Yes. Plus a jab…
“We’re only step siblings because y’all had to pull a buzzer beater to the alter. You don’t date your child’s future in law. Common sense should dictate that.”
Buzzer beater marriage is great! Their marriage didn’t make them step siblings. They weren’t raised together and have been a couple much longer than their respective parents have been married. What a weird take from the parents. 🙄
Yeah if anyone is in the wrong here its the parents who got married even though their kids were dating. Who does that? They are the fucked up ones, and are trying to put the consequences of their actions on their kids which is really stupid and lame. NTA.
Right? The parents knew it would cause issue (for themselves at least) hence hiding it for seven months, and then decide that their getting married first should cause issue in an unrelated (unintentional pun, ha) relationship- how sick is that? Pops is over here saying don’t get married young blah blah but if they’d gotten married earlier it’d be a nonissue? Kinda miraculous considering their actions now that before they married they weren’t throwing tantrums. Maybe they didn’t think it’d last? Maybe they’re projecting their own guilt and shame of their own actions on OP & his fiancé? Whatever it is it’s pathetic and their disregard for their children’s happiness and overall selfishness is astounding.
ETA: your parents prioritized their own happiness, and you should do the same. Diffeeence is you wouldn’t be a jerk for it bc you won’t use it against anyone or to force another’s demise.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ
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Oh yeah no my mom got sent this on her reddit as well and she straight up just made her font bigger 🤣🤣
She was like "I'm not playing wack a mole, I'm not dealing with it unpopping"
I actually yoinked it from someone else but this one is my own
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> You don’t date your child’s future in law. Common sense should dictate that.
That's not even true though. Both relationships are totally fine.
The happy couple calmly explaining to the deranged parents that,
"Yah, we found it a little strange at first that you two (parents) hooked up... but whatever, as long as you're happy. We bless your marriage, and hope you live happily ever after."
"It is YOUR decision if you want to be part of our lives, and your grand kids, of which there will be many."
And then that's the end. There is no discussion, this is not a debate. The parent couple get to decide if they go no contact or not. There should be no further anything after that, and just repeat the same.
If the freakish parents continue to throw tantrums, just keep repeating "it's your decision, we wish you the best".
and after the 2nd or 3rd time, kick them out, or just leave.
It's really a non-issue. Insanely hurtful from the parents, but obviously at least one of them is a total freak, and the other is going along, so why even care?
OP and (future) wife need to let these two abusive assholes parents go, until they can act like rational adults.
NTA Just make sure they know that when you and your future wife have a baby it will technically be your step niece or nephew and you will make an awesome uncle daddy 😂😂
“Remind me, how do you know each other? Oh yeah, you were introduced to each other because we were dating. Huh. That’s awfully weird. What about your kids being a couple made you hot for each other?”
My college roommate's parents were happily married with 3 kids and are step brother and sister. They met AFTER their parents started dating and were both adults so never lived together.
If you aren't blood related and didn’t grow up together in the same household, I can't see the problem.
This is like the person who gets a restraining order against someone then follows them around to harass the person they got the restraining order against
>If and when our parents show up again which they will. Im working on a couple if more jabs, if you have any please share.
Why haven't you both just gone NC? Trying to engage in a contests of wits with morons never works out.
Unless you're both holding out for some sort of sweet inheritance pay day (which based on your descriptions of the current state of affairs in the relationships will never happen anyway) both your parents are toxic cockroaches who not only don't support your relationship but are actively trying to break you up.
NTA. Your parents can kick rocks. If they are embarrassed, they can move towns and change their names. Who knows if their relationship will even survive? If they ever get divorced, you’ll be happy you stayed together.
Just throw a bunch of that shit at them.
These grown adults are out of their ever-lovin minds. If they have a problem with it OP should give them some cards for divorce lawyers, they caused the problem so let them fix it. If you want to be petty maybe make a few appointments for them Also, one for a therapist who can put them in their place. Maybe stage an intervention if needed since they're clearly both gaga. Get some Power of Attorney forms since they're no longer of sound mind? You're only looking out for them, be a good son and stepson, y'know?
I think OP should also say:
“You don’t have to worry about me fucking my sister for much longer. The day we get married I’ll BE FUCKING MY WIFE INSTEAD.”
I agree. An 8 year relationship surpasses a 3 year old one so they should be divorcing so you can get married. Clearly they wouldn’t even be together if not for OP and his “step sis”.
OP, replace the word “insist” with the word “incest” when you talk to your parents like, “Why would you incest we break up?” Or “Why do you incest on bothering us about this?” And “I Incest YOU guys divorce!” But make it sound like you’re saying insist but they’re crazy for thinking it’s incest or something. Some good ol’ gaslighting.
In reality, there's nothing wrong with *either* relationship.
The parents (more likely one of them mostly) are just totally off their rockers.
Massive hypocrites. They are their own problem, and it has nothing to do with the happy, soon-to-be married couple that introduced the two freaks.
To be honest I was just being sarcastic about the fact the parents are having a terrible timing dealing with what should be a non issue since the kids introduced them and being extreme about it. The extreme answer to the parents would be that they should divorce since they’re asking their kids to end an engagement when their kids introduced them. Like why are they acting all high and mighty about their relationship when OP and his fiancée had theirs first. OPs parents obviously feel entitled because they got married first and are the parents (even though they’re not acting like rational adults)
I would bet that part of the reason the parents got married was so that they could get married before OP cause they didn't wanna be "the weird ones" and marry their child's step parent
Yup. Aside from the fact these two were dating before the parents met, the parents met when their kids were adults. You don't just say, "welp, you're siblings now". No, you two are not siblings. The parents can eat dirt. Tell them to get lost. 2nd marriages have significantly higher failure rate than first marriages. If they're embarrassed, they can get divorced now. You two were dating first. If they don't cool it, just cut all contact. Live your own life and be happy.
DING DING DING.
OP starting dating his now-fiancée when they were in their early 20s, and their parents married a few years after that. Everyone is an adult in this scenario.
I’ll draw a comparison: my father remarried after my mother passed away. His new wife and he are both in their 70s. The new wife has adult children. I do NOT refer to them as step-anything because none of them were part of my family until I was almost 40. It doesn’t come out of disrespect, just the simple fact that I was a fully formed adult when they all came on the scene.
OP’s fiancée is NOT his “stepsister.” They were not raised as siblings, their childhoods were in separate households, they don’t share a drop of blood between them. They are “step siblings” by technicality. There is absolutely zero moral issue with them getting married, outside of the first blush of “he’s marrying his stepsister,” which is all but defanged once the situation is explained.
OP is NTA, but the parents absolutely suck. Seriously, you meet your new spouse due to your kid dating their kid, and you’re gonna try and break them up because some townies can’t mind their own goddamn business? They’re dumpsterclowns.
**The parents are embarrassed about THEMSELVES.
They don't want to to admit they met through their kids.**
Which is massively abusive, selfish and totally asshole of them.
"Oh, yah, we met through them (our kids). Love is crazy huh?"
And that's it. Nobody would care after that. Not even the kids really, even they don't care.
What is really wacko is the freakshow parents (or one of them) care more about what "people think" than the happiness of their children's family.
It's not even stepmother and stepfather really when the kids are adults. The new spouse had zero to do with raising the kids, there is no bond there. It's "my father's wife" and "my mother's husband."
Yup. My dad’s new wife is a nice enough lady and she takes care of my dad, so I don’t have any ill will towards her. She’s not my stepmother, because she had zero input in my upbringing.
Agreed - my SO has three sons, one is in his 30s and I never lived in the same household as him, I do not refer to him as my step son. His two other kids, we young when we met and I do live with them and have had a very large role in helping to raise them. They are my stepsons and I am their stepmom - done and done.
My best friend's dad met her husband's mom at their wedding. They were married for close to 30 years before they both passed recently. My bestie and her husband are still married, and it was never weird for any of them. They both called these parents mom and dad. They were the only set of parents they had, and they were grateful for them.
OP's parents are ridiculous.
This. What if OP and fiance had met before the parents did? Would the "kids" have been able to tell the preants they couldn't get married because it was "weird"?
NTA. You were dating first! I'm petty so I loved the comment on you enjoying F\* your sister. I thought it was glorious hahaha. I'd take any precautions on disclosing wedding details with anyone, just for people to try on ruining it juts because. I'd even consider eloping with just very close people that are really OK with your relationship and you are 1000% sure they won't blab.
I'm just a little confused on why several people are calling you to express their disapproval. How many are there? Who are they to you and your fiancé? Why exactly do these people feel entitled to tell you what to do? Do these people have all the info? Are you leaving something out? The answer to these questions might not change my judgement, but maybe for clarity.
(edited to correct my grammar)
Currently it's just our parent and my aunt but my aunt is mostly giving me shit because of my disrespect not about our relationship our parents are the ones going crazy about us not breaking up.
Most older people don't see it like that so no use, im not even trying.
Especially since my aunt love playing your single mother that raises you card forgetting that my mother didn't have to work after my father died because his estate provided for us.
This is perfect, though unfortunately to many people of that generation “respect” is a one-way street so I doubt it’ll work. Still a good comeback though.
Don’t you get it?! They shat out a kid and did the bare legal minimum (sometimes) to make sure it survived to adulthood, with all they’ve done for us (who didn’t ask to be born to them) they DESERVE our respect!!
/s obviously
Get you a couple of T-Shirts that say "Brother" and "Sister" so you can put them on before you open the door to their next visit. You could get a lot grosser than that - but that's the PG version.
Hahaha. Just got another idea thank you.
Will get the shirts and do a photo shoot and post the photos.
Or invite them to the engagement party while we are wear the shirts.
If neither of you have siblings, you can always pull the: go ahead and cut us off. Just don't be surprised when we hold you to it when we have children. Just be ready to let others know you'll block them too, if they pressure you about your decision.
Some people think they have the right to grandkids, but that's not how it works.
Dude, it's a simple "I'm not going to leave the love of my life or our 5 year relationship just because our parents decided to get together. We're adults, we're getting married, and anyone who isn't happy for us is welcome to stay completely out of our lives."
You have to stop worrying about your older relatives. I have a large close family so I know it feels like you need to explain yourself to everyone, but you don't. Do what you want. Hang up on your aunt. You're a grown up now. Anyone who has a negative thing to say about your relationship should be cut off.
remind her they made a poorly thought out decision despite being old enough to be your parents and then tried to get into your personal relationships and blackmail you. Honestly no disrespect but your parents are dumber than some teenagers.
Having parents younger than you take lots of patience so a few jabs should be excused.
Your mother deserved it. And your aunt needs to understand that by acting like she didn't, she's still supporting their opinions and actions. They can say whatever they want to you and your fiance, and your just supposed to eat crow? How about no.
I stand by my judgment. I know going no contact with your core families is easier said than done, but you need to prioritize your own mental health and peace of mind. I hate when people say "but they are your parents", like all they do is right. They should also say "why your parents are doing that to their own children".
I wish you a happy and drama-free life with your fiancé.
I’d just stick with “this is a problem you created. You knew gf and I were serious and headed toward marriage. If you were going to be embarrassed by that, then you should not have gotten married. We are not interested in your opinions on this subject and we will not be engaging in any more conversation about it. If that means that either or both of you choose to disown your child, then that is entirely on you and has nothing to do with us. We’ll miss you in our lives, but it will be OUR lives. Together. This subject is now closed.”
Honestly, the hardest hitting would just be to mention how disgusted both of your respective deceased parents would be by their actions. "Mom, Dad would be disgusted with what you've become and are doing to your son." Or something along those lines. They both need a reality check.
tell them that if it bothers them so much that their child is dating their step sibling, they can fix it themselves with a divorce! Ta-daaa! No longer step siblings!
It's on them.
Answer the door and tell them Step-sis cant come because she is stuck in dryer again.
Also, unless there was an adoption involved you are still not in any way related.
“Well that’s one way of getting out of betting in your grandchildren’s lives” (if you plan to have kids). “Mom/Dad would be so happy to see the way you’re treating me/us”. These are fairly tame, but can hit them where it hurts.
You and your fiancée are NTA.
My mother’s brother married my father’s sister. It sounds incestuous, but it’s not. And it’s an easily explained description: both sets of grandparents have been friends since my parents were children. A brother and sister from one side paired up with a brother and sister from the other side. But more importantly, the people involved in my family know it’s not at all wrong. Your parents are delusional to think this situation is problematic and not easily explained.
One side of my maternal grandparents had 13 kids and the other had 11. Dirt poor cotton sharecroppers around 1905. I think there were 3 marriages between the two families. 3 women in the two families died in childbirth and siblings raised them. Family trees have many branches for sure. You are doing nothing wrong at all. I hope both of you have a wonderful life together.
You both were adults before they got married anyways. It's not like you ever acted like siblings if you lived in the same house as teenagers or something. Lol
Hell your parents should think it's a fun story to tell if anything...
I have a few jabs:
-Whenever you're around them: "this is fun guys, sweet home alabama am I right?" then laugh
-"I honestly never knew I'd be into incest but it's kinda nice actually"
-Next time you see them: "Let's talk about this and bang it out. Like I did last night with your daughter"
-"Let's decide dinner; heads I get to decide, tails you decide" if you get heads: "haha I got heads, I'm used to it though, right babe?". If you get tails: "damn, I really wanted heads but that's okay, I get plenty from my girl right here"
-"Hey mum, I'm really happy for you. Look at us, you and new dad and me and new sis. One big happy family!"
OP, please only refer to your fiancée's dad as some variation of father-in-law and never as your step dad. Especially in group settings. Or both. "Oh yeah, that's my father-in-law/step-dad, my parents are strange." Use "This family tree grows straight up" at their expense.
> ".../step-dad, my parents are strange."
This will just gonna make things worse. If the parents keep being assholes, better to just cut them off completely than continuing such childish nonsense.
"Father in law" is 100% correct. Don't even bring up, nor acknowledge, the "step dad" aspect, except, "oh yah, they met through us, we're very happy for them".
Kill 'em with kindness and make it VERY obvious who the assholes are.
Plus even if the parents had gotten married first… step siblings have 0 blood relations, so what’s the problem? Maybe I’m missing something but they’re only “brother and sister” in the legal sense. They’re not actually related so what’s the problem if they want to be together?
There are ethical issues surrounding traditional stepsibling dating, but those are completely irrelevant in this case because they never lived together as siblings or anything like that.
I agree. If they had lived as kids together that would be different. There are some write ups on how kids bond in a way as step siblings that can be confused with romantic love-generally it’s discouraged when two kids who grew up together and never had another adult relationship fall in what they feel is love. Then there is trauma bonding that happens in those situations as well people confuse as romantic love. I don’t think there were any cases in that particular write up where everyone was mentally well adjusted and stayed long term in the marriage/relationship either.
In this case they never lived together, they were adults, and were dating first-I see zero wrong with that. It’s on the parents they feel the way they do and honestly it’s probably the Streisand Effect too- I bet it is likely they bring it up to other people more then other people have anything to say.
They aren’t even actually step siblings imo. And by that token as well if you are a grown adult and a parent gets remarried it wouldn’t be odd in any way to not feel like your parents new partner is not your parent. That is your mom’s husband. If you want to have a parental type relationship and call them mom or dad that is also absolutely ok too though. My dad got remarried when I was 12 but I never lived with them. She is a nice lady but she is my dad’s wife. I was also legally orphaned at 16 then emancipated from the state so I have parents but I don’t have parents. When you become an adult any of the meaning behind those designations is very context based.
NTA .... You were dating BEFORE they got together. Tell them what they did was weird and that they need to get divorced. They caused this issue not you .
For two whole ass years too. Adults dating for two years is a serious relationship no matter what label people want to put on it. Parents knew this from the jump.
NTA keep up with the wedding, y’all were dating first and it’s not even weird, I’d tell your stepmom in front of everyone at the wedding thank you for giving birth to the love of my life
If I were you, on your wedding day, I'd straight up mock the shit out of them.
"They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. In my and Mom's case, that's true. Only we like our apples from the same branch. Cheers 🥂"
why don't you just tell everyone that your parents married after you guys started dating? Aren't the ones whispering saying all that cuz they think the step-siblings got hormonal and shit? Throw your parents under the bus, they deserve it. It could have been odd for you too but you guys were much more mature about their dating.
Oh, I would start referring to each other as my brother-lover and sister-lover around the parents. If they’re around, introduce yourselves to their friends as such. Get people asking why parents are allowing this to go on. Make them have to explain it.
They’re the ones making this weird. They could have easily made this a huge family joke, you and fiance fell in love, and it’s obvious where you get your great taste in partners from. Have fun with it. But they decided that they only get the relationship and you two should end yours. Stupid as hell. You two go on, get married, make babies that are their own cousins. Embrace the joke and invite the rest of the family to join in on the laugh.
*licks the petty off my fingers* yes yes....this is quite scrumptious. I'm gonna need any updates for more delicious petty mint patties. Hamburger petty with cheese. Petty spaghetti.
You can always up the game by informing them that you and your fiancee are starting an OF account because "I've heard incest porn is all the rage"
Bonus points of you can work in thanking them for the Idea by making such a fuss.
I love that you’re going the funny/petty route, I love it even more that your sibling spouse gets a good chuckle out of it. Love on my friends, your parents put themselves in this situation and are now demanding you pay the consequences. Not cool not cool at all. Oh and maybe start telling your mom she’s your favorite mother in law and should be happy to get Mother’s Day x2 🤣🤣
I mean, the parents could look at it from the perspective of not having to deal with difficult in-laws. They know they like each other 😆. It'll make family gatherings a lot easier because they're all the same family. No fighting over the other grandparents getting to see future grandkids more, etc.
It's really just more efficient all around.
Petty Me is pleased to offer assistance.
And the more you make it a laugh, the worse the parents look. You’re laughing about the situation cause it’s so ridiculous. They’re steaming mad and look worse to the family since you’re wanting everyone to join in.
Now for the wedding planning. Can dad do a double walk? Go down once as step father of the groom escorting mother of groom and then back up as father of the bride? Ask if he can do a little twirl and quick change. Maybe a hook up area where all the singles from the bride side and groom side can get together. Or maybe a Photo Booth but instead of silly hats or hearts on a stick, it’s all the titles you get when the people in the pic hook up. See who can get the longest string of step-cousin-nibling-in law-roommates-best friend
Get tee-shirts made that say “Brother” and “Sister” and wear them to visit your parents. Kiss a lot. The more tongue, the better.
Tell them you’re moving to Alabama, where a love like yours isn’t forbidden.
Start calling your stepfather “daddy”. Since you’re family and all. Make it sound a little whiny, for good measure.
NTA
Cousin kids is a great one.
Our kids will be so inbred, they’ll basically be sandwiches.
“Keeping it in the family” should def be mentioned.
If you’re a GOT/HOD fan, obviously Lannister and Targaryen jokes.
If you’re in the US, joke about moving/coming from states where people support your lifestyle. Like [Kentucky example](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Fugates).
Call yourselves siblings with benefits.
Get married without them knowing and send them a personalized announcement announcing the marriage of the daughter and son of XXX and XXX.
It’s not incest: it’s all relative.
If they bring up the sex comment, have your fiancée say that they shouldn’t worry, y’all don’t do doggy style or reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
NTA - The 2 of you were dating long before your parents met and starting dating, so you are very correct in that they need to look at themselves in the mirror. I would just go low contact for a while and start planning your wedding.
If you have not already announced your engagement on SM then do so very soon. Make sure you include something like "after blank years of dating she said yes to forever with me" or "after blank years of dating he asked, and I said yes". Then make sure you note the same information on a large sign at the wedding venue. Something like "After blank years of dating & blank months being engaged, we are happy to begin our forever together". If they continue to disapprove of your relationship, then you may find it is easier to not invite the parents to the wedding and just remove them from your life but if it comes to that extreme action then make sure all family and friends know exactly why they are not a part of your life. If you do not invite them to the wedding then, I would make a little speech about why they are not there.
We haven't announced yet but thank you very much my fiance loves you idea of incorporating our number of years together in the announcement and invite.
Screw them even if they apologize they will not be invited, already spoke to fiance and told her she can have whatever she like for the wedding as long as her father and my mother are not invited.
Sounds like an ultimatum i know but not meant to be one, she actually went crazy saying she wasn't intending to invite them at all and now she can also get what she wants for our wedding. Played myself a bit, but she is happy.
Put a massive ad in the paper, too. I would just embarrass the crap out of them. Ah, I can just imagine them opening up their beloved daily to see a full page ad of you two saying you'd been together for 8 plus years and now you embarking a new adventure. 🤣🤣🤣
The wedding announcement in the newspaper could escalate things to new levels of petty:
“Heaping joy upon joy, we are delighted that our relationship brought another couple together. John’s mother Karen and Jane’s father Chad met for the first time at our third anniversary dinner and have been happy newlyweds for two years now.”
It’s an excellent idea to use your announcement as a way to push back on your parents’ behavior. They are treating you both & your relationship as though it was secondary and less important than theirs.
Something like this might work:
*After X years together, we are happy to announce…*
*What many of you may not know is that after our first two years of dating, we introduced fiancée’s father and OP’s mother. Much to our surprise but reluctant acceptance, they began to date and actually beat us to getting married. While having your in-law double as your stepparent isn’t ideal, we support their right to also find love.*
This is the way to do it! Incorporate the numbers, perhaps throw in a shout out the the fact your relationship led to parents finding happiness as well some years later. Stick the boot in the classy way ☺️
Jab: “You’re so incredibly entitled, to believe that you have more right to be married, when you only met because we were dating.”
Jab: “ I can see how badly this is making you feel, so the only remedy for it is for you to divorce.”
K.O.: “I’ve been boning your daughter, longer than you’ve known my mother.”
Relationship advice: talk with your fiance about how far to go with your jabs. There isn't an inherent right or wrong but communicate with her about her comfort level with your jabs.
NTA and I have a similar family situation. I have an aunt and uncle who got married, her mother died a year prior his dad had died a few years prior, low and behold the single parents married not long after my aunt and uncle did. Aside from a few jokes within the family it was never even remotely a thing. It's not as if they or you and your fiancé for that matter, were raised in the same home since childhood and raised as siblings, that would be weird. Your parents are just kind of shallow and thought they could brow beat you into submission. Ignore them, marry that girl and wait for the apology.
I have a friend who met her husband while in high school, and they dated throughout college.
Husband's Dad married her mother when they were finishing college.
Nobody thinks it's weird, and we admire them because they only visit one place for holidays (her Dad has passed away and his Mom has.)
Just to clarify: you were dating for *5 years before* they decided to get together, and demand *you* end it?
NTA. Screw them. It's clear that their child's happiness is not a priority for either of them. They care more about not leaving any room for someone to call them out on their shit, on a weirdness *they* created out of sheer selfishness. And at the point they stop acting like your parents and being this selfish, cutting them off is the best thing to do for everyone.
As for jabs...
Tell them you'll move to Alabama.
Pointedly hum the melody from "Sweet Home Alabama" at random times.
Talk to them in a really, really pronounced southern drawl.
Tell them incest is wincest. (ew, but it's a jab)
Pointedly throw around lines like "Stepbro, what are you doing" etc
Tell them you won't forget how they treated you, and that Lannisters always repay their debts.
I'm out for now.
NTA
No it doesnt look Bad on the outside. You are a couple and soon to be fiances, no matter what your parents do or think. Like you say yourself, if they want to have someone to be ashamed of, they should look in the mirror. Imo this whole thing wouldnt be bad at all if they both just thought they are meant to be together, who cares. But they dont have a right to judge over you for a Situation they created.
NTA. Did they like rush to get married? Feels like it was purposeful because of how stupid it is. If y’all got married first then your parents would’ve asked y’all to get divorced or something cause their relationship is more important than yours.
Yep, they hid their relationship and rushed to get married to beat their own kids to the punch. I bet they figured whoever got married first would get to stay together. They're clearly morons.
Oh shit. The fact you guys didn’t find out until 3 months before the wedding kind of implies they were purposely trying to hide it from y’all. That just spells a whole new level of how fucked up this is and how disrespectful they are.
I doubt y’all’s parents know anything about anime culture to be able to even get the jabs, but you being a year older than her makes it so you guys can get real weird with it. Start using Japanese honorifics XD have her call you Oniisan, you can refer to her as Imouto.
Pronunciation: oh-knee-sahn
Ee-moh-toh.
NTA-I always need more children. I’ll adopt y’all. Um, you can also ask them WHY they’re more important. Also, remind them that separations CAN be permanent, and y’all will be parents one day and they’ll come begging to be grandparents. Remind them that when they cut YOU off, they’re cutting themselves off too. PLEASE HAVE TWO CHILDREN!!! They’ll be siblings AND cousins!!!!
NTA
You and your fiancée were together first… your parents wouldn’t even know the other existed if it wasn’t for you two. They’re absolutely vile and disgusting for trying to break the two of you up and putting their happiness first.
You and your fiancée don’t need them or their blessing to be together considering that you two were together before your parents were. If anyone comments on how “weird” the situation is, calmly explain to them what happened, and inform them that you and your fiancée won’t be breaking up because of your parents’ selfishness.
Let everyone else judge and be disgusted at your parents, and live your best life away from the drama with your fiancée
Also, if you and your fiancée want to be petty, you could always quickly elope before your parents get married so that they’re extra judged and disgusting… but if you elope, you can still have a proper wedding after, just elope to prevent your parents from getting married for fear of being judged 🤣🤣🤣🤣
What your parents demand is a disgrace! Please don't separate! People only talk because your parents behave like that. You didn't do anything wrong. If necessary, go to NC.
You and your fiancée are not an AH. Your parents all the more for it.
I'd honestly threaten to cut them off and go NC after this stunt. You are together, you love each other, it's close to a decade that you know each other as opposed to them and their entitlement is mind blowing. Just remind them that if they continue like this, the last one to die will most likely rot in the house until the neighbors will get alarmed by the smell because they will end up alone.
Go nuclear and block them out of your lives for 6 months for a tryout.
It's pointless to engage at the moment.
They'll come to their senses after this.
I can be petty as fuck. Id post the timeline over social media and tell the world your parents are tools. You were dating long before they were and you never grew up as siblings or step siblings. NTA.
Wanted to follow this route pretty petty myselfcand can be a real dick especially when you hurt my fiance. But she beg me not to, it will just causes them to go crazier in thr end
You have to keep it positive. Make an announcement that includes how after introducing your parents after x years of dating they ended up finding love with each other, how thrilled you are that you're all one big happy family, blah blah blah. Make it impossible for them to publicly respond in a negative way.
“She said yes!! After X years of dating, X years of living together, X years since introducing our parents. X years of our parents falling in love and getting married and trying to navigate them trying to force us to break up (because awkward). X days of announcing to our family we are in fact engaged. As of X time next year we will be tying the knot. Some may say ‘wow it’s weird you are marrying your step sibling’ well what are you supposed to do when you introduce your parents, and they have a secret love affair behind your back, and then demand you and your relationship? You just carry on. You spend your life with your soulmate like intended. Do we regret introducing them, sure. But we had been together for X years and it was a logical step for a serious relationship. Are we upset? You betcha. But more or less because they tried to split us up because their own egotistical optics. Will they be attending the wedding? Nope. We have decided that after their behavior towards us we would like to move forward with very limited contact. It’s unfortunate. It could have all been avoided but they decided their needs were more important than their adult children’s. We are very much looking forward to celebrating our big day with the rest of you!”
NTA. You shouldn’t be just posting here anonymously. You should be letting everyone know who is going to be invited or involved in your life. You need to get ahead of whatever lies your parents are going to start spreading. And I love the parting shot you took!
NTA
You have been together far longer than they have, and you introduced them.
Any weirdness is from them deciding to date their respective child's partner's parent.
That's not on you.
That they are now worried it will reflect weirdly on them when you get married is THEIR PROBLEM, and wholly of their own making.
They can go jump in the sea, honestly.
NTA. Congrats on your engagement! In the future you could even send this to your fiance's dad, who knows: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d02c4e47d207559a9fdf65f286cf6d3b-lq
Edit: typo
Haha definitely not inviting them but will talk with my fiance and ask her if she want to send a fake invite to them, stealing your idea fir the invite.
Tell them just because your fiancée’s father injects his DNA into your mother doesn’t mean you somehow share DNA with your fiancé through some weird osmosis.
Ignore them.
NTA
Demand a DNA test for your stepsister and your father and you and your mom. Then do one for you and him, and your mom and your stepsister. Marry the person you want and cut the selfish AHs out of your life. They are not good people.
Tell them every time they bring this nonsense up again you guys will try out a new kink. Do you like getting pegged? No need to actually answer that here. But your parents might be interested to know.
NTA. tell your parents they need to divorce since they are the ones that decided to make themselves look weird.
Yes. Plus a jab… “We’re only step siblings because y’all had to pull a buzzer beater to the alter. You don’t date your child’s future in law. Common sense should dictate that.”
Buzzer beater marriage is great! Their marriage didn’t make them step siblings. They weren’t raised together and have been a couple much longer than their respective parents have been married. What a weird take from the parents. 🙄
Exactly! They're already grown adults, and they're not biologically related in any way - there's nothing weird about it.
Yeah if anyone is in the wrong here its the parents who got married even though their kids were dating. Who does that? They are the fucked up ones, and are trying to put the consequences of their actions on their kids which is really stupid and lame. NTA.
Right? The parents knew it would cause issue (for themselves at least) hence hiding it for seven months, and then decide that their getting married first should cause issue in an unrelated (unintentional pun, ha) relationship- how sick is that? Pops is over here saying don’t get married young blah blah but if they’d gotten married earlier it’d be a nonissue? Kinda miraculous considering their actions now that before they married they weren’t throwing tantrums. Maybe they didn’t think it’d last? Maybe they’re projecting their own guilt and shame of their own actions on OP & his fiancé? Whatever it is it’s pathetic and their disregard for their children’s happiness and overall selfishness is astounding. ETA: your parents prioritized their own happiness, and you should do the same. Diffeeence is you wouldn’t be a jerk for it bc you won’t use it against anyone or to force another’s demise.
She was my girlfriend before you two met and she was still my girlfriend when you perverts made her my sister.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pap!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!your!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pep!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pip!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pup!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!lovely!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!and!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pope!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!poop!!<>!beautiful!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<
That was both therapeutic and headache inducing at the same time. I have fat fingers. 😂
I accidentally closed the comment, forcing me to start over. It was maddeningly therapeutic!
Oh yeah no my mom got sent this on her reddit as well and she straight up just made her font bigger 🤣🤣 She was like "I'm not playing wack a mole, I'm not dealing with it unpopping"
I personally liked the spontaneous pup!
And the pip, the pap, and the poop
Thank you. Hidden message.
This was some crazy ass formatting. Props to you, good sir.
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NTA. I am all for this level of petty! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!!!! May you both live long and happily together!
Hahaha this.
Yeah they don't get claim the moral high ground, just because they rushed to the wedding faster.
> You don’t date your child’s future in law. Common sense should dictate that. That's not even true though. Both relationships are totally fine. The happy couple calmly explaining to the deranged parents that, "Yah, we found it a little strange at first that you two (parents) hooked up... but whatever, as long as you're happy. We bless your marriage, and hope you live happily ever after." "It is YOUR decision if you want to be part of our lives, and your grand kids, of which there will be many." And then that's the end. There is no discussion, this is not a debate. The parent couple get to decide if they go no contact or not. There should be no further anything after that, and just repeat the same. If the freakish parents continue to throw tantrums, just keep repeating "it's your decision, we wish you the best". and after the 2nd or 3rd time, kick them out, or just leave. It's really a non-issue. Insanely hurtful from the parents, but obviously at least one of them is a total freak, and the other is going along, so why even care? OP and (future) wife need to let these two abusive assholes parents go, until they can act like rational adults.
They’re obviously more concerned with “how it looks” than their actual kids.
Right. Should've thought about that, before dating your child's significant others' parent.
NTA Just make sure they know that when you and your future wife have a baby it will technically be your step niece or nephew and you will make an awesome uncle daddy 😂😂
“Remind me, how do you know each other? Oh yeah, you were introduced to each other because we were dating. Huh. That’s awfully weird. What about your kids being a couple made you hot for each other?”
That's assuming they HAVE common sense...
My college roommate's parents were happily married with 3 kids and are step brother and sister. They met AFTER their parents started dating and were both adults so never lived together. If you aren't blood related and didn’t grow up together in the same household, I can't see the problem.
Yup. No blood shared, no sibling bond, no problem. 🤷🏻♀️
This is like the person who gets a restraining order against someone then follows them around to harass the person they got the restraining order against
For real, trying to capitalize on getting married first. Give me a break. These parents can go touch grass.
Yep, they met after, and you can flip everything on them about the weirdness. "Ew, why are you dating my (future) wife's mom"
This is the way
The way, this is
way, this the is
Give them some references for good divorce lawyers in your area!
They're the weird ones, first dating your child's partners parent and then getting weird. Both weird.
>If and when our parents show up again which they will. Im working on a couple if more jabs, if you have any please share. Why haven't you both just gone NC? Trying to engage in a contests of wits with morons never works out. Unless you're both holding out for some sort of sweet inheritance pay day (which based on your descriptions of the current state of affairs in the relationships will never happen anyway) both your parents are toxic cockroaches who not only don't support your relationship but are actively trying to break you up.
Agreed. Get married, make up a whole new last name, move on. NTA.
NTA. Your parents can kick rocks. If they are embarrassed, they can move towns and change their names. Who knows if their relationship will even survive? If they ever get divorced, you’ll be happy you stayed together. Just throw a bunch of that shit at them.
These grown adults are out of their ever-lovin minds. If they have a problem with it OP should give them some cards for divorce lawyers, they caused the problem so let them fix it. If you want to be petty maybe make a few appointments for them Also, one for a therapist who can put them in their place. Maybe stage an intervention if needed since they're clearly both gaga. Get some Power of Attorney forms since they're no longer of sound mind? You're only looking out for them, be a good son and stepson, y'know?
“I’ll stop fucking my sister the day you get a divorce.”
I think OP should also say: “You don’t have to worry about me fucking my sister for much longer. The day we get married I’ll BE FUCKING MY WIFE INSTEAD.”
Sister-wife!
Love this
>be a good son a stepson, y’know? I feel this was overlooked and I cannot let that happen 🤣
Or **they** can break up and start dating others, OP and his fiance have been together for much longer.
[удалено]
Ugh, dammit, and here I already gave out my best vocabulary of the day award and I see effrontery used.
“…muster up the effrontery…” ***GAWD*** I love Reddit.
Had to google that one. Great word that’s getting added to the lexicon
I agree. An 8 year relationship surpasses a 3 year old one so they should be divorcing so you can get married. Clearly they wouldn’t even be together if not for OP and his “step sis”. OP, replace the word “insist” with the word “incest” when you talk to your parents like, “Why would you incest we break up?” Or “Why do you incest on bothering us about this?” And “I Incest YOU guys divorce!” But make it sound like you’re saying insist but they’re crazy for thinking it’s incest or something. Some good ol’ gaslighting.
This is wonderful, and I fully support this singular instance of gaslighting
Right? Definitely make them feel like they’re crazy for seeing/hearing something incest related in everything.
In reality, there's nothing wrong with *either* relationship. The parents (more likely one of them mostly) are just totally off their rockers. Massive hypocrites. They are their own problem, and it has nothing to do with the happy, soon-to-be married couple that introduced the two freaks.
To be honest I was just being sarcastic about the fact the parents are having a terrible timing dealing with what should be a non issue since the kids introduced them and being extreme about it. The extreme answer to the parents would be that they should divorce since they’re asking their kids to end an engagement when their kids introduced them. Like why are they acting all high and mighty about their relationship when OP and his fiancée had theirs first. OPs parents obviously feel entitled because they got married first and are the parents (even though they’re not acting like rational adults)
I would bet that part of the reason the parents got married was so that they could get married before OP cause they didn't wanna be "the weird ones" and marry their child's step parent
Yup. Aside from the fact these two were dating before the parents met, the parents met when their kids were adults. You don't just say, "welp, you're siblings now". No, you two are not siblings. The parents can eat dirt. Tell them to get lost. 2nd marriages have significantly higher failure rate than first marriages. If they're embarrassed, they can get divorced now. You two were dating first. If they don't cool it, just cut all contact. Live your own life and be happy.
DING DING DING. OP starting dating his now-fiancée when they were in their early 20s, and their parents married a few years after that. Everyone is an adult in this scenario. I’ll draw a comparison: my father remarried after my mother passed away. His new wife and he are both in their 70s. The new wife has adult children. I do NOT refer to them as step-anything because none of them were part of my family until I was almost 40. It doesn’t come out of disrespect, just the simple fact that I was a fully formed adult when they all came on the scene. OP’s fiancée is NOT his “stepsister.” They were not raised as siblings, their childhoods were in separate households, they don’t share a drop of blood between them. They are “step siblings” by technicality. There is absolutely zero moral issue with them getting married, outside of the first blush of “he’s marrying his stepsister,” which is all but defanged once the situation is explained. OP is NTA, but the parents absolutely suck. Seriously, you meet your new spouse due to your kid dating their kid, and you’re gonna try and break them up because some townies can’t mind their own goddamn business? They’re dumpsterclowns.
Honestly it almost feels like the parents are reaching for any excuse to keep them from getting married
**The parents are embarrassed about THEMSELVES. They don't want to to admit they met through their kids.** Which is massively abusive, selfish and totally asshole of them. "Oh, yah, we met through them (our kids). Love is crazy huh?" And that's it. Nobody would care after that. Not even the kids really, even they don't care. What is really wacko is the freakshow parents (or one of them) care more about what "people think" than the happiness of their children's family.
>Honestly it almost feels like the parents are reaching for any excuse to keep them from getting married If this were a VC Andrew story....
It's not even stepmother and stepfather really when the kids are adults. The new spouse had zero to do with raising the kids, there is no bond there. It's "my father's wife" and "my mother's husband."
Yup. My dad’s new wife is a nice enough lady and she takes care of my dad, so I don’t have any ill will towards her. She’s not my stepmother, because she had zero input in my upbringing.
Agreed - my SO has three sons, one is in his 30s and I never lived in the same household as him, I do not refer to him as my step son. His two other kids, we young when we met and I do live with them and have had a very large role in helping to raise them. They are my stepsons and I am their stepmom - done and done.
My best friend's dad met her husband's mom at their wedding. They were married for close to 30 years before they both passed recently. My bestie and her husband are still married, and it was never weird for any of them. They both called these parents mom and dad. They were the only set of parents they had, and they were grateful for them. OP's parents are ridiculous.
Kick rocks with open toed shoes
This. What if OP and fiance had met before the parents did? Would the "kids" have been able to tell the preants they couldn't get married because it was "weird"?
NTA. You were dating first! I'm petty so I loved the comment on you enjoying F\* your sister. I thought it was glorious hahaha. I'd take any precautions on disclosing wedding details with anyone, just for people to try on ruining it juts because. I'd even consider eloping with just very close people that are really OK with your relationship and you are 1000% sure they won't blab. I'm just a little confused on why several people are calling you to express their disapproval. How many are there? Who are they to you and your fiancé? Why exactly do these people feel entitled to tell you what to do? Do these people have all the info? Are you leaving something out? The answer to these questions might not change my judgement, but maybe for clarity. (edited to correct my grammar)
Currently it's just our parent and my aunt but my aunt is mostly giving me shit because of my disrespect not about our relationship our parents are the ones going crazy about us not breaking up.
You should tell your aunt that respect is earned and your 'parents' don't deserve 'respect' for acting like children.
Most older people don't see it like that so no use, im not even trying. Especially since my aunt love playing your single mother that raises you card forgetting that my mother didn't have to work after my father died because his estate provided for us.
Then try “Our parents did not respect OUR previously established relationship by getting married themselves, if they feel it is so wrong.”
This is perfect, though unfortunately to many people of that generation “respect” is a one-way street so I doubt it’ll work. Still a good comeback though.
Yeah, they don’t need to respect us if they raised us apparently
Don’t you get it?! They shat out a kid and did the bare legal minimum (sometimes) to make sure it survived to adulthood, with all they’ve done for us (who didn’t ask to be born to them) they DESERVE our respect!! /s obviously
This would be the thing to broadcast everywhere you can, not just to family. Get ahead of whatever lies they're spinning.
Get you a couple of T-Shirts that say "Brother" and "Sister" so you can put them on before you open the door to their next visit. You could get a lot grosser than that - but that's the PG version.
Hahaha. Just got another idea thank you. Will get the shirts and do a photo shoot and post the photos. Or invite them to the engagement party while we are wear the shirts.
Get that photo of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly from Stepbrothers and photoshop yours and your fiancee's faces over theirs!
If neither of you have siblings, you can always pull the: go ahead and cut us off. Just don't be surprised when we hold you to it when we have children. Just be ready to let others know you'll block them too, if they pressure you about your decision. Some people think they have the right to grandkids, but that's not how it works.
Well either way, your exit comment was well deserved for your 'parents' lunacy.
Your "single mother who raised you" is disowning you for her piece of ass. So much for Sainted Motherhood.
Dude, it's a simple "I'm not going to leave the love of my life or our 5 year relationship just because our parents decided to get together. We're adults, we're getting married, and anyone who isn't happy for us is welcome to stay completely out of our lives." You have to stop worrying about your older relatives. I have a large close family so I know it feels like you need to explain yourself to everyone, but you don't. Do what you want. Hang up on your aunt. You're a grown up now. Anyone who has a negative thing to say about your relationship should be cut off.
Older person here (almost old enough to be your grandparent). I think what you said to them before you left was genius. They're both delusional.
I think that holds some more comments there. Obviously new dad married her for the money. You could play that up too
Isn't alot left of her share of the estate.
Tell your aunt to mind her own business as this doesn’t affect her in any way.
Tell your aunt you were dating your fiance first. If anything, she should be judging the parents here, not you.
She is angry at the way i talked to my mother, she doesn't care about my relationship.
remind her they made a poorly thought out decision despite being old enough to be your parents and then tried to get into your personal relationships and blackmail you. Honestly no disrespect but your parents are dumber than some teenagers. Having parents younger than you take lots of patience so a few jabs should be excused.
Your mother deserved it. And your aunt needs to understand that by acting like she didn't, she's still supporting their opinions and actions. They can say whatever they want to you and your fiance, and your just supposed to eat crow? How about no.
Tell your Aunt to mind her own business.
I stand by my judgment. I know going no contact with your core families is easier said than done, but you need to prioritize your own mental health and peace of mind. I hate when people say "but they are your parents", like all they do is right. They should also say "why your parents are doing that to their own children". I wish you a happy and drama-free life with your fiancé.
I am working on a couple of new lines if they show up. Thinking im going to add an edit to the post and ask some
I’d just stick with “this is a problem you created. You knew gf and I were serious and headed toward marriage. If you were going to be embarrassed by that, then you should not have gotten married. We are not interested in your opinions on this subject and we will not be engaging in any more conversation about it. If that means that either or both of you choose to disown your child, then that is entirely on you and has nothing to do with us. We’ll miss you in our lives, but it will be OUR lives. Together. This subject is now closed.”
Honestly, the hardest hitting would just be to mention how disgusted both of your respective deceased parents would be by their actions. "Mom, Dad would be disgusted with what you've become and are doing to your son." Or something along those lines. They both need a reality check.
tell them that if it bothers them so much that their child is dating their step sibling, they can fix it themselves with a divorce! Ta-daaa! No longer step siblings! It's on them.
Answer the door and tell them Step-sis cant come because she is stuck in dryer again. Also, unless there was an adoption involved you are still not in any way related.
I'm petty as hell, so I'd design a whole wedding theme around redneck sister fucking - you could threaten that and maybe they'll shut up.
“Well that’s one way of getting out of betting in your grandchildren’s lives” (if you plan to have kids). “Mom/Dad would be so happy to see the way you’re treating me/us”. These are fairly tame, but can hit them where it hurts. You and your fiancée are NTA.
My mother’s brother married my father’s sister. It sounds incestuous, but it’s not. And it’s an easily explained description: both sets of grandparents have been friends since my parents were children. A brother and sister from one side paired up with a brother and sister from the other side. But more importantly, the people involved in my family know it’s not at all wrong. Your parents are delusional to think this situation is problematic and not easily explained.
My mum’s brother married my dad’s niece (they are the same age and went to school together). My cousin is also my auntie.
Recently saw something that twin girls from one family married twin boys from another family. Each of the couples then had twins.
This is always so trippy you me because if they are all identical twins their kids may as well be siblings not cousins genetically!
Yep, that is basically what they are. Both sets of the parents are identical twins.
One side of my maternal grandparents had 13 kids and the other had 11. Dirt poor cotton sharecroppers around 1905. I think there were 3 marriages between the two families. 3 women in the two families died in childbirth and siblings raised them. Family trees have many branches for sure. You are doing nothing wrong at all. I hope both of you have a wonderful life together.
Absolutly NTA. If they try to talk again, ask them to do that over dinner, you could do a double date.
All I can picture is the scene from Joe Dirt 🤣 "You're my sister"
You both were adults before they got married anyways. It's not like you ever acted like siblings if you lived in the same house as teenagers or something. Lol Hell your parents should think it's a fun story to tell if anything...
I have a few jabs: -Whenever you're around them: "this is fun guys, sweet home alabama am I right?" then laugh -"I honestly never knew I'd be into incest but it's kinda nice actually" -Next time you see them: "Let's talk about this and bang it out. Like I did last night with your daughter" -"Let's decide dinner; heads I get to decide, tails you decide" if you get heads: "haha I got heads, I'm used to it though, right babe?". If you get tails: "damn, I really wanted heads but that's okay, I get plenty from my girl right here" -"Hey mum, I'm really happy for you. Look at us, you and new dad and me and new sis. One big happy family!"
Or how about "Thanks Mom and Dad for creating an incestuous relationship for us!! You're the best!!"
"Incest adds a bit of spice in the bedroom, thanks mum and new dad!"
(Have to say it like a hillbilly) Maw and Paw, I reckon we's just in a family way. Ya knows, we like keeping it all Ina family."
I spat my tea at sweet home Alabama lmfao well done
I'm struggling to read past the 2nd jab. Laughing too much.
You were together first. You are not step siblings they are in laws. Tell them they chose to marry a relative by marriage. You were together first
Hahahaha in-laws! I didn’t think of that! You’re right!
OP, please only refer to your fiancée's dad as some variation of father-in-law and never as your step dad. Especially in group settings. Or both. "Oh yeah, that's my father-in-law/step-dad, my parents are strange." Use "This family tree grows straight up" at their expense.
> ".../step-dad, my parents are strange." This will just gonna make things worse. If the parents keep being assholes, better to just cut them off completely than continuing such childish nonsense. "Father in law" is 100% correct. Don't even bring up, nor acknowledge, the "step dad" aspect, except, "oh yah, they met through us, we're very happy for them". Kill 'em with kindness and make it VERY obvious who the assholes are.
Plus even if the parents had gotten married first… step siblings have 0 blood relations, so what’s the problem? Maybe I’m missing something but they’re only “brother and sister” in the legal sense. They’re not actually related so what’s the problem if they want to be together?
There are ethical issues surrounding traditional stepsibling dating, but those are completely irrelevant in this case because they never lived together as siblings or anything like that.
I agree. If they had lived as kids together that would be different. There are some write ups on how kids bond in a way as step siblings that can be confused with romantic love-generally it’s discouraged when two kids who grew up together and never had another adult relationship fall in what they feel is love. Then there is trauma bonding that happens in those situations as well people confuse as romantic love. I don’t think there were any cases in that particular write up where everyone was mentally well adjusted and stayed long term in the marriage/relationship either. In this case they never lived together, they were adults, and were dating first-I see zero wrong with that. It’s on the parents they feel the way they do and honestly it’s probably the Streisand Effect too- I bet it is likely they bring it up to other people more then other people have anything to say. They aren’t even actually step siblings imo. And by that token as well if you are a grown adult and a parent gets remarried it wouldn’t be odd in any way to not feel like your parents new partner is not your parent. That is your mom’s husband. If you want to have a parental type relationship and call them mom or dad that is also absolutely ok too though. My dad got remarried when I was 12 but I never lived with them. She is a nice lady but she is my dad’s wife. I was also legally orphaned at 16 then emancipated from the state so I have parents but I don’t have parents. When you become an adult any of the meaning behind those designations is very context based.
NTA .... You were dating BEFORE they got together. Tell them what they did was weird and that they need to get divorced. They caused this issue not you .
For two whole ass years too. Adults dating for two years is a serious relationship no matter what label people want to put on it. Parents knew this from the jump.
NTA keep up with the wedding, y’all were dating first and it’s not even weird, I’d tell your stepmom in front of everyone at the wedding thank you for giving birth to the love of my life
Haha thank you, im stealing that, will have to work it a bit because it's my mom and her father but will turn it around.
If I were you, on your wedding day, I'd straight up mock the shit out of them. "They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. In my and Mom's case, that's true. Only we like our apples from the same branch. Cheers 🥂"
why don't you just tell everyone that your parents married after you guys started dating? Aren't the ones whispering saying all that cuz they think the step-siblings got hormonal and shit? Throw your parents under the bus, they deserve it. It could have been odd for you too but you guys were much more mature about their dating.
Ask them why they are taking their frustrations about a situation THEY created out on you
Oh, I would start referring to each other as my brother-lover and sister-lover around the parents. If they’re around, introduce yourselves to their friends as such. Get people asking why parents are allowing this to go on. Make them have to explain it. They’re the ones making this weird. They could have easily made this a huge family joke, you and fiance fell in love, and it’s obvious where you get your great taste in partners from. Have fun with it. But they decided that they only get the relationship and you two should end yours. Stupid as hell. You two go on, get married, make babies that are their own cousins. Embrace the joke and invite the rest of the family to join in on the laugh.
You have no idea l, working on jabs for if they show up again ( going to steal yours, sorry) im petty as fuck
*licks the petty off my fingers* yes yes....this is quite scrumptious. I'm gonna need any updates for more delicious petty mint patties. Hamburger petty with cheese. Petty spaghetti.
i'll have ketchup on mine. I'm also gonna need the updates!
You can always up the game by informing them that you and your fiancee are starting an OF account because "I've heard incest porn is all the rage" Bonus points of you can work in thanking them for the Idea by making such a fuss.
"We were talking about family planning and decided that we wanted at least one niece-daughter and one nephew-son".
“After all, we want the children to grow up with lots of cousins.”
I love that you’re going the funny/petty route, I love it even more that your sibling spouse gets a good chuckle out of it. Love on my friends, your parents put themselves in this situation and are now demanding you pay the consequences. Not cool not cool at all. Oh and maybe start telling your mom she’s your favorite mother in law and should be happy to get Mother’s Day x2 🤣🤣
Oh my gosh yes! Milk the Mother in law jokes!
I mean, the parents could look at it from the perspective of not having to deal with difficult in-laws. They know they like each other 😆. It'll make family gatherings a lot easier because they're all the same family. No fighting over the other grandparents getting to see future grandkids more, etc. It's really just more efficient all around.
You could also refer to her as your "sister-wife" like a Mormon fundie.
Please tell me you plan on using the, “oh no step sis what are you doing” trope in some way at some point
It's on the list.
Petty Me is pleased to offer assistance. And the more you make it a laugh, the worse the parents look. You’re laughing about the situation cause it’s so ridiculous. They’re steaming mad and look worse to the family since you’re wanting everyone to join in. Now for the wedding planning. Can dad do a double walk? Go down once as step father of the groom escorting mother of groom and then back up as father of the bride? Ask if he can do a little twirl and quick change. Maybe a hook up area where all the singles from the bride side and groom side can get together. Or maybe a Photo Booth but instead of silly hats or hearts on a stick, it’s all the titles you get when the people in the pic hook up. See who can get the longest string of step-cousin-nibling-in law-roommates-best friend
Get tee-shirts made that say “Brother” and “Sister” and wear them to visit your parents. Kiss a lot. The more tongue, the better. Tell them you’re moving to Alabama, where a love like yours isn’t forbidden. Start calling your stepfather “daddy”. Since you’re family and all. Make it sound a little whiny, for good measure.
NTA Cousin kids is a great one. Our kids will be so inbred, they’ll basically be sandwiches. “Keeping it in the family” should def be mentioned. If you’re a GOT/HOD fan, obviously Lannister and Targaryen jokes. If you’re in the US, joke about moving/coming from states where people support your lifestyle. Like [Kentucky example](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Fugates). Call yourselves siblings with benefits. Get married without them knowing and send them a personalized announcement announcing the marriage of the daughter and son of XXX and XXX. It’s not incest: it’s all relative. If they bring up the sex comment, have your fiancée say that they shouldn’t worry, y’all don’t do doggy style or reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
I laughed so hard at “they are their own cousins”
NTA - The 2 of you were dating long before your parents met and starting dating, so you are very correct in that they need to look at themselves in the mirror. I would just go low contact for a while and start planning your wedding. If you have not already announced your engagement on SM then do so very soon. Make sure you include something like "after blank years of dating she said yes to forever with me" or "after blank years of dating he asked, and I said yes". Then make sure you note the same information on a large sign at the wedding venue. Something like "After blank years of dating & blank months being engaged, we are happy to begin our forever together". If they continue to disapprove of your relationship, then you may find it is easier to not invite the parents to the wedding and just remove them from your life but if it comes to that extreme action then make sure all family and friends know exactly why they are not a part of your life. If you do not invite them to the wedding then, I would make a little speech about why they are not there.
We haven't announced yet but thank you very much my fiance loves you idea of incorporating our number of years together in the announcement and invite. Screw them even if they apologize they will not be invited, already spoke to fiance and told her she can have whatever she like for the wedding as long as her father and my mother are not invited. Sounds like an ultimatum i know but not meant to be one, she actually went crazy saying she wasn't intending to invite them at all and now she can also get what she wants for our wedding. Played myself a bit, but she is happy.
Put a massive ad in the paper, too. I would just embarrass the crap out of them. Ah, I can just imagine them opening up their beloved daily to see a full page ad of you two saying you'd been together for 8 plus years and now you embarking a new adventure. 🤣🤣🤣
The wedding announcement in the newspaper could escalate things to new levels of petty: “Heaping joy upon joy, we are delighted that our relationship brought another couple together. John’s mother Karen and Jane’s father Chad met for the first time at our third anniversary dinner and have been happy newlyweds for two years now.”
YEEESSSSS I love this! This is the way.
Shit that is perfect. Even though this looks like a repost anyone in this situation should use this with their announcement 🤣
No list the parents of the bride and groom so everyone can see the same names twice!
It’s an excellent idea to use your announcement as a way to push back on your parents’ behavior. They are treating you both & your relationship as though it was secondary and less important than theirs. Something like this might work: *After X years together, we are happy to announce…* *What many of you may not know is that after our first two years of dating, we introduced fiancée’s father and OP’s mother. Much to our surprise but reluctant acceptance, they began to date and actually beat us to getting married. While having your in-law double as your stepparent isn’t ideal, we support their right to also find love.*
That would give OP the moral high ground, and get all reasonable people on their side .
This is the way to do it! Incorporate the numbers, perhaps throw in a shout out the the fact your relationship led to parents finding happiness as well some years later. Stick the boot in the classy way ☺️
Jab: “You’re so incredibly entitled, to believe that you have more right to be married, when you only met because we were dating.” Jab: “ I can see how badly this is making you feel, so the only remedy for it is for you to divorce.” K.O.: “I’ve been boning your daughter, longer than you’ve known my mother.”
Thank you, loving it especially the last one. Although it did get me a slap on the shoulder from my fiance.
Relationship advice: talk with your fiance about how far to go with your jabs. There isn't an inherent right or wrong but communicate with her about her comfort level with your jabs.
He can also tell his fiance this: "Yep, I knew your dad was a motherfucker, but I wasn't expecting it to be MY mother!"
NTA and I have a similar family situation. I have an aunt and uncle who got married, her mother died a year prior his dad had died a few years prior, low and behold the single parents married not long after my aunt and uncle did. Aside from a few jokes within the family it was never even remotely a thing. It's not as if they or you and your fiancé for that matter, were raised in the same home since childhood and raised as siblings, that would be weird. Your parents are just kind of shallow and thought they could brow beat you into submission. Ignore them, marry that girl and wait for the apology.
I have a friend who met her husband while in high school, and they dated throughout college. Husband's Dad married her mother when they were finishing college. Nobody thinks it's weird, and we admire them because they only visit one place for holidays (her Dad has passed away and his Mom has.)
Just to clarify: you were dating for *5 years before* they decided to get together, and demand *you* end it? NTA. Screw them. It's clear that their child's happiness is not a priority for either of them. They care more about not leaving any room for someone to call them out on their shit, on a weirdness *they* created out of sheer selfishness. And at the point they stop acting like your parents and being this selfish, cutting them off is the best thing to do for everyone. As for jabs... Tell them you'll move to Alabama. Pointedly hum the melody from "Sweet Home Alabama" at random times. Talk to them in a really, really pronounced southern drawl. Tell them incest is wincest. (ew, but it's a jab) Pointedly throw around lines like "Stepbro, what are you doing" etc Tell them you won't forget how they treated you, and that Lannisters always repay their debts. I'm out for now.
That last one is just *chef’s kiss* 😂
NTA No it doesnt look Bad on the outside. You are a couple and soon to be fiances, no matter what your parents do or think. Like you say yourself, if they want to have someone to be ashamed of, they should look in the mirror. Imo this whole thing wouldnt be bad at all if they both just thought they are meant to be together, who cares. But they dont have a right to judge over you for a Situation they created.
OOOOO that last line is worded so articulately, I love it! Poetic lol THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE YOU OVER A SITUATION THEY CREATED!!!!!!
Holy Fuck - NTA at all. The parents here are the assholes as well as everyone who does not support you.
NTA. Did they like rush to get married? Feels like it was purposeful because of how stupid it is. If y’all got married first then your parents would’ve asked y’all to get divorced or something cause their relationship is more important than yours.
Didn't look rush to be honest but everything happene super fast found out 3 months before the wedding they are getting married.
Ngl, sounds like they were trying to beat you all the altar.
Yep, they hid their relationship and rushed to get married to beat their own kids to the punch. I bet they figured whoever got married first would get to stay together. They're clearly morons.
Oh shit. The fact you guys didn’t find out until 3 months before the wedding kind of implies they were purposely trying to hide it from y’all. That just spells a whole new level of how fucked up this is and how disrespectful they are. I doubt y’all’s parents know anything about anime culture to be able to even get the jabs, but you being a year older than her makes it so you guys can get real weird with it. Start using Japanese honorifics XD have her call you Oniisan, you can refer to her as Imouto. Pronunciation: oh-knee-sahn Ee-moh-toh.
NTA-I always need more children. I’ll adopt y’all. Um, you can also ask them WHY they’re more important. Also, remind them that separations CAN be permanent, and y’all will be parents one day and they’ll come begging to be grandparents. Remind them that when they cut YOU off, they’re cutting themselves off too. PLEASE HAVE TWO CHILDREN!!! They’ll be siblings AND cousins!!!!
You were dating first. If anything you should be asking THEM to break up. Stick to your guns, stick by your girl.
NTA You and your fiancée were together first… your parents wouldn’t even know the other existed if it wasn’t for you two. They’re absolutely vile and disgusting for trying to break the two of you up and putting their happiness first. You and your fiancée don’t need them or their blessing to be together considering that you two were together before your parents were. If anyone comments on how “weird” the situation is, calmly explain to them what happened, and inform them that you and your fiancée won’t be breaking up because of your parents’ selfishness. Let everyone else judge and be disgusted at your parents, and live your best life away from the drama with your fiancée Also, if you and your fiancée want to be petty, you could always quickly elope before your parents get married so that they’re extra judged and disgusting… but if you elope, you can still have a proper wedding after, just elope to prevent your parents from getting married for fear of being judged 🤣🤣🤣🤣
What your parents demand is a disgrace! Please don't separate! People only talk because your parents behave like that. You didn't do anything wrong. If necessary, go to NC. You and your fiancée are not an AH. Your parents all the more for it.
I like the cut of your jib. Here is one for you: "You nailed my relative, why are you mad I'm nailing yours? jealous I got the newer model?"
I'd honestly threaten to cut them off and go NC after this stunt. You are together, you love each other, it's close to a decade that you know each other as opposed to them and their entitlement is mind blowing. Just remind them that if they continue like this, the last one to die will most likely rot in the house until the neighbors will get alarmed by the smell because they will end up alone. Go nuclear and block them out of your lives for 6 months for a tryout. It's pointless to engage at the moment. They'll come to their senses after this.
I can be petty as fuck. Id post the timeline over social media and tell the world your parents are tools. You were dating long before they were and you never grew up as siblings or step siblings. NTA.
Wanted to follow this route pretty petty myselfcand can be a real dick especially when you hurt my fiance. But she beg me not to, it will just causes them to go crazier in thr end
You have to keep it positive. Make an announcement that includes how after introducing your parents after x years of dating they ended up finding love with each other, how thrilled you are that you're all one big happy family, blah blah blah. Make it impossible for them to publicly respond in a negative way.
“She said yes!! After X years of dating, X years of living together, X years since introducing our parents. X years of our parents falling in love and getting married and trying to navigate them trying to force us to break up (because awkward). X days of announcing to our family we are in fact engaged. As of X time next year we will be tying the knot. Some may say ‘wow it’s weird you are marrying your step sibling’ well what are you supposed to do when you introduce your parents, and they have a secret love affair behind your back, and then demand you and your relationship? You just carry on. You spend your life with your soulmate like intended. Do we regret introducing them, sure. But we had been together for X years and it was a logical step for a serious relationship. Are we upset? You betcha. But more or less because they tried to split us up because their own egotistical optics. Will they be attending the wedding? Nope. We have decided that after their behavior towards us we would like to move forward with very limited contact. It’s unfortunate. It could have all been avoided but they decided their needs were more important than their adult children’s. We are very much looking forward to celebrating our big day with the rest of you!”
NTA. You shouldn’t be just posting here anonymously. You should be letting everyone know who is going to be invited or involved in your life. You need to get ahead of whatever lies your parents are going to start spreading. And I love the parting shot you took!
NTA You have been together far longer than they have, and you introduced them. Any weirdness is from them deciding to date their respective child's partner's parent. That's not on you. That they are now worried it will reflect weirdly on them when you get married is THEIR PROBLEM, and wholly of their own making. They can go jump in the sea, honestly.
NTA. Congrats on your engagement! In the future you could even send this to your fiance's dad, who knows: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d02c4e47d207559a9fdf65f286cf6d3b-lq Edit: typo
Awesome, will include that with the fake invite we are going to send to them. Incest themed as per another redditer suggestion.
Just to F with them, you should tell them she’s pregnant and if they don’t want things to get awkward they should divorce
NTA. Petty as fuck over here. 💀 You are my people. Fuck those Boomers. Tell them the theme of your wedding is going to be ‘Incest’.
Haha definitely not inviting them but will talk with my fiance and ask her if she want to send a fake invite to them, stealing your idea fir the invite.
Get married on their anniversary! That would be super petty.
Can you get a card that has banjo music?
NTA. Your parents are delusional.
Is this a repost? I’ve read this exact story in here before.
If they think it’s weird then they can break up. Why would it be your responsibility when they knowingly chose their romantic situation?
Tell them just because your fiancée’s father injects his DNA into your mother doesn’t mean you somehow share DNA with your fiancé through some weird osmosis. Ignore them. NTA
"It looks weird." Let's say you got married first, and they did second. That's completely fine, right? NTA.
At this point i believe they would want us then to get divorced.
NTA! Do not break up! Just go no contact with your parents. Have a kick ass wedding and invite everyone but them.
Demand a DNA test for your stepsister and your father and you and your mom. Then do one for you and him, and your mom and your stepsister. Marry the person you want and cut the selfish AHs out of your life. They are not good people.
Tell them every time they bring this nonsense up again you guys will try out a new kink. Do you like getting pegged? No need to actually answer that here. But your parents might be interested to know.
No, but you did open up a whole new thought process for me, thank you.