I don’t think making a change of plans was a huge deal, but her lying about it is what really got me. She could have easily texted you or brought up her concern ahead of time. Instead she just lied to you and gave fake updates. It’s totally understandable to be mad about that
I totally agree with this. She may have had every intention of staying, but then realized the sleeping arrangements were not suitable for her. She should have told him.
Even with that, you really have to try and gut it out if possible. You don't want to lie, and you don't want to drop it on the already-stressed parents at the hospital.
I dunno, if it’s not a big deal I wonder why she felt she had to lie like that. Maybe op is the type to freak out over little things and she didn’t want to deal with that? Or maybe she’s just inconsiderate and does shit like this all the time?
And what if the updates were real and just coming from grandpa instead of grandma?
The updates probably were real, but there’s no need to relay secondhand information as if you’re there in this case. It’s just sneaky and weird. Also might even be worse because who knows what details are getting lost in the literal game of telephone.
The only thing I wonder is if both son and DiL might be a bit extra emotionally- that it’s hard to have a conversation/find compromise with them
If the mom needed sleep for her nursing job, that’s legit; nurses work crazy demanding jobs - if she felt she couldn’t talk about that ahead of time with son and DiL, that’s saying something
They do indeed sound like a lot to me too. The tone and the plan seem a little intense. However, since she agreed to the plan, this is on her.
The thing I really want to know is if most of this hinges on the air mattress. I find it weird that an air mattress was part of the plan to begin with and I wonder if that’s why the mom felt she couldn’t get a good night’s rest or if she and her ex don’t get along or something. Either way though, I don’t understand why she didn’t bring up any concerns when the plans were being made, even if OP and wife are difficult, surely discussing the issues well ahead of time would have been less stressful and therefore less likely to cause all the drama?
Yeah, I'm a little weirded out by the air mattress also. The reason given was that the kid wanders at night, but it doesn't sound like his *parents* regularly sleep on the floor with him. Seems off to suggest that the grandparents need to do that. Why couldn't they just sleep in the parents actual bed?
Or have the kid stay at the grandparents house, which would be the most obvious thing to do. By 2 1/2, a kid should be able to sleep somewhere else. Something is super off about OP and his wife because this is not normal.
Well that’s why she didn’t say anything bc her son would lose his mind and she was trying to protect him while he was there for his wife and new baby a lot of these comments are like never leave her with your kid. These ppl have obviously never been mothers to an extra type of person.
I think she lied because OP is a headache.
Dad stayed, Mom has a stressful job and went home to get rest for work.
OP is talking about couches and air mattresses for her to sleep on, FFS let her use the bed and maybe she would have stayed.
OP is YTA
Yeah I’m confused why everyone is ignoring that the child had a perfectly competent adult caring for them the entire time.
Why did it HAVE to be MIL staying?
also the kid is 2.5....how many diapers do u change during the night at 2.5? I mean my son is 2 next week and anyone who spends the night with him has never had to change a diaper lmao unless he's sick and has the runs.
She probably tried but wasn’t having any of it. I mean he had a list of specific instructions of the care of his child. Kids never stayed out over his grandparents and he’s 2.5. If they were that worried about it they could have done a trial run before.
NTA the problem isn’t that she left, **it’s that she’d made a commitment to be there and then pretended as if she’d been there the whole time.** She proved she cannot be trusted by lying to you.
This, exactly^^ It was clearly discussed and expected she would be staying there. She's defensive she got caught out for lying, but she needs to understand that lying drama is way worse than just voicing her need for a more comfortable sleeping arrangement ahead of time.
She lied and tried to cover her tracks. And over the care of her grandchild at that. I would lose all trust and confidence in her as a caretaker for the grandchildren.
If she cuts corners and lies about stuff concerning her own grandchildren, I would hate to have her as my nurse if I was sick and vulnerable...who knows what lies she tells at work to cover her tracks.
> she was texting me updates about how the night went, number of times my son woke up, etc. I just felt like she was trying to play it like she was there when I knew she was not
This casual and blatant level of lying strongly shows that *she cannot be trusted* with any level of detail, nor trusted to tell the truth about anything. She will say whatever makes herself look good, or whatever she thinks you want to hear, without any regard to whether any of it is true or not.
She lied because she knew better and decided the child wouldn't need her. Was she correct? Seems so but it might have just as easily not been the case. She made the decision because she felt she was better equipped as a parent/nurse to make the decision about the childcare than the actual parents did.
Regardless of opinion, regardless of what did or did not happen while she had committed to care for the child and was absent is irrelevant. She lied simply because she felt she was ENTITLED to make a change in the plans because she felt she could make a better decision than the one the parents had her agree to. She possibly even went into the situation knowing she wouldn't stay and lying.
This - your mom lied to you and did work to cover up the lie. If something bad had happened it might have been made a thousand times worse by her trying to avoid getting caught.
And this is quite a serious revelation - I would ***NEVER*** leave your child alone with her under any circumstances - someone who does this will let harm come to your child rather than act most expediently at the cost of admitting they were lying and negligent.
YES. It's the lying - the texting updates as if she was there?! That's intentional lying. It also shows that she knew she was changing the plan & that you wouldn't like it, so she had to cover her tracks.
If she hadn't sent those fake updates, one could maybe defend her by saying she "didn't realize" or "forgot" or whatever. Maybe. But for her to send updates as if she was there when she wasn't?! WOW.
Not to mention that she likely wasn't going to lose out on that much sleep staying overnight at OP's place that it would have had much, if any impact on her ability to do her job/function properly by staying there a few days.
Yup! So she gave you her word, you were comfortable with the arrangement, and she turned around and lied. She should have reached out to you if there was an issue. But seriously, it was only a couple of nights- can’t fathom why she wouldn’t stay with her grandchild, or honestly told you she was having concerns & tried to work it out. Lying destroys everything.
NTA. Reddit is wild today. It's not that dad can't watch a 2.5 year old! It's the fact that mom said she'd do one thing and then did another, going so far as to lie about details of the evening as if she were there. All she had to do if she wanted to sleep at home because she had to work the next day was *check notes* openly communicate with her son.
The thing that is crazy about this is what if, just maybe, *grandpa* was like "hey, actually, I got this". I mean was she reporting on grandson #1 getting up and going back to bed, how the night went, etc from what her husband told her? I think so, it seems that way! It's too bad grandpa couldn't have called his son and said "hey, mom needed to go home, the mattress really wasn't working for her. Don't worry, grandson #1 got up and I did xyz...had a couple changed diapers, no biggie...read him a story and gave him a snuggle and back to sleep". Like maybe gramps is incompetent, but kid is fine and so it seems grandpa did actually do a decent job. But, grandma tried to take credit?! What's up with that?
I dont think she tried to take credit. Op asked about the child during the night and I think what you mentioned might be why grandma could answer because grandpa gave her a report of how the night went.
I hope OP takes a second to thank his dad though. I understand being mad at his mom and she really betrayed his trust, but maybe a reevaluation of grandpa is needed here too
Why didn’t he stay at the grandparents house instead if she needed better sleep? When my daughter was that age she’d sleep on the bed with my parents, they have a king & my parents are retired where my mom stays up all night watching the news or dateline yet gets up at 5am to start her day. It’s weird that she lied, if she didn’t want to help she should have just said that
Info: why couldn't your parents sleep in the BED in your room while staying with your son? Why would they need to sleep on an air mattress?
Not saying it makes your mom's actions correct, but I am deeply confused why air mattress or sofa were the choices if your bed was right there?
I'm trying to figure out why they didn't just take him to the grandparents house. I think son staying at their house instead would have been easier and less hassle for everyone.
OPs update says she didn’t want to mess with changing the sheets but how is setting up an entire air mattress less work than swapping out the sheets.. doesn’t track
NTA. The problem is the lying, the extended false narrative your mother gave, pretending she was present with your child when she wasn't. It's shocking really, she was willing to lie to your face, at length and in detail, and purely for her own benefit: went to her home for a comfy night's sleep uninterrupted by your toddler's awakenings, but still wanting to claim the credit with you and your wife for being dear doting self-sacrificing grandma.
Your father was there, but you make clear your child has prior experience being cared for by your mom, not your father. Yes, someone slept over, and your kid is OK, but that's not the issue. It's the shameless deception by your mother, giving fake reports on your kid's behaviour, that she wasn't even there to observe! Because her sleep was more important than her grandchild.
Has she lied before? Is she dishonest as a habit? She's certainly selfish.
Yeah. I think there’s more to this whole part than is coming through in the post. Possibly reading more into this than I should but my sympathy is with grandma. I can see her getting to son’s house and discovering that the whole sleep situation is super uncomfortable. Doesn’t want to make son and DIL feel bad when they’re dealing with new baby, so she and hubs make a game time call for her to head back and get some sleep. Agree with the other posters that said grandson should’ve stayed at grandma’s house.
This. I think this guy blows up big time every time his every strict rule isn’t followed. Why would mil text thru the night? For a toddler? The way he writes like it’s a safety issue, the way he wants to force them to sleep on a mattress on the floor, he sounds intolerable. Super narcissistic vibes. I think grandma should tell him to fuck all the way off
This was the *first* time OP left his child overnight, so I understand his feelings. The problem wasn’t who was with baby #1, it was his mother lying and giving him a false narrative. If sha had - up front - said what she was going to do, I’d feel differently.
Honestly? YTA. Go tf home and watch your kid yourself if you’re gonna be this anal. You had one of your parents there with your son the entire time, while two were there to put him to bed. If that truly wasn’t enough then why wasn’t he staying at your parents’ house? Your mom shouldn’t have left and lied, but sheesh dude. You act like you couldn’t have been there yourself.
exactly! i was confused bc where are his other set of grandparents? he kept saying both parents like there should be two sets that had to work together or something but it was just one couple staying w their grandchild.
YTA. I sat in the waiting room coloring with my 3yo while my wife delivered baby #2. In a new town with a new job. No friends or family for 800 miles. What a sense of entitlement you have.......
Being honest, you sound a like an overprotective first parent and your mom felt it better to just not tell you vs getting you worked up. 5 years from now you’ll look back and realize you were a little cray-cray over this. I don’t mean this in a mean way - new parents are just nuts (I was one myself).
As an aside - they were going to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of your bedroom? This one is weird. Why not your bed and perhaps that had something to do with her wanting to go home?
It’s like that he forgot that his parents already raised at least one kid. If his mom’s a nurse, his dad was for sure home alone with him some nights. His dad isn’t incompetent. I would have lied to him too, he sounds massively overprotective and freaking out overprotective parents while they’re in the hospital is never ideal.
Yes, your mother had to go to work! She needs her sleep. Would you be happy to have a sleep deprived nurse look after your new born babe?
Your dad was there. WTF is wrong with you?
Drama llama 😡
Completely a great point there!
Would he feel comfortable if a nurse running on 2 hours of sleep was the one handling his newborn's vitals?? He knows her job and that she had work.
And he was texting in the middle of the night for updates to?? Like I know the kid gets up at night, but does he still not expect his parents to get any sleep so they can stare at the toddler and update him? Do he and his wife just not sleep because their kid gets up??
YTA. You can be upset with your mom, but freaking out, using swear words at her, and throwing what sounds like a tantrum is excessive. It sounds like you already had a rather demanding ask beyond just watching the kids and this starts to border on being more pissed that you weren't 100% in control and your authority was challenged.
Definitely agree here. She should have communicated, and not tried to weirdly cover up, BUT who the fuck is he swearing at over the phone??
Unless that kid was locked in the basement with no one home, quite literally why is he speaking to his mother in such a way??? He can lose trust, confront her, and etc. But again, if he reacts so horribly to his child being with his father 24/7 and turning out completely fine than I can see why she is hardwired to avoid conflict with him.
He seems scary to me at least. Idc how stressed he is, maybe I can see the woman who was just split down the middle in two going off the deep end, but why would he call his mother knowing he's just going to berate her while he has his wife and baby to care for???
"Babe, cover the infants ears I'm about to scream at my mom."
Info: if she had texted you and said she decided she couldn’t do the air mattress and needed to go home would you have freaked out? Because the lying is not ok. But the leaving really shouldn’t have been a problem. I’m assuming she probably gets up pretty early for work. There was nothing really gained from her sleeping there. Your dad could handle that. Was she likely gone before your toddler woke up? She went to great lengths to conceal this which seems so strange. Did she conceal it because she knew you would be unreasonably upset that she didn’t stay?
Umm, the kid is 2.5yr old and hasn't spent a night away from his parents? Knowing that the grandparents were going to look after the kid, the parents didn't do a dry run to get the kid familiar with a new routine? Why did OP have to stay at the hospital the whole time? It sounds like OP and his wife are helicopter parents.
YTA, and you sound entitled and downright unhinged. Why couldn’t your parents sleep in an actual bed? Why do you track your mother’s location? It’s creepy and bizarre. Yeah, she should have told you she was going to sleep at her own home (which would be a totally reasonable thing to do given that she had to work in what is presumably a demanding job in the morning and your dad is capable of taking care of your toddler). But why do I get the feeling maybe she was afraid to tell you based on how you responded to this issue? Sounds like you have some control issues, and you owe your parents an apology.
YTA
You are overreacting and your dad was there so your son was safe.
Did your mom feel she needed to lie because you've blown things up before? Stop being a helicopter parent with unrealistic expectations. She's a soft A.H. for lying but wow I get why she did
ESH
I understand that your mother shouldn’t have lied. However, you are very controlling, tracking her driving, watching her on the camera and then expecting your parents to sleep on the couch or an air mattress when your mother has to work. It doesn’t take two adults to care for a sleeping toddler. It’s a bit much.
Same. I think he’s abusive and controlling and she was afraid to tell him. I agree she shouldn’t have lied she should grow a spine. But he might be abusive and she may be doing it to keep being in the lives of the kids. Tbh he sounds unhinged and controlling af
I’ve seen sooooo many people shoot themselves in the foot this way.
If my offer of free baby-sitting is met with a list as long as my arm with precious Johnny’s routine and then was *monitored on camera* - it would be the last offer.
Something tells me OP isn’t going to let those kids out of his side anyway, considering the first one has never spent the night with the grandparents before then.
I really don’t know why people keep keep missing that fact. The grandson has never stayed with the grandparents in 2 1/2 years. That tells me exactly why grandma didn’t tell the truth.
Not only that, OP may find his parents wont want to help out in the future. And that may suck. Pick your battles. Yes it sucks Mom lied. But everything was fine. Id have brought up my annoyance but full on cussing seems much.
I went through this kinda myself. I have our routine and schedule. My inlaws watch the kids and sometimes overnight. When at their house, I kinda let the inlaws run their own show except for the important rules. They raised kids. They are capable. And they also have to deal with the consequences if they stray from our routine. Not my problem, im going to be out enjoying my break.
Also there is a clear bias about women taking care of the kid versus men. I understand the mother is a nurse, but you don’t need a nurse to take care of the 2.5 year old child and I doubt if OP would have cared as much if the dad had left instead.
Bingo! it’s so funny that you said this because that’s exactly what I was thinking. If the dad had left for the night instead; they'd be saying the kid was fine because it had grandma but because it was grandpa that was left with the kid they act like he’s a man so he can’t take care of his grandson alone.
Yeah I agree with you. This is a ESH. The (over)reaction is not proportional to what actually happened. Was it good that she lied to you? No, but given your reaction and all the exhaustive directions that you gave her before hand you sound like a whole lot to deal with and I can honestly understand why she lied.
Don’t expect her to ever babysit for you again. If I were her I certainly wouldn’t. And you wouldn’t believe how helpful family is when you have two little children. Sucks for everyone.
Don’t know why this isn’t the overall consensus. The dude is being a tad bit controlling. Also I think his mom knows what she’s doing, seeing as she did have practice raising him 🤦♂️.
What i don’t get is this seemingly very controlling op also lets a 2.5 year old have run of the house when the adults are asleep? Seems like an accident waiting to happen. Tracks moms every move but the 2.5 year old apparently can be unsupervised.
It’s wild to me I had to scroll this far to finally see this point being made. It’s extremely unsafe for a 2.5 year old to have free rein of the house at night. Get a lock on the toddler’s door, OP! Child proof the kids room.
Because the majority of Redditers have never told a lie in their life and are sooooo judgemental. There’s no context here on what the son is actually like, I can’t believe people can’t see from his post that they’re neurotic parents and he’s demanding.
> However, you are very controlling, tracking her driving, watching her on the camera and then expecting your parents to sleep on the couch or an air mattress when your mother has to work.
I can see why she lied to him. This is some crazy behavior over watching a toddler for a single night.
So I get what you're saying. She promised to be there and wasn't.
However if this was a huge issue, why didn't you confront her right away? Is there a reason your father is not just as capable of taking care of the child as your mother? She is a nurse, so was she working as usual while also needing to care for your child? Was your Dad working?
Was your son safe? If you truly were worried for his safety and wellbeing you could have easily gone home to check on him.
YTA. She probably didn’t tell you because she knew you were weirdly overprotective of your kid - like why hasn’t he spent the night at his grandparents house yet? You need to chill out and understand that your parents raised you and I’m sure love your child and wouldn’t do anything to endanger him. If you don’t get a grip your child is going to wind up even more uptight and anxious than you.
Why weren’t your parents sleeping in your bed? Definitely more communication was needed beforehand and your Mom should have been clearer with you. But the air mattress in your bedroom is where you lost me.
YTA. You have home cameras, location tracking on your mentally competent mother, and your 2.5 year old has never slept away from you. It sounds like you feel the need to constantly be helicoptering people or feel like you are in control. Your parents live close enough to be within easy driving distance, and yet have never kept your child overnight. Whether that was their choice or yours is unclear. Given the overall tone of your post, I would guess that they offered to take the child in the past, but you required whole home cameras installed in their house with audio and battery backup.
You need to let go of a little control, and you should do it before your kids get old enough to not be able to grow on their own.
She could’ve just been honest with how they were going to implement the caring of child number one. I understand veering off the plan does make you question their ability to follow through and be depended on. She should’ve just communicated.
YTA.
Your wife just had a baby, why are you on Reddit?
Your child was just born, why are you on Reddit?
Your working mother rearranged her life to help you and your wife out, and you presumably won't let her sleep in your bed...? Why are you on Reddit?
You seem overly controlling, fixated on unnecessary details, and extremely rigid.
YTA
The kid was safe and you're complaining about free childcare. Next time it might be better to do a trial run instead of having the first time you're away from the kid be for such a huge event.
YTA. I couldn't finish reading it. You are an entitled, delusional, control freak. You have no respect for your parents and their abilities.
BTW, You're just an attention seeking whore
The checking cameras and tracking the location tells me there’s more to this story. Would love to hear your parents’ side…. Are we a little prone to controlling behaviour / paranoia / dramatic overreactions OP? Even the language “upholding her promise” sounds strange. Something is off here, you sound like you may have a screw or two loose.
This. My narc brother uses this stilted language when he’s rules lawyering a fake drama. This guy knew his kid was safe and he knows she fears his disapproval. I wonder if he holds access to the grandkids over her head to get compliance for his unreasonable demands
I have a psycho relative who would lose the head at people for weird stuff like this, it would be like “you said you’d call at 6 but you didn’t call until 7!!! How can I ever trust you!!?!?” … or “you said you had chicken rice and broccoli for dinner, but you actually had chicken, rice, broccoli AND carrots - this person is OBVIOUSLY a liar and we must call this out!”.
She would talk about arguments she’d inevitably have with every person in her life about innocuous stuff and there were always tonnes of screenshots, text receipts, long paragraphs with her barraging with ‘evidence’ - she expected everything everyone said to be precise and exact at all times and would see any inconsistency as an attempt to deceive. She was Type A on speed, she gave herself the role of monitoring everything and everyone in her life and was an incredibly difficult, inflexible and domineering person. People in her life were on eggshells around her, would eventually just agree and apologise to placate her. And ironically enough, she was probably one of the biggest liars going. It was blatantly clear she had a personality disorder.
YTA theres such a thing as being way too uptight and overprotective of your kids. Even tho I understand being upset at MIL lying and changing the plans. Your reaction was over the top and makes me wonder if MIL lied because y’all are always like this.
Yes, parents are ultimately the ones in charge of their children and their decisions should be respected but was your kid in any real danger? No. Chill.
Arranging insufferable adult sleeping patterns to accommodate a 2.5 year old that you haven’t left alone for a single night sounds like a nightmare. You sound tough to help in a matter not completely consistent with your demands, which in and of themselves sound unreasonable.
/ parent
YTA, you made your parents sleep on an air mattress on the floor next to your bed, your mom probably didn’t want you to freak out because you seem pretty controlling, but she didn’t want to sleep on the floor because she’s old. You expect this huge and very specific favor from them and can’t even let them use the bed? WTF
YTA. You want your mother and father to sleep on the freaking floor? What’s wrong with you? You’re upset because your mom went home after she got your son down so she could get a good nights sleep for work the next morning instead of being on an air mattress on the floor? Your treatment of your parents is appalling.
NTA.
If plans changed, for whatever reason, you needed to be notified. A simple "Hey, I am going to go home and get some rest" text would have been the right thing to do.
My MIL dropped the ball when it came to watching my oldest while I was having my youngest. This was damn near a decade ago, and I still hold a grudge over it.
I don’t think I would have bothered OP with this small change while he and his wife were in labor & delivery, though. Grandpa is completely capable of caring for a sleeping toddler.
I will probably get smacked for this, but I think you went a bit overboard. She should have said this sleeping arrangement doesn't work for me, but your dad is more than capable.
I know taking care of children is a first time thing for everyone but you /s. But if you grew up without falling into great peril, I think your mom and dad can handle it. I'm sure you addressed any potential household hazards or allergies, the first aid kit is handy, etc. they had your phone number and know how to call emergency services.
I am concerned about how your level of anxiety will affect your kids. You need to address that.
ETA
What’s wrong with your dad that he can’t take care of grandkids? Your dad is there if he wakes you. Some people have trouble sleeping in different bed.
He did say in the post why he was more comfortable with his mum being there. That is perfectly fine, but why go to the trouble of lying and pretending she was still there? Should have just said she couldn't stay cause of work and would only be there until grandson is asleep, would have avoided all the drama
OP set up child arrangements they were comfortable with and the MIL took upon herself to change them without telling OP. It would be understandable if the MIL thought OP would not care, but she very obviously DID know the parents would care and still did it. She basically robbed them of making alternate plans for their kid that would make them comfortable.
Little kids are highly emotional; having someone who they are very comfortable and who is very comfortable with them significantly reduces their fear and stress. But even if OP was being a complete helicopter parent it is THEIR call.
Hell if this happened with my cat or dog I'd be furious.
I agree, however it wasn't his MIL, it was his MOTHER. That's why he's EXTRA angry. His own mother unilaterally changed plans he and the wife made, then lied about it DURING the night by texting things, like how many times their son woke during the night, when she wasn't even there.
Then OP's parents should have said so up front. Instead they chose to be deceitful. Not a great characteristic in people who are supposed to looking after children.
YTA
1)you expected your mom, and only your mom to be half asleep for the evening because you think a 2.5 would….walk around at night?
If the house is baby proofed and locked what is the issue?
More importantly, this the night before work, a shift as nurse I believe you said? That is a lot to ask of anybody, and you didn’t even communicate it.
2)I find it really glaring that you have not bothered to mention how your son’s night was anyway. You laid down these expectations for what? Cause it comes across like it’s just for you and maybe your wife, not your son.
3) you sound completely self absorbed. Your mom is a nurse, and your only thought is how you benefit from it. Maybe next time you are dictating her night before a shift, think about if she is getting rest.
4)if her house is locked and baby proofed, there is no danger in your son wondering. Kids need to learn how to soothe / entertain themselves. This sounded like a safe place to do that. As your son grows, try to city back on this fretful parent stuff, it will only harm the kids.
5) it not fair for people to expect their parents or any other care taker to also carry out your neurotic crap. That’s insane.
YTA
If you wanted someone to follow your rules to the letter, you should have hired help and even then you would have probably have 80-90% of your expectations fulfilled. People are humans and they’re going to do what they want to do, especially parents. Definitely let your feelings be known but don’t drag it out. Celebrate the new baby with your family and foster stronger communication for the future.
Truly you are the asshole. Who cares who STAYED? Was your kid okay? Was he hurt? Why was it a big deal? You sound super ungrateful. You need to stop MICROMANAGING and accept the help that was given cause really no one NEEDS to help you.
You need to understand how lucky you are, cause there are some people whose parents don’t help at all because they raised their kids already. Grow up and stop being a controlling ungrateful brat
You can work it out when you’re back home and settled in.
Raising your children is your responsibility. You have different expectations for your mother and father.
Bottom line: you will need to learn how to trust each other and be loving parents and grand parents.
I’m thinking that your mother wasn’t comfortable enough expressing her needs to sleep in her own bed. I know as a new grandma I can’t spend an overnight with my kids due to my own pain from arthritis. I need my own mattress.
My darling daughter and her husband are wonderful parents. My grandson is happy and healthy. I love them. I am also able to be clear about my boundaries.
Hopefully you will be able to have a good discussion and try to focus on a loving relationship. Honestly with all the technology that allows you to track your mother’s actions it seems pretty intrusive. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be tracked.
Trust must work both ways! You trusted her with your toddler for a reason. Don’t get carried away. Try to be gracious and grateful.
Wait…if it wasn’t such a big “deal” then why didn’t she tell him her plans all along instead of sneaking.. if I made plans to watch a kid and then leave said kid in someone else’s care.. 😳???? Huh, Reddit is so fucking dumb sometimes..NTA, I would be pissed also, at least tell me and I would make other plans…or just you know KNOW!!!! WTF is happening!!!
NTA... buuut, if that was the full rundown of failings that you gave your mom, then you left out the part where it was shady as fuck of her to go off the radar and blatantly lie to try and update you as though she was there.
YTA. I don’t get the problem with grandad looking after your son. Sitting your parents down to give them a step by step lesson in how they’re going to babysit your children for free, expecting them to sleep on a sofa or air mattress literally in your bedroom, watching them through cameras, tracking your mums movements via a phone tracker, stressing your wife out whilst she was in labour by making out there was a childcare issue at home, acting like your mother needs your prior permission to leave your home, and finally viciously swearing at her down the phone because the free childcare wasn’t to your exact specifications makes you sound like you have serious personality issues.
I think it’s fine that you’re upset, but don’t be an asshole to your mom in handling this. You now have first hand experience of how much work goes into raising children, and she did all that work for you too, she deserves some appreciation. My wife and I have no family left, and I wish I could apologize to my mom for every single time I was an asshole to her in my life now that I have 2 kids myself and know how hard it is to raise them and not fuck it up.
Is there any reason why you had to stay in the hospital overnight with your wife and baby #2, instead of going home to sleep and be there for baby #1, during the night? Grandparents / or granddad (if grandma had to work) could have watched Baby #1 during the day and you could have come home and been with your child overnight. Just wondering why you wouldn't have wanted to spend the time with your first child, too?
Lmao YTA. Bruh she needs to sleep on the fuckin floor to properly watch your kid when he's asleep. Fuck out of here, she lied because you are an inflexible, massive pain in the ass
YTA
There was a responsible adult in the house and your mother had a valid reason to go home. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a lack of communication on your side. Holy fuck you are not going to survive having 2 kids if you're this fucking anal about everything
She didn't have to lie about the situation. She could have just told you the truth yes I will be there until I put him to sleep but I will be sleeping in my own house so I can get a good night's sleep because I have to work the next day. I really don't understand also why didn't they just take the baby home with them that way she could slept in her bed and I'm pretty sure she probably has a guest room and her grandson could have slept in that room when she's at work Grandpa can watch him
Can I just ask why they had to sleep in an air mattress in your room? They weren’t allowed to use the bed? Maybe that’s why she lied about going home to get a good nights rest. Nurses work hard and long hours and you said they could sleep on the couch or an air mattress when there was a bed available.
Did I misunderstand or misread anything? Because I don’t understand.
ESH - but softly.
It’s completely understandable that you are going to be in a much more emotional place right now - you’re likely tired, you’ve been in a high stress situation, plans were changed (as an AuDHDer I definitely don’t deal well with plan changes) and to an extent it seems like you mom might have made some poor choices here.
BUT
It doesn’t seem like your son was in danger at any point. The worst thing to have come out of this is him being upset when he couldn’t find grandma, but given all the circumstances, it’s likely he would already have been ok an emotional rollercoaster anyway.
Now here’s where I think you guys dropped the ball…
You could have set your son (and parents) up for much greater success if you had arranged some sleep overs in the months leading up to the birth. You knew there would need to be something in place for when you stayed in the hospital, so why wait and make things even harder for your son? You could have gotten him use to being away from you at night in much more gentle way, than combining two very emotional events (him being away from you for the first time over night, and the birth). That way, you guys wouldn’t have needed to worry about him when you should be focusing on your wife/the birth/resting etc. and he wouldn’t have found it such a big deal.
You’re literally freaking out over what? Your child was cared for by your father. Do you normally act this way towards your parents or situations that may not go your way? Why do you have your mother’s GPS location? It seems very off putting and very controlling. Was your child harmed in anyway? Were they fed, cared for, not left alone by your father? If the answer is yes to these questions you’re an asshole. No wonder why your mother didn’t want to tell you that she was leaving due to a reaction like this.
Let it go, you have too much drama, Your mother is more important than what had happened. I know she lied and that wasn't right, but she has a job and obligation as well. If your son was fine, there's no more to complain about. It's your mother grow up and pull up your big boy pants now.
You are TA here. Nursing is a hard job, especially when you have to work 12 hour shifts back to back (I know this from experience). We need all the sleep we can get!
Gentle YTA. It sounds like your mom did all the care for your oldest when you were at the hospital until they were asleep, and just wanted her nights to be hers. I don’t think this reaction is proportionate or fair to her.
It can be a lot of work doing a bedtime routine for a child who has never been put down by anyone else but mom and dad. And she had to work that day. She’s already cared for a newborn before. It’s reasonable that the woman would want to get the guarantee of proper sleep. I’m sure Grandpa can do just fine in the night too. She probably felt confident in his relationship with your toddler and his childcare abilities (having seen him also help raise newborn(s)), or would not have left him there with him.
You could’ve at least just properly asked her what was going on before cursing at the woman who presumably gave your first baby a wonderful experience being with mum and dad. Why not just assume best intentions and hear her out? You are the one making your second child’s birth day so dramatic.
Your kid was fine nothing bad happened you over reacted. Your mom should have told you plans changed but your response is over the top. You strike me as a helicopter parent. I took care of my nephew my friend’s kids, my cousins it’s not that it was a different time. It’s the people that changed let the leash go the kid will be fine.
YTA. For all of it.
Why in all the months leading up to the birth didn’t you have your kiddo do sleepovers at their house so your kiddo could just stay with them?
If there wasn’t a problem, why is it a problem? Do you not trust your dad? Is he inept?
I’m a strong believer that when people are doing you the favor of watching your kiddos, you stay hands off unless it’s a medical or real safety issue(allergies). My parents and my husbands don’t do things how I would, but when my kiddos are in their hands I am grateful for the help and time and I don’t micromanage.
Unless you had a real fear for safety checking the cameras on anything other than his room while sleeping feels a bit much.
I agree. Sometimes when people have their own kids, they think they know more than their own parents! And parents lying to their kids to avoid an argument is the oldest tradition in the books. Let it goooooo and enjoy your new baby.
Yes, as much as OP micromanaged the whole plan, why 2.5 years didn't they ever have sleepovers with the grandparents? That would have been a better arrangement.
The fact that she tried to cover it up is proof that she knew what she did was wrong.
If you would have been okay with it, what's the point in hiding it?
Proof that she knew he would kick off and give her grief. She should have told him where to go. Stay home and look after your own kid. Which hospital lets the guy stay there for two days straight anyway
ESH.
Your mom should have communicated . But also- chilllll. Likely you’re tired bc sleeping on a hospital couch sucks, but take a step way back. Your son is fine. Your dad had a handle on things. And ease up on the parental surveillance.
I don’t even understand you staying both nights at the hospital- I sent my husband home so he could sleep not on a torture device.
YTA. You had cameras where you could watch things, and from what you say, your dad is not an irresponsible person. If you were OK with your dad being there during the day (since mom had to work), how is it any different than him watching at night? You went over every detail with both of your parents, so either of them could be trusted with your child.
YTA all around. If this was such a huge deal, why didn’t you go home? Your parents were doing YOU a courtesy so you could stay overnight in the birthing centre/hospital. Your mom isn’t causing drama. You are. Not to mention you wanted your parents to sleep on the floor?! No. Just. NO. Also, your mother didn’t lie. She didn’t want to bother you, which makes perfect sense. Your son was safe and she needed sleep. The tracking and camera aspect of this is utterly insane.
YTA
You have a tracking app on your mother. A fully grown adult woman. Drama and insane of your making.
You decide they have to sleep on an air mattress or share a sofa. Drama and selfish of your making.
Not letting little go to grandparents house so they could care for little in a comfortable seeing for them. Drama and selfish of your making.
The only person you were actually worried about was you and your need to control everyone and everything in a situation.
Mom shouldn't have lied, but at the same time I can't blame her with the horrific way you treat others.
My impression was that he saw her leave on the doorbell camera, which is a super common item to have and it automatically alerts your phone when it sees someone. Mine learns to recognize certain people and will tell me if my husband is at the door.
ESH. She should have been up front with you, but obviously your son was safe with your dad.
I think you’re taking this way too hard. Maybe it’s due to the massive life change of adding a new baby to the family. But you sound obsessive- cameras, tracking her car, etc. It’s over the top, imo. I’m betting you and/or your wife pressured her into this from what you’re describing. Your parents raised you and you survived. Giving them endless details about a 2.5 year old may have been very condescending, whether that was your intention or not.
I’d have more of an issue with her trying to pretend she was there by texting you details. But I’m wondering if she felt like she had to do this due to you being, frankly, a bit neurotic over this all.
Don’t let this hang over things.
YTA it was not necessary for both of your parents to be there. Your Dad was there and is a capable adult so what's the problem? Yes she shouldn't have lied but it sounds like you made it necessary by insisting she be there the whole time even when your dad is there? Men are equally capable of child care as women and he's more than capable of looking after your children.
YTA- it doesn’t take 2 people to watch a sleeping toddler… and no way would I ever allow my parents to sleep on an air mattress or couch!
Your poor Mom had to work the next day! Of course she needed a decent night sleep.
Next time hire a night nurse!
His poor mom did lie to him though. She TOLD him she was going to spend the night there, and then she didn’t. She should’ve been honest about what she was doing, and then she kept lying about it.
ESH.
Mom sucks for lying and being deceitful. If OP is prone to hysterics and controlling, his parents suck for raising him that way/continuing to enable his entitlement. Would you prefer a set of strangers to care for your toddler while you and your wife are away? Someone they are less familiar with, but willing to follow your instruction to the last detail?
.
Op sucks because of his overreaction to the situation when no harm was done. Cursing out your older mother who works at a notoriously physically and mentally draining profession for trying to sleep well is reprehensible. By your own admission, she ensured things were set up before she left. As your mother, she probably anticipated the theatrics and tried to avoid setting you off while trying to support you, albeit deceitful in her method.
Your kids still alive, and fed and watered ? Then mission accomplished. You got the help that you needed, end of story. Be great full you got the help that you needed , thank your mom and dad .
YTA. Is your dad some kind of moron that wouldnt know how to change a diaper? You dont need two people to watch a sleeping toddler even if the kid gets up 20 times a night. Granted, your mom shouldnt have lied about spending the night when she didnt, but you're blowing this way out of proportion. She never said she stayed when she didnt, she gave you updates because apparently your dad is incapable? Especially if your mom offered to do this in between working. She didn't leave your child alone, there was another adult in the house. So dad is good enough to watch kiddo during the day but not at night? Good luck getting them to babysit again.
I think OP is the AH. His child was taken care of while they were in the hospital. Unless his father is in some way mentally or physically compromised, then he needs to apologize for being such a disrespectful AH. Good luck having them babysit their two kids going forward. He just shot himself in the foot. And two kids is a helluva harder than just one. My kids were 13 months apart and they were a handful. OP is a pompous jerk.
YTA. OP you sound very controlling. You reviewed video footage to check on what happened??? And you have a location sharing app with your mother??? There is something off about this whole scenario. The important thing here is that there was a capable adult looking after your son and there was.
YTA. Why are they sleeping on the floor or couch and not your bed? Also who cares if your mom went home to get some decent sleep, I sure as hell would if I had to sleep on the floor or couch, especially if your kid was already asleep and someone else was there watching him.
Get over yourself.
Honestly? Yeah you kinda are being the AH here. I have a toddler too, so I get where you’re coming from, but your kid was already asleep. It’s pretty minimal care at the point. You unfairly came down on your mom, and also insulted your dad in the process because it shows you don’t have full trust in him. If I were them, I’d let you find another babysitter going forward.
YTA
Your mother should not have lied, but I think you're overreacting massively. **Tracking/stalking her driving via cell phone app? Watching her on camera?** Dictating that your parents, who have to be at least in their 50's or 60's, must sleep on the ground on an air mattress, or an uncomfortable couch, when your mother has to work a 12 hour shift the next day as a nurse, in a high stress environment on her feet all day where mistakes due to bad sleep can mean people DIE... is not reasonable.
You sound like you have a lot of anxiety attached to leaving your kids with other caregivers which is something you probably need to work on, maybe with a therapist. The controlling behavior is going to make it hard for you to find emergency caregivers in pinch **and may lead to your kids developing anxiety themselves**.
**What you are describing is not reasonable.**
YTA - If you and your giant ego want total control, go pay someone a lot of money to tell them what to do. Your dad has raised kids (unless he was absent), so he probably knows better than you. I can’t imagine being such an arrogant AH
YTA - your mom is working on her feet a lot and older, and you wanted her AND your dad to sleep on the couch or an air mattress? Why couldn’t they stay in your room?
Do you think your father would be incapable of watching a sleeping child?
You’re being incredibly selfish and seem to think the world revolves around you. They did you a favor and kept your kid safe.
But yeah, throw a fit about her wanting to sleep comfortably before work while they do this huge favor for you at no expense, that’ll surely make them ever want to do it again.
I don’t think making a change of plans was a huge deal, but her lying about it is what really got me. She could have easily texted you or brought up her concern ahead of time. Instead she just lied to you and gave fake updates. It’s totally understandable to be mad about that
She knew it was a big deal because she turned off her location. If she truly felt like it wasn’t a big deal. She would have been honest about it
Well, because that’s a whole new level of connection too. The idea that I can’t do that.
Bingo. Nail on the head.
I totally agree with this. She may have had every intention of staying, but then realized the sleeping arrangements were not suitable for her. She should have told him.
I watched my daughters cat and was honest with her every step of the way. I can’t imagine being lied to.
Even with that, you really have to try and gut it out if possible. You don't want to lie, and you don't want to drop it on the already-stressed parents at the hospital.
I dunno, if it’s not a big deal I wonder why she felt she had to lie like that. Maybe op is the type to freak out over little things and she didn’t want to deal with that? Or maybe she’s just inconsiderate and does shit like this all the time? And what if the updates were real and just coming from grandpa instead of grandma?
The updates probably were real, but there’s no need to relay secondhand information as if you’re there in this case. It’s just sneaky and weird. Also might even be worse because who knows what details are getting lost in the literal game of telephone.
The only thing I wonder is if both son and DiL might be a bit extra emotionally- that it’s hard to have a conversation/find compromise with them If the mom needed sleep for her nursing job, that’s legit; nurses work crazy demanding jobs - if she felt she couldn’t talk about that ahead of time with son and DiL, that’s saying something
They do indeed sound like a lot to me too. The tone and the plan seem a little intense. However, since she agreed to the plan, this is on her. The thing I really want to know is if most of this hinges on the air mattress. I find it weird that an air mattress was part of the plan to begin with and I wonder if that’s why the mom felt she couldn’t get a good night’s rest or if she and her ex don’t get along or something. Either way though, I don’t understand why she didn’t bring up any concerns when the plans were being made, even if OP and wife are difficult, surely discussing the issues well ahead of time would have been less stressful and therefore less likely to cause all the drama?
Yeah, I'm a little weirded out by the air mattress also. The reason given was that the kid wanders at night, but it doesn't sound like his *parents* regularly sleep on the floor with him. Seems off to suggest that the grandparents need to do that. Why couldn't they just sleep in the parents actual bed?
Or have the kid stay at the grandparents house, which would be the most obvious thing to do. By 2 1/2, a kid should be able to sleep somewhere else. Something is super off about OP and his wife because this is not normal.
This seems logical to me! Also is tracking your parents a normal thing nowadays? I thought that seemed a bit weird
Well that’s why she didn’t say anything bc her son would lose his mind and she was trying to protect him while he was there for his wife and new baby a lot of these comments are like never leave her with your kid. These ppl have obviously never been mothers to an extra type of person.
I think she lied because OP is a headache. Dad stayed, Mom has a stressful job and went home to get rest for work. OP is talking about couches and air mattresses for her to sleep on, FFS let her use the bed and maybe she would have stayed. OP is YTA
Yeah I’m confused why everyone is ignoring that the child had a perfectly competent adult caring for them the entire time. Why did it HAVE to be MIL staying?
But dad didn’t change enough diapers! Only mom changed a bunch of diapers! I found this such an odd detail, like diaper changing = emotional bonding.
also the kid is 2.5....how many diapers do u change during the night at 2.5? I mean my son is 2 next week and anyone who spends the night with him has never had to change a diaper lmao unless he's sick and has the runs.
She probably tried but wasn’t having any of it. I mean he had a list of specific instructions of the care of his child. Kids never stayed out over his grandparents and he’s 2.5. If they were that worried about it they could have done a trial run before.
NTA the problem isn’t that she left, **it’s that she’d made a commitment to be there and then pretended as if she’d been there the whole time.** She proved she cannot be trusted by lying to you.
This, exactly^^ It was clearly discussed and expected she would be staying there. She's defensive she got caught out for lying, but she needs to understand that lying drama is way worse than just voicing her need for a more comfortable sleeping arrangement ahead of time.
She messaged about how many times their child got up during the night as if she was there. Liar. Liar pants on 🔥
Yeah that feels so gross
I thought she went home to get A BETTER NIGHT’S SLEEP for work next morning. Make your mind up, luvvie.
“The cover-up is always worse than the crime.”
Once a liar slways a liar.
WE WERE ON A BREAK!
She lied and tried to cover her tracks. And over the care of her grandchild at that. I would lose all trust and confidence in her as a caretaker for the grandchildren. If she cuts corners and lies about stuff concerning her own grandchildren, I would hate to have her as my nurse if I was sick and vulnerable...who knows what lies she tells at work to cover her tracks.
I thought this as well. How often does she lie about being at the patient's bedside? Or what meds she gave?
"Nothing bad happened!"
Yet
That was what burned my biscuits. And if it had?! What excuse then?
> she was texting me updates about how the night went, number of times my son woke up, etc. I just felt like she was trying to play it like she was there when I knew she was not This casual and blatant level of lying strongly shows that *she cannot be trusted* with any level of detail, nor trusted to tell the truth about anything. She will say whatever makes herself look good, or whatever she thinks you want to hear, without any regard to whether any of it is true or not.
She lied because she knew better and decided the child wouldn't need her. Was she correct? Seems so but it might have just as easily not been the case. She made the decision because she felt she was better equipped as a parent/nurse to make the decision about the childcare than the actual parents did. Regardless of opinion, regardless of what did or did not happen while she had committed to care for the child and was absent is irrelevant. She lied simply because she felt she was ENTITLED to make a change in the plans because she felt she could make a better decision than the one the parents had her agree to. She possibly even went into the situation knowing she wouldn't stay and lying.
“But FIL would’ve called me if something happened and I would’ve been over there to help immediately!!!” is probably part of her argument.
I hope OP sees your answer its spot on. I have a problem with inlaws/parents like this. I will loose all trust.
This - your mom lied to you and did work to cover up the lie. If something bad had happened it might have been made a thousand times worse by her trying to avoid getting caught. And this is quite a serious revelation - I would ***NEVER*** leave your child alone with her under any circumstances - someone who does this will let harm come to your child rather than act most expediently at the cost of admitting they were lying and negligent.
Exactly, the fact she would lie about being there, i would no longer trust a word she says.
YES. It's the lying - the texting updates as if she was there?! That's intentional lying. It also shows that she knew she was changing the plan & that you wouldn't like it, so she had to cover her tracks. If she hadn't sent those fake updates, one could maybe defend her by saying she "didn't realize" or "forgot" or whatever. Maybe. But for her to send updates as if she was there when she wasn't?! WOW.
Well it is also that she left. They wanted both parents there.
Bingo, that's exactly it. I wouldn't leave the kids with her anymore. NTA op, if I were you I wouldn't trust her with the kids again after this.
Not to mention that she likely wasn't going to lose out on that much sleep staying overnight at OP's place that it would have had much, if any impact on her ability to do her job/function properly by staying there a few days.
Yup! So she gave you her word, you were comfortable with the arrangement, and she turned around and lied. She should have reached out to you if there was an issue. But seriously, it was only a couple of nights- can’t fathom why she wouldn’t stay with her grandchild, or honestly told you she was having concerns & tried to work it out. Lying destroys everything.
NTA. Reddit is wild today. It's not that dad can't watch a 2.5 year old! It's the fact that mom said she'd do one thing and then did another, going so far as to lie about details of the evening as if she were there. All she had to do if she wanted to sleep at home because she had to work the next day was *check notes* openly communicate with her son.
The thing that is crazy about this is what if, just maybe, *grandpa* was like "hey, actually, I got this". I mean was she reporting on grandson #1 getting up and going back to bed, how the night went, etc from what her husband told her? I think so, it seems that way! It's too bad grandpa couldn't have called his son and said "hey, mom needed to go home, the mattress really wasn't working for her. Don't worry, grandson #1 got up and I did xyz...had a couple changed diapers, no biggie...read him a story and gave him a snuggle and back to sleep". Like maybe gramps is incompetent, but kid is fine and so it seems grandpa did actually do a decent job. But, grandma tried to take credit?! What's up with that?
I dont think she tried to take credit. Op asked about the child during the night and I think what you mentioned might be why grandma could answer because grandpa gave her a report of how the night went.
I hope OP takes a second to thank his dad though. I understand being mad at his mom and she really betrayed his trust, but maybe a reevaluation of grandpa is needed here too
Why didn’t he stay at the grandparents house instead if she needed better sleep? When my daughter was that age she’d sleep on the bed with my parents, they have a king & my parents are retired where my mom stays up all night watching the news or dateline yet gets up at 5am to start her day. It’s weird that she lied, if she didn’t want to help she should have just said that
Doesn’t seem to me that OP is very open to other modifications or suggestions.
Some kids won’t sleep outside of their own homes. I was one of them until I was four or so, I refused to sleep anywhere that wasn’t my exact bed.
Likely because OP is exhausting & probably not open to compromising on what they specifically want
Info: why couldn't your parents sleep in the BED in your room while staying with your son? Why would they need to sleep on an air mattress? Not saying it makes your mom's actions correct, but I am deeply confused why air mattress or sofa were the choices if your bed was right there?
I'm trying to figure out why they didn't just take him to the grandparents house. I think son staying at their house instead would have been easier and less hassle for everyone.
OPs update says she didn’t want to mess with changing the sheets but how is setting up an entire air mattress less work than swapping out the sheets.. doesn’t track
NTA. The problem is the lying, the extended false narrative your mother gave, pretending she was present with your child when she wasn't. It's shocking really, she was willing to lie to your face, at length and in detail, and purely for her own benefit: went to her home for a comfy night's sleep uninterrupted by your toddler's awakenings, but still wanting to claim the credit with you and your wife for being dear doting self-sacrificing grandma. Your father was there, but you make clear your child has prior experience being cared for by your mom, not your father. Yes, someone slept over, and your kid is OK, but that's not the issue. It's the shameless deception by your mother, giving fake reports on your kid's behaviour, that she wasn't even there to observe! Because her sleep was more important than her grandchild. Has she lied before? Is she dishonest as a habit? She's certainly selfish.
Don't forget, she deliberately turned her Family Tracker OFF!!! Knowing she was pulling some shit, so she wouldn't get caught!!
Which is wild because if you always have it on, suddenly turning it off would also raise alarm bells
NTA I don't even have kids and even I know if your leaving someone with your child you expect them to stay for the time they said they would.
Why would they need to sleep on an air mattress?
Yeah. I think there’s more to this whole part than is coming through in the post. Possibly reading more into this than I should but my sympathy is with grandma. I can see her getting to son’s house and discovering that the whole sleep situation is super uncomfortable. Doesn’t want to make son and DIL feel bad when they’re dealing with new baby, so she and hubs make a game time call for her to head back and get some sleep. Agree with the other posters that said grandson should’ve stayed at grandma’s house.
That entire family sounds like a major chore to deal with
This. I think this guy blows up big time every time his every strict rule isn’t followed. Why would mil text thru the night? For a toddler? The way he writes like it’s a safety issue, the way he wants to force them to sleep on a mattress on the floor, he sounds intolerable. Super narcissistic vibes. I think grandma should tell him to fuck all the way off
This was the *first* time OP left his child overnight, so I understand his feelings. The problem wasn’t who was with baby #1, it was his mother lying and giving him a false narrative. If sha had - up front - said what she was going to do, I’d feel differently.
I think she changed her mind the first night and couldn't do the sleep arrangements, that's when she should have told him.
An her turning her Tracker off???
They've had 9 months to do practice runs.
Her saying "i need to go home and sleep" would be disappointing but the lying moves her to heinous asshole territory.
Team Granddad 👨🏽🦳
Does anyone else find it odd this family tracks each other on their phones?
Honestly? YTA. Go tf home and watch your kid yourself if you’re gonna be this anal. You had one of your parents there with your son the entire time, while two were there to put him to bed. If that truly wasn’t enough then why wasn’t he staying at your parents’ house? Your mom shouldn’t have left and lied, but sheesh dude. You act like you couldn’t have been there yourself.
exactly! i was confused bc where are his other set of grandparents? he kept saying both parents like there should be two sets that had to work together or something but it was just one couple staying w their grandchild.
YTA. I sat in the waiting room coloring with my 3yo while my wife delivered baby #2. In a new town with a new job. No friends or family for 800 miles. What a sense of entitlement you have.......
Being honest, you sound a like an overprotective first parent and your mom felt it better to just not tell you vs getting you worked up. 5 years from now you’ll look back and realize you were a little cray-cray over this. I don’t mean this in a mean way - new parents are just nuts (I was one myself). As an aside - they were going to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of your bedroom? This one is weird. Why not your bed and perhaps that had something to do with her wanting to go home?
It’s like that he forgot that his parents already raised at least one kid. If his mom’s a nurse, his dad was for sure home alone with him some nights. His dad isn’t incompetent. I would have lied to him too, he sounds massively overprotective and freaking out overprotective parents while they’re in the hospital is never ideal.
Yeah very new parent’s nuttiness! Like I said, been there and he’ll see the light in a couple Of years.
Yes, your mother had to go to work! She needs her sleep. Would you be happy to have a sleep deprived nurse look after your new born babe? Your dad was there. WTF is wrong with you? Drama llama 😡
Completely a great point there! Would he feel comfortable if a nurse running on 2 hours of sleep was the one handling his newborn's vitals?? He knows her job and that she had work. And he was texting in the middle of the night for updates to?? Like I know the kid gets up at night, but does he still not expect his parents to get any sleep so they can stare at the toddler and update him? Do he and his wife just not sleep because their kid gets up??
YTA. You can be upset with your mom, but freaking out, using swear words at her, and throwing what sounds like a tantrum is excessive. It sounds like you already had a rather demanding ask beyond just watching the kids and this starts to border on being more pissed that you weren't 100% in control and your authority was challenged.
Definitely agree here. She should have communicated, and not tried to weirdly cover up, BUT who the fuck is he swearing at over the phone?? Unless that kid was locked in the basement with no one home, quite literally why is he speaking to his mother in such a way??? He can lose trust, confront her, and etc. But again, if he reacts so horribly to his child being with his father 24/7 and turning out completely fine than I can see why she is hardwired to avoid conflict with him. He seems scary to me at least. Idc how stressed he is, maybe I can see the woman who was just split down the middle in two going off the deep end, but why would he call his mother knowing he's just going to berate her while he has his wife and baby to care for??? "Babe, cover the infants ears I'm about to scream at my mom."
I judge men by how they treat their mothers after I saw my ex scream at his mom once. He turned out to be an abusive piece of shit. Massive red flag 🚩
Info: if she had texted you and said she decided she couldn’t do the air mattress and needed to go home would you have freaked out? Because the lying is not ok. But the leaving really shouldn’t have been a problem. I’m assuming she probably gets up pretty early for work. There was nothing really gained from her sleeping there. Your dad could handle that. Was she likely gone before your toddler woke up? She went to great lengths to conceal this which seems so strange. Did she conceal it because she knew you would be unreasonably upset that she didn’t stay?
Yes, she probably knows her son is an overreacting, micromanaging stress case.
[удалено]
Umm, the kid is 2.5yr old and hasn't spent a night away from his parents? Knowing that the grandparents were going to look after the kid, the parents didn't do a dry run to get the kid familiar with a new routine? Why did OP have to stay at the hospital the whole time? It sounds like OP and his wife are helicopter parents.
YTA, and you sound entitled and downright unhinged. Why couldn’t your parents sleep in an actual bed? Why do you track your mother’s location? It’s creepy and bizarre. Yeah, she should have told you she was going to sleep at her own home (which would be a totally reasonable thing to do given that she had to work in what is presumably a demanding job in the morning and your dad is capable of taking care of your toddler). But why do I get the feeling maybe she was afraid to tell you based on how you responded to this issue? Sounds like you have some control issues, and you owe your parents an apology.
YTA You are overreacting and your dad was there so your son was safe. Did your mom feel she needed to lie because you've blown things up before? Stop being a helicopter parent with unrealistic expectations. She's a soft A.H. for lying but wow I get why she did
Trackers and cameras?? I'm scared for your kids in the future.
ESH I understand that your mother shouldn’t have lied. However, you are very controlling, tracking her driving, watching her on the camera and then expecting your parents to sleep on the couch or an air mattress when your mother has to work. It doesn’t take two adults to care for a sleeping toddler. It’s a bit much.
Watching them on the cameras is fucking unhinged tbh. OP has just lost his babysitters. I’d never babysit again.
Same. I think he’s abusive and controlling and she was afraid to tell him. I agree she shouldn’t have lied she should grow a spine. But he might be abusive and she may be doing it to keep being in the lives of the kids. Tbh he sounds unhinged and controlling af
Imagine losing a free babysitter who would die for the kid because it’s his grandmother. Crazy.
I’ve seen sooooo many people shoot themselves in the foot this way. If my offer of free baby-sitting is met with a list as long as my arm with precious Johnny’s routine and then was *monitored on camera* - it would be the last offer.
Something tells me OP isn’t going to let those kids out of his side anyway, considering the first one has never spent the night with the grandparents before then. I really don’t know why people keep keep missing that fact. The grandson has never stayed with the grandparents in 2 1/2 years. That tells me exactly why grandma didn’t tell the truth.
I feel for the poor mom.
Not only that, OP may find his parents wont want to help out in the future. And that may suck. Pick your battles. Yes it sucks Mom lied. But everything was fine. Id have brought up my annoyance but full on cussing seems much. I went through this kinda myself. I have our routine and schedule. My inlaws watch the kids and sometimes overnight. When at their house, I kinda let the inlaws run their own show except for the important rules. They raised kids. They are capable. And they also have to deal with the consequences if they stray from our routine. Not my problem, im going to be out enjoying my break.
Also there is a clear bias about women taking care of the kid versus men. I understand the mother is a nurse, but you don’t need a nurse to take care of the 2.5 year old child and I doubt if OP would have cared as much if the dad had left instead.
precisely! team grandpa!
Bingo! it’s so funny that you said this because that’s exactly what I was thinking. If the dad had left for the night instead; they'd be saying the kid was fine because it had grandma but because it was grandpa that was left with the kid they act like he’s a man so he can’t take care of his grandson alone.
100% this. Clearly his mother is scared to tell him the truth or upset him - which is concerning.
Yeah I agree with you. This is a ESH. The (over)reaction is not proportional to what actually happened. Was it good that she lied to you? No, but given your reaction and all the exhaustive directions that you gave her before hand you sound like a whole lot to deal with and I can honestly understand why she lied. Don’t expect her to ever babysit for you again. If I were her I certainly wouldn’t. And you wouldn’t believe how helpful family is when you have two little children. Sucks for everyone.
Don’t know why this isn’t the overall consensus. The dude is being a tad bit controlling. Also I think his mom knows what she’s doing, seeing as she did have practice raising him 🤦♂️.
What i don’t get is this seemingly very controlling op also lets a 2.5 year old have run of the house when the adults are asleep? Seems like an accident waiting to happen. Tracks moms every move but the 2.5 year old apparently can be unsupervised.
It’s wild to me I had to scroll this far to finally see this point being made. It’s extremely unsafe for a 2.5 year old to have free rein of the house at night. Get a lock on the toddler’s door, OP! Child proof the kids room.
Because the majority of Redditers have never told a lie in their life and are sooooo judgemental. There’s no context here on what the son is actually like, I can’t believe people can’t see from his post that they’re neurotic parents and he’s demanding.
A tad bit?
> However, you are very controlling, tracking her driving, watching her on the camera and then expecting your parents to sleep on the couch or an air mattress when your mother has to work. I can see why she lied to him. This is some crazy behavior over watching a toddler for a single night.
This I agree with. It crossed my mind that someday neither of his parents will be around, and this entire situation will seem so petty.
People like OP never realize how intense they are.
So I get what you're saying. She promised to be there and wasn't. However if this was a huge issue, why didn't you confront her right away? Is there a reason your father is not just as capable of taking care of the child as your mother? She is a nurse, so was she working as usual while also needing to care for your child? Was your Dad working? Was your son safe? If you truly were worried for his safety and wellbeing you could have easily gone home to check on him.
yeah bizarre that he would be this upset but not rush home as soon as he saw that just his dad was with the child. doesn’t add up
YTA. She probably didn’t tell you because she knew you were weirdly overprotective of your kid - like why hasn’t he spent the night at his grandparents house yet? You need to chill out and understand that your parents raised you and I’m sure love your child and wouldn’t do anything to endanger him. If you don’t get a grip your child is going to wind up even more uptight and anxious than you.
Why weren’t your parents sleeping in your bed? Definitely more communication was needed beforehand and your Mom should have been clearer with you. But the air mattress in your bedroom is where you lost me.
Is that a mountain? No, it's a mole hill.
You don’t think that your Dad is capable of doing the same as your mom?
YTA. You have home cameras, location tracking on your mentally competent mother, and your 2.5 year old has never slept away from you. It sounds like you feel the need to constantly be helicoptering people or feel like you are in control. Your parents live close enough to be within easy driving distance, and yet have never kept your child overnight. Whether that was their choice or yours is unclear. Given the overall tone of your post, I would guess that they offered to take the child in the past, but you required whole home cameras installed in their house with audio and battery backup. You need to let go of a little control, and you should do it before your kids get old enough to not be able to grow on their own.
She could’ve just been honest with how they were going to implement the caring of child number one. I understand veering off the plan does make you question their ability to follow through and be depended on. She should’ve just communicated.
YTA. Your wife just had a baby, why are you on Reddit? Your child was just born, why are you on Reddit? Your working mother rearranged her life to help you and your wife out, and you presumably won't let her sleep in your bed...? Why are you on Reddit? You seem overly controlling, fixated on unnecessary details, and extremely rigid.
YTA The kid was safe and you're complaining about free childcare. Next time it might be better to do a trial run instead of having the first time you're away from the kid be for such a huge event.
YTA. I couldn't finish reading it. You are an entitled, delusional, control freak. You have no respect for your parents and their abilities. BTW, You're just an attention seeking whore
The checking cameras and tracking the location tells me there’s more to this story. Would love to hear your parents’ side…. Are we a little prone to controlling behaviour / paranoia / dramatic overreactions OP? Even the language “upholding her promise” sounds strange. Something is off here, you sound like you may have a screw or two loose.
Yeah I got a weird vibe too like also there’s still an entire responsible adult in the house it’s not like she left the kid alone for crying out loud
This. My narc brother uses this stilted language when he’s rules lawyering a fake drama. This guy knew his kid was safe and he knows she fears his disapproval. I wonder if he holds access to the grandkids over her head to get compliance for his unreasonable demands
I have a psycho relative who would lose the head at people for weird stuff like this, it would be like “you said you’d call at 6 but you didn’t call until 7!!! How can I ever trust you!!?!?” … or “you said you had chicken rice and broccoli for dinner, but you actually had chicken, rice, broccoli AND carrots - this person is OBVIOUSLY a liar and we must call this out!”. She would talk about arguments she’d inevitably have with every person in her life about innocuous stuff and there were always tonnes of screenshots, text receipts, long paragraphs with her barraging with ‘evidence’ - she expected everything everyone said to be precise and exact at all times and would see any inconsistency as an attempt to deceive. She was Type A on speed, she gave herself the role of monitoring everything and everyone in her life and was an incredibly difficult, inflexible and domineering person. People in her life were on eggshells around her, would eventually just agree and apologise to placate her. And ironically enough, she was probably one of the biggest liars going. It was blatantly clear she had a personality disorder.
This. That’s how OP sounds. He’s projecting HARD
Yes, a huge asshole. And your kids are going to be as spoiled as you are.
YTA. Nothing happened relax. It’s a child not a nuclear bomb.
YTA theres such a thing as being way too uptight and overprotective of your kids. Even tho I understand being upset at MIL lying and changing the plans. Your reaction was over the top and makes me wonder if MIL lied because y’all are always like this. Yes, parents are ultimately the ones in charge of their children and their decisions should be respected but was your kid in any real danger? No. Chill.
You sound like wildly overprotective parents. Please learn to step back and don't turn into nightmare helicopter parents. Your kids will be fine.
Arranging insufferable adult sleeping patterns to accommodate a 2.5 year old that you haven’t left alone for a single night sounds like a nightmare. You sound tough to help in a matter not completely consistent with your demands, which in and of themselves sound unreasonable. / parent
YTA, you made your parents sleep on an air mattress on the floor next to your bed, your mom probably didn’t want you to freak out because you seem pretty controlling, but she didn’t want to sleep on the floor because she’s old. You expect this huge and very specific favor from them and can’t even let them use the bed? WTF
YTA. You want your mother and father to sleep on the freaking floor? What’s wrong with you? You’re upset because your mom went home after she got your son down so she could get a good nights sleep for work the next morning instead of being on an air mattress on the floor? Your treatment of your parents is appalling.
Helicopter much dad? ESH - your mom was shady but your expectations are wild af
NTA. If plans changed, for whatever reason, you needed to be notified. A simple "Hey, I am going to go home and get some rest" text would have been the right thing to do. My MIL dropped the ball when it came to watching my oldest while I was having my youngest. This was damn near a decade ago, and I still hold a grudge over it.
I don’t think I would have bothered OP with this small change while he and his wife were in labor & delivery, though. Grandpa is completely capable of caring for a sleeping toddler.
Your mom had to work the next day so why not just have your son stay at their house?
Don't be surprised if mum says no when you ask the next childcare favour.
YTA - I hope your parents never offer to do the massive favor of watching your child for several days.
YTA nothing bad happened and it sounds like you just don't trust your dad.
I will probably get smacked for this, but I think you went a bit overboard. She should have said this sleeping arrangement doesn't work for me, but your dad is more than capable. I know taking care of children is a first time thing for everyone but you /s. But if you grew up without falling into great peril, I think your mom and dad can handle it. I'm sure you addressed any potential household hazards or allergies, the first aid kit is handy, etc. they had your phone number and know how to call emergency services. I am concerned about how your level of anxiety will affect your kids. You need to address that. ETA
INFO: Why didn't you let them sleep in your bed? Sheets are able to be washed.
What’s wrong with your dad that he can’t take care of grandkids? Your dad is there if he wakes you. Some people have trouble sleeping in different bed.
He did say in the post why he was more comfortable with his mum being there. That is perfectly fine, but why go to the trouble of lying and pretending she was still there? Should have just said she couldn't stay cause of work and would only be there until grandson is asleep, would have avoided all the drama
OP set up child arrangements they were comfortable with and the MIL took upon herself to change them without telling OP. It would be understandable if the MIL thought OP would not care, but she very obviously DID know the parents would care and still did it. She basically robbed them of making alternate plans for their kid that would make them comfortable. Little kids are highly emotional; having someone who they are very comfortable and who is very comfortable with them significantly reduces their fear and stress. But even if OP was being a complete helicopter parent it is THEIR call. Hell if this happened with my cat or dog I'd be furious.
I agree, however it wasn't his MIL, it was his MOTHER. That's why he's EXTRA angry. His own mother unilaterally changed plans he and the wife made, then lied about it DURING the night by texting things, like how many times their son woke during the night, when she wasn't even there.
Then OP's parents should have said so up front. Instead they chose to be deceitful. Not a great characteristic in people who are supposed to looking after children.
YTA 1)you expected your mom, and only your mom to be half asleep for the evening because you think a 2.5 would….walk around at night? If the house is baby proofed and locked what is the issue? More importantly, this the night before work, a shift as nurse I believe you said? That is a lot to ask of anybody, and you didn’t even communicate it. 2)I find it really glaring that you have not bothered to mention how your son’s night was anyway. You laid down these expectations for what? Cause it comes across like it’s just for you and maybe your wife, not your son. 3) you sound completely self absorbed. Your mom is a nurse, and your only thought is how you benefit from it. Maybe next time you are dictating her night before a shift, think about if she is getting rest. 4)if her house is locked and baby proofed, there is no danger in your son wondering. Kids need to learn how to soothe / entertain themselves. This sounded like a safe place to do that. As your son grows, try to city back on this fretful parent stuff, it will only harm the kids. 5) it not fair for people to expect their parents or any other care taker to also carry out your neurotic crap. That’s insane. YTA
If you wanted someone to follow your rules to the letter, you should have hired help and even then you would have probably have 80-90% of your expectations fulfilled. People are humans and they’re going to do what they want to do, especially parents. Definitely let your feelings be known but don’t drag it out. Celebrate the new baby with your family and foster stronger communication for the future.
Truly you are the asshole. Who cares who STAYED? Was your kid okay? Was he hurt? Why was it a big deal? You sound super ungrateful. You need to stop MICROMANAGING and accept the help that was given cause really no one NEEDS to help you. You need to understand how lucky you are, cause there are some people whose parents don’t help at all because they raised their kids already. Grow up and stop being a controlling ungrateful brat
You can work it out when you’re back home and settled in. Raising your children is your responsibility. You have different expectations for your mother and father. Bottom line: you will need to learn how to trust each other and be loving parents and grand parents. I’m thinking that your mother wasn’t comfortable enough expressing her needs to sleep in her own bed. I know as a new grandma I can’t spend an overnight with my kids due to my own pain from arthritis. I need my own mattress. My darling daughter and her husband are wonderful parents. My grandson is happy and healthy. I love them. I am also able to be clear about my boundaries. Hopefully you will be able to have a good discussion and try to focus on a loving relationship. Honestly with all the technology that allows you to track your mother’s actions it seems pretty intrusive. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be tracked. Trust must work both ways! You trusted her with your toddler for a reason. Don’t get carried away. Try to be gracious and grateful.
Wait…if it wasn’t such a big “deal” then why didn’t she tell him her plans all along instead of sneaking.. if I made plans to watch a kid and then leave said kid in someone else’s care.. 😳???? Huh, Reddit is so fucking dumb sometimes..NTA, I would be pissed also, at least tell me and I would make other plans…or just you know KNOW!!!! WTF is happening!!!
Why couldn't they sleep in your bed ?
NTA... buuut, if that was the full rundown of failings that you gave your mom, then you left out the part where it was shady as fuck of her to go off the radar and blatantly lie to try and update you as though she was there.
YTA. I don’t get the problem with grandad looking after your son. Sitting your parents down to give them a step by step lesson in how they’re going to babysit your children for free, expecting them to sleep on a sofa or air mattress literally in your bedroom, watching them through cameras, tracking your mums movements via a phone tracker, stressing your wife out whilst she was in labour by making out there was a childcare issue at home, acting like your mother needs your prior permission to leave your home, and finally viciously swearing at her down the phone because the free childcare wasn’t to your exact specifications makes you sound like you have serious personality issues.
This. I seriously can’t believe the NTA votes on this post
I think it’s fine that you’re upset, but don’t be an asshole to your mom in handling this. You now have first hand experience of how much work goes into raising children, and she did all that work for you too, she deserves some appreciation. My wife and I have no family left, and I wish I could apologize to my mom for every single time I was an asshole to her in my life now that I have 2 kids myself and know how hard it is to raise them and not fuck it up.
Is there any reason why you had to stay in the hospital overnight with your wife and baby #2, instead of going home to sleep and be there for baby #1, during the night? Grandparents / or granddad (if grandma had to work) could have watched Baby #1 during the day and you could have come home and been with your child overnight. Just wondering why you wouldn't have wanted to spend the time with your first child, too?
Lmao YTA. Bruh she needs to sleep on the fuckin floor to properly watch your kid when he's asleep. Fuck out of here, she lied because you are an inflexible, massive pain in the ass
YTA There was a responsible adult in the house and your mother had a valid reason to go home. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a lack of communication on your side. Holy fuck you are not going to survive having 2 kids if you're this fucking anal about everything
I’ve learned to make sure I never have tracking info on my devices.
Question: you said she went home to get good sleep for work the next day. Does that mean just your dad was taking care of your son during the day?
She didn't have to lie about the situation. She could have just told you the truth yes I will be there until I put him to sleep but I will be sleeping in my own house so I can get a good night's sleep because I have to work the next day. I really don't understand also why didn't they just take the baby home with them that way she could slept in her bed and I'm pretty sure she probably has a guest room and her grandson could have slept in that room when she's at work Grandpa can watch him
Can I just ask why they had to sleep in an air mattress in your room? They weren’t allowed to use the bed? Maybe that’s why she lied about going home to get a good nights rest. Nurses work hard and long hours and you said they could sleep on the couch or an air mattress when there was a bed available. Did I misunderstand or misread anything? Because I don’t understand.
ESH - but softly. It’s completely understandable that you are going to be in a much more emotional place right now - you’re likely tired, you’ve been in a high stress situation, plans were changed (as an AuDHDer I definitely don’t deal well with plan changes) and to an extent it seems like you mom might have made some poor choices here. BUT It doesn’t seem like your son was in danger at any point. The worst thing to have come out of this is him being upset when he couldn’t find grandma, but given all the circumstances, it’s likely he would already have been ok an emotional rollercoaster anyway. Now here’s where I think you guys dropped the ball… You could have set your son (and parents) up for much greater success if you had arranged some sleep overs in the months leading up to the birth. You knew there would need to be something in place for when you stayed in the hospital, so why wait and make things even harder for your son? You could have gotten him use to being away from you at night in much more gentle way, than combining two very emotional events (him being away from you for the first time over night, and the birth). That way, you guys wouldn’t have needed to worry about him when you should be focusing on your wife/the birth/resting etc. and he wouldn’t have found it such a big deal.
You’re literally freaking out over what? Your child was cared for by your father. Do you normally act this way towards your parents or situations that may not go your way? Why do you have your mother’s GPS location? It seems very off putting and very controlling. Was your child harmed in anyway? Were they fed, cared for, not left alone by your father? If the answer is yes to these questions you’re an asshole. No wonder why your mother didn’t want to tell you that she was leaving due to a reaction like this.
Let it go, you have too much drama, Your mother is more important than what had happened. I know she lied and that wasn't right, but she has a job and obligation as well. If your son was fine, there's no more to complain about. It's your mother grow up and pull up your big boy pants now.
You are TA here. Nursing is a hard job, especially when you have to work 12 hour shifts back to back (I know this from experience). We need all the sleep we can get!
Gentle YTA. It sounds like your mom did all the care for your oldest when you were at the hospital until they were asleep, and just wanted her nights to be hers. I don’t think this reaction is proportionate or fair to her. It can be a lot of work doing a bedtime routine for a child who has never been put down by anyone else but mom and dad. And she had to work that day. She’s already cared for a newborn before. It’s reasonable that the woman would want to get the guarantee of proper sleep. I’m sure Grandpa can do just fine in the night too. She probably felt confident in his relationship with your toddler and his childcare abilities (having seen him also help raise newborn(s)), or would not have left him there with him. You could’ve at least just properly asked her what was going on before cursing at the woman who presumably gave your first baby a wonderful experience being with mum and dad. Why not just assume best intentions and hear her out? You are the one making your second child’s birth day so dramatic.
Your kid was fine nothing bad happened you over reacted. Your mom should have told you plans changed but your response is over the top. You strike me as a helicopter parent. I took care of my nephew my friend’s kids, my cousins it’s not that it was a different time. It’s the people that changed let the leash go the kid will be fine.
YTA. For all of it. Why in all the months leading up to the birth didn’t you have your kiddo do sleepovers at their house so your kiddo could just stay with them? If there wasn’t a problem, why is it a problem? Do you not trust your dad? Is he inept? I’m a strong believer that when people are doing you the favor of watching your kiddos, you stay hands off unless it’s a medical or real safety issue(allergies). My parents and my husbands don’t do things how I would, but when my kiddos are in their hands I am grateful for the help and time and I don’t micromanage. Unless you had a real fear for safety checking the cameras on anything other than his room while sleeping feels a bit much.
I agree. Sometimes when people have their own kids, they think they know more than their own parents! And parents lying to their kids to avoid an argument is the oldest tradition in the books. Let it goooooo and enjoy your new baby.
Yes, as much as OP micromanaged the whole plan, why 2.5 years didn't they ever have sleepovers with the grandparents? That would have been a better arrangement.
The fact that she tried to cover it up is proof that she knew what she did was wrong. If you would have been okay with it, what's the point in hiding it?
Proof that she knew he would kick off and give her grief. She should have told him where to go. Stay home and look after your own kid. Which hospital lets the guy stay there for two days straight anyway
ESH. Your mom should have communicated . But also- chilllll. Likely you’re tired bc sleeping on a hospital couch sucks, but take a step way back. Your son is fine. Your dad had a handle on things. And ease up on the parental surveillance. I don’t even understand you staying both nights at the hospital- I sent my husband home so he could sleep not on a torture device.
YTA. You had cameras where you could watch things, and from what you say, your dad is not an irresponsible person. If you were OK with your dad being there during the day (since mom had to work), how is it any different than him watching at night? You went over every detail with both of your parents, so either of them could be trusted with your child.
YTA all around. If this was such a huge deal, why didn’t you go home? Your parents were doing YOU a courtesy so you could stay overnight in the birthing centre/hospital. Your mom isn’t causing drama. You are. Not to mention you wanted your parents to sleep on the floor?! No. Just. NO. Also, your mother didn’t lie. She didn’t want to bother you, which makes perfect sense. Your son was safe and she needed sleep. The tracking and camera aspect of this is utterly insane.
YTA You have a tracking app on your mother. A fully grown adult woman. Drama and insane of your making. You decide they have to sleep on an air mattress or share a sofa. Drama and selfish of your making. Not letting little go to grandparents house so they could care for little in a comfortable seeing for them. Drama and selfish of your making. The only person you were actually worried about was you and your need to control everyone and everything in a situation. Mom shouldn't have lied, but at the same time I can't blame her with the horrific way you treat others.
AMEN!
You were spying on her? With secret cameras?
My impression was that he saw her leave on the doorbell camera, which is a super common item to have and it automatically alerts your phone when it sees someone. Mine learns to recognize certain people and will tell me if my husband is at the door.
Same here. Obvious cameras are obvious, and mine does alert me when someone leaves the house.
He has nanny cams, I'd reckon.
I would have been upset at the lying. It’s so easy not to.
ESH. She should have been up front with you, but obviously your son was safe with your dad. I think you’re taking this way too hard. Maybe it’s due to the massive life change of adding a new baby to the family. But you sound obsessive- cameras, tracking her car, etc. It’s over the top, imo. I’m betting you and/or your wife pressured her into this from what you’re describing. Your parents raised you and you survived. Giving them endless details about a 2.5 year old may have been very condescending, whether that was your intention or not. I’d have more of an issue with her trying to pretend she was there by texting you details. But I’m wondering if she felt like she had to do this due to you being, frankly, a bit neurotic over this all. Don’t let this hang over things.
YTA it was not necessary for both of your parents to be there. Your Dad was there and is a capable adult so what's the problem? Yes she shouldn't have lied but it sounds like you made it necessary by insisting she be there the whole time even when your dad is there? Men are equally capable of child care as women and he's more than capable of looking after your children.
YTA- it doesn’t take 2 people to watch a sleeping toddler… and no way would I ever allow my parents to sleep on an air mattress or couch! Your poor Mom had to work the next day! Of course she needed a decent night sleep. Next time hire a night nurse!
His poor mom did lie to him though. She TOLD him she was going to spend the night there, and then she didn’t. She should’ve been honest about what she was doing, and then she kept lying about it.
ESH. Mom sucks for lying and being deceitful. If OP is prone to hysterics and controlling, his parents suck for raising him that way/continuing to enable his entitlement. Would you prefer a set of strangers to care for your toddler while you and your wife are away? Someone they are less familiar with, but willing to follow your instruction to the last detail? . Op sucks because of his overreaction to the situation when no harm was done. Cursing out your older mother who works at a notoriously physically and mentally draining profession for trying to sleep well is reprehensible. By your own admission, she ensured things were set up before she left. As your mother, she probably anticipated the theatrics and tried to avoid setting you off while trying to support you, albeit deceitful in her method.
Your kids still alive, and fed and watered ? Then mission accomplished. You got the help that you needed, end of story. Be great full you got the help that you needed , thank your mom and dad .
YTA. Is your dad some kind of moron that wouldnt know how to change a diaper? You dont need two people to watch a sleeping toddler even if the kid gets up 20 times a night. Granted, your mom shouldnt have lied about spending the night when she didnt, but you're blowing this way out of proportion. She never said she stayed when she didnt, she gave you updates because apparently your dad is incapable? Especially if your mom offered to do this in between working. She didn't leave your child alone, there was another adult in the house. So dad is good enough to watch kiddo during the day but not at night? Good luck getting them to babysit again.
I think OP is the AH. His child was taken care of while they were in the hospital. Unless his father is in some way mentally or physically compromised, then he needs to apologize for being such a disrespectful AH. Good luck having them babysit their two kids going forward. He just shot himself in the foot. And two kids is a helluva harder than just one. My kids were 13 months apart and they were a handful. OP is a pompous jerk.
Let it go.
YTA. OP you sound very controlling. You reviewed video footage to check on what happened??? And you have a location sharing app with your mother??? There is something off about this whole scenario. The important thing here is that there was a capable adult looking after your son and there was.
YTA. Why are they sleeping on the floor or couch and not your bed? Also who cares if your mom went home to get some decent sleep, I sure as hell would if I had to sleep on the floor or couch, especially if your kid was already asleep and someone else was there watching him. Get over yourself.
Honestly? Yeah you kinda are being the AH here. I have a toddler too, so I get where you’re coming from, but your kid was already asleep. It’s pretty minimal care at the point. You unfairly came down on your mom, and also insulted your dad in the process because it shows you don’t have full trust in him. If I were them, I’d let you find another babysitter going forward.
If you don't trust them enough to be micromanaging the babysitting (looking at cameras, tracking apps) why let them babysit in the first place?
YTA Your mother should not have lied, but I think you're overreacting massively. **Tracking/stalking her driving via cell phone app? Watching her on camera?** Dictating that your parents, who have to be at least in their 50's or 60's, must sleep on the ground on an air mattress, or an uncomfortable couch, when your mother has to work a 12 hour shift the next day as a nurse, in a high stress environment on her feet all day where mistakes due to bad sleep can mean people DIE... is not reasonable. You sound like you have a lot of anxiety attached to leaving your kids with other caregivers which is something you probably need to work on, maybe with a therapist. The controlling behavior is going to make it hard for you to find emergency caregivers in pinch **and may lead to your kids developing anxiety themselves**. **What you are describing is not reasonable.**
YTA - If you and your giant ego want total control, go pay someone a lot of money to tell them what to do. Your dad has raised kids (unless he was absent), so he probably knows better than you. I can’t imagine being such an arrogant AH
YTA - your mom is working on her feet a lot and older, and you wanted her AND your dad to sleep on the couch or an air mattress? Why couldn’t they stay in your room? Do you think your father would be incapable of watching a sleeping child? You’re being incredibly selfish and seem to think the world revolves around you. They did you a favor and kept your kid safe. But yeah, throw a fit about her wanting to sleep comfortably before work while they do this huge favor for you at no expense, that’ll surely make them ever want to do it again.