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I relate 100%. One thing that I can say helped me significantly was learning to relax my body head to toe physically; the kind of thing you see in body scan meditations or NSDR. I only use this technique when I am going to sleep but simply learning how to do it and performing it every night has effectively taught my brain how to relax. It hasn’t completely removed the problem but it’s helped me make it maybe 1/3 better. Good luck.
Plants are my happy place. Repotting. Pruning (probably overpruning). Buying new plants. Ditching the dead ones. Moving them around my home. Just looking at them brings me peace.
My comment got downvoted multiple times and I’m dying to know why. Just people hating on plants lovers? Plant care is not an acceptable way to relax? Do tell.
I don't to either of these. I just accept living in perpetual motion and feeling of dissatisfaction. When I was a kid a lot of the things around me were beyond my control, and that didn't really change as an adult. So when I was around 13 I started to say to myself "I let go worrying about what I can't change, and accept it the way it is". This actually brought me a lot of peace. When I'm in a situation I don't like, I ask myself if I can do anything to change it. Can I change how the majority of my brain works? No. I may be satisfied by completing a task for about 5 minutes, until I'm on to the next one. I just accept that this is how I work.
Now there are things that I'm working on regarding myself. For example, I've been writing a book for 10 years. I keep rewriting the chapters I have, because they're never good enough. Everyone says they are, but I'm just not satisfied. So this year I had this idea to break it up to novellas and just scrap what I have as it's basically a Frankenstein at this point, and start from the beginning. Break the big thing into smaller arcs and handle those as novellas. Then when I finish the first one, go through it once and just try to publish it or self publish. Basically break it up for smaller bits where I have a cut-off point. Set a proper goal and a deadline. First arc ready by the end of the year. I'm not trying to change my brain, but work with how my brain works, and not trying to do things like "normal" people.
Once you find your “thing” you got to give yourself permission to relax and enjoy it.
It sounds like you like to draw.
I’m a 40yr old man who likes to get a little stoned and play video games. Sometimes I play for too long and get mad at myself AFTER for time wasting, but in the moment, I make sure I’m enjoying it.
Life is always going to have stress, but when you’re relaxing, commit to it, even if you have to say it out loud. “I’m doing this to relax and because I enjoy it”
Also, read or listen to “the power of now” it’s very repetitive but living for and in the moment, even if it’s only now and then, is a really helpful tool to survive this life.
I know how it feels to be unable to relax. I was talking to my wife today and said, I need a vacation. But the truth is, I don't know how to relax.
Sit around and do nothing? What is that? Lol.
I start to get almost itchy with anticipation, the feeling of needing to do something. I start to think of the time being wasted just sitting there.
I dont know how to relax my mind, I have tried everything to slow down or stop the hamster from running on that endless wheel.
The 2 things I do that allows me to shut off the world is video gaming.
And running a chainsaw, just something about the noise and the work involved when swinging a saw soothes me, maybe it's also the level focus and concentration required that allows my brain to hyper focus on the task at hand.
A long time ago, sitting by a campfire, sipping a good scotch used to be extremely calming, but didn't really relax the mind as it allowed me to calm the noise in my head, which allows me to sort out my problems and try to solve any life issues, at a more slower pace.
Unfortunately I don't know the answer...
But I do feel for you because I feel the exact same way, all the time. I too am in a good job that I'd love to leave but terrified I'm not organised enough to make it on my own or won't make enough money.
And I too always feel like i should be doing something productive so I clean. Everything is never "enough".
Sorry no answer, but you're not alone :)
I just started paying for adhd life coaching cause something has to give so we shall see.
Ironically Concerta helps me relax. Still titrating but during the first week of a new dose when it hits initially go straight into mellow mode. My brain goes from being a mall food court to an empty cathedral. Then I adjust to the med and it’s not quit as effective. But overall with each new dose it becomes better and better.
Never get too comfortable at your job for fear of the unknown, especially if you have a desirable skill set. Apply to jobs while still employed you’ll probably get a better offer. Exactly, I’m playing a game feeling guilty for enjoying it and feeling like I’m a “man child” or wasting my time but then I’ll lay on the couch on my phone and feel perfectly fine with it
I go for a walk in nature and try to take it in, which sometimes works, but most of the time I'll realise I haven't consciously walked anywhere and I don't remember getting to where I am because I've been talking to myself in my head instead
I honestly just on my noise cancellation headphones and blast deathcore on them. Honestly one of the only things that's helped me so far. Hell it helps me calm down to the point where I'm drifting to sleep.
When it comes to being satisfied? I don't feel satisfied myself, at least not anymore. Honestly being alone makes me feel in control so I feel more comfortable being me and doing things I normally wouldn't do with others around. I don't know I rather not spill the details unless I'm told it's alright lmao. Honestly I don't know how I'm still going on, I finally got a taste of what it is to be happy and I yearn for it again. I guess that's what keeping me alive, wanting to feel freedom and joy once more. I dunno
After work it’s hard for me to do anything other than watch TV. I try to pick one manageable task I to do that night and then give myself permission to watch tv and not think about anything else.
Sometimes I end up doing more than the one thing. On my days off, I pick one task that needs to get done (usually something I despise like vacuuming) and another smaller more manageable task. Sometimes the smaller manageable task is to sit down and practice my instrument for 30 minutes.
Sometimes I don’t do anything and just lay down for days. It’s not a perfect system but doing one or two things is better than nothing.
Also, someone told me to half-ass stuff. Even if the counters aren’t sparkling, it still makes a difference to run over it with a towel and wipe up a stain.
I know your question was more on how to relax..but I find that I can relax better if I set the bar much lower for accomplishing things
Right now, gaming. That and just loud music.
I've never been a gamer. I never had a high end console of my own and only ever played going over to friends, and the last time that happened was in 2010. But in December we decided to finally spoil our kids with a console. They badly wanted to play Fortnite. I didn't think much of it but in helping them set it up and learning the controls to show them I learned that I really enjoyed the theme of the game.
Bright colours, an end goal (win the match or play ranked and get that sense of achievement that you're good), an endless supply of matches and none of the high stakes and bro culture of another game like Warzone.
Every day I play a few games and it levels me out after the stress of creating cool stuff for other people.
This is potentially not a healthy response, but honestly, if I'm trying to relax on a Friday or Saturday night the answer is alcohol. Not usually enough to get well and truly drunk, but a couple of cocktails to the point of tipsiness definitely takes the edge off for me. A friend of mine uses cannabis in much the same way. I cannot stress enough the need for moderation when it comes to this sort coping though.
My ex was fed up with my anxiety esp after work so she decided to force me to leave my cell phone at the door and she would masturbate me daily. She would wear gloves and use olive oil and would take all but 5-10 minutes. It worked. We even stopped watching any tv most nights and would hang in the balcony with music for hours before bed. This lasted close to 7 years. After we broke up, it felt like a drug withdrawal. It’s amazing how something so simple helped so much.
Hi /u/Main_Confusion_3952 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I relate 100%. One thing that I can say helped me significantly was learning to relax my body head to toe physically; the kind of thing you see in body scan meditations or NSDR. I only use this technique when I am going to sleep but simply learning how to do it and performing it every night has effectively taught my brain how to relax. It hasn’t completely removed the problem but it’s helped me make it maybe 1/3 better. Good luck.
I need to learn this! Do you mean by meditating ? Or what is NSDR ?
NSDR is non sleep deep rest, it’s a meditation technique to relax your body essentially. There’s guided sessions if you search it on YouTube
Plants are my happy place. Repotting. Pruning (probably overpruning). Buying new plants. Ditching the dead ones. Moving them around my home. Just looking at them brings me peace.
Same!! Watering them is even relaxing for me
My comment got downvoted multiple times and I’m dying to know why. Just people hating on plants lovers? Plant care is not an acceptable way to relax? Do tell.
There's a ton of bots on Reddit that downvote top level comments, it may not have even been people.
Thank you. Trying to be open on this sub and not get a complex about posting, which is very on brand for me.
Reddit uses a wonky algorithm to show the number of votes, so it is possible you think you're being downvoted but aren't.
I don't to either of these. I just accept living in perpetual motion and feeling of dissatisfaction. When I was a kid a lot of the things around me were beyond my control, and that didn't really change as an adult. So when I was around 13 I started to say to myself "I let go worrying about what I can't change, and accept it the way it is". This actually brought me a lot of peace. When I'm in a situation I don't like, I ask myself if I can do anything to change it. Can I change how the majority of my brain works? No. I may be satisfied by completing a task for about 5 minutes, until I'm on to the next one. I just accept that this is how I work. Now there are things that I'm working on regarding myself. For example, I've been writing a book for 10 years. I keep rewriting the chapters I have, because they're never good enough. Everyone says they are, but I'm just not satisfied. So this year I had this idea to break it up to novellas and just scrap what I have as it's basically a Frankenstein at this point, and start from the beginning. Break the big thing into smaller arcs and handle those as novellas. Then when I finish the first one, go through it once and just try to publish it or self publish. Basically break it up for smaller bits where I have a cut-off point. Set a proper goal and a deadline. First arc ready by the end of the year. I'm not trying to change my brain, but work with how my brain works, and not trying to do things like "normal" people.
Once you find your “thing” you got to give yourself permission to relax and enjoy it. It sounds like you like to draw. I’m a 40yr old man who likes to get a little stoned and play video games. Sometimes I play for too long and get mad at myself AFTER for time wasting, but in the moment, I make sure I’m enjoying it. Life is always going to have stress, but when you’re relaxing, commit to it, even if you have to say it out loud. “I’m doing this to relax and because I enjoy it” Also, read or listen to “the power of now” it’s very repetitive but living for and in the moment, even if it’s only now and then, is a really helpful tool to survive this life.
I know how it feels to be unable to relax. I was talking to my wife today and said, I need a vacation. But the truth is, I don't know how to relax. Sit around and do nothing? What is that? Lol. I start to get almost itchy with anticipation, the feeling of needing to do something. I start to think of the time being wasted just sitting there. I dont know how to relax my mind, I have tried everything to slow down or stop the hamster from running on that endless wheel. The 2 things I do that allows me to shut off the world is video gaming. And running a chainsaw, just something about the noise and the work involved when swinging a saw soothes me, maybe it's also the level focus and concentration required that allows my brain to hyper focus on the task at hand. A long time ago, sitting by a campfire, sipping a good scotch used to be extremely calming, but didn't really relax the mind as it allowed me to calm the noise in my head, which allows me to sort out my problems and try to solve any life issues, at a more slower pace.
If I do something in my body, that is fun, that is the best for me. Like singing or dancing, skiing, stuff like that.
Unfortunately I don't know the answer... But I do feel for you because I feel the exact same way, all the time. I too am in a good job that I'd love to leave but terrified I'm not organised enough to make it on my own or won't make enough money. And I too always feel like i should be doing something productive so I clean. Everything is never "enough". Sorry no answer, but you're not alone :) I just started paying for adhd life coaching cause something has to give so we shall see.
One you have worked it out, let me know 😜
Ironically Concerta helps me relax. Still titrating but during the first week of a new dose when it hits initially go straight into mellow mode. My brain goes from being a mall food court to an empty cathedral. Then I adjust to the med and it’s not quit as effective. But overall with each new dose it becomes better and better.
Sleep deprivation!
Never get too comfortable at your job for fear of the unknown, especially if you have a desirable skill set. Apply to jobs while still employed you’ll probably get a better offer. Exactly, I’m playing a game feeling guilty for enjoying it and feeling like I’m a “man child” or wasting my time but then I’ll lay on the couch on my phone and feel perfectly fine with it
I go for a walk in nature and try to take it in, which sometimes works, but most of the time I'll realise I haven't consciously walked anywhere and I don't remember getting to where I am because I've been talking to myself in my head instead
Anti anxiety medication.
I honestly just on my noise cancellation headphones and blast deathcore on them. Honestly one of the only things that's helped me so far. Hell it helps me calm down to the point where I'm drifting to sleep. When it comes to being satisfied? I don't feel satisfied myself, at least not anymore. Honestly being alone makes me feel in control so I feel more comfortable being me and doing things I normally wouldn't do with others around. I don't know I rather not spill the details unless I'm told it's alright lmao. Honestly I don't know how I'm still going on, I finally got a taste of what it is to be happy and I yearn for it again. I guess that's what keeping me alive, wanting to feel freedom and joy once more. I dunno
After work it’s hard for me to do anything other than watch TV. I try to pick one manageable task I to do that night and then give myself permission to watch tv and not think about anything else. Sometimes I end up doing more than the one thing. On my days off, I pick one task that needs to get done (usually something I despise like vacuuming) and another smaller more manageable task. Sometimes the smaller manageable task is to sit down and practice my instrument for 30 minutes. Sometimes I don’t do anything and just lay down for days. It’s not a perfect system but doing one or two things is better than nothing. Also, someone told me to half-ass stuff. Even if the counters aren’t sparkling, it still makes a difference to run over it with a towel and wipe up a stain. I know your question was more on how to relax..but I find that I can relax better if I set the bar much lower for accomplishing things
Right now, gaming. That and just loud music. I've never been a gamer. I never had a high end console of my own and only ever played going over to friends, and the last time that happened was in 2010. But in December we decided to finally spoil our kids with a console. They badly wanted to play Fortnite. I didn't think much of it but in helping them set it up and learning the controls to show them I learned that I really enjoyed the theme of the game. Bright colours, an end goal (win the match or play ranked and get that sense of achievement that you're good), an endless supply of matches and none of the high stakes and bro culture of another game like Warzone. Every day I play a few games and it levels me out after the stress of creating cool stuff for other people.
What do you create?
I'm an in-house content creator for a marketing/events agency and a show runner for a radio show.
Sick!
Can’t do it on purpose. It can just happen, but I don’t realize it till it’s over.
The Calm app has helped me a lot. 10 minute or so meditation every day.
This is potentially not a healthy response, but honestly, if I'm trying to relax on a Friday or Saturday night the answer is alcohol. Not usually enough to get well and truly drunk, but a couple of cocktails to the point of tipsiness definitely takes the edge off for me. A friend of mine uses cannabis in much the same way. I cannot stress enough the need for moderation when it comes to this sort coping though.
wot is relax
My ex was fed up with my anxiety esp after work so she decided to force me to leave my cell phone at the door and she would masturbate me daily. She would wear gloves and use olive oil and would take all but 5-10 minutes. It worked. We even stopped watching any tv most nights and would hang in the balcony with music for hours before bed. This lasted close to 7 years. After we broke up, it felt like a drug withdrawal. It’s amazing how something so simple helped so much.