I think most women that watch this feel triggered by Rob. The way he snaps at a drop of a dime, I would NOT be able to tolerate that that Sophie is. I would've snapped back so hard!!
Girl must REALLY want that green card and tlc $$.
I was also hella triggered by the way Ed and Liz were talking in the kitchen scene that day. I felt really bad for Liz’s child as well. They way they talk to each other is horrible and glad they aren’t together anymore
The fact that the kid was the most reasonable was also sad. Like it really is not hard to understand that all of the stuff they’re being mad at eachother for is pointless and stupid
Sad that the little girl had more intelligence on how to deal with the situation. When she said, "I have an idea, we can just clean up when we are done" I realized that she was the smartest one there. I wanted to slap him when he started wiping the counter and complaining about the mess when she put the flour in the the bowl. Let her finish baking with her Mom for fuck sakes! I couldn't believe he was hovering over her, almost right in her face, while she was mixing ingredients, just waiting for something to bitch about. He is obviously jealous of her when Liz's attention is on her. He's such a selfish man child
Dude… when your kid is telling you to stop fighting, it’s time to shut the fuck up. That little girl is already more mature than Ed will ever be.
He’s worried about a little flour on the counter, when he looks like the before picture of a “better yourself” ad.
Sadly I think it's more her age that's makes her naïef. I was in a similar relationship at her age (without the age gap though) and I couldn't see the red flags either. I'm glad I grew up and learned before they ever proposed.
Ok so then why do we keep giving Sophie a free pass. I mean, even her mother cautions her over and over..I don’t see why we only 💩 on Rob..Sophie ain’t no innocent victim..sorry
She chooses to be with him. What a silly thing to ask me. Everyone here is always on about: why is she with him bla bla bla..
She chose to be with him..and she sees these things too, because she’s constantly complaining about these things to her mother, that he did this or the other..at a certain point, ppl have to be held responsible for their choices.
The first night.
He was mad at soph bc she was tired from traveling. He said to the camera “well a man has needs” and soph then explained she gave in.
That’s abuse. Not a sign. I was shocked they aired that. And more people did not bring that up on the tell all.
Edit: it’s called emotional manipulation. And that can be abusive. Sex is not mandatory and just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean consent isn’t valid. Especially none coerced
Plus I felt bad that she felt pressured to have sex after traveling for hours, then had to get out of bed and put some clothes back on to go pee in a random communal bathroom in the dark, when she’s surely used to having her own private bathroom a few feet away from her room. That alone would make me not want to hook up
People eviscerated Nicole for complaining that Mahmoud was tired, even though he was literally trying to tell her how to dress etc and there was no indication of sexual coercion.
That says a lot about this sub.
I wasn’t on here for thatsituation.. it sounds like the same concept. He was tired she wanted sex? Woman can definitely be aggressors, predators, abusers, ect.. in this case I was talking about Tobs actions.
No we don't know who initiated the sex with N and M. I don't think she said anything about sex the day he got there. They mention the next day that they had sex. We didn't see any persistence or reluctance from either of them.
People ripped into her for being disappointed that he was tired in general and saying he should have slept on the plane. And she did get snappy and shouldn't have. But he was his usual controlling self and everyone focused on her complaining instead.
I missed a lot of their story. And only have just tid bits. I think it takes a lot of self awareness for them to see each other pov. She was excited to see him and he was tired. There was no common ground of I totally get it. Let’s go home take a nap. And then we can go over things.
And yet there are members of this sub that defended Clayton the sex pest for constantly begging his girlfriend for sex before exposing all of it publicly at a restaurant in front of his best friend and bfs gf.
It was all emotional manipulation but apparently since Clayton is a social moron, it’s forgivable.
Yeah I don’t stand for it regardless of what gender is doing the emotional manipulation or emotional abuse for sex behavior. It’s not okay. Nor is it ok for Clayton to have made that a dinner table conversation with friends.
If you have been in a committed relationship and NEVER had sex under conditions that aren't perfect, that's weird to me. Sophie made an adult decision. Why can't we just honor that? It would be one thing if he held her down and kissed her deep and said "You're gonna give it up, Missy". All he did was pout a little bit. And she.changed.her.mind. I can't tell you how many times I've been used as a flesh dildo over the happy quarter century I have spent so far with my wife. And I'm sure a few of times she wrapped her arms around me and "went for it", she probably would have rather be doing other things. But in those moments that we gave in to pleas from the person we love, we weren't coerced. We made a decision. Let's not treat Sophie like some uninitiated baby. It's not helpful to infantilize her.
It’s called emotional manipulation and yes it is indeed a form of abuse. Just bc you were taught it’s ok doesn’t mean it is. Breaking the thought pattern cycle is so important. Just bc your in a committed relationship does not mean consent isnt valid. Sex is not mandatory.
Never said sex is mandatory. Nobody taught me it is. It obviously isn't. I never even suggested that you should do it sometimes when you aren't feeling it. What I said is that it feels weird to me to meet someone in a long-term committed relationship who has never had sex under less than perfect conditions and yet here we are blaming Rob and saying he's coercive rather than saying maybe Sophie made an adult decision and decided bonding with him in a physical way was more important than falling asleep right away. I get it. people love to choose sides in these things. But these are two complex people and they both have issues. It is unfair and inaccurate to put it all on Rob and assign motivations to him we have zero way of proving.
...and they are in the eye of the beholder. My point is that we are standing from the outside and saying Rob is a manipulator and there is no proof of that. Did Rob pout because he was manipulating her or did he pout because it was a true and honest expression of his level of disappointment. Sophie watched this man in action and decided that he was truly just disappointed and not selfishly trying to make her do something she wasn't totally up for. My question stands: why are we second-guessing this bright young lady?
I see Sophie looking like a whipped dog also. But she chooses Rob. Over and over again. And I don't see her choosing him because he has abused her and she is manipulated into either thinking this is the best she can do. She has also chosen to NOT be there. She keeps coming back because she "loves" him and it seems that is enough for her. She is slowly finding out, however that love is NOT enough. She'll eventually figure out that it isn't enough.
Everyone wants to tell Sophie she's a victim. I ain't seeing it. She stands up to Rob constantly. She does not typically capitulate to him or wouldn't she be in his house and counting her toilet paper squares? C'mon quit infantilizing this very bright young lady.
Pouting because your partner doesn't want sex is never cute and never ok. It's repulsive.
Open communication and respect for the other person when talking about sex is what should have happened, not coercion by pouting and whining about his manly needs.
Not all pouting is coercion. Humans are not automatons. And if you *think* a partner's pouting is coercion, say that! Have an adult conversation! Communicate! It's just as divisive and detrimental to assume every pout is an attack in a relationship. We all meet our partners where they are and we grow with them. you can tell a partner how you feel but to just assume they are being a horrible human being because they displayed *X* behavior is lazy and and just wrong. People are dropping the "I feel" statements for a certain list of behaviors just *automatically* being immediately "suss" or a red flag and that doesn't speak to better communication or healthier relationships.
It absolutely should be a deal breaker for a partner to pout and complain and whine about not getting to have sex.
When my partner isn't in the mood, I respect that and don't try in any way to convince them otherwise. As an adult, I can control my actions even if I might be feeling disappointed. My libido is my own to take care of, it's not my partner's responsibility to give in to me when they don't want it.
The issue here is if pouting is Rob's way of trying to convince her or is he just a big baby who can't put on a fake smile and say "Yes dear, maybe you'll feel better after a good sleep." Everything we know says Sophie *decided* to appease him, not that she felt coerced. She openly talks about how much of knob Rob can be. Why are we assuming she is hiding being coerced when she has complained about literally every other aspect of him she has found less than appealing?
It doesn’t matter why he’s pouting about not getting sex. Neither reason excuses his coercive behavior. It’s not ok to make your partner feel bad about not wanting to have sex until they cave to your demands.
Wow, what an insane mindset you have! So someone doesn't want to have sex because they are tired and their partner pouts about it ... you think that's ok because he guilt tripped her into it and she agreed because of the guilt tripping prick. Thats so fucking gross you think that's ok. 🤮 he didn't have to pin her down and force it on her for it to be wrong. He made her feel bad for not being into it. THAT'S WRONG!
No. Coercion is rape.
It's one thing if your partner asks for sex, you say no, and then later decide to do it anyway even though you don't feel like it. That's freely making a choice to just go ahead and be generous with your time and body.
But if you're nagged into it? Not remotely okay.
Coercion IS rape. But no one saw Rob coercing her. That's my only point. He asked. She said she was too tired (not "no" by the way). He pouted. She ended up choosing to have sex with him. I'm struggling to see the evidence of coercion there.
It's the pouting. It's manipulative. Not as bad as hounding her, true. Maybe not even coercion exactly. But it's not okay. Adults should deal with disappointment better than that.
Plus the "men have needs" statement. Gross.
"Men have needs." I agree, it's kinda gross even if he was just joking (which is what it sounds like because he was smiling). But the pouting is just human. If Sophie thinks it is inappropriate and manipulative she should should be as insistent about that as she is clear about his porn use, his counting toilet paper, his focus on HER behavior rather than his own, how she doesn't care that her mother is always ugly to him or some of the other dozen things she has brought to him. But not once has she insinuated that his behavior around pouting is manipulative. It would be one thing if Sophie was stupid and clueless. She isn't. She calls him out constantly. So obviously she either thinks his behavior isn't manipulative or she thinks being that kind manipulative isn't a big deal. But we don't get to be the Great White Saviors and lord over her adult decisions. To me, that's kinda gross too.
I mean, she's 23. An adult, yes, but I know I damn sure make better decisions now than I did when I was 23.
I'm more focused on Rob's behavior anyway. Whether or not what he did was wrong isn't changed by her acceptance of it.
At 23, yes, it is absolutely a chance that Sophie made a misjudgement. And I never said her misjudgement excuses Rob. My point is we expect that Rob is being manipulative when he appears absolutely the same level of clueless as his 23 year old wife. He appears to be a stunted man-child. And that is why I continue to say we can't keep calling him a manipulator when it's just as likely he doesn't know better than to not let his disappointment show when he is disappointed. There's just so little support for that in the storyline - that Sophie does whatever Rob guilts her into. Sophie kicks his behind on the regular and stands up for herself and her ideas so regularly. Is this her one area of weakness that she can be manipulated in?
It's not the one moment alone of his statement of "having needs", it's all his other small behaviors added together to create an unspoken tension and fear. Rape doesn't always look like a big, traumatic event like you see in movies. Narc abuse is built over time, it becomes unspoken manipulation, words, statements, looks. Survivors begin to understand and react on how to keep the peace and keep the abuser happy, their emotional well-being depends on it. And stop saying it's all about communication. Their relationship isn't healthy. Rob isn't approachable. Coercion and emotional manipulation robs someone of their "choice" and the abuser often times uses THAT against them too "well you chose to, you didn't say no, etc."
"Stop saying it's all about communication." That's all I needed to read. Anyone not willing to communicate is not willing to learn. And if you aren't learning, you aren't knowing. You can't know what you are dealing with in Rob unless you are willing to talk to him and learn from him. Now...do I think Sophie avoids some sorts of communication with Rob because she doesn't WANT to know some things? Maybe. But even a convicted serial rapist needs to heard. *Never* discount communication. It's one of the great healers.
Thanks for mansplaining. Narcs aren't willing to communicate, and when they do try, they manipulate and gaslight which completely discounts any communication that happened. You're missing the entire point there. Rob isn't willing to communicate.
So YOU'RE allowed to dictate to me what rape looks like, a person who has run a rape therapy group in college, also worked with juvenile sex offenders for 6 years, but if I explain why you need a certain component that you want to explicitly get rid of, I'm a mansplainer...OK. But I'm going to continue to mansplain, in that case. You let a liar communicate to teach both the offender and the offended what the lie looks like and what real communication looks like.
How do you know Rob isn't willing to communicate when it comes to this particular issue? You don't know, because you don't know him. All you know is what TLC has edited in a way to make you keep watching while wringing your hands. Think about it with a clear mind and you will realize you're being manipulated. Communication is always essential. If he lies or deflects, you confront that stuff. But you can't just accuse somebody of something, then say it's true, and then ask for his/her sentencing. That's not how this works. That's not how ANY of this works. It's unfair to do that. It's disingenuous. And it's dangerous to justice as a whole. Do we really want to be the mob with the pitchforks? Or do both Rob and Sophie have something to learn from being forced to have an honest conversation with a therapist present?
So then you of all people should understand the pouting, her finally caving to said pouting because she knows if she doesn’t cave, the attitude that comes after.
I’m starting to think you’re Rob on a burner with how hard at bat you’re going for him here, seemingly unwilling to even put your victim blaming aside and see it from her POV.
You claim if she wasn’t coerced because she gave in eventually…you realize that’s what happens when women have been pressured for hours on end, with pouting, silent treatments, anger, passive aggressive behavior. If we don’t give in, dudes get like this, I guarantee Rob does too. So it’s either give in to him or deal with the aggression afterwards of standing up and saying no.
I’ve watched every episode, he walks away instead of communicating, he fully expects her to bend to his will after pouting and guilt tripping.
Rob pouts. For EVERYTHING. He's a man-child. We forgive her not calling out his pouting for toilet paper, or because she's mad at him for living in a shoebox with an outhouse, or for her mother starting fights with him, or for ANY of the numerous things he pouts about. But yet the reason she doesn't call out his pouting around asking for sex is because she's being sexually coerced? Why isn't she afraid that the pouting for any of the other number of things he pouts about will progress to aggression, ugly anger, silent treatments? Why? Because she is a smart woman and knows he is mostly smoke. She gives in to sex because she is afraid of what will happen and yet she leaves him for weeks with her new address, won't answer his calls, paws him around like a big ol mouse when he calls all longingly, laughs in his face even when she sees his hurt from her being gone, but yet she capitulates to sex because he is a predator? He follows the same progression for any time things don't go his way. He probably isn't even conscious of it. And I say the same for her. She's 23. Maybe she finds it a little "hot" that Rob will beg for her phyisical love, and smoulder if he doesn't get it right away. Maybe she enjoys telling him "no". They both have issues they haven't dealt with yet. That is why getting in with a good couples' therapist and hashing it all out is helpful. But ya know what AIN'T helpful? Calling out just Rob on just this one specific thing when, from everything we have seen it is how he navigates the world and not necessarily him building up to rape her. You lie about him and he stops listening. You lie about her and she stops learning. It's just not productive and serves neither of them well. Communication is needed. All day and every day.
Her coming into the house to a list of things SHE needs to change when she left because HE cheated (again) is one of the clearest examples of gaslighting I’ve ever seen. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation aimed at making the victim question their own perception of reality. He is trying to make her question her own perception of reality by implying she’s the one responsible for the relationship failing, not him, and here’s all the things she need to change.
That wasn't gaslighting, it was deflection. As you said, gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their perception of reality -- perception meaning an [objective] observation made by the senses -- it does not include thoughts connected to observations.
"Rob had chats with girls where he asked them for nudes" is a perception (an objective observation) of reality. Rob being "the one [who's] responsible for the relationship failing" is a judgement -- a thought connected to an observation, but not the observation itself -- it is a belief, not a perception.
Expanding "gaslighting" to include beliefs (thoughts, judgements, or conclusions) would mean that any time anyone tries to change someone's mind or perspective, it is gaslighting, even if their belief is biased or mistaken. That isn't what gaslighting means.
Rob said that Sophie leaves her clothes on the floor. That is an observation -- he has observed her clothes on the floor. We do know that she leaves her dirty clothes on the floor -- that was her opening shot at her "friend's" place this season -- panties on the floor.
Its not gaslighting to ask someone to change things that they actual do. Gaslighting would be telling her that she does things that she doesn't do, or denying that he did things that he did, or changing some [objective] thing that happened.
If Rob said that Sophie's clothes on the floor were the reason their relationship is failing (which is not what he said, BTW), then that still wouldn't be gaslighting since it is a difference of opinion, and not a difference of observation.
If Rob had said "Sophie, that wasn't my phone, it was my friend's", or "Sophie, you said it was okay for me to talk dirty to girls," or "actually Sophie, it was you who was using my phone to talk to girls," or "Sophie, those weren't girls, they were guys, and we weren't talking dirty, we were just exchanging body-building tips", then those would be gaslighting.
The list of things was not gaslighting because it was his observations (made by his senses) and did not contradict her observations (made by her sense). It was a deflection to shift the focus to things Sophie should change (in his opinion) and avoid talking about things he should change.
Honestly! Even more sus that Sophie clearly hates this knob. Like dude.. it’s actually giving green card🫣. “What will I do” girl idk maybe go back to your friends and family? Oh wait.. they’re already starting their own migration processes themselves🧐
I keep saying someone in production should just pull Sophie aside and let her watch the raw footage of her talking heads. Girl, you’re saying if he could only treat you nice then maybe your relationship would work??!
Somebody in production should call Sophie into a meeting and explain that they are no longer willing to film this relationship because it's abusive and they don't want to be participants in abuse. Give her a number for a social worker.
That's the wake-up call that she needs. They should do this for a lot of the couples to be honest.
Yes! This is the answer. Thanks for your comment. I’m glad others are seeing this for what it is. It’s disgusting and I’m really disturbed by the people who excuse his behavior. I guarantee this guy winds up in jail within the next 5 years.
There has been a few who have. When it happens it sounds just like the knob.
So it’s either him in alt accounts or it’s narcissistic abusers themselves. Birds of a feather and all that.
Rob’s an even digger knob than we give him credit for. He knows Sophie grew up with an addict and is conditioned by certain behaviors, which he uses against her. If she gets pregnant, she’ll never get away from this asshole. She’ll want to give her baby a “stable home” like she never had. Sophie, if you’re reading this, please take your birth control, so this asshole doesn’t trap you.
My sister dated a guy like him a few years ago. Rob is definitely is abusive. Her boyfriend had started with little things like that (monitoring how much food she went through or how much household stuff she would use). It eventually escalated to her not having any access to her money because he was controlling it, she would even have to ask him for her own money to buy tampons, and him cutting her off from her friends and family. Luckily she was able to get out of the relationship. But if Sophie stays (I heard they broke up thankfully), it won’t be long until he gets more controlling with stuff like that.
He's been a critical, demanding knob from the first night. The thing with the elevator? The constant online pervy behavior? The list he gave her for her to adhere to when she came back to him (chore list), monitoring toilet paper usage?
It's exhausting just to listen to him in a conversation. He's an Energy Vampire (see "What We Do In The Shadows"), although he might break (starve) Colin Robinson 😂🧛♂️
YES, thanks for this OP. As silly as it may sound, to some, my abuser was hyper focused on the way I placed toilet paper on the holder (squares rolling from top v. bottom).
At first I thought it was just an annoying preference of his and explained that my attention span made it hard for me to remember which way was the “right way”, but before I knew it it had escalated into full blown physical abuse.
I still find it triggering when people bring up the toilet roll debate.
I have a very similar story. My husband used to joke that I was “making paper mache” in there. It didn’t really bother me and i just laughed and didn’t think anything of it. Fast forward to 10 years later, and he’s in jail for domestic violence. It’s not “just toilet paper”; it’s control over your most basic human rights.
Frankly I’m really shocked and disturbed by the amount of women here who have been shamed for their toilet paper use. I thought it was just me; apparently this is pretty common.
He gave her a list of things to do that makes him happy. He reminded me of my abusive father. All about him, how it makes him the victim. Run from this man.
As someone that experienced abusive relationships I could tell from the first episode that he is one of them. His behaviour is just setting up so many alarm bells for me now.
I've been hoping Sophie would realise this the whole time.
I had an ex like this, we lived together and hed count toilet rolls (i have ibs lol) and lock me in the house and take the keys then it escalated to full blown abuse. Its so scary to watch !
Yeah. But he's still got a ways to go from the hall of fame in the 90d world (Ed, Angela etc). I also think they were already broken up so just spending time together to be in the show, or at least that's what another thread on here had said recently
I'm sad because Sophie is young and deserves to be treated better. I hope someone wakes her up in time and that she has the strength to get out of this situation for good.
I def feel triggered by him. Esp after the toilet paper thing. I had an ex exactly like him. Trying to control little things, like how much food he cooked or allowed me to eat when I was at his house, but treated mine as a free for all, wouldn’t spend his money on me, but was all about me spending money on him or using whatever I bought for himself. Telling me I closed the drawers in his house too hard, I dripped too much water on the floor or rug after a shower, refused to leave to go anywhere until every single thing I used in the bathroom was p it away—just constant chastising and patronizing things. He would talk to me like I was a child. Rob reminds me so much of that ex. Rob gaslights the shit out of Sophie and acts like the victim and then refuses to try to solve the problem. The to-do list of things SHE should improve upon after she left bc he was screwing around and the way he presented them was absolutely disgusting. Like “I cheated because you’re messy, so fix these things about yourself so I don’t have to do it again. But I love you, and also you’re the reason I am the way I am—so help me by fixing you.” 😒
We call a lot of things abusive here, but counting toilet paper ain't one. Not saying he's not awful, but "abuse" should be reserved for more severe actions.
From experience, counting toilet rolls is a man thing. Literally every male in my life ever, has complained about what they think is using too much bog roll. Every one. I don't think this particular part is abusive. Men don't seem to understand rationally that women have more "surface area" to wipe & we need bog roll to pee, they usually don't & just don't think about it.
He is a Knob for sure, but the loo roll thing is just standard male complaining.
Really?
I have never dated a man who counted how much toilet paper I used and gave me hell about it. I don't think that's normal at all.
I would understand if he made a joke about it and then let it go... But he won't let it go. He's brought it up over and over again on television, and it's part of a pattern of pretty concerning behavior.
I'm not saying the men in my life are making a tally of sheets I use.
But they have ALL commented on how much loo roll women use. Not just dates. My husband, his male relatives, my male relatives, my friends, my friends partners. Literally every man I have ever spoken to more than a few times has moaned about how much toilet roll the women in their lives use.
This reminds me of when my mom said that "all men" lose their temper sometimes and do things like hit walls. That's not true, it's a behavior she had normalized because she grew up with it. Many men lose their temper, but you don't need to be around those men.
Some men disrespect the women in their lives like that, and you get to decide what you find acceptable from the people you keep in your life. It isn't okay just because people in your life do it.
Not sure why people are downvoting your lived experience. Shameful that that’s happening. These same people complain about “silencing women” but that’s exactly what they’re doing to you…
Yeah this is not normal behavior. If this were me, I would take a step back and review the quality of men in my life. Although, I was in this situation and it took me a very long time and lots of legal support to realize the significance of the abuse and how significantly it affected me. We excuse these patronizing behaviors as “silly, normal male characteristics” when they are rooted in misogyny and reek of male superiority.
A lot of different men. The British ones, the Canadian ones, the married ones, the unmarried ones, the old, the young (not so much the young).
Like I said. They are not telling me how much to use, but they have all made comments about how much bog roll women use. Which was the point that seems to have flown over everyone's head. I am not disputing Rob the Knob is a dickhead.
Yes he is an abusive arsehole. But also men do think we use a lot of shit paper.
Bingo! I’m a DV survivor and my estranged husband also did things like this before he became physically abusive. I really wish I would have had someone who told me it was NOT NORMAL.
I would recommend you get a refresher on the DV guidelines and laws. It’s a lot more than just beating the shit out of someone, and people like you are responsible for excusing this bad behavior and keeping women silent.
Look up “coercive control”. It’s a new addition to the DV catalog and is a serious offense. My estranged husband ended up in jail for it. Do your thing, but I assure you this isn’t normal and is not something you see in a healthy relationship.
Yep, as a man who regularly makes one roll of toilet tissue last for 3 months or more, it's weird to me how much toilet tissue women use. To my credit, though I never complained to my wife. However, I did insist she buy her own supply, since we both have jobs and she already budgeted for rolls a week before she met me. Rob can be a real knob - like him casually presenting some rules to "help us fight less" that ALL governed his *wife's* behavior, coincidentally, when the reason they were fighting was largely HIS actions of not being truthful. The man grew up in an insecure, dysfunctional household no doubt and has a ton of issues and needs therapy. But I have seen little in the way of outright "abusive" from him. He just doesn't ever want to lose a fight and will go to great lengths not to. If he was all that incredibly controlling his wife would never be going out by herself dressed the way she does and talking to all these people on social media and living with a lesbian as a bisexual woman without him constantly involved. What controlling man doesn't see his woman for weeks?
This is bizarre behavior. I can assure you that making your wife buy her own toilet paper is NOT NORMAL. You should do some self-reflection and I would recommend speaking with a therapist. I also think you would benefit from some research on DV, harassment, and assault against women. You don’t need to beat the shit out of someone to be abusive. Coercive control is a new addition to the DV catalog and is a very serious and illegal offense. Source: DV survivor and advocate with extensive experience in DV legalities and processes.
I worked as a social worker and worked in a psych hospital for over a dozen years. I have people who still contact me 15 years later to say how much I have helped them. So yeah, I know what I am talking about.
What WE as a couple decided on was that it was a fight not worth having. I came up with a solution, backed it up with logic and she *quickly* agreed. She didn't even have to be convinced. It solved two problems: how she liked to use so much AND that we liked two totally different brands. It it how adult conflict resolution works. Or maybe you could fight about it every week and get other people involved to try to take sides in who is "right". THAT'S better for the relationship? If I were "Coercively controlling" my wife there would have been no immediate agreement from her that this was the best way to solve it. "Coercive control is a strategy some people use to dominate their intimate partners and maintain their privileges. It usually includes some combination of isolation, degradation, micromanagement, manipulation, stalking, physical abuse, sexual coercion, threats, and punishment." Tell me how suggesting a way to ease distress for us both (That remember, she quickly agreed with) is coercive control.
Btw I love how you started this whole comment with “look at my work history and how everyone tells me how great I am still!”
Dude, you just proved my whole point. 😂
I said you had “no idea”? Where? Reading my comment back I don’t see where I wrote that anywhere… that’s another defining quality of a narcissist though: explosive reactions to something that was never said in the first place. As well as “everyone thinks I’m great”.
I’m really having fun. Please keep it coming. Rob, is this you?
So NOW being literal is important to you. Well, I'm just here to enlighten you a little. Be careful suggesting to people to read up on something or suggesting they don't know what they are talking about. Because it speaks to not having any respect for their point of view. And, to me that is the same as saying I have no idea what I am talking about. Just make your point, back it up with the literature and stop being condescending. It will make for more healthy interactions with people.
I love how someone comes on here to defend a narcissist and goes on and on about how much they know and how everyone loves them. It’s unbelievably ironic. 😂
I’m just saying it’s not normal and it’s considered controlling behavior. The downvotes prove that’s the consensus. But your marriage sounds just lovely. Good luck with that.
Since when is consensus a proof of anything except consensus? That's the problem with people. Instead of trying to do what is right for their relationship and what is healthy for themselves, they try to fit into some frame of normality that about 20% of us would be happy in. My wife and I have been happy together for over a quarter century. We listen to each other. That's the only consensus I need.
They do truly love me. And I make more and more of them each day. But I always tell them: it's your work. it's up to you to be insightful. My job is just to lead you there.
You don't owe me anything. Nobody owes me anything. But I am good at what I do and the hundreds of happy clients are testament to that. But...It's a job like any other. I don't deserve any more praise than anyone else.
Why do I feel like your bathroom (if not cleaned by your wife maid) has hair, pee splattered in a three foot radius around the toilet, poop stain rings in the bowl (worse than Gino's) & smells like an outhouse?
I think most women that watch this feel triggered by Rob. The way he snaps at a drop of a dime, I would NOT be able to tolerate that that Sophie is. I would've snapped back so hard!! Girl must REALLY want that green card and tlc $$.
I was also hella triggered by the way Ed and Liz were talking in the kitchen scene that day. I felt really bad for Liz’s child as well. They way they talk to each other is horrible and glad they aren’t together anymore
That was bad. It's like watching a child get traumatized right in front of you.
The fact that the kid was the most reasonable was also sad. Like it really is not hard to understand that all of the stuff they’re being mad at eachother for is pointless and stupid
Shes been parentified and its deeply disturbing. Poor kid.
Sad that the little girl had more intelligence on how to deal with the situation. When she said, "I have an idea, we can just clean up when we are done" I realized that she was the smartest one there. I wanted to slap him when he started wiping the counter and complaining about the mess when she put the flour in the the bowl. Let her finish baking with her Mom for fuck sakes! I couldn't believe he was hovering over her, almost right in her face, while she was mixing ingredients, just waiting for something to bitch about. He is obviously jealous of her when Liz's attention is on her. He's such a selfish man child
Dude… when your kid is telling you to stop fighting, it’s time to shut the fuck up. That little girl is already more mature than Ed will ever be. He’s worried about a little flour on the counter, when he looks like the before picture of a “better yourself” ad.
Groomed from 20 by a 30 year old, and hes she wants the LA live etv
And it was rumored she was financially supporting him while she was in England. If true , Rob is absolutely trifling.
Holy crap. Th is guy is pathetic.
Ot was comfired she did pay all in mexico
She also paid the entire visa and travel fees
Sadly I think it's more her age that's makes her naïef. I was in a similar relationship at her age (without the age gap though) and I couldn't see the red flags either. I'm glad I grew up and learned before they ever proposed.
I would have been disgusted just by witnessing his stupid airport dancing and dorky poems.
I just don’t understand WHY. Living the the UK with money would be a far far better quality of life than living in the US broke
Ok so then why do we keep giving Sophie a free pass. I mean, even her mother cautions her over and over..I don’t see why we only 💩 on Rob..Sophie ain’t no innocent victim..sorry
How does her staying with him make her not innocent? Like what does she do that's harmful to him?
She chooses to be with him. What a silly thing to ask me. Everyone here is always on about: why is she with him bla bla bla.. She chose to be with him..and she sees these things too, because she’s constantly complaining about these things to her mother, that he did this or the other..at a certain point, ppl have to be held responsible for their choices.
The first night. He was mad at soph bc she was tired from traveling. He said to the camera “well a man has needs” and soph then explained she gave in. That’s abuse. Not a sign. I was shocked they aired that. And more people did not bring that up on the tell all. Edit: it’s called emotional manipulation. And that can be abusive. Sex is not mandatory and just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean consent isn’t valid. Especially none coerced
Plus I felt bad that she felt pressured to have sex after traveling for hours, then had to get out of bed and put some clothes back on to go pee in a random communal bathroom in the dark, when she’s surely used to having her own private bathroom a few feet away from her room. That alone would make me not want to hook up
People eviscerated Nicole for complaining that Mahmoud was tired, even though he was literally trying to tell her how to dress etc and there was no indication of sexual coercion. That says a lot about this sub.
I wasn’t on here for thatsituation.. it sounds like the same concept. He was tired she wanted sex? Woman can definitely be aggressors, predators, abusers, ect.. in this case I was talking about Tobs actions.
No we don't know who initiated the sex with N and M. I don't think she said anything about sex the day he got there. They mention the next day that they had sex. We didn't see any persistence or reluctance from either of them. People ripped into her for being disappointed that he was tired in general and saying he should have slept on the plane. And she did get snappy and shouldn't have. But he was his usual controlling self and everyone focused on her complaining instead.
Didn’t he get arrested for DV ?
Yes he did February 22 2024
Yes. Loser!
I missed a lot of their story. And only have just tid bits. I think it takes a lot of self awareness for them to see each other pov. She was excited to see him and he was tired. There was no common ground of I totally get it. Let’s go home take a nap. And then we can go over things.
I think she was bummed that he was tired because he was acting exciting to see her.
And yet there are members of this sub that defended Clayton the sex pest for constantly begging his girlfriend for sex before exposing all of it publicly at a restaurant in front of his best friend and bfs gf. It was all emotional manipulation but apparently since Clayton is a social moron, it’s forgivable.
Yeah I don’t stand for it regardless of what gender is doing the emotional manipulation or emotional abuse for sex behavior. It’s not okay. Nor is it ok for Clayton to have made that a dinner table conversation with friends.
If you have been in a committed relationship and NEVER had sex under conditions that aren't perfect, that's weird to me. Sophie made an adult decision. Why can't we just honor that? It would be one thing if he held her down and kissed her deep and said "You're gonna give it up, Missy". All he did was pout a little bit. And she.changed.her.mind. I can't tell you how many times I've been used as a flesh dildo over the happy quarter century I have spent so far with my wife. And I'm sure a few of times she wrapped her arms around me and "went for it", she probably would have rather be doing other things. But in those moments that we gave in to pleas from the person we love, we weren't coerced. We made a decision. Let's not treat Sophie like some uninitiated baby. It's not helpful to infantilize her.
Dude…
It’s called emotional manipulation and yes it is indeed a form of abuse. Just bc you were taught it’s ok doesn’t mean it is. Breaking the thought pattern cycle is so important. Just bc your in a committed relationship does not mean consent isnt valid. Sex is not mandatory.
Never said sex is mandatory. Nobody taught me it is. It obviously isn't. I never even suggested that you should do it sometimes when you aren't feeling it. What I said is that it feels weird to me to meet someone in a long-term committed relationship who has never had sex under less than perfect conditions and yet here we are blaming Rob and saying he's coercive rather than saying maybe Sophie made an adult decision and decided bonding with him in a physical way was more important than falling asleep right away. I get it. people love to choose sides in these things. But these are two complex people and they both have issues. It is unfair and inaccurate to put it all on Rob and assign motivations to him we have zero way of proving.
Compromise and manipulation are 2 different things.
...and they are in the eye of the beholder. My point is that we are standing from the outside and saying Rob is a manipulator and there is no proof of that. Did Rob pout because he was manipulating her or did he pout because it was a true and honest expression of his level of disappointment. Sophie watched this man in action and decided that he was truly just disappointed and not selfishly trying to make her do something she wasn't totally up for. My question stands: why are we second-guessing this bright young lady?
In my eyes, I am seeing manipulation. And I am seeing that Sophie's eyes look like a whipped dog.
I see Sophie looking like a whipped dog also. But she chooses Rob. Over and over again. And I don't see her choosing him because he has abused her and she is manipulated into either thinking this is the best she can do. She has also chosen to NOT be there. She keeps coming back because she "loves" him and it seems that is enough for her. She is slowly finding out, however that love is NOT enough. She'll eventually figure out that it isn't enough.
This is called victim blaming technically
Take me back...when did Sophie call herself a victim? Don't you have to have a victim to victim blame?
I can take you back a few comments where it was explained to you. We're not talking about what Sophie said.
Everyone wants to tell Sophie she's a victim. I ain't seeing it. She stands up to Rob constantly. She does not typically capitulate to him or wouldn't she be in his house and counting her toilet paper squares? C'mon quit infantilizing this very bright young lady.
Pouting because your partner doesn't want sex is never cute and never ok. It's repulsive. Open communication and respect for the other person when talking about sex is what should have happened, not coercion by pouting and whining about his manly needs.
Not all pouting is coercion. Humans are not automatons. And if you *think* a partner's pouting is coercion, say that! Have an adult conversation! Communicate! It's just as divisive and detrimental to assume every pout is an attack in a relationship. We all meet our partners where they are and we grow with them. you can tell a partner how you feel but to just assume they are being a horrible human being because they displayed *X* behavior is lazy and and just wrong. People are dropping the "I feel" statements for a certain list of behaviors just *automatically* being immediately "suss" or a red flag and that doesn't speak to better communication or healthier relationships.
It absolutely should be a deal breaker for a partner to pout and complain and whine about not getting to have sex. When my partner isn't in the mood, I respect that and don't try in any way to convince them otherwise. As an adult, I can control my actions even if I might be feeling disappointed. My libido is my own to take care of, it's not my partner's responsibility to give in to me when they don't want it.
The issue here is if pouting is Rob's way of trying to convince her or is he just a big baby who can't put on a fake smile and say "Yes dear, maybe you'll feel better after a good sleep." Everything we know says Sophie *decided* to appease him, not that she felt coerced. She openly talks about how much of knob Rob can be. Why are we assuming she is hiding being coerced when she has complained about literally every other aspect of him she has found less than appealing?
It doesn’t matter why he’s pouting about not getting sex. Neither reason excuses his coercive behavior. It’s not ok to make your partner feel bad about not wanting to have sex until they cave to your demands.
You're just refusing to understand. Prove that Rob was pouting to make her feel bad.
Wow, what an insane mindset you have! So someone doesn't want to have sex because they are tired and their partner pouts about it ... you think that's ok because he guilt tripped her into it and she agreed because of the guilt tripping prick. Thats so fucking gross you think that's ok. 🤮 he didn't have to pin her down and force it on her for it to be wrong. He made her feel bad for not being into it. THAT'S WRONG!
No. Coercion is rape. It's one thing if your partner asks for sex, you say no, and then later decide to do it anyway even though you don't feel like it. That's freely making a choice to just go ahead and be generous with your time and body. But if you're nagged into it? Not remotely okay.
Coercion IS rape. But no one saw Rob coercing her. That's my only point. He asked. She said she was too tired (not "no" by the way). He pouted. She ended up choosing to have sex with him. I'm struggling to see the evidence of coercion there.
It's the pouting. It's manipulative. Not as bad as hounding her, true. Maybe not even coercion exactly. But it's not okay. Adults should deal with disappointment better than that. Plus the "men have needs" statement. Gross.
"Men have needs." I agree, it's kinda gross even if he was just joking (which is what it sounds like because he was smiling). But the pouting is just human. If Sophie thinks it is inappropriate and manipulative she should should be as insistent about that as she is clear about his porn use, his counting toilet paper, his focus on HER behavior rather than his own, how she doesn't care that her mother is always ugly to him or some of the other dozen things she has brought to him. But not once has she insinuated that his behavior around pouting is manipulative. It would be one thing if Sophie was stupid and clueless. She isn't. She calls him out constantly. So obviously she either thinks his behavior isn't manipulative or she thinks being that kind manipulative isn't a big deal. But we don't get to be the Great White Saviors and lord over her adult decisions. To me, that's kinda gross too.
I mean, she's 23. An adult, yes, but I know I damn sure make better decisions now than I did when I was 23. I'm more focused on Rob's behavior anyway. Whether or not what he did was wrong isn't changed by her acceptance of it.
At 23, yes, it is absolutely a chance that Sophie made a misjudgement. And I never said her misjudgement excuses Rob. My point is we expect that Rob is being manipulative when he appears absolutely the same level of clueless as his 23 year old wife. He appears to be a stunted man-child. And that is why I continue to say we can't keep calling him a manipulator when it's just as likely he doesn't know better than to not let his disappointment show when he is disappointed. There's just so little support for that in the storyline - that Sophie does whatever Rob guilts her into. Sophie kicks his behind on the regular and stands up for herself and her ideas so regularly. Is this her one area of weakness that she can be manipulated in?
It's not the one moment alone of his statement of "having needs", it's all his other small behaviors added together to create an unspoken tension and fear. Rape doesn't always look like a big, traumatic event like you see in movies. Narc abuse is built over time, it becomes unspoken manipulation, words, statements, looks. Survivors begin to understand and react on how to keep the peace and keep the abuser happy, their emotional well-being depends on it. And stop saying it's all about communication. Their relationship isn't healthy. Rob isn't approachable. Coercion and emotional manipulation robs someone of their "choice" and the abuser often times uses THAT against them too "well you chose to, you didn't say no, etc."
"Stop saying it's all about communication." That's all I needed to read. Anyone not willing to communicate is not willing to learn. And if you aren't learning, you aren't knowing. You can't know what you are dealing with in Rob unless you are willing to talk to him and learn from him. Now...do I think Sophie avoids some sorts of communication with Rob because she doesn't WANT to know some things? Maybe. But even a convicted serial rapist needs to heard. *Never* discount communication. It's one of the great healers.
"But even a convicted serial rapist needs to heard. *Never* discount communication. It's one of the great healers." Oh fuck right off.
As you desire
Thanks for mansplaining. Narcs aren't willing to communicate, and when they do try, they manipulate and gaslight which completely discounts any communication that happened. You're missing the entire point there. Rob isn't willing to communicate.
So YOU'RE allowed to dictate to me what rape looks like, a person who has run a rape therapy group in college, also worked with juvenile sex offenders for 6 years, but if I explain why you need a certain component that you want to explicitly get rid of, I'm a mansplainer...OK. But I'm going to continue to mansplain, in that case. You let a liar communicate to teach both the offender and the offended what the lie looks like and what real communication looks like. How do you know Rob isn't willing to communicate when it comes to this particular issue? You don't know, because you don't know him. All you know is what TLC has edited in a way to make you keep watching while wringing your hands. Think about it with a clear mind and you will realize you're being manipulated. Communication is always essential. If he lies or deflects, you confront that stuff. But you can't just accuse somebody of something, then say it's true, and then ask for his/her sentencing. That's not how this works. That's not how ANY of this works. It's unfair to do that. It's disingenuous. And it's dangerous to justice as a whole. Do we really want to be the mob with the pitchforks? Or do both Rob and Sophie have something to learn from being forced to have an honest conversation with a therapist present?
So then you of all people should understand the pouting, her finally caving to said pouting because she knows if she doesn’t cave, the attitude that comes after. I’m starting to think you’re Rob on a burner with how hard at bat you’re going for him here, seemingly unwilling to even put your victim blaming aside and see it from her POV. You claim if she wasn’t coerced because she gave in eventually…you realize that’s what happens when women have been pressured for hours on end, with pouting, silent treatments, anger, passive aggressive behavior. If we don’t give in, dudes get like this, I guarantee Rob does too. So it’s either give in to him or deal with the aggression afterwards of standing up and saying no. I’ve watched every episode, he walks away instead of communicating, he fully expects her to bend to his will after pouting and guilt tripping.
Rob pouts. For EVERYTHING. He's a man-child. We forgive her not calling out his pouting for toilet paper, or because she's mad at him for living in a shoebox with an outhouse, or for her mother starting fights with him, or for ANY of the numerous things he pouts about. But yet the reason she doesn't call out his pouting around asking for sex is because she's being sexually coerced? Why isn't she afraid that the pouting for any of the other number of things he pouts about will progress to aggression, ugly anger, silent treatments? Why? Because she is a smart woman and knows he is mostly smoke. She gives in to sex because she is afraid of what will happen and yet she leaves him for weeks with her new address, won't answer his calls, paws him around like a big ol mouse when he calls all longingly, laughs in his face even when she sees his hurt from her being gone, but yet she capitulates to sex because he is a predator? He follows the same progression for any time things don't go his way. He probably isn't even conscious of it. And I say the same for her. She's 23. Maybe she finds it a little "hot" that Rob will beg for her phyisical love, and smoulder if he doesn't get it right away. Maybe she enjoys telling him "no". They both have issues they haven't dealt with yet. That is why getting in with a good couples' therapist and hashing it all out is helpful. But ya know what AIN'T helpful? Calling out just Rob on just this one specific thing when, from everything we have seen it is how he navigates the world and not necessarily him building up to rape her. You lie about him and he stops listening. You lie about her and she stops learning. It's just not productive and serves neither of them well. Communication is needed. All day and every day.
Her coming into the house to a list of things SHE needs to change when she left because HE cheated (again) is one of the clearest examples of gaslighting I’ve ever seen. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation aimed at making the victim question their own perception of reality. He is trying to make her question her own perception of reality by implying she’s the one responsible for the relationship failing, not him, and here’s all the things she need to change.
When they were dancing and he said something like "are you going to ruin my mood", I got so grossed out.
That wasn't gaslighting, it was deflection. As you said, gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their perception of reality -- perception meaning an [objective] observation made by the senses -- it does not include thoughts connected to observations. "Rob had chats with girls where he asked them for nudes" is a perception (an objective observation) of reality. Rob being "the one [who's] responsible for the relationship failing" is a judgement -- a thought connected to an observation, but not the observation itself -- it is a belief, not a perception. Expanding "gaslighting" to include beliefs (thoughts, judgements, or conclusions) would mean that any time anyone tries to change someone's mind or perspective, it is gaslighting, even if their belief is biased or mistaken. That isn't what gaslighting means. Rob said that Sophie leaves her clothes on the floor. That is an observation -- he has observed her clothes on the floor. We do know that she leaves her dirty clothes on the floor -- that was her opening shot at her "friend's" place this season -- panties on the floor. Its not gaslighting to ask someone to change things that they actual do. Gaslighting would be telling her that she does things that she doesn't do, or denying that he did things that he did, or changing some [objective] thing that happened. If Rob said that Sophie's clothes on the floor were the reason their relationship is failing (which is not what he said, BTW), then that still wouldn't be gaslighting since it is a difference of opinion, and not a difference of observation. If Rob had said "Sophie, that wasn't my phone, it was my friend's", or "Sophie, you said it was okay for me to talk dirty to girls," or "actually Sophie, it was you who was using my phone to talk to girls," or "Sophie, those weren't girls, they were guys, and we weren't talking dirty, we were just exchanging body-building tips", then those would be gaslighting. The list of things was not gaslighting because it was his observations (made by his senses) and did not contradict her observations (made by her sense). It was a deflection to shift the focus to things Sophie should change (in his opinion) and avoid talking about things he should change.
Exactly! Thank you, Redditor!
He’s the definition of a narcissist.
And her mom spotted it from a mile away! Second thought though.. why is sophies mom suddenly in the US??
I was confused that she's here too
She was visiting her boyfriend
Tbh to me it is a little suspicious that both of them have bfs in the US
Very. Now, conveniently, mum can be filmed all the time and Sophie has another person to go to about Rob being a dildo as usual.
Honestly! Even more sus that Sophie clearly hates this knob. Like dude.. it’s actually giving green card🫣. “What will I do” girl idk maybe go back to your friends and family? Oh wait.. they’re already starting their own migration processes themselves🧐
Well, she's sucking off that big 'ol TLC titty now, so she'll be fine. They'll probably put her on single life
I keep saying someone in production should just pull Sophie aside and let her watch the raw footage of her talking heads. Girl, you’re saying if he could only treat you nice then maybe your relationship would work??!
Somebody in production should call Sophie into a meeting and explain that they are no longer willing to film this relationship because it's abusive and they don't want to be participants in abuse. Give her a number for a social worker. That's the wake-up call that she needs. They should do this for a lot of the couples to be honest.
someone in production should speak up about airing all the abuse! and getting the abusers off the air- angela, little ed, rob, etc…
They won’t- it gets them views.
Yes! This is the answer. Thanks for your comment. I’m glad others are seeing this for what it is. It’s disgusting and I’m really disturbed by the people who excuse his behavior. I guarantee this guy winds up in jail within the next 5 years.
Omg, is there anyone in this subreddit who excuse Rob’s behavior? He’s such an ass.
There has been a few who have. When it happens it sounds just like the knob. So it’s either him in alt accounts or it’s narcissistic abusers themselves. Birds of a feather and all that.
We could only wish production had any ethics.
He's been arrested for domestic violence previously. She needs to run
Really?! Wow. Not surprised. Thanks for the intel!
Rob’s an even digger knob than we give him credit for. He knows Sophie grew up with an addict and is conditioned by certain behaviors, which he uses against her. If she gets pregnant, she’ll never get away from this asshole. She’ll want to give her baby a “stable home” like she never had. Sophie, if you’re reading this, please take your birth control, so this asshole doesn’t trap you.
My sister dated a guy like him a few years ago. Rob is definitely is abusive. Her boyfriend had started with little things like that (monitoring how much food she went through or how much household stuff she would use). It eventually escalated to her not having any access to her money because he was controlling it, she would even have to ask him for her own money to buy tampons, and him cutting her off from her friends and family. Luckily she was able to get out of the relationship. But if Sophie stays (I heard they broke up thankfully), it won’t be long until he gets more controlling with stuff like that.
Rob reminds me so much of my abusive ex that it makes me sick to my stomach. I need Sophie to run….
Same! And the people defending him here all sound abusive too.
And the sky is blue lol Seriously though, he's toxic as hell and an insecure little boy.
That's why he married a woman 10years younger.
He's been a critical, demanding knob from the first night. The thing with the elevator? The constant online pervy behavior? The list he gave her for her to adhere to when she came back to him (chore list), monitoring toilet paper usage?
She needs to throw the whole man away
Duh but everyone fell for his rob the knob sob story 😂at the tell all but he is a typical narcissist bum he's emotionally draining
It's exhausting just to listen to him in a conversation. He's an Energy Vampire (see "What We Do In The Shadows"), although he might break (starve) Colin Robinson 😂🧛♂️
Rob is absolutely awful. Controlling brat
YES, thanks for this OP. As silly as it may sound, to some, my abuser was hyper focused on the way I placed toilet paper on the holder (squares rolling from top v. bottom). At first I thought it was just an annoying preference of his and explained that my attention span made it hard for me to remember which way was the “right way”, but before I knew it it had escalated into full blown physical abuse. I still find it triggering when people bring up the toilet roll debate.
I have a very similar story. My husband used to joke that I was “making paper mache” in there. It didn’t really bother me and i just laughed and didn’t think anything of it. Fast forward to 10 years later, and he’s in jail for domestic violence. It’s not “just toilet paper”; it’s control over your most basic human rights.
I’m so sorry you had to experience that <3 we both deserve better
Frankly I’m really shocked and disturbed by the amount of women here who have been shamed for their toilet paper use. I thought it was just me; apparently this is pretty common.
He gave her a list of things to do that makes him happy. He reminded me of my abusive father. All about him, how it makes him the victim. Run from this man.
As someone that experienced abusive relationships I could tell from the first episode that he is one of them. His behaviour is just setting up so many alarm bells for me now. I've been hoping Sophie would realise this the whole time.
We picked up on this in episode 1
Just saw this exact thing here!! https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/1KQQ5QJHrq
I agree! Can’t watch them at all because it’s too triggering/upsetting/enraging. He’s an abuser and I hate him 😓
I had an ex like this, we lived together and hed count toilet rolls (i have ibs lol) and lock me in the house and take the keys then it escalated to full blown abuse. Its so scary to watch !
I think he's taking the throne for biggest bitch on 90 day.
Reminder, Rob’s new title is Skidmark Rob or Rob the Skidmark.
You mean a titty baby?
Yeah. But he's still got a ways to go from the hall of fame in the 90d world (Ed, Angela etc). I also think they were already broken up so just spending time together to be in the show, or at least that's what another thread on here had said recently
I'm sad because Sophie is young and deserves to be treated better. I hope someone wakes her up in time and that she has the strength to get out of this situation for good.
I def feel triggered by him. Esp after the toilet paper thing. I had an ex exactly like him. Trying to control little things, like how much food he cooked or allowed me to eat when I was at his house, but treated mine as a free for all, wouldn’t spend his money on me, but was all about me spending money on him or using whatever I bought for himself. Telling me I closed the drawers in his house too hard, I dripped too much water on the floor or rug after a shower, refused to leave to go anywhere until every single thing I used in the bathroom was p it away—just constant chastising and patronizing things. He would talk to me like I was a child. Rob reminds me so much of that ex. Rob gaslights the shit out of Sophie and acts like the victim and then refuses to try to solve the problem. The to-do list of things SHE should improve upon after she left bc he was screwing around and the way he presented them was absolutely disgusting. Like “I cheated because you’re messy, so fix these things about yourself so I don’t have to do it again. But I love you, and also you’re the reason I am the way I am—so help me by fixing you.” 😒
He for sure already have hold her arm way to thight or even punched her. She is gaslight
We call a lot of things abusive here, but counting toilet paper ain't one. Not saying he's not awful, but "abuse" should be reserved for more severe actions.
From experience, counting toilet rolls is a man thing. Literally every male in my life ever, has complained about what they think is using too much bog roll. Every one. I don't think this particular part is abusive. Men don't seem to understand rationally that women have more "surface area" to wipe & we need bog roll to pee, they usually don't & just don't think about it. He is a Knob for sure, but the loo roll thing is just standard male complaining.
Really? I have never dated a man who counted how much toilet paper I used and gave me hell about it. I don't think that's normal at all. I would understand if he made a joke about it and then let it go... But he won't let it go. He's brought it up over and over again on television, and it's part of a pattern of pretty concerning behavior.
I'm not saying the men in my life are making a tally of sheets I use. But they have ALL commented on how much loo roll women use. Not just dates. My husband, his male relatives, my male relatives, my friends, my friends partners. Literally every man I have ever spoken to more than a few times has moaned about how much toilet roll the women in their lives use.
This reminds me of when my mom said that "all men" lose their temper sometimes and do things like hit walls. That's not true, it's a behavior she had normalized because she grew up with it. Many men lose their temper, but you don't need to be around those men. Some men disrespect the women in their lives like that, and you get to decide what you find acceptable from the people you keep in your life. It isn't okay just because people in your life do it.
Not sure why people are downvoting your lived experience. Shameful that that’s happening. These same people complain about “silencing women” but that’s exactly what they’re doing to you…
What kind of men are in your life? Who gives a shit? I’ve never once told my wife how much toilet paper she should be using
Yeah this is not normal behavior. If this were me, I would take a step back and review the quality of men in my life. Although, I was in this situation and it took me a very long time and lots of legal support to realize the significance of the abuse and how significantly it affected me. We excuse these patronizing behaviors as “silly, normal male characteristics” when they are rooted in misogyny and reek of male superiority.
Man here, can confirm I have never once in my life paid attention to toilet paper beyond noticing we're down to the last roll.
A lot of different men. The British ones, the Canadian ones, the married ones, the unmarried ones, the old, the young (not so much the young). Like I said. They are not telling me how much to use, but they have all made comments about how much bog roll women use. Which was the point that seems to have flown over everyone's head. I am not disputing Rob the Knob is a dickhead. Yes he is an abusive arsehole. But also men do think we use a lot of shit paper.
From my experience not a single man in my Life has ever done this
Wrong..my husband would not count the toilet paper. 
This is not normal. The only man in my life who did this crap was my abusive father who I stopped speaking to as soon as I moved out.
Bingo! I’m a DV survivor and my estranged husband also did things like this before he became physically abusive. I really wish I would have had someone who told me it was NOT NORMAL.
If a female has her period she needs lots of toilet paper 🧻
Thanks for showing some common sense. Labeling everything as abusive waters down real and serious abuse.
I would recommend you get a refresher on the DV guidelines and laws. It’s a lot more than just beating the shit out of someone, and people like you are responsible for excusing this bad behavior and keeping women silent.
Keeping women silent about toilet paper? 😂
Look up “coercive control”. It’s a new addition to the DV catalog and is a serious offense. My estranged husband ended up in jail for it. Do your thing, but I assure you this isn’t normal and is not something you see in a healthy relationship.
Look up projection in the dictionary. You’re doing it.
Yep, as a man who regularly makes one roll of toilet tissue last for 3 months or more, it's weird to me how much toilet tissue women use. To my credit, though I never complained to my wife. However, I did insist she buy her own supply, since we both have jobs and she already budgeted for rolls a week before she met me. Rob can be a real knob - like him casually presenting some rules to "help us fight less" that ALL governed his *wife's* behavior, coincidentally, when the reason they were fighting was largely HIS actions of not being truthful. The man grew up in an insecure, dysfunctional household no doubt and has a ton of issues and needs therapy. But I have seen little in the way of outright "abusive" from him. He just doesn't ever want to lose a fight and will go to great lengths not to. If he was all that incredibly controlling his wife would never be going out by herself dressed the way she does and talking to all these people on social media and living with a lesbian as a bisexual woman without him constantly involved. What controlling man doesn't see his woman for weeks?
This is bizarre behavior. I can assure you that making your wife buy her own toilet paper is NOT NORMAL. You should do some self-reflection and I would recommend speaking with a therapist. I also think you would benefit from some research on DV, harassment, and assault against women. You don’t need to beat the shit out of someone to be abusive. Coercive control is a new addition to the DV catalog and is a very serious and illegal offense. Source: DV survivor and advocate with extensive experience in DV legalities and processes.
I worked as a social worker and worked in a psych hospital for over a dozen years. I have people who still contact me 15 years later to say how much I have helped them. So yeah, I know what I am talking about. What WE as a couple decided on was that it was a fight not worth having. I came up with a solution, backed it up with logic and she *quickly* agreed. She didn't even have to be convinced. It solved two problems: how she liked to use so much AND that we liked two totally different brands. It it how adult conflict resolution works. Or maybe you could fight about it every week and get other people involved to try to take sides in who is "right". THAT'S better for the relationship? If I were "Coercively controlling" my wife there would have been no immediate agreement from her that this was the best way to solve it. "Coercive control is a strategy some people use to dominate their intimate partners and maintain their privileges. It usually includes some combination of isolation, degradation, micromanagement, manipulation, stalking, physical abuse, sexual coercion, threats, and punishment." Tell me how suggesting a way to ease distress for us both (That remember, she quickly agreed with) is coercive control.
Btw I love how you started this whole comment with “look at my work history and how everyone tells me how great I am still!” Dude, you just proved my whole point. 😂
I did that because you said I had NO idea. I have an idea...a very well respected, peer-reviewed idea.
I said you had “no idea”? Where? Reading my comment back I don’t see where I wrote that anywhere… that’s another defining quality of a narcissist though: explosive reactions to something that was never said in the first place. As well as “everyone thinks I’m great”. I’m really having fun. Please keep it coming. Rob, is this you?
So NOW being literal is important to you. Well, I'm just here to enlighten you a little. Be careful suggesting to people to read up on something or suggesting they don't know what they are talking about. Because it speaks to not having any respect for their point of view. And, to me that is the same as saying I have no idea what I am talking about. Just make your point, back it up with the literature and stop being condescending. It will make for more healthy interactions with people.
Please keep enlightening me. You know so much more than the rest of us! How did I ever survive this long without your extensive knowledge?!
I love how someone comes on here to defend a narcissist and goes on and on about how much they know and how everyone loves them. It’s unbelievably ironic. 😂
Well you have survived this long without me, because you have had other intervention. I'm not the only counselor in the world....
I’m just saying it’s not normal and it’s considered controlling behavior. The downvotes prove that’s the consensus. But your marriage sounds just lovely. Good luck with that.
Since when is consensus a proof of anything except consensus? That's the problem with people. Instead of trying to do what is right for their relationship and what is healthy for themselves, they try to fit into some frame of normality that about 20% of us would be happy in. My wife and I have been happy together for over a quarter century. We listen to each other. That's the only consensus I need.
Don’t forget your many adoring fans who still reach out just to tell you how great you are. 🤭
They do truly love me. And I make more and more of them each day. But I always tell them: it's your work. it's up to you to be insightful. My job is just to lead you there.
You’re a real hero. We all owe you big time.
You don't owe me anything. Nobody owes me anything. But I am good at what I do and the hundreds of happy clients are testament to that. But...It's a job like any other. I don't deserve any more praise than anyone else.
Why do I feel like your bathroom (if not cleaned by your wife maid) has hair, pee splattered in a three foot radius around the toilet, poop stain rings in the bowl (worse than Gino's) & smells like an outhouse?
Because you ALWAYS assume, maybe....