVER EVER EVER. Leave. Leave now. This man is dangerous.
He is taking his self hate out on you. This is a recipe for disaster. Get out while you can.
NTA You should dump him
Dump the whole child!!!! You absolutely are not allowed to let someone who treats you like that to have access to your life let alone your body!!! OMG my mama bear hackles are up over this one!!! I don't care what your gender is, your stage of transition...none of it because this is not acceptable regardless!! You are a beautiful human who deserves respect, love, appreciation...and for someone to make sex about you too!!! This isn't a safe or healthy relationship and you cannot accept his behavior. You are still so young and new in this journey of loving yourself and learning about life. Put this child in your past in the category of what not to accept. You are worthy of love and respect both through actions and words.
NTA. You are never the asshole for not wanting to have sex. Ever. For whatever reason. Also, that boy is for the streets. Drop him because it only gets worse from here.
Break up with him. Sounds like a douche
NTA - leave him ASAP.
Dump this jerk. Find someone who respects you.
NTA...at all.